November 21, 2024 • 61 mins
What if your deepest fears as a child could fuel a lifetime of resilience and strength? Join us as we welcome Maira Carrier, a US Army veteran and the inspiring founder of Maya's Love. Maira shares her powerful journey from the uncertainty of a childhood shadowed by the fear of deportation, to becoming a committed advocate for children facing emotional trauma. She opens up about the critical role played by her community and compassionate mentors like Miss Garza and Mr. Chapin, who helped light her path toward higher education and success.
Listen closely as we explore the lasting impacts of trauma and how it intertwines with high performance. Maira and I discuss the hidden motivations that drive overachievement and the importance of self-reflection to understand our actions. We touch on the aftermath of the Uvalde shooting and its triggering effects, emphasizing the necessity of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care amidst life's chaos. Maira's story showcases how resilience was superficially addressed in the military, evolving into a personal journey of healing through meditation and self-awareness during challenging times.
As our conversation unfolds, we navigate the delicate balance of personal and professional boundaries while underscoring the healing power of family bonds. Maira shares her insights on EMDR therapy and techniques like tapping to process childhood trauma, offering guidance for those on a healing path. From managing the complexities of motherhood to creating resilient communities, Maira’s experiences remind us of the transformative strength found in supportive networks and the resilience that flourishes when we embrace both our chosen and familial connections.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Melissa Franklin (00:01):
Welcome back to another episode of
Structuring Chaotic Minds, andthis season we're exploring some
of life's toughest challenges.
We're talking about trauma,coping mechanisms, resilience
and the intense drive that canlead some of us to really become
overachievers.
We're diving deep with some ofour most remarkable guests who
embody resilience and making ahuge impact on their communities
(00:22):
.
Today, I'm thrilled to haveMaia Carrier with us, and she
has not only become a friend.
She is a philanthropist, a USArmy veteran and a powerful
advocate that I am beyondexcited to share with this
community.
She is the founder of Maya'sLove, a nonprofit organization
dedicated to helping childrenwho are facing emotional trauma
(00:44):
by creating safe, supportivespaces for growth and learning.
Maira's story is inspiring.
As a first-generation highschool and college graduate,
she's overcome some significantchallenges and she's even used
her background in early childeducation and public health to
make a lasting impact.
Today, maida's love now reacheschildren across the world, from
South Texas to South Korea,germany, uganda and more.
(01:07):
Maya, welcome to StructuringChaotic Minds.
I'm really excited to actuallyhave you here and talk about
your story for a change, yourwork and the insights on
resilience and hyper-performance.
Maira Carrier (01:20):
Thank you so much for having me.
Melissa Franklin (01:23):
As we get started.
If you can give a little bit ofa background about yourself,
you are a first-generation highschool student and then college
graduate as well.
That is a huge accomplishment.
Can you share a bit about thatjourney and how it influenced
your outlook on education,resilience and just the
(01:43):
importance of community?
Maira Carrier (01:46):
Yeah, so my name is Maira Carrier.
I am originally from LosPedesmos, texas.
I was born to a Mexicanimmigrant, so my mom came to the
United States at a very, veryyoung age.
She was 17 years old and whenshe got to America she had the
American dream to grow, to dostuff and everything.
(02:07):
But with that came her ownchildhood trauma too.
That affected all of thedecisions that she made as she
was searching for that Americandream.
I have two sisters who I grew upwith at different stages of my
life.
Because I was born in Dallas,so I was able to be a citizen of
(02:29):
the United States, but my oldersister and my mom were not.
My mom was an illegal immigrantfor about 13 years in America
and because she was living inMexico she was only able to go
to school to the third grade.
So being a first generationstudent meant a lot.
It meant that I was doingthings for myself, but at that
(02:50):
time it wasn't really for me, itwas for my mom's dream.
It's because that's what we hadto do.
We lived life for many for allof those years and even
afterwards, until I grew up andcreated my own path as an
immigrant.
As with that fear that if oneday I came home, my mom might
not be there.
(03:10):
So we had a person that was apastor and my best friend in the
corner house that we alreadyhad the phone number memorized.
We already knew that ifsomething happened, we had to
run over there and, even thoughthey were not family, they were
going to take care of us.
Because, until my mom came back, that was very a big part of my
(03:32):
life and a big part of why Idid leave and why I did work so
hard and why I continue to do itnow.
I joined the army at 17 yearsold and I decided to join the
army because after high school,college wasn't for me.
I had already spent my wholechildhood surviving that I
didn't have the best grades, Iwasn't in a stellar academic
(03:55):
performer and I wasn't intosports, and it was just tough to
even imagine that college wasgoing to be something for me.
So I didn't follow thetraditional route that is set by
society, but there is.
There are ways to get tocollege and to make a difference
for yourself through education,but whenever you feel like
(04:16):
you're ready to and that doesn'tmean like back off or anything,
but it's whenever you're readyto.
Once I joined the Army at 17years old, I stayed there for 10
years.
I didn't come back to Texas forabout eight years to be able to
like separate myself and growand really cut certain toxic
(04:37):
relationships from my life sothat I could grow and that meant
family members too.
So it was a very lonely journey, but it's possible.
And to be a first generationstudent, to be the first one in
my family to graduate from highschool my associates, my
bachelor's, my master's and tobe the first one in my family to
go to the military it made sucha difference to where it
(05:00):
empowers me now when I'm talkingto students in the community or
whenever I'm talking to one ofthose kids that is feeling
helpless like I did when I waslittle to tell them like hey,
you do.
You will have the power to beable to make a difference.
You just have to hang in thereright now.
You just there's nothing youcan do and accept certain things
(05:21):
and reach out to people thatcan help you.
But it is possible to make thatdifference for yourself.
I love that.
Melissa Franklin (05:29):
You also served in the US Army.
You mentioned that right nowwhen you talked about the
military.
What was that experience likeand how did that shape the
approach for trauma resilienceand leadership?
Maira Carrier (05:42):
It's interesting because it's almost like when
you grow up in trauma.
Chaotic situations are the normfor you, so they're normal.
So me going from a very abusivehousehold where I was suffering
through sexual abuse, where Iwas going through physical abuse
, starvation, it was the mostextreme things that you can
(06:03):
imagine.
So from going from that to themilitary, where I got paid every
first and 15th and you hadmeals for me in every corner and
I didn't even care that thedrill sergeant was yelling at me
, I was like this is nothing.
I'm good.
I thrive.
That was my space to grow,because I had a space where it
(06:25):
was more stability than I did athome.
And that was part of that wholeoverachiever and continuing to
be like, no, this is easy, Icould do this too.
Oh, I could do that too.
I can go to this school and getget that certification, because
I had already struggled so muchas a child and at home that
chaotic situations seem normal.
(06:46):
And that goes the same for likelove, relationships or
friendships.
Sometimes I found myself inspaces where I didn't realize
that it wasn't a good space tobe in, because I was so used to
what the abuse that I had gonethrough was the normal for me.
So for me, the Army did comeand I'm not saying it was the
(07:09):
most perfect place either,because I still deployed and I
still went through things in themilitary.
I also, not only as a youngersoldier but also as an NCO, an
occupation officer, I had to docertain roles that took a lot
out of me, like I was a suicideprevention NCO, so that was a
(07:31):
lot, and it was very heavy tohear our troops hurting that way
and being on the phone andcalling behavioral health and
being putting a hold for 90minutes.
It was a very eye-openingheartbreak that I went into the
military, thinking that this wasmy saving grace and I was
joining the biggest family inthe army and then going in there
(07:54):
and seeing how the systemtreated their own troops, their
own defense for their country.
So it was tough, but I was ableto thrive in it because of my
childhood too.
So, yeah, and I met the bestpeople too.
So it was, it was not all bad.
I, the family that I had to letgo of as a child and growing up
(08:18):
, I found in the military and Ithey're not even blood related,
but till this day I can pick upthe phone and say, hey, can you
guys help me out with this formy house love, and they will do
it in a heartbeat.
Or if I say, hey, can I, I needto run away or whatever it is,
can I take off to Germany andstay at your house, then they'll
say yes, absolutely, and I'llhave a home to live in.
Because I made thoseconnections and that, those deep
(08:43):
, deep family connections andpeople that were in line with my
life too, and went to the armyto to restart again too.
Melissa Franklin (08:51):
I love that You're mentioning quite a few
different type of people, sothat means your work gets to
span different cultures andcountries.
How has that multiculturalbackground experience, like
across the continents in yourmilitary background and life,
just informed your approach totrauma healing and community
(09:15):
empowerment?
Because every community andculture is different.
Maira Carrier (09:19):
Yeah, I think the biggest thing that I would
complain a lot in the army waslike oh, we have certain
leadership everywhere you go andpeople would tell me it's.
You know, it's not the army,it's the leadership, because you
go to different spaces.
But one thing that I found andit didn't matter if I was in
Romania or I was in Germany orKorea or in the United States,
(09:40):
it did not matter One thing thatstayed the same was a humanity
of people.
All of these people wereputting on their pants one leg
at a time, they were waking upevery morning and they were
hurting, whether it be their ownreasons or not, and some people
are happy and everything, butwe all go through things.
So it was almost like theuniversal language.
(10:01):
And that universal languagewasn't just deep hurt, but it
was also like love, the lovethat certain people had and we
couldn't we probably weren'teven speaking the same language,
but they had a connection withme and I had a connection with
them through love and throughthat comfort of like hey, you're
not alone, and like we can dothis.
(10:22):
It really helped me a lot tostep into different spaces and I
found myself in like situationsthat I don't know how I got to
those orphanages or what, how Idon't know what I googled, but I
got there.
In Korea we used to go.
I took all my friends and wewent to an orphanage a local
(10:44):
orphanage, where they had abunch of little babies, and we
would go volunteer every weekendIn Korea.
I found myself in schoolsteaching English and Spanish to
Korean students, and we werethere and I would take all of my
soldier friends and I was likelet's go, we're going to go do
something In Romania too.
And they spoke a differentlanguage and we were in there.
(11:04):
We were doing the same thingsthat we do with my ass love now,
but in their country for them.
So I worked in differentorphanages and homes in Romania,
got to see their stories, sharemeals with them and spend time
with them and bond in a way thatI never thought as a little
(11:24):
girl that I would be bondingwith these kids or with anybody
in a different country.
For that reason, it was justvery, very powerful to know that
it didn't matter where I went,there was somebody in need and
it was mostly a child thatdidn't have something, you know
whether it be shoes, socks or astuffed animal and for some
(11:48):
reason, I was there and I wasable to communicate with them,
and they got what they needed atthat time too.
So it's been very powerful, andI'm really thankful for the
Army for that too, because if itwasn't for them, I wouldn't be
able to have traveled to allthese places for free and be
there and spending that timethere.
Melissa Franklin (12:08):
So this journey basically led you to
start Maya's Love, and Maya'sLove is really about providing
support to children in some oftheir most tough circumstances.
Let's talk about that more,because we've talked about what
you've done to start it, but Ireally want to talk about Maya's
Love in general.
What inspired you to actuallycreate Maya's Love and what's
(12:30):
the story behind the name?
Maira Carrier (12:32):
so Maya's Love.
It's pink everywhere.
