#91 Relationships and the Stressors that come with a Type 1 Diagnosis with Joanne Robb

Relationships with friends, family, our spouse and even our children can be strained when a type 1 diabetes diagnosis enters the picture. Listen in on today's episode as psychotherapist and T1D mama, Joanne Robb, discuss relationships and the stressors that come along with a type 1 diagnosis. Enjoy!

Being the parent or caregiver to a child living with type 1 diabetes can come with a lot of emotional, mental and relational challenges.  Joanne is such a great resource for parents and caregivers of type 1 diabetics. In her coaching courses and podcast, she primarily deals with the emotional and relational challenges that come along with managing T1D day in and day out. Check out all the links below to find Joanne! Enjoy!

For JOANNE'S WEBSITE click HERE.  Click on the dark purple banner at the top of the page to be a guest on her podcast and have your questions answered! You'll also find a direct link to the podcast itself.

OTHER EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY
-Early episode on Anxiety
-The Grief and the Trauma of a T1D Diagnosis
-Working through Anxiety with Psychotherapist and T1D mom, Joanne Robb
-Validation: What is it and how do we do it well? with Joanne Robb
-All those Feelings and Emotions that come along with a Type 1 Diagnosis with Joanne Robb

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Episode Transcript

Katie (00:00):
Hello, and welcome to episode 91 of the sugar mamas
podcast.
Today you are in for anotherawesome episode with me and
Joanne, Rob.
I remember Joanna is apsychotherapist.
She has her own therapy practicein the state of California.
But she also offers coachingcourses and webinars for parents
and caregivers of type onediabetics.

(00:21):
Nationwide.
Joanne also has a fabulouspodcast called sweet talk for
parents of kids with type onediabetes.
And if you would like to haveyour personal diabetes questions
answered by Joanne, you canvisit her website at diabetes.
Sweet talk.com.
Click on the dark purple bannerat the top of the page.
And submit your question.

(00:42):
If you're going through astruggle.
And you really need some help.
Giving your question to Joanneand being a guest on her
podcast, even if it's doneAnonymously is like being part
of a little mini therapysession.
And we all need those every oncein awhile.
Be sure to check it out.
I will leave a link in the shownotes.
Today's topic with Joanne is onrelationships and the stressors

(01:04):
that come with a type onediabetes diagnosis.
It is no secret that having achild with type one diabetes can
put some stress on your mostvalued and precious
relationships.
With your spouse with otherfamily members and even with
friends.
Listen in today as Joanne and Italk through some of those
situations.
And try to offer some somenuggets of wisdom for you to

(01:25):
apply in real life.
Okay.
Without further ado, let's getstarted.
You're listening to the sugarmamas podcast, a show designed
for moms and caregivers of typeone diabetics here.
You'll find a community oflike-minded people who are
striving daily to keep theirkids safe, happy, and healthy in

(01:49):
the ever-changing world of typeone.
I'm your host and fellow T one Dmom, Katie Roseboro.
Before we get started.
I need you to know that nothingyou hear on the sugar mamas
podcast should be consideredmedical advice.
Please be safe, be smart, andalways consult your physician
before making changes to the wayyou manage type one diabetes.

(02:13):
Thanks.
I am back with Joanne Rob today,and Joanne and I are gonna talk
about a pretty big topic, prettybroad topic that we could really
probably spend several episodesdissecting this situation.
But and who knows, maybe in thefuture we'll kind of break it
down a little bit more.
But today's topic isrelationships and.

(02:36):
The stress and strain that canbe put on different
relationships in your life whena Type one diabetes diagnosis
enters your world.
You know, and that can show upin, in lots of different ways.
We're gonna kind of run throughthe different relationships, you
know, between, between spousesbetween you and your type one
diabetic child between you andyour.
Adult friends even between, youknow, your child and maybe their

(03:01):
friends, cuz those relationshipscan, can shift too.
you know, it in my head, I'malso thinking about
relationships with like, youknow, other family members.
I mean, even with just aunts anduncles and grandparents.
I mean, all of that can getshifted and it can be, it can
just be stressful trying tonavigate kind of the new normal
with all of it.

Joanne (03:20):
I agree.

Katie (03:20):
Yeah, I'm curious, I mean, I know you probably, you
don't have a percentage that youcan give me, but do you feel
like when you go through thecoaching courses with parents
and caregivers, is that a lot ofwhat you're talking about?
Or do you find that that comesup a lot?

Joanne (03:35):
it with parents who are newer to diagnosis.
So I have a course called AfterDiagnosis that's for parents in
the first year after diagnosis.
And with those parents, I feellike it's a, it's louder and
what's louder is the feeling of,I can't ask for help.
And my relationships havecompletely shifted because of
this.
Like I hear a lot actually,which makes me very sad.

(03:57):
I hear a lot from moms who aresaying that their mothers are
not the support that they needand expected, right?
Because their mothers areanxious about doing management.
I also for sure hear stories ofparents whose parents are
amazing support, right?
But I do hear a lot about Momsof young kids who suddenly got a
diagnosis and their parents.

(04:17):
So the grandparents are just notgetting involved in the way they
had hoped.
And that's a particularlypainful narrative, but I think
when you're right intodiagnosis, the shift in
relationships is a little, it'sit throws you off balance.
So I definitely hear that moreas I get a little further from
diagnosis.
That's not necessarily theprimary presenting issue that I
see.
And that said, I think there'soften.

(04:40):
A theme for parents of feelinglike they can't ask for the help
that they need, right?
That they're too burdensome,that what they need is too
burdensome, and so there's a waythat diabetes creeps into
relationship in that way.

Katie (04:51):
Yeah.
I feel like I personally don'thave an issue asking for help
when I need it from grandparentsor like my sister or even
friends.
What I struggle with is andwe're, we're already, I'm
already derailing theconversation.
Joanne.
This is not a good sign.
But no, I struggle with Ialready, I struggle with.
How much information do I givesomebody?

(05:13):
You know, because it's like, Idon't, I mean, if it's a good
friend of mine, I can kind of,you know, I've already said
humor is my coping mechanism.
I can kind of joke around withthem about like, okay, this is
like not serious at all, butalso like super serious.
Okay.
So I need you to be payingattention.
But yeah, like, just like everyschool year I struggle with,
well, how much do I really wannatell these teachers?

(05:34):
Like, I don't wanna freak themout.
I don't want them to feel, I, Iwant them, I wanna communicate
that this is, is very important,but also not I don't want it to
be a huge burden in their life.
So anyway, that's a, that's a,struggle.

Joanne (05:45):
Yeah, I think that that's a really common struggle.
And I remember at one pointthinking when will I not
introduce myself?
Where the first thing prettymuch that I'm letting people
know is that I have kids withtype one diabetes and that, you
know, I feel like just recently,so like you know, cuz it really
is so identifying and I neededpeople to understand that my
experience was different thantheir experience in whatever

(06:06):
ways I needed to communicatethat.
But Katie, what you just said isalso important.
There's that balance betweenletting folks know that it's
important and they need to payattention.
And then the words that you nextsaid were, and I don't wanna
burden.
And that's the thing I hear fromalmost all parents, like even
from you feeling totallyentitled and in strong enough
relationship that you can takeup space.

