March 21, 2025 • 53 mins
As the days get warmer, so do the debates about spring break plans! In this lighthearted yet thought-provoking episode, we’re diving into the real relationship dynamics that surface when routine takes a holiday.
First up: A husband asks his teacher wife to handle more chores during her much-needed break. Fair request or relationship foul? We unpack the fine line between teamwork and taking advantage of downtime.
Then, it’s a classic parenting dilemma—should a 15-year-old be allowed to swap a wholesome family retreat for a sun-soaked beach trip with friends? We get real about independence, boundaries, and when to let those teenage wings spread.
And oh, the college chaos! From awkward friend exclusions to a freshman literally letting strangers sleep in his roommate’s bed (😳), we’re diving into spring break travel drama that will have you yelling, “No, they didn’t!”
At the heart of it all? How our personal values shape our travel (and life) choices. Whether you’re planning your own getaway or just watching the chaos unfold from the sidelines, this episode will have you thinking, laughing, and maybe even rethinking your next vacation strategy.
So grab your favorite springtime cocktail (we certainly did!) and join us for an episode that proves vacation planning is never just about the destination—it’s about navigating the wild world of human relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
happy first day of spring.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Finally I'm so glad spring is here, but it brings
with it allergies, and they'vebeen kicking my ass.
So I see you got your uh cheersto spring to spring.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
It's funny Cause you're usually the red wine
drinker and I switched.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
That is crazy.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Well, this is a mimosa, um, but yes, I, normally
I am the red wine drinker, soand Well, I was out of Moscato,
so I was like today is a wineday for sure, one celebrating
spring and two just it's been aweek.
It has been a week, but Briannegave me this past weekend, when
(00:59):
I went by her house, this Idon't know if I can do it.
It was a Christmas wine.
She meant to give it to me overchristmas but forgot.
I see it.
Um, one of the things I don't.
Is it mulled wine?
No, it's just a red wine.
It's got a wonderful smell, anabsolutely amazing smell.
This probably would make a goodmulled wine, but I can smell,
(01:24):
oh it.
It does smell really good.
It's got some spice to it.
Which cinnamon you're so cute.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You're like you just took a sip and you're like it
does smell really good insteadof taste really good well,
because I was smelling it as Iwas, as it was coming up, okay,
okay, I always I, I, always I,especially a new wine.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I always smelling the wine.
Yeah, there's nothing,definitely, Are you when it
comes to your senses, what willyou?
I know you're super sensitiveto smell, but what's more
attractive isn't the word, butlike your biggest favorite sense
that you have, like, is itsmell?
Is it taste?
Is it taste?
Is it touch?
Is it visual?
What would be?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
yours.
Well, my, all of my senses areheightened, so, um, but it's a
blessing and a curse, but Idon't really know which sense I
mean.
I guess my sense of smell makesme more aware of things more
quickly than others.
You know what I mean.
Like I'll be the first one tosmell if something's burning, or
I'll be the first one to smellif something like is chemically
(02:29):
or something like that, so thatmay be kind of a superpower.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I, for me, smell is a huge like trigger for senses,
Like it kicks things in.
I get that activates, I guess,memories or some type of
relation to it.
I was just saying yesterday wewere making.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
What were we making?
Oh we, we use cornflakes as abreading.
Have you ever used that crushedup cornflakes?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I can't come from a low income.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
We absolutely use cornflakes for everything like
breadcrumbs and stuff I didn'tknow it was because we were were
poor, but it's all making a lotof sense now but anywho.
So when I was crushing up theseum corn flakes to make the
breading for the chicken, itinstantly reminded me of my mom,
and she would use um cornshould use the corn flakes
(03:22):
crushed up on homemade Mac andcheese and like drizzle on it.
And it was so lovely.
And I was like isn't that crazyhow, all these years later and
I don't ever eat cornflakes, Idon't really you know what I
mean.
So the fact that, um, I washelping Alex with the meal and
the prep it just I was likeisn't that crazy how a scent
that decades later can trigger amemory, a core memory of your
(03:46):
childhood and stuff.
So I do think scents are reallycool and music does the same
thing for me.
If I hear a song.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yep, it would be a song or a smell that will
trigger an emotion more thantouch or visual or taste.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, that's pretty complex, I think.
Yeah, that's pretty complex, Ithink.
But absolutely, a song cantrigger back a memory from
childhood or a memory from justevery day, but it is definitely
emotional, it gives you feelingsof some sort of way.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Either good or bad, because I've had songs where I'm
like I remember when this was ashitty time, especially like
breakup songs or something likethat.
Yeah, what was your firstbreakup song that you remember?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Probably End of the Road by Boyz II Men.
Was that Boyz II Men?
It was Boyz II Men.
Yeah, I cried, I'd had that onperpetual loop and I cried and
cried and cried.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
So there were no more tears to cry.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I don't remember the name of the album that it was,
but that entire cd was just likeone that I played on a loop.
That was the only one I reallylisten.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I mean, I know I listened to that album but that
song and then after I listenedto it so many times and it was
such a like a, I was just likeI'm over it, I can't listen to
this anymore, and so that's agood like you brought back some
memory.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Boyz II Men was the thing.
I loved them.
We're gonna have to play themwhen we're doing like office
work and stuff.
Just have, that should be our.
We'll have to have like we needto create a little soundtrack
for when we're when we'reworking and stuff yes, perhaps
the many, many, many, manythings that we have.
Yeah, we're not recordingbecause we can't afford there
(05:34):
put them on our show, but okay,all right.
So happy spring.
What are we talking about today?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
happy spring, so with that being this time of year,
so this time of year is aroundspring break and a lot of people
are doing spring break, so wethought we would keep it a
little bit lighter this week.
And do Am I the Asshole springbreak edition.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, which kind of goes really well with what our
previous couple episodes.
We talked about spring breaktrips as adults now that we
don't, our kids are pretty muchgrown and then we talked group
travel.
So when I we how did you findlooking for the, the topics like
the?
Am I the asshole episode?
Because I love Reddit and Ifeel like you're.
(06:20):
You're finally getting myreason why I love Reddit because
you actually brought it up.
You're like I was on Reddit, Iwas looking for this.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Well, so we were talking about?
Um, well, we were just.
We're always constantlybrainstorming what like, what
next yeah, cause it is hardcoming up with weekly topics, Um
, and so I was like well, youknow, it's around spring break
and we haven't done.
Am I the Asshole lately?
So let's, let's do it.
Let's look it up.
Whoa, you just disappeared onme, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Sorry, I had to turn the heater off because I forgot
to.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Hence the green screen background.
Oh shoot.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I forgot about that, no worries.
Well, if our listeners want togo see that faux pas.
Go look at our YouTube video.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
She disappeared.
The one where she disappeared.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I forget.
Sometimes we're recording avideo as well.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
No worries, I thought it was funny, but yeah, so I
just totally lost my train ofthought.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I'm so sorry.
We were talking about goingdown Reddit.
You were searching and we cameup with a topic, so I just
thought it my train of thought.
I'm so sorry.
We were talking about goingdown Reddit.
You were searching and we cameup with a topic, so I just
thought it was a good topic.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
But yes, so that is what we shall do.
Do you want to go first, or doyou want me to read my story
first?
What are you thinking?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I'll go ahead and go first, because this one this
actually wasn't even my firstone that I found, but it was the
one I moved to the top of thepile, all right, because I was
curious how it was going to go.
So I'm just going to read thetitle and you tell me your
opinions just off the title, andthen we'll dive into the actual
.
So am I the asshole for askingmy wife to do more domestic
(07:59):
duties while she's on springbreak?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
You want to know my feelings.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Again.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Listeners, go watch the video because her face I'm
going to initially go with.
Yes, I think you're an assholeif you expect your wife to do
extra duties, cause the wholepoint of a vacation is for
everybody to have the vacation,right, yeah.
So my first initial response isyeah, you are.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Right, okay, so here's the rest of it, and then
let's see what you think.
After that and this is one ofthe things I love they say they
start out saying, hi, sorry,this is random throwaway, which
I love because you know they'regoing to spill something if
they're not even using theirreal account.
This is actually a pretty basicproblem that doesn't need much
explanation.
I don't think my wife is ateacher.
(08:49):
I am a tech knowledge workerwho works from home.
Since I'm around here, andbecause teaching is a stressful,
very stressful job, I pick alot of the stuff up.
I pick a lot of the cruft up inthe house.
I didn't know what that wordmeant, but, okay, I do a lot of
cooking, cleaning and laundry.
My wife is on spring break, so Iasked her to share that burden
a little extra.
(09:09):
My work has been picking up alittle too.
She says that breaks are forrelaxing and that she deserves
some downtime.
I said that functionally, thatmeans I will forever take on an
extra share of chores.
Either she's teaching or she'son break, both of which mean I
should shoulder adisproportionate load.
She's doing extra, she is doingthe extra, but she's mad at me.
(09:33):
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Okay, Well, based on the title, it's not really.
They're not on spring breaktogether, right?
And she's being asked toshoulder the chores while
they're on vacation.
So that's initially what Ithought.
That being said, it's a littlemore complicated because I feel
(09:55):
like anytime you feeloverwhelmed and if she's not
working and I get it if she'snot working and she's on break.
But I think in that scenario Iwould be willing to help up.
If I'm just home anyway and I'mon spring break, I'd be willing
to step in and help out withthe chores if my partner said
hey, I'm, I'm, I'm strugglinghere.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
So I don't see the asshole for asking her to do.
I don't think he is.
I don't think he is, I agree.
I don't see the asshole forasking her to do that.
I don't think he is.
I don't think he is, I agree.
I don't think so either,because and I will say what drew
me into this was the title,because that's a given right
there yeah, as the one who hasdone most of the domestic duties
(10:39):
and when we go on trips and allthat.
That's why you got the initialeye roll.
Yeah, I knew exactly what youwere thinking when I was going
to read that title.
However, the whole that's areally good and I thought it was
an interesting switch of thetypical roles of who the
homemaker, who the homecaretaker is.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Well then I have to wonder this too, because
teachers typically have thesummer off where they're not
teaching, so is she just onbreak the whole summer and not
wanting to help out and step upthen?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Because then this becomes kind of an issue overall
, like he said he'll always bethe one picking which, and I
will say this as moms, wetypically do that, which is why
I kind of was like and youoriginally had your eye roll
moment Cause, yeah, we don'tusually vacations when our kids
are little or when we're tryingto vacation.
It's not a vacation.
(11:32):
So I was like, okay.
However, when someone's workingfull time and they have a break
, they deserve a break also, soit seems like they need a while.
he's not the asshole for askingfor a break on his end, right,
it's time for them to have thatconversation I think there needs
to be a conversation, yeah oflike hey, you take these first
couple days or the last coupledays and make that your break,
(11:55):
or take every other day, butlet's make a plan where you can
take a little bit off of myplate, so it's kind of a little
bit more balanced, but you'restill getting a well-deserved
break.
Cause, when is this break?
And we ask that ourselves asmom when is our break If I'm
doing all this stuff?
