November 18, 2025 • 29 mins
We look at how self-love turns adversity into fuel for authentic connection, and why heart-centered honesty is the antidote to dating fatigue. Jonathan Aslay shares practical tools for midlife relationships, slow-burn chemistry, and redefining rejection as misalignment.
• divorce, job loss, identity collapse and recovery through therapy and spirituality
• choosing love over fear as a daily practice
• self-love as boundaries, truth with kindness and inner child care
• reframing rejection as misalignment and sovereignty in dating
• intuition, early red flags and avoiding victim mindset
• midlife challenges of blending lives beyond the parenting blueprint
• radical honesty, pre-qualifying compatibility and better questions
• slow-burn chemistry versus instant spark and app-driven impatience
• coaching programs, YouTube and the What Would Love Do? podcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth
Podcast.
Frank talk about sex and dating.
Hello, Tamra here.
Welcome to the show.
Today's guest is Jonathan Aslay.
He's the author of What the Heckis Self-Love, and we'll be
talking about overcomingadversity and personal
empowerment in love.
Thanks for joining me, Jonathan.
SPEAKER_01 (00:19):
Tamra, thanks for having me on.
I'm excited to be chatting withyou.
SPEAKER_00 (00:23):
Yes, I think a lot of people could use some
knowledge about overcomingadversity and personal
empowerment, and I would imagineaccountability is part of that
as well.
But what led you to this book?
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
I'm sure plenty of things have happened, but gosh,
I mean, how many hours do wehave to go through this?
So for me, it happened, youknow, after turning 40 and going
through a divorce uh 20 yearsago, uh, I found myself both in
the dating marketplace for onething.
Um, but at the same time, I wasgoing through divorce, I lost my
(00:56):
high-end corporate job, and themarket crash of 2008 wiped me
out financially.
So you have divorce, losing yourjob, and then getting wiped out
financially.
And I had a major identitycrisis at that time.
But what was also interesting atthat time, I'll be candid with
you, I got addicted to onlinedating.
(01:18):
I got addicted to talking topeople.
And I'm using the term addictedintentionally because I found it
as a way to um navigate thepain, but really avoid the pain
through having attentionelsewhere, having validation
elsewhere.
And for a good five years, I wasin the pit of despair.
(01:40):
In fact, I reached a point in mylife where I went to bed wishing
I didn't take up because myidentity was pummeled.
And men tend to identifythemselves with their
professional life, not tosuggest women don't do the same,
but men probably hyperdo thatmore so than women.
And certainly from theirfinancial status, I mean, we're
(02:03):
talking about real deep pain Iwas experiencing.
And around that time, the movieThe Secret came out.
And the reason why I'm pointingit out, because I remember
watching it and I'm like, God,this feels so familiar to me.
And probably, I think it wasabout 10 years earlier, I
briefly got into what was knownas metaphysics, you know, which
(02:26):
now is coined more new agespirituality and that sort of
thing.
And it began my path of personaldevelopment, self-help, and
spiritual work.
And along the way, I got into,when I say personal development,
self-help, spiritual work, andtherapy, to rebuild my identity,
to rebuild who am I, um, reallyask who am I?
(02:48):
But more importantly, why am Ihere?
What's this all for?
Fast forward to 2018, uh, my19-year-old son Connor passed
away in an accident.
And in my deep grief, um, andand I was really right before he
passed away, I had been readingthe Course in Miracles.
(03:10):
And what's interesting, becausewe were reading about death just
month, a few weeks before hepassed away.
And I'll I'll give you asimplistic, you know, um take on
the Course in Miracles.
The miracle is choosing love.
I mean, that's the real miracle.
When we can choose love overfear, when we can choose love
over ego, when we can chooseforgiveness, compassion,
(03:32):
generosity over those thingsthat bring us despair.
And at a two months after hepassed away, I just started
writing this book because I wasblogging about what is self-love
as a dating and relationshipcoach, and I can tell you more
about how that began.
Um, but then nine months later,I birthed the book uh, you know,
(03:53):
on Amazon and now that sort ofthing.
SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, that's definitelya lot to go through.
And I've I I I've definitelyheard that before about more men
are affected by that kind ofstuff.
Like we have a women have asupport network usually.
We can tell all our friendsabout it and vents and like
just, you know, and then mengenerally keep quiet about that
kind of stuff and just dealinternally.
SPEAKER_01 (04:15):
So yeah, that is so true.
I mean, that is beginning tochange.
I think men are opening up moreand more.
I mean, you know, as a society,we're accepting therapy more
than more.
We're accepting personaldevelopment, self-help.
Men tend to choose personaldevelopment, self-personal
development, self-help, um, moreso from building a business
(04:35):
perspective, the Tony Robbins ofthe world, you know, because
they want to build their wealth.
But we're really talking aboutbuilding that inner confidence
within ourselves, thatself-worth, self-esteem,
self-confidence, self-reliance,self-discipline.
And that's all wrapped up in theheart of love.
So when we say all those things,we're really the reason why my
(04:56):
book is self-love is because itcontemplates self-worth,
self-esteem, self-confidence,self-reliance, all those juicy
self-words.
unknown (05:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
And is the book like a how-to or just kind of your
story, and then the the lessonscome from your story or you
know, it's it's very, it's it'ssimilar to the way the
untethered soul is written, butI will tell you it's a very
junior version of that.
It's a very simplistic versionof some principles.
There's roughly 30 principles.
For example, you know, uh,principle number one is speak
(05:29):
your truth, do it with kindness.
You know, in other words, we allhave our truth.
Doesn't mean it's the truth, butwe we feel though it's the
truth.
But if you're gonna speak yourtruth to someone, do it with
kindness.
There's another chapter called,If it's sincere and from the
heart, you can't say the wrongthing to the right person.
And they're just little, youknow, small little uh three or
(05:50):
four page um principles to kindof overhaul your life.
And, you know, people look atself-love and sometimes as a
downer.
And you've and I'm sure you'veheard in the dating realm, you
can't love another until youlove yourself.
I think of self-love as um,well, I write this in the book,
(06:10):
you know, when you're travelingon an airplane and the flight
attendant says, in case a cabinpressure change, you know,
oxygen masks will be droppedfrom the ceiling.
And if you're traveling with thesmall child, put the mask on
yourself first.
Self-love is putting the mask onyourself first, you know,
because if you can't nourishyour own soul, it's going to be
different, difficult to nourishsomeone else.
(06:32):
But the small child on the planeis your is your emotional child.
We all have a inner, well, forus adults, you know, we have an
inner six-year-old, an emotionalsix-year-old that oftentimes
doesn't really know how tonavigate the adult world.
And so the self-love piece isloving that inner six-year-old
(06:54):
inside of us to nurture itinstead of what do we do?