(06:29):
There's a way that type oneparents feel like, and you're
talking about it with teachers,right?
Who aren't the people you'reemotionally close to.
It's somebody you have to kindof be like, And actually I need
you to help with this thing,right?
So it's tricky because we dooften feel burdensome, like that
is a word I hear all, all, all.

Katie (06:47):
Yeah, it's true.
I mean, I hate it.
I would like to not feel thatway, but it just, I feel like
it's a little bit un inevitable.
Okay.
I wanna, I wanna talk a littlebit about marriages or just
relationship partners, you know,spouses, people that are kind of
doing life together and then allof a sudden their child gets
diagnosed with type onediabetes.
I've seen.
Lots and lots and lots of peoplethat are very, very sad and

(07:10):
stressed out.
They do not agree with theirspouse on how things should be
managed.
You know, one person usuallyfeels like you know, they should
be logging every single thingand you know, be extremely,
extremely on top of it all thetime, 24 7.
And the other person is tryingto Create a little space between
themselves and diabetes.

(07:31):
Or one person thinks they shoulddo low carb and the other person
doesn't care about that, youknow?
So what would you, what what'syour best suggestions for just
partners that are not seeing eyeto eye with whatever the
diabetes situation might be?
This is such a triggering thingfor a lot of people.

Joanne (07:48):
Yes, it is.
Okay.
The, the notes I wanted to lookat are, I've done a bunch of
free webinars I've, that I'vedeveloped and I was thinking of
developing one, um, on, youknow, parent relationship in
managing diabetes.
And I'm actually a certifiedcouple's therapist and I was
talking to my consultant aboutit once and took a ton, and he's
like, Why do you think you don'tknow what to say?

(08:09):
And he's like, Here are all thethings.
I'm like, Oh yes, of course I doknow what to say.
But it, but it's tricky, right?
It is a really tricky thing.
What I wanna say is, the way Ithink about this is like as a
couple's therapist, when acouple comes into my office and
they're having conflict, whatI'm looking for is what we call
the cycle.
So the content really almostdoesn't matter, right?

(08:30):
Because if you have a fight withyour spouse, Katie, which I'm
sure you do, because we're allmarried, we all fight with our
spouses, right?
You know, the content changes,but the way the fight looks and
the way it feels inside you andprobably inside your partner is
the same no matter what thecontent is.
And so diabetes in my view, sitson wherever the fault line is in

(08:51):
the family.
So if the fault line is betweenyou and your spouse that you
really see things differently,that is exactly where diabetes
is gonna sit.
If the fault line is between youand your kid, right?
You have like a quote identifiedpatient child in your family,
when diabetes comes, that'swhere it's gonna sit.
If the fault line is around yourrelationship to.

(09:12):
That's where diabetes is gonnasit.
So I'm not saying it only sitsin one place, but I, I think
that wherever the familystructure has the least
integrity, and I mean that'sstructurally not like you don't
have integrity as a person orthe relationship, but where
there's like a, a crack in thearmor basically chinks, that's
where diabetes is gonna sit.
So in answer to your question,it's a little hard to answer

(09:34):
cause I need to see what thecycle is between those two.

Katie (09:37):
Mm-hmm.

Joanne (09:38):
Because diabetes is sitting wherever that cycle is.
And it, and it really can varyfamily to family.
That said, the important remedyis, is curiosity.
Like, where is your partnercoming from?
The challenge here is often whenwe get in conflict with our
partners, we feel massivelydysregulated on the inside.
So it's hard to like stand downand be your best self when

(10:01):
you're already so dysregulated,right?
That's what makes the conflict,But the question is, what's the
other person's perspective likeif you assume.
We all love our children andwe're all coming from our best
possible place.
Why is it different for them?
What are they thinkingdifferently and can they hear
from you how you're thinkingdifferently from them?
Can you kind of navigate yourway to some compromise?

(10:23):
I also think that.
At the beginning, right?
Post diagnosis, parents arereally anxious and so they're
logging.
Everything is a sign of theiranxiety and their incredible
desire to get it perfectlyright.
So they keep their children assafe as possible, not without
recognition.
In that moment, that safety isbroader than that.

(10:44):
Like, it's not just gettingevery number right.
It's sort of taking into accountall the family dynamics and
flexibility.
Like those things create healthtoo.
But that's a really common,conflict slash division of labor
that happens reallypost-diagnosis.
And I think everybody justrecognizing that you're in a
crisis.
Right.
It is a crisis and just givingsome breath and space and grace

(11:06):
to everyone there, assuming thateveryone's doing their best.
Right.
And getting help if you can'twork it out.
Right, you could, It couldrequire some couples therapy.
Uh, Like a quick hit of that.
If you can't find your way in, Idon't know, I don't wanna put a
time table, but like six months,something like this where you
really have been trying and it'snot working.
Does that make sense?

Katie (11:25):
Yes, Yes.
I know that the times, you know,when I have felt just kind of
unsupported in the wholediabetes world, cuz I, I do do
most of the management in ourhome and then that, and I know
I'm not, I mean, every now andthen I get a little bit
resentful about that justbecause.
It's exhausting and I'm you knowwhat I mean?
And I would love, love to passthe torch on, but it's just the

(11:45):
way it worked out in our family.
Like I, you know, my, we hadalways agreed that I would work,
but probably never full, fulltime.
And then my husband would be thefull-time person.
And so it just kind of naturallyfell on me.
Which, you know, it, it's anhonor to be caring for her,
truly.
Even though some days I'm very,very tired, but I know that in
the times that I have felt likeI needed more support, it's not.

(12:09):
It's never a good thing if I amstuffing and stuffing and
stuffing and then everythingjust explodes all at once.
It's best and it's also not goodfor me to just come with a very
broad plea of I need more help.
Like, it's, it's better for meto come to the table with
specific things I need helpwith.
Like, Hey, I really wouldappreciate it if you did the
Dexcom change tonight.

(12:30):
I just need a break or, or

Joanne (12:31):
yep, yep.

Katie (12:32):
or Hey, if, if the alarms go off tonight, Can you be the
one to get up and, and take careof it?
And, and that is helpful for,for us, I think just to kind of
know where exactly I need, needhelp,

Joanne (12:44):
So you're talking about two different things and they're
both really important.
Okay.
The first thing I just revisedthat is that you're talking
about trying to stay inside yourwe, I call it a window of
tolerance.
Right?
You're trying to not get sodysregulated that you're
erupting, right?
And that happens, especiallywith the primary diabetes
caregiver, right?
You're overwhelmed, you'reovertired.

