September 30, 2025 • 25 mins
We explore modern dating challenges with guest Padmini Pandya, who shares her unique perspective from working in tech, creating a dating app, and dating across different countries and cultures.
• From organizational psychologist to tech executive in Asia for a decade
• Dating internationally after divorce at 31 compared to dating in America
• Looked into creating a dating app based on empathy and charitable causes
• Why dating apps often fail to create meaningful matches
• The irreplaceable aspects of in-person chemistry that technology can't replicate
• How pitch-a-friend events and other in-person alternatives are gaining popularity
• Why post-breakup periods can be the most serendipitous and growth-oriented times
• The problem with "situationships" and half-relationships that waste time
• Padmini's YouTube channel "Pieces of Miss Mini" sharing life lessons through personal stories
If you liked or loved this episode, be sure to tell your friends about it, rate it, and follow the show.
Thanks for listening!
Check out this site for everthing to know about women's pleasure including video tutorials and great suggestions for bedroom time!!
https://for-goodness-sake-omgyes.sjv.io/c/5059274/1463336/17315
Take the happiness quiz from Oprah and Arthur Brooks here: https://arthurbrooks.com/build
NEW: Subscribe monthly: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1805181/support
Email questions/comments/feeback to tamara@straightfromthesourcesmouth.co
Website: https://straightfromthesourcesmouthpod.net/
Instagram: @fromthesourcesmouth_franktalk
Twitter: @tamarapodcast
YouTube and IG: Tamara_Schoon_comic
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth
podcast, frank talk about sexand dating.
Hello, tamara here.
Welcome to the show.
Today's guest is Padmini Pandya, who has the YouTube channel
Pieces of Miss Mini, and we'llbe talking about all things
dating, including the apps.
Thanks for joining me, padmini.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Thank you.
Yes, I love to.
We've had a lot of relationshipand sex stuff lately, so this
will be more just just likeregular old dating topics, Okay
cool, cool.
Yeah, and do you want to juststart out how you or why you
started your channel, like what?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
you know, I had such a eclectic, very surprising,
unique life that you knowwhether it's been, you know my
family background and also youknow the places that I've lived,
which have been.
You know multiple countries andcontinents and you know the
(01:03):
things that I've done, that Ihad.
I had so many crazy stories inme that you know.
A lot of people encouraged meto write and I will.
I I'm dabbling in it.
I'm not naturally a writer, butI really gravitated towards
actually telling the storiesfrom my mouth and from my voice,
(01:26):
with you know the expressionsand the animations that only
that can convey.
And so I very surprisingly,especially to myself, decided to
start a YouTube channel, andit's named Pieces of Miss Minnie
, and Minnie is the second halfof my name, padmini, which means
lotus flower, or it's namedPieces of Miss Minnie and Minnie
is the second half of my name,padmini, which means lotus
(01:47):
flower, or it's another name forthe goddess Lakshmi.
And I decided to do this channelbasically as a way for me to
just tell my stories.
It was really like an art formfor me.
It was not a monetizationstrategy, it was really somehow
a way for me to take all thesestories that I have had so
(02:09):
deeply in me for so many yearsand really bring them to light.
And it's really.
It's good, bad and ugly, it'sembarrassing moments, it's
heartbreak, it's disrespect,it's accomplishment and all of
the above.
And so, yeah, it's really been,um, it's really been how I've
been expressing myself and Iwill.
(02:30):
I will see where it goes fromhere.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, yeah, I did.
Well, I used to do standup, soI had a YouTube channel for it
just to post my videos, and thenI transferred all that to the
podcast stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
But yeah so yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
A lot of people have their expressions nowadays, just
no matter which channel.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, no, and I think it's actually fascinating the
way we're allowed to expressourselves these days.
I mean, it wouldn't have evenbeen, wouldn't have even been
thought of.
You know, even 20 years ago,especially 30, 40 years ago,
these technologies weren't evenavailable.
So I think that's actually, youknow, it's the age of Aquarius,
(03:11):
so it is the age ofcommunication and technology,
and I think being able toexpress ourselves in different
modalities is actually like suchan interesting art form, form
yeah, and I know you used towork in tech and then also, you
had a dating app at one point.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
So yes which where you want to go from here, which
which?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
um direction.
I mean, so I can tell like.
So I had.
I guess I'll tell itchronologically.
So I worked in tech for, um,like corporate tech, for
substantially about a decadegive or take.
I lived in Asia for about adecade and that was on the heels
(03:54):
of my divorce at 31.
And I moved to Asia and I livedin Thailand for two and a half
years and Singapore for aboutseven and I kind of like that's
where my career really grew andI started off my background as
an organizational psychologistand corporate strategist.
And you know, I started offwith smaller companies to begin
(04:17):
with and then I joined a digitalagency and then when I went to
Singapore, I was runningcorporate strategy and from
there I had about three you know, decent sized jobs with some
pretty big like multinationaltech companies.