Um, because I wanted to createan organization or a space for,
originally, for little girlslike me to be able to feel safe,
to be able to reach out withouta worry and to say I need
support with a jacket or I needsupport with feminine hygiene
(12:54):
stuff or whatever it is thatthey're going through.
It was originally for that, butin working with communities and
families across the state, werealized that it had to be more,
that it wasn't just littlegirls hurting, it's little boys,
dads, brothers, sisters andjust everybody hurting.
So we expanded the mission toprovide support for just
(13:18):
communities in need.
We service first generationstudents, which is a lot of our
volunteers and kids and peoplethat work with us teachers,
because we know that they werethe first line and for me I
wouldn't have even gone to thearmy if it wasn't for my
teachers.
They made the whole impact,from me coming to school crying,
(13:40):
worried because I didn't knowif my little sister was going to
have diapers or clothes for thenext day, and my mom telling me
over and over like I don't havemoney for this or we have to
pay the bills and we have to dothis.
So I would go to school cryingand like telling my teachers
where can I get a job?
As a little girl, where can Iget a job?
Because I need to help my momto get diapers for my sister.
(14:02):
So I remember clearly MissGarza.
She showed up to school one daywith a big black trash bag and
inside it was filled withdiapers and baby clothes for my
sister and I never forgot thatuntil this day I contact Miss
Garza.
She's not a teacher anymore,but throughout the years I
supported her classroom I gaveback to everything that she was
(14:23):
doing because she made thatdifference for me and another
teacher too.
There are a couple, mr and MrsChapin.
I still talk with them now too.
They would greet me.
Mr Chapin would greet me everyday coming off the bus and he
would give me a Smarties candyand like sneak it out of his
little track jacket and say aSmartie for my Smartie.
I never forget how smart youare and that you can make a
(14:46):
difference in the world, and Inever forgot that.
And right now, one of the keyitems that we give out in my
house love is a smarties, and weinclude the story there, mr
Chapman, because we want othersto be inspired by that too, and
if that helped me and it made amark in my life to hear that I
was smart and that I shouldnever forget about it, I want
(15:07):
anybody who gets those carepackages to hear it too.
Like you could do that too.
The name with Maya's love.
My name is Mayra, but it'sspelled M-A-I-R-A, and when we
were little my little sistercouldn't say the letter R, so
she'd be like Maya, maya, maya,and growing up no one could read
(15:27):
my name correctly.
They would say Maria.
So then I was like you knowwhat?
I'm gonna put Maya's love onthere to honor my little sister
too and to make sure that peopleread it correctly.
So, yeah, that's the reasonbehind her name.
And now my little sister had alittle girl and now her name is
Maya as well, and it's just.
It's been very powerful to getback to communities and to
(15:50):
really not only give back butselfishly for me to heal
throughout different parts of mylife and really check myself to
see if I was really in thathealing space that I thought I
was in, as I came across casesthat were very similar to my
(16:11):
childhood.
Melissa Franklin (16:14):
But it's been very, very powerful and a
beautiful healing space for me.
Thinking of that space, I thinkyou were sharing how impactful
teachers can be and that's kindof what's necessary or it keeps
us going.
I know, for me, um, it soundsselfish, but I always told
(16:36):
myself Alyssa and Brayden hadsomebody at home who loved them,
who cared, and some of thestudents didn't.
So I needed to show up and likeI just kept pushing until I
realized like I still needed tobe at home a little bit more and
find that balance so-called ifthat makes sense.
But you're not wrong, teacherscan really be impactful for kids
(16:57):
.
So thinking about, I guess, theemotional trauma and support
for children, how do you alldesign those programs or how do
you create that safe space,healing and empowerment for kids
for the future?
Maira Carrier (17:13):
I have to really put my different hats on when
I'm doing certain things.
Um, first, I like clearlyidentify okay, what is the main
objective for this?
What do I want to do?
Okay, is it me wanting to haveour team go out there and they
get that fulfillment in whatthey're doing, and is the person
(17:35):
who's receiving this gonna feelthat same fulfillment too?
And it's always an alignment ofare we telling our volunteers
why they should care?
And it's not so much why youshould care, but just giving you
that extra little piece ofknowledge of like, hey, like, we
went to drop out flowers forthe elderly.
Hey, did you guys know that thevery first time that a lot of
(17:57):
men get that a rose, it's intheir funeral and half of the
half of the people don't know.
And it's something as simple asthat, that it's a kind action,
but you're doing it and you'remaking a difference.
And while the volunteers are inthese spaces, the people that
are there have been notforgotten but have been in a
(18:17):
different space in their lifewhere they might not feel as
important for others.
So, us going into those spaces,like the elderly homes, we go
to orphanages, we go to foodpantries and all of those spaces
to be able to give that.
I mainly, even though she feelsa lot of trauma dealing with
(18:41):
childhood and my mom, I reallyput my mom's with childhood and
my mom.
I really put my mom's eyes onand really think in this time of
craziness and being animmigrant, or in this time of me
making this decision to put mydaughters in these situations,
what would have helped me to notmake that choice?
(19:02):
What could have happened wouldhave helped me to not make that
choice?
What could have happened?
What could have made thatdifference for us not to go
through what we did?
And it's small things here andthere and I really channel her
even though it sounds crazy, butI really channel her to be able
to provide that extra supportand so that and also being able
(19:25):
to um, make sure that myvolunteers are comfortable and
that they're feeling fulfilledin what they're doing too can
you share a story or somethinglike a moment that really
confirmed that the mission thatyou're doing is actually
important?
yeah, yeah.
So I have a lot, but one ofthem that I never forgot here in
(19:50):
San Antonio is one of ourstudents and he's so special.
One of the teachers reached outand she said you know, I have a
student who is asking our adminif they could borrow their
Christmas tree and it's a tinylittle Christmas tree because
they don't have one at home.
Is there anything that we cando?
I was like yes, like absolutely.
What does he need?
Does he need a Christmas tree?
(20:10):
Does he need how many siblingsdoes he have?
What can we do?
He gave us a list, he told usthe ages and we went and we
bought them.
It was during Christmas time.
We bought them their wholepantry for that time, for the
holiday break that they weregoing to have, because he wasn't
asking for food or anything.
(20:31):
But we knew that holiday breakis coming and what does that
mean?
That that little boy wasprobably going to be babysitting
the sibling.
And that there's probably notgoing to be food at home because
mom's working and they didn'thave a dad either.
We went, we bought a bunch ofgroceries for them, we filled
their pantry, we bought themChristmas presents.
But one thing that I wanted todo for sure was get the mom a
(21:01):
special Christmas present,because we help with the kids
and everything too.
But maybe that little extrakindness for the mom would have
made that impact.
You know, and and just the whatifs or the maybes.
And so I bought the mom a robeand it was like one of those
fluffy, beautiful robes andstuff and she, she just loved it
.
She was so thankful.
When we showed up to theirhouse to drop out the stuff,
(21:23):
they were living in a garage inthe back of somebody's house.
They just had the mom had anewborn baby and she was filled
with tamales stuff on it becauseshe had just come out of work.
And they were just so thankfuland that was all we did.
We went dropped off, we gavethem hugs and we left.
A year later I ran into thatstudent and that student goes
(21:47):
miss, miss, I don't think youremember me, but I and I right
away, I'm like, yes, I doremember you come here.
And I hugged him and he startedcrying and it was just very
impactful and he's like I justwanted to tell you thank you for
giving my mom that robe,because if you wouldn't have
brought that present for her,she wouldn't have had a
Christmas present.
It still makes me emotional,but it's like and just kindness
(22:11):
can make a difference for thewhole family.
And for that kid to come andsay thank you for something that
was so small but so meaningfulfor his mom, it just it never
left my heart Like it never did.
And I went to school that year.
(22:32):
Throughout the year he wasalways there.
We brought guest speakers, sohe got to escort one of our
99-year-old Rosies from WorldWar II, so we brought that for
him.
We brought in the Spurs coyoteto their school too and I just
wanted to give him everything.
I'm like whatever you want,take it all.
(22:54):
I just wanted to give himeverything.
I'm like whatever you want,take it all.
But it was just.
I know that if in a school Ihave one student that's hurting
like that, that there's so manymore.
So if we just show up and dosomething like that for all of
them, then you're already makinga difference and you don't even
have to hear it or have thatstudent come up to you to tell
you that difference is beingmade and that seeds being
(23:16):
planted of them knowing that inthe future they can come back
and do this for their kids toofor other kids as well, because
I was one of those kids that wasjust inspired by my teachers,
inspired by care packages thatother people would send us or
give us.
Everything in my house.
Love that we do it's because ofa support that somebody gave me
(23:38):
when I was little.
We support the food pantries welived off of the food pantries.
We support just being kind, wesupport Head Starts, we support
the teachers, the firstgenerations, because at some
time in my life somebody made animpact in that area and space
for me.
So we do a lot of little thingshere and there, but it's all
(23:59):
things that people are hurtingby and that could need that
extra love in their life for oh,yeah, I was crying.
Melissa Franklin (24:11):
Building a non-profit that's broad,
especially in the internationalrange, is not a small venture.
What was probably one of thebiggest challenges that you
faced with Maya's Love, andgetting it to where it is today
the very beginning.
Maira Carrier (24:27):
Oh, I don't want to throw a shade, but I'll say
that it was hard in thebeginning because I had never
established a nonprofitorganization.
I had Google and my husband,but I had never established.
You know, like that's, that'sthat's I'm like, can you
translate this for me and tellme what this actually means?
You know, but I reached out tosome people.
(24:49):
I reached out to specificallyone female veteran who has
already, who had already anestablished nonprofit and
everything, and I got like thecold shoulder.
So to me that was like and thatwas motivating too, but it was
almost like we're both veterans.
(25:10):
We're both veterans, but Idon't know, because I was
sharing how my nonprofit is withmental health and hers is
solely on mental health.
That maybe I don't know.
I mean, I don't know, I can'teven speculate, but that was in
(25:34):
the beginning.
I think that was a hard thing todo to get past that.
I think it's like my ego beingbruised because I expected more
out of people and I saw thedifference in that.
And that was the initial stuff.
And then the biggest thing thatI had to really work through
and the most challenging thingwas, I would say, uvalde, the
shooting in Uvalde and also howcertain cases and kiddos
(25:58):
reminded me of my own trauma.
Because, I mean, life changedafter Uvalde for me and before
that I was already traumatizedwith my childhood.
So then I was like it was a, itwas a lot to have to really
process for myself and say, okay, this is where I need to create
(26:20):
this boundary, this is when Ineed to take a break.
Um, if I go to Ubalde and wehave an event there, I know that
it's going to take me a week,two weeks, to get my heart back
to where it needs to be.
And we could be in events andbe and you know that you're
making an impact and you knowthat you're there and you're
(26:42):
seeing everybody smiling and youlove everything that's
happening.
But at the same time, for meinside it's like but, but I had
to get to this and I'm heredoing this because of this.
That happened when I was little.
So it's really always arealization for me to sit back
(27:03):
with that truth of it isbeautiful, it is everything and
I'm proud of it.
But I have to sit back andprocess the truth.
If I'm doing a sexual abuseclass, I remember and it's like
we did this because of this andbecause there's a lot of little
girls and boys hurting, andthere's people that are going
(27:23):
through it and we're not theonly ones, but that's been the
biggest thing.
