June 25, 2025 • 43 mins
In today’s episode, Emma breaks down three powerful ego patterns that quietly influence how we show up in life and relationships. She explores how patterns of lack, attachment, and control shape our identity, drive our behaviors, and block the reality we want to create.
These are foundational patterns that need to be explored in order to create emotional resilience, healthy dynamics, and long-term change. Emma also shares her go-to transformation tool using personal challenges to help interrupt old patterns and install a new, aligned identity.
This is a must listen for anyone feeling stuck, overwhelmed, reactive, or ready to evolve. Whether you’re in a relationship or navigating your own growth journey, this episode will help you reset, refocus, and step into the second half of the year with intention.
A must listen if you're ready to change your life from the inside out.
Hope you enjoy it!
*Visit the Episode’s Page for the Video, related article, other resources AND to get our FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
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DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of the host’s.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Emma Viglucci (00:00):
Hello, lovelies, and welcome to another episode.
I am so excited for today'stopic.
We are talking about how toreset and change our whole life
by changing our patterns.
I'm going to walk you throughthree very specific patterns
that I usually see playing outin people, in partners
(00:21):
specifically, in therelationship and in their life
in general, and then I'm goingto show you how to deconstruct
those patterns, how to reprogramthem deprogram them, if you may
and then how to create a newset of perspective, views, ways.
(00:42):
I'm going to show you differentthings to put in place so that
your life could feel verydifferently fairly quickly.
Okay, so, without further ado,I'm going to dive right in.
I'm going to teach you firstthe three different patterns.
So the first one is lack.
Now, I'm sure you're familiarwith the concept of feeling like
you don't have enough, notbeing enough, not getting enough
(01:06):
, not doing things fast enough,just the not enoughness thing,
the lack mentality, nothing'sever good enough, nothing's
enough in all of the differentways.
Now, with this pattern, whathappens is that we feel like
something's broken, we feeldisconnected.
There's like a separateness,not belonging, not fitting in,
(01:33):
not being fully who we want tobe, who we think we are or who
we would like to be, becausewe're not in touch with our
awesomeness.
So there's this disconnectthere, separateness between our
higher self, our awesome core,the core brilliance of who we
are and how we experienceourselves and how we show up,
and also disconnected from ourhigher power, from our partner.
(01:54):
So the whole thing is a bigseparation and a big disconnect.
So that creates a sense offeelings of loss and grief and
sadness and just not fitting in,feeling alone, lonely, all
those kinds of feelings.
And then, as a result, what wedo to deal with those feelings
(02:15):
is that we might numb, we mightjudge, we might worry about
what's fair, what's not fair.
We're very indignant, right,that kind of perspective and
experience, and this triggersthe flight defense mechanism
(02:35):
where we escape, right?
So the numbing makes sense.
And however we do that, wemight do it by binge watching
Netflix, by being on our devices, by numbing with substances,
overeating, whatever we do,right, even overworking, over
exercising, over shopping, likeany of the things.
This is where the addictionskind of play in.
(02:58):
So that's pattern number one thelack mentality or the lack ego
pattern.
The lack mentality or the lackego pattern.
So and I said it like thatbecause the ego is the one
that's creating kind of thestories and the perspective on
all of this, the way that wechoose to look at things.
It's going to filter everything, it's going to create our
identity and our perspective andour experience, our reality.
(03:23):
So that's where we're going touse to connect to the next part
of today's conversation.
So that ego pattern of lack hasthat perspective of not being
good enough, not fitting in,nothing's enough, like that kind
of stuff and our identity oflike, not measuring up, being
small, not being valuable,things of that nature.
(03:46):
Okay, so that's number one.
The second pattern is theattachment pattern.
Now, there is a tricky thingwith the word attachment when it
comes to personal developmentand this world, and in that we
want to be attached, we want tohave attachment, we want to have
(04:07):
a good attachment, a secureattachment to our loved ones.
So it's such a thing as we seekattachments on one hand.
On the other hand, I'm surethat if you've been doing any
personal development work,you're familiar with this idea
that we want to detach fromthings, we don't want to cling
to stuff.
So it's two very differentconcepts.
We want to have that connection, that attachment, but also we
(04:29):
don't want to be attached tothings or we don't want to be
attached to outcomes.
So the word attachment is beingused in slightly different ways
.
So use your discernment hereand in this context we're not
using it as the connectionaspect of it.
We're using it as beingattached to an outcome, attached
(04:51):
to ways things be in a certainway.
So what happens is that then wewant to have things play a
certain way, be a certain way,show up a certain way.
We attach to how things shouldbe.
(05:11):
We have expectations.
With that comes all kinds oflimitations, number one and
number two.
It creates all kinds offeelings like resentment,
letdown, anger, disappointment,those kinds of feelings.
And then what happens is thatwe deal with that by becoming
demanding, demanding that peopleapologize, that people owe us
(05:35):
things, we own other people, wehave poor boundaries, we're all
over the place with these thingsand we have this idea that
things should be a certain wayand we force things in that
regard.
Or we have these expectationsand this disappointment and this
judgment going on, and the waythat we show up with the
(05:56):
defenses with this one is thefight right.
So we assert ourselves toostrongly.
It's almost aggressive.
It's not necessarily assertivein a good way that we assert
over, power over, we controlright or we manage, which is a
(06:16):
little similar to the next one,but there's a nuance here that
I'm going to describe.
The next one is called pattern.
Number three is called thecontrol pattern.
This one has to do withbelieving that we have to make
things happen, so it's notnecessarily being attached to an
outcome, how things should be.
Like the first, like the onebefore, but this one has to do
(06:38):
with we have to make thingshappen.
We are in charge of everything.
If it wasn't for us, we areresponsible for things, we take
on all the people's things.
This is where the codependencereally shows up.
And with this one the feelingsare fear, anxiety, worry,
(07:03):
nervousness, like those kinds offeelings.
And the way that we deal withthat is by being controlling,
micromanaging, over-functioning,taking care of everything, like
that kind of stuff.
And the defense mechanism thatgoes with this also is the
freeze.
So if we're controlling,managing, really
(07:23):
over-orchestrating, we getourselves stuck.
Okay, so those are the threelack, attachment and control.
And let's see, I think Icovered the nuance enough for
between attachment and control.
So attachment again just tomake sure that I'm being clear
(07:45):
is having an attachment to anoutcome.
Control is about I have to makeit happen, right?
So feeling like you'reresponsible for it, like it's in
your sphere of control.
The other one is like you havethe expectations of others too.
They could make it happen andyou want to be a certain way.
(08:06):
So that's the little differencethere.
Okay?
So if those are the three egopatterns, then I'm sure you
could probably already see howthis plays out in your
relationship, right?
So let's run them through.
So if I have the lack mentalityone, no matter what my husband
(08:29):
does, it's never going to begood enough.
Let's say how he does thechores, what kind of gifts he
gives, how he shows up in hisparenting, how he dresses, I
don't know whatever.
Right?
Like, no matter what thepartner does, it's never going
to be good enough.
There's always something thatwe could find faults with.
(08:50):
It's never they're never goingto measure up.
That's the lens that we'rekeeping on, and not just of the
other person, but also ofourselves.
