💡 Stop Over-Explaining, Start Inviting — The Art of Clear Communication

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We explore how the desire to connect can transform into over-explaining and dilute our message when we're driven by the need to be understood, validated, and accepted.

• The coach identifies a pattern of tangential explanations stemming from worry about listeners' perceptions
• Client recognizes her habit of constantly explaining rather than trusting her message
• Creating intentional pauses allows the message to land with listeners
• Frustration from listeners often comes from caring about the message, not disliking the speaker
• Too many details can overwhelm listeners like eating too fast
• Finding and operating from your "why" attracts the right audience
• When you trust your message, you don't need to over-explain

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey there, in this week's Coaching Insight we
explore what happens when thedesire to connect becomes a need
to explain and how that subtleshift can dilute the very power
of our message.
You'll hear a moment from alive coaching session where my
client realizes she's beenover-explaining, not because her

(00:23):
message isn't clear, butbecause she's trying to meet an
unspoken need to be understood,validated and accepted.
Sound familiar, thisconversation is a powerful
reminder that clarity startswith us.
When we trust our message, wecan stop over explaining and

(00:46):
start inviting others to trulyreceive it.
Let's dive in.
But somewhere along, what youwere telling us went from that
very heart-centered giving place.
We were with you and then atsome point you went on a tangent
, but not so much.
It's not a some point you wenton a tangent, but not so much.
It's not a bad thing that youwent on a tangent, except that I

(01:08):
don't think you know why youwent on a tangent, but I have a
theory of why you did.
Well, I have one too, so I wantto hear you my theory is that
you worry too much about what wethink and what we need, so you
have to explain it.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
Oh, exactly, I'm constantly explaining, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
You don't need to explain.
Assume, assume that what you'resaying is clear and it's clear
because you've clarified it foryourself, and then you can allow
pause.
But those pauses are going tobe pauses for them to think, not
pauses for to say hold on, I'mtaking a drink of water and
listening, but I'm going to keeptalking, so just don't.

(01:45):
But.
But they're invitations, right?
Yeah so that things can land.
You know.
All the details are notnecessary.
Assume that they understand andthen check in and leave space,
because if you truly want it toland, then you stopping is not
because you need to shut up, butbecause you know that we're

(02:07):
taking it in and that's where Iend up just sending so much
different things of, like yousaid, details that were relevant
to me because they were myexperience.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
but now the person is like when do I need to focus on
?
And, yeah, where are we going,as opposed to I'm leading there
somewhere and they know wherewe're taking that tangent.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Totally but and not but.
Also the reason we getfrustrated.
Well, the reason I getfrustrated because it's
frustrating, it's not becauseyou have something wrong with
the way you talk, it's because Icare about what you're saying.
It's not because you havesomething wrong with the way you
talk, it's because I care aboutwhat you're saying.
So I was really really caringabout what you're saying and
really really feeling it.

(02:50):
And then when you went on atangent, I wasn't frustrated
with you, I was frustrated withme because I was like, oh God, I
lost the trail.
And then when you came back,you came back at the end.
You came back like 10 minuteslater with am I the right person
for this message?
And the thing is, your storiesare interesting too, right, but

(03:12):
you don't want people to be likewatching a movie, right, and
going, oh, what happens at theend of your movie?
Because your point is am I theright person for this message?

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
And we didn't need that story at all as far as I'm
concerned.
You know we have we probablyall have a lot of really good
stuff to say, but I think offerit so that people don't get so
full that they feel like theyhave to, you know, go vomit
because, because they ate toofast.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
Yeah, maybe I need to have a my elevator pitch on
this is why I'm talking to youtoday.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you know, operating from need is exactly
what you don't want to do rightnow.
You've done that.
That's what's tripped you up.
So my advice would be to focuson what you do want to do and
start from there and then askyourself don't try to prove it

(04:09):
to other people, but truly askyourself why are you the right
person for this message?
And you'll find your why.
And when you're operating fromyour why then?
Then the right people willlisten.