Um, I burned out in, uh, youknow, when I was about, uh, just
(04:39):
approaching 40, I really I justI had been in Asia for almost a
decade.
I, you know I was by myself, Ihad, I had dated, you know, men
from around the world becausethese are very international
markets and, you know, learned alot and also, you know, made
some weird mistakes.
I think some of them would havebeen inevitable since I was
(05:01):
married during my twenties.
I really only started dating asan adult in my thirties.
So that was also like a steeplearning curve and I didn't do
it in America, I did it in Asia.
So that was its own, also likereality show, like I hadn't been
.
You know, I hadn't been singlein my thirties, let alone, you
(05:21):
know, waking up in Bangkok my30s.
Let alone, you know, waking upin Bangkok.
Like that, that was its own.
You know, that could be aminiseries right there, but you
know I I figured it out and thenagain in Singapore.
But you know, and I have amultinational background, so one
respect, it suited me well.
(05:50):
But like there was a lot toalso learn.
And you know, while I don'tregret leaving my marriage, I
think you know the man I marriedwas a substantial, respectable
man and very, very few men,actually none of them thus far
have ever compared to him, whichis why I've never been
remarried again thus far haveever compared to him, which is
why I've never been remarriedagain.
And so, anyway, when I movedback to the States, which was
around COVID, I also veryimpulsively.
(06:13):
Well, there were two impulses.
One was coming back to theStates and trying to date on
dating apps was utterly bizarre.
I realized that actually datingin Asia was far more dignified
and dating in America was reallyquite rough around the edges.
And you know, I had beenmatched with a number of men who
(06:37):
I would, you know,philosophically, intellectually,
politically, have nothing incommon with.
And I realized, like howridiculous a lot of these dating
apps were, that they onlyreally matched people literally
based on you are breathing andhave a beating heart, they are
breathing and have a beatingheart, you are within, you know,
(06:58):
a five mile radius meet andit's like under what
circumstance would that be anoccasion to really like meet
somebody Like that's not enoughin common.
And so, after being matched withsome utterly ridiculous men you
know, like in their muscle teesat the gym, taking selfies and
just thinking like what on earthis going on, I had an idea with
(07:22):
a friend of mine to basicallystart a dating app and really we
were thinking like what is thecommon denominator?
And I had known him well inSingapore he was the MD of China
while I was running corporatestrategy for one of the tech
companies and we had become verygood friends and he is South
African, and so he moved back toCape Town about six months
(07:46):
before I moved back to America.
So we were both going throughour own um reverse culture shock
, and we were both single andreally having a hard time
figuring out where our place wasin technically our home country
, but largely unrecognizableonce you've been an expat for so
long.
And so that was where the ideacame up, and so it was a dating
(08:10):
app for empathetic people whocare about charitable causes,
because when we really looked atit, it felt like, you know,
dating, a solid relationship,has to be built on shared values
, and while there are a numberof values that are, you know,
relevant and applicable, we feltlike empathy was a very good
(08:30):
indication of having a lot incommon, because a lack of
empathy has been, you know, tothe detriment of a number of
relationships I've been in and,I bet, a number of relationships
we've all been in, and so, andthen we thought, you know,
charity is a good proxy forempathy, and so it was a dating
app that basically, like we weregoing to raise money for
(08:51):
charities, host kind of likesingles events for people who
care about charitable causes,and parties and fundraisers and
also connect people romanticallyand hopefully even just you
know, platonically andfriendship wise, and start
building communities betweenlike-minded people.
A lot happened in LA when and Ialso decided to move to LA,
(09:14):
which was not one of my bestdecisions that I've ever made
During the time I was there, notonly was it a brutal learning
curve, because I was new toAmerica, and when I left for
Asia I was in South Florida.
I really didn't know the WestCoast, let alone California and
(09:37):
let alone LA, which is its ownentire beast, and so that I bit
off more than I could chew for anumber of reasons.
And then also my ex-husbandpassed away while I was there
and that really knocked my kneesout from under me and I
realized, you know, while Icared about the cause, I
(09:57):
couldn't.
You know, I needed more timefor myself before I tried to
attempt something so substantial.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I know I was going to say it'ssimilar to when I had an ex that
was going to get married tosomeone else and that was like
kind of rocked me at first, youknow, because you're like it was
finally like really over.
I mean, obviously death is evenmore severe and over.
Yeah, yeah, just like losingsomeone like that.
But yeah, and then, um so yeah,I'm my, my sister and her
(10:30):
friends all used to live in LA,never met guys till they moved
away and then they all gotmarried after.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah, la is cursed for a hundred reasons, that
being towards the top of thelist.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah, but then you have thoughts on dating in
general, like dating over 40,like you said, just the apps.
Did you ever find a way to goabout it a little more, you know
?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
ironically, I have been off of apps, even though
I'm technically on them, I'mreally not participating.