I'm doing all this stuff on thevacations or on my break.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It does come back to you can't pour from an empty cup
, you know.
So he's.
He's saying I'm struggling, Ineed help.
And I think that's amazingbecause a lot of times and I'm
not saying men, but I'm justsaying sometimes they don't like
to ask for help.
So the fact that he iscommunicating and saying I need
help, I would absolutely bewilling to help him if that was
(12:39):
my part.
I love.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
what you said, before you even really kind of dove
into it, was like hey, the firstthing you acknowledged was my
partner, regardless of theirgender or their the
stereotypical roles my partner'sasking for help.
That's what you heard.
My partner was asking for helpand I think that's really the
thing right there is.
He's asking for help regardlessof what the timing is, as he's
(13:04):
like hey, I, you're going to behome all day, and that can cause
resentment.
If they don't have thatconversation, that can lead to
resentment.
So I don't, I agree with you.
I don't think he's the asshole.
I could see her.
She's not the asshole for beingfrustrated either, because we
kind of sometimes have anassumption of what our break,
our time off, will be and it'sokay to have that moment of
(13:27):
selfishness and and that art orself boundaries or whatever,
whatever you call it.
But then you got to look at thewhole picture who else is
relying on me and who else am I?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
well, and they didn't go into a lot of details as to
how many children they have andwhat all they're picking up and
and but.
But it sounds like she.
They need to have acommunication down the road of
how it's going to, whatexpectations are going forward,
because it sounds like he'sstruggling, he's asking for help
(13:58):
and God loves her.
She's a teacher.
She has one of the mostdifficult jobs in the world, so
she does deserve downtime.
But it just has to be an opencommunication and a conversation
of what the expectations are onthese trips and I think and I
don't think either one of themare the asshole, but I think
they have to work it out andopenly, you know, have a
(14:20):
conversation about itconversation about it.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
So, yeah, I agree, but I thought that was
interesting when they the keything to anyone posting on
Reddit or anywhere thatattention grabbing headline it
can be misleading, but if it theclickbait, whatever you want to
call it, I totally clicked onthat because I was like dude,
you're asking your wife to bemore domestic and I was
completely off base on thecontent or context.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, the lead in is very deceptive, but I like it,
it worked.
Okay, so mine, mine is.
Am I the asshole for notletting my 15 year old daughter
go to spring break with herfriends?
Okay, so here here's thebackstory.
(15:06):
I have a 15 year old daughter,a 13 year old son and a 12 year
old daughter.
Our spring breaks tends to bevery low key nature oriented.
We live in Oregon, so theweather isn't the fun in the sun
type, so this spring breakwe're booked for the natural hot
springs area with some hikingand, um, whatnot planned.
(15:28):
My 15 year old loves, uh, thissort, initially, has loved this
sort of thing, um, but this timeshe has asked to go with her
friends, so she said we alreadypaid for her spot, but there's
enough time to get the moneyback If we, if she doesn't come
(15:48):
in, it's just the four of us.
The trip wouldn't be the samewithout her, though.
Um, what she wants to doinstead is her friend invited
her to San Diego for five daysto stay in a hotel and visit
beaches.
Uh, attending the trip would bethree other girls their age and
two moms on a girls getawaybeach trip.
Okay, so important informationto know.
(16:11):
We've spoken to one of the momsa number of occasions.
The other mom we do not know atall.
We know one of the girls well,the other girl we've met a
couple times, and the third girlis a newer friend to our
daughter.
Uh, while we're at the natureresort we will not have access
to cell phone connection foremergencies.
We would have it when we're umoff the biking trails, which
(16:35):
doesn't make sense.
Wouldn't it be at the resortand not on the trails?
But that's neither here northere unless they were camping,
I guess.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah, okay, but I got you um, so.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
So this is an important part.
The flight and hotel are paidfor, but our daughter would be
responsible to pay her own wayfor meals and food.
She's saved about $500 fromallowance babysitting, taking
care, yada, yada, yada she savedabout $500.
We have a good, trustingrelationship with our daughter
(17:03):
and she talks to us abouteverything, including romantic
relationship stuff, pressure toparty, whatever.
I told her I don't think I feelcomfortable with her bailing on
the family vacation time andflying out of state with people
we don't know well.
She thinks I'm being unfairbecause she's always been
responsible and made good lifechoices, so she shouldn't be
denied her first real springbreak.
(17:25):
Her mom's viewpoint is thatshe's nervous about the daughter
being in a bikini on a beacharound a bunch of guys at 15 and
ending up on the evening newsfor something that happens while
we're blissfully enjoying ourspring break unaware.
She said she couldn't enjoy ourspring break if our daughter
goes away and is out of contact.
(17:45):
Am I the asshole for notletting my 15-year-old daughter
do what she wants?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I'm going to say, yes , I think the mom's being an
asshole here because you, asyou're going through, I was
thinking of the questionsbecause I have two daughters, so
I was trying to figure out.
And the other thing is we arelike 90s kids, so we ran feral
and I'm thinking how many timesI went off.
But with the communication andall of that, you get used to
(18:14):
having instant communicationwith your kids, but that's a
crutch, that's not a skill.
She trusted her daughter.
They have open communication.
She trusted her daughter, theyhave open communication.
So, as a parent, you have toyou, if you're doing your job
and you have confident, andyou're confident in your
parenting skills and yourparenting philosophies and
things like that.
This is a complicated onebecause I wouldn't have let my
(18:35):
kid go.
I would, I would absolutely Iwould have.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Okay, that's what I thought.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yeah, she would go, um, we'd have some.
We'd have some, some things setup, even if I was out of reach
cause I've gone where my kidshave not been able to get ahold
of me.
They have a backup.
They have another mom.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I mean, their dad works weird hours, so he's the
most reliable and we raise avillage, so one of the other
sister moms would be there.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Absolutely so.
I they, they would know, or ifyou're near family, they would
have someone else to contactbesides me, and this was a point
for me with that mom.
The mom said she would not beable to enjoy her trip because
her daughter was out of herrange.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
A little selfish, right.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
That's not a kid problem.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Well, so I understand the concept of listen
helicopter mom here.
I understand the concept of notwanting your 15 year old to be
on a separate trip away from thefamily.
The biggest thing is okay.
I understand if you want to sayno, because you don't know the
other mom at all and you onlyknow this mom.
(19:43):
So there's what?
Four girls and two moms and youdon't even know other mom at
all and you only know this mom.
So if there there's what?
Four girls and two moms and andyou don't even know one of the
moms, so for me, if it was likeI, I need to get to know this
other mom better before I letyou go, or I agree it's not fair
to put it on the 15 year oldthat's been responsible.
And imagine this you're 15 yearold and you have a 14 year old
(20:04):
or a 13 year old and a 12 yearold or whatever, like a 14 and a
12.
The last thing you want to dois go on spring break with your
little annoying tween siblingsand the other thing is they
offered to pay for her planeticket and the resort.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
So the daughter was willing to pay for the rest.
So she had a plan.
She came to her mom and saidhere's everything, here's what I
would like to do.
That one right there would havebeen.
This kid thought it out.
I would have been super proudof my kid to come to me and I
would have had my questions.
I would have said okay, whatare you going to do X, y, z?
What are you going to do hereor there?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
That is that would have been the mom that would
have have.
That's the part where we'resupposed to be teaching them the
next steps of growing up likeright and letting go is part of
that.
And letting them have, lettingthem have adventures without you
, although terrifying as it maybe, this is part of next steps,
of adulting and becoming andhaving some independence.
(20:59):
And if it truly is, becauseyou're concerned and it's san
diego right, not, like you know,an unsafe- Everywhere is unsafe
.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
This is why I taught my kids everywhere is unsafe,
regardless, and I say that inthe sense of you need to be
responsible and knowledgeablewhat's going on around.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Anything can happen anywhere.
We listen to explication.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
We know how it is.
And when she did make thecomment about a bathing suit on
the beach where she's notoverseeing your daughter's 15,
my, I've never been the one thatmy kids had to dress for
comfortable to make other peoplecomfortable my, it's not their.
It's not their job to dress tomake someone else comfortable.
(21:41):
It is their my kid's job toknow how to handle if someone
makes them uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Correct, I agree, that is a very good point.
That's how I've handled that.
That's going to happeneverywhere at any time.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
That could happen anytime, and just because they
could be fully dressed and becatcalled and be harassed.
Correct so it needs to be asituation Like my kids I've told
them.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
I've been hit on in a turtleneck.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I had the conversations of it.
It's now, do you risk?
I've also had my kids havecalled me on it.
I'm like, look, if you go outthere and you're clubbing we've
actually had these conversations.
I was like you wear what youwant, but you can't control how
everybody else reacts to you, soyou need to be able to handle
how they react to you.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Correct Period it doesn't matter and right, and
they could be dressed as sluttyas they want to be, and that
gives nobody a right to put ahand on your body, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
That's what I say, so so.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I think the mom and the dad is.
I don't know if he's putting itoff on the mom being, like my
wife's, concerned about herbeing in a bikini, la la la but
if she's given you no reason tonot trust her, I do think she
should be able to go.
But at the end of the day, youare her parents and I don't
think you're the asshole if yousay no.
(23:02):
But I think you need to reflecton why you're saying no.
If it's because of her safety,then okay, Understood.
It sucks for her.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Let me ask you this If she was your friend, if she
was me coming to you and saying,oh, saying all that I don't
want to send one of my kidsbecause of these, what would you
tell me, girl, you're being ahelicopter, you're valid in your
concerns, or what?
How would you cause I'm goingto tell you this, if you keep
saying that, I would say I thinkyou're, I don't think I think
(23:31):
you're being an asshole to yourkid because, again, I would say
if it's because of your concerns, but I, even though you're
uncomfortable, I would encourageyou.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
If I was talking to you, I would encourage you to.
I would say well, what is yourmain reservation?
Is it because you're justbecause you can't make her feel
not valid on wanting to go withher friends?
She's 15.
She wants to get out.
She wants I mean, that isthat's so natural and
understanding that she wants togo on the vacation.
If it's because you feel leftbehind and and you don't think
(24:04):
you can have a good spring break, bad on you.
You know what I mean.
Like you're a full grown adultand you have to give your
children the chance to fly, youknow.
But if you get to know, if it'sreally I would say, cheryl if
it's really because you don'tknow the other mom or you're
really genuinely concerned forher safety, then make the effort
.
It sounds like it's enough timethat she can cancel this other
(24:25):
trip.
Go ahead and make the effort toget to know the other parents
and then let her have thisexperience.
That's what I would say to you.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
I would love that, because that's so.
What you said is ultimately,it's the mom having reservations
.
My other question, my otherthought is and I see this a lot
as the oldest of five, I seethis also, or I remember feeling
this way.
I want to know what, becausethis is the oldest daughter too.
(24:54):
So this is the first time theparents are having to go through
this phase of where they'rebranching out on their own,
which is tricky.
We've all been there or not.
If we have kids, we're going tobe in there at that point.
What kind of responsibilitydoes she have at home?
Do you trust her enough towatch your other kids?
Do you trust her enough to goout?
Does she have a part-time job?