(13:05):
And so, and then there's thisfeeling of like, I have to do
it.
And so you keep stuffing downall the little messages that
you're getting that it'sactually too much now and you
need some kind of break or somekind of support that gets stuff,
Stuff stuffed.
And then there's an eruption,right?
So you're talking about how younoticing Very good.
That you need to stay insideyour window of tolerance because
if you get out of there, itcauses more conflict.

(13:28):
The other thing you're talkingabout that I think is beautiful
and totally right on, is thatyou're asking, you're making
specific asks.
Instead of just saying, I needhelp, I'm overwhelmed, which you
can say that, but you could say,I'm feeling really overwhelmed.
I'm really feeling like I'mneeding extra help.
Would you mind taking.
This and this, because I thinkthat would help me get a little
bit of a breath and some airhere so that I more capable of

(13:51):
managing this.
Right?
So it is about asking for thespecific thing.
Sometimes when we'redysregulated, it's hard to do,
so some of what we're talkingabout is trying to catch this
earlier.
Try to not let it go so longthat you're feeling heroic,
like, and kind of like themartyr.
Like, I can do it.
I can do it, I can do it, I cando it.
And the truth is we're notsuperhuman.
We, This is a very exhausting,kind of relentless disease.

Katie (14:14):
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Absolutely.
I mean, I, I definitely am astuffer because I don't like
conflict.
I don't I don't like conflictwithin my own personal self, and
I don't like con.
Conflict in relationships, whichis, can be very problematic at
times.
But yeah, that's like my maingoal in life is to keep the
peace.
And I hate conflict, but I, I'vejust have come to realize that

(14:35):
if I just stuff it all down, Andthen all of a sudden explode one
day like that, I then I feelguilty and Sha you know, cause I
usually have said something thatI probably shouldn't have said,
and I didn't mean to say.
Then my husband is just like,Kind of like a deer in the
headlights.
Like, I don't even know what todo with this.
Cuz he's like super calm, almostnever, ever, ever loses his

(14:57):
cool.
But you know, I have just cometo recognize that I really need
to just make the request beforeit becomes like a volcano
situation where I'm, Yeah.

Joanne (15:08):
So that's one of the ways that being someone who's
conflict avoidant has reallyserved you is that you're
thinking about a strategy toavoid the conflict later in a
really helpful way.
Some people don't like, I thinkit's, I think it's Einstein who
said, The definition of insanityis doing the same thing over and
over and expecting a differentresult.
So it's attributed to Einstein,but that's true.

(15:30):
Like if we think we're gonnajust keep stuffing it and it'll
be better next time.
Probably not the best strategy,right?
So I like that your conflictavoidance is leading you to
really think strategically abouthow to truly avoid it.
You're not just turning awayfrom it and saying it'll be
better next time and ignoringit.
You're really thinkingstrategically, and so that's

(15:50):
important too.
Like don't ignore if there's aplace that you guys keep getting
stuck as a couple, like payattention to it and see if you
can figure out other ways topossibly manage it, assuming
that it will come up againbecause it will.
That's what.

Katie (16:05):
Mm-hmm.

Joanne (16:05):
Yeah.

Katie (16:06):
Yeah.
Do you find that most peoplethat you talk to, you know,
couples that you're, you'retalking to like that one person
takes on most of the diabetesmanagement?
I honestly think that, that eventhough I do get very tired
sometimes and burned out, like Ihonestly think that works best
for us because, you know, it'skind of like that there's too
many cooks in the kitchen typeof situation where lots of

(16:28):
people are giving their inputand suggestion and sometimes
it's just best for one person tolike make that.

Joanne (16:33):
Mm-hmm.
.Yeah, I do find that.
I also find that it's mostlymothers, not always.
And I think there are somefamilies where there's a much
clearer division of labor.
So there's one family one parentis in charge of all the body
stuff and the other parent is incharge of all the ordering.
And if you think about it,that's a huge job.
Like getting on the phone withinsurance and dealing with all

(16:54):
the supplies, it's huge.
And so if somebody else, like,if someone took that off my
load, I'd be so, so happy.
Right.
So for the, for the lead parent,I'm putting that in quotes,
right?
Like, is there a way to dividesome of it so that you know, Cuz
Katie, you're right, like havingtoo many people making a
decision can be hard, althoughsometimes helpful to have more
brains.
But certainly not like on thefly all the time.

(17:16):
You know, someone has to be thedecision lead decision maker,
but that doesn't mean you needto also order the supplies and
be on the phone with Dexcom ifthere's a technical issue.
Right.
you know, it depends whateveryone can carry.
But yes, mostly I do see thatone parent is the lead parent.

Katie (17:29):
Yes.
And I do, I do make my husband,even if I'm not feeling overly
stressed with it all, I do makehim do some of the device
changes, because every now andthen, cause I'm like, what if,
What if I fall off the planettomorrow?
Like you, you need to be everynow and then.
You need to.
Have some practice and how to dothese, and my daughter's also
getting a lot more independentand she, you know, she truly,

(17:51):
she can do it all on her own.
She just prefers to, not

Joanne (17:55):
Yes.
Well, that's why she's youngyet.

Katie (17:57):
Yeah.
She prefers to have help.
Help and emotional support forsure.
Okay.

Joanne (18:02):
a piece here?
I wanna talk about divorcedfamilies, right?
Cause that's actually when thequestions come up the most for
me, and it's the same thing.
Whatever the cycle is that ledto the separation and or
divorce, that's the diabetes isgonna sit there.
So it's gonna be about noticingthe cycle.
So often it's gonna be oneparent feeling resentful that

(18:23):
the other parent isn't takinggood care and isn't taking
responsibility.
So I hear often about situationswhere, when.
You know, child is with parentA, their numbers are totally in
range and then they go to parentB who feeds them danishes and
doesn't dose enough and they'retotally out of range.
And that is a really hardsituation because generally
parent A who's like on top ofthe management differently and

(18:45):
has more numbers that are inrange, is feeling massively
stressed about what's happeningover there at the other
families'.
And so I think depending onwhere you are in your separation
and or divorce, right?
The question is how to getcurious about what's happening.
How is your personal cycle,relational cycle affecting
management and like how do youcome to some peaceful place with
each other?

(19:06):
I actually just gave a talk toDivorced family.
The mom who was in the room saidthat for a while they only, she,
her ex only communicated over aGoogle doc.
Like that's how they did it andhow they could Cuz diabetes came
to them after they weredivorced.
Right.
So they're all kinds ofsituations where you're having
to navigate already a fragmentedor fractured relationship.

(19:28):
Challenging, challengingrelationship situation.
Right.
And then diabetes folds in.
So that's that.
I just wanna give a nod to thosefamilies.

Katie (19:35):
Yeah, that would be incredibly difficult to
navigate, in my opinion.
So gonna,

Joanne (19:41):
it is.