So the same thing for us, right?
No matter how much what we doand how much we do, it's never
good enough and we feel like wecould have done more, that we
could have done it better thatit didn't fully land, that it
didn't fully click, that wedidn't do enough, that what we
(09:12):
do is not good enough, thosekinds of things.
With that one I'm sure youcould imagine the state of being
that we would be in in aconstant state of loss, like we
never have what we needLoneliness, not good enoughness,
just sad.
(09:33):
And then we deal with that by,however we deal with that, the
attachment one, when we areattached to the outcomes, we
want things done a certain way,by a certain time, our way.
We are entitled we all know thepeople like this is how people
(09:59):
should behave, this is what'sappropriate, this is what people
should do.
This is what you should do forme.
This is what I should begetting right, like that kind of
stuff.
This is what my partner shouldbe doing for me.
This is what a husband does.
My husband should take out thegarbage every night by eight
o'clock.
I'm just making this stuff upso that kind of like really
(10:22):
attached to how things should be.
And then with the control, thatone's a little trickier because
then, because we know that wecan't get what we want, then we
do it, we overdo it, right.
So we make sure the garbagegoes out, or we nag the heck out
(10:42):
of our husband's partners to godo it.
Right, we're on top of it.
I suppose we just that's theirchore, chore that's for them to
take care of.
Like we are overseeing ormanaging, over, orchestrating.
Um, they might do a chore andwe go behind and fixing it or
redoing it, or we didn't evenask for help because we do it
(11:03):
better, so we do it all.
But so when we operate fromthat place and we are fearful
that we're going to be laid down, then we step into it.
We're constantly doing it.
This is where the overwhelm, theanxiety, the stress, the chaos,
all that stuff kind of comes in, because it's too much.
Right, we can't take care ofall, and then it takes a toll.
(11:24):
Right, we can't take care ofall, and then it takes a toll.
So that's just more, moretargeted or more applied to how
it might show up in yourrelationship.
And so what happens is thatwhen we have those scripts and
those stories playing out andthose, those way of processing
(11:44):
the field, those filters,processing our experience,
that's what we see Right, ifthat's how we look at things.
That's what we see right, ifthat's how we look at things.
That's the reality that we'recreating.
Somebody else might look at thesame thing very differently and
not even see what you're talkingabout.
Very common, right?
So I work with so many couplesand I hear so many stories that
it's really funny when onecouple might be okay with
another couple's totally notokay with.
It's really funny, like whenone couple might be okay with
(12:05):
another couple's totally notokay with.
So like I see it play out byjust comparing couples and also
within the couple, right Betweenthe partners, what gets me
might not necessarily get myhusband and vice versa for sure,
right?
So what we want to do with thisis be aware of what our filter
(12:28):
is, see if we could identifywhich one of these patterns
plays out for us.
We could have one or all threeof them, and then what we want
to do is kind of take a stepback and take a look at this.
Okay, so these are my patterns.
Or this is my pattern, or thisis my prevalent pattern.
Probably have a little bit ofall three.
Or this is my pattern, or thisis my prevalent pattern.
Probably have a little bit ofall three, but this is my main
(12:49):
one, my go-to.
And if that's my pattern, howis that informing my identity
and how I show up and how Ifilter everything and how I'm
creating my reality?
Bam people, right.
And then, if that's my identity, what kind of and that's the
(13:12):
reality that's being createdwhat kind of circumstances am I
living in?
I'm sorry if that was a two bytwo.
This is how we create life.
This is how we create our life.
So let me say that again, thepatterns that we have, the ego
(13:32):
patterns, the defenses, how wechoose to look at those things,
those three things that Imentioned created a filter.
That's how we experience andperceive our life and our
interactions and our situations.
Therefore, that set ofperception and experiences
creates our reality.
(13:53):
That's what our reality is,which then, in turn, inform our
circumstances.
What are we creating?
What is our life like?
So now, that's part one of whatI wanted to present.
Now we're going to go into parttwo.
If that's the case, what do wenot like about our current
reality, our circumstances?
(14:15):
Do we want a better job?
Do we want something differentin our relationship?
Do we want something differentfrom our fitness, from our
wellness, from our health?
Do we want something differentfrom our fitness, from our
wellness, from our health.
Do we want something differentin our home?
Do we want something differentin the impact that we have in
the world?
Like, what are some otherthings that might come up?
How do we want to improve ourcircumstances?
(14:38):
So then, the next piece would beto identify that, like, if this
is my reality, how do I step itup?
What is the next level for me?
Like, what would I want it tobe?
Like, okay, and then from thatwith this higher reality, if
that is the reality that I want.
This is the tricky part, right?
Who do I need to be to be ableto create that?
(15:02):
Would I have the same patterns?
No, I wouldn't, because if Ihad those patterns, I wouldn't
be able to create that reality.
So that's the trick, right, wehave to change those patterns.
That's what we're getting to.
And so, if this is the desiredreality, what kind of person
would create that kind ofreality?
How would I want to be?
How would I have to be to beable to create that?
(15:23):
So what I would want you to dowhen we finish listening to this
, or as we go, if you'rewatching this video, recording
audio, whatever you could pauseit and then just follow those
prompts right, journal a littlebit, or just ponder and think
about the answer to what I'masking.
(15:44):
And okay, this is thecircumstances, this is what I
want to change.
This will be the desiredreality.
If that is desired reality, whowould I need to be to be able
to create that?
That's what we're playing withright now.
If that's what we want tocreate, then that's what I would
have to become right.
So think about it in that way.
Now we're going to juice thisup Ready.
(16:05):
Next level of that is if myfuture self came to visit me,
what advice, suggestions, hacks,inspiration, observations would
it make and offer?
What would they tell me to dodifferently?
What would they say girl, yougot to be done with that.
(16:28):
That's not going to get youanywhere.
To get to where we got, this iswhat I did different back then.
This is what you need to do tobe able to get here now.
Right, assuming that yourfuture self got where you wanted
to get, right, assuming thatyour future self got where you
want it to get.
So the future self from thedesired reality, let's put it
that way.
So then we don't mess ourselvesup.
(16:48):
So that future self is going togive you advice, so what you
need to do now to be able tocreate the thing that you want.
So now we're going to combine.
Okay, who do I think I need tobe?
Plus, the future self is goingto come to visit us and tell us
right, so we're going to playwith that information we have to
think about, okay, so what doesthat mean for me for today, for
(17:09):
the next near future?
Like, what are the changes thatI need to make?
So all of that is part two oftoday.
So the first part wasidentifying the patterns.
The second part is assessingthe realities, where we are,
what kind of circumstances wehave, what do we want to change?
What do we want to create?
Who do we want to become?
(17:32):
Who do we have to become tomake that happen?
Our future self is going tojuice us up and give us some
tips and hints to help us up, tohelp us out, and then we're
going to go create the newreality.
So that's part three of todayReady.
So we're going to dive intothat right now.
So, after you did all of that,after you played with, paused,
(17:55):
you thought about this, youjournaled, whatever you had to
do to kind of get into thatstate, even if you had to
meditate on this, kick it around, massage it, so, really sit
with.
Oh, these are my patterns, thisis what I'm creating.
This is why my reality is, thisis my perceptions.
