October 3, 2024 • 33 mins
Unlock the keys to personal transformation as we sit down with Christine Passo, an inspiring purpose and transformation coach who left a two-decade career in advertising to guide women in their 40s and 50s through life’s pivotal changes. Listen to Christine’s heartfelt story of epiphany during a job interview that reshaped her path, as she shares insights into aligning careers with personal values and dreams. This episode promises to equip you with the tools of introspection and self-awareness, offering practical steps to navigate professional and personal crossroads with a renewed sense of confidence.
Grief is more than just the loss of a loved one; it's an intricate part of life's transitions. Together with Christine, we explore how grief from changes like job loss or identity shifts can become a powerful catalyst for growth. Discover actionable strategies to honor your grief, foster self-love, and silence inner negativity. Through the lens of Christine's coaching success stories, learn how transforming your mindset can radically elevate self-perception and confidence, empowering you to turn life’s chaos into moments of structured success.
How To Find Christine:
https://christinepasso.com/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Melissa Franklin (00:00):
Welcome back to another episode of
Structuring Chaotic Minds.
I'm your host, melissa Franklin, and today we have a very
special guest who is going to betalking to us about the world
of transformation, resilienceand finding purpose through some
of life's toughest moments.
So if you've ever felt stuck inyour career, struggled with
grief or wondered how to realignwith your purpose, this episode
(00:20):
is definitely for you.
Welcome to Structuring ChaoticMinds, the podcast where we turn
the chaos of everydaychallenges into structured
success.
I'm your host, melissa, andeach episode we'll explore
innovative strategies, real lifestories and actionable insights
to help you navigate thecomplexities of leadership,
business and personal growth.
Whether you're an entrepreneur,a leader or someone striving
(00:42):
for personal development, thispodcast will give you the tools
to create clarity in the chaos.
Let's dive in.
I'm beyond excited to introduceChristine Paso, a purpose and
transformation coach.
She does grief support coachingand then she is a mental health
advocate.
After spending 20 years inadvertising, christine made a
(01:04):
very bold and courageous shiftinto the world of coaching.
She now helps coach women thatare in their 40s and 50s and
rediscover their confidence andnavigate through life's
challenges.
Christine, welcome to the show.
Christine Passo (01:16):
Oh, thank you so much, Melissa.
I've always enjoyed ourconversations and to be here
with you on such a really havesuch a very important
conversation.
Thank you so much.
I feel honored.
Melissa Franklin (01:26):
Thank you so much for joining me.
I'm just tickled to be able tohave you here because of the way
mental health definitelyresonates for both of us, so I'm
excited.
Let's dive into some of thequestions that I honestly feel
our audience would want to know.
So, thinking about it, I'mpretty fascinated by your story,
especially 20 years inadvertising and then just
switching before realizing itwasn't your true calling.
(01:48):
Can you take us back to one ofthose pivotal moments?
What was it that made youdecide to completely change your
career path?
Christine Passo (01:56):
It's such an easy answer, but it also isn't,
so I'm going to try to put thisin a small little box as a
response.
So, really, for quite some timein my 40s I'm currently 53.
In my 40s I just kind of feltlike things weren't matching up
right.
So I'm doing well in my career,making good money, establishing
really wonderful relationshipswith my clients, but nothing
(02:19):
really felt right.
And I remember constantlyasking myself, and I remember
constantly asking myself is thiswhat it's like to have a career
?
Because it kind of sucks, right, I graduated with a social work
degree in college, so I wantedto be of strong purpose, I
wanted to be of service.
And here I am in advertisingsales which, yes, is of service,
(02:39):
but it wasn't in the way that Iwanted.
So fast forward into my late 40sand I was on a Zoom interview
for a job.
It was for an accountmanagement position and I asked
the question if you were to havehired me, and look back a year
from now, what is it that Iwould have had to have done to
prove that I was a great hire?
Well, she looked right back atme, melissa, like, didn't even
(03:02):
blink an eye, and said well, ifyou like it here and you feel
like you're thriving in yourrole, and if you're not, that
we're working on getting youinto a role that better suits
your goals.
And if we don't have that rolehere at this company, we have an
exit strategy in place to helpyou move on to what you do want
to do and you know what.
(03:31):
That was the first.
I mean you could could, I couldhave dropped my um, pick my jaw
up off the floor, honestly andI looked back at her.
I just stared at her for asecond and I said so, it's about
me, right?
And?
And she said well, of course itis.
Who else would it be about?
I was like, well, it would beabout the role and the company.
So she, at that moment, reallyshined a light on that I did
matter and that my dreams and mygoals mattered.
And I was only with thatcompany for a short period of
(03:54):
time because we had layoffs andit was just one of those things.
But it was then that I said tomyself now's my opportunity.