Katie (19:42):
Yeah.
And I, I would have to imaginethat, you know, whenever you go
to make a suggestion to parent Aor parent A is making a
suggestion to you, you, it, youknow, it's hard not to feel
attacked because you feel like,you feel like they think you're
doing everything wrong.
So,

Joanne (19:57):
Well, and certainly if that's the issue in the
relationship already.
Where if, if, if the divorcehappened in such a way that kind
of a common narrative about whatcaused the separation and
divorce, then that is morelikely to to be triggering,
Yeah, absolutely.

Katie (20:13):
that could, again, that could probably be a whole series
in and of itself right there,Okay.
Let's talk about strife betweenyou and or you as the parent and
the child that is living withType one diabetes.
Because I think a lot of times,and I hear about it most, you
know, mostly when kids start toget a little older and into the
teen years that they're, youknow, a lot of times there can

(20:33):
be a lot of strife between theparent and the kid because the
parent, wants what's best forthe kid.
Obviously health, health andsafe, good health, safety.
But sometimes that can comeacross very overbearing.
Lots of I don't wanna saynagging, but nagging, you know,

Joanne (20:48):
Yeah.
I think that's fair.

Katie (20:50):
Kind of being a helicopter parent in the world
of diabetes, which, you know,the kid can, I'm, you know, I'm,
can only imagine, can reallystart to resent and be angry
about.
So, how would you kind of, whatsuggestions or tips do you have
for families that might beexperiencing that where the
parent is just or they don'teven have to be overbearing, but
for whatever reason, the kidfeels like they just wanna be

(21:12):
left alone.
You know what I mean?

Joanne (21:13):
So again, I think that that diabetes is sitting in the,
on the fault line, right?
Because that none of what you'redescribing is, Atypical for some
teens, right?
Not all teens are Like Like mydiabetic son, my son with type
one was not particularly likethat.
We had moments.
My daughter absolutely, we'rejust really struggling with that

(21:35):
right But not, not massivelyaround diabetes because I don't
pick a fight there.
So I think some of it is about,you know, and you've.
Episodes on your show about likerelating to your teen kids.
So I think some of it is aboutus educating ourselves about
what to expect.
I think some of it us keepingrelationship in the front.
So what's the most forwardpiece?

(21:56):
So I think for some families, ifdiabetes is the most forward
piece, the kids feel.
Kind of it's like a wet blanket.
It's like they have no morerelationship with their parent
because all they're doing istalking about diabetes.
It doesn't make a lot of space.
And so I really encourageparents to put the relationship
first, which really is a task.
Like if you are feeling anxiousabout diabetes and the fact that

(22:18):
your kid didn't us at lunch.
Isn't seeming to take care ofquote unquote anything.
I'm, I, I really feel like mostkids are taking care of
something.
And so it's helpful to find theplace where you feel like your
child is doing well.
But I think that it's, it's hardto see it when you're seeing,
poor time and range or high a1cor whatever it is.
And so.
I think it's about keeping therelationship in the front, but

(22:39):
also about knowing that the datais, and I feel like maybe I've
talked about this already onhere, I can't remember the, the
data really is that as kids hittheir teens, their numbers get
worse.
And so it's not, the way Ialways say it is like, I'm not
suggesting we unclip our seatbelts and we let our kids just
do whatever.
We obviously are there to keepthem safe, but to not expect the

(23:00):
same beautiful time and range ora1c.
To know that it's a phasethey're going through to not
panic, to keep sort of soundingthe drumbeat of this is
important for your health andsafety.
How can I help and support youand keeping the relationship
strong and like havingconfidence in faith that it's
gonna change.
Cause it, I, I believe for mostkids it does.

Katie (23:20):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I know.
And I just wanna just a plug foryour podcast right here because
you know, some people listeningmight be thinking like, Gosh, I
really wish they would hit on aspecific thing with, in this
realm of Parents and their typeone teens.
But if you have, if you'reliving this right now, like if
you're living one of thesescenarios that we're kind of
talking through, get on Joanne'swebsite, diabetes Sweet

(23:42):
talk.com.
And at the top of the page,there's a dark purple banner
where you can submit yourquestion, your specific
scenario, your question.
You can do it anonymously.
And, and you can, you can be aguest on Joanne's podcast and
she can answer your specificquestion.
So, so do that

Joanne (23:58):
Yeah.
Thank you, Katie.
Yeah, I mean, I think you'repointing to something important,
not just my podcast, but thankyou.
But you're, you're pointing tothe fact that there's a lot of
variability and so like, I cansay a lot of things about what
you might see, but I can'treally know what you're gonna
see.
And so it's, there's a lot,There are a lot of.

(24:19):
Subtleties and nuances that wereally wanna think through.
Actually I had somebody, Ivolunteered at our local family
camp, our area family camp lastweekend.
And there was a family that cameand said to me, they had a three
year old, I think, and they werereally worried about what was
gonna happen when he became ateenager.
And I felt like, I don't knowwhat kind of teenager he's gonna
be.
Like.
It's hard for me to help guideyou.

(24:41):
Right.
We need to look at the childwho's in front of us.
And that's true.
And they're teenagers too.
But it's a little, you know, Ican't give gen general advice
other than keep listening.
Keep your child in the, in yourrelationship, in the forefront
as much as you can.
Right.
And then, and then work on thediabetes.

Katie (24:56):
Yeah.
Chances are if they're coming toyou with that question with
their three year old, then theyprobably have a three major on
hands

Joanne (25:03):
They might.
Yeah.
Cuz those ages can be hard.
I always felt like everyone saidterrible twos and for me it was
always, the odd numbers weremuch harder than the even
numbers.

Katie (25:10):
Yeah, three was, three was tough for us too.
Three and four.
Actually, I didn't feel like weuntil we got to five things
really calmed down.
Anyway, I'm glad I, I will lookupon those years fondly, but
I'm, I'm glad we're past themalso.
All right.
I wanted to say something.
Oh, I, you know, I can't speakto this.
A lot because Sarah is, I feellike we really haven't hit too

(25:32):
many roadblocks in this area.
But something that I try to dosome rules.
And boundaries that I have setfor myself is that when she gets
in the car after school, I trymy best not to say anything
about diabetes until later.
I mean, you know, 20 minutesinto the car ride.
Cause we've gotta like go gether brother from a different
school and I'll, you know, I'llsay, Hey sweetie, if you wanna

(25:54):
snack when we get home, youprobably need to do your bowls
for it.
Now I'll say that, but you know,if there was like a crazy high
during the day.
She just kept going low or what?
I, I try not to really dissectany of that at all.
I would say at least for a solid30 minutes to an hour, but
really even until later in thenight.
I mean, like maybe when I'mtucking into her bed and be
like, Hey, I was wondering, youknow, this afternoon, today, you

(26:17):
know, you, you went up to two 50and that's not normally like a
time that you would be eating oranything like that.
that doesn't bother me, but Ikind of need to know, like, did
you eat something?
Or maybe is, are your insulininsulin needs different now at
that time?
Like, I just need to know theinformation so I can make
treatment decisions.
And I just find that if we, youknow, just give her some room to

(26:39):
breathe and, and whatnot whenshe gets home from school before
I bring up.
Diabetes questions, and most ofthe time when I ask things like
that, she's like, I don't know,and I'm Ok.
Ok.

