June 19, 2024 • 22 mins
This is a Happy Birthday episode. Join me for an unforgettable conversation with my incredible mother, Joan Barnes, as she celebrates her 93rd birthday.
Hear about the early years of her marriage to my dad, their adventures during his Navy service, and their 1st year together in Bermuda. Joan's stories offer a unique perspective on the wisdom, love, and resilience that have been the backbone of our family for generations.
In this heartwarming episode, Mom and I dive deep into the fabric of our family, exploring the joys and challenges that come with seeing grandchildren grow and great-grandchildren arrive.
My Mom shares her secret to a long and happy marriage—embracing individuality and finding someone who makes you a better person. We reflect on our unique family and the importance of being kind. This episode is a testament to cherishing life's blessings and staying positive amidst life's ups and downs. We both agree that life can be really messy - but it's important to keep moving forward.
Key Takeaways
- Celebrate each person's unique qualities
- Find a partner who makes you a better person
- Kindness is key
- Be good examples for your children
- Build a solid family foundation
Hi Friend - If you’re enjoying Stories of Change and Creativity, make sure to follow, rate, and leave a 5-star review—it helps more people discover the show.
Check out my TEDx talk. Why you should take action - then figure it out.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Judy Oskam (00:00):
Welcome to Stories of Change and Creativity.
I'm Judy Oskam.
Well, when you think about it,getting older is all about
change, and aging well takescreativity and courage.
The older I get, the more Isearch for the secret to a long
life full of health andhappiness, and that's why I'm
(00:23):
excited to share my conversationwith one of the most important
people in my life.
Actually, without her, Iwouldn't be here.
Joan Barnes.
Today is mom's 93rd birthdayand, to my surprise, she agreed
to talk with me on her specialday.
My mom is, and always has been,my go toto for wisdom, love and
(00:46):
kindness.
I hope you'll enjoy ourconversation.
Let's first start off with thisis a big day 93.
And when you think about 93,what's in your mind with that?
What are you thinking, mom?
Joan (01:05):
I woke up this morning thinking of all the big deals
that I've gone through, and thefirst thing I thought of was
December 7, 1941, when theJapanese attacked Pearl Harbor.
I've always been interested inthe history of our country or
(01:27):
what we went through in ourlives, and we had such a long
marriage, alf and I, that yourdad and I yes, and so I was
thinking of the day that the warstarted.
And you would have been 10 yearsold then I would have been 10
years old, right.
(01:47):
But I heard all the youngpeople, heard all the grownups
talking about the attack onPearl Harbor.
We lost most of our Navy atthat time at that time, and then
(02:08):
I was thinking about the end ofthe war, when we all kind of
grew up, went off to get marriedand some of us went off to
college.
I was working and just thingsthat happened to me during my
lifetime, the things I've seen.
Judy Oskam (02:28):
Yeah, the things you've seen.
And you and Dad were married in51.
Right, so you were high schoolsweethearts, sort of.
Joan (02:37):
Well, kind of In a brief, brief, short period of time, we
dated when I was 14 and he was15.
And then I found out that hewas, because he was older and
taller and everything, and a manhe could go out after.
(03:01):
He took me home at 10 o'clockwhen I was supposed to be home,
he could go out with the oldergirls, and so I didn't like that
and I said no.
I wasn't going to do that.
So until later, when he washome from the Navy.
Then we met again and spent acouple of leaves at home Navy
(03:28):
leaves at home and fell in love.
So we married on September 15,1951.
Went off to the Navy togetherthat last year that he was
supposed to be home.
We were going to be marriedthen and he was supposed to be
(03:50):
home, but they passed a law thatthey had to have another year
in the service because of theKorean War starting, Right, so
that was part of our historytogether.
So you had one more year and hewas stationed in Bermuda, Right
, so that was part of ourhistory together.
Judy Oskam (04:05):
So you had one more year and you were.
He was stationed in Bermuda.
