December 10, 2024 • 25 mins
Discover the transformative power of healthy masculinity with Tom Bucsku, the visionary CEO and founder of Primal Divinity Coaching. Join us as Tom shares his unique approach to dating and relationships, blending the primal and spiritual dimensions of human nature to foster personal growth. By focusing on authentic self-improvement and overcoming self-sabotage, Tom offers invaluable advice for men looking to enhance their relational dynamics and career aspirations. This episode is a must-listen for anyone eager to master the art of balancing masculine and feminine energies, as we demystify the essence of Tantra and its role in promoting oneness and polarity between these energies.
Thanks for listening!
Check out this site for everthing to know about women's pleasure including video tutorials and great suggestions for bedroom time!!
https://for-goodness-sake-omgyes.sjv.io/c/5059274/1463336/17315
Take the happiness quiz from Oprah and Arthur Brooks here: https://arthurbrooks.com/build
NEW: Subscribe monthly: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1805181/support
Email questions/comments/feeback to tamara@straightfromthesourcesmouth.co
Website: https://straightfromthesourcesmouthpod.net/
Instagram: @fromthesourcesmouth_franktalk
Twitter: @tamarapodcast
YouTube and IG: Tamara_Schoon_comic
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth
.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Podcast Frank talk about sex and dating.
Hello, tamara here, welcome tothe show.
Today's guest is Tom Bushku,ceo and founder of Primal
Divinity Coaching, and we'll betalking about his best tips for
single guys who attract thewomen that they want.
Thanks for joining me, tom.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
It's great to be here , Tamara.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yes, I think this will be a great topic, and I
have a lot of topics more forwomen, so this one will be for
the guys, so it'll be great.
All right, and you said youwould talk about the name, like
how you came up with the nameand how you are that kind of
coach.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yeah, primal divinity .
It encompasses kind of the dualnature of who we are as human
beings and spiritual beings.
At the same time it kind ofcombines some ancient wisdom
from our ancestors Think backhunter-gatherer days, where we
were more in tune with the earthand that whole idea of the
primal lifestyle in terms ofdiet, movement, sleep,
(00:59):
technology and so on, which is afoundation for those men that
I'm coaching in terms ofpersonal growth.
But it also taps into thatprimal element that you might
think of in the bedroom, forexample.
It sort of touches on some ofthe tantra stuff that I do as
well.
Combine that with our spiritualnature as divine beings.
(01:21):
And the work that I do includessomatic work that helps us get
with some of our emotions thatwe maybe haven't felt before,
feeling some of our old woundsand traumas and getting those
blocks out of the way so that westop self-sabotaging, you know,
whether it's in relationshipsand dating or in the world of
(01:41):
business and finance.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Yeah, no, and lots of people do it and probably don't
know how to stop, so definitelyit's a good thing to talk about
.
And how do you get started withsomeone, or what are some of
your main points?
You?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
make.
Well, I always start with wherea man is, and I say men.
I do sometimes work with women,kind of on a select basis.
My experience is primarily withmen and I find that there's
such a need for men to helpdevelop a healthy masculinity,
and I could go off the rails onwhy that is, but the point is
(02:16):
that there's a need for it inthe world and I found some of
that myself and so I'm passingthat on.
But it's really it's for the menwho are dissatisfied in their
lives, whether it's in terms oftheir relationships why am I
still single?
Or why am I attracting adifferent version of the same
woman over and over again,repeating these patterns, or why
(02:38):
do my relationships keepfailing?
And whatever it might be or interms of, again, business,
finance, career.
I'm plateaued, I'm stuck, I'mnot happy with my purpose or my
mission in life, or I don't knowwhat that is, and it's
primarily a referral basis whereI find the people that I work
with and I'm selective with whomthat is.
(02:59):
I don't take just anybody offthe street who wants to throw
money at me.
You've got to want it andyou've got to be willing to put
in the work, because it will getuncomfortable, and that's where
the growth is.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I've had someone onrecently that talks about not
the spiritual but the Tantrastuff in the bedroom.
But yeah, and and peopletalking about gender differences
.
So I think this will kind offurther people's education that
have been listening.
So once you get them to figureout where they are, yeah Well,
the.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
The second piece is once you find where somebody is,
you find where they want to go.
Like what is it that they wantto create in their life?
You know if that's attractingyour soulmate?
Or is that I want to become aplayer and I want to sleep with
a hundred women or whatever?
Like I'm not judging on whatyou do with what you learn, um,
but what is your vision Like,what do you want to create for
your life?
And then we bridge the gap tohelp somebody go go from point A
(03:53):
to point B, and there's a lotof different practices that we
use that we honestly justwouldn't have time to get into
on the talk today.
A good place to go from here isyou mentioned you had somebody
on who talked about Tantra, andwhat I'm learning through that
is that kind of has a bad nameor a bad connotation in many
ways, because if you really diveinto what Tantra is, it's
(04:16):
oneness.
It's a spiritual philosophyborn out of India a thousand
years ago that brought us yogaand meditation and a lot of
other great practices, and yetin the late 60s it was brought
to America and commercialized assex and it can be an amazing
enhancement in the sexual world.
But really what it's about istapping into our divine
(04:40):
masculine essence and for womento tap into their divine
feminine essence and creatingthat healthy polarity that both
sexes want that is so attractivelike opposite poles of a magnet
.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, I've definitely had a few people that talk
about that part of it, and thensome people get offended about
you know, like you know,especially like feminism and
equality.
They think, well, you can'ttell me what to do.
So what would you say tosomeone that thinks it's like
that, where the man's in chargeand the woman has to just do
whatever they say?
