March 1, 2023 • 14 mins
Like the show? Let us know! Comments, suggestions are open.
I’ve gathered seven of the best books to help you get started on your exploration of BDSM and the submissive role.
Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/fundamentals/articles/recommended-reading-submissives
All links to the book reviews, GoodReads, and Amazon are linked in the above article.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, everybody, and welcome to another
Submissive Guide podcast.
I'm your host, Luna KM.
Today, I will share seven booksI recommend all novice
submissives read to expand theirknowledge of BDSM and
submission.
This episode is made possible byour Patreon community, the
Submissive Society.
(00:20):
We offer tons of perks for aslittle as$5 a month, like
getting early access to thesepodcast episodes and our monthly
book club.
where we talk about BDSM bookslike the ones I'm going to
suggest today.
Come join us at subguide slashsociety.
That's S-U-B-G-U-I dot D-E slashsociety.
(00:42):
I'll put the link in the shownotes for you.
When you're a brand new BDSMsubmissive, it can be hard to
find information to answer themany questions in your mind.
To help you, I've gathered sevenof the best books to help get
you started on your explorationof BDSM and the submissive role.
(01:03):
These books offer a range ofopinions and viewpoints on
topics that are important todevelop your personal journey
into BDSM and the power exchangedynamic.
I recommend the following booklist as a starting point for
every novice submissive.
Section 1 how to strategicallychoose what to read.
(01:25):
There is always a gap betweenwhere you are and where you want
to be.
And learning about kink andpower exchange is no different.
The last thing you want is tolose yourself in the
ever-growing library of books,videos, and resources, all
promising to make you better andunlock your full potential.
(01:46):
To narrow down the list of booksthat will get you to where you
want to be, we have to look attitles with a critical eye.
Before you even open yourbrowser and start typing best
books to read about BDSM, let'stalk about what makes a good
resource because not every bookwill provide you with what you
need to know.
Others are fantastic examples ofhow not to do BDSM safely or
(02:12):
build such a fantasy that it'simpossible to implement into
your own life.
You can find resources on BDSMin any bookstore or online
digital marketplace that sellsbooks, many or even audiobooks.
But again, I don't want you tojust type BDSM books in the
search bar.
That's haphazard and could leadyou down the trail of subpar
(02:34):
books, and we don't want tostart there.
It can be fun to add a few as webuild our knowledge base, But I
want you to start with thevaluable stuff.
We want highly recommendedtitles by authors with
experience in what they areteaching us, right?
Search for lists such as thisone by people you trust that can
point you to respected authorswith more than a few years of
(02:57):
experience under their belt.
First, what is it that you wantto learn?
Are you looking for generalinformation or something on a
specific topic?
Immerse yourself in deepthinking mode to determine what
you want to learn next.
For instance, BDSM authors maywrite things like getting
started in BDSM for brand newexplorers, how to do rope
(03:21):
bondage, building power exchangerelationships, enhancing your
power exchange relationship withrituals and protocol, and so
forth.
Consider what you want and needto learn.
While learning isn't a straightroad, We want to progress and
not go off on paths we aren'tready for or lead us in the
wrong direction.
(03:42):
Once you grasp what you'relooking for, scan through the
recommended lists of BDSMresources from trusted sources.
Start with the list I amproviding.
Ask yourself a few criticalthings about each title and what
is said about them.
Number one, will this bookanswer my questions?
(04:03):
Number two, Is the author wellrespected in BDSM?
What do I know about them?
What can I learn about theauthor through a simple Google
search?
Number three, check thepublishing date.
Is the information up to date orolder?
Does the information need to beup to date or is older content
(04:25):
fine?
Number four, what do the reviewson the book say?
Does it have a good rating onAmazon or Goodreads?
You want to do diligentresearch.
After all, you don't want toread a book from someone writing
about BDSM without being anactive participant.
(04:45):
And, of course, by saying thebest books, I don't mean the
best-selling.
I mean the best based on whatyou want to learn.
Sometimes the lesser-knowntitles have some amazing
information that makes themperfect for what you're looking
for.
With all that in mind, here's myrecommended reading list.
(05:06):
Section 2.
Seven Books I Recommend forNovice Submissives.
Are you looking for a fun andexciting introduction to BDSM?
Try How to Be Kinky, aBeginner's Guide to BDSM by
Morpheus.
Morpheus writes conversationallyas if you were having a cup of
coffee with the author.
(05:27):
It's a well-organized, practicalapproach, broken up into nine
chapters, from your first look,exploring play with your
partner, entering the BDSMcommunity and even the shift
from online to real time.
