June 28, 2021 • 58 mins
In today’s episode, I am joined by a master social worker who shared the details of her personal life story of parental abandonment, foster care, drug addiction, and personal breakthrough. To be the person she envisioned herself to be, she had to go through a lot of something. Although experiencing a life filled with adversity, she refused to let deep hardship stop her from overcoming. I invite you to listen to the heartfelt real-life twists and turns shared by master social worker Shanna Robins-Donnell in today’s episode. Consider your own history and its influence in your life today. Enjoy the show!
Helpful Resources
Assessing and Addressing the Needs of Former Foster Youth in a College Setting: https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED576070
Cultivating Growth After Trauma: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/post-traumatic-growth#cultivating-growth-after-trauma
Foster Care Alumni and Higher Education: A Descriptive Study of Post-secondary Achievements of Foster Youth in Texas: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10560-018-0569-x
No Pain, No Gain (Betty Wright): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KZG3O5sWrU
Students in Foster Care: https://www2.ed.gov/about/inits/ed/foster-care/index.html
The Pain of Trauma: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/expressive-trauma-integration/201902/the-pain-trauma
We all Have A Story: A Social Worker’s “Thank You”: https://www.socialworker.com/feature-articles/practice/we-all-have-a-story-a-social-workers-thank-you/
Why Are Memories of My Past Trauma Coming Back Now?: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-are-memories-of-my-past-trauma-coming-back-now-0518155
Why I Became A Social Worker: https://www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2016/mar/15/why-i-became-a-social-worker
Why Social Work? Professionals Reveal Their Reasons for Choosing This Career Path: https://www.brandman.edu/news-and-events/blog/why-social-work
Credits
Host: Dr. Sherece Shavel
Theme Narration: Ronald Coaxum
Guest 1: Social Worker, Shanna Robins-Donnell, contact by email: srobins2003@gmail.com
Connect with me through email. Send messages to: ssinspiredcast@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome to Sundays with Chevelle a social work
inspired podcast with creatorand host Dr.
Shariece Chevelle.
This is my monthly show whereeach episode aims to inspire
topics relevant to social work,brightest growing forward,
living on purpose and so muchmore.
(00:33):
Thank you for tuning in.
Enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Reading Sunday listeners.
I am your host, Dr.
Shariece Chevelle.
Thank you for tuning in.
I welcome you to episode two,letting go.
What hurts with Shanna Robbinsdot?
Now today's episode emphasizesthe value of adversity,
(01:04):
resilience, forgiveness, andunwavering determination.
When I think about theconversation that makes up this
episode, I can't help, but torecall the repeated refrain
heard growing up, no pain, nogain.
Now this phrase was repeated aslike a broken record.
(01:26):
Once the sofa, RNB songwriterand songstress Betty Wright
released her album titled nopain, no gain in 1988.
This song was played everywhere.
When I say everywhere, I mean,everywhere and listening to this
song was like sitting down andlistening to your grandmother or
(01:48):
your great-grandmother talk toyou about the issues of life.
So as the song near to the end,you hear Betty Wright sing in
order to get something, you gotto give something in order to be
something you got to go throughsomething.
Now, now that's, that's a dropthe mic for you right there.
(02:10):
I mean, I'm for real, that's thetrap, the mic for you right
there.
Those words are so powerful, someaningful, and they are, they
are so true.
So what this song represents isin an evitable reality of life,
and that is struggle.
(02:31):
We all have a battle in life tofight well, truth, be told it's
bad holes to fight.
In other words, you know, it'simpossible to go through life
without experiencing struggle.
It's just not possible.
Any kind of adversity though,it's uncomfortable, it's
frustrating and it can beoverwhelming.
(02:54):
And that's also true.
But what matters is how you inthe saving grace is knowing that
the experience is onlytemporary.
And then when you get to theother side of adversity, you are
the more wiser and all the moreinclined to live life on
purpose.
(03:14):
And that is what matters.
The challenges we face in lifeare intended to cause us to
become mentally, emotionally,physically, as well as
spiritually strong, they areintended to help us reach the
fullness of maturity.
