February 2, 2022 • 34 mins
Kelsey is joined by another Kelcey as we discuss sucking at self care this week. Kelcey and Kelsey discuss parenthood and the struggle that comes with making time for yourself, as well as little things that don't cost anything but can also be called self care (like sitting in your amazing backyard).
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Unknown (00:03):
You're listening to the story shout podcast hosted by
Kelsey Jones. We're a weeklypodcast dedicated to
destigmatizing failure, andlaughing and our normalcy. Don't
forget to subscribe and leave areview on iTunes.
Hi, everyone, Welcome to Storyshout. My name is Kelsey Jones
(00:24):
and I am joined today by anotherKelsey. Kelsey drap. She's
someone that I met, I think atconferences, marketing
conferences throughout theyears. And so I'm so excited to
have her on Kelsey. Thanks forjoining us.
Thanks for having me. I'mexcited to talk to you today.
I know me too. It's been awhile. Yes. So Kelsey, what do
(00:46):
you suck at?
I suck at self care.
Nick one, isn't it?
It is a big one. I think it'sone that a lot of people, it's
very easy to push aside for alot of people. And something
that if you don't focus on it,you'll never get to it but not
focusing on it and never gettingto it also impacts how things go
(01:09):
for you in the future, I think.
Yeah, that's a good point. Ihave a post it note on my
monitor, actually, that says myfuture self depends on my
present self. That makes methink I love that. So one thing
I wanted to ask you about whenyou propose this topic is a
while back, and I think it wasin a book or something. There
(01:32):
was I read about this conceptthat self care isn't the same
for everybody. Like, when youthink of it in society, it's
more like, oh, you know, forwomen, especially it's like, oh,
a warm bath and reading a book.
And but this, this book, orwherever I read it was talking
about, that's not always thecase. Like sometimes self care
is different for each person. SoI'd love to hear like what you
(01:53):
would consider self care.
Yeah, so it's actually perfectthat you bring that up, because
I've actually been kind ofredefining what I think self
care is, for me, especiallysince becoming a parent, you get
very much into this mode of, ifI just get to take a shower
today that self care, when like,really, that's the bare minimum.
(02:14):
And that's not I mean, it's,it's good to take a shower, but
it's not doing something specialfor yourself, it's doing the
bare minimum, and a lot of timesdoing the bare minimum is not
sustainable. And it was reallytough when my son was first
born, because, you know, he wasnot independent at all, you
know, as a newborn, you know,they can't lift their head, they
can't do anything themselves,they can't even sit up. So doing
(02:36):
self care in some seasons oflife, I think is harder than
others. And so you have to findways to really modify what that
looks like. So like, for me, atthat time, self care might look
like going to target and havinga moment where I listened to
music. And I may not even buyanything, but I'm just not
sitting in my house with a babyscreaming at me. You know, and
(03:01):
now that my son's a little bitolder, and I can leave him alone
for longer periods of time, oryou know, we can get a
babysitter or whatever self carelooks like going and getting my
nails done, going to a movie andhaving a glass of wine, and
doing something that is notnecessary for survival. But that
gives me a lot of peace or joyor fulfillment, sometimes self
(03:23):
care is going on a long walk,and listening to really fun
dancing music. At the same time,someone else that might sound
like a horrible idea, you know,or maybe they want their self
care is going to the gym andworking out for three hours. To
me, that sounds awful. But tosomeone that might be great to
someone else it might be youknow, hanging out with a friend
(03:44):
or, you know, for some people itmight be instead of just taking
a shower, taking a really longbubble bath and doing a face
mask and a hair mask and stufflike that. So I think it's
really important to forindividuals to find what self
care means to them, whether itand even if it is, you know,
periodically, just that fiveminute shower, you know, use a
really good smelling soap, ormoisturize really well afterward
(04:07):
give yourself even in thosemoments of minimal self care,
find something to make it quoteunquote luxurious and special
and something beyond the normbecause I think those treats are
what really making it a treat iswhat really makes it a part of
your care and not just part ofyour survival.
Yes, I love that. i When youwere talking about your favorite
(04:29):
types of self care, one thing Ithought of and I've talked about
this with a good friend of mineis we love to sit in our car and
just like listen to music orlike before you go in somewhere
we both realize that both of uswill sit in our car. And it's
like, I don't and I realizedthat my car is the only thing
that's completely mine. So likemy house I share with my husband
(04:53):
and my son and every roomanybody can go in, but your car
is kind of like it's yours andif course my husband drives it
and can drive whenever he wants.
And my son has his car seat inthere, but it's like almost like
a little bubble that's yours.
And so it made me think of thisstory. When I was on maternity
leave, one day was just a reallyhard day. So my husband came
(05:15):
home and I said, I got it. I'mlike, I'm out for a few hours.
Like, I you got you got a kid?
Like, I gotta go. So I went andgot ice cream. And I don't know,
I think it might just be aMidwest thing. But Culvers is an
ice cream place. Do you haveColbert
love Culvers would not verymany, but we have a couple.
Okay,so into clovers, and I got ice
cream. And I don't get ice creama lot, because it kind of makes
(05:38):
makes my stomach hurt. But like,sometimes that's just exactly
what you want. So I get mycovers, and I just sit in my car
in the parking lot. And I listento music. And I look across the
parking lot. And I see anotherwoman, I would assume a mom
because she has a minivan. Andshe's doing the exact same
thing. She's by herself eatingher ice cream, her car's parked,
we make eye contact, we both atthe same time, lift up her ice
(06:01):
cream like cup, like as a toastto each other. And I did not
know her. And I will rememberthat moment, like, as long as I
live because it was like we bothare like, Okay, I completely see
you and you're doing great, it'sgoing to be okay. And we like
you know that our little toast.
And like those kind of momentsto me where I can be by myself
(06:23):
are really like self care to me.
Because absolutely, I thinkespecially when you're a
manager, or you're like incharge of a lot of projects, at
least for me as an introvert.
It's very draining. And so liketo be able to be by myself and
do something I enjoy is reallyself care to me.
I totally, I love that story.
And I think to kind of piggybackon that not only is it important
(06:48):
to have those moments of beingalone, and really in tune with
what you need, because I'm anextrovert and so I am very much
fulfilled by helping otherpeople. But at the same time, if
I'm not helping myself, I can'thelp other people to the
fullest. And having thosemoments where you work on
yourself so that you can betterserve others and or you see
others in the same season oflife or the same position and
(07:11):
noticing each other. Sometimesall like see another mom like
struggling at the grocery storeher kids throwing a tantrum and
just like saying something likeI see you Mom, you're doing a
great job. Like, that makespeople's whole day. And so I
think another part of self carecan be being in community with
people who whether you know themor not, who are also in need of
(07:32):
a little boost. I know that goeswith like saying something like
that to another parent, or, youknow, someone saying something
like that, to me, it does a lotfor my soul. And I think that's
really important to have thatcommunal kind of like, Hey,
we're all in this together.