I've actually this past year Ihave really been by myself and
it's been an incredibly healthy,productive, happy, like social
year.
Like I started as a hermit butlike actually, you know, I
(11:19):
really went into hermit mode,probably like last summer, but
and now I'm coming, you know I'mcertainly very much, you know,
have come out of it, but I don'tknow if I have the appetite or
the stamina for that nonsenseanymore.
And and I say thatunderstanding that I am probably
(11:39):
passing up some prettyinteresting men who I might meet
on them, but at the same time,I have met plenty of interesting
men and and I have, I have beenthere and done that.
And you know it all comes totime, the amount of time you
want to allot to something likethat, and the dates and
(12:01):
everything which, just like Ihave stuff to do, I have things
to accomplish.
So like that is obviously atradeoff that you have to be
like particularly mindful andpicky about, particularly
mindful and picky about.
And also at this point I'm justlike I'm leaving this up to God
(12:26):
in the universe.
I am like clearly myparticipation has not been
necessary or productive.
You know, like, clearly, like Ihave not like.
So I'm like you know what.
So I'm like you know what Godin the universe will bring my
man, my champion, to me, and hewill say he was sent by them and
it will work out.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah, I know a lot of people have taken like breaks
and or just stopped altogetherand everyone's so sick of the
apps they're saying like appsare like going to go away.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
And I don't know if that's true, I don't think
they're growing, they'redefinitely not like they're
until that model, and that's whyI wanted to host, like, the
fundraising parties forcharities, because I was like
until that model.
Because you're just, you'reforced to have this very insipid
, personal, yet impersonalconversation with a complete
(13:16):
stranger, just because you bothhappen to be single and within a
certain like mile radius ofeach other.
And it's so awkward and it's soexhausting and also, like you
know the intentions, like inbuilt into the business models
of those companies.
There was actually no incentivefor them to really put that
(13:38):
much technology or science ordata and analysis.
It was not in their bestinterest to put the effort into
really figuring outcompatibility and, to be fair,
I'm not even sure it can befigured out, let alone for a
meeting in person.
I think there's too muchlooks-wise, hormonally
(13:59):
communication-wise mannerisms,whatever, like until you meet
someone in person and then youcan read their energy, you can
read their auras, you can readthe vibration, you know,
depending on, like, your psychicabilities, you can, you know,
do a bunch of other things.
Then I think, but like untilyou actually meet that person in
person.
So, unless the business modelof those apps is to basically
(14:25):
drive in person meetings and tobe somewhat at least, like you
know, have some foot in the door.
As far as like really figuringout compatibility, which is
super hard, I don't.
I don't see them growing and Ithink actually a number of them
are going to be, shrinking.
(14:45):
I think their best days arebehind them.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah, have you heard of pitch a friend?
It's a new thing, fairly new.
It's like you literally do aPowerPoint presentation for a
friend of yours that's singleand all the single people are in
a bar together and you likegive the presentation while
they're there and people canknow who they are and go up to
them later if they want.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I've heard of it.
I've never been to one.
I'm going to have to look forone here.
It looks hysterical andfabulous.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, I've seen them.
There's definitely here in theDC area, and I've seen other
cities obviously too.
But yeah, I mean it's and morestuff like that is coming on
just in meetups, of course, orjust you're just out and about
with people doing the same stuffyou like yeah, it really it
needs to be in person.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Like this is the point where, like, we think
technology bridged us and to acertain extent, yes, maybe it
opened up the sample size, butactually the real human
interaction, the real chemistry,the flirtation, the eyes, the
pheromones, you know, like thewit, the charm that is not to be
(15:51):
replicated on the phone andreally, like you know it when
it's there and you only know itin person, like as much as
technology has likeexponentially evolved and we
have, you know, we are, we havelost our breath trying to keep
up.
This is the part of humaninteraction that is still not
evolved away or been replaced bytechnology.
(16:15):
It cannot be replaced.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, and one technique I did here you just
get your hair done, get alldressed up and then have the
guys come to you like wait atone restaurant.
Do it like on the hour wheredifferent ones come in.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Be dating, but longer yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
But you're just, or even like you know, just say
only like 30 minutes orsomething.
But yeah, like you, let themcome to you and you only dress
up once and get your outfit done.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, do all that once no, there, and I think
there have been.
The thing is it's not thatthere haven't been better ideas,
it's actually just the barrierof entry.
Like the dominant players rightnow are just like they have
such and they have had suchenormous war chests just for
marketing dollars really.
And the thing is that for anyof these apps to be really
(17:04):
effective in any given city, inany given radius, you have to
have a critical mass of I hateto say, users, but customers,
potential people who are usingthe app.
So it's like it's not somethingit really needs to scale very,
(17:25):
very quickly and quitedramatically to.
That takes like a lot ofdollars.
