March 1, 2023 • 51 mins
"Looking at my business card and I realize that my entire life is a series of labels on a piece of paper..."
Mary Henderson is a transformational Leader and an internationally recognized Personal Branding & Online Business Specialist. She has 20+ years of experience building 7 & 8 figure businesses & building high-performance sales teams and 15 years delivering online solutions for large and small businesses.
Mary dove deeply into her pain, her past, and her trauma to uncover who she truly was underneath everything and leveraged her unique skills and strengths to create a software system that helps define a person at their truest self then create a brand that perfectly reflects that across all touchpoints!
Amazing conversation!
Resources:
She has tons of free masterclasses on her website from creating your own personal brand to dominating on LinkedIn (she has over 83K followers on LI) and so much more!
Free Masterclasses | Mary Henderson | Personal Branding (maryhendersoncoaching.com)
You can also schedule a free 45-minute coaching call with her directly!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michael Bauman (00:00):
My business card falls on the bed, and I hold
that business card and just thistitle, Mary Henderson, managing
director, like the font sizebecame so big.
I realized, my whole life is alabel.
Like everything about me is alabel.
How do we truly feel like asuccess in every area of our
(00:22):
lives?
How do we feel enough and knowthat we are not alone?
Join me as I interview some ofthe top leaders and experts in
the world, from Broadwaydirectors to multimillionaire,
CEOs, neuroscientists, and moreto look behind the curtain of
success and examine not only theachievements, but also the
fears.
The.
doubts The loneliness and how wecan navigate through that to
(00:45):
create the incredible life weactually want to live.
Welcome to Success Engineering.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to SuccessEngineering.
I'm your host, Michael Bauman.
So today I'm actually excited toannounce the launch of my
upcoming 12 week Lean Agile LifeMastermind for Entrepreneurs.
(01:10):
So this helps you optimize yourmindset, your emotions, your
relationships.
Your health, your habits,essentially a lot of the areas
outside of the things youtypically think about in your
business.
So this launches on March 13th.
If you feel like the more youpour into your business, the
less you feel like you'resucceeding in the other areas of
(01:30):
your life, then this is perfectfor you.
Like life can be.
crazy.
It can be chaotic.
It can be difficult to navigatethe constantly changing
environment, oftentimes chaoticright now.
So this is all about trainingyour mind to be able to approach
that with calm and confidence,knowing exactly what you need to
be doing.
The other thing too is it, itcan be difficult even to find
(01:51):
time as entrepreneurs.
Exercise, or even for therelationships that are really
important to us, whether that's,you know, our kids, whether
that's our spouse, our partners,our friends, and even turning
off, right, turning off afterwork.
Or where does the work even end,for us online entrepreneurs?
We'll talk about all of thesekind of things in the
(02:11):
mastermind.
what you'll learn is the LeanAgile habit framework where
basically you can implement anyhabit and make it stick.
You'll learn how to understandand master your emotions so that
you can stay positive, you canstay productive, you can stay
present in any situation.
You'll develop an agile mindsetso that you can pivot, you can
(02:35):
navigate the chaos anduncertainty.
You can stay calm, you can stayfocused even when you're tired,
even when you're stressed, evenwhen you're busy.
and they'll also look about howwe can regain, you know,
connection with thoserelationships and even our
health, and our happiness.
So I have an early birddiscount, of$250 off if you sign
(02:56):
up before midnight on March 8th.
And I don't just work withanybody.
It's really important to me thatI feel we are good fit for
working together and that I cantrust you to hold a safe place
for other people in thisMastermind.
So if this sounds like somethingthat'd be beneficial for you,
I'd love to talk to you.
(03:16):
I'd love to hear you know whereyou're coming from, what your
biggest challenges are.
So you can go to successengineering.org.
Just schedule a pre-call with meand we can talk.
You know how my Mastermind mightbe able to help you achieve your
goals in the life that you wannalive.
So again, that's successengineering.org.
Schedule a call with me.
I'd love to talk with you.
I'd love to have you as a partof the Mastermind.
(03:38):
All right, let's get back to theshow.
I have Mary Henderson on.
She's an amazingtransformational leader.
She's an internationallyrecognized personal branding and
online business specialist.
So 20 plus years of experiencebuilding seven, eight figure
businesses.
High performance sales teams, 15years delivering online
solutions for large and small,small businesses.
(03:59):
Ton of publications she's beenfeatured in.
She's a digital sector thoughtleader.
And then what really sets herapart, and this is gonna be
super fascinating to get into,is she blends her personal
branding methodology from herstory with technology to just
get a reproducible thing thatcan take somebody's brand
essence and just put it out onall the touchpoints in every,
(04:20):
every way you are aligned withwho you want to be and how you
wanna show up and how you wantto appear as I love that.
So welcome to the show.
This is gonna be a lovelyconversation.
Hi, Michael.
How you doing?
I am doing really well.
happy to be here talking to you.
Me too.
Can't wait.
So on a, on a less happy note,but this, this kind of provides
(04:42):
the juxtaposition for whereyou're at now and the incredible
things that you're doing.
And so we're gonna, we're gonnarewind and start with your, your
background.
And you literally in, in yourown words, described it as the
house of hell, unfortunately.
So can you talk about that We'llstart on the downer then we'll,
we'll, we'll take, we'll, we'llRocket take off from there.
(05:04):
No, I, I think Michael, all ofus have the hero's journey.
Okay.
And we choose whether we wannago on that path or we don't
wanna go on that path becausethe hero's journey really does
start always with a story of, mylife's not going where I wanted
to go.
Right?
And so for me, you know, thatstory really started around just
(05:26):
before year 2000 when I I got adivorce.
I was married for literally fiveminutes to the absolute wrong
person.
But, you know, from thatexperience, what happened was,
even though it was sodestroying, not the divorce,
just that the person that Ibelieved was.
What I deserved, right?
Which was completely so far awayfrom the truth.
(05:48):
But I think we all, all of ushave to go through this.
I do believe this anyway, so wegot the, I got divorce and then
I was like, okay, my life isjust, I can't get any lower than
this.
Like this is the lowest point inmy life.
I can't get any lower.
The only next step for me is togo up.
So I remember Michael, and thisis really profound, that I was
(06:08):
in my car and I had this like,Like a a very short term, like a
little consulting type of job.
It was just very low key.
More on the admin side, and I'mdriving to this job that I
absolutely hated.
I'm in my car.
There's a red traffic light, andI remember just sit, sitting
amongst the traffic in my car,like just hating everything
(06:29):
about myself, my life, the way Ilook, everything, my whole
reality.
And I.
In that moment had this switchthat just, I just thought, no,
you know what?
I am never going to allow thisto happen to myself again.
I've got to change my life andit's up to me.
It was just in that moment, itwas like I had this massive,
(06:49):
massive epiphany.
I go to my job and in that, asI'm driving there, I'm thinking
I've gotta change my life, likeliterally change my life.
The very next day I got up andI, and I just started applying
for jobs in the tech industry.
That's where I wanted to bebecause I came from a media
background.
I, you know, that's where Istarted my, my career
(07:11):
essentially in media.
Media was not for me, but what Iwas very good at and recognized
this as at, at a young, at at,at a young age is that I was
just very numbers orientated.
Like I just, anything to do withzeros and ones, you got my
attention.
I just knew how to I understoodpatterns, right?
I didn't know that that was agift back then.
(07:33):
I just thought that, thateveryone could do that.
So I thought the tech industryat that time, think about this
year 19 99, year 2000 techindustry was booming.
Everyone wanted to be in thetech industry and the reason I
think a lot of people wanted tobe in the tech industry Michael,
is because it was young, it wasdynamic, it was vivacious.
(07:55):
It was forever changing.
It was just so dynamic.
It was a perfect match made inheaven for my personality type.
So, I applied for a hundred andfifty three fifty eight jobs.
I got 48 face-to-face jobinterviews, and I got rejected
from every single one of those.
(08:15):
Every single one.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay, so now think about thisand, and I'm thinking.
No way.
I am, I, I don't care if I getanother a hundred nos, but I
will not stop until I get what Iwant.
So I had this persistence,persisting, persistent, and
then, you know, out of the blue,nine months later, 153.
Job interview a job application,48, job interview, face-to-face
(08:39):
job interviews.
I get this phone call out of theblue.
And this amazing, beautiful,beautiful soul.
She says, hi, my name'sPriscilla.
She said, our VP of sales wantsto interview you.
She actually just found your CVburied underneath a whole heap
of PA papers as she was visitingyou, the Melbourne office,
because we, our sales manager isno longer here.
So she went to Melbourne toclean out his office and found
(09:01):
your cv.
She wants to meet you on Fridayand fly you to Sydney.
So I fly to Sydney.
I get the job on the spot, itwas the right job.
Mm-hmm.
at the right time, at the rightplace because that job is why I
do what I do today.
Mm-hmm.
a hundred percent.
There's a massive interlinkthere.
(09:21):
And so that's really where theorigin of my story in terms of
what, why I do what I do todayis because of that entire
experience of being fullyrejected, you know, being at the
lowest point in my life.
But that one sliding door momentchanges everything.
Mm-hmm.
can you, can you talk about I'm,I'm debating all whether to get
(09:45):
into this now or, or, or laterCause you have a full system
around it, but When, when peoplego through those really
difficult times and you know,maybe in the, in the back, very
deep within themselves,somewhere, they're like, I know
there's, I'm made for more thanthis.
I'm worth more than this.
But everything like kind ofdoesn't seem to be, you know,
externally showing that.
What do people do to one, kindof like rebuild their identity
(10:09):
when they go through places likethat and two, Unwrap the layers
of those like emotions andfeelings and use those to
actually point towards theirvalues and the things that are
really important to them.
I love that question becausethat part of my journey has been
so profound, so important tillthis very moment, and this is my
understanding based on all ofthese years of experience n not
(10:31):
to mention that I also wasmentored by some incredible
people in that process as well.
This is what I've learned,Michael.
Most of us are in denial.
of the truth, okay?
Most of us are in denial of thetruth.
That's just humanity.
We haven't been taught that.
The truth is where the freedomactually lies.
(10:52):
And even though we feel likewe've unpeeled the layers, and
even in my situation gettingthat one job, it was like, oh my
God, now I'm on my way tovictory.
I wasn't on my way to victory.
I was on my way to redefining mypersonality.
You are absolutely right and myidentity, but in terms of the
core emotions and feelings, theywere still there.
(11:13):
I had not resolved that, and Ididn't know that they would come
back at a later stage to playout in my life.
But you know what we do is, andthey do, by the way, keep
playing out in your life.
It's just that we deny them.
We are like, oh, everything'sfine.
You know?
How many times have people askedyou, how are you doing?
I'm fine.
You're not fine.
(11:33):
That's the truth.
You're not fine.
Right?
So, so the thing is, for me thatemotions and feelings play a
significant role in how our, howwe experience every aspect of
our life.
What I've come to understand,you know, there are three layers
of us.
You know, there's.
The true self, the soul.