Like, you know, not to becheesy, but, but that's an
important part of the humanexperience. I think.
(07:55):
Yeah, I love that. I I make it apoint if I ever noticed
someone's nails because I lovealways having my nails like
painted or whatever I use, likepress ons or the little nail
wraps now, but if I noticed cutenails, like I always point them
out absolutely, or someone I seeor like a cute sweater because I
know that they've probably puteffort into that and and they
(08:16):
get excited about thatespecially like really, you
know, ornate nails, I know thatthat's something like they
really care about and I justlike being able to acknowledge
that I hope that it it helpsthem like see that, you know
their effort and their passionis seen by other people.
Definitely that's exactly mythought on it too.
(08:36):
One thing I wanted to ask you Iknow we've talked a lot about
our the struggle of self carelike as a parent, but did you
struggle with it before being aparent?
I did, I am I get a lot offulfillment out of taking care
of others. And my love languageis gifts and quality time. And I
use those aren't excuse me notget some quality time gifts and
(08:58):
acts of service because to me anact of service is a gift of your
time and not in I hate what alot of people don't like to hear
about guests as a as a lovelanguage like yourself that
you'd want people to buy youstuff. But it's not that to me,
it's very much you were you wentout of your way to think about
me and to spend part of your daydoing something for me, whether
you bought something or broughtme dinner or anything like that,
(09:20):
to me that is a huge, selflessact to do. And that is a way not
only that I receive love that Ilike to give love so for me, I
am very much fulfilled bychecking in on my friends. Um,
you know, it's funny, we'retalking about pre parent and
like post or be before being aparent. And now now that I'm a
parent, I'm actually a lot worseat it. And because I'm just so
(09:42):
focused on my kid, but before Iwas a parent, a lot of a lot of
my time was spent thinking abouthow can I serve this person? And
it was just something thatbrought me a lot of joy and I
always say like, I like to helppeople but it's very selfish. I
get a lot of fulfillment out ofit. But at the same time, you
know I'm someone that struggleswith ADHD and with bipolar
(10:02):
disorder and anxiety. And so alot of times I would, I would
also be doing these things toreally, I guess, suppress some
of the concerns that werehappening in my mental health.
And suppressing those concernsis also like the, like, anti
self care, right. And sosometimes I think a lot of my
(10:23):
problem in the past and pastprobably still is using others
and helping others as a crutch,to not have to focus inward. And
I think that's probably mybiggest problem. Because if I'm
not taking care of myself, I'monly giving smaller portions to
other people. And sometimes,something that I have said to
(10:46):
many people, and that I have todaily remind myself of, is it's
okay to be selfish. And it'sokay to, you know, go not all
the time, obviously, but gosplurge and buy yourself
something cute, go get the fancynails done, go have the fancy
wine, you know, whatever,whatever that look, whatever
that splurge looks like for youdoing that can can do so much
(11:07):
for your own psyche, that that'sreally important to keep living
life to the fullest. So I wouldsay that's probably my biggest
thing, before becoming a parentthat I really focused on was
just like everybody else in mylife, and I never focused on
myself. And now I'm having tolearn to balance that a lot
more. And I still want to serveothers, but it's like, okay, but
(11:29):
if my life's not in check, howcan I help anyone else? You
know, find their fulfillment?
Yeah, that's really insightfulof you to know that about
yourself. It makes me thinkabout in 2020, you know, when
quarantine started, there was ameme, you know, a little bit
Munson that was like, Oh, wefinally have like, the first
time in our, our, you know,society's experience to like,
(11:52):
sit and reflect on ourselves.
But instead, we all thought, oh,you know if that we're going to
learn how to make bread, andlike, learn how to quilt or
whatever, because NPH is goinglike stir crazy. And it really
made me think about that,because I think I do that too.
Like you were saying, like kindof using helping people as a
crutch. But I think I love tohelp people too. But I think my
(12:13):
crutch is like, I always thinkabout the future, I don't think
about the present. So that helpsmy anxiety. Like, if I could
plan out all my future, I would,and I it gives me anxiety that I
can't do that. So I think likethe way I coped in 2020 is like,
I got an MBA, I started likegrad school, which I'd want to
(12:34):
do for a long time. But I thinkI like wanted something instead
of just sitting with myself. AndI think 2021 I did a lot of work
to really feel more comfortablewith feeling my feelings. And I
think what you brought up like,allowing yourself to do that
really is probably the ultimateform of self care. Because if
you think of self care at asurface level, it goes back to
(12:57):
like massages, or bass or facemasks or nails, like we were
talking about. But like yousaid, True Self care really is
allowing yourself to feel yourown emotions and your thoughts.
I think if you don't do that,anything else that you're trying
to do to like, I'm doing airquotes, like relax yourself, or
make yourself feel good, at somepoints that really won't fully
(13:21):
feel relaxing, or as a gift toyourself, if you're not true to
yourself with like how you'refeeling in the moment.
100% Yeah, you have to get outof your own head to really get
the benefit of self care,because that's totally something
I'm guilty of, I'm in the middleof like, I love to do like at
(13:42):
home spa days. So I love to, youknow, do a face mask and then do
a different face mask and to doa toner and like, you know, do a
whole thing. I'm like, Oh, look,I'm glowing, you know, I love to
do stuff like that. But in themiddle of that, after, you know,
while I'm waiting for the maskto dry or whatever, am I sitting
there and reading a book orlistening to music or doing
something that's enjoyable? Am Isitting there and thinking about
the next thing that I have todo? Totally can relate to that I
(14:05):
am very I'm similarly I'm verymuch into the next thing. And so
I was pregnant during the startof the pandemic's during most of
2020. And then same thing foryou in 2021. I had to kind of
reevaluate and look at, okay, Ihave a baby now. And he's gonna
grow up so fast. And while I'mso excited for like, I'm
thrilled for him to be able todo all these new things and go
(14:27):
play and run around. And that'sgoing to be a whole nother, you
know, ballgame in terms of mylife. There are times when it's
like, wow, it was just a coupleof weeks ago that he learned to
do this thing. And now I'malready acting like it's no big
deal. Like I need to sit inthese moments, whether it's with
my son or with my husband or atwork, and really appreciate this
moment that I'm in and I thinkanother thing that I've really
(14:49):
been working on the lastprobably six months or so and
that I really want to work ongoing forward into 2022 is
gratitude. I think practicinggratitude is a huge part of self
care and Just not not evennecessarily like, whether that's
praying or, or meditating orwhatever, whatever it is that
helps you realize what you'vegot in your life, that's great,
(15:10):
I think is so important to youroverall health. Because like,
for me personally, like, like Imentioned, I've got a number of
mental health issues, thepandemic was terrible for
everybody. We've got familymembers passing away, and you
are having political argumentsof people. And if you can't sit
in the moment, and not not atall to minimize the struggles
(15:30):
that people are going through,not at all. But if you can't
take a moment, every now andthen to say, Wow, I have a
beautiful family, I have myhealth, you know, I live in a
house that I'm comfortable and Ican I can afford electricity,
you know, whatever that lookslike for you. Having those
moments of saying, Wow, I reallydo have blessings in my life is
so important for recognizingwhat you need to do and where
(15:53):
you need to go. And and I thinkthat does a lot for your mental
health. And for your self care,in general, just having
gratitude and practicing beingaware of it, because like,
you're gonna have days that suckand like, you know, that you're
not practicing self care, andthat you're, that you are
thinking too far into thefuture. But every now and then
to take a moment going, Wow, Ihave a pretty incredible life.
