May 2, 2025 • 41 mins
This week on Suitcase Divas, we’re unpacking more than just luggage—we’re unpacking life, healing, and the power of getting beautifully confused.
We’re joined by the fabulous Giovanna Silvestre, author of the soon-to-be-released Confused Girl and the fierce founder of Confused Girl in the City. What starts as a raw convo about hitting that dreaded quarter-life crisis turns into a powerful, soul-deep journey through shame, self-discovery, and the magic of not having it all figured out.
“I had placed so much value in what other people thought of me,” Giovanna shares—honestly and vulnerably. Her depression was rooted in chasing shiny titles and flashy careers that looked good on paper but left her soul running on empty. But through the darkness, she found a radical truth: confusion isn’t failure—it’s a beginning.
That truth sparked a transformation and a video blog that followed her as she tried something new every week to get closer to who she really is. (Talk about bravery in action!)
Giovanna also drops real talk on something so many of us wrestle with—shame. She breaks it down in a way that just hits different: guilt is “I did something bad,” but shame is “I am bad.” And guess what? That shame? It doesn’t belong to us. Her ritual of releasing shame—imagining it as a heavy backpack and tossing it into the ocean—is the kind of healing visual we’re carrying with us from now on.
And if you’ve ever dreamed of packing a bag and heading off solo? Giovanna’s been there. From nervous first steps to building a life abroad in Bali and Berlin, she shows us that transformation isn’t about giant leaps—it’s about brave little steps.
Things get tender when she opens up about her upcoming second book, Confused Girl: Love, Loss, and Cannolis—an emotional, heartwarming tribute to navigating grief and still finding joy (and dessert). Through it all, Giovanna reminds us that confusion is a compass, not a curse.
✨ Want to join the movement? Pre-order Confused Girl before it drops May 13th and enter to win a dreamy two-night oceanfront stay in Maui (yes, really!) plus a gift card to her store. All the deets are at confusedgirlinthecity.com and you can follow her journey over on Instagram @confusedgirlLA.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hey guys, well, welcome to Suitcase Divas.
Today we have a special guest,giovanna.
And how do you say your lastname?
Is it Silvestre, silvestre?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Silvestre.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Okay, I like that.
Well, I have D Ubaldi, so weboth have some complicated last
names, so I just wanted to makesure I was not mispronouncing it
.
So you're good, well, welcome,welcome.
So Giovanna has a book comingout called Confused Girl, and
let's start at the beginning,and that is going to come out
May 13th, correct?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
May 13th.
Super excited for you for that.
So let's start at the beginning.
What inspired you to writeConfused Girl, and was there a
specific point that landed youthe title?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Well, I so in my late twenties which, which happens
to a lot of people, at the timeI didn't really realize that I
also didn't know it's calledSaturn Returns, where your
Saturn returns around like every27 years and then you go
through a crisis, so I call itlike a quarter life crisis and
at this time, you know, peoplecan get married or fall into
(01:31):
depression or get a divorce orchange careers.
And I actually fell into adepression and I, what I
realized during that time isthat I had placed so much value
in what other people thought ofme.
I had placed so much value inwhat other people thought of me,
you know, right, and it waskind of like, oh well, like,
(01:51):
does this make me look cool?
I was doing the careers that Ithought made me look cool, or or
to please my parents, and Ididn't know who I was at all
Like I.
And that's why I say to peoplenow in your twenties, it really
kind of doesn't matter what youdo per se, um, it's more about
figuring out who you are,because if you build a
foundation of who you are andbuild a good foundation of you
(02:14):
know, you feel like you havesufficient amount of like,
self-worth and some tools inyour toolbox to go out into the
world and deal with stuff, thenyou're, you're, you're setting
yourself up really good for yourthirties and forties, and the
rest, you know.
But I was just focused on careerand getting ahead.
And then the things that Ithought I I well the thing, the
(02:36):
careers I had spent so much timein I didn't like, I didn't want
to do so late twenties.
I just fell into thisdepression and I'm like I don't
even know who I am and my maingoal was I just want to feel
good in my own skin.
I just want to feel like I haveworth because I exist, not
because I have a new car or anew boyfriend or a new career or
(02:59):
whatever I.
Just because I understood atthat time those things are
fleeting, they can be fleetingso, um.
So then from there, you know,through a lot of things I write
about in the book is I was ableto get out of my depression, but
I was still like I I'm stillconfused about who I am and what
I'm supposed to do here onplanet earth.
(03:21):
So I thought, okay, you know,know, at the time video blogs
were the thing.
This was like, uh, like 12years ago.
So I started a video blogcalled confused girl in the city
, because I'm like well, that'sthe most authentic thing about
myself right now is that I'mconfused.
So let me just go from thereand then every week I would do
one new thing that I've neverdone before in an attempt to
(03:43):
figure out yeah, like to figureout.
You know who I was, why I washere.
So that's how the confused girlum name came about.
So at that time, when I wasdoing the video blog that it was
going to be an activewear lineand then a book, and that's-
like yeah, you can launch, wentaway that, yeah, that it came
(04:06):
about um the confusion created atrajectory for you.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
It gave you a path which and it's relatable.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, you're.
You're not.
I'm sure you're not the onlyone confused in your late 20s
about how to proceed with yourlife but you made a good point
of people not realizing thatyou're not alone in that
confusion.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Because I do think once you make all those
milestone checks, you check offthose boxes, you're like, okay,
well, now what, I've done this,but I still don't feel complete,
fulfilled or however that worksout.
And you're like, does everybodyelse?
Because they look, everybodyputs on the great front, like
we've got our stuff together.
So you think your internalstruggle is like just the only
(04:51):
one.
And it's so awesome that youcame out and we're talking about
that.
And I bet people were justclicking with it Like, oh, I'm
finally not alone.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah, Because depression can be isolating and
lonely as well.
So I love that you tooksomething negative that was
going on in your life and youput it out and addressed it and
made it something, because,because mental wellness is kind
of like, oh, you have a problemwith mental wellness.
It's kind of a stigma.
Right, You're not supposed tosee a therapist or you're not
(05:20):
supposed to be depressed andeverybody's supposed to be happy
and perfect all the time.
But that's not real life.
It's not.
So I think putting somethingout there is is important.
What you did was good andbeneficial.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Thank you and and I did call it confused girl,
because I did realize that atsome point I'm like wait,
there's, no, it's.
I don't need to feel shamefulabout being confused.
I mean, no one's born with amanual on how to do your life.
It's not like you get this manthat says, okay, at year two,
you need to get rid of thisfriend, then you need to, then
(05:53):
you need to not date that guy,then you need.
It's like you don't get amanual for these kinds of things
and you're just figuring it outand it's one grand experiment.
And so you know there's.
It's silly to feel ashamedabout it, and so and I talk, I
(06:14):
have a whole chapter about likeshame and guilt and how to let
that go, and and the premise ofthe book is that confusion is a
virtue and that if you can useit, it could propel you forward,
just like it's propelled meforward.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Right.
So you, your writing and theway you're talking about it.
It feels very personal anduniversal.
How did you do that balancebetween being vulnerable and
getting that truth out there?
How did you balance all of thatwhile you were going through
the book writing process?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Well, it's so funny because you think like you're
done with the book and then thepublisher is like, nope, nope,
there's more, nope, dig deeper,dig deeper, and it's like a
never ending dig deeper.
I'm like you think you get yourpoint across and then it's like
, uh-uh, uh-uh, you got to godeeper.
I'm like you think you get yourpoint across and then it's like
, uh, you got to go deeper.
And so actually going backthrough the, the depression
(07:11):
stuff was really hard for meactually, because I'm so past it
now.
One I kind of you kind offorgot how it feels, because
when you get over something youknow, kind of just you forget.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And move on from it.
You want to be like and justnot keep bringing it up and move
on.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah, and, and so I really had to go back and feel
what I felt, and it made me.
It made me so compassionate forother people going through it,
and that's the reason why Iwrote this book.
And so I was like, okay, youknow, this is the reason why we
wrote this, like let's, let's gothere, but it is, it was
(07:50):
painful, it was uncomfortableand it just made me feel like
like really proud of myself,though, of how far I've come and
and also the things I'm writingabout actually work and can
help people, and that's a goodthing.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
But it was really hard, kind of trenching that
back up and yeah, but again,that's a good question or a good
comment you made about umhaving the compassion for
yourself, cause I was gettingready to ask, like did were you
more critical in hindsight,using hindsight, looking back
and like how did I not know, didI not see the signs that I was
going?
Like, how, how did you keepyourself from being critical of
(08:27):
the person who was going throughthat to the person you are?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
now.
Well, I kind of led up to itlike like some backstory.
I gave you some backstory abouthow I grew up and I gave you
some backstory about even theschools I went to.
