March 13, 2025 • 52 mins
In this episode of the "Stuck In My Mind Podcast," hosted by Wize El Jefe, listeners are introduced to the fascinating journey of Carly Pepin, an international speaker, consultant, and expert in human behavior. From the outset, it’s clear that Carly’s insights into human behavior are shaped by personal experiences and profound professional wisdom. At the heart of the conversation is a detailed exploration of what it means to live a life by design, as opposed to a life driven by duty. Carly describes a life by design as one that aligns with one’s core values and passions, turning daily tasks into energizing experiences rather than draining obligations. She illustrates this by contrasting her past experiences in a traditional office setting with her current fulfilling twelve-hour workdays as a coach.
Throughout the episode, both Wize and Carly exchange insights about pursuing passion and the energetic shifts that occur when one engages in activities they love—like Wize’s passion for podcasting. Carly delves into her journey of transforming challenges into opportunities, recounting her own experiences of overcoming trauma and the steps she took to build a fulfilling career from it. She emphasizes the importance of asking quality questions and recognizing one’s internal guidance system to navigate life’s obstacles.
Carly also highlights the impact of comparisons on personal growth. She explains how removing these comparisons can help individuals find clarity and certainty in their decisions. Carly's approach is firmly rooted in understanding one’s authentic self, letting go of guilt and shame, and stepping into roles and paths that truly resonate.
Additionally, the episode is peppered with practical insights for those seeking to live authentically and the importance of embracing the myriad aspects of oneself without judgment. Carly demystifies common misunderstandings about human behavior, urging listeners to embrace every part of themselves as necessary for growth.
Wize and Carly's dialogue is a treasure trove of actionable wisdom, resonating deeply with anyone feeling stuck or seeking to design a life around their passions. The episode is not only an exploration of Carly’s expertise but a celebration of transformative journeys, encouraging listeners to ask the right questions, seek supportive communities, and above all, pursue lives that truly energize them.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:41):
And welcome to another episode of stuck in my mind
podcast. I am your host, w I z e. And on this
episode, I I have a international
speaker, consultant, and expert in human behavior.
Welcome to the show, Carly Pappin.
Hello. Hi. Thank you for having me. Oh, the pleasure's all mine. How are
(01:04):
you today? I'm great. How are you doing? Awesome. I'm doing good. I'm good. I'm
good. I can't complain. Awesome. Getting ready, for a couple in a couple
weeks, I'll be in Orlando for a podcast, so I'm excited.
That sounds inspiring. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When there's a bunch of,
podcasts together, it's always fun. So I'm excited for it. It's gonna
be a good time. Nice. Alright. So
(01:28):
what first inspired your fascination with human behavior,
and how did it lead to your career today?
Yeah. I definitely first inspired by, you know, just going
through some challenges in childhood where I was told some
very specific things about people growing up and how things worked and
then had a very challenging life experience. And I I remember the
(01:51):
moment where I thought to myself, like, they have no clue what they're talking
about. I was like, this is not at all how it
was explained. Right? I was, like, seven years old and super
traumatized, but had chance to work through it. And it was
cool because ever since then, I just I started
to ask the question, like, why? Right? Like, someone will say, you
(02:12):
know, like, this is something that you're
struggling with, and it's my question would be, well, why? Why do we have that?
Why do we struggle with it? Why? Why? Why? And I think eventually,
fortunately, you find some answers. Right? And you start to get down these
rabbit holes where you're starting to get some answers that actually apply to your life.
And when I started to see some really drastic and, inspiring
(02:34):
improvements in my life, I that's when I was like, I would love to make
this a business. Yeah. And my coach at the time, you know, I got to
see how she had her business and was running it. And I'm like, sign me
up. I'm ready. So that was really inspiring. Yeah.
Okay. So how how do you define a life by
design, and what does it look like for you
(02:56):
personally? Yeah. So a life by design is
something as opposed to having, like, this life of duty. Right? So when we wake
up and we have our to do list, the majority of the
world is gonna live in, I need to do this. I should do this. I
have to do this. I'm supposed to do this. And you feel drained. You know?
You're not feeling energized. You're feeling depleted. You feel frustrated. You
(03:19):
feel aggravated and annoyed, and you feel like you need a break. Right? And that's
because you're in a life of duty, genuinely, because you're living by all these
shoulds. So the life by design is actually really connecting and understanding
who you are at your core, what's meaningful to you, purposeful, what your core
values are, and creating a life around that. Because when you do, you wake up
saying, I wanna do this. I choose to do this. I desire to do this.
(03:41):
I get to do this. Right? You look at your to do this, and you're
like, yeah. It's a big day, but I really am looking forward to doing all
this stuff even though I'm kinda tired. And it was, like, maybe even you're sick
or something, but you're like, I'm looking forward to this. And those are the things
that energize you. Right? Like, energy comes from
within. Right? You don't have to find energy to do those things. You get energized
(04:01):
by doing them. Mhmm. And that's a life by design. You know? And it's
cool because I remember when I first started to really
understand this concept. Like, I remember working
in an office. And when I was there, the job that I
had, I literally remember just sitting in my chair,
completely slumped back, like, trying not to fall
(04:24):
asleep at the computer. Right? I was exhausted.
And I was working, like, a normal eight hour day, you know, with an hour
lunch break. It wasn't a big deal. And what I do now, like, I'm
often working twelve hour days, and, I just,
you know, I'd I'd take a break because it feels good to, like, get outside,
but I'm telling you, I don't actually need a break anymore. Like, I don't need
(04:45):
it. I take it because I I just like to get outside. It's fun for
me. But, otherwise, it's like, I feel really energized by what I do.
If I'm sick or I'm having an off day, I still actually work the same
amount. My husband will laugh because I'll bring my computer into the the
bed, and and I'll be working on accounting. And he's like, oh, you don't feel
good today, do you? It's accounting day. And I was like, I don't feel good.
(05:07):
Because accounting just makes me feel better. Just that
person. So it's cool. And so that's what, like, a life like
by design looks like is where, you know, your vocation also
gets to be your vacation. It's energizing you, not draining you. And
then it's funny. Even on my days off, it's like, well, what do I feel
like doing today? And oftentimes, I'm doing stuff related to work. And one
(05:28):
person could label me a workaholic, but if you ever hang out with me, I'm
really having fun. Like, I'm having the best time. So it doesn't even seem like
I'm working that hard because I'm really enjoying myself. And so to me, that was,
like, the life by design that I wanted to create and because
I do love working, and so I incorporate it in a fun way. But for
everyone else, it's like, what does that look like to you based on what's
(05:48):
inspiring to you? What lights you up? What energizes you? Who could you spend twelve
to fourteen hours a day doing and not get fed up? You know? Like, what
does that look like for you? Because you're I can do this. I can I
can sit here and record and do interviews ten to twelve hours
a day and not get tired? There you go. I I love doing my podcast.
I love being able to have these conversations. And and it's
(06:10):
like it's funny because, me and a coworker were talking
the other day, and we're both at work just drained. Like,
we're like, another day. And we have
to be there because if you you need a job to pay the bills and
everything and all that. And but when I sit here and I
and I record my show, it's it's completely different
(06:32):
energy. Yeah. It's it's because I love to do what I'm doing.
There there was a time it was, when I first started,
I did, like, four episodes back to
back to back to back. And by the fourth episode, I was
still I I still had the same energy from the first one,
and my guests knew I had done four episodes. And they're like, thank
(06:55):
you. I was like, why? They're like, because you still have you you still
after four episodes after recording four episodes, you still have the same
energy. I'm like, because it's not work. I love to do this. This
to me is is fun. I have a great time having these conversations.
I'm actually energized with each conversation.
(07:15):
And so it is a big difference when I do this
and I do my regular job. When I do my regular job, I'm like,
I don't want I'm all sluggish and tired. And when I do
this and I record and I'm and I'm anything that has to do with
with this part of my day is is it's different. It's like, I'm like,
alright. I'm awake. I'm like, okay. This it feel it just
(07:38):
feels different. Yeah. And this is the thing, which
this is the inspiring thing is, like, then we ask the question. We find out
what we get energized by because you're right. It's like you could just go back
to back and keep going, and you're like, the energy is just there. Right? That's
because it's such a big why and it's so inspiring. And then the next question
is, like, how do we get paid to do what we love? You know, like,
(07:58):
how does that what does that look like? And know a lot of podcasters, you
know, they figure out how to get paid as, like, entrepreneurs doing it on their
own. I have a client who she hosted a podcast for a
company that she was working for. So she hosted hundreds of podcasts and
got, like, a full time salary while she was doing that, which was pretty cool
because they wanted the podcast to bring people in in a specific industry,
(08:20):
like, help them market their services, and she was great at that. I have another
client who worked for a microphone company, and they
wanted to sell their microphones, and they utilize podcasts as, like, the platform,
and he hosted the podcast. And so it's funny because it's like, just keep
asking that question. It's like, how do I get paid to do what I love?
How do I get paid to do what I love? Until you start to get
(08:40):
presented with different opportunities or come up with different ideas.
Because sometimes we get really stuck in our head that it has to look one
way, which we all are a victim of from time to time. I mean, even
when I first started my coaching practice, I really thought it had to
be built in this, like, one specific way, and I was it's like I'm banging
my head against the wall trying to build a business that's not my own. Right?
And until I kept asking that question, it's like I couldn't create something that
(09:03):
was actually inspiring for me to invest my time in. You know? Not what it
needed to look like or should look like, but what I wanted it to look
like. And that's what I continue to get to work on on a day to
day basis is what would I love my business to work like or look like,
and then what are obviously, you focus on customers too. It's like, what are people's
needs? What are their desires? What do they want? What am I providing them now?
(09:23):
What extra bits and pieces have they been asking for that I could add?
Right? Like yeah. So stuff like that, which is it's fun. It's inspiring.
It becomes a journey. And
the funny thing is I'm I'm working on because I I'm a
I'm a pit boss in a casino. And
and so I'm like, man, something that I've never
(09:45):
seen is, I haven't said
I I I haven't seen anything that's casino related. I
haven't sit down with any pit bosses. So so I'm I'm
working on a a podcast called Tales from the Pit, and
it's it's it's people from the casino industry
talking about some of their best stories, whatever it is. And
(10:09):
so I'm a and, I mean, there's so many
different ways I can probably generate money with that. Like, I can
have casino on the sponsor rate. I can have
websites. Like, so for me, it's it's a great to
me, I just well, I'm just looking forward to having these conversations with people because
I've been in the industry probably eleven years now. And so I know there's
(10:32):
people that have been in there twenty, thirty years that come from
Vegas, that come from Atlantic City, and come from all these different places. And I
know they just have some great stories to share, so I'm excited. I'm I'm gonna
launch it in the New Year. And it's but it's
it's way it's a way of me incorporating what I do on my
regular job to with what I love to do, which is
(10:53):
podcasting. Yeah. Yeah. Which is it's cool. It's
exciting. As you're saying it, my brain comes up with, like, tons of ideas.
It's just how my brain works. It's like, oh, ideas. Okay. Let's do this.
Because also, it's it's cool. I used to work in when I was
in corporate. Right? When I had a job, I was working at a uniform
manufacturing company, and we would actually make, uniforms
(11:17):
for hotels. And we focused a lot on some of these
hotels that were, like, the higher end casinos and stuff. And so it was it
was just a different world. You know? It's a different world. And as you were
saying it, I'm like, that even dives into, like, the hospitality industry, you know,
which is cool. And you can bring in different people and, like, management from different
places, which, again, just you you think about and you're like, okay. Well, it attracts
(11:38):
that crowd. And then, like, who are the people who wanna, like, reach those people?