Melissa Franklin (27:30):
that takes us into our next piece, where we
talk about resilience and highperformance.
So you're not only making adifference, but you're also
balancing a demanding schedule,and then you have to reach a
whole nother level ofperformance because of that
balance, as people would say assomeone who's accomplished as
(27:56):
you always say no, but assomeone who's accomplished a lot
, um, you have a uniqueperspective on achievement.
Why do you think some people us?
That's probably what we'refriends but why do you think
some people push themselves tosuch high levels, especially
when they face trauma orchallenges?
Maira Carrier (28:16):
For me.
It's tough.
I don't know if I've fullyfigured it out yet, but I know
that in different areas and indifferent times in my life.
I feel like I'm in a betterspace now where I could really
respect my own boundaries that Iput.
But there was a lot of time inmy life where that wasn't the
(28:36):
case and it was like I wassharing earlier.
We talk a lot about, like mommyissues, daddy issues, all of
these things.
I grew up hearing a differentversion of why my father wasn't
around until I grew up andunderstood what reality really
was.
So not having my dad aroundreally affected a lot of my
(28:59):
relationships and a lot of mythought process, because that
whole time I thought, oh, it'sbecause I have daddy issues, so
I'm dealing with that.
But in reality the core of whatwas affecting me was that
mother wound of some scars thatnot even time could heal and
making those decisions.
So I had to really learn whatboundaries were and I had to
(29:23):
really learn that if I'm tryingto be an overachiever at certain
things, is it because I'mtrying to get that love that I
desperately still need for mymom, or is it because I didn't
have my dad and I need to likeI'm over testosterone or
whatever it is to be, like I gotthis, I could do this and I
(29:45):
didn't need a, I didn't need aman, I didn't need my dad and I
got this.
And it's constant, constant,it's exhausting, but it's
constant, checking in on myselfand really seeing like, okay, is
this the right reason?
Are you doing this because ofthis, or are you doing this
because of an ego thing thatyou're going through or what?
(30:06):
What is the main reason whyyou're doing it?
And now, as I sit with myselfand meditate on that, I make the
decision of what's next.
Okay, we're moving forward withthis.
Okay, we're doing, we're goingto go ahead and create a new
space so that way we can holdthis conversation there for more
people, because we're goingthrough it.
But it's been a lot of checkingin on myself, a lot of
(30:26):
meditation, to really learn whatresilience is.
In the army, we talked aboutresilience all the time I
teaching it, but it wasn't aspace to be resilient, it was a
state, a space to carry on andmove on, go and move, go and
move.
So it wasn't something that Ifully learned to practice in the
(30:46):
military.
It wasn't until I got out ofthe military and the pandemic
happened, that I had to sit mybutt down and I had to sit there
and learn what to do and manageall of the emotions and all of
the challenges that came withlife.
Melissa Franklin (31:03):
So then, what role do you think resilience
played in your life, bothprofessionally and personally?
Maira Carrier (31:11):
Everything I want to say.
As a child I didn't know thatit was resilience.
It was a lot of likeself-talking to myself.
So it was a lot of like, hey,like you can do this, you can do
this, like it's not going to belike this forever and it's not
going to be like this forever.
We are going to get throughthis.
It's and it was a lot of selfself motivation because I didn't
(31:34):
have an adult there, aside frommy teachers, to tell me that it
was going to be okay.
So resilience and since alittle girl it's been, it's been
always present in my life.
I always tell my, my husbandand and other people that I
talked to like I can't even tellyou if I went through bullying,
which I'm sure we did, becauseof our clothes were always
(31:54):
stinky.
And to like I can't even tellyou if I went through bullying,
which I'm sure we did, becauseof our clothes were always
stinky and just everything.
But I can't even tell you thatI was affected by bullying,
because I can't even remember Iwas too busy trying to survive
and find a place where we weregoing to get food and just do
everything to where it wasalways just a way of being.
(32:15):
But it's just.
It's just tough and, like Isaid, once I got to the military
and I started learning aboutresilience it's such a big thing
and being so uncomfortable withsituations I had to really
learn that and learn how it is.
But I didn't master it untilafter and becoming a civilian.
Melissa Franklin (32:38):
It's crazy that you say that, because mine
was similar Sort of Not really,I don't want to explain it.
Ours was we were so poor in myearly years my mom would sell
food stamps to pay for the billsand do different um, but she
(32:59):
was still putting herselfthrough school and finishing it
through.
And then she met my stepdad andthen we technically made too
much to be poor or had too manyresources to be poor, so so we
got kicked out of the projectswe did and then we ended up with
my grandparents and that was aheavy transition.
(33:22):
Anybody who knows.
Going from being on welfare tocoming off of welfare.
That's a tough one, especiallywhen you have a ton of student
debt and all this other stuff.
You haven't built a savings ora structured financial spending.
I can't say that my mom didn'twork hard.
She was always workingridiculously hard, but they
(33:42):
didn't focus the things on theright stuff sometimes.
So what was toughest for us iswe went to school with a lot of
the other kids.
We couldn't complain about thestuff we were struggling with
how how dare you Like people aregoing to find out?
And then both my grandparentsworked in the school, so it was
like you can't tell people.
But you just also had to stillbe grateful for the fact that we
(34:05):
had more than the other kidswho didn't have it.
And then it was like at leastwe have the opportunity to be
able to lean on family even ifwe're struggling.
So be grateful and do through.
But the funny thing that youpointed out is for me,
subconsciously I wasn't enough,because everybody was telling us
we were getting bullied.
(34:26):
Your clothes are old, they'reoutdated, because they were by
Goodwill or at Salvation Army,purchased by the pound and that
sort, and I'm thinking like cool, I got a bunch of different
outfits.
This is really cool andeverybody else is like that
looks stupid, that's super old,like that's out of date, and I'm
like it's clean clothes, like Idon't get it and spathoming
that part.
(34:47):
I never wanted labels or thoseother things, but I pushed
really hard to have thefinancial resources so I didn't
have to listen to people's shitanymore.
Yeah, so it's funny that youbring that up, because it was
similar but yet so different, sovery different, and we would
never think that we were on thesame thing.
Because in my head I'm like, ohmy god, she has to go through
(35:09):
that.
I didn't have to worry aboutgetting my brother diapers that,
thank god I never had to worryabout anything like that.
Um, but then at the same time,that driver that similar
situation of experiencing ourown trauma.
I don't know how to turn it off.
Now I don't know about you.
It's so hard like to turn itoff and stop working.
(35:31):
So how do you manage thepressures of leading nonprofits
or being a community advocate,and what strategies or habits
have you used to keep yourselfgrounded aside from just
meditation?
Maira Carrier (35:46):
So I have a job with another nonprofit
organization here in San Antonio, futuro, and I.
It's a whole different spacethan my Ass Love and that was
purposely why I chose it,because I needed that time and
that space to not be in charge.
I don't.
(36:07):
I don't want to be in charge.
I'm like I don't want to rightnow.
I have to take a break.
I have to go into a space whereI feel like I'm learning,
because when I feel like I'mlearning, I feel like I'm being
fed and I feel like, okay, Icould grow, I could do more, I
could use my voice.
I feel empowered.
But at Maya's Love, it was incharge and being the head of
(36:29):
things and creating thoserelationships and sharing my
story over and over and bondingwith people over the, the trauma
that happened over the samestuff.
So really, a big thing that'shelped me is finding spaces that
are so different but still makeup who I am, so and then
(36:50):
choosing not to be in certainspaces because I know how
triggering it is and I'm notready to deal with that.
So, for example, I we supportveterans.
For Veterans Day every year, wehave a tradition where we
donate over 1000 American flagsto schools across Texas.
So we do that, but that's asfar as I go.
With the military trauma, wepartner with another nonprofit
(37:14):
in California, but it's ussupporting them.
It's not so much of me being anadvocate for military yet, and
that's because after VanessaGuillen a lot of things came up
and I did advocate during thosetwo years that we were
advocating for Vanessa, but ittook so much out of me to the
(37:35):
point where I clearly identifiedlike I'm not ready to go over
my military trauma too.
It was a great space and I loveit, but I'm not ready to go
over that specific stuff thathappened that was so similar to
Vanessa's case.
And, um, I choose not to befully involved with veteran
(37:57):
mental health right now becauseI know what it comes with and I
know what it does to myself.
So that's one way.
And then also for futuro,really understanding I sounds
ugly, but not like know yourrole, but like to know I'm here
as futuro, as this and whateveris needed for this, I, I will do
(38:19):
.
I can do more stuff, of course,if our boss asks us, because I,
I can do it, I'm, I'm capableof it, but in this space, here,
I am in my role and I'm here toenjoy my role and learning.
So, having that supportive workenvironment to where they're
like, hey, don't worry about it,like we got this, you don't
even have to stress about this.
It's so refreshing too.
Melissa Franklin (38:42):
Yeah, I love being part of Futuro as well as
an advocate, and it's so funnythat you say that, because
people ask like, aren't you in alot of stuff already?
Yes, but I like being in thosespaces but they're very similar,
but I love them all and theteam with futuro and just what
it stands for.
I I just love showing up inthat space too, kind of, like
(39:04):
you said, I don't need to worryabout it, yeah, and trust that
the people I'm in the buildingwith all want to show up for the
same reasons and I might noteven have to think about it.
I just have to go wave a flag.
Gorgeous me like.
Let me set up whateverchecklist you want.
You want to pass out cookies?
I got it.
What am I doing this time?
But I know I still got to be apart of it and I didn't have to
(39:24):
plan the whole thing.
Maira Carrier (39:25):
Yeah, it's so beautiful to be a part of that
yeah, it's like like my braincould breathe and it doesn't
feel like work, you know.
And and then another thing toois I had to really, like I said
in the beginning, I had tounderstand what relationships
like a lot of people talk abouttoxic relationships that's not
just a love relationship with apartner, with an intimate
(39:47):
partner, but it's also could beyour parents, our parents,
friendships, parents, and for me, my biggest heartbreak is my
mom and that, um, after manyyears and my decisions and in
people's actions and stuff, Ihad to come to a space where I
had to accept that in thislifetime I didn didn't get the
(40:10):
mom that a little girl shouldhave and that she's living her
life and she's making herdecisions as a grown woman and
that's okay.
And if she needs something inthe future, my family's here and
we're not ugly towards her.
I just had to really createthat boundary, but it came with
(40:32):
a lot of years and a lot ofdisappointments to create that
separation and that's why I'mvery I don't have family in San
Antonio, I don't have family.
I have family in the Valley andwe just got closer together
because of the same trauma andseparation of what she
represented in our family andall of the three sisters had to
(40:54):
grow up in their own, in theirown life, and so we just got
back together and it's beenamazing and we really like all
sat down to understand who ourmom is and to make that decision
that we're going to have arelationship outside of that too
.
So that's been a big big thing,a big part of me being able to
(41:15):
be resilient, to know that notonly do I have my military
family that I could call, but Ialso have my blood family, and
that made such a big impact forme and it changed a lot.
Like I could call them andthey'll show up.
You know I'll be like hey, hey,can you come and help me do
this?
And they will show up becausethey've also been waiting for
(41:36):
this to be the space again forus to grow together.