Like when I was a freshman inhigh school I was in a private
Catholic school.
They were asking me whatcollege I wanted to go to, and
that's so much pressure.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
It's daunting.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, and it's like you're putting pressure, it's
like putting so much pressure ona child and and and then.
So then you're, then you startto think, okay, and I don't want
to let my family down, cause my, my, oh my.
My dad was a very prideful man.
He was an immigrant from Italyand, you know, had a business in
town and so you know I want.
(09:12):
So it was just I was.
I felt like I was constantlyunder in a pressure cooker.
So it stopped being aboutplayfulness and joy.
Life stopped being aboutcreativity.
It started to be about how do Iget into a good college?
Then in college, like, how,what career should I go into
where I can make a lot of moneyand look cool, and you know?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
and so it was all about that and it was never
about me right it was justgetting to that next stepping
stone, and then you're thinkingyou're there, but then it's like
okay, now you just pushed agoal line.
Someone the universe, whomeveris putting that expectation or
what we perceive as putting thaton us, is pushing that goal
line further and further andchange, and it's always like
(09:55):
that, and that's what I, youknow, I write about that too.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I'm just like you know it's.
If you live like that, if youlive your life like a bunch of
boxes, you need to check offit's.
It's going to be miserable,like you know, because you're
like to prove that you're worthyof existing here, you need to
keep checking off these boxes.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It's going to be like cause your list is never ending
right, like you never arechecking before you can possibly
check off the whole list.
There's always new things thatare added to your list.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
You know, you're never completing a list you know
, and it's like who cares aboutwhat's on the list?
Are you enjoying?
Speaker 3 (10:35):
what's on the?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
list.
Yes, right there, because ifyou haven't learned how to enjoy
what's on your list, that to meis a hell.
It's a personal hell, andthat's how I was living, and I
had no joy at that time.
I was not grateful for anything, I didn't enjoy anything.
Um, life, you're existing, yeahyeah, life was just a series of
(10:59):
things.
I I, I should have more, Ishould be more, and I need to
keep striving for that.
But then once I get that, it'sstill never enough.
So it's like I kind of describeit as like you're.
You're like this cup, righthere and with no bottom, and you
could pour the whole oceanthrough it and it's still empty.
That's where you live, right?
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah Well, was travel ever part of your
self-discovery journey and if so, what would you say?
What place would you say youvisited that changed you the
most?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, you know, ever since I was a kid I was we were
always going to Europe becausemy father was from Italy, so my
yeah, so my grandparents werethere and cousins and relatives.
So even when we were my sisterand I were in high school, my
parents would put us on a planeand we fly to Italy and stay
there for a month while theywere working in the restaurant
(12:05):
Italy.
I would say Italy really didshape me growing up because also
my dad's from like a smallvillage and and it was like
village life over there and youjust saw like a completely
different way people were livingand and and.
Also, I think in school here Ihad such a big personality I
felt I was a bit too much and Ineeded to taper it down.
But when I was in the South ofItaly I was like everybody here
has a big personality.
(12:26):
I was like I'm not too much,like everybody here is too much
you know.
So it kind of taught me a lotabout different cultures and how
different act and interact andeverything.
So I would definitely say I hadthe travel bug since I was a
kid.
(12:46):
But then again my life becameall about what I was going to
achieve next and how I was goingto prove that I was worthy.
So I didn't travel a lot and Iwas scared to travel alone.
So you're always waiting for aboyfriend or a friend.
(13:08):
And then, after I had startedmy yoga wear line called
Confused Girl in the City, I hadthis friend and she would solo
travel and she was veryeccentric and amazing and I was
always envious because she'dcome back and tell me all these
stories about these adventuresshe had and I was just so
(13:30):
envious and then I thought, well, stop being envious of her.
Obviously, this is something youwant, so let's ask her about it
.
So I asked her about it.
Like, do you get lonely?
Do you ever feel unsafe?
And I'm like you know I can dothis.
After that conversation, I'mlike I can do this.
So I like prepared myself andthe first trip I said, okay,
(13:51):
let's go to Europe, because I'mpretty comfortable in Europe.
And so I went to Europe bymyself and went around to
different cities I'd never beenbefore.
And after that trip I was inlove with solo travel.
And after that trip I was inlove with solo travel.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Nice, yeah, that's my biggest thing too.
I'm such a wallflower andCheryl knows I was like I could
travel with you or but I don'tfor her.
She's like I could totally dosolo trips.
I love solo travel.
I'm like I'm not brave enough,like that is a, that is a thing,
that is a.
It must be really a fabulousthing, but I'm not quite there
(14:25):
yet.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
And I would love to.
I haven't had the opportunityyet, you know, with the kids and
then the transitions betweenkids and being empty nester.
But what you had said was whydon't I do it?
You said I'm envious of this,why don't?
What's holding me back?
And then you're like I can dothis.
And I was like you know what?
I couldn't?
There's nothing holding me backright now, so it's just doing
(14:49):
it.
So what advice would you givesomeone who is feeling lost and
thinking of taking that solotrip?
Or like Denise and I are it'sin the back of our minds but we
just haven't jumped into it yet.
What kind of advice would yougive that confused girl jumped
into it?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
yet what kind of advice would you give that
confused girl?
I would say you know, if youmeet somebody like me,
definitely talk to me, because I, you know, I was even alone in
Italy and I was having lunch andthe waitress she's like can I
take you out for coffee?
You know, she asked me somequestions.
I told her I was solo travelingand she's like can I take you
to coffee?
(15:24):
And and um, ask you somequestions about how you do this,
cause I want to start doing it.
So it's like taking initiativelike that, and actually her and
I became friends.
I partied with her and herfriends in Italy.
So that's the thing about solotravel You'll, you're never
really alone.
I always meet people, becausepeople actually are really
inspired by being a woman doingit on her own and they really
(15:45):
are kind of like touched by it,and so, um, I I would say also,
you don't have to go to adifferent country or do
something super intense likethat you can go to, you can take
drive to a nearby city, youknow, or another town, and just
go start smaller yeah, yeah,yeah, like, go through the muse,
(16:07):
like just take, take the dayand be like I don't have
anything to do today.
You know, I'm going to, I'mgoing to go to this town or city
next to me by myself.
I'm going to go to a nice lunchspot, sit at the bar, have a
nice lunch.
Then I'm going to go to themuseum.
I've been wanting to go to thatmuseum.
I'm going to go there, go, juststart kind of doing things like
that alone.
And and then you know, and thenyou and then you could just go
(16:31):
from there, because I didn'timmediately go from talking to
my friend about solo travel tothen moving to Indonesia by
myself, like no, I did Europeand then.
And then I would do other solotrips by you know, by myself.
Like no, I did Europe, and thenI would do other solo trips by
myself.
Then, after like a year and ahalf of doing that, I was like
okay, and I got inspired towrite my book and I'm like I
(16:55):
want to write it in a differentcountry.
And then I moved to Bali for ayear and then Berlin for a year.
So it started out smaller, itwasn't just this.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Intensity, baby steps .
You got to baby step it.
We were just talking, it's allfull circle.
We were just talking about that, like you know, you don't just,
you don't just plow intosomething.
It takes motivation Sometimes.
You have to baby step it, likeyou just take little steps
towards the goal that you wantto get to so it doesn't seem so
intimidating.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
And it was interesting when you said you
know, going to this lunch placeby yourself, because one of the
hardest things I started to doon my own was to go eat by
myself at a restaurant.
Like that was one of thehardest.
I just felt so awkward, like doI take my book?
This was before we likeobviously we're using our phones
so much, but I, even when I wasin school and college I was
(17:44):
like, go take my work.
I always felt like I had to bedoing something.
I couldn't just be in themoment and people watch.
I always felt awkward.
It took that was a big stepjust to go to dinner or lunch by
myself.
So that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, I, I definitely see that.
I definitely get that because,um, it's kind of like eating
alone as a woman.
It's like, oh, lonely lady, youknow, kind of feel like that,
like, oh, are people wonderingwhy I'm alone?
And and especially probablylike back in the day.
But now I mean it's so commonand, yeah, bring a book or um,
(18:21):
when I'm traveling and I'meating out a lot, I'll just
watch something on my phone.
I'll watch the news or whatever, some videos and um, and then I
really enjoy.
I really enjoy eating andwatching stuff.
So so I mean I'll watch things,or, you know, or if I'm at like
a fancy place, like a nicerplace, like I, you know, won't
(18:45):
watch anything, I'll just kindof people watch like, especially
in a different country, becauseeverybody, you know people
dress differently, they havedifferent routines.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I would be people watching, probably, in that
scenario, but I think it comesback to what you said before,
which is you're constantlytrying to be something for
somebody else and you're moreconcerned about what other
people think of you than findingyour happiness and being happy
with yourself.