And I'm like, uniform company probably would wanna reach people and talk about,
like, the specificities. You know? Like, because I know the designer there, she
talks about all this stuff about how to specifically design for you guys and
all these other things, and no one listens to her. But, like, some people want
to. And it's it's so funny because I I think
(12:00):
sometimes we also get caught up in, you know, will
someone want this or will someone need it? And it's not will they want it
or will they need it. If you wanted to need it, someone else does. The
really quality question to ask is where do I find other people, you
know, who want and need this? Right? Where do I find those individuals that are
looking for the very specific thing that I have to offer? And then we
(12:22):
start to connect with them, and we start to figure out how to connect with
them to a greater degree, and that's part of building our business. Right? So find
the thing that inspires us, which we're not unique on this planet. It's gonna inspire
some other people as well, and where are people looking for that as
a product, service? And, yeah, it's it's a big world.
It's 8,000,000,000 people. It's for sure. We have to figure it out. And
(12:44):
Yeah. Another fun thing too is when you think about business, I expect to fail
some, like, few times minimum. Yeah. Oh,
yeah. I've I've done other shows that really haven't taken off.
And and so but Yeah. So it's
it's it's a it's a work in progress for me. It's for me, it's because
I I've I I like, I I came like I said, I'm I didn't
(13:05):
this wasn't my like, I wasn't in media. I was I I I've
learned so much just doing my podcast. I've learned
how to all edit video, audio. I've learned about
specific mics. I've learned about so many different things that I I I
didn't have a clue about. But it was because
I was so passionate about what I was doing that
(13:28):
I wanted to make sure that I knew what I was what what
what what it took to to make sure my sound was good, make
sure that my video came out clear and everything. Because I felt like,
alright. If I'm gonna really invest in this,
I started I've I've invested in myself. I invested in
equipment, and it was like, I
(13:50):
wanna make sure people get the best. I wanna make sure that they can hear
my audio. I wanna make sure that they see the video that that's clear.
Sometimes, yeah, it's life happens and you have 10 technical
difficulties, but I wanted to make sure because they were giving me something very
precious, which is their time. Anyone who sits here and listens to
any of my episodes or watch any of my episodes, they're giving me something that
(14:13):
they'll never get back, which is their time. So to me, it was
important that I made sure my quality was on point.
Yeah. Yeah. It's inspiring. And it it is true. It's like when we're working with
individuals, whether it be products or services, they are giving up
something valuable to them to be able to invest in that, whether it be time,
money, energy. And it's something to remember because I think we for
(14:35):
get sometimes no matter what the scale of the company is about the people that
we're serving Mhmm. Which really no business can run without people.
Absolutely. Can run without their customers. And then it also, like, as when
you get bigger and bigger and you hire employees, your business can't run without your
employees. And so businesses and this is what I love about business. It's all
people. You know, it really is all people. And when you can get
(14:57):
the the right people, right places, you know, within your company and
connect with the right people, you know, and have the right products and services,
it's really when you start to see things thrive. Yeah. Right? You see things thrive,
and you thrive within it as well. You know? You start to thrive within it
as well because it does feel good to be able to provide
products and services that people are utilizing. You know? When you make a
(15:18):
difference, it makes a difference in you. It definitely does. And so, yeah,
it's inspiring. Yeah. So, obviously, we're selling business. I don't know how that
happened, but it's really very awesome and
challenging simultaneously.
So, Luca, can you share a specific
challenge you faced and how you turned it into an opportunity
(15:41):
for growth? For sure. I mean, gosh. There's so many.
Basically, any challenge we have, I'm like, how can I turn this into an
opportunity? So a lot of it is a mindset component Yeah. Where we're
gonna shift our perspective of kind of what's available
and what our options are. You know? Like, I had a client who
was considering becoming a coach. Right? And already has, like, some
(16:04):
certification to actually be a coach, but really doesn't want to build
a business. And then also the romantic partner, like, is not comfortable with the
lack of stability that, you know, diving into the coaching world can often create.
So they didn't wanna wait that long for stability. They're starting a family. And
when we kinda cleared the misperceptions of, like, now I can't do this, now I
can't do that, and you kinda get stuck in doom and gloom. And we started
(16:27):
to see the opportunities there. It turned into a little bit of a different
avenue where now they're pursuing an actual career in, like,
counseling, which is more inspiring to them than doing the coaching. It gives the stability
that they're looking for long term. And it's funny because, like, all
the all the options are actually available to us, and
everything is actually there, but we ask the wrong questions. You know?
(16:49):
And we'll sit there and we'll beat ourselves up, and we'll put
ourselves down in these moments that we have these challenges or
failures, or we'll be frustrated with it. And we'll even be putting the challenge
down instead of changing the quality of our questions and being like, well,
why is this here? Like, how is this helping me right now? What have I
uncovered, like, from this so far? You know, what have I
(17:10):
learned from it? How has this helped me to grow? How has this helped me
in my family, in my finances, in my spirituality, in my health? Right? Like,
all these different areas of life. And when you start to answer that question, what
winds up happening is you realize the challenge is the opportunity. You
don't even have to change it into an opportunity. It already is the
opportunity. And in that state, you'll still feel challenged. Like, don't get me
(17:32):
wrong. Like, we're humans. We're gonna feel. So you'll have but it changes
from distress, which is a stress that, like, you
know, has our cortisol levels increase. It's like an unhealthy stress to eustress.
Right? And this is, like, kind of what this ties into what we were talking
about before. Like, when you get on a podcast, even if you're tired,
you may be a little stressed out. You might be having, like, a rough day,
(17:54):
and you still have some stress getting on the podcast, but it's not distress.
It's eustress. And that hits your body differently. You guys can look it
up. It's really fun. Distress versus eustress. But when we have the
challenge and we're not viewing it as an opportunity, right, and
we still haven't answered those questions to see how this is an opportunity, it's
distressful. And so that's, like, the thing is just ask the questions
(18:16):
until all of a sudden every challenge to you feels like going on podcast.
And if that happened, you're like, well, I would be energized. And it's like,
yeah. So keep asking the question until, like,
how is this helping me? How is this serving me? Like, how is this helping
me to grow? How is this helping me in life? And keep asking it in
different forms until you get so many answers that you're like, now I'm inspired
(18:36):
by this. Like, now I'm okay, and I actually don't need it to stop. I'm
just gonna move through it. And however long it takes, I'm just gonna work on
it. So what what's the most common mental block you
see in your clients, and and how do you help them overcome it?
Comparisons. 100% comparisons. So
whenever we say I don't know. Right? So if someone says I
(18:58):
don't know, and they'll sometimes ask me for my advice and we have a good
giggle because I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. That's
not how I roll. You have the answer. You're only saying I don't
know because you're caught in shoulds, have tos, supposed tos, need
tos. And this all comes from comparing yourself to one or
many people. Right? And when comparisons come in, the obvious form
(19:20):
is, like, you'll compare someone and you'll say they're better at me than this. You
know, they're worse than me, like, than at me. They're not this
than me. Right. So it's a little bit more for me right now.
And so, like, it doesn't matter which side. Both of them are a comparison.
But even in that dynamic, what winds up occurring is you start to fill
your head with shoulds. Right? Because if you perceive someone as better at
(19:42):
you at something than you are, what are you gonna do? You're gonna go mimic
them and do what they do because that's how you should do
it according to that person. When the truth is is, like, sometimes we're not
even meant to go down that path. Right? And then sometimes someone might be
worse at something, and you're not gonna do what they do because
you don't wanna do that. You shouldn't do that. Now you have a shouldn't
(20:04):
because you think that's gonna make yours. And that's also not always true.
Like, every person is different. You know? We see this even in health.
Right? Like, health is like oh, my French we
have a lot of fun chiropractor, but it's just like a rabbit hole of
information. It's insane. Like, what works for my
body will be different than what works for her body. And if I
(20:26):
go do exactly what she's doing, I don't feel good. And
if she does exactly what I'm doing, she doesn't feel good. Why? Because it's
two different physiologies, and it's the same with our life purpose.
It's two different perceptions, experiences,
goals, internal wise. And so if I'm shoulding and shoulding
myself and comparing on a regular basis and my whole life is based off of
(20:49):
all these comparisons, it's like, yeah. Definitely compare to learn from
people, but when it becomes so paralyzing that you stop or start doing
things, it's like, that's when all the I don't know's come in. You know? I
don't know. Can I do this? How do I do this? I don't know. I
don't know. I don't know. And the confusion, which I call brain noise comes
in. So what we do is we clear those comparisons to connect
(21:11):
with what's already inside. And so that's, like basically, it's like the the
whole check-in on a consult. I just had one of those this morning where they're
like, I don't know what to do. And it's like, well, let's find out. And
we just kept clearing comparisons, and I'm like, what do you wanna do now? And
they're like, I kinda feel a little bit more certain here, but I still don't
know here. And we just kept going. And at the end of it, I was
like, okay. Are you certain you know what you wanna do? And they're like, yes.
(21:33):
Now I know exactly what to do. You know? And it wasn't for me giving
them the answer. It was actually just clearing the comparisons. And this is cool to
remember because everyone has the answers inside of them. Everyone has their own answers
inside them. Like, sometimes we can go and we'll learn things. Right? Because
sometimes that's the answer. It's like, I'm gonna go sometimes hire this person or
I'm gonna go study this and read this book, And that's part of what you
(21:55):
know is the next step. But, truly, when we talk about, like, next
steps, like, you know where to go. If you're confused,
you got the brain noise from comparisons, and you're stuck in.
Oh, okay. Maybe it's like,
there's there's sometimes I I I doubt myself, and
and it's it's so funny. Right? Because I know what what I'm
(22:18):
supposed to be doing. I I know, but it's, like,
it's self defeating sometimes. It's like, okay.
Maybe I don't know. But then then when you start speaking to people and
you have these conversations, you're like, oh, shit. I had to
answer the whole time. Yeah. And I just keep messing around and just
keep doubting the fact that I know the answer.
(22:42):
Why am I just not applying it? Like, why is it
being difficult for me to apply what I already know I'm
supposed to be doing? Yeah. Comparisons. Comparisons a
%. And so this is the fun thing too is, like, putting ourselves
in situations where we're we're pushed and forced, and this is, like, live that
life by design. Do the things that are so inspiring to you that you force
(23:04):
and push yourself into situations that you find that answer a bit quicker,
and you get more and more objective. And I think to your
point, like, even you podcasting, I I think people
don't realize like, I love speaking because to me, speaking is
personal development. Right? So you ask me a question, and I'm put
on the spot, and I'm required to answer. And I don't have time
(23:26):
to sit here and make something up. I am going to pull from something
that I know is true based on things that I actually understand.
And the funniest thing started to happen at a certain period. I remember, like,
after three months of, like, podcasting, I was recording about two a week,
and I got on the phone with one of my clients. He was nervous, and
I was like, you'll be fine. And I was like, start to listen to some
(23:47):
of the extra ones of mine, and you're gonna start to see I'm a broken
record, basically. Because I'm so dedicated to this one
thing, and I have so much certainty here that it just keeps coming
out over and over again when I'm speaking. Right? And
podcasting gave me the opportunity to really get clear on that, and that's just
what I focus on now. Now it's like, no questions asked. Of course, I'm gonna
(24:09):
focus on that. This is, like, my destiny. This is all I wanna talk about.