Joan (04:09):
So you went back to Bermuda for the one year he had
volunteered to go to the KoreanWar, but he was the only.
The captain told him that hewas the only man on the base who
knew all of the facilities,because he was an electrician
first class or something likethat and he had wired and been
(04:35):
in all of the buildings on thebase so he wouldn't let him go
to the Korean War.
And I was so glad because ourguys suffered a lot and lost a
lot of lives in the Korean War,sure, but we had a nice year in
Bermuda together because he wasknown on the base.
(04:58):
So we kind of got specialtreatment a lot of times and I
appreciated that as a young,young wife.
Sure, sure, but anyway, that'show we started our lives
together.
Yeah, sure.
Judy Oskam (05:18):
Well, Mom, when you're thinking back about all
those times and the journey thatyou and Dad had, and now fast
forward and you've got grandkidsand a great-grandchild and what
are some of the lessons and themess?
Well, I guess the what do youwant your grandkids to know
(05:39):
about you and dad, your journeytogether and your life together
as a woman, a working woman inthe day, back in the day, oh,
there's a lot we could talkabout.
Joan (05:51):
So, Back in the day was something when I graduated from
high school.
All of my friends went off tocollege and I had been working
at the bail system since I was16.
Mom took me up to meet the headoperator.
Judy Oskam (06:13):
I love that Because Grandma worked for the Bell
System.
Joan (06:17):
Well, yes, she worked temporarily during the tough
times and so she knew peoplethere and they knew her, and she
took me to the head operator inthe traffic department, which
was where the calls were madeand everything.
(06:37):
And so I started at 16, andwithin a year's time they had
taught me everything on thetelephone system you know the
long distance, the information,everything.
And so I was pretty attractedto the business, more so than
(07:05):
thinking of going on to college,but my parents really weren't
into the college thing, suresure.
It was not as common then at all, and now I'm seeing the same
thing.
I'm seeing that people aresaying it's not that important
to go to college.
(07:26):
It's as important to get awell-paying job.
Like the plumbers are makingmore money than the college
degree people.
Judy Oskam (07:38):
Things like that.
Joan (07:39):
The trades, yes, yes, the trades, and so I was happy as I
was.
And then it wasn't too longbefore we were married and went
off to the service.
And when we came back, we cameback to Texas from Iowa.
We came back to Texas from Iowa.
(08:01):
We came back to Iowa, of course, where Dad went off to the Navy
.
But then we had enough money tobuy a car and so we drove to
Texas where my folks had moved.
My stepdad was given a new joband he went to Dallas to work
(08:28):
for Collins, and in the meantimewe're thinking what should we
do?
How are we going to start ourlives and all of that we do, how
we're going to start our lives,and all of that.
And then it wasn't too longuntil we were having
grandchildren and fast forwardto when Scott married and you
(08:52):
married you first, you and Felix.
Yes, you and Felix.
I was so excited when you wentfor the baby in China.
Judy Oskam (09:05):
We adopted two daughters from China, right, yes
, but it took me a while.
I was 40 when we did that.
Joan (09:12):
That's all right.
That's all right.
Judy Oskam (09:14):
Were you wondering if you were ever going to have
grandchildren?
I was because I was 68 before Ihad a grandchild?
Joan (09:20):
Yeah, but Dani was the little gal and I remember seeing
her first picture when theysent us the picture of her with
her little sweater and she wasjust such a cute little person,
and the minute you see thepicture of your grandchild,
(09:43):
there's something in your heartthat changes.
Yeah, and you suddenly you lovethat little person.
Yeah, sure, you don't know thatperson, you haven't met that
person, but God has placedsomething in our hearts that
immediately we love that person.
But there's, god has placedsomething in our hearts that
immediately we love that person.
So then, three years later, youcalled me one time and you said
(10:08):
Mom, we're going to go back toChina and get another baby.
And I thought, I thought, oh,it's so much to do.
But you were so right, judy,because the first one needed a
playmate.