And so there are like some very,you know, even if they're a bit
antiquated, they're, you know,dominant players and they just
have like the war chest offinances.
(17:45):
They're like newer players,like I think there are actually
a lot of really good ideas outthere, but this is one of those
things that it's.
It doesn't.
You know, if you're using likea project management, you know,
app, it doesn't really matter ifyou're the only user.
As long as the functionality isthere to service your needs,
(18:06):
you're fine.
You don't care if they have 10customers or 10 million
customers.
But for a dating app it'sactually quite difficult because
, like you need the criticalmass of people to make it broad
enough, to make it valid enough,to service a large enough
market, and that's tough.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yeah, I used to joke that if we had like a national
breakup day where everyone youknow a lot of people are not
happy in their relationships butthey just stay.
So I don't want to be alone,but if everyone would just break
up, like we could pick one day,and then everyone would be
there, be able to build a biggerpool for everyone to pick from.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
That is genius.
I love that.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yeah, I called it National Breakup Day, and every
like two years.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
there should be like a national divorce day so they
have more time to think about it.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Yeah, and they do say actually like when you're in a
relationship you could be likeall right, let's do this until
this date and we'll talk againif we want to make sure we keep
going or something.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
So oh, I think I think you know I would have
objected to that in the past andnow I'm like actually, that is
that.
That saves everybody a lot oftime.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, like we're gonna revisit it and we both
have to agree or both disagree.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
One of the questions is what's the best part of a
breakup?
I know we haven't talked reallyabout that, but like what is
what?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
haveed up after a breakup, which is hilarious, and
I don't expect to, but it'shappened enough now that I'm not
surprised when it happens.
I feel like by the time you'rebreaking up, that person has
already acted a fool.
You're not missing out onanything, if anything.
(20:00):
Probably the past couple monthshave been exhausting and you've
been trying to make somethingwork that shouldn't work, never
should have worked and is nevergoing to work, and it's like,
once you actually get that kindof toxicity and just exhaustion
out of your life, there's somuch more time for yourself and
just exhaustion out of your life.
There's so much more time foryourself.
And so, like I have, often, likeI'm in better shape, I'm more
(20:22):
social, I have new friends, I'mtrying, I'm always trying
something new.
I actually feel like when I'msingle is like the most
serendipitous time of my life,when really like stuff starts to
move and happen.
So like now I, you know I gotout of a relationship a year ago
(20:43):
, but prior to that I reallyhadn't been in a really like a
solid, really normal, you knowrelationship for years, years
and yeah, so I actually feellike I get more time for myself
and usually that's where, like,I level up professionally,
(21:06):
spiritually, you know, likepsychologically, like it's
always a good time for me, LikeI had three relationships over a
10-year period of threedifferent guys and then after
that I started actually datingdating and then I started doing
stand-up too, because I alwayswanted to try it.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I was too scared and finally took a class and started
doing it.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
And then, of course, all my stand-up was about dating
that I had just started doingand my sex life and all that.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Oh, that's fabulous.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
And that's why all the women in the class were
single.
All the guys were married.
So we all talked about sex andthey all talked about just
relationship stuff, yeah,different stuff, but yeah, it's
definitely.
Yeah, it's like that's another.
Like a lot of people get veryupset but, like you said it
could be, it's just another dooropening and do all the stuff
you wish you would have beendoing all along, and there's
(21:58):
always more efficiency and allthat stuff.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, yeah and frankly, like, since I got a
divorce, I have spent more timesingle than in a relationship.
The relationships have beensome more significant than
others, some more disruptivethan others, some more
emotionally relevant than others, and you know so it.
(22:24):
But actually, if you look atthe time I have really been
single, like if you add up my,you know sometimes dating is
just takes up a lot of timebecause you're sort of dating
half dating sort of, and thenyou start dating too many people
at once, and because you'resort of dating half dating and
then you start dating too manypeople at once and it's just
sort of like you could end up inyears of sort of like half
(22:46):
relationships and situationshipsand sort of popping in and out
and it's just like it's anenormous waste of time.
So I certainly do not entertainthat.
Now I am, I am very much likebinary, I'm like it's on or it's
off, that's it.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, and I know we talked about your YouTube
channel earlier.
Do you want to?
Is there anything you want?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I tell a lot of different stories, so the
tagline is, I'm sharing thelessons of my life one memory at
a time and so, and each episodeis very different.
(23:30):
They're not chronological and,you know, some are embarrassing
moments, some are breakups, butawesome new skills learned at
the same time.
Some are really you know how,you know, certain people behaved
quite poorly.
It is really quite an eclecticchannel and, frankly, like more
an art than a science at thispoint.
(23:52):
But please check it out.
If you have some time, scrollthrough it.
They're all very different, butbut, uh, you know, the titles
sort of say what they are andand I would actually really love
and welcome some feedback aswell, as I kind of experiment
with this sort of, uh, new typeof storytelling okay, well, I
(24:12):
think that is a good place towrap, unless you had like a
final closing.