Then you mentioned healthymasculinity, so I'm guessing
that'll be part of it.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, and that is really key, to have that word
healthy in front of the wordmasculinity.
And I've been in manyconversations just recently
actually around this idea ofmasculine energy leads.
Feminine energy doesn't follow,but it surrenders.
And this is diving a little bitinto that tantra philosophy of
(05:37):
we all have masculine andfeminine energies and there are
times when we need to tap intoeach one.
It's not just that men aremasculine all the time and women
are supposed to be feminine allthe time.
And it's not leadership fromyou.
Know the old 1950s, leave it toBeaver.
The man's in charge tells youwhat to do.
You're stay at home barefootand pregnant, whatever it is.
(05:57):
That is not what it's about.
It's about masculine energy,whether it's in you as the woman
or me as the man, leading andcreating a safe container so
that the feminine can soften,surrender and fully express and
go with the flow.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, I mean, I believe in all this stuff.
So I think the world just worksbetter when it's that way, in a
relationship where you're not,because if two masculine
energies are just going to buttheads the whole time and then
two feminine energies, no one'sgoing to do anything.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, nobody leaves.
And you know, when thistriggers, people, and
particularly women, gettriggered by this idea of oh, I
don't need a man to lead, I makemy own money.
I, you know, I can make my owndecisions.
It's usually related back totheir experiences with men in
their lives, because most of thetime they haven't actually
(06:51):
experienced what the maturemasculine looks like, whether
that was modeled by theirparents or their male role
models growing up, or boyfriends, husbands or whatever they
might have that they've been inrelationship with, friends,
husbands or whatever they mighthave that they've been in
relationship with.
When a healthy, maturemasculine container is created,
women just soften and enjoy itand they love it.
(07:17):
And even if they don't thinkthey want it, they really do if
they have a feminine essence andwe as men have the sacred
responsibility of creating thatplace where a woman can
experience that.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
How to's or what to do.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Absolutely Single.
Best tip I can give anybody outthere who's looking for either
a date or a relationship, oreven people who are already in a
relationship.
This all still applies.
There's some great books outthere that that talk about this,
and I've had some great mentorsin the in this world.
But it's this concept ofhypergamy, right, or hyper gammy
(07:51):
, right.
We've all heard of monogamy,which is one love, or polygamy,
which is multiple love.
Hyper gammy or hypergamy iswomen are actually really
attracted to higher love, right?
That's how it would translate,Meaning that women are attracted
to the highest value man, thatthey feel that they can get in
(08:13):
air quotes there, and I onlylearned this in those terms in
the last few years, but it'ssomething that I observed in my
own life, going back 20 years,and I would say that women were
attracted to.
Power is how I described it,from not knowing any better way
of describing it, but that canbe power in terms of.
(08:33):
You know, you think tribaltimes, right?
It was the chief who hadmultiple wives or had his pick
of who he wanted.
Today, who has their choice ofthe best looking or highest
value women in the world, right?
Politicians, movie stars,football players, billionaires?
You know, some form of power,and, and what that really means
(08:54):
now is the highest value manthat a woman thinks that she can
get or that she can get.
I want to take everything Ijust said and say throw it all
out the window.
It doesn't mean that you needto be a football player,
apologist and movie star orbillionaire.
What they're really after isthey're craving the emotional
(09:15):
power.
Women want to feel a certain wayand we men kind of forget that
women operate differently andthat they're attracted to people
differently than how we are.
So you know, men, we'reprimarily visual, right?
We see a good looking woman?
Boom, we're attracted.
My dad told me God, this mustbe 30 some years ago.
He said men fall in love withthe women that they're attracted
(09:39):
to.
Women are attracted to the menthat they fall in love with, and
we all know that example of theand I'm going to polarize some
people here but like the short,bald guy who doesn't have any
money that has this beautifulwoman and you can't figure out
why Well, it's because of how hemakes her feel.
Right, he has power, and it maynot be money, it may not be
(10:01):
fame, it's something in how hecarries himself that she is
drawn to.
So the best thing that we cando as men if we want to attract
that woman whatever that womanis for us is to cultivate that
power, that personal power, andthat means creating an emotional
space where she is safe toexpress and soften into her
(10:23):
feminine.
It's about being the bestversion of ourselves.
It's not comparing ourselves tothe guy that's got the fancier
car, the bigger bank account ormore followers on TikTok.
It's about being the bestversion of us and stepping into
that and owning it.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah, it reminds me of an article a long time ago
about positive challenge andnegative challenge and there's
like women want a little bit ofa challenge but they don't want
like a jerk.
So the positive challenge iskind of what you're describing
in my mind of like it's theyknow what they're doing and
women want to feel safe.
That's one of the biggestthings.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
So a man who's confident enough to let her feel
safe in his company, yeah, andthat's where, like the men that
I work with who are looking toattract somebody, you know they
they think, all right, what arethe lines?
What, how do I dress, where do Igo, what do I say?
And it's you know, if you tapinto the PUA or the pickup
(11:19):
artist community, where there'sa whole like subculture about
like how to get laid, so tospeak, there's tricks and
techniques that will maybe getyou a date or get you a laid for
the night, but it's notsustainable.
If you want something more thanthat, if you really want
something deeper, you need to beauthentic, because if you're
just using some tricks that youread on the internet or that you
heard on a podcast and it's notreally who you are, that's
(11:42):
going to come out through thecourse of the relationship.
