February 13, 2023 • 51 mins
How can changing our language change our worldview?
How can changing our posture change our state?
How can changing our thoughts change how we feel?
How can we align our behaviors with our identities?
Vin Infante covers all this and more in an episode packed with mindset frameworks, thought exercises, and tips for shifting our mental health and behavior by changing our thoughts and emotions.
Vin has over a decade of experience in mental health, worked with thousands of people, former FDNY firefighter, and is currently a psychotherapist and master mindset coach. Vin was featured in International Business Times as “a top coach to follow in 2022” and has been featured in Forbes, NY Weekly, Entrepreneur, and a lot of other places!
If you want to change your life through changing your mindset, listen to this episode!
You can follow Vin at:
IG: vin.infante
LI: Vin Infante
Download his scientifically- backed framework for creating a Mission Board that actually changes your life here!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Vin Infante (00:00):
Who do you want to be?
and I want to be inspiring.
I wanna be a leader.
I wanna be confident, I wanna beloving, I wanna be happy, I
wanna be peaceful.
I wanna be joyous.
I wanna celebrate life.
I wanna inspire others.
I want people to follow me.
I want to lead people tobettering themselves.
I wanna lead myself to betteringmyself and then the next
question I asked was just a verysimple follow up.
Says, great.
(00:20):
So you wanna be all thesethings.
What do you have to say?
What do you have to do?
More importantly, who do youhave to become?
What do you have to make othersfeel?
what would you do in differentmoments in life and how would
you move from here?
Michael Bauman (00:36):
How do we truly feel like a success in every
area of our lives?
How do we feel enough and knowthat we are not alone?
Join me as I interview some ofthe top leaders and experts in
the world, from Broadwaydirectors to multimillionaire,
CEOs, neuroscientists, and moreto look behind the curtain of
success and examine not only theachievements, but also the
(00:59):
fears, the doubts, theloneliness and how we can
navigate through that to createthe incredible life we actually
want to live.
Welcome to Success Engineering.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to SuccessEngineering.
So this month, as some of youguys know is about mental
(01:22):
health.
I really want to share top tipsfrom experts on how we can
really make sure that this is apriority in our life.
And I know for me personally,and probably a lot of other
people as well, February can bea challenging month.
You know, we're still in winterfor a lot of the Northern
hemisphere.
It's kind of dreary, it's cold.
(01:42):
We don't have a lot of theholidays to look forward to.
And even here in China, youknow, it's past the Chinese new
year and the breaks.
And stuff.
And it can be kind of achallenging time.
You know, we're not gettingenough vitamin D we're knocking
out and, um, just, just a toughtime.
So I figured it would be a greattime to talk about mental
health.
So this month we're having somereally great, we always have
(02:05):
great people on, but.
Really great experts talkingabout everything from, you know,
the one for today.
Which is practical tips abouthow we can shift our mindset and
really create the life that wewant to live and also separating
our identity from anxiety andfrom depression and mental
models for that really, reallyexcellent tips.
(02:27):
Another one of the guests willtalk about how to navigate and
really recover from and healfrom toxic relationships.
Another very important topic.
And then we'll have a incrediblepowerhouse lady.
But she talks about how she tookher unique abilities and all of,
even the pain and the challengesand struggles and stuff that
(02:47):
she's had and turned it intosomething that's amazing in
terms of how she helps peoplebrand themselves.
And.
Just a super in-depthconversation on how we can
navigate the, our inner worldsand our mental and emotional
health.
So it was amazing, amazingconversation.
So we have a lot of good stuffAlso mid-March I do have my 12
week online elite mindsettraining for entrepreneurs
(03:10):
mastermind that launches theweek of March 13th.
So be looking out for some moreinformation on that, but without
further ado, let's jump rightinto the show.
welcome back to SuccessEngineering.
I'm your host, Michael Bauman.
I have the pleasure of havingVin Infante on.
He's has over a decade ofexperience in mental health.
(03:30):
Worked with thousands of people.
He's a former F D N Yfirefighter, and currently a
psychotherapist.
And a Master Mindset coach, andwe'll actually get into that as
we go here.
He's been featured inInternational Business Times,
top Coach to Follow in 2022,featured in Forbes, New York
Weekly Entrepreneur, ton ofother places.
It's gonna be a greatconversation.
Welcome to the show here, Vin!
Vin Infante (03:51):
Thanks for having me, Mike.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Michael Bauman (03:53):
So it obviously wasn't, wasn't always like this.
I want to get into yourbackground a little bit around
some of the challenges you facedgrowing up, whether that's
bullying, you know, not havingthe friends and, and kind of
start there and talk to me abouthow that shaped those formation
years for you.
Vin Infante (04:09):
I'll do my best to do the bridge version cuz I feel
like my story's way too long,but I've come to learn.
A lot of that had shaped me inmany, many ways.
That put me at such adisadvantage in, in my own
personal life, right?
Not necessarily in the externalworld.
In the external world, I wasstill able to thrive, and I
think a lot of people could.
But internally, I struggled withconfidence issues, depression,
(04:32):
anxiety, panic attacks suicidalideation.
I struggled.
Severe, severe, just self-worthissues, even identity issues,
right?
Figuring out who I am, because Iwanted to be somebody that was
liked.
I wanted to be someone who wasworthy of friendships.
I wanted to be someone who wasworthy of love.
Like I couldn't even get agirlfriend until I was in
(04:53):
virtually college.
So it was a very rough journey,to say the least.
And I had tried to reinventmyself going.
From high school to college, andit was a very simple shift where
I decided to change my name onall my college transcripts from
Vincent to Vincenza so that Iwould come in and start with
(05:14):
this cool new name and startfresh and have this opportunity
to be bigger than I was.
And it worked externally.
I started making friends.
I shift a lot of physical thingsabout myself, right?
I started working out, so I wasa little bit chubby.
I wasn't the best looking right.
and I started working out a bit.
I changed up my clothing style.
(05:35):
I grew out a beard.
I, I started, you know, spikingmy hair.
Like it was one of those classicthings you would see in a movie
where if you ever saw, oh myGod, there's this old movie
called The New Guy.
And he was like a loser in highschool, right?
And then he goes to this newschool and he is just like this
cool guy.
Everybody's like, who the hellis he?
Right?
and I, I, I kind of achievedthat going into college.
(05:57):
I was the new guy and nobodyknew who I was, but I was, I was
cool and, and women wereinterested in me and, and guys
wanted to be my friend.
And, and I didn't really have, Ihad a personality, but not
entirely, I would say I was moreof a chameleon so to really make
friends, I would just be like,well, what do you like?
Because the things that I liked,I was always picked on for.
(06:17):
Right.
So I didn't really want peopleto know me.
I would just like become you, ifthat makes sense.
Right.
Somebody would be like, oh, Ilike this.
I'd be like, cool.
I like it too.
Let's do it.
Mm-hmm.
and everybody obviously liked mebecause we always had something
in common, so It was great, butit wasn't because I still had
all of these internal issues Iwas struggling with, and things
(06:39):
progressively got worse andworse and worse, even though I
did great.
Seemingly, I was working twojobs.
I was a personal trainer, I wasa mental health worker.
I was graduating in my undergradin Psychi, national Honor
Society.
I was a lead presenter at theunder undergrad site conference
at, for doing a research studythat, that me and the team
conducted, and so I did pH.
(07:00):
got accepted to every master'sprogram, was driving a Camaro
cool guy.
Right?
And it was crazy becauseinternally I was still just such
a mess.
Mm-hmm.
And so it really wasn't until.
23 where my whole life changed.
But I wanna pause there in casethere's anything you wanna dig
into in that, in that littlelife story.
Michael Bauman (07:20):
No, I actually really want to talk about the 23
cuz I, I'm really curious onwhat triggered, what triggered
the change and what the ininternal work looked like to, to
change that.
Vin Infante (07:32):
Perfect.
Okay, so we'll jump on in.
So my last two years of mymaster's program were the
hardest, probably mental yearsof my life.
I was really spiraling outtacontrol.
I was basically calling mytherapist.
I, I was at a place mentallywhere I was so unable to make a
decision.
that if a decision had to bemade something serious, not
(07:53):
something stupid, like whatshould I eat for dinner?
Right?
But something serious.
Like, I got into a fight with mygirlfriend.
What do I say?
Or I have, you know, an issuewith my friend, what do I do?
Or you know, I confronted ateacher because I wasn't happy
about something in the class.
What do things like that, right?
Things that I felt were big, bigdeals.
(08:14):
And so my panic attacks, wars.
I was having them veryfrequently.
I was having mental breakdownsproperly once every few months,
like just completely like out ofit, spiraling, crying,
hyperventilating, the, the wholeugly cry that, you know,
everything that came with a nicegood mental breakdown.
Right.
So I, I was really spiraling badin my master's program.
(08:38):
Right.
And, and it's even funnier cuzit's like, oh, this.
this guy's gonna be a therapist.
And it's like, oh God.
Right?
I, I think back to those times,it's like, wow, I I didn't know
I would actually get to fix allof these issues, but I was just
like, I'm gonna become atherapist with all of these
issues.
Mm-hmm.
So it's, it's very relievingthat I, I've kind of overcome a
(08:59):
lot of these things.
So what wound up happening wasgraduated 20.
Got my master's and I had moneyin the bank.
I quit both of my jobs and Idecided to try and figure myself
out and nothing was reallyworking.
I went out, got myself a reallynice, a new Camaro.
I already had a Camaro, but Igot a new one now.
(09:20):
I got the brand new and, and itwas so I'll never forget, right?
It was the brand new.
it didn't even come out yet.
Like nobody had it.
I had to go over to anotherstate just to get it So I was
the first one, like on my smalllittle island in New York and
Staten Island that had this.
So when I would go to car meets,everyone was like, whoa.
So I had that going for me.
I started getting tattoos.
(09:41):
I had a hot girlfriend.
Everything was great, man.
Like life was good.
but I was still miserable.
Like internally life,internally, life sucked.
And I was buying all thesethings and I was doing what I
wanted and I was spending moneylike water.
And I, I do regret that at thispoint.
Well, I shouldn't say I regretit, but I would change it.
If I could go back in time, Iwouldn't do that again.
And I was just doing thesethings cuz I realized like I was
(10:04):
trying to just make myself happyand that wasn't easy to do.
And so, What wound up happeningwas one day during the summer I
was in this moment of justcomplete, utter and total.
Everything everything.
It was frustration and anger andsadness and, and like rage and,
and it was all just coming up,right?
(10:26):
And I was so mad.
I was, I was home alone and Ilived, I lived at my parents'
house at the time, right?
So it's good.
I was home alone, and you'llhear why in a second.
But I was home alone.
I'm in the bathroom and I likeslam my hands on the counter and
I'm like, man, what's, what'swrong with me?
Like, what, what is it?
Like, why am I so, so?
why am I so angry?
(10:46):
Why am I sad?
Why am I anxious?
What's like, what's all of thisstuff coming up for?
Because my life is great.
My life is legitimately awesome.
Like, I actually wouldn't tradeit with people, but why is it
that I'm still so miserable andI couldn't figure it out?
And so I'll never forget.
It was so funny because I, I hadmy head down right when I was
like going through this moment.
(11:08):
And then I looked up at myselfand I was like, oh.
I was like, your, I was like, Iwas like, you are Vincent.
And that was the first time inseven years that I said my
actual name.
Mm-hmm.
And that moment, it was almost,it is almost like magic, right?
(11:28):
I tell people, I'm like, if, ifthey were to make a Hallmark
movie with the gold sparklesthat just fly in at those magic
moments, that would've been it,because I swear, 80, 80 to 90%
of my anxiety, 80 to 90% of mydepression just vanished in that
moment, and I felt such afeeling of peace.
Even telling this story, I stillget chills down my spine.
Mm-hmm.
because I remember it like itwas yesterday.
(11:49):
That feeling continues to rushback every time I tell this
story and it's so beautiful andwhy I felt that, which I
couldn't figure out at the time.
But through retrospectiveintrospection, I have figured
out what actually occurred inthat moment and what occurred in
that moment.
Radical self-acceptance.
(12:10):
Everything that happened in mylife has happened.
Everything that is currentlygoing on in my life as a result
of everything that's happenedand everything that will happen
in my life is now able to beowned and controlled by me.
And I get to determine thetrajectory of my life from this
moment on if I should showshoes.
And so what wound up coming upwas not only that aspect of
(12:33):
radical acceptance, but it wasalso.