There's the subconscious, whichis our spirit, if you will, and
(11:57):
then we've got the physicalself, which is our physical
body.
Now, the thing that we have tounderstand from my experience is
that my brain cannot give me anymore.
Than what I've put into it.
It's like an AI machine.
Whatever you put in is all itcan give you out.
So my brain is, has very linear,but it's also extremely limited.
(12:18):
Yes.
One might say, but Mary, I couldlearn.
I could go to webinars, I canread books, I can, I can, you
are absolutely right.
But if it, if that knowledge hasnever been experienced, it's
just input.
We're looking for output and weare looking for a feedback loop.
So the feedback loop.
Painful experiences, painfulemotions, painful situations,
(12:43):
painful events, anything that'snot loving in our life.
Anything that we don't love inour life that we're experiencing
is connected to an emotion and afeeling that is buried.
So until we actually sh show upand confront the truth.
For example, if somebody islistening to this and they're an
(13:04):
entrepreneur and they'refrustrated because no matter how
hard they try it, they justcan't seem to get clients,
something is wrong.
So the truth is, the absolutetruth is.
That I can't get clients becauseI feel like I'm a loser.
That's the truth.
The truth is I have no money,and that's the truth.
(13:25):
So we have to own up to that.
Not say, Hey, I'm fine, or putout all these posts on social
media.
Hey, look at my laptoplifestyle, when your whole life
is in ruins.
That's not the truth.
That's a del that's, that's justan illusion.
So we have to go to the.
And confront that ourselves.
It doesn't involve anybody elsebecause once we confront the
truth, then we can get to theemotion.
(13:47):
And that's, that's theconnection.
Once we understand where theemotions and feelings are and
how we can transcend them intoloving feelings, that's the,
that's the pathway to freedom.
The process of the hero'sjourney, if you will, is not for
the faint of heart.
Put it that way.
It's those people that reallywant to experience and
(14:10):
self-actualize their truepotential to come back and to
tell the story throughexperience, not just learned
knowledge.
Mm-hmm.
Because once you go through thisexperience, then the emotions
and the feelings are ourfeedback loop, and we become
highly conscious of that and wecan confront those emotions and
feelings with such ease andgrace and in.
(14:32):
they're invitations for usbecause we welcome them because
we know the positive impact thatit will make, not just in my
life, but my children, myclients, the world at large.
So that's, that's the kind ofthe angle that I would give when
it comes to emotions andfeelings.
Yeah, I, I have a very similar,similar thing, you know, like
(14:52):
when I look at success, youknow, we talk about success
engineering.
The whole reason behind it islike, I, I really feel like we
need to redefine what that is.
And so people define it as thatappearance of success.
And I would say, you know, Ihave kind of a layer thing like
you talk about as well.
You have that appearance assuccess and there's no
correlation between that andactually feeling.
like a success.
(15:12):
And I would say, you know, in myclassifications, like that's
kind of that second layer you'relooking like, how can I actually
feel like a success?
And, and so often the feeling ofnot feeling enough.
And I know this is a part ofyour story as well, we might get
into it, but that feeling of notfeeling enough, they're so
interchangeable with success,especially for entrepreneurs.
They can.
use'em interchangeably.
(15:33):
Like, how can I feel enough asan entrepreneur?
How can I feel like I haveenough money?
How can I feel enough as afather?
How could I feel like I gotenough done or had enough
impact?
So that's that second layer.
But like you talk about, youhave to go deeper than that.
You have to go to, yeah, theidentities.
The, the narratives, the storiesthat we tell around how we view
the world.
And then underneath that is whatyou talked about with that true
(15:54):
self.
And, you know, I talk about itin terms of like the presence
and the awareness.
Like actually going, can I bepresent here right now?
And is it enough?
You know, like, is that enoughquestion?
Like is it, yeah, is this momentenough?
Is it enough for me to just be.
And I feel like that's thebiggest gift I could give to
anybody.
You know, my, my family, mykids, anybody that I'm
(16:16):
interacting with is going whenI'm here, like I'm here.
And that's, that's kind of likewhat you're talking about.
But I do wanna get into thataspect of, of validation.
So you had another.
You know, I'll classified as thethe business card epiphany.
But you had this other epiphanylater on in kind of your, your
career and you discovered thateverything you were doing was
(16:37):
about seeking validation fromyour parents.
So can you talk about thatstory?
Oh, yeah.
And then we'll, we'll again,dive, dive into the deep, deep
end.
That was probably the secondorigin within my story that
really where I did a serialU-turn, you know?
So for me, my whole life aboutsuccess was the label, you know,
(16:57):
it, and the materialism, whichwas the outcome.
Okay.
So it was all about what I had,what I wore, how I looked, the,
you know, all of the, I mean,even my business card, I mean,
for God's sakes.
I mean, this is just ridiculous,but, In 2011, September the
10th, 2011, my son was born atthree 30 in the afternoon.
(17:21):
Literally three hours afterthat, I'm sitting on my bed, I
reach over to get my purse.
Cause I wanted to put some lipbalm on my lips.
My business card falls on thebed, and I hold that business
card, Michael.
And it was like, I've never hada near death experience, but it
was certainly kind of like that.
It was almost like I, I heldthis business card and I could
(17:44):
see.
all of these snapshots of mylife in just appearing in front
of me.
It was like a very fastPowerPoint presentation and I'm
thinking, oh my God, like what'sgoing on here?
And I'm looking at this card andjust this title, managing
director, Mary Henderson,managing director, just kept on
like the font size became sobig.
(18:05):
It was like right here in frontof my eyes.
And I'm looking at this and I'mlike, what is going on?
And then I just sat still for amoment.
and I realized, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Wow.
My whole life is a label.
Like everything about me is alabel, number one.
Number two, this little card isvalidating my self-worth and who
(18:30):
I am and how I show up in theworld.
Like this card, this piece ofpaper, this cardboard is
validating my self worth.
Like what the and and thensomething most importantly
happened and that was that Irecognized w with clarity and I
(18:51):
had to face the truth now causeI couldn't deny it cuz the pain
was so deep that I had to justsit there and admit that the
truth.
The reason why I've built thisbusiness that I had built from
ground up for seven years, myown software company into multi
seven figure business, isbecause I was looking for
(19:14):
validation from my parents totap me on the shoulder all of
these years later to say, Hey,Mary, we're so proud of you,
even though you didn't finishyour degree.
Like, I'm still waiting.
And in my thirties forvalidation, like really.
And so I knew when Ida was goingto leave that hospital bed that
(19:36):
I would resign from my owncompany because I also
recognized that I was in thewrong job, doing the wrong
thing, serving the wrong people.
And even though I built it intoa successful company, I was
also.
Killing myself, like justphysically, emotionally, and
mentally trying to maintain thatbusiness.
(19:57):
So, And then two weeks afterthat I did resign.
My accountant just told me thatit was hormonal and I should
just forget about it.
And I just said, no way.
This is like at a soul level, myfriend.
Trust me, And so, you know, soJanuary we merged my business
with another business,thankfully, and january 1st,
2012, I took a 12 monthsabbatical.
(20:19):
I had a professor in philosophywho'd mentored me.
Amazing.
I had another per, anotherexpert in the emotional body who
mentored me.
I did a 12 month course onquantum medicine at at Quantum
University in Hawaii, and Iwalked to my computer on January
1st, 2012, and I googled how doI change my life?
(20:39):
That was the my memory.
1st of January, 2012, andthrough that process, especially
with my mentor, the professor,he really, really showed me a
way to unpack myself.
And being a systems orientatedperson, I was able to see very
clear patterns and realize.
(21:01):
With such dignity and beauty andfor the first time, deep self,
self-love that hey, I actuallycan do some things really,
really easily and really, reallywell.
And therein lies my purpose.
So I'm gonna package that andI'm gonna take it to the world,
and that's where I am.
(21:24):
Before we get into the wonderfulpackage of what, what that is,
can you talk about cuz he, youknow, he had you get outta
pencil and let's talk aboutthat.
The, the story and thenarrative, you know, cuz you
talk about that hero's journey.
What will, how did he go aboutkind of unraveling that the
philosophy fa professor for you?
It was really interesting, andI'll tell you why I went down
(21:47):
that path.
I found him on a, on a TED talk,by the way.
So it was just like if the, Imean, that's the divine talking
to you.
If that's not the divine talkingto you, I don't know what he is.
So I went down that path and,you know, He was not self-help.
I didn't want self-help books.
I was well and truly beyondself-help books, I've been down
that path for 20 years.
Nothing, you know, since mytwenties.
(22:08):
Self-help is about fixing theeffect, not the cause.
I was looking at a way to fixthe cause, not the effect.
And what he was able to do wastwofold.
He was able to, some veryprofound ancient wisdom that
most of us would never be privyto.
Cause they don't share thatstuff in, you know, in
mainstream media or inself-help.
(22:30):
So I was able to have acompletely different
understanding of who am I firstto start with.
The second thing is that heasked me to do, the first thing
he asked me to do was to write astory in first person.
About the first 21 years of mylife.
I'm like, I dunno what happenedto me at zero.
(22:52):
And he said, oh no, don't worry.
Your soul will know.
You just have to allow for thatto happen.
I'm like, where is this guytaking me?
I mean, you know, I consideredmyself a fairly open-minded, you
know, if I was to put a label onit, a spiritual person.
But this was a whole different.
Level of spirituality because itwasn't about spirituality.
It was actually aboutunderstanding what the true
(23:12):
meaning of your true self is.
Okay.
So it was taking me down thatpath of truly understanding what
that means and how that feelsand how that manifests, et
cetera.
and he said, and you must writein a pencil.
You cannot write in a pen.
But it took me about two weeksto actually start writing.
I was, because I was so linearand so.
(23:34):
Caught up in my physical selfthat I didn't allow myself to
open up.
I didn't believe that there wasanything else bigger than this
brain and this body.
And so I get the pencil.
Michael and I, I was reallystruggling to write, and then
just two weeks later it's I,maybe two, three o'clock in the
morning.
It was like I, I just came, itall just came and I sat down and
(23:58):
I got opened up my jet.
It just started writing, andit's called freehand writing.
You just write, you're notthinking, you're just writing.
You're the hands actuallywriting.
But really it's the soul that'swriting.
And so I wrote about the 21first.
21 years of my life.
It took me maybe a week to writethe whole thing, and it was just
unbelievable because I took thatinformation.
(24:20):
And of course being a systemsperson, I opened up an Excel
spreadsheet, you know, 0 1, 2,3, 4, right up until 21.
Actually I did it till I was 30.
And then I started to look atthings a, a about myself, you
know, like patterns of behaviortraits.
When was I happy?
When was I sad?
Values, who was there, what washappening?
(24:40):
Whatever I could, whatever mysoul declared was enough for me
to define O m G.
These are my values, my corevalues, things that I truly
believe in, because when I wasin my truth in a, in other
words, when I was appearing inthe world doing what I.
My core value is truth cuzthat's the truth, right?
(25:03):
So this is why I, I say topeople, if you're going to deny
the truth, it's going to cause alot of pain in your life.
