May 9, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode, John and Greg talk about what separates good leaders from truly transformational ones? The answer lies not in strategy, but in emotional intelligence—the leadership superpower hiding in plain sight.
The article by Stuart Andrews, executive coach and author of "The Leadership Shift," presents a compelling case that mirrors the teachings of Dr. Durst's MBR program: you can't effectively lead others until you've mastered leading yourself. This inside-out approach to leadership starts with self-awareness and radiates outward through thoughtful communication, empathetic listening, and genuine team engagement.
The journey begins with personal accountability. Leaders who showcase values, continuous learning, and self-care naturally inspire others. The next critical step involves asking thoughtful questions that create space for diverse opinions—not just seeking agreement. As we explore in the episode, truly influential leaders know when to speak and when to listen, understanding that "you're given two ears and one mouth for a reason."
Self-reflection emerges as a vital practice for leadership growth. Through dedicated quiet time examining your thoughts, actions, and impact, you develop wisdom that transcends mere knowledge. Many successful leaders incorporate meditation or structured reflection into their routines, focusing on questions like: "How do I feel right now?", "What lessons can I learn from my mistakes?", and "How supportive am I of others?"
Perhaps most courageously, emotional intelligence demands seeking genuine feedback. When team members trust that their honest assessments will be valued rather than punished, they become invested partners in the leadership journey. This feedback loop creates continuous improvement while transforming responsibility into ownership.
The leadership insights shared throughout this episode aren't just theoretical—they're practical tools for immediate application. Whether you're leading a small team or a large organization, emotional intelligence provides the bridge between where you are as a leader and what you're meant to become.
Ready to transform your leadership approach through emotional intelligence? Listen now to discover how self-awareness, empathetic communication, and genuine connection can elevate your leadership impact. Share your experiences or questions with us at authorjaw.com—we'd love to hear how these principles are working in your leadership journey.
Presented by John Wandolowski and Greg Powell
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome to our podcast Success Secrets and
Stories.
I'm your host, john Mogulowski,and I'm here with my co-host
and friend, greg Powell.
Greg, hey everybody, yeah, sotoday we are going to be talking
about a gentleman and anarticle that I found.
(00:36):
His name is Stuart Andrews andhe had a very interesting
article that was related toleadership and it resembled a
lot of what Dr Durst talks aboutin his MBR program.
Very interesting article thatwas related to leadership and it
resembled a lot of what DrDurst talks about in his MBR
program.
Stuart Andrews is a verysuccessful consultant, executive
coach, and his message is verymuch to the point.
(01:01):
His website iswwwstuartandrewsme and he's been
busy doing this for years and Ithought what was interesting is
that he's also written a book,the Leadership Shift, and it's a
great book.
It's an opportunity for tryingto understand what he's talking
(01:25):
about.
But what really intrigued me atthe beginning of looking at the
book was a thing calledemotional intelligence and it's
the leadership skill thatchanges everything.
As he defines it and it goesthrough the different points
that make up this concept thathe's trying to relay.
Points that make up thisconcept that he's trying to
(01:48):
relay.
The first one is start byleading yourself to showcase of
values and accountability,continuous learning and
self-care that piece ofinvesting in yourself, asking
thoughtful questions,encouraging diversity of
opinions and viewpoints, toengage in active self-reflection
we're going to talk about thata little bit later, but to
(02:10):
schedule regular moments forself-reflection, to keep a
journal.
Next is to get to know yourteam, talk to others, listen
intently, prioritizecommunication and empathy,
keeping the lines ofcommunication open and being
(02:30):
transparent about the decisions,the changes and the challenges.
As you see me going throughthis list, these are the things
that Dr Durst talked about.
A lot of people talk about.
It sometimes is called commonsense of leadership, but it's
not and these elements arethings that you need to apply.
(02:51):
His next point is empower yourteam members.
Trust in your team, encourageautonomy and, without a doubt,
that is probably one of the mostimportant things is in order to
delegate is to empower them.
Seek feedback from your team.
I don't know how many timesGreg and I have talked about
feedback, but yes, that's a keyelement to schedule a regular
(03:12):
check-in, and not annually, muchmore frequent than annual.
Individuals should find it as awelcoming atmosphere in order
to have that feedback and thatexchange.
I'm going to put a star infront of this one.
(03:36):
Listen more than you speak,fully focus on the speaker and
avoid interrupting them.
Star, without a doubt, probablythe most important thing that
you can gather from emotionalintelligence is the ability to
be a superstar as far as alistener.
And probably the most importantelement of that to ensure that
(03:58):
you're actually doing thesefunctions is to become more
self-aware, to observe oneselfand to act accordingly and
humbly.