I like to talk about this term,Jocko Winks, right?
Extreme ownership.
Everything's your fault.
Everything that's happened, youcan find a level of ownership in
everything that will happen youcan own.
And then from there, withoutrealizing it, I actually got
into almost what I call internalleadership, right?
Which is leadership isn't abouta title or position.
(12:55):
It's about.
who you are and how you show upin this world.
So I had a very honestconversation, and this is why I
say it's great that nobody wasin the house.
They would've called thegentleman with the straight
jackets, because I'm sittingthere and I'm like looking at
myself in the mirror, and I'mjust raw, raw and honest, man.
I'm like, you are weak.
You're a victim.
(13:15):
You're depressed, you'reanxious, you're, you have panic
attacks.
You're not inspiring.
No one will follow you.
People pity.
you know, people look out foryou because they're, they're
concerned for you.
You're nobody, nobody would everfollow you.
You're not a leader.
You're not an inspiration.
How are you even gonna helpanyone?
You can't even help yourself.
And that was like the, theconversation that I had.
(13:37):
And you know, some people hearme say this story and they're
like, wow, you're really hard onyourself.
I was like, There's a differencebetween being hard on yourself
and being honest.
You can't change anything inlife if you can't get to a place
of extreme openness and honesty.
And for me, that was the rawmoment, right?
Because I think it was et.
Who says you have to get sickand tired of being sick and
(13:57):
tired, and it might not havebeen him.
I always mess up themotivational speakers.
A lot of them sound the same tome cause they're all just
yelling at you.
But like he's like, all right,I'm ready.
Then you're going back to reallife and you're like, oh, It's
like, damn, all of the changesis not happening.
But.
It was that moment for me,right?
(14:19):
It was, I was sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
I was sick and tired of beingthat person.
And so that level of honestythat I had with myself, I needed
that because after I said allthat to myself, I then asked a
few different follow upquestions that were really
important, and they said, isthis who you want to be?
Mm-hmm.
you've been this.
Virtually your whole life.
(14:40):
I've been getting bullied and,and being the outsider since I,
dude literally was inkindergarten.
So now we're talking, I'm 23.
So kindergarten, you're what?
Five or six?
So I've been this, I've beenthis way for 16, 17 years.
And the question was, do youwant to do this for even another
minute?
Forget another 16, 17 years.
(15:01):
Do you wanna do this anotherminute?
And then if you really want agood question, do you want to do
this?
Let's just say you're blessed tolive to a hundred.
You wanna do this another what,77 years That's a lot of time to
suffer, right?
Mm-hmm.
So I was like, no, no, I don't.
I start, I was answering my ownquestions.
I was like, no, I don't wanna dothis anymore.
Great.
(15:21):
Who do you want?
to be and I said, well, that's,that's pretty easy.
I, I want to be inspiring.
I wanna be a leader.
I wanna be confident, I wanna beloving, I wanna be happy, I
wanna be peaceful.
I wanna be joyous.
I wanna celebrate life.
I wanna inspire others.
I want people to follow me.
I want to lead people to, to,you know, bettering themselves.
I wanna lead myself to betteringmyself and those that like that
(15:43):
just poured out, right.
I.
it's, it's my real self that wasspeaking.
It was who I really am.
And that I realized too, andthat had been locked in there.
That's why I talk about tellingpeople to unlock your inner
leader cuz it's in there.
And so that was my inner leadercoming out and he was like, I'm
taking the reins now.
I'm gonna tell you who you wantto be.
And then the next question Iasked was just a very simple
(16:03):
follow up.
Says, great.
So you wanna be all thesethings.
What do you have to say?
What do you have to do?
More importantly, who do youhave to become?
What do you have to make others?
feel what would you do indifferent moments in life and
how would you move from here?
And as I started answering thosequestions, a lot of clarity came
up.
And then, at that moment, atthat point, 23 years old, that
(16:24):
was when I started changing mylife.
I decided my life is now mine toown.
Walked into my therapist'soffice for our next session, and
I sat down.
He's like, what's new?
I was like, well, this is ourlast session.
He's like, well, I wasn'texpecting that it was one of
those moments where I finally.
I finally felt capable and readyto take my life into my own
(16:45):
hands.
And I realized like, if anyonewas gonna change my life, it's
now my time.
It's in my.
And so that day I walked in wasthe last day I ever sat foot in
therapy ever.
Like I still haven't been backto therapy, And I feel great.
Life's amazing.
And it was that moment in themirror at 23 that changed the
whole trajectory of my life toput me here in front of you,
(17:07):
Mike, and talk to you and youraudience.
And I've built this guy over adecent amount of time now, and
I'm, I'm very proud to be ableto share him with you.
Yeah.
Michael Bauman (17:18):
So let's, let's talk about it.
Cause you know, what you'retalking about is, you know,
similar to, you know, what JamesClear talks about where like
you're setting, setting identityhabits so you're like actually
going like, what is the personthat I want to be?
And then one habits, you know,and like you said, you're a
behaviors, how you act, how youfeel, reflect that identity.
So you make that decision.
You know, changes, changes yourlife.
(17:39):
What did you start to implement?
What did you start to dodifferently after you walked
out, you know, of yourtherapist?
Like, what did that next weeklook like?
What did that next year looklike?
How did you start to act towardsthe person that you already are,
but create that?
Vin Infante (17:56):
Well, the first thing I did was because I walked
into therapy with my right footforward.
I left with my left foot, foot,not
Michael Bauman (18:03):
Perfect.
Write that down.
Take notes guys.
Vin Infante (18:08):
No.
I think the biggest thing that Istarted doing was I had to get,
had to get very clear on whatthe character traits would
manifest into what they wouldlook like.
So if you say, I want to bemore, what does confidence look
like?
What would somebody who'sconfident, what would they do?
What would they say?
(18:28):
How would they stand?
What would their posture looklike?
What might they make otherpeople feel?
In fact, how might they feel?
And you start asking thesereally, really good questions
and I tell people, Hey, listen,if you don't know how to do it,
one of the best techniques incognitive behavioral therapies.
Find somebody who has theresults that you're looking for
already, and then basically justdo what they do until it becomes
(18:51):
real for you.
And it's not to say impersonateand I don't believe in fake it
till you make it.
I believe in believe it untilyou become it.
Because fake it till you makeits terrible notion.
You have to be clear on what itis that you want to achieve
because you are gonna become itbefore it manifests in the
world.
Right?
So what I'm talking about withthat is if you say, I'm gonna be
(19:14):
someone with confidence, youhave to start doing the things
that build confidence beforepeople recognize you as
confident.
that's how you believe it.
Before you become it, you haveto embody it.
And then the world will justcome to see you and know you as
it, like, you might not get the,not the the notoriety for it
just right away.
(19:34):
You might go to a family partyand everyone will still think
you're that non-confident personbecause you just decided
yesterday you're gonna beconfident.
maybe next year or in a fewmonths, or even a few years,
really depends how long yourprocess is.
You're gonna walk into thatfamily party and your cousins
are gonna see you and your auntand your uncle, and they're
gonna be like, I don't know whatit is, but something different
(19:56):
about you.
You, you seem more confident nowand that's when you know you've
achieved it, right?
Because now it's recognizablethrough other people and you
don't even have to say anythingbecause you have embodied it so
well from living it for so.
that other people can finallysay it.
Mm-hmm.
And so I did that not just withconfidence, but with like 30
(20:20):
other things, No,
Michael Bauman (20:24):
it's interesting that you mentioned that about
confidence.
I had Michael Gervais on, he'san elite sports psychologist,
basically works with a top likehalf percent of athletes in the
world, and he talks about that.
He, he says a very similar thingwith fake it till you make it.
He's like, the research doesn'tback that up, but what it says
is like your confidence comesfrom looking back.
(20:44):
Pulling out, I have donesomething like this before.
You know, I have a skill.
I have a strength in this area.
And then you pull that intowhatever you're doing at this
moment.
It comes actually from thatmindset of, of looking back.
And so I think that'sinteresting that you, that you
mention it.
So talk to us about, I mean,this kind of goes along with
what, what you do and, and whatyou're talking about.
(21:04):
You're, you have this identity,you're like, wow, I have this
identity, all these differentthings.
How do I then, act this way, butyou do a very specific thing
with vision board and even the,you know, the term vision board
can, you know, turn people offdepending on what, you know,
where they're coming from.
So talk to, talk to us aboutwhat you do with Vision Board
and how that's different, howit's based in research based in
(21:26):
science, what that looks like.
Vin Infante (21:28):
Sure.
So this, this is definitely alot and I call my vision board a
mission board because I think avision sucks.
I don't think a vision isactually powerful, but I think a
vision, a mission is somethingyou and other people can rally
around, right?
Like somebody says, ah, I havethis vision of life, of what my
life should be like.
(21:49):
Kind of sounds a little, what?
What's the word?
Woo, woo.
Fru.
Whatever we want to use, right?
Ethereal, A vision.
Yeah.
Ethereal.
It's, listen, it's not wrong.
I can talk about the woo wooethereal stuff all day.
I love it, but it's notcompelling.
right?
When you say, I have a vision, Imean, that could be anything
you, you did.
You have a dream, a dream's,technically a vision.
(22:09):
It's just a vision of somethingthat hasn't happened or
something that's really weird,like zombies or something.
So that's not, that's notanything important.
But if you say, Hey, I have amission.
Like I'll tell you, Mike, I'lltell you and the audience, my
mission is to impact 1 billionpeople positively on this
planet.
Doesn't that sound a little bitmore powerful, don't you like,
can I be involved in vin'smission?
(22:30):
Like, Mike, you're hosting me onhere.
If I help even one person onyour podcast, you have joined me
on my mission.
You've helped me impact abillion lives.
Isn't that cool?
Isn't that strong?
Isn't that mm-hmm.
like, wow, let's do this.
Let's get excited.
Like let's get everyone into it.
That's why I decided to createit, and I call it a mission
board.
Because your mission board isencompassing not only what you
(22:52):
want to achieve in life, whoyou're becoming, the evolution
of the self and what you believeyour purpose is, and how you're
gonna leave your mark on thisworld.
A lot of times vision boardstend to be a wall decoration.
People spend more time makingthe thing than they do actually
utilizing it as a powerful,effective tool.
They'll sit there and they'llmake it pretty, it looks like a
collage.
There's 70 pitchers on it.
(23:13):
I don't, they don't evenremember what the first picture
was.
By the time they put the 70th onthere.
They go out, they getconstruction paper, they glue
flowers to it.
Whatever the flowers mean.
I have no idea.
But I got really fed up becauseI was like, I was like, these
are so useless and, and, andthere's a great concept, but
people move away from thembecause they become dumb.
And eventually, aside from beingsome stupid wall decoration,
(23:36):
they just become a doorstop thatyou forget about and then you'll
look back on it in two years andbe like, ah, I remember when I
had dreams of a better life.
Meanwhile, you're still doingthe same thing day in and day
out.
Mm-hmm.
and.
my mission board is centeredaround a few things.
I still tell people to put thevision of the photos or the
things that you want to achieveand welcome into your life,
(23:59):
right?
Because each one of those aregoing to require you to grow and
evolve as a person, right?
The point of a goal is neverabout the goal itself.
The point of a goal is tochallenge you to evolve into the
person you need to become tolive.
If you don't have a milliondollars in your bank account,
it's not because you are a badperson, it's just because you
(24:20):
are not yet the person capableof generating a million dollars.
You haven't figured out aproduct or a service created
something of value.
There's a lot of work you needto do on you to become that
million dollar person, right?
And, and it doesn't have to beabout money either.
Money's just the easiestdescription.
What if you want to be anamazing.
(24:40):
and you're like, my vision, mydream is to have this beautiful
child who's so caring andloving, et cetera.
Cool.
So put a photo of your futurechild on your, on your board,
and then put what attributesyou'd like your ha your child to
have.
You know why that's gonna shapeyour parenting style.
So, it's gonna challenge you.
If you want your daughter to beloving, you're gonna have to
(25:01):
learn how to respond to her withlove.
Mm-hmm.
You're gonna have to sit thereand you're gonna have to really
consciously parent and make sureyou teach the things you want
her to embody.
So you see, it challenges you.
These photos are supposed tochallenge you to evolve in these
ways.
And then what I tell people todo, Is put a present tense part
of the believe it until youbecome it thing.
(25:22):
Right?
