February 26, 2025 • 44 mins
In today’s episode, Emma offers the 2nd way in which we are partners in our relationship. In the last episode she covered how to be partners in Love. Today she covers how to be partners in Life. Though these things are supposed to be givens in our relationship, most couples get both wrong! She shares how partners are actually attracted to each other and the glue that holds them together. And it’s not what you think! Then, she delves into very detailed ways on how to uplevel your collaboration in your relationship, to master creating a shared life you absolutely love.
Hope you enjoy it!
*Visit the Episode’s Page for the Video, related article, other resources AND to get our FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Emma Viglucci (00:00):
Hello, lovelies, and welcome to another episode.
I am so excited for today'stopic.
We are covering being partnersin life.
Now, what's special about thistopic is that the last episode I
covered being partners in love.
Now let me tell you why I'mmaking that distinction.
Partners in life meaning thatyou might be in a long-term
(00:20):
relationship and you're doingthe business of life together
and you're creating a lifetogether, but when we do that,
when we make the higher level ofcommitment, we forget to be
partners in love.
And so last time I covered howto do that, how to bring the
couple back to your relationship, as opposed to the husband and
the wife, the boyfriend and thegirlfriend, or the mom and the
(00:40):
dad, or and that's regardless ofgender, of course.
Translate that for yourself, ifyou're not a stereotypical
family, family structure.
And aside from the roles andthose labels, we forget the
essence of the relationship.
What makes up that, the couple.
That gets lost in translation,and so we focus on that last
(01:03):
time.
And then I made the point thatsometimes we are all about the
business of life let's bepartners in life, but we don't
even do that well, and so that'swhat I wanted to cover today
how do we do partners in lifebetter.
Now, the reason why I pickedthis or I make that statement or
that claim is because I seethat with the couples that we
(01:25):
work with, they are arelationship, they are a couple,
but they are not partners inlove.
They don't have the romanticalpart.
The couple essence got lost andalso they're not doing well at
creating the life that they want.
There's a lot of friction,they're struggling, they're not
creating the things that theywant.
They're not having thelifestyle that they want.
They're not creating the thingsthat they want.
(01:48):
They're not having thelifestyle that they want.
They're not enjoying their life.
They're fighting a lot, they'renot progressing in life as they
would like, in all of thethings.
So today I'm going to show youhow to align with your partner,
how to reframe or reset how youlook at your relationship so
that you could put it in theright place or perspective, so
that you can create a strongpartnership and create the
relationship and the life thatyou want.
(02:09):
All right, so, having said allthat, let me dive in and let me
walk you through a fewcharacteristics or aspects of
this.
So the first one is going to bethe mindset that you need to
have to help you look at thisdifferently so that you can get
on that next level then how tobenefit from the partnership,
(02:29):
how to create the properpartnership and how to work the
partnership.
So if that sounded a littlevague, just bear with me here as
I dive in into each one andreally give you a flavor for how
to capitalize your partnership,how to be in your relationship
in a way that really serves youboth and helps you create the
(02:51):
life that you want.
So the first one is, if youhaven't heard me before, is
creating or embracing arelationship enrichment mindset.
If you have heard me describethis before or if you're very
familiar with it, feels free toskip to the next timestamp.
But it's never wasted to kindof be refreshed on these ideas,
(03:12):
because the rest of the contenttoday will build on that.
Okay, so you might want to stickaround if, even if you're
familiar with this, and thethings that I'd like to
highlight about it is that ourpartner is our partner with a
capital P.
They are the partner of all thepartners.
They are the partner that wechose to create our life with.
That role doesn't get filledany better than that by our
(03:37):
partner.
Let me say that differently.
That is the most important rolethe partner that we do our life
with.
I don't think that we recognizehow significant that is.
We might get it logically, butlike, really at the depth, like
this is the person and weusually don't treat them with
(03:58):
such status or with giving themthat big of credit or importance
status or with giving them thatbig of credit or importance,
and we don't treat thepartnership, the relationship,
with that level of importance.
The other piece with arelationship enrichment mindset
is that not only is our partnerthe partner, but also they are
(04:19):
our ally.
A lot of times we treat ourpartner as the enemy right.
It's you versus me, my needsversus yours, what you want
versus what I want or your way,my way, like all these funny
things that we might do in arelationship.
Instead of thinking or lookingat things as okay, this is
something that we have to crack,how do we put our heads
(04:39):
together to figure this thingout?
Or how do we consider both ofus to take care of this thing?
A lot of times, partner buttheads and they're they go
against each other.
They think that if I honor me,then I cancel you, or if I honor
you, rather I cancel myself.
And so they have a hard timehonoring their partner, and
that's just not true.
We could honor both at the sametime.
(04:59):
It's just a matter of figuringout how right, and so that's why
we're here to help you align,so it's easier to do that.
Now.
The other piece is with thismindset is that the relationship
in and of itself is a vehiclefor helping us do our life to
the grandest experience that wecan, and so the relationship
(05:19):
helps us navigate our life, andit's kind of like a playground.
In the playground we get topractice, we get to ride the
rides, play with all the things,and in that we get to be
playmates, we get to experience,we get to explore, we get to
know each other, we get to doall of the experiences.
(05:42):
So in this vehicle slashplayground, the relationship
helps us do the game of life,and so what we want to do is
align these things like so thatwe give the partner and the
relationship the due status, sothat everything else flows from
that and therefore we're more inalignment, as opposed to being
(06:05):
the enemies or the friction, orthe priority gets lost and all
these things OK.
So that's the relationshipmindset, the relationship
enrichment mindset.
In a nutshell, now I want toshow you how we create that
important and elevated place forthe relationship in the
(06:26):
partnership.
So there's an attractionbetween ourselves and our
partner.
So we got to explore or we gotto think about what, about that
attraction?
What is the attraction?
So it's not just the beautythat we see in the outside.
There is something between thepartners that gets attracted.
The way that I am complimentsthe way that my partner is, and
(06:48):
vice versa.
That's part of the glue, partof the attraction.
I'm going to spare you all thepsychological unconscious
mechanisms that are at playthere for this episode.
If you're interested in knowingmore about that, feel free to
put in the comments more aboutthat and I'll tell you where to
find all the resources on thatthat we already have.
Or I could do more content inthe future on this, but for now,
(07:10):
just know that that's part ofthe attraction, because I don't
have these things in me, but youhave them.
That's attractive, right, andvice versa.
That's part of the attraction.
And so the partnership thenit's a creation of the
complementary aspects creates abigger whole or a bigger unit,
(07:31):
right?
So myself, what I couldcontribute, gets larger now
because of my partner, cancontribute and vice versa.
So the whole is bigger than theparts.
So that's the point with thatparts.
So that's the point with that,and also part of the attraction
is that what my sensitivitiesmight get prickled by my partner
and what sensitivities in himmight get prickled by how I am.
(07:55):
In that prickling, in thattriggering, there's an
opportunity for us to heal, likewhy do I have the sensitivities
, what are my wounds, what aremy things that are getting
tripped up by?
However, my partner is showingup, and the same thing for him
with how I am showing up.
In that there's an opportunityfor growth for both of us and
(08:15):
for healing.
So it means stretching andgiving my partner something
different.
I grow and expand and in himreceiving what I'm offering, he
gets to heal because now he'sgetting something different than
he usually does, you see, andso this attraction has a lot of
different mechanisms.
That makes this partnership sospecial, because this is our way
(08:36):
of expanding and growingourselves as human beings.
So not only are we creating ourlife with this person, not only
are we partners in love andhopefully having fun and
enjoying each other, but also wehave this give and take, where
we get to be a better humanright, isn't that like just so
beautiful?
That's like the relationship.
(08:57):
It doesn't get any better thanthis.
And so, when we put it in thatplace, from that perspective,
that's the do that our partnerin our relationship will require
, and from that place, we justcreate really awesome things.
When we lose sight of that,things get really messy and
funky and bumpy.
So it behooves us to kind ofkeep this mindset as an
(09:21):
overarching framework, okay, sothen, the next thing that I want
to highlight is what kind oflife we want to create.
So this, what's the point ofthis partnership?
Now, I already explained thatit's a vehicle for our growth
and our evolution, for creatingour life together, for having
fun in this life together.