You're, we are better offdeclaring the truth because it
will actually open up the door.
And really there is, there'sjust so much peace and joy and
bliss when we step over thatthreshold.
So having a look at the first 30years of my life in a book
(25:24):
format, if you will.
And then our Excel spreadsheetgave me a lot of clues to
immediately self realize.
Why have we been told to lookfor our purpose outside of
ourselves when it's actuallystaring at me in my face?
I had to go through all of thisexperience to get me to my
(25:46):
purpose now, and that was theepiphany.
That was the moment where mywhole life just went o mg.
it was, yeah, that it was very,very profound.
And of course he, you know, whenyou work with people like that,
you know, they have access toknowledge.
I mean, he had access to theVatican libraries and, I mean,
know things that we could neverhave access to.
(26:08):
Just speaking to somebody atthat level of breadth and depth
of knowledge and wisdom, it'scaptivating because you can see
that what he had studied andknew, and.
and how he was giving thatinformation over to me.
It was creating profound.
It was like my brain wascompletely rewiring, you know,
(26:30):
at a million miles per second,because suddenly I found myself
so vulnerable and ignorant.
Actually very ignorant because Ithought that life was like this,
when in actual fact it wascompletely so far away from
that.
and that's, that was kind of thebeginning of, you know, that,
(26:51):
that, that led that trajectoryof truly, truly believing in
this notion around your corevalues, honoring your gifts,
honoring your talent, honoringyour professional skillset,
which is what I call wisdom andcurrency today.
But that's where the start,that's where it all started.
So I'm, I'm super curious.
So you had this like, you know,and that, that sounds like, and
(27:12):
you could, could correct me if,if I'm wrong, but it sounds
like, more of a, a cognitivekind of approach, right?
You're, you're writing somethingdown, you're processing with
your brain, you're putting it ona self spreadsheet, but parallel
to that, you talked about thatemotions.
Kind of expert.
I'm curious cuz you know, we canget the knowledge from the top
and, and sometimes like you,you, you're talking about, it
can get us down there.
Right?
You know, you have things likecognitive behavioral therapy,
(27:34):
things like that, that canchange from, from your thoughts
to your emotions and then down,and then you have somatic
experiencing therapy and stufflike that.
That's all.
Yeah.
You know, your body, this stuffthat's, that's, you know, trauma
that's trapped in your body.
So I'm curious, you have thatparallel track, but what did it
look like with the, the otherperson that you were working
with on the emotional side?
Well, it was a perfect marriagebecause the thing is that what
(27:55):
happens is that you do advanceyour cognition levels when
you're doing this level of work,because suddenly critical
thinking starts to step in.
You know, self realizationstarts to step in and you're
trusting in that process, whichis something that I, I thought I
was doing, but I was not doingthat on the emotional side.
That was different because thatwas actually.
(28:16):
allowing me to step into a placeof being comfortable, being
uncomfortable, and, and.
that's profound because if we,because to to deal with
emotions, it's not about dealingwith my emotions of what I think
is happening to me right now.
It's dealing with my emotionsthat happen in that
(28:36):
individuation phase of zero toseven.
You know, and it's really goingback to not the story or the
narrative and the blame game,because you can't blame.
and the reason you can't isbecause nobody can feel my
feelings from my past.
So my parents might, it doesn'tmatter who caused the, the
trauma or the pain.
No one can feel my feelings.
Therefore, no one can remove itexcept myself.
(28:57):
So I learned something profoundabout emotions, Michael, that
emotions and feelings are twodifferent things, because when
you ask somebody, you know, howare you feeling?
They'll say, I'm angry.
But then if I say, how doesangry make you feel?
Then they'll give me a wholelist of descriptions of what
angry actually makes means.
So there's lots of layers ofemotions, right?
(29:20):
Which are feelings associatedto, to emotions.
The thing about emotions andfeelings is that they're mostly
connected to a fear or unlovingbehavior.
Okay.
So they're the two core thingsthat most of us, we don't get to
that place cause it'suncomfortable.
And what we do, instead ofblaming, we've gotta feel it.
(29:40):
And that's where the, thetranscendence of the pull
actually just snaps.
And you, it's like a freedom.
So when Peter was training me onthe emotional body.
It wasn't just about training meand saying, Hey, let's just get
it rid of the emotion.
It was actually understandingwhat does it mean to be, to have
(30:02):
an emotional body.
How I got onto Peter, by theway.
Was I read Dr.
Candace Pert book, Molecules ofEmotion.
That's when I recognize that Ihave emotions caught up at a
cellular level at this isphysical and, and I need to
clear that because, because mybody had become my mind, that
was the reality.
(30:23):
And so when you get help fromsomebody who's specialized in
that work, it's not just aboutreleasing the habit and the
memory of those emotions andfeelings at a physical level, at
a cellular level, it's alsoreleasing it at a subconscious
level, but at a soul level.
Okay?
So at at the true self level,that's where the emotion
(30:44):
actually is locked in.
That's where the freedom needsto start in order for the domino
effect to happen.
the other way around.
So we put all our effort intothe physical, and what I learned
is no, no, no.
The, all the effort needs to gointo the unseen, which is the
soul, and that's the dominoeffect.
It works from there all the waydown.
(31:04):
Here's the other thing that I,that I think is really profound
and I wanna mention.
Could you imagine if our schoolsystem, just think about this
for a moment, taught us aboutfeelings.
Okay?
But not just taught us, butactually feel the feeling.
So we, as a human species, wedon't even know what it feels
like, for example, to be sadwhen you're angry, right?
(31:25):
So we don't have a feelingsdictionary, but yet Michael, the
soul speaks in the language offeelings.
So how do we ever clear what isactually holding us back when
none of us are educated on theunderstanding of the core
language of our true self.
My soul doesn't speak in words.
(31:47):
My soul speaks in feelings asyours does.
That's why when you and Iconnect, there was this instant
like banter.
It's the souls just dancingtogether going, yes, this energy
is right.
It feels good.
It feels right.
Mm-hmm.
So it's the same thing in ourlife as adults, we have to go
back to being a child.
We have to express emotions likechildren, experience tantrums
(32:08):
the same thing that is the rightway to to eliminate emotions and
feeling.
So could you imagine as an adultnow I'm getting, getting taught
how to go back to my child'sself in order to release all of
these blocked emotions, but at asoul level, and then it works
its way down.
Very, very profound, but it wassuch a beautiful compliment to
what I was learning from mymentor, the professor.
(32:31):
So all of these learnings hasbecome the core foundation of my
entire philosophy today.
and we're gonna get into that alittle bit.
I did want to talk about, youknow, you mentioned not teaching
the emotions and stuff inschool.
I actually had Jessica JoelleAlexander on, so she's the
author of The Danish Way, way ofParenting and you know, a, you
know, any of the Scandinaviancountries have been RA ranked
(32:53):
the highest in terms ofhappiness.
Yeah.
For decades.
Right?
And she talks about how theyactually do that in schools.
They have classes in schools,teaching kids how to comfort
each other when they're, whenthey're hurting.
Like the things that you'relike, this is so important in
life.
and they actually have classesfor it.
Like everything that they do isbased on empathy and cooperation
(33:17):
as opposed to competition.
It's, it's totally differentthan, than everything that we
do.
And that's, you know, kind of alittle side note there, but
Lovely.
If, if, yeah, we were able toimplement that more in, in
different, different countries.
So you talk about this, you hadthis incredible, you know, year
long time where you're justunwrapping all these things,
(33:37):
coming at it from all of thesedifferent perspectives.
And then you started to marrythat with your incredible
technical skills.
You know, like your zeros andones, like all of the software,
you know, building businessbrand stuff that you've done.
So can you talk about, like,let's just kinda walk through
the process.
Like if you're working withentrepreneurs.
Where do you start with them?
(33:58):
How do you, you know, help themconnect with that deep sense of
who they are and then work outfrom that to represent that in
the world.
Let me start a little bit backto front from there so I can
actually put myself into contextand why I teach the way that I
do.
When I started to unpack that 21years, I started to realize that
(34:19):
I have unbelievable skill insales.
I have unbelievable skills inbuilding digital solutions.
I have unbelievable skills inpersonal branding, which that
first job that I told you thatbreak, that big break that I
had, In year 2000 where Iactually came face to face with
the power of personal branding,and it was in that job where I
(34:42):
actually started to play with.
The idea and really start tosolidify you know, the, the
notion around personal brandingversus job description.
So that was a whole journey initself.
And then of course, you know,the embodiment work, which is
also a part of my program aswell.
All and, and the system, thesystemization actually
converting.
You know, data, moving partsinto one solution.
(35:06):
Everything that I teach iseverything that I am, everything
that I've experienced, whetherit's in my or whether it's
through mentorship, but every,all the knowledge that I have
has all been experienced overand over again, and.
is very important.
So this is why when I work withpeople, the criteria is that you
(35:29):
have to have a minimum of 10,000hours in your area of
specialization because thatinventory is critical in order
to create the outcome that weare looking for.
And so what does that journeylook like, Michael?
Well, we have to start with apersonal brand.
And the reason I say this isbecause it's the foundation that
(35:50):
we are building.
Can I clarify?
A personal brand is not aboutbeing famous in my world.
A personal brand for me isunderstanding who you are in
your natural state of being.
This is why we've developed asoftware around that.
It's called authority.
My clients go in there, theycomplete the applications.
What does that give me?
(36:11):
It gives me.
A hundred percent you, I get tosee every aspect about you, your
values, your gifts, yourtalents, your persona, every
aspect about your skills,traits, genius, zone passions,
you name it.
I've got it captured in adocument now.
(36:31):
So when you come to me and yousay, I wanna be Kim Kardashian,
and that report doesn't matchthat, I'm gonna say, I think you
wanna be famous.
I don't think you really wannaserve people, right?
Mm-hmm.
it gives me an immediate,immediate truth card.
It's the benchmark.
So when I'm working with people,I'm working with, and what you
(36:54):
bring to the table only.
That's it.
It's all I need.
I don't need anything else.
And so we've started to buildthat found.
The foundation is the true isthe essence of who you are.
It's the essence of what you do.
It's the essence of who youserve.
It's the essence of what youpromise.
All of these aspects areformulated in your brand, which
(37:16):
then also leads to the nextlayer, and that is
understanding.
who you serve at the differentstages of their buying cycle.
How do you start a conversationwith them?
You know, we need to understandwhat the brand story looks like.
Is the brand story congruentwith your solution?
Because if there's a disconnect,you've got big problems.
(37:37):
You know, and so, so all ofthese element become the
branding foundation.
Why do I spend so much time onmaking that foundation so
beautiful and sublime?
Your personal brandingfoundation is what makes you
believable and trustable,period.
In my world, people don't buy myprogram.
(37:59):
My program has got everyframework you can possibly
imagine.
Like literally somebody can loginto my program, they don't even
need me.
They can go through the wholething and they'll have an
outcome.
Do you think that people buythat?
They buy my wisdom.
They're just they, they want me.
