August 7, 2025 • 38 mins
In Unwinding Anxiety, Dr. Judson Brewer explains how anxiety isn’t just an emotion, it’s a habit loop. This episode shows how mindfulness and curiosity can retrain your brain to stop spinning.
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(00:00):
Welcome to the Summary State podcast.
Today we are embarking on a truly fascinating deep dive into
Doctor Jetson Brewer's insightful book, Unwinding
Anxiety. Now this isn't just another self
help book you pick up and forgetabout.
This book promises to completelyrevolutionize how we approach
one of the most pervasive kind of sneaky challenges of our
(00:21):
time. Absolutely.
What Doctor Brewer has done hereis, well, he's distilled years
of research and clinical practice into a step by step
guide. It actually shows us how to, you
know, rewire our brains. It's designed to alleviate not
just anxiety, but also things like obsessive thinking and even
addiction, which is huge. It really is a breakthrough,
kind of a game changer. And what's so compelling is how
deeply it's grounded in science.Yet it's incredibly practical,
(00:43):
super user friendly. And that's our mission today,
right? To unravel how this book offers
these actionable steps and, frankly, some genuinely
surprising insights. Insights they can free us from
the worry that often feels like it's, well, driving our lives.
You might actually be surprised at how much humor and really
(01:04):
relatable experiences are woven into what could otherwise be a
very dense dive into mind science.
Yeah, definitely. We're definitely going to unpack
those aha moments. Yeah, because this book is just
full of them. OK, so let's start with one of
the most intriguing observationsright at the beginning.
How anxiety is this elusive shapeshifter?
Dr. Brewer puts it pretty memorably, saying anxiety is
(01:26):
like pornography. Oh yeah, I remember this line.
It's hard to define, but you sure know it when you see it.
Unless, of course, you can't seeit, which, if we're honest, is a
huge part of the problem for so many of us, right?
He shares this incredibly relatable and maybe slightly
embarrassing personal story fromhis college days.
He thought he had irritable bowel syndrome, IBS, severe
(01:47):
bloating, cramps to the point hehad to plan his daily running
routes around public bathrooms. Turns out it was his own anxiety
just manifesting in this very physical, very inconvenient way.
It's a great example of how it hides.
It really highlights anxieties, diverse physical manifestations,
and if you look at the dictionary definition, it's
(02:08):
equally broad. Isn't it?
A feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an
imminent event or something withan uncertain outcome, as the
author points out. I mean, that covers just about
anything under the sun. Right, because any event that's
about to happen is imminent. And let's face it, the only
thing we can be certain about isthat things are uncertain.
So anxiety can pop up anywhere, anytime.
(02:30):
We're talking everything from that tiny pinprick of
nervousness maybe when a colleague pulls up a slide on
quarterly results to a full blown shot of anxiety when those
results come with news of layoffs.
It's this whole spectrum of discomfort.
And it shows up in such different forms, too.
Some people experience it like ahungry cat prodding them awake
in the morning, leading to this unshakable worry that just spins
(02:52):
them further awake. That's common for patients with
generalized anxiety disorder, orGAD.
That sounds exhausting. Totally.
Others, like Doctor Brewer himself during his residency,
experienced random panic attacks, jolting them awake in
the middle of the night. He he compares it to a tea
kettle heating up and then suddenly blowing its lid.
Whoosh. Exactly.
(03:13):
And then you have specific phobias where people worry
intensely about one thing but are maybe unaffected by others.
It's wild how varied it is. The book uses a really apartment
analogy here. It's like the mind or brain is a
violin string that has gone slightly out of tune.
Oh, I like that. Yeah, when a violin string is
out of tune, you don't just tossthe whole instrument, right?
(03:33):
Instead, you listen to what's wrong, you adjust the string,
and you make beautiful music again.
It shifts the perspective from viewing anxiety as like a defect
or a disorder to something that just needs a bit of fine tuning.
That's a huge mindset shift right there.
It really is. And to illustrate just how
differently anxiety can manifest, the book shares 2
powerful examples. High-powered women Doctor
(03:55):
Brewer's wife Mari experienced what he calls a slow burn of
generalized anxiety. For her, it was this low grade
feeling, often with no specific object, just attaching to
anything it could. She described it like a wildfire
in the wilderness, fueled by everyday stuff, often showing up
as excessive planning or irritability, especially before
(04:16):
trips. You know that endless checklist,
that gnawing sense of unease. The pre vacation anxiety where
you're supposed to be excited but you're just meticulously
planning for every conceivable disaster.
I definitely know that one. Now contrast that with Emily, a
high-powered lawyer. Her anxiety was more like that
tea kettle we mentioned. Her panic attacks would
literally jolt her awake at night.
(04:37):
Heart pounding, sweating, gasping for air.
No bad dream, no apparent trigger, just boom full blown
panic. Two incredibly different
manifestations, same underlying anxiety, basically.
And the crucial point for both Mari and Emily, despite their
vastly different experiences, was this.
The ability to name their particular variety of anxiety
(04:58):
was the very first step. The first step to beginning to
work with it. It makes sense.
Without that recognition, it just remains this invisible
force that keeps controlling you.
It's like trying to fight a ghost you can't see.
And it seems like a lot of us are getting caught by this
invisible force. The statistics on anxiety are,
well, they're pretty staggering.Pre COVID, we were already
(05:18):
looking at 264 million people worldwide with an anxiety
disorder. And the American Psychological
Association back in 2018 found that 39% of Americans reported
being more anxious than in 2017,and another 39% felt the same
level of anxiety. That's nearly 80% of the
population feeling significantlyanxious.
That's sobering. If you look around, that's
(05:39):
pretty much everyone you know oryourself.
It is a sobering thought, and the sources of this anxiety are
pretty universal. Health, safety, finances,
politics, relationships. In fact, a 2017 APA survey found
that 63% of Americans felt the future of the nation was a large
source of stress and 59% felt the United States is at the
(06:00):
lowest point they can remember in history.
And remember, this was before 2020.
Yeah, that really sets the stagefor what was to come.
Exactly. Which brings us to the COVID-19
pandemic, where, no surprise, anxiety to lulls skyrocketed.
By April 2020, there was a whopping 250% increase in severe
psychological distress in the UScompared to 2018.
(06:22):
It wasn't just a personal struggle.
The book highlights social contagion, how anxiety spreads
person to person. Oh yeah, it's not just about
catching a virus. You can catch anxiety too.
You see it with things like panic buying toilet paper,
right? When you see others doing it,
their anxiety kind of infects you and suddenly your own logic
goes out the window. Wall Street has a great example
of this, the Volatility Index orVIX.
(06:42):
Aptly called the Fear Index. It hit a 10 year high in March
2020 as traders realized the unprecedented mess the world was
in. The market itself was just
radiating anxiety. And it rarely comes alone, does
it? Anxiety, as the book puts it,
isn't a loner, it tends to hang out with friends.
Specifically, there's about 80% comorbidity with depression for
(07:03):
generalized anxiety disorder. 80%, yeah.
So if you're feeling anxious, chances are something else might
be lurking nearby, making thingseven more challenging.
But anxiety isn't just a random occurrence.
It has a fascinating birth story, and it traces back to our
oldest survival mechanism, fear.Fear functions through negative
reinforcement, like when you step into a busy St., see a car,
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and instinctively jump back ontothe sidewalk.
Right, basic survival. That quick learning helps us
avoid danger in the future. It's primal.
So our primitive brain, which even the humble sea slug with
its 20,000 neurons uses, learns this basic trigger behavior
result loop for survival. But then humans evolve this
newer thinking and planning brain, the prefrontal cortex, or
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Pfc, right behind our eyes and forehead.
Pfc. Yeah, this Pfc is great for
creativity and planning, but here's the kicker.
It struggles. It goes into OverDrive when it
doesn't have enough information to accurately predict the
future. And that's where the trouble
starts. Isn't.
It that's exactly where anxiety is born.
When the Pfc doesn't have enoughinformation, it starts playing
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out different versions of what might happen.
The COVID-19 pandemic was a perfect, devastating example of
this. In the early days, with so much
uncertainty, contagiousness, deadliness, our brains found it
incredibly easy to spin stories.Oh yeah.
Fear and tread stories. Exactly.
The more shocking the news, the more our brains remember it,
feeding that sense of danger. It's almost like our brain likes
(08:30):
to find problems even when they're not really there.
So if you picture it, anxiety isborn like a seed meeting fertile
soil. When fear meets uncertainty in
this thinking brain, it makes somuch sense.
Think about the first time you let your kids walk to school
alone. You've taught them all the
safety lessons, but the moment they're out of sight, your mind
(08:51):
immediately fills with worst case scenarios.
Your brain is trying to help, but it's operating on incomplete
data, screaming go get me some information, but where do you
get it? And that's where the Internet
becomes this double edged sword.More information should mean
more control, right? You'd think, but with the
Internet, accuracy gets buried under sheer volume.
(09:12):
Fake news spreads 6 times fasterthan real news.
Six times. Wow.