A lot of what I've just talkedabout are things that make sense
if you find a leader that isactually engaged in the process
(04:19):
of leading.
He goes on in the article andhe starts off with if you can't
lead yourself first, why shouldanyone else follow you?
Your leadership breakthroughstarts inside, not outside.
You work hard, you leadmeetings, you solve problems,
(04:41):
but why doesn't it feel likeyour team is connected?
They're disconnected, they'redistant, even resistant.
Here's the brutal truth.
You can't lead others untilyou've mastered leading yourself
.
And I just want to step back fora second and just talk about
(05:03):
that statement.
And I just want to step back fora second and just talk about
that statement and, looking atit as far as my first
supervisory job, it became clearthat I needed to understand
that element and change.
And when I went and worked forJohnson Johnson, the first thing
that happened was they gave mea description that was basically
this list, but it's adescription of what the army
(05:27):
considers a requirement to be aleader, and I found that as an
enlightening kind of piece of it.
And the other part that Johnsonand Johnson did for me is send
me to the class with Dr Durst.
So it was a wonderful jump.
I'm going from being in thetrucking industry to being in
manufacturing for Johnson andJohnson.
That jump of career, that wasthe perfect transition and it's
(05:48):
the kind of things that you haveto look at as a leader,
especially if you're giving anopportunity for somebody to
stretch and grow in a position.
You have to give them some kindof starting point to understand
how to make that transitionwork.
To understand how to make thattransition work, greg, from your
experience, what would you addto the concept of leading that
(06:09):
element of teaching?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
So for me, john, it's a story.
I remember the first day of mysupervisory job.
It was a packaging function ata distribution center and
fortunately I was scheduled fortraining in the second week.
But the first week I wasshadowing a supervisor.
I watched how she carriedherself with the team on our
shift.
I watched how they responded toher and how she spoke to them.
She was confident, she waspoised and it came through in
(06:34):
her delivery of work tasks andassignment.
I knew being a supervisor wasmore than just being given a
title, and I was only three orfour years older than most of
the people I was supervising.
Although my first week wasshadowing a supervisor on day
shift, the next week I was solowith my team on second shift.
My company provided goodleadership training, but I had
to make sure I was leadingmyself to make it all work, and
(06:55):
I got better over time.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Maybe you can bring up the next point that came from
the article.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Thanks, john.
So most leadership breakdownsaren't because of a lack of
strategy.
Right.
People put the time together,put a plan together.
They happen because ofemotional intelligence.
The real leadership superpoweris missing.
That is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence maysound soft, but it is strong.
It's what separates goodleaders from transformational
(07:20):
ones.
So think about that.
Good leaders, that's okay, butthose that can transform the
organization or take us toanother place, that's what
you're ultimately looking for,and today we're going to give
you the emotional brew plantthat turns influence from forced
to natural.
So think about how to buildleadership from the inside out
actionable steps to deepenconnection and trust, and
(07:42):
practices you can use thatcreate real loyalty, not just
compliance.
So let's give you a peek at thegame-changing shifts you're
going to discover.
First, I've already said it, butstart by leading yourself.
Are you asking others to dowhat you wouldn't do yourself?
I hope not.
Show up with accountability anda hunger for growth and real,
(08:05):
real self-care.
The second one ask thoughtfulquestions, not just plain bland
questions, but questions thatreflect you're really thinking
about what's going on here inthe workplace.
Are you creating space for real, serious, honest conversation
or are you just checking the boxthe best leaders make room for
diverse opinions, not justagreement.
(08:25):
And the third one become moreself-aware.
How often do you check yourselfbefore checking others?
Remember they say checkyourself before you wreck
yourself.
Well, there's a littlesomething to that.
The more aware you are of youractions and emotions, the more
you're going to get respect fromyour team.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Yeah, you know, when I, when I was looking at this
article, what I thought it wasjust amazing is how it really
mirrors Dr Durst's book.
And when I've asked Dr Durstabout some of the questions of
writing the book being the cause, he said, john, it's common
sense at some level and it'shard to teach people common
sense but it's alsounderstanding probably the most
(09:04):
important part being able to seewhat you're doing and be aware
of what you're doing, being inthe now.
As he puts it, that's probablythe most important thing that
you want to do and it's likethese are the basics.
It's like the blocking andtackling of a football team.
You need to do these things inorder to at least be productive
(09:30):
as a leader and saw those kindsof skill sets being demonstrated
rather than being taught, andyou can learn that.
