July 3, 2024 • 17 mins
Like the show? Let us know! Comments, suggestions are open.
Let's discuss how to build healthy communication skills in our D/s relationship and what a safe environment for difficult conversations looks like. I’ll give you the tools to develop a report with your partner that is full of trust, shared vulnerability, and compassion. You’ll learn that a safe environment for those challenging talks requires planning and mutual agreements to work as they should.
Resources:
Conversation Starters for Difficult Conversations: https://www.wikihow.com/images/sampledocs/f/Conversation-Starters-for-Difficult-Conversations.pdf
Kink Friendly Therapists:
- Psychology Today - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/sex-positive-kink-allied
- Kink Friendly Therapy - http://kinkfriendlytherapy.com/resources-3/resources/
- Kink Aware Professionals Directory - https://www.kapprofessionals.org/
Domestic Abuse Hotlines:
US: https://www.thehotline.org/
UK: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
EU: https://www.improve-horizon.eu/helplines
🎧 Leave a review or share this episode with someone you care about. Every listen helps more submissives find the tools they need to thrive.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Submissive Guide
podcast, where we help you learnand grow in your submission and
build healthy DS relationships.
I'm your host, Luna KM.
Today, we're going to talk aboutcreating a safe space for those
difficult conversations in DSrelationships.
This episode is made possible byour Patreon community, the
(00:21):
Submissive Society.
If you'd like early access tothese podcast episodes, Vote for
future podcast topics and getupdates and freebies from
Submissive Guide.
Join us at subguide slashsociety.
That's subgui.de slash society.
(00:42):
Good communication is thecornerstone for a great
relationship, whether in adominant submissive dynamic or
not.
When you've been at this for awhile, you don't have to think
much about it because it'salready in place.
But when you are new, how do youset up a trusting environment in
which you can talk and feel safeabout what you have to say?
I've been in bad relationships,and in hindsight, they've failed
(01:06):
because of poor communication inone way or another.
Seriously, though, we learn totalk as babies, but we only
learn to communicate later inlife.
And even those learned skillsmay be terrible.
It's not just our intimaterelationships.
If you've had similarexperiences, going to the store
(01:30):
can leave you feeling likeeveryone is rude, unable to pay
attention or listen, or feelslike they're just shouting at
each other.
Our addiction to smartphonesdoesn't help, especially
texting.
How many times have you had toexplain that your words were not
being interpreted how youintended because when we write
conversations, they aren'tgetting the complete picture?
(01:53):
Let's discuss how to buildhealthy communication skills in
our DS relationships and what asafe environment for difficult
conversations looks like.
I'll give you the tools todevelop a rapport with your
partner that is full of trust,shared vulnerability, and
compassion.
You'll learn that a safeenvironment for those
challenging talks requiresplanning and mutual agreements
(02:15):
to work as they should.
And you thought you just had tosay, we need to talk, right?
Section 1.
What is healthy communication?
Healthy communication relies onverbal and nonverbal
communication to express one'sthoughts, feelings, wants, and
needs in without hateful orundesirable responses that cause
(02:38):
fear or harm.
When practicing healthycommunication, a person can
convey their message clearlywhile listening to help the
other person feel heard andunderstood.
Some of the characteristics ofhealthy communication in DS
relationships include activelistening, maintaining a
conversational tone, keepingbody language respectful,
(03:00):
engaged, and open, being willingto acknowledge when you've been
wrong, using I statementsinstead of assigning blame,
making eye contact, usingappropriate language for the
situation, having a willingnessto compromise, giving positive
feedback and showingappreciation, and avoiding
(03:23):
universal statements like youalways or I never.
We all have different styles ofcommunication.
Some of us are detailed andfocus on facts.
Others prefer painting a prettypicture and using descriptive
language.
You may be adept at finding thecorrect language to address what
needs to be covered, or you mayneed help to express yourself
(03:47):
accurately.
Do you see yourself in any ofthese styles?
The styles get more challengingto adhere to and can change when
the discussion is difficult oremotional, so having a safe
environment for theseconversations is paramount.
Using good communication skillsin DS relationships is
productive.
(04:08):
By practicing and recognizinghealthy communication with
others, you will solve morerelationship problems.
