Expectations of a Collar: How Ready Are You to Accept One? | Submissive Guide

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Wearing a Dominant’s collar is often a goal of any submissive in a D/s relationship. However, defining what a collar is and how you prepare to accept it can be daunting. Let’s tackle the important points about collars and if you are prepared for what a collar may mean for you and your relationship.

Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/expectations-of-a-collar-how-ready-are-you-to-accept-one

Here are a few more posts on collars you might find interesting:

• A Complete Guide to BDSM Collars
• The Role of the Collar in a Long Distance Relationship by kallista
• The Impact of Velcro Collars on the Symbolism and Value of Collars in D/s Relationships
• What Is a Collar in a D/s Relationship?
• What it Means to be Collared by LadySneak
• How to Plan a Formal Collaring Ceremony

Tiered Collar System:

• Collar of Consideration
• Training Collar
• Formal Collar

Series on Limits on Submissive Guide

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this month's podcast
from Submissive Guide.
I'm your host, Luna KM.
Today, we will talk aboutcallers in DS relationships and
how to prepare to accept one.
This episode is made possible bythe Submissive Society on
Patreon.
If you'd like early access topodcast episodes, receive free

(00:23):
educational resources, access toprivate Discord channels, and
get updates on our futureprojects, join us at subguide
slash society.
That's S-U-B-G-U-I dot D-E slashsociety.
A dominance caller is often agoal of any submissive NDS

(00:47):
relationship.
Defining what a caller is andhow you prepare to accept it can
be daunting.
For many, the weight of thedecision is like accepting a
marriage proposal and shouldtake a lot of thought and
emotional preparation.
So today, let's tackle theimportant points about callers
and if you are prepared for whata caller may mean for you and

(01:09):
your relationship.
First, let's clarify what acaller is in a DS relationship.
A caller is a physical sign ofcommitment that the submissive
wears to indicate they are in apower exchange relationship with
their dominant.
But that's not the only thing acaller can mean.
For some, it is a signal forsexy playtime.

(01:33):
A collar can also be a fashionsymbol, a comfort tool for
single submissives, or adesignation of your role in
BDSM.
Since BDSM is such an individualexperience, there is no one
correct way to define a collar.
Some dynamics use tieredcollaring systems, such that you

(01:55):
start in a novice collar oranother consideration collar and
progress through severaltraining collars as you grow in
the relationship.
I have no experience with thetiered collar system, so I'll
provide some links in the shownotes to help you understand it
better.
Still, it's an option toconsider and might be more
practical for types of DSdynamics that are high protocol

(02:18):
or more formal.
An easy and convenient analogyis to compare a BDSM collar to
an engagement or wedding ring.
A collar is the outward symbolof a DS relationship, just like
a wedding ring signals theperson wearing it is taken.
Like a ring, a collar oftenmeans a commitment is in place.

(02:40):
This commitment can be for ascene, a weekend, a contractual
period of time, the duration ofa relationship, or a lifetime.
Traditionally, the callerbelongs to the dominant and
remains in their possession eventhough the chosen submissive
wears it.
If the relationship ends, thecaller should return to the

(03:01):
dominant.
Remember, a caller signifies acommitted DS relationship, but
it's not required.
It's like deciding whether toget married or wear a wedding
band.
A committed relationship doesnot have to use symbols to
express them outwardly.
So you should never feelpressured to accept a collar if

(03:21):
the idea of one does not suityou.
What does a collar mean to you?
When first learning aboutcollars, you should decide what
they mean to you and yourcurrent or future relationships.
It's an important decision thatI recommend you make while still
single.
Here are some questions to helpyou decide what a collar means,

(03:43):
and these are all assuming youwant to be collared.
1.
Do you like symbols ofcommitment such as jewelry,
contracts, or ceremonies?
2.
What is your gut feeling aboutcollars?
3.
How far into a relationshipwould you feel comfortable

(04:04):
considering a collar?
4.
What level of commitment do yourequire to accept one?
5.
Do you want to have differenttiers of callers to signify
different stages of therelationship?
Number six, what must you knowabout your partner before you

(04:24):
feel comfortable with acommitment?
Number seven, do you have anylimitations on the type of
caller you would accept?
Read about callers from varioussources.
Understand their importance foryou if there is one at all.
Discuss them with otherdominants and submissives on

(04:45):
FetLife.com or our Discordserver.
This way, you'll be one stepahead when entering a
relationship.
Once in a relationship, askingyour partner what a collar means
to them during the negotiationphase is a good idea.
You need to agree on its meaningbefore you accept one, so that
the value and weight of it arethe same for both of you.

(05:08):
It would be confusing if yourdominant considered it a play
tool and you considered it alifetime commitment symbol.
So get that straight up front.
Section one, preparing for acaller.
Once in a relationship andthrough the negotiation phase,
the relationship work can begin.

(05:31):
Don't go looking for or accept acaller too soon.
I personally don't think adominant should give a caller at
the start of a relationship.
Learn and grow with each other,enjoy dating, and prioritize
your relationship.
A more profound commitment willhappen in time, and soon,
considering a caller will feellike a natural next step.