Put a present tense affirmationnear it.
So for instance, I have afitness goal.
I have a specific body type Iwould like to look like, and I
don't put, oh, this is my bodyafter hard work in years of
dieting, I put, for instance, Icould just read it to you.
It says, my body, due to mydedication and hard work while
embracing a healthy lifestyle.
(25:43):
Nowhere in there do I say, Ihaven't achieved this body.
because the reason we shift theidentity and use that type of
present tense statement, I don'teven want to call it an
affirmation.
I believe it's a present tensestatement.
The reason being is because youare basically saying what your
identity is.
And your identity, much like wewere just talking about, your
identity dictates your habits.
(26:04):
Your habits dictate yourlifestyle and your lifestyle is
a result of who you believeyourself to be.
So it all goes full circle.
Few other pieces for the, forthe mission board is I love
quotes.
I encourage people to put upabout four to six quotes.
This way you have timelesspieces of wisdom that if you
truly embody, can change the wayyou live Your.
(26:25):
One of the biggest life-changingquotes for me came from Marcus
Aurelius, where it says, bestrict with yourself and
tolerant of others.
Mm-hmm.
And I love that quote because Iused to have trouble putting my
expectations on other peoplebecause I'm a very high
performing people person.
And so, we know, and I don'twant to trash talk anyone, nor
do I believe it is, but we knownot everyone's a high performer.
(26:48):
Not everybody wants a ton out oflife.
And so because I do, I have verystrict standards and very high
standards for myself, it wouldput a lot of strain on my
relationships to do that toother people.
And so I had to learn, be strictwith yourself, but tolerant of
others, but.
I would've never really startedthinking about that if I didn't
find that quote first, right?
Mm-hmm.
So put the quotes up assomething you wanna learn and
(27:10):
more importantly, embody.
That's the point of puttingquotes.
And then the last piece, whichreally, really ties my mission
board together is now, if you'rea business owner, you should
have two.
But if you're not, you can haveone or two as optional.
But I put mission, vision, andvalue statements from my
personal self and my business.
(27:31):
and the reason I do that, kindof like what we're talking
about, creating the identity,who am I?
What are my titles that I hold?
Well, for me, I'm a father, I'ma son, I'm a boyfriend, I'm an
entrepreneur, right?
I have all these differenttitles, and then it's about
asking what is my mission?
and what is my vision for mylife?
And the people in it, right?
Cause you gotta include them.
(27:52):
And then what are the values Iwill uphold as a man, as Vin,
right?
As the person I am in front ofyou.
What will I uphold to live atruly fulfilling and amazing
life?
And then I also do that for mybusiness, right?
How do I show up as a, as acoach, mentor, therapist,
keynote, speaker, all thesetitles I have, how do I show up?
What's the mission of mycompany?
(28:12):
Why do I do what I do?
What's the vision?
Where am I going?
And then again, what are thevalues I hold as a coach, et
cetera.
And I would always say too, topeople is like, you'll probably
have some overlap, right?
Like, you'll have overlap basedon who you are as a person and
then what you're doing.
But business is usually areflection of the individual.
Mm-hmm.
So you're going to, like, wouldyou, would you say that it's not
(28:36):
important to be someone who hasintegrity in your personal.
and then go to business.
It's like, nah, I don't need, I.
Of course you do.
Like, all right, let a, let alittle overlap occur.
That's okay.
This way we know integrity is atop tier value through and
through, and so that's how I'vebuilt out this mission board and
I encourage everyone to do itand there's a lot more science
(28:56):
behind it than I I explainedbecause there's just so much
here and.
I also feel I need to take asecond from talking.
So you could go Mike
Michael Bauman (29:04):
No, it's about you.
It's about you.
That's why I, that's why I haveyou on.
No, I think it's, it'sincredibly powerful.
There's a, there's a really goodbook and you probably, you know,
read it be your Future Self Now,Dr.
Dr.
Benjamin Hardy and he, he talksabout that you're basically,
That's the person I want to be,you know?
Or that I am, you know, the futhe future person that I, that I
(29:25):
am.
Mm-hmm.
And then, you know, like, again,backstage kind of James, clear,
every habit that you do is avote towards the person that
you, that you really are.
And so you go, what habits do Iwanna vote?
Like I wanna put in my ballots,I'm gonna cast my votes.
This person over and over andover and over again.
So you talked about the, youknow, big picture, the vision
(29:47):
kind of things.
What do people do?
Like once they have that inplace, they have the, you know,
these are the six things that Iwanna put up there.
This is the, the quotes.
How do they then create theskills and the habits
necessarily to realize that?
What's the process for
Vin Infante (30:02):
that?
Sure.
So a mission board shouldn't beutilized on it.
I think it's pretty useless byitself, really.
I, I, I can't see any reason foranyone to have this wall
decoration.
You can't convince me otherwise.
Like, what is it gonna do if youjust look at it every day like,
oh, wow, I, I really like thatcar up there.
Yeah.
Like, great, what, what how doyou get the car man?
(30:25):
Right.
And so it's, it's aboutchallenging yourself to look at
it and say, okay, how can I bemore of the.
That I've committed to mymission, vision, and value
statements, right?
How can I embody that more andmore every single day?
Because like you could alwaysbecome more of yourself.
You could always become morevaluable.
You could always become a betterloving person.
(30:47):
You could always become morecaring, more empathetic,
whatever.
Whatever your values are, youcould always become more of it.
So challenge yourself everysingle day to do something that
gets you closer to that.
Even if, if you wanna just focuson one, like if you're like, I
am someone who really valueslove, but you have trouble with
that.
Okay.
Every day challenge yourself togo out and just do an act of
love or kindness for somebodywithout wanting anything in
(31:09):
return, right?
Like that could be a challengeevery single day.
Doesn't matter what it is, evenif it's something as something
as simple as stupid, as likewalking up to a random stranger
in the stream.
Be like, I love your shoes.
Great.
Cool.
Do that.
Become love and become more andmore every day.
Number two is with the goalsthat you have on there, t
tangibly.
(31:30):
You don't have to do timelines.
I actually have come to learnthat the highest performing and
most successful people I workwith, nobody has a timeline.
They don't exist.
Those things are exist whenthere's somebody who's like in a
nine to five.
But when you are reallysuccessful, really high
performing, you learn there's noneed for a timeline because
those things will happen onceyou become that person, right?
(31:54):
Mm-hmm.
So now it's just aboutdedicating yourself to the
process.
So the process looks.
Maybe monthly, weekly, dailyactivities.
I don't even wanna say goals,but monthly, weekly, daily
activities.
Okay?
I want to get, I wanna make amillion dollars.
Cool.
What do you have to do?
How?
Like how much money do you needto make a month?
And how much money do you needto make a week?
(32:15):
Or how much money do you wannamake a day?
Right?
Like you would know how you'reaiming to make a million
dollars.
Now the question is, what do Ineed to.
where do I need to be?
Who do I need to sell to?
How much do I need to sell?
What if I broke that down into amonthly goal?
And then what if I aim to do itweekly?
And then what if I aim to dosomething that would help me get
towards that million dollarsdaily?
(32:36):
See, because now what we'redoing is we're creating a strong
process for you, and you'regonna parrot by just looking up
and being like, okay, I have agoal.
For instance, for me, get morespeak engagements.
Okay?
How many speak engagements do Iwant?
How much do I wanna charge perspeaking engagement?
How much would I like to makeoverall for the year from
speaking engagements?
How many people do I want toimpact through speaking
engagements?
(32:57):
Where would I need to be?
How big's the stage?
Who has the money that could payme for this?
Where would I volunteer any?
How many would I volunteer?
right?
So you see how like you couldget really super intricate and
in depth with each photo onthere.
And that's why I tell peopletoo, no more than six to eight,
you don't need 30 photos.
You just need a few things toreally totally dedicate yourself
(33:19):
to, and so that, that's anotherpart.
It's journaling.
And then of course, let's talkabout visualization.
visualization.
Fascinating, right?
The subconscious mind cannottell the difference between
something you're visualizing.
or reality, it can't, it reallycan't.
It's truly fascinating the, theresearch that they have on this.
So when you're visualizing whatyou're doing is kind of like
(33:41):
what we were talking aboutbefore.
You are bringing your futureself into your present.
You are actually embodying thatperson now, as opposed to
saying, oh, in 10 years when Iget the car, or the million
dollars, or the chisel body,then I'll be that, right?
It's like, no, you're gonnavisualize, you're gonna see
(34:02):
yourself.
If we're using, for instance,the physical goal that I have,
I'm gonna close my eyes.
I'm gonna see myself having thatphysique that I am very
intentional about creating.
Right?
then one of the biggest waysthat people get to reach their
goals, very successful peopleknow that it's all about the
long-term focus, but it's hardto stay long-term focused if you
(34:23):
feel like crap in the.
because we act out of a painpleasure matrix, right?
That pain pleasure matrix is weseek out pleasure, we avoid
pain, and we try to conserveenergy.
So now if you're saying, Hey, toget this better body, I need to
sacrifice donuts and.
Cheeseburgers and pizza and icecream and all the good stuff.
(34:45):
I can't go out drinking.
I need to sleep early.
All of a sudden you're buildingup all of this pain in the
present, and that short-termpain is what causes people to
quit on their goals.
probably 90 plus percent of thetime, right?
So what we want to do byvisualizing is we want to get
that image, that very clear,concise vision of you with that
(35:06):
body you dream of.
And we want to bring it intoyour life right now.
And what we're doing moreimportantly, is we're creating
the feeling because we will movetowards a long-term pleasure if
it is pleasurable enough.
So now, instead of it beinglike, oh, I'm gonna sacrifice in
the present, it's more.
Yeah, I'm gonna sacrifice in thepresent because I felt what
it's.
(35:26):
To be in that dream body.
I felt what it's like to havethe confidence, to have the
happiness, to wear the shirt Iwanna wear, to go out on the
beach and not be like, Ooh.
To really get yourself intothat.
And once you start changing andgetting yourself into that state
of mind, it's actually harder tofail at your goals.
And successful people know this,successful people know that the
(35:49):
emphasis is when you create theperson you want to become in the
present, you're more likely tocontinue to stay in alignment
with it.
Cuz again, you've embodied theidentity and now it helps you
overcome adversities andobstacles because you have a
clear, concise idea of whatyou're moving towards.
And the process is a lotpalatable.
Michael Bauman (36:07):
Yeah, I mean, just a ton, a ton to unpack with
what, what you said really,really key points that I wanna
wanna highlight.
One, one, you talked about you,so you have the vision board and
that's essentially like anoutcome.
An outcome goal.
And the thing with outcome goalsis like you can't directly
control it.
Like, if we could directlycontrol immediately being, you
(36:28):
know, getting a six pack abs,then everybody would immediately
have six pack abs.
what you're talking about isyou're, you take this outcome
goal and you're shifting it tobehavioral goals and habit
goals, and you're going, whatbehaviors?
Like I can directly control howmuch exercise I get for the most
part, right?
Mm-hmm.
even.
Mm-hmm.
Even if you can't go to the gym,like you can still find five
(36:48):
minutes, two minutes, whateverit is, you know, I can control
that.
I can control what I'm puttinginto my.
So you change that outcome intobehavioral goals and then you,
then you optimize for that andthat's really important.
But then the other point thatyou talked about that I, I also
want to emphasize, and italigns, you know, with
everything with neuroscience andeverything like that, you know,
the dopamine reward system isyou have to tie.
(37:12):
Pleasure into what you aredoing.
You know, and even like you'retalking about when you break the
habits from year, month, down todaily, I've actually started
doing this where I havecelebration habits, you know,
so, so often we beat ourselvesdown, but, and we're like, I
didn't get enough done today.
I didn't do X, y, and z, da da,da, da.
Where now I go, instead of likemy daily review, my weekly
(37:32):
review, I go, I'm gonnacelebrate everything that I did
because that celebration islinking pleasure to the
accomplishment of, you know,again, the ballot, putting that
votes in towards who I want tobe.
So, very, very important pointsthat I wanna, I wanna highlight
there in terms of how you makethis a reality.
So you talked a little bit aboutsome of the challenges.
(37:56):
I'm, I'm curious, like, youknow, let's say big things come
up or small things, accumulationof small things sometimes.
Challenges either externally orinternally, that's that try to
challenge like, okay, you sayyou're this, but you know, this
came up.
What are your advice for, andagain, it depends on the
challenge, but what are youradvice for things like that, you
know, external challenge.