Sure, she needed a littlesister.
So then you got Jessica, and inthe meantime Scott and Martha
(10:34):
had Boomer and Maggie, rightright, and William was first for
them.
And now William and his Melissahave given me a great grandbaby
, evelyn.
Yes, and within a very shortnumber of years I was suddenly a
(11:02):
grandma and a great grandma.
Judy Oskam (11:04):
Yeah right, so it goes fast.
So time, what would you sayabout time?
What would you tell us abouttime?
Joan (11:12):
I wonder now what I was doing all those years when I
didn't have a grandbaby.
I do.
I really wonder where was I allthose years and what was I
doing?
And I guess I was trying to bea housewife.
You were working too, I wasworking.
Judy Oskam (11:30):
You always worked with Dad when you needed to you
and.
Joan (11:33):
Dad, together went on your journeys on your journeys and
we worked in different placesand kept the family going.
We thought when you and youwere both off doing your family
jobs, Right, right, but it'sbeen a wonderful life I never.
(11:58):
We lost Dad seven years ago andI thought I would be going
about the same time.
I never thought I would live tobe 93.
Right, Certainly Right, but Iguess the good Lord knows what
he has in store for me.
Judy Oskam (12:18):
Well, you're our matriarch now.
It's such a big name.
Well, don't feel the pressure,that's fine.
That's fine.
But really I think you do havea lot to share.
You're super positive.
That's your number one strength, and you've always been the one
to kind of give usunconditional love and support,
(12:42):
and I think you do that for thegrandkids.
I see the relationship you havewith each of your grandkids and
you're building that with thenew little great-granddaughter.
I'm trying, yes.
Joan (12:55):
She's such a little pistol , she's just walking all over
everywhere when she comes here.
Yeah, so we have to clear allthe tables and everything I know
.
Judy Oskam (13:05):
We'll do that.
Yeah, we'll do that.
Joan (13:06):
She's going to pick up everything and look at
everything and study everything.
Judy Oskam (13:10):
Yes.
Joan (13:11):
Yes, and now she's starting to talk, so it's
exciting.
Every child has their own thing.
Every child is exciting andunique, unique and very
different.
It's amazing that William andand Maggie, from the same mom,
(13:36):
very, very the same, but verydifferent as well.
Maggie's quiet and persistent.
Judy Oskam (13:46):
Yeah.
Joan (13:46):
And Dad said one time about her that kid would go
everywhere.
She just persists.
Yes, she's just determined.
Smart, smart, yes, smart anddetermined, and William is just
Mr Handsome and all the friendsthat he has always had.
Judy Oskam (14:10):
Charismatic, very charismatic, yes, very positive.
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah and yeah,yeah, they're all different,
yeah, and they're all different.
Joan (14:21):
boomer is just so grown up and so smart, brilliant.
Very quiet about his brilliance, but but very kind to Grandma,
very good to Grandma, yeah Wellwhat about kindness?
Judy Oskam (14:40):
I mean, I think all the grandkids are really kind
people and do you think that's away to move forward in the
world?
Joan (14:48):
That's because of you and Scott.
Well, you and Scott, you andyour mates definitely are very
seriously kind.
I have you here to take care ofme at 93, which is so kind of
(15:10):
you.
Judy Oskam (15:10):
Well, we're having fun, aren't we?
Well, I think we are.
Joan (15:13):
We're watching the craziest TV, aren't we?
Well, I think we are.
We're watching the craziest TV,but we're having fun and we're
talking and going over old timesand old things that we
experienced together.
Sure, sure.
Judy Oskam (15:27):
Well, I learned that from somewhere, you know I
had to learn that from somewhere.
You helped take care of yourmom and grandma and grandpa, so
it's part of our legacy, I think.
Joan (15:39):
Yes, maybe so, but not every woman does that for her
family.
Not every woman does.
I could be sitting in a nursinghome somewhere in a corner
feeling sorry for myself.