But then, more specifically,it's important for us to think
(09:43):
about OK, so I'm here to have alife experience, my partner's
here to help me do that, andvice versa, but what is the life
experience that I want to have?
What is the life experience,what is the relationship that I
want to have?
How do I want this relationshipto play out so that it supports
me in this grand lifeexperience that I want to have?
What is the lifestyle thatwould help us achieve that.
(10:05):
What is it that we want tocreate at the end of the day?
What is our life vision?
What are we kind of shooting tocreate here?
How do we want the journey togo?
What is it that we want toachieve as we go?
Achieve, experience, have beall the things.
So exploring all those thingsfor ourselves and then with our
partner helps us align so thatwe could actually flow easier.
(10:28):
We're not bumping in the night,right, we're not banging
against the walls and justtrying to figure stuff out as
we're going.
When we both know where we'recoming from and what we're
trying to do, we can supporteach other so we could have the
experience that we want to haveat the end of the day.
That we want to have at the endof the day, we could look at
(10:49):
this as having a vision forplaying this game of life and
for having an amazing experience.
Journey as we go.
So it's not the destination,it's the journey, this game of
life.
How do we do it better?
So keeping those things in mindas we're going helps us align,
look at things differently, notget stuck in the weeds and not
do the funny dynamics that wemight do and not prioritize
things properly.
(11:10):
That we might do and lose theforce for the treat.
That we might do, and it justkeeps us in a higher perspective
and aligned so that we couldflow much easier and more
joyfully.
Now the next thing that I wantto highlight is that we want to
be intentional about what we'recreating.
We want to design theexperience, the lifestyle, the
(11:36):
aspects of our lives.
Now, this is where we want toput our heads together.
We might want to think aboutthis for ourselves first.
What are our priorities, whatis important to us?
What do we want ourrelationship to feel and look
like?
What are the expectations thatwe have of our partner, of our
marriage, of our relationship,of our partnership?
(11:58):
And just flesh it all out rightand just get kind of figure out
okay, what is the flavor, whatis the thing, what is it that I
want?
Like out right, and just getkind of figure out, okay, what
is the flavor, what is the thing, what is it that I want, like
desire, need, and thencommunicating that with our
partner so that we could see,okay, what's different, what
might need to be polished alittle bit, how do we clarify
some things.
How do we get on the same pageabout these things?
(12:20):
There might be some items therethat feel like they're out there
, that they're outliers, likewhat, that's what you want or
that's what you believe, orwhatever.
Don't worry about the outliers.
Just look for the commonalitiesfirst and just build on that,
because that's enough momentumand enough stuff to keep you
going, and then, as you go, youcould fine tune any outliers and
(12:42):
see how important they are orhow do they get integrated so
that you're both good.
People get hung up on theoutliers.
People get hung up on thethings that they don't have in
common.
People get hung up on thethings that are different.
What a waste, right?
There's so much other stuffthat you do have in common that
does work, that you can expandon, that you could integrate,
(13:05):
that you could massage togetherso you could create something
that's joined.
I mean, there's so manydifferent ways of going about
this.
Don't get stuck on the sillystuff.
Don't get stuck on things thatare miscellaneous.
Now you might say well, that's adeal breaker for me, that's not
silly, that's the big one,that's okay.
But that's the one thing that'sa deal breaker for me.
(13:25):
That's not silly, that's thebig one.
That's okay, but that's the onething that's different.
And as an outlier, regardlessof how important it is, you
still have all these otherthings.
So get flowing and creatingwith that first and then address
the air quotes deal breaker,because once you're flowing and
you have everything else goingso much easier, you'll have
different ways of looking atthat air quotes deal breaker and
(13:48):
approaching that one thing.
That's such an outlier that youremove the barbed wires out of
it and you'll figure out how tointegrate and still how to do it
.
If you try to tackle it toosoon or before having the other
things going, you're just goingto have all this friction.
You're just not in a good placeto be able to create something
(14:11):
together yet right, or to createthat one thing, or to implement
that one thing, to integratethat one thing.
So first get the momentum goingand then that will help you
address the other thing.
Now, something that a lot ofcouples miss is that when we're
being critical, shaming,micromanaging, controlling,
judgy, whatever all the thingsthat we like to do in a
(14:34):
relationship is because we mightbe feeling disconnected.
This is such a huge conceptthat just gets lost.
A lot of partners say thingslike well, if we're not getting
along, how can I be nice oraffectionate or pleasant?
And that's not the rightquestion.
(14:56):
The question is like okay, sowhy are you not getting along?
And it's usually because you'refeeling disconnected.
So it's like a catch-22 there.
So you have to get over thehump a little bit, put that
investment in, because thatturns things around and then
it's much easier to addresswhatever the things are.
I wonder if you're hearing alittle bit of a pattern here,
right, that people might get alittle bit ahead of themselves,
(15:19):
like trying to address thethings before you have the
foundation to be able to do it.
So the connection is huge andwhat we want to do is put
mechanisms in place so that itautomates making sure that you
connect every day when youcreate habits, so that you don't
have to twist your arms andturn yourself into pretzels
(15:43):
trying to figure out times andplaces to connect, oh, how and
when.
You build it into your routineso it's automatic and then you
don't have to overthink it andmake it complicated.
It's built in so youautomatically create the
connection, sustain theconnection.
Then you only have to worryabout building it a little bit
like okay, how do we deepen it?
How do we make it better?
That piece is the fun part.
So the connection habits willhelp you build it into your
(16:06):
structure.
So it's easy to to stayconnected.
And the reason for that, again,is that now, from that
connection you're tapping intoyour synergy, you're tapping
into the greater thing.
That's you right.
So we have me, you, and then wecreate the us, and from that
(16:28):
place you're much larger.
You could handle these thingsdifferently, much better, and
you have a better experience inyour relationship and in your
life.
So that synergy it's not justthat you guys are greater, but
you're tapped in.
You capitalize on all of yourskills, on all your gifts and
(16:49):
all of your talents and all ofyour passions and all of your
desires.
You are an expanded version ofyou guys.
That is just gorgeousness, likeyou're just taking your
relationship to the next level.
But we can't tap into that ifwe're grinding, if we are
disconnected, if we're in a badplace, if we are beating each
other up because we're notfeeling good or we're not about
(17:12):
each other because we're notconnected.
You see, so you kind of gettripped up From that connected
place.
You could have those betterconversations.
And then the next piece is whatdo we need to put in place to
create the life, to be goodpartners in life?
Now I'm going to say a littlebit more about that in a second,
(17:32):
but again I want to highlightthat partners in Life is not
just, oh, we have a shared life.
It's much more than that.
We are in this partnership tohave a human experience, and how
do we have each other's back tomake that happen?
So we have to get into thenuances of what kind of human
(17:55):
are you, what kind of human am I?
What do we need to have?
This personal human experiencethat we could do together, that
we could support each other indoing, in that that we bring our
best selves to that interaction, to the creation, so that we
create something bigger to have,so we could have the best
grander human experience that wecould have.
(18:15):
That's the whole point.
Now, the practical of all ofthis is that we want to create
systems and hopefully I didn'tlose you at the word systems.
That's not a very popular wordfor romantical conversations,
(18:36):
but just know that that justmeans how do you guys operate as
a couple, how do you run yourhome, how do you take care of
the business of life so that itdoesn't become a production and
so that you're not overwhelmedor taken over by the running of
your business, of your life.
And, for those of you who aredoing a good job and you, the
(18:58):
business of life doesn't overrunyou kudos, but know that it's
not just about that.
It's like how do we do it sothat we could have a better,
grander experience?
So it's not just the basics bythe average.
It's like let's do this so wecould really have had high
performance in our personallives and as a couple and as a
(19:20):
relationship.
How do we create the best thatwe can right?
Let's not just settle for everyday, every day routines and the
doings like how can we do itbetter?
So there's a bunch of differentthings that you can put in
place to help you get on thesame page around being a strong
partnership.
Some of these things mightsound basic to you.
(19:42):
If they are good, you're aheadof the game.
But a lot of couples I knowbecause that's what we do we
work with couples and a lot ofcouples don't have these things
in place and that's why they'refumbling around and create
friction every day with tryingto figure out the things Every
day.