We humans beat ourselves upemotionally.
We crucify ourselves, we flogourselves.
We can be our own worst enemy.
And self-love is saying, hey,you don't need to do that.
Why don't you love that littlepart of you that feels fear and
insecurity and doubt and anxietyand judgments of others and all
(07:18):
those things that bring us downemotionally?
The idea is putting the oxygenmask on yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (07:24):
Yeah, that definitely makes a lot of sense.
And then would you, I'm assumingyou would use this for like
rejection during dating as well.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
Or is that oh my gosh.
Well, you know, in ourenvironment today, we are most
likely going to have a lot more,you know, experiences that don't
go your way than than you wishedit would.
So, you know, there's a there isa saying, rejection is God's
protection.
Uh and I don't believe justbecause a person doesn't choose
(07:54):
you, whether it's after a firstdate or even years in and they
choose to move on, you know, weview that as rejection, but
honestly, it's a misalignment.
And if it's not right for one,it's not right for the other.
So when someone ends arelationship with you and you
don't have to feel rejected, youcan simply look at it and say,
(08:14):
hey, we weren't lying for eachother.
If it's not right for them, it'snot right for me.
Now, while I don't use the bookisn't about dating per se, but
it's about standing in yoursovereignty.
So when you are dating, you'recoming from more of an
empowerment, sovereign placethan the victim consciousness.
And sadly, Tamara, we areswimming in a sea of victim
(08:38):
content, we're suckling on thenipple of victim consciousness
here in the United States.
Um, and it's about beingempowered in victor
consciousness versus victimconsciousness.
SPEAKER_00 (08:50):
Yeah.
And uh this kind of relates tohow would you you talk about
early signs you're in the wrongrelationship, like if yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:00):
Yeah, you know what?
It's the this is okay.
Here's the tricky part.
Our intuition is speaking to usall the time.
And it's speaking to us throughour body.
When something doesn't feelright, it usually isn't right.
Now, right means justmisalignment.
Now, are you gonna meet somebodywho's perfectly aligned and you
(09:22):
can just do this with yourfingers?
No, that's that's a very that'sa very rare thing.
But one of the first signs issomething doesn't feel right.
Now, it could mean that you'renot in a good place to be in a
relationship, quite frankly.
We have a we have a populationof walking wounded, and this is
true for men and women alike.
So for the ladies listening thatthink they're always pointing
(09:45):
the finger at men, let me tellyou something.
Men are doing the same thing towomen.
You know, we are pointing thefinger at the opposite sex
instead of pointing the fingerat ourselves, going, and I
don't, I mean looking in themirror and going, maybe I'm the
common denominator of all mydisappointment in life, and what
can I do to shift that?
(10:05):
That's an empowered place to beinstead of a victim place to be.
SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
Yeah.
And I know you say thatrelationships are the best path
to self-love.
And why would you say that?
SPEAKER_01 (10:32):
You know, I mean, there is an argument to me that
I believe that a significantamount of individual work
outside of a relationship wouldbehoove a person.
And what I mean to say is toreally look at their past
experiences and evaluate it froman objective point of view and
to forgive, you know, your pastrelationships, to forgive
(10:55):
yourself.
I think doing that, so to beprepared, because here's the
problem if you enter into arelationship feeling fear, still
hurt from your pastrelationships, or still living
in fantasy, which so many peopledo, it's going to be difficult
to see this possibly beautifulhuman soul right in front of
(11:17):
you.
Okay.
So, and and so the capacity tobe in a relationship requires
not, we all have fear.
That's okay to have fear.
We still have residue from pastrelationships, and we boy, do we
have egos that can fantasize theCinderella story, if you will.
But your desire, your capacity,and your vision for a
(11:40):
relationship must exceed thefear, the past hurts, and the
fantasy.
If that, if you can't reach thatpoint, if the fear, past hurts,
and fantasy exceeds the desire,capacity, and vision, then it
doesn't matter.
That new relation, that that newrelationship isn't going to help
you grow because it's, you know,you're still stuck.
(12:04):
Now, if you desire, capacity,and vision, and you meet
somebody who's also in thatspace of desiring growth from an
emotional point of view.
When two people say, I want togrow, they come from a place of
curiosity, then you have acapacity to grow beyond your
limit, beyond where you're attoday.
And here's the thing (12:24):
some people just don't want to grow,
they just want to live life froma very surface level, from a
performative level, from an, youknow, many people are dating
today to for attraction,entertainment, romance, and
physical connection without anyreal building with someone else.
(12:44):
Now, Tamara, I say this becausefor those, I I I um coach to a
population of midlife folks, andI say midlife is after baby
making years and beforeretirement.
When you're in your 20s and 30sand you want to make baby and
raise a family, you're going tobuild a life with somebody.
It gets really tricky after 45.
(13:07):
What does building a life withanother human being look like?
Like we we know the blueprint ofmake babies and raise a family,
but we don't know how to blendlives.
Many people don't know how toblend lives in midlife.
Not to say all don't, but mostdon't.
Because the Brady Bunch TV showscrewed it up for us.
It made it look so easy.
(13:28):
You could just take, you know,uh Carol and Mike, you know,
Carol and Mike, and they eachhad three children, somehow it's
all going to magically formtogether.
That doesn't happen in the realworld.
So you have to want to build alife with someone else.
And sadly, Tamara, we don't havea blueprint of what that might
look like.
We're it's like like raising ababy.
(13:49):
Most of us didn't have ablueprint know how to raise a
baby.
So so many people are wingingit.
And what happens is the minutethe road gets bumpy, they go
next.
The minute it gets icky, next.
The minute it gets a littlechallenging, next.
Because we have this onlinedating service that can just
serve up another person.
(14:10):
And so those are just some ofthe few things that make it
challenging to bond with someoneat midlife.
SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
Yeah.
Yeah, I've never thought of itthat way, but like you said,
there's no setway once you'reyou don't need to have kids
together.
No.
So you're like, all right, howare we doing this?
SPEAKER_01 (14:27):
Yeah, I've never exactly.
unknown (14:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
And then I mean, I was in a few Facebook groups um
uh with older older people, andthey're and they're just uh
yeah, like you're saying,they're pretty clueless.
SPEAKER_01 (14:39):
I'll just say were you in the date my uh who did
you date group or burn thehaystack or I was in the
haystack one yeah, I got kickedout for for promoting my own um
podcast, but well, you know,it's funny because my girlfriend
was in that and she said, mostpeople are so angry at men in
that group.
I'm like, and I was thinkingabout this.
(14:59):
If you come at it from a placeof anger towards the opposite
sex and you're you're being fedthat anger over and over and
over again, how can you comefrom a place of love?