(25:14):
Is she going off on sportstrips, you know, is she?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, and none of that was brought up, but they
did say they have a trustingrelationship with their daughter
.
So to me that means she'ssomewhat responsible, and so,
although it's a difficultsituation, I think they should
let her.
I don't.
I don't think the dad'sdefinitely not the asshole,
(25:39):
because I think he's just tryingto navigate between what the
daughter wants to do and whatthe mom's uncomfortable level is
.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
I would have never asked Daniel.
I would never have even askedher dad.
I know, which probably is theshit that makes me.
That's the asshole part for me,cause I wouldn't even have this
discussion.
Me and my kids would havefigured it out and then I would
have told their dad what theywere doing.
But you're that that makesthat's the asshole part for me.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Well, I told Alex the other day.
Nick told him to take the carand go get a slushie.
He does not even have a permit,mind you.
And I said, Alex, when you'rethinking about doing something
really questionable and your dadtells you an answer that you
think is probably not what youshould be doing, please come to
me and ask me, because I makethe final decisions here.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
So and he's like, mom , I wouldn't have taken the car.
I was like, okay, good job,buddy.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Let's see I've got.
Let me see what we got here.
What's another one?
And I'm going to do this onebecause it's it kind of relates
back to the episode we did acouple of weeks ago.
So am I the asshole for notpaying for an extra spot on
spring break?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Not paying for an extra spot, like to one of your
kids wants to bring a friend.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I don't know.
Let me read it to you, cause itwas very interesting.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Cause we had just had an episode.
We just talked about.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
That's one of the more information, exactly.
Yeah, this.
This is also great Clickbait,like'all the things that suck me
in.
All right, I, 23 female had afriend, maddie, 23 female also,
who was supposed to go with meand 17 other people on a trip in
two weeks.
It's two weeks away.
Another one of my friendsbooked the Airbnb and they split
(27:18):
the cost 19 ways, which cameout about $230 per person.
Cost 19 ways, which came outabout 230 per person.
Maddie and I got into anargument and she put that in
quotations last week where shebasically got extremely drunk,
flipped shit on me, called menames and disrespected me.
In my own home, a few otherpeople witnessed it and told me
that I had handled it well.
Just told her to leave.
Okay, this goes on to what thefight was about.
(27:38):
And I was sober.
The op was sober at the moment.
Uh, so fast forward.
Since then they haven't spoken,but her roommate told me
maddie's roommate told me the opthat she no longer is going on
the trip.
I don't think she should goeither, and 90 of the people
that are my college friends andhave heard about it also don't
(28:00):
think they should go.
But maddie wants her money backnow.
Mind you, they're two weeksaway from this trip and this is
the OP.
While I can see where she'scoming from, I don't think
everyone else should have tocover her, since she and I got
into an argument, but at thesame time, I don't think I
should have to cover it,considering none of it was my
fault.
She truly did just drunkenlyflip out and when I didn't react
(28:22):
, she started calling me namesand whatnot.
Basically, they got into afight.
The one thing I said that nightwas for her to get out,
regardless.
They got into a fight.
Okay, the trip is two weeksaway, all of us have been saving
up for, and I don't know whoshould have to take the loss
because of all of this.
Would I be the asshole if Itell Maddie that I'm not going
to pay her and that she broughtthis upon herself?
(28:43):
And here's an edit I want toclarify that I did not uninvite
her.
I heard from her roommate thatMaddie was no longer going but
wanted her money back.
I was just trying to say that Iagreed with her decision not to
go, so I guess in the commentsthey were kind of saying.
So here's the summary of itMaddie and the OP got into a
fight.
They were scheduled to go on atrip for 19 people.
(29:04):
It costs 230 per person.
They're two weeks away.
They got into a fight.
The OP has heard that Maddiewants her money back.
She doesn't want to go and theOP is kind of feeling like I
don't want to pay for it, butthis is my friend that I brought
to the group.
Maddie doesn't want to pay forit.
Like where are we at here?
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Hmm, Well, first I'm wondering what freaking Airbnb
holds like 25 people for 230 perperson.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
It doesn't say the location, so I'm with you there.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
And, for the record, I don't think it would have cost
anybody that much extra whenyou're splitting it by like 23
people.
But that being said, I mean itsounds like Maddie is the girl
that got kicked out.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Let's answer the question.
Am I the asshole for not payingfor the extra spot on spring
break?
So is the OP the asshole fornot no Matt Initially my thought
is no, because you're alladults.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
It's two weeks away from now, one week, you know
what I mean.
Like we're getting down thewire between when the fight
happened and she told her to getout of her house and and now
it's understandable that ifshe's the only person that she
knows in this group of 20 people, then she probably wouldn't
want to go people then sheprobably wouldn't want to go,
(30:26):
but at that point I don't thinkit's any of anybody else's
responsibility to pay for her.
I would say no, you're not theasshole, cause it sounds like.
It sounds like Maddie flippedout when she was drunk, which I
mean, we've all been there kindof in the maybe I can relate
more than I should be able to,but but if I act like an asshole
(30:46):
or whatever, if I've had toomuch to drink, typically I will
follow up with I I'm sorry.
If if it really was bad on me,I have no problem being like I'm
sorry.
I felt some kind of way and Idon't want to go on the trip.
But no harm, no foul.
You know if I had already andit's $230.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
You can mind you, they're 23.
So they're probably collegekids.
So $230 on the scale is big, Imean, I guess so, I guess so.
However, it's a lesson learned.
I agree with you.
I do not think the OP is anasshole.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I don't think she should have to be responsible
for paying for anybody.
And my other question is why isthe?
Why is Maddie in a room withsomebody else, Like a?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
different roommate.
She told a roommate she doesn'twant to go.
I think they're collegeroommates, is what they mean.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Okay, or.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
I'm assuming they're home roommates or whatever, not
their roommate on the trip.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Okay, that was a bit confusing.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
That was a little bit confusing.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Confusing because I'm like if she's the only person
that you brought into the group.
Why is she rooming with?
Speaker 1 (31:45):
somebody else.
Yeah, no, I assume that to meanwhere, because it said the op
was they had the argument in theop's home and then maddie and
her roommate.
So wherever they live is whatwhere the fight took um and
there were some other things inthere where they kind of got
regardless.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
You're two weeks out on a trip, so everything I don't
think you can get your if youbook through anybody else.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
There's no way, two weeks out, you get any kind of
money back absolutely, becauseeven if you booked on your own a
solo trip and you cancel unlessyou bought insurance, then no,
you can't go and you know thosecollege kids don't be buying
travel protection.
But even if you're on a grouptrip and you're paying portion
stuff, there are travelinsurance policies out there for
you to cover some things.
(32:28):
Like I'm not not an insurancesalesman, I want to disclaimer
there.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
However, if you're going to buy travel protection,
though you have to followthrough with the trip, and the
travel protection is providedUnless you do cancel for any
reason.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
That's why I say you need to go and look at there are
cause maybe she didn't know.
Or if you are going on a grouptrip, it has to be a group
policy.
It absolutely doesn't have tobe a group policy in every
instance.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
So, yeah, you could go back and try to read the fine
print, but usually when youread the fine print it says
you're screwed.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Well, not if you get canceled for any reason.
No, but most college kids do notget canceled for any reason I
know this is why I'm educatingthem Like I don't care how big.
By the way, I don't know if youknow this.
This is totally a tangent butif you're going 100 miles from
your home, you can get travelinsurance, Because even if
(33:19):
you're just doing a day trip,you can get travel insurance
that can potentially cover.
Just check if you're just doinga day trip, you can get travel
insurance that can potentiallycover.
Just check if you're travelingaway.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I think Cheryl's travel agent, cya, is kicking in
a full throttle.
I love it.
I love it, cheryl.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I am going to recommend all of my clients, no
matter how.
If they are going for a weekend, drive to three hours away, I'm
recommending travel insurance.
You don't know what happens.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I'm always going to recommend cancel for any reason,
which, by the way, there aresome fine prints in that.
So I'm not an insurancesalesperson.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
However, I will always recommend travel
insurance.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
And I always recommend to read the fine print
.
So, moving on from that thoughI do, I do think that it.
I really don't think she's theasshole, for just for the record
.
Okay, my next one is am I theasshole for not inviting my
friends on spring break trip ona spring break trip?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Okay, I had one similar.
All right, good, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Well, do you want?
Speaker 1 (34:20):
do you want to do yours, because I want to see if
we got the same one.
Wouldn't that be fun, okay.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
All right.
So to start out, I'm a collegekid in my first year of college,
my classmates are all going offon crazy adventures for spring
break, so I was thinking I wouldjust go somewhere too.
I got the days off from workand I was thinking about
destinations in my price range.
So I asked my friends hey,where should I go for spring
(34:46):
break?
I'm thinking maybe New York orMassachusetts.
And then when I told them, theywent off on me and they started
with a basic oh, you didn'teven invite us.
And I thought it was all jokes,but it turns out it wasn't.
They started saying how wetalked about going on a trip to
New York a year ago and that itkind of sucks that you didn't
(35:06):
even ask.
Now, my friends could neverafford this trip.
It's not super expensive, butit'd just be a couple of days.
But they literally just got anew home and they both owe me
money, so they're in no positionto go on vacations, in my
opinion.
That's why I never botheredasking them in the first place.
I knew they couldn't say yes,even if they wanted to.
(35:30):
I apologize to avoid the biggerissue, but I can't help but
thinking that I should not havehad to apologize for not
inviting someone into a smallgetaway trip, but then again I'm
not quite sure because I have ahard time understanding social
situations.
I will add this because itwasn't clear, because people
were kind of dogging her andsaying like that's pretty shitty
(35:54):
of you to say where should I go.
But they're like you said that,are these the same trips?
Are these the same friends whoare going on crazy adventures?
And she said no, they are notthe same friends.
These were two of my closefriends, one being in a
different college and the othernot going to school at all.
So I'm just going to add thatin there.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Okay, so read me the question.
The main question Am I anasshole?
Question again.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Am I an asshole for not inviting my friends on a
spring break trip?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And let me look, because the way that they, the,
the poet wrote this and I have ahard time.
I'm a visual, so when you readit to me, I have a harder time
comprehending.
What my understanding is, shewas planning to do her first
solo trip but she had asked themfor like feedback or things
(36:46):
like that Is that myunderstanding.
Okay, and this was a trip thatthe friends supposedly said that
they also would like to do that.
This is something.
Is that the vibe that it sounds?
They also would like to do that?
This is something.
Is that the vibe that it sounds?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
like it sounds like her, her other college friends
all had these big plans to go ona big spring break trip so
she's kind of having FOMO aboutnot traveling right and and she
didn't have the the budget to dothe crazy adventures, so she
thought she would go up to NewYork or Massachusetts or
something to do like a longweekend solo trip and she was
(37:18):
asking her other group friendswhere she should go for her.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
The question was am I an asshole for not inviting my
friends?
No, you're not required.
You're not required to inviteanybody.
This is something that I taughtmy kids as well.
Come on, guys, you but thatdoesn't mean you're labeling
your friends different levels.
