November 22, 2021 • 24 mins
Episode 1: Chapter 3 - William Cole - Recovery from a farm motorcycle accident which resulted in a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) - Returning home. William's main recovery learnings.
In this third chapter of the episode, William has just been discharged from hospital and has arrived home. In this chapter we explore what has been most beneficial in his recovery.
Transcript and show notes are available for each episode on the podcast website: storiesofrecovery.buzzsprout.com
Shownotes:
- 00:35 - William describes shearing a sheep after arriving back home. For those who are unfamiliar with this term you can get a good description here. William explains that this highlighted for him some areas which needed more focus in his rehabilitation,
- 04:04 - Playing video games can help (see here), as it did for William. (Note: During the 48 hour period immediately following an injury this is not the case. During this period - absolute physical and mental rest is strongly encouraged by medical professionals),
- ^05:00 - Don't compare yourself to before the accident/injury/event. Instead consider...what 'might' be possible. What 'might' I be able to do? (in a positive sense),
- ^08:15 - Set small challenges and build up, and REWARD YOURSELF,
- ^08:41 - 'Back yourself', in a mature but positive way,
- 11:39 - William thanks the TAC (Traffic Accident Commission) who have provided great financial and emotional support, encouragement and advice during his recovery,
- ^13:08 - William discusses the enormous value in developing a good relationship with a neuropsychologist, and working through the challenges of living with and recovering from a neurological condition such as a traumatic brain injury together. This was William's 'knight in shining armour' and my own key takeaway from this interview,
- 19:10 - Helpful quote: "Your body is the best instrument you'll ever own and your mind is the best map, so nurture them" - William's quote inspired by Baz Lurhman's song 'Wear sunscreen',
- ^20:11 - Exercise, do things that you enjoy, be in places that make you feel good,
- 20:52 - Helpful quote: "Love many, trust a few, but always paddle your own canoe",
- 21:32 - Helpful quote: "As soon as you wake up, try to make someone smile",
- ^21:51 - Book/Movie recommendations: Something that you are excited about. For William this was Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter (with subtitles) in rehabilitation,
- ^23:11 - Book/Movie recommendations: TED talks on brain injury survivors.
^William's main tips
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Robbie - Introduction (00:10):
Welcome to Chapter Three.
In this chapter William shareshis main recovery learnings.
Robbie - Host (00:31):
So after the three months, did you come
straight back here then?
William Cole - Guest (00:35):
Yeah, I came straight back here and it
was this time...2018.
No 2017, 2 years ago.
Yeah, so we were shearing athome and I came straight back
home and stupidly enough, I, uh,when the shearers were on their
hourly break, I jumped on one ofthe hand pieces and shore a
(00:56):
sheep.
And that was my rehab.
I remember my dad walked in andhe said, oh, is this your
resting?
Is it?
And I was like, ah...
I've just got that mindset thatI cannot sit still.
Like I have to be doingsomething.
So I thought it was a good, easychallenge.
It was only a lamb.
So it was a good, easy challengeto go up and try to shear.
Robbie - Host (01:17):
How did you go?
William Cole - Guest (01:17):
Yeah I got it shorn.
It was a bit slow...
but it was quite nice to be, youknow...
that feeling of being inhospital all the time and
sitting down and having tofollow orders from the doctor
and your neuropsych, and get fedat this time and could only eat
puree food because my jaw waswired shut.
But then to be at home and I waslike shearing shape, you know it
(01:40):
was like nice freedom.
Robbie - Host (01:42):
It was just a normalcy?
William Cole - Guest (01:42):
Yeah.
And even though it was a bit ofwork, but you know I didn't
really think of the work.
Like it was nice to have thatfreedom again and to be doing
something and yeah, it was niceto come back home.
I told my neuropsychologist thisbecause she did ask how have I
found it, transitioning back tohome.
(02:03):
And a lot of people...
I understand from the researchthat they do, with brain
injuries.
Don't...
Well they find it completelydifferent when they come back to
home a) because they might havea bit more of a severe injury
and not be as independent, youknow, requiring carers and stuff
(02:25):
and then b) but a lot of otherpeople who found themselves to
get bored a lot and stuff likethat.
But for me, I just loved to getback home and I feel like I can
go back to my old self in a waywith my meaning because I was
taking a walk and, um, there wasan old fencing line that I'd
been working on and it was allup and there was all the wires,
(02:49):
but we were tying some of thedroppers on and the droppers
were like part of...like wedrilled through and put the wire
through.
So they were just hanging there,but I hadn't got finished off
tying the top and the bottomdropper...
Robbie - Host (03:00):
So it's like you finished this task?
William Cole - Guest (03:00):
Yeah, there was a bit of wire hanging
there and it was sort of just atrip down memory lane.
But funnily enough I was like,oh yeah, I thought, oh yeah,
that's what I was doing, youknow?
Oh, you better get back into itand keep going.
And yeah, it was just a four,five month holiday from
finishing off(tying off) thosedroppers...
Robbie - Host (03:21):
'Holiday,' being...a very positive term! So
then....we're two years onnow...
where do you think you were, ifyou rated yourself,
percentage-wise when youinitially returned back to the
farm?
What would you have...
how would you have ratedyourself?
William Cole - Guest (03:39):
When I initially returned, I was
probably like 50-55%, prettyslow.