I think that is something aswomen we're always trying to be
(19:17):
something for somebody else,whether it's a friend, a
daughter, a mother, you knowwhatever.
We're always trying to be therefor somebody else, and and we
kind of tend to put ourselveslast.
So that's, that's somethingthat we need to learn as women
to um, to you gotta, you, gottafill your cup before you can
give to others.
Yeah, so I'm sure writing a book, there's a lot that goes into
(19:41):
it.
What was?
Was there a chapter that wasmore challenging, like
emotionally, to write that whereyou had to really like.
It was very challenging for youto write that where you had to
really like.
It was very challenging for youto write that emotionally.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, yeah, I would say that we're like kind of what
I said before was the um, thedepression stuff, and just going
back through how I felt and thelike things I was thinking, and
it was just it made me so, itmade me so sad, like, like, oh,
you know, and and and also likesad because of what I know.
(20:17):
Now, you know it's, it wassilly also, like it was so silly
to make yourself feel so badand and and that's when I really
realized that we, we carry thisshame.
See, like guilt I write aboutthis in my book guilt and shame.
So like guilt has to do withyou know, I went off on somebody
(20:37):
and I feel bad and you knowit's like a situation or
something you did where shame ishas to do with the self, like I
feel like there's somethinginherently wrong with me or not
right or not good, and I, we, wecarry this shame, especially as
women.
You know, we're even shamefulabout like our periods, like, oh
(20:59):
, don't, don't show the tamponsand don't you know?
Um, like there is this aboutour sexuality.
You know there's a shame thatgoes with that, and so we kind
of carry this and I mean, Ithink everybody carries shame
and it depends also on, you know, the religion you grew up with
as well.
Different things in society hadall of this shame, and it can
(21:32):
even be generational.
I felt a lot of stuff came frommy father's side with that.
Like old school Italian, theywent through wars and you know,
and in Italy too, in smallvillages, they're very concerned
about what other people arethinking, and you've got to look
like you have the best familyand you've got to look like
you're so great, and so it'sthis shame of like, not not like
(21:54):
.
Oh, I feel shameful because Idon't have all the answers, or I
feel shameful because I didn'tget into that college, or I feel
shameful because I got fired orwhatever it is you know, or I'm
not married yet, or it's justlike this, like shadow of shame,
and I'm like I got to get ridof this.
And, and I did, and one of thefunny things that I ended up
(22:16):
doing, um, which I just totallymade this up and I write about
this I would walk on the beach,cause I live close to the beach
in LA Nice walk, yeah, so nice.
And then I'd walk to the beachand I would, um, uh, imagine
having a backpack on and that myshame was in my backpack,
(22:37):
anything, I also I felt guiltyabout my shame, whatever it was.
And then I I really thoughtabout it and I I felt it heavy
on my back, like I was kind ofhunching over, because it was
like weighing me down.
And then I would put my back tothe ocean and I would like
release it very theatrically,like release my invisible
backpack into the water,visualize it getting like from
(23:01):
me.
And that really helped and Iwould do it every day and I
don't feel that way anymore,like that shame that was bogging
me down.
I don't have that anymore.
You let it go, I let it go.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
It took some time to get that, but I got into the
habit.
That's what I was going to say.
You've gotten the habit towhere it didn't have to build up
to be a backpack size beforeyou were able to release it.
I think that's super importantto acknowledge and think about
that.
It can be something as aphysical representation of
letting something that's notphysical go.
We actually have done this at abeach trip where we would write
(23:42):
things down on like a littlepiece of paper and then we
burned it and buried like kindof left it at the beach, and
then we did shells and releaseour wishes, good wishes, out
because we wanted out in theworld.
And I remember the feeling thatwe need to do more of that.
That's what makes me think ofit is because the way we felt
after we did that was justcleansing and we were ready to
(24:03):
move on for whatever came next.
And we haven't done it again.
And the fact that you did thatdaily until it became a habit
and then you didn't necessarilyneed the beach, I'm assuming
like it got to a point where youdidn't have to be at the beach
to let it go.
It became part of the way youprocess and let it and released.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yes, yes, I just became very aware when that like
shadow was coming, and then Iwould just, yeah, exactly
Visualize it going.
You know what?
This isn't mine and this isn'thow I believe, and this isn't
real, and you know.
And so, yeah, and I, I dobelieve in rituals like what you
did at the beach, like I thinkthat's very, very powerful.
(24:50):
Rituals are very powerful, umthere's, they're very
intentional and then I thinkthey helped connect everything,
like your spirit, your physical,your mind, to do what you're
intending to do.
Um, another ritual I did that Iwrite about was I had this
locket and it was just like anempty locket and I I didn't know
what I was going to put inthere, so it just had remained
empty.
And then I went on this datewith this guy and I just felt
(25:14):
very insecure.
He was kind of rude, so I feltso bad after that date, like so
unworthy and not beautiful, andso after that I had these big,
these like headshot pictures ofme.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
And.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I cut out my eye one of my eyes from the headshot
picture and I put my eye in thelocket and and I said I'm going
to wear this until I only seemyself through my own eyes.
I was like tired of seeingmyself through other, like
validating myself through otherpeople's eyes, and I was like no
(25:51):
, I want to only see myselfthrough my own eyes.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
It's very interesting because Denise you talked about
we actually did a session onthis with our other travel
agents and Denise led it youtalked about mirror what was it
called?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Mirror, talking, talking to yourself in a mirror,
like talking to yourself andyou know, giving yourself
positive affirmations andletting things go.
And I do like what you saidabout letting things go, and it
did remind me of our beach trip,cheryl, where we wanted to want
the biggest thing that we werewas bothering us at the time and
(26:32):
write it on a piece of paper.
And then we we put these littlepapers into a little ball and
we lit them on fire and let theashes become ashes and then we
buried them and left them there.
But what I will say is we had agroup of six people and all of
those ladies, the, the numberone thing for most of us, a
majority of us, was guilt, andthat is the thing we all wrote.
(26:55):
We feel guilty for whatever,for whatever reason, not even
because we should, becausethat's what we're taught to feel
.
You know what I mean as women.
Um, so I I think that's sointeresting that you have a
chapter in your book for thatand and I think that it's it's
we're all very relatable.
It's very relatable.
Everything you're saying isvery relatable and and I think
(27:17):
it'll be an amazing book.
I can't wait to read it.
So that is pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
When you were writing the book and you did, you find
yourself becoming less confused,or by the end, was it more
about accepting the confusion orwas it trying to get through
being confused?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
When I was writing it .
When I was writing it, I feltlike I already had a good
foundation, and I the thing isis I'm always going to be
confused about something right,like always going to have
moments of confusion.
I mean, I'm sure, like even youknow, when you become an empty
nester, you're be confused aboutthat.
(27:55):
Or if you get a divorce, or ifyou got married again, or if so,
you know, somebody gets sick,and there's always going to
things are going to happen whereyou're going to have some level
of confusion, because that'sjust life right it's life, yep,
life.
So it's for me, um, I, I.
What I was writing about wasstuff that I had been confused
(28:17):
about, but I had figured out.
Okay, and so the next book willbe the be the pickup from this
one.
Actually, let me ask you,ladies, I would.
This is so yesterday I it's sofunny because I really do I not
even intentionally, but I dowork with like the way where the
(28:38):
plant, when the planets arealigning and the moon phases and
all this stuff.
Because you know, like a fewweeks ago it was not a good time
to start new projects and then,all of a sudden, now it's a
good time, according to like theplanets and everything.
And yesterday I was.
I was just doing a walk on thebeach and then I was like, oh my
God, I have to get everything Iwant to write about my second
book on paper.
I just felt this need to get acreative juices flowing.
(29:06):
And because I had been taught, Italked about it, I had it in my
head, but I was like it's nottime yet, it's not time yet.
And then it was all of a sudden.
It was just like you got to dothis, Right.
So I so I so I started gettingit all, you know, all on paper.
And the second book is going tobe like right before my dad died
, because so my book wasrejected for two and a half
(29:31):
years, you know, I was kind ofworking like social media gigs,
you know, and my father wasdying, so I couldn't really do
start anything else because Iwas so concentrating on him.
I was just like making a littleincome on the side at that
moment, and it was just a reallyI'm just like making a little
income on the side at thatmoment and it was just a really
I'm just like hanging on by athread, Right, and.
(29:53):
But I'm doing actually prettygood because because of
everything in this book you know, so I'm handling it fairly well
.
So then, um, two, two monthsbefore my father dies, two
publishing companies have abidding war on my book.
So then my dad passes and I,it's literally um, the greatest
(30:18):
tragedy of my life coupled withthe greatest opportunity of my
life, which is very weird, Likethat's already very crazy.
So then my dad wants to beburied in Italy, so we've got to
figure out how to get his bodyto Italy, because Italians don't
want to be cremated.