And that is to grow from being achild, to being an adult.
And everybody needs to gothrough that growth process.
(03:37):
So to spend the energy and timeto avoid ignore high or run away
from life's challenges is, isessentially to say, well, I
don't want to grow.
I don't want to become mentally,emotionally, physically, and
spiritually mature.
Well, if that's you, then thisepisode may not be for you.
(04:01):
The person you will hear fromtoday is a master social worker
with a history that involvesparental abandonment and abuse,
foster care drug addiction, aswell as courage to stand against
and beat the odds with thisdescription.
It should be clear that deephardship and danger was a
(04:22):
pervasive reality for anextended time in this person's
life.
But as you will hear in thisinterview today, she proved to
have the will to survive myguests.
Master's social worker, ShannaRobins Donnelle is the lead
regional case manager at heartof Texas region MHMR Claris
(04:42):
center for families.
Full disclosure.
Shanna is a former student ofmine, and I encouraged her to
share her story.
I encouraged her from the verymoment.
I heard the details of herstory.
I should say some details of herstory because this interview
brought out more, but Iencouraged her to share her
(05:05):
story.
And even after the interviewconcluded, I encouraged her to
continue sharing her storybecause her life story is
valuable.
Her interview was previouslyrecorded and it was previously
recorded with minimalinterruption.
So without delay Linda ear tothis real life story of a social
(05:28):
worker by a social worker, Iwill meet you at the conclusion
of this interview.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
How are you doing good.
Glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you.
Thanks so much for taking
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Out the time to talk with me today.
I'm so excited to have you, you,my friend, you have a story, you
have a story that really needsto be told, and I'm so thankful
that you are going to take theopportunity today to share a
little bit about your story.
(06:08):
I have heard some pieces of yourstory, but of course I haven't
heard everything.
So I'm excited to hear not onlythe things that I already know,
but I'm also excited to hearwhat I don't know.
So with that being said, I knowthat your childhood experience
(06:28):
is quite unique.
You were a child in foster care.
That's correct.
Yes.
Ma'am.
What were the circumstances thatled to you entering into foster
care?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
At the time that I went into foster care, I didn't
know what I know today in thenineties, when I went in, she
was active in her drugaddiction.
I had some behavior problemsgoing on.
It was hard from my mom, youknow, to, to take care of me, a
(06:59):
deal with the demons that shehad going on, that she hadn't
dealt with.
She thought she did go bysending me to my biological
fathers, which was in a wholedifferent state.
So I'm from up north.
I came to Texas in the earlynineties and met my biological
father.
You know, first time I, I, Inever knew who was, I didn't
(07:22):
know what he looked like.
I didn't know anything abouthim, you know, was living with
them our now maybe about 30days, 45.
I try not to think too muchabout that timeframe.
I've let go of it.
Multiple hours.
Therapy's helped me let go ofthe stuff that hurts and, um,
(07:43):
local public school that I wasattending.
They had the program counselorsin schools.
And, uh, it was one of thoseindividuals, counselors.
I didn't know what they were atthe time, but they knew that
something, something wasn'tright.
And so they spent some time justtalking to me and I let them
know what my dad had been doing.
(08:06):
I knew what he had been doing.
Wasn't right.
But I also knew I couldn't goback to my mom that wasn't
right.
And I couldn't go to my Hantzdone, been there.
And so I really didn't haveanywhere to go.
When they found out what all wasgoing on.
CPS case worker came to theschool, uh, investigator, I told
(08:29):
her what all was going on.
And she immediately put me intoemergency foster home.
They called it it's a coupledays later had a court hearing
those who are familiar withMcLennan county, they know judge
bill Loeb.
So he was my judge for thelongest time.
I speak specifically about that.
The circumstances that led tome, Henry, because the CPS
(08:51):
investigator, she did her jobcontacted my biological mom.
Let my mom know that there hadbeen some traumatic stuff that
had happened and that I was anemergency foster home placement
that I could stay there untilshe could make it to Texas, you
know, to pick me up so that Icould go home.
The response, my mom really hurtat the time.