My head was still very swollen.
I'd sleep a lot of the day.
I'd sleep probably about 14 hourdays.
Um, I'd get up and not domuch...
Robbie - Host (04:03):
And be very tired?
William Cole - Guest (04:04):
Yeah.
And just, yeah, just feel low.
Well, my brother was a legendand bought a PS4(playstation 4-
gaming console) and I just, youknow, took the ride.
Cause I was back from hospitaland played a lot of PS4, which
is quite all right.
Robbie - Host (04:18):
Would you we recommend that to people?
William Cole - Guest (04:20):
For the right amount of time, but don't,
um, don't go becoming like acrazy gamer.
Like it's good at times, whenyou just need to sort of chill
out and rest.
So I did that a bit, but thenalso I was going....I guess I'm
very lucky in terms of being afarmer and having a supportive
(04:40):
family, as obviously home is myworkplace.
Dad and my brother were workingon the farm and if I wanted to
get involved, sure, no worries.
But they could easily caterthings around me and I could
cater myself around the farm soyeah.
I wanted to get out there, butyeah, I could only go out for
about an hour and I found myfocus and motivation was a bit
(05:05):
lacking.
Like the motivation lackingbecause I knew I was running on
you know, a quarter of a tank,half a tank, and I wanted to be
able to do it, but I just knewthat I had to, had to wait.
Robbie - Host (05:19):
Were those the big things?
So fatigue...
I imagine you still had somesort of cognitive fog and then
low mood?
Was that something that was anissue?
William Cole - Guest (05:29):
Well, not really...
In terms of...I guess the tripwas of comparing yourself then
(like at the time of/after theaccident) to who you used to be.
Robbie - Host (05:46):
Sure.
William Cole - Guest (05:46):
And sort of when you went back into that
environment that you're used toand familiar with, you know what
you're capable of, but you can'tdo it.
So you started being angry atyourself compared to who you
were sort of thing, because youdon't want to be that
unproductive person, but youhave to just learn to accept
(06:06):
that well...that's me and you'restill here.
So just listen to yourself, likelisten to your body and take it
easy and yeah rest when you needa rest.
Robbie - Host (06:17):
Let's explore that because that's something
that you mentioned on the phoneto me, and you credited with
being quite a turning point...
I think you said at the timethat you kind of had this
realisation in yourself and thenthings became a lot easier and
you talked about thisacceptance.
Are you able to explain that abit more?
William Cole - Guest (06:36):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, when I met my treaters, likemaking it a friendship rather
than the worker, or the carerand patient relationship.
Just having a mentality to seethe positive side rather than...
(07:02):
because I didn't want to viewthem as my doctor or something.
I wanted to view them as someonewho was here to help and, you
know, look out for you and stufflike that.
So I always sort of thought inthose ways, but yeah, like out
in the paddock, when I wasrealising that I was getting
quite lowly motivated, I startedthinking about that like about
(07:22):
who I used to be and just took astep back and realised...
was able to understand that Iwas getting upset because I was
comparing of that.
So the only way to move forward,because I didn't want to keep
getting upset, was just to beable to accept that and to be
able to accept that that was meat that time, but that me's
(07:45):
still there, like, you know,because I'm still here, but I
may just have to work on somethings to be able to get back to
that.
Robbie - Host (07:55):
As opposed to sort of being hard on yourself
and not being able to do themstraight away, do you mean or?
William Cole - Guest (08:00):
Yeah.
And then getting sidetracked andthen, you know, just thinking up
in your head that, you know,your self worth is a bit lower
than...
You know, not getting too hungup on all those thoughts, stuff
going up, up in your head.
And it started, it made me likeset myself challenges, you know,
let's try and go out to work forlike an hour and a half, then
(08:23):
two hours and make slowincrements, but really reward
yourself, you know?
Robbie - Host (08:27):
What did a reward look like for you?
William Cole - Guest (08:27):
Just, just self-love I suppose, like being
like"good on you mate", like patyourself on the back and"you did
that" and just reinforcepositivity within your own head.
Robbie - Host (08:41):
Yep.
William Cole - Guest (08:41):
And yeah, it really helped.
I remember going back for mydriver's license and this was
just another mentality that Itook with this new doctor that I
had.
With my old doctors, she wasfrom the St.
John of God, this new doctor,but all my old doctors were at
the Epworth who I'd spent a lotof time with.
(09:01):
I was, you know, quite chummywith them and I always had a
smile on my face and talkedabout something else before we
had to chat about the injurystuff.
But this lady who worked at theSt John of God, like she was
great doctor, but she was just aclassic doctor.
Um, and this is few months outof hospital.
I was going back for my driver'slicense and she was just being
(09:24):
the classic doom and gloom"here's going to be so many
distractions.
You're not going to functionlike you used to...you know, you
have to steer and you have toread all the signs coming on and
there's oncoming traffic andthere's white lines.
There's a lot for your brain totake in".
I just remember thinking in myhead, I was like, ah, can you
just please(stop)?
Yeah.
I know how to...I know what thedriving atmosphere is like.
Yes I understand you're doingall the doctor crap, but damn I
(09:47):
want to prove you wrong so bad.
And just being able to say thatto myself.
I was like'I back myself' and Ihave to keep backing myself in a
mature, but positive way, Isuppose.