How do people navigate thesetbacks?
(38:18):
You know, the internal and theexternal challenges that they
face in terms of creating, youknow, who, who they want to want
to be.
Vin Infante (38:24):
Mm-hmm.
I, I think the biggest thingthat gets people stuck is the
internal belief that it's whothey are.
Everything comes down to thestory you tell yourself, right?
Is you believe yourself.
Like I was having thisconversation with a client
literally the other day wherethey were telling me they're
(38:45):
anxious and I'm like, stop.
Just stop.
And they're like, what do youmean just stop?
I was like, no, no.
Stop saying that.
like, I'm not telling you tostop having anxiety.
I'm telling you to listen toyour language and stop that
because you continue to say thatyou're anxious.
But the reality is, is you'renot anxious.
(39:05):
Right?
Like you're defining yourself asanxiety.
and you're not making itseparate.
You're saying, this is who I am.
I am anxious.
That's like the same as if youwere to walk up to me instead of
saying, I am Mike, you're justlike, I am anxious.
really well, nice to meet you.
Anxious.
I'm Vin and we do that.
So we, we identify and hold onthese identities that keep us
stuck.
(39:25):
And so I had to make a veryclear distinction to him.
I was like, we need to have abetter conversation.
You're no longer allowed to sayI am anxious.
You have to from here on outtoday and for the rest of your
life Now, because this is theprocess, you have to say your
name, like I, I'm, I'm gonnajust use a different name for,
for, you know, integrity's sakeand confidentiality.
(39:48):
But let's just say you have tosay your name.
You have to say, hi, I'm John.
I am currently having a momentin time where I am in
experiencing the anxiety sorry,the emotion of.
that is such a differentstatement and conversation than
saying, hi, I'm anxious.
That's so different because whatyou're doing is you're allowing
(40:09):
yourself to understand that youare not your emotions.
First up, feelings aren't facts.
They're just indicators.
So if you believe that you'rethis feeling, if you say, I am
anxious, you can't actuallyfigure out why you're anxious.
You can't really get to theindicator, so to speak.
But if you could begin toseparate yourself and say, I am
just John, and I'm having amoment where I am experiencing
(40:30):
the emotion of anxiety thatallows you to get really curious
and say, well, why am Iexperiencing this moment of
anxiety?
In fact, if you educateyourself, you also know that
anxiety is there to help you.
Anxiety is there because it'stelling you you are perceiving a
threat in your environment.
And though we no longer have toworry about living in caves and
(40:51):
fighting off Sager Saber, twotigers, anxiety still functions
the same, just like itfunctioned for the caveman who
is afraid of death.
It is still functioning thatexact same way in 2023.
And so you need to understandthat your body has these
illogical, though at one point,important but illogical
currently for the most.
(41:12):
processes and they work, butthey're not that good.
Like let's compare it to acomputer.
Anxiety is a 2010 computerrunning in 2023, the computer
had a purpose, and it still doesto some degree, right?
It could still run the programs.
It's just not gonna be asefficient or good.
So when you start becoming moreconscious and you start creating
(41:33):
that distinction between, youare not your emotions, you are
just experiencing them, you'renow able to separate yourself.
You're able to pull yourself outof it.
You're able to give yourself abetter perspective, a better
understanding.
And with that, you're able tocreate multiple breakthroughs as
to why are you feeling this.
And then you could challenge itin multiple ways.
You can.
You can test where your limitingbeliefs came from.
(41:54):
You can do a reality test ofcases for and against the
emotion you're feeling to see ifit's logical or illogical.
You can begin to ask yourself,in fact, just complete, I don't
wanna feel anxiety.
What would I rather feel?
right?
Like what would I actuallyvalue?
What would I actually value?
Feeling happiness, exenthusiasm, joy, excitement,
(42:17):
doesn't matter.
But start asking what you dowant.
Because one thing that's verykey is also knowing like where
focus goes, energy flows and ifyou shift that change your whole
life.
Michael Bauman (42:28):
Super.
Yeah.
Super important.
Super important.
Like you talk about focus, likewhere your focus is really
important.
You've, you've also mentioned,and you, you're welcome to jump
into it a little bit more, butyou mentioned the power of
language and how that shapes ourreality.
Can you talk, and you could diveinto language too if you want,
but talk also about ourphysiology and our posture and
(42:49):
how that can, how that we canleverage that as a tool
Vin Infante (42:53):
sure.
I'll do language first cuz it'ssuper quick and then I'll jump
into the posture and positioninglanguage is a very interesting
one because language really justcomes down to how you describe
life.
And the way you describe thingsis very dependent on your belief
systems, right?
Because descriptions are unique.
one of the biggest things thatis so important to me, and, and
(43:16):
if you ask any of my clients,they'll tell you I am a real
stickler for language and I willliterally annoy them.
They, I have had people who I'vehad to explain it is not a waste
of time in session to talk aboutthe thing you just said.
and they're like, well, I don'tthink it's a big deal.
And I'm like, I get it.
But that's part of the problem.
(43:36):
It is a big deal.
The fact that you said thismeans there's some belief in
there that you believe this,like that this is real for you.
Mm-hmm.
you have to understand yourlanguage is not a coincidence.
You're not gonna come out andsay things you don't believe.
The problem is you're sounaware.
And so my clients, I've, I'vehad to like re redirect like,
okay, listen, I get it.
(43:56):
You may think this isunimportant, but one, you have
to trust me because.
like, why are you paying me totell me I'm wrong?
And number two.
And, and number two is, is like,I'm asking you to trust me here
because I have your, yourinvestment in yourself is the
investment in my expertise,right?
(44:18):
So if I'm telling you there'ssomething here, I would like you
to, to be open enough and honestand curious enough to explore it
because I'm telling you, it'lllead down a very interesting
path.
And so this is honestly a humpthat I have to overcome with a
lot of clients because theyreally don't see the importance
to it, which I find crazy,right?
Mm-hmm.
like I had a client the otherday and he texted me and he
said, Hey, hey, VIN.
(44:39):
I did you know, cuz we, westarted a session before with
breathwork because he wasn'tpresent and he needed, you know,
one of the goals is to work onpresence and I felt like he
wasn't grounded.
So I wanted to do some groundingwork with him.
So I said, we're gonna take apause.
We're gonna do some breath workto build presents before our
session starts.
Okay?
So we did that for like eightminutes, right?
(44:59):
And so he texted me and said,Hey, VIN, just wanna let you
know I already, I'm, I'm gonnado the breath work before the
session.
This way we don't waste time insession doing it.
You're already laughing cuz youknow, you know.
Then I spent 10 minutes talkingto him about why he couldn't
waste time.
And I was like, you know, thisin theory is wasting time, isn't
(45:19):
it?
Right.
But, but, but the reality is,right?
Like there is a belief system inthere.
You are telling me you don'twant to do an exercise that's
gonna make you present.
You said one of your main goalsis to develop presence and here
you are texting me, saying Idon't wanna waste my time.
We had to have a conversationaround that because I had to
(45:41):
understand why do you say thisis a waste of time?
And it's like, no, I didn't meanit that way.
And I'm like, I'm not asking howyou meant it.
I want to ask why you chosethose words specifically.
And so we wound up having agreat conversation around that.
Right.
But that's something that'sreally powerful and really
important because that was abelief that he had right there
(46:01):
and, and we got to the root ofit.
It was a great conversation.
Session was great too, but.
You see, these are the thingssome people won't pay attention
to.
Sometimes you might even have acoach that will just kind of let
that slide and be like, dude,totally get it.
You don't wanna waste your timewith bad work.
No worries.
We'll dive into what's reallyimportant, not me.
I'll be like, see, the fact thatyou just said that, that's
really important.
That's a big tell.
(46:21):
Mm-hmm.
And so we need to have aconversation about that.
So language is extremelyparamount.
It shows how you view life.
It shows what your experienceis.
It it dictates the way you arealso experiencing life because
it's part of your descriptions.
So everything you're saying istied very deeply to an identity,
a belief, and and can shape thewhole trajectory of your future
(46:45):
based on just what you say.
And then the other piece thatyou wanted me to discuss was
physiology.
Mike, if you and I went over toRussia right now, do you, you
don't by chance speak Russian,do you?
No.
no.
Okay, cool.
So if you don't speak Russian,Mike and I said, Hey, let's go
on a trip.
We're gonna go to Russia and Iwant you to, let's just walk
around the town.
And I want you to point outanyone that looks depressed.
(47:08):
Eventually you're gonna be like,oh, VIN, tap me on the shoulder
and be like, that guy rightthere.
That dude's the depressed.
I'd be like, I thought you don'tspeak Russian.
He'd be like, well, I don't.
Well, how didn't you know Mike?
Well, you know, he's, he's kindof, he's, he's inwards.
He's, he looks like he's, he'sgot a frown face on.
He kind of like, his eyes look alittle puffy maybe.
He's been crying.
He's just, his, his breathing isreally shallow.
(47:28):
I observed.
He's, he's very strong.
His shoulders are forward.
He's hunched in, like, justdoesn't look like a happy.
and I'd be like, well, Mike, howcould you make such a bold
assumption?
And then you'd probably say,well, Vin I could tell if
someone's depressed.
The reality is, is that.
Depression, anxiety, everyemotion we have, happiness, joy,
(47:49):
everything.
It all has a physical look.
Your physiology is theembodiment of your emotional
state.
In fact, physiology has a biggerimpact on your emotional state
than your thoughts do, becausethe reality is your thoughts are
dictated by your emotions, andyour emotions are embodied in
your physiology.
So if you start changing yourphysiology, you shift your
(48:10):
emotions.
If you shift your emotions, youcould shift your thoughts.
If you shift your thoughts,Mike, you change your life.
And so your physical Aattributes and the things you do
physically will also shift thethings that you're experiencing
in your internal world.
And so positioning and postureis super important.
I I've noticed even for myselfwhen I get depressed or when I
(48:33):
have these, these moments whereI just feel sad, one of the
first things I do is I look atmyself and I'm like, whoa.
Like sit your ass up.
and then, and, and then changeyour tone.
Like talk with more authority.
Right?
Get yourself louder, be biggerthan your emotion.
And then I will also, you know,be very conscious of how's my
breathing.
Start taking a little bit moreof a full of breath, sit up very
(48:55):
well, head straight, embodysomebody who's not depressed and
start shifting just throughthat.
Something change.
Mm-hmm.
Michael Bauman (49:03):
Yeah, it's really fascinating how quickly
we can change.
Our states, Yes, based onchanging our, our physiology.
You know, you think that some ofthese things take, take a long
time, but you can change them bychanging your physiology and
changing your focus and, youknow, changing the stories that
you have and that changes howyou feel very, very quickly.
(49:25):
So, very powerful.
Tools that can, that cansometimes be overlooked.
So, fantastic.
This has been jam-packed, fullof, you know, lovely, wonderful,
wonderful stuff.
You know, we have a good idea.
I usually ask the question atthe end, good idea around like,
success, but we have a goodidea.
You want to impact a billionsouls in your life.
Where can people go toparticipate in that impact that
(49:45):
you're doing,
Vin Infante (49:46):
Well, I would love for people to throw me a follow
on Instagram, it's where I'mmost active.
I post tons of free content,which if I do say so myself,
Mike, it's pretty.
Good I, maybe I'm biased.
Yeah, I would love for people,love for people to check out my
Instagram, it's vin.infante youcould also find me on TikTok,
(50:09):
vin.infante you could go to myLinkedIn, vin infante and you
could also check me out.
Go to my website,www.vincentinfante.life.
Guys, as a little bit of a treatthe mission board description
that I gave is a free resourceyou guys can download straight
from my website.
Just go to the resource tab, putin your email, and boom, it's
(50:29):
yours.
And, and yeah, you guys canreach me anywhere.
If you have any questions,please DM me on Instagram.
I always answer or even justsend an email.
It's Vincent@Vincentinfante.lifeso I'm around
Michael Bauman (50:42):
Perfect.
Really appreciate, you know,appreciate the conversation and
appreciate the, the tools and,and tactics cuz you know, a lot,
I mean, people just pick one,you know, take one of the things
that he said and just go, howcan I implement this now?
And observe, you know, observehow you feel differently just
doing one of the tools that hementioned.
So thanks again for your time.
(51:02):
Really, really appreciate it.
It was a, it was a funconversation.
Vin Infante (51:05):
Thanks for having me, Mike.