It's my it's my question.
I'm not saying it is a statementof fact, but if there's so much,
and I I don't know, I've neverbeen in the group, but if
there's so much anger, how canyou see the beauty in a person?
(15:20):
That's the question I have.
SPEAKER_00 (15:22):
Yeah, I mean, I've definitely saw that too.
And I've I've I misspoke.
I got kicked out for pointingthat out.
You know, I was like, you'renever gonna find anyone if
you're acting like this.
SPEAKER_01 (15:30):
Like, oh, so you said that in the group.
SPEAKER_00 (15:32):
Yeah, and that's why I got kicked out.
Like they they want only yespeople in there that are you
know a lot think along the samelines.
Yeah, and they're just yeah,they're which is nothing wrong
with being a feminist, and theyyou know they just subscribe to
the you know, women can do itall too.
And I personally think it's bestwhen men lead and you have to
(15:53):
respect them and it works, butyou know, when you find someone
that you respect, you're it'seasier to lead or let them lead.
SPEAKER_01 (15:59):
You know, here's so let's lean into that for a
second because I'm all forwomen's empowerment.
Let me just say this becausewhen two empowered individuals
get together, I think that'swhere real juice and magic and
and flow can occur.
Um, to some degree, men areconditioned to chase sex, but
(16:21):
they don't necessarily chasecommitment, okay?
You know, this is where thenarrative, men are the leaders
of the relationship, and men arethe hunters, and men are the
chasers.
Well, I I want to caution womenwhen you hear that, what are we
chasing in the very, verybeginning?
We're not we're not goingaround, I want a relationship, I
want a relationship.
(16:41):
Most men don't do that.
They're like, I want yourphysical body.
unknown (16:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:45):
So if you're, you know, then there's a little game
playing that occurs to achievethat.
But once you've had physicalintimacy, the real question is,
does this man want long-termcommitment?
And if he is not committed tocommitment, this is the trick,
coming back to your question,how do you spot something?
If he's not committed tocommitment, like when I was in
(17:07):
my 20s, I wanted the mother ofmy children.
So I'm searching for the motherof my children.
Men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s,they don't know what that
tangible is because they don'twant the mother of their
children anymore.
So they have to decide what iscommitment mean to them.
And a lot of men today, sadly,just have no clue.
(17:29):
I mean, I'm I will agree to somedegree that if a man isn't
committed to commitment, thenyou, as a woman, you should be,
I'm gonna use the word cautiousor at least mindful of this.
This is why in my privatecoaching, I teach something
called radical honesty,pre-qualifying your prospect.
And that is getting crystalclear on who is compatible with
(17:52):
you.
Now, Tamara, women come to meall the time for private
coaching, going, Jonathan, Iknow what I want.
I know what I want, I know whatI want in relationship.
And I I did that intentionallydramatic because they go through
my propriety or coachingprogram.
And can you guess what they sayevery single time afterwards?
SPEAKER_00 (18:10):
It wasn't anything, but I thought it was.
SPEAKER_01 (18:13):
Exactly.
I wish they taught me this inschool.
I wish my parents taught methis.
You made me think, because whathappens is we've been so
conditioned because of thedating apps, to focus on the
surface level things, height,you know, body type, uh,
profession, all of those thingsthat we see first.
But we don't, we don't honestlylook into the inward capacity of
(18:36):
a person and asking the deeperquestions because remember I
said earlier we have a woundedpopulation?
We have a wounded population ofmen and women who have been hurt
by their past relationships andhave done little or no healing
from their past relationships.
So I encourage women to now Iencourage them to interrogate
(18:58):
men.
Now, I'm saying this tongue incheek, okay?
What does interrogation mean?
It means to get to the truth,okay?
Now, every dating coach willtell you, you should never
interview a man on a date.
It will make him run away.
I'm the opposite.
You should interrogate them.
Now, how do you do that?
You do it in a fun, flirty way.
You ask provocative questionsthat are designed to spur
(19:23):
conversation.
So, and and this is about beingplaced from a curiosity.
Now, again, I said it tongue incheek, but it's about getting to
the truth.
Are you, is your mindset?
Do I want to get to the truth ofthis person?
Like, and do you know what Imean by the truth?
I'm talking about who thisperson is outside of the
(19:43):
performative nature of thisperson, outside of the ego.
Who is this person really?
The only way we can get there,Tamara, is we ask juicy,
delicious questions to find outabout a person.
So instead of being fearful andbeing afraid someone will run
away, the person who iscommitted to commitment is
going, oh my God, I love talkingabout this stuff because I'm
(20:06):
committed to it.
And the ones who are notcommitted to it makes it much,
they'll run away, they'll run,you know.
And remember, they're chasingsex.
So you want to build a bit offriendship before you become
physical.
SPEAKER_00 (20:20):
Yeah, definitely.
And when you're talking aboutthe questions, I read on, of
course, Instagram always has,you know, eight quotes of this
and that.
But one of the questions waslike, Well, how do you normally
spend a weekend?
And, you know, they just answerfreely, but it it'll tell you a
lot about their lifestyle and ifthey mesh, you know, stuff like
that.
So I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (20:36):
Well, I think the most important question is tell
me about your past relationshipsor what does commitment mean to
you, or what does a relationshiplook like for you?
Like, think about that.
What does a relationship looklike for you?
Like, I I mean, I'm invitingeveryone to pull up a calendar
and go, hey, show me what itlooks like for you Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
(20:57):
Well, I could do it the theGodfather way, Monday,
Wednesday, Thursday.
I'm just being silly here for asecond.
Um, but like what how do youenvision it looks like for you?
Have an idea of if does someonereally envision what it looks
like, other than oh, well, wesee each other, you know, like
from a from a cluelessperspective, or are you
(21:20):
envisioning your life withsomebody else?
That's the invitation.
SPEAKER_00 (21:24):
Yeah, yeah, great questions.
And yeah.
So do you want to talk about howto people can work with you?
Or are you still a coach?
SPEAKER_01 (21:35):
Are you what were a coach or you know it's funny you
say that.
Um, you know, to some degree,I've spent most of my time with
my YouTube channel because Ijust love my my podcast and my
YouTube channel because I loveuh and I do live streams where
we have QA.
That's where I spend most of mytime.
And yet at the same time, I dohave private coaching clients,
(21:55):
whether clients that are singlelooking for love and they want
some help in that capacity, orthey're in a relationship.
And I have a program called GetInside a Guy's Head, where a
client fills out an extensivequestionnaire about the man that
they're in relationship with.
And I literally exchange hishead with my head, get inside
(22:16):
his body, and I talk on hisbehalf, like I'm based on an
extensive questionnaire.