Judy Oskam (15:52):
Well, you'd be the life of the party there if you
would.
Joan (15:55):
I would try to get it organized.
Yes, that's good.
I would try to get them to playwell together, but no, it's an
important day for me.
But every birthday is animportant day for everyone.
You sort of take stock of whatyou've been doing and how you're
(16:17):
doing it and you try to staypositive.
Yeah, it's not a positive worldlately.
Judy Oskam (16:25):
It's a messy world and it's messy and I think— and
probably it's always been messy,but I didn't always see it that
way.
Joan (16:34):
I didn't always see it that way, but anyway I've always
found it to be kind to me.
So I'm a lucky person, I'mblessed that way, yeah yeah.
Dad was such a good providerand such a good person to live
with.
Well, what's the?
Judy Oskam (16:55):
secret of a long marriage.
What's the secret of?
Joan (16:58):
of being together.
It was 66 years, yeah, 66 yearstogether, and I don't know what
it, what the secret is.
I think we, we tried to leteach other be ourselves, be our
own person.
I didn't try to change him andmake him do what I want him to
(17:24):
do, nor did he try to change me.
I mean, it seemed like he washappy.
I wanted to stay home with mybabies and my children, and he
thought that was a fine idea.
It was the idea of our timeSure, the 50s.
In the 50s 60s yeah, that waswhat a lot of women wanted to do
(17:47):
.
However, in the 70s, we hadsort of a changeover in life.
A lot of women had to make achangeover in life.
A lot of women had to make aliving, had to go back to work,
and I was lucky, I didn't haveto.
I did occasionally, but no, itwas.
(18:09):
I don't know the secret.
We just we found it, whateverit was.
Judy Oskam (18:14):
Well, and also, too , if someone makes you better,
if you're a better person aroundthat person.
That's what I always thinkabout too.
Joan (18:22):
You're wise, Judy, because I do think that we made each
other better.
Yeah, I think we tried to makethings on the ground so that in
the air we were going strong,you know always.
Judy Oskam (18:41):
And always going forward.
One thing I always saw aboutyou guys is there was always
forward motion.
There were some hiccups, butthere was always.
There were some speed bumps, ifyou will, but there was always
going forward together and Ithink you guys committed that
when you got married right, youwere in it for the long term.
Right, we live by our vows.
Joan (19:02):
Yeah, I don't know that people do that now, but we
definitely live by our.
If you make a vow, you keep it.
I mean you just have to keep it.
It doesn't always work out thatway, sometimes it just can't,
(19:25):
but ours did.
We were lucky, Right.
Judy Oskam (19:28):
Lucky people, right right right, blessed and lucky,
yeah Well, and looking ahead atthe grandkids, the grandkids
and the great grandchild andyou'll have future great
grandchildren, hopefully, andI'm hoping for that as well.
So we'll see what happens.
Joan (19:46):
We are all hoping for that .
Judy Oskam (19:49):
So is there anything you would leave them
with?
And you're giving them a pieceof advice.
Joan (19:56):
Oh my goodness, I know that's a loaded question.
Judy Oskam (20:01):
There's a lot of ways you could go with that.
Joan (20:04):
I just think if they'll just abide by their families and
how their families go, you andScott will always keep things on
an even keel, and that'simportant that children see
their parents being happy witheach other, sure, sure things
(20:31):
together and wanting to build afamily, because building a
family is very important.
A lot of people give up tooquickly but, um, a lot of people
do really good job of buildinga family.
Sure, and that's the onlyadvice I could give any of the
(20:51):
children, because they're goingto find their lives and build
their pathways to having a happyfamily, and I wish them all the
best.
Judy Oskam (21:03):
I love that, I love that.
And happy birthday, mom.
Thank you, we love you and welook forward to having some cake
later today and a little party.
Joan (21:13):
I'm always up for cake.
We're going to celebrate.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Judy Oskam (21:23):
Sounds good to me.
Thank you, judy.
Thank you, thanks for joiningme.