They're trying to crack thecodes.
That's a lot of work.
It doesn't have to be like that.
Just put something in place andit has your back.
(20:03):
So they share calendar.
You could use google calendaror any other calendar that that
makes sense for you.
The shared chores list you couldgo to our website under the
resources staff,metrorelationshipcom forward
slash resources.
I'm going to put the link inthe in the descriptions for you.
(20:26):
You could download that.
It's like a downloadable sheetwhere you could put in this all
of the chores, all theresponsibilities, all the things
, and you could assign them.
Who does what?
So you divide and conquer, asopposed to spinning wheels and
figuring stuff out every day andthings fall through the cracks
and then you create messes inyour life and just extra work.
And the downloadable is prettyand it's like really practical.
(20:50):
You could fill it in, um, youcould type into it, you could
also.
So just print it out and writein by hand whatever flows your
boat.
But also it comes with a littleemail sequence to help you how
to use it and how to work withit and what to do.
So that's a really great thingto to get when we share the
responsibilities and the load oflife and you bring to your the
(21:14):
ones that are yours, your skillsand your strengths, and your
partner brings to theirresponsibilities and chores, or
whatever, their strengths andknow-how and experience.
Bam, now you're reallycapitalizing on who.
You are right, the two of youcould handle the whole thing
much better when you areassigned, if you may, to okay,
(21:37):
did I take care of these things?
You take care of these things.
And I'm pausing because I'vebeen thinking some people, some
things, that people, somepartners, have said to me things
like well, I don't want to getstuck doing the laundry all the
time.
Maybe we swap.
You could use this, see howeveryou like, right, you could say
let's revisit in a month fromnow and swap things, see what
(21:58):
works, what doesn't work.
We could, we could swap thewhole thing, redo the whole
thing.
We just swap some activities,the things that nobody wants to
do.
We, we outsource.
Somehow.
We get all the support in thehome, you see.
So you just have your, yourback.
Your life should not be aboutall this tediousness.
So you just figure out how todo all that much better.
So you free up your energiesand your essence for enjoying
(22:21):
each other, growing each other,growing yourselves, expanding
and having that human experienceand creating what you want in
this life.
Now the next thing is havingways of staying on the same page
right, so you could have somethings that I share with
partners is to do a Sundayevening synchronizing meeting,
(22:46):
and that's assuming that youhave a regular Monday through
Friday work schedule, but youpick a time that works for you.
Sunday doesn't work, so somepeople have really weird work
schedules.
I have a lot of doctors thatwork with us and they have all
kinds of their own color can,all kinds of weird hours.
Then, on an ongoing basis, youcheck in and you say, okay, when
is the next meeting?
When the next meeting?
(23:06):
Inches of work with what youhave right, so you use your
judgment here, but having somekind of a cadence, either a
recurring event that happens allthe time at the same time, or a
way of making sure that thenext thing is scheduled, so you
always have this meeting.
Now what this meeting does foryou is doesn't have to be formal
, doesn't have to be rigid,doesn't have to be like oh my
gosh, we're having a meeting,right, it doesn't have to be a
(23:28):
thing, but it could be a quickway of saying, okay, what does
the upcoming week look like?
Right, and send anybody outwith clients, with business,
with traveling.
What are the kids activities?
Do we have any special events?
Do we have anything that weneed to get on the same page
about?
Are we expecting bare weather?
Are we expecting schoolclosures?
Do we have special thingshappening that requires
(23:52):
something extra to be done?
Something extra to be done?
People who have young childrenthey have this.
This is super important forthem, because those kindergarten
schools and I go to just theteachers just love to give
parents more work, right?
So, like we have theme pinkhair day and we have blue socks
(24:13):
day and we have like every daythere's a theme and you have to
run around figuring out what isthe extra things that you need
to bring to school that day.
And people take this forgranted.
We don't have young children.
So I remember when my daughterwas young, holy moly, this was a
lot of work, and I hear rightnow with some of our clients who
have young children it's a lot,and so if you create a system
for that, then you have your ownbags, you see.
(24:34):
So you get getting the samepage around.
Who's covering what, what extrashopping needs to happen, when
extra ordering of things needsto happen, who's dropping the
kids off, who's picking them up?
Right, just so.
This might sound very basic, butpeople are winging this every
day, like why?
Why are you torturingyourselves?
(24:54):
Get on the same page at thebeginning of the week what does
the week look like?
And create a plan, and itdoesn't have to be written in
stone.
You could tweak as you go asneeded, but at least you know
what to expect and how toorganize yourself so there is
flow and so you're not creatingchaos every day, trying to free
yourself around and create anextra stress.
That's not necessary.
And the other one that's verycommon is every current time
(25:20):
when you go food shopping, everycurrent time when you do
laundry, every current time whenyou do food prep, every current
time when you discuss financesright, like once a month, you
should be having a chickentogether.
Usually we say, okay, saturdaymorning, so just spend like a
cup of coffee and just kind ofcheck in on all of our things.
Are we on track with whateverwe said we were going to do?
(25:40):
Are we expecting new expensesor additional things this month?
How do we make up for that.
What do we need to tweak andhow do we get on the same page
Right and again?
These things don't have to besuper formal, but you have a way
of staying on top of it, likesome kind of a cadence, so that
nothing falls through the cracks.
You're on the same page, you'recurrent and you're working
(26:03):
together.
You're collaborating veryeasily.
Then Thursday nights again.
If this is assuming you have aregular schedule, on Thursday
nights you plan for the weekends.
A lot of people wing theweekends and this is when things
fall apart.
So a little sign out here thisone couples have the most fights
Friday night, sunday night,going to vacation, coming from
(26:30):
vacation, leaving in the morningfor work, coming home from work
.
You see a pattern.
These are all transition times.
So if you could figure out howto do those things better and
have things already mapped out,you will do much better.
So, for example, thursday night,what do we want the weekend to
look like?
Do we have any activitiesplanned?
Do we have any commitments?
If you have children, youusually have a bunch of things,
(26:53):
either activities or littlekiddie birthday parties and all
the things.
If you have older children, youmight not have as much, or if
you don't have children, youmight just have your own
commitments.
And so you think, what are thethings?
How do we get on the same page?
And if we are overbooked,because by default, just things
got plugged into the schedule?
(27:13):
This is when you say, okay, whatare the things that we're not
going to do, and you clean upyour schedule.
This is massive.
You guys, a lot of you, are sostupid booked Like.
When you guys tell me what todo, it's like hmm, what are you
doing?
Not for nothing, things arecrashing.
So you look on Thursday okay,what are the things that we have
?
Let's streamline things.
We could send the gift you.
(27:34):
I could take this kids to thisparty, you take the other kids
to the other party, or I dothese activities.
You do those activities like.
You just figure out how todivide and conquer and how to
have downtime, how you have yourown personal time and how to
have couple time.
Tricky as heck, I know, tocombine all of those things and
cover all of your bases.
But that's why you have to bereally intentional about how you
(27:55):
use your time, because then youcan make it happen and you will
be much more resourced.
You will be connected, youwon't be running your kids
ragged and you won't be havingall this funky business that
potentially you have.
If you don't do this, then alsowith that, transition time is
to think about.
Okay, so how do we do thethings?
Who's covering what?
(28:15):
What do we need for eachactivity?
How do we plan for the things?
How do we take care of things?
And we figure out from there.
Okay, so how do we have eachother's backs and how do we make
it happen?
Right Now, the other thing withthis is that we want to cover
this from a lot of differentangles.
Like what are the things thatmight come up?
(28:36):
Like what are the things thatmight get us stuck?
And we want to make sure thatwe get ahead of it.
Like, where do we usually fallapart?
Right, so if going in a carride for two hours, everybody's
fighting in the car, maybe weneed snacks, maybe we need water
, maybe we need to make surethat we go potty before we leave
, like these are some basicstuff that we forget, right, and
(28:56):
then people having all thesemajor blows in the cars and
major fights and things crashand burn.
Just getting ahead of it, likethinking ahead, being proactive.
I'm known to be carrying snacksin my purse for many, many
years.
I only recently stopped doingthat, right?
So if anybody got hangry whenwe are doing things, I will
always have a snack and makesure that we're covered.