So each of them have theirrelationship with my mom and
each of us have our relationshipwith my mom, but I would say
mine's the most distance andboundary.
But I also think that that'sbecause of the stuff I had to
learn while I was away and getused to and understanding that
(41:58):
I'm a big believer.
Like in different things, Irespect everybody's religion,
but again.
This lifetime it didn't happen,but I have to be able to accept
that and know that maybe inanother lifetime it will, and
and just know that it's okay.
It's okay, we don't.
It doesn't have to be perfectin every space.
Melissa Franklin (42:20):
I think that's um something a lot of people
struggle with, especially as wemove forward.
It's not a bad thing to saythat we went through trauma.
It's not a bad thing.
My mom and I have a lot ofdiscussions with that and that
was a hard one.
I don't think we squashed a lotof the arguments until my late
twenties and then in my earlythirties it was just understood
(42:41):
like love you respect.
You can only be around you solong before we're going to argue
.
But we have a really goodrelationship now to where we at
least understand that.
I cannot be mad at you for whatyou didn't know back then yeah
but I can still hold youresponsible for how you're
making me feel right now.
Yeah, so that's been somethingthat was progress in time and it
(43:06):
took a really long time.
It was a really big emotionalchallenge and just challenge in
general because of the trauma Ihad been through, and then her
having a face like she did herbest, but shit still happened
like it really did.
Were there any moments wheretrauma or emotional trauma like
challenges, seemed morechallenging or overwhelming for
(43:28):
you, and how did you find thestrength to move forward through
those times?
Maira Carrier (43:32):
The biggest thing is being a mom while not having
a mom, and having a mom who'salive.
But knowing that I don't have amom has been the most
challenging part, because ourtrauma was not only like like
(43:53):
knowing that I know thatmentally and she did the best
she could, but after becoming amom and seeing my own child and
knowing that I wouldn't do makecertain choices for for him I
would not make certain choicesand it doesn't matter that it's
(44:16):
the the only thing you know,because at some point you know
right from wrong and you're justmaking choices to, and I don't
know how deep you want to getinto it or if anything's
triggering or anything butnothing's triggering or
triggering triggering right.
It's already causing likestuttering yeah, because she
would make choices to like.
(44:37):
She knew that we were sexuallyabused by our neighbor, by my
little sister's dad, and shewould buckle me in, purposely
and, like it's a clear memory,buckle me.
He would play this certain songand she would send me off with
him and she knew what washappening, because I told her
and it wasn't just one time, butshe would do it and it was like
(45:00):
now that I'm an adult and Ilook at things back, I'm like
she was bribing me.
You know it was always that'swhen I got her love before
having to be sent out.
So it's.
There's a point and a very, verydefined line to where I know
that you did your best and whatyou were doing, but I also know
(45:23):
that you're a woman and you madethe choices that you did.
And I don't even care if youadmit it.
I don't, I don't.
There's nothing in my soul, Idon't, I don't.
There's nothing in my soul thatwould get a comfort and saying
like I was wrong, I don't needit anymore, I'm past that, I'm
okay, I forgive you, but there'srules and boundaries, and
because I'm going to call youwhat you are and the decisions
(45:46):
that you made and I'm going toput a defined label on it
because you know what washappening then.
I can't have that around mychild.
You cannot be around my son byyourself.
You cannot and you will not.
So for me it was a lot, of, alot of that and becoming a mom
and really like having my eyesopen to that reality that I need
(46:11):
.
And Mother's Day is hard,holidays are hard, my birthday
is hard.
To know that it's Mother's Dayand your own mom won't call you
to even say anything and youdidn't do anything.
You're a child.
It's tough.
So that has been the biggestchallenge of my life to become a
mom and to see things and togrow up with no maternal
(46:33):
instinct because we were leftalone the whole time and because
we didn't have a mom that lovedon us or kissed us.
We wouldn't get kissed, therewas no physical anything.
And to see that and still beable to project maternal
instincts and to care and tolove on not only my child but to
(46:54):
love on multiple childrenunconditionally, to be there for
them and their families.
It doesn't fit in who I am.
So that has been the biggest,biggest thing becoming a mom and
and realizing that my own mommade decisions that brought us
to where we are today, and she'sonly seen my son maybe like
(47:16):
five times in his whole life,and he's eight years old and
it's okay for me and yeah.
Melissa Franklin (47:26):
I appreciate you sharing so openly that one
is definitely a tougher topic.
I definitely did experiencesexual molestation when I was a
child as well.
However, I was more shamed intohiding it from my mother.
I didn't actually admit fullyeverything that was going on to
(47:49):
my mother till I was an adult.
Yeah, because I just kind offigured she knew.
Yeah, he was looking the otherway because certain things would
happen.
Yeah, um.
So when we did have thoseconversations as an adult I can
say she definitely tried to likewell, I would have known and I
would have done something like,but nothing happened.
(48:09):
But I can't say that shepurposely knew and put me in
those so.
Maira Carrier (48:15):
I can only fathom what that would look like or
what that feels like that's thelightest start of all oh, I'm
sure, I'm sure if it came to apoint where, like to even have
to talk about it, I had to sitthere again with myself and
process it and feel like thiswas messed up.
(48:37):
And I mean I went through a lotof different therapies,
counselors, everything.
The biggest thing that impactedme was doing EMDR.
That was life changing for me.
It was horrible after I did itthe first time and it was like
you were like a raw piece ofsteak that just been beat up and
thrown on the wall andeverything else.
But it was after I did EMDRthat I was able to process fully
(49:03):
.
Okay, now I know, now Iremember certain things.
Now I got it.
What do I do with it?
Right, because I'm not going tobe stuck in this hole forever.
Like, what do I do with it?
Melissa Franklin (49:14):
right, I love that.
Um, before I transition to thenext part, can you explain to
our audience what EMDR is, incase they don't know?
Maira Carrier (49:24):
I don't know what it stands for.
I know, um, but EMDR is.
It's a form of therapy andthere's two different sounds or
two different focuses.
That's audio and you sit therewith the therapist and they talk
about certain things thatyou've identified and we really
go into it to explore and feelwhat's happening.
(49:46):
So one thing for me was, youknow, a memory of me being
locked in the closet all thetime.
So I had to sit there duringtherapy and put myself as a
little girl in the closet andprocess what I was feeling and
feel that fear while the noiseswere going, while my therapist
was talking, and really processit and understand.
(50:10):
And during that time I was ableto be like, okay, well, where
was your mom during this time,where was this, what was
happening around, to really beable to like find that closure
for my feelings too.
But it's it's basically likereliving the traumatic event, to
be able to learn how to processit.
Melissa Franklin (50:32):
I know that it's.
It kind of reminds me of atechnique that's called
Dianetics and it's really likean auditor talking you through
the picture of it, Because a lotof it's more, we don't even
remember the process and we haveto kind of take ourselves
through it.
Tapping helped a lot for me.
Yeah, I did a lot of tappinggentle releasing and doing a lot
(50:52):
of those.
So I learned how to go throughthose processes and I do take
some of my clients through thatand explain the same thing.
Hey, we're gonna have that atyour next check-in.
And since we're gonna do agentle release, I need you to be
sure that you get some rest.
I need you to be sure thatyou're fully hydrated because
you're going to be tired, likeit does take a psychological
(51:14):
part, sure, but thephysiological part that it does
is so crazy because you have tobasically relive it and it's a
lot and a lot of people mightnot realize that.
Well, to close, I'd love foryou to share some guidance with
our listeners who might befacing different struggles.
For some of our listeners whoare dealing with trauma or
(51:36):
emotional challenges, whatadvice would you give them to
find their path and healing andresilience?
Maira Carrier (51:44):
Really check in with yourself and, especially
whenever you're hurting the mostor whenever you're at the top
of the best of your performance,check in on yourself and check
in and say, okay, am I, like Isaid, like process, why it is
that you're doing this, why itis that you're feeling it?
Because it's not just aboutidentifying those depressing,
(52:07):
sad moments but also what's mademy brain feel so good at that
time.
Because if this makes me feelso good right now, then I can
use it during these dark, darktimes.
So, really focusing in on allof those high and deep emotions,
for sure I am a big advocatefor therapy.
There's different types oftherapies and you don't have to
(52:29):
go and go to a doctor.
You can go and talk to yourpriest, go talk to your pastor,
go talk to anybody and sit thereand let somebody know and feel
that there's somebody there foryou.
And that support system yeahthat support system is key to be
able to have that.
Melissa Franklin (52:49):
How can people support Maya's love and what
difference does their supportmake for children that are
experiencing trauma?
Maira Carrier (52:56):
Well, you can follow us on social media.
On our website, check outeverything that we've done
throughout the communities, andwe're always open to any
volunteers that want to come in.
We love hearing people's ideas,people's visions of what they
went through and how they feellike they can impact the
community.
So we do a lot of smallprojects with community leaders
(53:18):
to be able to have them makethat difference in their own
community.
So we're always open to hearingeveryone's ideas and to having
people on the team to make thatdifference with us too.
Love it.
Melissa Franklin (53:29):
Speaking of ideas, any final thoughts on
resilience, the mental wellnessand staying true to your mission
even when things get difficult.
Maira Carrier (53:39):
Just check in on yourself, because the world is
very crazy and the world is verychanging and a lot of the times
, for those people who areadvocates, you're advocating
because somewhere somehow inyour heart you were affected or
you were changed your life bysomebody.
So we are most often the onesthat get that burnout and we're
(54:01):
the first ones to feel thatimpact.
So really check in on yourselfand really know that you're not
alone.
Know that you're not alone andeven if you have a group of 10
people telling you like, oh,you're doing too much, or you're
thinking too much, or you'redoing this or you're doing
whatever, know that there's 20more people that are feeling the
same way as you, eitherhelpless or hopeful.
(54:23):
But there's more people andyou're not by yourself and 10
are wrong or 10 are putting youin that situation where you fell
down.
There's 20 people who are readyto uplift you and who are ready
to fight by your side to makethat difference for you too.
Melissa Franklin (54:40):
I love that, Maira well, if you liked what
Maira has to say today and youwant to hear a little bit more,
she's actually shared this withother business professionals.
Uh, she came on to our lastepisode, so go ahead and check
out the last episode to hear hertalk with the Carlos de Leon.
And then we also had the EggBowl that come on and we were
(55:00):
talking about having leadershipfor long-term sustainability and
as we move into that, we'regoing to be doing a series every
single month um the fourthmonday of every month.
So go ahead and check out theshow notes to go ahead and
register for that zoom session.
But like might, as talkingabout founders and the leaders
(55:21):
are often the ones that are mostforgotten.
We forget to take care ofourselves.
So it really is important, butit's been an honor to hear your
story.
Thank you for all, for sharingso openly as always.
I love the amazing work you dowith Maya's Love.
Passing out those flowers theother day with you guys, I was
crying.
I was just so grateful to bethere.
So thank you For those of youlistening.
(55:42):
If you'd like to support Maya'sor Maya's mission and actually
check out Maya's Love, go aheadand check out the show notes so
you can go ahead and get thelinks to their social media
accounts and you can see how youcan help make a difference in
the lives of children that arefacing emotional trauma or other
individuals that they'rereaching out to now.
Thank you, maya, again forsharing your insights on
resilience, trauma and the powerof community.