A Google search for, say, a strange symptom can feel less
like dipping your toe in the water and more like a tidal wave
coming right at you. You pick pick up a glass of
water to quench your thirst, butit's bottomless.
You're trying to solve uncertainty with more
uncertainty. Yeah, that choice overload is
real. You're left feeling less in
(09:32):
control with higher uncertainty,not more.
And then you throw in contradictory or even purposely
misleading information and your brain absolutely hates it
because it's the epitome of uncertainty.
Exactly. Even those parental tracking
devices meant to increase safetycan ironically increase anxiety.
They provide too much uncertain real time data.
(09:53):
She stopped. Why don't you stop?
Was she talking to a stranger orjust tying her shoe?
It's this never ending what if game your brain plays with
itself. It truly is a perfect storm for
anxiety, and it also highlights how anxiety, like we said with
COVID-19, is contagious social contagion, witnessing other
There's panic buying, seeing thestock market's VIX Index spike.
Their fear infects our brains, sending our PFCS into OverDrive.
(10:16):
And when we can't control it, that emotional fever spikes into
panic. Our rational thinking brains
just go offline. Logically we know we don't need
a six month supply of toilet paper, but seeing that cart
piled high, which arm and boom, survival mode kicks in?
Great. Our Pfc only comes back online
when we're trying to figure out how to fit it all in the car.
It's wild. But this understanding of how
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anxiety is born and spreads is the first step, because Doctor
Brewer also dives into a truly fascinating and perhaps
uncomfortable truth. OK, what's that?
Exactly because this deep dive into Doctor Brewers book reveals
that anxiety often hides in our habits and and he makes this
bold argument that we're all addicted to something.
(10:58):
Oh, OK, addicted. That's a strong word.
It is when you hear addiction, you might immediately think of
alcohol or illicit drugs and assume it's something that
happens to other people. Right.
Most of us would probably say noway.
I'm not an addict. I just have a few pesky habits.
Yeah, but Doctor Brewer's me search, as he calls it, into his
own quarks and foibles and then asking friends and colleagues,
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it revealed addiction everywhere.
Yeah, he's talking about things like continued shopping despite
adverse consequences, endlessly checking social media, computer
gaming, stress eating, and yes, even worrying itself can be an
addiction. It's a much broader definition
than we're used to. Worrying is an addiction.
That's interesting. And the modern world?
It's practically designed for it.
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Think about buying shoes in the 1800s, multi month multi step
process, hitching a horse, riding to town, placing an
order, waiting weeks, doing it all again.
Right, a whole ordeal now. You can be stuck in traffic,
click an ad, and two days later,thanks to Amazon Prime,
perfectly fitting shoes show up at your door.
That 2 minute two click fix is far more likely to get you
(12:01):
hooked than the two-month experience.
It's almost designed to short circuit our patients.
Totally. Companies exploit our weak
moments. Boredom, frustration, anger,
loneliness by offering instant emotional fixes.
Feeling bad? Eat this cupcake.
Anxious. Watch cute puppy videos.
Click click. Feel better maybe?
And the insidious part? These so-called fixes become so
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reified and solidified into habits that they don't feel like
addictions at all. They just feel like who we are.
That's the real trap. It's a subtle but powerful
point. To understand how we got here,
we need to go back to the brainsold components designed for
survival. Beyond the fight, flight,
freeze, instinct, there's the reward based learning system.
It's incredibly primitive. Yeah, the book mentions even a
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sea slug with just 20,000 neurons uses the system.
Our complex human brains have about 100 billion, but the
underlying mechanism is the same.
So back in K person days it was simple.
Find food tasted yummy, dopaminereleased brain says remember
what you were eating and where you found it, trigger seafood
behavior. Eat food, reward, survive, Feel
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good. Simple.
Fast forward to modern life, yougot a bad day.
You see that chocolate bar? Your modern brain says hey wait
a minute, you can use this dopamine thing for more than
just remember where food is, eatsomething good, feel better and
boom a new habit loop is formed.And companies have become
absolute masters at exploiting this ancient system with what
Doctor Brewer calls addiction maximizers.
(13:27):
Right. The first is intermittent
reinforcement. When a reward isn't on a regular
schedule or seems random, dopamine neurons fire more
intensely. Think of winning at a casino
slot machine. It it's just enough times to
keep you playing even though you're losing money overall,
that unpredictability is the magic ingredient.
And this applies to everything that alerts you to something
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new. Your old brain doesn't know the
difference between a Saber toothed tiger and a late night
e-mail from your boss, so any kind of alert you've got mail a
buzz in your pocket for social media like triggers a response.
Emails, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, anything
that claims to keep you connected is designed for
maximum addiction. Because they don't beep or buzz
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at regular intervals, you never know when that hit will come, so
you keep checking. Addictive.
The second maximizer is immediate availability.
That multi month shoe buying process in the 1800s, it was
actually a good thing. It gave you time for the
excitement to fade. Time allows us to kind of sober
up, let the desire mellow into reality.
But in the modern world, any need or desire can be taken care
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of almost instantly. Stressed out cupcakes are around
the corner. Bored endless puppy videos on
YouTube? There's no time for reflection,
just instant gratification. And get this your smartphone,
it's basically a paid advertising billboard in your
pocket, and you pay for it to constantly advertise to you.
Isn't that crazy? So combining the old brains
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reward based learning with intermittent reinforcement and
immediate availability, it creates a dangerous formula for
modern day habits and addictionsthat goes way beyond typical
substance abuse. It's a meticulously engineered
system to keep us hooked. It's truly alarming when you see
how precisely it's engineered toexploit our ancient brain.
And that brings us to how anxiety itself can become a
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habit loop. When Doctor Brewer discusses
habit loops, he finds few peopleactually understand that anxiety
can fit this model. It's one of the big aha moments
of the book. Yeah, that's counterintuitive.
Why would anxiety be a habit? Why would we repeat something
that feels bad? Well, because our brains, from
cave people to modern scientists, have never liked
uncertainty. It feels scary.
It creates this urgency to act like a mental itch, screaming go
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get me some information if the danger feels big or imminent,
That itch gets really, really itchy.
It compels us into action, oftenin the form of worry.
OK, so worry is the action. Right.
And so the anxiety worry loop often looks like this trigger
stress or anxiety behavior, worry result, result, sometimes
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the solution, but often just more anxiety or maybe avoidance
distraction. It's like a slot machine.
Our brain keeps pulling that lever, running through
scenarios, hoping for a solution.
Jackpot, even when it really works.
It's a habit we fall into hopingfor a payout that rarely comes.
Exactly worrying has this DoctorJekyll and Mr. Hyde quality.
At first it can seem helpful, like it's trying to solve a
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problem, gives you the illusion of control.
But the book warns don't be fooled, it's guts are rotten and
it quickly turns on you. It pulls you into a never ending
Whirlpool of anxiety where you don't know which way is up.
It feels productive, but it's actually digging you deeper into
the anxious state. Precisely this is the basis for
generalized anxiety disorder GA Excessive anxiety and worry
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about about a variety of topics,events, or activities that is
clearly excessive. It's hard to control, which is
why people seek help. They're stuck in this worry slot
machine, compulsively pulling the lever even though they know
it's not working. And then there's that pervasive
myth. Anxiety for success.
So many people believe anxiety is a necessary driver, wearing
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it like a badge of honor or romanticizing and thinking it
makes them contribute more. We've all heard it right.
If you are stressed, you're making a contribution.
If you're not stressed, you're aloser.
It's a deeply ingrained belief. And this idea has been
perpetuated by what the book calls a pseudo scientific
explanatory model, the Yerks Dodson Law.
This law comes from observationsof like dancing mice needing
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moderate shocks to learn efficiently and later drowning
rats swimming faster with increased air deprivation.
Strange origins. Yeah, really strange.
It created this inverted U-shaped curve, suggesting
optimal arousal for performance.And it sounds so scientific, so
we just accepted it. But the book challenges this
directly, and it's a huge aha moment.
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Does anxiety always make you perform well?
Do Olympians or professional musicians look nervous when
they're absolutely crushing it? Think Michael Jordan?
Usain Bolt. No, they look focused in the
zone. Exactly.
When they're performing at theirabsolute peak, they look calm,
focused, often joyful. Anxiety can actually SAP your
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energy, cloud your thinking, andget in the way of true peak
performance. And this is a critical insight
when mapping out habit loop. People often get stuck focusing
on the triggers, trying to figure out why they started the
habit. But the book emphasizes triggers
are the least important part of the habit leap.
The money is in the rewards. Right, knowing why isn't the
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key. Knowing why you started a habit
isn't going to magically fix it in the present moment, because
your brain isn't learning intellectually, it's learning
through experience, the feeling of it.
OK, so how do we shift from justunderstanding this complex web
of anxiety and habit to actuallydoing something about it?
This is where Doctor Brewer introduces that brilliant
analogy for mountain biking. 3 gears to behavior change.
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It came to him after noticing how people progressed in his
mindfulness programs. This is a very clever practical
framework. It really is.
Let's start with first gear, howto map your mind.
This is all about recognizing your habit.
