Crafting Your Collaring Ceremony: Themes, Rituals, and Celebrations | Submissive Guide

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Receiving your collar is a special occasion for many submissives and slaves. When a collar comes into view, some people want to commemorate that with a ceremony. Let’s discuss collars, their symbolism in D/s and M/s relationships, and how you can build a formal ceremony around declaring your commitment to each other.

Article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/how-to-plan-a-formal-collaring-ceremony 

Resources: 

Expectations of a Collar: How Ready Are You to Accept One?

Here is a list of collaring ceremony stories I found online to get you started in your research to build your ceremony.

• Our Ceremony of Roses, Vow Renewal, and Re-collaring by Mrs Darling
• Our Collaring Ceremony on the space between
• My collaring ceremony script from my polyamorous commitment ceremony on Offbeat Wed
• Planning Our Collaring Ceremony on The Chateau
• Collaring Ceremony and Ceremony of the Roses on House of Dasein
• Ceremony From The Heart: The Collaring Ceremony by Norische

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this month's podcast

(00:03):
from Submissive Guide.
I'm your host, Luna KM.
Today, we're going to talk aboutplanning a formal collaring
ceremony.
This episode is made possible byour Patreon community, the
Submissive Society.
If you'd like early access tothese podcast episodes and get
updates on our future projects,join us at subguide slash

(00:26):
society.
That's S-U-B-G-U-I dot D-E slashsociety.
We'll see you there.
When we talk about callers inBDSM, we often mean the symbol
of a relationship commitmentbetween two people.
When a caller comes into view,some people want to commemorate
that with a ceremony.

(00:48):
Let's talk a bit about callers,their symbolism in DS and MS
relationships, I've coveredcollars many times on Submissive

(01:10):
Guide.
I recommend you readExpectations of a Caller, How
Ready Are You to Accept One?
to explain the types of callersand a submissive's role in
preparing for the commitment.
I'll provide a link in the shownotes for you.
Offering and accepting a calleris a momentous milestone in any

(01:35):
DS relationship.
The declaration of commitmentcan happen anytime, but should
only happen after thenegotiation phase ends.
Some relationships wait to offera collar until their commitment
is intended to be lifelong,which can be at the same time as
an engagement ring or marriage.
Receiving a collar is a specialoccasion for many submissives

(01:59):
and slaves.
It can be an intimate momentbetween the couple in private,
or if the relationship is longdistance, it could be a phone
call or an online chat wheredescriptive text is typed out as
a virtual ceremony.
BDSM is generally practicedintimately, behind closed doors,
so public declarations such ascollaring may not be possible or

(02:21):
desired.
But members of a BDSM communitymay have the means to share
their new commitment withfriends.
For those who can, this timemeans a more public celebration
of their relationship andcommitment to the power
exchange.
While there is no expectation ofa ceremony when a submissive
receives a collar, Some peoplewish to include their family,

(02:43):
natural or chosen, for thisoccasion.
A formal collaring ceremony cameabout because of this need.
There isn't a single, widelyaccepted, formal way to give or
receive a collar.
Celebrations can be formal orinformal.
No matter how the event is held,it should be seen as a somber
event with significance to theBDSM community, as a wedding is

(03:07):
in the vanilla world.
A wedding is a great ceremony,already steeped in tradition,
personal customization, culturalvariety, and a somber
declaration of commitment.
After all, you are committingyourself to someone in a very
special and often permanent way.
Why not use an existing ceremonyand customize it for your needs?

(03:29):
Let's look at planning acollaring using a wedding as a
template.
Theme All great events startwith a theme.
Decorations with a color schemeare lovely, but if you want to
go further, you could make thetheme more than the colors, like
mystical fairies, nature,steampunk, historical, or

(03:50):
traditional.
If you want darker, you could doleather, rope, chains, and whips
for that appropriatelyinappropriate theme.
Knowing your ceremony's themecan help you create a cohesive
event from the invitations tothe attire, food, and
entertainment.
There are hundreds of resourcesonline and in bridal magazines

(04:12):
to help you create the perfecttheme for your event.
Guests.
Coloring ceremonies aretypically smaller because of how
many people may know yourlifestyle choice.
That's okay.
An intimate feel may be justwhat you're looking for.
If you are active in the localBDSM community, you may have a
larger group of people you wantto witness the event.

(04:35):
I'd like to warn you againstincluding vanilla friends and
family unless you want to tellthem precisely what you're doing
and potentially have a wholecoming out conversation.
Location.
Places to hold a collaring varyon preference.
I've seen them held in publicdungeons, private homes, and
outdoors.