No, no, I really know, I.
I really appreciate you havingme on.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I'm flattered yeah, it's good to just, you know,
talk a lot.
Lots of women are having thisdiscussion how, and people in
general.
Just dating is like how it isnowadays.
We're all looking for somethingnew and it is bizarre.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely we'reall enduring it, all right.
(24:41):
Well, thank you again for beingon, and if you liked or loved
this episode, be sure to tellyour friends about it and rate
it as well, and, of course,follow the show too.
And thank you again, padmini.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
All right, Thanks everyone.
Bye.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Frank Talk.
Frank Talk Sex and Dating Educ.
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth
podcast, frank talk about sexand dating.
Hello, tamara here.
Welcome to the show.
Today's guest is Padmini Pandya, who has the YouTube channel
Pieces of Miss Mini, and we'llbe talking about all things
dating, including the apps.
Thanks for joining me, padmini.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Thank you.
Yes, I love to.
We've had a lot of relationshipand sex stuff lately, so this
will be more just just likeregular old dating topics, Okay
cool, cool.
Yeah, and do you want to juststart out how you or why you
started your channel, like what?
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (00:42):
you know, I had such a eclectic, very surprising,
unique life that you knowwhether it's been, you know my
family background and also youknow the places that I've lived,
which have been.
You know multiple countries andcontinents and you know the
(01:03):
things that I've done, that Ihad.
I had so many crazy stories inme that you know.
A lot of people encouraged meto write and I will.
I I'm dabbling in it.
I'm not naturally a writer, butI really gravitated towards
actually telling the storiesfrom my mouth and from my voice,
(01:26):
with you know the expressionsand the animations that only
that can convey.
And so I very surprisingly,especially to myself, decided to
start a YouTube channel, andit's named Pieces of Miss Minnie
, and Minnie is the second halfof my name, padmini, which means
lotus flower, or it's namedPieces of Miss Minnie and Minnie
is the second half of my name,padmini, which means lotus
(01:47):
flower, or it's another name forthe goddess Lakshmi.
And I decided to do this channelbasically as a way for me to
just tell my stories.
It was really like an art formfor me.
It was not a monetizationstrategy, it was really somehow
a way for me to take all thesestories that I have had so
(02:09):
deeply in me for so many yearsand really bring them to light.
And it's really.
It's good, bad and ugly, it'sembarrassing moments, it's
heartbreak, it's disrespect,it's accomplishment and all of
the above.
And so, yeah, it's really been,um, it's really been how I've
been expressing myself and Iwill.
(02:30):
I will see where it goes fromhere.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Yeah, yeah, I did.
Well, I used to do standup, soI had a YouTube channel for it
just to post my videos, and thenI transferred all that to the
podcast stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
But yeah so yeah, it's.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
A lot of people have their expressions nowadays, just
no matter which channel.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yeah, no, and I think it's actually fascinating the
way we're allowed to expressourselves these days.
I mean, it wouldn't have evenbeen, wouldn't have even been
thought of.
You know, even 20 years ago,especially 30, 40 years ago,
these technologies weren't evenavailable.
So I think that's actually, youknow, it's the age of Aquarius,
(03:11):
so it is the age ofcommunication and technology,
and I think being able toexpress ourselves in different
modalities is actually like suchan interesting art form, form
yeah, and I know you used towork in tech and then also, you
had a dating app at one point.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
So yes which where you want to go from here, which
which?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
um direction.
I mean, so I can tell like.
So I had.
I guess I'll tell itchronologically.
So I worked in tech for, um,like corporate tech, for
substantially about a decadegive or take.
I lived in Asia for about adecade and that was on the heels
(03:54):
of my divorce at 31.
And I moved to Asia and I livedin Thailand for two and a half
years and Singapore for aboutseven and I kind of like that's
where my career really grew andI started off my background as
an organizational psychologistand corporate strategist.
And you know, I started offwith smaller companies to begin
(04:17):
with and then I joined a digitalagency and then when I went to
Singapore, I was runningcorporate strategy and from
there I had about three you know, decent sized jobs with some
pretty big like multinationaltech companies.
Um, I burned out in, uh, youknow, when I was about, uh, just
(04:39):
approaching 40, I really I justI had been in Asia for almost a
decade.
I, you know I was by myself, Ihad, I had dated, you know, men
from around the world becausethese are very international
markets and, you know, learned alot and also, you know, made
some weird mistakes.
I think some of them would havebeen inevitable since I was
(05:01):
married during my twenties.
I really only started dating asan adult in my thirties.
So that was also like a steeplearning curve and I didn't do
it in America, I did it in Asia.
So that was its own, also likereality show, like I hadn't been
.
You know, I hadn't been singlein my thirties, let alone, you
(05:21):
know, waking up in Bangkok my30s.
Let alone, you know, waking upin Bangkok.