It's just you have differentconnections.
Now, having a conversation withyour friends about like y'all,
(37:44):
y'all my friends have gone ontrips that I'm super envious of
and like I having FOMO, but Iwould never shit on their parade
because I want them to go outand have a great time and I
would absolutely give inputwithout being like, well, you
got my information, but youdidn't invite me Like I would
never assume.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Well, and I get the.
Fomo factor but, like she said,her friends are having FOMO.
Yeah Right, I get that on them.
But also you have to factor inthey both owe her money.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
So how are you going over that?
Speaker 2 (38:18):
because that's a deeper cut, like yeah, but I
know, but if you owe me moneyand you're pissed that I'm not
asking you to come on a vacationwith me.
That's there's.
That's something a little shadytoo there, like to me.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
I think that factors in but also I could see why
others would say okay, thesepeople obviously.
But I know, I just I was gonnasay, I still think solo travel
is up and coming.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
It's out there.
Well, it's been out.
It's not up and coming.
But it is also very trendy todo a solo trip.
We've talked about I.
Maybe one day I'll do a solotrip.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I I doubt it, we're hoping, yeah, we're working on
it, even if I'm like behind youjust supervising.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Just two blocks behind.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Just follow me and let me make pretend I'm
venturing out into the world andI just be like I'll buzz you or
something with like the Rightwhen I start to get off track.
I really do want you to take asoap, but no, I don't think the
OP is an asshole for notinviting their friends.
If their friends are feelingsome way like, hey, you know, I
gave you, we told you howexciting this was for us as well
(39:24):
, then I would have turned backand said, okay, well then let's
either plan a trip together orlet me help you plan a trip and
they had talked about going toNew York.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
but I mean, we talk about having a compound.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
You can talk about things and it might not be in
the works, and if you wait foreverybody to be in the right
spot, you miss out on life.
So if she has the opportunity,or they.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear what.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
I think it's a she.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
They can too, don't?
You can't wait for your, foryour circle, your people around
you, to be who you are and miss.
You always say this you're notpromised tomorrow, so correct
for today.
And they went off and did theirthing.
No, absolutely not an asshole,and I like that.
(40:12):
You brought this up because atleast two of my, my next two,
which I don't necessarily,because I think we're kind of, I
have one more and then I thinkwe might call it, but they were
about people talking aboutinviting Do I invite this person
?
They got mad because I didn'tinvite them.
Or I don't want to invite thisperson because of X, y, z.
Am I the asshole because I didnot invite someone?
That was the theme, and here'smy thing to you guys.
Was the theme and here's mything to you guys.
(40:37):
For the most part, I'd say 98of the time.
You are not the asshole if youchoose not to invite someone to
whatever you're doing, if it'sout of you know, just, organic,
authentic.
This is what fits right now.
If you're being a petty bitch,you know you're being a petty
bitch, period.
You know it deep down.
You know right, um, but you arenot required to invite your
best friend on every trip you do.
You do think you're going toNapa Valley in a couple months
(41:01):
with your college besties.
Not one time did I think, well,fuck, why didn't she invited me?
You know what I thought?
I cannot wait to hear.
Of course I'm gonna have FOMOand I'm gonna be following
socials and be like, oh, she'shaving the best time.
I'm sovious I can be enviouswithout being petty about you
going or feeling like I shouldhave been included.
I think it's more.
You've got to be excited foryour friend to go, like that's a
(41:24):
real friend.
I'm so excited.
I love hearing about yourplanning.
It's just interesting to mewhere people feel entitled to an
invitation to someone else'sexperience, that's correct.
If you were to flip it that way, are they entitled to your
experience, an invitation toyour experience?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Well, yeah, I agree and we will move on.
But I agree, she, I don't thinkshe is an asshole because,
because of the scenario, becauseof the fact that she's in a,
she goes to college and shedoesn't even go to college with
them.
Um, and and you know, she sheoriginally said this is going to
be a solo trip.
Maybe the only thing I thinkshe could give like her she
(42:09):
could learn a little lesson fromis if you think there's a
possibility that you'resomebody's going to be upset,
don't ask them for advice towhere to go.
You can figure that out.
If this is a solo trip, do yourown research, cause I feel like
it.
It could be a little assy tosay, hey, I'm going to this
fabulous place.
(42:30):
I know you guys don't have anyplans, because that might seem
like so.
I maybe would have just kept mymouth shut, but I don't think
she's an asshole at the end ofthe day for wanting to do a solo
trip.
I still don't.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I agree with you and I think it's all about reading
the room and reading the peopleyou're talking to.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
She said she thought it was a joke when they said I'm
so pissed so she wasn'tprepared for them to take it
that way.
I really do believe that, basedon what she said, she's like I
thought they were joking, butthen they weren't so yeah, I
guess it's a lesson learned too.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
You're right, I don't think she's the asshole for not
inviting them.
So this next one, it involvesspring break, but it's kind of
got a slight twist, but I dothink it's come up before in
situations.
So I wanted to get your input.
Am I the asshole for letting myfriend sleep in my roommate's
bed while he was gone overspring break?
(43:20):
Now, mind you, he had neversaid no, come again.
Exactly, am I the asshole forletting my friend?
So this guy has a roommate andhis friend, the friend's out of
town.
The roommate is, I mean sorry,the roommate is out of town and
he has friends over they.
They end up crashing andsleeping in the roommate's bed
(43:40):
while the roommate's out of town.
Is he the asshole for lettingsomeone sleep in someone else's
bed?
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Well, was the is so when he says the roommate,
they're sharing that room right.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Well, it could be an apartment.
It doesn't necessarily mean acollege dorm.
You want me to read it?
Oh well, let me read the restof it.
Yeah, because I don't haveenough context clues here.
Well, basically you gavepermission for someone to sleep
in someone else's bed while theywere out of town.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Well, my first thing was did I discuss to the
roommate that there's apossibility that my friend is
crashing in my bed?
Speaker 1 (44:13):
So in the title?
This is the title.
Am I the asshole for letting myfriend sleep in roommate's bed
while he was gone over springbreak?
He never said no, that's allthat's in the title.
So let me read the direct.
I need more information Becauseit was very interesting.
Pretty sure my roommate's anasshole, but I'm trying to get
an unbiased view.
(44:34):
I am a freshman in college, soyou're correct.
It's a dorm, as you canprobably guess.
I attend.
I'm not going to say where theyattend, but well, three weeks
ago was break and my familylives far away, so I decided to
stay in town and work over break.
This works out well as mygirlfriend is from here and was
also staying over break.
Before my roommate left, we dida substantial cleaning of the
(44:56):
dorm.
We vacuumed, wiped all thedusting, sanitizing everything,
washing our sheets and bedding.
I thought it was great.
I was going to get this niceclean room to myself and I don't
have to be embarrassed whenguests come over.
So basically, my girlfriend'sfriend and significant other
came over and we hung out at mydorm most of the time over the
(45:17):
course of several nights.
We got really drunk most of thenights and since my roommate
wasn't there, I gave the allclear for my girlfriend's
significant others I'm assumingthat's the friend in the SO to
sleep in my roommate's bed.
I had a roommate agreement withmy roommate and this wasn't
mentioned in the contract, soall was good.
Roommate came back and freakedout when he saw his sheets were
(45:39):
not clean and his bed wasn'tmade when he left it.
He first asked if he was robbedand I said no, I let my
girlfriend's friend sleep on it.
He freaked out and said thatwas wrong.
I firmly told him that heshould have included it in the
roommate agreement and it wasn'tmy problem.
He got the RA involved andthrew a fuss.
The RA is saying I might haveto move, even though he's the
(46:02):
one causing the fuss, for now weare not talking.
I tried to be reasonable andexplain to him why he's wrong,
but he won't communicate andignores me.
He's really immature like that.
Am I the asshole?
Oh my God, I love it.
I enjoyed this one and Ienjoyed the comments on this one
(46:22):
too.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
He is the asshole Absolutely, and if you have the
audacity and you know thosepeople were fucking in his bed.
That was my assumption as well,and at the very least, fucking
wash his sheets and make his bed, and he's never the wiser.
But, yes, you are a fuckingasshole.
And if it's a dorm, it doesn't.
(46:46):
It's not like you're going toput something batshit crazy.
Like PS if I go out of town,don't let your friends fuck in
my bed.
Like you shouldn't have to putthat in the roommate clause.
That's a given.
Like that's a given.
Nobody wants to come back toall creamy sheets that are not.
You know what I mean.
(47:07):
Like no, no, no, I would beskeeved out too.
He absolutely is the asshole,and the fact that he's still
saying why he's not the assholemakes him an asshole.
So you're a double fuckingasshole.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah, what got me was , he said, the title.
The title got me on this oneCause I could.
I like to read the title andmake an assumption.
I totally am judging and makean assumption, and then I like
to know if I'm proven wrong bythe content.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Right, yeah, cause sometimes you can't judge a book
by its content.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
Absolutely.
But I like that challenge.
It's like a mystery.
I'm so, I'm a detective, butanyway me too.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
I have a criminal justice.
I'll tell you, I'm not, I'm,I'm wrong more than I'm right.
That just got me hot I.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
that me heated.
I looked up because that was alot to read.
I couldn't paraphrase thatbecause I wanted you to hear his
voice.
His tone, this was one I didnot understand.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
This guy is clearly an asshole with a capital A.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I read this all the way through.
I thought it was so funny.
But what got me was when hesaid am I the asshole for
letting my friend sleep inroommate's bed while he was gone
over spring break?
He never said no.
He never said no because hedidn't know what you were doing.
Exactly that was my thought.
The second I read that I waslike that is not a conversation.
He never said no.
So throughout I will tell youthe comments.
(48:31):
I loved the comments.
They were all about.
It was all about the sheets.
I know, People couldn't get pastthe fact that and when I reread
this I realized it was morethan one night, it wasn't just,
it was multiple nights.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
You say they're just drunk and hooking up.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Like yes, I mean, you know that's happened.
He didn't imply that or saythat.
Yeah, but you went to college.
But my thought was the factthat everybody was that was all
they could like.
Dude, the least you could havedone was washed his fucking
sheets.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
I would have thrown him a fucking bone if he had
washed the sheets, cleaned thebed, and it probably would not
have even come up.
The guy probably would not haveeven noticed.
So I'm going to say no harm, nofoul, but you're still freaking
gross.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
I mean you're douchey if you do, if you hide it, but
I understand it, Cause that's I.
But our college behavior of hey, sneak over here, we're going
to wash the sheets, Cause we dothat with at home, Like remember
when we were partying in highschool, everybody clean it.
Don't let no one know.
That's why I would do a springbreak.
Don't let my parents know ify'all were here.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
I use some common sense and hygiene, like that's
just nasty.
That's just nasty.
I I'm judging the fuck out ofthat guy yeah, he is totally the
asshole.
But for sure, that is cut andclear is that the tone.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
the tone was horrible and and that he was that boy is
entitled.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
I'm telling you that right now.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
Yeah, it was funny.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Well, well.
So I mean, I think we'redefinitely over our time, but I
do always enjoy.
Am I the Asshole?