But everyone, even if you're not on a podcast, does this in
their personal life, which is so cool. Like, you become a
podcaster and a speaker when people bring up specific
topics. Right? Where all of a sudden, you can talk for
days, weeks, months, you feel like. And you're like, I just don't want this
(24:31):
conversation to end. And that happens in a normal day to day
setting. Pay attention to what those things that you guys are talking about is
about. You'll start to see a pattern emerge and see where you're
the broken record of the thing that is most inspiring to you. And, again,
this goes back to, like, creating that life by design. Right? Because even
when you're talking, you're lit up and energized. So it's like, what are those things?
(24:54):
You know? And how can you put more of that in your life?
So so how how has your understanding of of human behavior
influence your relationships with others?
Yeah. A % so helpful. It just it's really helped me to
understand how important it is to understand,
like, what people value, what's important to
(25:16):
them, you know, what they're doing with their lives, like and
it's it's cool because, like, even with friendships. Right? Like, well, you
know, my I was telling you my friend. She's a chiropractor. She's a chiropractor, and
she's in health, and she's also a coach as well. And we talk so much
about health. It's it's crazy. Like, I love talking to her about health, and we
can go all day every day. It's so fun. And also personal development.
(25:38):
And so if I'm getting on the phone with her and I'm trying to talk
to her about something else like gardening, like,
I I don't think we've talked about gardening one time. So if I'm trying to
talk to her about gardening, she's gonna go blank. She's gonna get bored. She's gonna
be uninterested. Right? And this is funny because you'll notice this even in
yourself. Like, when someone talks about something to you that's, like, not interesting,
(26:01):
it's almost like you have a blackout moment. And you're like, oh my gosh.
I completely blacked out. What did they just say? I feel so rude. It's not
that you're rude. You just it this is such an uninspiring and unimportant
topic to you internally that you actually do blackout. And so that's
why it's helpful to understand, like, what's important to the person in front of you.
Even in my family dynamic, you know, there are certain family members that, like, we
(26:23):
didn't talk as much, and I started to pay attention to the
consistency of what they would go off on tangents about, what
energized them. And then whenever I saw them, I specifically brought up
those topics. And since then, our relationships have drastically improved
because now we have more to talk about because I'm not just talking about what
I want to. I'm incorporating what I love into what they love, and now we're
(26:43):
having, like, a really quality conversation. You know, it's really cool. And
then when we think about this at, like, a global scale, right, when we're thinking
about businesses and connecting with our customers, our customers
kind of have this unique set of almost it's like
antenna, right, where we're trying and we're seeking out what's important to
us. And the more that we can understand, like, what the
(27:05):
group of individuals that we love to connect with really truly
value and what's important to them, the more that we can communicate
in their language, in their form on, like, this mass level.
Right? And that's really cool too because then all of a sudden, it's not just
talking one on one to one person, but it's how could you communicate with all
the many individuals, right, which is kind of it's like the basis of
(27:28):
podcasting. Right? It's like one show on one topic to this
very specific group of individuals that really wanna connect on these
things. And it's quite inspiring because it's, like, it's basically
all about getting to know people. You know? And the more that
we get to know people, the more that we can connect and communicate with
them. It's really cool, and it's one of my favorite things about coaching one
(27:50):
on one as well. I like groups, but I love one on one.
Because, like, in the one on one dynamic, you understand everyone has, like,
a different language. Everyone has, like, a different way of
understanding and extrapolating information. They have a different way of
processing, expressing it, and it's cool. Because in, like, the first couple
sessions, it's like, I'm just getting to know you and how you
(28:11):
function and how you work until, like then I get it memorized, and it's
like, okay. I know what's gonna work for you. I know what's gonna work for
you. Don't do this with this person. They do not respond well. Right?
So it's really cool. It's really cool.
What what's one question you wish more people would ask themselves
when they feel stuck? Yeah. Instead of, like
(28:35):
I I think it's even changing the tone of how you ask because sometimes people
will be like, why am I stuck? What's wrong with me? You
know? And it's like, why am I stuck? What's going on?
What's going on? You know? Where where's the gap? You know?
Where's the gap? What am I confused about? Like, am I
uncertain? Am I scared? Like, just keep
(28:57):
asking yourself questions over and over and over again
until you find answers. And this is the really cool thing about that. It's like
becoming your own coach. Right? I have coaches, but I am my own
coach too. So by the time I get on a call with a coach, I
am extremely specific on exactly what my problem is and exactly what I
wanna work on. Because in the back end, I've been asking questions over
(29:19):
and over again, sometimes for mine, by the way, like preparing for
my call. Like, I'm out over and over again. I'm like, what is this? Where
is this from? What's going on? And I keep asking the questions, and I keep
getting hints and insights until all of a sudden I say, I'm pretty sure
it's this. Can we dive deeper? Because we all have that
capacity. And sometimes it's just me asking questions over and over
(29:41):
again internally and being like, oh, I just feel like I
don't have the information. Is that true? And I'm like, it is
true. Okay. What do I read? What do I study? What do I learn?
And so we get stuck, and we immediately start to
basically put ourself in a pit. And as opposed to focusing on, like,
what's wrong with me? I shouldn't be here. It's like, a, this is
(30:03):
completely normal. We all get stuck, and stuck is
just a moment for us to shift gears, shift something that's going
on in our life, learn more, understand more. Sometimes it's getting some
deeper work, and we hire people to help us to do that. Like, there's all
these different ways to get unstuck. You know? That's, like,
infinite. But when we just get stuck in, like, I can't ever get out of
(30:26):
it, like, that's not a quality question. It really isn't. So
learn how to change and make quality questions. And, when I first
started doing this, it was like a decade ago, and I remember just sitting there
and being like, what would at the time I had a coach, and I was
like, what would my coach ask me right now? Because I couldn't afford to buy
another package with them at the time. And I remember thinking, what would my coach
ask me? And then I started to realize, like, I had learned so
(30:48):
much, and I had studied so much that I had a certain degree of quality
questions I could ask myself. Every person on this planet has
that. Nobody is void of that. You know? Like, we've all been through
so if you're listening to this podcast, you're old enough that I know you've been
through so much that you have some great questions inside you. And
keep asking the questions until you find the perfect solution for you, which
(31:09):
who knows what that'll be. Yeah. Absolutely. Definitely.
Every that that's still that's why I love doing this podcast is
everyone has a story. Everyone has experienced something
in life that that has impacted their lives
dramatically. And so being able to have these conversations and
have people come share their stories and and share what share what
(31:32):
they're doing in life and everything, for me, it's I'm like,
okay. I I enjoy this. It's it's I'm
if if I help one person or I help 10 people,
the fact that I help someone to me is important. That to me is
a success for me. So when I receive the
messages from people, hey. This episode did this for me. Thank you so much.
(31:55):
I needed to hear that. Or whatever it is that to
me, it's like, okay. Alright. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do
because I've impact someone's life.
I've helped someone. Because now I don't know how many people they're gonna go on
and help. Like, who it was, a
conversation I had with a a high school friend of mine. We had a great
(32:16):
conversation. We talked about mindset, talked so about so many different things.
And a friend of ours from high school listened to the episode,
and they sent me a message, and they were like, I needed to hear you
guys talk. Because I needed to hear two guys that I
knew growing up doing stuff, talking about
mindset, talking take talking about taking that leap and and not being
(32:40):
afraid to to because she she was on the fence about starting her own
business. But then when she hears two guys that she grew up
with discuss mindset, discuss about business, discuss about
taking these taking stepping out of your comfort zone and
taking that risk, she's like, man, I know
these guys. If they can do it, I can do
(33:01):
it. And she took the risk. And and to get
that message from her and hear about her
taking that taking that leap and and and stepping out
her comfort zone, it it it was it was inspiring to me because now I'm
like, okay. I've impacted someone I've known for over thirty
years to the point where, like, they've taken a
(33:23):
risk that they were afraid to take.
Yeah. It's really beautiful because it's those little moments
that, you know, I highly suggest, like, whatever you're doing when you get those little
moments of feedback that you record it somewhere. Because sometimes I'll
just go through and I'll sit and read the testimonials, and you you're really inspired
and you get, like, a tier of inspiration because you're like, this is why this
(33:45):
is why I'm doing it. Right? Like, yes, it fulfills me, but, like, the
real thing is, like, this is why you're doing it. And it really
reconnects you to your purpose, your mission, your vision. And so, yeah,
that feedback that people give us, it's really quite helpful,
quite inspiring. And also, yeah, highly suggest that you go out and create
some feedback for yourself as well from other people, but it's just showing up
(34:07):
and being there and and just caring about people. It's really simple. Just
care about people. Yeah. So,
I mean, how do you help people reconnect with their
deeper vision and purpose when when they feel
lost? Yeah. So, again, this is where the
comparisons have come in. Right? So if they're disconnected and they don't feel
(34:29):
connected to their purpose, their comparisons really have come in.
So I'll go in and I'll I'll do a deep dive on the comparisons. We'll
get rid of them all and kind of, like, you know, make sure that they're
reconnected to specifically what's important. A great way to start
paying attention to it kind of right now for, like, those of you who are
listening is if you when you think about what
(34:50):
you're stuck in, like, we are alive twenty four hours a
day. Right? And we sleep a certain amount of that time, but we're awake a
significant portion. And you're gonna procrastinate on a lot of
things. Right? When you're stuck, you're probably procrastinating on a
significant quantity of things, but there's gonna be things that you don't procrastinate
on. Right? That's already gonna give me insight on what's
(35:11):
meaningful and valuable to you. Even though you're not making progress in an area
of life you thought you should, I'm gonna guarantee that somewhere in
your life, you are making progress. And it's to start to pay attention to
those bits and pieces because we really get stuck when
we're a couple things. Sometimes we're stuck in the mindset and we're stuck in
comparisons. And so we've, like, paralyzed ourselves, like, thinking we need
(35:33):
to do this way or should do that way. And, like, all of a sudden,
we can't even move forward because we're so stuck and
thinking how it's supposed to be, and I can't even get there instead of just
actually moving forward the way you are. Mhmm. So that could be it. Sometimes we're
caught up in fears. Right? And so I'll work through fears with clients
as well because sometimes, you know, I was working with an individual
(35:54):
on they wanted to launch a business, and they had gone through some
serious, like, business trauma for them. That really impacted their
health, so we had to work on all those different dynamics, and they would not
start a business until that trauma was cleared. And once that was cleared, they
didn't have the fear anymore, so they can move forward and move through. So sometimes
it's fears based off something from the past that you've experienced or
(36:16):
even witnessed. I've had clients who, like, haven't wanted to start businesses
because they've witnessed family members who have had major failures, and they don't wanna put
their family through that. Right? So we have to work on those traumas to help
them remove those fears so they can give themselves permission to do what they love.
Right? And then there's just that other dynamic of you might just be focused on
the wrong thing. Right? And this is cool because, like, we will
(36:37):
also procrastinate on things that are just not important to us.
Right? Like, I hate house stuff. I
hate fixing the house. I hate working on that. And so it's like,
I'm not gonna touch it. I won't look at it. It'll
stay. I remember when my husband first met me and I was renting this
place, and there was all these little quirky things. And I just don't even say
(36:59):
anything, so I don't even wanna deal with it. And he's like, why aren't you
asking your landlord to do it? And I was like, I don't know. It just
doesn't occur to me. I just don't even wanna deal with it. And he just
would walk around, like, fixing things. And we could
say that I'm procrastinating or lazy or stuck, but I'm really not. I
just am not focused on things that are not important to me.