(04:56):
It's really up to you and theatmosphere you want to have.
Hosting them in your home isintimate and low budget.
A yard or a garden could be alovely place, weather
permitting.
Check the policies beforehand ifyou are holding it in a public
or semi-public place.
Discuss your plans with theevent manager and be honest

(05:16):
about what you're looking forregarding ceremony and ritual.
Some places might have specifictimes or days of the week for
alternative lifestyle displays.
Even the most lifestyle-friendlyplaces may have rules
surrounding public nudity orBDSM activities.
I recommend you send invitationsand give people time to respond

(05:39):
and book time off.
You can certainly use weddinginvitations as a base for what
to say.
Take this text for example.
Because you have shared in ourlives by your friendship and
love, we, dominant andsubmissive, invite you to share
the beginning of our new lifetogether when a caller is given.

(06:00):
You can word the invitation inmany ways, and I recommend you
use a web search to find thewording that will work best for
your situation.
Invitations are a great way toconvey the theme, if your guests
have the option to dress incostume or specialty wear and
what they may expect to be apart of.
Remember that everyone needs toconsent to things that would be

(06:21):
considered unacceptable invanilla public.
Be clear if nudity is going tobe present or if symbolic BDSM
play will take place.
Attire.
The ceremony's centerpiece isthe ring, in this case, the
collar.
Most couples want a brand newcollar that the submissive can
wear publicly and privately.

(06:41):
If the submissive already has acollar, an upgrade may be
desired.
Not all collars go around theneck.
Locking bracelets, cuffs, rings,belly chains, or some form of
body modification are alsooptions.
Like a wedding, you will want todetermine what everyone involved
will wear.

(07:01):
You don't need to limit yourselfto rented tuxes and white
dresses.
Keep the theme in mind.
Some ceremonies call forcostumes or BDSM wear.
I've heard many variations forthe submissive, from a costume,
simple wedding dress or suit, toa gauze nightgown, a g-string,
or nothing at all.

(07:22):
Dominants are likely to be fullydressed no matter what, but the
options are still open.
Full leathers, costumes,tuxedos, kilts, all in black,
really whatever conveys theright message about the couple.
It all works based on theatmosphere you want to convey.
Officiant.
The officiant has a place ofhonor at a collaring ceremony.

(07:45):
Some relationships want someoneto help lead them into an
exchange of vows or rituals thatwill seal the ceremony.
Anyone you respect who would bewilling to stand up and guide
the two of you will work.
An officiant is not required ina collaring ceremony since there
is no legal requirements, andsome ceremonies only require the
dominant to lead the vows.

(08:08):
Attendance Unlike a wedding,there is no need for attendance.
You may want someone to help youdress, but in most cases, you
stand alone in front of yourdominant for a collaring.
Words Writing vows can be one ofany ceremony's most challenging
and personal tasks.

(08:29):
Vows can be highly structured orrelaxed and simple.
They could be the declarationportion of the contract you will
sign together to give yourcommitment a sense of
permanence.
BDSM contracts are not legallybinding, but DS couples have
used them with great success toprovide guidelines for the
relationship.
You can say whatever you'd likeat a collaring ceremony.

(08:52):
there are some lovely ideas allover the internet.
I think a common theme is thatthe dominant explains to the
assembled why they have chosenthe submissive today and then
pledges to the submissive tocare for them.
The submissive vows what theyhope to achieve under the collar
and how they feel about therelationship between the
dominant and submissive.
I'm particularly fond of thecall-and-response pledge form,

(09:16):
where the dominant sayssomething the submissive has to
agree to, and the submissiveresponds with, I am yours, or
something similar.
Once the collar is placed andlocked, if it will be locked,
the dominant declares, you aremine.
Let me just say one word, yum.

(09:37):
Ritual Some collaring ceremoniesend with a ritual.
It can be as complex or simpleas you wish.
It could be lighting candles,spreading rose petals, blending
colored sand, hand fasting,using incense to bless the
collar before it's given, aritual BDSM playtime, or the

(10:00):
receipt of a cutting, brand, orpiercing.
It is meant to be short andexpress the intimate moment
between the parties.
Reception The sky is the limitwhen it comes to a reception.
You can host a play party, sitdown dinner, or a full-blown
wedding reception-stylecelebration with dancing, music,

(10:22):
and the works.
A smaller affair has more impactthan a large one, but you may
think otherwise.
In closing, you must sit downand figure out what is important
to you before planning somethingelaborate.
I was delighted with the privateexchange that Nightmare and I
had, and while I can't rememberwhat I was wearing, I remember

(10:45):
the look in his eye when heplaced the collar on me.
And that's the important part,right?
I've really enjoyed talking withyou about collaring ceremonies.
What have you learned from thisepisode?
Tag us in a post on FetLife andlet us know.
We'd like to thank oursubmissive society on Patreon,

(11:07):
who helps us choose the topicswe cover here.
If you'd like to help us pickthe next topic and get exclusive
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