Right?
So you could think for yourselfdoes that make sense for you?
(29:18):
Is that something that you needto be doing Now?
The other thing is that thatwill help you with planning the
weekend and transitioning fromone thing to the next and making
sure that you cover, that youhave everything that you need.
The other transition is fromSunday to Monday, right.
So I already mentioned how dowe get on the same page for the
upcoming week.
But the other thing is that wewant to then, at that juncture,
(29:42):
say how do we can go?
What do we do different nexttime?
How do we get on the same page?
How do we make things happen?
What are we going to tweak?
Right?
So just kind of like regroupingdebrief get on the same page
about stuff.
And then, lastly, is how do weclose stuff up on the same page?
How do we feel tight andtogether and in good shape so
(30:03):
that we launch into the nextweek, into the week, ready to go
.
Some people might want to at atthis point also say for
themselves for, like, okay, howdo I plan my work week, my
outfits, my workflow, myschedule right For themselves
personally, for their own workand for their own flow?
These are all things that it'slike having your future selves
back, the couple and yourself asa person.
(30:24):
So don't be booking yourself upuntil all hours of the day and
night, because then there's notime to do these things, you see
.
So don't overbook, don'toverschedule.
That's huge.
The same thing for the morningshow do we get, how do we have
our future selves back?
We do the morning routine.
The night before we plan, wepack up all the bags, we pick up
the outfits and all thesethings.
Again, this might feel basic,but a lot of people don't do
(30:47):
this and they're scramblingaround in the morning, starting
the day off yelling andscreaming, rushing, all the
crazy stuff.
Why have your own back andyou're on the same page with
your partner, right?
So how do you hand off and howdo you leave?
And attunement, so that you'reon the same page and you're not
crashing and burning before theday even started when you
(31:07):
re-entry in the evening.
Same concept, right?
Attunement, check in quick,kind of like hi, honey, I'm here
.
Kind of look, pick, hello, hi,right, make sure that you
connect, even if it takes a fewseconds even this is not major
things that I'm talking aboutand at that point, establish,
right?
So what does the eveningroutine look like?
(31:28):
And when I say that, let me saythat a little bit better.
You already know what theroutine is because you already
established it.
But you're going to reconnectlike, okay, so what do I want
the evening to look like?
Are there any exceptions?
Did anything come out?
Are we tweaking anything?
You're reinforced, okay, soI'll do this, I'll do that,
you'll do this, you'll do the,I'll do the other thing.
(31:55):
And you kind of get on the samepage about the next few hours,
right?
So you're always kind ofgetting ahead Like what's the
next chunk of time going to looklike?
That's the key.
That's pretty much what I'mgetting at with all of this.
Same thing for vacations you doall your planning before you're
about to leave, maybe a littlebit before you're about to leave
.
You get on the same page.
What do we want the trip tolook like, the travel to look
like?
Get on the same page aboutleaving, how to leave, what to
bring, what to pack, what toexpect, where to park, like all
(32:16):
the basic stuff.
People are crushing and burningas you're going right.
Think of all these things aheadof time and what do we want the
trip to look like?
What do we want the vacation tolook like?
What do we want it to feel like?
What is one experience or onething that I want to do?
So if that one thing happened,I feel really satisfied with
(32:36):
this trip.
What do we want?
Especially if you're travelingwith children or other family
members or group of people, thisis even more important because
that's when all this stuffhappens.
So all the differentpersonalities and dynamics get
in the way there was.
The couple gets lost in theshuffle, you're disconnected and
then you're grinding right.
So then everything is thereason for friction.
So how do you create thatconnection in that couple of
times, like build it in there.
How do you guys stay in syncand connected while all the
(32:59):
other things are happening Huge.
And then also on the way back,when we come back, what are we
expecting?
Right, and you might actuallywant to do this before you leave
for the trip, like okay, whenwe land, this is how we hit the
ground running kind of thing.
What do we need to set upbeforehand delivering food,
(33:21):
picking up food, shopping, foodshopping, whatever, laundry,
like just if you have servicesfor these things, and if you
don't, of course I'm not sayingthat you should right, but just
putting the things in place tohave your own back so it's
easier to transition back intolife.
The babysitter is alreadyscheduled, like your personal
booking appointments is alreadyscheduled.
(33:41):
So, like nails, hair, whateverthis sounds so spoiled.
I'm saying all these things.
I'm like, oh gosh, please don'tjudge me.
So our audience is wide.
So if this doesn't fit you andyou're like, oh my gosh, you're
so spoiled, please just takewhat serves you.
If this is not for you, if thisis not your lifestyle, apply it
(34:03):
to however it applies to you.
Okay, um, but the bottom lineis, what do I need to put in
place?
So when I come back back, I'mgood to go and I have my own bag
and I could just slide right inand all the things are already
in place so that I can.
So also like banging around,like, oh, how do I take care of
business?
You revisit that and you say,okay, so how are we doing.
What do things look like?
(34:24):
Anything top of mind that weneed to take care of immediately
.
What do we want things to looklike?
And you get on the same page,so you're not crushing and
burning as soon as you land oras soon as you get back.
I think that those are the onesthat are really forefront in my
mind that I wanted to sharewith you today.
So the key with all of this isto be proactive, get ahead of
(34:44):
the things, be intentional, havethe conversations, be
collaborative, put the systemsin place, have the cadences in
place.
So then you're not reinventingthe wheel as you're going right,
you're designing the experienceand the everyday so that, as
you're going through, you'reremoving all the frictions,
you're getting ahead of them,you're foreseeing them, you're
(35:05):
putting the thing in place toaddress it before it even
happens.
Or, if it's something thatusually gets you, let's put the
thing in place now to finallycrack the code on that.
That thing's not gonna long,it's not gonna happen anymore.
I get ahead of it.
So, if this is the thing thathappens all the time, what do I
need to put in place to finallyremove this thing?
That's huge, right.
And then, having thatintentionality for the things
(35:30):
that I put in place will give methe flavor that I want for my
life, for my lifestyle, for howwe create, for what we want to
create, what we want toexperience, and as we're bumping
or as we're having friction, oras we are putting the things in
place, whatever comes up thatwill help us learn each other,
understand each other more,stretch to meet each other and
(35:52):
in all of that we're healing andwe're growing right.
So these are all opportunitiesfor growth and to become a
better human, a better self, andto set up the thing so that we
can have an easier go of thejourney and have that grand
experience that we're after.
Okay, so practical takeawayshave a thought on what is the
(36:17):
attraction between myself and mypartner?
What are the like, aside from,like, the usual answer that we
would give?
Go a little deeper, right?
What are we co-creating here?
What are the patterns, how?
How are, how is my husband'sthings for me?
How are my things for him?
How do they make us stretch sothat we could expand and show up
differently and become a biggerwhole when we combine and also
(36:41):
alone?
So that thought.
The next thing is what do wewant to experience, create, live
, what kind of journey we wantto have.
Have a thought about that.
And then, thirdly, have a talk.
Share these things.
These are just really wonderfulthings to share together.
This will create a deeper, moremeaningful connection.
(37:04):
So when people are saying, like, well, how do I deepen my
connection, I don't know, likethis so, having a thought about
these things and then sharing itwith each other and exploring
it and being open and playingand playfully just massage the
things so that you could getbetter and better at all of
these things Gosh, that'smeaningful.
That is the meat of the life,right?
(37:25):
This is how we create the lifethat we want.
It's not about all of the carsand the achievements and all the
accolades.
It's this, it's cracking thecodes about life and us.
That gives things meaning.
So that's the third part.
Have that conversation, and inthat conversation you're going
to talk about all of thepracticals, right?
So how to collaborate, theschedule, the shared
(37:49):
responsibilities, intentionality, the different meetings, the
different touch points, so thatyou could have that flow in all
of the things that you want toexperience.
Okay, my loves, thank you somuch for being here.
As usual, I'm going to grabsome resources.
I'm going to put them in thedescription so that you could
explore these things on your own, and the one that's coming to
mind right now is the sharedresponsibilities one.
(38:11):
So I'm going to put that in theshow notes and then I'll hook
you up with some other ones thatcome to mind as I put that
together for you.
So check that out.