It's been great.
Michael Bauman (51:07):
Before you go, I would love it if you actually
just shared this episode with afriend.
I'm sure while you werelistening, someone just popped
in your head and you're like,oh, they would probably like
this as well.
So it's really easy.
You just click the share buttonon either the website or
whatever podcast platform you'reon and send it over to'em, and
chances are they'll probablylike it too.
Until next time, keepengineering your success.
Who do you want to be?
and I want to be inspiring.
I wanna be a leader.
I wanna be confident, I wanna beloving, I wanna be happy, I
wanna be peaceful.
I wanna be joyous.
I wanna celebrate life.
I wanna inspire others.
I want people to follow me.
I want to lead people tobettering themselves.
I wanna lead myself to betteringmyself and then the next
question I asked was just a verysimple follow up.
Says, great.
(00:20):
So you wanna be all thesethings.
What do you have to say?
What do you have to do?
More importantly, who do youhave to become?
What do you have to make othersfeel?
what would you do in differentmoments in life and how would
you move from here?
Michael Bauman (00:36):
How do we truly feel like a success in every
area of our lives?
How do we feel enough and knowthat we are not alone?
Join me as I interview some ofthe top leaders and experts in
the world, from Broadwaydirectors to multimillionaire,
CEOs, neuroscientists, and moreto look behind the curtain of
success and examine not only theachievements, but also the
(00:59):
fears, the doubts, theloneliness and how we can
navigate through that to createthe incredible life we actually
want to live.
Welcome to Success Engineering.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome back to SuccessEngineering.
So this month, as some of youguys know is about mental
(01:22):
health.
I really want to share top tipsfrom experts on how we can
really make sure that this is apriority in our life.
And I know for me personally,and probably a lot of other
people as well, February can bea challenging month.
You know, we're still in winterfor a lot of the Northern
hemisphere.
It's kind of dreary, it's cold.
(01:42):
We don't have a lot of theholidays to look forward to.
And even here in China, youknow, it's past the Chinese new
year and the breaks.
And stuff.
And it can be kind of achallenging time.
You know, we're not gettingenough vitamin D we're knocking
out and, um, just, just a toughtime.
So I figured it would be a greattime to talk about mental
health.
So this month we're having somereally great, we always have
(02:05):
great people on, but.
Really great experts talkingabout everything from, you know,
the one for today.
Which is practical tips abouthow we can shift our mindset and
really create the life that wewant to live and also separating
our identity from anxiety andfrom depression and mental
models for that really, reallyexcellent tips.
(02:27):
Another one of the guests willtalk about how to navigate and
really recover from and healfrom toxic relationships.
Another very important topic.
And then we'll have a incrediblepowerhouse lady.
But she talks about how she tookher unique abilities and all of,
even the pain and the challengesand struggles and stuff that
(02:47):
she's had and turned it intosomething that's amazing in
terms of how she helps peoplebrand themselves.
And.
Just a super in-depthconversation on how we can
navigate the, our inner worldsand our mental and emotional
health.
So it was amazing, amazingconversation.
So we have a lot of good stuffAlso mid-March I do have my 12
week online elite mindsettraining for entrepreneurs
(03:10):
mastermind that launches theweek of March 13th.
So be looking out for some moreinformation on that, but without
further ado, let's jump rightinto the show.
welcome back to SuccessEngineering.
I'm your host, Michael Bauman.
I have the pleasure of havingVin Infante on.
He's has over a decade ofexperience in mental health.
(03:30):
Worked with thousands of people.
He's a former F D N Yfirefighter, and currently a
psychotherapist.
And a Master Mindset coach, andwe'll actually get into that as
we go here.
He's been featured inInternational Business Times,
top Coach to Follow in 2022,featured in Forbes, New York
Weekly Entrepreneur, ton ofother places.
It's gonna be a greatconversation.
Welcome to the show here, Vin!
Vin Infante (03:51):
Thanks for having me, Mike.
Absolutely, absolutely.
Michael Bauman (03:53):
So it obviously wasn't, wasn't always like this.
I want to get into yourbackground a little bit around
some of the challenges you facedgrowing up, whether that's
bullying, you know, not havingthe friends and, and kind of
start there and talk to me abouthow that shaped those formation
years for you.
Vin Infante (04:09):
I'll do my best to do the bridge version cuz I feel
like my story's way too long,but I've come to learn.
A lot of that had shaped me inmany, many ways.
That put me at such adisadvantage in, in my own
personal life, right?
Not necessarily in the externalworld.
In the external world, I wasstill able to thrive, and I
think a lot of people could.
But internally, I struggled withconfidence issues, depression,
(04:32):
anxiety, panic attacks suicidalideation.
I struggled.
Severe, severe, just self-worthissues, even identity issues,
right?
Figuring out who I am, because Iwanted to be somebody that was
liked.
I wanted to be someone who wasworthy of friendships.
I wanted to be someone who wasworthy of love.
Like I couldn't even get agirlfriend until I was in
(04:53):
virtually college.
So it was a very rough journey,to say the least.
And I had tried to reinventmyself going.
From high school to college, andit was a very simple shift where
I decided to change my name onall my college transcripts from
Vincent to Vincenza so that Iwould come in and start with
(05:14):
this cool new name and startfresh and have this opportunity
to be bigger than I was.
And it worked externally.
I started making friends.
I shift a lot of physical thingsabout myself, right?
I started working out, so I wasa little bit chubby.
I wasn't the best looking right.
and I started working out a bit.
I changed up my clothing style.
(05:35):
I grew out a beard.
I, I started, you know, spikingmy hair.
Like it was one of those classicthings you would see in a movie
where if you ever saw, oh myGod, there's this old movie
called The New Guy.
And he was like a loser in highschool, right?
And then he goes to this newschool and he is just like this
cool guy.
Everybody's like, who the hellis he?
Right?
and I, I, I kind of achievedthat going into college.
(05:57):
I was the new guy and nobodyknew who I was, but I was, I was
cool and, and women wereinterested in me and, and guys
wanted to be my friend.
And, and I didn't really have, Ihad a personality, but not
entirely, I would say I was moreof a chameleon so to really make
friends, I would just be like,well, what do you like?
Because the things that I liked,I was always picked on for.
(06:17):
Right.
So I didn't really want peopleto know me.
I would just like become you, ifthat makes sense.
Right.
Somebody would be like, oh, Ilike this.
I'd be like, cool.
I like it too.
Let's do it.
Mm-hmm.
and everybody obviously liked mebecause we always had something
in common, so It was great, butit wasn't because I still had
all of these internal issues Iwas struggling with, and things
(06:39):
progressively got worse andworse and worse, even though I
did great.
Seemingly, I was working twojobs.
I was a personal trainer, I wasa mental health worker.
I was graduating in my undergradin Psychi, national Honor
Society.
I was a lead presenter at theunder undergrad site conference
at, for doing a research studythat, that me and the team
conducted, and so I did pH.
(07:00):
got accepted to every master'sprogram, was driving a Camaro
cool guy.
Right?
And it was crazy becauseinternally I was still just such
a mess.
Mm-hmm.
And so it really wasn't until.
23 where my whole life changed.
But I wanna pause there in casethere's anything you wanna dig
into in that, in that littlelife story.
Michael Bauman (07:20):
No, I actually really want to talk about the 23
cuz I, I'm really curious onwhat triggered, what triggered
the change and what the ininternal work looked like to, to
change that.
Vin Infante (07:32):
Perfect.
Okay, so we'll jump on in.
So my last two years of mymaster's program were the
hardest, probably mental yearsof my life.
I was really spiraling outtacontrol.
I was basically calling mytherapist.
I, I was at a place mentallywhere I was so unable to make a
decision.
that if a decision had to bemade something serious, not
(07:53):
something stupid, like whatshould I eat for dinner?
Right?
But something serious.
Like, I got into a fight with mygirlfriend.
What do I say?
Or I have, you know, an issuewith my friend, what do I do?
Or you know, I confronted ateacher because I wasn't happy
about something in the class.
What do things like that, right?
Things that I felt were big, bigdeals.
(08:14):
And so my panic attacks, wars.
I was having them veryfrequently.
I was having mental breakdownsproperly once every few months,
like just completely like out ofit, spiraling, crying,
hyperventilating, the, the wholeugly cry that, you know,
everything that came with a nicegood mental breakdown.
Right.
So I, I was really spiraling badin my master's program.
(08:38):
Right.
And, and it's even funnier cuzit's like, oh, this.
this guy's gonna be a therapist.
And it's like, oh God.
Right?
I, I think back to those times,it's like, wow, I I didn't know
I would actually get to fix allof these issues, but I was just
like, I'm gonna become atherapist with all of these
issues.
Mm-hmm.
So it's, it's very relievingthat I, I've kind of overcome a
(08:59):
lot of these things.
So what wound up happening wasgraduated 20.
Got my master's and I had moneyin the bank.
I quit both of my jobs and Idecided to try and figure myself
out and nothing was reallyworking.
I went out, got myself a reallynice, a new Camaro.
I already had a Camaro, but Igot a new one now.
(09:20):
I got the brand new and, and itwas so I'll never forget, right?
It was the brand new.
it didn't even come out yet.
Like nobody had it.
I had to go over to anotherstate just to get it So I was
the first one, like on my smalllittle island in New York and
Staten Island that had this.
So when I would go to car meets,everyone was like, whoa.
So I had that going for me.
I started getting tattoos.
(09:41):
I had a hot girlfriend.
Everything was great, man.
Like life was good.
but I was still miserable.
Like internally life,internally, life sucked.
And I was buying all thesethings and I was doing what I
wanted and I was spending moneylike water.
And I, I do regret that at thispoint.
Well, I shouldn't say I regretit, but I would change it.
If I could go back in time, Iwouldn't do that again.
And I was just doing thesethings cuz I realized like I was
(10:04):
trying to just make myself happyand that wasn't easy to do.
And so, What wound up happeningwas one day during the summer I
was in this moment of justcomplete, utter and total.
Everything everything.
It was frustration and anger andsadness and, and like rage and,
and it was all just coming up,right?
(10:26):
And I was so mad.
I was, I was home alone and Ilived, I lived at my parents'
house at the time, right?
So it's good.
I was home alone, and you'llhear why in a second.
But I was home alone.
I'm in the bathroom and I likeslam my hands on the counter and
I'm like, man, what's, what'swrong with me?
Like, what, what is it?
Like, why am I so, so?
why am I so angry?
(10:46):
Why am I sad?
Why am I anxious?
What's like, what's all of thisstuff coming up for?
Because my life is great.
My life is legitimately awesome.
Like, I actually wouldn't tradeit with people, but why is it
that I'm still so miserable andI couldn't figure it out?
And so I'll never forget.
It was so funny because I, I hadmy head down right when I was
like going through this moment.
(11:08):
And then I looked up at myselfand I was like, oh.
I was like, your, I was like, Iwas like, you are Vincent.
And that was the first time inseven years that I said my
actual name.
Mm-hmm.
And that moment, it was almost,it is almost like magic, right?
(11:28):
I tell people, I'm like, if, ifthey were to make a Hallmark
movie with the gold sparklesthat just fly in at those magic
moments, that would've been it,because I swear, 80, 80 to 90%
of my anxiety, 80 to 90% of mydepression just vanished in that
moment, and I felt such afeeling of peace.
Even telling this story, I stillget chills down my spine.
Mm-hmm.
because I remember it like itwas yesterday.
(11:49):
That feeling continues to rushback every time I tell this
story and it's so beautiful andwhy I felt that, which I
couldn't figure out at the time.
But through retrospectiveintrospection, I have figured
out what actually occurred inthat moment and what occurred in
that moment.
Radical self-acceptance.
(12:10):
Everything that happened in mylife has happened.
Everything that is currentlygoing on in my life as a result
of everything that's happenedand everything that will happen
in my life is now able to beowned and controlled by me.
And I get to determine thetrajectory of my life from this
moment on if I should showshoes.
And so what wound up coming upwas not only that aspect of
(12:33):
radical acceptance, but it wasalso.
I like to talk about this term,Jocko Winks, right?
Extreme ownership.
Everything's your fault.
Everything that's happened, youcan find a level of ownership in
everything that will happen youcan own.
And then from there, withoutrealizing it, I actually got
into almost what I call internalleadership, right?
Which is leadership isn't abouta title or position.
(12:55):
It's about.
who you are and how you show upin this world.