I need to find and figure out,I need to do the legwork, I need
to do the research, I need toread, I need to find and figure
out.
I need to do the legwork, Ineed to do the research, I need
to read, I need to open up mymind to figure out what it is
that I want to do, and that'swhat I did, oh my goodness, I
love that.
Melissa Franklin (04:13):
That is definitely a powerful moment of
self-awareness and being able tostep into that.
A lot of our listeners tend tofeel stuck in their careers but
they're not sure how to takethat first step moving towards
something more fulfilling.
What advice would you give forsomeone who is in that place but
just not sure where to start?
Christine Passo (04:32):
I'll tell you this is kind of easy, you know,
an easy suggestion for me,because it's what I did and it
felt right mirror, and I askedmyself what is it that I'm doing
at work that doesn't feel likeit's aligning with me and my
values and what's important tome?
And so I wrote down the thingsthat were important to me, like
DEI, mental health, awareness,communication, true
(04:54):
collaboration, connection, and Ijust started Googling those
things and I found TED Talks onYouTube, I found books, I found
podcasts and I started listeningto them.
And I was listening to them andI thought, oh my gosh, this is
what I'm interested in.
These are the things that Iwant to talk about, that I'm not
.
So go with your gut, write downwhat you're interested in and
(05:16):
then start exploring, because noone's going to guide you right.
No one's going to pop out ofsomewhere and say Melissa, I
know what's best for you.
You should do this, this andthis.
You have to do the work on yourown.
Melissa Franklin (05:29):
I love that.
That's probably the scariestpart sometimes, though, trying
to admit that to ourselves.
You've mentioned before thatfinding purpose was crucial in
your journey.
Can you share more aboutaligning your purpose and
transitioning that to helpothers do the same?
I know you're saying like writeit out, but once they're there,
(05:50):
how do they really feel thatthey can apply that purpose if
it isn't career?
Christine Passo (05:55):
Well, I mean, it takes some time, right, I
mean, and it really takes goingback to when we were younger,
because when we're younger, wedon't have any inhibitions,
right?
We don't have anything that'sblocking our view.
We either like something or wedon't.
We try whatever we want,without a true goal in mind
other than to have fun, and tosee if we like it.
And we stop doing that as adultsbecause we think we either have
(06:17):
to make money at it or somehowwe have to benefit from it or
there's got to be something tosay at the end.
And so we limit ourselves andby doing that we're missing out
on so many opportunities thatcould turn into purpose.
And so really justrelinquishing the idea that
everything has to mean somethingand just say I'm just going to
(06:39):
try it, I'm just going to watchthis TED Talk and see what I
learn and see what other TEDTalks come up as recommended,
it's amazing what will unfoldwhen we start taking an interest
in what seems to matter, andthat's how we find our purpose,
love that it's basically go playand see if you actually enjoy
it.
Melissa Franklin (06:57):
Right, that's a big one for people.
I love that you pointed outwhen you were a kid, because
that's one thing I like to sharewith people is, when you were a
kiddo, I promise you that'sgolden.
That's what you wanted to do,but a lot of other life factors
started messing with thatmindset and making you believe
it wasn't possible.
So go back to who you were whenyou were a kiddo.
(07:18):
I like to call it your daimun,your inner child, that inner
spirit and everything that'sthere.
And it's like your inner child,that inner spirit and
everything that's there, andit's like we got to let that
diamond shine.
So I love that.
I love that.
Okay, so the next part we'regoing to be talking about is
grief and transformation.
I know that grief hasdefinitely played a significant
role in your own transformationand you often help others
(07:41):
clients I mean, geez, evenmyself in my pre-talks deal with
the grief and find it as asource of strength.
Could you talk to us about yourpersonal experience with grief
and how it impacted the way youlive and work today?
Christine Passo (07:54):
Yes, sure.
So I think I've talked aboutgrief and really been thinking
about grief for my whole life.
I just didn't understand itright.
I thought it was something else.
But I used to do a LinkedInlive show with a connection and
in the beginning of January itwas our first episode for 2024,
we chose three words each thatdescribed our 2023 year and,
(08:17):
ironically, we both chose griefin one form or another.
I think she went with regret,but essentially, regret is grief
and I started talking aboutthat.
Grief is not just about what wesuffer from end of life when
somebody passes away.
It's everything.
It's job loss, it's you lose amentor at work, it's identity
loss you don't know who you are,you don't know what steps to
(08:45):
take.
It's divorce, it's emptinesssyndrome, it's health decline.
I mean, melissa, it is so manythings but we don't name
correctly.
We just think it's this and webrush it under the rug and then,
years later, we still have thatgrief, that regret, right that
we're dealing with.
And so, in realizing that aboutgrief, I really started
incorporating that more into mycoaching.
But once we lost our Sheltie, adog, myra, late in May and it
(09:13):
has been so this was four monthsago.