And those are the things that I delegate. Right? Like, my husband loves fixing things,
(37:21):
so we're gonna go now. But I'll delegate those dynamics. I don't like
gardening and neither does he, so we have a gardener. You know? That's a
delegation component. So it's also looking at, are you also
procrastinating on these things, and are you stuck because it's crap that you don't
like and you don't wanna do? And then it's like, alright. Get out of
it. Shift things up. If you can't get out of it right away, like, how
(37:43):
do you start to recreate your life by design to be able to
make it so that you can step out of some of this stuff? How can
you make changes today? What game plan can you put in place? Because some things
you can just drop immediately and some things are gonna take some time. But you
are the investment here. You know? Like, let's make it clear. I'm not telling you
this is easy. What I'm telling you is you're the investment. You're a
(38:04):
challenge worth going through. So even if it's hard, like, you can either
live a hard life. No matter what, you're gonna have a challenging life. It can
either be challenging in the sense that every day you're waking up,
like, pissed off and not doing something that you love to do and annoyed and
frustrated and procrastinating and feeling stuck. Or you could live a challenging
life doing something you love, waking up every day, challenging yourself to
(38:26):
move further in that goal, in that area of life, and that's
an inspiring form of challenge. You know? If you're gonna make your life
hard, make it hard by design. When I say life by
design, I mean life by design. I want you to put hard things in your
day that are that are inspiring for you to overcome. Build that
confidence. Build that self esteem. And instead of letting the universe create,
(38:47):
like, crap for you to grow from that you don't even like going
through, go create that for yourself, like, in a way that is
inspiring to you. You know? We we literally have that
capacity. When I when I learned that, I was like, this is amazing. Like,
we really can, like, craft this in a very specific
way. So what what's a common misconception
(39:09):
people have about human behavior that you like
to debunk? Yeah. So with human behavior, a
big one is that we're supposed to get rid of parts of ourselves.
Right? And so a lot of times, people being like, I need to, you
know, stop doing this and stop having this, and I I can't be
this person anymore. I don't wanna have this quality or this trait.
(39:31):
Where the funny thing is is all of that is necessary. Right? And
and it's interesting because I I've seen it so much even in my business. There
are times when I'm really nice on a call. Like, if you're working really hard
and pushing and we're just cranking stuff out, like, I'm sweet as pie. But if
you're messing around and you're wasting my time and your time because remember, time is
money, not just mine, but yours. And I don't wanna sit there, like, I don't
(39:52):
need to get paid, like, to just sit there and listen to you just
talk about crap and avoid doing work. I really don't. I can
go to someone else. I don't care. So that's
when I get tough. Right? I get pushy. I can
be mean. I can be harsh. Right? I can be intense. I've had to
yell. I remember one time when I actually yelled at a client, and afterwards, he
(40:14):
goes, thank you. He's like, I I spun out. And I was like, I know
you spun out. And he's like, thank you. I'm back. You know? And
so it's funny because we think we're supposed to be this one-sided
individual when truth be told is all parts are
necessary. Right? And they come forward at the perfect time
depending on the situation, and we stop hating ourselves and trying to get rid
(40:36):
of that part of ourselves. It gives us the opportunity to actually
move forward and utilize it to not only our advantage, but the
people around us. Right? It's really cool. And then you you don't, like,
sit there in this guilt or shame of, like, what's wrong with me?
Because no person on this planet has ever been able to get rid of
anything, anything. And if they say they have, give it to me for five
(40:58):
minutes, and I'll pull it out.
I'll pull it out, and they'll be like, time to love that. Like, you need
it.
How how has your personal growth journey
influenced the way you guide others in their transformation?
Yeah. I would say that was one of the things that
(41:21):
I would say has helped me the most as a coach is
really doing the deeper work on myself. Because when I started
to do that, I started to notice all these tiny little details
and, how we could really do things
specifically in different ways, and it's cool. It's been it's been incredibly
helpful, like, incredibly helpful. So then when I'm in a phone call with
(41:43):
someone, the work that I do becomes far more
applicable because I've applied it in such a detailed way to
my own life. You know? And and sometimes people wanna go to that
level of detail, but it's not always. It's pretty rare, which is fine. But
it's helpful because then when I'm on the call, I'm like, oh, like, they're going
through this, and then your brain starts to, like, align. And I remember
(42:04):
this more happened more so in the beginning. It started to align with all the
things that I had worked through, and I started to know the next steps in
questions to ask, right, that could lead me to what their root cause
was. So that was really helpful. Yeah. So really doing,
and also doing your own work and personal development no
matter what you do is also incredibly helpful because whenever you're
(42:26):
in front of anyone, whether it be you have a business and you're in front
of employees or even if you're, you know, you work at a business,
we can get really caught up in our emotions and really caught up
in our own crap, and it actually blinds us to what's going
on. And so that's been another thing that's been amazingly
helpful is that, like, business, it's really just business. Like,
(42:48):
nothing is personal. Like, nothing's personal. And
so it is just business. So now it's like, no matter what happens
in my business I was just talking about this to someone recently,
because they have gotten, like, a slew of rejections in their sales, and I
was like, normal. It's just business. Like, it has
nothing to do. Like, you're getting emotionally attached to it. We'll work on that. But
(43:10):
at the same time, like, let's also refine your sales process because what
you're showing me is there's something going on in your sales process. Mhmm. You know,
here's someone who's willing to give up their business just because I'm hearing
there's something wrong in their sales process because they're attached emotionally to
it. Right? So that's why we also wanna work on those emotions that are
driving those attachments because, like, I'm like, oh, why are you gonna
(43:32):
give up your business because you're doing crappy in sales for six months? Like,
let's find out what's really going on and clear whatever trigger is happening
that's making you just, like, drop it. You know? Like, it's
okay. This is normal. So it's really helpful to
work on your stuff. Yeah. So
how do you handle setbacks or moments when you
(43:54):
feel stagnant in your own life?
Yeah. I it's a one really important thing. Again, we talked about
procrastination. If I'm feeling stagnant in a certain area, I'll
immediately ask that question, like, what have I really been focused on that's
important to me, and where have I had a lot of movement? Because I wanna
see the balance in my life first. And I'll look, and I'll be like, oh,
(44:14):
I actually have been really hyper focused on that. I could see why
I've made incredible process progress here, and this is a little slower.
And then I actually ask myself the question, do you wanna put more progress
there? Are you happy where you're at? Right? It's a really
it's an opportunity to have a real internal reflection. If I wanna put
more progress into that area, then the next question is is why am I
(44:37):
stuck? Like, what are my gaps? What what part of the process am
I actually stuck in? And is it knowledge gap? Is it a
people gap? Right? Could I use some help or assistance there? Like, what's
the actual gap? Is it an internal gap? Like, am I having, like,
misperceptions? Am I shoulding myself? Do I have comparisons? Do
I have fears? Right? So it's like, is it internal? Is it external?
(45:00):
If it's external, what is it? If it's internal, what is it? And then
the ultimate question, is that something I can handle on my own, or is that
someone I'm gonna bring in to assist me? Right? And then it's like, assist
who which member of the team? Right? Which member of Carly's team is
she gonna, like, pull in? And I'll usually think of someone really quickly. And it's
become a habit. Right? It's just become a habit to just start
(45:22):
really getting more clear on how to ask those questions, and it's very
helpful. It's not to say, again, you won't get emotional because sometimes I'm emotional about
it, and I'll be thinking about all this and I'm crying. Right? Because I'm human.
I That's cool. But I don't get stuck in it,
and I don't stay in it, and it doesn't own me anymore. That's
the important thing is when you start to shift it from, like, I'm
(45:44):
stuck, It's gonna own me, and I'm just gonna stay here to I'm
stuck internal, external. What is it internal? What is an external?
Where's the team member? If I don't have the team member, how do I find
the team member? Someone knows that team member. Right? Like, whatever that may be.
I call them my team. Right? But, you know, the team could be I go
to the grocery store that day. Who knows what my problem is? Right? So it's
(46:04):
like, what is that team member? It could be a book. Like, what is that
individual, that person, that thing, that business, that entity that I could actually
go out and get the assistance from if necessary? And then all of a sudden
you go from it it's like you're still stuck, but you have a
plan. And the second that you have a plan, guess what? You don't
feel stuck anymore. You don't feel stuck. And as you move through that
(46:25):
plan, if you get stuck again, it's like, oh, I got stuck right here.
This is where I had, like I just got a little bit stuck. Alright. Where
can I grease the wheel here? Like, why did it get stuck? You know? And
then you just go through the process again, and that's life. And you just keep
moving forward. Somewhere along the lines, we got it in our head that we're not,
like, supposed to be stuck. And so then people get stuck, and they're like, I'm
(46:45):
stuck. I can't do anything about it. And I'm like, no. This is totally
normal. Like, let's talk about it. So
fun. So if you could share one piece of advice for
someone struggling to live authentically, what would it
be? Yeah. So definitely find
out who you're comparing yourself to. Right? Find out
(47:09):
where, your guilts and shames are. You
know you know, it was interesting. We were just working with an individual,
and they were not being authentic because they felt
guilty for how they were behaving with their husband when they got got
frustrated. Right? And and by the way, it's super cute couple. Adorable.
But whenever this individual got frustrated, they were just upset and frustrated
(47:31):
with how they acted and responded. And as a result, they weren't being
authentic. And when we cleared the guilt and shame, guess what they did? They were
like, I know sometimes it's hard for you, but, man, I just
cannot be authentic anymore. They had that conversation, and they were crying
with their husband. And it was like, yes. So that's part of it.
It's like, see where you feel uncomfortable being authentic and why. And
(47:53):
it's usually because you perceive that when you're authentic, you have more
drawbacks stacked to it. There's more negative associations than positive.
Right? And so it's kind of clearing and balancing that out so that you can
give yourself permission to go out there and be yourself, be
authentic. And it's gonna be challenging. Also, cut the
unrealistic expectations. Not everyone will like you. In fact, the more
(48:15):
authentic you get, the more people will absolutely despise you
because you're like the antiparticle to what they like, and that's okay.
There's 8,000,000,000 people on the planet if, you know, expect to
be disliked by at least half of them. You know? It's like
and that's okay. Like, that's okay. Those are the people that you wouldn't enjoy
hanging out with anyways because to the degree that, you know, they
(48:37):
don't like you, you probably won't like them. And Yeah. That's
cool. Like, that's normal. So go get out, be
rejected, have fun with it, you know, and, like, understand
that the criticism is is really not that big of a deal. We're all gonna
get criticized. And we get criticized when we get too puffed up.
And when it impacts us, when we get criticism and we feel impacted
(48:59):
by it, you probably were a bit proud in that moment. And so the universe
comes in and humbles you with some criticism. And so that's also
helpful to remember too because when I get criticized and I feel impacted, I'm
like, where was I proud? And that actually happened
to me just yesterday. I was hanging out with family, and I got criticized. And
I felt, like, a little irked, and I was like, where was I proud? And
(49:19):
I was like, oh, super puffed up about that. And I was like, that makes
sense. Right? And I was like, okay. Bring yourself back down.
Humble yourself, and then just reconnect. Right? So it's also to know
that that's gonna occur. It's really it's a it's fun. It's like you get to
play the game of life, literally. It's really inspiring.
So we we've come to the part of the show where, you get the
(49:41):
solo screen and you get to plug away. It's been a pleasure
speaking to you. This has been amazing. Great conversation. So
hear you. Awesome. So, definitely, if you wanna reach out,
you can go to my website, which is westcoastgrowthadvisers.com,
and you can contact me directly there or also connect with me on
LinkedIn or another social media channel.
(50:04):
Awesome. Awesome. Again, this has been a great conversation. But, don't leave
the shit list. Let me close out the show and we'll chat a little bit
off the air. But thank you so much, man. This has been great. I I've
had a great kind of great time talking to you. You've, you shared some
great information and some, I I love this is what I love to do,
to to be able to have these conversations. I learn, my guest
(50:26):
my my audience learns so much as well. So that's
why I love to be able to to do this and and and be able
to share this platform and have amazing people like yourself come on and
share all the wonderful things you're doing. So thank you.