So some of the best advice thatI've heard and this has come
from successful pickup artistswho have learned this themselves
is to be authentic, be open, bevulnerable and just be so
comfortable and confident in whoyou are that you're willing to
(12:04):
allow the world to see you asyou are warts and all, so to
speak and be okay with that, andthat is incredibly attractive
to women and to men as well.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, I don't know if you watch the Golden
Bachelorette at all, but they'rethe guys on, they're all very
vulnerable and all very, youknow, forthcoming, and she seems
to like them all and so it kindof gets her point.
And also, you may you may bespeaking about this, the book,
the game.
I read his followup book, thetruth, where he was that guy
that was like he was able to sayall the right stuff, but then
(12:37):
it wasn't his true personality.
But he mastered it enough toget by and, you know, get women.
But the Truth was pretty much Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
The opposite of the game.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, well, he was.
It's a whole journey of himgoing through like different
lifestyles, trying to figure outexactly what works for him,
like he thought he could neverbe with just one woman.
And then, of course, spoileralert, you know that's what
happens after going throughtrauma and like therapy and
stuff.
You know, figuring out all thatstuff.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Well, I'm glad you brought that up because you know
the game and that whole pickupartist mentality is like I said,
it will work and it will getyou dates.
It will get you women, butultimately, what those men who
have written these books havefound is that it's really, it's
unfulfilling at the end.
Yes, it's great, right?
I don't.
I don't get a lot of dates.
(13:26):
I'm a virgin.
I don't.
Nobody likes me.
I'm going to do whatever I canto get a date, have sex, feel
good and it's wonderful for amoment, or for a week or for a
month or however long.
But ultimately, you're relyingon something external to
yourself to validate you.
If I, what does it mean if Idon't have sex or if I don't get
(13:49):
a date, if I only feel goodabout myself because I've
managed to get a woman?
And this, this is myself I'mtalking about.
All through my twenties andearly thirties, I was a serial
monogamous, because I couldn'tever not be with somebody,
because I felt that meant I wasalone and I was a loser and I
wasn't good enough.
That's really the, ultimately,the core pain that we all have.
(14:11):
So what these, these playershave found out is that it
doesn't matter what your notcheson your belt add up to.
At the end of the day, we allwant something deeper, just like
Jim Carrey gave a famous speechat a graduation one time where
he said I wish that you couldall have $10 million so that you
realize you don't feel anybetter with $10 million.
(14:33):
You're still you.
You just happen to have $10million.
You're still you, you justhappen to have $10 million.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, yeah.
And then especially like theguys that use the lines to get
the girls and then it's notfulfilling, like you said, but
then they know they're kind oftricking, they know it's not
really them doing it, so thenthat makes them feel bad about
themselves, I would guess aftera while.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, exactly, and it depends on where you are in
your journey, right?
What?
What level of consciousness areyou at?
You know, when I was 25, if yougave me some of those lines and
I could get some, I would havetaken them and used them and I
would have got some right.
And I, I did all that and itdidn't didn't make me feel any
better about myself because itwears off.
(15:12):
And then you're just seekingthe next high.
It's, it's, you know, adopamine hit and that wears off
and you got to go get the nextone.
It's like I need my fix.
It's unsustainable.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
What would be another tip thatyou would give?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Okay.
So one of the things that mostof us have an issue with whether
it's with women or in sales orwhatever it might be is this,
this fear of rejection.
Why don't we go talk to thepretty girl right?
We're at the bar, we're at aparty or the grocery store,
wherever you are, and people askall the time you know where do
(15:46):
you meet women?
Wherever you are, likeliterally wherever you are, and,
honestly, places aside frombars and nightclubs are
generally better, because whenyou go to the bar and the
nightclub, everybody's kind ofgot their guard up a little bit,
even if they're looking,because they know you're looking
too.
But when I've successfullygotten a phone number or
(16:08):
whatever it is, it's usually Ijust turn around and, boom,
she's right there in front of meand I didn't have a chance to
psych myself out right bythinking about you know what am
I going to say?
How am I going to say?
How am I going to press?
As soon as you get in your head, you're dead.
But it's because we have thisfear of rejection.
It comes back to that, allright.
Well, what does it mean if thisperson doesn't like me?
(16:28):
And that's where I work with mymen to get into that
self-confidence and thatself-growth mentality of I'm
good enough without Like go andthat self-growth mentality of
I'm good enough without like go.
Reject me a hundred times and Istill feel wonderful about
myself.
And that's a long journey butthat's ultimately what's gonna
lead us to where we wanna go,because rejection doesn't feel
(16:51):
good in the moment and we'regetting a little bit into the
spiritual side, right, thedivinity part of what I do, but
really that's why we're getting.
We're getting a little bit intothe spiritual side, right, the
divinity part of what I do, butreally that's why we're here on
earth or in the 3d realm, orwhatever you want to call it is
to experience all the stuff.
Right, to experience therejection and the loss and the
pain and the breakups and thecheating, because we know when
(17:13):
we're in spirit, when we're likejust this light, whatever we
are again, depending on whatyour beliefs are we don't have
any of that.
So I believe we came to earthto experience all those
different things.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, and I'm going to ask a question about
something you said earlier.
I've heard and I think this istrue that the more attractive a
woman is, the less likely guysare going to talk to her, or
unless does it, or unless I'mtotally wrong.
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
That's totally true and I've actually had several
conversations with really goodlooking women about this.
And it's because we are placinghigher value on the, on the
woman, and so we're we're makingthe stakes higher for ourselves
.
So, oh, man, you know, part ofit is self-image.
I, you know, I I can't go afterher.
She's a nine or a 10.
Like, I'm good enough for a sixor a seven, so I'll approach
(18:03):
that woman at the bar or thecoffee shop.