That's the reality that they'recreating this big identity that
I have right now about myselfand my situation, and this is
(18:20):
what I want to create and thisis who I need to become to be
able to create that.
And this is the suggestion, thehint, the tip that my future
self gave me Wow.
So now, what?
So now we're going to go createit.
We're going to use all theinformation that we have.
(18:40):
What's the reality that we wantto create and who do we need to
become?
We're going to marry that.
We're going to create something.
So the first thing, is thisready?
Okay, so, if this is who I needto become, what does that mean?
What kind of identity is that?
And to make this fun, to makethis funner, what kind of
(19:01):
identity is that?
And to make this fun, to makethis funner, we could give that
new identity, that alter ego, aname.
So think about okay, so if Iwere to be this kind of person,
what would be the title for thatversion of myself, for that
identity.
What do I want to name it?
Right?
(19:23):
So our last name is vikluchi,so part of mine has gucci in it,
so you could kind of see whereI'm going with that, right?
So hey, you know.
So just bring some, putsomething fun in there, step it
up a notch and think of thesuperheroes, too, out there,
right?
So they.
So they have those alter selves, their new version of
(19:47):
themselves, the version that hasthe powers, right?
So something like that.
So, get creative, make it fun.
So the new version of me, myalter ego, is this, so name it
something cool, fun, interesting, exciting.
And what are all thecharacteristics of this new
version of you?
Slash, this other version ofyou because, as you probably
(20:10):
already know, we have a lot ofparts to ourselves, different
aspects that we access, don'taccess, and we show up with
different versions of ourselves.
And so the version of you thatyou want to show up with more
and that you want to continue todevelop, what's the name for
that version, for that part?
(20:31):
What is the alter ego name?
So then, what are all thecharacteristics of that part, or
all that new version of you,that new identity?
What do they do?
How do they dress?
How do they speak?
What are they like?
How do they show up?
How do they behave?
What kind of things are theylike?
(20:51):
How do they step up theirwardrobe?
How do they do their dailyroutine differently?
You see New version, newidentity.
What does this new person do?
How are they their dailyroutine differently?
You see, new version, newidentity.
What does this new person do?
How do they?
Who are they?
How do they show up?
How do they speak?
Who are they?
Right, and so develop that,have fun, right?
(21:17):
So if the new version of the newidentity is a sporty person,
does the sporty person sit onthe couch watching TV five hours
a day?
Probably not, right?
So what do they do differently?
Not that you do that and notthat I do that, but I'm just
saying, like, that's an example,right, like a couch potato
doesn't go with a sporty oradventurous person.
So what does a sporty,adventurous person do?
(21:41):
What kind of activities do theyhave after work, or before work
, or maybe for lifestyle, for,for, for work?
Maybe that's part of their work, maybe maybe you change careers
and to do something to thateffect, right?
So this, this is the universe,is the limit here anything.
This could apply to anything,however you like.
(22:04):
So to go along with that, let'ssay that the new version of you
is a more laid-back, relaxed,easygoing, more feminine person,
as opposed to the go go, go, go, go getter and aggressive and
assertive and go make thingshappen kind of person.
But would that version dodifferently?
How would they structure thatday differently?
(22:25):
How would they dressdifferently?
How would they speakdifferently, interact
differently, subscribe to thingsdifferently, right, like
commitments and things that theydo and things that they
entertain, things that theyallow or that they engage in?
You see, very different.
(22:48):
So create your new version ofyou.
And I don't know if you've heardme in the past Sometimes I have
a hard time distinguishing whatI say in podcasts and what I
say in our membership, but youmight have heard me in some
contexts say things like thatwe're a big old habit, so
everything about us is a habit.
We make the choices and we doit over and over and over and
over again.
So I'm asking you now to do theopposite make different choices
(23:09):
and then we're going to dothose over and over and over
again until you're that versionof yourself more consistently.
And that's who you are.
That's who you become right.
And another way to look at thisis that we already are amazing
and radiant and fabulous, ourcore self, the beingness that we
(23:29):
are.
It's already amazing.
But we put all these things,patterns and habits and ways of
being on ourself that cover ourradiance, who we really are, and
we show up with this limited,ego-based, fear-based version of
ourselves.
And so what we're doing rightnow is we're deconstructing and
(23:51):
peeling all the muckiness and weare showing up with our
radiance more right.
So this is the next fun parthow do we get rid of all that
muck?
How do we change all thepatterns?
How do we undo the currentidentity that was so ingrained?
This is who we think we areright.
(24:12):
We've done it so much, everysecond of every minute, of every
hour, of every everything ofour life, that we think that
this is who we are, but it isn't.
This is the construction, so wecould create something
different and the way to changethat.
We're going to be tricky aboutthis, because if we just go
(24:36):
about like, I'm going to do allthis stuff differently, right,
so the thing that we justdesigned and we try to implement
it, it's not going to be soeasy, just like that, because
it's not ingrained yet, it's nota pattern, it's not a habit yet
, right?
So we're going to automaticallydefault to what we know.
And so the ego is going to belike oh heck, no, we're not
going to let it go that easily.
What are you talking about this?
(24:57):
The ego is going to be like ohheck, no, we're not going to let
go of that easily.
What are you talking about?
This is the death of me.
I don't want to die.
This is who I am.
I can't be something different.
That's what the ego will sayand will sabotage your efforts.
It wouldn't let you integrateor implement something else.
And so we're going to go behindthe scenes and undo the patterns
(25:24):
and the habits in a differentway, so the ego doesn't realize
that you're doing it.
So we're not going to go headsto heads with the ego and fight.
We're not going to say, well,we're not going to talk like
this anymore.
We're going to talk like thisnow yes, that's nice in theory,
but hard to do.
And yes, we could beintentional.
Yes, we could show updifferently with intentionality
(25:46):
every day and mindfulness andall the things that I talk about
all the time.
So, of course we could do it,but that's a lot of work, right?
So we had to be on all the time.
We could do that and be moreeasy about it, but then we could
also go behind the doors andundo stuff underneath, if you
may.
(26:07):
And what that looks like is thatwe're going to deprogram the
patterns in a way that the egodoesn't know that we're doing it
, so we're not going to goconfront it and fight with it
about what we're doing everyminute of the day, but we're
going to go through the backdoor and we're going to do the
things and the ego is going tobe like oh, before you know it,
(26:36):
a new pattern is in place andthe ego didn't even realize it
that we changed it.
And so what I created for thisis a way of disrupting or
interrupting patterns, behaviorsand things that we normally do,
so that by doing that, weautomatically are deprogramming.
Doing that we automatically aredeprogramming all this stuff
that normally would drive ourpatterns, our behaviors, our
routines.
Let me say that a little bitbetter.
(26:58):
We are wired a certain way.
We have behaviors, we havespeech mannerisms, we have
thought patterns, we have allkinds of patterns, everything,
like I said before, everything'sa pattern, everything's a habit
.
So if we start doing thingsdifferently I'm gonna I'm gonna
tell you in a second where I'mgetting at with this if we start
doing things differently andundoing that pattern, putting a
(27:21):
different patterning in place,that where we're getting rewired
, different aspects of us showup to deal with a change and
different thought patterns haveto come up.
