February 6, 2023 • 11 mins
In this week's episode we look briefly at how resilency and how to nuture it adults and children alike.
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Episode Transcript
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Unknown (00:03):
Hello there friends, both old and new. Welcome to the
strive seek find podcast, I'myour host chance went home to
bite sized lifestyle advice froma fellow traveler on the road to
a better life. Brought to you bysomeone who is a longtime
educator, writer, parent, and anoutdoor enthusiast, who may just
(00:31):
may like a good DRAM because ourfuture is set not just through
our choices, but by ourwillingness to explore and find
a better way. In the immortalwords of the fool of famous
philosophers, Chumbawamba I getknocked down, I get up again,
(00:53):
there ain't nothing gonna keepme down. A catchy tune in ear
worm of sorts. And honestly, Idon't remember a bit about the
song. But that refrain, andsomething about whiskey drinks.
take that for what it's worth.
But what it brought to mind isthe world we're living in now, a
(01:13):
world where resiliency is oftenreplaced by a, I'm taking my
ball and going home mentality.
Has anyone else noticed this?
adults, kids, everyone showingthe signs, or maybe I'm wrong.
Now let's get started. Now,let's start with the disclaimer.
(01:35):
World's not okay. It's gettingbetter all the time. But it
seems to be more filled withharried stress harassed people
who don't know how to deal withthings anymore. So in turn, many
people turn to two basicresponses, behaving badly, or
quitting. Both of which I see asthe opposite of being resilient.
(01:58):
And just like being resilient,these responses tend to be
learned behaviors that have beenreinforced over time to create
what you see as an end result.
So that guy that you know, thatconstantly screams that people
in restaurants, trying to getbetter service has had that
(02:21):
behavior reinforced and honestlybelieves that's the way to go
about his business. Let's startwith kids. Kids are always
learning a lot ofneuroplasticity, they have room
to grow. It's amazing what theycan learn in a year. And as you
get older and feel a little morefoggy, you get a little envious
(02:42):
of it. But as you go through andsee how they handle sports in
life, how many times has a kidtold you, they couldn't do
something because they eitherweren't good at it, or hit their
fear of not being good at it bygiving up quitting, never
(03:02):
starting throwing a fit one ofthe variety or another. I know
at times, I've seen it with myown kids. And I've seen it with
other people's kids. And it'sbecause they haven't necessarily
been placed in a situation wherethey have had to learn any thing
different than what they'redoing. I can remember being told
(03:24):
growing up. The only thing thatquitting teaches you is how to
quit making it that much easierfor you to continue down that
path. And so much harder tostick with things in life. You
put a task in front of someone,it gets hard the first time,
people get frustrated, kids getfrustrated. And they want to
(03:47):
fold. And the secret peopledon't often share with you is
kids who often struggle to beresilient. Our kids something
comes easy to so they've neverbeen tested in that arena. And
you can see this as kids movebetween levels of sport, whether
it's from the peewee level intomiddle school, middle school, to
(04:11):
high school, high school, tocollege, the really big jump,
they may be talented enough tocompete. They've just never been
tested. And the frustration getsto them sometimes. Not all the
time. But there are kids whowalk away, despite all that
talent, because they don't knowhow to be resilient and to
(04:35):
compete at that moment. And onthe other side of the related
coin in academics. You've beengood at math your entire life
and run into a concept thatdoesn't click and suddenly self
doubt and the urge to run backto your comfort zone rather than
moves forward. On some basiclevel, it makes sense. Once
(04:59):
you've tasted six says, you wantto continue to taste it. And if
you do not feel like you can besuccessful, it's easier to be
bad than to feel dumb. And overthe last few years, kids are
coming in more stressed, lessresilient, blame what you will.
Working towards what we callproductive struggle is critical
(05:20):
to growing this characteristicof resiliency in our young
people. For example, a long timeago, when dinosaurs roamed the
earth, and I was still coachingwrestling, we would put kids in
situations such as being onbottom and behind by three with
30 seconds left and have to tryto wrestle their way out of it.