Just the goal was from comparingmyself a t 50% was to really
drive up to 100%, but be able topick up the 1%'s and really work
(10:13):
with the people I needed to workwith to understand it, or think
about it in a, you know, outsidethe box way or listen to other
survivors.
Robbie - Host (10:22):
Sure.
And where do you kind of rateyourself now, do you think?
William Cole - Guest (10:28):
Um, probably I'd say, well, quite
high up there.
I'd probably say around 85 to90%.
Robbie - Host (10:37):
Yep.
So you've still got some thingsyou're kind of working towards?
William Cole - Guest (10:39):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
A few things with myneuropsychologist, a few things
in fitness because I dropped...
well in that nine day coma Ilost about 17-18 kilos.
Robbie - Host (10:53):
Wow.
William Cole - Guest (10:54):
Which is a mammoth amount of weight.
And I still haven't returned tothat weight, which I'd like to.
I guess I lost fitness, but likehealth and fitness...
I'd say they were about worth 2%if I got them back up.
I'd say it's more, it's more ofthe brain stuff that I want to
really work with and reallyunderstand.
(11:15):
Because in the end of the day,you know, I want my brain to be
working for as long as I am, andI really want it to be working
well, especially with a braininjury.
Robbie - Host (11:27):
Totally.
So what does your work look likeat the moment in terms of
improving that?
Like, are you still working withthe Epworth or with different
hospitals or you just doingstuff yourself?
William Cole - Guest (11:39):
Yeah so I'm doing stuff myself now.
But, well a massive shout out tothe TAC(Traffic Accident
Commission) because I go ontheir system and I've got a care
support coordinator and I canjust get in contact with them
and I sourced aneuropsychologist myself.
I got in contact with themmyself and built the
(11:59):
relationship beforehand beforecontacting the C...TAC, not the
CFA.
And the TAC happily fund it andjust sort of keep tabs just to
poke along.
But I've finished from themhaving to always ring me up and
be like,"Hey, how are you?","Rate this out of 10" and"How do
you feel?" and dah, dah, dah.
(12:21):
And I'm working with...I do afew things with the Epworth and
the Royal Melbourne in terms ofjust like questionnaires for
their research programs.
And I had the Victorian TraumaState Registry call up and had
to do a few questionnaires withthem.
(12:45):
And yeah with the Epworth, a fewquestionnaires with them, but
also I have to go into them.
I went in last year and I'mgoing to go in again this year.
And then again in five years, 10years, 20 years, yeah and meet
with my treaters and they throwsome questions at me and yeah
just a general checkup reallybecause they want to observe
what's going on through theyears past with the brain
(13:06):
injury.
Robbie - Host (13:08):
So I'll just touch on the neuropsych.
You've mentioned neuropsych's afew times in this conversation
and I imagine everyone who kindof has different injuries, um,
physical or otherwise, you know,there's probably particular
people that they bond withintheir sort of treatment team,
but talking to you previously itsounded like you had this
(13:30):
fantastic relationship with youroriginal neuropsych at the
Epworth and then it sounds likeneuropsychologists have been an
incredibly sort of valuable toolin your kit of recovery.
William Cole - Gues (13:45):
Absolutely.
Like a builder with a hammer.
Robbie - Host (13:48):
Yeah.
Is that something you're able totalk about and I guess, talk
about what it is they've beenable to do to help?
William Cole - Gues (13:58):
Absolutely.
Yeah I really struck gold withmy neuropsychologist.
She was an amazing lady, a heartof gold who was just selfless
and would help...She helped somany people and she just had an
amazing life and story to tell.
I just remember meeting her forthe first time and she was
(14:22):
always just one of those peoplethat stuck in your head, like
you always sort of wanted to bearound them or you know, have
them in the room, so you can goup and chat to them or something
because they were just alwaysfull of energy and yeah, so much
happiness and love andfriendship and everything in
them and you felt that often.
But she did, or we did a powerof work together and we went
(14:44):
through all the initial brainfunction tests and things that
we had to do and paperwork andstuff like that.
But we became really goodfriends and she sort of was, I
guess a psychologist, but shewas also explaining about how
the brain has changed throughall this because of the shock
(15:07):
that you've had.
I got really close to herbecause she was really easy to
open up with and tell(things).
I would say, oh, I'm findingthis hard or this hard and she'd
really break it down and spendthe time.
(15:27):
She'd go home and look upsomething for two hours
specifically to try and help youwith that problem, so she could
come up with an answer.
Robbie - Host (15:34):
Can you give an example of something that you
were at some point having aproblem with(and which she was
able to help)?
William Cole - Guest (15:40):
With comparing myself to my previous
self and she broke that down interms of how you will feel
anger...
I cannot remember her exactresponse cause this was about
eighteen months ago now...butshe was pretty much saying that
(16:02):
it can be quite a natural thingfor a lot of people to do.
And that was from herunderstanding.
She helped me make myselfbelieve that I wanted to put
things in place to not be ableto do that, just through
listening to my words, but she'dsort of re-jitter them and then
say that back to me and prove tome that I'd already said it in
(16:26):
myself.
And then she'd go on about thatfor a bit.
And then just sort of cement itin your head.
Like really, if you had the ideashe'd really give you the
artillery to help you really getit out there.