Thanks, and thank you for beingyou.
Oh well, you too.
Well, I'm, I'm you because I'mme, because of you.
You know you're, you're 27years different.
Yes, 27 years difference.
Let's not put that out there,okay.
Yes, 27 years difference.
Let's not put that out there.
Okay, 93 years and going strong.
Well, thank you for listeningto Stories of Change and
Creativity.
(21:43):
I hope you found some insightinto some of this and enjoyed it
as much as I did, and remember,if you've got a story to tell
or know someone who does, reachout to me at Judyoskam.
com.
Thanks for listening.
Welcome to Stories of Change and Creativity.
I'm Judy Oskam.
Well, when you think about it,getting older is all about
change, and aging well takescreativity and courage.
The older I get, the more Isearch for the secret to a long
life full of health andhappiness, and that's why I'm
(00:23):
excited to share my conversationwith one of the most important
people in my life.
Actually, without her, Iwouldn't be here.
Joan Barnes.
Today is mom's 93rd birthdayand, to my surprise, she agreed
to talk with me on her specialday.
My mom is, and always has been,my go toto for wisdom, love and
(00:46):
kindness.
I hope you'll enjoy ourconversation.
Let's first start off with thisis a big day 93.
And when you think about 93,what's in your mind with that?
What are you thinking, mom?
Joan (01:05):
I woke up this morning thinking of all the big deals
that I've gone through, and thefirst thing I thought of was
December 7, 1941, when theJapanese attacked Pearl Harbor.
I've always been interested inthe history of our country or
(01:27):
what we went through in ourlives, and we had such a long
marriage, alf and I, that yourdad and I yes, and so I was
thinking of the day that the warstarted.
And you would have been 10 yearsold then I would have been 10
years old, right.
(01:47):
But I heard all the youngpeople, heard all the grownups
talking about the attack onPearl Harbor.
We lost most of our Navy atthat time at that time, and then
(02:08):
I was thinking about the end ofthe war, when we all kind of
grew up, went off to get marriedand some of us went off to
college.
I was working and just thingsthat happened to me during my
lifetime, the things I've seen.
Judy Oskam (02:28):
Yeah, the things you've seen.
And you and Dad were married in51.
Right, so you were high schoolsweethearts, sort of.
Joan (02:37):
Well, kind of In a brief, brief, short period of time, we
dated when I was 14 and he was15.
And then I found out that hewas, because he was older and
taller and everything, and a manhe could go out after.
(03:01):
He took me home at 10 o'clockwhen I was supposed to be home,
he could go out with the oldergirls, and so I didn't like that
and I said no.
I wasn't going to do that.
So until later, when he washome from the Navy.
Then we met again and spent acouple of leaves at home Navy
(03:28):
leaves at home and fell in love.
So we married on September 15,1951.
Went off to the Navy togetherthat last year that he was
supposed to be home.
We were going to be marriedthen and he was supposed to be
(03:50):
home, but they passed a law thatthey had to have another year
in the service because of theKorean War starting, Right, so
that was part of our historytogether.
So you had one more year and hewas stationed in Bermuda, Right
, so that was part of ourhistory together.
Judy Oskam (04:05):
So you had one more year and you were.
He was stationed in Bermuda.
Joan (04:09):
So you went back to Bermuda for the one year he had
volunteered to go to the KoreanWar, but he was the only.
The captain told him that hewas the only man on the base who
knew all of the facilities,because he was an electrician
first class or something likethat and he had wired and been
(04:35):
in all of the buildings on thebase so he wouldn't let him go
to the Korean War.
And I was so glad because ourguys suffered a lot and lost a
lot of lives in the Korean War,sure, but we had a nice year in
Bermuda together because he wasknown on the base.
(04:58):
So we kind of got specialtreatment a lot of times and I
appreciated that as a young,young wife.
Sure, sure, but anyway, that'show we started our lives
together.
Yeah, sure.