And, lastly, I would love it ifyou could give this a five-star
review.
So go to Apple Podcasts, please, and I would love it to.
I would love it if you couldgive us that five-star review,
(38:32):
if you enjoy this and if you gotany benefit from it at all
today.
Thank you so much for watching,for listening, and I will see
you at the next one.
Bye.
Hello, lovelies, and welcome to another episode.
I am so excited for today'stopic.
We are covering being partnersin life.
Now, what's special about thistopic is that the last episode I
covered being partners in love.
Now let me tell you why I'mmaking that distinction.
Partners in life meaning thatyou might be in a long-term
(00:20):
relationship and you're doingthe business of life together
and you're creating a lifetogether, but when we do that,
when we make the higher level ofcommitment, we forget to be
partners in love.
And so last time I covered howto do that, how to bring the
couple back to your relationship, as opposed to the husband and
the wife, the boyfriend and thegirlfriend, or the mom and the
(00:40):
dad, or and that's regardless ofgender, of course.
Translate that for yourself, ifyou're not a stereotypical
family, family structure.
And aside from the roles andthose labels, we forget the
essence of the relationship.
What makes up that, the couple.
That gets lost in translation,and so we focus on that last
(01:03):
time.
And then I made the point thatsometimes we are all about the
business of life let's bepartners in life, but we don't
even do that well, and so that'swhat I wanted to cover today
how do we do partners in lifebetter.
Now, the reason why I pickedthis or I make that statement or
that claim is because I seethat with the couples that we
(01:25):
work with, they are arelationship, they are a couple,
but they are not partners inlove.
They don't have the romanticalpart.
The couple essence got lost andalso they're not doing well at
creating the life that they want.
There's a lot of friction,they're struggling, they're not
creating the things that theywant.
They're not having thelifestyle that they want.
They're not creating the thingsthat they want.
(01:48):
They're not having thelifestyle that they want.
They're not enjoying their life.
They're fighting a lot, they'renot progressing in life as they
would like, in all of thethings.
So today I'm going to show youhow to align with your partner,
how to reframe or reset how youlook at your relationship so
that you could put it in theright place or perspective, so
that you can create a strongpartnership and create the
relationship and the life thatyou want.
(02:09):
All right, so, having said allthat, let me dive in and let me
walk you through a fewcharacteristics or aspects of
this.
So the first one is going to bethe mindset that you need to
have to help you look at thisdifferently so that you can get
on that next level then how tobenefit from the partnership,
(02:29):
how to create the properpartnership and how to work the
partnership.
So if that sounded a littlevague, just bear with me here as
I dive in into each one andreally give you a flavor for how
to capitalize your partnership,how to be in your relationship
in a way that really serves youboth and helps you create the
(02:51):
life that you want.
So the first one is, if youhaven't heard me before, is
creating or embracing arelationship enrichment mindset.
If you have heard me describethis before or if you're very
familiar with it, feels free toskip to the next timestamp.
But it's never wasted to kindof be refreshed on these ideas,
(03:12):
because the rest of the contenttoday will build on that.
Okay, so you might want to stickaround if, even if you're
familiar with this, and thethings that I'd like to
highlight about it is that ourpartner is our partner with a
capital P.
They are the partner of all thepartners.
They are the partner that wechose to create our life with.
That role doesn't get filledany better than that by our
(03:37):
partner.
Let me say that differently.
That is the most important rolethe partner that we do our life
with.
I don't think that we recognizehow significant that is.
We might get it logically, butlike, really at the depth, like
this is the person and weusually don't treat them with
(03:58):
such status or with giving themthat big of credit or importance
status or with giving them thatbig of credit or importance,
and we don't treat thepartnership, the relationship,
with that level of importance.
The other piece with arelationship enrichment mindset
is that not only is our partnerthe partner, but also they are
(04:19):
our ally.
A lot of times we treat ourpartner as the enemy right.
It's you versus me, my needsversus yours, what you want
versus what I want or your way,my way, like all these funny
things that we might do in arelationship.
Instead of thinking or lookingat things as okay, this is
something that we have to crack,how do we put our heads
(04:39):
together to figure this thingout?
Or how do we consider both ofus to take care of this thing?
A lot of times, partner buttheads and they're they go
against each other.
They think that if I honor me,then I cancel you, or if I honor
you, rather I cancel myself.
And so they have a hard timehonoring their partner, and
that's just not true.
We could honor both at the sametime.
(04:59):
It's just a matter of figuringout how right, and so that's why
we're here to help you align,so it's easier to do that.
Now.
The other piece is with thismindset is that the relationship
in and of itself is a vehiclefor helping us do our life to
the grandest experience that wecan, and so the relationship
(05:19):
helps us navigate our life, andit's kind of like a playground.
In the playground we get topractice, we get to ride the
rides, play with all the things,and in that we get to be
playmates, we get to experience,we get to explore, we get to
know each other, we get to doall of the experiences.
(05:42):
So in this vehicle slashplayground, the relationship
helps us do the game of life,and so what we want to do is
align these things like so thatwe give the partner and the
relationship the due status, sothat everything else flows from
that and therefore we're more inalignment, as opposed to being
(06:05):
the enemies or the friction, orthe priority gets lost and all
these things OK.
So that's the relationshipmindset, the relationship
enrichment mindset.
In a nutshell, now I want toshow you how we create that
important and elevated place forthe relationship in the
(06:26):
partnership.
So there's an attractionbetween ourselves and our
partner.
So we got to explore or we gotto think about what, about that
attraction?
What is the attraction?
So it's not just the beautythat we see in the outside.
There is something between thepartners that gets attracted.
The way that I am complimentsthe way that my partner is, and
(06:48):
vice versa.
That's part of the glue, partof the attraction.
I'm going to spare you all thepsychological unconscious
mechanisms that are at playthere for this episode.
If you're interested in knowingmore about that, feel free to
put in the comments more aboutthat and I'll tell you where to
find all the resources on thatthat we already have.
Or I could do more content inthe future on this, but for now,
(07:10):
just know that that's part ofthe attraction, because I don't
have these things in me, but youhave them.
That's attractive, right, andvice versa.
That's part of the attraction.
And so the partnership thenit's a creation of the
complementary aspects creates abigger whole or a bigger unit,
(07:31):
right?
So myself, what I couldcontribute, gets larger now
because of my partner, cancontribute and vice versa.
So the whole is bigger than theparts.
So that's the point with thatparts.
So that's the point with that,and also part of the attraction
is that what my sensitivitiesmight get prickled by my partner
and what sensitivities in himmight get prickled by how I am.
(07:55):
In that prickling, in thattriggering, there's an
opportunity for us to heal, likewhy do I have the sensitivities
, what are my wounds, what aremy things that are getting
tripped up by?
However, my partner is showingup, and the same thing for him
with how I am showing up.
In that there's an opportunityfor growth for both of us and
(08:15):
for healing.
So it means stretching andgiving my partner something
different.
I grow and expand and in himreceiving what I'm offering, he
gets to heal because now he'sgetting something different than
he usually does, you see, andso this attraction has a lot of
different mechanisms.
That makes this partnership sospecial, because this is our way
(08:36):
of expanding and growingourselves as human beings.
So not only are we creating ourlife with this person, not only
are we partners in love andhopefully having fun and
enjoying each other, but also wehave this give and take, where
we get to be a better humanright, isn't that like just so
beautiful?
That's like the relationship.
(08:57):
It doesn't get any better thanthis.
And so, when we put it in thatplace, from that perspective,
that's the do that our partnerin our relationship will require
, and from that place, we justcreate really awesome things.
When we lose sight of that,things get really messy and
funky and bumpy.
So it behooves us to kind ofkeep this mindset as an
(09:21):
overarching framework, okay, sothen, the next thing that I want
to highlight is what kind oflife we want to create.
So this, what's the point ofthis partnership?
Now, I already explained thatit's a vehicle for our growth
and our evolution, for creatingour life together, for having
fun in this life together.
But then, more specifically,it's important for us to think
(09:43):
about OK, so I'm here to have alife experience, my partner's
here to help me do that, andvice versa, but what is the life
experience that I want to have?
What is the life experience,what is the relationship that I
want to have?