Different things show up,different feelings, different
things that we have to do.
Our body might need to movedifferently, we might have to
stretch in particular ways inour either routines or in how we
(27:45):
do things, or in what we'redoing with our bodies or how
we're thinking about something.
And in all of those microchanges we're deconstructing the
old structure, you see, andwe're de-patterning.
So we're not going for the ego,we are slowly melting it down,
(28:05):
if you may, or reforming it tosuit us to the new identity.
And so the mechanism for doingthis this might sound
complicated, maybe, but so Icreated a fun, easy way to do
this so that we could de-patternin a fun way, without doing all
this cycle babble, all thishard, potentially hard work, and
(28:29):
that is by doing a 30-daychallenge, let's say, or a
90-day challenge, whatever flowsyour boat, or 75 hard or 75
medium or 75 soft, whateverright, look them up.
If you're not familiar with Anykind of challenge that you
institute will help you focus onsomething else, go about that
(28:52):
thing differently and accessdifferent parts of you to be
able to accomplish the thing.
So even the most minute ofchallenges that you choose to do
will trigger different aspectsof you to be able to stay on
task, to be able to twistyourself, to do this new thing.
(29:12):
And in that there's the deeppatterning and in that you're
bypassing your ego, like I wassaying before, and you're
setting yourself up to be ableto install that new identity
that we just created Bam.
So a couple of things with this.
I want you to check out the30-day challenges list that I
(29:34):
created.
Go to my website and I also amgoing to put a link in the show
notes in the description here,which is the 30 day challenges
list, so you could subscribe tothat.
You could download it.
It's a one sheet that gives you, I think, 50 options of
(29:59):
challenges, and they go from assimple as I'm cutting out sugar
or sweets to something else,whatever, like more complicated,
and so you can make your own,but it's fun to look at a list
of ideas, why not?
So you can check that out.
And plus it comes with aprescription of how to play with
this sheet and these ideas andthis concept.
(30:20):
So you get a little emailsequence to help you along to
install this and play with thisidea.
So that's one thing, or youcould look up challenges
anywhere else, but the idea isto play with the challenge
because that's the easiest wayto kind of go, deconstructing
things and paving the way forsomething else to be installed.
Okay, so that's how you'reinterrupting the patterns.
(30:41):
So that's how you'reinterrupting the patterns,
deconstructing and creating thatspace, that malleable substance
, so that rewiring could happenand new things could be
installed, a new software, intoyour hardware, if you may.
Now you could say OK.
So all the parts of me are moreopen.
(31:04):
Now I'm receptive to creatingsomething different.
You see, this is where we'regetting to.
This is the third fun part, andthat is that now you say okay.
So if this is the side ofreality that I want to create,
then what do I need to put inplace to create that reality,
aside from who I need to be?
(31:24):
You see, this part has to dowith actually taking the action
steps to make the new realitycome true or for it to manifest
more easily in the concrete partof it.
And so you're going to say,okay, so my desired reality is
this.
You're going to flesh it allout what are the aspects of this
(31:45):
new reality, of this newcircumstances?
What do things look like?
What changes do you have tomake?
Do you have to do anything toyour home?
Do you have to do anything atwork?
Anything with your team,anything with your services,
anything with your parenting,anything with your physical
appearance, with your health,with your hobbies, with your
interests, with your community,with your environments, whatever
, I don't know, whatever's inyour life?
(32:07):
So go through all the thingsthat would be different and,
like I usually like to say,we're not going to do all of the
things in one shot, right?
So first capture everything andthen narrow it down to two
things that you want to targetand what are the next action
steps in each one of thosethings that you could take to
start creating the flavor ofthat aspect in your new reality.
(32:31):
So you're going to map out whatthis new life look like what
would things look like, andstart taking steps toward making
things happen, and start withjust two areas, so it's not
overwhelming, alrighty.
So I hope that that made sense.
So we're deconstructing that,we're de-patterning and, by the
(32:55):
way, I like to do this work inthe month of June, which is the
month of Father's Day, and ithas to do with being disciplined
and structured and havingsystems right.
So that's a translation offathering.
So fathers usually thefathering, the masculine energy,
(33:15):
could be moms doing that too,right?
So the masculine parts of thecaregivers to ourselves and our
children provide the masculineaspects and characteristics, and
those have to do withdiscipline, with structure, with
systems, with methodology,right.
(33:36):
So how do we do things?
And that's what we're giving toourselves this month to
re-father ourselves.
So whatever things we didn'tget growing up that had to do
with security, with stability,with safety, and we have wounds
around those, by doing this workthat I just offered, we're
(33:58):
giving that to ourselves right.
We create the routines, wecreate the patterns.
They're not dictated by somephantom subconscious thing
that's driving our lives.
We're going to take charge ofit.
So we're going to deprogram allthat stuff and we can create
what we want and we're going togive ourselves the structure,
the discipline, the stability,the security, the safety by us
(34:19):
doing something consistentlythrough the challenges.
You see.
So a very simple, fun activityway of doing this work.
That's doing all kinds ofthings.
You're doing all the healingbehind the scenes, at the deeper
level, with the re-fathering,re-parenting yourself from the
with the masculine energy.
So re-parenting by doingre-fathering plus, we're making
(34:46):
it practical.
We're actually creatingsomething that's the result of
the changes that we're doing.
So we're working underneathwith the healing.
We're working at the top withthe practical, with deep
patterning.
We're changing our whole life.
So, bam, there we go.
That's what I promised at thebeginning of this episode.
We're going to repattern, reset.
We're going to change our wholelife and we're getting ready
(35:07):
for the beginning of thisepisode.
We're going to repattern, reset.
We're going to change our wholelife and we're getting ready
for part two of this year.
So that's what we're doing.
We're repatterning so that wecreate something new, reset the
whole thing with something asfun as just 30 data challenges.
Now, if you think that you needsupport with this, our
membership has pretty cool deepmasterclasses and deep dives
(35:29):
that help you address all of thefears, all the patterns
emotional and mental right.
So the mind and the heart, theemotional body and the mental
body, the thinking patterns, theemotional patterns, however you
, whatever language you want touse with this and the masculine
the.
We have the dual work there forthat and we go deep into the
(35:54):
patterning, into the changingthe things, and it has a bunch
of practices, a bunch ofexercises, worksheets, workbooks
, beautiful workbooks to helpyou do the work, videos and the
membership.
You have access to those rightoff the bat.
You have access to everything,but those are the ones that will
be applicable to what we'retalking about today.
And you get our monthly videosand all of the emails, weekly
(36:18):
emails to support your journey,to give you homework for the
weekend, all kinds of yummystuff.
So if this resonates and if youwant additional support, feel
free to just subscribe to us.
Only $29 a month, you get allof this deeper work that you
could do at your own pace andyour own time and you have
access to all of our content.
And if you want more, morepersonal, of course, we're here
(36:39):
to do the individual work aswell.
You could check out workingwith us privately.
You could just start with aninitial session and see if we're
a good fit.
All right, so that's there foryou.
I'm also going to put all theresources in the again show
notes description so you couldsee all the blog posts, access
the challenge, maybe some of thevideos.
(37:00):
I'll see what we have that'sfree that you could access now
to support you.