Judy Oskam (05:18):
Well, Mom, when you're thinking back about all
those times and the journey thatyou and Dad had, and now fast
forward and you've got grandkidsand a great-grandchild and what
are some of the lessons and themess?
Well, I guess the what do youwant your grandkids to know
(05:39):
about you and dad, your journeytogether and your life together
as a woman, a working woman inthe day, back in the day, oh,
there's a lot we could talkabout.
Joan (05:51):
So, Back in the day was something when I graduated from
high school.
All of my friends went off tocollege and I had been working
at the bail system since I was16.
Mom took me up to meet the headoperator.
Judy Oskam (06:13):
I love that Because Grandma worked for the Bell
System.
Joan (06:17):
Well, yes, she worked temporarily during the tough
times and so she knew peoplethere and they knew her, and she
took me to the head operator inthe traffic department, which
was where the calls were madeand everything.
(06:37):
And so I started at 16, andwithin a year's time they had
taught me everything on thetelephone system you know the
long distance, the information,everything.
And so I was pretty attractedto the business, more so than
(07:05):
thinking of going on to college,but my parents really weren't
into the college thing, suresure.
It was not as common then at all, and now I'm seeing the same
thing.
I'm seeing that people aresaying it's not that important
to go to college.
(07:26):
It's as important to get awell-paying job.
Like the plumbers are makingmore money than the college
degree people.
Judy Oskam (07:38):
Things like that.
Joan (07:39):
The trades, yes, yes, the trades, and so I was happy as I
was.
And then it wasn't too longbefore we were married and went
off to the service.
And when we came back, we cameback to Texas from Iowa.
We came back to Texas from Iowa.
(08:01):
We came back to Iowa, of course, where Dad went off to the Navy
.
But then we had enough money tobuy a car and so we drove to
Texas where my folks had moved.
My stepdad was given a new joband he went to Dallas to work
(08:28):
for Collins, and in the meantimewe're thinking what should we
do?
How are we going to start ourlives and all of that we do, how
we're going to start our lives,and all of that.
And then it wasn't too longuntil we were having
grandchildren and fast forwardto when Scott married and you
(08:52):
married you first, you and Felix.
Yes, you and Felix.
I was so excited when you wentfor the baby in China.
Judy Oskam (09:05):
We adopted two daughters from China, right, yes
, but it took me a while.
I was 40 when we did that.
Joan (09:12):
That's all right.
That's all right.
Judy Oskam (09:14):
Were you wondering if you were ever going to have
grandchildren?
I was because I was 68 before Ihad a grandchild?
Joan (09:20):
Yeah, but Dani was the little gal and I remember seeing
her first picture when theysent us the picture of her with
her little sweater and she wasjust such a cute little person,
and the minute you see thepicture of your grandchild,
(09:43):
there's something in your heartthat changes.
Yeah, and you suddenly you lovethat little person.
Yeah, sure, you don't know thatperson, you haven't met that
person, but God has placedsomething in our hearts that
immediately we love that person.
But there's, god has placedsomething in our hearts that
immediately we love that person.
So then, three years later, youcalled me one time and you said
(10:08):
Mom, we're going to go back toChina and get another baby.
And I thought, I thought, oh,it's so much to do.
But you were so right, judy,because the first one needed a
playmate.
Sure, she needed a littlesister.
So then you got Jessica, and inthe meantime Scott and Martha
(10:34):
had Boomer and Maggie, rightright, and William was first for
them.
And now William and his Melissahave given me a great grandbaby
, evelyn.
Yes, and within a very shortnumber of years I was suddenly a
(11:02):
grandma and a great grandma.
Judy Oskam (11:04):
Yeah right, so it goes fast.
So time, what would you sayabout time?
What would you tell us abouttime?
Joan (11:12):
I wonder now what I was doing all those years when I
didn't have a grandbaby.
I do.
I really wonder where was I allthose years and what was I
doing?
And I guess I was trying to bea housewife.