Section 2.
Why good communication skillsare important in power exchange
relationships.
When discussing communicationskills in DS relationships, they
are often held in higher esteemthan traditional relationships.
(04:32):
That's for good reason.
A lot of what we do in kinky orpower exchange relationships
requires that we are far moreopen with our thoughts and
feelings.
Being more transparent helps therelationship build trust and
empowers both partners to feelconfident in their roles, the
activities they enjoy, andstrengthens the relationship as
a whole.
(04:53):
Good communication skills bringan understanding of each other
through expressing thoughts,feelings, and viewpoints.
This mutual understanding isvaluable to providing for each
other's needs and desires.
Open and honest communicationfosters trust, and trust deepens
when people feel that they canexpress themselves without
judgment.
And if you can show activelistening and respect for the
(05:15):
other person's viewpoints, youenhance mutual appreciation and
respect.
Healthy communication in DSrelationships also helps with
problem solving.
This isn't just about negativeissues, but also when some new
idea or activity comes up.
You can solve all the safetychallenges, ensuring the
enjoyment is mutual andrespecting each other's role.
(05:36):
It promotes an emotionalconnection and intimacy that
many relationships thrive in,and the stronger the bonds, the
more intense the power exchange.
Please note, if your partnerhabitually reacts to the
slightest hint of criticism fromyou by screaming and yelling at
you for hours, or by threateningphysical harm to you or
(05:58):
themselves, or by punishing youwith withdrawal or silence for
days or even longer.
That's not normal.
You didn't cause it, and youdon't deserve it no matter what
they tell you.
That's an emotionally abusiverelationship.
You are worth more than that.
Please find a way out.
(06:19):
You can only have a good DSrelationship with healthy
communication and an open, safeplace to communicate.
I'm going to provide a fewdomestic abuse hotlines in the
show notes.
Please seek help.
Section 3.
Build the perfect safe space fortough conversations.
(06:39):
Developing a safe environmentwhere your thoughts and feelings
can be protected takes time.
You can't expect to have one assoon as the relationship is
created, and unsafe spaces makepeople feel insignificant and
indifferent.
You could even feel apathetic orquietly resentful.
However, having a safe, trustingenvironment that fosters open
(07:00):
sharing is like a goldmine in arelationship.
I recommend that you don't havetalks like this immediately
before or after sex or play, inthe bedroom or playroom, and not
while nude.
You need to place yourself onequal footing in this safe
environment, so do this whiledressed and free of extra stress
or distraction.
(07:21):
To build a safe environment, youwill need to create emotional
safety.
Emotional safety is thatvisceral feeling that in this
moment with this person, youdon't have to feel scared to be
you.
You should be able to allowyourself to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability can easily makeyou feel unsafe, so setting up a
(07:42):
safe space can make thatvulnerability easier for
everyone in the conversation.
With vulnerability, havingempathy for the other person can
go a long way in buildingbridges to deepening intimacy
and connection with ourpartners.
Safe spaces invite varyingviewpoints and foster respect
for them.
You're less hesitant tovolunteer your thoughts if you
(08:04):
feel what you share will beheard and appreciated.
You're more likely to open upwhen you are non-judgmental
while active listening.
In this environment, you canraise points for discussion
without being shouted down orvictimized for thoughts,
feelings, or needs.
It's also important toacknowledge the possible
discomfort participants mayexperience and reassure them
(08:25):
that their feelings are validand the discussion is valuable.
When you develop a supportingenvironment, you and your
partner feel heard, listened to,and allowed to express your
thoughts and feelings fully.
This is especially valuable whenthe conversation is difficult,
uncomfortable, or stressful.
So one of the best things youcan do to encourage these kinds
(08:45):
of conversations is to supportand accept that each other's
viewpoint is valid for them andthat the feelings are their
feelings, even if they differfrom yours.
Then, active listeningdemonstrates acceptance and
understanding of the speakerwithout interruptions.
When there's a natural pause,you can ask questions to gain
clarity.
(09:06):
but make sure they aren'tdefensive or defensive.
Remember, these areconversations that neither of
you wanted to have, but you arebraving the waters now.