But sometimes it's helpful ifyou kind of get the sit down and
get the information, thingslike emotional intelligence, and
this book by Stuart Andrews isactually one of the reasons that
(09:53):
I thought this would be a verygood subject to talk about.
Greg, do you have anyobservations?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Sure do, John.
Again another story from theancient past.
As a leader, you can't gothrough the motions and just
hope it works out right.
I remember having productivitynumbers to hit, quality
standards to meet.
As a supervisor, you can't makethose things happen
unconsciously.
It's like a bad scene from anold I Love Lucy episode.
Right, you take your eye offthe production line and it all
(10:22):
goes haywire with productsstrewn everywhere.
So as a leader, you have to befully engaged in your leadership
role and make sure you're fullyclued into the responsibility
that goes with it.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
All right, I think you got another list.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I do indeed so.
Number four listen more thanyou speak.
What are you missing?
Because you're too focused onyour next response?
Maybe a little bit too muchactive listening, anxious
listening, right?
Listen more than you speak.
Real listening builds loyaltyfaster than perfect speeches.
That's interesting, yeah.
Number five engage in activeself-reflection.
(11:02):
When's the last time youactually sat down with your own
thoughts without judgment?
Right, it's probably been awhile.
Regular reflection fuels wisdom, not just knowledge.
We know there's a differencebetween the two.
And number six seek feedbackfrom the team.
Are you brave enough to hearthe hard truths?
(11:22):
We always say feedback is agift.
Feedback isn't a weakness, it'sa leadership.
Situation in action, john.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, yeah, but you know, I think listening more
than you speak is a common thingfor both of us and we've talked
about this in other podcasts.
There are so many leaders thatlike to hear their own voice.
It's just not even connectingwith the audience.
They've lost them when theystarted off at the beginning of
the speech.
(11:50):
Being able to see yourself andbeing able to engage in
self-reflection is really atalent.
It's really a taught processand something that is worth your
effort.
The underlying message is to beaware of how you're coming
across to your audience andunderstand the body language and
(12:12):
those things in terms of eyecontact and all the things that
sometimes aren't verbal arevisual.
You need to see that as you'regoing through any of your
presentations.
I've given recommendations andI thought I gave a very clear
path on what I wanted done, andI'm watching my team walking out
(12:32):
the door and I can see the headshaking.
No, it's like oh geez, and thenyou'll end up doing the right
thing is following up on aone-on-one and making sure you
clear up whatever there was forconfusion, because you did a
lousy job of your presentation.
You never stop observing asyou're going through the meeting
.
(12:52):
The last point is probably themost important point.
Asking for feedback of yourteam will give you a much
clearer perspective on howyou're being received.
If your team is truly afraid ofyou, you're just going to get
yes or no answers.
If the team trusts you, yourfeedback is going to be engaged,
both in the positive and thenegative associated.
And that is what you see as faras leadership.
(13:13):
And if you also find the peoplewho are giving you that kind of
information, those arepotential leaders that you have
within your team.
Those are the signals ofsomeone that's engaged.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Greg.
You know, John, to me it's likethat old saying you're given
two ears and one mouth.
Use them proportionately.
That way, I like that one.
So filling the airwaves with myvelvety pipes doesn't
accomplish much if I'm not doinga good job of listening to my
team and subsequently leadingthem.
You've heard me say it a lotFeedback is a gift, and I truly
(13:49):
believe that Constructivefeedback is invaluable and if
you listen and act on it, greatthings can happen.
I see seeking feedback as partof courageous leadership.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
So game changing shifts that we're talking about
he has.
The seventh one that he'sbringing up is get to know your
team.
Do you know your team's dreams,their struggles, what lights
them up?
And those are the parts ofthings of engagement.
Leadership is personal, it'snot just position.
(14:24):
I just want to stop there for asecond.
And, yes, that's the essence ofit Empowering your team to trust
your team enough to let themfly.
Autonomy transformsresponsibility into ownership,
and if the people that you'reworking with understand that
they own it, they takeresponsibility for the results.
(14:46):
There is the essence of whatyour job is really entailed to
try to do Create that sense ofownership, to prioritize
communication and do it withempathy.
You are being transparent aboutthe storms, and it's not just
about the sunny days.
Openness and empathy turnemployees into mission-driven
(15:11):
teammates.
They're not employees.
So that is basically the setupin terms of all the things that
he is describing as emotionalintelligence, and I think it's a
pretty good list.
It does a pretty good job ofsupporting it, but it implies a
couple of things that I thinkGreg and I would like to talk
about.