You were working too, I wasworking.
Judy Oskam (11:30):
You always worked with Dad when you needed to you
and.
Joan (11:33):
Dad, together went on your journeys on your journeys and
we worked in different placesand kept the family going.
We thought when you and youwere both off doing your family
jobs, Right, right, but it'sbeen a wonderful life I never.
(11:58):
We lost Dad seven years ago andI thought I would be going
about the same time.
I never thought I would live tobe 93.
Right, Certainly Right, but Iguess the good Lord knows what
he has in store for me.
Judy Oskam (12:18):
Well, you're our matriarch now.
It's such a big name.
Well, don't feel the pressure,that's fine.
That's fine.
But really I think you do havea lot to share.
You're super positive.
That's your number one strength, and you've always been the one
to kind of give usunconditional love and support,
(12:42):
and I think you do that for thegrandkids.
I see the relationship you havewith each of your grandkids and
you're building that with thenew little great-granddaughter.
I'm trying, yes.
Joan (12:55):
She's such a little pistol , she's just walking all over
everywhere when she comes here.
Yeah, so we have to clear allthe tables and everything I know
.
Judy Oskam (13:05):
We'll do that.
Yeah, we'll do that.
Joan (13:06):
She's going to pick up everything and look at
everything and study everything.
Judy Oskam (13:10):
Yes.
Joan (13:11):
Yes, and now she's starting to talk, so it's
exciting.
Every child has their own thing.
Every child is exciting andunique, unique and very
different.
It's amazing that William andand Maggie, from the same mom,
(13:36):
very, very the same, but verydifferent as well.
Maggie's quiet and persistent.
Judy Oskam (13:46):
Yeah.
Joan (13:46):
And Dad said one time about her that kid would go
everywhere.
She just persists.
Yes, she's just determined.
Smart, smart, yes, smart anddetermined, and William is just
Mr Handsome and all the friendsthat he has always had.
Judy Oskam (14:10):
Charismatic, very charismatic, yes, very positive.
Mm-hmm, yeah, yeah and yeah,yeah, they're all different,
yeah, and they're all different.
Joan (14:21):
boomer is just so grown up and so smart, brilliant.
Very quiet about his brilliance, but but very kind to Grandma,
very good to Grandma, yeah Wellwhat about kindness?
Judy Oskam (14:40):
I mean, I think all the grandkids are really kind
people and do you think that's away to move forward in the
world?
Joan (14:48):
That's because of you and Scott.
Well, you and Scott, you andyour mates definitely are very
seriously kind.
I have you here to take care ofme at 93, which is so kind of
(15:10):
you.
Judy Oskam (15:10):
Well, we're having fun, aren't we?
Well, I think we are.
Joan (15:13):
We're watching the craziest TV, aren't we?
Well, I think we are.
We're watching the craziest TV,but we're having fun and we're
talking and going over old timesand old things that we
experienced together.
Sure, sure.
Judy Oskam (15:27):
Well, I learned that from somewhere, you know I
had to learn that from somewhere.
You helped take care of yourmom and grandma and grandpa, so
it's part of our legacy, I think.
Joan (15:39):
Yes, maybe so, but not every woman does that for her
family.
Not every woman does.
I could be sitting in a nursinghome somewhere in a corner
feeling sorry for myself.
Judy Oskam (15:52):
Well, you'd be the life of the party there if you
would.
Joan (15:55):
I would try to get it organized.
Yes, that's good.
I would try to get them to playwell together, but no, it's an
important day for me.
But every birthday is animportant day for everyone.
You sort of take stock of whatyou've been doing and how you're
(16:17):
doing it and you try to staypositive.
Yeah, it's not a positive worldlately.
Judy Oskam (16:25):
It's a messy world and it's messy and I think— and
probably it's always been messy,but I didn't always see it that
way.
Joan (16:34):
I didn't always see it that way, but anyway I've always
found it to be kind to me.