We're talking about 50 differentquestions about this person, and
I can give insight to a woman,and I mostly work with women, I
do work with men sometimes aswell, but I give them insight
into the capacity and viabilityof a relationship.
And and you know, it's funny,Tamara.
(22:39):
Women will come to me ready tobreak up with someone.
I'm like, and I'm gonna insidehis head, and I'm like, no, this
guy's a great guy, you shouldn'tdo it.
And the ones that they want tolike salvage the relationship,
I'm like, run, Forrest, run, youknow.
Um, yeah, and and certainly um Ihave a um a group program called
Midlife Love Mastery, where it'san inexpensive membership where
(23:01):
you can have access uh to methrough a uh Facebook group and
I shoot videos there, privatevideos as well.
Um coaching, you know, I'm hereto I think 2025 is a shift.
I think is gonna is the year toshift how we approach
relationships.
And what I mean to say is thedating apps for the last 20
(23:24):
years has been a great, has beena portal to meet people you
wouldn't otherwise meet.
And I'm still a big proponent ofit.
I think it's now time to getradically intentional, no longer
date from the physicalentertainment, romance um
attraction perspective, butreally date from a
(23:44):
heart-centered perspective andhave some real genuine
heart-centered conversationswith someone a few times, meet
them quickly, and then have moreheart-centered conversations to
see if this has viability from aromant long-term romantic
perspective.
I think people um are so, youknow what's interesting?
(24:07):
I think we become so in thehabit of needing immediate data,
immediate data.
We are so in the habit, likethere needs to be instant
chemistry right from the veryget-go.
And if there isn't, then there'snever going to be another date.
It's interesting.
I'm in a significantrelationship right now.
We'll most likely move to get intogether in a short period of
(24:28):
time.
And I'm bringing this up becauseour first meeting, we didn't
have chemistry.
And now it wasn't that we wereunattracted to each other.
There was just no pull towardseach other.
And then two days after, I'llcall it a meeting instead of a
date, even though, you know, Imean, technically it was a date,
but it was a meeting.
We got on the phone and we'relike, hey, how's it going?
(24:51):
And, you know, she asked me,What do you think, Jonathan?
I said, Hey, I think you'rewonderful, but I'm neutral.
And she goes, I'm neutral.
And we spent the next five hoursunpacking that on the phone.
Like we were like in shock.
Like, we have mutual friends, wehave so much in common.
We have this, this, this, andthis.
Why are we feeling neutrality?
And then the next day we got onthe phone, we were talking about
(25:14):
dating, you know, we're talkingabout our dating profiles, and
we spent another five hourstalking on the phone as two
friends.
And she's retired.
I work like I'm semi-retired,and we were just talking as
friends.
We're talking about our pastrelationships, we were talking
about our experiences because weweren't attached to an outcome.
We shared freely stuff that wemight not share to somebody we
(25:37):
were dating.
And by the 10th day, I'm like,I'm digging this person.
Like, I called her up.
I said, Hey, do you mind if weget, or she had suggested
getting together for a drink.
The next day I called her up andsaid, I've been thinking about
you so much.
Like, I mean, you're on my mindbeyond friendship.
And we met, you know, on oursecond time and we kissed, and
(26:00):
all of a sudden there was aspark.
And it occurs to me, Tamara, howmany people miss out on what
could I tell you, I'm in thebest relationship I ever had in
my life.
And I'm thinking, how manypeople missed out because there
wasn't that instant chemistry?
There wasn't that immediate, Ineed data to move forward.
We we oftentimes dismiss peopleso quickly that could be, and by
(26:23):
the way, she and I are soridiculously aligned.
I mean, we finish each other'ssentences, we get movie
references, we laugh habituallywith each other.
We are constantly laughing.
And I'm like, I said, you're mymirror.
Like, I never thought I'd meet aclone of me.
And I'm saying this both tonguein cheek and and sincerely.
We wouldn't have missed out ifthat new because we had that
(26:46):
neutrality on the first meeting.
SPEAKER_00 (26:49):
Yeah.
Well, I'm I'm also in the bestrelationship ever.
And it's yeah, it's on the corevalues.
You know, that's where we bondedon.
And like you said,self-improvement and growth and
just wanting to make adifference and help people.
SPEAKER_01 (27:03):
Yay, happy for you.
SPEAKER_00 (27:05):
Thank you.
Yeah.
Well, and you mentioned that youdo coach.
So how what are your the what'syour pod the name of your
podcast?
And what how can they likewhat's your website or what?
SPEAKER_01 (27:15):
Sure, sure.
So um right, my my name's listedhere, Jonathan Asley.
So you can you know uh cut andpaste that, put that into
Google.
My YouTube channel will be thefirst thing that comes up, my
website will be the next thing.
My podcast on Apple Spotify iscalled What Would Love Do?
And they're basically therecordings for my YouTube video,
(27:36):
so you can go to either one ofthem.
And the idea is to look at thisfrom a place of the eyes of love
instead of fear, anxiety, doubt,you know, um, and you know, and
as we talked about earlier, alot of anger.
The question is, how can wereturn to love in for ourselves
and come from a heart-centeredplace?
(27:56):
Um, a lot of what I teach isalmost it mirrors what the
Buddha, if if you read the book,if the Buddha dated, which is
really throwing out the genderrhetoric.
If we throw out the genderexpectations and say, how can
two people connect at aheart-centered level?
That's my message for everyone.
How can we, how can I show upfrom my heart?
(28:18):
Hopefully someone else shows upfrom their heart, and how can
those two hearts connect outsidethe performative, egoic way of
dating?
That's my invitation foreverybody.
SPEAKER_00 (28:29):
Yeah, I normally ask like final thoughts, but that
sounded exactly like what I wasgonna ask.
SPEAKER_01 (28:33):
So yeah, it kind of fits the final thoughts.
SPEAKER_00 (28:36):
Yeah, thank you.
Unless you have more to add, Ithink I will leave it there.
SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
No, I appreciate this.
You're a good interviewer, so Iappreciate the opportunity to
expand upon something that I'mpassionate about, both uh
overcoming adversity, um, whichI'm very grateful that my life,
you know, I went to bed wishingI didn't wake up for years, and
now I can't get wait to get upin the morning and and see what
kind of adventure unfolds.
(29:01):
But also at the same time, Ibelieve the quality of our life
is predicated on the quality ofour relationships, you know.
So when particularly our primaryromantic relationship.
And so I'm here to encourage mymy hope is by encouraging uh
healthy human pair bonding, youknow, people live a more
fulfilled life because of it.
SPEAKER_00 (29:23):
Yeah, awesome sentiment, and I agree.
SPEAKER_01 (29:26):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:26):
All right, well, thank you very much.
And if you love this episode, besure to tell your friends about
it and rate it as well.