Okay, my loves, hopefully thatwas helpful.
That was a whole process.
That's like a whole process, soyou're welcome, hope you
enjoyed it and I hope that youplay with this.
Give it a good shot so thatyou'll see the benefit of
(37:22):
reprogramming everything andsetting yourself up for an
amazing second part of this yearand a beautiful reset, a new
beginning all around.
Okay, have a fabulous one.
I will see you at the next one.
Bye.
Hello, lovelies, and welcome to another episode.
I am so excited for today'stopic.
We are talking about how toreset and change our whole life
by changing our patterns.
I'm going to walk you throughthree very specific patterns
that I usually see playing outin people, in partners
(00:21):
specifically, in therelationship and in their life
in general, and then I'm goingto show you how to deconstruct
those patterns, how to reprogramthem deprogram them, if you may
and then how to create a newset of perspective, views, ways.
(00:42):
I'm going to show you differentthings to put in place so that
your life could feel verydifferently fairly quickly.
Okay, so, without further ado,I'm going to dive right in.
I'm going to teach you firstthe three different patterns.
So the first one is lack.
Now, I'm sure you're familiarwith the concept of feeling like
you don't have enough, notbeing enough, not getting enough
(01:06):
, not doing things fast enough,just the not enoughness thing,
the lack mentality, nothing'sever good enough, nothing's
enough in all of the differentways.
Now, with this pattern, whathappens is that we feel like
something's broken, we feeldisconnected.
There's like a separateness,not belonging, not fitting in,
(01:33):
not being fully who we want tobe, who we think we are or who
we would like to be, becausewe're not in touch with our
awesomeness.
So there's this disconnectthere, separateness between our
higher self, our awesome core,the core brilliance of who we
are and how we experienceourselves and how we show up,
and also disconnected from ourhigher power, from our partner.
(01:54):
So the whole thing is a bigseparation and a big disconnect.
So that creates a sense offeelings of loss and grief and
sadness and just not fitting in,feeling alone, lonely, all
those kinds of feelings.
And then, as a result, what wedo to deal with those feelings
(02:15):
is that we might numb, we mightjudge, we might worry about
what's fair, what's not fair.
We're very indignant, right,that kind of perspective and
experience, and this triggersthe flight defense mechanism
(02:35):
where we escape, right?
So the numbing makes sense.
And however we do that, wemight do it by binge watching
Netflix, by being on our devices, by numbing with substances,
overeating, whatever we do,right, even overworking, over
exercising, over shopping, likeany of the things.
This is where the addictionskind of play in.
(02:58):
So that's pattern number one thelack mentality or the lack ego
pattern.
The lack mentality or the lackego pattern.
So and I said it like thatbecause the ego is the one
that's creating kind of thestories and the perspective on
all of this, the way that wechoose to look at things.
It's going to filter everything, it's going to create our
identity and our perspective andour experience, our reality.
(03:23):
So that's where we're going touse to connect to the next part
of today's conversation.
So that ego pattern of lack hasthat perspective of not being
good enough, not fitting in,nothing's enough, like that kind
of stuff and our identity oflike, not measuring up, being
small, not being valuable,things of that nature.
(03:46):
Okay, so that's number one.
The second pattern is theattachment pattern.
Now, there is a tricky thingwith the word attachment when it
comes to personal developmentand this world, and in that we
want to be attached, we want tohave attachment, we want to have
(04:07):
a good attachment, a secureattachment to our loved ones.
So it's such a thing as we seekattachments on one hand.
On the other hand, I'm surethat if you've been doing any
personal development work,you're familiar with this idea
that we want to detach fromthings, we don't want to cling
to stuff.
So it's two very differentconcepts.
We want to have that connection, that attachment, but also we
(04:29):
don't want to be attached tothings or we don't want to be
attached to outcomes.
So the word attachment is beingused in slightly different ways
.
So use your discernment hereand in this context we're not
using it as the connectionaspect of it.
We're using it as beingattached to an outcome, attached
(04:51):
to ways things be in a certainway.
So what happens is that then wewant to have things play a
certain way, be a certain way,show up a certain way.
We attach to how things shouldbe.
(05:11):
We have expectations.
With that comes all kinds oflimitations, number one and
number two.
It creates all kinds offeelings like resentment,
letdown, anger, disappointment,those kinds of feelings.
And then what happens is thatwe deal with that by becoming
demanding, demanding that peopleapologize, that people owe us
(05:35):
things, we own other people, wehave poor boundaries, we're all
over the place with these thingsand we have this idea that
things should be a certain wayand we force things in that
regard.
Or we have these expectationsand this disappointment and this
judgment going on, and the waythat we show up with the
(05:56):
defenses with this one is thefight right.
So we assert ourselves toostrongly.
It's almost aggressive.
It's not necessarily assertivein a good way that we assert
over, power over, we controlright or we manage, which is a
(06:16):
little similar to the next one,but there's a nuance here that
I'm going to describe.
The next one is called pattern.
Number three is called thecontrol pattern.
This one has to do withbelieving that we have to make
things happen, so it's notnecessarily being attached to an
outcome, how things should be.
Like the first, like the onebefore, but this one has to do
(06:38):
with we have to make thingshappen.
We are in charge of everything.
If it wasn't for us, we areresponsible for things, we take
on all the people's things.
This is where the codependencereally shows up.
And with this one the feelingsare fear, anxiety, worry,
(07:03):
nervousness, like those kinds offeelings.
And the way that we deal withthat is by being controlling,
micromanaging, over-functioning,taking care of everything, like
that kind of stuff.
And the defense mechanism thatgoes with this also is the
freeze.
So if we're controlling,managing, really
(07:23):
over-orchestrating, we getourselves stuck.
Okay, so those are the threelack, attachment and control.
And let's see, I think Icovered the nuance enough for
between attachment and control.
So attachment again just tomake sure that I'm being clear
(07:45):
is having an attachment to anoutcome.
Control is about I have to makeit happen, right?
So feeling like you'reresponsible for it, like it's in
your sphere of control.
The other one is like you havethe expectations of others too.
They could make it happen andyou want to be a certain way.
(08:06):
So that's the little differencethere.
Okay?
So if those are the three egopatterns, then I'm sure you
could probably already see howthis plays out in your
relationship, right?
So let's run them through.
So if I have the lack mentalityone, no matter what my husband
(08:29):
does, it's never going to begood enough.
Let's say how he does thechores, what kind of gifts he
gives, how he shows up in hisparenting, how he dresses, I
don't know whatever.
Right?
Like, no matter what thepartner does, it's never going
to be good enough.
There's always something thatwe could find faults with.
(08:50):
It's never they're never goingto measure up.
That's the lens that we'rekeeping on, and not just of the
other person, but also ofourselves.
So the same thing for us, right?
No matter how much what we doand how much we do, it's never
good enough and we feel like wecould have done more, that we
could have done it better thatit didn't fully land, that it
didn't fully click, that wedidn't do enough, that what we
(09:12):
do is not good enough, thosekinds of things.
With that one I'm sure youcould imagine the state of being
that we would be in in aconstant state of loss, like we
never have what we needLoneliness, not good enoughness,
just sad.