Loops clearly seen the components trigger behavior and
result. TBR Dr. Brewer shares the story
of John, a 60 year old patient referred for alcoholism fueled
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by anxiety and procrastination. He'd been struggling for years,
felt totally stuck. OK, so John, what were his
loops? They mapped his primary drinking
loop trigger anxiety in the lateafternoon, that gnawing feeling
as the day winds down Behavior Start drinking often a glass of
wine, reward numbing, forgettingthe anxiety, getting a temporary
break. Makes sense.
The escape. And his procrastination loop
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trigger anxiety in the morning from seeing work, piling up
behavior, procrastination often distracting himself, reward
avoidance, that fleeting feelingof not having to face the hard
task. Avoidance, the classic reward.
For John, this was a massive, immediate light bulb moment.
He'd been struggling for years, not seeing the pattern.
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Doctor Brewer describes it like someone switched on the light in
a dark room. Within minutes, John's demeanor
changed. Hopeless, animated and hopeful,
he suddenly realized his primaryissue was anxiety.
The drinking and procrastinatingwere just clumsy, ineffective
ways his brain was trying to cope and he quit cold Turkey.
Wow, that's huge. Just for mapping it out.
It sounds deceptively simple, but that clarity is everything
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but the book gives a really important word of warning here,
right? Yes, once you start seeing your
habit loops clearly, it's reallyhard to Unsee them, and most
people like John initially immediately fall into an ironic
habit trap trying to fix it right away with willpower.
The fixing trap. Exactly.
It's like hearing a funny sound in your car, calling the
mechanic who explains the problem, and then going home to
tinker with it yourself, only tomake it worse because you don't
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have the right tools or understanding.
Trigger. Start to see habit loops
clearly. Behavior.
Try to fix them using old ineffective tools like
willpower. Result.
It doesn't work, leading to morefrustration and self judgement.
It's a loop that fuels itself. So first gear isn't about
fixing, it's about seeing, trulyseeing without judgement.
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It's like The Karate Kid analogyhe uses.
Daniel's Audi wasn't handed a book on karate and told to write
a report. Mr. Miyagi had him do wax on,
wax off. Seemed like menial labor but was
crucial for foundational understanding.
Muscle memory concepts don't magically become wisdom.
You have to do the work, the mapping, so they translate into
know how through your own directexperience.
Don't skip the mapping. Absolutely.
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It's the essential first step. So once you've mapped your mind
in first gear, you move to second gear, updating your
brain's reward value system. This is where the magic really
happens, because willpower and simply thinking your way out
often fail. Why?
Because sustainable behavior change requires updating the
felt experience of rewards, not just intellectually knowing
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something is bad for you. OK, the felt experience.
The book uses the smoking example, right?
Instead of just telling patientssmoking is bad, Doctor Brewer
teaches them to pay attention tothe actual taste, the smell, the
feeling. That woman who noticed smoking
smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals.
YUCK. Exactly, She wasn't thinking it
was bad, she was experiencing itas truly unrewarding in that
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moment. And for anxiety it's even more
straightforward. Anxiety sucks.
Nobody asks for more anxiety. We just need to really feel that
truth when it's happening. This is critical for resetting
the reward value in your brain. Think about mindless eating,
grabbing that bag of potato chips after a long day.
Your brain is lumped chips plus TV relaxation into a single
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reward value. That zombie like behavior gets
triggered the moment you walk inthe door.
Right, the de stress reward value doesn't get updated until
you start paying attention rightthen and there.
How do those chips actually makeyou feel after you eat them?
Not just during the initial craving.
Usually not right? And here's how the book puts it
in that wonderfully memorable, if slightly graphic, way.
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Oh yeah, the poop analogy. You.
Have to help your brain truly experience how unpleasant and
unrewarding a habit is for deep learning to occur?
It's about letting your brain learn from direct experience the
difference between the expected pleasure and the actual
consequence. It's a powerful idea and it
works. We see this with Dave the
patient whose story is woven through the book.
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In Part 2 of his story, bringingawareness to the unrewarding
nature of eating to cope with anxiety allowed him to see it
actually made him feel worse long term.
He noticed the indigestion, the sluggishness, the guilt.
With that clear awareness, not just intellectual understanding,
he lost 97 lbs. 97 lbs. That's incredible.
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Then resolved major health issues like sleep apnea and high
blood pressure. That's not willpower.
That's learning from experience,updating the reward value.
That's amazing, and the book also introduces is retrospective
second gear, right? Learning from past failures,
like recognizing that a sugar craving you gave into didn't
actually taste good or make you feel better later.
Exactly. It turns a failure into a
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learning opportunity, a data point for your brain.
That's a huge mindset shift because suddenly nothing is
truly a failure. Everything is data.
Which brings us directly to the importance of mindset matters.
Doctor Carol Dweck's concept of fixed versus growth mindsets is
crucial here. Our mindset or worldview is
formed through reward based learning.
Almost like wearing chocolate colored glasses that color how
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you see everything. Yeah.
If you're wearing fixed mindset glasses, you believe your basic
intelligence and abilities are immutable.
You've got what you've got and that's it.
Failure is dreaded because it's seen as a personal limitation,
proof that you're not good enough.
But with growth mindset glasses,you believe your abilities can
be developed over time through effort and learning.
Failure then becomes a learning opportunity rather than a
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definitive statement about your limitations.
You can actually grow from it. The book uses the simple example
of tripping on the sidewalk. Fixed mindset.
I'm so clumsy, so stupid. Growth mindset.
I tripped. What can I learn from this?
Was I distracted? Was my shoelace united?
It's about curiosity instead of judgement.
That shift in mindset is profound.
There's that patient of Doctor Brewer struggling with binge
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drinking. She initially viewed her
progress cutting down from a pint of liquor a day to going
nearly a week without as failurebecause she hadn't stopped
completely. Right.
Stuck in that fixed mindset, constantly judging herself.
But by learning to reframe it as2 steps forward, one step back,
and then simply learning, she shifted into a growth mindset.
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She started seeing progress, notjust demanding perfection.
It's about letting go of self judgement and embracing every
experience as a chance to learn.As the book powerfully states,
running away from any problem only increases the distance from
the solution. When you embrace awareness in a
growth mindset, all experiences,even the ones we label mistakes,
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can move you forward. You stop fighting yourself.
You Start learning from yourself.
OK, so you've mapped your mind in first gear.
You've updated your brain's reward values in second gear.
Now for the exciting part. Third gear finding a bigger,
better offer BBO because simply seeing the old habit as
unrewarding isn't quite enough for lasting change.
You need a special type of BBO, something that is more rewarding
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and crucially, doesn't feed the original craving.
Something genuinely compelling. The book introduces curiosity as
that superpower that ultimate, bigger, better offer.
Curiosity is an innate, natural and universal capacity that
blossoms most fully in children.It's how you discover how the
world works. It draws you in with a childlike
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wonder, a desire to explore. It's not something you do, it's
something you are. Doctor Brewer explains there are
two flavors of curiosity deprivation curiosity D
curiosity and interest curiosity.
Curiosity D Curiosity is that restless need to know state,
like when you can't remember a movie star's name or you're
stuck in traffic and compulsively check Google Maps.
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Itchy feeling. Exactly.
The reward here is reducing an aversive state, that
uncomfortable feeling of not knowing.
It's about relieving tension. A great example is how those NYC
subway signs eased anxiety for commuters, even if the wait
times didn't change. Just knowing helped.
Just knowing how long they had to wait reduced their D
curiosity and made them feel better.
The anxiety was relieved by reducing uncertainty.
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But the real BBO, the truly sustainable 1, is interest,
curiosity. This is the pleasurable aspects
of the hunger for knowledge. The key here is that it's
internally based and doesn't runout, making it a truly
sustainable BBO. Right.
The process of being curious itself feels good.
You're not looking for a reward outside the exploration is the
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reward. It's boundless.
Doctor Brewer even taught the C bomb curiosity to the US woman's
Olympic water polo team during asilent meditation retreat.
C Bomb. Love it.
These gold medal athletes, already at the top of their
game, learn to drop into direct experience, using as a kind of
mantra. It encourages childlike
fascination, helping you drop into the present moment instead
(27:55):
of getting stuck in your head judging or analyzing, just
observing. And for Dave from earlier, using
curiosity was absolutely life changing.
His brain had been on constant high alert since childhood due
to random physical abuse. His brain couldn't determine
safe from unsafe, so it just assumed nothing was safe,
reacting to every sensation as athreat.
Wow, that's intense. But by using curiosity to
(28:18):
observe his sensations, just noticing them not reacting, he
started to update his brain's memory systems.
He could check is there danger here now?
And when the answer was no, the sensations would fade.
It literally rewired his internal alarm system.
Curiosity helps you lean into discomfort and expand your
growth zone. It's different from willpower or
(28:38):
grit, which are effortful and deplete energy.
Curiosity is naturally drawing. It invites you forward.
Along with curiosity, another powerful third gear practice the
book explores is rain. Rain.
OK, what's that stand for again?It's an acronym Recognize,
Relax, Accept, Aloe, investigate, Note.