Robbie - Host (16:38):
Yep
William Cole - Guest (16:39):
And those thoughts and that natural...she
knew that I really wanted toobviously get better, but also I
wanted to really understand it.
And she took a really good gripon that with the research that I
could see that she'd dofirsthand and the notes she'd
(17:00):
take.
And, you know, there was a lotof scribbles on there that
must've been garbage for her,but I'm sure it was all great
stuff.
But yeah, she did an amazingamount of work for a lot of
people as well.
So I was very, very, um, verygrateful to have her.
I guess she was my Knight inshining armor of the whole...my
(17:22):
whole rehab team.
Robbie - Host (17:27):
And then...
I know she's, I'm sorry to sortof talk about this, but I know
she's passed away now andotherwise you'd still have her
very much in your corner.
But then it's interesting Isuppose to me that you've then
sought out anotherneuropsychologist that you're
continuing to work with.
So obviously there's somethingabout that profession?
William Cole - Gues (17:45):
Absolutely.
Robbie - Host (17:45):
And particular people in that profession who
have a really positive impact,especially with traumatic brain
injuries.
What do you think...what is thatfor you?
What do you think it is thatthey provide that helps?
William Cole - Guest (18:02):
I guess they'd be the best ones to
understand, and the bestprofessionals to address the
understanding of people'sissues, I suppose.
I just thought it was amazingbecause they were, they felt
(18:22):
like, you know, they were like abig brother that had been
there...but they hadn't beenthere.
They just understood everythinglike...
Robbie - Host (18:30):
They understand how the brain works?
William Cole - Guest (18:30):
Yeah, absolutely, and it was just
really fascinating.
I just sort of got fixated on,you know...
I never thought a brain injurywould affect me, but when it
happened I was quite fascinatedto examine it I suppose.
And well they just knew a lot.
And just the way, because I hadabout three different
(18:54):
neuropsychologists, but how allof them would just address
themselves and be so calm and bepatient and...they're a
wonderful profession.
It's a wonderful profession andthere definitely needs to be
more of them because they'rejust really, really good people.
Robbie - Host (19:10):
Do you have any particular, um, mantras or
quotes?
You know they may have come frompeople such as your neuropsych
that have been particularlyhelpful during your recovery?
William Cole - Guest (19:26):
Well I've got one quote that stays in my
head a lot.
I've made half of it and copiedhalf of it from Baz Luhrman.
He's got this song"everybodywear sunscreen", which is this
classic seven minutes of himjust talking.
I've written it down...
well his his quote is"your bodyis the best instrument you'll
(19:49):
ever own".
I love that because it truly islike, if you look after it, you
can play a lot of tunes or youknow, you can do a lot of
things.
Yeah, so"Your body is your bestinstrument and your mind is the
best map".
So I yeah..."Your body is thebest instrument you'll ever own
and your mind is the best map,so nurture it".
Robbie - Host (20:11):
Yep.
William Cole - Guest (20:11):
And so they're two very important
things in one's life.
So being mindful of your mindand being respectful to your
body is what really matters tome, I suppose, like to know your
limitations in what you can dophysically, but what you can do
to get enjoyment and happinesssuch as going for a run and
(20:31):
having that...exercise so yournatural endorphins can kick in,
but then also looking afteryourself mentally....being in
places that you want to be in,watching the movie that you want
to watch and stuff like that.
As long as you're not offendingor hurting anyone else just keep
beating in your own stride.
Robbie - Host (20:51):
Yep.
William Cole - Guest (20:52):
And there's another saying which is
a classic saying, which I heardin the shearing shed once and
it's...
Robbie - Host (20:59):
Haha, all wisdom comes from the shearing shed!
William Cole - Guest (20:59):
Yeah! Of all places...but it's"Love many,
trust a few, but always paddleyour own canoe".
Robbie - Host (21:10):
That's good.
William Cole - Guest (21:10):
Yeah.
It's a good one.
It just rhymes off it.
I just heard it.
It was just one of those things.
I think he(the shearer) was onthe phone or something.
This older shearer, just sittingdown there on, smoko and he
was...
Well all the shearers, unlessthey're chatting to each other
they sort of crawl into theirown chill out world.
Well, he was just on the phoneand I just heard that...and just
(21:32):
never got it out of my head.
I suppose another mantra Ihad/have is when I wake up and
as soon as you, as soon as youwake up, try and make someone
smile and you know, some stufflike that, it's focused on the
good things and fun things inlife.
Robbie - Host (21:51):
Do you have any books or movies or podcasts that
were...you'd really recommend topeople?
If someone had just experiencedwhat you'd experienced, is there
anything you'd gift them?
William Cole - Guest (22:09):
If I knew a book that they...something
that they've always been wantingto do, like...if they were a
builder, but they wanted tobecome a vet,(I'd get them) a
book about veterinary science orsomething, just for an example.
Just something that they canhave their excitement on it, but
(22:32):
then the information is there.
So it is up to them to be ableto get it from there(the book),
into there,(their head).
Something that they're reallymotivated or keen on but in a
book format or a documentaryformat.
Like with movies, I was obsessedwith Harry Potter and Lord of
(22:53):
the Rings.
That was just fun to watch.
Robbie - Host (22:56):
Before or after the accident?
William Cole - Guest (22:56):
Oh no after the accident.
Yeah.
Like just cool effects and just,you know, the storyline and
everything's just somethingdifferent and fun to follow.