Like that, that was its own.
You know, that could be aminiseries right there, but you
know I I figured it out and thenagain in Singapore.
But you know, and I have amultinational background, so one
respect, it suited me well.
(05:50):
But like there was a lot toalso learn.
And you know, while I don'tregret leaving my marriage, I
think you know the man I marriedwas a substantial, respectable
man and very, very few men,actually none of them thus far
have ever compared to him, whichis why I've never been
remarried again thus far haveever compared to him, which is
why I've never been remarriedagain.
And so, anyway, when I movedback to the States, which was
around COVID, I also veryimpulsively.
(06:13):
Well, there were two impulses.
One was coming back to theStates and trying to date on
dating apps was utterly bizarre.
I realized that actually datingin Asia was far more dignified
and dating in America was reallyquite rough around the edges.
And you know, I had beenmatched with a number of men who
(06:37):
I would, you know,philosophically, intellectually,
politically, have nothing incommon with.
And I realized, like howridiculous a lot of these dating
apps were, that they onlyreally matched people literally
based on you are breathing andhave a beating heart, they are
breathing and have a beatingheart, you are within, you know,
(06:58):
a five mile radius meet andit's like under what
circumstance would that be anoccasion to really like meet
somebody Like that's not enoughin common.
And so, after being matched withsome utterly ridiculous men you
know, like in their muscle teesat the gym, taking selfies and
just thinking like what on earthis going on, I had an idea with
(07:22):
a friend of mine to basicallystart a dating app and really we
were thinking like what is thecommon denominator?
And I had known him well inSingapore he was the MD of China
while I was running corporatestrategy for one of the tech
companies and we had become verygood friends and he is South
African, and so he moved back toCape Town about six months
(07:46):
before I moved back to America.
So we were both going throughour own um reverse culture shock
, and we were both single andreally having a hard time
figuring out where our place wasin technically our home country
, but largely unrecognizableonce you've been an expat for so
long.
And so that was where the ideacame up, and so it was a dating
(08:10):
app for empathetic people whocare about charitable causes,
because when we really looked atit, it felt like, you know,
dating, a solid relationship,has to be built on shared values
, and while there are a numberof values that are, you know,
relevant and applicable, we feltlike empathy was a very good
(08:30):
indication of having a lot incommon, because a lack of
empathy has been, you know, tothe detriment of a number of
relationships I've been in and,I bet, a number of relationships
we've all been in, and so, andthen we thought, you know,
charity is a good proxy forempathy, and so it was a dating
app that basically, like we weregoing to raise money for
(08:51):
charities, host kind of likesingles events for people who
care about charitable causes,and parties and fundraisers and
also connect people romanticallyand hopefully even just you
know, platonically andfriendship wise, and start
building communities betweenlike-minded people.
A lot happened in LA when and Ialso decided to move to LA,
(09:14):
which was not one of my bestdecisions that I've ever made
During the time I was there, notonly was it a brutal learning
curve, because I was new toAmerica, and when I left for
Asia I was in South Florida.
I really didn't know the WestCoast, let alone California and
(09:37):
let alone LA, which is its ownentire beast, and so that I bit
off more than I could chew for anumber of reasons.
And then also my ex-husbandpassed away while I was there
and that really knocked my kneesout from under me and I
realized, you know, while Icared about the cause, I
(09:57):
couldn't.
You know, I needed more timefor myself before I tried to
attempt something so substantial.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, that makes sense.
I know I was going to say it'ssimilar to when I had an ex that
was going to get married tosomeone else and that was like
kind of rocked me at first, youknow, because you're like it was
finally like really over.
I mean, obviously death is evenmore severe and over.
Yeah, yeah, just like losingsomeone like that.
But yeah, and then, um so yeah,I'm my, my sister and her
(10:30):
friends all used to live in LA,never met guys till they moved
away and then they all gotmarried after.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Yeah, la is cursed for a hundred reasons, that
being towards the top of thelist.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Yeah, but then you have thoughts on dating in
general, like dating over 40,like you said, just the apps.
Did you ever find a way to goabout it a little more, you know
?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
ironically, I have been off of apps, even though
I'm technically on them, I'mreally not participating.
I've actually this past year Ihave really been by myself and
it's been an incredibly healthy,productive, happy, like social
year.
Like I started as a hermit butlike actually, you know, I
(11:19):
really went into hermit mode,probably like last summer, but
and now I'm coming, you know I'mcertainly very much, you know,
have come out of it, but I don'tknow if I have the appetite or
the stamina for that nonsenseanymore.
And and I say thatunderstanding that I am probably
(11:39):
passing up some prettyinteresting men who I might meet
on them, but at the same time,I have met plenty of interesting
men and and I have, I have beenthere and done that.
And you know it all comes totime, the amount of time you
want to allot to something likethat, and the dates and
(12:01):
everything which, just like Ihave stuff to do, I have things
to accomplish.