So I had a very honestconversation, and this is why I
say it's great that nobody wasin the house.
They would've called thegentleman with the straight
jackets, because I'm sittingthere and I'm like looking at
myself in the mirror, and I'mjust raw, raw and honest, man.
I'm like, you are weak.
You're a victim.
(13:15):
You're depressed, you'reanxious, you're, you have panic
attacks.
You're not inspiring.
No one will follow you.
People pity.
you know, people look out foryou because they're, they're
concerned for you.
You're nobody, nobody would everfollow you.
You're not a leader.
You're not an inspiration.
How are you even gonna helpanyone?
You can't even help yourself.
And that was like the, theconversation that I had.
(13:37):
And you know, some people hearme say this story and they're
like, wow, you're really hard onyourself.
I was like, There's a differencebetween being hard on yourself
and being honest.
You can't change anything inlife if you can't get to a place
of extreme openness and honesty.
And for me, that was the rawmoment, right?
Because I think it was et.
Who says you have to get sickand tired of being sick and
(13:57):
tired, and it might not havebeen him.
I always mess up themotivational speakers.
A lot of them sound the same tome cause they're all just
yelling at you.
But like he's like, all right,I'm ready.
Then you're going back to reallife and you're like, oh, It's
like, damn, all of the changesis not happening.
But.
It was that moment for me,right?
(14:19):
It was, I was sick and tired ofbeing sick and tired.
I was sick and tired of beingthat person.
And so that level of honestythat I had with myself, I needed
that because after I said allthat to myself, I then asked a
few different follow upquestions that were really
important, and they said, isthis who you want to be?
Mm-hmm.
you've been this.
Virtually your whole life.
(14:40):
I've been getting bullied and,and being the outsider since I,
dude literally was inkindergarten.
So now we're talking, I'm 23.
So kindergarten, you're what?
Five or six?
So I've been this, I've beenthis way for 16, 17 years.
And the question was, do youwant to do this for even another
minute?
Forget another 16, 17 years.
(15:01):
Do you wanna do this anotherminute?
And then if you really want agood question, do you want to do
this?
Let's just say you're blessed tolive to a hundred.
You wanna do this another what,77 years That's a lot of time to
suffer, right?
Mm-hmm.
So I was like, no, no, I don't.
I start, I was answering my ownquestions.
I was like, no, I don't wanna dothis anymore.
Great.
(15:21):
Who do you want?
to be and I said, well, that's,that's pretty easy.
I, I want to be inspiring.
I wanna be a leader.
I wanna be confident, I wanna beloving, I wanna be happy, I
wanna be peaceful.
I wanna be joyous.
I wanna celebrate life.
I wanna inspire others.
I want people to follow me.
I want to lead people to, to,you know, bettering themselves.
I wanna lead myself to betteringmyself and those that like that
(15:43):
just poured out, right.
I.
it's, it's my real self that wasspeaking.
It was who I really am.
And that I realized too, andthat had been locked in there.
That's why I talk about tellingpeople to unlock your inner
leader cuz it's in there.
And so that was my inner leadercoming out and he was like, I'm
taking the reins now.
I'm gonna tell you who you wantto be.
And then the next question Iasked was just a very simple
(16:03):
follow up.
Says, great.
So you wanna be all thesethings.
What do you have to say?
What do you have to do?
More importantly, who do youhave to become?
What do you have to make others?
feel what would you do indifferent moments in life and
how would you move from here?
And as I started answering thosequestions, a lot of clarity came
up.
And then, at that moment, atthat point, 23 years old, that
(16:24):
was when I started changing mylife.
I decided my life is now mine toown.
Walked into my therapist'soffice for our next session, and
I sat down.
He's like, what's new?
I was like, well, this is ourlast session.
He's like, well, I wasn'texpecting that it was one of
those moments where I finally.
I finally felt capable and readyto take my life into my own
(16:45):
hands.
And I realized like, if anyonewas gonna change my life, it's
now my time.
It's in my.
And so that day I walked in wasthe last day I ever sat foot in
therapy ever.
Like I still haven't been backto therapy, And I feel great.
Life's amazing.
And it was that moment in themirror at 23 that changed the
whole trajectory of my life toput me here in front of you,
(17:07):
Mike, and talk to you and youraudience.
And I've built this guy over adecent amount of time now, and
I'm, I'm very proud to be ableto share him with you.
Yeah.
Michael Bauman (17:18):
So let's, let's talk about it.
Cause you know, what you'retalking about is, you know,
similar to, you know, what JamesClear talks about where like
you're setting, setting identityhabits so you're like actually
going like, what is the personthat I want to be?
And then one habits, you know,and like you said, you're a
behaviors, how you act, how youfeel, reflect that identity.
So you make that decision.
You know, changes, changes yourlife.
(17:39):
What did you start to implement?
What did you start to dodifferently after you walked
out, you know, of yourtherapist?
Like, what did that next weeklook like?
What did that next year looklike?
How did you start to act towardsthe person that you already are,
but create that?
Vin Infante (17:56):
Well, the first thing I did was because I walked
into therapy with my right footforward.
I left with my left foot, foot,not
Michael Bauman (18:03):
Perfect.
Write that down.
Take notes guys.
Vin Infante (18:08):
No.
I think the biggest thing that Istarted doing was I had to get,
had to get very clear on whatthe character traits would
manifest into what they wouldlook like.
So if you say, I want to bemore, what does confidence look
like?
What would somebody who'sconfident, what would they do?
What would they say?
(18:28):
How would they stand?
What would their posture looklike?
What might they make otherpeople feel?
In fact, how might they feel?
And you start asking thesereally, really good questions
and I tell people, Hey, listen,if you don't know how to do it,
one of the best techniques incognitive behavioral therapies.
Find somebody who has theresults that you're looking for
already, and then basically justdo what they do until it becomes
(18:51):
real for you.
And it's not to say impersonateand I don't believe in fake it
till you make it.
I believe in believe it untilyou become it.
Because fake it till you makeits terrible notion.
You have to be clear on what itis that you want to achieve
because you are gonna become itbefore it manifests in the
world.
Right?
So what I'm talking about withthat is if you say, I'm gonna be
(19:14):
someone with confidence, youhave to start doing the things
that build confidence beforepeople recognize you as
confident.
that's how you believe it.
Before you become it, you haveto embody it.
And then the world will justcome to see you and know you as
it, like, you might not get the,not the the notoriety for it
just right away.
(19:34):
You might go to a family partyand everyone will still think
you're that non-confident personbecause you just decided
yesterday you're gonna beconfident.
maybe next year or in a fewmonths, or even a few years,
really depends how long yourprocess is.
You're gonna walk into thatfamily party and your cousins
are gonna see you and your auntand your uncle, and they're
gonna be like, I don't know whatit is, but something different
(19:56):
about you.
You, you seem more confident nowand that's when you know you've
achieved it, right?
Because now it's recognizablethrough other people and you
don't even have to say anythingbecause you have embodied it so
well from living it for so.
that other people can finallysay it.
Mm-hmm.
And so I did that not just withconfidence, but with like 30
(20:20):
other things, No,
Michael Bauman (20:24):
it's interesting that you mentioned that about
confidence.
I had Michael Gervais on, he'san elite sports psychologist,
basically works with a top likehalf percent of athletes in the
world, and he talks about that.
He, he says a very similar thingwith fake it till you make it.
He's like, the research doesn'tback that up, but what it says
is like your confidence comesfrom looking back.
(20:44):
Pulling out, I have donesomething like this before.
You know, I have a skill.
I have a strength in this area.
And then you pull that intowhatever you're doing at this
moment.
It comes actually from thatmindset of, of looking back.
And so I think that'sinteresting that you, that you
mention it.
So talk to us about, I mean,this kind of goes along with
what, what you do and, and whatyou're talking about.
(21:04):
You're, you have this identity,you're like, wow, I have this
identity, all these differentthings.
How do I then, act this way, butyou do a very specific thing
with vision board and even the,you know, the term vision board
can, you know, turn people offdepending on what, you know,
where they're coming from.
So talk to, talk to us aboutwhat you do with Vision Board
and how that's different, howit's based in research based in
(21:26):
science, what that looks like.
Vin Infante (21:28):
Sure.
So this, this is definitely alot and I call my vision board a
mission board because I think avision sucks.
I don't think a vision isactually powerful, but I think a
vision, a mission is somethingyou and other people can rally
around, right?
Like somebody says, ah, I havethis vision of life, of what my
life should be like.
(21:49):
Kind of sounds a little, what?
What's the word?
Woo, woo.
Fru.
Whatever we want to use, right?
Ethereal, A vision.
Yeah.
Ethereal.
It's, listen, it's not wrong.
I can talk about the woo wooethereal stuff all day.
I love it, but it's notcompelling.
right?
When you say, I have a vision, Imean, that could be anything
you, you did.
You have a dream, a dream's,technically a vision.
(22:09):
It's just a vision of somethingthat hasn't happened or
something that's really weird,like zombies or something.
So that's not, that's notanything important.
But if you say, Hey, I have amission.
Like I'll tell you, Mike, I'lltell you and the audience, my
mission is to impact 1 billionpeople positively on this
planet.
Doesn't that sound a little bitmore powerful, don't you like,
can I be involved in vin'smission?
(22:30):
Like, Mike, you're hosting me onhere.
If I help even one person onyour podcast, you have joined me
on my mission.
You've helped me impact abillion lives.
Isn't that cool?
Isn't that strong?
Isn't that mm-hmm.
like, wow, let's do this.
Let's get excited.
Like let's get everyone into it.
That's why I decided to createit, and I call it a mission
board.
Because your mission board isencompassing not only what you
(22:52):
want to achieve in life, whoyou're becoming, the evolution
of the self and what you believeyour purpose is, and how you're
gonna leave your mark on thisworld.
A lot of times vision boardstend to be a wall decoration.
People spend more time makingthe thing than they do actually
utilizing it as a powerful,effective tool.
They'll sit there and they'llmake it pretty, it looks like a
collage.
There's 70 pitchers on it.
(23:13):
I don't, they don't evenremember what the first picture
was.
By the time they put the 70th onthere.
They go out, they getconstruction paper, they glue
flowers to it.
Whatever the flowers mean.
I have no idea.
But I got really fed up becauseI was like, I was like, these
are so useless and, and, andthere's a great concept, but
people move away from thembecause they become dumb.
And eventually, aside from beingsome stupid wall decoration,
(23:36):
they just become a doorstop thatyou forget about and then you'll
look back on it in two years andbe like, ah, I remember when I
had dreams of a better life.
Meanwhile, you're still doingthe same thing day in and day
out.
Mm-hmm.
and.
my mission board is centeredaround a few things.
I still tell people to put thevision of the photos or the
things that you want to achieveand welcome into your life,
(23:59):
right?
Because each one of those aregoing to require you to grow and
evolve as a person, right?
The point of a goal is neverabout the goal itself.
The point of a goal is tochallenge you to evolve into the
person you need to become tolive.
If you don't have a milliondollars in your bank account,
it's not because you are a badperson, it's just because you
(24:20):
are not yet the person capableof generating a million dollars.
You haven't figured out aproduct or a service created
something of value.
There's a lot of work you needto do on you to become that
million dollar person, right?
And, and it doesn't have to beabout money either.
Money's just the easiestdescription.
What if you want to be anamazing.
(24:40):
and you're like, my vision, mydream is to have this beautiful
child who's so caring andloving, et cetera.
Cool.
So put a photo of your futurechild on your, on your board,
and then put what attributesyou'd like your ha your child to
have.
You know why that's gonna shapeyour parenting style.
So, it's gonna challenge you.
If you want your daughter to beloving, you're gonna have to
(25:01):
learn how to respond to her withlove.
Mm-hmm.
You're gonna have to sit thereand you're gonna have to really
consciously parent and make sureyou teach the things you want
her to embody.
So you see, it challenges you.
These photos are supposed tochallenge you to evolve in these
ways.
And then what I tell people todo, Is put a present tense part
of the believe it until youbecome it thing.
(25:22):
Right?
Put a present tense affirmationnear it.
So for instance, I have afitness goal.
I have a specific body type Iwould like to look like, and I
don't put, oh, this is my bodyafter hard work in years of
dieting, I put, for instance, Icould just read it to you.
It says, my body, due to mydedication and hard work while
embracing a healthy lifestyle.
(25:43):
Nowhere in there do I say, Ihaven't achieved this body.
because the reason we shift theidentity and use that type of
present tense statement, I don'teven want to call it an
affirmation.