And thank you again for beingon, Jonathan.
SPEAKER_01 (29:35):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:36):
All right, thanks everyone.
Bye.
SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Frank Talk! Frank Talk Sex and Danning Educates.
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth
Podcast.
Frank talk about sex and dating.
Hello, Tamra here.
Welcome to the show.
Today's guest is Jonathan Aslay.
He's the author of What the Heckis Self-Love, and we'll be
talking about overcomingadversity and personal
empowerment in love.
Thanks for joining me, Jonathan.
SPEAKER_01 (00:19):
Tamra, thanks for having me on.
I'm excited to be chatting withyou.
SPEAKER_00 (00:23):
Yes, I think a lot of people could use some
knowledge about overcomingadversity and personal
empowerment, and I would imagineaccountability is part of that
as well.
But what led you to this book?
SPEAKER_01 (00:36):
I'm sure plenty of things have happened, but gosh,
I mean, how many hours do wehave to go through this?
So for me, it happened, youknow, after turning 40 and going
through a divorce uh 20 yearsago, uh, I found myself both in
the dating marketplace for onething.
Um, but at the same time, I wasgoing through divorce, I lost my
(00:56):
high-end corporate job, and themarket crash of 2008 wiped me
out financially.
So you have divorce, losing yourjob, and then getting wiped out
financially.
And I had a major identitycrisis at that time.
But what was also interesting atthat time, I'll be candid with
you, I got addicted to onlinedating.
(01:18):
I got addicted to talking topeople.
And I'm using the term addictedintentionally because I found it
as a way to um navigate thepain, but really avoid the pain
through having attentionelsewhere, having validation
elsewhere.
And for a good five years, I wasin the pit of despair.
(01:40):
In fact, I reached a point in mylife where I went to bed wishing
I didn't take up because myidentity was pummeled.
And men tend to identifythemselves with their
professional life, not tosuggest women don't do the same,
but men probably hyperdo thatmore so than women.
And certainly from theirfinancial status, I mean, we're
(02:03):
talking about real deep pain Iwas experiencing.
And around that time, the movieThe Secret came out.
And the reason why I'm pointingit out, because I remember
watching it and I'm like, God,this feels so familiar to me.
And probably, I think it wasabout 10 years earlier, I
briefly got into what was knownas metaphysics, you know, which
(02:26):
now is coined more new agespirituality and that sort of
thing.
And it began my path of personaldevelopment, self-help, and
spiritual work.
And along the way, I got into,when I say personal development,
self-help, spiritual work, andtherapy, to rebuild my identity,
to rebuild who am I, um, reallyask who am I?
(02:48):
But more importantly, why am Ihere?
What's this all for?
Fast forward to 2018, uh, my19-year-old son Connor passed
away in an accident.
And in my deep grief, um, andand I was really right before he
passed away, I had been readingthe Course in Miracles.
(03:10):
And what's interesting, becausewe were reading about death just
month, a few weeks before hepassed away.
And I'll I'll give you asimplistic, you know, um take on
the Course in Miracles.
The miracle is choosing love.
I mean, that's the real miracle.
When we can choose love overfear, when we can choose love
over ego, when we can chooseforgiveness, compassion,
(03:32):
generosity over those thingsthat bring us despair.
And at a two months after hepassed away, I just started
writing this book because I wasblogging about what is self-love
as a dating and relationshipcoach, and I can tell you more
about how that began.
Um, but then nine months later,I birthed the book uh, you know,
(03:53):
on Amazon and now that sort ofthing.
SPEAKER_00 (03:56):
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, that's definitelya lot to go through.
And I've I I I've definitelyheard that before about more men
are affected by that kind ofstuff.
Like we have a women have asupport network usually.
We can tell all our friendsabout it and vents and like
just, you know, and then mengenerally keep quiet about that
kind of stuff and just dealinternally.
SPEAKER_01 (04:15):
So yeah, that is so true.
I mean, that is beginning tochange.
I think men are opening up moreand more.
I mean, you know, as a society,we're accepting therapy more
than more.
We're accepting personaldevelopment, self-help.
Men tend to choose personaldevelopment, self-personal
development, self-help, um, moreso from building a business
(04:35):
perspective, the Tony Robbins ofthe world, you know, because
they want to build their wealth.
But we're really talking aboutbuilding that inner confidence
within ourselves, thatself-worth, self-esteem,
self-confidence, self-reliance,self-discipline.
And that's all wrapped up in theheart of love.
So when we say all those things,we're really the reason why my
(04:56):
book is self-love is because itcontemplates self-worth,
self-esteem, self-confidence,self-reliance, all those juicy
self-words.
unknown (05:04):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (05:05):
And is the book like a how-to or just kind of your
story, and then the the lessonscome from your story or you
know, it's it's very, it's it'ssimilar to the way the
untethered soul is written, butI will tell you it's a very
junior version of that.
It's a very simplistic versionof some principles.
There's roughly 30 principles.
For example, you know, uh,principle number one is speak
(05:29):
your truth, do it with kindness.
You know, in other words, we allhave our truth.
Doesn't mean it's the truth, butwe we feel though it's the
truth.
But if you're gonna speak yourtruth to someone, do it with
kindness.
There's another chapter called,If it's sincere and from the
heart, you can't say the wrongthing to the right person.
And they're just little, youknow, small little uh three or
(05:50):
four page um principles to kindof overhaul your life.
And, you know, people look atself-love and sometimes as a
downer.
And you've and I'm sure you'veheard in the dating realm, you
can't love another until youlove yourself.
I think of self-love as um,well, I write this in the book,
(06:10):
you know, when you're travelingon an airplane and the flight
attendant says, in case a cabinpressure change, you know,
oxygen masks will be droppedfrom the ceiling.
And if you're traveling with thesmall child, put the mask on
yourself first.
Self-love is putting the mask onyourself first, you know,
because if you can't nourishyour own soul, it's going to be
different, difficult to nourishsomeone else.
(06:32):
But the small child on the planeis your is your emotional child.
We all have a inner, well, forus adults, you know, we have an
inner six-year-old, an emotionalsix-year-old that oftentimes
doesn't really know how tonavigate the adult world.
And so the self-love piece isloving that inner six-year-old
(06:54):
inside of us to nurture itinstead of what do we do?
We humans beat ourselves upemotionally.
We crucify ourselves, we flogourselves.
We can be our own worst enemy.
And self-love is saying, hey,you don't need to do that.
Why don't you love that littlepart of you that feels fear and
insecurity and doubt and anxietyand judgments of others and all
(07:18):
those things that bring us downemotionally?
The idea is putting the oxygenmask on yourself.
SPEAKER_00 (07:24):
Yeah, that definitely makes a lot of sense.