It talks about reflection andmeditation and the ability to
(15:35):
try to do a better job of seeinghow you come across, to make
sure that you're engaging a teamand you're getting things like
feedback, and I think it's aperfect jumping off point to
talk about how do you do thosethings in terms of preparing
yourself and, greg, with yourexperience within the HR
(15:56):
department, I think you'veworked with this subject of
helping people to be moreself-reflective.
Maybe that would be anopportunity.
What did you see?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Absolutely, john.
This was really interesting.
My last company some years agoembarked on this mission for
leaders to be more reflectiveand it was somewhat of a foreign
concept for folks because wedid a lot of things in teams a
lot of couples, duets, triads,whatever.
We worked together a lot, butreally we're trying to build
that team.
But my boss was really intoreflection because he did it
(16:29):
himself and so because he did,of course the rest of us are
going to give it some seriousthought.
Self-reflection didn't comenatural to a lot of us.
There were several leaders andthese are people who have been
around for a while, have ledpretty good-sized organizations
and projects.
They wanted to self-reflecttogether.
They wanted to pair up, and ifyou do that, because it's not a
good idea, you're not reallylooking at your own issues, your
(16:50):
own opportunities, and you'reactually trying to create some
community that you don't reallyneed for right now.
You need the community in yourown head about reflection, and I
can attest that it did fuelpersonal wisdom.
Although sitting with your ownthoughts can seem daunting,
there's a lot of value in theperiodic exercise and once we
got good at it we were able tosit down and then, of course you
(17:10):
document.
You kind of put a little notetogether of what you discovered,
date it, and then maybe you doit again a month from now or
whatever.
But really looking at yourself,being critical of yourself,
being willing to say you know Icould have done that better.
Okay, what would I dodifferently?
If you don't take the time todo that, it won't happen on its
own, john.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
In the summary of his article.
He puts it as a veryinteresting straight up
statement, trying to make apoint If you want to lead with
real influence, lead yourselffirst.
Emotional intelligence isn't anoption any longer.
It is a bridge between whereyou are as a leader and what
(17:51):
you're meant to become, and forme, I think this is one of those
articles that it just rings forme to be true, and I think
we've talked about the elementsin terms of how to take this to
the next step.
Greg, maybe it'd be interesting, just for the sake of clarity,
(18:12):
to take a look at meditation andself-reflection and how they
compare.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
What's the difference between meditation and
self-reflection and how theycompare?
What's the difference betweenmeditation and self-reflection?
So meditation is the act offreeing the mind of thoughts, of
emotions and behaviors, whichcan lead to greater
self-understanding.
Right, that's meditation.
Self-reflection is the act ofdeliberately that's right
purposefully thinking aboutone's self-actions, your own
(18:39):
actions and thoughts.
You want to use that to helpdefine the event or the action,
and then what approach you'regoing to use to address the
action.
So here's how it works Setting,imagine yourself in a quiet,
comfortable space where you cansit or lie down with your spine
aligned for optimal energy flowand there's some breathing that
goes on here, too, let's talkabout that.
(19:00):
Breath work Take slow, deepbreaths, focusing on your breath
and body sensations A termthat's become very popular
recently.
Mindfulness Observe thoughtsand feelings without judgment,
gently redirecting your focus toyour breath when distractions
arise.
(19:20):
Reflection Spend timereflecting on your current state
of being, your experiences andany insights that might come up.
And then, finally,self-compassion End with a
moment of kindness andself-appreciation, acknowledging
your journey and the growthyou've obtained.
So examples or prompts forself-reflection during
(19:42):
medication could look or soundlike this how do I feel right
now?
What qualities do I appreciateabout myself?
What are my thoughts andfeelings about a specific
experience I've had and feelingsabout a specific experience
I've had?
What lessons can I learn frommy mistakes?
(20:02):
Sometimes we need to do this alot more than we do Revisiting
what values are important to me,how supportive am I of others
and what am I specifically doingto improve myself?
The benefits of self-reflection,mediation, increased
self-awareness that'sunderstanding your thoughts,
your feelings and yourmotivations.
(20:22):
Second, emotional regulationlearning how to observe and
manage your own emotions.
Third, reduce stress andanxiety right.
We all want that.
You want to cultivate innerpeace and calmness.
Fourth, improve decision-makingright as a leader, that's, you
want to cultivate inner peaceand calmness.
Fourth, improve decision-makingas a leader.
That's real important to youMaking choices align with your
(20:45):
values and your goals.
And finally, enhanceself-compassion, showing
kindness and understanding toyourself.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
I also think that meditation is part of what I do
in terms of prayer and I see alot of the similar elements of
self-reflection in prayer andit's just another form of
understanding that you canmeditate and you probably have
been meditating but giveyourself some idea of goals, of
(21:18):
what you're going to spend thattime to be self-reflective and
those those things in terms of,for me, prayer, for trying to be
more self-compassionate andshowing kindness.