That's what they want becausethey've heard me, they've seen
me, they've had a conversationwith me, whatever.
They just want my.
Think people come to you,Michael, because they want your
(38:21):
frameworks and blueprints andworkbooks.
Absolutely not.
They want Michael, they wannawork with you.
They've already decided you arethe guy because soul to soul
speaks much louder than mouth tomouth.
So the foundation of thepersonal brand is critical.
And also overlaying all of thatis all of the messaging.
Then we move to part two andthat's the systemization of all
(38:43):
of that inventory.
So now we have to look at whatdoes your solution actually look
like?
What is the problem that you cansolve?
How do we organize all of thatinformation?
99.9% of people that come to mecan't do that big.
that's the part that's really,really hard.
It's organizing all of thatinformation so it spits out a
(39:05):
solution that can genuinelysolve a complex problem, which
happens to be my genius.
And this is the part in myprogram that I really do spend a
lot of time with the clientorganizing all of that data,
handing it back to them as asolid.
Framework so they've gotsomething solid to work from
because it's, they take, ittakes a month to try and figure
(39:26):
it out.
It takes me days.
I can already see what thesolution looks like just by
spending the, you know, timewith them.
Then we move into, Thedigitalization and the
digitization of assets.
So we wanna automate the, a lotof the moving parts.
We wanna create digital assets,whether it's your website, lead
magnets, whatever.
But the whole digitization anddigitalization aspect of
(39:51):
anyone's business for me has oneoutcome.
And that is, Does it create anecstatic brand experience?
Because everyone that touchesour brand, Michael, we need, we
need them to leave and be wowedand in awe, okay?
Because they will become ourbrand advocates.
Even if they don't buy from us.
(40:12):
Believe me, E, even if theydon't buy from us, they will
tell other people about what youprovide as an experience.
and then we move to the layeredlead generation strategy.
And I say with an emphasis onlayered because too many people
put their eggs in one basket.
We need layers in our leadgeneration strategy.
(40:34):
Why is that important?
Because we need to understandwhere our target audience
reside, and we need to show upin a way.
And, and, and know how they wantto consume content.
So in their eyes, they see us asomnipresent, not the other way
around.
We're just showing up in frontof the places where they hang
(40:56):
out, giving them content in theway that they want to consume
it, and in their eyes.
You are everywhere.
You are not really, but in theireyes you are.
And then finally we do theembodiment work.
Now you've gotta become all ofthat.
All you've implemented, you'vegot this amazing business.
You are out there, but nowyou've gotta become that.
(41:17):
And this is where I do a lot ofthe energetics, the embodiment
work, which is very, very mucharound emotions and feelings.
Because what I find is, Thetransformation with my client is
when I do that work, that's whenthe real transformation happens
because they go to a place thatthey're really uncomfortable,
you know, as you said, impostersyndrome, et cetera, all that
(41:37):
stuff, you know, and so, but,but the actual implementation is
what I call the masculinesystem, the embodiment is what I
call the feminine system, andboth of them are just a
beautiful marriage together.
There you have it Go and do.
There you go.
I've just given you the wholeformula.
(41:59):
No, but I mean, you're, you'reabsolutely right.
Like it's.
It's connecting with you as aperson and the wisdom that you
have and the unique abilitiesand the skills that you have to
insert that, and even theframeworks by themselves are,
are phenomenal, right?
But you bring the, the power andthe passion and the insight
behind that to produce thatecstatic experience like you're,
(42:22):
like you're talking about, whichis, which is amazing.
Yeah, phenomenal.
If everybody, if any, you know,any of the listeners are looking
at creating a brand around whatthey, you know, them being the,
you being your full, authenticself, highly recommend checking
out Mary Henderson, and we canput all the links and stuff into
the show notes where, I mean,while we're on the topic, where
(42:44):
can people, where can people goto look at your stuff.
You have a ton of differentmaster classes for free that
they can do.
I do.
So the first place would be togo to my website,
maryhendersoncoaching.com.
The second place is, you know,if you want to have a
conversation, I do offer free afree coaching call, which is
still at my website,maryhendersoncoaching.com/apply
(43:07):
And of course, just connect withme on social media on LinkedIn,
Facebook, and Instagram.
I'm at Mary Henderson.
Super, super great.
Because yeah, we could talk forforever on this, but you can
tell from your story how muchyou've just integrated and done,
done.
The deep work, the, the toughwork, the challenging work went
(43:29):
through just rock bottom,really, really challenging
times.
You didn't allow, you know, tobecome a victim.
You pulled out the wonderfulgold, the strengths that you had
in your per, you know, person,the resilience, you know, to get
through that.
You integrated these otherskills and now you created an
incredible thing that's helpingso many people.
So, if, if we haven't just kindof already talked about this in
(43:50):
the, in the whole conversation,I do like asking as we kind of
wrap up here.
How would, how would you definesuccess for.
Oh, Michael.
I absolutely do not definesuccess with what I have.
I define success on my abilityto transcend those emotions that
are actually blocking me fromachieving my potential.
(44:12):
So for me, success is really,really understanding and feeling
and knowing my true self.
That for me is a 100 success.
and I know you have some kind ofspecific routines that you
actually do to do that.
Can you talk about what thatlooks like for you on a
day-to-day basis?
(44:33):
You know, the thing is that Iwas just saying this to somebody
yesterday, I said, do you knowthat the most profound things in
life are very simple and peopledon't, people want complex,
right?
Mm-hmm.
So for me, when I'm actuallyfeeling like something is not
going my way, for example, oryou know, there's a pain
associated with something, I'mexperiencing something today and
(44:53):
it's creating pain.
I'll actually sit with that.
So instead of me just walkingaway and saying, you know, it'll
be fine.
It's just a phase I'm goingthrough.
No, it's not.
It's my soul giving me anindication that something's not
right.
I'm off track.
I always sit with that emotionand I always ask myself, what am
I feeling right now?
Like, what am I really feeling?
(45:13):
I might say I'm feelingfrustrated, for example.
Okay, why am I feelingfrustrated?
What's really, what is the truthof what is going on right now.
Okay?
And it could be, oh, you know, Ijust feel like I haven't got
enough clients this month, forexample.
Okay?
So that's the truth.
The truth is I'm just, I'm, I'm,I want more clients.
That is the absolute truth.
(45:34):
Okay?
So what is blocking me fromactually getting that extra
client this month?
Like, what's, what is actuallygoing on?
And then I start to peel it justpeel those layers down.
But the key for me is feelingfrustra.
with the reason I'm frustrated.
Okay.
So, and it's just because that'sthe truth.
That's the absolute truth.
(45:54):
So you sit with that emotion.
Or if my kids are not listeningto me, for example, I do this
all the time and I just sit onmy bed and I'm like, oh, I feel
broken.
You know, they're not listeningto me.
I feel broken.
You know, or something's dr.
Something dramatic like that.
But I'll sit on my bed and I'lljust feel it, like really,
really feel it.
And sometimes I feel reallyupset cause I feel unheard,
unseen, unheard.
(46:16):
This is a big one for a lot ofwomen especially.
And so I'm like, Ooh, that'smessy.
That's huge.
So that's connected to not mykids.
Something else is going on, youknow?
So if I can feel that.
and I can just step into that,the pain of it, then I can start
unwrapping it and getting to thecore of it.
And once you get to the core ofit, you do release it.
(46:38):
And sometimes you have to do itmaybe 10, 15, 20 times to
actually fully release it.
Because as I said before, thecore emotion that holds us all
back is either fear of somethingor being unloved or feeling
unloved.
They're the two causes.
It always comes back to thosetwo things.
Sometimes, especially with fear,I find that I have to do the
same thing and the sameexperience keeps appearing maybe
(47:01):
10 times until I fully releaseit.
And then it just goes.
And the, it really, really doescreate bliss in your life when
you actually do this work.
And by the way, it's not mesitting on my bed for four hours
and, you know, doing sometranscendental meditation thing.
It's, it could be five minutes,literally.
(47:22):
Mm-hmm.
So it's just, Self-awareness,Michael.
That's the key here.
The key word is self-awareness.
We have to be self-aware whenthis happens because if we're
not self-aware, as I saidbefore, the body becomes the
mind.
You go back into default modeand the same thing will keep on
occurring over and over again.
(47:42):
But when we become aware of itand we stop and we feel and we
assess and we.
we're going at, we're going backto the soul and saying, okay,
I'm, I'm willing to go there.
I'm willing to be uncomfortablebecause willingness and
self-awareness are very key inthis work.
Mm-hmm.
I, I'm curious, when you getdown to that point where you've
(48:06):
kind of unwrapped it to a deeperlevel of truth and you talk
about releasing it, what doesthe releasing look like in terms
of what you do?
It's sobbing like a.
That's the truth.
You have to go back to.
That's what I'm saying.
Like if you have a look at a,you've got a toddler, have a
look at the way your toddlerreacts when they don't get their
way, have a look at it becausethey, they, they go to a
(48:28):
tantrum, right?
And it's like, and they cry.
And they cry and they'rethrowing things and, and then
they start to just come down,come down, come down, and the
sobbing in between all of that.
Then they get to a point, thatzero point where they've
transcended that emotion.
Okay.
The toddler is showing.
The way to do it.
(48:49):
That's the stupid thing thattoddler is showing us, the adult
how to do it.
So, and the reason why we sobMichael is because there's grief
associated with those emotionsthat are captured at that level,
like a lot of grief.
And so in my story, I was raisedwith a serial narcissistic
mother.
(49:09):
I mean, on top of my story.
Could you imagine, you know,living this life with.
Woman who was just so incrediblyself-centered and selfish.
And I said to my husband theother day, I don't know how I
turned out like this but insaying that, you know, She was
also my teacher as well, so Ican't go into blaming her and
(49:30):
her story cuz she's got herstuff.
What I can do is transcend thefeelings or the way, the way she
made me feel.
She can't, she, I can't blameher for that.
I can only transcend that.
Nobody else can.
There's no point in blaminganyone.
You're wasting your time.
what we have to do is transcendthe feelings that, that those
people or that environmentcreated in us.
(49:53):
The story's irrelevant.
The feeling is the most powerfulpart of the story.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Super.
Yeah.
Super, super powerful.
And you know, if we look at,like you talked about the, the,
your definition of success.
Is that like, can you, yeah.
Can you sit with that feeling?
Okay.
You be aware of it.
Can you sit with.
(50:13):
Can you release it and you know,go rise, rise above it
regardless of the situation.
And learning to do that in morecomplex, challenging situations
that trigger us more and more sophenomenal.
Yeah.
Phenomenal conversation.
I really, really appreciate it.
I know, thank you.
You know, my audience will get atremendous amount from your
(50:33):
story.
I love what you do, the peoplethat you're helping, so yeah.
I, I, I really appreciate yourtime.
Appreciate you sharing.
Thank you, Michael.
Thank you so much.
I'm so happy that we connected.
It's been a blessing to know youand also to also just have this
conversation with somebody likeyourself who also is on the same
trajectory, so it's a match madein heaven.