(56:04):
And, to our listeners, rememberthat resilience is within reach
and every challenge you facecan now lead to new growth.
So until next time, stay strongand keep moving forward.
We'll see you on the nextepisode of Structuring Chaotic
Minds, thank you.
Thank you so much for joining mefor today's episode.
To catch up on the rest of theseason, visit
structuringchaoticmindscom ortake a quick browse on your
(56:27):
current app to see whichepisodes resonate with you.
If you struggle with your ownmental wellness or even just
balancing life, we have a teamof individuals at our site who
can help.
You can visitstructureinnovationscom and find
a coach or mentor fit for you.
Thank you for joining me onceagain, melissa Franklin.
No-transcript.
Welcome back to another episode of
Structuring Chaotic Minds, andthis season we're exploring some
of life's toughest challenges.
We're talking about trauma,coping mechanisms, resilience
and the intense drive that canlead some of us to really become
overachievers.
We're diving deep with some ofour most remarkable guests who
embody resilience and making ahuge impact on their communities
(00:22):
.
Today, I'm thrilled to haveMaia Carrier with us, and she
has not only become a friend.
She is a philanthropist, a USArmy veteran and a powerful
advocate that I am beyondexcited to share with this
community.
She is the founder of Maya'sLove, a nonprofit organization
dedicated to helping childrenwho are facing emotional trauma
(00:44):
by creating safe, supportivespaces for growth and learning.
Maira's story is inspiring.
As a first-generation highschool and college graduate,
she's overcome some significantchallenges and she's even used
her background in early childeducation and public health to
make a lasting impact.
Today, maida's love now reacheschildren across the world, from
South Texas to South Korea,germany, uganda and more.
(01:07):
Maya, welcome to StructuringChaotic Minds.
I'm really excited to actuallyhave you here and talk about
your story for a change, yourwork and the insights on
resilience and hyper-performance.
Maira Carrier (01:20):
Thank you so much for having me.
Melissa Franklin (01:23):
As we get started.
If you can give a little bit ofa background about yourself,
you are a first-generation highschool student and then college
graduate as well.
That is a huge accomplishment.
Can you share a bit about thatjourney and how it influenced
your outlook on education,resilience and just the
(01:43):
importance of community?
Maira Carrier (01:46):
Yeah, so my name is Maira Carrier.
I am originally from LosPedesmos, texas.
I was born to a Mexicanimmigrant, so my mom came to the
United States at a very, veryyoung age.
She was 17 years old and whenshe got to America she had the
American dream to grow, to dostuff and everything.
(02:07):
But with that came her ownchildhood trauma too.
That affected all of thedecisions that she made as she
was searching for that Americandream.
I have two sisters who I grew upwith at different stages of my
life.
Because I was born in Dallas,so I was able to be a citizen of
(02:29):
the United States, but my oldersister and my mom were not.
My mom was an illegal immigrantfor about 13 years in America
and because she was living inMexico she was only able to go
to school to the third grade.
So being a first generationstudent meant a lot.
It meant that I was doingthings for myself, but at that
(02:50):
time it wasn't really for me, itwas for my mom's dream.
It's because that's what we hadto do.
We lived life for many for allof those years and even
afterwards, until I grew up andcreated my own path as an
immigrant.
As with that fear that if oneday I came home, my mom might
not be there.
(03:10):
So we had a person that was apastor and my best friend in the
corner house that we alreadyhad the phone number memorized.
We already knew that ifsomething happened, we had to
run over there and, even thoughthey were not family, they were
going to take care of us.
Because, until my mom came back, that was very a big part of my
(03:32):
life and a big part of why Idid leave and why I did work so
hard and why I continue to do itnow.
I joined the army at 17 yearsold and I decided to join the
army because after high school,college wasn't for me.
I had already spent my wholechildhood surviving that I
didn't have the best grades, Iwasn't in a stellar academic
(03:55):
performer and I wasn't intosports, and it was just tough to
even imagine that college wasgoing to be something for me.
So I didn't follow thetraditional route that is set by
society, but there is.
There are ways to get tocollege and to make a difference
for yourself through education,but whenever you feel like
(04:16):
you're ready to and that doesn'tmean like back off or anything,
but it's whenever you're readyto.
Once I joined the Army at 17years old, I stayed there for 10
years.
I didn't come back to Texas forabout eight years to be able to
like separate myself and growand really cut certain toxic
(04:37):
relationships from my life sothat I could grow and that meant
family members too.
So it was a very lonely journey, but it's possible.
And to be a first generationstudent, to be the first one in
my family to graduate from highschool my associates, my
bachelor's, my master's and tobe the first one in my family to
go to the military it made sucha difference to where it
(05:00):
empowers me now when I'm talkingto students in the community or
whenever I'm talking to one ofthose kids that is feeling
helpless like I did when I waslittle to tell them like hey,
you do.
You will have the power to beable to make a difference.
You just have to hang in thereright now.
You just there's nothing youcan do and accept certain things
(05:21):
and reach out to people thatcan help you.
But it is possible to make thatdifference for yourself.
I love that.
Melissa Franklin (05:29):
You also served in the US Army.
You mentioned that right nowwhen you talked about the
military.
What was that experience likeand how did that shape the
approach for trauma resilienceand leadership?
Maira Carrier (05:42):
It's interesting because it's almost like when
you grow up in trauma.
Chaotic situations are the normfor you, so they're normal.
So me going from a very abusivehousehold where I was suffering
through sexual abuse, where Iwas going through physical abuse
, starvation, it was the mostextreme things that you can
(06:03):
imagine.
So from going from that to themilitary, where I got paid every
first and 15th and you hadmeals for me in every corner and
I didn't even care that thedrill sergeant was yelling at me
, I was like this is nothing.
I'm good.
I thrive.
That was my space to grow,because I had a space where it
(06:25):
was more stability than I did athome.
And that was part of that wholeoverachiever and continuing to
be like, no, this is easy, Icould do this too.
Oh, I could do that too.
I can go to this school and getget that certification, because
I had already struggled so muchas a child and at home that
chaotic situations seem normal.
(06:46):
And that goes the same for likelove, relationships or
friendships.
Sometimes I found myself inspaces where I didn't realize
that it wasn't a good space tobe in, because I was so used to
what the abuse that I had gonethrough was the normal for me.
So for me, the Army did comeand I'm not saying it was the
(07:09):
most perfect place either,because I still deployed and I
still went through things in themilitary.
I also, not only as a youngersoldier but also as an NCO, an
occupation officer, I had to docertain roles that took a lot
out of me, like I was a suicideprevention NCO, so that was a
(07:31):
lot, and it was very heavy tohear our troops hurting that way
and being on the phone andcalling behavioral health and
being putting a hold for 90minutes.
It was a very eye-openingheartbreak that I went into the
military, thinking that this wasmy saving grace and I was
joining the biggest family inthe army and then going in there
(07:54):
and seeing how the systemtreated their own troops, their
own defense for their country.
So it was tough, but I was ableto thrive in it because of my
childhood too.
So, yeah, and I met the bestpeople too.
So it was, it was not all bad.
I, the family that I had to letgo of as a child and growing up
(08:18):
, I found in the military and Ithey're not even blood related,
but till this day I can pick upthe phone and say, hey, can you
guys help me out with this formy house love, and they will do
it in a heartbeat.
Or if I say, hey, can I, I needto run away or whatever it is,
can I take off to Germany andstay at your house, then they'll
say yes, absolutely, and I'llhave a home to live in.
Because I made thoseconnections and that, those deep
(08:43):
, deep family connections andpeople that were in line with my
life too, and went to the armyto to restart again too.
Melissa Franklin (08:51):
I love that You're mentioning quite a few
different type of people, sothat means your work gets to
span different cultures andcountries.
How has that multiculturalbackground experience, like
across the continents in yourmilitary background and life,
just informed your approach totrauma healing and community
(09:15):
empowerment?
Because every community andculture is different.
Maira Carrier (09:19):
Yeah, I think the biggest thing that I would
complain a lot in the army waslike oh, we have certain
leadership everywhere you go andpeople would tell me it's.
You know, it's not the army,it's the leadership, because you
go to different spaces.
But one thing that I found andit didn't matter if I was in
Romania or I was in Germany orKorea or in the United States,
(09:40):
it did not matter One thing thatstayed the same was a humanity
of people.
All of these people wereputting on their pants one leg
at a time, they were waking upevery morning and they were
hurting, whether it be their ownreasons or not, and some people
are happy and everything, butwe all go through things.
So it was almost like theuniversal language.
(10:01):
And that universal languagewasn't just deep hurt, but it
was also like love, the lovethat certain people had and we
couldn't we probably weren'teven speaking the same language,
but they had a connection withme and I had a connection with
them through love and throughthat comfort of like hey, you're
not alone, and like we can dothis.
(10:22):
It really helped me a lot tostep into different spaces and I
found myself in like situationsthat I don't know how I got to
those orphanages or what, how Idon't know what I googled, but I
got there.
In Korea we used to go.
I took all my friends and wewent to an orphanage a local
(10:44):
orphanage, where they had abunch of little babies, and we
would go volunteer every weekendIn Korea.
I found myself in schoolsteaching English and Spanish to
Korean students, and we werethere and I would take all of my
soldier friends and I was likelet's go, we're going to go do
something In Romania too.
And they spoke a differentlanguage and we were in there.
(11:04):
We were doing the same thingsthat we do with my ass love now,
but in their country for them.
So I worked in differentorphanages and homes in Romania,
got to see their stories, sharemeals with them and spend time
with them and bond in a way thatI never thought as a little
(11:24):
girl that I would be bondingwith these kids or with anybody
in a different country.
For that reason, it was justvery, very powerful to know that
it didn't matter where I went,there was somebody in need and
it was mostly a child thatdidn't have something, you know
whether it be shoes, socks or astuffed animal and for some
(11:48):
reason, I was there and I wasable to communicate with them,
and they got what they needed atthat time too.
So it's been very powerful, andI'm really thankful for the
Army for that too, because if itwasn't for them, I wouldn't be
able to have traveled to allthese places for free and be
there and spending that timethere.
Melissa Franklin (12:08):
So this journey basically led you to
start Maya's Love, and Maya'sLove is really about providing
support to children in some oftheir most tough circumstances.
Let's talk about that more,because we've talked about what
you've done to start it, but Ireally want to talk about Maya's
Love in general.
What inspired you to actuallycreate Maya's Love and what's
(12:30):
the story behind the name?
Maira Carrier (12:32):
so Maya's Love.
It's pink everywhere.
Um, because I wanted to createan organization or a space for,
originally, for little girlslike me to be able to feel safe,
to be able to reach out withouta worry and to say I need
support with a jacket or I needsupport with feminine hygiene
(12:54):
stuff or whatever it is thatthey're going through.
It was originally for that, butin working with communities and
families across the state, werealized that it had to be more,
that it wasn't just littlegirls hurting, it's little boys,
dads, brothers, sisters andjust everybody hurting.
So we expanded the mission toprovide support for just
(13:18):
communities in need.
We service first generationstudents, which is a lot of our
volunteers and kids and peoplethat work with us teachers,
because we know that they werethe first line and for me I
wouldn't have even gone to thearmy if it wasn't for my
teachers.