It has been the mostdevastating grief I've ever
experienced in my life.
So just when we think we knowsomething, it hits at a deeper
level.
And so having gone through thathas taught me just how diverse
and how important it is to notcompare grief, whether you're
(09:34):
referring to somebody else oryou're referring to yourself,
because every relationship isdifferent.
And so I just I have learnedmyself um the, the components,
the complexities, the, the heartwrenching pain of grief and how
to adapt it into coaching,because it really is step one.
It is step one in guiding myclients through their healing
(09:58):
and to hope because withoutdealing with the grief and that
heartache from whatever lossagain that there's 50 different
reasons for it and they staystuck.
Melissa Franklin (10:10):
I think you'll stay stuck and that's when
you'll start seeing thephysiological stuff happen as
well.
I know for myself if I don'texpress the stress, logical
stuff happen as well.
I know for myself if I don'texpress the stress, my hair
falls out.
It's so strange.
I will see huge round circlespots, just like there goes.
My hair Cool, so I've beenwearing a braid a lot lately,
(10:31):
but it just comes to.
You actually don't reallyexperience the emotion for that
long If you let yourselfexperience the emotion.
I like also the not comparingthe grief, because what's grief
to one might not be the same forsomebody else.
So yeah, that's really moving.
It's really a deep experiencefor each individual and yet
(10:53):
something we all go through inone form or another.
So for those listening whomight be in the middle of their
own grief, what are somepractical steps to use to guide
clients through their ownjourney and help them not just
survive but actually truly heal,transform and thrive?
Christine Passo (11:11):
Sure.
So the most important thing tounderstand is that we are not
taught, we are not raised, tosit in grief with somebody else.
You know, we're not taught,we're not coached, we're not
educated on how to sit withsomebody when they're sad or
depressed or suffering.
You know, we are instead taughtto cheer them up.
(11:31):
Right, let me fix them, andit's impossible.
But with that, what ends uphappening is when somebody is
grieving very deeply again fromwhatever life event has happened
and somebody comes along andsays, oh, you're still dealing
with that.
So that does two things thatinvalidates the feelings of the
griever and the sufferer and itmakes them feel like they need
(11:53):
to hurry up.
They need to hurry up.
It's like, wow, something'swrong with you.
It's been two weeks, you'restill upset.
It's been a month, you're stillupset.
And the answer is yes, I amstill upset.
This is very difficult for mebecause no two people grieve the
same, and that's wherecomparing is so incredibly
dangerous.
Honoring somebody else andsomebody who is grieving to
(12:15):
honor themselves in their painis so important.
Seek out one or two people thatyou know you can count on,
because it's really difficult.
Like I said, we're not taughtto sit with people in their
grief and grab onto them andknow that you can reach out to
them and they understand whatyou're going through.
Because the truth is and,melissa, I think you understand
this that we may never fullyheal because, especially grief
(12:41):
from loss, from death right, Imean, we love forever, like I'm
going to love my array forever.
So there's always going to bethat part of my heart that will
grieve, but it's finding hopeand how to heal in those
difficult situations that matterso much, and that all starts
with honoring your own pain andyour feeling and not trying to
convince yourself thatsomething's wrong with you.
(13:03):
Yeah, no, I love that.
Melissa Franklin (13:05):
I think the way you talk about it being
almost like a source of empathyand strength for individuals
once they've gone through it,it's pretty refreshing and a
hopeful way to look at somethingwhen it feels so overwhelming.
I know that is just like aheavy weight.
I imagine that once someonegoes through the process of
(13:30):
healing, they should be leftwith like a greater sense of
clarity and self-love.
So I appreciate those tipsbecause that's definitely
something I still hold on to andwork with with my own grief.
I kind of needed that littlereminder.
Thank you Well, kind of lookinginto the other area, you
definitely do really well withempowering midlife women.
One thing that stands out inyour work is your focus on
(13:51):
empowering just women in general, but definitely in their 40s
and 50s particularly.
What are some of the uniquechallenges that these particular
women face and how do you guidethem through those struggles?
Christine Passo (14:03):
Sure.
So women in particular, weagain back to being raised.
We're raised to act a certainway, we're raised to be people
pleasers.
We are raised to not speak up,not speak our mind.
We might come across asaggressive.
So so much of what I work withmy clients on is breaking those
behavioral habits and havingthem become aware.
(14:24):
So, like awareness is such ahuge part, Having them become
aware that these kind of myths,these lessons that our parents
have taught us which no blame tothem, by the way you know we,
everybody, does their best andyou know a lot of these
parenting tips come downgeneration after generation
until someone breaks the cycle.
Right that you know you'regoing to have about one person
(14:45):
that detours it, breaks thecycle.
