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May 7, 2025 16 mins

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This episode challenges the myth of the “perfect submissive” and explores how chasing flawlessness can lead to burnout, self-doubt, and disconnection. Instead of striving for an impossible ideal, submissives are encouraged to embrace authenticity, growth, and the beauty of their unique journey. Real submission isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, vulnerable, and enough just as you are.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hey there, welcome to the podcast.
I'm Luna, and if we've never metbefore, I'm the creator of
Submissive Guide.
I've spent 16 years writing,teaching, and coaching
submissives, helping people justlike you build confidence,
develop healthy dynamics, andfind fulfillment in their
submission.
I'm so glad you're here.

(00:21):
Today, we're going to talk aboutperfection.
and how constantly seeking anideal can leave you feeling lost
in your submission.
Imagine this, a submissive whoalways knows exactly what their
dominant wants, even before it'sspoken.
Their posture is impeccable andtheir manners are flawless.

(00:45):
They never forget a rule andnever stumble over a task.
Every meal they prepare isperfectly seasoned and every
word they utter is perfectlyplaced.
They radiate calm, collectedgrace, never faltering, never
questioning, never struggling.
They are, in every sense, theembodiment of perfection in

(01:09):
submission.
Imagine being them, the constantvigilance required to anticipate
needs without error.
the crushing weight of living upto impossible standards, the
anxiety that any slip couldspell failure, not just in their
duties, but their value as asubmissive.

(01:30):
Snap back to reality.
The truth is, this image of theperfect submissive does not
exist.
Yet many submissives holdthemselves to this impossible
standard, imagining that if theycould only be flawless, They
would be worthy of theirdominance, love, pride, or
attention.
Worse, this relentless pursuitof perfection often leaves them

(01:55):
drained, disconnected, and lostin self-doubt.
I've seen this time and again.
Submissives pouring their energyinto chasing an ideal that isn't
real.
They compare themselves toothers they perceive as better,
constantly feeling like they'refalling short.
The irony?

(02:15):
most dominants aren't lookingfor perfection at all.
What they value is effort,growth, and above all,
authenticity.
This podcast explores whystriving for perfection as a
submissive can harm your senseof self, your relationship, and
your journey.
Together, we'll uncover thedangers of perfectionism, the

(02:37):
beauty in imperfection, and howto embrace your unique path with
pride.
Because the goal isn't to beperfect.
It's to be the best version ofyou.
Section one, the illusion ofperfection in submission.
Let's get something out of theway right now.

(02:58):
I'm not perfect, not even close.
Even though I've shared myjourney publicly and have years
of experience as a submissive, Istumble, I make mistakes, and I
grow.
And guess what?
That's normal.
that's real, and if you'relistening to this and holding

(03:19):
yourself to some imaginarystandard of the perfect
submissive, it's time we had atalk.
The idea of a perfect submissiveis an illusion, and yet it's one
that so many people chase.
Maybe you've caught yourselfcomparing your submission to
someone else's.
You scroll through social mediaor read blogs thinking, if only

(03:41):
I were as good as them, maybeI'd finally be enough.
Or you see a submissive youadmire and decide, I need to be
just like that.
But here's the truth.
You'll never be like them.
And that's a good thing.
Submission isn't about fittinginto some cookie cutter mold.

(04:02):
It's not about ticking off boxesto achieve an imaginary title.
Your journey is your own, shapedby your personality,
experiences, and the uniquerelationship you share with your
dominant.
What works for someone elsewon't necessarily work for you.
And that's the beauty ofsubmission.
It's as individual as the peopleinvolved.

(04:25):
When you compare yourself toothers, you're not just setting
yourself up for failure, butalso undermining everything you
and your dominant have builttogether.
They chose you for a reason.
They value you for who you are,not how closely you resemble
somebody else's highlight reel.
And let's talk about thosehighlight reels for a moment.

(04:48):
When you see anothersubmissive's life online, you're
only seeing the polishedversion, the moments they're
proud to share.
You're not seeing theirmistakes, their struggles, or
the nights they spent doubtingthemselves just like you might
be now.
Trust me, they're not perfecteither.
None of us are.