(09:33):
And then we deal with that by,however we deal with that, the
attachment one, when we areattached to the outcomes, we
want things done a certain way,by a certain time, our way.
We are entitled we all know thepeople like this is how people
(09:59):
should behave, this is what'sappropriate, this is what people
should do.
This is what you should do forme.
This is what I should begetting right, like that kind of
stuff.
This is what my partner shouldbe doing for me.
This is what a husband does.
My husband should take out thegarbage every night by eight
o'clock.
I'm just making this stuff upso that kind of like really
(10:22):
attached to how things should be.
And then with the control, thatone's a little trickier because
then, because we know that wecan't get what we want, then we
do it, we overdo it, right.
So we make sure the garbagegoes out, or we nag the heck out
(10:42):
of our husband's partners to godo it.
Right, we're on top of it.
I suppose we just that's theirchore, chore that's for them to
take care of.
Like we are overseeing ormanaging, over, orchestrating.
Um, they might do a chore andwe go behind and fixing it or
redoing it, or we didn't evenask for help because we do it
(11:03):
better, so we do it all.
But so when we operate fromthat place and we are fearful
that we're going to be laid down, then we step into it.
We're constantly doing it.
This is where the overwhelm, theanxiety, the stress, the chaos,
all that stuff kind of comes in, because it's too much.
Right, we can't take care ofall, and then it takes a toll.
(11:24):
Right, we can't take care ofall, and then it takes a toll.
So that's just more, moretargeted or more applied to how
it might show up in yourrelationship.
And so what happens is thatwhen we have those scripts and
those stories playing out andthose, those way of processing
(11:44):
the field, those filters,processing our experience,
that's what we see Right, ifthat's how we look at things.
That's what we see right, ifthat's how we look at things.
That's the reality that we'recreating.
Somebody else might look at thesame thing very differently and
not even see what you're talkingabout.
Very common, right?
So I work with so many couplesand I hear so many stories that
it's really funny when onecouple might be okay with
another couple's totally notokay with.
It's really funny, like whenone couple might be okay with
(12:05):
another couple's totally notokay with.
So like I see it play out byjust comparing couples and also
within the couple, right Betweenthe partners, what gets me
might not necessarily get myhusband and vice versa for sure,
right?
So what we want to do with thisis be aware of what our filter
(12:28):
is, see if we could identifywhich one of these patterns
plays out for us.
We could have one or all threeof them, and then what we want
to do is kind of take a stepback and take a look at this.
Okay, so these are my patterns.
Or this is my pattern, or thisis my prevalent pattern.
Probably have a little bit ofall three.
Or this is my pattern, or thisis my prevalent pattern.
Probably have a little bit ofall three, but this is my main
(12:49):
one, my go-to.
And if that's my pattern, howis that informing my identity
and how I show up and how Ifilter everything and how I'm
creating my reality?
Bam people, right.
And then, if that's my identity, what kind of and that's the
(13:12):
reality that's being createdwhat kind of circumstances am I
living in?
I'm sorry if that was a two bytwo.
This is how we create life.
This is how we create our life.
So let me say that again, thepatterns that we have, the ego
(13:32):
patterns, the defenses, how wechoose to look at those things,
those three things that Imentioned created a filter.
That's how we experience andperceive our life and our
interactions and our situations.
Therefore, that set ofperception and experiences
creates our reality.
(13:53):
That's what our reality is,which then, in turn, inform our
circumstances.
What are we creating?
What is our life like?
So now, that's part one of whatI wanted to present.
Now we're going to go into parttwo.
If that's the case, what do wenot like about our current
reality, our circumstances?
(14:15):
Do we want a better job?
Do we want something differentin our relationship?
Do we want something differentfrom our fitness, from our
wellness, from our health?
Do we want something differentfrom our fitness, from our
wellness, from our health.
Do we want something differentin our home?
Do we want something differentin the impact that we have in
the world?
Like, what are some otherthings that might come up?
How do we want to improve ourcircumstances?
(14:38):
So then, the next piece would beto identify that, like, if this
is my reality, how do I step itup?
What is the next level for me?
Like, what would I want it tobe?
Like, okay, and then from thatwith this higher reality, if
that is the reality that I want.
This is the tricky part, right?
Who do I need to be to be ableto create that?
(15:02):
Would I have the same patterns?
No, I wouldn't, because if Ihad those patterns, I wouldn't
be able to create that reality.
So that's the trick, right, wehave to change those patterns.
That's what we're getting to.
And so, if this is the desiredreality, what kind of person
would create that kind ofreality?
How would I want to be?
How would I have to be to beable to create that?
(15:23):
So what I would want you to dowhen we finish listening to this
, or as we go, if you'rewatching this video, recording
audio, whatever you could pauseit and then just follow those
prompts right, journal a littlebit, or just ponder and think
about the answer to what I'masking.
(15:44):
And okay, this is thecircumstances, this is what I
want to change.
This will be the desiredreality.
If that is desired reality, whowould I need to be to be able
to create that?
That's what we're playing withright now.
If that's what we want tocreate, then that's what I would
have to become right.
So think about it in that way.
Now we're going to juice thisup Ready.
(16:05):
Next level of that is if myfuture self came to visit me,
what advice, suggestions, hacks,inspiration, observations would
it make and offer?
What would they tell me to dodifferently?
What would they say girl, yougot to be done with that.
(16:28):
That's not going to get youanywhere.
To get to where we got, this iswhat I did different back then.
This is what you need to do tobe able to get here now.
Right, assuming that yourfuture self got where you wanted
to get, right, assuming thatyour future self got where you
want it to get.
So the future self from thedesired reality, let's put it
that way.
So then we don't mess ourselvesup.
(16:48):
So that future self is going togive you advice, so what you
need to do now to be able tocreate the thing that you want.
So now we're going to combine.
Okay, who do I think I need tobe?
Plus, the future self is goingto come to visit us and tell us
right, so we're going to playwith that information we have to
think about, okay, so what doesthat mean for me for today, for
(17:09):
the next near future?
Like, what are the changes thatI need to make?
So all of that is part two oftoday.
So the first part wasidentifying the patterns.
The second part is assessingthe realities, where we are,
what kind of circumstances wehave, what do we want to change?
What do we want to create?
Who do we want to become?
(17:32):
Who do we have to become tomake that happen?
Our future self is going tojuice us up and give us some
tips and hints to help us up, tohelp us out, and then we're
going to go create the newreality.
So that's part three of todayReady.
So we're going to dive intothat right now.
So, after you did all of that,after you played with, paused,
(17:55):
you thought about this, youjournaled, whatever you had to
do to kind of get into thatstate, even if you had to
meditate on this, kick it around, massage it, so, really sit
with.
Oh, these are my patterns, thisis what I'm creating.
This is why my reality is, thisis my perceptions.
That's the reality that they'recreating this big identity that
I have right now about myselfand my situation, and this is
(18:20):
what I want to create and thisis who I need to become to be
able to create that.
And this is the suggestion, thehint, the tip that my future
self gave me Wow.
So now, what?
So now we're going to go createit.
We're going to use all theinformation that we have.
(18:40):
What's the reality that we wantto create and who do we need to
become?
We're going to marry that.
We're going to create something.