And there's a lot can happen inspring break.
Clearly, sometimes somepeople's spring break goes
better than others, and we'veheard a lot of different
scenarios.
So we'd love your feedback asto you know, if you agree with
(50:20):
us as to who the asshole is, orif you disagree, why and um,
we'd love to hear your feedback.
No-transcript.
happy first day of spring.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Finally I'm so glad spring is here, but it brings
with it allergies, and they'vebeen kicking my ass.
So I see you got your uh cheersto spring to spring.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
It's funny Cause you're usually the red wine
drinker and I switched.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
That is crazy.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Well, this is a mimosa, um, but yes, I, normally
I am the red wine drinker, soand Well, I was out of Moscato,
so I was like today is a wineday for sure, one celebrating
spring and two just it's been aweek.
It has been a week, but Briannegave me this past weekend, when
(00:59):
I went by her house, this Idon't know if I can do it.
It was a Christmas wine.
She meant to give it to me overchristmas but forgot.
I see it.
Um, one of the things I don't.
Is it mulled wine?
No, it's just a red wine.
It's got a wonderful smell, anabsolutely amazing smell.
This probably would make a goodmulled wine, but I can smell,
(01:24):
oh it.
It does smell really good.
It's got some spice to it.
Which cinnamon you're so cute.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You're like you just took a sip and you're like it
does smell really good insteadof taste really good well,
because I was smelling it as Iwas, as it was coming up, okay,
okay, I always I, I, always I,especially a new wine.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
I always smelling the wine.
Yeah, there's nothing,definitely, Are you when it
comes to your senses, what willyou?
I know you're super sensitiveto smell, but what's more
attractive isn't the word, butlike your biggest favorite sense
that you have, like, is itsmell?
Is it taste?
Is it taste?
Is it touch?
Is it visual?
What would be?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
yours.
Well, my, all of my senses areheightened, so, um, but it's a
blessing and a curse, but Idon't really know which sense I
mean.
I guess my sense of smell makesme more aware of things more
quickly than others.
You know what I mean.
Like I'll be the first one tosmell if something's burning, or
I'll be the first one to smellif something like is chemically
(02:29):
or something like that, so thatmay be kind of a superpower.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I, for me, smell is a huge like trigger for senses,
Like it kicks things in.
I get that activates, I guess,memories or some type of
relation to it.
I was just saying yesterday wewere making.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
What were we making?
Oh we, we use cornflakes as abreading.
Have you ever used that crushedup cornflakes?
Speaker 1 (02:56):
I can't come from a low income.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
We absolutely use cornflakes for everything like
breadcrumbs and stuff I didn'tknow it was because we were were
poor, but it's all making a lotof sense now but anywho.
So when I was crushing up theseum corn flakes to make the
breading for the chicken, itinstantly reminded me of my mom,
and she would use um cornshould use the corn flakes
(03:22):
crushed up on homemade Mac andcheese and like drizzle on it.
And it was so lovely.
And I was like isn't that crazyhow, all these years later and
I don't ever eat cornflakes, Idon't really you know what I
mean.
So the fact that, um, I washelping Alex with the meal and
the prep it just I was likeisn't that crazy how a scent
that decades later can trigger amemory, a core memory of your
(03:46):
childhood and stuff.
So I do think scents are reallycool and music does the same
thing for me.
If I hear a song.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Yep, it would be a song or a smell that will
trigger an emotion more thantouch or visual or taste.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah, that's pretty complex, I think.
Yeah, that's pretty complex, Ithink.
But absolutely, a song cantrigger back a memory from
childhood or a memory from justevery day, but it is definitely
emotional, it gives you feelingsof some sort of way.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
Either good or bad, because I've had songs where I'm
like I remember when this was ashitty time, especially like
breakup songs or something likethat.
Yeah, what was your firstbreakup song that you remember?
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Probably End of the Road by Boyz II Men.
Was that Boyz II Men?
It was Boyz II Men.
Yeah, I cried, I'd had that onperpetual loop and I cried and
cried and cried.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
So there were no more tears to cry.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
I don't remember the name of the album that it was,
but that entire cd was just likeone that I played on a loop.
That was the only one I reallylisten.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I mean, I know I listened to that album but that
song and then after I listenedto it so many times and it was
such a like a, I was just likeI'm over it, I can't listen to
this anymore, and so that's agood like you brought back some
memory.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Boyz II Men was the thing.
I loved them.
We're gonna have to play themwhen we're doing like office
work and stuff.
Just have, that should be our.
We'll have to have like we needto create a little soundtrack
for when we're when we'reworking and stuff yes, perhaps
the many, many, many, manythings that we have.
Yeah, we're not recordingbecause we can't afford there
(05:34):
put them on our show, but okay,all right.
So happy spring.
What are we talking about today?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
happy spring, so with that being this time of year,
so this time of year is aroundspring break and a lot of people
are doing spring break, so wethought we would keep it a
little bit lighter this week.
And do Am I the Asshole springbreak edition.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Yeah, which kind of goes really well with what our
previous couple episodes.
We talked about spring breaktrips as adults now that we
don't, our kids are pretty muchgrown and then we talked group
travel.
So when I we how did you findlooking for the, the topics like
the?
Am I the asshole episode?
Because I love Reddit and Ifeel like you're.
(06:20):
You're finally getting myreason why I love Reddit because
you actually brought it up.
You're like I was on Reddit, Iwas looking for this.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Well, so we were talking about?
Um, well, we were just.
We're always constantlybrainstorming what like, what
next yeah, cause it is hardcoming up with weekly topics, Um
, and so I was like well, youknow, it's around spring break
and we haven't done.
Am I the Asshole lately?
So let's, let's do it.
Let's look it up.
Whoa, you just disappeared onme, I know.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Sorry, I had to turn the heater off because I forgot
to.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Hence the green screen background.
Oh shoot.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I forgot about that, no worries.
Well, if our listeners want togo see that faux pas.
Go look at our YouTube video.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
She disappeared.
The one where she disappeared.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I forget.
Sometimes we're recording avideo as well.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
No worries, I thought it was funny, but yeah, so I
just totally lost my train ofthought.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I'm so sorry.
We were talking about goingdown Reddit.
You were searching and we cameup with a topic, so I just
thought it my train of thought.
I'm so sorry.
We were talking about goingdown Reddit.
You were searching and we cameup with a topic, so I just
thought it was a good topic.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
But yes, so that is what we shall do.
Do you want to go first, or doyou want me to read my story
first?
What are you thinking?
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I'll go ahead and go first, because this one this
actually wasn't even my firstone that I found, but it was the
one I moved to the top of thepile, all right, because I was
curious how it was going to go.
So I'm just going to read thetitle and you tell me your
opinions just off the title, andthen we'll dive into the actual
.
So am I the asshole for askingmy wife to do more domestic
(07:59):
duties while she's on springbreak?
Speaker 2 (08:03):
You want to know my feelings.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Again.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Listeners, go watch the video because her face I'm
going to initially go with.
Yes, I think you're an assholeif you expect your wife to do
extra duties, cause the wholepoint of a vacation is for
everybody to have the vacation,right, yeah.
So my first initial response isyeah, you are.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Right, okay, so here's the rest of it, and then
let's see what you think.
After that and this is one ofthe things I love they say they
start out saying, hi, sorry,this is random throwaway, which
I love because you know they'regoing to spill something if
they're not even using theirreal account.
This is actually a pretty basicproblem that doesn't need much
explanation.
I don't think my wife is ateacher.
(08:49):
I am a tech knowledge workerwho works from home.
Since I'm around here, andbecause teaching is a stressful,
very stressful job, I pick alot of the stuff up.
I pick a lot of the cruft up inthe house.
I didn't know what that wordmeant, but, okay, I do a lot of
cooking, cleaning and laundry.
My wife is on spring break, so Iasked her to share that burden
a little extra.
(09:09):
My work has been picking up alittle too.
She says that breaks are forrelaxing and that she deserves
some downtime.
I said that functionally, thatmeans I will forever take on an
extra share of chores.
Either she's teaching or she'son break, both of which mean I
should shoulder adisproportionate load.
She's doing extra, she is doingthe extra, but she's mad at me.
(09:33):
Am I the asshole?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Okay, Well, based on the title, it's not really.
They're not on spring breaktogether, right?
And she's being asked toshoulder the chores while
they're on vacation.
So that's initially what Ithought.
That being said, it's a littlemore complicated because I feel
(09:55):
like anytime you feeloverwhelmed and if she's not
working and I get it if she'snot working and she's on break.
But I think in that scenario Iwould be willing to help up.
If I'm just home anyway and I'mon spring break, I'd be willing
to step in and help out withthe chores if my partner said
hey, I'm, I'm, I'm strugglinghere.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
So I don't see the asshole for asking her to do.
I don't think he is.
I don't think he is, I agree.
I don't see the asshole forasking her to do that.
I don't think he is.
I don't think he is, I agree.
I don't think so either,because and I will say what drew
me into this was the title,because that's a given right
there yeah, as the one who hasdone most of the domestic duties
(10:39):
and when we go on trips and allthat.
That's why you got the initialeye roll.
Yeah, I knew exactly what youwere thinking when I was going
to read that title.
However, the whole that's areally good and I thought it was
an interesting switch of thetypical roles of who the
homemaker, who the homecaretaker is.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Well then I have to wonder this too, because
teachers typically have thesummer off where they're not
teaching, so is she just onbreak the whole summer and not
wanting to help out and step upthen?
Speaker 1 (11:11):
Because then this becomes kind of an issue overall
, like he said he'll always bethe one picking which, and I
will say this as moms, wetypically do that, which is why
I kind of was like and youoriginally had your eye roll
moment Cause, yeah, we don'tusually vacations when our kids
are little or when we're tryingto vacation.
It's not a vacation.
(11:32):
So I was like, okay.
However, when someone's workingfull time and they have a break
, they deserve a break also, soit seems like they need a while.
he's not the asshole for askingfor a break on his end, right,
it's time for them to have thatconversation I think there needs
to be a conversation, yeah oflike hey, you take these first
couple days or the last coupledays and make that your break,
(11:55):
or take every other day, butlet's make a plan where you can
take a little bit off of myplate, so it's kind of a little
bit more balanced, but you'restill getting a well-deserved
break.
Cause, when is this break?
And we ask that ourselves asmom when is our break If I'm
doing all this stuff?
I'm doing all this stuff on thevacations or on my break.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
It does come back to you can't pour from an empty cup
, you know.
So he's.
He's saying I'm struggling, Ineed help.
And I think that's amazingbecause a lot of times and I'm
not saying men, but I'm justsaying sometimes they don't like
to ask for help.
So the fact that he iscommunicating and saying I need
help, I would absolutely bewilling to help him if that was
(12:39):
my part.
I love.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
what you said, before you even really kind of dove
into it, was like hey, the firstthing you acknowledged was my
partner, regardless of theirgender or their the
stereotypical roles my partner'sasking for help.
That's what you heard.
My partner was asking for helpand I think that's really the
thing right there is.