(05:54):
Again, comparing being in acommitted relationship and
getting engaged is the nextlogical step.
How do you know when it's a goodtime?
Knowing the person intimately,loving them, feeling connected
to them, and being invested intheir life is a good start.
It may be an excellent time todiscuss a caller if you feel

(06:15):
comfortable sharing your wholelife with them and trusting them
with your struggles andfantasies without fear of
judgment.
A strong relationship brings outthe best in people, and you
begin to dream about a long-termfuture with them.
But as a submissive, you must beequally aware of yourself before
entering into a collar.

(06:38):
First, know your limits.
Before accepting a collar, it'simportant to communicate clearly
and openly with your partnerabout your boundaries and
limits.
Discuss what you areuncomfortable with and ensure
your partner respects them.
I'll provide a link in the shownotes where you can learn about
your limits on Submissive Guide.

(06:58):
Then, know yourresponsibilities.
As a submissive, you may take onspecific responsibilities within
the relationship.
It's important to understandthese responsibilities and make
sure you are comfortable withthem before accepting a caller.
Take note of what rules yourpartner wishes you to follow,
the behaviors and attitudes theyexpect, and anything else you

(07:20):
are responsible for.
Your role and responsibilitiesin the relationship should be
clear and work well for yourdesired relationship style.
Also, know your partner.
The more you know about yourpartner, the stronger the
relationship foundation will be.
A BDSM relationship requires ahigh level of trust and

(07:42):
communication, and you shouldonly enter into such a
relationship with someone youtrust and feel safe with.
Knowing that your partner hasyour back, and will be there
through thick and thin is a goodsign you are ready for a collar.
A collar is a huge step, amilestone in your relationship,
and treating it as such can helpyou decide when is the best time

(08:04):
to add it.
So how do you know you're ready?
Once you know what a callermeans to you and you've got
answers to the questions aboutwhether you're committed to your
relationship and your partner istoo, you can nail down if you're
ready for the weight of acaller.
I'm asking you right now if youare prepared for what a caller

(08:28):
entails.
As submissives, our core driveis to submit or surrender.
In a relationship, you buildthat submission into service to
the dominant in ways thatbenefit you.
In a caller, you may be askedjust how far you are willing to
go.
If you do not feel completelycompelled to do as they say or

(08:48):
feel yourself questioning orchallenging them, you may not be
ready for a caller with thisperson.
You'll be committing with somepermanence to the dominant
you're currently submit to.
I encourage all submissives whenthey reach this point in their
relationship to really give itsome thought, to spend some time
looking inward and see ifwearing a collar is in hope of

(09:11):
fixing something, because itwon't, or making you feel more
secure in the relationship,because it shouldn't.
You can't fix a brokenrelationship with a collar and
you should already feel securebefore you accept one.
Section 2.

(09:31):
Asking for a Caller In somesituations, it is appropriate
for the submissive to ask thedominant for a caller.
When you know each other wellenough and are on the same page
regarding what a caller means,you may learn that the dominant
wants the submissive to ask orbeg to be collared by them.
In this situation, thesubmissive is exhibiting a

(09:54):
driving need to be under theperson's care and guidance, and
they wish to live in theirservice.
Like in the vanilla world whereit's rarer for women to propose
to men, submissives asking for acollar is not the norm.
If you are familiar with JohnNorman's Gore series of
20-something books, there aremoments where a woman begs for a

(10:17):
collar.
This series is where I think thewhole idea of begging for a
collar comes from, as well asthe idea of collaring ceremonies
and even fancy submissivepositions.
If you are expected to ask foryour collar, find the words from
your heart.
Make it a pure and genuinerequest.

(10:38):
If you wish, set it up like amarriage proposal.
Declare your devotion.
Share a story of the uniqueconnection the two of you share
and then ask them for thecollar.
Still, the easiest way is justto come out and ask.
Section 3.
Receiving a Collar Receivingyour collar is a special

(11:02):
occasion for many submissivesand slaves.
For some, this time meanscelebrating your relationship
and the commitment that is aboutto happen.
There is no right or wrong wayto receive a collar.
Nightmare preferred to have mekneel in private and put the
collar on.
We gazed into each other's eyesmomentarily and felt immense

(11:25):
emotions.
If you want a ceremony, it canbe formal or informal.
They can be private or in frontof your friends and chosen
family.
A collaring ceremony is anoption for those who wish to
plan a more formal celebration.
I recommend you use a wedding asan example ceremony.

(11:45):
After all, you are committingyourself to someone in a similar
way.
Why not use an existing ceremonyand customize it for your needs?
You can use any parts of it thatyou would like, add ritualistic
moments, and make the event aspersonal as you wish.
Remember, the most importantthing is to prioritize your

(12:06):
well-being and to only enterinto a BDSM relationship if you
feel comfortable, safe, andrespected.
A collar can be an importantstep in your DS relationship,
and hopefully I've helped youlearn what you might expect from
your own dynamic.
Thank you for listening to ourpodcast.
We hope you learned more aboutthe meaning of collars in DS

(12:29):
relationships and how to knowwhen you're ready for that next
step in your dynamic.
We would love to hear whatyou've learned from this
podcast.
Join our Discord server atsubguide slash chat.
That's S-U-B-G-U-I dot D-E slashchat and share it in the
community lounge.
Before we go, we'd like to thankour submissive society on

(12:53):
Patreon.
We'll see you there.