(05:08):
So why are you chasing somethingno one has?
Why are you setting yourself onfire to reach a goal that
doesn't even exist?
So stop comparing yourself toothers.
Stop holding yourself toimpossible standards.
Instead, focus on being the bestversion of you because that's

(05:29):
what makes your submissionvaluable.
Doesn't that sound like a bettergoal?
Section two, the psychologicaltoll of perfectionism.
When you're constantly strivingto be a perfect submissive, it's
easy to lose sight of the biggerpicture and yourself in the

(05:50):
process.
When you start believing youaren't good enough, it doesn't
just affect how you seeyourself.
It begins to impact yourrelationships.
You might find yourselfquestioning your value in your
dominant's eyes.
You might wonder, what if I'mnot worthy of their time or
care?
Or what if they're secretlydisappointed in me?

(06:12):
This kind of self-doubt isincredibly damaging, both for
your well-being and to yourdynamic.
You might start pulling away,afraid of letting your dominance
see the parts of you that feelbroken or flawed.
In the worst cases, this cancreate a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
You believe you're not enough,so you close yourself off, and

(06:34):
in doing so, you unintentionallypush them away.
Perfectionism can also breedjealousy and envy, especially
when you're comparing yourselfto others.
Maybe you see another submissiveonline or in your local
community and think, why can't Ibe like that?
Why do they seem to have it alltogether?
Envy is wanting what someoneelse has and jealousy is the

(06:57):
fear of being replaced.
Both can take root when youmeasure yourself against others,
convincing yourself that yourdominant might prefer someone,
quote, better.
The truth is these feelingsoften grow from fantasy.
Most dominants aren't lookingfor someone else.
They're looking at you,appreciating the effort you're

(07:17):
putting into your submission.
But when doubts consume you, youmight not see it.
And if those feelings gounchecked, they can break down
communication, the veryfoundation of a healthy dynamic.
I've spoken with countlesssubmissives who feel trapped in
this cycle of comparison andself-doubt.

(07:38):
They tell me things like, I'llnever be good enough for my
dominant or I'm afraid they'llleave me because I can't get it
right.
They often don't realize thattheir dominants are already
happy with them right here andnow.
The so-called flaws they agonizeover usually aren't even on
their dominance radar.
Here's the hard truth.

(08:00):
Chasing perfection won't bringyou closer to your dominant.
It will only pull you furtheraway from yourself.
The energy you spend trying tomeet an impossible standard is
energy you could use tostrengthen your relationship, to
grow, and to celebrate thethings you're already doing
well.
Take a step back and askyourself, are these fears you've

(08:22):
created in your own mind?
If they are, it's time to letthem go and remind yourself that
you are enough just as you are.
Section three, why perfectrelationships isn't the goal.
Let me tell you something thattook me far too long to

(08:43):
understand.
Submission isn't about beingperfect.
It's about being present.
It's about showing up, givingyour best effort and being
authentic, flaws and all.
Here's the thing.
Perfection is a moving target.
Even if you feel you're gettingcloser, the goalposts will

(09:05):
constantly shift.
You'll find new flaws to fix,new ways to compare yourself to
others, and new reasons to doubtyour worth.
But submission isn't aboutreaching some finish line.
It's about the journey, thegrowth you experience, and the
bond you build with yourdominant along the way.

(09:25):
Dominants don't typically lookfor perfection in their
submissives.
They value effort,communication, and the unique
qualities only you can bring tothe dynamic.
In fact, your so-calledimperfections are often the very
things that make your submissionmeaningful.
Think about it.
When you're vulnerable, when youmake a mistake and own it, when

(09:48):
you work through challengestogether, that's where the real
connection happens.
Have you ever considered howmuch your dominant appreciates
the effort you put intosubmission?
Not the flawless execution, butthe trying.
The willingness to learn, togrow, to face your struggles

(10:08):
head on.
Dominants value that far morethan a submissive who presents a
perfect facade while hidingtheir true self.
I've been there myself, thinkingif I could just be a little
better, a little more polished,then I'd be worthy.
But the truth is, striving forperfection only left me feeling

(10:30):
less connected to myself and tomy dominant.
Only when I let go of thatimpossible ideal did I start to
see what submission was reallyabout.
Trust, communication, andgrowth.
And let's be honest, the pursuitof perfection doesn't leave much
room for growth, does it?