So part of it is that the ironyin all this, tamara, is that
those same really good lookingwomen actually get approached
less.
And multiple women have told methe same thing.
Because they're of what we justdescribed, that the men think.
(18:23):
The men think, oh my God, shemust.
She's so beautiful, she mustget hit on all the time.
She's so tired of it.
I don't want to be one more guy, I don't want to bother and I'm
never going to get her anyway.
I don't know if they quiteunderstand that some of the
dynamic that's going on, butthey're like as much as any
other woman, if it's donerespectfully, they want to be
approached.
You is such a compliment for aman to come up and say hey, I
(18:47):
just saw you and wanted to letyou know that you're really
beautiful.
What woman doesn't want to hearthat?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm a little older now, but I
like to say I'm one of thosewomen that I feel like I don't
know like people say, like Iwould have been intimidated to
talk to you, like if I didn'tstart talking first, and that's
yeah.
It's just annoying andfrustrating.
Everyone always assumes like,oh, my God, you must have so
many matches, you must have somany of this and not as much as
you think, in fact, a lot less,so yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, and you may.
You may get matches if you'redoing the dating apps right,
cause it's easy to just swiperight.
It's much different to walk upto somebody you know who's
looking at their cantaloupes inthe grocery store and asking you
know who's looking at theircantaloupes in the grocery store
and asking how do you pick theripest one?
Like that's.
The other thing is you don'thave to come in hard like a
kamikaze pilot and be like hey,I want to have sex with you,
(19:36):
even though that's probably whatyou're thinking as a guy, right
, but like that's.
The other piece is this this isa woman, this is a person, this
is a soul who has hopes anddreams and fears, just like we
do, and we forget that becausewe get so blinded by their
beauty.
What these women are cravingmore than anything else is just
(19:56):
to be seen for who they are, forsomebody to care about their
heart, somebody to listen tothem, somebody to go deeper than
just appreciating them becausethey've got a nice figure.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, I was just going to bring up the figure
part too.
But, like as a guy, obviouslyyou said earlier and we all know
men are visual.
But if can you, can they getover that and see the woman
versus just the nice body or thenice you know, like it's?
It seems some cannot in myexperience.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Yeah, some cannot and some never will, and that's
just where they are.
Again, I don't judge it.
I mean, I was there for a longtime.
There are moments where I stillget that Like I'm not immune to
any of this.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, it's just yeah.
Like I said, it's nice to beapproached Back in the day.
That's what you did, like wedidn't have the internet to do
this, or all the apps to do thisyou just actually people talk
to each other.
And looked at each other andcame up to each other and talked
to each other.
Yeah, it's like a better in myopinion, better time.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Well, and you can still do all of that, you know
there.
I mean, you can take coursesout there on how to how to
attract somebody through adating app, how to your profile
pictures to look like, what kindof message to have in there,
what texts to send to get themon the phone, and that's great,
Like if it gets you theopportunity to connect live and
(21:16):
in person or on the phone orwhatever it is that's great.
But all the same, opportunitiesstill exist to connect out in
the world and one of mystrongest pieces of advice is
get off the apps or just usethem for practice, for bantering
and flirting, and then get outthere in the real world.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah, yeah, and I think I've noticed more people
are actually looking up fromtheir phones nowadays.
It used to be like everyone wasstared at them and never looked
up, but I think everyone'sgetting sick of it and they're
actually looking up more yeah,people are craving connection
more than ever.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
yeah, and I think that's true even, um, especially
like post-covid, when everybodywas so isolated for, you know,
a good year, two years, therewas not a lot of stuff going on.
People are still craving thatconnection, and when we're got
our nose buried in our phone orour computer all day long, we're
not getting it.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I think this is a goodtime to let people know how they
could work with you or how toreach you.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah, you know, one of the things actually that I
didn't even talk about was someof the energy work that I do.
I did mention that Iincorporate that in my coaching.
Most people have heard ofthings like Reiki.
Right, it's energy healing,it's just connecting with source
and bringing some good vibesinto your body, and it's real.
I do other things as well, likekundalini activation, and
(22:41):
kundalini comes back to thetantra philosophy.
It's that sexual energy that'sin our root, at the base of our
spine, and in a Kundaliniactivation what we're doing is
we're raising that up.
So we're taking that sexualenergy and we're rising it up
into our heart, into our higherchakras, and I don't want to get
too woo-woo here, but what itdoes is it raises our vibration
(23:05):
and it allows us to use thatcreative force elsewhere in the
world to create the stuff thatwe want.
The reason I bring all that upis the fastest way to get ahold
of me actually is to go to mywebsite, which is tantratomcom
wwwtantratomcom.
I think you do have to put theW's in and that is specifically
(23:26):
for the energy healing work thatI do, but on that there's links
for all my socials Facebook,instagram, youtube and so on.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Okay, all right.
Well, any closing comments orstuff you want to just make sure
the people listening get fromyou.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, just you know, for the guys that are looking
for the woman, you know,bringing it back to what I said
at the beginning just you know,for the guys that are looking
for the woman, you know,bringing it back to what I said
at the beginning just makeyourself the best version of who
you are.
Go have fun in life withoutwomen.
Find men to spend time with andbond with whether that's, you
know, fishing, where women don'tlike to go, or whatever it is
and get comfortable in yourmasculinity.
(24:05):
Grow yourself so that youbecome the man that the women
are attracted to.
And remember they're human,they're wanting to be approached
.
They want the connection justas much as we do.
So it's, you know, easy to say,harder to do.
But roll the dice and just gosay hi.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yeah, definitely.
I second that on behalf of allthe women that like it.