(16:14):
Does so it does so much for me.
And it's something I'm learningto get better at doing more
often.
Yeah, I love that. And I, Ithink since 2021, like I really
worked on my mental health, youknow, so we're recording this in
January. And of course, youknow, as far back as I can
remember, in January, I alwayswas like, Okay, I'm gonna have
some resolutions, I'm gonna havesome goals, you know, but this
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year, I kind of was just like, Ijust want to chill. Like, I want
to have a goal, I want to likedo what makes me happy and spend
time with my family and friends.
But that's not really, I don'teven want to put a resolution
around it. Like, you know howthey say like, oh, text, a
friend, you know, five friends aweek or go to lunch once a week,
like, I would always try to makeit a SMART goal, you know, that
(16:59):
the acronym or whatever. But Imean, into 2022, I just want to
not do anything. And that's verycounterintuitive to me. Because
I think the way I've grown mycareer and all the stuff the
successes I've had has beenbecause I've always been the
future focus, like we talkedabout, but this year, you know,
it, there's already so muchuncertainty with the new COVID
(17:20):
variant, and you know, what'sgonna happen next, and all that
stuff, like, I don't really wantto work on myself. And that
sounds bad. Like, I always wantto be learning and growing. But
instead of putting goals onmyself, I just want to like, be
happy with where I'm at. And tome that's, that's ultimate self
care is like, being happy withwhere I'm at instead of
(17:44):
obsessing about where I'm going.
Yes, I I too, am very goaloriented. I am the type of
person that has like a notebookwith a checklist in it on my
desk at work. I have checklistsin my phone, multiple checklists
like things to do around thehouse, things to do, when I go
shopping, things that I need todo for other people. And, and
(18:05):
having that is great fororganization. And it's really
necessary for me, because I'mnot very organized. But it also
was incredibly daunting.
Sometimes having too many goals,especially if they are not smart
goals, like like you said theacronym if they're if they're
not very measurable at all. Andit just becomes this big,
looming anxiety. And I thinkthat's a problem that I've had a
(18:26):
lot, especially with setting newyear's resolutions, I love that
you brought that up, because Ialso didn't set a firm one I
like want to be healthier. Thatis so broad. But to me, being
healthier doesn't just mean likeworking out, or eating more,
it's spending time by myself,it's spending time with my
family, it's taking a momentwhen you know, I need to take a
(18:46):
break, like the laundry will bethere tomorrow, like the to do
list will be there tomorrow,it's taking moments to just
really focus inwardly. Andtruly, I guess the ultimate way
to do that, like we're talkingabout here is to engage in self
care. And that looks so goingback to that earlier question
that looks different in so manyways. Sometimes it literally is,
I'm going to put the dishes awaytomorrow, right? This minute,
(19:07):
I'm gonna sit here and read abook with my kid, or I'm going
to watch this trashy TV show oryou know, whatever it is, it's
having that moment to fulfillwhatever need needs to be
fulfilled, whether that'sworking out whether that's
eating, right, whether that'staking a moment to yourself,
What if that's going to targetand listen to stupid music, you
know, whatever that is. That'smy, quote unquote, goal for
2022. And I, it's not somethingI wrote down or like, every
(19:29):
year, you know, like mostpeople, oh, I'm going to lose
weight this year. You know, Ihave all my baby weight still.
And I gained weight aftercollege and all that and I'm
just I'm going to lose, youknow, 50 pounds like, Yes, that
sounds awesome. But if that isthe only thing that I'm working
towards, I'm going to get burntout, burnt out on that and under
two weeks, because I do it everysingle year. I can't that can't
be the sole focus of what myself care looks like. You know,
(19:51):
because the mental, the mentalfuels the physical. And so I
completely agree with you Youknow, having having goals is
great, but they need to besomething that ultimately
benefits you and doesn't makeyou even more tired.
Yes, I love that. And I, I lastyear, I started working with the
(20:14):
nutritionist because I gotdiagnosed with hypothyroidism,
low thyroid, and then I'veeczema. And it was really bad
all over my face. And it startedin 2020 Being that bad. And so
the nutritionist was like, Idon't want you to weigh
yourself, and I don't want youto track food. And I had been
tracking my food since collegewhen I had gained weight. So
(20:38):
like at this point, at thatpoint, like 15 years, maybe I
had been tracking and nothinghappened, like I would lose
weight and then gain it back.
And then because I'm like anemotional eater, and just to not
do that was probably the bestself care I could have done last
year.
I'm curious, did you findbecause I similar similarly, I
(21:00):
was religiously trackingcalories and macros. Even when I
was gaining weight, I still hadto know this is what I'm eating.
This is the number of calories Iburned. When I went for a walk
this afternoon. And it wasn'tdoing me I've tried Weight
Watchers, I've tried Noom, I'vetried all the different, you
know, and I, I still have acalorie tracking app on my
phone. I just don't use it asreligiously. But I was finding
that the more obsessive I wasabout tracking those things, the
(21:24):
less weight I would lose. Andthe more I don't know, pain, I
would feel about that goal. Idecided to just let it go. And
just you know what if I'm fat,I'm fat. And but I decided, you
know, I want to make activedecisions to go for a walk more
or to eat smaller portions, butnot obsess over what that looks
(21:45):
like. And I found that Iactually lost more weight. By
not doing that. Like I steppedon the scale. One day at the
doctor's office, I was like holycrap, I've lost 10 pounds, I
haven't done anything to lose 10pounds. But it wasn't this
obsession that I was focused on.
And that's tying it back to selfcare. That's another thing. It
can't be your self care can'tbecome your obsession needs to
be natural. Because if you tryto orient everything towards a
(22:07):
goal, you know, it becomesinstead of a positive tool
becomes a really hurtful tool, Ithink,
exactly like self care can't belike an item on your to do list
that you check off. Oh, that's aquote. I love that.
I think that's what I used to dois like, I got to fit in self
care. Okay, where is it on myschedule, I'm gonna block out
(22:29):
time or make it to do list. Andthat's just doesn't work.
You literally just gave mechills, because that is such an
important realization that ittook me I'm almost 30 I don't
mind sharing that. It took methe better part of the last
probably 25 years to figure outthat you can't force self care,
because that just makes it'sit's counterintuitive. It just
(22:51):
makes it another like you saidanother task on your to do list
like well, that literally gaveme chills, cuz that's exactly
what I'm learning right now.