Thank you. I can tell. So thanks for having me.
(50:47):
Alright. Another great episode is in the books.
Thank you to everybody who's tuning in. If you're gonna catch the replay, please hit
that notification bell, share, like. I I greatly
appreciate everybody who's, been with me on these these four
years. I love being able to have these conversations
and and come and and, hopefully, you guys can get something
(51:10):
from it. As always, big shout out to my RealWise
fam, Bobby j, Brandy j. Love you guys. Shout out to the
boss lady. Love you and appreciate everything you do for me.
Big shout out to to Carly Pappin for coming through and and
sharing her her amazing stories and and everything she's
doing. And as always, a big, big shout out to all the essential
(51:32):
workers out there. God bless y'all. Be safe. You know, it's way wise, does
it? Peace
And welcome to another episode of stuck in my mind
podcast. I am your host, w I z e. And on this
episode, I I have a international
speaker, consultant, and expert in human behavior.
Welcome to the show, Carly Pappin.
Hello. Hi. Thank you for having me. Oh, the pleasure's all mine. How are
(01:04):
you today? I'm great. How are you doing? Awesome. I'm doing good. I'm good. I'm
good. I can't complain. Awesome. Getting ready, for a couple in a couple
weeks, I'll be in Orlando for a podcast, so I'm excited.
That sounds inspiring. Yeah. Oh, yeah. When there's a bunch of,
podcasts together, it's always fun. So I'm excited for it. It's gonna
be a good time. Nice. Alright. So
(01:28):
what first inspired your fascination with human behavior,
and how did it lead to your career today?
Yeah. I definitely first inspired by, you know, just going
through some challenges in childhood where I was told some
very specific things about people growing up and how things worked and
then had a very challenging life experience. And I I remember the
(01:51):
moment where I thought to myself, like, they have no clue what they're talking
about. I was like, this is not at all how it
was explained. Right? I was, like, seven years old and super
traumatized, but had chance to work through it. And it was
cool because ever since then, I just I started
to ask the question, like, why? Right? Like, someone will say, you
(02:12):
know, like, this is something that you're
struggling with, and it's my question would be, well, why? Why do we have that?
Why do we struggle with it? Why? Why? Why? And I think eventually,
fortunately, you find some answers. Right? And you start to get down these
rabbit holes where you're starting to get some answers that actually apply to your life.
And when I started to see some really drastic and, inspiring
(02:34):
improvements in my life, I that's when I was like, I would love to make
this a business. Yeah. And my coach at the time, you know, I got to
see how she had her business and was running it. And I'm like, sign me
up. I'm ready. So that was really inspiring. Yeah.
Okay. So how how do you define a life by
design, and what does it look like for you
(02:56):
personally? Yeah. So a life by design is
something as opposed to having, like, this life of duty. Right? So when we wake
up and we have our to do list, the majority of the
world is gonna live in, I need to do this. I should do this. I
have to do this. I'm supposed to do this. And you feel drained. You know?
You're not feeling energized. You're feeling depleted. You feel frustrated. You
(03:19):
feel aggravated and annoyed, and you feel like you need a break. Right? And that's
because you're in a life of duty, genuinely, because you're living by all these
shoulds. So the life by design is actually really connecting and understanding
who you are at your core, what's meaningful to you, purposeful, what your core
values are, and creating a life around that. Because when you do, you wake up
saying, I wanna do this. I choose to do this. I desire to do this.
(03:41):
I get to do this. Right? You look at your to do this, and you're
like, yeah. It's a big day, but I really am looking forward to doing all
this stuff even though I'm kinda tired. And it was, like, maybe even you're sick
or something, but you're like, I'm looking forward to this. And those are the things
that energize you. Right? Like, energy comes from
within. Right? You don't have to find energy to do those things. You get energized
(04:01):
by doing them. Mhmm. And that's a life by design. You know? And it's
cool because I remember when I first started to really
understand this concept. Like, I remember working
in an office. And when I was there, the job that I
had, I literally remember just sitting in my chair,
completely slumped back, like, trying not to fall
(04:24):
asleep at the computer. Right? I was exhausted.
And I was working, like, a normal eight hour day, you know, with an hour
lunch break. It wasn't a big deal. And what I do now, like, I'm
often working twelve hour days, and, I just,
you know, I'd I'd take a break because it feels good to, like, get outside,
but I'm telling you, I don't actually need a break anymore. Like, I don't need
(04:45):
it. I take it because I I just like to get outside. It's fun for
me. But, otherwise, it's like, I feel really energized by what I do.
If I'm sick or I'm having an off day, I still actually work the same
amount. My husband will laugh because I'll bring my computer into the the
bed, and and I'll be working on accounting. And he's like, oh, you don't feel
good today, do you? It's accounting day. And I was like, I don't feel good.
(05:07):
Because accounting just makes me feel better. Just that
person. So it's cool. And so that's what, like, a life like
by design looks like is where, you know, your vocation also
gets to be your vacation. It's energizing you, not draining you. And
then it's funny. Even on my days off, it's like, well, what do I feel
like doing today? And oftentimes, I'm doing stuff related to work. And one
(05:28):
person could label me a workaholic, but if you ever hang out with me, I'm
really having fun. Like, I'm having the best time. So it doesn't even seem like
I'm working that hard because I'm really enjoying myself. And so to me, that was,
like, the life by design that I wanted to create and because
I do love working, and so I incorporate it in a fun way. But for
everyone else, it's like, what does that look like to you based on what's
(05:48):
inspiring to you? What lights you up? What energizes you? Who could you spend twelve
to fourteen hours a day doing and not get fed up? You know? Like, what
does that look like for you? Because you're I can do this. I can I
can sit here and record and do interviews ten to twelve hours
a day and not get tired? There you go. I I love doing my podcast.
I love being able to have these conversations. And and it's
(06:10):
like it's funny because, me and a coworker were talking
the other day, and we're both at work just drained. Like,
we're like, another day. And we have
to be there because if you you need a job to pay the bills and
everything and all that. And but when I sit here and I
and I record my show, it's it's completely different
(06:32):
energy. Yeah. It's it's because I love to do what I'm doing.
There there was a time it was, when I first started,
I did, like, four episodes back to
back to back to back. And by the fourth episode, I was
still I I still had the same energy from the first one,
and my guests knew I had done four episodes. And they're like, thank
(06:55):
you. I was like, why? They're like, because you still have you you still
after four episodes after recording four episodes, you still have the same
energy. I'm like, because it's not work. I love to do this. This
to me is is fun. I have a great time having these conversations.
I'm actually energized with each conversation.
(07:15):
And so it is a big difference when I do this
and I do my regular job. When I do my regular job, I'm like,
I don't want I'm all sluggish and tired. And when I do
this and I record and I'm and I'm anything that has to do with
with this part of my day is is it's different. It's like, I'm like,
alright. I'm awake. I'm like, okay. This it feel it just
(07:38):
feels different. Yeah. And this is the thing, which
this is the inspiring thing is, like, then we ask the question. We find out
what we get energized by because you're right. It's like you could just go back
to back and keep going, and you're like, the energy is just there. Right? That's
because it's such a big why and it's so inspiring. And then the next question
is, like, how do we get paid to do what we love? You know, like,
(07:58):
how does that what does that look like? And know a lot of podcasters, you
know, they figure out how to get paid as, like, entrepreneurs doing it on their
own. I have a client who she hosted a podcast for a
company that she was working for. So she hosted hundreds of podcasts and
got, like, a full time salary while she was doing that, which was pretty cool
because they wanted the podcast to bring people in in a specific industry,
(08:20):
like, help them market their services, and she was great at that. I have another
client who worked for a microphone company, and they
wanted to sell their microphones, and they utilize podcasts as, like, the platform,
and he hosted the podcast. And so it's funny because it's like, just keep
asking that question. It's like, how do I get paid to do what I love?
How do I get paid to do what I love? Until you start to get
(08:40):
presented with different opportunities or come up with different ideas.
Because sometimes we get really stuck in our head that it has to look one
way, which we all are a victim of from time to time. I mean, even
when I first started my coaching practice, I really thought it had to
be built in this, like, one specific way, and I was it's like I'm banging
my head against the wall trying to build a business that's not my own. Right?
And until I kept asking that question, it's like I couldn't create something that
(09:03):
was actually inspiring for me to invest my time in. You know? Not what it
needed to look like or should look like, but what I wanted it to look
like. And that's what I continue to get to work on on a day to
day basis is what would I love my business to work like or look like,
and then what are obviously, you focus on customers too. It's like, what are people's
needs? What are their desires? What do they want? What am I providing them now?
(09:23):
What extra bits and pieces have they been asking for that I could add?
Right? Like yeah. So stuff like that, which is it's fun. It's inspiring.
It becomes a journey. And
the funny thing is I'm I'm working on because I I'm a
I'm a pit boss in a casino. And
and so I'm like, man, something that I've never
(09:45):
seen is, I haven't said
I I I haven't seen anything that's casino related. I
haven't sit down with any pit bosses. So so I'm I'm
working on a a podcast called Tales from the Pit, and
it's it's it's people from the casino industry
talking about some of their best stories, whatever it is. And
(10:09):
so I'm a and, I mean, there's so many
different ways I can probably generate money with that. Like, I can
have casino on the sponsor rate. I can have
websites. Like, so for me, it's it's a great to
me, I just well, I'm just looking forward to having these conversations with people because
I've been in the industry probably eleven years now. And so I know there's
(10:32):
people that have been in there twenty, thirty years that come from
Vegas, that come from Atlantic City, and come from all these different places. And I
know they just have some great stories to share, so I'm excited. I'm I'm gonna
launch it in the New Year. And it's but it's
it's way it's a way of me incorporating what I do on my
regular job to with what I love to do, which is
(10:53):
podcasting. Yeah. Yeah. Which is it's cool. It's
exciting. As you're saying it, my brain comes up with, like, tons of ideas.
It's just how my brain works. It's like, oh, ideas. Okay. Let's do this.
Because also, it's it's cool. I used to work in when I was
in corporate. Right? When I had a job, I was working at a uniform
manufacturing company, and we would actually make, uniforms
(11:17):
for hotels. And we focused a lot on some of these
hotels that were, like, the higher end casinos and stuff. And so it was it
was just a different world. You know? It's a different world. And as you were
saying it, I'm like, that even dives into, like, the hospitality industry, you know,
which is cool. And you can bring in different people and, like, management from different
places, which, again, just you you think about and you're like, okay. Well, it attracts
(11:38):
that crowd. And then, like, who are the people who wanna, like, reach those people?
And I'm like, uniform company probably would wanna reach people and talk about,
like, the specificities. You know? Like, because I know the designer there, she
talks about all this stuff about how to specifically design for you guys and
all these other things, and no one listens to her. But, like, some people want
to. And it's it's so funny because I I think
(12:00):
sometimes we also get caught up in, you know, will
someone want this or will someone need it? And it's not will they want it
or will they need it. If you wanted to need it, someone else does. The
really quality question to ask is where do I find other people, you
know, who want and need this? Right? Where do I find those individuals that are
looking for the very specific thing that I have to offer? And then we
(12:22):
start to connect with them, and we start to figure out how to connect with
them to a greater degree, and that's part of building our business. Right? So find
the thing that inspires us, which we're not unique on this planet. It's gonna inspire
some other people as well, and where are people looking for that as
a product, service? And, yeah, it's it's a big world.