When preparing for aconversation, have an internal
dialogue with your ego to findmature ways to respond to what
you may hear instead of allowingyour ego to speak for you.
(09:28):
Your ego is a self-preservationtool and often a reactive,
defensive response.
This will start fights, thatmight feel petty or stuck in
circles of self-validation.
This is not a healthy mechanismfor building the safe
environment you need.
You don't want to removeemotion, but learn to manage
your feelings so that you canstill communicate effectively.
(09:50):
It's about not reactingemotionally, but being more
responsible with your emotionsto handle difficult situations.
Sometimes things feel hard toexpress because you are
submissive and they are dominantand you might hesitate to talk
about them.
In those instances, suspendingthe dominant and submissive
roles might be best and thendeciding to come together as
(10:13):
equals.
When you need to talk, using atalk totem is recommended.
A talk totem can be a physicalobject or even a code word as
long as everyone in therelationship understands its
special meaning.
There are examples ofrelationships using talking
sticks or small pillows.
When they are passed to someone,it's their turn to talk and all
(10:34):
attention should be on them.
This totem silences all othersin the conversation and actively
engages the person with thetotem.
Treating the totem as thespecial object and suspending
roles helps create an atmospherethat feels safer for the
submissive and will likely allowyou to express what you need to
without fear of repercussions orthe hesitations of being in the
(10:57):
role.
Another idea is to develop aritual before the talk starts to
help affirm that roles have beendropped for the talk.
It could be something as simpleas a call and response phrase
before the conversation, likethese.
We are now equals for as long asthis conversation lasts and I
agree to listen without judgmentand speak from the heart.
(11:20):
Or, I honor this space and agreeto listen without judgment and
speak from the heart.
Utilizing any of these toolswill give you a safe space to
share anything difficult andnecessary for the growth of the
relationship and its dynamics.
So take time creating emotionalsafety, respect, a supportive
environment, and maybe a talktotem so your more challenging
(11:42):
conversations feel relaxed andopen.
Section four, having the talk.
Now that you've developed a safeenvironment within the dynamic,
it's time to prepare for theactual conversation.
Let's explore the steps toinitiating a discussion using
the infrastructure we've built.
(12:03):
Number one, know what you'regoing to say.
If you are the one to request atime to talk, you need to think
about what needs to be said.
Have your topic and points inmind.
Nothing can derail a talk fasterthan not having your words
together and being ready toshare them.
If you need to write yourthoughts down, then do it.
(12:23):
There's nothing wrong withtalking from notes so that
everything you need to say getssaid.
Number two, set up a date.
Tell your partner that you wouldlike to request some time to
talk.
Do it as respectfully aspossible and wait until the
appropriate time to gain theirfull attention.
Set a date for it.
This way, they will know youmean business and that what you
(12:47):
have to say is important.
Several couples I'm friends withhave a weekly check-in for this
purpose.
It works because that time hasbeen set aside for safe talk.
Number three, removedistractions.
The location you choose to talkin is just as important as the
talk itself.
(13:07):
Don't talk in public.
It's not appropriate for datenight conversation or curled up
in bed.
You should turn off all musicand television, silence your
phones, and send the kidsoutside or bring them to a
sitter.
Try to avoid doing this wheneither of you is exceptionally
stressed.
Try your best not to attack theother person.
(13:32):
One way to do this is to startyour feeling sentences with I
feel.
So, for example, instead ofsaying you make me angry when
you do something, you can say Ifeel upset when you do
something.
This turns an accusation into anexplanation of feelings.
(13:54):
Number five, be honest.
We discussed this earlier, butit's important to remind
yourself in power exchangerelationships that honesty is
the best, even if it's painful.
Lying always leads to badthings.
6.
Close the talk in a healthy wayWhen you have a difficult
(14:16):
conversation or talk aboutsomething that may feel tense
and uncomfortable, ending theconversation can also feel
challenging.
These conversations can betricky because people
immediately jump to problemsolving, even though the person
speaking may not be looking tosolve their problem.
They may just need someone tolisten.
So how do you end a difficultconversation without offering to
(14:39):
solve a problem you can'tnecessarily solve?
Here are a few phrases.