I did watch a lot of Ted talks,and a few...just in my own merit
(23:17):
just went on YouTube and would'search brain injury survivors
'and stuff like that, andlistened to a few talks of
people talking about theirexperience.
They were pretty much sort ofdoing what I'm doing now,
(23:37):
talking about the differencesand the shift and from them to
now.
Robbie - Host (23:42):
And were they helpful to you?
William Cole - Guest (23:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
It was reassuring to know thatyou're not alone you know?
There're other people out there.
Because a big thing that reallyaffects people is the isolation
of brain injury.
Robbie - Host (23:57):
Totally.
William Cole - Guest (23:57):
Yeah and again, that motivation...for
some people it's just motivationto get out of their bedroom can
be quite a hard task.
And yeah again, that's why weneed more neuropsychologists
because they can really breakand work those things through
with those people.
They just really need to knowthat there are helpful hands out
(24:17):
there.
Robbie - Host (24:17):
Totally.
Robbie - Outro (24:28):
That's the end of Chapter Three.
In the final chapter Williamtalks about new habits and
perspectives.
Welcome to Chapter Three.
In this chapter William shareshis main recovery learnings.
Robbie - Host (00:31):
So after the three months, did you come
straight back here then?
William Cole - Guest (00:35):
Yeah, I came straight back here and it
was this time...2018.
No 2017, 2 years ago.
Yeah, so we were shearing athome and I came straight back
home and stupidly enough, I, uh,when the shearers were on their
hourly break, I jumped on one ofthe hand pieces and shore a
(00:56):
sheep.
And that was my rehab.
I remember my dad walked in andhe said, oh, is this your
resting?
Is it?
And I was like, ah...
I've just got that mindset thatI cannot sit still.
Like I have to be doingsomething.
So I thought it was a good, easychallenge.
It was only a lamb.
So it was a good, easy challengeto go up and try to shear.
Robbie - Host (01:17):
How did you go?
William Cole - Guest (01:17):
Yeah I got it shorn.
It was a bit slow...
but it was quite nice to be, youknow...
that feeling of being inhospital all the time and
sitting down and having tofollow orders from the doctor
and your neuropsych, and get fedat this time and could only eat
puree food because my jaw waswired shut.
But then to be at home and I waslike shearing shape, you know it
(01:40):
was like nice freedom.
Robbie - Host (01:42):
It was just a normalcy?
William Cole - Guest (01:42):
Yeah.
And even though it was a bit ofwork, but you know I didn't
really think of the work.
Like it was nice to have thatfreedom again and to be doing
something and yeah, it was niceto come back home.
I told my neuropsychologist thisbecause she did ask how have I
found it, transitioning back tohome.
(02:03):
And a lot of people...
I understand from the researchthat they do, with brain
injuries.
Don't...
Well they find it completelydifferent when they come back to
home a) because they might havea bit more of a severe injury
and not be as independent, youknow, requiring carers and stuff
(02:25):
and then b) but a lot of otherpeople who found themselves to
get bored a lot and stuff likethat.
But for me, I just loved to getback home and I feel like I can
go back to my old self in a waywith my meaning because I was
taking a walk and, um, there wasan old fencing line that I'd
been working on and it was allup and there was all the wires,
(02:49):
but we were tying some of thedroppers on and the droppers
were like part of...like wedrilled through and put the wire
through.
So they were just hanging there,but I hadn't got finished off
tying the top and the bottomdropper...
Robbie - Host (03:00):
So it's like you finished this task?
William Cole - Guest (03:00):
Yeah, there was a bit of wire hanging
there and it was sort of just atrip down memory lane.
But funnily enough I was like,oh yeah, I thought, oh yeah,
that's what I was doing, youknow?
Oh, you better get back into itand keep going.
And yeah, it was just a four,five month holiday from
finishing off(tying off) thosedroppers...
Robbie - Host (03:21):
'Holiday,' being...a very positive term! So
then....we're two years onnow...
where do you think you were, ifyou rated yourself,
percentage-wise when youinitially returned back to the
farm?
What would you have...
how would you have ratedyourself?
William Cole - Guest (03:39):
When I initially returned, I was
probably like 50-55%, prettyslow.
My head was still very swollen.
I'd sleep a lot of the day.
I'd sleep probably about 14 hourdays.
Um, I'd get up and not domuch...
Robbie - Host (04:03):
And be very tired?
William Cole - Guest (04:04):
Yeah.
And just, yeah, just feel low.
Well, my brother was a legendand bought a PS4(playstation 4-
gaming console) and I just, youknow, took the ride.
Cause I was back from hospitaland played a lot of PS4, which
is quite all right.
Robbie - Host (04:18):
Would you we recommend that to people?
William Cole - Guest (04:20):
For the right amount of time, but don't,
um, don't go becoming like acrazy gamer.
Like it's good at times, whenyou just need to sort of chill
out and rest.
So I did that a bit, but thenalso I was going....I guess I'm
very lucky in terms of being afarmer and having a supportive
(04:40):
family, as obviously home is myworkplace.
Dad and my brother were workingon the farm and if I wanted to
get involved, sure, no worries.
But they could easily caterthings around me and I could
cater myself around the farm soyeah.
I wanted to get out there, butyeah, I could only go out for
about an hour and I found myfocus and motivation was a bit
(05:05):
lacking.