Catholics don't want to becremated.
I mean it was just, and then somany funny things happen.
Very dark, comedy-esque.
(30:40):
So I and it's going to be abouthow it, how like beauty comes
of all things and that's thetheme of the second book.
So I came up with a name lastnight and I still want it to be
confused girl because I want itto be like a series.
But I want to call it confusedgirl, love, loss and cannolis oh
(31:03):
yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
What do you got, you guys?
Speaker 3 (31:06):
like it.
Yes, I love it.
I like, I embrace the when,when, tread, when the.
I embrace dark humor.
We, we are very we have to findlaughter and it and it's not
always appropriate laughter, butit's just how we cope process
and get you through it.
Yeah yeah, and I liked how?
(31:28):
Because you have got the love,loss and cannoli.
Because when I see that I'm atitle person, I'm more of a
title person than a cover art.
Sometimes I can't stand coverart.
I feel like it can bemisleading.
I was actually just doing thekindle and or the kindle, what
was it?
Yes, it was like one day thisweek they had the stuff your
kindle and I will go through andI hate the cover.
(31:49):
I I want to see the title.
That's what gets me and what Ipick up from that is we're going
to hear about.
She's got some part going on.
And love doesn't always meanromantic.
It means to me, passionateabout the next step in your
career.
It could be passionate aboutwhatever movement, the loss, it
could be anything.
And then the cannoli that meansshe's got some.
(32:10):
I'm thinking this is what I'mthinking about the author when
I'm reading it is there's goingto be some sass or some dark
humor.
That's what I'm thinking when Isee that title.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
There's going to be like Italian love affairs.
There's going to be crazy stuffgoing on there's I mean it's
going to have everything, yeah,it's.
Yeah, I've like family drama.
It's gonna have sex.
It's gonna have eating a lot ofgood eating.
It's gonna have grief, managinggrief, it's gonna be all of it
and that's a good title.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
I think that's a great title I love that title
and to me, when I, when Ibecause I'm like Cheryl we're so
funny because we're so similarand we're so different, and I
think that's kind of what makesus work.
Um, like when I'm picking out awine label, when I'm like Cheryl
, we're so funny because we'reso similar and we're so
different, and I think that'skind of what makes us work, like
when I'm picking out a winelabel, when I'm picking out a
bottle of wine, I'll look at thelabel and if it has a fun like
blingy or sassy label, I don'tnecessarily care what the name
(33:02):
of it is, but if it has abeautiful label that I'm drawn
to, I'm going to be more likelyto try that one.
So I think you, I think thateverybody is drawn in through
either sites or or or words.
But I love that title becausebecause to me that says there is
going to be, there's going tobe funny stuff, there's going to
(33:22):
be dark stuff, there's going tobe hard stuff and light stuff,
and and then the cannoli at theend shows me that it's going to
have some kind of a twist whereit's not all.
At the end of the day, we'rehaving both light and dark and
we're taking it all in, becausethat is life.
Life is all of that.
It is love, it is loss and itis cannolis.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, beauty comes of all things.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Yes, I love it.
I think that's a great name.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
That's exciting that you were able to finally get it
out, because when that happensit's like plunging.
Sometimes you just have to diveoff the deep end when this
moment strikes, because if youhesitate it could be so long
before you get that back, andI've learned that a lot.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I'm so crazy because I didn't even have a lot of
energy yesterday but I had todrop something off the post
office.
Post office is next to thebeach, so I was like, let me go
on a walk and get my walk in,you know, get my steps in.
So I was getting my steps inand I was walking on the sand
and burning more calories andthen all of a sudden I was like
just looking at the water andI'm like I got to get this on
(34:25):
paper Like, and I got to do itnow.
So I was actually narrating itlike talk to text.
You know, I was like narratingit like as I was walking and I,
oh gosh, and then I kind ofended up doing it like the whole
night until like midnight.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
I was about to ask how do you, when those moments
strike, are you a paper to pen,are you a digital like, or is it
more voice?
Speaker 2 (34:50):
How do you capture that I'm more paper to pen, like
I'm more like sit down and,like you know, type it out.
But this moment just like hitme and I just wanted to talk it
out.
So, I didn't have my computer.
I was on the beach so it waslike, and I was like, what if?
How fun is this?
Like looking out at the water?
I'm narrating my second bookLike yeah, I was like this is a
(35:12):
moment.
Okay, this is a moment.
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
That is awesome.
That is awesome.
So, uh, what would you say?
So you talked about your secondbook, so we know that you have
that coming up.
Um, what would you say to like.
So what would you say to theyounger self version of you for
confused girl?
Like, if you were to take thatyounger girl, what would you say
(35:38):
to her about the book that youwrote and and what would you
tell her to get out of that book?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I would just say you know you, you don't, don't put
so much pressure on yourself.
Like everything takes itselfout and you have a lot of time,
so you know your life isn'tending once you turn 30, like it
goes on and beautiful thingsare coming.
So just enjoy more, don't,don't put so much pressure on
(36:09):
yourself and and just trust thateverything's going to work out,
cause it was just fear.
Then there was so much fear andnow I fear fear will come now,
but I, I just I kind of go okay.
No, not, I'm not diving intoyou Like I'm.
I'm choosing to trust and havefaith.
(36:30):
It's like a conscious choice,right?
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Yeah, and sometimes fear can be a motivator because
it will get you to the next step.
It's either I need to just moveon from what's making me afraid
or I need to embrace it andcontrol it and get past it.
So I think, like you said,embracing that moment and just
don't be bogged down.
That that's a very.
There's that trend going onTikTok right now where they
(36:55):
would say I think it's like it'sa good picture of yourself or
video that you liked, and thenit's like a year from now, this
person's doing XYZ.
Or if I tell myself somethingfive years ago, it's because I'm
doing great now or because Iwent through something, but I'm
doing awesome on the other side.
Having that moment ofreflection, it goes back to what
(37:16):
Denise talks about with themirror talk.
Don't ever say something toyourself that you wouldn't say
to your best friend, yourdaughter, your mom.
But also, what would you say toyourself five years from now?
What do you want to be sayingto yourself five years from now?
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Yes, it's so true, and I actually was asked that,
and I would say keep having fun.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good answer.
Keep having fun, because inwhat I think that we need to
remember when we're alwaysworried about what other people
think of us is, at the end ofthe day, we're all resting with
our own souls at the end of theday and we are in charge of our
happiness our own happiness.
We can't rely on anybody elseto make us happy.
(37:59):
So I think that I feel likethat's definitely probably a
good takeaway.
Like I feel like you kind of getthat out of the book, like you
always had this pressure to getinto the good college or
represent the Italian family or,you know, do be the good
Italian daughter that you'resupposed to be, and you were
never really.
You were always like I havethis expectation and this
(38:21):
expectation on me and thisexpectation on me, but what do I
really want for me?
And then why?
How can I make myself happy?
Because these people are allexpecting this out of me, but I,
at the end of the day, I wantto be happy and they can't do
that for me.
I have to do that for myself,and I think that is part of the
journey and part of maturing andgetting through the hard times
(38:42):
is realizing that.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Absolutely no.
That was so beautifully said,it's so true.
And you kind of get to thispoint too where you're like
nobody really cares about meanyway, because they're too
concentrated on themselves toreally care about me.
So why am I caring what otherpeople think?
And I see people doing this inthere as they get older too,
like a lot of people don't growout of it, like they're
(39:05):
constantly trying to keep upwith the Joneses and care what
people think.
And, honestly, people arethinking.
Mature people are thinking whydo you care what other people
are thinking so much?
Why are you?
That's what they're thinking.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Absolutely.
So what do you do?
You have any future travelplans coming up?
I know the like.
We said the book's coming outsoon, and where can we, where
can our listeners grab yourpre-order your book from?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Well, okay, so.
So right now, no travel plans,because I'm just concentrating
on my book launch.
But travel plans come up for mejust like that.
So I just, and I don't know, Ifeel like I might be doing some
traveling for the book thissummer.
So I'm kind of just seeing howthings unfold, which is the way
I live my life, just let itunfold and then, oh yes, okay.
(39:57):
So actually I have somethingreally exciting to disclose I'm
doing a pre-order giveaway.
So if you pre-order the bookand send me a screenshot, email
me a screenshot of your order,you'll enter to win a two night
stay in Maui and an ocean frontroom and a hundred dollar gift
card to my store.
(40:17):
So I'll, I'll give.
I can send you guys the link umthe giveaway and we'll get that
info out to everybody.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
That's awesome.
Yes, that's exciting.
What?
Speaker 1 (40:27):
if I win, I want to go to.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
Maui and also.
Oh so my you can.
You can find all thisinformation on my website
confused girl in the citycom.
You can also find it on myInstagram at confused girl LA
and yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Yeah, and we can.