They made the whole impact,from me coming to school crying,
(13:40):
worried because I didn't knowif my little sister was going to
have diapers or clothes for thenext day, and my mom telling me
over and over like I don't havemoney for this or we have to
pay the bills and we have to dothis.
So I would go to school cryingand like telling my teachers
where can I get a job?
As a little girl, where can Iget a job?
Because I need to help my momto get diapers for my sister.
(14:02):
So I remember clearly MissGarza.
She showed up to school one daywith a big black trash bag and
inside it was filled withdiapers and baby clothes for my
sister and I never forgot thatuntil this day I contact Miss
Garza.
She's not a teacher anymore,but throughout the years I
supported her classroom I gaveback to everything that she was
(14:23):
doing because she made thatdifference for me and another
teacher too.
There are a couple, mr and MrsChapin.
I still talk with them now too.
They would greet me.
Mr Chapin would greet me everyday coming off the bus and he
would give me a Smarties candyand like sneak it out of his
little track jacket and say aSmartie for my Smartie.
I never forget how smart youare and that you can make a
(14:46):
difference in the world, and Inever forgot that.
And right now, one of the keyitems that we give out in my
house love is a smarties, and weinclude the story there, mr
Chapman, because we want othersto be inspired by that too, and
if that helped me and it made amark in my life to hear that I
was smart and that I shouldnever forget about it, I want
(15:07):
anybody who gets those carepackages to hear it too.
Like you could do that too.
The name with Maya's love.
My name is Mayra, but it'sspelled M-A-I-R-A, and when we
were little my little sistercouldn't say the letter R, so
she'd be like Maya, maya, maya,and growing up no one could read
(15:27):
my name correctly.
They would say Maria.
So then I was like you knowwhat?
I'm gonna put Maya's love onthere to honor my little sister
too and to make sure that peopleread it correctly.
So, yeah, that's the reasonbehind her name.
And now my little sister had alittle girl and now her name is
Maya as well, and it's just.
It's been very powerful to getback to communities and to
(15:50):
really not only give back butselfishly for me to heal
throughout different parts of mylife and really check myself to
see if I was really in thathealing space that I thought I
was in, as I came across casesthat were very similar to my
(16:11):
childhood.
Melissa Franklin (16:14):
But it's been very, very powerful and a
beautiful healing space for me.
Thinking of that space, I thinkyou were sharing how impactful
teachers can be and that's kindof what's necessary or it keeps
us going.
I know, for me, um, it soundsselfish, but I always told
(16:36):
myself Alyssa and Brayden hadsomebody at home who loved them,
who cared, and some of thestudents didn't.
So I needed to show up and likeI just kept pushing until I
realized like I still needed tobe at home a little bit more and
find that balance so-called ifthat makes sense.
But you're not wrong, teacherscan really be impactful for kids
(16:57):
.
So thinking about, I guess, theemotional trauma and support
for children, how do you alldesign those programs or how do
you create that safe space,healing and empowerment for kids
for the future?
Maira Carrier (17:13):
I have to really put my different hats on when
I'm doing certain things.
Um, first, I like clearlyidentify okay, what is the main
objective for this?
What do I want to do?
Okay, is it me wanting to haveour team go out there and they
get that fulfillment in whatthey're doing, and is the person
(17:35):
who's receiving this gonna feelthat same fulfillment too?
And it's always an alignment ofare we telling our volunteers
why they should care?
And it's not so much why youshould care, but just giving you
that extra little piece ofknowledge of like, hey, like, we
went to drop out flowers forthe elderly.
Hey, did you guys know that thevery first time that a lot of
(17:57):
men get that a rose, it's intheir funeral and half of the
half of the people don't know.
And it's something as simple asthat, that it's a kind action,
but you're doing it and you'remaking a difference.
And while the volunteers are inthese spaces, the people that
are there have been notforgotten but have been in a
(18:17):
different space in their lifewhere they might not feel as
important for others.
So, us going into those spaces,like the elderly homes, we go
to orphanages, we go to foodpantries and all of those spaces
to be able to give that.
I mainly, even though she feelsa lot of trauma dealing with
(18:41):
childhood and my mom, I reallyput my mom's with childhood and
my mom.
I really put my mom's eyes onand really think in this time of
craziness and being animmigrant, or in this time of me
making this decision to put mydaughters in these situations,
what would have helped me to notmake that choice?
(19:02):
What could have happened wouldhave helped me to not make that
choice?
What could have happened?
What could have made thatdifference for us not to go
through what we did?
And it's small things here andthere and I really channel her
even though it sounds crazy, butI really channel her to be able
to provide that extra supportand so that and also being able
(19:25):
to um, make sure that myvolunteers are comfortable and
that they're feeling fulfilledin what they're doing too can
you share a story or somethinglike a moment that really
confirmed that the mission thatyou're doing is actually
important?
yeah, yeah.
So I have a lot, but one ofthem that I never forgot here in
(19:50):
San Antonio is one of ourstudents and he's so special.
One of the teachers reached outand she said you know, I have a
student who is asking our adminif they could borrow their
Christmas tree and it's a tinylittle Christmas tree because
they don't have one at home.
Is there anything that we cando?
I was like yes, like absolutely.
What does he need?
Does he need a Christmas tree?
(20:10):
Does he need how many siblingsdoes he have?
What can we do?
He gave us a list, he told usthe ages and we went and we
bought them.
It was during Christmas time.
We bought them their wholepantry for that time, for the
holiday break that they weregoing to have, because he wasn't
asking for food or anything.
(20:31):
But we knew that holiday breakis coming and what does that
mean?
That that little boy wasprobably going to be babysitting
the sibling.
And that there's probably notgoing to be food at home because
mom's working and they didn'thave a dad either.
We went, we bought a bunch ofgroceries for them, we filled
their pantry, we bought themChristmas presents.
But one thing that I wanted todo for sure was get the mom a
(21:01):
special Christmas present,because we help with the kids
and everything too.
But maybe that little extrakindness for the mom would have
made that impact.
You know, and and just the whatifs or the maybes.
And so I bought the mom a robeand it was like one of those
fluffy, beautiful robes andstuff and she, she just loved it
.
She was so thankful.
When we showed up to theirhouse to drop out the stuff,
(21:23):
they were living in a garage inthe back of somebody's house.
They just had the mom had anewborn baby and she was filled
with tamales stuff on it becauseshe had just come out of work.
And they were just so thankfuland that was all we did.
We went dropped off, we gavethem hugs and we left.
A year later I ran into thatstudent and that student goes
(21:47):
miss, miss, I don't think youremember me, but I and I right
away, I'm like, yes, I doremember you come here.
And I hugged him and he startedcrying and it was just very
impactful and he's like I justwanted to tell you thank you for
giving my mom that robe,because if you wouldn't have
brought that present for her,she wouldn't have had a
Christmas present.
It still makes me emotional,but it's like and just kindness
(22:11):
can make a difference for thewhole family.
And for that kid to come andsay thank you for something that
was so small but so meaningfulfor his mom, it just it never
left my heart Like it never did.
And I went to school that year.
(22:32):
Throughout the year he wasalways there.
We brought guest speakers, sohe got to escort one of our
99-year-old Rosies from WorldWar II, so we brought that for
him.
We brought in the Spurs coyoteto their school too and I just
wanted to give him everything.
I'm like whatever you want,take it all.
(22:54):
I just wanted to give himeverything.
I'm like whatever you want,take it all.
But it was just.
I know that if in a school Ihave one student that's hurting
like that, that there's so manymore.
So if we just show up and dosomething like that for all of
them, then you're already makinga difference and you don't even
have to hear it or have thatstudent come up to you to tell
you that difference is beingmade and that seeds being
(23:16):
planted of them knowing that inthe future they can come back
and do this for their kids toofor other kids as well, because
I was one of those kids that wasjust inspired by my teachers,
inspired by care packages thatother people would send us or
give us.
Everything in my house.
Love that we do it's because ofa support that somebody gave me
(23:38):
when I was little.
We support the food pantries welived off of the food pantries.
We support just being kind, wesupport Head Starts, we support
the teachers, the firstgenerations, because at some
time in my life somebody made animpact in that area and space
for me.
So we do a lot of little thingshere and there, but it's all
(23:59):
things that people are hurtingby and that could need that
extra love in their life for oh,yeah, I was crying.
Melissa Franklin (24:11):
Building a non-profit that's broad,
especially in the internationalrange, is not a small venture.
What was probably one of thebiggest challenges that you
faced with Maya's Love, andgetting it to where it is today
the very beginning.
Maira Carrier (24:27):
Oh, I don't want to throw a shade, but I'll say
that it was hard in thebeginning because I had never
established a nonprofitorganization.
I had Google and my husband,but I had never established.
You know, like that's, that'sthat's I'm like, can you
translate this for me and tellme what this actually means?
You know, but I reached out tosome people.
(24:49):
I reached out to specificallyone female veteran who has
already, who had already anestablished nonprofit and
everything, and I got like thecold shoulder.
So to me that was like and thatwas motivating too, but it was
almost like we're both veterans.
(25:10):
We're both veterans, but Idon't know, because I was
sharing how my nonprofit is withmental health and hers is
solely on mental health.
That maybe I don't know.
I mean, I don't know, I can'teven speculate, but that was in
(25:34):
the beginning.
I think that was a hard thing todo to get past that.
I think it's like my ego beingbruised because I expected more
out of people and I saw thedifference in that.
And that was the initial stuff.
And then the biggest thing thatI had to really work through
and the most challenging thingwas, I would say, uvalde, the
shooting in Uvalde and also howcertain cases and kiddos
(25:58):
reminded me of my own trauma.
Because, I mean, life changedafter Uvalde for me and before
that I was already traumatizedwith my childhood.
So then I was like it was a, itwas a lot to have to really
process for myself and say, okay, this is where I need to create
(26:20):
this boundary, this is when Ineed to take a break.
Um, if I go to Ubalde and wehave an event there, I know that
it's going to take me a week,two weeks, to get my heart back
to where it needs to be.
And we could be in events andbe and you know that you're
making an impact and you knowthat you're there and you're
(26:42):
seeing everybody smiling and youlove everything that's
happening.
But at the same time, for meinside it's like but, but I had
to get to this and I'm heredoing this because of this.
That happened when I was little.
So it's really always arealization for me to sit back
(27:03):
with that truth of it isbeautiful, it is everything and
I'm proud of it.
But I have to sit back andprocess the truth.
If I'm doing a sexual abuseclass, I remember and it's like
we did this because of this andbecause there's a lot of little
girls and boys hurting, andthere's people that are going
(27:23):
through it and we're not theonly ones, but that's been the
biggest thing.
Melissa Franklin (27:30):
that takes us into our next piece, where we
talk about resilience and highperformance.
So you're not only making adifference, but you're also
balancing a demanding schedule,and then you have to reach a
whole nother level ofperformance because of that
balance, as people would say assomeone who's accomplished as
(27:56):
you always say no, but assomeone who's accomplished a lot
, um, you have a uniqueperspective on achievement.
Why do you think some people us?
That's probably what we'refriends but why do you think
some people push themselves tosuch high levels, especially
when they face trauma orchallenges?
Maira Carrier (28:16):
For me.
It's tough.
I don't know if I've fullyfigured it out yet, but I know
that in different areas and indifferent times in my life.