And then would you, I'm assumingyou would use this for like
rejection during dating as well.
SPEAKER_01 (07:32):
Or is that oh my gosh.
Well, you know, in ourenvironment today, we are most
likely going to have a lot more,you know, experiences that don't
go your way than than you wishedit would.
So, you know, there's a there isa saying, rejection is God's
protection.
Uh and I don't believe justbecause a person doesn't choose
(07:54):
you, whether it's after a firstdate or even years in and they
choose to move on, you know, weview that as rejection, but
honestly, it's a misalignment.
And if it's not right for one,it's not right for the other.
So when someone ends arelationship with you and you
don't have to feel rejected, youcan simply look at it and say,
(08:14):
hey, we weren't lying for eachother.
If it's not right for them, it'snot right for me.
Now, while I don't use the bookisn't about dating per se, but
it's about standing in yoursovereignty.
So when you are dating, you'recoming from more of an
empowerment, sovereign placethan the victim consciousness.
And sadly, Tamara, we areswimming in a sea of victim
(08:38):
content, we're suckling on thenipple of victim consciousness
here in the United States.
Um, and it's about beingempowered in victor
consciousness versus victimconsciousness.
SPEAKER_00 (08:50):
Yeah.
And uh this kind of relates tohow would you you talk about
early signs you're in the wrongrelationship, like if yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (09:00):
Yeah, you know what?
It's the this is okay.
Here's the tricky part.
Our intuition is speaking to usall the time.
And it's speaking to us throughour body.
When something doesn't feelright, it usually isn't right.
Now, right means justmisalignment.
Now, are you gonna meet somebodywho's perfectly aligned and you
(09:22):
can just do this with yourfingers?
No, that's that's a very that'sa very rare thing.
But one of the first signs issomething doesn't feel right.
Now, it could mean that you'renot in a good place to be in a
relationship, quite frankly.
We have a we have a populationof walking wounded, and this is
true for men and women alike.
So for the ladies listening thatthink they're always pointing
(09:45):
the finger at men, let me tellyou something.
Men are doing the same thing towomen.
You know, we are pointing thefinger at the opposite sex
instead of pointing the fingerat ourselves, going, and I
don't, I mean looking in themirror and going, maybe I'm the
common denominator of all mydisappointment in life, and what
can I do to shift that?
(10:05):
That's an empowered place to beinstead of a victim place to be.
SPEAKER_00 (10:25):
Yeah.
And I know you say thatrelationships are the best path
to self-love.
And why would you say that?
SPEAKER_01 (10:32):
You know, I mean, there is an argument to me that
I believe that a significantamount of individual work
outside of a relationship wouldbehoove a person.
And what I mean to say is toreally look at their past
experiences and evaluate it froman objective point of view and
to forgive, you know, your pastrelationships, to forgive
(10:55):
yourself.
I think doing that, so to beprepared, because here's the
problem if you enter into arelationship feeling fear, still
hurt from your pastrelationships, or still living
in fantasy, which so many peopledo, it's going to be difficult
to see this possibly beautifulhuman soul right in front of
(11:17):
you.
Okay.
So, and and so the capacity tobe in a relationship requires
not, we all have fear.
That's okay to have fear.
We still have residue from pastrelationships, and we boy, do we
have egos that can fantasize theCinderella story, if you will.
But your desire, your capacity,and your vision for a
(11:40):
relationship must exceed thefear, the past hurts, and the
fantasy.
If that, if you can't reach thatpoint, if the fear, past hurts,
and fantasy exceeds the desire,capacity, and vision, then it
doesn't matter.
That new relation, that that newrelationship isn't going to help
you grow because it's, you know,you're still stuck.
(12:04):
Now, if you desire, capacity,and vision, and you meet
somebody who's also in thatspace of desiring growth from an
emotional point of view.
When two people say, I want togrow, they come from a place of
curiosity, then you have acapacity to grow beyond your
limit, beyond where you're attoday.
And here's the thing (12:24):
some people just don't want to grow,
they just want to live life froma very surface level, from a
performative level, from an, youknow, many people are dating
today to for attraction,entertainment, romance, and
physical connection without anyreal building with someone else.
(12:44):
Now, Tamara, I say this becausefor those, I I I um coach to a
population of midlife folks, andI say midlife is after baby
making years and beforeretirement.
When you're in your 20s and 30sand you want to make baby and
raise a family, you're going tobuild a life with somebody.
It gets really tricky after 45.
(13:07):
What does building a life withanother human being look like?
Like we we know the blueprint ofmake babies and raise a family,
but we don't know how to blendlives.
Many people don't know how toblend lives in midlife.
Not to say all don't, but mostdon't.
Because the Brady Bunch TV showscrewed it up for us.
It made it look so easy.
(13:28):
You could just take, you know,uh Carol and Mike, you know,
Carol and Mike, and they eachhad three children, somehow it's
all going to magically formtogether.
That doesn't happen in the realworld.
So you have to want to build alife with someone else.
And sadly, Tamara, we don't havea blueprint of what that might
look like.
We're it's like like raising ababy.
(13:49):
Most of us didn't have ablueprint know how to raise a
baby.
So so many people are wingingit.
And what happens is the minutethe road gets bumpy, they go
next.
The minute it gets icky, next.
The minute it gets a littlechallenging, next.
Because we have this onlinedating service that can just
serve up another person.
(14:10):
And so those are just some ofthe few things that make it
challenging to bond with someoneat midlife.
SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
Yeah.
Yeah, I've never thought of itthat way, but like you said,
there's no setway once you'reyou don't need to have kids
together.
No.
So you're like, all right, howare we doing this?
SPEAKER_01 (14:27):
Yeah, I've never exactly.
unknown (14:30):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (14:30):
And then I mean, I was in a few Facebook groups um
uh with older older people, andthey're and they're just uh
yeah, like you're saying,they're pretty clueless.
SPEAKER_01 (14:39):
I'll just say were you in the date my uh who did
you date group or burn thehaystack or I was in the
haystack one yeah, I got kickedout for for promoting my own um
podcast, but well, you know,it's funny because my girlfriend
was in that and she said, mostpeople are so angry at men in
that group.
I'm like, and I was thinkingabout this.
(14:59):
If you come at it from a placeof anger towards the opposite
sex and you're you're being fedthat anger over and over and
over again, how can you comefrom a place of love?
It's my it's my question.
I'm not saying it is a statementof fact, but if there's so much,
and I I don't know, I've neverbeen in the group, but if
there's so much anger, how canyou see the beauty in a person?
(15:20):
That's the question I have.
SPEAKER_00 (15:22):
Yeah, I mean, I've definitely saw that too.
And I've I've I misspoke.