Like the motivation lackingbecause I knew I was running on
you know, a quarter of a tank,half a tank, and I wanted to be
able to do it, but I just knewthat I had to, had to wait.
Robbie - Host (05:19):
Were those the big things?
So fatigue...
I imagine you still had somesort of cognitive fog and then
low mood?
Was that something that was anissue?
William Cole - Guest (05:29):
Well, not really...
In terms of...I guess the tripwas of comparing yourself then
(like at the time of/after theaccident) to who you used to be.
Robbie - Host (05:46):
Sure.
William Cole - Guest (05:46):
And sort of when you went back into that
environment that you're used toand familiar with, you know what
you're capable of, but you can'tdo it.
So you started being angry atyourself compared to who you
were sort of thing, because youdon't want to be that
unproductive person, but youhave to just learn to accept
(06:06):
that well...that's me and you'restill here.
So just listen to yourself, likelisten to your body and take it
easy and yeah rest when you needa rest.
Robbie - Host (06:17):
Let's explore that because that's something
that you mentioned on the phoneto me, and you credited with
being quite a turning point...
I think you said at the timethat you kind of had this
realisation in yourself and thenthings became a lot easier and
you talked about thisacceptance.
Are you able to explain that abit more?
William Cole - Guest (06:36):
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, when I met my treaters, likemaking it a friendship rather
than the worker, or the carerand patient relationship.
Just having a mentality to seethe positive side rather than...
(07:02):
because I didn't want to viewthem as my doctor or something.
I wanted to view them as someonewho was here to help and, you
know, look out for you and stufflike that.
So I always sort of thought inthose ways, but yeah, like out
in the paddock, when I wasrealising that I was getting
quite lowly motivated, I startedthinking about that like about
(07:22):
who I used to be and just took astep back and realised...
was able to understand that Iwas getting upset because I was
comparing of that.
So the only way to move forward,because I didn't want to keep
getting upset, was just to beable to accept that and to be
able to accept that that was meat that time, but that me's
(07:45):
still there, like, you know,because I'm still here, but I
may just have to work on somethings to be able to get back to
that.
Robbie - Host (07:55):
As opposed to sort of being hard on yourself
and not being able to do themstraight away, do you mean or?
William Cole - Guest (08:00):
Yeah.
And then getting sidetracked andthen, you know, just thinking up
in your head that, you know,your self worth is a bit lower
than...
You know, not getting too hungup on all those thoughts, stuff
going up, up in your head.
And it started, it made me likeset myself challenges, you know,
let's try and go out to work forlike an hour and a half, then
(08:23):
two hours and make slowincrements, but really reward
yourself, you know?
Robbie - Host (08:27):
What did a reward look like for you?
William Cole - Guest (08:27):
Just, just self-love I suppose, like being
like"good on you mate", like patyourself on the back and"you did
that" and just reinforcepositivity within your own head.
Robbie - Host (08:41):
Yep.
William Cole - Guest (08:41):
And yeah, it really helped.
I remember going back for mydriver's license and this was
just another mentality that Itook with this new doctor that I
had.
With my old doctors, she wasfrom the St.
John of God, this new doctor,but all my old doctors were at
the Epworth who I'd spent a lotof time with.
(09:01):
I was, you know, quite chummywith them and I always had a
smile on my face and talkedabout something else before we
had to chat about the injurystuff.
But this lady who worked at theSt John of God, like she was
great doctor, but she was just aclassic doctor.
Um, and this is few months outof hospital.
I was going back for my driver'slicense and she was just being
(09:24):
the classic doom and gloom"here's going to be so many
distractions.
You're not going to functionlike you used to...you know, you
have to steer and you have toread all the signs coming on and
there's oncoming traffic andthere's white lines.
There's a lot for your brain totake in".
I just remember thinking in myhead, I was like, ah, can you
just please(stop)?
Yeah.
I know how to...I know what thedriving atmosphere is like.
Yes I understand you're doingall the doctor crap, but damn I
(09:47):
want to prove you wrong so bad.
And just being able to say thatto myself.
I was like'I back myself' and Ihave to keep backing myself in a
mature, but positive way, Isuppose.
Just the goal was from comparingmyself a t 50% was to really
drive up to 100%, but be able topick up the 1%'s and really work
(10:13):
with the people I needed to workwith to understand it, or think
about it in a, you know, outsidethe box way or listen to other
survivors.
Robbie - Host (10:22):
Sure.
And where do you kind of rateyourself now, do you think?
William Cole - Guest (10:28):
Um, probably I'd say, well, quite
high up there.
I'd probably say around 85 to90%.
Robbie - Host (10:37):
Yep.
So you've still got some thingsyou're kind of working towards?
William Cole - Guest (10:39):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
A few things with myneuropsychologist, a few things
in fitness because I dropped...
well in that nine day coma Ilost about 17-18 kilos.
Robbie - Host (10:53):
Wow.
William Cole - Guest (10:54):
Which is a mammoth amount of weight.
And I still haven't returned tothat weight, which I'd like to.
I guess I lost fitness, but likehealth and fitness...
I'd say they were about worth 2%if I got them back up.
I'd say it's more, it's more ofthe brain stuff that I want to
really work with and reallyunderstand.