But you know so much asbreaking those habits and and
letting them know that it notonly is okay to not be a people
pleaser, but they will actuallyend up presenting as a more
lovable, kind, supportive humanbeing to everybody in their life
, when they're treating peoplewith respect and acceptance
(15:07):
versus doing it because theyfeel like they have to please
them.
That creates such aninauthenticity that makes us
even be who we're not.
So it's such a double-edgedsword there.
So breaking those habits andthen, in terms of empowerment,
that actually happens on its own.
So it happens on its own, justas we're having conversations
(15:30):
right.
So the awareness I talk about,how important the awareness is,
that until we face, perhaps,that we've been living our lives
in a way that we don't want to,or that we're not happy, really
, with the behavior that we'vebeen engaging in, until we face
that, and instead of blamingourselves and being like, oh God
, I'm such an idiot, why did Ido that, it's like okay, I did
(15:51):
that in the past, I can't changeit.
Who do I want to be movingforward, and just that in itself
is so incredibly empowering,because then they're in their
own right, they're standing intheir own body and their own
power, and it's like I have adecision I can make here.
Somebody else is not making itfor me, so that's I mean, it's
just a beautiful thing towitness.
Melissa Franklin (16:14):
I love how you pointed that out, especially
like the societal expectationsbeing placed on women.
I actually made a post aboutthat today because I've been in
some rooms lately where a lot ofpeople are like stop talking,
you're making peopleuncomfortable.
But we're talking about what'strue.
I'm not being rude, I'm notbeing mean, I'm not saying false
information, but I'm not beingnice.
(16:36):
Okay, I mean I'm not nice.
Nice is pleasant.
It might not be pleasant forsomeone to hear that something
is wrong, but I'm being kind andI'm being upfront and honest.
So I don't know what to do, butmy grandfather always empowered
me to speak up.
He would say the phrase leaveher alone, and it was more you
(16:58):
can speak up.
But he was also very honest.
He's like society's not goingto deal well with it, honey.
So basically, you better learnhow to do everything by yourself
and then, as you grab a teamwhere people can figure it out,
to go it'll come into place, butnot to expect it to just happen
, and I was like, yeah, I cansee that I can totally see that
he was a.
Christine Passo (17:18):
He was a wise man and you know.
I just want to comment reallyquickly where you said nice,
that you weren't being nice.
Work, you know, when you're atwork and you're in these
important meetings, it isn'tabout being nice, and that word
is always attached to women,it's not attached to men.
If you're not coming in with,like, holding flowers and giving
donuts and, you know, cupcakesto everybody, you're not being
nice.
(17:38):
It has nothing to do with nice.
You're a very nice person, butsometimes there's a point to
make and it doesn't mean you'rebeing mean.
It doesn't mean you're notbeing nice.
It means you're being directand we, as women, we have to
continue on that path, becauseit's so important for us to be
able to speak our truth likethat.
I love.
Melissa Franklin (17:56):
That it actually brings me to the part
where you really emphasize a lotabout confidence and self-love
in your coaching and I feel likethat's something that we need
to embrace.
And I feel like that'ssomething that we need to
embrace like be confident enoughbut still love ourselves,
because I'll feel yuckysometimes in those rooms, I'm
like they don't like me, andthen I go home the rest of the
day super sad and Melissa's likewhat's wrong with you, like
(18:16):
they didn't like me.
She's like why do you care?
I was like because I care.
I still can't quite get over it.
I try to pretend like I don't,but it definitely impacts me.
So what are some of the waysthat you would help other women
rediscover that confidence afterall those years of feeling
undervalued, disconnected orlike they weren't a part of the
club themselves?
Christine Passo (18:36):
Oh, absolutely so.
I like to.
At this point, I'm going totalk about our inner voice, our
inner dialogue, right?
So that inner dialogue that youhad that day, which was they
don't like me, right?
Instead of well, maybeeverybody's just tired, or what
difference does it make, right?
I mean, we could tell ourselvesan entire book full of stories
(18:56):
that are negative about who weare, that nobody else is saying
and, in fact, because we say itto ourselves so many times, if
one person, even jokingly, makesa comment that's even relative
to what we say to ourselves,we're like yep, validation.
There it is.
I knew it.
Melissa Franklin (19:12):
Right, that RAS, the reticular activating
system.
It likes that confirmation biasand it's like, yeah, we suck.
Christine Passo (19:18):
Yes, we tear our own selves down like, more
so than anybody else.
You know so many of thesethoughts that we have, and so
confidence has to come within it, within, by letting go, by
stopping that, that innerdialogue.
That is just terrible.
You know, it's almost like takethat word like they don't like
me to be like they really dolike me, you know, and and just
(19:41):
flip it because essentiallyneither one matter.
It's what you feel aboutyourself that matters.
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
It's what you feel aboutyourself that matters.