Yeah, I mean, and there's a wayto do it, like I'm sure you
know, like you said, it doesn'thave to be a crazy line, just
literally, you know, like anexample of you talked about the
cantaloupe, like, or there'slike, yeah, just strike up
conversations.
Would you agree with that part?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Absolutely Many women have told me the best line is
hi, my name's Tom.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, I think that's a good place to leave it,
actually All right.
Well, thank you very much forbeing on.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Thanks for having me on, tamara, it's been a pleasure
.
Thanks, frank Talk.
Frank Talk Sex and DatingEducates.
Welcome to the Straight from the Source's Mouth
.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Podcast Frank talk about sex and dating.
Hello, tamara here, welcome tothe show.
Today's guest is Tom Bushku,ceo and founder of Primal
Divinity Coaching, and we'll betalking about his best tips for
single guys who attract thewomen that they want.
Thanks for joining me, tom.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
It's great to be here , Tamara.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Yes, I think this will be a great topic, and I
have a lot of topics more forwomen, so this one will be for
the guys, so it'll be great.
All right, and you said youwould talk about the name, like
how you came up with the nameand how you are that kind of
coach.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Yeah, primal divinity .
It encompasses kind of the dualnature of who we are as human
beings and spiritual beings.
At the same time it kind ofcombines some ancient wisdom
from our ancestors Think backhunter-gatherer days, where we
were more in tune with the earthand that whole idea of the
primal lifestyle in terms ofdiet, movement, sleep,
(00:59):
technology and so on, which is afoundation for those men that
I'm coaching in terms ofpersonal growth.
But it also taps into thatprimal element that you might
think of in the bedroom, forexample.
It sort of touches on some ofthe tantra stuff that I do as
well.
Combine that with our spiritualnature as divine beings.
(01:21):
And the work that I do includessomatic work that helps us get
with some of our emotions thatwe maybe haven't felt before,
feeling some of our old woundsand traumas and getting those
blocks out of the way so that westop self-sabotaging, you know,
whether it's in relationshipsand dating or in the world of
(01:41):
business and finance.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Yeah, no, and lots of people do it and probably don't
know how to stop, so definitelyit's a good thing to talk about
.
And how do you get started withsomeone, or what are some of
your main points?
You?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
make.
Well, I always start with wherea man is, and I say men.
I do sometimes work with women,kind of on a select basis.
My experience is primarily withmen and I find that there's
such a need for men to helpdevelop a healthy masculinity,
and I could go off the rails onwhy that is, but the point is
(02:16):
that there's a need for it inthe world and I found some of
that myself and so I'm passingthat on.
But it's really it's for the menwho are dissatisfied in their
lives, whether it's in terms oftheir relationships why am I
still single?
Or why am I attracting adifferent version of the same
woman over and over again,repeating these patterns, or why
(02:38):
do my relationships keepfailing?
And whatever it might be or interms of, again, business,
finance, career.
I'm plateaued, I'm stuck, I'mnot happy with my purpose or my
mission in life, or I don't knowwhat that is, and it's
primarily a referral basis whereI find the people that I work
with and I'm selective with whomthat is.
(02:59):
I don't take just anybody offthe street who wants to throw
money at me.
You've got to want it andyou've got to be willing to put
in the work, because it will getuncomfortable, and that's where
the growth is.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I've had someone onrecently that talks about not
the spiritual but the Tantrastuff in the bedroom.
But yeah, and and peopletalking about gender differences
.
So I think this will kind offurther people's education that
have been listening.
So once you get them to figureout where they are, yeah Well,
the.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
The second piece is once you find where somebody is,
you find where they want to go.
Like what is it that they wantto create in their life?
You know if that's attractingyour soulmate?
Or is that I want to become aplayer and I want to sleep with
a hundred women or whatever?
Like I'm not judging on whatyou do with what you learn, um,
but what is your vision Like,what do you want to create for
your life?
And then we bridge the gap tohelp somebody go go from point A
(03:53):
to point B, and there's a lotof different practices that we
use that we honestly justwouldn't have time to get into
on the talk today.
A good place to go from here isyou mentioned you had somebody
on who talked about Tantra, andwhat I'm learning through that
is that kind of has a bad nameor a bad connotation in many
ways, because if you really diveinto what Tantra is, it's
(04:16):
oneness.
It's a spiritual philosophyborn out of India a thousand
years ago that brought us yogaand meditation and a lot of
other great practices, and yetin the late 60s it was brought
to America and commercialized assex and it can be an amazing
enhancement in the sexual world.
But really what it's about istapping into our divine
(04:40):
masculine essence and for womento tap into their divine
feminine essence and creatingthat healthy polarity that both
sexes want that is so attractivelike opposite poles of a magnet
.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Yeah, I've definitely had a few people that talk
about that part of it, and thensome people get offended about
you know, like you know,especially like feminism and
equality.
They think, well, you can'ttell me what to do.
So what would you say tosomeone that thinks it's like
that, where the man's in chargeand the woman has to just do
whatever they say?
Then you mentioned healthymasculinity, so I'm guessing
that'll be part of it.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, and that is really key, to have that word
healthy in front of the wordmasculinity.
And I've been in manyconversations just recently
actually around this idea ofmasculine energy leads.
Feminine energy doesn't follow,but it surrenders.
And this is diving a little bitinto that tantra philosophy of
(05:37):
we all have masculine andfeminine energies and there are
times when we need to tap intoeach one.
It's not just that men aremasculine all the time and women
are supposed to be feminine allthe time.
And it's not leadership fromyou.
Know the old 1950s, leave it toBeaver.
The man's in charge tells youwhat to do.