(11:15):
Because in the end of the day,you know, I want my brain to be
working for as long as I am, andI really want it to be working
well, especially with a braininjury.
Robbie - Host (11:27):
Totally.
So what does your work look likeat the moment in terms of
improving that?
Like, are you still working withthe Epworth or with different
hospitals or you just doingstuff yourself?
William Cole - Guest (11:39):
Yeah so I'm doing stuff myself now.
But, well a massive shout out tothe TAC(Traffic Accident
Commission) because I go ontheir system and I've got a care
support coordinator and I canjust get in contact with them
and I sourced aneuropsychologist myself.
I got in contact with themmyself and built the
(11:59):
relationship beforehand beforecontacting the C...TAC, not the
CFA.
And the TAC happily fund it andjust sort of keep tabs just to
poke along.
But I've finished from themhaving to always ring me up and
be like,"Hey, how are you?","Rate this out of 10" and"How do
you feel?" and dah, dah, dah.
(12:21):
And I'm working with...I do afew things with the Epworth and
the Royal Melbourne in terms ofjust like questionnaires for
their research programs.
And I had the Victorian TraumaState Registry call up and had
to do a few questionnaires withthem.
(12:45):
And yeah with the Epworth, a fewquestionnaires with them, but
also I have to go into them.
I went in last year and I'mgoing to go in again this year.
And then again in five years, 10years, 20 years, yeah and meet
with my treaters and they throwsome questions at me and yeah
just a general checkup reallybecause they want to observe
what's going on through theyears past with the brain
(13:06):
injury.
Robbie - Host (13:08):
So I'll just touch on the neuropsych.
You've mentioned neuropsych's afew times in this conversation
and I imagine everyone who kindof has different injuries, um,
physical or otherwise, you know,there's probably particular
people that they bond withintheir sort of treatment team,
but talking to you previously itsounded like you had this
(13:30):
fantastic relationship with youroriginal neuropsych at the
Epworth and then it sounds likeneuropsychologists have been an
incredibly sort of valuable toolin your kit of recovery.
William Cole - Gues (13:45):
Absolutely.
Like a builder with a hammer.
Robbie - Host (13:48):
Yeah.
Is that something you're able totalk about and I guess, talk
about what it is they've beenable to do to help?
William Cole - Gues (13:58):
Absolutely.
Yeah I really struck gold withmy neuropsychologist.
She was an amazing lady, a heartof gold who was just selfless
and would help...She helped somany people and she just had an
amazing life and story to tell.
I just remember meeting her forthe first time and she was
(14:22):
always just one of those peoplethat stuck in your head, like
you always sort of wanted to bearound them or you know, have
them in the room, so you can goup and chat to them or something
because they were just alwaysfull of energy and yeah, so much
happiness and love andfriendship and everything in
them and you felt that often.
But she did, or we did a powerof work together and we went
(14:44):
through all the initial brainfunction tests and things that
we had to do and paperwork andstuff like that.
But we became really goodfriends and she sort of was, I
guess a psychologist, but shewas also explaining about how
the brain has changed throughall this because of the shock
(15:07):
that you've had.
I got really close to herbecause she was really easy to
open up with and tell(things).
I would say, oh, I'm findingthis hard or this hard and she'd
really break it down and spendthe time.
(15:27):
She'd go home and look upsomething for two hours
specifically to try and help youwith that problem, so she could
come up with an answer.
Robbie - Host (15:34):
Can you give an example of something that you
were at some point having aproblem with(and which she was
able to help)?
William Cole - Guest (15:40):
With comparing myself to my previous
self and she broke that down interms of how you will feel
anger...
I cannot remember her exactresponse cause this was about
eighteen months ago now...butshe was pretty much saying that
(16:02):
it can be quite a natural thingfor a lot of people to do.
And that was from herunderstanding.
She helped me make myselfbelieve that I wanted to put
things in place to not be ableto do that, just through
listening to my words, but she'dsort of re-jitter them and then
say that back to me and prove tome that I'd already said it in
(16:26):
myself.
And then she'd go on about thatfor a bit.
And then just sort of cement itin your head.
Like really, if you had the ideashe'd really give you the
artillery to help you really getit out there.
Robbie - Host (16:38):
Yep
William Cole - Guest (16:39):
And those thoughts and that natural...she
knew that I really wanted toobviously get better, but also I
wanted to really understand it.
And she took a really good gripon that with the research that I
could see that she'd dofirsthand and the notes she'd
(17:00):
take.
And, you know, there was a lotof scribbles on there that
must've been garbage for her,but I'm sure it was all great
stuff.
But yeah, she did an amazingamount of work for a lot of
people as well.
So I was very, very, um, verygrateful to have her.
I guess she was my Knight inshining armor of the whole...my
(17:22):
whole rehab team.
Robbie - Host (17:27):
And then...
I know she's, I'm sorry to sortof talk about this, but I know
she's passed away now andotherwise you'd still have her
very much in your corner.
But then it's interesting Isuppose to me that you've then
sought out anotherneuropsychologist that you're
continuing to work with.
So obviously there's somethingabout that profession?
William Cole - Gues (17:45):
Absolutely.
Robbie - Host (17:45):
And particular people in that profession who
have a really positive impact,especially with traumatic brain
injuries.
What do you think...what is thatfor you?
What do you think it is thatthey provide that helps?