Joanne (26:50):
I think that that's common, but I, I also think,
Katie, that you're talkingabout, I think you're, you're a
hundred percent correct thatthat's a good thing to do, and
you as the parent have to bemore regulated on the inside to
be able to do that.

Katie (27:04):
Mm.

Joanne (27:05):
So in addition to that, I wanna name that we as the
parents, are the parents.
So sometimes even if we don'tfeel regulated on the inside,
it's a fake until you make itmoment and we have to try,
right?
Because what happens is we haveemotional agitation that they
were high at a time where weweren't expecting it.
Right?
Or that you see that they didn'tdose or they, I mean, for me, I

(27:25):
can't stand it when she'sbumping down and.
63, 6, you know, and then shecomes up and then she goes down
again, right?
Like those are super agitatingto me.
So the question is how do wecontain our agitation enough to
be able to do exactly whatyou're saying?
And part of it is it's hard, andpart of it is we're the parent.
We have to.
We can't let our emotional lifethe relationship with our kid.

(27:47):
So even if we feel agitated, wehave to somehow talk ourselves
down and do exactly that.
Like lead with how was the day?
Who'd you eat lunch with?
How was the special activitythat you knew they were gonna
have the field trip, thewhatever.
And then later be like, Hey, Iwanted to check in about numbers
cuz it looked like it was alittle tricky here.
Do you remember what happened?
You know, just, I wanna be ableto.
I can make the best adjustmentson the back end, right?

(28:08):
Exactly

Katie (28:09):
Well, and I feel like with her pump too, there's
really no reason that I everneed to ask her, What's your
blood sugar?
Because I can, Well that, I'mtalking about our CGM now, but I
can just look on the Dexcom andsee what it, like.
I don't need to interrogate herabout that.
And I also don't even need tointerrogate her about like, When
she's in my presence at least,and I can, you know, get the
little controller that controlsher Omnipod, I can look on there

(28:32):
and see if she bullest for, youknow, whatever that day.
so I try to remember that too.
Like, you know, again, if we hadlike a high blood sugar during
the day or whatever, like,unusually high after lunch,
which I'm like, gosh, if she haddone the.
I, we shouldn't have seen thesenumbers, you know what I mean?
That type of thing.
I don't have to ask her, Hey,did you, why didn't you bolus
for lunch?
Or, you know, it looks like Icould just go on our controller

(28:54):
and see Oh, she bolus, so Idon't, you know, we can go from
there.
Like, or maybe she didn't bowlor whatever.
So there's little things that Ican do to, you know, only ask
the questions that really needto be asked.

Joanne (29:05):
I think that that's a really good point.
I think that because thetechnology is so changed, we
have that option.
And I make that mistake all thetime of asking questions that I
don't necessarily need to, and Ithink it puts too much diabetes
in the mix.
I also think.
that it's more work for us,right?
Like I, my daughter's not anOmnipod.
She's on a tandem, so I can'tlook at it unless I'm up against

(29:25):
her body.
So she doesn't like that.
But I could, if I were like moremotivated and was having more
conflict around it, I coulddownload more regularly.
It'd just be like when she's inthe shower, grab the pump,
download the data, take a quicklook.
So I think it depends how muchit feels conflictual, how much
it feels burdensome in therelationship.
And then you'll, you apply thesestrategies to try to, take it

(29:48):
out of the relationship as muchas possible.

Katie (29:50):
Yeah.
I, I'm just trying to beproactive so it doesn't get too
burdensome.

Joanne (29:55):
that's wise.
I, I also think though, Katie,that there's a message we tell
ourselves that like, we areteaching.
Right.
So this is another piece in therelationship is that we feel the
burden that we have to teachthem cuz we like how to be good
diabetes managers.
But in the name of that, we canget a little of punishing around
the amount we're talking aboutit, I

Katie (30:14):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I agree.
All right, well, let's jump tosiblings.
I know that those poor othersiblings can feel a little
neglected sometimes when whentheir, you know, their brother
or sister is getting all thisattention around diabetes.
Especially in the beginning, youknow, when it's all new and mom
and dad are really honed in onwhat so and so's doing.

(30:36):
And now there's this whole thingI know.
Even just a couple days ago, myyoungest was trying to, it was,
it was a little bit of astressful night.
Like we had a late night lots ofactivity going on, and I forgot
that Sarah's Dexcom was anexpire.
My husband was outta town forwork We got home.
And anyway, long story short,Sarah wanted some privacy with
the Dexcom change and, you know,we needed to get it done.

(30:59):
And um, but my other kid alsohad some questions and needed
me.
He wanted me to quiz him on hisspelling words and just blah,
blah, blah.
And anyway, it got to the pointwhere it was like, I, I kind of,
I snapped a little bit likebuddy, like you, I just need you
to leave me alone for a littlebit.
Like Sarah needs some privacy.
I, I will be out there in alittle while to do your spelling
with you.
You know, I, the words I weresaying were fine, but probably

(31:20):
the tone I was saying was notthe best.
I could see on his face, youknow, just this kind of like,
okay, like, you know, likediabetes again, you know, takes
Takes the win.

Joanne (31:32):
Mm-hmm.

Katie (31:32):
So what if a sibling is feeling.
I guess out of the, out of the,I can't think of the word.
I'm trying to, you know,disgruntled a little bit about
the whole diabetes

Joanne (31:40):
Mm.
So actually I've done a webinarcalled The Other Sibling, which
I don't think I have scheduledin 2023, but if you're, if folks
are interested, you can sign upfor my newsletter.
You'll get that informationabout free webinars that I Yeah,
it's real So it's a question Ioften ask 20 somethings if I'm
interviewing them.
Like, what was your relation 20somethings with type one?
Like, what was your relationshiplike with your sibling?

(32:02):
And it can be really variable.
Often there's a lot of support,like siblings often want to
help.
But what you're describing thathappened with your son is also
really real.
And so, I have two quick, easysuggestions and then of course
they're more complicated But oneis to really make time.
Which is hard to impossible.
I want, I wanna say, when my sonwas diagnosed, my daughter was

(32:23):
nine months old and I had a kidin the middle, right?
and that kid in the middle, shereally started coming unglued.
And I know I said to her so manytimes, like, I know this is so
hard for you, sweetie.
I get it.
You want to be taken care of,you know, you wanna be babied,
right?
And I just am having troublefinding time.
I messaged that a lot, but itdidn't change anything for a
long.