It's a beautifully simple yet profound tool to help you write
out urges and cravings, especially for anxiety.
(29:00):
Instead of getting sucked in by them, it gives you a road map.
Recognize. Relax.
Except I'll investigate. Note.
Yeah. The noting part, the N in reign,
is like the observer effect in physics.
The act of observing A phenomenon changes it.
When you note sensations, you'realready less caught up in them,
creating a space between you andthe experience.
(29:20):
The book gives practical advice.Sit in a comfortable posture.
Do not close your eyes or everyone will think you are
sleeping. It emphasizes this is for real
life. Right.
Not just for meditation cushions.
And the example of a participantrecognizing stress as distinct
from hunger is so powerful. Hey, you're not hunger, you're
stressed. That simple act of naming, of
(29:43):
noting creates the space to makea different choice.
Exactly. Rain helps you focus and get
curious about your moment to moment experience, helping you
choose how to respond rather than just react.
Finally, we come to loving kindness or meta.
This is presented as a powerful BBO, especially for self
judgement and those negative echo habit loops that keep us
stuck. Echo habit loops like beating
(30:04):
yourself up for beating yourselfup.
Pretty much Shame, guilt cycles.It's a radical act of self
compassion. The book shares the story of a
patient with binge eating disorder triggered by emotional
abuse, leading to immense guilt and self judgement.
She'd get stuck in a loop, trigger feel guilty behavior,
binge eat again trying to numb the guilt.
Result. Brief relief, then more guilt.
(30:27):
Which is cycle. Loving kindness helped her stop
binge eating and heal. She eventually lost 40 lbs and
could enjoy a single piece of pizza again without the
overwhelming urge to finish the whole box.
It broke the cycle. That's amazing, but it's not
just positive self talk, right? Crucially, no, it's not about
forcing yourself to feel good. It's a genuine well wishing
capacity that actually quiets those self judgmental brain
(30:50):
regions. Doctor Brewer shares his own
experience using it on his bike commute to counter road rage
instead of yelling back at honking drivers or getting
angry. Which is so easy to do, right?
He'd silently offer May I be happy and may you be happy.
And he found he'd arrive at workjoyful instead of self-righteous
and contracted. Seeing that difference in
results, the closed down contraction of anger versus the
(31:12):
open joyful expansion of kindness helped him see loving
kindness was the truly more rewarding way.
It became his new go to because it just felt better.
Definitely a BBO that doesn't run out.
As we move into sustaining change, one of the most radical
suggestions Doctor Brewer makes is why doesn't matter.
He shares Amy's story. Caught in a why habit loop
(31:34):
Trigger anxiety behavior. Try to figure out why I'm
anxious. Result more anxious because the
answer is always elusive. Oh, the why loop.
I know that one. Amy was desperately trying to
figure out the root cause, thinking if she found the why
she could fix it. But the act of asking why was
actually making her more anxiousfeeding the loop.
Right, so Doctor Brewer's radical suggestion was, what if
(31:56):
the why doesn't matter? The critical point isn't the
past trigger, but how you react in the present moment.
It's so counterintuitive becausewe're taught to find the root
cause, but here it's a trap. So what was the homework His.
Practical homework for Amy was simple.
Whenever you notice AY habit lipdeveloping, take 3 deep breaths,
breathe in deeply and on the exhale say to yourself why
(32:17):
doesn't matter. This helps you focus on what's
happening now, not get lost and trying to fix the past which you
can't change anyway. He.
Uses that mechanic mode analogy too right?
Trying to fix something from thepast is like trying to fix a car
from 20 years ago. It won't work.
We can only work with what is here right now.
The habit loops. We are acting out in the present
(32:38):
moment. The power is always in the now.
This leads us to the idea of being a human doing versus a
human being. We often feel like we're
constantly doing, doing, doing to make things better, trying to
force change. But the book emphasizes that
true change comes from short moments of practice, many times
throughout the day, building strong new habits.
Micro moments. Exactly.
It's not about 1 grand effort, but many small consistent ones.
(33:00):
Yeah, that resonates so much. It's about micro moments of
mindfulness throughout your day.And these good habits like
curiosity and kindness are inherently rewarding.
The book suggests turbocharging second gear.
Right after a third gear practice, actively ask what did
I get from this and savor the good feeling.
This solidifies the a new habit building that positive
reinforcement loop, making it stick.
(33:23):
Curiosity and kindness don't force you like a drill Sergeant.
They naturally draw you in because they feel good.
It's about finding the sweetnessand healthy habits, like
remembering how good a run felt after you finished the fresh air
or the clear head, or recalling an act of kindness and that warm
feeling it leaves behind. Your brain naturally wants to do
more of what feels good. And then there's the powerful
(33:45):
concept of anxiety. Sobriety, borrowed from
Alcoholics Anonymous, is one dayat a time philosophy.
The crucial insight is that worrying about tomorrow's
anxiety makes you anxious now. Right here, right now.
The key is to focus on this moment and apply mindfulness
skills right now. You don't have to quit anxiety
forever just for this moment. Doctor Brewer uses that analogy
of a beaded necklace of moments.What we do in the present
(34:08):
creates the bead for our life story.
If we're anxious now, we create an anxiety bead.
But if we step out of that loop in this moment, using the three
gears, we can choose to create curiosity necklaces or kindness
necklaces instead. Each moment is a choice, a
chance to string a different kind of.
Bee, I love that choosing your necklace moment by moment.
(34:31):
Doctor Brewer himself admits he's an extremist with two
speeds fast enough. Yeah, go big or go home.
This personal tendency connects to the brains drive to seek out
rewards again and again, which can lead to both positive and
negative extremes. He humorously recounts rolling
newspapers infinitely small as akid or finishing homework on the
bus. That kind of intensity.
(34:51):
This plays out in social media, too, where algorithms reinforce
our preferences, often fosteringextreme views.
Certainty, even if it's extreme,often feels better to the brain
than the complex ambiguity of nuanced perspectives.
It's how echo chambers form. Making us more certain, but
potentially less understanding of others.
Yet Darwin himself often misquoted as just survival of
(35:13):
the fittest. He also observed that those
communities which include the greatest number of the most
sympathetic members would flourish best.
Kindness trumping meanness, evenfor survival.
That's a profound thought that goes against a lot of modern
narratives. Doctor Brewer's lab finding
support this. They showed people consistently
and significantly preferred mental states are just feeling
(35:35):
kind, curious, and connected to those of feeling anxious,
fearful and angry. This isn't just philosophy, it's
data. As he puts it, meanness feels
awful, while kindness is unequivocally the BBO.
The bigger, better offer. He's now a kindness extremist,
and frankly, after reading this book, I think I'm starting to
get on board with that idea too.Me too.
(35:57):
This brings us to evidence basedfaith.
They're not blind faith, but trust built on verifiable data,
your own data. Doctor Brewer's methods are
backed by clinical studies from his lab showing significant
reductions in anxiety and other habit changes.
He tells that fantastic story about US Representative Tim Ryan
staffer Michael, who quit smoking for six years after just
(36:18):
a 5 minute conversation and trying the app. 5 minutes.
That's incredible payoff, and that's the core of it.
You're encouraged to collect your own evidence.
Each time you practice rain noting or kindness, you are
gathering data that this actually works for you.
If doubt or skepticism arise, you note these as doubt or
skepticism and remember the hugepile of evidence you've built
(36:40):
through your own direct experience.
That's the secret sauce. It's empowering because you
become your own scientist, observing, experimenting,
collecting data on what genuinely works for you.
Doctor Brewer even shares his flow formula for writing.
Interest plus knowledge, plus experience.
Enjoyment in writing plus good product.
I'll flow. It's about setting the right
conditions. And trusting the process of
(37:02):
genuine engagement. And that's the real secret
sauce, isn't it? It's not about forcing yourself
or relying on sheer willpower, but about harnessing your
brain's natural learning mechanisms.
Working with your brain, not against it.
So as we wrap up our deep dive into unwinding anxiety, we hope
you found a new way to understand your mind's mechanics
and the incredible power you hold to change those ingrained
(37:24):
patterns you've learned to map your mind in first gear.
Update your brain's reward values in second.
And find those bigger, better offers like curiosity and
kindness in third gear. The journey of unwinding
anxiety, or any habit for that matter, isn't about willpower or
force. It's about awareness.
About getting genuinely curious about your inner landscape and
(37:44):
learning to ride the waves of your experience instead of
fighting them. As Doctor Brewer so eloquently
puts it, you can't think your way out of a bad habit or into a
good one. Trust your experience.
You are the secret sauce. So we invite you to begin
collecting your own evidence, one mindful moment at a time.
What will you choose to get addicted to next?
Fear or fascination? Or perhaps, as Doctor Brewer
(38:06):
suggests, the boundless, renewable rewards of kindness
and curiosity. Keep exploring, keep
questioning, and keep unwinding those habits that no longer
serve you. And maybe string together a
whole new necklace of moments.
Welcome to the Summary State podcast.
Today we are embarking on a truly fascinating deep dive into
Doctor Jetson Brewer's insightful book, Unwinding
Anxiety. Now this isn't just another self
help book you pick up and forgetabout.