He's asking for help regardlessof what the timing is, as he's
(13:04):
like hey, I, you're going to behome all day, and that can cause
resentment.
If they don't have thatconversation, that can lead to
resentment.
So I don't, I agree with you.
I don't think he's the asshole.
I could see her.
She's not the asshole for beingfrustrated either, because we
kind of sometimes have anassumption of what our break,
our time off, will be and it'sokay to have that moment of
(13:27):
selfishness and and that art orself boundaries or whatever,
whatever you call it.
But then you got to look at thewhole picture who else is
relying on me and who else am I?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
well, and they didn't go into a lot of details as to
how many children they have andwhat all they're picking up and
and but.
But it sounds like she.
They need to have acommunication down the road of
how it's going to, whatexpectations are going forward,
because it sounds like he'sstruggling, he's asking for help
(13:58):
and God loves her.
She's a teacher.
She has one of the mostdifficult jobs in the world, so
she does deserve downtime.
But it just has to be an opencommunication and a conversation
of what the expectations are onthese trips and I think and I
don't think either one of themare the asshole, but I think
they have to work it out andopenly, you know, have a
(14:20):
conversation about itconversation about it.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
So, yeah, I agree, but I thought that was
interesting when they the keything to anyone posting on
Reddit or anywhere thatattention grabbing headline it
can be misleading, but if it theclickbait, whatever you want to
call it, I totally clicked onthat because I was like dude,
you're asking your wife to bemore domestic and I was
completely off base on thecontent or context.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, the lead in is very deceptive, but I like it,
it worked.
Okay, so mine, mine is.
Am I the asshole for notletting my 15 year old daughter
go to spring break with herfriends?
Okay, so here here's thebackstory.
(15:06):
I have a 15 year old daughter,a 13 year old son and a 12 year
old daughter.
Our spring breaks tends to bevery low key nature oriented.
We live in Oregon, so theweather isn't the fun in the sun
type, so this spring breakwe're booked for the natural hot
springs area with some hikingand, um, whatnot planned.
(15:28):
My 15 year old loves, uh, thissort, initially, has loved this
sort of thing, um, but this timeshe has asked to go with her
friends, so she said we alreadypaid for her spot, but there's
enough time to get the moneyback If we, if she doesn't come
(15:48):
in, it's just the four of us.
The trip wouldn't be the samewithout her, though.
Um, what she wants to doinstead is her friend invited
her to San Diego for five daysto stay in a hotel and visit
beaches.
Uh, attending the trip would bethree other girls their age and
two moms on a girls getawaybeach trip.
Okay, so important informationto know.
(16:11):
We've spoken to one of the momsa number of occasions.
The other mom we do not know atall.
We know one of the girls well,the other girl we've met a
couple times, and the third girlis a newer friend to our
daughter.
Uh, while we're at the natureresort we will not have access
to cell phone connection foremergencies.
We would have it when we're umoff the biking trails, which
(16:35):
doesn't make sense.
Wouldn't it be at the resortand not on the trails?
But that's neither here northere unless they were camping,
I guess.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah, okay, but I got you um, so.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
So this is an important part.
The flight and hotel are paidfor, but our daughter would be
responsible to pay her own wayfor meals and food.
She's saved about $500 fromallowance babysitting, taking
care, yada, yada, yada she savedabout $500.
We have a good, trustingrelationship with our daughter
(17:03):
and she talks to us abouteverything, including romantic
relationship stuff, pressure toparty, whatever.
I told her I don't think I feelcomfortable with her bailing on
the family vacation time andflying out of state with people
we don't know well.
She thinks I'm being unfairbecause she's always been
responsible and made good lifechoices, so she shouldn't be
denied her first real springbreak.
(17:25):
Her mom's viewpoint is thatshe's nervous about the daughter
being in a bikini on a beacharound a bunch of guys at 15 and
ending up on the evening newsfor something that happens while
we're blissfully enjoying ourspring break unaware.
She said she couldn't enjoy ourspring break if our daughter
goes away and is out of contact.
(17:45):
Am I the asshole for notletting my 15-year-old daughter
do what she wants?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
I'm going to say, yes , I think the mom's being an
asshole here because you, asyou're going through, I was
thinking of the questionsbecause I have two daughters, so
I was trying to figure out.
And the other thing is we arelike 90s kids, so we ran feral
and I'm thinking how many timesI went off.
But with the communication andall of that, you get used to
(18:14):
having instant communicationwith your kids, but that's a
crutch, that's not a skill.
She trusted her daughter.
They have open communication.
She trusted her daughter, theyhave open communication.
So, as a parent, you have toyou, if you're doing your job
and you have confident, andyou're confident in your
parenting skills and yourparenting philosophies and
things like that.
This is a complicated onebecause I wouldn't have let my
(18:35):
kid go.
I would, I would absolutely Iwould have.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Okay, that's what I thought.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yeah, she would go, um, we'd have some.
We'd have some, some things setup, even if I was out of reach
cause I've gone where my kidshave not been able to get ahold
of me.
They have a backup.
They have another mom.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I mean, their dad works weird hours, so he's the
most reliable and we raise avillage, so one of the other
sister moms would be there.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Absolutely so.
I they, they would know, or ifyou're near family, they would
have someone else to contactbesides me, and this was a point
for me with that mom.
The mom said she would not beable to enjoy her trip because
her daughter was out of herrange.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
A little selfish, right.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
That's not a kid problem.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Well, so I understand the concept of listen
helicopter mom here.
I understand the concept of notwanting your 15 year old to be
on a separate trip away from thefamily.
The biggest thing is okay.
I understand if you want to sayno, because you don't know the
other mom at all and you onlyknow this mom.
(19:43):
So there's what?
Four girls and two moms and youdon't even know other mom at
all and you only know this mom.
So if there there's what?
Four girls and two moms and andyou don't even know one of the
moms, so for me, if it was likeI, I need to get to know this
other mom better before I letyou go, or I agree it's not fair
to put it on the 15 year oldthat's been responsible.
And imagine this you're 15 yearold and you have a 14 year old
(20:04):
or a 13 year old and a 12 yearold or whatever, like a 14 and a
12.
The last thing you want to dois go on spring break with your
little annoying tween siblingsand the other thing is they
offered to pay for her planeticket and the resort.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
So the daughter was willing to pay for the rest.
So she had a plan.
She came to her mom and saidhere's everything, here's what I
would like to do.
That one right there would havebeen.
This kid thought it out.
I would have been super proudof my kid to come to me and I
would have had my questions.
I would have said okay, whatare you going to do X, y, z?
What are you going to do hereor there?
Speaker 2 (20:38):
That is that would have been the mom that would
have have.
That's the part where we'resupposed to be teaching them the
next steps of growing up likeright and letting go is part of
that.
And letting them have, lettingthem have adventures without you
, although terrifying as it maybe, this is part of next steps,
of adulting and becoming andhaving some independence.
(20:59):
And if it truly is, becauseyou're concerned and it's san
diego right, not, like you know,an unsafe- Everywhere is unsafe
.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
This is why I taught my kids everywhere is unsafe,
regardless, and I say that inthe sense of you need to be
responsible and knowledgeablewhat's going on around.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Anything can happen anywhere.
We listen to explication.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
We know how it is.
And when she did make thecomment about a bathing suit on
the beach where she's notoverseeing your daughter's 15,
my, I've never been the one thatmy kids had to dress for
comfortable to make other peoplecomfortable my, it's not their.
It's not their job to dress tomake someone else comfortable.
(21:41):
It is their my kid's job toknow how to handle if someone
makes them uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Correct, I agree, that is a very good point.
That's how I've handled that.
That's going to happeneverywhere at any time.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
That could happen anytime, and just because they
could be fully dressed and becatcalled and be harassed.
Correct so it needs to be asituation Like my kids I've told
them.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
I've been hit on in a turtleneck.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I had the conversations of it.
It's now, do you risk?
I've also had my kids havecalled me on it.
I'm like, look, if you go outthere and you're clubbing we've
actually had these conversations.
I was like you wear what youwant, but you can't control how
everybody else reacts to you, soyou need to be able to handle
how they react to you.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Correct Period it doesn't matter and right, and
they could be dressed as sluttyas they want to be, and that
gives nobody a right to put ahand on your body, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
That's what I say, so so.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I think the mom and the dad is.
I don't know if he's putting itoff on the mom being, like my
wife's, concerned about herbeing in a bikini, la la la but
if she's given you no reason tonot trust her, I do think she
should be able to go.
But at the end of the day, youare her parents and I don't
think you're the asshole if yousay no.
(23:02):
But I think you need to reflecton why you're saying no.
If it's because of her safety,then okay, Understood.
It sucks for her.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Let me ask you this If she was your friend, if she
was me coming to you and saying,oh, saying all that I don't
want to send one of my kidsbecause of these, what would you
tell me, girl, you're being ahelicopter, you're valid in your
concerns, or what?
How would you cause I'm goingto tell you this, if you keep
saying that, I would say I thinkyou're, I don't think I think
(23:31):
you're being an asshole to yourkid because, again, I would say
if it's because of your concerns, but I, even though you're
uncomfortable, I would encourageyou.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
If I was talking to you, I would encourage you to.
I would say well, what is yourmain reservation?
Is it because you're justbecause you can't make her feel
not valid on wanting to go withher friends?
She's 15.
She wants to get out.
She wants I mean, that isthat's so natural and
understanding that she wants togo on the vacation.
If it's because you feel leftbehind and and you don't think
(24:04):
you can have a good spring break, bad on you.
You know what I mean.
Like you're a full grown adultand you have to give your
children the chance to fly, youknow.
But if you get to know, if it'sreally I would say, cheryl if
it's really because you don'tknow the other mom or you're
really genuinely concerned forher safety, then make the effort
.
It sounds like it's enough timethat she can cancel this other
(24:25):
trip.
Go ahead and make the effort toget to know the other parents
and then let her have thisexperience.
That's what I would say to you.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
I would love that, because that's so.
What you said is ultimately,it's the mom having reservations
.
My other question, my otherthought is and I see this a lot
as the oldest of five, I seethis also, or I remember feeling
this way.
I want to know what, becausethis is the oldest daughter too.
(24:54):
So this is the first time theparents are having to go through
this phase of where they'rebranching out on their own,
which is tricky.
We've all been there or not.
If we have kids, we're going tobe in there at that point.
What kind of responsibilitydoes she have at home?
Do you trust her enough towatch your other kids?
Do you trust her enough to goout?
Does she have a part-time job?
(25:14):
Is she going off on sportstrips, you know, is she?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, and none of that was brought up, but they
did say they have a trustingrelationship with their daughter
.
So to me that means she'ssomewhat responsible, and so,
although it's a difficultsituation, I think they should
let her.
I don't.
I don't think the dad'sdefinitely not the asshole,
(25:39):
because I think he's just tryingto navigate between what the
daughter wants to do and whatthe mom's uncomfortable level is
.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
I would have never asked Daniel.
I would never have even askedher dad.
I know, which probably is theshit that makes me.
That's the asshole part for me,cause I wouldn't even have this
discussion.
Me and my kids would havefigured it out and then I would
have told their dad what theywere doing.
