The Importance of Rules and Structure in D/s Relationships | Submissive Guide

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In D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships, rules are often used to provide structure and establish boundaries within the power exchange dynamic. These rules serve as a guide for submissives to follow, which allows us to focus on our submission and the expectations of our Dominant partner.

Read the Article: https://submissiveguide.com/dsrelationships/articles/structure-rules

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this month's podcast
from Submissive Guide.
I'm your host, Luna K.M.
Today, we're going to talk aboutrules and structure in DS
relationships.
This episode is made possible byour Patreon community, the
Submissive Society.
If you'd like early access topodcast episodes, participate in

(00:23):
monthly polls, get freeprintables and submissive guide
books, as well as updates on ourfuture projects, join us at
subguide slash society.
That's S-U-B-G-U-I dot D-E slashsociety.
We'll see you there.
Submissives all around willidentify with one or more of

(00:48):
these terms.
discipline, obedience,structure, and rules.
I'm a submissive that needsstructure.
With structure can come rules,and that's how my submission
best functions in my dynamicwith Nightmare.
I serve him by activelyfollowing the rules that govern
the structure of my day.

(01:08):
In DS relationships, rules areoften used to provide structure
and establish boundaries withinthe power exchange dynamic.
These rules serve as a guide forsubmissives to follow, which
allows us to focus on oursubmission and the expectations
of our dominant partner.
It's worth noting that whileI'll be talking about how rules

(01:28):
and structure work for DSrelationships, not all power
exchange relationships involveformal rules or protocols, and
not all dominants will requirethe same things from their
submissives.
Open and honest communication iscrucial in any power exchange
dynamic to ensure that bothpartners are on the same page

(01:49):
and feel heard.
During the negotiation phase ofany DS relationship, make sure
you talk about the rules thatyou may be expected to follow
and what behaviors you will needto adopt or unlearn.
Discuss and find a compromisefor things you are uncomfortable
with.
so that rules are established,you know what to expect and have

(02:10):
the tools to make sure you cancomply.
Speak up if you or your dominantare uncomfortable with the
particular rule or structure.
There's nothing wrong withadding or removing rules as you
go.
So don't be afraid to start withone or two rules.
And then when the dynamic needsa push forward or a step back,
you or your dominant can suggestaltering the rules or structure.

(02:33):
Section one.
Common rules in DSrelationships.
Rules are the backbone of a DSrelationship.
They provide the correct way todo things within the dynamic.
Some submissives have a lot ofrules and others have very few.

(02:53):
This is often decided by howflexible the structure will be.
Having a lot or a few rules isnot necessarily better or worse.
The only thing that matters isif you follow them correctly.
While the specific rules andprotocols in any power exchange
relationship will depend on theindividuals involved, there are

(03:14):
some common categories of rulesthat I've encountered during my
years of participating in theBDSM community.
These are a few examples.
Obedience.
Many dominants require theirsubmissives to obey them without
question.
This could include followingcommands or directives given by
the dominant or simply deferringto the dominant's judgment in

(03:37):
certain situations.
This one tends to be the mostprevalent of the relationships
with very few rules and a moreflexible structure.
Respect.
Dominants may require theirsubmissives to always show them
a high level of respect.
This could include usingspecific titles or honorifics

(03:58):
such as sir or ma'am whenaddressing them.
They may also require you toshow deference in other ways,
such as downcast eyes, bows andcurtsies, or language changes,
such as removing slang termsfrom your vocabulary or not
gossiping about others.
Politeness, courtesy, and ahumble attitude are also in this

(04:18):
category.
Communication.
Some dominants may require youto communicate with them
regularly about your thoughts,feelings, and desires.
You may also be expected toshare fears, fantasies, and open
up about things that make youfeel vulnerable.
This could include dailycheck-ins or regular journaling

(04:39):
assignments.
Relationships may establish aweekly meeting or methods of
communication when there is aserious or challenging issue to
discuss.
Dress code.
Many dominants will requiretheir submissives to dress in a
particular way, either inprivate or in public.
This could include wearingspecific clothing items or

(05:00):
accessories and adhering to aparticular style of dress or
grooming.
Not being allowed panties orother undergarments is also
common.
Other dress code rules includewearing a collar or other
material symbol of therelationship commitment.
Punishments and consequences.
When a submissive breaks a ruleor fails to follow a protocol,

(05:22):
some dominance will require themto accept punishment or
consequence.
This could include physicalpunishment, such as spanking or
caning, or non-physicalconsequences, such as writing
lines or being denied certainprivileges.
Not all DS dynamics havepunishments as part of their
structure, and punishment shouldbe negotiated at the start of

(05:43):
the relationship.
While there are probablyhundreds of examples of rules
that exist in DS relationshipsif you search for them online,
it's important that you decidewhat will work best for you and
what will help the relationshipgrow.
Section 2.
Why rules are important in DSrelationships.