We can plug your your Amazonlink to the book in there and on
when we publish this, when werelease this, so we'll get all
that good stuff out to ourlisteners.
Very exciting, perfect.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Well, thank you so much for joining us today.
I am so excited about readingyour book.
I feel like the conversationcame at the perfect time.
I think that stuff like that,because we have been meeting and
trying to schedule this causeeverybody's schedules are so
busy.
So I think this happened whenit was supposed to and I have
enjoyed chatting with you andyes, so thank you for joining us
(41:19):
today.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Yeah, and we wish you all the best with your book
release and your next book and,um, maybe we'll make it out to
LA and the divas will, uh, meetup.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Oh my gosh, I would so love that.
Definitely contact me if youcome to LA.
You guys are great.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, absolutely All right, guys.
That's going to wrap up today'sepisode.
We hope you enjoyed it.
And go get confused, girl you.
Hey guys, well, welcome to Suitcase Divas.
Today we have a special guest,giovanna.
And how do you say your lastname?
Is it Silvestre, silvestre?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Silvestre.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Okay, I like that.
Well, I have D Ubaldi, so weboth have some complicated last
names, so I just wanted to makesure I was not mispronouncing it
.
So you're good, well, welcome,welcome.
So Giovanna has a book comingout called Confused Girl, and
let's start at the beginning,and that is going to come out
May 13th, correct?
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
May 13th.
Super excited for you for that.
So let's start at the beginning.
What inspired you to writeConfused Girl, and was there a
specific point that landed youthe title?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Well, I so in my late twenties which, which happens
to a lot of people, at the timeI didn't really realize that I
also didn't know it's calledSaturn Returns, where your
Saturn returns around like every27 years and then you go
through a crisis, so I call itlike a quarter life crisis and
at this time, you know, peoplecan get married or fall into
(01:31):
depression or get a divorce orchange careers.
And I actually fell into adepression and I, what I
realized during that time isthat I had placed so much value
in what other people thought ofme.
I had placed so much value inwhat other people thought of me,
you know, right, and it waskind of like, oh well, like,
(01:51):
does this make me look cool?
I was doing the careers that Ithought made me look cool, or or
to please my parents, and Ididn't know who I was at all
Like I.
And that's why I say to peoplenow in your twenties, it really
kind of doesn't matter what youdo per se, um, it's more about
figuring out who you are,because if you build a
foundation of who you are andbuild a good foundation of you
(02:14):
know, you feel like you havesufficient amount of like,
self-worth and some tools inyour toolbox to go out into the
world and deal with stuff, thenyou're, you're, you're setting
yourself up really good for yourthirties and forties, and the
rest, you know.
But I was just focused on careerand getting ahead.
And then the things that Ithought I I well the thing, the
(02:36):
careers I had spent so much timein I didn't like, I didn't want
to do so late twenties.
I just fell into thisdepression and I'm like I don't
even know who I am and my maingoal was I just want to feel
good in my own skin.
I just want to feel like I haveworth because I exist, not
because I have a new car or anew boyfriend or a new career or
(02:59):
whatever I.
Just because I understood atthat time those things are
fleeting, they can be fleetingso, um.
So then from there, you know,through a lot of things I write
about in the book is I was ableto get out of my depression, but
I was still like I I'm stillconfused about who I am and what
I'm supposed to do here onplanet earth.
(03:21):
So I thought, okay, you know,know, at the time video blogs
were the thing.
This was like, uh, like 12years ago.
So I started a video blogcalled confused girl in the city
, because I'm like well, that'sthe most authentic thing about
myself right now is that I'mconfused.
So let me just go from thereand then every week I would do
one new thing that I've neverdone before in an attempt to
(03:43):
figure out yeah, like to figureout.
You know who I was, why I washere.
So that's how the confused girlum name came about.
So at that time, when I wasdoing the video blog that it was
going to be an activewear lineand then a book, and that's-
like yeah, you can launch, wentaway that, yeah, that it came
(04:06):
about um the confusion created atrajectory for you.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
It gave you a path which and it's relatable.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Yeah, you're.
You're not.
I'm sure you're not the onlyone confused in your late 20s
about how to proceed with yourlife but you made a good point
of people not realizing thatyou're not alone in that
confusion.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Because I do think once you make all those
milestone checks, you check offthose boxes, you're like, okay,
well, now what, I've done this,but I still don't feel complete,
fulfilled or however that worksout.
And you're like, does everybodyelse?
Because they look, everybodyputs on the great front, like
we've got our stuff together.
So you think your internalstruggle is like just the only
(04:51):
one.
And it's so awesome that youcame out and we're talking about
that.
And I bet people were justclicking with it Like, oh, I'm
finally not alone.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Yeah, Because depression can be isolating and
lonely as well.
So I love that you tooksomething negative that was
going on in your life and youput it out and addressed it and
made it something, because,because mental wellness is kind
of like, oh, you have a problemwith mental wellness.
It's kind of a stigma.
Right, You're not supposed tosee a therapist or you're not
(05:20):
supposed to be depressed andeverybody's supposed to be happy
and perfect all the time.
But that's not real life.
It's not.
So I think putting somethingout there is is important.
What you did was good andbeneficial.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Thank you and and I did call it confused girl,
because I did realize that atsome point I'm like wait,
there's, no, it's.
I don't need to feel shamefulabout being confused.
I mean, no one's born with amanual on how to do your life.
It's not like you get this manthat says, okay, at year two,
you need to get rid of thisfriend, then you need to, then
(05:53):
you need to not date that guy,then you need.
It's like you don't get amanual for these kinds of things
and you're just figuring it outand it's one grand experiment.
And so you know there's.
It's silly to feel ashamedabout it, and so and I talk, I
(06:14):
have a whole chapter about likeshame and guilt and how to let
that go, and and the premise ofthe book is that confusion is a
virtue and that if you can useit, it could propel you forward,
just like it's propelled meforward.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Right.
So you, your writing and theway you're talking about it.
It feels very personal anduniversal.
How did you do that balancebetween being vulnerable and
getting that truth out there?
How did you balance all of thatwhile you were going through
the book writing process?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Well, it's so funny because you think like you're
done with the book and then thepublisher is like, nope, nope,
there's more, nope, dig deeper,dig deeper, and it's like a
never ending dig deeper.
I'm like you think you get yourpoint across and then it's like
, uh-uh, uh-uh, you got to godeeper.
I'm like you think you get yourpoint across and then it's like
, uh, you got to go deeper.
And so actually going backthrough the, the depression
(07:11):
stuff was really hard for meactually, because I'm so past it
now.
One I kind of you kind offorgot how it feels, because
when you get over something youknow, kind of just you forget.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And move on from it.
You want to be like and justnot keep bringing it up and move
on.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Yeah, and, and so I really had to go back and feel
what I felt, and it made me.
It made me so compassionate forother people going through it,
and that's the reason why Iwrote this book.
And so I was like, okay, youknow, this is the reason why we
wrote this, like let's, let's gothere, but it is, it was
(07:50):
painful, it was uncomfortableand it just made me feel like
like really proud of myself,though, of how far I've come and
and also the things I'm writingabout actually work and can
help people, and that's a goodthing.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
But it was really hard, kind of trenching that
back up and yeah, but again,that's a good question or a good
comment you made about umhaving the compassion for
yourself, cause I was gettingready to ask, like did were you
more critical in hindsight,using hindsight, looking back
and like how did I not know, didI not see the signs that I was
going?
Like, how, how did you keepyourself from being critical of
(08:27):
the person who was going throughthat to the person you are?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
now.
Well, I kind of led up to itlike like some backstory.
I gave you some backstory abouthow I grew up and I gave you
some backstory about even theschools I went to.
Like when I was a freshman inhigh school I was in a private
Catholic school.
They were asking me whatcollege I wanted to go to, and
that's so much pressure.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
It's daunting.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, and it's like you're putting pressure, it's
like putting so much pressure ona child and and and then.
So then you're, then you startto think, okay, and I don't want
to let my family down, cause my, my, oh my.
My dad was a very prideful man.
He was an immigrant from Italyand, you know, had a business in
town and so you know I want.
(09:12):
So it was just I was.
I felt like I was constantlyunder in a pressure cooker.
So it stopped being aboutplayfulness and joy.
Life stopped being aboutcreativity.
It started to be about how do Iget into a good college?
Then in college, like, how,what career should I go into
where I can make a lot of moneyand look cool, and you know?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
and so it was all about that and it was never
about me right it was justgetting to that next stepping
stone, and then you're thinkingyou're there, but then it's like
okay, now you just pushed agoal line.
Someone the universe, whomeveris putting that expectation or
what we perceive as putting thaton us, is pushing that goal
line further and further andchange, and it's always like
(09:55):
that, and that's what I, youknow, I write about that too.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
I'm just like you know it's.