You've given me a lot to thinkabout.
I would like to take some timeto consider what you said.
I'd like to take a break andreturn to this in a few hours
(15:02):
after we've both had time tothink.
I'm not prepared to discuss thisany longer.
Let's take a break so I cancollect my thoughts.
If the conversation has reacheda decent conclusion, thank your
partner for listening to you.
You can then summarize whatyou've discussed and decide or
arrange a new time to continueworking on the topic.
(15:23):
If a follow-up is necessary,stick to it.
Keep the communication linesopen and ensure you can resolve
the discussion to satisfyeveryone.
Section 5.
If these steps don't work.
There's nothing wrong withgetting help when you need it.
Sometimes it's hard for twopeople to overcome conflict
(15:43):
together.
especially if your communicationstyles differ or you never
learned good communicationskills.
Try meeting with a couplestherapist who can mediate your
tough conversations.
They'll also help the two of youdiscover new ways to talk to
each other so you can have moreproductive discussions in the
future.
You can find kink-friendly andalternative relationship
(16:04):
therapists in a variety ofplaces.
I'll include a few directoriesin the show notes.
In conclusion...
Good communication is essentialfor a dominant and submissive
dynamic where trust,vulnerability, and mutual
understanding are key.
Remember, creating a safe spacefor an open dialogue takes time
and effort, but it is thefoundation for a healthy and
(16:27):
thriving relationship.
Whether new to DS Dynamics orexperienced, continuously
working on your communicationskills will deepen your
connection and enhance yourpower exchange.
If challenges persist, seekingthe guidance of a kink-friendly
therapist can provide additionalsupport and strategies for
improving your communication.
Ultimately, the goal is to builda relationship where both
(16:50):
partners feel safe, respected,and able to express themselves
fully.
Thank you for listening to ourpodcast.
We hope you learned how tocreate a safe environment for
difficult conversations in yourown DS dynamic.
We would love to hear whatyou've learned from this
podcast.
Mention at submissiveguide onFetLife and let us know.
(17:10):
Before we go, we'd like to thankour submissive society on
Patreon who chose today's topic.
If you'd like to help us pickthe next podcast topic and get
exclusive rewards, join us.
Did you know you can join thesubmissive society for free
right now?
You'll get all of my publicposts sent to your home feed and
your email if you opt in,including the special event
(17:33):
announcements.
To join for free, go to my page,click the three dots in the
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Of course, if you want theexclusive content I just
mentioned, you'll need to becomea paid member.
Head over to subguide slashsociety and explore those
membership options.
That's subgui.de slash society.
(17:56):
I hope to see you there.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Submissive Guide
podcast, where we help you learnand grow in your submission and
build healthy DS relationships.
I'm your host, Luna KM.
Today, we're going to talk aboutcreating a safe space for those
difficult conversations in DSrelationships.
This episode is made possible byour Patreon community, the
(00:21):
Submissive Society.
If you'd like early access tothese podcast episodes, Vote for
future podcast topics and getupdates and freebies from
Submissive Guide.
Join us at subguide slashsociety.
That's subgui.de slash society.
(00:42):
Good communication is thecornerstone for a great
relationship, whether in adominant submissive dynamic or
not.
When you've been at this for awhile, you don't have to think
much about it because it'salready in place.
But when you are new, how do youset up a trusting environment in
which you can talk and feel safeabout what you have to say?
I've been in bad relationships,and in hindsight, they've failed
(01:06):
because of poor communication inone way or another.
Seriously, though, we learn totalk as babies, but we only
learn to communicate later inlife.
And even those learned skillsmay be terrible.
It's not just our intimaterelationships.
If you've had similarexperiences, going to the store
(01:30):
can leave you feeling likeeveryone is rude, unable to pay
attention or listen, or feelslike they're just shouting at
each other.
Our addiction to smartphonesdoesn't help, especially
texting.
How many times have you had toexplain that your words were not
being interpreted how youintended because when we write
conversations, they aren'tgetting the complete picture?
(01:53):
Let's discuss how to buildhealthy communication skills in
our DS relationships and what asafe environment for difficult
conversations looks like.