So like that is obviously atradeoff that you have to be
like particularly mindful andpicky about, particularly
mindful and picky about.
And also at this point I'm justlike I'm leaving this up to God
(12:26):
in the universe.
I am like clearly myparticipation has not been
necessary or productive.
You know, like, clearly, like Ihave not like.
So I'm like you know what.
So I'm like you know what Godin the universe will bring my
man, my champion, to me, and hewill say he was sent by them and
it will work out.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yeah, I know a lot of people have taken like breaks
and or just stopped altogetherand everyone's so sick of the
apps they're saying like appsare like going to go away.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
And I don't know if that's true, I don't think
they're growing, they'redefinitely not like they're
until that model, and that's whyI wanted to host, like, the
fundraising parties forcharities, because I was like
until that model.
Because you're just, you'reforced to have this very insipid
, personal, yet impersonalconversation with a complete
(13:16):
stranger, just because you bothhappen to be single and within a
certain like mile radius ofeach other.
And it's so awkward and it's soexhausting and also, like you
know the intentions, like inbuilt into the business models
of those companies.
There was actually no incentivefor them to really put that
(13:38):
much technology or science ordata and analysis.
It was not in their bestinterest to put the effort into
really figuring outcompatibility and, to be fair,
I'm not even sure it can befigured out, let alone for a
meeting in person.
I think there's too muchlooks-wise, hormonally
(13:59):
communication-wise mannerisms,whatever, like until you meet
someone in person and then youcan read their energy, you can
read their auras, you can readthe vibration, you know,
depending on, like, your psychicabilities, you can, you know,
do a bunch of other things.
Then I think, but like untilyou actually meet that person in
person.
So, unless the business modelof those apps is to basically
(14:25):
drive in person meetings and tobe somewhat at least, like you
know, have some foot in the door.
As far as like really figuringout compatibility, which is
super hard, I don't.
I don't see them growing and Ithink actually a number of them
are going to be, shrinking.
(14:45):
I think their best days arebehind them.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah, have you heard of pitch a friend?
It's a new thing, fairly new.
It's like you literally do aPowerPoint presentation for a
friend of yours that's singleand all the single people are in
a bar together and you likegive the presentation while
they're there and people canknow who they are and go up to
them later if they want.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I've heard of it.
I've never been to one.
I'm going to have to look forone here.
It looks hysterical andfabulous.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Yeah, I've seen them.
There's definitely here in theDC area, and I've seen other
cities obviously too.
But yeah, I mean it's and morestuff like that is coming on
just in meetups, of course, orjust you're just out and about
with people doing the same stuffyou like yeah, it really it
needs to be in person.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Like this is the point where, like, we think
technology bridged us and to acertain extent, yes, maybe it
opened up the sample size, butactually the real human
interaction, the real chemistry,the flirtation, the eyes, the
pheromones, you know, like thewit, the charm that is not to be
(15:51):
replicated on the phone andreally, like you know it when
it's there and you only know itin person, like as much as
technology has likeexponentially evolved and we
have, you know, we are, we havelost our breath trying to keep
up.
This is the part of humaninteraction that is still not
evolved away or been replaced bytechnology.
(16:15):
It cannot be replaced.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, and one technique I did here you just
get your hair done, get alldressed up and then have the
guys come to you like wait atone restaurant.
Do it like on the hour wheredifferent ones come in.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Be dating, but longer yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
But you're just, or even like you know, just say
only like 30 minutes orsomething.
But yeah, like you, let themcome to you and you only dress
up once and get your outfit done.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
Yeah, do all that once no, there, and I think
there have been.
The thing is it's not thatthere haven't been better ideas,
it's actually just the barrierof entry.
Like the dominant players rightnow are just like they have
such and they have had suchenormous war chests just for
marketing dollars really.
And the thing is that for anyof these apps to be really
(17:04):
effective in any given city, inany given radius, you have to
have a critical mass of I hateto say, users, but customers,
potential people who are usingthe app.
So it's like it's not somethingit really needs to scale very,
(17:25):
very quickly and quitedramatically to.
That takes like a lot ofdollars.
And so there are like some very,you know, even if they're a bit
antiquated, they're, you know,dominant players and they just
have like the war chest offinances.
(17:45):
They're like newer players,like I think there are actually
a lot of really good ideas outthere, but this is one of those
things that it's.
It doesn't.
You know, if you're using likea project management, you know,
app, it doesn't really matter ifyou're the only user.
As long as the functionality isthere to service your needs,
(18:06):
you're fine.
You don't care if they have 10customers or 10 million
customers.
But for a dating app it'sactually quite difficult because
, like you need the criticalmass of people to make it broad
enough, to make it valid enough,to service a large enough
market, and that's tough.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Yeah, I used to joke that if we had like a national
breakup day where everyone youknow a lot of people are not
happy in their relationships butthey just stay.