It's 8,000,000,000 people. It's for sure. We have to figure it out. And
(12:44):
Yeah. Another fun thing too is when you think about business, I expect to fail
some, like, few times minimum. Yeah. Oh,
yeah. I've I've done other shows that really haven't taken off.
And and so but Yeah. So it's
it's it's a it's a work in progress for me. It's for me, it's because
I I've I I like, I I came like I said, I'm I didn't
(13:05):
this wasn't my like, I wasn't in media. I was I I I've
learned so much just doing my podcast. I've learned
how to all edit video, audio. I've learned about
specific mics. I've learned about so many different things that I I I
didn't have a clue about. But it was because
I was so passionate about what I was doing that
(13:28):
I wanted to make sure that I knew what I was what what
what what it took to to make sure my sound was good, make
sure that my video came out clear and everything. Because I felt like,
alright. If I'm gonna really invest in this,
I started I've I've invested in myself. I invested in
equipment, and it was like, I
(13:50):
wanna make sure people get the best. I wanna make sure that they can hear
my audio. I wanna make sure that they see the video that that's clear.
Sometimes, yeah, it's life happens and you have 10 technical
difficulties, but I wanted to make sure because they were giving me something very
precious, which is their time. Anyone who sits here and listens to
any of my episodes or watch any of my episodes, they're giving me something that
(14:13):
they'll never get back, which is their time. So to me, it was
important that I made sure my quality was on point.
Yeah. Yeah. It's inspiring. And it it is true. It's like when we're working with
individuals, whether it be products or services, they are giving up
something valuable to them to be able to invest in that, whether it be time,
money, energy. And it's something to remember because I think we for
(14:35):
get sometimes no matter what the scale of the company is about the people that
we're serving Mhmm. Which really no business can run without people.
Absolutely. Can run without their customers. And then it also, like, as when
you get bigger and bigger and you hire employees, your business can't run without your
employees. And so businesses and this is what I love about business. It's all
people. You know, it really is all people. And when you can get
(14:57):
the the right people, right places, you know, within your company and
connect with the right people, you know, and have the right products and services,
it's really when you start to see things thrive. Yeah. Right? You see things thrive,
and you thrive within it as well. You know? You start to thrive within it
as well because it does feel good to be able to provide
products and services that people are utilizing. You know? When you make a
(15:18):
difference, it makes a difference in you. It definitely does. And so, yeah,
it's inspiring. Yeah. So, obviously, we're selling business. I don't know how that
happened, but it's really very awesome and
challenging simultaneously.
So, Luca, can you share a specific
challenge you faced and how you turned it into an opportunity
(15:41):
for growth? For sure. I mean, gosh. There's so many.
Basically, any challenge we have, I'm like, how can I turn this into an
opportunity? So a lot of it is a mindset component Yeah. Where we're
gonna shift our perspective of kind of what's available
and what our options are. You know? Like, I had a client who
was considering becoming a coach. Right? And already has, like, some
(16:04):
certification to actually be a coach, but really doesn't want to build
a business. And then also the romantic partner, like, is not comfortable with the
lack of stability that, you know, diving into the coaching world can often create.
So they didn't wanna wait that long for stability. They're starting a family. And
when we kinda cleared the misperceptions of, like, now I can't do this, now I
can't do that, and you kinda get stuck in doom and gloom. And we started
(16:27):
to see the opportunities there. It turned into a little bit of a different
avenue where now they're pursuing an actual career in, like,
counseling, which is more inspiring to them than doing the coaching. It gives the stability
that they're looking for long term. And it's funny because, like, all
the all the options are actually available to us, and
everything is actually there, but we ask the wrong questions. You know?
(16:49):
And we'll sit there and we'll beat ourselves up, and we'll put
ourselves down in these moments that we have these challenges or
failures, or we'll be frustrated with it. And we'll even be putting the challenge
down instead of changing the quality of our questions and being like, well,
why is this here? Like, how is this helping me right now? What have I
uncovered, like, from this so far? You know, what have I
(17:10):
learned from it? How has this helped me to grow? How has this helped me
in my family, in my finances, in my spirituality, in my health? Right? Like,
all these different areas of life. And when you start to answer that question, what
winds up happening is you realize the challenge is the opportunity. You
don't even have to change it into an opportunity. It already is the
opportunity. And in that state, you'll still feel challenged. Like, don't get me
(17:32):
wrong. Like, we're humans. We're gonna feel. So you'll have but it changes
from distress, which is a stress that, like, you
know, has our cortisol levels increase. It's like an unhealthy stress to eustress.
Right? And this is, like, kind of what this ties into what we were talking
about before. Like, when you get on a podcast, even if you're tired,
you may be a little stressed out. You might be having, like, a rough day,
(17:54):
and you still have some stress getting on the podcast, but it's not distress.
It's eustress. And that hits your body differently. You guys can look it
up. It's really fun. Distress versus eustress. But when we have the
challenge and we're not viewing it as an opportunity, right, and
we still haven't answered those questions to see how this is an opportunity, it's
distressful. And so that's, like, the thing is just ask the questions
(18:16):
until all of a sudden every challenge to you feels like going on podcast.
And if that happened, you're like, well, I would be energized. And it's like,
yeah. So keep asking the question until, like,
how is this helping me? How is this serving me? Like, how is this helping
me to grow? How is this helping me in life? And keep asking it in
different forms until you get so many answers that you're like, now I'm inspired
(18:36):
by this. Like, now I'm okay, and I actually don't need it to stop. I'm
just gonna move through it. And however long it takes, I'm just gonna work on
it. So what what's the most common mental block you
see in your clients, and and how do you help them overcome it?
Comparisons. 100% comparisons. So
whenever we say I don't know. Right? So if someone says I
(18:58):
don't know, and they'll sometimes ask me for my advice and we have a good
giggle because I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. That's
not how I roll. You have the answer. You're only saying I don't
know because you're caught in shoulds, have tos, supposed tos, need
tos. And this all comes from comparing yourself to one or
many people. Right? And when comparisons come in, the obvious form
(19:20):
is, like, you'll compare someone and you'll say they're better at me than this. You
know, they're worse than me, like, than at me. They're not this
than me. Right. So it's a little bit more for me right now.
And so, like, it doesn't matter which side. Both of them are a comparison.
But even in that dynamic, what winds up occurring is you start to fill
your head with shoulds. Right? Because if you perceive someone as better at
(19:42):
you at something than you are, what are you gonna do? You're gonna go mimic
them and do what they do because that's how you should do
it according to that person. When the truth is is, like, sometimes we're not
even meant to go down that path. Right? And then sometimes someone might be
worse at something, and you're not gonna do what they do because
you don't wanna do that. You shouldn't do that. Now you have a shouldn't
(20:04):
because you think that's gonna make yours. And that's also not always true.
Like, every person is different. You know? We see this even in health.
Right? Like, health is like oh, my French we
have a lot of fun chiropractor, but it's just like a rabbit hole of
information. It's insane. Like, what works for my
body will be different than what works for her body. And if I
(20:26):
go do exactly what she's doing, I don't feel good. And
if she does exactly what I'm doing, she doesn't feel good. Why? Because it's
two different physiologies, and it's the same with our life purpose.
It's two different perceptions, experiences,
goals, internal wise. And so if I'm shoulding and shoulding
myself and comparing on a regular basis and my whole life is based off of
(20:49):
all these comparisons, it's like, yeah. Definitely compare to learn from
people, but when it becomes so paralyzing that you stop or start doing
things, it's like, that's when all the I don't know's come in. You know? I
don't know. Can I do this? How do I do this? I don't know. I
don't know. I don't know. And the confusion, which I call brain noise comes
in. So what we do is we clear those comparisons to connect
(21:11):
with what's already inside. And so that's, like basically, it's like the the
whole check-in on a consult. I just had one of those this morning where they're
like, I don't know what to do. And it's like, well, let's find out. And
we just kept clearing comparisons, and I'm like, what do you wanna do now? And
they're like, I kinda feel a little bit more certain here, but I still don't
know here. And we just kept going. And at the end of it, I was
like, okay. Are you certain you know what you wanna do? And they're like, yes.
(21:33):
Now I know exactly what to do. You know? And it wasn't for me giving
them the answer. It was actually just clearing the comparisons. And this is cool to
remember because everyone has the answers inside of them. Everyone has their own answers
inside them. Like, sometimes we can go and we'll learn things. Right? Because
sometimes that's the answer. It's like, I'm gonna go sometimes hire this person or
I'm gonna go study this and read this book, And that's part of what you
(21:55):
know is the next step. But, truly, when we talk about, like, next
steps, like, you know where to go. If you're confused,
you got the brain noise from comparisons, and you're stuck in.
Oh, okay. Maybe it's like,
there's there's sometimes I I I doubt myself, and
and it's it's so funny. Right? Because I know what what I'm
(22:18):
supposed to be doing. I I know, but it's, like,
it's self defeating sometimes. It's like, okay.
Maybe I don't know. But then then when you start speaking to people and
you have these conversations, you're like, oh, shit. I had to
answer the whole time. Yeah. And I just keep messing around and just
keep doubting the fact that I know the answer.
(22:42):
Why am I just not applying it? Like, why is it
being difficult for me to apply what I already know I'm
supposed to be doing? Yeah. Comparisons. Comparisons a
%. And so this is the fun thing too is, like, putting ourselves
in situations where we're we're pushed and forced, and this is, like, live that
life by design. Do the things that are so inspiring to you that you force
(23:04):
and push yourself into situations that you find that answer a bit quicker,
and you get more and more objective. And I think to your
point, like, even you podcasting, I I think people
don't realize like, I love speaking because to me, speaking is
personal development. Right? So you ask me a question, and I'm put
on the spot, and I'm required to answer. And I don't have time
(23:26):
to sit here and make something up. I am going to pull from something
that I know is true based on things that I actually understand.
And the funniest thing started to happen at a certain period. I remember, like,
after three months of, like, podcasting, I was recording about two a week,
and I got on the phone with one of my clients. He was nervous, and
I was like, you'll be fine. And I was like, start to listen to some
(23:47):
of the extra ones of mine, and you're gonna start to see I'm a broken
record, basically. Because I'm so dedicated to this one
thing, and I have so much certainty here that it just keeps coming
out over and over again when I'm speaking. Right? And
podcasting gave me the opportunity to really get clear on that, and that's just
what I focus on now. Now it's like, no questions asked. Of course, I'm gonna
(24:09):
focus on that. This is, like, my destiny. This is all I wanna talk about.
But everyone, even if you're not on a podcast, does this in
their personal life, which is so cool. Like, you become a
podcaster and a speaker when people bring up specific
topics. Right? Where all of a sudden, you can talk for
days, weeks, months, you feel like. And you're like, I just don't want this
(24:31):
conversation to end. And that happens in a normal day to day
setting. Pay attention to what those things that you guys are talking about is
about. You'll start to see a pattern emerge and see where you're
the broken record of the thing that is most inspiring to you. And, again,
this goes back to, like, creating that life by design. Right? Because even
when you're talking, you're lit up and energized. So it's like, what are those things?
(24:54):
You know? And how can you put more of that in your life?
So so how how has your understanding of of human behavior
influence your relationships with others?
Yeah. A % so helpful. It just it's really helped me to
understand how important it is to understand,
like, what people value, what's important to
(25:16):
them, you know, what they're doing with their lives, like and
it's it's cool because, like, even with friendships. Right? Like, well, you
know, my I was telling you my friend. She's a chiropractor. She's a chiropractor, and
she's in health, and she's also a coach as well. And we talk so much
about health. It's it's crazy. Like, I love talking to her about health, and we
can go all day every day. It's so fun. And also personal development.