Each topic is readableindependently and you can go
through the book in any order,skipping from topic to topic or
(05:50):
reading it straight through.
The body is filled with guestcommentary and photos and the
sidebars are lined with glossaryterms and quick tips.
This book is filled withbeautiful, tasteful images to
help you see what your mind hasbeen fantasizing about.
Some images give step-by-step onbasic forms of play, and others
(06:10):
invite thought.
This is an excellent first bookif you are just learning about
your desires.
Different Loving, The World ofSexual Dominance and Submission,
by Gloria Bram, William Bram,and John Jacobs, is yet another
book recommended for the BDSMbeginner, but not one that I
(06:31):
would recommend as a first book.
The reading is more academic informat with profiles and
extensive interviews and may notbe as friendly to read as some
others in this recommendedreading list.
But it is a fantastic resourcefor those wanting to know what
people within the scene reallythink about different activities
and aspects of BDSM.
(06:53):
When you flip through the book,the first thing you may notice
is that unlike other beginningBDSM books, there are no
pictures.
This is an educational view onDS, pure and simple.
It is broken into seven sectionsto focus on different aspects of
BDSM, such as the relationship,sadomasochism, body
modification, gender lines,fetishism, and water sports.
(07:17):
The history of the activities isresearched to find a beginning
point for human desire andsexual curiosity.
I especially appreciate thebeginning chapters on the
history of DS and BDSM fromVictorian roots.
The authors describe eachactivity's methods,
psychological bases, and historyas you learn from several
hundred interviews throughoutthe book that you are not alone
(07:40):
in your explorations.
You get to know real peopleengaging in BDSM.
Leading and Supportive Love, TheTruth About Dominant and
Submissive Relationships byChris M.
Lyon is a fantastic book thatdescribes and details the two
roles of a leading andsupportive relationship.
Without all the kink,discipline, and fetish
(08:02):
mumbo-jumbo, The truth aboutdominant and submissive
relationships isn't that we arean alternative lifestyle within
the BDSM arena, but that we area strong and supportive
relationship type that goesbeyond and sometimes without the
kink.
First and foremost, this book isabout couples that agree and
(08:24):
migrate towards a relationshipwhere one person leads and the
other supports.
It is the basis of any strong DSrelationship.
It does what every BDSMrelationship book should do, lay
down the essential parts of eachperson in the relationship and
why leading and supportiverelationships work.
(08:44):
So read this book.
I can't recommend it enough.
Most books for submissives areonly about topics like needs,
wants, communication,negotiation, and so forth.
Conquer Me, Girl-to-Girl WisdomAbout Fulfilling Your Submissive
Desires by Casey Cunningham is abook written by one submissive
(09:05):
with advice and personalviewpoints on fulfilling your
submissive desires.
Her witty stories and firsthandexperiences help you see that
submission is a worthwhile studyof interpersonal relationships.
She talks about topping from thebottom, discipline, how power
exchange works and so many otherfantastic topics.
(09:26):
I found myself nodding alongwith many of her views.
So if you like what I have tosay here on Submissive Guide,
you will likely appreciate andenjoy Casey's book.
By far, this is one of thebetter books on submission I've
read in recent memory.
I strongly urge you to get acopy of your own.
Playing Well with Others, YourField Guide to Discovering,
(09:47):
Exploring, and Navigating theKink, Leather, and BDSM
Communities by Leigh Harringtonand Molena Williams is So much
of what we already know aboutBDSM munches and conventions is
(10:15):
through firsthand accounts.
none of it lays down commonsense guidelines that a newcomer
could use.
This book helps you learn how tointeract with the people in the
community, something many peoplecould learn.
While other books focus on tyingknots or throwing a flogger,
this book helps you navigatemunches, play parties, and other
(10:35):
sex communities.
If you have ever wondered what amunch was like, how to prepare
for a play party, or get back toeveryday life after a kink
event, Milena and Lee do anexcellent job detailing the
how-tos in a personal, fun, andconversational way.
This is the only book that tellsit like it is regarding
person-to-person interaction inthe BDSM community.
(10:58):
It is one of my top picks forpeople who are ready to take the
plunge and meet some people,experience social interaction,
and more.
You will want to take advantageof this book.
Screw the Roses, Send Me theThorns, The Romance of Sexual
Sorcery of Sadomasochism byPhilip Miller and Molly Devon
(11:18):
enthusiastically covers all thebasics and even some of the
not-so-basics.