(32:43):
It was just hard for her andhard for my relationship with
her, honestly.
And eventually diabetes got alittle quieter.
My daughter got a little older,my baby daughter got a little
older, and so I was able to payattention.
So some of it's knowing thatit's hard giving yourself some
room, acknowledging that it'sgonna change at some point, but
if you can, spending some timewith that child so that my

(33:04):
middle child really needed time.
And so I would carve out, youknow, 10 minutes, I'm seriously
10 minutes to sit and read abook, sit and play.
Sit and do Barbie sit and dowhatever it is that that child
wants to do.
The other thing is to reallyvalidate to to them like that.
You see it so when you go toyour son to do the spelling
words to say, I know thatdiabetes can really get in the
way, and I imagine that that'sreally hard for you.

(33:26):
You know, that sort ofvalidation.
Model that we talked about a fewepisodes ago, here is, is really
something to apply there.
They are struggling, that isreal, and to name it and make as
much space for their experienceas they are needing, right?
After the fact.
Like in the emergency, youcannot do that.
They, they have to come second,but to make space for it after.
And, and also sometimes like, itsounds like your son was like a

(33:49):
little disgruntled but notmassively disgruntled.
So sort of saying, Yeah, it felthard.
I, And you're giving him somelanguage about how it can feel
like he gets sidelined and youkind of wanna do that so that he
can express it to you when he's.

Katie (34:03):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
No, that's a good reminder aboutthe validation piece.
In the validation episode wasepisode 89, I believe.
So to go back and take a listento that one, it was a, it was
really good.
Okay, let's jump to, again, ifyou have a specific sibling
question that has come to mind.
That we have, shed some lighton, Get on Joanne's website and
ask it, and you can have itanswered by Joanne herself.

(34:26):
Okay, so let's talk about justrelationships.
I think I've actually, one ofyour podcast episodes covered
this a little bit.
Just relationships between likeme and my

Joanne (34:36):
Mm-hmm.

Katie (34:37):
that can get strained.
Because I, I feel like I, likeghosted everybody for the first
few months of Sarah's diagnosis.
I mean, I was like, I couldn't,I could barely, you know, return
phone calls or text messages oryou know, I stopped going to the
gym for a couple months.
I mean, I just kind of fell offthe face of the planet.

Joanne (34:58):
Yeah.

Katie (34:58):
And coming back from that.
And, you know, I have somereally good, wonderful friends
in my life that were checking inon me which I'm very fortunate.
I know that I'm very fortunateto have.
But, you know, it's just, it'sjust different, you know, It's
just different.
Because, you know, you nowyou're going out to dinner and
you are trying to be verypresent and have a conversation
with somebody, but you've gottacheck in on the numbers every

(35:20):
now and then.
Or you might have to answer aphone call from your, your kid
or your spouse or whatever.
and I think that friendships canfeel a little bit more strained.
Under diabetes.
So if, you know, or also, youknow, your friends might not
invite you along on things asmuch as they did before.
Like if it's a family event andthey feel like, Oh, this might
be really stressful for thembecause of diabetes.

(35:42):
Like, they might, they might notinvite you to in, you know, to
things like they would'vebefore.
What I have found though, and isI feel like Sarah doesn't get
invited.

Joanne (35:51):
Mm-hmm.

Katie (35:52):
As many things anymore, like sleepovers or things like
that.
You know, and I mean, she does,but there's, it's just
different.
You know what I mean?
I just feel like there's ahesitation there, and that can
be tricky to navigate.

Joanne (36:03):
Yep.
I, I think everything you'resaying is true.
So as a parent I feel like, Imean you're talking about
different moments.
You're talking about postdiagnosis when you're in the
thick of misery and, andlearning curve and drinking from
the fire hose, right?
Cuz I think of post diagnosis asdrinking from a fire hose
instead of a water or a waterbottle, even more San.

(36:24):
That you don't have thebandwidth to tend to your
friendships.
That is true.
And so, And then when you pickback up, like who are the
friends who can really be there,Who are the people who can
listen to your story, who canunderstand what you're going
through, who are flexible andaccommodating and understanding,
Right?
And there, there will be thosepeople.
I really believe And there willbe some people I think, who for

(36:46):
whatever reason, can't manage.
I don't think those are in themajor.
Like on the podcast episode thatI think you're referring to, the
mom was asking the question,like she had had a fallout with
a friend and she was wondering,is this something I should
always expect?
And I feel like, no, it's not myexperience.
It's not the experience I thinkof most people.
And you are gonna bump into somepeople who just somehow aren't

(37:06):
flexible or aren'tunderstanding.
And I would chalk them up aslike, not somebody.
Is would be a good friend to youright now, right?
You're needing someunderstanding and compassion for
what you're living in yourfamily.
And if somebody meet you there,that gives you some good
information about what thecapacity is of that
relationship.
That's not an easy thing to do.
It can be really painful, Theother thing I'm thinking about

(37:28):
is sort of in our house, we callit the suffering Olympics.
I think there is a thing where,you know, you see it in, it's
easy to identify it in kids.
It's sort of like, you know, Ihave so much homework.
Oh yeah, I have so muchhomework.
I was up to one o'clock in themorning.
This kind of behavior, I thinkit can happen in adults too.
Like I, I'm just so tired andworn out.
Right.

(37:49):
That kind of thing.
And, I mean, I had arelationship with a woman who
had a child with on thespectrum, and she was quite
envious of the community supportI got for having a child with
diabetes.
And it really blew ourfriendship up in a way where it
became like a suffering Olympicscompetition.
And I realized I could not be inrelationship with her anymore.

(38:11):
Right.
She actually said to me at onepoint, Well, what would be the
problem if your daughter endedup at the.
And I thought, Okay, we're done.
Right.
You, you're gonna have somerelationships like that.
But I feel like mostly peoplewant to help and want to
understand.
And so leaning into the placeswhere you feel like you can,
And, and I even sometimes mightask like, Can I describe to you
what this is for me?

(38:31):
Because I think that's fine todo.
I do think that for our childrenit is harder for sure that You
know, it's just harder tonavigate a sleepover, for
example.
And it's not impossible, but we,the parents have to trust the
other parent.
And that other parent has tofeel safe enough and connected
enough to us to wanna take therisk, and the responsibility.
Not really risk, butresponsibility.

(38:53):
So I think that that can beproblematic and we can help if
we have relationships with ourkids, friends, parents, by
saying, you know, can I, are youwilling to, like, pushing a
little, Like, would you bewilling to.
you know, and cultivating somemore understanding in the parent
community so that it feels saferfor them to take our kids.