I'll give you the tools todevelop a rapport with your
partner that is full of trust,shared vulnerability, and
compassion.
You'll learn that a safeenvironment for those
challenging talks requiresplanning and mutual agreements
(02:15):
to work as they should.
And you thought you just had tosay, we need to talk, right?
Section 1.
What is healthy communication?
Healthy communication relies onverbal and nonverbal
communication to express one'sthoughts, feelings, wants, and
needs in without hateful orundesirable responses that cause
(02:38):
fear or harm.
When practicing healthycommunication, a person can
convey their message clearlywhile listening to help the
other person feel heard andunderstood.
Some of the characteristics ofhealthy communication in DS
relationships include activelistening, maintaining a
conversational tone, keepingbody language respectful,
(03:00):
engaged, and open, being willingto acknowledge when you've been
wrong, using I statementsinstead of assigning blame,
making eye contact, usingappropriate language for the
situation, having a willingnessto compromise, giving positive
feedback and showingappreciation, and avoiding
(03:23):
universal statements like youalways or I never.
We all have different styles ofcommunication.
Some of us are detailed andfocus on facts.
Others prefer painting a prettypicture and using descriptive
language.
You may be adept at finding thecorrect language to address what
needs to be covered, or you mayneed help to express yourself
(03:47):
accurately.
Do you see yourself in any ofthese styles?
The styles get more challengingto adhere to and can change when
the discussion is difficult oremotional, so having a safe
environment for theseconversations is paramount.
Using good communication skillsin DS relationships is
productive.
(04:08):
By practicing and recognizinghealthy communication with
others, you will solve morerelationship problems.
Section 2.
Why good communication skillsare important in power exchange
relationships.
When discussing communicationskills in DS relationships, they
are often held in higher esteemthan traditional relationships.
(04:32):
That's for good reason.
A lot of what we do in kinky orpower exchange relationships
requires that we are far moreopen with our thoughts and
feelings.
Being more transparent helps therelationship build trust and
empowers both partners to feelconfident in their roles, the
activities they enjoy, andstrengthens the relationship as
a whole.
(04:53):
Good communication skills bringan understanding of each other
through expressing thoughts,feelings, and viewpoints.
This mutual understanding isvaluable to providing for each
other's needs and desires.
Open and honest communicationfosters trust, and trust deepens
when people feel that they canexpress themselves without
judgment.
And if you can show activelistening and respect for the
(05:15):
other person's viewpoints, youenhance mutual appreciation and
respect.
Healthy communication in DSrelationships also helps with
problem solving.
This isn't just about negativeissues, but also when some new
idea or activity comes up.
You can solve all the safetychallenges, ensuring the
enjoyment is mutual andrespecting each other's role.
(05:36):
It promotes an emotionalconnection and intimacy that
many relationships thrive in,and the stronger the bonds, the
more intense the power exchange.
Please note, if your partnerhabitually reacts to the
slightest hint of criticism fromyou by screaming and yelling at
you for hours, or by threateningphysical harm to you or
(05:58):
themselves, or by punishing youwith withdrawal or silence for
days or even longer.
That's not normal.
You didn't cause it, and youdon't deserve it no matter what
they tell you.
That's an emotionally abusiverelationship.
You are worth more than that.
Please find a way out.
(06:19):
You can only have a good DSrelationship with healthy
communication and an open, safeplace to communicate.
I'm going to provide a fewdomestic abuse hotlines in the
show notes.
Please seek help.
Section 3.
Build the perfect safe space fortough conversations.
(06:39):
Developing a safe environmentwhere your thoughts and feelings
can be protected takes time.
You can't expect to have one assoon as the relationship is
created, and unsafe spaces makepeople feel insignificant and
indifferent.
You could even feel apathetic orquietly resentful.
However, having a safe, trustingenvironment that fosters open
(07:00):
sharing is like a goldmine in arelationship.
I recommend that you don't havetalks like this immediately
before or after sex or play, inthe bedroom or playroom, and not
while nude.
You need to place yourself onequal footing in this safe
environment, so do this whiledressed and free of extra stress
or distraction.
(07:21):
To build a safe environment, youwill need to create emotional
safety.