How do I want this relationshipto play out so that it supports
me in this grand lifeexperience that I want to have?
What is the lifestyle thatwould help us achieve that.
(10:05):
What is it that we want tocreate at the end of the day?
What is our life vision?
What are we kind of shooting tocreate here?
How do we want the journey togo?
What is it that we want toachieve as we go?
Achieve, experience, have beall the things.
So exploring all those thingsfor ourselves and then with our
partner helps us align so thatwe could actually flow easier.
(10:28):
We're not bumping in the night,right, we're not banging
against the walls and justtrying to figure stuff out as
we're going.
When we both know where we'recoming from and what we're
trying to do, we can supporteach other so we could have the
experience that we want to haveat the end of the day.
That we want to have at the endof the day, we could look at
(10:49):
this as having a vision forplaying this game of life and
for having an amazing experience.
Journey as we go.
So it's not the destination,it's the journey, this game of
life.
How do we do it better?
So keeping those things in mindas we're going helps us align,
look at things differently, notget stuck in the weeds and not
do the funny dynamics that wemight do and not prioritize
things properly.
(11:10):
That we might do and lose theforce for the treat.
That we might do, and it justkeeps us in a higher perspective
and aligned so that we couldflow much easier and more
joyfully.
Now the next thing that I wantto highlight is that we want to
be intentional about what we'recreating.
We want to design theexperience, the lifestyle, the
(11:36):
aspects of our lives.
Now, this is where we want toput our heads together.
We might want to think aboutthis for ourselves first.
What are our priorities, whatis important to us?
What do we want ourrelationship to feel and look
like?
What are the expectations thatwe have of our partner, of our
marriage, of our relationship,of our partnership?
(11:58):
And just flesh it all out rightand just get kind of figure out
okay, what is the flavor, whatis the thing, what is it that I
want?
Like out right, and just getkind of figure out, okay, what
is the flavor, what is the thing, what is it that I want, like
desire, need, and thencommunicating that with our
partner so that we could see,okay, what's different, what
might need to be polished alittle bit, how do we clarify
some things.
How do we get on the same pageabout these things?
(12:20):
There might be some items therethat feel like they're out there
, that they're outliers, likewhat, that's what you want or
that's what you believe, orwhatever.
Don't worry about the outliers.
Just look for the commonalitiesfirst and just build on that,
because that's enough momentumand enough stuff to keep you
going, and then, as you go, youcould fine tune any outliers and
(12:42):
see how important they are orhow do they get integrated so
that you're both good.
People get hung up on theoutliers.
People get hung up on thethings that they don't have in
common.
People get hung up on thethings that are different.
What a waste, right?
There's so much other stuffthat you do have in common that
does work, that you can expandon, that you could integrate,
(13:05):
that you could massage togetherso you could create something
that's joined.
I mean, there's so manydifferent ways of going about
this.
Don't get stuck on the sillystuff.
Don't get stuck on things thatare miscellaneous.
Now you might say well, that's adeal breaker for me, that's not
silly, that's the big one,that's okay.
But that's the one thing that'sa deal breaker for me.
(13:25):
That's not silly, that's thebig one.
That's okay, but that's the onething that's different.
And as an outlier, regardlessof how important it is, you
still have all these otherthings.
So get flowing and creatingwith that first and then address
the air quotes deal breaker,because once you're flowing and
you have everything else goingso much easier, you'll have
different ways of looking atthat air quotes deal breaker and
(13:48):
approaching that one thing.
That's such an outlier that youremove the barbed wires out of
it and you'll figure out how tointegrate and still how to do it
.
If you try to tackle it toosoon or before having the other
things going, you're just goingto have all this friction.
You're just not in a good placeto be able to create something
(14:11):
together yet right, or to createthat one thing, or to implement
that one thing, to integratethat one thing.
So first get the momentum goingand then that will help you
address the other thing.
Now, something that a lot ofcouples miss is that when we're
being critical, shaming,micromanaging, controlling,
judgy, whatever all the thingsthat we like to do in a
(14:34):
relationship is because we mightbe feeling disconnected.
This is such a huge conceptthat just gets lost.
A lot of partners say thingslike well, if we're not getting
along, how can I be nice oraffectionate or pleasant?
And that's not the rightquestion.
(14:56):
The question is like okay, sowhy are you not getting along?
And it's usually because you'refeeling disconnected.
So it's like a catch-22 there.
So you have to get over thehump a little bit, put that
investment in, because thatturns things around and then
it's much easier to addresswhatever the things are.
I wonder if you're hearing alittle bit of a pattern here,
right, that people might get alittle bit ahead of themselves,
(15:19):
like trying to address thethings before you have the
foundation to be able to do it.
So the connection is huge andwhat we want to do is put
mechanisms in place so that itautomates making sure that you
connect every day when youcreate habits, so that you don't
have to twist your arms andturn yourself into pretzels
(15:43):
trying to figure out times andplaces to connect, oh, how and
when.
You build it into your routineso it's automatic and then you
don't have to overthink it andmake it complicated.
It's built in so youautomatically create the
connection, sustain theconnection.
Then you only have to worryabout building it a little bit
like okay, how do we deepen it?
How do we make it better?
That piece is the fun part.
So the connection habits willhelp you build it into your
(16:06):
structure.
So it's easy to to stayconnected.
And the reason for that, again,is that now, from that
connection you're tapping intoyour synergy, you're tapping
into the greater thing.
That's you right.
So we have me, you, and then wecreate the us, and from that
(16:28):
place you're much larger.
You could handle these thingsdifferently, much better, and
you have a better experience inyour relationship and in your
life.
So that synergy it's not justthat you guys are greater, but
you're tapped in.
You capitalize on all of yourskills, on all your gifts and
(16:49):
all of your talents and all ofyour passions and all of your
desires.
You are an expanded version ofyou guys.
That is just gorgeousness, likeyou're just taking your
relationship to the next level.
But we can't tap into that ifwe're grinding, if we are
disconnected, if we're in a badplace, if we are beating each
other up because we're notfeeling good or we're not about
(17:12):
each other because we're notconnected.
You see, so you kind of gettripped up From that connected
place.
You could have those betterconversations.
And then the next piece is whatdo we need to put in place to
create the life, to be goodpartners in life?
Now I'm going to say a littlebit more about that in a second,
(17:32):
but again I want to highlightthat partners in Life is not
just, oh, we have a shared life.
It's much more than that.
We are in this partnership tohave a human experience, and how
do we have each other's back tomake that happen?
So we have to get into thenuances of what kind of human
(17:55):
are you, what kind of human am I?
What do we need to have?
This personal human experiencethat we could do together, that
we could support each other indoing, in that that we bring our
best selves to that interaction, to the creation, so that we
create something bigger to have,so we could have the best
grander human experience that wecould have.
(18:15):
That's the whole point.
Now, the practical of all ofthis is that we want to create
systems and hopefully I didn'tlose you at the word systems.
That's not a very popular wordfor romantical conversations,
(18:36):
but just know that that justmeans how do you guys operate as
a couple, how do you run yourhome, how do you take care of
the business of life so that itdoesn't become a production and
so that you're not overwhelmedor taken over by the running of
your business, of your life.
And, for those of you who aredoing a good job and you, the
(18:58):
business of life doesn't overrunyou kudos, but know that it's
not just about that.
It's like how do we do it sothat we could have a better,
grander experience?
So it's not just the basics bythe average.
It's like let's do this so wecould really have had high
performance in our personallives and as a couple and as a
(19:20):
relationship.
How do we create the best thatwe can right?
Let's not just settle for everyday, every day routines and the
doings like how can we do itbetter?
So there's a bunch of differentthings that you can put in
place to help you get on thesame page around being a strong
partnership.
Some of these things mightsound basic to you.
(19:42):
If they are good, you're aheadof the game.
But a lot of couples I knowbecause that's what we do we
work with couples and a lot ofcouples don't have these things
in place and that's why they'refumbling around and create
friction every day with tryingto figure out the things Every
day.
They're trying to crack thecodes.
That's a lot of work.
It doesn't have to be like that.
Just put something in place andit has your back.
(20:03):
So they share calendar.
You could use google calendaror any other calendar that that
makes sense for you.
The shared chores list you couldgo to our website under the
resources staff,metrorelationshipcom forward
slash resources.