(05:41):
The idea is to teach them thesituation. So it wasn't
overwhelming when the stress wason. They knew how to react, they
knew what moves to make wherethey learned. Because you learn
through those moments ofstruggle. Or in football, it was
the same thing. Simulatedpenalties during the two minute
drill to make the team workthrough obstacles together,
(06:02):
before the game was truly on theline. In the classroom, it's
exactly the same. put kids insituations where they aren't
completely comfortable with theturtle tools, excuse me, to
learn what they need to do. Andan understanding that failure is
not an end. It's the beginningof learning. Because in any part
of life, you have more of anopportunity to learn from
(06:23):
failing to reach a goal thanEasily Overcoming something that
you should have been able to dowith your eyes closed. So no
easy answers. The only way toget through this is to learn it.
And now a word from this week'ssponsor.
I asked my dad how I could helphis podcast and he said I could
make a commercial. Let's helpget the word out. share this
(06:45):
podcast with your friends. Thisis super important. We all get
busy. Just a simple share helpskeep people in the loop. One way
you can do this is tagging onthe show or using the keep
seeking hashtag when you'retalking about the show. You can
also leave a review on Applepodcasts or pod chaser reviews
help people find the pod.
Finally, he's got to buy me acoffee setup. Keep him in
(07:05):
research materials and newmicrophone so you can keep
improving strive seek find thelink is in the show notes.
Thanks for listening to striveseek find.
Thanks again, Erica. Coming nextweek, her sister. And let's get
back to it. What about adults?
Are we in the same boat?
(07:26):
Absolutely. Difference is wetend not to deal with it nearly
as well. We expect to know whatwe're doing to be experts in our
fields. And when that's not thecase, things tend to get a
little messy. Adults, whenchallenged tend to fall in the
same patterns. Only it feelsmore normalized as you get
(07:50):
older. in a tough situation, ittakes a lot of time and effort
to battle through it. As adults,we look for the same shortcuts
kids do. And sadly, if you lookaround you, the shortcuts seem
to be on the rise. Frustratedwith the decision, we should
have been taught to thinkthrough it, try to understand
(08:10):
and find a way for it lessresiliently hide how you're
feeling until you've resignedand blow everyone up going out
the door. And with stressseemingly at everyone's frontal
lobes, screaming your way intogetting something seems to be
all too prevalent. Making notabout who's or what's right. But
(08:35):
about who's loudest whether it'sin the grocery store or the city
council meeting or online.
There's always been some ofthis, there's always people
wired this way. But it's on therise, or seems to be say this
specifically. Sadly, because itseems to be more normalized. The
only way we can help people growis not allowing this create
(08:59):
situations where the discussionshappen, rather than where the
loudest wins. And I realize I'mgrossly oversimplifying this end
of things. But my examples tendto be a way too specific in this
case. Ultimately, like it ornot, to build resiliency. We
need to put ourselves insituations where we're not
(09:23):
comfortable in order to teachourselves to work through it.
Comfort is the enemy of growth.
And if we want to be the best wecan be, for our culture to be
the strongest it can be. We oweit to ourselves to seek out a
bit of discomfort and to learn.
And something that struck me asI'm finishing this. How much can
(09:45):
we blame social media for this?
After all, everyone's 10 feettall on the internet, with a
life filled with wonder, hasthis illusion of an easy way
helped create a mind sense ofentitlement meant over
resilience? I'm not sure, butI'm curious what you think. Has
(10:07):
our resilience been reduced? Isthere a way to fix the problem?
Let me know. Join theconversation over on the
Facebook group. Hit me up onemail, or on Twitter. The links
are in the show notes. Well,friends, that's it for this
week's edition of strife seekfind. Thank you again for
(10:29):
listening. If you'd like to jointhe discussion, or have ideas
for future episodes, hop on overto the strife seek find podcast
group on Facebook.