Melissa Franklin (19:48):
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
It's almost like you have toremove the BS or the lies, the
stuff that we're tellingourselves, and really just focus
on what really does matter soyou can move forward.
Do you have any particularsuccess stories from your
coaching practice that reallyexemplify this type of
transformation for your clientsthat really exemplify this type
of transformation for?
Christine Passo (20:07):
your clients, gosh, I mean.
There are a variety oftransformational situations that
happen even just within onephone call.
So transformation itself is alifelong goal.
You know this we have neverarrived, we are never done.
Welcome back to another episode of
Structuring Chaotic Minds.
I'm your host, melissa Franklin, and today we have a very
special guest who is going to betalking to us about the world
of transformation, resilienceand finding purpose through some
of life's toughest moments.
So if you've ever felt stuck inyour career, struggled with
grief or wondered how to realignwith your purpose, this episode
(00:20):
is definitely for you.
Welcome to Structuring ChaoticMinds, the podcast where we turn
the chaos of everydaychallenges into structured
success.
I'm your host, melissa, andeach episode we'll explore
innovative strategies, real lifestories and actionable insights
to help you navigate thecomplexities of leadership,
business and personal growth.
Whether you're an entrepreneur,a leader or someone striving
(00:42):
for personal development, thispodcast will give you the tools
to create clarity in the chaos.
Let's dive in.
I'm beyond excited to introduceChristine Paso, a purpose and
transformation coach.
She does grief support coachingand then she is a mental health
advocate.
After spending 20 years inadvertising, christine made a
(01:04):
very bold and courageous shiftinto the world of coaching.
She now helps coach women thatare in their 40s and 50s and
rediscover their confidence andnavigate through life's
challenges.
Christine, welcome to the show.
Christine Passo (01:16):
Oh, thank you so much, Melissa.
I've always enjoyed ourconversations and to be here
with you on such a really havesuch a very important
conversation.
Thank you so much.
I feel honored.
Melissa Franklin (01:26):
Thank you so much for joining me.
I'm just tickled to be able tohave you here because of the way
mental health definitelyresonates for both of us, so I'm
excited.
Let's dive into some of thequestions that I honestly feel
our audience would want to know.
So, thinking about it, I'mpretty fascinated by your story,
especially 20 years inadvertising and then just
switching before realizing itwasn't your true calling.
(01:48):
Can you take us back to one ofthose pivotal moments?
What was it that made youdecide to completely change your
career path?
Christine Passo (01:56):
It's such an easy answer, but it also isn't,
so I'm going to try to put thisin a small little box as a
response.
So, really, for quite some timein my 40s I'm currently 53.
In my 40s I just kind of feltlike things weren't matching up
right.
So I'm doing well in my career,making good money, establishing
really wonderful relationshipswith my clients, but nothing
(02:19):
really felt right.
And I remember constantlyasking myself, and I remember
constantly asking myself is thiswhat it's like to have a career
?
Because it kind of sucks, right, I graduated with a social work
degree in college, so I wantedto be of strong purpose, I
wanted to be of service.
And here I am in advertisingsales which, yes, is of service,
(02:39):
but it wasn't in the way that Iwanted.
So fast forward into my late 40sand I was on a Zoom interview
for a job.
It was for an accountmanagement position and I asked
the question if you were to havehired me, and look back a year
from now, what is it that Iwould have had to have done to
prove that I was a great hire?
Well, she looked right back atme, melissa, like, didn't even
(03:02):
blink an eye, and said well, ifyou like it here and you feel
like you're thriving in yourrole, and if you're not, that
we're working on getting youinto a role that better suits
your goals.
And if we don't have that rolehere at this company, we have an
exit strategy in place to helpyou move on to what you do want
to do and you know what.
(03:31):
That was the first.
I mean you could could, I couldhave dropped my um, pick my jaw
up off the floor, honestly andI looked back at her.
I just stared at her for asecond and I said so, it's about
me, right?
And?
And she said well, of course itis.
Who else would it be about?
I was like, well, it would beabout the role and the company.
So she, at that moment, reallyshined a light on that I did
matter and that my dreams and mygoals mattered.
And I was only with thatcompany for a short period of
(03:54):
time because we had layoffs andit was just one of those things.
But it was then that I said tomyself now's my opportunity.
I need to find and figure out,I need to do the legwork, I need
to do the research, I need toread, I need to find and figure
out.
I need to do the legwork, Ineed to do the research, I need
to read, I need to open up mymind to figure out what it is
that I want to do, and that'swhat I did, oh my goodness, I
love that.
Melissa Franklin (04:13):
That is definitely a powerful moment of
self-awareness and being able tostep into that.
A lot of our listeners tend tofeel stuck in their careers but
they're not sure how to takethat first step moving towards
something more fulfilling.
What advice would you give forsomeone who is in that place but
just not sure where to start?