So I'm a lucky person, I'mblessed that way, yeah yeah.
Dad was such a good providerand such a good person to live
with.
Well, what's the?
Judy Oskam (16:55):
secret of a long marriage.
What's the secret of?
Joan (16:58):
of being together.
It was 66 years, yeah, 66 yearstogether, and I don't know what
it, what the secret is.
I think we, we tried to leteach other be ourselves, be our
own person.
I didn't try to change him andmake him do what I want him to
(17:24):
do, nor did he try to change me.
I mean, it seemed like he washappy.
I wanted to stay home with mybabies and my children, and he
thought that was a fine idea.
It was the idea of our timeSure, the 50s.
In the 50s 60s yeah, that waswhat a lot of women wanted to do
(17:47):
.
However, in the 70s, we hadsort of a changeover in life.
A lot of women had to make achangeover in life.
A lot of women had to make aliving, had to go back to work,
and I was lucky, I didn't haveto.
I did occasionally, but no, itwas.
(18:09):
I don't know the secret.
We just we found it, whateverit was.
Judy Oskam (18:14):
Well, and also, too , if someone makes you better,
if you're a better person aroundthat person.
That's what I always thinkabout too.
Joan (18:22):
You're wise, Judy, because I do think that we made each
other better.
Yeah, I think we tried to makethings on the ground so that in
the air we were going strong,you know always.
Judy Oskam (18:41):
And always going forward.
One thing I always saw aboutyou guys is there was always
forward motion.
There were some hiccups, butthere was always.
There were some speed bumps, ifyou will, but there was always
going forward together and Ithink you guys committed that
when you got married right, youwere in it for the long term.
Right, we live by our vows.
Joan (19:02):
Yeah, I don't know that people do that now, but we
definitely live by our.
If you make a vow, you keep it.
I mean you just have to keep it.
It doesn't always work out thatway, sometimes it just can't,
(19:25):
but ours did.
We were lucky, Right.
Judy Oskam (19:28):
Lucky people, right right right, blessed and lucky,
yeah Well, and looking ahead atthe grandkids, the grandkids
and the great grandchild andyou'll have future great
grandchildren, hopefully, andI'm hoping for that as well.
So we'll see what happens.
Joan (19:46):
We are all hoping for that .
Judy Oskam (19:49):
So is there anything you would leave them
with?
And you're giving them a pieceof advice.
Joan (19:56):
Oh my goodness, I know that's a loaded question.
Judy Oskam (20:01):
There's a lot of ways you could go with that.
Joan (20:04):
I just think if they'll just abide by their families and
how their families go, you andScott will always keep things on
an even keel, and that'simportant that children see
their parents being happy witheach other, sure, sure things
(20:31):
together and wanting to build afamily, because building a
family is very important.
A lot of people give up tooquickly but, um, a lot of people
do really good job of buildinga family.
Sure, and that's the onlyadvice I could give any of the
(20:51):
children, because they're goingto find their lives and build
their pathways to having a happyfamily, and I wish them all the
best.
Judy Oskam (21:03):
I love that, I love that.
And happy birthday, mom.
Thank you, we love you and welook forward to having some cake
later today and a little party.
Joan (21:13):
I'm always up for cake.
We're going to celebrate.
Sounds good to me.
Sounds good to me.
Judy Oskam (21:23):
Sounds good to me.
Thank you, judy.
Thank you, thanks for joiningme.
Thanks, and thank you for beingyou.
Oh well, you too.
Well, I'm, I'm you because I'mme, because of you.
You know you're, you're 27years different.
Yes, 27 years difference.
Let's not put that out there,okay.
Yes, 27 years difference.
Let's not put that out there.
Okay, 93 years and going strong.
Well, thank you for listeningto Stories of Change and
Creativity.
(21:43):
I hope you found some insightinto some of this and enjoyed it
as much as I did, and remember,if you've got a story to tell
or know someone who does, reachout to me at Judyoskam.
com.
Thanks for listening.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!