(25:38):
And so if I'm getting on the phone with her and I'm trying to talk
to her about something else like gardening, like,
I I don't think we've talked about gardening one time. So if I'm trying to
talk to her about gardening, she's gonna go blank. She's gonna get bored. She's gonna
be uninterested. Right? And this is funny because you'll notice this even in
yourself. Like, when someone talks about something to you that's, like, not interesting,
(26:01):
it's almost like you have a blackout moment. And you're like, oh my gosh.
I completely blacked out. What did they just say? I feel so rude. It's not
that you're rude. You just it this is such an uninspiring and unimportant
topic to you internally that you actually do blackout. And so that's
why it's helpful to understand, like, what's important to the person in front of you.
Even in my family dynamic, you know, there are certain family members that, like, we
(26:23):
didn't talk as much, and I started to pay attention to the
consistency of what they would go off on tangents about, what
energized them. And then whenever I saw them, I specifically brought up
those topics. And since then, our relationships have drastically improved
because now we have more to talk about because I'm not just talking about what
I want to. I'm incorporating what I love into what they love, and now we're
(26:43):
having, like, a really quality conversation. You know, it's really cool. And
then when we think about this at, like, a global scale, right, when we're thinking
about businesses and connecting with our customers, our customers
kind of have this unique set of almost it's like
antenna, right, where we're trying and we're seeking out what's important to
us. And the more that we can understand, like, what the
(27:05):
group of individuals that we love to connect with really truly
value and what's important to them, the more that we can communicate
in their language, in their form on, like, this mass level.
Right? And that's really cool too because then all of a sudden, it's not just
talking one on one to one person, but it's how could you communicate with all
the many individuals, right, which is kind of it's like the basis of
(27:28):
podcasting. Right? It's like one show on one topic to this
very specific group of individuals that really wanna connect on these
things. And it's quite inspiring because it's, like, it's basically
all about getting to know people. You know? And the more that
we get to know people, the more that we can connect and communicate with
them. It's really cool, and it's one of my favorite things about coaching one
(27:50):
on one as well. I like groups, but I love one on one.
Because, like, in the one on one dynamic, you understand everyone has, like,
a different language. Everyone has, like, a different way of
understanding and extrapolating information. They have a different way of
processing, expressing it, and it's cool. Because in, like, the first couple
sessions, it's like, I'm just getting to know you and how you
(28:11):
function and how you work until, like then I get it memorized, and it's
like, okay. I know what's gonna work for you. I know what's gonna work for
you. Don't do this with this person. They do not respond well. Right?
So it's really cool. It's really cool.
What what's one question you wish more people would ask themselves
when they feel stuck? Yeah. Instead of, like
(28:35):
I I think it's even changing the tone of how you ask because sometimes people
will be like, why am I stuck? What's wrong with me? You
know? And it's like, why am I stuck? What's going on?
What's going on? You know? Where where's the gap? You know?
Where's the gap? What am I confused about? Like, am I
uncertain? Am I scared? Like, just keep
(28:57):
asking yourself questions over and over and over again
until you find answers. And this is the really cool thing about that. It's like
becoming your own coach. Right? I have coaches, but I am my own
coach too. So by the time I get on a call with a coach, I
am extremely specific on exactly what my problem is and exactly what I
wanna work on. Because in the back end, I've been asking questions over
(29:19):
and over again, sometimes for mine, by the way, like preparing for
my call. Like, I'm out over and over again. I'm like, what is this? Where
is this from? What's going on? And I keep asking the questions, and I keep
getting hints and insights until all of a sudden I say, I'm pretty sure
it's this. Can we dive deeper? Because we all have that
capacity. And sometimes it's just me asking questions over and over
(29:41):
again internally and being like, oh, I just feel like I
don't have the information. Is that true? And I'm like, it is
true. Okay. What do I read? What do I study? What do I learn?
And so we get stuck, and we immediately start to
basically put ourself in a pit. And as opposed to focusing on, like,
what's wrong with me? I shouldn't be here. It's like, a, this is
(30:03):
completely normal. We all get stuck, and stuck is
just a moment for us to shift gears, shift something that's going
on in our life, learn more, understand more. Sometimes it's getting some
deeper work, and we hire people to help us to do that. Like, there's all
these different ways to get unstuck. You know? That's, like,
infinite. But when we just get stuck in, like, I can't ever get out of
(30:26):
it, like, that's not a quality question. It really isn't. So
learn how to change and make quality questions. And, when I first
started doing this, it was like a decade ago, and I remember just sitting there
and being like, what would at the time I had a coach, and I was
like, what would my coach ask me right now? Because I couldn't afford to buy
another package with them at the time. And I remember thinking, what would my coach
ask me? And then I started to realize, like, I had learned so
(30:48):
much, and I had studied so much that I had a certain degree of quality
questions I could ask myself. Every person on this planet has
that. Nobody is void of that. You know? Like, we've all been through
so if you're listening to this podcast, you're old enough that I know you've been
through so much that you have some great questions inside you. And
keep asking the questions until you find the perfect solution for you, which
(31:09):
who knows what that'll be. Yeah. Absolutely. Definitely.
Every that that's still that's why I love doing this podcast is
everyone has a story. Everyone has experienced something
in life that that has impacted their lives
dramatically. And so being able to have these conversations and
have people come share their stories and and share what share what
(31:32):
they're doing in life and everything, for me, it's I'm like,
okay. I I enjoy this. It's it's I'm
if if I help one person or I help 10 people,
the fact that I help someone to me is important. That to me is
a success for me. So when I receive the
messages from people, hey. This episode did this for me. Thank you so much.
(31:55):
I needed to hear that. Or whatever it is that to
me, it's like, okay. Alright. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do
because I've impact someone's life.
I've helped someone. Because now I don't know how many people they're gonna go on
and help. Like, who it was, a
conversation I had with a a high school friend of mine. We had a great
(32:16):
conversation. We talked about mindset, talked so about so many different things.
And a friend of ours from high school listened to the episode,
and they sent me a message, and they were like, I needed to hear you
guys talk. Because I needed to hear two guys that I
knew growing up doing stuff, talking about
mindset, talking take talking about taking that leap and and not being
(32:40):
afraid to to because she she was on the fence about starting her own
business. But then when she hears two guys that she grew up
with discuss mindset, discuss about business, discuss about
taking these taking stepping out of your comfort zone and
taking that risk, she's like, man, I know
these guys. If they can do it, I can do
(33:01):
it. And she took the risk. And and to get
that message from her and hear about her
taking that taking that leap and and and stepping out
her comfort zone, it it it was it was inspiring to me because now I'm
like, okay. I've impacted someone I've known for over thirty
years to the point where, like, they've taken a
(33:23):
risk that they were afraid to take.
Yeah. It's really beautiful because it's those little moments
that, you know, I highly suggest, like, whatever you're doing when you get those little
moments of feedback that you record it somewhere. Because sometimes I'll
just go through and I'll sit and read the testimonials, and you you're really inspired
and you get, like, a tier of inspiration because you're like, this is why this
(33:45):
is why I'm doing it. Right? Like, yes, it fulfills me, but, like, the
real thing is, like, this is why you're doing it. And it really
reconnects you to your purpose, your mission, your vision. And so, yeah,
that feedback that people give us, it's really quite helpful,
quite inspiring. And also, yeah, highly suggest that you go out and create
some feedback for yourself as well from other people, but it's just showing up
(34:07):
and being there and and just caring about people. It's really simple. Just
care about people. Yeah. So,
I mean, how do you help people reconnect with their
deeper vision and purpose when when they feel
lost? Yeah. So, again, this is where the
comparisons have come in. Right? So if they're disconnected and they don't feel
(34:29):
connected to their purpose, their comparisons really have come in.
So I'll go in and I'll I'll do a deep dive on the comparisons. We'll
get rid of them all and kind of, like, you know, make sure that they're
reconnected to specifically what's important. A great way to start
paying attention to it kind of right now for, like, those of you who are
listening is if you when you think about what
(34:50):
you're stuck in, like, we are alive twenty four hours a
day. Right? And we sleep a certain amount of that time, but we're awake a
significant portion. And you're gonna procrastinate on a lot of
things. Right? When you're stuck, you're probably procrastinating on a
significant quantity of things, but there's gonna be things that you don't procrastinate
on. Right? That's already gonna give me insight on what's
(35:11):
meaningful and valuable to you. Even though you're not making progress in an area
of life you thought you should, I'm gonna guarantee that somewhere in
your life, you are making progress. And it's to start to pay attention to
those bits and pieces because we really get stuck when
we're a couple things. Sometimes we're stuck in the mindset and we're stuck in
comparisons. And so we've, like, paralyzed ourselves, like, thinking we need
(35:33):
to do this way or should do that way. And, like, all of a sudden,
we can't even move forward because we're so stuck and
thinking how it's supposed to be, and I can't even get there instead of just
actually moving forward the way you are. Mhmm. So that could be it. Sometimes we're
caught up in fears. Right? And so I'll work through fears with clients
as well because sometimes, you know, I was working with an individual
(35:54):
on they wanted to launch a business, and they had gone through some
serious, like, business trauma for them. That really impacted their
health, so we had to work on all those different dynamics, and they would not
start a business until that trauma was cleared. And once that was cleared, they
didn't have the fear anymore, so they can move forward and move through. So sometimes
it's fears based off something from the past that you've experienced or
(36:16):
even witnessed. I've had clients who, like, haven't wanted to start businesses
because they've witnessed family members who have had major failures, and they don't wanna put
their family through that. Right? So we have to work on those traumas to help
them remove those fears so they can give themselves permission to do what they love.
Right? And then there's just that other dynamic of you might just be focused on
the wrong thing. Right? And this is cool because, like, we will
(36:37):
also procrastinate on things that are just not important to us.
Right? Like, I hate house stuff. I
hate fixing the house. I hate working on that. And so it's like,
I'm not gonna touch it. I won't look at it. It'll
stay. I remember when my husband first met me and I was renting this
place, and there was all these little quirky things. And I just don't even say
(36:59):
anything, so I don't even wanna deal with it. And he's like, why aren't you
asking your landlord to do it? And I was like, I don't know. It just
doesn't occur to me. I just don't even wanna deal with it. And he just
would walk around, like, fixing things. And we could
say that I'm procrastinating or lazy or stuck, but I'm really not. I
just am not focused on things that are not important to me.
And those are the things that I delegate. Right? Like, my husband loves fixing things,
(37:21):
so we're gonna go now. But I'll delegate those dynamics. I don't like
gardening and neither does he, so we have a gardener. You know? That's a
delegation component. So it's also looking at, are you also
procrastinating on these things, and are you stuck because it's crap that you don't
like and you don't wanna do? And then it's like, alright. Get out of
it. Shift things up. If you can't get out of it right away, like, how
(37:43):
do you start to recreate your life by design to be able to
make it so that you can step out of some of this stuff? How can
you make changes today? What game plan can you put in place? Because some things
you can just drop immediately and some things are gonna take some time. But you
are the investment here. You know? Like, let's make it clear. I'm not telling you
this is easy. What I'm telling you is you're the investment. You're a
(38:04):
challenge worth going through. So even if it's hard, like, you can either
live a hard life. No matter what, you're gonna have a challenging life. It can
either be challenging in the sense that every day you're waking up,
like, pissed off and not doing something that you love to do and annoyed and
frustrated and procrastinating and feeling stuck. Or you could live a challenging
life doing something you love, waking up every day, challenging yourself to
(38:26):
move further in that goal, in that area of life, and that's
an inspiring form of challenge. You know? If you're gonna make your life
hard, make it hard by design. When I say life by
design, I mean life by design. I want you to put hard things in your
day that are that are inspiring for you to overcome. Build that
confidence. Build that self esteem. And instead of letting the universe create,
(38:47):
like, crap for you to grow from that you don't even like going
through, go create that for yourself, like, in a way that is
inspiring to you. You know? We we literally have that
capacity. When I when I learned that, I was like, this is amazing. Like,
we really can, like, craft this in a very specific
way. So what what's a common misconception
(39:09):
people have about human behavior that you like
to debunk? Yeah. So with human behavior, a
big one is that we're supposed to get rid of parts of ourselves.