I got kicked out for pointingthat out.
You know, I was like, you'renever gonna find anyone if
you're acting like this.
SPEAKER_01 (15:30):
Like, oh, so you said that in the group.
SPEAKER_00 (15:32):
Yeah, and that's why I got kicked out.
Like they they want only yespeople in there that are you
know a lot think along the samelines.
Yeah, and they're just yeah,they're which is nothing wrong
with being a feminist, and theyyou know they just subscribe to
the you know, women can do itall too.
And I personally think it's bestwhen men lead and you have to
(15:53):
respect them and it works, butyou know, when you find someone
that you respect, you're it'seasier to lead or let them lead.
SPEAKER_01 (15:59):
You know, here's so let's lean into that for a
second because I'm all forwomen's empowerment.
Let me just say this becausewhen two empowered individuals
get together, I think that'swhere real juice and magic and
and flow can occur.
Um, to some degree, men areconditioned to chase sex, but
(16:21):
they don't necessarily chasecommitment, okay?
You know, this is where thenarrative, men are the leaders
of the relationship, and men arethe hunters, and men are the
chasers.
Well, I I want to caution womenwhen you hear that, what are we
chasing in the very, verybeginning?
We're not we're not goingaround, I want a relationship, I
want a relationship.
(16:41):
Most men don't do that.
They're like, I want yourphysical body.
unknown (16:44):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:45):
So if you're, you know, then there's a little game
playing that occurs to achievethat.
But once you've had physicalintimacy, the real question is,
does this man want long-termcommitment?
And if he is not committed tocommitment, this is the trick,
coming back to your question,how do you spot something?
If he's not committed tocommitment, like when I was in
(17:07):
my 20s, I wanted the mother ofmy children.
So I'm searching for the motherof my children.
Men in their 40s, 50s, and 60s,they don't know what that
tangible is because they don'twant the mother of their
children anymore.
So they have to decide what iscommitment mean to them.
And a lot of men today, sadly,just have no clue.
(17:29):
I mean, I'm I will agree to somedegree that if a man isn't
committed to commitment, thenyou, as a woman, you should be,
I'm gonna use the word cautiousor at least mindful of this.
This is why in my privatecoaching, I teach something
called radical honesty,pre-qualifying your prospect.
And that is getting crystalclear on who is compatible with
(17:52):
you.
Now, Tamara, women come to meall the time for private
coaching, going, Jonathan, Iknow what I want.
I know what I want, I know whatI want in relationship.
And I I did that intentionallydramatic because they go through
my propriety or coachingprogram.
And can you guess what they sayevery single time afterwards?
SPEAKER_00 (18:10):
It wasn't anything, but I thought it was.
SPEAKER_01 (18:13):
Exactly.
I wish they taught me this inschool.
I wish my parents taught methis.
You made me think, because whathappens is we've been so
conditioned because of thedating apps, to focus on the
surface level things, height,you know, body type, uh,
profession, all of those thingsthat we see first.
But we don't, we don't honestlylook into the inward capacity of
(18:36):
a person and asking the deeperquestions because remember I
said earlier we have a woundedpopulation?
We have a wounded population ofmen and women who have been hurt
by their past relationships andhave done little or no healing
from their past relationships.
So I encourage women to now Iencourage them to interrogate
(18:58):
men.
Now, I'm saying this tongue incheek, okay?
What does interrogation mean?
It means to get to the truth,okay?
Now, every dating coach willtell you, you should never
interview a man on a date.
It will make him run away.
I'm the opposite.
You should interrogate them.
Now, how do you do that?
You do it in a fun, flirty way.
You ask provocative questionsthat are designed to spur
(19:23):
conversation.
So, and and this is about beingplaced from a curiosity.
Now, again, I said it tongue incheek, but it's about getting to
the truth.
Are you, is your mindset?
Do I want to get to the truth ofthis person?
Like, and do you know what Imean by the truth?
I'm talking about who thisperson is outside of the
(19:43):
performative nature of thisperson, outside of the ego.
Who is this person really?
The only way we can get there,Tamara, is we ask juicy,
delicious questions to find outabout a person.
So instead of being fearful andbeing afraid someone will run
away, the person who iscommitted to commitment is
going, oh my God, I love talkingabout this stuff because I'm
(20:06):
committed to it.
And the ones who are notcommitted to it makes it much,
they'll run away, they'll run,you know.
And remember, they're chasingsex.
So you want to build a bit offriendship before you become
physical.
SPEAKER_00 (20:20):
Yeah, definitely.
And when you're talking aboutthe questions, I read on, of
course, Instagram always has,you know, eight quotes of this
and that.
But one of the questions waslike, Well, how do you normally
spend a weekend?
And, you know, they just answerfreely, but it it'll tell you a
lot about their lifestyle and ifthey mesh, you know, stuff like
that.
So I don't know.
SPEAKER_01 (20:36):
Well, I think the most important question is tell
me about your past relationshipsor what does commitment mean to
you, or what does a relationshiplook like for you?
Like, think about that.
What does a relationship looklike for you?
Like, I I mean, I'm invitingeveryone to pull up a calendar
and go, hey, show me what itlooks like for you Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
(20:57):
Well, I could do it the theGodfather way, Monday,
Wednesday, Thursday.
I'm just being silly here for asecond.
Um, but like what how do youenvision it looks like for you?
Have an idea of if does someonereally envision what it looks
like, other than oh, well, wesee each other, you know, like
from a from a cluelessperspective, or are you
(21:20):
envisioning your life withsomebody else?
That's the invitation.
SPEAKER_00 (21:24):
Yeah, yeah, great questions.
And yeah.
So do you want to talk about howto people can work with you?
Or are you still a coach?
SPEAKER_01 (21:35):
Are you what were a coach or you know it's funny you
say that.
Um, you know, to some degree,I've spent most of my time with
my YouTube channel because Ijust love my my podcast and my
YouTube channel because I loveuh and I do live streams where
we have QA.
That's where I spend most of mytime.
And yet at the same time, I dohave private coaching clients,
(21:55):
whether clients that are singlelooking for love and they want
some help in that capacity, orthey're in a relationship.
And I have a program called GetInside a Guy's Head, where a
client fills out an extensivequestionnaire about the man that
they're in relationship with.
And I literally exchange hishead with my head, get inside
(22:16):
his body, and I talk on hisbehalf, like I'm based on an
extensive questionnaire.
We're talking about 50 differentquestions about this person, and
I can give insight to a woman,and I mostly work with women, I
do work with men sometimes aswell, but I give them insight
into the capacity and viabilityof a relationship.
And and you know, it's funny,Tamara.
(22:39):
Women will come to me ready tobreak up with someone.