So I don't want to be alone,but if everyone would just break
up, like we could pick one day,and then everyone would be
there, be able to build a biggerpool for everyone to pick from.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
That is genius.
I love that.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yeah, I called it National Breakup Day, and every
like two years.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
there should be like a national divorce day so they
have more time to think about it.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Yeah, and they do say actually like when you're in a
relationship you could be likeall right, let's do this until
this date and we'll talk againif we want to make sure we keep
going or something.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
So oh, I think I think you know I would have
objected to that in the past andnow I'm like actually, that is
that.
That saves everybody a lot oftime.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Yeah, like we're gonna revisit it and we both
have to agree or both disagree.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
One of the questions is what's the best part of a
breakup?
I know we haven't talked reallyabout that, but like what is
what?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
haveed up after a breakup, which is hilarious, and
I don't expect to, but it'shappened enough now that I'm not
surprised when it happens.
I feel like by the time you'rebreaking up, that person has
already acted a fool.
You're not missing out onanything, if anything.
(20:00):
Probably the past couple monthshave been exhausting and you've
been trying to make somethingwork that shouldn't work, never
should have worked and is nevergoing to work, and it's like,
once you actually get that kindof toxicity and just exhaustion
out of your life, there's somuch more time for yourself and
just exhaustion out of your life.
There's so much more time foryourself.
And so, like I have, often, likeI'm in better shape, I'm more
(20:22):
social, I have new friends, I'mtrying, I'm always trying
something new.
I actually feel like when I'msingle is like the most
serendipitous time of my life,when really like stuff starts to
move and happen.
So like now I, you know I gotout of a relationship a year ago
(20:43):
, but prior to that I reallyhadn't been in a really like a
solid, really normal, you knowrelationship for years, years
and yeah, so I actually feellike I get more time for myself
and usually that's where, like,I level up professionally,
(21:06):
spiritually, you know, likepsychologically, like it's
always a good time for me, LikeI had three relationships over a
10-year period of threedifferent guys and then after
that I started actually datingdating and then I started doing
stand-up too, because I alwayswanted to try it.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I was too scared and finally took a class and started
doing it.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
And then, of course, all my stand-up was about dating
that I had just started doingand my sex life and all that.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Oh, that's fabulous.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
And that's why all the women in the class were
single.
All the guys were married.
So we all talked about sex andthey all talked about just
relationship stuff, yeah,different stuff, but yeah, it's
definitely.
Yeah, it's like that's another.
Like a lot of people get veryupset but, like you said it
could be, it's just another dooropening and do all the stuff
you wish you would have beendoing all along, and there's
(21:58):
always more efficiency and allthat stuff.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yeah, yeah and frankly, like, since I got a
divorce, I have spent more timesingle than in a relationship.
The relationships have beensome more significant than
others, some more disruptivethan others, some more
emotionally relevant than others, and you know so it.
(22:24):
But actually, if you look atthe time I have really been
single, like if you add up my,you know sometimes dating is
just takes up a lot of timebecause you're sort of dating
half dating sort of, and thenyou start dating too many people
at once, and because you'resort of dating half dating and
then you start dating too manypeople at once and it's just
sort of like you could end up inyears of sort of like half
(22:46):
relationships and situationshipsand sort of popping in and out
and it's just like it's anenormous waste of time.
So I certainly do not entertainthat.
Now I am, I am very much likebinary, I'm like it's on or it's
off, that's it.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, and I know we talked about your YouTube
channel earlier.
Do you want to?
Is there anything you want?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I tell a lot of different stories, so the
tagline is, I'm sharing thelessons of my life one memory at
a time and so, and each episodeis very different.
(23:30):
They're not chronological and,you know, some are embarrassing
moments, some are breakups, butawesome new skills learned at
the same time.
Some are really you know how,you know, certain people behaved
quite poorly.
It is really quite an eclecticchannel and, frankly, like more
an art than a science at thispoint.
(23:52):
But please check it out.
If you have some time, scrollthrough it.
They're all very different, butbut, uh, you know, the titles
sort of say what they are andand I would actually really love
and welcome some feedback aswell, as I kind of experiment
with this sort of, uh, new typeof storytelling okay, well, I
(24:12):
think that is a good place towrap, unless you had like a
final closing.
No, no, I really know, I.
I really appreciate you havingme on.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I'm flattered yeah, it's good to just, you know,
talk a lot.
Lots of women are having thisdiscussion how, and people in
general.
Just dating is like how it isnowadays.
We're all looking for somethingnew and it is bizarre.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely we'reall enduring it, all right.
(24:41):
Well, thank you again for beingon, and if you liked or loved
this episode, be sure to tellyour friends about it and rate
it as well, and, of course,follow the show too.
And thank you again, padmini.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
All right, Thanks everyone.
Bye.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Frank Talk.
Frank Talk Sex and Dating Educ.
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.