I'm going to put the link inthe in the descriptions for you.
(20:26):
You could download that.
It's like a downloadable sheetwhere you could put in this all
of the chores, all theresponsibilities, all the things
, and you could assign them.
Who does what?
So you divide and conquer, asopposed to spinning wheels and
figuring stuff out every day andthings fall through the cracks
and then you create messes inyour life and just extra work.
And the downloadable is prettyand it's like really practical.
(20:50):
You could fill it in, um, youcould type into it, you could
also.
So just print it out and writein by hand whatever flows your
boat.
But also it comes with a littleemail sequence to help you how
to use it and how to work withit and what to do.
So that's a really great thingto to get when we share the
responsibilities and the load oflife and you bring to your the
(21:14):
ones that are yours, your skillsand your strengths, and your
partner brings to theirresponsibilities and chores, or
whatever, their strengths andknow-how and experience.
Bam, now you're reallycapitalizing on who.
You are right, the two of youcould handle the whole thing
much better when you areassigned, if you may, to okay,
(21:37):
did I take care of these things?
You take care of these things.
And I'm pausing because I'vebeen thinking some people, some
things, that people, somepartners, have said to me things
like well, I don't want to getstuck doing the laundry all the
time.
Maybe we swap.
You could use this, see howeveryou like, right, you could say
let's revisit in a month fromnow and swap things, see what
(21:58):
works, what doesn't work.
We could, we could swap thewhole thing, redo the whole
thing.
We just swap some activities,the things that nobody wants to
do.
We, we outsource.
Somehow.
We get all the support in thehome, you see.
So you just have your, yourback.
Your life should not be aboutall this tediousness.
So you just figure out how todo all that much better.
So you free up your energiesand your essence for enjoying
(22:21):
each other, growing each other,growing yourselves, expanding
and having that human experienceand creating what you want in
this life.
Now the next thing is havingways of staying on the same page
right, so you could have somethings that I share with
partners is to do a Sundayevening synchronizing meeting,
(22:46):
and that's assuming that youhave a regular Monday through
Friday work schedule, but youpick a time that works for you.
Sunday doesn't work, so somepeople have really weird work
schedules.
I have a lot of doctors thatwork with us and they have all
kinds of their own color can,all kinds of weird hours.
Then, on an ongoing basis, youcheck in and you say, okay, when
is the next meeting?
When the next meeting?
(23:06):
Inches of work with what youhave right, so you use your
judgment here, but having somekind of a cadence, either a
recurring event that happens allthe time at the same time, or a
way of making sure that thenext thing is scheduled, so you
always have this meeting.
Now what this meeting does foryou is doesn't have to be formal
, doesn't have to be rigid,doesn't have to be like oh my
gosh, we're having a meeting,right, it doesn't have to be a
(23:28):
thing, but it could be a quickway of saying, okay, what does
the upcoming week look like?
Right, and send anybody outwith clients, with business,
with traveling.
What are the kids activities?
Do we have any special events?
Do we have anything that weneed to get on the same page
about?
Are we expecting bare weather?
Are we expecting schoolclosures?
Do we have special thingshappening that requires
(23:52):
something extra to be done?
Something extra to be done?
People who have young childrenthey have this.
This is super important forthem, because those kindergarten
schools and I go to just theteachers just love to give
parents more work, right?
So, like we have theme pinkhair day and we have blue socks
(24:13):
day and we have like every daythere's a theme and you have to
run around figuring out what isthe extra things that you need
to bring to school that day.
And people take this forgranted.
We don't have young children.
So I remember when my daughterwas young, holy moly, this was a
lot of work, and I hear rightnow with some of our clients who
have young children it's a lot,and so if you create a system
for that, then you have your ownbags, you see.
(24:34):
So you get getting the samepage around.
Who's covering what, what extrashopping needs to happen, when
extra ordering of things needsto happen, who's dropping the
kids off, who's picking them up?
Right, just so.
This might sound very basic, butpeople are winging this every
day, like why?
Why are you torturingyourselves?
(24:54):
Get on the same page at thebeginning of the week what does
the week look like?
And create a plan, and itdoesn't have to be written in
stone.
You could tweak as you go asneeded, but at least you know
what to expect and how toorganize yourself so there is
flow and so you're not creatingchaos every day, trying to free
yourself around and create anextra stress.
That's not necessary.
And the other one that's verycommon is every current time
(25:20):
when you go food shopping, everycurrent time when you do
laundry, every current time whenyou do food prep, every current
time when you discuss financesright, like once a month, you
should be having a chickentogether.
Usually we say, okay, saturdaymorning, so just spend like a
cup of coffee and just kind ofcheck in on all of our things.
Are we on track with whateverwe said we were going to do?
(25:40):
Are we expecting new expensesor additional things this month?
How do we make up for that.
What do we need to tweak andhow do we get on the same page
Right and again?
These things don't have to besuper formal, but you have a way
of staying on top of it, likesome kind of a cadence, so that
nothing falls through the cracks.
You're on the same page, you'recurrent and you're working
(26:03):
together.
You're collaborating veryeasily.
Then Thursday nights again.
If this is assuming you have aregular schedule, on Thursday
nights you plan for the weekends.
A lot of people wing theweekends and this is when things
fall apart.
So a little sign out here thisone couples have the most fights
Friday night, sunday night,going to vacation, coming from
(26:30):
vacation, leaving in the morningfor work, coming home from work
.
You see a pattern.
These are all transition times.
So if you could figure out howto do those things better and
have things already mapped out,you will do much better.
So, for example, thursday night,what do we want the weekend to
look like?
Do we have any activitiesplanned?
Do we have any commitments?
If you have children, youusually have a bunch of things,
(26:53):
either activities or littlekiddie birthday parties and all
the things.
If you have older children, youmight not have as much, or if
you don't have children, youmight just have your own
commitments.
And so you think, what are thethings?
How do we get on the same page?
And if we are overbooked,because by default, just things
got plugged into the schedule?
(27:13):
This is when you say, okay, whatare the things that we're not
going to do, and you clean upyour schedule.
This is massive.
You guys, a lot of you, are sostupid booked Like.
When you guys tell me what todo, it's like hmm, what are you
doing?
Not for nothing, things arecrashing.
So you look on Thursday okay,what are the things that we have
?
Let's streamline things.
We could send the gift you.
(27:34):
I could take this kids to thisparty, you take the other kids
to the other party, or I dothese activities.
You do those activities like.
You just figure out how todivide and conquer and how to
have downtime, how you have yourown personal time and how to
have couple time.
Tricky as heck, I know, tocombine all of those things and
cover all of your bases.
But that's why you have to bereally intentional about how you
(27:55):
use your time, because then youcan make it happen and you will
be much more resourced.
You will be connected, youwon't be running your kids
ragged and you won't be havingall this funky business that
potentially you have.
If you don't do this, then alsowith that, transition time is
to think about.
Okay, so how do we do thethings?
Who's covering what?
(28:15):
What do we need for eachactivity?
How do we plan for the things?
How do we take care of things?
And we figure out from there.
Okay, so how do we have eachother's backs and how do we make
it happen?
Right Now, the other thing withthis is that we want to cover
this from a lot of differentangles.
Like what are the things thatmight come up?
(28:36):
Like what are the things thatmight get us stuck?
And we want to make sure thatwe get ahead of it.
Like, where do we usually fallapart?
Right, so if going in a carride for two hours, everybody's
fighting in the car, maybe weneed snacks, maybe we need water
, maybe we need to make surethat we go potty before we leave
, like these are some basicstuff that we forget, right, and
(28:56):
then people having all thesemajor blows in the cars and
major fights and things crashand burn.
Just getting ahead of it, likethinking ahead, being proactive.
I'm known to be carrying snacksin my purse for many, many
years.
I only recently stopped doingthat, right?
So if anybody got hangry whenwe are doing things, I will
always have a snack and makesure that we're covered.
Right?
So you could think for yourselfdoes that make sense for you?
(29:18):
Is that something that you needto be doing Now?
The other thing is that thatwill help you with planning the
weekend and transitioning fromone thing to the next and making
sure that you cover, that youhave everything that you need.
The other transition is fromSunday to Monday, right.