Alternatively, if Facebook's notyour thing, you can find me on
Instagram at strife seek findpodcast on Twitter. As at chance
Whitmore five. We're even onemail. Links for all those are
(10:53):
in the show notes below. Untilnext time, my friends, keep
seeking your own brilliantfuture
Hello there friends, both old and new. Welcome to the
strive seek find podcast, I'myour host chance went home to
bite sized lifestyle advice froma fellow traveler on the road to
a better life. Brought to you bysomeone who is a longtime
educator, writer, parent, and anoutdoor enthusiast, who may just
(00:31):
may like a good DRAM because ourfuture is set not just through
our choices, but by ourwillingness to explore and find
a better way. In the immortalwords of the fool of famous
philosophers, Chumbawamba I getknocked down, I get up again,
(00:53):
there ain't nothing gonna keepme down. A catchy tune in ear
worm of sorts. And honestly, Idon't remember a bit about the
song. But that refrain, andsomething about whiskey drinks.
take that for what it's worth.
But what it brought to mind isthe world we're living in now, a
(01:13):
world where resiliency is oftenreplaced by a, I'm taking my
ball and going home mentality.
Has anyone else noticed this?
adults, kids, everyone showingthe signs, or maybe I'm wrong.
Now let's get started. Now,let's start with the disclaimer.
(01:35):
World's not okay. It's gettingbetter all the time. But it
seems to be more filled withharried stress harassed people
who don't know how to deal withthings anymore. So in turn, many
people turn to two basicresponses, behaving badly, or
quitting. Both of which I see asthe opposite of being resilient.
(01:58):
And just like being resilient,these responses tend to be
learned behaviors that have beenreinforced over time to create
what you see as an end result.
So that guy that you know, thatconstantly screams that people
in restaurants, trying to getbetter service has had that
(02:21):
behavior reinforced and honestlybelieves that's the way to go
about his business. Let's startwith kids. Kids are always
learning a lot ofneuroplasticity, they have room
to grow. It's amazing what theycan learn in a year. And as you
get older and feel a little morefoggy, you get a little envious
(02:42):
of it. But as you go through andsee how they handle sports in
life, how many times has a kidtold you, they couldn't do
something because they eitherweren't good at it, or hit their
fear of not being good at it bygiving up quitting, never
(03:02):
starting throwing a fit one ofthe variety or another. I know
at times, I've seen it with myown kids. And I've seen it with
other people's kids. And it'sbecause they haven't necessarily
been placed in a situation wherethey have had to learn any thing
different than what they'redoing. I can remember being told
(03:24):
growing up. The only thing thatquitting teaches you is how to
quit making it that much easierfor you to continue down that
path. And so much harder tostick with things in life. You
put a task in front of someone,it gets hard the first time,
people get frustrated, kids getfrustrated. And they want to
(03:47):
fold. And the secret peopledon't often share with you is
kids who often struggle to beresilient. Our kids something
comes easy to so they've neverbeen tested in that arena. And
you can see this as kids movebetween levels of sport, whether
it's from the peewee level intomiddle school, middle school, to
(04:11):
high school, high school, tocollege, the really big jump,
they may be talented enough tocompete. They've just never been
tested. And the frustration getsto them sometimes. Not all the
time. But there are kids whowalk away, despite all that
talent, because they don't knowhow to be resilient and to
(04:35):
compete at that moment. And onthe other side of the related
coin in academics. You've beengood at math your entire life
and run into a concept thatdoesn't click and suddenly self
doubt and the urge to run backto your comfort zone rather than
moves forward. On some basiclevel, it makes sense. Once
(04:59):
you've tasted six says, you wantto continue to taste it. And if
you do not feel like you can besuccessful, it's easier to be
bad than to feel dumb. And overthe last few years, kids are
coming in more stressed, lessresilient, blame what you will.
Working towards what we callproductive struggle is critical
(05:20):
to growing this characteristicof resiliency in our young
people. For example, a long timeago, when dinosaurs roamed the
earth, and I was still coachingwrestling, we would put kids in
situations such as being onbottom and behind by three with
30 seconds left and have to tryto wrestle their way out of it.