So that kind of gives a wrap ofthe idea of emotional
intelligence and a little bitabout what we were trying to
help you to understand howmeditation can help and enhance
(21:41):
that end result.
So, if you like what you'veheard, yeah, my book is
available on Amazon and Barnesand Noble.
Our podcast is available onGoogle, apple, spotify and what
you're listening to, thank you.
(22:02):
The things that we've talkedabout in terms of Dr Durst and
his MBR program is available onsuccessgrowthacademycom and if
you want to get a hold of us,you can contact us on the
website authorjawcom, and themusic has been brought to you by
my grandson, so we want to hearfrom you.
You have helped us with ourprogram and the ideas that we
(22:25):
talk about, and it is the partthat Greg and I appreciate.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
So thanks Greg, Thanks John, as always.
Next time yeah.
Welcome to our podcast Success Secrets and
Stories.
I'm your host, john Mogulowski,and I'm here with my co-host
and friend, greg Powell.
Greg, hey everybody, yeah, sotoday we are going to be talking
about a gentleman and anarticle that I found.
(00:36):
His name is Stuart Andrews andhe had a very interesting
article that was related toleadership and it resembled a
lot of what Dr Durst talks aboutin his MBR program.
Very interesting article thatwas related to leadership and it
resembled a lot of what DrDurst talks about in his MBR
program.
Stuart Andrews is a verysuccessful consultant, executive
coach, and his message is verymuch to the point.
(01:01):
His website iswwwstuartandrewsme and he's been
busy doing this for years and Ithought what was interesting is
that he's also written a book,the Leadership Shift, and it's a
great book.
It's an opportunity for tryingto understand what he's talking
(01:25):
about.
But what really intrigued me atthe beginning of looking at the
book was a thing calledemotional intelligence and it's
the leadership skill thatchanges everything.
As he defines it and it goesthrough the different points
that make up this concept thathe's trying to relay.
Points that make up thisconcept that he's trying to
(01:48):
relay.
The first one is start byleading yourself to showcase of
values and accountability,continuous learning and
self-care that piece ofinvesting in yourself, asking
thoughtful questions,encouraging diversity of
opinions and viewpoints, toengage in active self-reflection
we're going to talk about thata little bit later, but to
(02:10):
schedule regular moments forself-reflection, to keep a
journal.
Next is to get to know yourteam, talk to others, listen
intently, prioritizecommunication and empathy,
keeping the lines ofcommunication open and being
(02:30):
transparent about the decisions,the changes and the challenges.
As you see me going throughthis list, these are the things
that Dr Durst talked about.
A lot of people talk about.
It sometimes is called commonsense of leadership, but it's
not and these elements arethings that you need to apply.
(02:51):
His next point is empower yourteam members.
Trust in your team, encourageautonomy and, without a doubt,
that is probably one of the mostimportant things is in order to
delegate is to empower them.
Seek feedback from your team.
I don't know how many timesGreg and I have talked about
feedback, but yes, that's a keyelement to schedule a regular
(03:12):
check-in, and not annually, muchmore frequent than annual.
Individuals should find it as awelcoming atmosphere in order
to have that feedback and thatexchange.
I'm going to put a star infront of this one.
(03:36):
Listen more than you speak,fully focus on the speaker and
avoid interrupting them.
Star, without a doubt, probablythe most important thing that
you can gather from emotionalintelligence is the ability to
be a superstar as far as alistener.
And probably the most importantelement of that to ensure that
(03:58):
you're actually doing thesefunctions is to become more
self-aware, to observe oneselfand to act accordingly and
humbly.
A lot of what I've just talkedabout are things that make sense
if you find a leader that isactually engaged in the process
(04:19):
of leading.
He goes on in the article andhe starts off with if you can't
lead yourself first, why shouldanyone else follow you?
Your leadership breakthroughstarts inside, not outside.
You work hard, you leadmeetings, you solve problems,
(04:41):
but why doesn't it feel likeyour team is connected?
They're disconnected, they'redistant, even resistant.
Here's the brutal truth.
You can't lead others untilyou've mastered leading yourself
.
And I just want to step back fora second and just talk about
(05:03):
that statement.
And I just want to step back fora second and just talk about
that statement and, looking atit as far as my first
supervisory job, it became clearthat I needed to understand
that element and change.
And when I went and worked forJohnson Johnson, the first thing
that happened was they gave mea description that was basically
this list, but it's adescription of what the army
(05:27):
considers a requirement to be aleader, and I found that as an
enlightening kind of piece of it.