Christine Passo (04:32):
I'll tell you this is kind of easy, you know,
an easy suggestion for me,because it's what I did and it
felt right mirror, and I askedmyself what is it that I'm doing
at work that doesn't feel likeit's aligning with me and my
values and what's important tome?
And so I wrote down the thingsthat were important to me, like
DEI, mental health, awareness,communication, true
(04:54):
collaboration, connection, and Ijust started Googling those
things and I found TED Talks onYouTube, I found books, I found
podcasts and I started listeningto them.
And I was listening to them andI thought, oh my gosh, this is
what I'm interested in.
These are the things that Iwant to talk about, that I'm not
.
So go with your gut, write downwhat you're interested in and
(05:16):
then start exploring, because noone's going to guide you right.
No one's going to pop out ofsomewhere and say Melissa, I
know what's best for you.
You should do this, this andthis.
You have to do the work on yourown.
Melissa Franklin (05:29):
I love that.
That's probably the scariestpart sometimes, though, trying
to admit that to ourselves.
You've mentioned before thatfinding purpose was crucial in
your journey.
Can you share more aboutaligning your purpose and
transitioning that to helpothers do the same?
I know you're saying like writeit out, but once they're there,
(05:50):
how do they really feel thatthey can apply that purpose if
it isn't career?
Christine Passo (05:55):
Well, I mean, it takes some time, right, I
mean, and it really takes goingback to when we were younger,
because when we're younger, wedon't have any inhibitions,
right?
We don't have anything that'sblocking our view.
We either like something or wedon't.
We try whatever we want,without a true goal in mind
other than to have fun, and tosee if we like it.
And we stop doing that as adultsbecause we think we either have
(06:17):
to make money at it or somehowwe have to benefit from it or
there's got to be something tosay at the end.
And so we limit ourselves andby doing that we're missing out
on so many opportunities thatcould turn into purpose.
And so really justrelinquishing the idea that
everything has to mean somethingand just say I'm just going to
(06:39):
try it, I'm just going to watchthis TED Talk and see what I
learn and see what other TEDTalks come up as recommended,
it's amazing what will unfoldwhen we start taking an interest
in what seems to matter, andthat's how we find our purpose,
love that it's basically go playand see if you actually enjoy
it.
Melissa Franklin (06:57):
Right, that's a big one for people.
I love that you pointed outwhen you were a kid, because
that's one thing I like to sharewith people is, when you were a
kiddo, I promise you that'sgolden.
That's what you wanted to do,but a lot of other life factors
started messing with thatmindset and making you believe
it wasn't possible.
So go back to who you were whenyou were a kiddo.
(07:18):
I like to call it your daimun,your inner child, that inner
spirit and everything that'sthere.
And it's like your inner child,that inner spirit and
everything that's there, andit's like we got to let that
diamond shine.
So I love that.
I love that.
Okay, so the next part we'regoing to be talking about is
grief and transformation.
I know that grief hasdefinitely played a significant
role in your own transformationand you often help others
(07:41):
clients I mean, geez, evenmyself in my pre-talks deal with
the grief and find it as asource of strength.
Could you talk to us about yourpersonal experience with grief
and how it impacted the way youlive and work today?
Christine Passo (07:54):
Yes, sure.
So I think I've talked aboutgrief and really been thinking
about grief for my whole life.
I just didn't understand itright.
I thought it was something else.
But I used to do a LinkedInlive show with a connection and
in the beginning of January itwas our first episode for 2024,
we chose three words each thatdescribed our 2023 year and,
(08:17):
ironically, we both chose griefin one form or another.
I think she went with regret,but essentially, regret is grief
and I started talking aboutthat.
Grief is not just about what wesuffer from end of life when
somebody passes away.
It's everything.
It's job loss, it's you lose amentor at work, it's identity
loss you don't know who you are,you don't know what steps to
(08:45):
take.
It's divorce, it's emptinesssyndrome, it's health decline.
I mean, melissa, it is so manythings but we don't name
correctly.
We just think it's this and webrush it under the rug and then,
years later, we still have thatgrief, that regret, right that
we're dealing with.
And so, in realizing that aboutgrief, I really started
incorporating that more into mycoaching.
But once we lost our Sheltie, adog, myra, late in May and it
(09:13):
has been so this was four monthsago.
It has been the mostdevastating grief I've ever
experienced in my life.
So just when we think we knowsomething, it hits at a deeper
level.
And so having gone through thathas taught me just how diverse
and how important it is to notcompare grief, whether you're
(09:34):
referring to somebody else oryou're referring to yourself,
because every relationship isdifferent.
And so I just I have learnedmyself um the, the components,
the complexities, the, the heartwrenching pain of grief and how
to adapt it into coaching,because it really is step one.
