Stop Blaming Yourself And Start Releasing What No Longer Fits

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What are you putting up with that quietly exhausts you? In this episode, we unpack how toleration creeps in, why we blame ourselves, and how to finally release what no longer fits—without guilt or shame.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey there.
What are you tolerating?
What are you putting up withright now that never used to
bother you at all?
Think about it.
Are there people or habits orthings in your life that are
draining your energy right nowmore than filling you up?

(00:22):
Are there people, habits, orthings in your life that used to
light you up, but just don't inthe same way they used to?
And instead of reading thesigns, the exhaustion, the
overwhelm, do you desperatelytry to adjust or accommodate?
Or maybe you tolerate thediscomfort because you've

(00:47):
convinced yourself that it mustbe you.
Deep breath.
I know this is hard, but we cando hard things.
It is so much easier to blameourselves than to confront the
truth or worse yet, hurtsomeone's feelings and risk
feeling vulnerable or ending upalone.

(01:09):
And so we explain away thediscomfort that we feel by
trying to adapt, accommodate,and contort ourselves for others
instead.
It feels safer that way.
Better to avoid than to feeljudged, embarrassed, guilty, or
ashamed.

(01:30):
So we tolerate.
We carry the burden of externalthings we feel like we can't
control or change.
We take away from ourselves toshow up for others rather than
face what we really know deepdown inside.
If only, if only we wouldlisten.

(02:07):
If fear is a mask for desire,then toleration is a cover up
for fear, a kind of protectivearmor we create to keep
ourselves safe from the thingson the outside that might hurt
us.
Heavy and impermeable, our armorgives us the illusion that we
can't be hurt from the outside.

(02:28):
But it does not address theunderlying discomfort, the pain
that stays locked inside of us,because we can't or won't allow
ourselves to release it, to letit go, to let it out.
Although it may feel like thelesser of the evils, toleration

(02:52):
is unsustainable.
Toleration is also as close asyou ever come to your edge, to
true enlightenment, to freedom.
But you'll never be able to knowwhat's on the other side of
toleration unless you arewilling to risk vulnerability,

(03:15):
uncertainty, guilt, and shame,and live into what you know deep
down, to what you feel inside tobe the truth, to what you know.
It's an invitation for a realaudit right now of what external

(03:35):
stuff is blocking our energy.
We do so much work internallythat we sometimes mistake that
to mean we are obligated to takeon all the responsibility, to
adjust course when things shiftexternally, instead of being
okay with adjusting our owncourse if things aren't working
the way they used to or the waywe want them to.

(03:59):
We berate ourselves when oldhabits don't produce the same
results.
Think about it.
How many times have you beratedyourself because old habits do
not produce the same results?
When do favorite things changefrom anchor to ball and chain?

(04:22):
Holding you down rather thansteadying you, becoming
something you put up with ratherthan address?
What are you tolerating rightnow that cannot be transformed
back to something that energizesyou?

(04:44):
How often have you triedadjusting course, but still it
feels more like bailing outwater in a sinking vessel just
to keep things afloat?
How much blame and guilt are youputting on yourself right now to
continue doing what you'vecommitted to do?
Holding on to what you think youneed when the truth is you've

(05:09):
outgrown it.
When will you realize that itdoesn't fit anymore?
These are tough questions.
It takes courage to think aboutthese questions.
But I know that you've got this.

(05:30):
Behind your protective armor oftoleration and underneath that
fear lies what you really want.
I promise you.
It isn't nearly as scary or faraway as it seems.

(06:04):
What are you tolerating thatyou'd rather let go of?
This was a tough one, I know.
Play it back a few times.
Write down these prompts, askyourself these questions, and I

(06:25):
promise, if nothing else, theawareness will shed some light
on where you can find some moreenergy in your life.
I'm Lisa Hopkins.
Stay safe and healthy, everyone.
And remember to live in themoment.