This book promises to completelyrevolutionize how we approach
one of the most pervasive kind of sneaky challenges of our
(00:21):
time. Absolutely.
What Doctor Brewer has done hereis, well, he's distilled years
of research and clinical practice into a step by step
guide. It actually shows us how to, you
know, rewire our brains. It's designed to alleviate not
just anxiety, but also things like obsessive thinking and even
addiction, which is huge. It really is a breakthrough,
kind of a game changer. And what's so compelling is how
deeply it's grounded in science.Yet it's incredibly practical,
(00:43):
super user friendly. And that's our mission today,
right? To unravel how this book offers
these actionable steps and, frankly, some genuinely
surprising insights. Insights they can free us from
the worry that often feels like it's, well, driving our lives.
You might actually be surprised at how much humor and really
(01:04):
relatable experiences are woven into what could otherwise be a
very dense dive into mind science.
Yeah, definitely. We're definitely going to unpack
those aha moments. Yeah, because this book is just
full of them. OK, so let's start with one of
the most intriguing observationsright at the beginning.
How anxiety is this elusive shapeshifter?
Dr. Brewer puts it pretty memorably, saying anxiety is
(01:26):
like pornography. Oh yeah, I remember this line.
It's hard to define, but you sure know it when you see it.
Unless, of course, you can't seeit, which, if we're honest, is a
huge part of the problem for so many of us, right?
He shares this incredibly relatable and maybe slightly
embarrassing personal story fromhis college days.
He thought he had irritable bowel syndrome, IBS, severe
(01:47):
bloating, cramps to the point hehad to plan his daily running
routes around public bathrooms. Turns out it was his own anxiety
just manifesting in this very physical, very inconvenient way.
It's a great example of how it hides.
It really highlights anxieties, diverse physical manifestations,
and if you look at the dictionary definition, it's
(02:08):
equally broad. Isn't it?
A feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an
imminent event or something withan uncertain outcome, as the
author points out. I mean, that covers just about
anything under the sun. Right, because any event that's
about to happen is imminent. And let's face it, the only
thing we can be certain about isthat things are uncertain.
So anxiety can pop up anywhere, anytime.
(02:30):
We're talking everything from that tiny pinprick of
nervousness maybe when a colleague pulls up a slide on
quarterly results to a full blown shot of anxiety when those
results come with news of layoffs.
It's this whole spectrum of discomfort.
And it shows up in such different forms, too.
Some people experience it like ahungry cat prodding them awake
in the morning, leading to this unshakable worry that just spins
(02:52):
them further awake. That's common for patients with
generalized anxiety disorder, orGAD.
That sounds exhausting. Totally.
Others, like Doctor Brewer himself during his residency,
experienced random panic attacks, jolting them awake in
the middle of the night. He he compares it to a tea
kettle heating up and then suddenly blowing its lid.
Whoosh. Exactly.
(03:13):
And then you have specific phobias where people worry
intensely about one thing but are maybe unaffected by others.
It's wild how varied it is. The book uses a really apartment
analogy here. It's like the mind or brain is a
violin string that has gone slightly out of tune.
Oh, I like that. Yeah, when a violin string is
out of tune, you don't just tossthe whole instrument, right?
(03:33):
Instead, you listen to what's wrong, you adjust the string,
and you make beautiful music again.
It shifts the perspective from viewing anxiety as like a defect
or a disorder to something that just needs a bit of fine tuning.
That's a huge mindset shift right there.
It really is. And to illustrate just how
differently anxiety can manifest, the book shares 2
powerful examples. High-powered women Doctor
(03:55):
Brewer's wife Mari experienced what he calls a slow burn of
generalized anxiety. For her, it was this low grade
feeling, often with no specific object, just attaching to
anything it could. She described it like a wildfire
in the wilderness, fueled by everyday stuff, often showing up
as excessive planning or irritability, especially before
(04:16):
trips. You know that endless checklist,
that gnawing sense of unease. The pre vacation anxiety where
you're supposed to be excited but you're just meticulously
planning for every conceivable disaster.
I definitely know that one. Now contrast that with Emily, a
high-powered lawyer. Her anxiety was more like that
tea kettle we mentioned. Her panic attacks would
literally jolt her awake at night.
(04:37):
Heart pounding, sweating, gasping for air.
No bad dream, no apparent trigger, just boom full blown
panic. Two incredibly different
manifestations, same underlying anxiety, basically.
And the crucial point for both Mari and Emily, despite their
vastly different experiences, was this.
The ability to name their particular variety of anxiety
(04:58):
was the very first step. The first step to beginning to
work with it. It makes sense.
Without that recognition, it just remains this invisible
force that keeps controlling you.
It's like trying to fight a ghost you can't see.
And it seems like a lot of us are getting caught by this
invisible force. The statistics on anxiety are,
well, they're pretty staggering.Pre COVID, we were already
(05:18):
looking at 264 million people worldwide with an anxiety
disorder. And the American Psychological
Association back in 2018 found that 39% of Americans reported
being more anxious than in 2017,and another 39% felt the same
level of anxiety. That's nearly 80% of the
population feeling significantlyanxious.
That's sobering. If you look around, that's
(05:39):
pretty much everyone you know oryourself.
It is a sobering thought, and the sources of this anxiety are
pretty universal. Health, safety, finances,
politics, relationships. In fact, a 2017 APA survey found
that 63% of Americans felt the future of the nation was a large
source of stress and 59% felt the United States is at the
(06:00):
lowest point they can remember in history.
And remember, this was before 2020.
Yeah, that really sets the stagefor what was to come.
Exactly. Which brings us to the COVID-19
pandemic, where, no surprise, anxiety to lulls skyrocketed.
By April 2020, there was a whopping 250% increase in severe
psychological distress in the UScompared to 2018.
(06:22):
It wasn't just a personal struggle.
The book highlights social contagion, how anxiety spreads
person to person. Oh yeah, it's not just about
catching a virus. You can catch anxiety too.
You see it with things like panic buying toilet paper,
right? When you see others doing it,
their anxiety kind of infects you and suddenly your own logic
goes out the window. Wall Street has a great example
of this, the Volatility Index orVIX.
(06:42):
Aptly called the Fear Index. It hit a 10 year high in March
2020 as traders realized the unprecedented mess the world was
in. The market itself was just
radiating anxiety. And it rarely comes alone, does
it? Anxiety, as the book puts it,
isn't a loner, it tends to hang out with friends.
Specifically, there's about 80% comorbidity with depression for
(07:03):
generalized anxiety disorder. 80%, yeah.
So if you're feeling anxious, chances are something else might
be lurking nearby, making thingseven more challenging.
But anxiety isn't just a random occurrence.
It has a fascinating birth story, and it traces back to our
oldest survival mechanism, fear.Fear functions through negative
reinforcement, like when you step into a busy St., see a car,
(07:25):
and instinctively jump back ontothe sidewalk.
Right, basic survival. That quick learning helps us
avoid danger in the future. It's primal.
So our primitive brain, which even the humble sea slug with
its 20,000 neurons uses, learns this basic trigger behavior
result loop for survival. But then humans evolve this
newer thinking and planning brain, the prefrontal cortex, or
(07:47):
Pfc, right behind our eyes and forehead.
Pfc. Yeah, this Pfc is great for
creativity and planning, but here's the kicker.
It struggles. It goes into OverDrive when it
doesn't have enough information to accurately predict the
future. And that's where the trouble
starts. Isn't.
It that's exactly where anxiety is born.
When the Pfc doesn't have enoughinformation, it starts playing
(08:08):
out different versions of what might happen.
The COVID-19 pandemic was a perfect, devastating example of
this. In the early days, with so much
uncertainty, contagiousness, deadliness, our brains found it
incredibly easy to spin stories.Oh yeah.
Fear and tread stories. Exactly.
The more shocking the news, the more our brains remember it,
feeding that sense of danger. It's almost like our brain likes
(08:30):
to find problems even when they're not really there.
So if you picture it, anxiety isborn like a seed meeting fertile
soil. When fear meets uncertainty in
this thinking brain, it makes somuch sense.
Think about the first time you let your kids walk to school
alone. You've taught them all the
safety lessons, but the moment they're out of sight, your mind
(08:51):
immediately fills with worst case scenarios.
Your brain is trying to help, but it's operating on incomplete
data, screaming go get me some information, but where do you
get it? And that's where the Internet
becomes this double edged sword.More information should mean
more control, right? You'd think, but with the
Internet, accuracy gets buried under sheer volume.
(09:12):
Fake news spreads 6 times fasterthan real news.
Six times. Wow.
A Google search for, say, a strange symptom can feel less
like dipping your toe in the water and more like a tidal wave
coming right at you. You pick pick up a glass of
water to quench your thirst, butit's bottomless.
You're trying to solve uncertainty with more
uncertainty. Yeah, that choice overload is
real. You're left feeling less in
(09:32):
control with higher uncertainty,not more.
And then you throw in contradictory or even purposely
misleading information and your brain absolutely hates it
because it's the epitome of uncertainty.