Emotional safety is thatvisceral feeling that in this
moment with this person, youdon't have to feel scared to be
you.
You should be able to allowyourself to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability can easily makeyou feel unsafe, so setting up a
(07:42):
safe space can make thatvulnerability easier for
everyone in the conversation.
With vulnerability, havingempathy for the other person can
go a long way in buildingbridges to deepening intimacy
and connection with ourpartners.
Safe spaces invite varyingviewpoints and foster respect
for them.
You're less hesitant tovolunteer your thoughts if you
(08:04):
feel what you share will beheard and appreciated.
You're more likely to open upwhen you are non-judgmental
while active listening.
In this environment, you canraise points for discussion
without being shouted down orvictimized for thoughts,
feelings, or needs.
It's also important toacknowledge the possible
discomfort participants mayexperience and reassure them
(08:25):
that their feelings are validand the discussion is valuable.
When you develop a supportingenvironment, you and your
partner feel heard, listened to,and allowed to express your
thoughts and feelings fully.
This is especially valuable whenthe conversation is difficult,
uncomfortable, or stressful.
So one of the best things youcan do to encourage these kinds
(08:45):
of conversations is to supportand accept that each other's
viewpoint is valid for them andthat the feelings are their
feelings, even if they differfrom yours.
Then, active listeningdemonstrates acceptance and
understanding of the speakerwithout interruptions.
When there's a natural pause,you can ask questions to gain
clarity.
(09:06):
but make sure they aren'tdefensive or defensive.
Remember, these areconversations that neither of
you wanted to have, but you arebraving the waters now.
When preparing for aconversation, have an internal
dialogue with your ego to findmature ways to respond to what
you may hear instead of allowingyour ego to speak for you.
(09:28):
Your ego is a self-preservationtool and often a reactive,
defensive response.
This will start fights, thatmight feel petty or stuck in
circles of self-validation.
This is not a healthy mechanismfor building the safe
environment you need.
You don't want to removeemotion, but learn to manage
your feelings so that you canstill communicate effectively.
(09:50):
It's about not reactingemotionally, but being more
responsible with your emotionsto handle difficult situations.
Sometimes things feel hard toexpress because you are
submissive and they are dominantand you might hesitate to talk
about them.
In those instances, suspendingthe dominant and submissive
roles might be best and thendeciding to come together as
(10:13):
equals.
When you need to talk, using atalk totem is recommended.
A talk totem can be a physicalobject or even a code word as
long as everyone in therelationship understands its
special meaning.
There are examples ofrelationships using talking
sticks or small pillows.
When they are passed to someone,it's their turn to talk and all
(10:34):
attention should be on them.
This totem silences all othersin the conversation and actively
engages the person with thetotem.
Treating the totem as thespecial object and suspending
roles helps create an atmospherethat feels safer for the
submissive and will likely allowyou to express what you need to
without fear of repercussions orthe hesitations of being in the
(10:57):
role.
Another idea is to develop aritual before the talk starts to
help affirm that roles have beendropped for the talk.
It could be something as simpleas a call and response phrase
before the conversation, likethese.
We are now equals for as long asthis conversation lasts and I
agree to listen without judgmentand speak from the heart.
(11:20):
Or, I honor this space and agreeto listen without judgment and
speak from the heart.
Utilizing any of these toolswill give you a safe space to
share anything difficult andnecessary for the growth of the
relationship and its dynamics.
So take time creating emotionalsafety, respect, a supportive
environment, and maybe a talktotem so your more challenging
(11:42):
conversations feel relaxed andopen.
Section four, having the talk.
Now that you've developed a safeenvironment within the dynamic,
it's time to prepare for theactual conversation.
Let's explore the steps toinitiating a discussion using
the infrastructure we've built.
(12:03):
Number one, know what you'regoing to say.
If you are the one to request atime to talk, you need to think
about what needs to be said.
Have your topic and points inmind.
Nothing can derail a talk fasterthan not having your words
together and being ready toshare them.
If you need to write yourthoughts down, then do it.
(12:23):
There's nothing wrong withtalking from notes so that
everything you need to say getssaid.
Number two, set up a date.
Tell your partner that you wouldlike to request some time to
talk.
