💡 From “I Should” to “I Could”: Releasing Shame and Reclaiming Choice

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Have you ever noticed how a simple shift in language can completely transform how you feel? In this enlightening episode, I share a powerful insight from my conversation with the incredibly talented Kristen Anderson Lopez about what I call "energetic choice."

We dive deep into the transformative power of shifting from "I should" (which keeps us trapped in shame) to "I could" (which places us in capability) and finally to "Do I want to?" (which restores our power of choice). This simple but profound linguistic shift completely changes our relationship with ourselves and our decisions. Through personal examples and practical wisdom, we explore how these subtle language changes can liberate us from shame-based thinking and reconnect us with our authentic desires.

The conversation naturally extends to how we perceive others. We discuss the liberating truth that everyone is always doing their best in any given moment with the resources they have available. Rather than judging the person looking at their phone while walking up subway stairs, what if we engaged our imagination to create empathetic possibilities about their situation? This creative reframing not only exercises our empathy muscles but prevents us from creating unnecessary suffering for ourselves through judgment.

This episode offers a refreshing perspective on how language shapes our reality and how small shifts in thinking can create profound changes in our daily experience. Whether you're struggling with self-judgment or finding yourself irritated by others, these insights provide practical tools for bringing more compassion, choice, and even playfulness into challenging moments. Stay tuned for the full conversation with Kristen Anderson Lopez dropping next week on "Stop Time Live in the Moment" – but in the meantime, this nugget of wisdom might just transform how you move through your day.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, in this episode, my coaching insight
comes from a conversation that Ihad with someone whose work I
admire deeply.
What started as a casualexchange turned into a powerful
reflection on a core tenet ofwhat I call energetic choice.
So often we trap ourselves inshame when we say I should, but

(00:21):
what happens when we shift to Icould and from there ask do I
want to?
We explore how language shiftsenergy, how to reframe judgment
with empathy, and why using yourimagination and humor might
just save your day.
My full conversation with thewonderful Kristen Anderson Lopez

(00:45):
drops next week on Stop TimeLive in the Moment, so be sure
to check that out.
But in the meantime, I inviteyou to join us for this quick
little nugget that we shared andsee what resonates with you.
Let's dive in.
I call, I should, I could, withshame, ah.
So you lose the shame and thenyou're standing in could and

(01:08):
you're standing in capability,and then you're back in choice.
I could do that.
Do I want to?

Speaker 2 (01:14):
I love that.
Now, why is it shame?

Speaker 1 (01:17):
Because Think about it.
Every time you say I should,there's shame Because you're
like I should because, or Ishould have.
I heard you say sometimes lookback and say you should have.
You know you could have donethat.
You chose not to Right.
What can I learn from that?
When we're looking back andshould, it's great to really
lose the shame and then to livein that you know that's

(01:39):
something I could have done, butI didn't.
And guess what?
We always do the very bestRight.
I could have done, but I didn't.
And guess what?
We always do the very bestRight, always, in every moment.
In retrospect it's easy to gono, no, that wasn't very good,
not true?
Nobody plays to lose, nobodyRight.
Yes, that's where we get tohave empathy for others instead
of judging them Because eventhough they're not showing up in

(02:01):
a way that we think is verygood, they're doing the best
they can.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
I do love.
That is such a great reset inin those moments that you're
like, even when you're like, whyare you looking at your phone
while you're going up the subwaystairs?
And then you just have to tellyourself like I'm sure she's
doing her best, like maybe it'sher caregiver, or you know she's

(02:29):
getting an emergency text, ormaybe she's just anxious and
she's needing to touch in, likeyou just have to kind of reframe
it and use that storytellingmind in a good way.
Rather than everybody, yeah,yeah, everybody.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Totally.
Yeah, you could have fun withthat.
You could use fun which is avalue of yours to.
So when you start to feelagitated is to go into that fun,
creative mode and go okay, thatperson is really annoying and
it's obviously just you know.
You know it's going too slowand you know making a line in
the grocery store and and ontheir phone and not looking up
and not caring.
Or you know going too slow andyou know making a line in the
grocery store and and on theirphone and not looking up and not

(03:08):
caring.
Or you know what else could betrue about this character.
Oh, maybe they're talking too.
I mean, you can just have funwith it and time will pass and
it may be true that they werejust doing bullshit on their
phone, but you had fun theycould have been doing the
connections they could have been, or they could have been doing
exactly what you were judgingthem for doing.
But but why?
Why must you suffer?
Because you're judging someoneelse we create suffering for,

(03:30):
for our of our own.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (03:33):
So, Preach.