Exactly. Even those parental tracking
devices meant to increase safetycan ironically increase anxiety.
They provide too much uncertain real time data.
(09:53):
She stopped. Why don't you stop?
Was she talking to a stranger orjust tying her shoe?
It's this never ending what if game your brain plays with
itself. It truly is a perfect storm for
anxiety, and it also highlights how anxiety, like we said with
COVID-19, is contagious social contagion, witnessing other
There's panic buying, seeing thestock market's VIX Index spike.
Their fear infects our brains, sending our PFCS into OverDrive.
(10:16):
And when we can't control it, that emotional fever spikes into
panic. Our rational thinking brains
just go offline. Logically we know we don't need
a six month supply of toilet paper, but seeing that cart
piled high, which arm and boom, survival mode kicks in?
Great. Our Pfc only comes back online
when we're trying to figure out how to fit it all in the car.
It's wild. But this understanding of how
(10:37):
anxiety is born and spreads is the first step, because Doctor
Brewer also dives into a truly fascinating and perhaps
uncomfortable truth. OK, what's that?
Exactly because this deep dive into Doctor Brewers book reveals
that anxiety often hides in our habits and and he makes this
bold argument that we're all addicted to something.
(10:58):
Oh, OK, addicted. That's a strong word.
It is when you hear addiction, you might immediately think of
alcohol or illicit drugs and assume it's something that
happens to other people. Right.
Most of us would probably say noway.
I'm not an addict. I just have a few pesky habits.
Yeah, but Doctor Brewer's me search, as he calls it, into his
own quarks and foibles and then asking friends and colleagues,
(11:18):
it revealed addiction everywhere.
Yeah, he's talking about things like continued shopping despite
adverse consequences, endlessly checking social media, computer
gaming, stress eating, and yes, even worrying itself can be an
addiction. It's a much broader definition
than we're used to. Worrying is an addiction.
That's interesting. And the modern world?
It's practically designed for it.
(11:40):
Think about buying shoes in the 1800s, multi month multi step
process, hitching a horse, riding to town, placing an
order, waiting weeks, doing it all again.
Right, a whole ordeal now. You can be stuck in traffic,
click an ad, and two days later,thanks to Amazon Prime,
perfectly fitting shoes show up at your door.
That 2 minute two click fix is far more likely to get you
(12:01):
hooked than the two-month experience.
It's almost designed to short circuit our patients.
Totally. Companies exploit our weak
moments. Boredom, frustration, anger,
loneliness by offering instant emotional fixes.
Feeling bad? Eat this cupcake.
Anxious. Watch cute puppy videos.
Click click. Feel better maybe?
And the insidious part? These so-called fixes become so
(12:22):
reified and solidified into habits that they don't feel like
addictions at all. They just feel like who we are.
That's the real trap. It's a subtle but powerful
point. To understand how we got here,
we need to go back to the brainsold components designed for
survival. Beyond the fight, flight,
freeze, instinct, there's the reward based learning system.
It's incredibly primitive. Yeah, the book mentions even a
(12:44):
sea slug with just 20,000 neurons uses the system.
Our complex human brains have about 100 billion, but the
underlying mechanism is the same.
So back in K person days it was simple.
Find food tasted yummy, dopaminereleased brain says remember
what you were eating and where you found it, trigger seafood
behavior. Eat food, reward, survive, Feel
(13:07):
good. Simple.
Fast forward to modern life, yougot a bad day.
You see that chocolate bar? Your modern brain says hey wait
a minute, you can use this dopamine thing for more than
just remember where food is, eatsomething good, feel better and
boom a new habit loop is formed.And companies have become
absolute masters at exploiting this ancient system with what
Doctor Brewer calls addiction maximizers.
(13:27):
Right. The first is intermittent
reinforcement. When a reward isn't on a regular
schedule or seems random, dopamine neurons fire more
intensely. Think of winning at a casino
slot machine. It it's just enough times to
keep you playing even though you're losing money overall,
that unpredictability is the magic ingredient.
And this applies to everything that alerts you to something
(13:48):
new. Your old brain doesn't know the
difference between a Saber toothed tiger and a late night
e-mail from your boss, so any kind of alert you've got mail a
buzz in your pocket for social media like triggers a response.
Emails, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, anything
that claims to keep you connected is designed for
maximum addiction. Because they don't beep or buzz
(14:09):
at regular intervals, you never know when that hit will come, so
you keep checking. Addictive.
The second maximizer is immediate availability.
That multi month shoe buying process in the 1800s, it was
actually a good thing. It gave you time for the
excitement to fade. Time allows us to kind of sober
up, let the desire mellow into reality.
But in the modern world, any need or desire can be taken care
(14:31):
of almost instantly. Stressed out cupcakes are around
the corner. Bored endless puppy videos on
YouTube? There's no time for reflection,
just instant gratification. And get this your smartphone,
it's basically a paid advertising billboard in your
pocket, and you pay for it to constantly advertise to you.
Isn't that crazy? So combining the old brains
(14:53):
reward based learning with intermittent reinforcement and
immediate availability, it creates a dangerous formula for
modern day habits and addictionsthat goes way beyond typical
substance abuse. It's a meticulously engineered
system to keep us hooked. It's truly alarming when you see
how precisely it's engineered toexploit our ancient brain.
And that brings us to how anxiety itself can become a
(15:14):
habit loop. When Doctor Brewer discusses
habit loops, he finds few peopleactually understand that anxiety
can fit this model. It's one of the big aha moments
of the book. Yeah, that's counterintuitive.
Why would anxiety be a habit? Why would we repeat something
that feels bad? Well, because our brains, from
cave people to modern scientists, have never liked
uncertainty. It feels scary.
It creates this urgency to act like a mental itch, screaming go
(15:39):
get me some information if the danger feels big or imminent,
That itch gets really, really itchy.
It compels us into action, oftenin the form of worry.
OK, so worry is the action. Right.
And so the anxiety worry loop often looks like this trigger
stress or anxiety behavior, worry result, result, sometimes
(16:00):
the solution, but often just more anxiety or maybe avoidance
distraction. It's like a slot machine.
Our brain keeps pulling that lever, running through
scenarios, hoping for a solution.
Jackpot, even when it really works.
It's a habit we fall into hopingfor a payout that rarely comes.
Exactly worrying has this DoctorJekyll and Mr. Hyde quality.
At first it can seem helpful, like it's trying to solve a
(16:21):
problem, gives you the illusion of control.
But the book warns don't be fooled, it's guts are rotten and
it quickly turns on you. It pulls you into a never ending
Whirlpool of anxiety where you don't know which way is up.
It feels productive, but it's actually digging you deeper into
the anxious state. Precisely this is the basis for
generalized anxiety disorder GA Excessive anxiety and worry
(16:41):
about about a variety of topics,events, or activities that is
clearly excessive. It's hard to control, which is
why people seek help. They're stuck in this worry slot
machine, compulsively pulling the lever even though they know
it's not working. And then there's that pervasive
myth. Anxiety for success.
So many people believe anxiety is a necessary driver, wearing
(17:02):
it like a badge of honor or romanticizing and thinking it
makes them contribute more. We've all heard it right.
If you are stressed, you're making a contribution.
If you're not stressed, you're aloser.
It's a deeply ingrained belief. And this idea has been
perpetuated by what the book calls a pseudo scientific
explanatory model, the Yerks Dodson Law.
This law comes from observationsof like dancing mice needing
(17:24):
moderate shocks to learn efficiently and later drowning
rats swimming faster with increased air deprivation.
Strange origins. Yeah, really strange.
It created this inverted U-shaped curve, suggesting
optimal arousal for performance.And it sounds so scientific, so
we just accepted it. But the book challenges this
directly, and it's a huge aha moment.
(17:45):
Does anxiety always make you perform well?
Do Olympians or professional musicians look nervous when
they're absolutely crushing it? Think Michael Jordan?
Usain Bolt. No, they look focused in the
zone. Exactly.
When they're performing at theirabsolute peak, they look calm,
focused, often joyful. Anxiety can actually SAP your
(18:05):
energy, cloud your thinking, andget in the way of true peak
performance. And this is a critical insight
when mapping out habit loop. People often get stuck focusing
on the triggers, trying to figure out why they started the
habit. But the book emphasizes triggers
are the least important part of the habit leap.
The money is in the rewards. Right, knowing why isn't the
(18:26):
key. Knowing why you started a habit
isn't going to magically fix it in the present moment, because
your brain isn't learning intellectually, it's learning
through experience, the feeling of it.
OK, so how do we shift from justunderstanding this complex web
of anxiety and habit to actuallydoing something about it?
This is where Doctor Brewer introduces that brilliant
analogy for mountain biking. 3 gears to behavior change.
(18:48):
It came to him after noticing how people progressed in his
mindfulness programs. This is a very clever practical
framework. It really is.
Let's start with first gear, howto map your mind.
This is all about recognizing your habit.