(09:13):
And for many, many years, Ijust, I did not understand why
she responded the way she did.
And it was bill Lowe.
Judge, bill Lowe, judge billLowe pulled me into his chambers
and he showed me this fax thathe came through.
My mom had a sign, the bottompart of my birth certificate,
(09:34):
where my feet were stamped.
Uh, she signed it.
Then she couldn't be my mom andthat she just wanted to be my
friend and sign the paper andhad it notarized.
And that was how she told thejudge that she couldn't come to
Texas.
So the judge pulled me in hischambers and talked to me and
(09:55):
there was other people there.
It wasn't just me and him.
And, uh, so that's when I foundout that my mom chose her
addiction over a BMI mom.
And I knew my dad, like therewas no way I was going to go
back to him.
And so my parents became thestate of Texas.
I, God, I had so manycaseworkers.
(10:17):
So many social workers is what,you know, where your social
worker, but so many of them thatjust came in and they they'd be
there for so many months.
And then gone, you know, judge,bill Loeb, he stuck around.
He was always there.
I knew that whenever, uh, we hada court hearing, I always knew
that it didn't matter what thecase worker, they would show up
(10:40):
and say, Hey, we're yourcaseworker right now.
We're going to transport you toWaco.
And I get to see, you know, Iwas happy because he was a
constant, how many
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Foster care placements did you have to
experience?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
I can tell you, they, my high school transcript showed
17 different schools.
And I remember a collegeregistered registrar, always
struggled, pronounced that.
I remember them laughing, youknow, cause I was laughing.
I was like, yeah, here's my, youknow, five page college
(11:17):
transcripts, you know?
And you're like just looking ata, I was like, why would you
need that?
You know, so I can get intocollege.
I've been all over, uh, Houstonspraying, little, anybody plays
called Lomita, Texas amazing, uh, emergency foster home shelter.
(11:42):
I stayed there.
A lot of those places, they justmoved me from different places.
Um, and I, I don't know,probably when I was 16, I
finally started calming down andstarted letting go that
resentment, that anger that Ihad towards my parents, you
know, and, and realizing allthat, that I was holding on to
all that, that hurt that, thatpain, um, that was only hurting
(12:06):
me.
And that was hindering mygrowth.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
When you about pain and you know, you not being well
at that time, what was the painthat you were holding onto?
Was it the pain of being infoster care?
Was it the pain of having amother who signed on your birth
certificate?
I just want to be your friend.
What was the pain?
Um,
Speaker 3 (12:29):
It wasn't pain, a little bit of everything that
was the pain of not having, nothaving my mom, not having my
dad.
You know, my mom, my dad, uh, togo to the, uh, emergency foster
home that I went to, you know, Ispoke about, I actually got to
go back there another timebecause they were moving me and
(12:52):
I asked them, I was like, can Igo back to my old foster
parents?
And they were like, we don'tknow if they have a bed
available and it's a short term.
They only take emergencies.
And I'm like, well, why am I anemergency?
You know?
And, uh, so I got to go backthere, but the pain, you know,
my, my sweet 16, I didn't, Ididn't have a sweet 16.
(13:15):
I had to tell the people, Hey,you know, today's my birthday.
And just different things, youknow, like prepare them for high
school prompts.
I didn't get to do that.
You know?
Uh, it wasn't until my 11thgrade year, I was in Lomita and
this woman had came in.
(13:36):
And the way that the place isset up is you get to see when
visitors come in and out, itreally small up, you know, who
this woman had came in and wastalking to the staff, the
administrators and whatnot.
And one of my dorm mate wasgetting adopted by her.
We were really good friendsbecause I told her, I said, you
(13:57):
know, I was like, tell her thatyou can't go.
Unless I go, you know, and I waslike, throw a fit, do something.
And she's like, I can't do that.
And I was like, just tell her,just tell her you can't go.
Unless I go.
And we were really good friendsand she went ahead, she told her
and the foster mom decided totake me in her.
(14:21):
And so that was my first timethat I actually got to
experience living in a home.
And I remember going to billLowe telling him, he's like, so
how things go?