I love that. Yeah. And with thenutritionist, like I went on a
protocol, it was kinda likewhole 30 Basically, just to
identify the foods that wereflaring my thyroid and my
eczema. But we did it from aplace of like, caring about
(23:14):
myself and how I felt not aboutweight, which is do you like cuz
I've done whole 32 times before,but it was always like, I'm
going to kickstart my weightloss and I'm going to lose 20
pounds, always I'm going to lose20 pounds, you know. And this
was from a place of like,feeling better, because I was so
miserable with energy and allthis other stuff. And we
(23:34):
actually saw that work. Like Iactually felt so much better.
And I'd meet with thenutritionist and she'd say, how
many headaches have you hadsince we met? And I'm like,
well, actually, none. And I whenheadaches were like a part of my
life almost daily for many yearsand the same with like, I'd have
muscle tightness in certainplaces or whatever. And to see
(23:55):
like changing my diet transformhow I felt instead of when I
tried to change it before it wasabout weight loss was just like
really, like really meaningfulto me. And now going into a new
year I'm not perfect with how Ieat or whatever. But I'm not I
still don't know if I lost anyweight since I started working
with them. With her. It's it'sabout like how I feel and that's
(24:19):
kind of going back to the selfcare like self care should be
about how it makes you feel notwhat you think you should be
doing. If I saw the nutritionistthinking going into it thinking
I'm seeing a nutritionist so Ican lose weight. That's not
going to be helpful to me. Iwent into it thinking how it's
going to make me feel so thatsame things that are self care
to me like we have a lake by ourhouse. That's pretty close, like
(24:43):
a two or three minute drive todrive to can't really walk to
it. Um, that's self care to me,it's to go to that lake and
either just sit in my car orbring a blanket and sit, you
know, right by it. I brought mylaptop out there to work or they
have like a little hiking trail.
That to me It's like, I'm notdoing that for exercise or like
for any other reason, then thatis one of my Happy Places. So I
(25:04):
try to think about where's wheream I happy places, either
mentally or physically and, andhow can I go there as much as
possible?
Absolutely love that. Yeah, youhit the nail on the head, like
I, I have spots like that whereI go. And it's like this is just
where like, one of them's mybackyard. Sometimes I go to sit
(25:26):
outside. And it's not even likea super nice backyard. Like,
it's not like there's somethingcool back there, but it's quiet.
And we have a wind chime. And Ilove my wind chimes. And I sit,
I listened to the wind chimesquietly blowing in the breeze,
my dog usually sits next to mewith a little outdoor couch out
there. I sit there and I drinkmy coffee. And I just be and
sometimes that is the mostrefreshing fulfilling moment, to
(25:49):
just have a moment where you'rejust being and not felt like
it's there. I'm not great atmeditating. Probably cuz I have
ADHD. I'm just like, you know,thinking, What do I do next?
What I do next? What am Ispeaking about? I don't know,
what am I meditating on. Butjust to sit there and just
observe sometimes is the besttherapy, I think, you know what
I mean?
Yeah, and, and even just beingsomewhere, I think is a form of
(26:11):
meditation,totally being aware of your
surroundings. One of my favoriteself care things is, by our
house, there is a massage place.
That's like very casual, like,you could just walk in and get a
massage. But every, they alwaysdo such a great job. And I know
that's such a privilege, like beable to, you know, afford to do
(26:33):
a massage, but that's almostmeditative to me, because I
can't look at my phone. And Ihave to, like, just lay there.
And my brain really struggleswith that, and probably the
first 15 minutes. And then therest of the time. Like there's
been times I've thought ofreally good ideas, and I wasn't
even trying to it was like, justbeing in the moment has been
(26:55):
really helpful for me with like,maybe I process something or I
thought of something I'dforgotten. And I'm not trying to
do that. But I think just beingpresent and enjoying the massage
kind of lets my mind like workthrough things. And that's
almost been like a form of likemeditation. For me. It's like,
forcing myself not to goanywhere and just be in the
(27:16):
moment and enjoy it and, and itjust you come out feeling like
so much better about everything.
Absolutely. Yeah. And I like Ilike that point, you know, like,
you absolutely are right thatthings like a massage and
getting our nails done having afancy glass of wine things that
you and I both mentioned. Thoseare forms of indulgence that
require money. And, and I thinkit's really important to to note
(27:40):
that. And I think you agree thatindulgence doesn't have to be
financial. There are definitelyways to take care of yourself.
Like I said, sitting outside iswhen my favorite things to do.
I'm like a nice cool, like, Ilive in Texas, so it's really
hot most of the year. But on anice cool morning, you know
what's in the 60s or 70s? Justto sit outside with my dog and
just listen to my windchime thatis so indulgent. Do you know how
(28:03):
many people don't sit stillever? You know what I mean? Like
that is so indulgent. My baby'staking a nap. My husband might
be taking a nap. I'm justsitting out there enjoying that
moment. That is that feels sorich to me. And I think that's
an important note for anyonelistening that you know is like
why can't afford that or that's,that's a luxury I don't want to
spend money on totally get thattotally respect that. There are
(28:27):
definitely ways to be indulgentthat don't cost you a dime.
Yes, good point. Good point.
Very good point. And I agree. Iremember when I was little while
little, like probably 12 or 13.
I go and lay on our driveway.
Like our driveway had like thisslight Hill. And in the summer.
I love summer. I know it's hotas hell. I'm thinking, Oh, the
(28:48):
humidity, I'm sure as you knowis like so bad. But I would lay
in the summer when the sun wouldgo down. I just lay on our
driveway. And that was like, Ididn't know what like that was
self care to me is like, Ireally like the sensation of
laying on the ground. And Idon't know if it's like a
sensory thing, but like, itfeels like my muscles relax. And
(29:09):
so I'd go and lay on thedriveway. And a couple of times
when I first started doing it,neighbors would like ask if I
was okay. But once they saw melike, do it. They're like, Oh,
she'sjust chillin. No, I mean, I love
that. And I think this may soundkind of woowoo hippie ish. But I
mean, to me, I think of like thesavasana pose in yoga every now
(29:30):
and then if I'm really feelingstressed out, and I want to do
something that I like, to me,good deep breath is very
cleansing. And so when I'mreally feeling upset and I want
to move, but I also want torelax at the same time I do
yoga, and the savasana pose isthe corpse pose. And what you're
doing is literally just layingon the ground with your eyes
(29:51):
shut. And to some people likeWell, that's stupid. You're just
laying there and sometimespeople fall asleep. But what I
find is that it's literal.
Really, an air quotes groundingto do that I can literally feel
and they'll they'll sometimesyoga instructors will tell you
like, imagine yourself sinkinginto the floor becoming one with
the floor, and you literallyfeel your body becoming heavy.
(30:12):
And that is in and of itself apractice of mindfulness because
you're paying attention. You'reyou're in tune with what's going
on in your body. So I love thatyou lay on your, your driveway,
because that's absolutely a wayto be in touch with what you're
feeling and to feel the warmthon your skin and to have the
colors in the sky like, God,that sounds amazing.