Loops clearly seen the components trigger behavior and
result. TBR Dr. Brewer shares the story
of John, a 60 year old patient referred for alcoholism fueled
(19:11):
by anxiety and procrastination. He'd been struggling for years,
felt totally stuck. OK, so John, what were his
loops? They mapped his primary drinking
loop trigger anxiety in the lateafternoon, that gnawing feeling
as the day winds down Behavior Start drinking often a glass of
wine, reward numbing, forgettingthe anxiety, getting a temporary
break. Makes sense.
The escape. And his procrastination loop
(19:34):
trigger anxiety in the morning from seeing work, piling up
behavior, procrastination often distracting himself, reward
avoidance, that fleeting feelingof not having to face the hard
task. Avoidance, the classic reward.
For John, this was a massive, immediate light bulb moment.
He'd been struggling for years, not seeing the pattern.
(19:56):
Doctor Brewer describes it like someone switched on the light in
a dark room. Within minutes, John's demeanor
changed. Hopeless, animated and hopeful,
he suddenly realized his primaryissue was anxiety.
The drinking and procrastinatingwere just clumsy, ineffective
ways his brain was trying to cope and he quit cold Turkey.
Wow, that's huge. Just for mapping it out.
It sounds deceptively simple, but that clarity is everything
(20:20):
but the book gives a really important word of warning here,
right? Yes, once you start seeing your
habit loops clearly, it's reallyhard to Unsee them, and most
people like John initially immediately fall into an ironic
habit trap trying to fix it right away with willpower.
The fixing trap. Exactly.
It's like hearing a funny sound in your car, calling the
mechanic who explains the problem, and then going home to
tinker with it yourself, only tomake it worse because you don't
(20:42):
have the right tools or understanding.
Trigger. Start to see habit loops
clearly. Behavior.
Try to fix them using old ineffective tools like
willpower. Result.
It doesn't work, leading to morefrustration and self judgement.
It's a loop that fuels itself. So first gear isn't about
fixing, it's about seeing, trulyseeing without judgement.
(21:05):
It's like The Karate Kid analogyhe uses.
Daniel's Audi wasn't handed a book on karate and told to write
a report. Mr. Miyagi had him do wax on,
wax off. Seemed like menial labor but was
crucial for foundational understanding.
Muscle memory concepts don't magically become wisdom.
You have to do the work, the mapping, so they translate into
know how through your own directexperience.
Don't skip the mapping. Absolutely.
(21:27):
It's the essential first step. So once you've mapped your mind
in first gear, you move to second gear, updating your
brain's reward value system. This is where the magic really
happens, because willpower and simply thinking your way out
often fail. Why?
Because sustainable behavior change requires updating the
felt experience of rewards, not just intellectually knowing
(21:49):
something is bad for you. OK, the felt experience.
The book uses the smoking example, right?
Instead of just telling patientssmoking is bad, Doctor Brewer
teaches them to pay attention tothe actual taste, the smell, the
feeling. That woman who noticed smoking
smells like stinky cheese and tastes like chemicals.
YUCK. Exactly, She wasn't thinking it
was bad, she was experiencing itas truly unrewarding in that
(22:11):
moment. And for anxiety it's even more
straightforward. Anxiety sucks.
Nobody asks for more anxiety. We just need to really feel that
truth when it's happening. This is critical for resetting
the reward value in your brain. Think about mindless eating,
grabbing that bag of potato chips after a long day.
Your brain is lumped chips plus TV relaxation into a single
(22:33):
reward value. That zombie like behavior gets
triggered the moment you walk inthe door.
Right, the de stress reward value doesn't get updated until
you start paying attention rightthen and there.
How do those chips actually makeyou feel after you eat them?
Not just during the initial craving.
Usually not right? And here's how the book puts it
in that wonderfully memorable, if slightly graphic, way.
(22:54):
Oh yeah, the poop analogy. You.
Have to help your brain truly experience how unpleasant and
unrewarding a habit is for deep learning to occur?
It's about letting your brain learn from direct experience the
difference between the expected pleasure and the actual
consequence. It's a powerful idea and it
works. We see this with Dave the
patient whose story is woven through the book.
(23:15):
In Part 2 of his story, bringingawareness to the unrewarding
nature of eating to cope with anxiety allowed him to see it
actually made him feel worse long term.
He noticed the indigestion, the sluggishness, the guilt.
With that clear awareness, not just intellectual understanding,
he lost 97 lbs. 97 lbs. That's incredible.
(23:36):
Then resolved major health issues like sleep apnea and high
blood pressure. That's not willpower.
That's learning from experience,updating the reward value.
That's amazing, and the book also introduces is retrospective
second gear, right? Learning from past failures,
like recognizing that a sugar craving you gave into didn't
actually taste good or make you feel better later.
Exactly. It turns a failure into a
(23:56):
learning opportunity, a data point for your brain.
That's a huge mindset shift because suddenly nothing is
truly a failure. Everything is data.
Which brings us directly to the importance of mindset matters.
Doctor Carol Dweck's concept of fixed versus growth mindsets is
crucial here. Our mindset or worldview is
formed through reward based learning.
Almost like wearing chocolate colored glasses that color how
(24:19):
you see everything. Yeah.
If you're wearing fixed mindset glasses, you believe your basic
intelligence and abilities are immutable.
You've got what you've got and that's it.
Failure is dreaded because it's seen as a personal limitation,
proof that you're not good enough.
But with growth mindset glasses,you believe your abilities can
be developed over time through effort and learning.
Failure then becomes a learning opportunity rather than a
(24:42):
definitive statement about your limitations.
You can actually grow from it. The book uses the simple example
of tripping on the sidewalk. Fixed mindset.
I'm so clumsy, so stupid. Growth mindset.
I tripped. What can I learn from this?
Was I distracted? Was my shoelace united?
It's about curiosity instead of judgement.
That shift in mindset is profound.
There's that patient of Doctor Brewer struggling with binge
(25:04):
drinking. She initially viewed her
progress cutting down from a pint of liquor a day to going
nearly a week without as failurebecause she hadn't stopped
completely. Right.
Stuck in that fixed mindset, constantly judging herself.
But by learning to reframe it as2 steps forward, one step back,
and then simply learning, she shifted into a growth mindset.
(25:26):
She started seeing progress, notjust demanding perfection.
It's about letting go of self judgement and embracing every
experience as a chance to learn.As the book powerfully states,
running away from any problem only increases the distance from
the solution. When you embrace awareness in a
growth mindset, all experiences,even the ones we label mistakes,
(25:46):
can move you forward. You stop fighting yourself.
You Start learning from yourself.
OK, so you've mapped your mind in first gear.
You've updated your brain's reward values in second gear.
Now for the exciting part. Third gear finding a bigger,
better offer BBO because simply seeing the old habit as
unrewarding isn't quite enough for lasting change.
You need a special type of BBO, something that is more rewarding
(26:09):
and crucially, doesn't feed the original craving.
Something genuinely compelling. The book introduces curiosity as
that superpower that ultimate, bigger, better offer.
Curiosity is an innate, natural and universal capacity that
blossoms most fully in children.It's how you discover how the
world works. It draws you in with a childlike
(26:30):
wonder, a desire to explore. It's not something you do, it's
something you are. Doctor Brewer explains there are
two flavors of curiosity deprivation curiosity D
curiosity and interest curiosity.
Curiosity D Curiosity is that restless need to know state,
like when you can't remember a movie star's name or you're
stuck in traffic and compulsively check Google Maps.
(26:50):
Itchy feeling. Exactly.
The reward here is reducing an aversive state, that
uncomfortable feeling of not knowing.
It's about relieving tension. A great example is how those NYC
subway signs eased anxiety for commuters, even if the wait
times didn't change. Just knowing helped.
Just knowing how long they had to wait reduced their D
curiosity and made them feel better.
The anxiety was relieved by reducing uncertainty.
(27:13):
But the real BBO, the truly sustainable 1, is interest,
curiosity. This is the pleasurable aspects
of the hunger for knowledge. The key here is that it's
internally based and doesn't runout, making it a truly
sustainable BBO. Right.
The process of being curious itself feels good.
You're not looking for a reward outside the exploration is the
(27:34):
reward. It's boundless.
Doctor Brewer even taught the C bomb curiosity to the US woman's
Olympic water polo team during asilent meditation retreat.
C Bomb. Love it.
These gold medal athletes, already at the top of their
game, learn to drop into direct experience, using as a kind of
mantra. It encourages childlike
fascination, helping you drop into the present moment instead
(27:55):
of getting stuck in your head judging or analyzing, just
observing. And for Dave from earlier, using
curiosity was absolutely life changing.
His brain had been on constant high alert since childhood due
to random physical abuse. His brain couldn't determine
safe from unsafe, so it just assumed nothing was safe,
reacting to every sensation as athreat.
Wow, that's intense. But by using curiosity to
(28:18):
observe his sensations, just noticing them not reacting, he
started to update his brain's memory systems.
He could check is there danger here now?
And when the answer was no, the sensations would fade.
It literally rewired his internal alarm system.
Curiosity helps you lean into discomfort and expand your
growth zone. It's different from willpower or
(28:38):
grit, which are effortful and deplete energy.
Curiosity is naturally drawing. It invites you forward.
Along with curiosity, another powerful third gear practice the
book explores is rain. Rain.