I believe it's a present tensestatement.
The reason being is because youare basically saying what your
identity is.
And your identity, much like wewere just talking about, your
identity dictates your habits.
(26:04):
Your habits dictate yourlifestyle and your lifestyle is
a result of who you believeyourself to be.
So it all goes full circle.
Few other pieces for the, forthe mission board is I love
quotes.
I encourage people to put upabout four to six quotes.
This way you have timelesspieces of wisdom that if you
truly embody, can change the wayyou live Your.
(26:25):
One of the biggest life-changingquotes for me came from Marcus
Aurelius, where it says, bestrict with yourself and
tolerant of others.
Mm-hmm.
And I love that quote because Iused to have trouble putting my
expectations on other peoplebecause I'm a very high
performing people person.
And so, we know, and I don'twant to trash talk anyone, nor
do I believe it is, but we knownot everyone's a high performer.
(26:48):
Not everybody wants a ton out oflife.
And so because I do, I have verystrict standards and very high
standards for myself, it wouldput a lot of strain on my
relationships to do that toother people.
And so I had to learn, be strictwith yourself, but tolerant of
others, but.
I would've never really startedthinking about that if I didn't
find that quote first, right?
Mm-hmm.
So put the quotes up assomething you wanna learn and
(27:10):
more importantly, embody.
That's the point of puttingquotes.
And then the last piece, whichreally, really ties my mission
board together is now, if you'rea business owner, you should
have two.
But if you're not, you can haveone or two as optional.
But I put mission, vision, andvalue statements from my
personal self and my business.
(27:31):
and the reason I do that, kindof like what we're talking
about, creating the identity,who am I?
What are my titles that I hold?
Well, for me, I'm a father, I'ma son, I'm a boyfriend, I'm an
entrepreneur, right?
I have all these differenttitles, and then it's about
asking what is my mission?
and what is my vision for mylife?
And the people in it, right?
Cause you gotta include them.
(27:52):
And then what are the values Iwill uphold as a man, as Vin,
right?
As the person I am in front ofyou.
What will I uphold to live atruly fulfilling and amazing
life?
And then I also do that for mybusiness, right?
How do I show up as a, as acoach, mentor, therapist,
keynote, speaker, all thesetitles I have, how do I show up?
What's the mission of mycompany?
(28:12):
Why do I do what I do?
What's the vision?
Where am I going?
And then again, what are thevalues I hold as a coach, et
cetera.
And I would always say too, topeople is like, you'll probably
have some overlap, right?
Like, you'll have overlap basedon who you are as a person and
then what you're doing.
But business is usually areflection of the individual.
Mm-hmm.
So you're going to, like, wouldyou, would you say that it's not
(28:36):
important to be someone who hasintegrity in your personal.
and then go to business.
It's like, nah, I don't need, I.
Of course you do.
Like, all right, let a, let alittle overlap occur.
That's okay.
This way we know integrity is atop tier value through and
through, and so that's how I'vebuilt out this mission board and
I encourage everyone to do itand there's a lot more science
(28:56):
behind it than I I explainedbecause there's just so much
here and.
I also feel I need to take asecond from talking.
So you could go Mike
Michael Bauman (29:04):
No, it's about you.
It's about you.
That's why I, that's why I haveyou on.
No, I think it's, it'sincredibly powerful.
There's a, there's a really goodbook and you probably, you know,
read it be your Future Self Now,Dr.
Dr.
Benjamin Hardy and he, he talksabout that you're basically,
That's the person I want to be,you know?
Or that I am, you know, the futhe future person that I, that I
(29:25):
am.
Mm-hmm.
And then, you know, like, again,backstage kind of James, clear,
every habit that you do is avote towards the person that
you, that you really are.
And so you go, what habits do Iwanna vote?
Like I wanna put in my ballots,I'm gonna cast my votes.
This person over and over andover and over again.
So you talked about the, youknow, big picture, the vision
(29:47):
kind of things.
What do people do?
Like once they have that inplace, they have the, you know,
these are the six things that Iwanna put up there.
This is the, the quotes.
How do they then create theskills and the habits
necessarily to realize that?
What's the process for
Vin Infante (30:02):
that?
Sure.
So a mission board shouldn't beutilized on it.
I think it's pretty useless byitself, really.
I, I, I can't see any reason foranyone to have this wall
decoration.
You can't convince me otherwise.
Like, what is it gonna do if youjust look at it every day like,
oh, wow, I, I really like thatcar up there.
Yeah.
Like, great, what, what how doyou get the car man?
(30:25):
Right.
And so it's, it's aboutchallenging yourself to look at
it and say, okay, how can I bemore of the.
That I've committed to mymission, vision, and value
statements, right?
How can I embody that more andmore every single day?
Because like you could alwaysbecome more of yourself.
You could always become morevaluable.
You could always become a betterloving person.
(30:47):
You could always become morecaring, more empathetic,
whatever.
Whatever your values are, youcould always become more of it.
So challenge yourself everysingle day to do something that
gets you closer to that.
Even if, if you wanna just focuson one, like if you're like, I
am someone who really valueslove, but you have trouble with
that.
Okay.
Every day challenge yourself togo out and just do an act of
love or kindness for somebodywithout wanting anything in
(31:09):
return, right?
Like that could be a challengeevery single day.
Doesn't matter what it is, evenif it's something as something
as simple as stupid, as likewalking up to a random stranger
in the stream.
Be like, I love your shoes.
Great.
Cool.
Do that.
Become love and become more andmore every day.
Number two is with the goalsthat you have on there, t
tangibly.
(31:30):
You don't have to do timelines.
I actually have come to learnthat the highest performing and
most successful people I workwith, nobody has a timeline.
They don't exist.
Those things are exist whenthere's somebody who's like in a
nine to five.
But when you are reallysuccessful, really high
performing, you learn there's noneed for a timeline because
those things will happen onceyou become that person, right?
(31:54):
Mm-hmm.
So now it's just aboutdedicating yourself to the
process.
So the process looks.
Maybe monthly, weekly, dailyactivities.
I don't even wanna say goals,but monthly, weekly, daily
activities.
Okay?
I want to get, I wanna make amillion dollars.
Cool.
What do you have to do?
How?
Like how much money do you needto make a month?
And how much money do you needto make a week?
(32:15):
Or how much money do you wannamake a day?
Right?
Like you would know how you'reaiming to make a million
dollars.
Now the question is, what do Ineed to.
where do I need to be?
Who do I need to sell to?
How much do I need to sell?
What if I broke that down into amonthly goal?
And then what if I aim to do itweekly?
And then what if I aim to dosomething that would help me get
towards that million dollarsdaily?
(32:36):
See, because now what we'redoing is we're creating a strong
process for you, and you'regonna parrot by just looking up
and being like, okay, I have agoal.
For instance, for me, get morespeak engagements.
Okay?
How many speak engagements do Iwant?
How much do I wanna charge perspeaking engagement?
How much would I like to makeoverall for the year from
speaking engagements?
How many people do I want toimpact through speaking
engagements?
(32:57):
Where would I need to be?
How big's the stage?
Who has the money that could payme for this?
Where would I volunteer any?
How many would I volunteer?
right?
So you see how like you couldget really super intricate and
in depth with each photo onthere.
And that's why I tell peopletoo, no more than six to eight,
you don't need 30 photos.
You just need a few things toreally totally dedicate yourself
(33:19):
to, and so that, that's anotherpart.
It's journaling.
And then of course, let's talkabout visualization.
visualization.
Fascinating, right?
The subconscious mind cannottell the difference between
something you're visualizing.
or reality, it can't, it reallycan't.
It's truly fascinating the, theresearch that they have on this.
So when you're visualizing whatyou're doing is kind of like
(33:41):
what we were talking aboutbefore.
You are bringing your futureself into your present.
You are actually embodying thatperson now, as opposed to
saying, oh, in 10 years when Iget the car, or the million
dollars, or the chisel body,then I'll be that, right?
It's like, no, you're gonnavisualize, you're gonna see
(34:02):
yourself.
If we're using, for instance,the physical goal that I have,
I'm gonna close my eyes.
I'm gonna see myself having thatphysique that I am very
intentional about creating.
Right?
then one of the biggest waysthat people get to reach their
goals, very successful peopleknow that it's all about the
long-term focus, but it's hardto stay long-term focused if you
(34:23):
feel like crap in the.
because we act out of a painpleasure matrix, right?
That pain pleasure matrix is weseek out pleasure, we avoid
pain, and we try to conserveenergy.
So now if you're saying, Hey, toget this better body, I need to
sacrifice donuts and.
Cheeseburgers and pizza and icecream and all the good stuff.
(34:45):
I can't go out drinking.
I need to sleep early.
All of a sudden you're buildingup all of this pain in the
present, and that short-termpain is what causes people to
quit on their goals.
probably 90 plus percent of thetime, right?
So what we want to do byvisualizing is we want to get
that image, that very clear,concise vision of you with that
(35:06):
body you dream of.
And we want to bring it intoyour life right now.
And what we're doing moreimportantly, is we're creating
the feeling because we will movetowards a long-term pleasure if
it is pleasurable enough.
So now, instead of it beinglike, oh, I'm gonna sacrifice in
the present, it's more.
Yeah, I'm gonna sacrifice in thepresent because I felt what
it's.
(35:26):
To be in that dream body.
I felt what it's like to havethe confidence, to have the
happiness, to wear the shirt Iwanna wear, to go out on the
beach and not be like, Ooh.
To really get yourself intothat.
And once you start changing andgetting yourself into that state
of mind, it's actually harder tofail at your goals.
And successful people know this,successful people know that the
(35:49):
emphasis is when you create theperson you want to become in the
present, you're more likely tocontinue to stay in alignment
with it.
Cuz again, you've embodied theidentity and now it helps you
overcome adversities andobstacles because you have a
clear, concise idea of whatyou're moving towards.
And the process is a lotpalatable.
Michael Bauman (36:07):
Yeah, I mean, just a ton, a ton to unpack with
what, what you said really,really key points that I wanna
wanna highlight.
One, one, you talked about you,so you have the vision board and
that's essentially like anoutcome.
An outcome goal.
And the thing with outcome goalsis like you can't directly
control it.
Like, if we could directlycontrol immediately being, you
(36:28):
know, getting a six pack abs,then everybody would immediately
have six pack abs.
what you're talking about isyou're, you take this outcome
goal and you're shifting it tobehavioral goals and habit
goals, and you're going, whatbehaviors?
Like I can directly control howmuch exercise I get for the most
part, right?
Mm-hmm.
even.
Mm-hmm.
Even if you can't go to the gym,like you can still find five
(36:48):
minutes, two minutes, whateverit is, you know, I can control
that.
I can control what I'm puttinginto my.
So you change that outcome intobehavioral goals and then you,
then you optimize for that andthat's really important.
But then the other point thatyou talked about that I, I also
want to emphasize, and italigns, you know, with
everything with neuroscience andeverything like that, you know,
the dopamine reward system isyou have to tie.
(37:12):
Pleasure into what you aredoing.
You know, and even like you'retalking about when you break the
habits from year, month, down todaily, I've actually started
doing this where I havecelebration habits, you know,
so, so often we beat ourselvesdown, but, and we're like, I
didn't get enough done today.
I didn't do X, y, and z, da da,da, da.
Where now I go, instead of likemy daily review, my weekly
(37:32):
review, I go, I'm gonnacelebrate everything that I did
because that celebration islinking pleasure to the
accomplishment of, you know,again, the ballot, putting that
votes in towards who I want tobe.
So, very, very important pointsthat I wanna, I wanna highlight
there in terms of how you makethis a reality.
So you talked a little bit aboutsome of the challenges.
(37:56):
I'm, I'm curious, like, youknow, let's say big things come
up or small things, accumulationof small things sometimes.
Challenges either externally orinternally, that's that try to
challenge like, okay, you sayyou're this, but you know, this
came up.
What are your advice for, andagain, it depends on the
challenge, but what are youradvice for things like that, you
know, external challenge.
How do people navigate thesetbacks?
(38:18):
You know, the internal and theexternal challenges that they
face in terms of creating, youknow, who, who they want to want
to be.
Vin Infante (38:24):
Mm-hmm.
I, I think the biggest thingthat gets people stuck is the
internal belief that it's whothey are.
Everything comes down to thestory you tell yourself, right?
Is you believe yourself.