But you're that that makesthat's the asshole part for me.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Well, I told Alex the other day.
Nick told him to take the carand go get a slushie.
He does not even have a permit,mind you.
And I said, Alex, when you'rethinking about doing something
really questionable and your dadtells you an answer that you
think is probably not what youshould be doing, please come to
me and ask me, because I makethe final decisions here.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
So and he's like, mom , I wouldn't have taken the car.
I was like, okay, good job,buddy.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Let's see I've got.
Let me see what we got here.
What's another one?
And I'm going to do this onebecause it's it kind of relates
back to the episode we did acouple of weeks ago.
So am I the asshole for notpaying for an extra spot on
spring break?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Not paying for an extra spot, like to one of your
kids wants to bring a friend.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
I don't know.
Let me read it to you, cause itwas very interesting.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Cause we had just had an episode.
We just talked about.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
That's one of the more information, exactly.
Yeah, this.
This is also great Clickbait,like'all the things that suck me
in.
All right, I, 23 female had afriend, maddie, 23 female also,
who was supposed to go with meand 17 other people on a trip in
two weeks.
It's two weeks away.
Another one of my friendsbooked the Airbnb and they split
(27:18):
the cost 19 ways, which cameout about $230 per person.
Cost 19 ways, which came outabout 230 per person.
Maddie and I got into anargument and she put that in
quotations last week where shebasically got extremely drunk,
flipped shit on me, called menames and disrespected me.
In my own home, a few otherpeople witnessed it and told me
that I had handled it well.
Just told her to leave.
Okay, this goes on to what thefight was about.
(27:38):
And I was sober.
The op was sober at the moment.
Uh, so fast forward.
Since then they haven't spoken,but her roommate told me
maddie's roommate told me the opthat she no longer is going on
the trip.
I don't think she should goeither, and 90 of the people
that are my college friends andhave heard about it also don't
(28:00):
think they should go.
But maddie wants her money backnow.
Mind you, they're two weeksaway from this trip and this is
the OP.
While I can see where she'scoming from, I don't think
everyone else should have tocover her, since she and I got
into an argument, but at thesame time, I don't think I
should have to cover it,considering none of it was my
fault.
She truly did just drunkenlyflip out and when I didn't react
(28:22):
, she started calling me namesand whatnot.
Basically, they got into afight.
The one thing I said that nightwas for her to get out,
regardless.
They got into a fight.
Okay, the trip is two weeksaway, all of us have been saving
up for, and I don't know whoshould have to take the loss
because of all of this.
Would I be the asshole if Itell Maddie that I'm not going
to pay her and that she broughtthis upon herself?
(28:43):
And here's an edit I want toclarify that I did not uninvite
her.
I heard from her roommate thatMaddie was no longer going but
wanted her money back.
I was just trying to say that Iagreed with her decision not to
go, so I guess in the commentsthey were kind of saying.
So here's the summary of itMaddie and the OP got into a
fight.
They were scheduled to go on atrip for 19 people.
(29:04):
It costs 230 per person.
They're two weeks away.
They got into a fight.
The OP has heard that Maddiewants her money back.
She doesn't want to go and theOP is kind of feeling like I
don't want to pay for it, butthis is my friend that I brought
to the group.
Maddie doesn't want to pay forit.
Like where are we at here?
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Hmm, Well, first I'm wondering what freaking Airbnb
holds like 25 people for 230 perperson.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
It doesn't say the location, so I'm with you there.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
And, for the record, I don't think it would have cost
anybody that much extra whenyou're splitting it by like 23
people.
But that being said, I mean itsounds like Maddie is the girl
that got kicked out.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Let's answer the question.
Am I the asshole for not payingfor the extra spot on spring
break?
So is the OP the asshole fornot no Matt Initially my thought
is no, because you're alladults.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
It's two weeks away from now, one week, you know
what I mean.
Like we're getting down thewire between when the fight
happened and she told her to getout of her house and and now
it's understandable that ifshe's the only person that she
knows in this group of 20 people, then she probably wouldn't
want to go people then sheprobably wouldn't want to go,
(30:26):
but at that point I don't thinkit's any of anybody else's
responsibility to pay for her.
I would say no, you're not theasshole, cause it sounds like.
It sounds like Maddie flippedout when she was drunk, which I
mean, we've all been there kindof in the maybe I can relate
more than I should be able to,but but if I act like an asshole
(30:46):
or whatever, if I've had toomuch to drink, typically I will
follow up with I I'm sorry.
If if it really was bad on me,I have no problem being like I'm
sorry.
I felt some kind of way and Idon't want to go on the trip.
But no harm, no foul.
You know if I had already andit's $230.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
You can mind you, they're 23.
So they're probably collegekids.
So $230 on the scale is big, Imean, I guess so, I guess so.
However, it's a lesson learned.
I agree with you.
I do not think the OP is anasshole.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
I don't think she should have to be responsible
for paying for anybody.
And my other question is why isthe?
Why is Maddie in a room withsomebody else, Like a?
Speaker 1 (31:31):
different roommate.
She told a roommate she doesn'twant to go.
I think they're collegeroommates, is what they mean.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Okay, or.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
I'm assuming they're home roommates or whatever, not
their roommate on the trip.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Okay, that was a bit confusing.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
That was a little bit confusing.
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Confusing because I'm like if she's the only person
that you brought into the group.
Why is she rooming with?
Speaker 1 (31:45):
somebody else.
Yeah, no, I assume that to meanwhere, because it said the op
was they had the argument in theop's home and then maddie and
her roommate.
So wherever they live is whatwhere the fight took um and
there were some other things inthere where they kind of got
regardless.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
You're two weeks out on a trip, so everything I don't
think you can get your if youbook through anybody else.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
There's no way, two weeks out, you get any kind of
money back absolutely, becauseeven if you booked on your own a
solo trip and you cancel unlessyou bought insurance, then no,
you can't go and you know thosecollege kids don't be buying
travel protection.
But even if you're on a grouptrip and you're paying portion
stuff, there are travelinsurance policies out there for
you to cover some things.
(32:28):
Like I'm not not an insurancesalesman, I want to disclaimer
there.
Speaker 2 (32:32):
However, if you're going to buy travel protection,
though you have to followthrough with the trip, and the
travel protection is providedUnless you do cancel for any
reason.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
That's why I say you need to go and look at there are
cause maybe she didn't know.
Or if you are going on a grouptrip, it has to be a group
policy.
It absolutely doesn't have tobe a group policy in every
instance.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
So, yeah, you could go back and try to read the fine
print, but usually when youread the fine print it says
you're screwed.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Well, not if you get canceled for any reason.
No, but most college kids do notget canceled for any reason I
know this is why I'm educatingthem Like I don't care how big.
By the way, I don't know if youknow this.
This is totally a tangent butif you're going 100 miles from
your home, you can get travelinsurance, Because even if
(33:19):
you're just doing a day trip,you can get travel insurance
that can potentially cover.
Just check if you're just doinga day trip, you can get travel
insurance that can potentiallycover.
Just check if you're travelingaway.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I think Cheryl's travel agent, cya, is kicking in
a full throttle.
I love it.
I love it, cheryl.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I am going to recommend all of my clients, no
matter how.
If they are going for a weekend, drive to three hours away, I'm
recommending travel insurance.
You don't know what happens.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I'm always going to recommend cancel for any reason,
which, by the way, there aresome fine prints in that.
So I'm not an insurancesalesperson.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
However, I will always recommend travel
insurance.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
And I always recommend to read the fine print
.
So, moving on from that thoughI do, I do think that it.
I really don't think she's theasshole, for just for the record
.
Okay, my next one is am I theasshole for not inviting my
friends on spring break trip ona spring break trip?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Okay, I had one similar.
All right, good, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Well, do you want?
Speaker 1 (34:20):
do you want to do yours, because I want to see if
we got the same one.
Wouldn't that be fun, okay.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
All right.
So to start out, I'm a collegekid in my first year of college,
my classmates are all going offon crazy adventures for spring
break, so I was thinking I wouldjust go somewhere too.
I got the days off from workand I was thinking about
destinations in my price range.
So I asked my friends hey,where should I go for spring
(34:46):
break?
I'm thinking maybe New York orMassachusetts.
And then when I told them, theywent off on me and they started
with a basic oh, you didn'teven invite us.
And I thought it was all jokes,but it turns out it wasn't.
They started saying how wetalked about going on a trip to
New York a year ago and that itkind of sucks that you didn't
(35:06):
even ask.
Now, my friends could neverafford this trip.
It's not super expensive, butit'd just be a couple of days.
But they literally just got anew home and they both owe me
money, so they're in no positionto go on vacations, in my
opinion.
That's why I never botheredasking them in the first place.
I knew they couldn't say yes,even if they wanted to.
(35:30):
I apologize to avoid the biggerissue, but I can't help but
thinking that I should not havehad to apologize for not
inviting someone into a smallgetaway trip, but then again I'm
not quite sure because I have ahard time understanding social
situations.
I will add this because itwasn't clear, because people
were kind of dogging her andsaying like that's pretty shitty
(35:54):
of you to say where should I go.
But they're like you said that,are these the same trips?
Are these the same friends whoare going on crazy adventures?
And she said no, they are notthe same friends.
These were two of my closefriends, one being in a
different college and the othernot going to school at all.
So I'm just going to add thatin there.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Okay, so read me the question.
The main question Am I anasshole?
Question again.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
Am I an asshole for not inviting my friends on a
spring break trip?
Speaker 1 (36:25):
And let me look, because the way that they, the,
the poet wrote this and I have ahard time.
I'm a visual, so when you readit to me, I have a harder time
comprehending.
What my understanding is, shewas planning to do her first
solo trip but she had asked themfor like feedback or things
(36:46):
like that Is that myunderstanding.
Okay, and this was a trip thatthe friends supposedly said that
they also would like to do that.
This is something.
Is that the vibe that it sounds?
They also would like to do that?
This is something.
Is that the vibe that it sounds?
Speaker 2 (36:56):
like it sounds like her, her other college friends
all had these big plans to go ona big spring break trip so
she's kind of having FOMO aboutnot traveling right and and she
didn't have the the budget to dothe crazy adventures, so she
thought she would go up to NewYork or Massachusetts or
something to do like a longweekend solo trip and she was
(37:18):
asking her other group friendswhere she should go for her.
Speaker 1 (37:23):
The question was am I an asshole for not inviting my
friends?
No, you're not required.
You're not required to inviteanybody.
This is something that I taughtmy kids as well.
Come on, guys, you but thatdoesn't mean you're labeling
your friends different levels.
It's just you have differentconnections.
Now, having a conversation withyour friends about like y'all,
(37:44):
y'all my friends have gone ontrips that I'm super envious of
and like I having FOMO, but Iwould never shit on their parade
because I want them to go outand have a great time and I
would absolutely give inputwithout being like, well, you
got my information, but youdidn't invite me Like I would
never assume.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Well, and I get the.
Fomo factor but, like she said,her friends are having FOMO.
Yeah Right, I get that on them.