If you live like that, if youlive your life like a bunch of
boxes, you need to check offit's.
It's going to be miserable,like you know, because you're
like to prove that you're worthyof existing here, you need to
keep checking off these boxes.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
It's going to be like cause your list is never ending
right, like you never arechecking before you can possibly
check off the whole list.
There's always new things thatare added to your list.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
You know, you're never completing a list you know
, and it's like who cares aboutwhat's on the list?
Are you enjoying?
Speaker 3 (10:35):
what's on the?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
list.
Yes, right there, because ifyou haven't learned how to enjoy
what's on your list, that to meis a hell.
It's a personal hell, andthat's how I was living, and I
had no joy at that time.
I was not grateful for anything, I didn't enjoy anything.
Um, life, you're existing, yeahyeah, life was just a series of
(10:59):
things.
I I, I should have more, Ishould be more, and I need to
keep striving for that.
But then once I get that, it'sstill never enough.
So it's like I kind of describeit as like you're.
You're like this cup, righthere and with no bottom, and you
could pour the whole oceanthrough it and it's still empty.
That's where you live, right?
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Yeah Well, was travel ever part of your
self-discovery journey and if so, what would you say?
What place would you say youvisited that changed you the
most?
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Well, you know, ever since I was a kid I was we were
always going to Europe becausemy father was from Italy, so my
yeah, so my grandparents werethere and cousins and relatives.
So even when we were my sisterand I were in high school, my
parents would put us on a planeand we fly to Italy and stay
there for a month while theywere working in the restaurant
(12:05):
Italy.
I would say Italy really didshape me growing up because also
my dad's from like a smallvillage and and it was like
village life over there and youjust saw like a completely
different way people were livingand and and.
Also, I think in school here Ihad such a big personality I
felt I was a bit too much and Ineeded to taper it down.
But when I was in the South ofItaly I was like everybody here
has a big personality.
(12:26):
I was like I'm not too much,like everybody here is too much
you know.
So it kind of taught me a lotabout different cultures and how
different act and interact andeverything.
So I would definitely say I hadthe travel bug since I was a
kid.
(12:46):
But then again my life becameall about what I was going to
achieve next and how I was goingto prove that I was worthy.
So I didn't travel a lot and Iwas scared to travel alone.
So you're always waiting for aboyfriend or a friend.
(13:08):
And then, after I had startedmy yoga wear line called
Confused Girl in the City, I hadthis friend and she would solo
travel and she was veryeccentric and amazing and I was
always envious because she'dcome back and tell me all these
stories about these adventuresshe had and I was just so
(13:30):
envious and then I thought, well, stop being envious of her.
Obviously, this is something youwant, so let's ask her about it
.
So I asked her about it.
Like, do you get lonely?
Do you ever feel unsafe?
And I'm like you know I can dothis.
After that conversation, I'mlike I can do this.
So I like prepared myself andthe first trip I said, okay,
(13:51):
let's go to Europe, because I'mpretty comfortable in Europe.
And so I went to Europe bymyself and went around to
different cities I'd never beenbefore.
And after that trip I was inlove with solo travel.
And after that trip I was inlove with solo travel.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Nice, yeah, that's my biggest thing too.
I'm such a wallflower andCheryl knows I was like I could
travel with you or but I don'tfor her.
She's like I could totally dosolo trips.
I love solo travel.
I'm like I'm not brave enough,like that is a, that is a thing,
that is a.
It must be really a fabulousthing, but I'm not quite there
(14:25):
yet.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
And I would love to.
I haven't had the opportunityyet, you know, with the kids and
then the transitions betweenkids and being empty nester.
But what you had said was whydon't I do it?
You said I'm envious of this,why don't?
What's holding me back?
And then you're like I can dothis.
And I was like you know what?
I couldn't?
There's nothing holding me backright now, so it's just doing
(14:49):
it.
So what advice would you givesomeone who is feeling lost and
thinking of taking that solotrip?
Or like Denise and I are it'sin the back of our minds but we
just haven't jumped into it yet.
What kind of advice would yougive that confused girl jumped
into it?
Speaker 2 (15:04):
yet what kind of advice would you give that
confused girl?
I would say you know, if youmeet somebody like me,
definitely talk to me, because I, you know, I was even alone in
Italy and I was having lunch andthe waitress she's like can I
take you out for coffee?
You know, she asked me somequestions.
I told her I was solo travelingand she's like can I take you
to coffee?
(15:24):
And and um, ask you somequestions about how you do this,
cause I want to start doing it.
So it's like taking initiativelike that, and actually her and
I became friends.
I partied with her and herfriends in Italy.
So that's the thing about solotravel You'll, you're never
really alone.
I always meet people, becausepeople actually are really
inspired by being a woman doingit on her own and they really
(15:45):
are kind of like touched by it,and so, um, I I would say also,
you don't have to go to adifferent country or do
something super intense likethat you can go to, you can take
drive to a nearby city, youknow, or another town, and just
go start smaller yeah, yeah,yeah, like, go through the muse,
(16:07):
like just take, take the dayand be like I don't have
anything to do today.
You know, I'm going to, I'mgoing to go to this town or city
next to me by myself.
I'm going to go to a nice lunchspot, sit at the bar, have a
nice lunch.
Then I'm going to go to themuseum.
I've been wanting to go to thatmuseum.
I'm going to go there, go, juststart kind of doing things like
that alone.
And and then you know, and thenyou and then you could just go
(16:31):
from there, because I didn'timmediately go from talking to
my friend about solo travel tothen moving to Indonesia by
myself, like no, I did Europeand then.
And then I would do other solotrips by you know, by myself.
Like no, I did Europe, and thenI would do other solo trips by
myself.
Then, after like a year and ahalf of doing that, I was like
okay, and I got inspired towrite my book and I'm like I
(16:55):
want to write it in a differentcountry.
And then I moved to Bali for ayear and then Berlin for a year.
So it started out smaller, itwasn't just this.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Intensity, baby steps .
You got to baby step it.
We were just talking, it's allfull circle.
We were just talking about that, like you know, you don't just,
you don't just plow intosomething.
It takes motivation Sometimes.
You have to baby step it, likeyou just take little steps
towards the goal that you wantto get to so it doesn't seem so
intimidating.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
And it was interesting when you said you
know, going to this lunch placeby yourself, because one of the
hardest things I started to doon my own was to go eat by
myself at a restaurant.
Like that was one of thehardest.
I just felt so awkward, like doI take my book?
This was before we likeobviously we're using our phones
so much, but I, even when I wasin school and college I was
(17:44):
like, go take my work.
I always felt like I had to bedoing something.
I couldn't just be in themoment and people watch.
I always felt awkward.
It took that was a big stepjust to go to dinner or lunch by
myself.
So that's interesting.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, I, I definitely see that.
I definitely get that because,um, it's kind of like eating
alone as a woman.
It's like, oh, lonely lady, youknow, kind of feel like that,
like, oh, are people wonderingwhy I'm alone?
And and especially probablylike back in the day.
But now I mean it's so commonand, yeah, bring a book or um,
(18:21):
when I'm traveling and I'meating out a lot, I'll just
watch something on my phone.
I'll watch the news or whatever, some videos and um, and then I
really enjoy.
I really enjoy eating andwatching stuff.
So so I mean I'll watch things,or, you know, or if I'm at like
a fancy place, like a nicerplace, like I, you know, won't
(18:45):
watch anything, I'll just kindof people watch like, especially
in a different country, becauseeverybody, you know people
dress differently, they havedifferent routines.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I would be people watching, probably, in that
scenario, but I think it comesback to what you said before,
which is you're constantlytrying to be something for
somebody else and you're moreconcerned about what other
people think of you than findingyour happiness and being happy
with yourself.
I think that is something aswomen we're always trying to be
(19:17):
something for somebody else,whether it's a friend, a
daughter, a mother, you knowwhatever.
We're always trying to be therefor somebody else, and and we
kind of tend to put ourselveslast.
So that's, that's somethingthat we need to learn as women
to um, to you gotta, you, gottafill your cup before you can
give to others.
Yeah, so I'm sure writing a book, there's a lot that goes into
(19:41):
it.
What was?
Was there a chapter that wasmore challenging, like
emotionally, to write that whereyou had to really like.
It was very challenging for youto write that where you had to
really like.
It was very challenging for youto write that emotionally.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, yeah, I would say that we're like kind of what
I said before was the um, thedepression stuff, and just going
back through how I felt and thelike things I was thinking, and
it was just it made me so, itmade me so sad, like, like, oh,
you know, and and and also likesad because of what I know.
(20:17):
Now, you know it's, it wassilly also, like it was so silly
to make yourself feel so badand and and that's when I really
realized that we, we carry thisshame.
See, like guilt I write aboutthis in my book guilt and shame.