Like I was having thisconversation with a client
literally the other day wherethey were telling me they're
(38:45):
anxious and I'm like, stop.
Just stop.
And they're like, what do youmean just stop?
I was like, no, no.
Stop saying that.
like, I'm not telling you tostop having anxiety.
I'm telling you to listen toyour language and stop that
because you continue to say thatyou're anxious.
But the reality is, is you'renot anxious.
(39:05):
Right?
Like you're defining yourself asanxiety.
and you're not making itseparate.
You're saying, this is who I am.
I am anxious.
That's like the same as if youwere to walk up to me instead of
saying, I am Mike, you're justlike, I am anxious.
really well, nice to meet you.
Anxious.
I'm Vin and we do that.
So we, we identify and hold onthese identities that keep us
stuck.
(39:25):
And so I had to make a veryclear distinction to him.
I was like, we need to have abetter conversation.
You're no longer allowed to sayI am anxious.
You have to from here on outtoday and for the rest of your
life Now, because this is theprocess, you have to say your
name, like I, I'm, I'm gonnajust use a different name for,
for, you know, integrity's sakeand confidentiality.
(39:48):
But let's just say you have tosay your name.
You have to say, hi, I'm John.
I am currently having a momentin time where I am in
experiencing the anxiety sorry,the emotion of.
that is such a differentstatement and conversation than
saying, hi, I'm anxious.
That's so different because whatyou're doing is you're allowing
(40:09):
yourself to understand that youare not your emotions.
First up, feelings aren't facts.
They're just indicators.
So if you believe that you'rethis feeling, if you say, I am
anxious, you can't actuallyfigure out why you're anxious.
You can't really get to theindicator, so to speak.
But if you could begin toseparate yourself and say, I am
just John, and I'm having amoment where I am experiencing
(40:30):
the emotion of anxiety thatallows you to get really curious
and say, well, why am Iexperiencing this moment of
anxiety?
In fact, if you educateyourself, you also know that
anxiety is there to help you.
Anxiety is there because it'stelling you you are perceiving a
threat in your environment.
And though we no longer have toworry about living in caves and
(40:51):
fighting off Sager Saber, twotigers, anxiety still functions
the same, just like itfunctioned for the caveman who
is afraid of death.
It is still functioning thatexact same way in 2023.
And so you need to understandthat your body has these
illogical, though at one point,important but illogical
currently for the most.
(41:12):
processes and they work, butthey're not that good.
Like let's compare it to acomputer.
Anxiety is a 2010 computerrunning in 2023, the computer
had a purpose, and it still doesto some degree, right?
It could still run the programs.
It's just not gonna be asefficient or good.
So when you start becoming moreconscious and you start creating
(41:33):
that distinction between, youare not your emotions, you are
just experiencing them, you'renow able to separate yourself.
You're able to pull yourself outof it.
You're able to give yourself abetter perspective, a better
understanding.
And with that, you're able tocreate multiple breakthroughs as
to why are you feeling this.
And then you could challenge itin multiple ways.
You can.
You can test where your limitingbeliefs came from.
(41:54):
You can do a reality test ofcases for and against the
emotion you're feeling to see ifit's logical or illogical.
You can begin to ask yourself,in fact, just complete, I don't
wanna feel anxiety.
What would I rather feel?
right?
Like what would I actuallyvalue?
What would I actually value?
Feeling happiness, exenthusiasm, joy, excitement,
(42:17):
doesn't matter.
But start asking what you dowant.
Because one thing that's verykey is also knowing like where
focus goes, energy flows and ifyou shift that change your whole
life.
Michael Bauman (42:28):
Super.
Yeah.
Super important.
Super important.
Like you talk about focus, likewhere your focus is really
important.
You've, you've also mentioned,and you, you're welcome to jump
into it a little bit more, butyou mentioned the power of
language and how that shapes ourreality.
Can you talk, and you could diveinto language too if you want,
but talk also about ourphysiology and our posture and
(42:49):
how that can, how that we canleverage that as a tool
Vin Infante (42:53):
sure.
I'll do language first cuz it'ssuper quick and then I'll jump
into the posture and positioninglanguage is a very interesting
one because language really justcomes down to how you describe
life.
And the way you describe thingsis very dependent on your belief
systems, right?
Because descriptions are unique.
one of the biggest things thatis so important to me, and, and
(43:16):
if you ask any of my clients,they'll tell you I am a real
stickler for language and I willliterally annoy them.
They, I have had people who I'vehad to explain it is not a waste
of time in session to talk aboutthe thing you just said.
and they're like, well, I don'tthink it's a big deal.
And I'm like, I get it.
But that's part of the problem.
(43:36):
It is a big deal.
The fact that you said thismeans there's some belief in
there that you believe this,like that this is real for you.
Mm-hmm.
you have to understand yourlanguage is not a coincidence.
You're not gonna come out andsay things you don't believe.
The problem is you're sounaware.
And so my clients, I've, I'vehad to like re redirect like,
okay, listen, I get it.
(43:56):
You may think this isunimportant, but one, you have
to trust me because.
like, why are you paying me totell me I'm wrong?
And number two.
And, and number two is, is like,I'm asking you to trust me here
because I have your, yourinvestment in yourself is the
investment in my expertise,right?
(44:18):
So if I'm telling you there'ssomething here, I would like you
to, to be open enough and honestand curious enough to explore it
because I'm telling you, it'lllead down a very interesting
path.
And so this is honestly a humpthat I have to overcome with a
lot of clients because theyreally don't see the importance
to it, which I find crazy,right?
Mm-hmm.
like I had a client the otherday and he texted me and he
said, Hey, hey, VIN.
(44:39):
I did you know, cuz we, westarted a session before with
breathwork because he wasn'tpresent and he needed, you know,
one of the goals is to work onpresence and I felt like he
wasn't grounded.
So I wanted to do some groundingwork with him.
So I said, we're gonna take apause.
We're gonna do some breath workto build presents before our
session starts.
Okay?
So we did that for like eightminutes, right?
(44:59):
And so he texted me and said,Hey, VIN, just wanna let you
know I already, I'm, I'm gonnado the breath work before the
session.
This way we don't waste time insession doing it.
You're already laughing cuz youknow, you know.
Then I spent 10 minutes talkingto him about why he couldn't
waste time.
And I was like, you know, thisin theory is wasting time, isn't
(45:19):
it?
Right.
But, but, but the reality is,right?
Like there is a belief system inthere.
You are telling me you don'twant to do an exercise that's
gonna make you present.
You said one of your main goalsis to develop presence and here
you are texting me, saying Idon't wanna waste my time.
We had to have a conversationaround that because I had to
(45:41):
understand why do you say thisis a waste of time?
And it's like, no, I didn't meanit that way.
And I'm like, I'm not asking howyou meant it.
I want to ask why you chosethose words specifically.
And so we wound up having agreat conversation around that.
Right.
But that's something that'sreally powerful and really
important because that was abelief that he had right there
(46:01):
and, and we got to the root ofit.
It was a great conversation.
Session was great too, but.
You see, these are the thingssome people won't pay attention
to.
Sometimes you might even have acoach that will just kind of let
that slide and be like, dude,totally get it.
You don't wanna waste your timewith bad work.
No worries.
We'll dive into what's reallyimportant, not me.
I'll be like, see, the fact thatyou just said that, that's
really important.
That's a big tell.
(46:21):
Mm-hmm.
And so we need to have aconversation about that.
So language is extremelyparamount.
It shows how you view life.
It shows what your experienceis.
It it dictates the way you arealso experiencing life because
it's part of your descriptions.
So everything you're saying istied very deeply to an identity,
a belief, and and can shape thewhole trajectory of your future
(46:45):
based on just what you say.
And then the other piece thatyou wanted me to discuss was
physiology.
Mike, if you and I went over toRussia right now, do you, you
don't by chance speak Russian,do you?
No.
no.
Okay, cool.
So if you don't speak Russian,Mike and I said, Hey, let's go
on a trip.
We're gonna go to Russia and Iwant you to, let's just walk
around the town.
And I want you to point outanyone that looks depressed.
(47:08):
Eventually you're gonna be like,oh, VIN, tap me on the shoulder
and be like, that guy rightthere.
That dude's the depressed.
I'd be like, I thought you don'tspeak Russian.
He'd be like, well, I don't.
Well, how didn't you know Mike?
Well, you know, he's, he's kindof, he's, he's inwards.
He's, he looks like he's, he'sgot a frown face on.
He kind of like, his eyes look alittle puffy maybe.
He's been crying.
He's just, his, his breathing isreally shallow.
(47:28):
I observed.
He's, he's very strong.
His shoulders are forward.
He's hunched in, like, justdoesn't look like a happy.
and I'd be like, well, Mike, howcould you make such a bold
assumption?
And then you'd probably say,well, Vin I could tell if
someone's depressed.
The reality is, is that.
Depression, anxiety, everyemotion we have, happiness, joy,
(47:49):
everything.
It all has a physical look.
Your physiology is theembodiment of your emotional
state.
In fact, physiology has a biggerimpact on your emotional state
than your thoughts do, becausethe reality is your thoughts are
dictated by your emotions, andyour emotions are embodied in
your physiology.
So if you start changing yourphysiology, you shift your
(48:10):
emotions.
If you shift your emotions, youcould shift your thoughts.
If you shift your thoughts,Mike, you change your life.
And so your physical Aattributes and the things you do
physically will also shift thethings that you're experiencing
in your internal world.
And so positioning and postureis super important.
I I've noticed even for myselfwhen I get depressed or when I
(48:33):
have these, these moments whereI just feel sad, one of the
first things I do is I look atmyself and I'm like, whoa.
Like sit your ass up.
and then, and, and then changeyour tone.
Like talk with more authority.
Right?
Get yourself louder, be biggerthan your emotion.
And then I will also, you know,be very conscious of how's my
breathing.
Start taking a little bit moreof a full of breath, sit up very
(48:55):
well, head straight, embodysomebody who's not depressed and
start shifting just throughthat.
Something change.
Mm-hmm.
Michael Bauman (49:03):
Yeah, it's really fascinating how quickly
we can change.
Our states, Yes, based onchanging our, our physiology.
You know, you think that some ofthese things take, take a long
time, but you can change them bychanging your physiology and
changing your focus and, youknow, changing the stories that
you have and that changes howyou feel very, very quickly.
(49:25):
So, very powerful.
Tools that can, that cansometimes be overlooked.
So, fantastic.
This has been jam-packed, fullof, you know, lovely, wonderful,
wonderful stuff.
You know, we have a good idea.
I usually ask the question atthe end, good idea around like,
success, but we have a goodidea.
You want to impact a billionsouls in your life.
Where can people go toparticipate in that impact that
(49:45):
you're doing,
Vin Infante (49:46):
Well, I would love for people to throw me a follow
on Instagram, it's where I'mmost active.
I post tons of free content,which if I do say so myself,
Mike, it's pretty.
Good I, maybe I'm biased.
Yeah, I would love for people,love for people to check out my
Instagram, it's vin.infante youcould also find me on TikTok,
(50:09):
vin.infante you could go to myLinkedIn, vin infante and you
could also check me out.
Go to my website,www.vincentinfante.life.
Guys, as a little bit of a treatthe mission board description
that I gave is a free resourceyou guys can download straight
from my website.
Just go to the resource tab, putin your email, and boom, it's
(50:29):
yours.
And, and yeah, you guys canreach me anywhere.
If you have any questions,please DM me on Instagram.
I always answer or even justsend an email.
It's Vincent@Vincentinfante.lifeso I'm around
Michael Bauman (50:42):
Perfect.
Really appreciate, you know,appreciate the conversation and
appreciate the, the tools and,and tactics cuz you know, a lot,
I mean, people just pick one,you know, take one of the things
that he said and just go, howcan I implement this now?
And observe, you know, observehow you feel differently just
doing one of the tools that hementioned.
So thanks again for your time.
(51:02):
Really, really appreciate it.
It was a, it was a funconversation.
Vin Infante (51:05):
Thanks for having me, Mike.
It's been great.
Michael Bauman (51:07):
Before you go, I would love it if you actually
just shared this episode with afriend.
I'm sure while you werelistening, someone just popped
in your head and you're like,oh, they would probably like
this as well.
So it's really easy.
You just click the share buttonon either the website or
whatever podcast platform you'reon and send it over to'em, and
chances are they'll probablylike it too.
Until next time, keepengineering your success.
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