(50:55):
absolutely had a lot of fun.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Again, if you are interested inmy 12 Week Lean Agile Life
Mastermind for Entrepreneurs toengineer success in your
mindset, relationships,emotions, habits, health and
more go tosuccessengineering.org and
schedule a call with me so I canhear about your challenges and
goals and we can see whether themastermind would be a good fit
(51:17):
for you.
Remember if you sign up beforemidnight March 8th you'll
recieve the early bird discountof$250 off.
Talk to you soon!
My business card falls on the bed, and I hold
that business card and just thistitle, Mary Henderson, managing
director, like the font sizebecame so big.
I realized, my whole life is alabel.
Like everything about me is alabel.
How do we truly feel like asuccess in every area of our
(00:22):
lives?
How do we feel enough and knowthat we are not alone?
Join me as I interview some ofthe top leaders and experts in
the world, from Broadwaydirectors to multimillionaire,
CEOs, neuroscientists, and moreto look behind the curtain of
success and examine not only theachievements, but also the
fears.
The.
doubts The loneliness and how wecan navigate through that to
(00:45):
create the incredible life weactually want to live.
Welcome to Success Engineering.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to SuccessEngineering.
I'm your host, Michael Bauman.
So today I'm actually excited toannounce the launch of my
upcoming 12 week Lean Agile LifeMastermind for Entrepreneurs.
(01:10):
So this helps you optimize yourmindset, your emotions, your
relationships.
Your health, your habits,essentially a lot of the areas
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business.
So this launches on March 13th.
If you feel like the more youpour into your business, the
less you feel like you'resucceeding in the other areas of
(01:30):
your life, then this is perfectfor you.
Like life can be.
crazy.
It can be chaotic.
It can be difficult to navigatethe constantly changing
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So this is all about trainingyour mind to be able to approach
that with calm and confidence,knowing exactly what you need to
be doing.
The other thing too is it, itcan be difficult even to find
(01:51):
time as entrepreneurs.
Exercise, or even for therelationships that are really
important to us, whether that's,you know, our kids, whether
that's our spouse, our partners,our friends, and even turning
off, right, turning off afterwork.
Or where does the work even end,for us online entrepreneurs?
We'll talk about all of thesekind of things in the
(02:11):
mastermind.
what you'll learn is the LeanAgile habit framework where
basically you can implement anyhabit and make it stick.
You'll learn how to understandand master your emotions so that
you can stay positive, you canstay productive, you can stay
present in any situation.
You'll develop an agile mindsetso that you can pivot, you can
(02:35):
navigate the chaos anduncertainty.
You can stay calm, you can stayfocused even when you're tired,
even when you're stressed, evenwhen you're busy.
and they'll also look about howwe can regain, you know,
connection with thoserelationships and even our
health, and our happiness.
So I have an early birddiscount, of$250 off if you sign
(02:56):
up before midnight on March 8th.
And I don't just work withanybody.
It's really important to me thatI feel we are good fit for
working together and that I cantrust you to hold a safe place
for other people in thisMastermind.
So if this sounds like somethingthat'd be beneficial for you,
I'd love to talk to you.
(03:16):
I'd love to hear you know whereyou're coming from, what your
biggest challenges are.
So you can go to successengineering.org.
Just schedule a pre-call with meand we can talk.
You know how my Mastermind mightbe able to help you achieve your
goals in the life that you wannalive.
So again, that's successengineering.org.
Schedule a call with me.
I'd love to talk with you.
I'd love to have you as a partof the Mastermind.
(03:38):
All right, let's get back to theshow.
I have Mary Henderson on.
She's an amazingtransformational leader.
She's an internationallyrecognized personal branding and
online business specialist.
So 20 plus years of experiencebuilding seven, eight figure
businesses.
High performance sales teams, 15years delivering online
solutions for large and small,small businesses.
(03:59):
Ton of publications she's beenfeatured in.
She's a digital sector thoughtleader.
And then what really sets herapart, and this is gonna be
super fascinating to get into,is she blends her personal
branding methodology from herstory with technology to just
get a reproducible thing thatcan take somebody's brand
essence and just put it out onall the touchpoints in every,
(04:20):
every way you are aligned withwho you want to be and how you
wanna show up and how you wantto appear as I love that.
So welcome to the show.
This is gonna be a lovelyconversation.
Hi, Michael.
How you doing?
I am doing really well.
happy to be here talking to you.
Me too.
Can't wait.
So on a, on a less happy note,but this, this kind of provides
(04:42):
the juxtaposition for whereyou're at now and the incredible
things that you're doing.
And so we're gonna, we're gonnarewind and start with your, your
background.
And you literally in, in yourown words, described it as the
house of hell, unfortunately.
So can you talk about that We'llstart on the downer then we'll,
we'll, we'll take, we'll, we'llRocket take off from there.
(05:04):
No, I, I think Michael, all ofus have the hero's journey.
Okay.
And we choose whether we wannago on that path or we don't
wanna go on that path becausethe hero's journey really does
start always with a story of, mylife's not going where I wanted
to go.
Right?
And so for me, you know, thatstory really started around just
(05:26):
before year 2000 when I I got adivorce.
I was married for literally fiveminutes to the absolute wrong
person.
But, you know, from thatexperience, what happened was,
even though it was sodestroying, not the divorce,
just that the person that Ibelieved was.
What I deserved, right?
Which was completely so far awayfrom the truth.
(05:48):
But I think we all, all of ushave to go through this.
I do believe this anyway, so wegot the, I got divorce and then
I was like, okay, my life isjust, I can't get any lower than
this.
Like this is the lowest point inmy life.
I can't get any lower.
The only next step for me is togo up.
So I remember Michael, and thisis really profound, that I was
(06:08):
in my car and I had this like,Like a a very short term, like a
little consulting type of job.
It was just very low key.
More on the admin side, and I'mdriving to this job that I
absolutely hated.
I'm in my car.
There's a red traffic light, andI remember just sit, sitting
amongst the traffic in my car,like just hating everything
(06:29):
about myself, my life, the way Ilook, everything, my whole
reality.
And I.
In that moment had this switchthat just, I just thought, no,
you know what?
I am never going to allow thisto happen to myself again.
I've got to change my life andit's up to me.
It was just in that moment, itwas like I had this massive,
(06:49):
massive epiphany.
I go to my job and in that, asI'm driving there, I'm thinking
I've gotta change my life, likeliterally change my life.
The very next day I got up andI, and I just started applying
for jobs in the tech industry.
That's where I wanted to bebecause I came from a media
background.
I, you know, that's where Istarted my, my career
(07:11):
essentially in media.
Media was not for me, but what Iwas very good at and recognized
this as at, at a young, at at,at a young age is that I was
just very numbers orientated.
Like I just, anything to do withzeros and ones, you got my
attention.
I just knew how to I understoodpatterns, right?
I didn't know that that was agift back then.
(07:33):
I just thought that, thateveryone could do that.
So I thought the tech industryat that time, think about this
year 19 99, year 2000 techindustry was booming.
Everyone wanted to be in thetech industry and the reason I
think a lot of people wanted tobe in the tech industry Michael,
is because it was young, it wasdynamic, it was vivacious.
(07:55):
It was forever changing.
It was just so dynamic.
It was a perfect match made inheaven for my personality type.
So, I applied for a hundred andfifty three fifty eight jobs.
I got 48 face-to-face jobinterviews, and I got rejected
from every single one of those.
(08:15):
Every single one.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay, so now think about thisand, and I'm thinking.
No way.
I am, I, I don't care if I getanother a hundred nos, but I
will not stop until I get what Iwant.
So I had this persistence,persisting, persistent, and
then, you know, out of the blue,nine months later, 153.
Job interview a job application,48, job interview, face-to-face
(08:39):
job interviews.
I get this phone call out of theblue.
And this amazing, beautiful,beautiful soul.
She says, hi, my name'sPriscilla.
She said, our VP of sales wantsto interview you.
She actually just found your CVburied underneath a whole heap
of PA papers as she was visitingyou, the Melbourne office,
because we, our sales manager isno longer here.
So she went to Melbourne toclean out his office and found
(09:01):
your cv.
She wants to meet you on Fridayand fly you to Sydney.
So I fly to Sydney.
I get the job on the spot, itwas the right job.
Mm-hmm.
at the right time, at the rightplace because that job is why I
do what I do today.
Mm-hmm.
a hundred percent.
There's a massive interlinkthere.
(09:21):
And so that's really where theorigin of my story in terms of
what, why I do what I do todayis because of that entire
experience of being fullyrejected, you know, being at the
lowest point in my life.
But that one sliding door momentchanges everything.
Mm-hmm.
can you, can you talk about I'm,I'm debating all whether to get
(09:45):
into this now or, or, or laterCause you have a full system
around it, but When, when peoplego through those really
difficult times and you know,maybe in the, in the back, very
deep within themselves,somewhere, they're like, I know
there's, I'm made for more thanthis.
I'm worth more than this.
But everything like kind ofdoesn't seem to be, you know,
externally showing that.
What do people do to one, kindof like rebuild their identity
(10:09):
when they go through places likethat and two, Unwrap the layers
of those like emotions andfeelings and use those to
actually point towards theirvalues and the things that are
really important to them.
I love that question becausethat part of my journey has been
so profound, so important tillthis very moment, and this is my
understanding based on all ofthese years of experience n not
(10:31):
to mention that I also wasmentored by some incredible
people in that process as well.
This is what I've learned,Michael.
Most of us are in denial.
of the truth, okay?
Most of us are in denial of thetruth.
That's just humanity.
We haven't been taught that.
The truth is where the freedomactually lies.
(10:52):
And even though we feel likewe've unpeeled the layers, and
even in my situation gettingthat one job, it was like, oh my
God, now I'm on my way tovictory.
I wasn't on my way to victory.
I was on my way to redefining mypersonality.
You are absolutely right and myidentity, but in terms of the
core emotions and feelings, theywere still there.
(11:13):
I had not resolved that, and Ididn't know that they would come
back at a later stage to playout in my life.
But you know what we do is, andthey do, by the way, keep
playing out in your life.
It's just that we deny them.
We are like, oh, everything'sfine.
You know?
How many times have people askedyou, how are you doing?
I'm fine.
You're not fine.
(11:33):
That's the truth.
You're not fine.
Right?
So, so the thing is, for me thatemotions and feelings play a
significant role in how our, howwe experience every aspect of
our life.
What I've come to understand,you know, there are three layers
of us.
You know, there's.
The true self, the soul.
There's the subconscious, whichis our spirit, if you will, and
(11:57):
then we've got the physicalself, which is our physical
body.
Now, the thing that we have tounderstand from my experience is
that my brain cannot give me anymore.
Than what I've put into it.
It's like an AI machine.
Whatever you put in is all itcan give you out.
So my brain is, has very linear,but it's also extremely limited.
(12:18):
Yes.
One might say, but Mary, I couldlearn.
I could go to webinars, I canread books, I can, I can, you
are absolutely right.