It is step one in guiding myclients through their healing
(09:58):
and to hope because withoutdealing with the grief and that
heartache from whatever lossagain that there's 50 different
reasons for it and they staystuck.
Melissa Franklin (10:10):
I think you'll stay stuck and that's when
you'll start seeing thephysiological stuff happen as
well.
I know for myself if I don'texpress the stress, logical
stuff happen as well.
I know for myself if I don'texpress the stress, my hair
falls out.
It's so strange.
I will see huge round circlespots, just like there goes.
My hair Cool, so I've beenwearing a braid a lot lately,
(10:31):
but it just comes to.
You actually don't reallyexperience the emotion for that
long If you let yourselfexperience the emotion.
I like also the not comparingthe grief, because what's grief
to one might not be the same forsomebody else.
So yeah, that's really moving.
It's really a deep experiencefor each individual and yet
(10:53):
something we all go through inone form or another.
So for those listening whomight be in the middle of their
own grief, what are somepractical steps to use to guide
clients through their ownjourney and help them not just
survive but actually truly heal,transform and thrive?
Christine Passo (11:11):
Sure.
So the most important thing tounderstand is that we are not
taught, we are not raised, tosit in grief with somebody else.
You know, we're not taught,we're not coached, we're not
educated on how to sit withsomebody when they're sad or
depressed or suffering.
You know, we are instead taughtto cheer them up.
(11:31):
Right, let me fix them, andit's impossible.
But with that, what ends uphappening is when somebody is
grieving very deeply again fromwhatever life event has happened
and somebody comes along andsays, oh, you're still dealing
with that.
So that does two things thatinvalidates the feelings of the
griever and the sufferer and itmakes them feel like they need
(11:53):
to hurry up.
They need to hurry up.
It's like, wow, something'swrong with you.
It's been two weeks, you'restill upset.
It's been a month, you're stillupset.
And the answer is yes, I amstill upset.
This is very difficult for mebecause no two people grieve the
same, and that's wherecomparing is so incredibly
dangerous.
Honoring somebody else andsomebody who is grieving to
(12:15):
honor themselves in their painis so important.
Seek out one or two people thatyou know you can count on,
because it's really difficult.
Like I said, we're not taughtto sit with people in their
grief and grab onto them andknow that you can reach out to
them and they understand whatyou're going through.
Because the truth is and,melissa, I think you understand
this that we may never fullyheal because, especially grief
(12:41):
from loss, from death right, Imean, we love forever, like I'm
going to love my array forever.
So there's always going to bethat part of my heart that will
grieve, but it's finding hopeand how to heal in those
difficult situations that matterso much, and that all starts
with honoring your own pain andyour feeling and not trying to
convince yourself thatsomething's wrong with you.
(13:03):
Yeah, no, I love that.
Melissa Franklin (13:05):
I think the way you talk about it being
almost like a source of empathyand strength for individuals
once they've gone through it,it's pretty refreshing and a
hopeful way to look at somethingwhen it feels so overwhelming.
I know that is just like aheavy weight.
I imagine that once someonegoes through the process of
(13:30):
healing, they should be leftwith like a greater sense of
clarity and self-love.
So I appreciate those tipsbecause that's definitely
something I still hold on to andwork with with my own grief.
I kind of needed that littlereminder.
Thank you Well, kind of lookinginto the other area, you
definitely do really well withempowering midlife women.
One thing that stands out inyour work is your focus on
(13:51):
empowering just women in general, but definitely in their 40s
and 50s particularly.
What are some of the uniquechallenges that these particular
women face and how do you guidethem through those struggles?
Christine Passo (14:03):
Sure.
So women in particular, weagain back to being raised.
We're raised to act a certainway, we're raised to be people
pleasers.
We are raised to not speak up,not speak our mind.
We might come across asaggressive.
So so much of what I work withmy clients on is breaking those
behavioral habits and havingthem become aware.
(14:24):
So, like awareness is such ahuge part, Having them become
aware that these kind of myths,these lessons that our parents
have taught us which no blame tothem, by the way you know we,
everybody, does their best andyou know a lot of these
parenting tips come downgeneration after generation
until someone breaks the cycle.
Right that you know you'regoing to have about one person
(14:45):
that detours it, breaks thecycle.
But you know so much asbreaking those habits and and
letting them know that it notonly is okay to not be a people
pleaser, but they will actuallyend up presenting as a more
lovable, kind, supportive humanbeing to everybody in their life
, when they're treating peoplewith respect and acceptance
(15:07):
versus doing it because theyfeel like they have to please
them.
That creates such aninauthenticity that makes us
even be who we're not.
So it's such a double-edgedsword there.
So breaking those habits andthen, in terms of empowerment,
that actually happens on its own.
So it happens on its own, justas we're having conversations
(15:30):
right.