So the first thing, is thisready?
Okay, so, if this is who I needto become, what does that mean?
What kind of identity is that?
And to make this fun, to makethis funner, what kind of
(19:01):
identity is that?
And to make this fun, to makethis funner, we could give that
new identity, that alter ego, aname.
So think about okay, so if Iwere to be this kind of person,
what would be the title for thatversion of myself, for that
identity.
What do I want to name it?
Right?
(19:23):
So our last name is vikluchi,so part of mine has gucci in it,
so you could kind of see whereI'm going with that, right?
So hey, you know.
So just bring some, putsomething fun in there, step it
up a notch and think of thesuperheroes, too, out there,
right?
So they.
So they have those alter selves, their new version of
(19:47):
themselves, the version that hasthe powers, right?
So something like that.
So, get creative, make it fun.
So the new version of me, myalter ego, is this, so name it
something cool, fun, interesting, exciting.
And what are all thecharacteristics of this new
version of you?
Slash, this other version ofyou because, as you probably
(20:10):
already know, we have a lot ofparts to ourselves, different
aspects that we access, don'taccess, and we show up with
different versions of ourselves.
And so the version of you thatyou want to show up with more
and that you want to continue todevelop, what's the name for
that version, for that part?
(20:31):
What is the alter ego name?
So then, what are all thecharacteristics of that part, or
all that new version of you,that new identity?
What do they do?
How do they dress?
How do they speak?
What are they like?
How do they show up?
How do they behave?
What kind of things are theylike?
(20:51):
How do they step up theirwardrobe?
How do they do their dailyroutine differently?
You see New version, newidentity.
What does this new person do?
How are they their dailyroutine differently?
You see, new version, newidentity.
What does this new person do?
How do they?
Who are they?
How do they show up?
How do they speak?
Who are they?
Right, and so develop that,have fun, right?
(21:17):
So if the new version of the newidentity is a sporty person,
does the sporty person sit onthe couch watching TV five hours
a day?
Probably not, right?
So what do they do differently?
Not that you do that and notthat I do that, but I'm just
saying, like, that's an example,right, like a couch potato
doesn't go with a sporty oradventurous person.
So what does a sporty,adventurous person do?
(21:41):
What kind of activities do theyhave after work, or before work
, or maybe for lifestyle, for,for, for work?
Maybe that's part of their work, maybe maybe you change careers
and to do something to thateffect, right?
So this, this is the universe,is the limit here anything.
This could apply to anything,however you like.
(22:04):
So to go along with that, let'ssay that the new version of you
is a more laid-back, relaxed,easygoing, more feminine person,
as opposed to the go go, go, go, go getter and aggressive and
assertive and go make thingshappen kind of person.
But would that version dodifferently?
How would they structure thatday differently?
(22:25):
How would they dressdifferently?
How would they speakdifferently, interact
differently, subscribe to thingsdifferently, right, like
commitments and things that theydo and things that they
entertain, things that theyallow or that they engage in?
You see, very different.
(22:48):
So create your new version ofyou.
And I don't know if you've heardme in the past Sometimes I have
a hard time distinguishing whatI say in podcasts and what I
say in our membership, but youmight have heard me in some
contexts say things like thatwe're a big old habit, so
everything about us is a habit.
We make the choices and we doit over and over and over and
over again.
So I'm asking you now to do theopposite make different choices
(23:09):
and then we're going to dothose over and over and over
again until you're that versionof yourself more consistently.
And that's who you are.
That's who you become right.
And another way to look at thisis that we already are amazing
and radiant and fabulous, ourcore self, the beingness that we
(23:29):
are.
It's already amazing.
But we put all these things,patterns and habits and ways of
being on ourself that cover ourradiance, who we really are, and
we show up with this limited,ego-based, fear-based version of
ourselves.
And so what we're doing rightnow is we're deconstructing and
(23:51):
peeling all the muckiness and weare showing up with our
radiance more right.
So this is the next fun parthow do we get rid of all that
muck?
How do we change all thepatterns?
How do we undo the currentidentity that was so ingrained?
This is who we think we areright.
(24:12):
We've done it so much, everysecond of every minute, of every
hour, of every everything ofour life, that we think that
this is who we are, but it isn't.
This is the construction, so wecould create something
different and the way to changethat.
We're going to be tricky aboutthis, because if we just go
(24:36):
about like, I'm going to do allthis stuff differently, right,
so the thing that we justdesigned and we try to implement
it, it's not going to be soeasy, just like that, because
it's not ingrained yet, it's nota pattern, it's not a habit yet
, right?
So we're going to automaticallydefault to what we know.
And so the ego is going to belike oh heck, no, we're not
going to let it go that easily.
What are you talking about this?
(24:57):
The ego is going to be like ohheck, no, we're not going to let
go of that easily.
What are you talking about?
This is the death of me.
I don't want to die.
This is who I am.
I can't be something different.
That's what the ego will sayand will sabotage your efforts.
It wouldn't let you integrateor implement something else.
And so we're going to go behindthe scenes and undo the patterns
(25:24):
and the habits in a differentway, so the ego doesn't realize
that you're doing it.
So we're not going to go headsto heads with the ego and fight.
We're not going to say, well,we're not going to talk like
this anymore.
We're going to talk like thisnow yes, that's nice in theory,
but hard to do.
And yes, we could beintentional.
Yes, we could show updifferently with intentionality
(25:46):
every day and mindfulness andall the things that I talk about
all the time.
So, of course we could do it,but that's a lot of work, right?
So we had to be on all the time.
We could do that and be moreeasy about it, but then we could
also go behind the doors andundo stuff underneath, if you
may.
(26:07):
And what that looks like is thatwe're going to deprogram the
patterns in a way that the egodoesn't know that we're doing it
, so we're not going to goconfront it and fight with it
about what we're doing everyminute of the day, but we're
going to go through the backdoor and we're going to do the
things and the ego is going tobe like oh, before you know it,
(26:36):
a new pattern is in place andthe ego didn't even realize it
that we changed it.
And so what I created for thisis a way of disrupting or
interrupting patterns, behaviorsand things that we normally do,
so that by doing that, weautomatically are deprogramming.
Doing that we automatically aredeprogramming all this stuff
that normally would drive ourpatterns, our behaviors, our
routines.
Let me say that a little bitbetter.
(26:58):
We are wired a certain way.
We have behaviors, we havespeech mannerisms, we have
thought patterns, we have allkinds of patterns, everything,
like I said before, everything'sa pattern, everything's a habit
.
So if we start doing thingsdifferently I'm gonna I'm gonna
tell you in a second where I'mgetting at with this if we start
doing things differently andundoing that pattern, putting a
(27:21):
different patterning in place,that where we're getting rewired
, different aspects of us showup to deal with a change and
different thought patterns haveto come up.
Different things show up,different feelings, different
things that we have to do.
Our body might need to movedifferently, we might have to
stretch in particular ways inour either routines or in how we
(27:45):
do things, or in what we'redoing with our bodies or how
we're thinking about something.
And in all of those microchanges we're deconstructing the
old structure, you see, andwe're de-patterning.
So we're not going for the ego,we are slowly melting it down,
(28:05):
if you may, or reforming it tosuit us to the new identity.