But if it, if that knowledge hasnever been experienced, it's
just input.
We're looking for output and weare looking for a feedback loop.
So the feedback loop.
Painful experiences, painfulemotions, painful situations,
(12:43):
painful events, anything that'snot loving in our life.
Anything that we don't love inour life that we're experiencing
is connected to an emotion and afeeling that is buried.
So until we actually sh show upand confront the truth.
For example, if somebody islistening to this and they're an
(13:04):
entrepreneur and they'refrustrated because no matter how
hard they try it, they justcan't seem to get clients,
something is wrong.
So the truth is, the absolutetruth is.
That I can't get clients becauseI feel like I'm a loser.
That's the truth.
The truth is I have no money,and that's the truth.
(13:25):
So we have to own up to that.
Not say, Hey, I'm fine, or putout all these posts on social
media.
Hey, look at my laptoplifestyle, when your whole life
is in ruins.
That's not the truth.
That's a del that's, that's justan illusion.
So we have to go to the.
And confront that ourselves.
It doesn't involve anybody elsebecause once we confront the
truth, then we can get to theemotion.
(13:47):
And that's, that's theconnection.
Once we understand where theemotions and feelings are and
how we can transcend them intoloving feelings, that's the,
that's the pathway to freedom.
The process of the hero'sjourney, if you will, is not for
the faint of heart.
Put it that way.
It's those people that reallywant to experience and
(14:10):
self-actualize their truepotential to come back and to
tell the story throughexperience, not just learned
knowledge.
Mm-hmm.
Because once you go through thisexperience, then the emotions
and the feelings are ourfeedback loop, and we become
highly conscious of that and wecan confront those emotions and
feelings with such ease andgrace and in.
(14:32):
they're invitations for usbecause we welcome them because
we know the positive impact thatit will make, not just in my
life, but my children, myclients, the world at large.
So that's, that's the kind ofthe angle that I would give when
it comes to emotions andfeelings.
Yeah, I, I have a very similar,similar thing, you know, like
(14:52):
when I look at success, youknow, we talk about success
engineering.
The whole reason behind it islike, I, I really feel like we
need to redefine what that is.
And so people define it as thatappearance of success.
And I would say, you know, Ihave kind of a layer thing like
you talk about as well.
You have that appearance assuccess and there's no
correlation between that andactually feeling.
like a success.
(15:12):
And I would say, you know, in myclassifications, like that's
kind of that second layer you'relooking like, how can I actually
feel like a success?
And, and so often the feeling ofnot feeling enough.
And I know this is a part ofyour story as well, we might get
into it, but that feeling of notfeeling enough, they're so
interchangeable with success,especially for entrepreneurs.
They can.
use'em interchangeably.
(15:33):
Like, how can I feel enough asan entrepreneur?
How can I feel like I haveenough money?
How can I feel enough as afather?
How could I feel like I gotenough done or had enough
impact?
So that's that second layer.
But like you talk about, youhave to go deeper than that.
You have to go to, yeah, theidentities.
The, the narratives, the storiesthat we tell around how we view
the world.
And then underneath that is whatyou talked about with that true
(15:54):
self.
And, you know, I talk about itin terms of like the presence
and the awareness.
Like actually going, can I bepresent here right now?
And is it enough?
You know, like, is that enoughquestion?
Like is it, yeah, is this momentenough?
Is it enough for me to just be.
And I feel like that's thebiggest gift I could give to
anybody.
You know, my, my family, mykids, anybody that I'm
(16:16):
interacting with is going whenI'm here, like I'm here.
And that's, that's kind of likewhat you're talking about.
But I do wanna get into thataspect of, of validation.
So you had another.
You know, I'll classified as thethe business card epiphany.
But you had this other epiphanylater on in kind of your, your
career and you discovered thateverything you were doing was
(16:37):
about seeking validation fromyour parents.
So can you talk about thatstory?
Oh, yeah.
And then we'll, we'll again,dive, dive into the deep, deep
end.
That was probably the secondorigin within my story that
really where I did a serialU-turn, you know?
So for me, my whole life aboutsuccess was the label, you know,
(16:57):
it, and the materialism, whichwas the outcome.
Okay.
So it was all about what I had,what I wore, how I looked, the,
you know, all of the, I mean,even my business card, I mean,
for God's sakes.
I mean, this is just ridiculous,but, In 2011, September the
10th, 2011, my son was born atthree 30 in the afternoon.
(17:21):
Literally three hours afterthat, I'm sitting on my bed, I
reach over to get my purse.
Cause I wanted to put some lipbalm on my lips.
My business card falls on thebed, and I hold that business
card, Michael.
And it was like, I've never hada near death experience, but it
was certainly kind of like that.
It was almost like I, I heldthis business card and I could
(17:44):
see.
all of these snapshots of mylife in just appearing in front
of me.
It was like a very fastPowerPoint presentation and I'm
thinking, oh my God, like what'sgoing on here?
And I'm looking at this card andjust this title, managing
director, Mary Henderson,managing director, just kept on
like the font size became sobig.
(18:05):
It was like right here in frontof my eyes.
And I'm looking at this and I'mlike, what is going on?
And then I just sat still for amoment.
and I realized, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Wow.
My whole life is a label.
Like everything about me is alabel, number one.
Number two, this little card isvalidating my self-worth and who
(18:30):
I am and how I show up in theworld.
Like this card, this piece ofpaper, this cardboard is
validating my self worth.
Like what the and and thensomething most importantly
happened and that was that Irecognized w with clarity and I
(18:51):
had to face the truth now causeI couldn't deny it cuz the pain
was so deep that I had to justsit there and admit that the
truth.
The reason why I've built thisbusiness that I had built from
ground up for seven years, myown software company into multi
seven figure business, isbecause I was looking for
(19:14):
validation from my parents totap me on the shoulder all of
these years later to say, Hey,Mary, we're so proud of you,
even though you didn't finishyour degree.
Like, I'm still waiting.
And in my thirties forvalidation, like really.
And so I knew when Ida was goingto leave that hospital bed that
(19:36):
I would resign from my owncompany because I also
recognized that I was in thewrong job, doing the wrong
thing, serving the wrong people.
And even though I built it intoa successful company, I was
also.
Killing myself, like justphysically, emotionally, and
mentally trying to maintain thatbusiness.
(19:57):
So, And then two weeks afterthat I did resign.
My accountant just told me thatit was hormonal and I should
just forget about it.
And I just said, no way.
This is like at a soul level, myfriend.
Trust me, And so, you know, soJanuary we merged my business
with another business,thankfully, and january 1st,
2012, I took a 12 monthsabbatical.
(20:19):
I had a professor in philosophywho'd mentored me.
Amazing.
I had another per, anotherexpert in the emotional body who
mentored me.
I did a 12 month course onquantum medicine at at Quantum
University in Hawaii, and Iwalked to my computer on January
1st, 2012, and I googled how doI change my life?
(20:39):
That was the my memory.
1st of January, 2012, andthrough that process, especially
with my mentor, the professor,he really, really showed me a
way to unpack myself.
And being a systems orientatedperson, I was able to see very
clear patterns and realize.
(21:01):
With such dignity and beauty andfor the first time, deep self,
self-love that hey, I actuallycan do some things really,
really easily and really, reallywell.
And therein lies my purpose.
So I'm gonna package that andI'm gonna take it to the world,
and that's where I am.
(21:24):
Before we get into the wonderfulpackage of what, what that is,
can you talk about cuz he, youknow, he had you get outta
pencil and let's talk aboutthat.
The, the story and thenarrative, you know, cuz you
talk about that hero's journey.
What will, how did he go aboutkind of unraveling that the
philosophy fa professor for you?
It was really interesting, andI'll tell you why I went down
(21:47):
that path.
I found him on a, on a TED talk,by the way.
So it was just like if the, Imean, that's the divine talking
to you.
If that's not the divine talkingto you, I don't know what he is.
So I went down that path and,you know, He was not self-help.
I didn't want self-help books.
I was well and truly beyondself-help books, I've been down
that path for 20 years.
Nothing, you know, since mytwenties.
(22:08):
Self-help is about fixing theeffect, not the cause.
I was looking at a way to fixthe cause, not the effect.
And what he was able to do wastwofold.
He was able to, some veryprofound ancient wisdom that
most of us would never be privyto.
Cause they don't share thatstuff in, you know, in
mainstream media or inself-help.
(22:30):
So I was able to have acompletely different
understanding of who am I firstto start with.
The second thing is that heasked me to do, the first thing
he asked me to do was to write astory in first person.
About the first 21 years of mylife.
I'm like, I dunno what happenedto me at zero.
(22:52):
And he said, oh no, don't worry.
Your soul will know.
You just have to allow for thatto happen.
I'm like, where is this guytaking me?
I mean, you know, I consideredmyself a fairly open-minded, you
know, if I was to put a label onit, a spiritual person.
But this was a whole different.
Level of spirituality because itwasn't about spirituality.
It was actually aboutunderstanding what the true
(23:12):
meaning of your true self is.
Okay.
So it was taking me down thatpath of truly understanding what
that means and how that feelsand how that manifests, et
cetera.
and he said, and you must writein a pencil.
You cannot write in a pen.
But it took me about two weeksto actually start writing.
I was, because I was so linearand so.
(23:34):
Caught up in my physical selfthat I didn't allow myself to
open up.
I didn't believe that there wasanything else bigger than this
brain and this body.
And so I get the pencil.
Michael and I, I was reallystruggling to write, and then
just two weeks later it's I,maybe two, three o'clock in the
morning.
It was like I, I just came, itall just came and I sat down and
(23:58):
I got opened up my jet.
It just started writing, andit's called freehand writing.
You just write, you're notthinking, you're just writing.
You're the hands actuallywriting.
But really it's the soul that'swriting.
And so I wrote about the 21first.
21 years of my life.
It took me maybe a week to writethe whole thing, and it was just
unbelievable because I took thatinformation.
(24:20):
And of course being a systemsperson, I opened up an Excel
spreadsheet, you know, 0 1, 2,3, 4, right up until 21.
Actually I did it till I was 30.
And then I started to look atthings a, a about myself, you
know, like patterns of behaviortraits.
When was I happy?
When was I sad?
Values, who was there, what washappening?
(24:40):
Whatever I could, whatever mysoul declared was enough for me
to define O m G.
These are my values, my corevalues, things that I truly
believe in, because when I wasin my truth in a, in other
words, when I was appearing inthe world doing what I.
My core value is truth cuzthat's the truth, right?
(25:03):
So this is why I, I say topeople, if you're going to deny
the truth, it's going to cause alot of pain in your life.
You're, we are better offdeclaring the truth because it
will actually open up the door.
And really there is, there'sjust so much peace and joy and
bliss when we step over thatthreshold.
So having a look at the first 30years of my life in a book
(25:24):
format, if you will.
And then our Excel spreadsheetgave me a lot of clues to
immediately self realize.
Why have we been told to lookfor our purpose outside of
ourselves when it's actuallystaring at me in my face?
I had to go through all of thisexperience to get me to my
(25:46):
purpose now, and that was theepiphany.