I feel like I'm in a betterspace now where I could really
respect my own boundaries that Iput.
But there was a lot of time inmy life where that wasn't the
(28:36):
case and it was like I wassharing earlier.
We talk a lot about, like mommyissues, daddy issues, all of
these things.
I grew up hearing a differentversion of why my father wasn't
around until I grew up andunderstood what reality really
was.
So not having my dad aroundreally affected a lot of my
(28:59):
relationships and a lot of mythought process, because that
whole time I thought, oh, it'sbecause I have daddy issues, so
I'm dealing with that.
But in reality the core of whatwas affecting me was that
mother wound of some scars thatnot even time could heal and
making those decisions.
So I had to really learn whatboundaries were and I had to
(29:23):
really learn that if I'm tryingto be an overachiever at certain
things, is it because I'mtrying to get that love that I
desperately still need for mymom, or is it because I didn't
have my dad and I need to likeI'm over testosterone or
whatever it is to be, like I gotthis, I could do this and I
(29:45):
didn't need a, I didn't need aman, I didn't need my dad and I
got this.
And it's constant, constant,it's exhausting, but it's
constant, checking in on myselfand really seeing like, okay, is
this the right reason?
Are you doing this because ofthis, or are you doing this
because of an ego thing thatyou're going through or what?
(30:06):
What is the main reason whyyou're doing it?
And now, as I sit with myselfand meditate on that, I make the
decision of what's next.
Okay, we're moving forward withthis.
Okay, we're doing, we're goingto go ahead and create a new
space so that way we can holdthis conversation there for more
people, because we're goingthrough it.
But it's been a lot of checkingin on myself, a lot of
(30:26):
meditation, to really learn whatresilience is.
In the army, we talked aboutresilience all the time I
teaching it, but it wasn't aspace to be resilient, it was a
state, a space to carry on andmove on, go and move, go and
move.
So it wasn't something that Ifully learned to practice in the
(30:46):
military.
It wasn't until I got out ofthe military and the pandemic
happened, that I had to sit mybutt down and I had to sit there
and learn what to do and manageall of the emotions and all of
the challenges that came withlife.
Melissa Franklin (31:03):
So then, what role do you think resilience
played in your life, bothprofessionally and personally?
Maira Carrier (31:11):
Everything I want to say.
As a child I didn't know thatit was resilience.
It was a lot of likeself-talking to myself.
So it was a lot of like, hey,like you can do this, you can do
this, like it's not going to belike this forever and it's not
going to be like this forever.
We are going to get throughthis.
It's and it was a lot of selfself motivation because I didn't
(31:34):
have an adult there, aside frommy teachers, to tell me that it
was going to be okay.
So resilience and since alittle girl it's been, it's been
always present in my life.
I always tell my, my husbandand and other people that I
talked to like I can't even tellyou if I went through bullying,
which I'm sure we did, becauseof our clothes were always
(31:54):
stinky.
And to like I can't even tellyou if I went through bullying,
which I'm sure we did, becauseof our clothes were always
stinky and just everything.
But I can't even tell you thatI was affected by bullying,
because I can't even remember Iwas too busy trying to survive
and find a place where we weregoing to get food and just do
everything to where it wasalways just a way of being.
(32:15):
But it's just.
It's just tough and, like Isaid, once I got to the military
and I started learning aboutresilience it's such a big thing
and being so uncomfortable withsituations I had to really
learn that and learn how it is.
But I didn't master it untilafter and becoming a civilian.
Melissa Franklin (32:38):
It's crazy that you say that, because mine
was similar Sort of Not really,I don't want to explain it.
Ours was we were so poor in myearly years my mom would sell
food stamps to pay for the billsand do different um, but she
(32:59):
was still putting herselfthrough school and finishing it
through.
And then she met my stepdad andthen we technically made too
much to be poor or had too manyresources to be poor, so so we
got kicked out of the projectswe did and then we ended up with
my grandparents and that was aheavy transition.
(33:22):
Anybody who knows.
Going from being on welfare tocoming off of welfare.
That's a tough one, especiallywhen you have a ton of student
debt and all this other stuff.
You haven't built a savings ora structured financial spending.
I can't say that my mom didn'twork hard.
She was always workingridiculously hard, but they
(33:42):
didn't focus the things on theright stuff sometimes.
So what was toughest for us iswe went to school with a lot of
the other kids.
We couldn't complain about thestuff we were struggling with
how how dare you Like people aregoing to find out?
And then both my grandparentsworked in the school, so it was
like you can't tell people.
But you just also had to stillbe grateful for the fact that we
(34:05):
had more than the other kidswho didn't have it.
And then it was like at leastwe have the opportunity to be
able to lean on family even ifwe're struggling.
So be grateful and do through.
But the funny thing that youpointed out is for me,
subconsciously I wasn't enough,because everybody was telling us
we were getting bullied.
(34:26):
Your clothes are old, they'reoutdated, because they were by
Goodwill or at Salvation Army,purchased by the pound and that
sort, and I'm thinking like cool, I got a bunch of different
outfits.
This is really cool andeverybody else is like that
looks stupid, that's super old,like that's out of date, and I'm
like it's clean clothes, like Idon't get it and spathoming
that part.
(34:47):
I never wanted labels or thoseother things, but I pushed
really hard to have thefinancial resources so I didn't
have to listen to people's shitanymore.
Yeah, so it's funny that youbring that up, because it was
similar but yet so different, sovery different, and we would
never think that we were on thesame thing.
Because in my head I'm like, ohmy god, she has to go through
(35:09):
that.
I didn't have to worry aboutgetting my brother diapers that,
thank god I never had to worryabout anything like that.
Um, but then at the same time,that driver that similar
situation of experiencing ourown trauma.
I don't know how to turn it off.
Now I don't know about you.
It's so hard like to turn itoff and stop working.
(35:31):
So how do you manage thepressures of leading nonprofits
or being a community advocate,and what strategies or habits
have you used to keep yourselfgrounded aside from just
meditation?
Maira Carrier (35:46):
So I have a job with another nonprofit
organization here in San Antonio, futuro, and I.
It's a whole different spacethan my Ass Love and that was
purposely why I chose it,because I needed that time and
that space to not be in charge.
I don't.
(36:07):
I don't want to be in charge.
I'm like I don't want to rightnow.
I have to take a break.
I have to go into a space whereI feel like I'm learning,
because when I feel like I'mlearning, I feel like I'm being
fed and I feel like, okay, Icould grow, I could do more, I
could use my voice.
I feel empowered.
But at Maya's Love, it was incharge and being the head of
(36:29):
things and creating thoserelationships and sharing my
story over and over and bondingwith people over the, the trauma
that happened over the samestuff.
So really, a big thing that'shelped me is finding spaces that
are so different but still makeup who I am, so and then
(36:50):
choosing not to be in certainspaces because I know how
triggering it is and I'm notready to deal with that.
So, for example, I we supportveterans.
For Veterans Day every year, wehave a tradition where we
donate over 1000 American flagsto schools across Texas.
So we do that, but that's asfar as I go.
With the military trauma, wepartner with another nonprofit
(37:14):
in California, but it's ussupporting them.
It's not so much of me being anadvocate for military yet, and
that's because after VanessaGuillen a lot of things came up
and I did advocate during thosetwo years that we were
advocating for Vanessa, but ittook so much out of me to the
(37:35):
point where I clearly identifiedlike I'm not ready to go over
my military trauma too.
It was a great space and I loveit, but I'm not ready to go
over that specific stuff thathappened that was so similar to
Vanessa's case.
And, um, I choose not to befully involved with veteran
(37:57):
mental health right now becauseI know what it comes with and I
know what it does to myself.
So that's one way.
And then also for futuro,really understanding I sounds
ugly, but not like know yourrole, but like to know I'm here
as futuro, as this and whateveris needed for this, I, I will do
(38:19):
.
I can do more stuff, of course,if our boss asks us, because I,
I can do it, I'm, I'm capableof it, but in this space, here,
I am in my role and I'm here toenjoy my role and learning.
So, having that supportive workenvironment to where they're
like, hey, don't worry about it,like we got this, you don't
even have to stress about this.
It's so refreshing too.
Melissa Franklin (38:42):
Yeah, I love being part of Futuro as well as
an advocate, and it's so funnythat you say that, because
people ask like, aren't you in alot of stuff already?
Yes, but I like being in thosespaces but they're very similar,
but I love them all and theteam with futuro and just what
it stands for.
I I just love showing up inthat space too, kind of, like
(39:04):
you said, I don't need to worryabout it, yeah, and trust that
the people I'm in the buildingwith all want to show up for the
same reasons and I might noteven have to think about it.
I just have to go wave a flag.
Gorgeous me like.
Let me set up whateverchecklist you want.
You want to pass out cookies?
I got it.
What am I doing this time?
But I know I still got to be apart of it and I didn't have to
(39:24):
plan the whole thing.
Maira Carrier (39:25):
Yeah, it's so beautiful to be a part of that
yeah, it's like like my braincould breathe and it doesn't
feel like work, you know.
And and then another thing toois I had to really, like I said
in the beginning, I had tounderstand what relationships
like a lot of people talk abouttoxic relationships that's not
just a love relationship with apartner, with an intimate
(39:47):
partner, but it's also could beyour parents, our parents,
friendships, parents, and for me, my biggest heartbreak is my
mom and that, um, after manyyears and my decisions and in
people's actions and stuff, Ihad to come to a space where I
had to accept that in thislifetime I didn didn't get the
(40:10):
mom that a little girl shouldhave and that she's living her
life and she's making herdecisions as a grown woman and
that's okay.
And if she needs something inthe future, my family's here and
we're not ugly towards her.
I just had to really createthat boundary, but it came with
(40:32):
a lot of years and a lot ofdisappointments to create that
separation and that's why I'mvery I don't have family in San
Antonio, I don't have family.
I have family in the Valley andwe just got closer together
because of the same trauma andseparation of what she
represented in our family andall of the three sisters had to
(40:54):
grow up in their own, in theirown life, and so we just got
back together and it's beenamazing and we really like all
sat down to understand who ourmom is and to make that decision
that we're going to have arelationship outside of that too
.
So that's been a big big thing,a big part of me being able to
(41:15):
be resilient, to know that notonly do I have my military
family that I could call, but Ialso have my blood family, and
that made such a big impact forme and it changed a lot.
Like I could call them andthey'll show up.
You know I'll be like hey, hey,can you come and help me do
this?
And they will show up becausethey've also been waiting for
(41:36):
this to be the space again forus to grow together.
So each of them have theirrelationship with my mom and
each of us have our relationshipwith my mom, but I would say
mine's the most distance andboundary.
But I also think that that'sbecause of the stuff I had to
learn while I was away and getused to and understanding that
(41:58):
I'm a big believer.
Like in different things, Irespect everybody's religion,
but again.
This lifetime it didn't happen,but I have to be able to accept
that and know that maybe inanother lifetime it will, and
and just know that it's okay.
It's okay, we don't.
It doesn't have to be perfectin every space.
Melissa Franklin (42:20):
I think that's um something a lot of people
struggle with, especially as wemove forward.
It's not a bad thing to saythat we went through trauma.
It's not a bad thing.
My mom and I have a lot ofdiscussions with that and that
was a hard one.