So I already mentioned how dowe get on the same page for the
upcoming week.
But the other thing is that wewant to then, at that juncture,
(29:42):
say how do we can go?
What do we do different nexttime?
How do we get on the same page?
How do we make things happen?
What are we going to tweak?
Right?
So just kind of like regroupingdebrief get on the same page
about stuff.
And then, lastly, is how do weclose stuff up on the same page?
How do we feel tight andtogether and in good shape so
(30:03):
that we launch into the nextweek, into the week, ready to go
.
Some people might want to at atthis point also say for
themselves for, like, okay, howdo I plan my work week, my
outfits, my workflow, myschedule right For themselves
personally, for their own workand for their own flow?
These are all things that it'slike having your future selves
back, the couple and yourself asa person.
(30:24):
So don't be booking yourself upuntil all hours of the day and
night, because then there's notime to do these things, you see
.
So don't overbook, don'toverschedule.
That's huge.
The same thing for the morningshow do we get, how do we have
our future selves back?
We do the morning routine.
The night before we plan, wepack up all the bags, we pick up
the outfits and all thesethings.
Again, this might feel basic,but a lot of people don't do
(30:47):
this and they're scramblingaround in the morning, starting
the day off yelling andscreaming, rushing, all the
crazy stuff.
Why have your own back andyou're on the same page with
your partner, right?
So how do you hand off and howdo you leave?
And attunement, so that you'reon the same page and you're not
crashing and burning before theday even started when you
(31:07):
re-entry in the evening.
Same concept, right?
Attunement, check in quick,kind of like hi, honey, I'm here
.
Kind of look, pick, hello, hi,right, make sure that you
connect, even if it takes a fewseconds even this is not major
things that I'm talking aboutand at that point, establish,
right?
So what does the eveningroutine look like?
(31:28):
And when I say that, let me saythat a little bit better.
You already know what theroutine is because you already
established it.
But you're going to reconnectlike, okay, so what do I want
the evening to look like?
Are there any exceptions?
Did anything come out?
Are we tweaking anything?
You're reinforced, okay, soI'll do this, I'll do that,
you'll do this, you'll do the,I'll do the other thing.
(31:55):
And you kind of get on the samepage about the next few hours,
right?
So you're always kind ofgetting ahead Like what's the
next chunk of time going to looklike?
That's the key.
That's pretty much what I'mgetting at with all of this.
Same thing for vacations you doall your planning before you're
about to leave, maybe a littlebit before you're about to leave
.
You get on the same page.
What do we want the trip tolook like, the travel to look
like?
Get on the same page aboutleaving, how to leave, what to
bring, what to pack, what toexpect, where to park, like all
(32:16):
the basic stuff.
People are crushing and burningas you're going right.
Think of all these things aheadof time and what do we want the
trip to look like?
What do we want the vacation tolook like?
What do we want it to feel like?
What is one experience or onething that I want to do?
So if that one thing happened,I feel really satisfied with
(32:36):
this trip.
What do we want?
Especially if you're travelingwith children or other family
members or group of people, thisis even more important because
that's when all this stuffhappens.
So all the differentpersonalities and dynamics get
in the way there was.
The couple gets lost in theshuffle, you're disconnected and
then you're grinding right.
So then everything is thereason for friction.
So how do you create thatconnection in that couple of
times, like build it in there.
How do you guys stay in syncand connected while all the
(32:59):
other things are happening Huge.
And then also on the way back,when we come back, what are we
expecting?
Right, and you might actuallywant to do this before you leave
for the trip, like okay, whenwe land, this is how we hit the
ground running kind of thing.
What do we need to set upbeforehand delivering food,
(33:21):
picking up food, shopping, foodshopping, whatever, laundry,
like just if you have servicesfor these things, and if you
don't, of course I'm not sayingthat you should right, but just
putting the things in place tohave your own back so it's
easier to transition back intolife.
The babysitter is alreadyscheduled, like your personal
booking appointments is alreadyscheduled.
(33:41):
So, like nails, hair, whateverthis sounds so spoiled.
I'm saying all these things.
I'm like, oh gosh, please don'tjudge me.
So our audience is wide.
So if this doesn't fit you andyou're like, oh my gosh, you're
so spoiled, please just takewhat serves you.
If this is not for you, if thisis not your lifestyle, apply it
(34:03):
to however it applies to you.
Okay, um, but the bottom lineis, what do I need to put in
place?
So when I come back back, I'mgood to go and I have my own bag
and I could just slide right inand all the things are already
in place so that I can.
So also like banging around,like, oh, how do I take care of
business?
You revisit that and you say,okay, so how are we doing.
What do things look like?
(34:24):
Anything top of mind that weneed to take care of immediately
.
What do we want things to looklike?
And you get on the same page,so you're not crushing and
burning as soon as you land oras soon as you get back.
I think that those are the onesthat are really forefront in my
mind that I wanted to sharewith you today.
So the key with all of this isto be proactive, get ahead of
(34:44):
the things, be intentional, havethe conversations, be
collaborative, put the systemsin place, have the cadences in
place.
So then you're not reinventingthe wheel as you're going right,
you're designing the experienceand the everyday so that, as
you're going through, you'reremoving all the frictions,
you're getting ahead of them,you're foreseeing them, you're
(35:05):
putting the thing in place toaddress it before it even
happens.
Or, if it's something thatusually gets you, let's put the
thing in place now to finallycrack the code on that.
That thing's not gonna long,it's not gonna happen anymore.
I get ahead of it.
So, if this is the thing thathappens all the time, what do I
need to put in place to finallyremove this thing?
That's huge, right.
And then, having thatintentionality for the things
(35:30):
that I put in place will give methe flavor that I want for my
life, for my lifestyle, for howwe create, for what we want to
create, what we want toexperience, and as we're bumping
or as we're having friction, oras we are putting the things in
place, whatever comes up thatwill help us learn each other,
understand each other more,stretch to meet each other and
(35:52):
in all of that we're healing andwe're growing right.
So these are all opportunitiesfor growth and to become a
better human, a better self, andto set up the thing so that we
can have an easier go of thejourney and have that grand
experience that we're after.
Okay, so practical takeawayshave a thought on what is the
(36:17):
attraction between myself and mypartner?
What are the like, aside from,like, the usual answer that we
would give?
Go a little deeper, right?
What are we co-creating here?
What are the patterns, how?
How are, how is my husband'sthings for me?
How are my things for him?
How do they make us stretch sothat we could expand and show up
differently and become a biggerwhole when we combine and also
(36:41):
alone?
So that thought.
The next thing is what do wewant to experience, create, live
, what kind of journey we wantto have.
Have a thought about that.
And then, thirdly, have a talk.
Share these things.
These are just really wonderfulthings to share together.
This will create a deeper, moremeaningful connection.
(37:04):
So when people are saying, like, well, how do I deepen my
connection, I don't know, likethis so, having a thought about
these things and then sharing itwith each other and exploring
it and being open and playingand playfully just massage the
things so that you could getbetter and better at all of
these things Gosh, that'smeaningful.
That is the meat of the life,right?
(37:25):
This is how we create the lifethat we want.
It's not about all of the carsand the achievements and all the
accolades.
It's this, it's cracking thecodes about life and us.
That gives things meaning.
So that's the third part.
Have that conversation, and inthat conversation you're going
to talk about all of thepracticals, right?
So how to collaborate, theschedule, the shared
(37:49):
responsibilities, intentionality, the different meetings, the
different touch points, so thatyou could have that flow in all
of the things that you want toexperience.
Okay, my loves, thank you somuch for being here.
As usual, I'm going to grabsome resources.
I'm going to put them in thedescription so that you could
explore these things on your own, and the one that's coming to
mind right now is the sharedresponsibilities one.
(38:11):
So I'm going to put that in theshow notes and then I'll hook
you up with some other ones thatcome to mind as I put that
together for you.
So check that out.
And, lastly, I would love it ifyou could give this a five-star
review.
So go to Apple Podcasts, please, and I would love it to.
I would love it if you couldgive us that five-star review,
(38:32):
if you enjoy this and if you gotany benefit from it at all
today.
Thank you so much for watching,for listening, and I will see
you at the next one.
Bye.
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