You're stay at home barefootand pregnant, whatever it is.
(05:57):
That is not what it's about.
It's about masculine energy,whether it's in you as the woman
or me as the man, leading andcreating a safe container so
that the feminine can soften,surrender and fully express and
go with the flow.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Yeah, I mean, I believe in all this stuff.
So I think the world just worksbetter when it's that way, in a
relationship where you're not,because if two masculine
energies are just going to buttheads the whole time and then
two feminine energies, no one'sgoing to do anything.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Yeah, nobody leaves.
And you know, when thistriggers, people, and
particularly women, gettriggered by this idea of oh, I
don't need a man to lead, I makemy own money.
I, you know, I can make my owndecisions.
It's usually related back totheir experiences with men in
their lives, because most of thetime they haven't actually
(06:51):
experienced what the maturemasculine looks like, whether
that was modeled by theirparents or their male role
models growing up, or boyfriends, husbands or whatever they
might have that they've been inrelationship with, friends,
husbands or whatever they mighthave that they've been in
relationship with.
When a healthy, maturemasculine container is created,
women just soften and enjoy itand they love it.
(07:17):
And even if they don't thinkthey want it, they really do if
they have a feminine essence andwe as men have the sacred
responsibility of creating thatplace where a woman can
experience that.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
How to's or what to do.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Absolutely Single.
Best tip I can give anybody outthere who's looking for either
a date or a relationship, oreven people who are already in a
relationship.
This all still applies.
There's some great books outthere that that talk about this,
and I've had some great mentorsin the in this world.
But it's this concept ofhypergamy, right, or hyper gammy
(07:51):
, right.
We've all heard of monogamy,which is one love, or polygamy,
which is multiple love.
Hyper gammy or hypergamy iswomen are actually really
attracted to higher love, right?
That's how it would translate,Meaning that women are attracted
to the highest value man, thatthey feel that they can get in
(08:13):
air quotes there, and I onlylearned this in those terms in
the last few years, but it'ssomething that I observed in my
own life, going back 20 years,and I would say that women were
attracted to.
Power is how I described it,from not knowing any better way
of describing it, but that canbe power in terms of.
(08:33):
You know, you think tribaltimes, right?
It was the chief who hadmultiple wives or had his pick
of who he wanted.
Today, who has their choice ofthe best looking or highest
value women in the world, right?
Politicians, movie stars,football players, billionaires?
You know, some form of power,and, and what that really means
(08:54):
now is the highest value manthat a woman thinks that she can
get or that she can get.
I want to take everything Ijust said and say throw it all
out the window.
It doesn't mean that you needto be a football player,
apologist and movie star orbillionaire.
What they're really after isthey're craving the emotional
(09:15):
power.
Women want to feel a certain wayand we men kind of forget that
women operate differently andthat they're attracted to people
differently than how we are.
So you know, men, we'reprimarily visual, right?
We see a good looking woman?
Boom, we're attracted.
My dad told me God, this mustbe 30 some years ago.
He said men fall in love withthe women that they're attracted
(09:39):
to.
Women are attracted to the menthat they fall in love with, and
we all know that example of theand I'm going to polarize some
people here but like the short,bald guy who doesn't have any
money that has this beautifulwoman and you can't figure out
why Well, it's because of how hemakes her feel.
Right, he has power, and it maynot be money, it may not be
(10:01):
fame, it's something in how hecarries himself that she is
drawn to.
So the best thing that we cando as men if we want to attract
that woman whatever that womanis for us is to cultivate that
power, that personal power, andthat means creating an emotional
space where she is safe toexpress and soften into her
(10:23):
feminine.
It's about being the bestversion of ourselves.
It's not comparing ourselves tothe guy that's got the fancier
car, the bigger bank account ormore followers on TikTok.
It's about being the bestversion of us and stepping into
that and owning it.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah, it reminds me of an article a long time ago
about positive challenge andnegative challenge and there's
like women want a little bit ofa challenge but they don't want
like a jerk.
So the positive challenge iskind of what you're describing
in my mind of like it's theyknow what they're doing and
women want to feel safe.
That's one of the biggestthings.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
So a man who's confident enough to let her feel
safe in his company, yeah, andthat's where, like the men that
I work with who are looking toattract somebody, you know they
they think, all right, what arethe lines?
What, how do I dress, where do Igo, what do I say?
And it's you know, if you tapinto the PUA or the pickup
(11:19):
artist community, where there'sa whole like subculture about
like how to get laid, so tospeak, there's tricks and
techniques that will maybe getyou a date or get you a laid for
the night, but it's notsustainable.
If you want something more thanthat, if you really want
something deeper, you need to beauthentic, because if you're
just using some tricks that youread on the internet or that you
heard on a podcast and it's notreally who you are, that's
(11:42):
going to come out through thecourse of the relationship.
So some of the best advice thatI've heard and this has come
from successful pickup artistswho have learned this themselves
is to be authentic, be open, bevulnerable and just be so
comfortable and confident in whoyou are that you're willing to
(12:04):
allow the world to see you asyou are warts and all, so to
speak and be okay with that, andthat is incredibly attractive
to women and to men as well.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yeah, I don't know if you watch the Golden
Bachelorette at all, but they'rethe guys on, they're all very
vulnerable and all very, youknow, forthcoming, and she seems
to like them all and so it kindof gets her point.
And also, you may you may bespeaking about this, the book,
the game.
I read his followup book, thetruth, where he was that guy
that was like he was able to sayall the right stuff, but then
(12:37):
it wasn't his true personality.
But he mastered it enough toget by and, you know, get women.
But the Truth was pretty much Idon't know.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
The opposite of the game.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, well, he was.