(05:41):
The idea is to teach them thesituation. So it wasn't
overwhelming when the stress wason. They knew how to react, they
knew what moves to make wherethey learned. Because you learn
through those moments ofstruggle. Or in football, it was
the same thing. Simulatedpenalties during the two minute
drill to make the team workthrough obstacles together,
(06:02):
before the game was truly on theline. In the classroom, it's
exactly the same. put kids insituations where they aren't
completely comfortable with theturtle tools, excuse me, to
learn what they need to do. Andan understanding that failure is
not an end. It's the beginningof learning. Because in any part
of life, you have more of anopportunity to learn from
(06:23):
failing to reach a goal thanEasily Overcoming something that
you should have been able to dowith your eyes closed. So no
easy answers. The only way toget through this is to learn it.
And now a word from this week'ssponsor.
I asked my dad how I could helphis podcast and he said I could
make a commercial. Let's helpget the word out. share this
(06:45):
podcast with your friends. Thisis super important. We all get
busy. Just a simple share helpskeep people in the loop. One way
you can do this is tagging onthe show or using the keep
seeking hashtag when you'retalking about the show. You can
also leave a review on Applepodcasts or pod chaser reviews
help people find the pod.
Finally, he's got to buy me acoffee setup. Keep him in
(07:05):
research materials and newmicrophone so you can keep
improving strive seek find thelink is in the show notes.
Thanks for listening to striveseek find.
Thanks again, Erica. Coming nextweek, her sister. And let's get
back to it. What about adults?
Are we in the same boat?
(07:26):
Absolutely. Difference is wetend not to deal with it nearly
as well. We expect to know whatwe're doing to be experts in our
fields. And when that's not thecase, things tend to get a
little messy. Adults, whenchallenged tend to fall in the
same patterns. Only it feelsmore normalized as you get
(07:50):
older. in a tough situation, ittakes a lot of time and effort
to battle through it. As adults,we look for the same shortcuts
kids do. And sadly, if you lookaround you, the shortcuts seem
to be on the rise. Frustratedwith the decision, we should
have been taught to thinkthrough it, try to understand
(08:10):
and find a way for it lessresiliently hide how you're
feeling until you've resignedand blow everyone up going out
the door. And with stressseemingly at everyone's frontal
lobes, screaming your way intogetting something seems to be
all too prevalent. Making notabout who's or what's right. But
(08:35):
about who's loudest whether it'sin the grocery store or the city
council meeting or online.
There's always been some ofthis, there's always people
wired this way. But it's on therise, or seems to be say this
specifically. Sadly, because itseems to be more normalized. The
only way we can help people growis not allowing this create
(08:59):
situations where the discussionshappen, rather than where the
loudest wins. And I realize I'mgrossly oversimplifying this end
of things. But my examples tendto be a way too specific in this
case. Ultimately, like it ornot, to build resiliency. We
need to put ourselves insituations where we're not
(09:23):
comfortable in order to teachourselves to work through it.
Comfort is the enemy of growth.
And if we want to be the best wecan be, for our culture to be
the strongest it can be. We oweit to ourselves to seek out a
bit of discomfort and to learn.
And something that struck me asI'm finishing this. How much can
(09:45):
we blame social media for this?
After all, everyone's 10 feettall on the internet, with a
life filled with wonder, hasthis illusion of an easy way
helped create a mind sense ofentitlement meant over
resilience? I'm not sure, butI'm curious what you think. Has
(10:07):
our resilience been reduced? Isthere a way to fix the problem?
Let me know. Join theconversation over on the
Facebook group. Hit me up onemail, or on Twitter. The links
are in the show notes. Well,friends, that's it for this
week's edition of strife seekfind. Thank you again for
(10:29):
listening. If you'd like to jointhe discussion, or have ideas
for future episodes, hop on overto the strife seek find podcast
group on Facebook.
Alternatively, if Facebook's notyour thing, you can find me on
Instagram at strife seek findpodcast on Twitter. As at chance
Whitmore five. We're even onemail. Links for all those are
(10:53):
in the show notes below. Untilnext time, my friends, keep
seeking your own brilliantfuture
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