You're listening to the story shout podcast hosted by
Kelsey Jones. We're a weeklypodcast dedicated to
destigmatizing failure, andlaughing and our normalcy. Don't
forget to subscribe and leave areview on iTunes.
Hi, everyone, Welcome to Storyshout. My name is Kelsey Jones
(00:24):
and I am joined today by anotherKelsey. Kelsey drap. She's
someone that I met, I think atconferences, marketing
conferences throughout theyears. And so I'm so excited to
have her on Kelsey. Thanks forjoining us.
Thanks for having me. I'mexcited to talk to you today.
I know me too. It's been awhile. Yes. So Kelsey, what do
(00:46):
you suck at?
I suck at self care.
Nick one, isn't it?
It is a big one. I think it'sone that a lot of people, it's
very easy to push aside for alot of people. And something
that if you don't focus on it,you'll never get to it but not
focusing on it and never gettingto it also impacts how things go
(01:09):
for you in the future, I think.
Yeah, that's a good point. Ihave a post it note on my
monitor, actually, that says myfuture self depends on my
present self. That makes methink I love that. So one thing
I wanted to ask you about whenyou propose this topic is a
while back, and I think it wasin a book or something. There
(01:32):
was I read about this conceptthat self care isn't the same
for everybody. Like, when youthink of it in society, it's
more like, oh, you know, forwomen, especially it's like, oh,
a warm bath and reading a book.
And but this, this book, orwherever I read it was talking
about, that's not always thecase. Like sometimes self care
is different for each person. SoI'd love to hear like what you
(01:53):
would consider self care.
Yeah, so it's actually perfectthat you bring that up, because
I've actually been kind ofredefining what I think self
care is, for me, especiallysince becoming a parent, you get
very much into this mode of, ifI just get to take a shower
today that self care, when like,really, that's the bare minimum.
(02:14):
And that's not I mean, it's,it's good to take a shower, but
it's not doing something specialfor yourself, it's doing the
bare minimum, and a lot of timesdoing the bare minimum is not
sustainable. And it was reallytough when my son was first
born, because, you know, he wasnot independent at all, you
know, as a newborn, you know,they can't lift their head, they
can't do anything themselves,they can't even sit up. So doing
(02:36):
self care in some seasons oflife, I think is harder than
others. And so you have to findways to really modify what that
looks like. So like, for me, atthat time, self care might look
like going to target and havinga moment where I listened to
music. And I may not even buyanything, but I'm just not
sitting in my house with a babyscreaming at me. You know, and
(03:01):
now that my son's a little bitolder, and I can leave him alone
for longer periods of time, oryou know, we can get a
babysitter or whatever self carelooks like going and getting my
nails done, going to a movie andhaving a glass of wine, and
doing something that is notnecessary for survival. But that
gives me a lot of peace or joyor fulfillment, sometimes self
(03:23):
care is going on a long walk,and listening to really fun
dancing music. At the same time,someone else that might sound
like a horrible idea, you know,or maybe they want their self
care is going to the gym andworking out for three hours. To
me, that sounds awful. But tosomeone that might be great to
someone else it might be youknow, hanging out with a friend
(03:44):
or, you know, for some people itmight be instead of just taking
a shower, taking a really longbubble bath and doing a face
mask and a hair mask and stufflike that. So I think it's
really important to forindividuals to find what self
care means to them, whether itand even if it is, you know,
periodically, just that fiveminute shower, you know, use a
really good smelling soap, ormoisturize really well afterward
(04:07):
give yourself even in thosemoments of minimal self care,
find something to make it quoteunquote luxurious and special
and something beyond the normbecause I think those treats are
what really making it a treat iswhat really makes it a part of
your care and not just part ofyour survival.
Yes, I love that. i When youwere talking about your favorite
(04:29):
types of self care, one thing Ithought of and I've talked about
this with a good friend of mineis we love to sit in our car and
just like listen to music orlike before you go in somewhere
we both realize that both of uswill sit in our car. And it's
like, I don't and I realizedthat my car is the only thing
that's completely mine. So likemy house I share with my husband
(04:53):
and my son and every roomanybody can go in, but your car
is kind of like it's yours andif course my husband drives it
and can drive whenever he wants.
And my son has his car seat inthere, but it's like almost like
a little bubble that's yours.
And so it made me think of thisstory. When I was on maternity
leave, one day was just a reallyhard day. So my husband came
(05:15):
home and I said, I got it. I'mlike, I'm out for a few hours.
Like, I you got you got a kid?
Like, I gotta go. So I went andgot ice cream. And I don't know,
I think it might just be aMidwest thing. But Culvers is an
ice cream place. Do you haveColbert
love Culvers would not verymany, but we have a couple.
Okay,so into clovers, and I got ice
cream. And I don't get ice creama lot, because it kind of makes
(05:38):
makes my stomach hurt. But like,sometimes that's just exactly
what you want. So I get mycovers, and I just sit in my car
in the parking lot. And I listento music. And I look across the
parking lot. And I see anotherwoman, I would assume a mom
because she has a minivan. Andshe's doing the exact same
thing. She's by herself eatingher ice cream, her car's parked,
we make eye contact, we both atthe same time, lift up her ice
(06:01):
cream like cup, like as a toastto each other. And I did not
know her. And I will rememberthat moment, like, as long as I
live because it was like we bothare like, Okay, I completely see
you and you're doing great, it'sgoing to be okay. And we like
you know that our little toast.
And like those kind of momentsto me where I can be by myself
(06:23):
are really like self care to me.
Because absolutely, I thinkespecially when you're a
manager, or you're like incharge of a lot of projects, at
least for me as an introvert.
It's very draining. And so liketo be able to be by myself and
do something I enjoy is reallyself care to me.
I totally, I love that story.
And I think to kind of piggybackon that not only is it important
(06:48):
to have those moments of beingalone, and really in tune with
what you need, because I'm anextrovert and so I am very much
fulfilled by helping otherpeople. But at the same time, if
I'm not helping myself, I can'thelp other people to the
fullest. And having thosemoments where you work on
yourself so that you can betterserve others and or you see
others in the same season oflife or the same position and
(07:11):
noticing each other. Sometimesall like see another mom like
struggling at the grocery storeher kids throwing a tantrum and
just like saying something likeI see you Mom, you're doing a
great job. Like, that makespeople's whole day. And so I
think another part of self carecan be being in community with
people who whether you know themor not, who are also in need of
(07:32):
a little boost. I know that goeswith like saying something like
that to another parent, or, youknow, someone saying something
like that, to me, it does a lotfor my soul. And I think that's
really important to have thatcommunal kind of like, Hey,
we're all in this together.
Like, you know, not to becheesy, but, but that's an
important part of the humanexperience. I think.