Katie (39:12):
Yeah, definitely.
I, you know, I have to remindmyself a lot too, that like
really and truly people justdon't, don't understand it if
they're not living it 24 7, andthat's okay.
Like, they don't have tounderstand every little detail
and be in the trenches with you.
Like as long as they're willingto listen and offer some
encouragement and you know, Hey,let's go grab a cup of coffee,

(39:33):
you know, that's, that's goodenough, right?
We, we probably shouldn't expecttoo much of our friends in the
way of really understanding whatgoes on, because, you know, I'm
thinking of a couple situations.
I have some really good friendsright now that are going through
extremely difficult situationsthat.
Totally different than diabetes.
But, and I have no clue.
You know, I can, I cansympathize with them and I can

(39:56):
lend an ear and, and be therewhen they need to talk, but I, I
have no idea what they're reallygoing through and what they're
feeling inside.
And and I never will unless I'mliving that same situation.
So I think we need to remindourselves too that, you know,
it's certainly fine for us to belike, Hey, can I describe this
for you?
What I'm feeling and what I'mgoing through?
But at the same time, I just, Ijust don't think it's really
fair for us to really expectpeople to get it completely.

Joanne (40:19):
Mm-hmm.
.I think that's a reasonableperspective.
I also think it's reasonable tohope that you have one or two
people who get it completelybecause they're really
listening.
Like actually the person whotook care of my kids in
elementary and middle school,because I have you, the kids
went to the same school and theyare nine years apart.
My.
Type one kids.
The same woman took care of bothof them over years, and so she

(40:42):
really understood.
I will never forget where I wasstanding, the moment where she
turned to me and said, I don'tknow how you ever sleep.
and I said, I don't, and I feltso seen, right, that she really
understood how complicated thediabetes was cuz she was doing
it during the day.
And so I think there are some,and I have a very close friend

(41:02):
who was always open to hearing.
So she understands all thelingo.
She speaks it.
Actually, one of my favoritestories is another therapist in.
Near me who had a close friendwhose daughter was diagnosed,
and she called her friend andsaid, How do I help and support
you?
And her friend said, You have togo learn this for, for you to
ask me to teach you when Ibarely understand what this is.

(41:23):
If you really wanna help andsupport me, you need to go learn
what this is.
And I thought that wasincredible.
And, And she did, right?
She did.
She

Katie (41:30):
That's even, that's really the more incredible part
of that whole

Joanne (41:33):
all of it is incredible.
But I, but this is to say somepeople are open to that and we
all deserve one of those peoplein our lives.
So if you feel like you cancultivate it, do that too.
Like yes, expect that.
Most people don't understand,most people are compassionate
and might say stupid thingsbecause they do, and right, and
you're like, you kind of rollyour eyes and think, Yeah,

(41:54):
that's not me actually, that'stype two diabetes, or No, he
can't eat the cake, or whateverit is.
to have one person who you feellike you really can explain it
to, or more if you're lucky, isimportant to cultivate.

Katie (42:06):
Yes.
I, yeah, I think you're right.
It is important to have at leastone or two.
I have a good friend who, who,her spouse is a type one.
But then her daughter gotdiagnosed with type one, like a
year after Sarah was diagnosed.
And, and so, you know, neitherof us wanna be in this
situation, but we're verygrateful for our friendship
because, I mean, talk aboutsomebody, we were friends long.

(42:28):
You know, we've been friends for12, 12 years or more.
And now, you know, we just, wejust get it, you know, we go to
church together and, andsometimes she'll have to get up
and like leave the sanctuary andshe'll just give me a nod and
I'm like,

Joanne (42:43):
Hmm.

Katie (42:43):
you know what I mean?
Like she, she's going to dealwith some sort of diabetes
related issue.
Yeah.
Which, you know, it just, it'sjust nice to have somebody who
really, really, really gets it.
And I really don't even, itwasn't really until her daughter
was diagnosed that I think shegot it cuz she was super hands
off.
You know, she's not, she's notmanaging it for her spouse.
So she really was kind of in thedark until that all happened.

Joanne (43:04):
Yep.
I

Katie (43:05):
here we are,

Joanne (43:06):
Yep.
And it's, even though it'sterrible, her daughter got it.
It's so nice that you guys haveeach other.
Right?
And finding that person, ifyou're doing it through jdrf, if
you're doing it at a camp like Ido think that if your fam, if
your community, sorry, doesn'thave, that person that comes to
the surface, go find them.

Katie (43:24):
Yes.
Be weird.
Y'all just be weird and go let'em down.
I'm telling you,

Joanne (43:31):
I love the way you say that.
It's so true.

Katie (43:33):
Yes, I had a very, this is not diabetes related, but I
had a very be weird moment.
So my third child, bless hislittle precious heart, like he's
just always been along for theride with the older two.
And so this year I promisedmyself like, I'm gonna invest in
your.
Friendships, you know what Imean, Like that you have at
school.
Cause usually it's like peopleare over for the other two and
he's just kind of in the mix.

(43:53):
Well, I was like, we're gonnainvest in your friendships this
year.
So I like sent him to schoolwith a letter

Joanne (43:58):
oh, oh,

Katie (44:00):
to give to his friends, to give to their parents.
Like, because we don't, we go toa charter school, so we don't
live in like the neighborhoodwith everybody that goes to
school there, you know it's notlike the neighborhood school or
whatever.
And he.
He did, and some of themcontacted me and some of them
didn't.
But I'm like, I'm hunting downthe people that didn't.
So I like got in touch with theother people and we had a little
play date and it was fun.
But I emailed the teacher andI'm like, Okay, I know you're

(44:22):
gonna think I'm crazy, but canyou give me the email addresses
of these other parents becauseI'm really making an attempt to
invest in Timothy's friendshipsthis year.
And she was like, Oh, I mean, Iguess I can ask for permission
to give you their email.
I'm.
Yes, that's fine.
Please support me in my, myweird endeavors.
And she did, She actually justemailed me today with her email
addresses

Joanne (44:42):
know what?
I love that you're not daunted,and I love that you don't have
some little dialogue going on inyour head saying, This is too
weird.
I shouldn't do this.
You know, I think you're doingexactly the right thing.
And some of these folks mightnot respond warmly, and that's
fine too.
Like you're gonna.
You're gonna find the people whomatch your needs and Timothy's
needs and you're gonna do that.
And that's exactly what we allneed to do, really in all our

(45:04):
relationships in some way, butwith diabetes for sure.
Right?
Because it can be so isolating.
And that's parents primaryexperience, I think is a feeling
isolated.
Or one of their primaryexperiences.
So I think it's so important toget connected.

Katie (45:19):
Yes, absolutely.
I talk about that a lot in mypodcast.
I think it's so important.
Okay.
I feel like, I mean, we'vereally talked about a lot.
I, I feel like the last one wemight wanna touch on just a tiny
bit is if you notice.
Relationships changing for yourchild.
Like maybe they had a littlebestie and now they're kind of
growing apart after this.
And I mean, who's to say it wasreally diabetes related?

(45:39):
I mean, you know, when thatthought comes to mind, I, I feel
like the only thing that I coulddo was try to reach out to the
parent to see what was going onthere.
Maybe, And it depends on the ageof the kid too.
Like you probably wouldn't wannainterfere if they're a teenager
and they're in, you know, middleschool, high school.
But what are your thoughts on.