William Cole - Guest (18:02):
I guess they'd be the best ones to
understand, and the bestprofessionals to address the
understanding of people'sissues, I suppose.
I just thought it was amazingbecause they were, they felt
(18:22):
like, you know, they were like abig brother that had been
there...but they hadn't beenthere.
They just understood everythinglike...
Robbie - Host (18:30):
They understand how the brain works?
William Cole - Guest (18:30):
Yeah, absolutely, and it was just
really fascinating.
I just sort of got fixated on,you know...
I never thought a brain injurywould affect me, but when it
happened I was quite fascinatedto examine it I suppose.
And well they just knew a lot.
And just the way, because I hadabout three different
(18:54):
neuropsychologists, but how allof them would just address
themselves and be so calm and bepatient and...they're a
wonderful profession.
It's a wonderful profession andthere definitely needs to be
more of them because they'rejust really, really good people.
Robbie - Host (19:10):
Do you have any particular, um, mantras or
quotes?
You know they may have come frompeople such as your neuropsych
that have been particularlyhelpful during your recovery?
William Cole - Guest (19:26):
Well I've got one quote that stays in my
head a lot.
I've made half of it and copiedhalf of it from Baz Luhrman.
He's got this song"everybodywear sunscreen", which is this
classic seven minutes of himjust talking.
I've written it down...
well his his quote is"your bodyis the best instrument you'll
(19:49):
ever own".
I love that because it truly islike, if you look after it, you
can play a lot of tunes or youknow, you can do a lot of
things.
Yeah, so"Your body is your bestinstrument and your mind is the
best map".
So I yeah..."Your body is thebest instrument you'll ever own
and your mind is the best map,so nurture it".
Robbie - Host (20:11):
Yep.
William Cole - Guest (20:11):
And so they're two very important
things in one's life.
So being mindful of your mindand being respectful to your
body is what really matters tome, I suppose, like to know your
limitations in what you can dophysically, but what you can do
to get enjoyment and happinesssuch as going for a run and
(20:31):
having that...exercise so yournatural endorphins can kick in,
but then also looking afteryourself mentally....being in
places that you want to be in,watching the movie that you want
to watch and stuff like that.
As long as you're not offendingor hurting anyone else just keep
beating in your own stride.
Robbie - Host (20:51):
Yep.
William Cole - Guest (20:52):
And there's another saying which is
a classic saying, which I heardin the shearing shed once and
it's...
Robbie - Host (20:59):
Haha, all wisdom comes from the shearing shed!
William Cole - Guest (20:59):
Yeah! Of all places...but it's"Love many,
trust a few, but always paddleyour own canoe".
Robbie - Host (21:10):
That's good.
William Cole - Guest (21:10):
Yeah.
It's a good one.
It just rhymes off it.
I just heard it.
It was just one of those things.
I think he(the shearer) was onthe phone or something.
This older shearer, just sittingdown there on, smoko and he
was...
Well all the shearers, unlessthey're chatting to each other
they sort of crawl into theirown chill out world.
Well, he was just on the phoneand I just heard that...and just
(21:32):
never got it out of my head.
I suppose another mantra Ihad/have is when I wake up and
as soon as you, as soon as youwake up, try and make someone
smile and you know, some stufflike that, it's focused on the
good things and fun things inlife.
Robbie - Host (21:51):
Do you have any books or movies or podcasts that
were...you'd really recommend topeople?
If someone had just experiencedwhat you'd experienced, is there
anything you'd gift them?
William Cole - Guest (22:09):
If I knew a book that they...something
that they've always been wantingto do, like...if they were a
builder, but they wanted tobecome a vet,(I'd get them) a
book about veterinary science orsomething, just for an example.
Just something that they canhave their excitement on it, but
(22:32):
then the information is there.
So it is up to them to be ableto get it from there(the book),
into there,(their head).
Something that they're reallymotivated or keen on but in a
book format or a documentaryformat.
Like with movies, I was obsessedwith Harry Potter and Lord of
(22:53):
the Rings.
That was just fun to watch.
Robbie - Host (22:56):
Before or after the accident?
William Cole - Guest (22:56):
Oh no after the accident.
Yeah.
Like just cool effects and just,you know, the storyline and
everything's just somethingdifferent and fun to follow.
I did watch a lot of Ted talks,and a few...just in my own merit
(23:17):
just went on YouTube and would'search brain injury survivors
'and stuff like that, andlistened to a few talks of
people talking about theirexperience.
They were pretty much sort ofdoing what I'm doing now,
(23:37):
talking about the differencesand the shift and from them to
now.
Robbie - Host (23:42):
And were they helpful to you?
William Cole - Guest (23:44):
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
It was reassuring to know thatyou're not alone you know?
There're other people out there.
Because a big thing that reallyaffects people is the isolation
of brain injury.
Robbie - Host (23:57):
Totally.
William Cole - Guest (23:57):
Yeah and again, that motivation...for
some people it's just motivationto get out of their bedroom can
be quite a hard task.
And yeah again, that's why weneed more neuropsychologists
because they can really breakand work those things through
with those people.
They just really need to knowthat there are helpful hands out
(24:17):
there.
Robbie - Host (24:17):
Totally.
Robbie - Outro (24:28):
That's the end of Chapter Three.
In the final chapter Williamtalks about new habits and
perspectives.
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