Do it as respectfully aspossible and wait until the
appropriate time to gain theirfull attention.
Set a date for it.
This way, they will know youmean business and that what you
(12:47):
have to say is important.
Several couples I'm friends withhave a weekly check-in for this
purpose.
It works because that time hasbeen set aside for safe talk.
Number three, removedistractions.
The location you choose to talkin is just as important as the
talk itself.
(13:07):
Don't talk in public.
It's not appropriate for datenight conversation or curled up
in bed.
You should turn off all musicand television, silence your
phones, and send the kidsoutside or bring them to a
sitter.
Try to avoid doing this wheneither of you is exceptionally
stressed.
Try your best not to attack theother person.
(13:32):
One way to do this is to startyour feeling sentences with I
feel.
So, for example, instead ofsaying you make me angry when
you do something, you can say Ifeel upset when you do
something.
This turns an accusation into anexplanation of feelings.
(13:54):
Number five, be honest.
We discussed this earlier, butit's important to remind
yourself in power exchangerelationships that honesty is
the best, even if it's painful.
Lying always leads to badthings.
6.
Close the talk in a healthy wayWhen you have a difficult
(14:16):
conversation or talk aboutsomething that may feel tense
and uncomfortable, ending theconversation can also feel
challenging.
These conversations can betricky because people
immediately jump to problemsolving, even though the person
speaking may not be looking tosolve their problem.
They may just need someone tolisten.
So how do you end a difficultconversation without offering to
(14:39):
solve a problem you can'tnecessarily solve?
Here are a few phrases.
You've given me a lot to thinkabout.
I would like to take some timeto consider what you said.
I'd like to take a break andreturn to this in a few hours
(15:02):
after we've both had time tothink.
I'm not prepared to discuss thisany longer.
Let's take a break so I cancollect my thoughts.
If the conversation has reacheda decent conclusion, thank your
partner for listening to you.
You can then summarize whatyou've discussed and decide or
arrange a new time to continueworking on the topic.
(15:23):
If a follow-up is necessary,stick to it.
Keep the communication linesopen and ensure you can resolve
the discussion to satisfyeveryone.
Section 5.
If these steps don't work.
There's nothing wrong withgetting help when you need it.
Sometimes it's hard for twopeople to overcome conflict
(15:43):
together.
especially if your communicationstyles differ or you never
learned good communicationskills.
Try meeting with a couplestherapist who can mediate your
tough conversations.
They'll also help the two of youdiscover new ways to talk to
each other so you can have moreproductive discussions in the
future.
You can find kink-friendly andalternative relationship
(16:04):
therapists in a variety ofplaces.
I'll include a few directoriesin the show notes.
In conclusion...
Good communication is essentialfor a dominant and submissive
dynamic where trust,vulnerability, and mutual
understanding are key.
Remember, creating a safe spacefor an open dialogue takes time
and effort, but it is thefoundation for a healthy and
(16:27):
thriving relationship.
Whether new to DS Dynamics orexperienced, continuously
working on your communicationskills will deepen your
connection and enhance yourpower exchange.
If challenges persist, seekingthe guidance of a kink-friendly
therapist can provide additionalsupport and strategies for
improving your communication.
Ultimately, the goal is to builda relationship where both
(16:50):
partners feel safe, respected,and able to express themselves
fully.
Thank you for listening to ourpodcast.
We hope you learned how tocreate a safe environment for
difficult conversations in yourown DS dynamic.
We would love to hear whatyou've learned from this
podcast.
Mention at submissiveguide onFetLife and let us know.
(17:10):
Before we go, we'd like to thankour submissive society on
Patreon who chose today's topic.
If you'd like to help us pickthe next podcast topic and get
exclusive rewards, join us.
Did you know you can join thesubmissive society for free
right now?
You'll get all of my publicposts sent to your home feed and
your email if you opt in,including the special event
(17:33):
announcements.
To join for free, go to my page,click the three dots in the
upper right under the banner andselect join for free.
Of course, if you want theexclusive content I just
mentioned, you'll need to becomea paid member.
Head over to subguide slashsociety and explore those
membership options.
That's subgui.de slash society.
(17:56):
I hope to see you there.
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