(10:51):
When you're focused on beingflawless, you're not allowing
yourself to stumble, learn, andembrace submission's messy,
imperfect beauty.
Your submission isn't meant tolook like anyone else's.
It's meant to be yours.
Your quirks, your struggles,your victories, they all make
your journey unique.

(11:11):
Isn't that what makes submissionspecial in the first place?
So if you've been chasingperfection, I want to challenge
you to stop.
Instead, start focusing on thepresent.
Ask yourself, what am I proud oftoday?
Where have I grown?
What can I learn from thismoment?

(11:32):
Celebrate the fact that you'retrying.
Celebrate that you're showingup, even when it's hard.
Because of that effort, that'swhat makes you an incredible
submissive, not seekingperfection.
Section four, the beauty ofimperfection.

(11:53):
When you stop chasingperfection, something incredible
happens.
You allow yourself to beperfect.
You create space to appreciatewhere you are right now rather
than constantly wishing you weresomewhere else.
What's the point of striving forperfection if it means you can't

(12:13):
enjoy the present moment?
Submission is a journey, not acompetition.
Every stumble, every misstep,and every small victory are part
of what makes your dynamicuniquely yours.
Here's something I've learned.
When you're honest about yourstruggles, you open the door to

(12:33):
deeper connection.
Instead of hiding yourinsecurities or pretending
everything is fine, share themwith your dominant.
You let them see the real you,imperfections and all.
That's where trust is built.
That's where intimacy deepens.
The detriment to always seekingperfection is that you are never

(12:54):
happy with where you are.
And sometimes...
Where you are is perfect for thesituation or time in the
relationship.
When you're unhappy with yourcurrent place, you lose sight of
the fact that you're alreadysubmitting, learning, and
growing.
You're so focused on thedestination that you miss the
beauty of the journey.

(13:14):
Your dominant isn't expectingyou to be flawless.
They're expecting you to beauthentic.
They chose you for a reason andthat reason isn't your ability
to meet some arbitrary standardof perfection.
It's your willingness to showup, to grow, and to share your
unique self with them.
Every submissive's path isdifferent and that's something

(13:40):
to celebrate.
As a novice submissive, feelingyou will never be as good as
someone else is a silly goal tohave.
My personal choices insubmission and my relationship
style are unique.
The life experiences I've had tolead up to where I am now are
unlike yours.
You will never have arelationship like mine, nor will

(14:00):
you be able to have a submissivejourney like mine.
It's just impossible.
And that's the point.
Your journey isn't meant to looklike anyone else's.
It's meant to look like yours.
The struggles you face, thelessons you learn, the moments
of joy and connection, All ofthese are a part of your story.

(14:21):
When you stop comparing yourselfto others, you free yourself to
focus on what really matters.
The bond you're creating withyour dominant, the growth you're
experiencing, and the pride youcan take in being true to
yourself.
So how do you embrace yourunique journey?
Start by recognizing yourprogress.

(14:41):
Celebrate the small wins.
Remind yourself that growthtakes time and that you don't
have to have it all figured outright now.
Take pride in your efforts andstop comparing yourself to
others.
You are the best you you can beat the moment.
This is your permission to letit go and embrace the perfectly
imperfect person you alreadyare.

(15:02):
You don't have to be perfect tobe enough.
You are enough right now.
Flaws, struggles, and all.
When you embrace your uniquejourney, you open yourself up to
more profound, more meaningfulsubmission.
So take a deep breath.
Let go of the need to beperfect.

(15:25):
Celebrate that you're trying,that you're growing, and that
you're showing up every day asyour best version of yourself,
because that's what truly makesyou a remarkable submissive.
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(15:59):
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(16:20):
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