So like guilt has to do withyou know, I went off on somebody
(20:37):
and I feel bad and you knowit's like a situation or
something you did where shame ishas to do with the self, like I
feel like there's somethinginherently wrong with me or not
right or not good, and I, we, wecarry this shame, especially as
women.
You know, we're even shamefulabout like our periods, like, oh
(20:59):
, don't, don't show the tamponsand don't you know?
Um, like there is this aboutour sexuality.
You know there's a shame thatgoes with that, and so we kind
of carry this and I mean, Ithink everybody carries shame
and it depends also on, you know, the religion you grew up with
as well.
Different things in society hadall of this shame, and it can
(21:32):
even be generational.
I felt a lot of stuff came frommy father's side with that.
Like old school Italian, theywent through wars and you know,
and in Italy too, in smallvillages, they're very concerned
about what other people arethinking, and you've got to look
like you have the best familyand you've got to look like
you're so great, and so it'sthis shame of like, not not like
(21:54):
.
Oh, I feel shameful because Idon't have all the answers, or I
feel shameful because I didn'tget into that college, or I feel
shameful because I got fired orwhatever it is you know, or I'm
not married yet, or it's justlike this, like shadow of shame,
and I'm like I got to get ridof this.
And, and I did, and one of thefunny things that I ended up
(22:16):
doing, um, which I just totallymade this up and I write about
this I would walk on the beach,cause I live close to the beach
in LA Nice walk, yeah, so nice.
And then I'd walk to the beachand I would, um, uh, imagine
having a backpack on and that myshame was in my backpack,
(22:37):
anything, I also I felt guiltyabout my shame, whatever it was.
And then I I really thoughtabout it and I I felt it heavy
on my back, like I was kind ofhunching over, because it was
like weighing me down.
And then I would put my back tothe ocean and I would like
release it very theatrically,like release my invisible
backpack into the water,visualize it getting like from
(23:01):
me.
And that really helped and Iwould do it every day and I
don't feel that way anymore,like that shame that was bogging
me down.
I don't have that anymore.
You let it go, I let it go.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
It took some time to get that, but I got into the
habit.
That's what I was going to say.
You've gotten the habit towhere it didn't have to build up
to be a backpack size beforeyou were able to release it.
I think that's super importantto acknowledge and think about
that.
It can be something as aphysical representation of
letting something that's notphysical go.
We actually have done this at abeach trip where we would write
(23:42):
things down on like a littlepiece of paper and then we
burned it and buried like kindof left it at the beach, and
then we did shells and releaseour wishes, good wishes, out
because we wanted out in theworld.
And I remember the feeling thatwe need to do more of that.
That's what makes me think ofit is because the way we felt
after we did that was justcleansing and we were ready to
(24:03):
move on for whatever came next.
And we haven't done it again.
And the fact that you did thatdaily until it became a habit
and then you didn't necessarilyneed the beach, I'm assuming
like it got to a point where youdidn't have to be at the beach
to let it go.
It became part of the way youprocess and let it and released.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Yes, yes, I just became very aware when that like
shadow was coming, and then Iwould just, yeah, exactly
Visualize it going.
You know what?
This isn't mine and this isn'thow I believe, and this isn't
real, and you know.
And so, yeah, and I, I dobelieve in rituals like what you
did at the beach, like I thinkthat's very, very powerful.
(24:50):
Rituals are very powerful, umthere's, they're very
intentional and then I thinkthey helped connect everything,
like your spirit, your physical,your mind, to do what you're
intending to do.
Um, another ritual I did that Iwrite about was I had this
locket and it was just like anempty locket and I I didn't know
what I was going to put inthere, so it just had remained
empty.
And then I went on this datewith this guy and I just felt
(25:14):
very insecure.
He was kind of rude, so I feltso bad after that date, like so
unworthy and not beautiful, andso after that I had these big,
these like headshot pictures ofme.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
And.
Speaker 2 (25:29):
I cut out my eye one of my eyes from the headshot
picture and I put my eye in thelocket and and I said I'm going
to wear this until I only seemyself through my own eyes.
I was like tired of seeingmyself through other, like
validating myself through otherpeople's eyes, and I was like no
(25:51):
, I want to only see myselfthrough my own eyes.
Speaker 3 (25:54):
It's very interesting because Denise you talked about
we actually did a session onthis with our other travel
agents and Denise led it youtalked about mirror what was it
called?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Mirror, talking, talking to yourself in a mirror,
like talking to yourself andyou know, giving yourself
positive affirmations andletting things go.
And I do like what you saidabout letting things go, and it
did remind me of our beach trip,cheryl, where we wanted to want
the biggest thing that we werewas bothering us at the time and
(26:32):
write it on a piece of paper.
And then we we put these littlepapers into a little ball and
we lit them on fire and let theashes become ashes and then we
buried them and left them there.
But what I will say is we had agroup of six people and all of
those ladies, the, the numberone thing for most of us, a
majority of us, was guilt, andthat is the thing we all wrote.
(26:55):
We feel guilty for whatever,for whatever reason, not even
because we should, becausethat's what we're taught to feel
.
You know what I mean as women.
Um, so I I think that's sointeresting that you have a
chapter in your book for thatand and I think that it's it's
we're all very relatable.
It's very relatable.
Everything you're saying isvery relatable and and I think
(27:17):
it'll be an amazing book.
I can't wait to read it.
So that is pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
When you were writing the book and you did, you find
yourself becoming less confused,or by the end, was it more
about accepting the confusion orwas it trying to get through
being confused?
Speaker 2 (27:34):
When I was writing it .
When I was writing it, I feltlike I already had a good
foundation, and I the thing isis I'm always going to be
confused about something right,like always going to have
moments of confusion.
I mean, I'm sure, like even youknow, when you become an empty
nester, you're be confused aboutthat.
(27:55):
Or if you get a divorce, or ifyou got married again, or if so,
you know, somebody gets sick,and there's always going to
things are going to happen whereyou're going to have some level
of confusion, because that'sjust life right it's life, yep,
life.
So it's for me, um, I, I.
What I was writing about wasstuff that I had been confused
(28:17):
about, but I had figured out.
Okay, and so the next book willbe the be the pickup from this
one.
Actually, let me ask you,ladies, I would.
This is so yesterday I it's sofunny because I really do I not
even intentionally, but I dowork with like the way where the
(28:38):
plant, when the planets arealigning and the moon phases and
all this stuff.
Because you know, like a fewweeks ago it was not a good time
to start new projects and then,all of a sudden, now it's a
good time, according to like theplanets and everything.
And yesterday I was.
I was just doing a walk on thebeach and then I was like, oh my
God, I have to get everything Iwant to write about my second
book on paper.
I just felt this need to get acreative juices flowing.
(29:06):
And because I had been taught, Italked about it, I had it in my
head, but I was like it's nottime yet, it's not time yet.
And then it was all of a sudden.
It was just like you got to dothis, Right.
So I so I so I started gettingit all, you know, all on paper.
And the second book is going tobe like right before my dad died
, because so my book wasrejected for two and a half
(29:31):
years, you know, I was kind ofworking like social media gigs,
you know, and my father wasdying, so I couldn't really do
start anything else because Iwas so concentrating on him.
I was just like making a littleincome on the side at that
moment, and it was just a reallyI'm just like making a little
income on the side at thatmoment and it was just a really
I'm just like hanging on by athread, Right, and.
(29:53):
But I'm doing actually prettygood because because of
everything in this book you know, so I'm handling it fairly well
.
So then, um, two, two monthsbefore my father dies, two
publishing companies have abidding war on my book.
So then my dad passes and I,it's literally um, the greatest
(30:18):
tragedy of my life coupled withthe greatest opportunity of my
life, which is very weird, Likethat's already very crazy.
So then my dad wants to beburied in Italy, so we've got to
figure out how to get his bodyto Italy, because Italians don't
want to be cremated.
Catholics don't want to becremated.
I mean it was just, and then somany funny things happen.
Very dark, comedy-esque.
(30:40):
So I and it's going to be abouthow it, how like beauty comes
of all things and that's thetheme of the second book.
So I came up with a name lastnight and I still want it to be
confused girl because I want itto be like a series.
But I want to call it confusedgirl, love, loss and cannolis oh
(31:03):
yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
What do you got, you guys?
Speaker 3 (31:06):
like it.
Yes, I love it.
I like, I embrace the when,when, tread, when the.
I embrace dark humor.
We, we are very we have to findlaughter and it and it's not
always appropriate laughter, butit's just how we cope process
and get you through it.
Yeah yeah, and I liked how?
(31:28):
Because you have got the love,loss and cannoli.
Because when I see that I'm atitle person, I'm more of a
title person than a cover art.
Sometimes I can't stand coverart.
I feel like it can bemisleading.