That was the moment where mywhole life just went o mg.
it was, yeah, that it was very,very profound.
And of course he, you know, whenyou work with people like that,
you know, they have access toknowledge.
I mean, he had access to theVatican libraries and, I mean,
know things that we could neverhave access to.
(26:08):
Just speaking to somebody atthat level of breadth and depth
of knowledge and wisdom, it'scaptivating because you can see
that what he had studied andknew, and.
and how he was giving thatinformation over to me.
It was creating profound.
It was like my brain wascompletely rewiring, you know,
(26:30):
at a million miles per second,because suddenly I found myself
so vulnerable and ignorant.
Actually very ignorant because Ithought that life was like this,
when in actual fact it wascompletely so far away from
that.
and that's, that was kind of thebeginning of, you know, that,
(26:51):
that, that led that trajectoryof truly, truly believing in
this notion around your corevalues, honoring your gifts,
honoring your talent, honoringyour professional skillset,
which is what I call wisdom andcurrency today.
But that's where the start,that's where it all started.
So I'm, I'm super curious.
So you had this like, you know,and that, that sounds like, and
(27:12):
you could, could correct me if,if I'm wrong, but it sounds
like, more of a, a cognitivekind of approach, right?
You're, you're writing somethingdown, you're processing with
your brain, you're putting it ona self spreadsheet, but parallel
to that, you talked about thatemotions.
Kind of expert.
I'm curious cuz you know, we canget the knowledge from the top
and, and sometimes like you,you, you're talking about, it
can get us down there.
Right?
You know, you have things likecognitive behavioral therapy,
(27:34):
things like that, that canchange from, from your thoughts
to your emotions and then down,and then you have somatic
experiencing therapy and stufflike that.
That's all.
Yeah.
You know, your body, this stuffthat's, that's, you know, trauma
that's trapped in your body.
So I'm curious, you have thatparallel track, but what did it
look like with the, the otherperson that you were working
with on the emotional side?
Well, it was a perfect marriagebecause the thing is that what
(27:55):
happens is that you do advanceyour cognition levels when
you're doing this level of work,because suddenly critical
thinking starts to step in.
You know, self realizationstarts to step in and you're
trusting in that process, whichis something that I, I thought I
was doing, but I was not doingthat on the emotional side.
That was different because thatwas actually.
(28:16):
allowing me to step into a placeof being comfortable, being
uncomfortable, and, and.
that's profound because if we,because to to deal with
emotions, it's not about dealingwith my emotions of what I think
is happening to me right now.
It's dealing with my emotionsthat happen in that
(28:36):
individuation phase of zero toseven.
You know, and it's really goingback to not the story or the
narrative and the blame game,because you can't blame.
and the reason you can't isbecause nobody can feel my
feelings from my past.
So my parents might, it doesn'tmatter who caused the, the
trauma or the pain.
No one can feel my feelings.
Therefore, no one can remove itexcept myself.
(28:57):
So I learned something profoundabout emotions, Michael, that
emotions and feelings are twodifferent things, because when
you ask somebody, you know, howare you feeling?
They'll say, I'm angry.
But then if I say, how doesangry make you feel?
Then they'll give me a wholelist of descriptions of what
angry actually makes means.
So there's lots of layers ofemotions, right?
(29:20):
Which are feelings associatedto, to emotions.
The thing about emotions andfeelings is that they're mostly
connected to a fear or unlovingbehavior.
Okay.
So they're the two core thingsthat most of us, we don't get to
that place cause it'suncomfortable.
And what we do, instead ofblaming, we've gotta feel it.
(29:40):
And that's where the, thetranscendence of the pull
actually just snaps.
And you, it's like a freedom.
So when Peter was training me onthe emotional body.
It wasn't just about training meand saying, Hey, let's just get
it rid of the emotion.
It was actually understandingwhat does it mean to be, to have
(30:02):
an emotional body.
How I got onto Peter, by theway.
Was I read Dr.
Candace Pert book, Molecules ofEmotion.
That's when I recognize that Ihave emotions caught up at a
cellular level at this isphysical and, and I need to
clear that because, because mybody had become my mind, that
was the reality.
(30:23):
And so when you get help fromsomebody who's specialized in
that work, it's not just aboutreleasing the habit and the
memory of those emotions andfeelings at a physical level, at
a cellular level, it's alsoreleasing it at a subconscious
level, but at a soul level.
Okay?
So at at the true self level,that's where the emotion
(30:44):
actually is locked in.
That's where the freedom needsto start in order for the domino
effect to happen.
the other way around.
So we put all our effort intothe physical, and what I learned
is no, no, no.
The, all the effort needs to gointo the unseen, which is the
soul, and that's the dominoeffect.
It works from there all the waydown.
(31:04):
Here's the other thing that I,that I think is really profound
and I wanna mention.
Could you imagine if our schoolsystem, just think about this
for a moment, taught us aboutfeelings.
Okay?
But not just taught us, butactually feel the feeling.
So we, as a human species, wedon't even know what it feels
like, for example, to be sadwhen you're angry, right?
(31:25):
So we don't have a feelingsdictionary, but yet Michael, the
soul speaks in the language offeelings.
So how do we ever clear what isactually holding us back when
none of us are educated on theunderstanding of the core
language of our true self.
My soul doesn't speak in words.
(31:47):
My soul speaks in feelings asyours does.
That's why when you and Iconnect, there was this instant
like banter.
It's the souls just dancingtogether going, yes, this energy
is right.
It feels good.
It feels right.
Mm-hmm.
So it's the same thing in ourlife as adults, we have to go
back to being a child.
We have to express emotions likechildren, experience tantrums
(32:08):
the same thing that is the rightway to to eliminate emotions and
feeling.
So could you imagine as an adultnow I'm getting, getting taught
how to go back to my child'sself in order to release all of
these blocked emotions, but at asoul level, and then it works
its way down.
Very, very profound, but it wassuch a beautiful compliment to
what I was learning from mymentor, the professor.
(32:31):
So all of these learnings hasbecome the core foundation of my
entire philosophy today.
and we're gonna get into that alittle bit.
I did want to talk about, youknow, you mentioned not teaching
the emotions and stuff inschool.
I actually had Jessica JoelleAlexander on, so she's the
author of The Danish Way, way ofParenting and you know, a, you
know, any of the Scandinaviancountries have been RA ranked
(32:53):
the highest in terms ofhappiness.
Yeah.
For decades.
Right?
And she talks about how theyactually do that in schools.
They have classes in schools,teaching kids how to comfort
each other when they're, whenthey're hurting.
Like the things that you'relike, this is so important in
life.
and they actually have classesfor it.
Like everything that they do isbased on empathy and cooperation
(33:17):
as opposed to competition.
It's, it's totally differentthan, than everything that we
do.
And that's, you know, kind of alittle side note there, but
Lovely.
If, if, yeah, we were able toimplement that more in, in
different, different countries.
So you talk about this, you hadthis incredible, you know, year
long time where you're justunwrapping all these things,
(33:37):
coming at it from all of thesedifferent perspectives.
And then you started to marrythat with your incredible
technical skills.
You know, like your zeros andones, like all of the software,
you know, building businessbrand stuff that you've done.
So can you talk about, like,let's just kinda walk through
the process.
Like if you're working withentrepreneurs.
Where do you start with them?
(33:58):
How do you, you know, help themconnect with that deep sense of
who they are and then work outfrom that to represent that in
the world.
Let me start a little bit backto front from there so I can
actually put myself into contextand why I teach the way that I
do.
When I started to unpack that 21years, I started to realize that
(34:19):
I have unbelievable skill insales.
I have unbelievable skills inbuilding digital solutions.
I have unbelievable skills inpersonal branding, which that
first job that I told you thatbreak, that big break that I
had, In year 2000 where Iactually came face to face with
the power of personal branding,and it was in that job where I
(34:42):
actually started to play with.
The idea and really start tosolidify you know, the, the
notion around personal brandingversus job description.
So that was a whole journey initself.
And then of course, you know,the embodiment work, which is
also a part of my program aswell.
All and, and the system, thesystemization actually
converting.
You know, data, moving partsinto one solution.
(35:06):
Everything that I teach iseverything that I am, everything
that I've experienced, whetherit's in my or whether it's
through mentorship, but every,all the knowledge that I have
has all been experienced overand over again, and.
is very important.
So this is why when I work withpeople, the criteria is that you
(35:29):
have to have a minimum of 10,000hours in your area of
specialization because thatinventory is critical in order
to create the outcome that weare looking for.
And so what does that journeylook like, Michael?
Well, we have to start with apersonal brand.
And the reason I say this isbecause it's the foundation that
(35:50):
we are building.
Can I clarify?
A personal brand is not aboutbeing famous in my world.
A personal brand for me isunderstanding who you are in
your natural state of being.
This is why we've developed asoftware around that.
It's called authority.
My clients go in there, theycomplete the applications.
What does that give me?
(36:11):
It gives me.
A hundred percent you, I get tosee every aspect about you, your
values, your gifts, yourtalents, your persona, every
aspect about your skills,traits, genius, zone passions,
you name it.
I've got it captured in adocument now.
(36:31):
So when you come to me and yousay, I wanna be Kim Kardashian,
and that report doesn't matchthat, I'm gonna say, I think you
wanna be famous.
I don't think you really wannaserve people, right?
Mm-hmm.
it gives me an immediate,immediate truth card.
It's the benchmark.
So when I'm working with people,I'm working with, and what you
(36:54):
bring to the table only.
That's it.
It's all I need.
I don't need anything else.
And so we've started to buildthat found.
The foundation is the true isthe essence of who you are.
It's the essence of what you do.
It's the essence of who youserve.
It's the essence of what youpromise.
All of these aspects areformulated in your brand, which
(37:16):
then also leads to the nextlayer, and that is
understanding.
who you serve at the differentstages of their buying cycle.
How do you start a conversationwith them?
You know, we need to understandwhat the brand story looks like.
Is the brand story congruentwith your solution?
Because if there's a disconnect,you've got big problems.
(37:37):
You know, and so, so all ofthese element become the
branding foundation.
Why do I spend so much time onmaking that foundation so
beautiful and sublime?
Your personal brandingfoundation is what makes you
believable and trustable,period.
In my world, people don't buy myprogram.
(37:59):
My program has got everyframework you can possibly
imagine.
Like literally somebody can loginto my program, they don't even
need me.
They can go through the wholething and they'll have an
outcome.
Do you think that people buythat?
They buy my wisdom.
They're just they, they want me.
That's what they want becausethey've heard me, they've seen
me, they've had a conversationwith me, whatever.
They just want my.
Think people come to you,Michael, because they want your
(38:21):
frameworks and blueprints andworkbooks.
Absolutely not.
They want Michael, they wannawork with you.
They've already decided you arethe guy because soul to soul
speaks much louder than mouth tomouth.
So the foundation of thepersonal brand is critical.
And also overlaying all of thatis all of the messaging.
Then we move to part two andthat's the systemization of all
(38:43):
of that inventory.
