💡 Stop Proving Yourself and Start Believing In Yourself!

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We unpack what it means to truly own your worth without performing it, proving it, or apologizing for it. This conversation explores the difference between authentic confidence and performative self-worth.

• The misconception that client interactions are about proving ourselves rather than delivering value
• How trying to "wear hats" or personas prevents us from accessing our authentic capabilities
• The distinction between confidence (internal) and cockiness (seeking external validation)
• Confidence as a result of facing challenges and discovering your competence
• The metaphor of "wearing the shirt" without defending your choice to wear it
• Embracing negative thoughts as teachers rather than enemies
• Inviting your "inner monsters" to dialogue instead of fighting them

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey there, in this week's Coaching Insights, we
unpack what it means to trulyown your worth without
performing it, proving it orapologizing for it.
Let's dive in.
We're in service of deliveringthe story.
That's what people are hiringus for.
We think that we are there toshow how good we are and they're

(00:26):
there to tell us how good we'renot, which is totally not true,
but right, totally how it feels.
So it would be natural that youwould go in there and say, yeah
, badass is good, and um, andpeople tell me I'm a badass, so
I'm gonna be the badass, withoutjust realizing I am a badass
and I am sensitive and I am.

(00:48):
These are all parts of you,right, it's the parts of you
that make you valuable, not onlyas a human being, but in your
profession, like really so muchso.
And I think it's that puttingon a hat.
I can wear this hat, you could.

(01:08):
You could wear gazillion hats,but can you be?
Can you tap into that part ofyou?
That is that.
Do you know what I mean?
And then there's the otheroverarching thing, which is that
when you're standing there,it's a difference between
confidence and cockiness, andthe confidence is internal.

(01:28):
It has nothing to do with whatpeople say about you.
That doesn't make you confident.
What makes you confident I meanconfidence is a result.
Confidence is a result of goingthrough difficult things and
realizing that you are totallycompetent and right things, and
realizing that you are totallycompetent and right.
So when you think about whereyou are in your career now, it's

(01:48):
not resting on your laurels,it's not bragging if you've done
it and it's written on yourresume.
So you don't need to say it,but you do.
You need to believe it.
You don't need to prove it.
So instead of saying to them Idon't know what's the matter
with me, just remind yourselfowning it but not owning it to
don't know what's the matterwith me, just remind yourself
owning it but not owning it toprove it.
That's the distinction.

(02:09):
I think we all think that owningit means I like this shirt.
I don't care if you don't liketeddy bears, I'm wearing this
shirt and I look good, versusjust wearing the shirt.
I'm wearing this shirt, I'm notworried what you think wearing
the shirt.
I'm wearing the shirt, I'm notworried what you think about the
shirt.
Do you know what I mean?
Like?
It's such a big distinctionbecause it's that impulse and

(02:36):
isn't that we come by itnaturally, like we do.
So don't kick yourself.
Just, in fact, these trip ups,these things that happen, these
negative things, these stories,whatever, they're all teachers
too, and so when they come up,we can welcome them and invite
them in, and invite the monstersin and say, hey, maybe we

(02:59):
should sit down and have adialogue and figure out why are
you here?
You know what I mean.
Like what's going on and we didthat right, even with the
gremlin right.
It's like why are you here?
It's interesting that you'reshowing up.
It just gives us more choice.