So the awareness I talk about,how important the awareness is,
that until we face, perhaps,that we've been living our lives
in a way that we don't want to,or that we're not happy, really
, with the behavior that we'vebeen engaging in, until we face
that, and instead of blamingourselves and being like, oh God
, I'm such an idiot, why did Ido that, it's like okay, I did
(15:51):
that in the past, I can't changeit.
Who do I want to be movingforward, and just that in itself
is so incredibly empowering,because then they're in their
own right, they're standing intheir own body and their own
power, and it's like I have adecision I can make here.
Somebody else is not making itfor me, so that's I mean, it's
just a beautiful thing towitness.
Melissa Franklin (16:14):
I love how you pointed that out, especially
like the societal expectationsbeing placed on women.
I actually made a post aboutthat today because I've been in
some rooms lately where a lot ofpeople are like stop talking,
you're making peopleuncomfortable.
But we're talking about what'strue.
I'm not being rude, I'm notbeing mean, I'm not saying false
information, but I'm not beingnice.
(16:36):
Okay, I mean I'm not nice.
Nice is pleasant.
It might not be pleasant forsomeone to hear that something
is wrong, but I'm being kind andI'm being upfront and honest.
So I don't know what to do, butmy grandfather always empowered
me to speak up.
He would say the phrase leaveher alone, and it was more you
(16:58):
can speak up.
But he was also very honest.
He's like society's not goingto deal well with it, honey.
So basically, you better learnhow to do everything by yourself
and then, as you grab a teamwhere people can figure it out,
to go it'll come into place, butnot to expect it to just happen
, and I was like, yeah, I cansee that I can totally see that
he was a.
Christine Passo (17:18):
He was a wise man and you know.
I just want to comment reallyquickly where you said nice,
that you weren't being nice.
Work, you know, when you're atwork and you're in these
important meetings, it isn'tabout being nice, and that word
is always attached to women,it's not attached to men.
If you're not coming in with,like, holding flowers and giving
donuts and, you know, cupcakesto everybody, you're not being
nice.
(17:38):
It has nothing to do with nice.
You're a very nice person, butsometimes there's a point to
make and it doesn't mean you'rebeing mean.
It doesn't mean you're notbeing nice.
It means you're being directand we, as women, we have to
continue on that path, becauseit's so important for us to be
able to speak our truth likethat.
I love.
Melissa Franklin (17:56):
That it actually brings me to the part
where you really emphasize a lotabout confidence and self-love
in your coaching and I feel likethat's something that we need
to embrace.
And I feel like that'ssomething that we need to
embrace like be confident enoughbut still love ourselves,
because I'll feel yuckysometimes in those rooms, I'm
like they don't like me, andthen I go home the rest of the
day super sad and Melissa's likewhat's wrong with you, like
(18:16):
they didn't like me.
She's like why do you care?
I was like because I care.
I still can't quite get over it.
I try to pretend like I don't,but it definitely impacts me.
So what are some of the waysthat you would help other women
rediscover that confidence afterall those years of feeling
undervalued, disconnected orlike they weren't a part of the
club themselves?
Christine Passo (18:36):
Oh, absolutely so.
I like to.
At this point, I'm going totalk about our inner voice, our
inner dialogue, right?
So that inner dialogue that youhad that day, which was they
don't like me, right?
Instead of well, maybeeverybody's just tired, or what
difference does it make, right?
I mean, we could tell ourselvesan entire book full of stories
(18:56):
that are negative about who weare, that nobody else is saying
and, in fact, because we say itto ourselves so many times, if
one person, even jokingly, makesa comment that's even relative
to what we say to ourselves,we're like yep, validation.
There it is.
I knew it.
Melissa Franklin (19:12):
Right, that RAS, the reticular activating
system.
It likes that confirmation biasand it's like, yeah, we suck.
Christine Passo (19:18):
Yes, we tear our own selves down like, more
so than anybody else.
You know so many of thesethoughts that we have, and so
confidence has to come within it, within, by letting go, by
stopping that, that innerdialogue.
That is just terrible.
You know, it's almost like takethat word like they don't like
me to be like they really dolike me, you know, and and just
(19:41):
flip it because essentiallyneither one matter.
It's what you feel aboutyourself that matters.
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
It's what you feel aboutyourself that matters.
Melissa Franklin (19:48):
Yeah, I like that.
I like that.
It's almost like you have toremove the BS or the lies, the
stuff that we're tellingourselves, and really just focus
on what really does matter soyou can move forward.
Do you have any particularsuccess stories from your
coaching practice that reallyexemplify this type of
transformation for your clientsthat really exemplify this type
of transformation for?
Christine Passo (20:07):
your clients, gosh, I mean.
There are a variety oftransformational situations that
happen even just within onephone call.
So transformation itself is alifelong goal.
You know this we have neverarrived, we are never done.
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