Bondage, negotiation, sex,endorphins, dominance and
submission, toys, safety, andmore.
It's written primarily from thepoint of view of
male-dominant-female-submissiveinteractions and but it's easily
(11:38):
translatable into valuableadvice for any relationship
configuration.
Miller and Devon's explanationsof sadomasochism are honest,
funny, and sexy.
A must-have for anyone who wantsto learn about sadism,
masochism, dominance andsubmission, or bondage.
The bulk of the book isdedicated to teaching safe,
basic techniques.
(12:00):
You can pick up information onbondage and other forms of play
with detailed explanations.
There are also a few chapters onflogging and impact play for
those looking to dive right intothe fun stuff.
This book is not only good forthe novice, but an experienced
player could pick up a few tipsand tricks.
This is a resource that shouldbe in every BDSM library.
(12:21):
The New Bottoming Book by DossieEaston and Janet W.
Hardy is a great beginner'sguide to bottoming.
According to the authors, thisnew version contains much of the
original advice, like connectingand negotiation, but also has
new and much-needed information.
The book is divided into twoparts.
(12:42):
The first one is about skills.
These chapters help you decidewho you are as a bottom, what
checklists are and how to makeone, bridging the gap between
fantasy and reality, and findinga top that will give you what
you need and want.
The second part describesdifferent types of scenes, their
rewards, and tips on beginningand ending them.
(13:03):
It has a small segment ondressing, public play, sensation
play, and other thoughtsregarding actual scenes.
Also included are sections onrole play with short blurbs
about bondage and submission.
I highly recommend this book tothe novice.
It can help shed the nervousnessand dispel the fantasy of play.
(13:26):
It's time to build your BDSMlibrary.
You now have seven books Irecommend for novice
submissives.
Even if these titles don'tinterest you, exploring books
with a more critical eye willhelp you find the books that
will answer your questions, moveyou further in your journey or
capture your interests.
Thank you for listening to thispodcast.
We hope you found a few titlesto explore.
(13:48):
I'll provide all the links forthe books in the show notes so
you can start learning.
I'll have links to SubmissiveGuide reviews if we've reviewed
it before, Goodreads so you canfind out what others think, and
Amazon if you're interested inbuying the books.
Submissive Guide is an Amazonaffiliate, so part of your
purchase supports this site andmy efforts to continue to bring
(14:09):
you quality BDSM education.
Add to your personal librarytoday.
Hello, everybody, and welcome to another
Submissive Guide podcast.
I'm your host, Luna KM.
Today, I will share seven booksI recommend all novice
submissives read to expand theirknowledge of BDSM and
submission.
This episode is made possible byour Patreon community, the
Submissive Society.
(00:20):
We offer tons of perks for aslittle as$5 a month, like
getting early access to thesepodcast episodes and our monthly
book club.
where we talk about BDSM bookslike the ones I'm going to
suggest today.
Come join us at subguide slashsociety.
That's S-U-B-G-U-I dot D-E slashsociety.
(00:42):
I'll put the link in the shownotes for you.
When you're a brand new BDSMsubmissive, it can be hard to
find information to answer themany questions in your mind.
To help you, I've gathered sevenof the best books to help get
you started on your explorationof BDSM and the submissive role.
(01:03):
These books offer a range ofopinions and viewpoints on
topics that are important todevelop your personal journey
into BDSM and the power exchangedynamic.
I recommend the following booklist as a starting point for
every novice submissive.
Section 1 how to strategicallychoose what to read.
(01:25):
There is always a gap betweenwhere you are and where you want
to be.
And learning about kink andpower exchange is no different.
The last thing you want is tolose yourself in the
ever-growing library of books,videos, and resources, all
promising to make you better andunlock your full potential.
(01:46):
To narrow down the list of booksthat will get you to where you
want to be, we have to look attitles with a critical eye.
Before you even open yourbrowser and start typing best
books to read about BDSM, let'stalk about what makes a good
resource because not every bookwill provide you with what you
need to know.
Others are fantastic examples ofhow not to do BDSM safely or
(02:12):
build such a fantasy that it'simpossible to implement into
your own life.
You can find resources on BDSMin any bookstore or online
digital marketplace that sellsbooks, many or even audiobooks.
But again, I don't want you tojust type BDSM books in the
search bar.
That's haphazard and could leadyou down the trail of subpar
(02:34):
books, and we don't want tostart there.
It can be fun to add a few as webuild our knowledge base, But I
want you to start with thevaluable stuff.