OK, what's that stand for again?It's an acronym Recognize,
Relax, Accept, Aloe, investigate, Note.
It's a beautifully simple yet profound tool to help you write
out urges and cravings, especially for anxiety.
(29:00):
Instead of getting sucked in by them, it gives you a road map.
Recognize. Relax.
Except I'll investigate. Note.
Yeah. The noting part, the N in reign,
is like the observer effect in physics.
The act of observing A phenomenon changes it.
When you note sensations, you'realready less caught up in them,
creating a space between you andthe experience.
(29:20):
The book gives practical advice.Sit in a comfortable posture.
Do not close your eyes or everyone will think you are
sleeping. It emphasizes this is for real
life. Right.
Not just for meditation cushions.
And the example of a participantrecognizing stress as distinct
from hunger is so powerful. Hey, you're not hunger, you're
stressed. That simple act of naming, of
(29:43):
noting creates the space to makea different choice.
Exactly. Rain helps you focus and get
curious about your moment to moment experience, helping you
choose how to respond rather than just react.
Finally, we come to loving kindness or meta.
This is presented as a powerful BBO, especially for self
judgement and those negative echo habit loops that keep us
stuck. Echo habit loops like beating
(30:04):
yourself up for beating yourselfup.
Pretty much Shame, guilt cycles.It's a radical act of self
compassion. The book shares the story of a
patient with binge eating disorder triggered by emotional
abuse, leading to immense guilt and self judgement.
She'd get stuck in a loop, trigger feel guilty behavior,
binge eat again trying to numb the guilt.
Result. Brief relief, then more guilt.
(30:27):
Which is cycle. Loving kindness helped her stop
binge eating and heal. She eventually lost 40 lbs and
could enjoy a single piece of pizza again without the
overwhelming urge to finish the whole box.
It broke the cycle. That's amazing, but it's not
just positive self talk, right? Crucially, no, it's not about
forcing yourself to feel good. It's a genuine well wishing
capacity that actually quiets those self judgmental brain
(30:50):
regions. Doctor Brewer shares his own
experience using it on his bike commute to counter road rage
instead of yelling back at honking drivers or getting
angry. Which is so easy to do, right?
He'd silently offer May I be happy and may you be happy.
And he found he'd arrive at workjoyful instead of self-righteous
and contracted. Seeing that difference in
results, the closed down contraction of anger versus the
(31:12):
open joyful expansion of kindness helped him see loving
kindness was the truly more rewarding way.
It became his new go to because it just felt better.
Definitely a BBO that doesn't run out.
As we move into sustaining change, one of the most radical
suggestions Doctor Brewer makes is why doesn't matter.
He shares Amy's story. Caught in a why habit loop
(31:34):
Trigger anxiety behavior. Try to figure out why I'm
anxious. Result more anxious because the
answer is always elusive. Oh, the why loop.
I know that one. Amy was desperately trying to
figure out the root cause, thinking if she found the why
she could fix it. But the act of asking why was
actually making her more anxiousfeeding the loop.
Right, so Doctor Brewer's radical suggestion was, what if
(31:56):
the why doesn't matter? The critical point isn't the
past trigger, but how you react in the present moment.
It's so counterintuitive becausewe're taught to find the root
cause, but here it's a trap. So what was the homework His.
Practical homework for Amy was simple.
Whenever you notice AY habit lipdeveloping, take 3 deep breaths,
breathe in deeply and on the exhale say to yourself why
(32:17):
doesn't matter. This helps you focus on what's
happening now, not get lost and trying to fix the past which you
can't change anyway. He.
Uses that mechanic mode analogy too right?
Trying to fix something from thepast is like trying to fix a car
from 20 years ago. It won't work.
We can only work with what is here right now.
The habit loops. We are acting out in the present
(32:38):
moment. The power is always in the now.
This leads us to the idea of being a human doing versus a
human being. We often feel like we're
constantly doing, doing, doing to make things better, trying to
force change. But the book emphasizes that
true change comes from short moments of practice, many times
throughout the day, building strong new habits.
Micro moments. Exactly.
It's not about 1 grand effort, but many small consistent ones.
(33:00):
Yeah, that resonates so much. It's about micro moments of
mindfulness throughout your day.And these good habits like
curiosity and kindness are inherently rewarding.
The book suggests turbocharging second gear.
Right after a third gear practice, actively ask what did
I get from this and savor the good feeling.
This solidifies the a new habit building that positive
reinforcement loop, making it stick.
(33:23):
Curiosity and kindness don't force you like a drill Sergeant.
They naturally draw you in because they feel good.
It's about finding the sweetnessand healthy habits, like
remembering how good a run felt after you finished the fresh air
or the clear head, or recalling an act of kindness and that warm
feeling it leaves behind. Your brain naturally wants to do
more of what feels good. And then there's the powerful
(33:45):
concept of anxiety. Sobriety, borrowed from
Alcoholics Anonymous, is one dayat a time philosophy.
The crucial insight is that worrying about tomorrow's
anxiety makes you anxious now. Right here, right now.
The key is to focus on this moment and apply mindfulness
skills right now. You don't have to quit anxiety
forever just for this moment. Doctor Brewer uses that analogy
of a beaded necklace of moments.What we do in the present
(34:08):
creates the bead for our life story.
If we're anxious now, we create an anxiety bead.
But if we step out of that loop in this moment, using the three
gears, we can choose to create curiosity necklaces or kindness
necklaces instead. Each moment is a choice, a
chance to string a different kind of.
Bee, I love that choosing your necklace moment by moment.
(34:31):
Doctor Brewer himself admits he's an extremist with two
speeds fast enough. Yeah, go big or go home.
This personal tendency connects to the brains drive to seek out
rewards again and again, which can lead to both positive and
negative extremes. He humorously recounts rolling
newspapers infinitely small as akid or finishing homework on the
bus. That kind of intensity.
(34:51):
This plays out in social media, too, where algorithms reinforce
our preferences, often fosteringextreme views.
Certainty, even if it's extreme,often feels better to the brain
than the complex ambiguity of nuanced perspectives.
It's how echo chambers form. Making us more certain, but
potentially less understanding of others.
Yet Darwin himself often misquoted as just survival of
(35:13):
the fittest. He also observed that those
communities which include the greatest number of the most
sympathetic members would flourish best.
Kindness trumping meanness, evenfor survival.
That's a profound thought that goes against a lot of modern
narratives. Doctor Brewer's lab finding
support this. They showed people consistently
and significantly preferred mental states are just feeling
(35:35):
kind, curious, and connected to those of feeling anxious,
fearful and angry. This isn't just philosophy, it's
data. As he puts it, meanness feels
awful, while kindness is unequivocally the BBO.
The bigger, better offer. He's now a kindness extremist,
and frankly, after reading this book, I think I'm starting to
get on board with that idea too.Me too.
(35:57):
This brings us to evidence basedfaith.
They're not blind faith, but trust built on verifiable data,
your own data. Doctor Brewer's methods are
backed by clinical studies from his lab showing significant
reductions in anxiety and other habit changes.
He tells that fantastic story about US Representative Tim Ryan
staffer Michael, who quit smoking for six years after just
(36:18):
a 5 minute conversation and trying the app. 5 minutes.
That's incredible payoff, and that's the core of it.
You're encouraged to collect your own evidence.
Each time you practice rain noting or kindness, you are
gathering data that this actually works for you.
If doubt or skepticism arise, you note these as doubt or
skepticism and remember the hugepile of evidence you've built
(36:40):
through your own direct experience.
That's the secret sauce. It's empowering because you
become your own scientist, observing, experimenting,
collecting data on what genuinely works for you.
Doctor Brewer even shares his flow formula for writing.
Interest plus knowledge, plus experience.
Enjoyment in writing plus good product.
I'll flow. It's about setting the right
conditions. And trusting the process of
(37:02):
genuine engagement. And that's the real secret
sauce, isn't it? It's not about forcing yourself
or relying on sheer willpower, but about harnessing your
brain's natural learning mechanisms.
Working with your brain, not against it.
So as we wrap up our deep dive into unwinding anxiety, we hope
you found a new way to understand your mind's mechanics
and the incredible power you hold to change those ingrained
(37:24):
patterns you've learned to map your mind in first gear.
Update your brain's reward values in second.
And find those bigger, better offers like curiosity and
kindness in third gear. The journey of unwinding
anxiety, or any habit for that matter, isn't about willpower or
force. It's about awareness.
About getting genuinely curious about your inner landscape and
(37:44):
learning to ride the waves of your experience instead of
fighting them. As Doctor Brewer so eloquently
puts it, you can't think your way out of a bad habit or into a
good one. Trust your experience.
You are the secret sauce. So we invite you to begin
collecting your own evidence, one mindful moment at a time.
What will you choose to get addicted to next?
Fear or fascination? Or perhaps, as Doctor Brewer
(38:06):
suggests, the boundless, renewable rewards of kindness
and curiosity. Keep exploring, keep
questioning, and keep unwinding those habits that no longer
serve you. And maybe string together a
whole new necklace of moments.
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