And the other part that Johnsonand Johnson did for me is send
me to the class with Dr Durst.
So it was a wonderful jump.
I'm going from being in thetrucking industry to being in
manufacturing for Johnson andJohnson.
That jump of career, that wasthe perfect transition and it's
(05:48):
the kind of things that you haveto look at as a leader,
especially if you're giving anopportunity for somebody to
stretch and grow in a position.
You have to give them some kindof starting point to understand
how to make that transitionwork.
To understand how to make thattransition work, greg, from your
experience, what would you addto the concept of leading that
(06:09):
element of teaching?
Speaker 2 (06:11):
So for me, john, it's a story.
I remember the first day of mysupervisory job.
It was a packaging function ata distribution center and
fortunately I was scheduled fortraining in the second week.
But the first week I wasshadowing a supervisor.
I watched how she carriedherself with the team on our
shift.
I watched how they responded toher and how she spoke to them.
She was confident, she waspoised and it came through in
(06:34):
her delivery of work tasks andassignment.
I knew being a supervisor wasmore than just being given a
title, and I was only three orfour years older than most of
the people I was supervising.
Although my first week wasshadowing a supervisor on day
shift, the next week I was solowith my team on second shift.
My company provided goodleadership training, but I had
to make sure I was leadingmyself to make it all work, and
(06:55):
I got better over time.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Maybe you can bring up the next point that came from
the article.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Thanks, john.
So most leadership breakdownsaren't because of a lack of
strategy.
Right.
People put the time together,put a plan together.
They happen because ofemotional intelligence.
The real leadership superpoweris missing.
That is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence maysound soft, but it is strong.
It's what separates goodleaders from transformational
(07:20):
ones.
So think about that.
Good leaders, that's okay, butthose that can transform the
organization or take us toanother place, that's what
you're ultimately looking for,and today we're going to give
you the emotional brew plantthat turns influence from forced
to natural.
So think about how to buildleadership from the inside out
actionable steps to deepenconnection and trust, and
(07:42):
practices you can use thatcreate real loyalty, not just
compliance.
So let's give you a peek at thegame-changing shifts you're
going to discover.
First, I've already said it, butstart by leading yourself.
Are you asking others to dowhat you wouldn't do yourself?
I hope not.
Show up with accountability anda hunger for growth and real,
(08:05):
real self-care.
The second one ask thoughtfulquestions, not just plain bland
questions, but questions thatreflect you're really thinking
about what's going on here inthe workplace.
Are you creating space for real, serious, honest conversation
or are you just checking the boxthe best leaders make room for
diverse opinions, not justagreement.
(08:25):
And the third one become moreself-aware.
How often do you check yourselfbefore checking others?
Remember they say checkyourself before you wreck
yourself.
Well, there's a littlesomething to that.
The more aware you are of youractions and emotions, the more
you're going to get respect fromyour team.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Yeah, you know, when I, when I was looking at this
article, what I thought it wasjust amazing is how it really
mirrors Dr Durst's book.
And when I've asked Dr Durstabout some of the questions of
writing the book being the cause, he said, john, it's common
sense at some level and it'shard to teach people common
sense but it's alsounderstanding probably the most
(09:04):
important part being able to seewhat you're doing and be aware
of what you're doing, being inthe now.
As he puts it, that's probablythe most important thing that
you want to do and it's likethese are the basics.
It's like the blocking andtackling of a football team.
You need to do these things inorder to at least be productive
(09:30):
as a leader and saw those kindsof skill sets being demonstrated
rather than being taught, andyou can learn that.
But sometimes it's helpful ifyou kind of get the sit down and
get the information, thingslike emotional intelligence, and
this book by Stuart Andrews isactually one of the reasons that
(09:53):
I thought this would be a verygood subject to talk about.
Greg, do you have anyobservations?
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Sure do, John.
Again another story from theancient past.
As a leader, you can't gothrough the motions and just
hope it works out right.
I remember having productivitynumbers to hit, quality
standards to meet.
As a supervisor, you can't makethose things happen
unconsciously.
It's like a bad scene from anold I Love Lucy episode.
Right, you take your eye offthe production line and it all
(10:22):
goes haywire with productsstrewn everywhere.
So as a leader, you have to befully engaged in your leadership
role and make sure you're fullyclued into the responsibility
that goes with it.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
All right, I think you got another list.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I do indeed so.
Number four listen more thanyou speak.
What are you missing?
Because you're too focused onyour next response?
Maybe a little bit too muchactive listening, anxious
listening, right?
Listen more than you speak.
Real listening builds loyaltyfaster than perfect speeches.