And so the mechanism for doingthis this might sound
complicated, maybe, but so Icreated a fun, easy way to do
this so that we could de-patternin a fun way, without doing all
this cycle babble, all thishard, potentially hard work, and
(28:29):
that is by doing a 30-daychallenge, let's say, or a
90-day challenge, whatever flowsyour boat, or 75 hard or 75
medium or 75 soft, whateverright, look them up.
If you're not familiar with Anykind of challenge that you
institute will help you focus onsomething else, go about that
(28:52):
thing differently and accessdifferent parts of you to be
able to accomplish the thing.
So even the most minute ofchallenges that you choose to do
will trigger different aspectsof you to be able to stay on
task, to be able to twistyourself, to do this new thing.
(29:12):
And in that there's the deeppatterning and in that you're
bypassing your ego, like I wassaying before, and you're
setting yourself up to be ableto install that new identity
that we just created Bam.
So a couple of things with this.
I want you to check out the30-day challenges list that I
(29:34):
created.
Go to my website and I also amgoing to put a link in the show
notes in the description here,which is the 30 day challenges
list, so you could subscribe tothat.
You could download it.
It's a one sheet that gives you, I think, 50 options of
(29:59):
challenges, and they go from assimple as I'm cutting out sugar
or sweets to something else,whatever, like more complicated,
and so you can make your own,but it's fun to look at a list
of ideas, why not?
So you can check that out.
And plus it comes with aprescription of how to play with
this sheet and these ideas andthis concept.
(30:20):
So you get a little emailsequence to help you along to
install this and play with thisidea.
So that's one thing, or youcould look up challenges
anywhere else, but the idea isto play with the challenge
because that's the easiest wayto kind of go, deconstructing
things and paving the way forsomething else to be installed.
Okay, so that's how you'reinterrupting the patterns.
(30:41):
So that's how you'reinterrupting the patterns,
deconstructing and creating thatspace, that malleable substance
, so that rewiring could happenand new things could be
installed, a new software, intoyour hardware, if you may.
Now you could say OK.
So all the parts of me are moreopen.
(31:04):
Now I'm receptive to creatingsomething different.
You see, this is where we'regetting to.
This is the third fun part, andthat is that now you say okay.
So if this is the side ofreality that I want to create,
then what do I need to put inplace to create that reality,
aside from who I need to be?
(31:24):
You see, this part has to dowith actually taking the action
steps to make the new realitycome true or for it to manifest
more easily in the concrete partof it.
And so you're going to say,okay, so my desired reality is
this.
You're going to flesh it allout what are the aspects of this
(31:45):
new reality, of this newcircumstances?
What do things look like?
What changes do you have tomake?
Do you have to do anything toyour home?
Do you have to do anything atwork?
Anything with your team,anything with your services,
anything with your parenting,anything with your physical
appearance, with your health,with your hobbies, with your
interests, with your community,with your environments, whatever
, I don't know, whatever's inyour life?
(32:07):
So go through all the thingsthat would be different and,
like I usually like to say,we're not going to do all of the
things in one shot, right?
So first capture everything andthen narrow it down to two
things that you want to targetand what are the next action
steps in each one of thosethings that you could take to
start creating the flavor ofthat aspect in your new reality.
(32:31):
So you're going to map out whatthis new life look like what
would things look like, andstart taking steps toward making
things happen, and start withjust two areas, so it's not
overwhelming, alrighty.
So I hope that that made sense.
So we're deconstructing that,we're de-patterning and, by the
(32:55):
way, I like to do this work inthe month of June, which is the
month of Father's Day, and ithas to do with being disciplined
and structured and havingsystems right.
So that's a translation offathering.
So fathers usually thefathering, the masculine energy,
(33:15):
could be moms doing that too,right?
So the masculine parts of thecaregivers to ourselves and our
children provide the masculineaspects and characteristics, and
those have to do withdiscipline, with structure, with
systems, with methodology,right.
(33:36):
So how do we do things?
And that's what we're giving toourselves this month to
re-father ourselves.
So whatever things we didn'tget growing up that had to do
with security, with stability,with safety, and we have wounds
around those, by doing this workthat I just offered, we're
(33:58):
giving that to ourselves right.
We create the routines, wecreate the patterns.
They're not dictated by somephantom subconscious thing
that's driving our lives.
We're going to take charge ofit.
So we're going to deprogram allthat stuff and we can create
what we want and we're going togive ourselves the structure,
the discipline, the stability,the security, the safety by us
(34:19):
doing something consistentlythrough the challenges.
You see.
So a very simple, fun activityway of doing this work.
That's doing all kinds ofthings.
You're doing all the healingbehind the scenes, at the deeper
level, with the re-fathering,re-parenting yourself from the
with the masculine energy.
So re-parenting by doingre-fathering plus, we're making
(34:46):
it practical.
We're actually creatingsomething that's the result of
the changes that we're doing.
So we're working underneathwith the healing.
We're working at the top withthe practical, with deep
patterning.
We're changing our whole life.
So, bam, there we go.
That's what I promised at thebeginning of this episode.
We're going to repattern, reset.
We're going to change our wholelife and we're getting ready
(35:07):
for the beginning of thisepisode.
We're going to repattern, reset.
We're going to change our wholelife and we're getting ready
for part two of this year.
So that's what we're doing.
We're repatterning so that wecreate something new, reset the
whole thing with something asfun as just 30 data challenges.
Now, if you think that you needsupport with this, our
membership has pretty cool deepmasterclasses and deep dives
(35:29):
that help you address all of thefears, all the patterns
emotional and mental right.
So the mind and the heart, theemotional body and the mental
body, the thinking patterns, theemotional patterns, however you
, whatever language you want touse with this and the masculine
the.
We have the dual work there forthat and we go deep into the
(35:54):
patterning, into the changingthe things, and it has a bunch
of practices, a bunch ofexercises, worksheets, workbooks
, beautiful workbooks to helpyou do the work, videos and the
membership.
You have access to those rightoff the bat.
You have access to everything,but those are the ones that will
be applicable to what we'retalking about today.
And you get our monthly videosand all of the emails, weekly
(36:18):
emails to support your journey,to give you homework for the
weekend, all kinds of yummystuff.
So if this resonates and if youwant additional support, feel
free to just subscribe to us.
Only $29 a month, you get allof this deeper work that you
could do at your own pace andyour own time and you have
access to all of our content.
And if you want more, morepersonal, of course, we're here
(36:39):
to do the individual work aswell.
You could check out workingwith us privately.
You could just start with aninitial session and see if we're
a good fit.
All right, so that's there foryou.
I'm also going to put all theresources in the again show
notes description so you couldsee all the blog posts, access
the challenge, maybe some of thevideos.
(37:00):
I'll see what we have that'sfree that you could access now
to support you.
Okay, my loves, hopefully thatwas helpful.
That was a whole process.
That's like a whole process, soyou're welcome, hope you
enjoyed it and I hope that youplay with this.
Give it a good shot so thatyou'll see the benefit of
(37:22):
reprogramming everything andsetting yourself up for an
amazing second part of this yearand a beautiful reset, a new
beginning all around.
Okay, have a fabulous one.
I will see you at the next one.
Bye.
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