But also you have to factor inthey both owe her money.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
So how are you going over that?
Speaker 2 (38:18):
because that's a deeper cut, like yeah, but I
know, but if you owe me moneyand you're pissed that I'm not
asking you to come on a vacationwith me.
That's there's.
That's something a little shadytoo there, like to me.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
I think that factors in but also I could see why
others would say okay, thesepeople obviously.
But I know, I just I was gonnasay, I still think solo travel
is up and coming.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
It's out there.
Well, it's been out.
It's not up and coming.
But it is also very trendy todo a solo trip.
We've talked about I.
Maybe one day I'll do a solotrip.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
I I doubt it, we're hoping, yeah, we're working on
it, even if I'm like behind youjust supervising.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
Just two blocks behind.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Just follow me and let me make pretend I'm
venturing out into the world andI just be like I'll buzz you or
something with like the Rightwhen I start to get off track.
I really do want you to take asoap, but no, I don't think the
OP is an asshole for notinviting their friends.
If their friends are feelingsome way like, hey, you know, I
gave you, we told you howexciting this was for us as well
(39:24):
, then I would have turned backand said, okay, well then let's
either plan a trip together orlet me help you plan a trip and
they had talked about going toNew York.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
but I mean, we talk about having a compound.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
You can talk about things and it might not be in
the works, and if you wait foreverybody to be in the right
spot, you miss out on life.
So if she has the opportunity,or they.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear what.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
I think it's a she.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
They can too, don't?
You can't wait for your, foryour circle, your people around
you, to be who you are and miss.
You always say this you're notpromised tomorrow, so correct
for today.
And they went off and did theirthing.
No, absolutely not an asshole,and I like that.
(40:12):
You brought this up because atleast two of my, my next two,
which I don't necessarily,because I think we're kind of, I
have one more and then I thinkwe might call it, but they were
about people talking aboutinviting Do I invite this person
?
They got mad because I didn'tinvite them.
Or I don't want to invite thisperson because of X, y, z.
Am I the asshole because I didnot invite someone?
That was the theme, and here'smy thing to you guys.
Was the theme and here's mything to you guys.
(40:37):
For the most part, I'd say 98of the time.
You are not the asshole if youchoose not to invite someone to
whatever you're doing, if it'sout of you know, just, organic,
authentic.
This is what fits right now.
If you're being a petty bitch,you know you're being a petty
bitch, period.
You know it deep down.
You know right, um, but you arenot required to invite your
best friend on every trip you do.
You do think you're going toNapa Valley in a couple months
(41:01):
with your college besties.
Not one time did I think, well,fuck, why didn't she invited me?
You know what I thought?
I cannot wait to hear.
Of course I'm gonna have FOMOand I'm gonna be following
socials and be like, oh, she'shaving the best time.
I'm sovious I can be enviouswithout being petty about you
going or feeling like I shouldhave been included.
I think it's more.
You've got to be excited foryour friend to go, like that's a
(41:24):
real friend.
I'm so excited.
I love hearing about yourplanning.
It's just interesting to mewhere people feel entitled to an
invitation to someone else'sexperience, that's correct.
If you were to flip it that way, are they entitled to your
experience, an invitation toyour experience?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Well, yeah, I agree and we will move on.
But I agree, she, I don't thinkshe is an asshole because,
because of the scenario, becauseof the fact that she's in a,
she goes to college and shedoesn't even go to college with
them.
Um, and and you know, she sheoriginally said this is going to
be a solo trip.
Maybe the only thing I thinkshe could give like her she
(42:09):
could learn a little lesson fromis if you think there's a
possibility that you'resomebody's going to be upset,
don't ask them for advice towhere to go.
You can figure that out.
If this is a solo trip, do yourown research, cause I feel like
it.
It could be a little assy tosay, hey, I'm going to this
fabulous place.
(42:30):
I know you guys don't have anyplans, because that might seem
like so.
I maybe would have just kept mymouth shut, but I don't think
she's an asshole at the end ofthe day for wanting to do a solo
trip.
I still don't.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I agree with you and I think it's all about reading
the room and reading the peopleyou're talking to.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
She said she thought it was a joke when they said I'm
so pissed so she wasn'tprepared for them to take it
that way.
I really do believe that, basedon what she said, she's like I
thought they were joking, butthen they weren't so yeah, I
guess it's a lesson learned too.
Speaker 1 (42:59):
You're right, I don't think she's the asshole for not
inviting them.
So this next one, it involvesspring break, but it's kind of
got a slight twist, but I dothink it's come up before in
situations.
So I wanted to get your input.
Am I the asshole for letting myfriend sleep in my roommate's
bed while he was gone overspring break?
(43:20):
Now, mind you, he had neversaid no, come again.
Exactly, am I the asshole forletting my friend?
So this guy has a roommate andhis friend, the friend's out of
town.
The roommate is, I mean sorry,the roommate is out of town and
he has friends over they.
They end up crashing andsleeping in the roommate's bed
(43:40):
while the roommate's out of town.
Is he the asshole for lettingsomeone sleep in someone else's
bed?
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Well, was the is so when he says the roommate,
they're sharing that room right.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Well, it could be an apartment.
It doesn't necessarily mean acollege dorm.
You want me to read it?
Oh well, let me read the restof it.
Yeah, because I don't haveenough context clues here.
Well, basically you gavepermission for someone to sleep
in someone else's bed while theywere out of town.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Well, my first thing was did I discuss to the
roommate that there's apossibility that my friend is
crashing in my bed?
Speaker 1 (44:13):
So in the title?
This is the title.
Am I the asshole for letting myfriend sleep in roommate's bed
while he was gone over springbreak?
He never said no, that's allthat's in the title.
So let me read the direct.
I need more information Becauseit was very interesting.
Pretty sure my roommate's anasshole, but I'm trying to get
an unbiased view.
(44:34):
I am a freshman in college, soyou're correct.
It's a dorm, as you canprobably guess.
I attend.
I'm not going to say where theyattend, but well, three weeks
ago was break and my familylives far away, so I decided to
stay in town and work over break.
This works out well as mygirlfriend is from here and was
also staying over break.
Before my roommate left, we dida substantial cleaning of the
(44:56):
dorm.
We vacuumed, wiped all thedusting, sanitizing everything,
washing our sheets and bedding.
I thought it was great.
I was going to get this niceclean room to myself and I don't
have to be embarrassed whenguests come over.
So basically, my girlfriend'sfriend and significant other
came over and we hung out at mydorm most of the time over the
(45:17):
course of several nights.
We got really drunk most of thenights and since my roommate
wasn't there, I gave the allclear for my girlfriend's
significant others I'm assumingthat's the friend in the SO to
sleep in my roommate's bed.
I had a roommate agreement withmy roommate and this wasn't
mentioned in the contract, soall was good.
Roommate came back and freakedout when he saw his sheets were
(45:39):
not clean and his bed wasn'tmade when he left it.
He first asked if he was robbedand I said no, I let my
girlfriend's friend sleep on it.
He freaked out and said thatwas wrong.
I firmly told him that heshould have included it in the
roommate agreement and it wasn'tmy problem.
He got the RA involved andthrew a fuss.
The RA is saying I might haveto move, even though he's the
(46:02):
one causing the fuss, for now weare not talking.
I tried to be reasonable andexplain to him why he's wrong,
but he won't communicate andignores me.
He's really immature like that.
Am I the asshole?
Oh my God, I love it.
I enjoyed this one and Ienjoyed the comments on this one
(46:22):
too.
Speaker 2 (46:23):
He is the asshole Absolutely, and if you have the
audacity and you know thosepeople were fucking in his bed.
That was my assumption as well,and at the very least, fucking
wash his sheets and make his bed, and he's never the wiser.
But, yes, you are a fuckingasshole.
And if it's a dorm, it doesn't.
(46:46):
It's not like you're going toput something batshit crazy.
Like PS if I go out of town,don't let your friends fuck in
my bed.
Like you shouldn't have to putthat in the roommate clause.
That's a given.
Like that's a given.
Nobody wants to come back toall creamy sheets that are not.
You know what I mean.
(47:07):
Like no, no, no, I would beskeeved out too.
He absolutely is the asshole,and the fact that he's still
saying why he's not the assholemakes him an asshole.
So you're a double fuckingasshole.
Yes.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Yeah, what got me was , he said, the title.
The title got me on this oneCause I could.
I like to read the title andmake an assumption.
I totally am judging and makean assumption, and then I like
to know if I'm proven wrong bythe content.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
Right, yeah, cause sometimes you can't judge a book
by its content.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
Absolutely.
But I like that challenge.
It's like a mystery.
I'm so, I'm a detective, butanyway me too.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
I have a criminal justice.
I'll tell you, I'm not, I'm,I'm wrong more than I'm right.
That just got me hot I.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
that me heated.
I looked up because that was alot to read.
I couldn't paraphrase thatbecause I wanted you to hear his
voice.
His tone, this was one I didnot understand.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
This guy is clearly an asshole with a capital A.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I read this all the way through.
I thought it was so funny.
But what got me was when hesaid am I the asshole for
letting my friend sleep inroommate's bed while he was gone
over spring break?
He never said no.
He never said no because hedidn't know what you were doing.
Exactly that was my thought.
The second I read that I waslike that is not a conversation.
He never said no.
So throughout I will tell youthe comments.
(48:31):
I loved the comments.
They were all about.
It was all about the sheets.
I know, People couldn't get pastthe fact that and when I reread
this I realized it was morethan one night, it wasn't just,
it was multiple nights.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
You say they're just drunk and hooking up.
You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Like yes, I mean, you know that's happened.
He didn't imply that or saythat.
Yeah, but you went to college.
But my thought was the factthat everybody was that was all
they could like.
Dude, the least you could havedone was washed his fucking
sheets.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
I would have thrown him a fucking bone if he had
washed the sheets, cleaned thebed, and it probably would not
have even come up.
The guy probably would not haveeven noticed.
So I'm going to say no harm, nofoul, but you're still freaking
gross.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
I mean you're douchey if you do, if you hide it, but
I understand it, Cause that's I.
But our college behavior of hey, sneak over here, we're going
to wash the sheets, Cause we dothat with at home, Like remember
when we were partying in highschool, everybody clean it.
Don't let no one know.
That's why I would do a springbreak.
Don't let my parents know ify'all were here.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
I use some common sense and hygiene, like that's
just nasty.
That's just nasty.
I I'm judging the fuck out ofthat guy yeah, he is totally the
asshole.
But for sure, that is cut andclear is that the tone.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
the tone was horrible and and that he was that boy is
entitled.
Speaker 2 (49:55):
I'm telling you that right now.
Speaker 1 (49:57):
Yeah, it was funny.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
Well, well.
So I mean, I think we'redefinitely over our time, but I
do always enjoy.
Am I the Asshole?
And there's a lot can happen inspring break.
Clearly, sometimes somepeople's spring break goes
better than others, and we'veheard a lot of different
scenarios.
So we'd love your feedback asto you know, if you agree with
(50:20):
us as to who the asshole is, orif you disagree, why and um,
we'd love to hear your feedback.
No-transcript.
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