(07:55):
Yeah, I love that. I I make it apoint if I ever noticed
someone's nails because I lovealways having my nails like
painted or whatever I use, likepress ons or the little nail
wraps now, but if I noticed cutenails, like I always point them
out absolutely, or someone I seeor like a cute sweater because I
know that they've probably puteffort into that and and they
(08:16):
get excited about thatespecially like really, you
know, ornate nails, I know thatthat's something like they
really care about and I justlike being able to acknowledge
that I hope that it it helpsthem like see that, you know
their effort and their passionis seen by other people.
Definitely that's exactly mythought on it too.
(08:36):
One thing I wanted to ask you Iknow we've talked a lot about
our the struggle of self carelike as a parent, but did you
struggle with it before being aparent?
I did, I am I get a lot offulfillment out of taking care
of others. And my love languageis gifts and quality time. And I
use those aren't excuse me notget some quality time gifts and
(08:58):
acts of service because to me anact of service is a gift of your
time and not in I hate what alot of people don't like to hear
about guests as a as a lovelanguage like yourself that
you'd want people to buy youstuff. But it's not that to me,
it's very much you were you wentout of your way to think about
me and to spend part of your daydoing something for me, whether
you bought something or broughtme dinner or anything like that,
(09:20):
to me that is a huge, selflessact to do. And that is a way not
only that I receive love that Ilike to give love so for me, I
am very much fulfilled bychecking in on my friends. Um,
you know, it's funny, we'retalking about pre parent and
like post or be before being aparent. And now now that I'm a
parent, I'm actually a lot worseat it. And because I'm just so
(09:42):
focused on my kid, but before Iwas a parent, a lot of a lot of
my time was spent thinking abouthow can I serve this person? And
it was just something thatbrought me a lot of joy and I
always say like, I like to helppeople but it's very selfish. I
get a lot of fulfillment out ofit. But at the same time, you
know I'm someone that struggleswith ADHD and with bipolar
(10:02):
disorder and anxiety. And so alot of times I would, I would
also be doing these things toreally, I guess, suppress some
of the concerns that werehappening in my mental health.
And suppressing those concernsis also like the, like, anti
self care, right. And sosometimes I think a lot of my
(10:23):
problem in the past and pastprobably still is using others
and helping others as a crutch,to not have to focus inward. And
I think that's probably mybiggest problem. Because if I'm
not taking care of myself, I'monly giving smaller portions to
other people. And sometimes,something that I have said to
(10:46):
many people, and that I have todaily remind myself of, is it's
okay to be selfish. And it'sokay to, you know, go not all
the time, obviously, but gosplurge and buy yourself
something cute, go get the fancynails done, go have the fancy
wine, you know, whatever,whatever that look, whatever
that splurge looks like for youdoing that can can do so much
(11:07):
for your own psyche, that that'sreally important to keep living
life to the fullest. So I wouldsay that's probably my biggest
thing, before becoming a parentthat I really focused on was
just like everybody else in mylife, and I never focused on
myself. And now I'm having tolearn to balance that a lot
more. And I still want to serveothers, but it's like, okay, but
(11:29):
if my life's not in check, howcan I help anyone else? You
know, find their fulfillment?
Yeah, that's really insightfulof you to know that about
yourself. It makes me thinkabout in 2020, you know, when
quarantine started, there was ameme, you know, a little bit
Munson that was like, Oh, wefinally have like, the first
time in our, our, you know,society's experience to like,
(11:52):
sit and reflect on ourselves.
But instead, we all thought, oh,you know if that we're going to
learn how to make bread, andlike, learn how to quilt or
whatever, because NPH is goinglike stir crazy. And it really
made me think about that,because I think I do that too.
Like you were saying, like kindof using helping people as a
crutch. But I think I love tohelp people too. But I think my
(12:13):
crutch is like, I always thinkabout the future, I don't think
about the present. So that helpsmy anxiety. Like, if I could
plan out all my future, I would,and I it gives me anxiety that I
can't do that. So I think likethe way I coped in 2020 is like,
I got an MBA, I started likegrad school, which I'd want to
(12:34):
do for a long time. But I thinkI like wanted something instead
of just sitting with myself. AndI think 2021 I did a lot of work
to really feel more comfortablewith feeling my feelings. And I
think what you brought up like,allowing yourself to do that
really is probably the ultimateform of self care. Because if
you think of self care at asurface level, it goes back to
(12:57):
like massages, or bass or facemasks or nails, like we were
talking about. But like yousaid, True Self care really is
allowing yourself to feel yourown emotions and your thoughts.
I think if you don't do that,anything else that you're trying
to do to like, I'm doing airquotes, like relax yourself, or
make yourself feel good, at somepoints that really won't fully
(13:21):
feel relaxing, or as a gift toyourself, if you're not true to
yourself with like how you'refeeling in the moment.
100% Yeah, you have to get outof your own head to really get
the benefit of self care,because that's totally something
I'm guilty of, I'm in the middleof like, I love to do like at
(13:42):
home spa days. So I love to, youknow, do a face mask and then do
a different face mask and to doa toner and like, you know, do a
whole thing. I'm like, Oh, look,I'm glowing, you know, I love to
do stuff like that. But in themiddle of that, after, you know,
while I'm waiting for the maskto dry or whatever, am I sitting
there and reading a book orlistening to music or doing
something that's enjoyable? Am Isitting there and thinking about
the next thing that I have todo? Totally can relate to that I
(14:05):
am very I'm similarly I'm verymuch into the next thing. And so
I was pregnant during the startof the pandemic's during most of
2020. And then same thing foryou in 2021. I had to kind of
reevaluate and look at, okay, Ihave a baby now. And he's gonna
grow up so fast. And while I'mso excited for like, I'm
thrilled for him to be able todo all these new things and go
(14:27):
play and run around. And that'sgoing to be a whole nother, you
know, ballgame in terms of mylife. There are times when it's
like, wow, it was just a coupleof weeks ago that he learned to
do this thing. And now I'malready acting like it's no big
deal. Like I need to sit inthese moments, whether it's with
my son or with my husband or atwork, and really appreciate this
moment that I'm in and I thinkanother thing that I've really
(14:49):
been working on the lastprobably six months or so and
that I really want to work ongoing forward into 2022 is
gratitude. I think practicinggratitude is a huge part of self
care and Just not not evennecessarily like, whether that's
praying or, or meditating orwhatever, whatever it is that
helps you realize what you'vegot in your life, that's great,
(15:10):
I think is so important to youroverall health. Because like,
for me personally, like, like Imentioned, I've got a number of
mental health issues, thepandemic was terrible for
everybody. We've got familymembers passing away, and you
are having political argumentsof people. And if you can't sit
in the moment, and not not atall to minimize the struggles
(15:30):
that people are going through,not at all. But if you can't
take a moment, every now andthen to say, Wow, I have a
beautiful family, I have myhealth, you know, I live in a
house that I'm comfortable and Ican I can afford electricity,
you know, whatever that lookslike for you. Having those
moments of saying, Wow, I reallydo have blessings in my life is
so important for recognizingwhat you need to do and where
(15:53):
you need to go. And and I thinkthat does a lot for your mental
health. And for your self care,in general, just having
gratitude and practicing beingaware of it, because like,
you're gonna have days that suckand like, you know, that you're
not practicing self care, andthat you're, that you are
thinking too far into thefuture. But every now and then
to take a moment going, Wow, Ihave a pretty incredible life.