That's interesting, yeah.
Number five engage in activeself-reflection.
(11:02):
When's the last time youactually sat down with your own
thoughts without judgment?
Right, it's probably been awhile.
Regular reflection fuels wisdom, not just knowledge.
We know there's a differencebetween the two.
And number six seek feedbackfrom the team.
Are you brave enough to hearthe hard truths?
(11:22):
We always say feedback is agift.
Feedback isn't a weakness, it'sa leadership.
Situation in action, john.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, yeah, but you know, I think listening more
than you speak is a common thingfor both of us and we've talked
about this in other podcasts.
There are so many leaders thatlike to hear their own voice.
It's just not even connectingwith the audience.
They've lost them when theystarted off at the beginning of
the speech.
(11:50):
Being able to see yourself andbeing able to engage in
self-reflection is really atalent.
It's really a taught processand something that is worth your
effort.
The underlying message is to beaware of how you're coming
across to your audience andunderstand the body language and
(12:12):
those things in terms of eyecontact and all the things that
sometimes aren't verbal arevisual.
You need to see that as you'regoing through any of your
presentations.
I've given recommendations andI thought I gave a very clear
path on what I wanted done, andI'm watching my team walking out
(12:32):
the door and I can see the headshaking.
No, it's like oh geez, and thenyou'll end up doing the right
thing is following up on aone-on-one and making sure you
clear up whatever there was forconfusion, because you did a
lousy job of your presentation.
You never stop observing asyou're going through the meeting
.
(12:52):
The last point is probably themost important point.
Asking for feedback of yourteam will give you a much
clearer perspective on howyou're being received.
If your team is truly afraid ofyou, you're just going to get
yes or no answers.
If the team trusts you, yourfeedback is going to be engaged,
both in the positive and thenegative associated.
And that is what you see as faras leadership.
(13:13):
And if you also find the peoplewho are giving you that kind of
information, those arepotential leaders that you have
within your team.
Those are the signals ofsomeone that's engaged.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Greg.
You know, John, to me it's likethat old saying you're given
two ears and one mouth.
Use them proportionately.
That way, I like that one.
So filling the airwaves with myvelvety pipes doesn't
accomplish much if I'm not doinga good job of listening to my
team and subsequently leadingthem.
You've heard me say it a lotFeedback is a gift, and I truly
(13:49):
believe that Constructivefeedback is invaluable and if
you listen and act on it, greatthings can happen.
I see seeking feedback as partof courageous leadership.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
So game changing shifts that we're talking about
he has.
The seventh one that he'sbringing up is get to know your
team.
Do you know your team's dreams,their struggles, what lights
them up?
And those are the parts ofthings of engagement.
Leadership is personal, it'snot just position.
(14:24):
I just want to stop there for asecond.
And, yes, that's the essence ofit Empowering your team to trust
your team enough to let themfly.
Autonomy transformsresponsibility into ownership,
and if the people that you'reworking with understand that
they own it, they takeresponsibility for the results.
(14:46):
There is the essence of whatyour job is really entailed to
try to do Create that sense ofownership, to prioritize
communication and do it withempathy.
You are being transparent aboutthe storms, and it's not just
about the sunny days.
Openness and empathy turnemployees into mission-driven
(15:11):
teammates.
They're not employees.
So that is basically the setupin terms of all the things that
he is describing as emotionalintelligence, and I think it's a
pretty good list.
It does a pretty good job ofsupporting it, but it implies a
couple of things that I thinkGreg and I would like to talk
about.
It talks about reflection andmeditation and the ability to
(15:35):
try to do a better job of seeinghow you come across, to make
sure that you're engaging a teamand you're getting things like
feedback, and I think it's aperfect jumping off point to
talk about how do you do thosethings in terms of preparing
yourself and, greg, with yourexperience within the HR
(15:56):
department, I think you'veworked with this subject of
helping people to be moreself-reflective.
Maybe that would be anopportunity.
What did you see?
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Absolutely, john.
This was really interesting.
My last company some years agoembarked on this mission for
leaders to be more reflectiveand it was somewhat of a foreign
concept for folks because wedid a lot of things in teams a
lot of couples, duets, triads,whatever.
We worked together a lot, butreally we're trying to build
that team.
But my boss was really intoreflection because he did it
(16:29):
himself and so because he did,of course the rest of us are
going to give it some seriousthought.
Self-reflection didn't comenatural to a lot of us.
There were several leaders andthese are people who have been
around for a while, have ledpretty good-sized organizations
and projects.
They wanted to self-reflecttogether.