(06:05):
Deciding to establish rules in arelationship should never be
done on a whim.
Rules have a purpose in adynamic to form a structure
within which the people willfunction well.
Rules are not just for thesubmissive.
Just as submissives are expectedto obey the established rules, a
dominant is responsible forupholding the expectation of the

(06:25):
required behavior.
Here are some reasons why rulesare important in DS
relationships.
Number one, rules clarifyexpectations.
Rules help establish clearexpectations for behavior and
actions within the relationship.
They provide a framework for howthe submissive partner should

(06:46):
behave in specific situations,which can help prevent
misunderstandings and confusion.
Number two, rules establishboundaries.
Rules help establish boundariesthat ensure that both partners
feel safe and comfortable withinthe relationship.
They address the needs anddesires of both parties and can
help build trust and a solidfoundation.

(07:09):
Number three, rules encouragecommunication.
When both partners agree on therules, it encourages
communication and negotiationbetween them.
This can help build more trustand create a sense of
partnership in the relationship.
Number four, rules fosterdiscipline.
Rules can help the submissivepartner stay focused on their

(07:32):
submission and maintain acertain level of discipline.
By following the rules, they candemonstrate their commitment to
the relationship and theirdominant partner.
Number five, rules provide asense of security.
Rules can provide a sense ofsecurity for both partners.
The submissive partner knowswhat is expected of them, and

(07:52):
the dominant partner can feelconfident that their needs and
desires will be respected.
It's important to note that bothpartners should discuss and
agree upon rules.
They should also be reviewed andupdated periodically to ensure
that they continue to meet theneeds of both partners.
Ultimately, rules in a DSrelationship aim to create a
safe and consensual environmentwhere both partners can explore

(08:15):
their desires and needs.
Section three, what isstructure?
Structure is an organizedframework for your routine.
It can be decided upon forexactness, or you can have a
more flexible structure thatallows you some freedom for
decision-making.
For example, if your dominantdecided there would be structure

(08:38):
to how you would prepare forbed, they may set up rules that
tell you when to go to bed, howto prepare and groom yourself,
what to wear, and how to getinto bed.
The structure of this routine isimportant to defining your
submission and the value of yourservice.
but a structure can also be moreflexible to let you decide how

(09:00):
to go about your routine.
If your dominant only gives youa bedtime, then it is assumed
that you will set up a routineleading up to bedtime so that
you aren't going from eatingdinner straight to bed.
A structure and routine thatworks well will also prevent you
from failing to follow the ruleas given and being in bed on
time.

(09:20):
Structure helps strengthen thedynamic in many ways.
It establishes clearexpectations.
The dominant should clearlycommunicate their expectations
for behavior and actions withinthe relationship.
This may include rules aroundcommunication, obedience,
protocol, or other dynamicaspects.
By setting clear expectations,the dominant can help the

(09:42):
submissive understand what isexpected of them.
Relationship structure can makeroom to create rituals.
Rituals can be used to marksignificant events or moments
within the dynamic.
For example, a submissive may berequired to kneel and ask for
permission to speak or toperform a specific task as a
daily ritual.
These rituals help establish asense of routine and structure

(10:05):
within the relationship.
Structure encourages the use ofprotocol.
Protocol refers to a set ofrules or guidelines for behavior
within a specific context.
For example, a dominant mayestablish a protocol for how the
submissive should behave inpublic or when they are in a
specific physical space.

(10:26):
Protocol can help createstructure and routine by
establishing clear guidelinesfor behavior in different
situations.
A structured DS dynamic isconsistent.
It is important for the dominantto be consistent in their
expectations and enforcement ofrules and protocol.
This consistency helps create asense of stability and routine
within the dynamic.

(10:47):
The structure can be flexible.
While structure and routine areimportant, it is also important
for the dominant to be flexibleand open to negotiation.
The needs and desires of bothpartners may change over time,
and the dominant should bewilling to adjust the rules and
routines accordingly.
Is structure present in everyrelationship?

(11:08):
Sure.
On some level, there isstructure in every relationship,
vanilla or otherwise.
In DS context, the structure maybe more pronounced.
Bedroom submissives tend to haveless structure than 24-7
submissives, and slaves likelyhave more.
As I mentioned earlier,consistency is crucial when it
comes to enforcing rules andprotocols.

(11:31):
The dominant should beconsistent in their expectations
and consequences to help createa sense of stability and routine
within the dynamic.
It's important to keep this inmind when creating and enforcing
rules and to make sure that theyare serving the needs of both
partners.
While rules and routines areimportant, they should also be
flexible and evolve over time.
As the needs and desires of bothpartners change, the rules and

(11:54):
structure should be adjustedaccordingly.
Both partners should be open toadapting and evolving the
dynamic as necessary.
Overall, rules and structure canbe valuable tools in power
exchange relationships.
and explore the membershipoptions.

(12:33):
That's subgui.de slash society.