(16:14):
Does so it does so much for me.
And it's something I'm learningto get better at doing more
often.
Yeah, I love that. And I, Ithink since 2021, like I really
worked on my mental health, youknow, so we're recording this in
January. And of course, youknow, as far back as I can
remember, in January, I alwayswas like, Okay, I'm gonna have
some resolutions, I'm gonna havesome goals, you know, but this
(16:36):
year, I kind of was just like, Ijust want to chill. Like, I want
to have a goal, I want to likedo what makes me happy and spend
time with my family and friends.
But that's not really, I don'teven want to put a resolution
around it. Like, you know howthey say like, oh, text, a
friend, you know, five friends aweek or go to lunch once a week,
like, I would always try to makeit a SMART goal, you know, that
(16:59):
the acronym or whatever. But Imean, into 2022, I just want to
not do anything. And that's verycounterintuitive to me. Because
I think the way I've grown mycareer and all the stuff the
successes I've had has beenbecause I've always been the
future focus, like we talkedabout, but this year, you know,
it, there's already so muchuncertainty with the new COVID
(17:20):
variant, and you know, what'sgonna happen next, and all that
stuff, like, I don't really wantto work on myself. And that
sounds bad. Like, I always wantto be learning and growing. But
instead of putting goals onmyself, I just want to like, be
happy with where I'm at. And tome that's, that's ultimate self
care is like, being happy withwhere I'm at instead of
(17:44):
obsessing about where I'm going.
Yes, I I too, am very goaloriented. I am the type of
person that has like a notebookwith a checklist in it on my
desk at work. I have checklistsin my phone, multiple checklists
like things to do around thehouse, things to do, when I go
shopping, things that I need todo for other people. And, and
(18:05):
having that is great fororganization. And it's really
necessary for me, because I'mnot very organized. But it also
was incredibly daunting.
Sometimes having too many goals,especially if they are not smart
goals, like like you said theacronym if they're if they're
not very measurable at all. Andit just becomes this big,
looming anxiety. And I thinkthat's a problem that I've had a
(18:26):
lot, especially with setting newyear's resolutions, I love that
you brought that up, because Ialso didn't set a firm one I
like want to be healthier. Thatis so broad. But to me, being
healthier doesn't just mean likeworking out, or eating more,
it's spending time by myself,it's spending time with my
family, it's taking a momentwhen you know, I need to take a
(18:46):
break, like the laundry will bethere tomorrow, like the to do
list will be there tomorrow,it's taking moments to just
really focus inwardly. Andtruly, I guess the ultimate way
to do that, like we're talkingabout here is to engage in self
care. And that looks so goingback to that earlier question
that looks different in so manyways. Sometimes it literally is,
I'm going to put the dishes awaytomorrow, right? This minute,
(19:07):
I'm gonna sit here and read abook with my kid, or I'm going
to watch this trashy TV show oryou know, whatever it is, it's
having that moment to fulfillwhatever need needs to be
fulfilled, whether that'sworking out whether that's
eating, right, whether that'staking a moment to yourself,
What if that's going to targetand listen to stupid music, you
know, whatever that is. That'smy, quote unquote, goal for
2022. And I, it's not somethingI wrote down or like, every
(19:29):
year, you know, like mostpeople, oh, I'm going to lose
weight this year. You know, Ihave all my baby weight still.
And I gained weight aftercollege and all that and I'm
just I'm going to lose, youknow, 50 pounds like, Yes, that
sounds awesome. But if that isthe only thing that I'm working
towards, I'm going to get burntout, burnt out on that and under
two weeks, because I do it everysingle year. I can't that can't
be the sole focus of what myself care looks like. You know,
(19:51):
because the mental, the mentalfuels the physical. And so I
completely agree with you Youknow, having having goals is
great, but they need to besomething that ultimately
benefits you and doesn't makeyou even more tired.
Yes, I love that. And I, I lastyear, I started working with the
(20:14):
nutritionist because I gotdiagnosed with hypothyroidism,
low thyroid, and then I'veeczema. And it was really bad
all over my face. And it startedin 2020 Being that bad. And so
the nutritionist was like, Idon't want you to weigh
yourself, and I don't want youto track food. And I had been
tracking my food since collegewhen I had gained weight. So
(20:38):
like at this point, at thatpoint, like 15 years, maybe I
had been tracking and nothinghappened, like I would lose
weight and then gain it back.
And then because I'm like anemotional eater, and just to not
do that was probably the bestself care I could have done last
year.
I'm curious, did you findbecause I similar similarly, I
(21:00):
was religiously trackingcalories and macros. Even when I
was gaining weight, I still hadto know this is what I'm eating.
This is the number of calories Iburned. When I went for a walk
this afternoon. And it wasn'tdoing me I've tried Weight
Watchers, I've tried Noom, I'vetried all the different, you
know, and I, I still have acalorie tracking app on my
phone. I just don't use it asreligiously. But I was finding
that the more obsessive I wasabout tracking those things, the
(21:24):
less weight I would lose. Andthe more I don't know, pain, I
would feel about that goal. Idecided to just let it go. And
just you know what if I'm fat,I'm fat. And but I decided, you
know, I want to make activedecisions to go for a walk more
or to eat smaller portions, butnot obsess over what that looks
(21:45):
like. And I found that Iactually lost more weight. By
not doing that. Like I steppedon the scale. One day at the
doctor's office, I was like holycrap, I've lost 10 pounds, I
haven't done anything to lose 10pounds. But it wasn't this
obsession that I was focused on.
And that's tying it back to selfcare. That's another thing. It
can't be your self care can'tbecome your obsession needs to
be natural. Because if you tryto orient everything towards a
(22:07):
goal, you know, it becomesinstead of a positive tool
becomes a really hurtful tool, Ithink,
exactly like self care can't belike an item on your to do list
that you check off. Oh, that's aquote. I love that.
I think that's what I used to dois like, I got to fit in self
care. Okay, where is it on myschedule, I'm gonna block out
(22:29):
time or make it to do list. Andthat's just doesn't work.
You literally just gave mechills, because that is such an
important realization that ittook me I'm almost 30 I don't
mind sharing that. It took methe better part of the last
probably 25 years to figure outthat you can't force self care,
because that just makes it'sit's counterintuitive. It just
(22:51):
makes it another like you saidanother task on your to do list
like well, that literally gaveme chills, cuz that's exactly
what I'm learning right now.