I was actually just doing thekindle and or the kindle, what
was it?
Yes, it was like one day thisweek they had the stuff your
kindle and I will go through andI hate the cover.
(31:49):
I I want to see the title.
That's what gets me and what Ipick up from that is we're going
to hear about.
She's got some part going on.
And love doesn't always meanromantic.
It means to me, passionateabout the next step in your
career.
It could be passionate aboutwhatever movement, the loss, it
could be anything.
And then the cannoli that meansshe's got some.
(32:10):
I'm thinking this is what I'mthinking about the author when
I'm reading it is there's goingto be some sass or some dark
humor.
That's what I'm thinking when Isee that title.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
There's going to be like Italian love affairs.
There's going to be crazy stuffgoing on there's I mean it's
going to have everything, yeah,it's.
Yeah, I've like family drama.
It's gonna have sex.
It's gonna have eating a lot ofgood eating.
It's gonna have grief, managinggrief, it's gonna be all of it
and that's a good title.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
I think that's a great title I love that title
and to me, when I, when Ibecause I'm like Cheryl we're so
funny because we're so similarand we're so different, and I
think that's kind of what makesus work.
Um, like when I'm picking out awine label, when I'm like Cheryl
, we're so funny because we'reso similar and we're so
different, and I think that'skind of what makes us work, like
when I'm picking out a winelabel, when I'm picking out a
bottle of wine, I'll look at thelabel and if it has a fun like
blingy or sassy label, I don'tnecessarily care what the name
(33:02):
of it is, but if it has abeautiful label that I'm drawn
to, I'm going to be more likelyto try that one.
So I think you, I think thateverybody is drawn in through
either sites or or or words.
But I love that title becausebecause to me that says there is
going to be, there's going tobe funny stuff, there's going to
(33:22):
be dark stuff, there's going tobe hard stuff and light stuff,
and and then the cannoli at theend shows me that it's going to
have some kind of a twist whereit's not all.
At the end of the day, we'rehaving both light and dark and
we're taking it all in, becausethat is life.
Life is all of that.
It is love, it is loss and itis cannolis.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Yeah, beauty comes of all things.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Yes, I love it.
I think that's a great name.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
That's exciting that you were able to finally get it
out, because when that happensit's like plunging.
Sometimes you just have to diveoff the deep end when this
moment strikes, because if youhesitate it could be so long
before you get that back, andI've learned that a lot.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I'm so crazy because I didn't even have a lot of
energy yesterday but I had todrop something off the post
office.
Post office is next to thebeach, so I was like, let me go
on a walk and get my walk in,you know, get my steps in.
So I was getting my steps inand I was walking on the sand
and burning more calories andthen all of a sudden I was like
just looking at the water andI'm like I got to get this on
(34:25):
paper Like, and I got to do itnow.
So I was actually narrating itlike talk to text.
You know, I was like narratingit like as I was walking and I,
oh gosh, and then I kind ofended up doing it like the whole
night until like midnight.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
I was about to ask how do you, when those moments
strike, are you a paper to pen,are you a digital like, or is it
more voice?
Speaker 2 (34:50):
How do you capture that I'm more paper to pen, like
I'm more like sit down and,like you know, type it out.
But this moment just like hitme and I just wanted to talk it
out.
So, I didn't have my computer.
I was on the beach so it waslike, and I was like, what if?
How fun is this?
Like looking out at the water?
I'm narrating my second bookLike yeah, I was like this is a
(35:12):
moment.
Okay, this is a moment.
Oh, I love that.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
That is awesome.
That is awesome.
So, uh, what would you say?
So you talked about your secondbook, so we know that you have
that coming up.
Um, what would you say to like.
So what would you say to theyounger self version of you for
confused girl?
Like, if you were to take thatyounger girl, what would you say
(35:38):
to her about the book that youwrote and and what would you
tell her to get out of that book?
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I would just say you know you, you don't, don't put
so much pressure on yourself.
Like everything takes itselfout and you have a lot of time,
so you know your life isn'tending once you turn 30, like it
goes on and beautiful thingsare coming.
So just enjoy more, don't,don't put so much pressure on
(36:09):
yourself and and just trust thateverything's going to work out,
cause it was just fear.
Then there was so much fear andnow I fear fear will come now,
but I, I just I kind of go okay.
No, not, I'm not diving intoyou Like I'm.
I'm choosing to trust and havefaith.
(36:30):
It's like a conscious choice,right?
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Yeah, and sometimes fear can be a motivator because
it will get you to the next step.
It's either I need to just moveon from what's making me afraid
or I need to embrace it andcontrol it and get past it.
So I think, like you said,embracing that moment and just
don't be bogged down.
That that's a very.
There's that trend going onTikTok right now where they
(36:55):
would say I think it's like it'sa good picture of yourself or
video that you liked, and thenit's like a year from now, this
person's doing XYZ.
Or if I tell myself somethingfive years ago, it's because I'm
doing great now or because Iwent through something, but I'm
doing awesome on the other side.
Having that moment ofreflection, it goes back to what
(37:16):
Denise talks about with themirror talk.
Don't ever say something toyourself that you wouldn't say
to your best friend, yourdaughter, your mom.
But also, what would you say toyourself five years from now?
What do you want to be sayingto yourself five years from now?
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Yes, it's so true, and I actually was asked that,
and I would say keep having fun.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good answer.
Keep having fun, because inwhat I think that we need to
remember when we're alwaysworried about what other people
think of us is, at the end ofthe day, we're all resting with
our own souls at the end of theday and we are in charge of our
happiness our own happiness.
We can't rely on anybody elseto make us happy.
(37:59):
So I think that I feel likethat's definitely probably a
good takeaway.
Like I feel like you kind of getthat out of the book, like you
always had this pressure to getinto the good college or
represent the Italian family or,you know, do be the good
Italian daughter that you'resupposed to be, and you were
never really.
You were always like I havethis expectation and this
(38:21):
expectation on me and thisexpectation on me, but what do I
really want for me?
And then why?
How can I make myself happy?
Because these people are allexpecting this out of me, but I,
at the end of the day, I wantto be happy and they can't do
that for me.
I have to do that for myself,and I think that is part of the
journey and part of maturing andgetting through the hard times
(38:42):
is realizing that.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Absolutely no.
That was so beautifully said,it's so true.
And you kind of get to thispoint too where you're like
nobody really cares about meanyway, because they're too
concentrated on themselves toreally care about me.
So why am I caring what otherpeople think?
And I see people doing this inthere as they get older too,
like a lot of people don't growout of it, like they're
(39:05):
constantly trying to keep upwith the Joneses and care what
people think.
And, honestly, people arethinking.
Mature people are thinking whydo you care what other people
are thinking so much?
Why are you?
That's what they're thinking.
Speaker 3 (39:18):
Absolutely.
So what do you do?
You have any future travelplans coming up?
I know the like.
We said the book's coming outsoon, and where can we, where
can our listeners grab yourpre-order your book from?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Well, okay, so.
So right now, no travel plans,because I'm just concentrating
on my book launch.
But travel plans come up for mejust like that.
So I just, and I don't know, Ifeel like I might be doing some
traveling for the book thissummer.
So I'm kind of just seeing howthings unfold, which is the way
I live my life, just let itunfold and then, oh yes, okay.
(39:57):
So actually I have somethingreally exciting to disclose I'm
doing a pre-order giveaway.
So if you pre-order the bookand send me a screenshot, email
me a screenshot of your order,you'll enter to win a two night
stay in Maui and an ocean frontroom and a hundred dollar gift
card to my store.
(40:17):
So I'll, I'll give.
I can send you guys the link umthe giveaway and we'll get that
info out to everybody.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
That's awesome.
Yes, that's exciting.
What?
Speaker 1 (40:27):
if I win, I want to go to.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
Maui and also.
Oh so my you can.
You can find all thisinformation on my website
confused girl in the citycom.
You can also find it on myInstagram at confused girl LA
and yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:51):
Yeah, and we can.
We can plug your your Amazonlink to the book in there and on
when we publish this, when werelease this, so we'll get all
that good stuff out to ourlisteners.
Very exciting, perfect.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
Well, thank you so much for joining us today.
I am so excited about readingyour book.
I feel like the conversationcame at the perfect time.
I think that stuff like that,because we have been meeting and
trying to schedule this causeeverybody's schedules are so
busy.
So I think this happened whenit was supposed to and I have
enjoyed chatting with you andyes, so thank you for joining us
(41:19):
today.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Yeah, and we wish you all the best with your book
release and your next book and,um, maybe we'll make it out to
LA and the divas will, uh, meetup.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Oh my gosh, I would so love that.
Definitely contact me if youcome to LA.
You guys are great.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yeah, absolutely All right, guys.
That's going to wrap up today'sepisode.
We hope you enjoyed it.
And go get confused, girl you.
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