No More Toxic Gratitude: A Kinder Way to Be With Yourself

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Gratitude can get twisted when it’s layered with pressure, obligation, or performance. Many of us were raised to *“be grateful”—*as if appreciation could be forced, graded, or used to override whatever we’re actually feeling. That’s where gratitude turns toxic: when it becomes a script instead of a truth.

In this short real-time reflection, recorded while waiting for a client, we take a gentle but honest look at the difference between authentic gratitude and the kind that’s fueled by guilt, shame, or conditions. We explore how “I should be grateful” often masks self-judgment, how resentment ties gratitude to unmet expectations, and why the phrase “I’ll be grateful when…” keeps us stuck.

Instead of bypassing pain, we talk about letting gratitude sit beside sadness, longing, disappointment, and imperfect circumstances—without pretending anything is fine. Gratitude doesn’t erase your humanity; it expands your capacity to be with it.

Together we reframe gratitude as an inside job—not a performance and not an obligation. You’ll hear real, tender moments of appreciating the ability to feel, even when life doesn’t match the wish. And we explore how to notice attachments, release conditions, and protect yourself from the kind of gratitude that silences needs or erases boundaries.

This reflection is a reminder:
 You’re allowed to feel what you feel.
 You’re allowed to be kind to yourself in the process.
 And gratitude, when you choose it, can support your clarity rather than demand perfection.

If you’ve ever felt pressured to “be grateful” while your heart was somewhere else, this is your permission slip to let go of toxic gratitude and embrace something truer, gentler, and more human.

If this resonates, share it with someone who may need relief from the obligation to feel a certain way—and subscribe for more conversations that honor the whole human experience.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Hey there.
I just wanted to check in withyou and talk to you a little bit
about gratitude.
Um gratitude can be trickybecause in the world we live in,
there's kind of an obligation tobe grateful.
Even as a kid, I remember myparents saying, be grateful.
You know, you're lucky.
You have more than other people,and so on and so forth.

(00:21):
And so gratitude has kind ofturned into a bit of a thing.
It's like, you know, be smart,work hard, you know, all the all
of these limiting beliefs.
And and gosh, I wouldn't wantgratitude to become something
that you feel you should do.
You should feel.

(00:42):
You know what I think aboutshould.
I should is I could with shame.
You can be grateful.
As human beings, we have thecapacity to be grateful, to
access gratitude.
But there is no obligation.
There's no obligation to begrateful.

(01:06):
But I promise you, if you digdeep down and think about
gratitude and what it means toyou, you will want to be
grateful.
Not because you feel like youshould or have to.
Or not because you can't, feellike you can't, because it's
been a hard going for you, andyou feel resentful or resistant

(01:29):
to even thinking about gratitudeas being something that you can
access.
I promise you, thanksgiving, ifyou want, is a time to dig into
self a little bit, or at least areminder, that you get to be

(01:51):
grateful if you want to.
So do not try to find the wordsto say, to sound like you're
grateful.
If you do not feel grateful,that's okay.
But if you're feeling resentful,what is that resentment

(02:12):
blocking?
What is it attached to?
I will be grateful when you'renicer to me, when I get more
opportunities, etc.
Do you see the attachment piece?
No, gratitude is an inside job.

(02:33):
It's for you.
It's there all the time for youto access.
Not to show it off, not to feelin guilt or shame.

SPEAKER_00 (02:52):
I'm grateful.
I'm grateful to be here rightnow.

SPEAKER_01 (03:06):
I'm grateful to have a brain to think about what
being grateful means.
I'm grateful for the sadnessthat I feel that I'm not going
to be surrounded by family onThanksgiving.
I'm grateful not that they'renot going to be here, but that I
am human enough to feel sad andto know that I'm okay.

(03:33):
Just because we want somethingso deeply and we don't have it
doesn't mean that that has toguide us.
Guide our thoughts and ouractions because we feel like it
would be so much easier to begrateful if we had what we want.

(03:57):
That's not how gratitude works.
And all of that is lovely.
But let's not do toxicgratitude, guys.
No toxic gratitude to becontinued.

(04:20):
I've got a client.