Right? And so a lot of times, people being like, I need to, you
know, stop doing this and stop having this, and I I can't be
this person anymore. I don't wanna have this quality or this trait.
(39:31):
Where the funny thing is is all of that is necessary. Right? And
and it's interesting because I I've seen it so much even in my business. There
are times when I'm really nice on a call. Like, if you're working really hard
and pushing and we're just cranking stuff out, like, I'm sweet as pie. But if
you're messing around and you're wasting my time and your time because remember, time is
money, not just mine, but yours. And I don't wanna sit there, like, I don't
(39:52):
need to get paid, like, to just sit there and listen to you just
talk about crap and avoid doing work. I really don't. I can
go to someone else. I don't care. So that's
when I get tough. Right? I get pushy. I can
be mean. I can be harsh. Right? I can be intense. I've had to
yell. I remember one time when I actually yelled at a client, and afterwards, he
(40:14):
goes, thank you. He's like, I I spun out. And I was like, I know
you spun out. And he's like, thank you. I'm back. You know? And
so it's funny because we think we're supposed to be this one-sided
individual when truth be told is all parts are
necessary. Right? And they come forward at the perfect time
depending on the situation, and we stop hating ourselves and trying to get rid
(40:36):
of that part of ourselves. It gives us the opportunity to actually
move forward and utilize it to not only our advantage, but the
people around us. Right? It's really cool. And then you you don't, like,
sit there in this guilt or shame of, like, what's wrong with me?
Because no person on this planet has ever been able to get rid of
anything, anything. And if they say they have, give it to me for five
(40:58):
minutes, and I'll pull it out.
I'll pull it out, and they'll be like, time to love that. Like, you need
it.
How how has your personal growth journey
influenced the way you guide others in their transformation?
Yeah. I would say that was one of the things that
(41:21):
I would say has helped me the most as a coach is
really doing the deeper work on myself. Because when I started
to do that, I started to notice all these tiny little details
and, how we could really do things
specifically in different ways, and it's cool. It's been it's been incredibly
helpful, like, incredibly helpful. So then when I'm in a phone call with
(41:43):
someone, the work that I do becomes far more
applicable because I've applied it in such a detailed way to
my own life. You know? And and sometimes people wanna go to that
level of detail, but it's not always. It's pretty rare, which is fine. But
it's helpful because then when I'm on the call, I'm like, oh, like, they're going
through this, and then your brain starts to, like, align. And I remember
(42:04):
this more happened more so in the beginning. It started to align with all the
things that I had worked through, and I started to know the next steps in
questions to ask, right, that could lead me to what their root cause
was. So that was really helpful. Yeah. So really doing,
and also doing your own work and personal development no
matter what you do is also incredibly helpful because whenever you're
(42:26):
in front of anyone, whether it be you have a business and you're in front
of employees or even if you're, you know, you work at a business,
we can get really caught up in our emotions and really caught up
in our own crap, and it actually blinds us to what's going
on. And so that's been another thing that's been amazingly
helpful is that, like, business, it's really just business. Like,
(42:48):
nothing is personal. Like, nothing's personal. And
so it is just business. So now it's like, no matter what happens
in my business I was just talking about this to someone recently,
because they have gotten, like, a slew of rejections in their sales, and I
was like, normal. It's just business. Like, it has
nothing to do. Like, you're getting emotionally attached to it. We'll work on that. But
(43:10):
at the same time, like, let's also refine your sales process because what
you're showing me is there's something going on in your sales process. Mhmm. You know,
here's someone who's willing to give up their business just because I'm hearing
there's something wrong in their sales process because they're attached emotionally to
it. Right? So that's why we also wanna work on those emotions that are
driving those attachments because, like, I'm like, oh, why are you gonna
(43:32):
give up your business because you're doing crappy in sales for six months? Like,
let's find out what's really going on and clear whatever trigger is happening
that's making you just, like, drop it. You know? Like, it's
okay. This is normal. So it's really helpful to
work on your stuff. Yeah. So
how do you handle setbacks or moments when you
(43:54):
feel stagnant in your own life?
Yeah. I it's a one really important thing. Again, we talked about
procrastination. If I'm feeling stagnant in a certain area, I'll
immediately ask that question, like, what have I really been focused on that's
important to me, and where have I had a lot of movement? Because I wanna
see the balance in my life first. And I'll look, and I'll be like, oh,
(44:14):
I actually have been really hyper focused on that. I could see why
I've made incredible process progress here, and this is a little slower.
And then I actually ask myself the question, do you wanna put more progress
there? Are you happy where you're at? Right? It's a really
it's an opportunity to have a real internal reflection. If I wanna put
more progress into that area, then the next question is is why am I
(44:37):
stuck? Like, what are my gaps? What what part of the process am
I actually stuck in? And is it knowledge gap? Is it a
people gap? Right? Could I use some help or assistance there? Like, what's
the actual gap? Is it an internal gap? Like, am I having, like,
misperceptions? Am I shoulding myself? Do I have comparisons? Do
I have fears? Right? So it's like, is it internal? Is it external?
(45:00):
If it's external, what is it? If it's internal, what is it? And then
the ultimate question, is that something I can handle on my own, or is that
someone I'm gonna bring in to assist me? Right? And then it's like, assist
who which member of the team? Right? Which member of Carly's team is
she gonna, like, pull in? And I'll usually think of someone really quickly. And it's
become a habit. Right? It's just become a habit to just start
(45:22):
really getting more clear on how to ask those questions, and it's very
helpful. It's not to say, again, you won't get emotional because sometimes I'm emotional about
it, and I'll be thinking about all this and I'm crying. Right? Because I'm human.
I That's cool. But I don't get stuck in it,
and I don't stay in it, and it doesn't own me anymore. That's
the important thing is when you start to shift it from, like, I'm
(45:44):
stuck, It's gonna own me, and I'm just gonna stay here to I'm
stuck internal, external. What is it internal? What is an external?
Where's the team member? If I don't have the team member, how do I find
the team member? Someone knows that team member. Right? Like, whatever that may be.
I call them my team. Right? But, you know, the team could be I go
to the grocery store that day. Who knows what my problem is? Right? So it's
(46:04):
like, what is that team member? It could be a book. Like, what is that
individual, that person, that thing, that business, that entity that I could actually
go out and get the assistance from if necessary? And then all of a sudden
you go from it it's like you're still stuck, but you have a
plan. And the second that you have a plan, guess what? You don't
feel stuck anymore. You don't feel stuck. And as you move through that
(46:25):
plan, if you get stuck again, it's like, oh, I got stuck right here.
This is where I had, like I just got a little bit stuck. Alright. Where
can I grease the wheel here? Like, why did it get stuck? You know? And
then you just go through the process again, and that's life. And you just keep
moving forward. Somewhere along the lines, we got it in our head that we're not,
like, supposed to be stuck. And so then people get stuck, and they're like, I'm
(46:45):
stuck. I can't do anything about it. And I'm like, no. This is totally
normal. Like, let's talk about it. So
fun. So if you could share one piece of advice for
someone struggling to live authentically, what would it
be? Yeah. So definitely find
out who you're comparing yourself to. Right? Find out
(47:09):
where, your guilts and shames are. You
know you know, it was interesting. We were just working with an individual,
and they were not being authentic because they felt
guilty for how they were behaving with their husband when they got got
frustrated. Right? And and by the way, it's super cute couple. Adorable.
But whenever this individual got frustrated, they were just upset and frustrated
(47:31):
with how they acted and responded. And as a result, they weren't being
authentic. And when we cleared the guilt and shame, guess what they did? They were
like, I know sometimes it's hard for you, but, man, I just
cannot be authentic anymore. They had that conversation, and they were crying
with their husband. And it was like, yes. So that's part of it.
It's like, see where you feel uncomfortable being authentic and why. And
(47:53):
it's usually because you perceive that when you're authentic, you have more
drawbacks stacked to it. There's more negative associations than positive.
Right? And so it's kind of clearing and balancing that out so that you can
give yourself permission to go out there and be yourself, be
authentic. And it's gonna be challenging. Also, cut the
unrealistic expectations. Not everyone will like you. In fact, the more
(48:15):
authentic you get, the more people will absolutely despise you
because you're like the antiparticle to what they like, and that's okay.
There's 8,000,000,000 people on the planet if, you know, expect to
be disliked by at least half of them. You know? It's like
and that's okay. Like, that's okay. Those are the people that you wouldn't enjoy
hanging out with anyways because to the degree that, you know, they
(48:37):
don't like you, you probably won't like them. And Yeah. That's
cool. Like, that's normal. So go get out, be
rejected, have fun with it, you know, and, like, understand
that the criticism is is really not that big of a deal. We're all gonna
get criticized. And we get criticized when we get too puffed up.
And when it impacts us, when we get criticism and we feel impacted
(48:59):
by it, you probably were a bit proud in that moment. And so the universe
comes in and humbles you with some criticism. And so that's also
helpful to remember too because when I get criticized and I feel impacted, I'm
like, where was I proud? And that actually happened
to me just yesterday. I was hanging out with family, and I got criticized. And
I felt, like, a little irked, and I was like, where was I proud? And
(49:19):
I was like, oh, super puffed up about that. And I was like, that makes
sense. Right? And I was like, okay. Bring yourself back down.
Humble yourself, and then just reconnect. Right? So it's also to know
that that's gonna occur. It's really it's a it's fun. It's like you get to
play the game of life, literally. It's really inspiring.
So we we've come to the part of the show where, you get the
(49:41):
solo screen and you get to plug away. It's been a pleasure
speaking to you. This has been amazing. Great conversation. So
hear you. Awesome. So, definitely, if you wanna reach out,
you can go to my website, which is westcoastgrowthadvisers.com,
and you can contact me directly there or also connect with me on
LinkedIn or another social media channel.
(50:04):
Awesome. Awesome. Again, this has been a great conversation. But, don't leave
the shit list. Let me close out the show and we'll chat a little bit
off the air. But thank you so much, man. This has been great. I I've
had a great kind of great time talking to you. You've, you shared some
great information and some, I I love this is what I love to do,
to to be able to have these conversations. I learn, my guest
(50:26):
my my audience learns so much as well. So that's
why I love to be able to to do this and and and be able
to share this platform and have amazing people like yourself come on and
share all the wonderful things you're doing. So thank you.
Thank you. I can tell. So thanks for having me.
(50:47):
Alright. Another great episode is in the books.
Thank you to everybody who's tuning in. If you're gonna catch the replay, please hit
that notification bell, share, like. I I greatly
appreciate everybody who's, been with me on these these four
years. I love being able to have these conversations
and and come and and, hopefully, you guys can get something
(51:10):
from it. As always, big shout out to my RealWise
fam, Bobby j, Brandy j. Love you guys. Shout out to the
boss lady. Love you and appreciate everything you do for me.
Big shout out to to Carly Pappin for coming through and and
sharing her her amazing stories and and everything she's
doing. And as always, a big, big shout out to all the essential
(51:32):
workers out there. God bless y'all. Be safe. You know, it's way wise, does
it? Peace
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History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.