I'm like, and I'm gonna insidehis head, and I'm like, no, this
guy's a great guy, you shouldn'tdo it.
And the ones that they want tolike salvage the relationship,
I'm like, run, Forrest, run, youknow.
Um, yeah, and and certainly um Ihave a um a group program called
Midlife Love Mastery, where it'san inexpensive membership where
(23:01):
you can have access uh to methrough a uh Facebook group and
I shoot videos there, privatevideos as well.
Um coaching, you know, I'm hereto I think 2025 is a shift.
I think is gonna is the year toshift how we approach
relationships.
And what I mean to say is thedating apps for the last 20
(23:24):
years has been a great, has beena portal to meet people you
wouldn't otherwise meet.
And I'm still a big proponent ofit.
I think it's now time to getradically intentional, no longer
date from the physicalentertainment, romance um
attraction perspective, butreally date from a
(23:44):
heart-centered perspective andhave some real genuine
heart-centered conversationswith someone a few times, meet
them quickly, and then have moreheart-centered conversations to
see if this has viability from aromant long-term romantic
perspective.
I think people um are so, youknow what's interesting?
(24:07):
I think we become so in thehabit of needing immediate data,
immediate data.
We are so in the habit, likethere needs to be instant
chemistry right from the veryget-go.
And if there isn't, then there'snever going to be another date.
It's interesting.
I'm in a significantrelationship right now.
We'll most likely move to get intogether in a short period of
(24:28):
time.
And I'm bringing this up becauseour first meeting, we didn't
have chemistry.
And now it wasn't that we wereunattracted to each other.
There was just no pull towardseach other.
And then two days after, I'llcall it a meeting instead of a
date, even though, you know, Imean, technically it was a date,
but it was a meeting.
We got on the phone and we'relike, hey, how's it going?
(24:51):
And, you know, she asked me,What do you think, Jonathan?
I said, Hey, I think you'rewonderful, but I'm neutral.
And she goes, I'm neutral.
And we spent the next five hoursunpacking that on the phone.
Like we were like in shock.
Like, we have mutual friends, wehave so much in common.
We have this, this, this, andthis.
Why are we feeling neutrality?
And then the next day we got onthe phone, we were talking about
(25:14):
dating, you know, we're talkingabout our dating profiles, and
we spent another five hourstalking on the phone as two
friends.
And she's retired.
I work like I'm semi-retired,and we were just talking as
friends.
We're talking about our pastrelationships, we were talking
about our experiences because weweren't attached to an outcome.
We shared freely stuff that wemight not share to somebody we
(25:37):
were dating.
And by the 10th day, I'm like,I'm digging this person.
Like, I called her up.
I said, Hey, do you mind if weget, or she had suggested
getting together for a drink.
The next day I called her up andsaid, I've been thinking about
you so much.
Like, I mean, you're on my mindbeyond friendship.
And we met, you know, on oursecond time and we kissed, and
(26:00):
all of a sudden there was aspark.
And it occurs to me, Tamara, howmany people miss out on what
could I tell you, I'm in thebest relationship I ever had in
my life.
And I'm thinking, how manypeople missed out because there
wasn't that instant chemistry?
There wasn't that immediate, Ineed data to move forward.
We we oftentimes dismiss peopleso quickly that could be, and by
(26:23):
the way, she and I are soridiculously aligned.
I mean, we finish each other'ssentences, we get movie
references, we laugh habituallywith each other.
We are constantly laughing.
And I'm like, I said, you're mymirror.
Like, I never thought I'd meet aclone of me.
And I'm saying this both tonguein cheek and and sincerely.
We wouldn't have missed out ifthat new because we had that
(26:46):
neutrality on the first meeting.
SPEAKER_00 (26:49):
Yeah.
Well, I'm I'm also in the bestrelationship ever.
And it's yeah, it's on the corevalues.
You know, that's where we bondedon.
And like you said,self-improvement and growth and
just wanting to make adifference and help people.
SPEAKER_01 (27:03):
Yay, happy for you.
SPEAKER_00 (27:05):
Thank you.
Yeah.
Well, and you mentioned that youdo coach.
So how what are your the what'syour pod the name of your
podcast?
And what how can they likewhat's your website or what?
SPEAKER_01 (27:15):
Sure, sure.
So um right, my my name's listedhere, Jonathan Asley.
So you can you know uh cut andpaste that, put that into
Google.
My YouTube channel will be thefirst thing that comes up, my
website will be the next thing.
My podcast on Apple Spotify iscalled What Would Love Do?
And they're basically therecordings for my YouTube video,
(27:36):
so you can go to either one ofthem.
And the idea is to look at thisfrom a place of the eyes of love
instead of fear, anxiety, doubt,you know, um, and you know, and
as we talked about earlier, alot of anger.
The question is, how can wereturn to love in for ourselves
and come from a heart-centeredplace?
(27:56):
Um, a lot of what I teach isalmost it mirrors what the
Buddha, if if you read the book,if the Buddha dated, which is
really throwing out the genderrhetoric.
If we throw out the genderexpectations and say, how can
two people connect at aheart-centered level?
That's my message for everyone.
How can we, how can I show upfrom my heart?
(28:18):
Hopefully someone else shows upfrom their heart, and how can
those two hearts connect outsidethe performative, egoic way of
dating?
That's my invitation foreverybody.
SPEAKER_00 (28:29):
Yeah, I normally ask like final thoughts, but that
sounded exactly like what I wasgonna ask.
SPEAKER_01 (28:33):
So yeah, it kind of fits the final thoughts.
SPEAKER_00 (28:36):
Yeah, thank you.
Unless you have more to add, Ithink I will leave it there.
SPEAKER_01 (28:40):
No, I appreciate this.
You're a good interviewer, so Iappreciate the opportunity to
expand upon something that I'mpassionate about, both uh
overcoming adversity, um, whichI'm very grateful that my life,
you know, I went to bed wishingI didn't wake up for years, and
now I can't get wait to get upin the morning and and see what
kind of adventure unfolds.
(29:01):
But also at the same time, Ibelieve the quality of our life
is predicated on the quality ofour relationships, you know.
So when particularly our primaryromantic relationship.
And so I'm here to encourage mymy hope is by encouraging uh
healthy human pair bonding, youknow, people live a more
fulfilled life because of it.
SPEAKER_00 (29:23):
Yeah, awesome sentiment, and I agree.
SPEAKER_01 (29:26):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:26):
All right, well, thank you very much.
And if you love this episode, besure to tell your friends about
it and rate it as well.
And thank you again for beingon, Jonathan.
SPEAKER_01 (29:35):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:36):
All right, thanks everyone.
Bye.
SPEAKER_01 (29:39):
Frank Talk! Frank Talk Sex and Danning Educates.
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