They wanted to pair up, and ifyou do that, because it's not a
good idea, you're not reallylooking at your own issues, your
(16:50):
own opportunities, and you'reactually trying to create some
community that you don't reallyneed for right now.
You need the community in yourown head about reflection, and I
can attest that it did fuelpersonal wisdom.
Although sitting with your ownthoughts can seem daunting,
there's a lot of value in theperiodic exercise and once we
got good at it we were able tosit down and then, of course you
(17:10):
document.
You kind of put a little notetogether of what you discovered,
date it, and then maybe you doit again a month from now or
whatever.
But really looking at yourself,being critical of yourself,
being willing to say you know Icould have done that better.
Okay, what would I dodifferently?
If you don't take the time todo that, it won't happen on its
own, john.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
In the summary of his article.
He puts it as a veryinteresting straight up
statement, trying to make apoint If you want to lead with
real influence, lead yourselffirst.
Emotional intelligence isn't anoption any longer.
It is a bridge between whereyou are as a leader and what
(17:51):
you're meant to become, and forme, I think this is one of those
articles that it just rings forme to be true, and I think
we've talked about the elementsin terms of how to take this to
the next step.
Greg, maybe it'd be interesting, just for the sake of clarity,
(18:12):
to take a look at meditation andself-reflection and how they
compare.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
What's the difference between meditation and
self-reflection and how theycompare?
What's the difference betweenmeditation and self-reflection?
So meditation is the act offreeing the mind of thoughts, of
emotions and behaviors, whichcan lead to greater
self-understanding.
Right, that's meditation.
Self-reflection is the act ofdeliberately that's right
purposefully thinking aboutone's self-actions, your own
(18:39):
actions and thoughts.
You want to use that to helpdefine the event or the action,
and then what approach you'regoing to use to address the
action.
So here's how it works Setting,imagine yourself in a quiet,
comfortable space where you cansit or lie down with your spine
aligned for optimal energy flowand there's some breathing that
goes on here, too, let's talkabout that.
(19:00):
Breath work Take slow, deepbreaths, focusing on your breath
and body sensations A termthat's become very popular
recently.
Mindfulness Observe thoughtsand feelings without judgment,
gently redirecting your focus toyour breath when distractions
arise.
(19:20):
Reflection Spend timereflecting on your current state
of being, your experiences andany insights that might come up.
And then, finally,self-compassion End with a
moment of kindness andself-appreciation, acknowledging
your journey and the growthyou've obtained.
So examples or prompts forself-reflection during
(19:42):
medication could look or soundlike this how do I feel right
now?
What qualities do I appreciateabout myself?
What are my thoughts andfeelings about a specific
experience I've had and feelingsabout a specific experience
I've had?
What lessons can I learn frommy mistakes?
(20:02):
Sometimes we need to do this alot more than we do Revisiting
what values are important to me,how supportive am I of others
and what am I specifically doingto improve myself?
The benefits of self-reflection,mediation, increased
self-awareness that'sunderstanding your thoughts,
your feelings and yourmotivations.
(20:22):
Second, emotional regulationlearning how to observe and
manage your own emotions.
Third, reduce stress andanxiety right.
We all want that.
You want to cultivate innerpeace and calmness.
Fourth, improve decision-makingright as a leader, that's, you
want to cultivate inner peaceand calmness.
Fourth, improve decision-makingas a leader.
That's real important to youMaking choices align with your
(20:45):
values and your goals.
And finally, enhanceself-compassion, showing
kindness and understanding toyourself.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
I also think that meditation is part of what I do
in terms of prayer and I see alot of the similar elements of
self-reflection in prayer andit's just another form of
understanding that you canmeditate and you probably have
been meditating but giveyourself some idea of goals, of
(21:18):
what you're going to spend thattime to be self-reflective and
those those things in terms of,for me, prayer, for trying to be
more self-compassionate andshowing kindness.
So that kind of gives a wrap ofthe idea of emotional
intelligence and a little bitabout what we were trying to
help you to understand howmeditation can help and enhance
(21:41):
that end result.
So, if you like what you'veheard, yeah, my book is
available on Amazon and Barnesand Noble.
Our podcast is available onGoogle, apple, spotify and what
you're listening to, thank you.
(22:02):
The things that we've talkedabout in terms of Dr Durst and
his MBR program is available onsuccessgrowthacademycom and if
you want to get a hold of us,you can contact us on the
website authorjawcom, and themusic has been brought to you by
my grandson, so we want to hearfrom you.
You have helped us with ourprogram and the ideas that we
(22:25):
talk about, and it is the partthat Greg and I appreciate.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
So thanks Greg, Thanks John, as always.
Next time yeah.
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