We want highly recommendedtitles by authors with
experience in what they areteaching us, right?
Search for lists such as thisone by people you trust that can
point you to respected authorswith more than a few years of
(02:57):
experience under their belt.
First, what is it that you wantto learn?
Are you looking for generalinformation or something on a
specific topic?
Immerse yourself in deepthinking mode to determine what
you want to learn next.
For instance, BDSM authors maywrite things like getting
started in BDSM for brand newexplorers, how to do rope
(03:21):
bondage, building power exchangerelationships, enhancing your
power exchange relationship withrituals and protocol, and so
forth.
Consider what you want and needto learn.
While learning isn't a straightroad, We want to progress and
not go off on paths we aren'tready for or lead us in the
wrong direction.
(03:42):
Once you grasp what you'relooking for, scan through the
recommended lists of BDSMresources from trusted sources.
Start with the list I amproviding.
Ask yourself a few criticalthings about each title and what
is said about them.
Number one, will this bookanswer my questions?
(04:03):
Number two, Is the author wellrespected in BDSM?
What do I know about them?
What can I learn about theauthor through a simple Google
search?
Number three, check thepublishing date.
Is the information up to date orolder?
Does the information need to beup to date or is older content
(04:25):
fine?
Number four, what do the reviewson the book say?
Does it have a good rating onAmazon or Goodreads?
You want to do diligentresearch.
After all, you don't want toread a book from someone writing
about BDSM without being anactive participant.
(04:45):
And, of course, by saying thebest books, I don't mean the
best-selling.
I mean the best based on whatyou want to learn.
Sometimes the lesser-knowntitles have some amazing
information that makes themperfect for what you're looking
for.
With all that in mind, here's myrecommended reading list.
(05:06):
Section 2.
Seven Books I Recommend forNovice Submissives.
Are you looking for a fun andexciting introduction to BDSM?
Try How to Be Kinky, aBeginner's Guide to BDSM by
Morpheus.
Morpheus writes conversationallyas if you were having a cup of
coffee with the author.
(05:27):
It's a well-organized, practicalapproach, broken up into nine
chapters, from your first look,exploring play with your
partner, entering the BDSMcommunity and even the shift
from online to real time.
Each topic is readableindependently and you can go
through the book in any order,skipping from topic to topic or
(05:50):
reading it straight through.
The body is filled with guestcommentary and photos and the
sidebars are lined with glossaryterms and quick tips.
This book is filled withbeautiful, tasteful images to
help you see what your mind hasbeen fantasizing about.
Some images give step-by-step onbasic forms of play, and others
(06:10):
invite thought.
This is an excellent first bookif you are just learning about
your desires.
Different Loving, The World ofSexual Dominance and Submission,
by Gloria Bram, William Bram,and John Jacobs, is yet another
book recommended for the BDSMbeginner, but not one that I
(06:31):
would recommend as a first book.
The reading is more academic informat with profiles and
extensive interviews and may notbe as friendly to read as some
others in this recommendedreading list.
But it is a fantastic resourcefor those wanting to know what
people within the scene reallythink about different activities
and aspects of BDSM.
(06:53):
When you flip through the book,the first thing you may notice
is that unlike other beginningBDSM books, there are no
pictures.
This is an educational view onDS, pure and simple.
It is broken into seven sectionsto focus on different aspects of
BDSM, such as the relationship,sadomasochism, body
modification, gender lines,fetishism, and water sports.
(07:17):
The history of the activities isresearched to find a beginning
point for human desire andsexual curiosity.
I especially appreciate thebeginning chapters on the
history of DS and BDSM fromVictorian roots.
The authors describe eachactivity's methods,
psychological bases, and historyas you learn from several
hundred interviews throughoutthe book that you are not alone
(07:40):
in your explorations.
You get to know real peopleengaging in BDSM.
Leading and Supportive Love, TheTruth About Dominant and
Submissive Relationships byChris M.
Lyon is a fantastic book thatdescribes and details the two
roles of a leading andsupportive relationship.
Without all the kink,discipline, and fetish
(08:02):
mumbo-jumbo, The truth aboutdominant and submissive
relationships isn't that we arean alternative lifestyle within
the BDSM arena, but that we area strong and supportive
relationship type that goesbeyond and sometimes without the
kink.
First and foremost, this book isabout couples that agree and
(08:24):
migrate towards a relationshipwhere one person leads and the
other supports.
It is the basis of any strong DSrelationship.
It does what every BDSMrelationship book should do, lay
down the essential parts of eachperson in the relationship and
why leading and supportiverelationships work.