It's a whole journey of himgoing through like different
lifestyles, trying to figure outexactly what works for him,
like he thought he could neverbe with just one woman.
And then, of course, spoileralert, you know that's what
happens after going throughtrauma and like therapy and
stuff.
You know, figuring out all thatstuff.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Well, I'm glad you brought that up because you know
the game and that whole pickupartist mentality is like I said,
it will work and it will getyou dates.
It will get you women, butultimately, what those men who
have written these books havefound is that it's really, it's
unfulfilling at the end.
Yes, it's great, right?
I don't.
I don't get a lot of dates.
(13:26):
I'm a virgin.
I don't.
Nobody likes me.
I'm going to do whatever I canto get a date, have sex, feel
good and it's wonderful for amoment, or for a week or for a
month or however long.
But ultimately, you're relyingon something external to
yourself to validate you.
If I, what does it mean if Idon't have sex or if I don't get
(13:49):
a date, if I only feel goodabout myself because I've
managed to get a woman?
And this, this is myself I'mtalking about.
All through my twenties andearly thirties, I was a serial
monogamous, because I couldn'tever not be with somebody,
because I felt that meant I wasalone and I was a loser and I
wasn't good enough.
That's really the, ultimately,the core pain that we all have.
(14:11):
So what these, these playershave found out is that it
doesn't matter what your notcheson your belt add up to.
At the end of the day, we allwant something deeper, just like
Jim Carrey gave a famous speechat a graduation one time where
he said I wish that you couldall have $10 million so that you
realize you don't feel anybetter with $10 million.
(14:33):
You're still you.
You just happen to have $10million.
You're still you, you justhappen to have $10 million.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, yeah.
And then especially like theguys that use the lines to get
the girls and then it's notfulfilling, like you said, but
then they know they're kind oftricking, they know it's not
really them doing it, so thenthat makes them feel bad about
themselves, I would guess aftera while.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, exactly, and it depends on where you are in
your journey, right?
What?
What level of consciousness areyou at?
You know, when I was 25, if yougave me some of those lines and
I could get some, I would havetaken them and used them and I
would have got some right.
And I, I did all that and itdidn't didn't make me feel any
better about myself because itwears off.
(15:12):
And then you're just seekingthe next high.
It's, it's, you know, adopamine hit and that wears off
and you got to go get the nextone.
It's like I need my fix.
It's unsustainable.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, yeah, I can see that.
What would be another tip thatyou would give?
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Okay.
So one of the things that mostof us have an issue with whether
it's with women or in sales orwhatever it might be is this,
this fear of rejection.
Why don't we go talk to thepretty girl right?
We're at the bar, we're at aparty or the grocery store,
wherever you are, and people askall the time you know where do
(15:46):
you meet women?
Wherever you are, likeliterally wherever you are, and,
honestly, places aside frombars and nightclubs are
generally better, because whenyou go to the bar and the
nightclub, everybody's kind ofgot their guard up a little bit,
even if they're looking,because they know you're looking
too.
But when I've successfullygotten a phone number or
(16:08):
whatever it is, it's usually Ijust turn around and, boom,
she's right there in front of meand I didn't have a chance to
psych myself out right bythinking about you know what am
I going to say?
How am I going to say?
How am I going to press?
As soon as you get in your head, you're dead.
But it's because we have thisfear of rejection.
It comes back to that, allright.
Well, what does it mean if thisperson doesn't like me?
(16:28):
And that's where I work with mymen to get into that
self-confidence and thatself-growth mentality of I'm
good enough without Like go andthat self-growth mentality of
I'm good enough without like go.
Reject me a hundred times and Istill feel wonderful about
myself.
And that's a long journey butthat's ultimately what's gonna
lead us to where we wanna go,because rejection doesn't feel
(16:51):
good in the moment and we'regetting a little bit into the
spiritual side, right, thedivinity part of what I do, but
really that's why we're getting.
We're getting a little bit intothe spiritual side, right, the
divinity part of what I do, butreally that's why we're here on
earth or in the 3d realm, orwhatever you want to call it is
to experience all the stuff.
Right, to experience therejection and the loss and the
pain and the breakups and thecheating, because we know when
(17:13):
we're in spirit, when we're likejust this light, whatever we
are again, depending on whatyour beliefs are we don't have
any of that.
So I believe we came to earthto experience all those
different things.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Yeah, and I'm going to ask a question about
something you said earlier.
I've heard and I think this istrue that the more attractive a
woman is, the less likely guysare going to talk to her, or
unless does it, or unless I'mtotally wrong.
What do you think?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
That's totally true and I've actually had several
conversations with really goodlooking women about this.
And it's because we are placinghigher value on the, on the
woman, and so we're we're makingthe stakes higher for ourselves
.
So, oh, man, you know, part ofit is self-image.
I, you know, I I can't go afterher.
She's a nine or a 10.
Like, I'm good enough for a sixor a seven, so I'll approach
(18:03):
that woman at the bar or thecoffee shop.
So part of it is that the ironyin all this, tamara, is that
those same really good lookingwomen actually get approached
less.
And multiple women have told methe same thing.
Because they're of what we justdescribed, that the men think.
(18:23):
The men think, oh my God, shemust.
She's so beautiful, she mustget hit on all the time.
She's so tired of it.
I don't want to be one more guy, I don't want to bother and I'm
never going to get her anyway.
I don't know if they quiteunderstand that some of the
dynamic that's going on, butthey're like as much as any
other woman, if it's donerespectfully, they want to be
approached.
You is such a compliment for aman to come up and say hey, I
(18:47):
just saw you and wanted to letyou know that you're really
beautiful.