So now we have to look at whatdoes your solution actually look
like?
What is the problem that you cansolve?
How do we organize all of thatinformation?
99.9% of people that come to mecan't do that big.
that's the part that's really,really hard.
It's organizing all of thatinformation so it spits out a
(39:05):
solution that can genuinelysolve a complex problem, which
happens to be my genius.
And this is the part in myprogram that I really do spend a
lot of time with the clientorganizing all of that data,
handing it back to them as asolid.
Framework so they've gotsomething solid to work from
because it's, they take, ittakes a month to try and figure
(39:26):
it out.
It takes me days.
I can already see what thesolution looks like just by
spending the, you know, timewith them.
Then we move into, Thedigitalization and the
digitization of assets.
So we wanna automate the, a lotof the moving parts.
We wanna create digital assets,whether it's your website, lead
magnets, whatever.
But the whole digitization anddigitalization aspect of
(39:51):
anyone's business for me has oneoutcome.
And that is, Does it create anecstatic brand experience?
Because everyone that touchesour brand, Michael, we need, we
need them to leave and be wowedand in awe, okay?
Because they will become ourbrand advocates.
Even if they don't buy from us.
(40:12):
Believe me, E, even if theydon't buy from us, they will
tell other people about what youprovide as an experience.
and then we move to the layeredlead generation strategy.
And I say with an emphasis onlayered because too many people
put their eggs in one basket.
We need layers in our leadgeneration strategy.
(40:34):
Why is that important?
Because we need to understandwhere our target audience
reside, and we need to show upin a way.
And, and, and know how they wantto consume content.
So in their eyes, they see us asomnipresent, not the other way
around.
We're just showing up in frontof the places where they hang
(40:56):
out, giving them content in theway that they want to consume
it, and in their eyes.
You are everywhere.
You are not really, but in theireyes you are.
And then finally we do theembodiment work.
Now you've gotta become all ofthat.
All you've implemented, you'vegot this amazing business.
You are out there, but nowyou've gotta become that.
(41:17):
And this is where I do a lot ofthe energetics, the embodiment
work, which is very, very mucharound emotions and feelings.
Because what I find is, Thetransformation with my client is
when I do that work, that's whenthe real transformation happens
because they go to a place thatthey're really uncomfortable,
you know, as you said, impostersyndrome, et cetera, all that
(41:37):
stuff, you know, and so, but,but the actual implementation is
what I call the masculinesystem, the embodiment is what I
call the feminine system, andboth of them are just a
beautiful marriage together.
There you have it Go and do.
There you go.
I've just given you the wholeformula.
(41:59):
No, but I mean, you're, you'reabsolutely right.
Like it's.
It's connecting with you as aperson and the wisdom that you
have and the unique abilitiesand the skills that you have to
insert that, and even theframeworks by themselves are,
are phenomenal, right?
But you bring the, the power andthe passion and the insight
behind that to produce thatecstatic experience like you're,
(42:22):
like you're talking about, whichis, which is amazing.
Yeah, phenomenal.
If everybody, if any, you know,any of the listeners are looking
at creating a brand around whatthey, you know, them being the,
you being your full, authenticself, highly recommend checking
out Mary Henderson, and we canput all the links and stuff into
the show notes where, I mean,while we're on the topic, where
(42:44):
can people, where can people goto look at your stuff.
You have a ton of differentmaster classes for free that
they can do.
I do.
So the first place would be togo to my website,
maryhendersoncoaching.com.
The second place is, you know,if you want to have a
conversation, I do offer free afree coaching call, which is
still at my website,maryhendersoncoaching.com/apply
(43:07):
And of course, just connect withme on social media on LinkedIn,
Facebook, and Instagram.
I'm at Mary Henderson.
Super, super great.
Because yeah, we could talk forforever on this, but you can
tell from your story how muchyou've just integrated and done,
done.
The deep work, the, the toughwork, the challenging work went
(43:29):
through just rock bottom,really, really challenging
times.
You didn't allow, you know, tobecome a victim.
You pulled out the wonderfulgold, the strengths that you had
in your per, you know, person,the resilience, you know, to get
through that.
You integrated these otherskills and now you created an
incredible thing that's helpingso many people.
So, if, if we haven't just kindof already talked about this in
(43:50):
the, in the whole conversation,I do like asking as we kind of
wrap up here.
How would, how would you definesuccess for.
Oh, Michael.
I absolutely do not definesuccess with what I have.
I define success on my abilityto transcend those emotions that
are actually blocking me fromachieving my potential.
(44:12):
So for me, success is really,really understanding and feeling
and knowing my true self.
That for me is a 100 success.
and I know you have some kind ofspecific routines that you
actually do to do that.
Can you talk about what thatlooks like for you on a
day-to-day basis?
(44:33):
You know, the thing is that Iwas just saying this to somebody
yesterday, I said, do you knowthat the most profound things in
life are very simple and peopledon't, people want complex,
right?
Mm-hmm.
So for me, when I'm actuallyfeeling like something is not
going my way, for example, oryou know, there's a pain
associated with something, I'mexperiencing something today and
(44:53):
it's creating pain.
I'll actually sit with that.
So instead of me just walkingaway and saying, you know, it'll
be fine.
It's just a phase I'm goingthrough.
No, it's not.
It's my soul giving me anindication that something's not
right.
I'm off track.
I always sit with that emotionand I always ask myself, what am
I feeling right now?
Like, what am I really feeling?
(45:13):
I might say I'm feelingfrustrated, for example.
Okay, why am I feelingfrustrated?
What's really, what is the truthof what is going on right now.
Okay?
And it could be, oh, you know, Ijust feel like I haven't got
enough clients this month, forexample.
Okay?
So that's the truth.
The truth is I'm just, I'm, I'm,I want more clients.
That is the absolute truth.
(45:34):
Okay?
So what is blocking me fromactually getting that extra
client this month?
Like, what's, what is actuallygoing on?
And then I start to peel it justpeel those layers down.
But the key for me is feelingfrustra.
with the reason I'm frustrated.
Okay.
So, and it's just because that'sthe truth.
That's the absolute truth.
(45:54):
So you sit with that emotion.
Or if my kids are not listeningto me, for example, I do this
all the time and I just sit onmy bed and I'm like, oh, I feel
broken.
You know, they're not listeningto me.
I feel broken.
You know, or something's dr.
Something dramatic like that.
But I'll sit on my bed and I'lljust feel it, like really,
really feel it.
And sometimes I feel reallyupset cause I feel unheard,
unseen, unheard.
(46:16):
This is a big one for a lot ofwomen especially.
And so I'm like, Ooh, that'smessy.
That's huge.
So that's connected to not mykids.
Something else is going on, youknow?
So if I can feel that.
and I can just step into that,the pain of it, then I can start
unwrapping it and getting to thecore of it.
And once you get to the core ofit, you do release it.
(46:38):
And sometimes you have to do itmaybe 10, 15, 20 times to
actually fully release it.
Because as I said before, thecore emotion that holds us all
back is either fear of somethingor being unloved or feeling
unloved.
They're the two causes.
It always comes back to thosetwo things.
Sometimes, especially with fear,I find that I have to do the
same thing and the sameexperience keeps appearing maybe
(47:01):
10 times until I fully releaseit.
And then it just goes.
And the, it really, really doescreate bliss in your life when
you actually do this work.
And by the way, it's not mesitting on my bed for four hours
and, you know, doing sometranscendental meditation thing.
It's, it could be five minutes,literally.
(47:22):
Mm-hmm.
So it's just, Self-awareness,Michael.
That's the key here.
The key word is self-awareness.
We have to be self-aware whenthis happens because if we're
not self-aware, as I saidbefore, the body becomes the
mind.
You go back into default modeand the same thing will keep on
occurring over and over again.
(47:42):
But when we become aware of itand we stop and we feel and we
assess and we.
we're going at, we're going backto the soul and saying, okay,
I'm, I'm willing to go there.
I'm willing to be uncomfortablebecause willingness and
self-awareness are very key inthis work.
Mm-hmm.
I, I'm curious, when you getdown to that point where you've
(48:06):
kind of unwrapped it to a deeperlevel of truth and you talk
about releasing it, what doesthe releasing look like in terms
of what you do?
It's sobbing like a.
That's the truth.
You have to go back to.
That's what I'm saying.
Like if you have a look at a,you've got a toddler, have a
look at the way your toddlerreacts when they don't get their
way, have a look at it becausethey, they, they go to a
(48:28):
tantrum, right?
And it's like, and they cry.
And they cry and they'rethrowing things and, and then
they start to just come down,come down, come down, and the
sobbing in between all of that.
Then they get to a point, thatzero point where they've
transcended that emotion.
Okay.
The toddler is showing.
The way to do it.
(48:49):
That's the stupid thing thattoddler is showing us, the adult
how to do it.
So, and the reason why we sobMichael is because there's grief
associated with those emotionsthat are captured at that level,
like a lot of grief.
And so in my story, I was raisedwith a serial narcissistic
mother.
(49:09):
I mean, on top of my story.
Could you imagine, you know,living this life with.
Woman who was just so incrediblyself-centered and selfish.
And I said to my husband theother day, I don't know how I
turned out like this but insaying that, you know, She was
also my teacher as well, so Ican't go into blaming her and
(49:30):
her story cuz she's got herstuff.
What I can do is transcend thefeelings or the way, the way she
made me feel.
She can't, she, I can't blameher for that.
I can only transcend that.
Nobody else can.
There's no point in blaminganyone.
You're wasting your time.
what we have to do is transcendthe feelings that, that those
people or that environmentcreated in us.
(49:53):
The story's irrelevant.
The feeling is the most powerfulpart of the story.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Super.
Yeah.
Super, super powerful.
And you know, if we look at,like you talked about the, the,
your definition of success.
Is that like, can you, yeah.
Can you sit with that feeling?
Okay.
You be aware of it.
Can you sit with.
(50:13):
Can you release it and you know,go rise, rise above it
regardless of the situation.
And learning to do that in morecomplex, challenging situations
that trigger us more and more sophenomenal.
Yeah.
Phenomenal conversation.
I really, really appreciate it.
I know, thank you.
You know, my audience will get atremendous amount from your
(50:33):
story.
I love what you do, the peoplethat you're helping, so yeah.
I, I, I really appreciate yourtime.
Appreciate you sharing.
Thank you, Michael.
Thank you so much.
I'm so happy that we connected.
It's been a blessing to know youand also to also just have this
conversation with somebody likeyourself who also is on the same
trajectory, so it's a match madein heaven.
(50:55):
absolutely had a lot of fun.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Again, if you are interested inmy 12 Week Lean Agile Life
Mastermind for Entrepreneurs toengineer success in your
mindset, relationships,emotions, habits, health and
more go tosuccessengineering.org and
schedule a call with me so I canhear about your challenges and
goals and we can see whether themastermind would be a good fit
(51:17):
for you.
Remember if you sign up beforemidnight March 8th you'll
recieve the early bird discountof$250 off.
Talk to you soon!
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