(08:44):
So read this book.
I can't recommend it enough.
Most books for submissives areonly about topics like needs,
wants, communication,negotiation, and so forth.
Conquer Me, Girl-to-Girl WisdomAbout Fulfilling Your Submissive
Desires by Casey Cunningham is abook written by one submissive
(09:05):
with advice and personalviewpoints on fulfilling your
submissive desires.
Her witty stories and firsthandexperiences help you see that
submission is a worthwhile studyof interpersonal relationships.
She talks about topping from thebottom, discipline, how power
exchange works and so many otherfantastic topics.
(09:26):
I found myself nodding alongwith many of her views.
So if you like what I have tosay here on Submissive Guide,
you will likely appreciate andenjoy Casey's book.
By far, this is one of thebetter books on submission I've
read in recent memory.
I strongly urge you to get acopy of your own.
Playing Well with Others, YourField Guide to Discovering,
(09:47):
Exploring, and Navigating theKink, Leather, and BDSM
Communities by Leigh Harringtonand Molena Williams is So much
of what we already know aboutBDSM munches and conventions is
(10:15):
through firsthand accounts.
none of it lays down commonsense guidelines that a newcomer
could use.
This book helps you learn how tointeract with the people in the
community, something many peoplecould learn.
While other books focus on tyingknots or throwing a flogger,
this book helps you navigatemunches, play parties, and other
(10:35):
sex communities.
If you have ever wondered what amunch was like, how to prepare
for a play party, or get back toeveryday life after a kink
event, Milena and Lee do anexcellent job detailing the
how-tos in a personal, fun, andconversational way.
This is the only book that tellsit like it is regarding
person-to-person interaction inthe BDSM community.
(10:58):
It is one of my top picks forpeople who are ready to take the
plunge and meet some people,experience social interaction,
and more.
You will want to take advantageof this book.
Screw the Roses, Send Me theThorns, The Romance of Sexual
Sorcery of Sadomasochism byPhilip Miller and Molly Devon
(11:18):
enthusiastically covers all thebasics and even some of the
not-so-basics.
Bondage, negotiation, sex,endorphins, dominance and
submission, toys, safety, andmore.
It's written primarily from thepoint of view of
male-dominant-female-submissiveinteractions and but it's easily
(11:38):
translatable into valuableadvice for any relationship
configuration.
Miller and Devon's explanationsof sadomasochism are honest,
funny, and sexy.
A must-have for anyone who wantsto learn about sadism,
masochism, dominance andsubmission, or bondage.
The bulk of the book isdedicated to teaching safe,
basic techniques.
(12:00):
You can pick up information onbondage and other forms of play
with detailed explanations.
There are also a few chapters onflogging and impact play for
those looking to dive right intothe fun stuff.
This book is not only good forthe novice, but an experienced
player could pick up a few tipsand tricks.
This is a resource that shouldbe in every BDSM library.
(12:21):
The New Bottoming Book by DossieEaston and Janet W.
Hardy is a great beginner'sguide to bottoming.
According to the authors, thisnew version contains much of the
original advice, like connectingand negotiation, but also has
new and much-needed information.
The book is divided into twoparts.
(12:42):
The first one is about skills.
These chapters help you decidewho you are as a bottom, what
checklists are and how to makeone, bridging the gap between
fantasy and reality, and findinga top that will give you what
you need and want.
The second part describesdifferent types of scenes, their
rewards, and tips on beginningand ending them.
(13:03):
It has a small segment ondressing, public play, sensation
play, and other thoughtsregarding actual scenes.
Also included are sections onrole play with short blurbs
about bondage and submission.
I highly recommend this book tothe novice.
It can help shed the nervousnessand dispel the fantasy of play.
(13:26):
It's time to build your BDSMlibrary.
You now have seven books Irecommend for novice
submissives.
Even if these titles don'tinterest you, exploring books
with a more critical eye willhelp you find the books that
will answer your questions, moveyou further in your journey or
capture your interests.
Thank you for listening to thispodcast.
We hope you found a few titlesto explore.
(13:48):
I'll provide all the links forthe books in the show notes so
you can start learning.
I'll have links to SubmissiveGuide reviews if we've reviewed
it before, Goodreads so you canfind out what others think, and
Amazon if you're interested inbuying the books.
Submissive Guide is an Amazonaffiliate, so part of your
purchase supports this site andmy efforts to continue to bring
(14:09):
you quality BDSM education.
Add to your personal librarytoday.
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