What woman doesn't want to hearthat?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm a little older now, but I
like to say I'm one of thosewomen that I feel like I don't
know like people say, like Iwould have been intimidated to
talk to you, like if I didn'tstart talking first, and that's
yeah.
It's just annoying andfrustrating.
Everyone always assumes like,oh, my God, you must have so
many matches, you must have somany of this and not as much as
you think, in fact, a lot less,so yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Yeah, and you may.
You may get matches if you'redoing the dating apps right,
cause it's easy to just swiperight.
It's much different to walk upto somebody you know who's
looking at their cantaloupes inthe grocery store and asking you
know who's looking at theircantaloupes in the grocery store
and asking how do you pick theripest one?
Like that's.
The other thing is you don'thave to come in hard like a
kamikaze pilot and be like hey,I want to have sex with you,
(19:36):
even though that's probably whatyou're thinking as a guy, right
, but like that's.
The other piece is this this isa woman, this is a person, this
is a soul who has hopes anddreams and fears, just like we
do, and we forget that becausewe get so blinded by their
beauty.
What these women are cravingmore than anything else is just
(19:56):
to be seen for who they are, forsomebody to care about their
heart, somebody to listen tothem, somebody to go deeper than
just appreciating them becausethey've got a nice figure.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, I was just going to bring up the figure
part too.
But, like as a guy, obviouslyyou said earlier and we all know
men are visual.
But if can you, can they getover that and see the woman
versus just the nice body or thenice you know, like it's?
It seems some cannot in myexperience.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Yeah, some cannot and some never will, and that's
just where they are.
Again, I don't judge it.
I mean, I was there for a longtime.
There are moments where I stillget that Like I'm not immune to
any of this.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, it's just yeah.
Like I said, it's nice to beapproached Back in the day.
That's what you did, like wedidn't have the internet to do
this, or all the apps to do thisyou just actually people talk
to each other.
And looked at each other andcame up to each other and talked
to each other.
Yeah, it's like a better in myopinion, better time.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Well, and you can still do all of that, you know
there.
I mean, you can take coursesout there on how to how to
attract somebody through adating app, how to your profile
pictures to look like, what kindof message to have in there,
what texts to send to get themon the phone, and that's great,
Like if it gets you theopportunity to connect live and
(21:16):
in person or on the phone orwhatever it is that's great.
But all the same, opportunitiesstill exist to connect out in
the world and one of mystrongest pieces of advice is
get off the apps or just usethem for practice, for bantering
and flirting, and then get outthere in the real world.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Yeah, yeah, and I think I've noticed more people
are actually looking up fromtheir phones nowadays.
It used to be like everyone wasstared at them and never looked
up, but I think everyone'sgetting sick of it and they're
actually looking up more yeah,people are craving connection
more than ever.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
yeah, and I think that's true even, um, especially
like post-covid, when everybodywas so isolated for, you know,
a good year, two years, therewas not a lot of stuff going on.
People are still craving thatconnection, and when we're got
our nose buried in our phone orour computer all day long, we're
not getting it.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I think this is a goodtime to let people know how they
could work with you or how toreach you.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
Yeah, you know, one of the things actually that I
didn't even talk about was someof the energy work that I do.
I did mention that Iincorporate that in my coaching.
Most people have heard ofthings like Reiki.
Right, it's energy healing,it's just connecting with source
and bringing some good vibesinto your body, and it's real.
I do other things as well, likekundalini activation, and
(22:41):
kundalini comes back to thetantra philosophy.
It's that sexual energy that'sin our root, at the base of our
spine, and in a Kundaliniactivation what we're doing is
we're raising that up.
So we're taking that sexualenergy and we're rising it up
into our heart, into our higherchakras, and I don't want to get
too woo-woo here, but what itdoes is it raises our vibration
(23:05):
and it allows us to use thatcreative force elsewhere in the
world to create the stuff thatwe want.
The reason I bring all that upis the fastest way to get ahold
of me actually is to go to mywebsite, which is tantratomcom
wwwtantratomcom.
I think you do have to put theW's in and that is specifically
(23:26):
for the energy healing work thatI do, but on that there's links
for all my socials Facebook,instagram, youtube and so on.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Okay, all right.
Well, any closing comments orstuff you want to just make sure
the people listening get fromyou.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah, just you know, for the guys that are looking
for the woman, you know,bringing it back to what I said
at the beginning just you know,for the guys that are looking
for the woman, you know,bringing it back to what I said
at the beginning just makeyourself the best version of who
you are.
Go have fun in life withoutwomen.
Find men to spend time with andbond with whether that's, you
know, fishing, where women don'tlike to go, or whatever it is
and get comfortable in yourmasculinity.
(24:05):
Grow yourself so that youbecome the man that the women
are attracted to.
And remember they're human,they're wanting to be approached
.
They want the connection justas much as we do.
So it's, you know, easy to say,harder to do.
But roll the dice and just gosay hi.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yeah, definitely.
I second that on behalf of allthe women that like it.
Yeah, I mean, and there's a wayto do it, like I'm sure you
know, like you said, it doesn'thave to be a crazy line, just
literally, you know, like anexample of you talked about the
cantaloupe, like, or there'slike, yeah, just strike up
conversations.
Would you agree with that part?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Absolutely Many women have told me the best line is
hi, my name's Tom.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Yeah, I think that's a good place to leave it,
actually All right.
Well, thank you very much forbeing on.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Thanks for having me on, tamara, it's been a pleasure
.
Thanks, frank Talk.
Frank Talk Sex and DatingEducates.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.