I love that. Yeah. And with thenutritionist, like I went on a
protocol, it was kinda likewhole 30 Basically, just to
identify the foods that wereflaring my thyroid and my
eczema. But we did it from aplace of like, caring about
(23:14):
myself and how I felt not aboutweight, which is do you like cuz
I've done whole 32 times before,but it was always like, I'm
going to kickstart my weightloss and I'm going to lose 20
pounds, always I'm going to lose20 pounds, you know. And this
was from a place of like,feeling better, because I was so
miserable with energy and allthis other stuff. And we
(23:34):
actually saw that work. Like Iactually felt so much better.
And I'd meet with thenutritionist and she'd say, how
many headaches have you hadsince we met? And I'm like,
well, actually, none. And I whenheadaches were like a part of my
life almost daily for many yearsand the same with like, I'd have
muscle tightness in certainplaces or whatever. And to see
(23:55):
like changing my diet transformhow I felt instead of when I
tried to change it before it wasabout weight loss was just like
really, like really meaningfulto me. And now going into a new
year I'm not perfect with how Ieat or whatever. But I'm not I
still don't know if I lost anyweight since I started working
with them. With her. It's it'sabout like how I feel and that's
(24:19):
kind of going back to the selfcare like self care should be
about how it makes you feel notwhat you think you should be
doing. If I saw the nutritionistthinking going into it thinking
I'm seeing a nutritionist so Ican lose weight. That's not
going to be helpful to me. Iwent into it thinking how it's
going to make me feel so thatsame things that are self care
to me like we have a lake by ourhouse. That's pretty close, like
(24:43):
a two or three minute drive todrive to can't really walk to
it. Um, that's self care to me,it's to go to that lake and
either just sit in my car orbring a blanket and sit, you
know, right by it. I brought mylaptop out there to work or they
have like a little hiking trail.
That to me It's like, I'm notdoing that for exercise or like
for any other reason, then thatis one of my Happy Places. So I
(25:04):
try to think about where's wheream I happy places, either
mentally or physically and, andhow can I go there as much as
possible?
Absolutely love that. Yeah, youhit the nail on the head, like
I, I have spots like that whereI go. And it's like this is just
where like, one of them's mybackyard. Sometimes I go to sit
(25:26):
outside. And it's not even likea super nice backyard. Like,
it's not like there's somethingcool back there, but it's quiet.
And we have a wind chime. And Ilove my wind chimes. And I sit,
I listened to the wind chimesquietly blowing in the breeze,
my dog usually sits next to mewith a little outdoor couch out
there. I sit there and I drinkmy coffee. And I just be and
sometimes that is the mostrefreshing fulfilling moment, to
(25:49):
just have a moment where you'rejust being and not felt like
it's there. I'm not great atmeditating. Probably cuz I have
ADHD. I'm just like, you know,thinking, What do I do next?
What I do next? What am Ispeaking about? I don't know,
what am I meditating on. Butjust to sit there and just
observe sometimes is the besttherapy, I think, you know what
I mean?
Yeah, and, and even just beingsomewhere, I think is a form of
(26:11):
meditation,totally being aware of your
surroundings. One of my favoriteself care things is, by our
house, there is a massage place.
That's like very casual, like,you could just walk in and get a
massage. But every, they alwaysdo such a great job. And I know
that's such a privilege, like beable to, you know, afford to do
(26:33):
a massage, but that's almostmeditative to me, because I
can't look at my phone. And Ihave to, like, just lay there.
And my brain really struggleswith that, and probably the
first 15 minutes. And then therest of the time. Like there's
been times I've thought ofreally good ideas, and I wasn't
even trying to it was like, justbeing in the moment has been
(26:55):
really helpful for me with like,maybe I process something or I
thought of something I'dforgotten. And I'm not trying to
do that. But I think just beingpresent and enjoying the massage
kind of lets my mind like workthrough things. And that's
almost been like a form of likemeditation. For me. It's like,
forcing myself not to goanywhere and just be in the
(27:16):
moment and enjoy it and, and itjust you come out feeling like
so much better about everything.
Absolutely. Yeah. And I like Ilike that point, you know, like,
you absolutely are right thatthings like a massage and
getting our nails done having afancy glass of wine things that
you and I both mentioned. Thoseare forms of indulgence that
require money. And, and I thinkit's really important to to note
(27:40):
that. And I think you agree thatindulgence doesn't have to be
financial. There are definitelyways to take care of yourself.
Like I said, sitting outside iswhen my favorite things to do.
I'm like a nice cool, like, Ilive in Texas, so it's really
hot most of the year. But on anice cool morning, you know
what's in the 60s or 70s? Justto sit outside with my dog and
just listen to my windchime thatis so indulgent. Do you know how
(28:03):
many people don't sit stillever? You know what I mean? Like
that is so indulgent. My baby'staking a nap. My husband might
be taking a nap. I'm justsitting out there enjoying that
moment. That is that feels sorich to me. And I think that's
an important note for anyonelistening that you know is like
why can't afford that or that's,that's a luxury I don't want to
spend money on totally get thattotally respect that. There are
(28:27):
definitely ways to be indulgentthat don't cost you a dime.
Yes, good point. Good point.
Very good point. And I agree. Iremember when I was little while
little, like probably 12 or 13.
I go and lay on our driveway.
Like our driveway had like thisslight Hill. And in the summer.
I love summer. I know it's hotas hell. I'm thinking, Oh, the
(28:48):
humidity, I'm sure as you knowis like so bad. But I would lay
in the summer when the sun wouldgo down. I just lay on our
driveway. And that was like, Ididn't know what like that was
self care to me is like, Ireally like the sensation of
laying on the ground. And Idon't know if it's like a
sensory thing, but like, itfeels like my muscles relax. And
(29:09):
so I'd go and lay on thedriveway. And a couple of times
when I first started doing it,neighbors would like ask if I
was okay. But once they saw melike, do it. They're like, Oh,
she'sjust chillin. No, I mean, I love
that. And I think this may soundkind of woowoo hippie ish. But I
mean, to me, I think of like thesavasana pose in yoga every now
(29:30):
and then if I'm really feelingstressed out, and I want to do
something that I like, to me,good deep breath is very
cleansing. And so when I'mreally feeling upset and I want
to move, but I also want torelax at the same time I do
yoga, and the savasana pose isthe corpse pose. And what you're
doing is literally just layingon the ground with your eyes
(29:51):
shut. And to some people likeWell, that's stupid. You're just
laying there and sometimespeople fall asleep. But what I
find is that it's literal.
Really, an air quotes groundingto do that I can literally feel
and they'll they'll sometimesyoga instructors will tell you
like, imagine yourself sinkinginto the floor becoming one with
the floor, and you literallyfeel your body becoming heavy.
(30:12):
And that is in and of itself apractice of mindfulness because
you're paying attention. You'reyou're in tune with what's going
on in your body. So I love thatyou lay on your, your driveway,
because that's absolutely a wayto be in touch with what you're
feeling and to feel the warmthon your skin and to have the
colors in the sky like, God,that sounds amazing.
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