Joanne (45:55):
so that, you know, you'd sent me the questions in advance
and I read that one and thought,Huh, I dont.
Actually know of a situationwhere I've heard of that
happening in the way that you'redescribing.
What I, what I do know of isteenage kids who feel nervous
about telling their peersbecause they feel like they're

(46:16):
gonna be ostracized in some way.
And so I hear about kids who arehiding diabetes because they
don't.
These are kids who are diagnosedlater because it tends to happen
Not always, but it tends tohappen that kids who are
diagnosed earlier are either intheir community so that kids,
their peers know, or they'reoften more comfort like, they're
just more out about it.
It's always been out, but notbut definitely there are

(46:38):
scenarios where teenagers won'twanna say, and so they're sort
of hiding it because they feellike they will be ostracized in
some way.
They will be othered in some waythat's uncomfortable for them.
Actually, there's someone who isjust on my podcast who we talked
about this because her son's ina really small school.
He didn't want to say, but hefeels like when he goes to
college, he will say, and I'vedefinitely seen.

(47:00):
That happen, when I interviewcollege students, cuz it's some,
it's a piece I do for my, for mycoaching courses.
I do some interviews withcollege students and put it
together as a panel so thatparents can see what, you know,
what are the end, what are theend points or one of the end
points that we can look to.
And I hear that kind of story.
Like I wasn't comfortable andnow I just think the tech is
super cool and I'm really outwith it.

(47:21):
I'm fine.
Like I think that it But I don'tactually hear the story of like,
you know, little Sally's bestfriend no longer will be friends
with her because of diabetes.
I, that story I haven't reallyheard.

Katie (47:32):
Yeah, I'm sure it's out there somewhere, but yeah, I, I
haven't, I haven't heard thatone.
Luckily, all of Sarah's littlefriendships have stayed intact.

Joanne (47:40):
Mm-hmm.

Katie (47:41):
You know, for, or if they haven't, it was because of some
other natural reason.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, they switched schools andwe just, it's just a lot to keep
up with and all that.
What I was gonna say is thatSarah was eight when she was
diagnosed, and she was actuallyvery, she did not wanna tell
anybody about her diabetes.
She didn't want her device.
To be seen.
I mean, and you know, of coursethat broke my mama heart that

(48:02):
she was kind of embarrassed orashamed or nervous about telling
other people about the diabetes,and I had to have a conversation
with her of, sweetheart, I willnever force you to tell.
I said, Your, your teachers needto know, you know, like adults
that are taking care of youduring the day.
Need to know at school andchurch and whatnot or sports or
whatever.
But I will leave that up to youas to whether or not you wanna

(48:25):
tell your friends.
Like that's completely yourchoice.
I said, however, your life isgoing to be very challenging if
you are always trying to hideyour diabetes.
That that's gonna be, be, becomevery exhausting very quickly if
you're always trying to hide it.
So just keep that in mind.

Joanne (48:42):
and where is she with it now?
Katie?

Katie (48:44):
Yeah, so she is better.
I mean, it's not like she'sshouting it from the rooftops.
She has never wanted me to comeinto her class and do like a
little presentation.
I know some people do that, andtheir kids absolutely love it.
She, she would rather diehonestly than happy But she's,
she's much more willing to.
You know, she, she came homefrom school one day, she's in

(49:04):
fifth grade, and she said, Itold a couple people about my
diabetes.
And I was like, Oh, that, that'sthat's wonderful.
What did they, what did theysay?
And she was like, they were,they were just kinda like, Oh,
okay.
you know, ki younger kids are sonice and full of grace for the
most part.
But, and she's more willing towear, you know, she doesn't
really care.
It being seen anymore.
You know, she, she'll put it ona place on her thigh or her arm

(49:25):
where the shirt won't cover itor whatever.
It doesn't seem to be as big ofan issue.
She does.
She still doesn't wanna leadwith that, you know, or shout it
from the rooftops.
But it seems like she's muchmore willing

Joanne (49:35):
Mm-hmm.

Katie (49:36):
Talk about it.
Yeah.
Or if somebody asks like, What'sthat?
You know, on her arm.
And cuz I had to tell her thattoo.
I'm like, Sweetheart, you know,kids, if they're asking you
questions, they really, they arenot making fun of you.
Like 99.9% of the time.
They're just curious.
They've never seen that before.
And they don't know what it isand they wanna know.
So if they're staring at it orasking questions, they're,
they're really just curious.
So just tell'em it's my insulinpump or it's my.

(49:59):
Blood glucose monitor and ifthey say, Oh, and skip away,
then that's fine.
Or if they have more questions,you can do your best to answer
those.
But so I had to talk to herabout that too.

Joanne (50:07):
Yeah, that's a lovely way to handle it.
I think that, most kids even, Imean, you're saying young kids,
but I think even teenage kids,they don't know what it means.
So you say, Oh yeah, I have typeone diabetes, and it kind of
goes in one ear and out theother.
And like, I know kids who kids,young adults who as kids would
play games with their friends.
Like, let's guess the bloodsugar, whoever's closest wins

(50:28):
the prize.
You know, whatever.
There's no actual prize justwins the, like, you know, But I
think that, you know, there areways they, they don't actually
know what it means for theperson living it.
And so this idea that our kidshave about shame and about
separating themselves is, it'sinside them.
It, for the most part.
You're right, Katie, when peopleare saying, What's that?
They're not saying, Ew, what'sthat?

(50:48):
They're saying, What's that?
Like, I don't know what that is.
And they're just trying tounderstand something.

Katie (50:54):
Mm-hmm.

Joanne (50:55):
Yeah.

Katie (50:55):
Okay.
I think, I think we shouldprobably stop here unless
there's something burning thatyou wanna say o Other

Joanne (51:01):
Other than thank you so much for having me on the show.
I have enjoyed it so much.

Katie (51:04):
Oh my gosh, you're so welcome.
Yeah, I will definitely bekeeping in touch with you.
I know we've already chattedabout that before we start a
recording, but I just, I reallyloved it.
It's been great and the feedbackfrom listeners.
I know I've sent you a few, amessage or two, but the feedback
from listeners have been, hasbeen fantastic.
They've been loving it too, sothank you.

Joanne (51:22):
You're so welcome.
It's been a pleasure.
Thanks Katie.

Katie (51:28):
All right.
Thank you so much for listeningtoday.
That is it for our episode.
Again, make sure you check outthose show notes.
I will leave links to otherepisodes that I've done with
Joanne.
Along with a link to Joanne'swebsite, diabetes.
Sweet talk.com.
And there you can find all ofthe wonderful things that Joanne
has to offer for the type onecommunity.

(51:48):
All right.
My friend have a fabulous weekand I will chat with you soon
until then stay calm and boluson.
Bye.