I don't think we squashed a lotof the arguments until my late
twenties and then in my earlythirties it was just understood
(42:41):
like love you respect.
You can only be around you solong before we're going to argue
.
But we have a really goodrelationship now to where we at
least understand that.
I cannot be mad at you for whatyou didn't know back then yeah
but I can still hold youresponsible for how you're
making me feel right now.
Yeah, so that's been somethingthat was progress in time and it
(43:06):
took a really long time.
It was a really big emotionalchallenge and just challenge in
general because of the trauma Ihad been through, and then her
having a face like she did herbest, but shit still happened
like it really did.
Were there any moments wheretrauma or emotional trauma like
challenges, seemed morechallenging or overwhelming for
(43:28):
you, and how did you find thestrength to move forward through
those times?
Maira Carrier (43:32):
The biggest thing is being a mom while not having
a mom, and having a mom who'salive.
But knowing that I don't have amom has been the most
challenging part, because ourtrauma was not only like like
(43:53):
knowing that I know thatmentally and she did the best
she could, but after becoming amom and seeing my own child and
knowing that I wouldn't do makecertain choices for for him I
would not make certain choicesand it doesn't matter that it's
(44:16):
the the only thing you know,because at some point you know
right from wrong and you're justmaking choices to, and I don't
know how deep you want to getinto it or if anything's
triggering or anything butnothing's triggering or
triggering triggering right.
It's already causing likestuttering yeah, because she
would make choices to like.
(44:37):
She knew that we were sexuallyabused by our neighbor, by my
little sister's dad, and shewould buckle me in, purposely
and, like it's a clear memory,buckle me.
He would play this certain songand she would send me off with
him and she knew what washappening, because I told her
and it wasn't just one time, butshe would do it and it was like
(45:00):
now that I'm an adult and Ilook at things back, I'm like
she was bribing me.
You know it was always that'swhen I got her love before
having to be sent out.
So it's.
There's a point and a very, verydefined line to where I know
that you did your best and whatyou were doing, but I also know
(45:23):
that you're a woman and you madethe choices that you did.
And I don't even care if youadmit it.
I don't, I don't.
There's nothing in my soul, Idon't, I don't.
There's nothing in my soul thatwould get a comfort and saying
like I was wrong, I don't needit anymore, I'm past that, I'm
okay, I forgive you, but there'srules and boundaries, and
because I'm going to call youwhat you are and the decisions
(45:46):
that you made and I'm going toput a defined label on it
because you know what washappening then.
I can't have that around mychild.
You cannot be around my son byyourself.
You cannot and you will not.
So for me it was a lot, of, alot of that and becoming a mom
and really like having my eyesopen to that reality that I need
(46:11):
.
And Mother's Day is hard,holidays are hard, my birthday
is hard.
To know that it's Mother's Dayand your own mom won't call you
to even say anything and youdidn't do anything.
You're a child.
It's tough.
So that has been the biggestchallenge of my life to become a
mom and to see things and togrow up with no maternal
(46:33):
instinct because we were leftalone the whole time and because
we didn't have a mom that lovedon us or kissed us.
We wouldn't get kissed, therewas no physical anything.
And to see that and still beable to project maternal
instincts and to care and tolove on not only my child but to
(46:54):
love on multiple childrenunconditionally, to be there for
them and their families.
It doesn't fit in who I am.
So that has been the biggest,biggest thing becoming a mom and
and realizing that my own mommade decisions that brought us
to where we are today, and she'sonly seen my son maybe like
(47:16):
five times in his whole life,and he's eight years old and
it's okay for me and yeah.
Melissa Franklin (47:26):
I appreciate you sharing so openly that one
is definitely a tougher topic.
I definitely did experiencesexual molestation when I was a
child as well.
However, I was more shamed intohiding it from my mother.
I didn't actually admit fullyeverything that was going on to
(47:49):
my mother till I was an adult.
Yeah, because I just kind offigured she knew.
Yeah, he was looking the otherway because certain things would
happen.
Yeah, um.
So when we did have thoseconversations as an adult I can
say she definitely tried to likewell, I would have known and I
would have done something like,but nothing happened.
(48:09):
But I can't say that shepurposely knew and put me in
those so.
Maira Carrier (48:15):
I can only fathom what that would look like or
what that feels like that's thelightest start of all oh, I'm
sure, I'm sure if it came to apoint where, like to even have
to talk about it, I had to sitthere again with myself and
process it and feel like thiswas messed up.
(48:37):
And I mean I went through a lotof different therapies,
counselors, everything.
The biggest thing that impactedme was doing EMDR.
That was life changing for me.
It was horrible after I did itthe first time and it was like
you were like a raw piece ofsteak that just been beat up and
thrown on the wall andeverything else.
But it was after I did EMDRthat I was able to process fully
(49:03):
.
Okay, now I know, now Iremember certain things.
Now I got it.
What do I do with it?
Right, because I'm not going tobe stuck in this hole forever.
Like, what do I do with it?
Melissa Franklin (49:14):
right, I love that.
Um, before I transition to thenext part, can you explain to
our audience what EMDR is, incase they don't know?
Maira Carrier (49:24):
I don't know what it stands for.
I know, um, but EMDR is.
It's a form of therapy andthere's two different sounds or
two different focuses.
That's audio and you sit therewith the therapist and they talk
about certain things thatyou've identified and we really
go into it to explore and feelwhat's happening.
(49:46):
So one thing for me was, youknow, a memory of me being
locked in the closet all thetime.
So I had to sit there duringtherapy and put myself as a
little girl in the closet andprocess what I was feeling and
feel that fear while the noiseswere going, while my therapist
was talking, and really processit and understand.
(50:10):
And during that time I was ableto be like, okay, well, where
was your mom during this time,where was this, what was
happening around, to really beable to like find that closure
for my feelings too.
But it's it's basically likereliving the traumatic event, to
be able to learn how to processit.
Melissa Franklin (50:32):
I know that it's.
It kind of reminds me of atechnique that's called
Dianetics and it's really likean auditor talking you through
the picture of it, Because a lotof it's more, we don't even
remember the process and we haveto kind of take ourselves
through it.
Tapping helped a lot for me.
Yeah, I did a lot of tappinggentle releasing and doing a lot
(50:52):
of those.
So I learned how to go throughthose processes and I do take
some of my clients through thatand explain the same thing.
Hey, we're gonna have that atyour next check-in.
And since we're gonna do agentle release, I need you to be
sure that you get some rest.
I need you to be sure thatyou're fully hydrated because
you're going to be tired, likeit does take a psychological
(51:14):
part, sure, but thephysiological part that it does
is so crazy because you have tobasically relive it and it's a
lot and a lot of people mightnot realize that.
Well, to close, I'd love foryou to share some guidance with
our listeners who might befacing different struggles.
For some of our listeners whoare dealing with trauma or
(51:36):
emotional challenges, whatadvice would you give them to
find their path and healing andresilience?
Maira Carrier (51:44):
Really check in with yourself and, especially
whenever you're hurting the mostor whenever you're at the top
of the best of your performance,check in on yourself and check
in and say, okay, am I, like Isaid, like process, why it is
that you're doing this, why itis that you're feeling it?
Because it's not just aboutidentifying those depressing,
(52:07):
sad moments but also what's mademy brain feel so good at that
time.
Because if this makes me feelso good right now, then I can
use it during these dark, darktimes.
So, really focusing in on allof those high and deep emotions,
for sure I am a big advocatefor therapy.
There's different types oftherapies and you don't have to
(52:29):
go and go to a doctor.
You can go and talk to yourpriest, go talk to your pastor,
go talk to anybody and sit thereand let somebody know and feel
that there's somebody there foryou.
And that support system yeahthat support system is key to be
able to have that.
Melissa Franklin (52:49):
How can people support Maya's love and what
difference does their supportmake for children that are
experiencing trauma?
Maira Carrier (52:56):
Well, you can follow us on social media.
On our website, check outeverything that we've done
throughout the communities, andwe're always open to any
volunteers that want to come in.
We love hearing people's ideas,people's visions of what they
went through and how they feellike they can impact the
community.
So we do a lot of smallprojects with community leaders
(53:18):
to be able to have them makethat difference in their own
community.
So we're always open to hearingeveryone's ideas and to having
people on the team to make thatdifference with us too.
Love it.
Melissa Franklin (53:29):
Speaking of ideas, any final thoughts on
resilience, the mental wellnessand staying true to your mission
even when things get difficult.
Maira Carrier (53:39):
Just check in on yourself, because the world is
very crazy and the world is verychanging and a lot of the times
, for those people who areadvocates, you're advocating
because somewhere somehow inyour heart you were affected or
you were changed your life bysomebody.
So we are most often the onesthat get that burnout and we're
(54:01):
the first ones to feel thatimpact.
So really check in on yourselfand really know that you're not
alone.
Know that you're not alone andeven if you have a group of 10
people telling you like, oh,you're doing too much, or you're
thinking too much, or you'redoing this or you're doing
whatever, know that there's 20more people that are feeling the
same way as you, eitherhelpless or hopeful.
(54:23):
But there's more people andyou're not by yourself and 10
are wrong or 10 are putting youin that situation where you fell
down.
There's 20 people who are readyto uplift you and who are ready
to fight by your side to makethat difference for you too.
Melissa Franklin (54:40):
I love that, Maira well, if you liked what
Maira has to say today and youwant to hear a little bit more,
she's actually shared this withother business professionals.
Uh, she came on to our lastepisode, so go ahead and check
out the last episode to hear hertalk with the Carlos de Leon.
And then we also had the EggBowl that come on and we were
(55:00):
talking about having leadershipfor long-term sustainability and
as we move into that, we'regoing to be doing a series every
single month um the fourthmonday of every month.
So go ahead and check out theshow notes to go ahead and
register for that zoom session.
But like might, as talkingabout founders and the leaders
(55:21):
are often the ones that are mostforgotten.
We forget to take care ofourselves.
So it really is important, butit's been an honor to hear your
story.
Thank you for all, for sharingso openly as always.
I love the amazing work you dowith Maya's Love.
Passing out those flowers theother day with you guys, I was
crying.
I was just so grateful to bethere.
So thank you For those of youlistening.
(55:42):
If you'd like to support Maya'sor Maya's mission and actually
check out Maya's Love, go aheadand check out the show notes so
you can go ahead and get thelinks to their social media
accounts and you can see how youcan help make a difference in
the lives of children that arefacing emotional trauma or other
individuals that they'rereaching out to now.
Thank you, maya, again forsharing your insights on
resilience, trauma and the powerof community.
(56:04):
And, to our listeners, rememberthat resilience is within reach
and every challenge you facecan now lead to new growth.
So until next time, stay strongand keep moving forward.
We'll see you on the nextepisode of Structuring Chaotic
Minds, thank you.
Thank you so much for joining mefor today's episode.
To catch up on the rest of theseason, visit
structuringchaoticmindscom ortake a quick browse on your
(56:27):
current app to see whichepisodes resonate with you.
If you struggle with your ownmental wellness or even just
balancing life, we have a teamof individuals at our site who
can help.
You can visitstructureinnovationscom and find
a coach or mentor fit for you.
Thank you for joining me onceagain, melissa Franklin.
No-transcript.
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