And I said, I'm not in Lomita nomore.
He's like, where are you at?
Well, I didn't know, a towncould get smaller than low
meetup, but I found it and hestarted laughing.
(14:41):
He's like, whoa, tell me aboutthe town.
And I'm like, it's Carlton,Carrollton, Harry pronounce it.
There's two in Texas.
Uh, there's an RNL L added toone of them.
I was in the smallest one and itwas south of, uh Heico and also
(15:04):
close to, um, Dublin, Texas.
And, uh, so anyways, judge billLowe was just listening to me
talk and everything and had noidea.
Uh, I had no idea that he knewwhere I was because the case
worker did their job and waslike, well, she's been moved
(15:27):
she's in her foster home.
And, but he acted like he didn'tknow you listen, you know, he's
like, well, that's good.
While being in that foster home,I ended up getting my first ever
job, working at a dairy queen inDublin.
So that was really cool.
Didn't like the school that Iwent to the 11th grade, but I
(15:49):
did get to go to prom that wascold.
And, uh, the girl that camealong, she wasn't doing too
good, you know, having somebehavioral issues and whatnot.
And she ended up having to goback into acute care and the
foster mom, um, she was a singlemom and decided she didn't want
(16:11):
to be a foster mom anymore.
So she let me know that mybehavior had been good, but she
didn't want to be a foster momanymore.
And that I was going to have togo be somewhere else.
And I had gotten so used to, andI didn't like the school that I
had to go to school in.
Heico because the town I livedin was so small.
(16:33):
I went back to judge lo am Idude, I'm fixing to be 17.
I'm tired of moving.
I'm tired of changing schools ina couple months, I'm going to
finish being a junior and I'mgoing to be a senior semi close
awake.
And I remember him telling meme, and I don't know, I don't
want you to run away.
(16:53):
I was like, dude, it's going togo down one or two ways, send me
post the Waco.
And I won't run away oremancipate me today.
And we're done where youemancipated.
Uh, he actually, he actuallytold me, he said, man, do you
understand what that means?
And I was like, yeah, I ain'tgot to deal with y'all no more,
you know?
(17:14):
And uh, he said, no, there's somuch more is I, can you just
stay to your 18?
And uh, I told him, I was like,you know what?
I'll stay until I'm 18.
If you can get me close, awake,that's all I ask.
That's all I asked, get me closeto Waco, find somewhere, you
(17:34):
know?
Um, because that's where Ioriginated from.
That's, that's where I enteredthe system at, was through the
Waco CPS, you know, just give meback where I began, but not
where I began type thing, youknow?
And he's like, I don't know, butI'll see what I can do.
And I was like, it's twooptions.
What happened?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Did, did you receive emancipation?
No,
Speaker 3 (17:57):
I did not receive emancipation.
The caseworker I had at the timedid a really good job, found a,
uh, residential treatment centerin RTC in Bruceville, Eddy,
which, uh, is right outside ofWaco.
So it was pretty close, um, thathad a bed available and was
(18:19):
willing to let me come.
And, um, it's no longer open.
I know that I know that much.
They shut their doors down,which sucks.
But, but no, I got, I got movedand they moved me during the
summertime.
And so when my senior yearstarted up, I, uh, enrolled into
(18:41):
brutaful Eddy high school.
I remember, uh, the director ofthe facility that I was at.
He said, you know, we've gotthis thing, you know, you're 17
and whatnot.
We're going to let you stayuntil you're 18.
And if you can do good behaviorwise, you did get over the
summer.
We'll let you go to publicschool.
(19:02):
And I'm like, so I don't have togo to school at the RTC.
Is that what I'm hearing?
And he said, yeah.
And I was like, okay.
I was like, how long do I haveto do y'all's school on campus?
And he said, six weeks, if youcan do good for six weeks, then
we'll let you go for so long.
I had done, um, you know, RTCsand Hy-Ko, I hated that school.
(19:28):
Um, Bruce bladdy was a smallschool and, and I wanted to try
it.
I wanted to be a Saint, youknow?
And so I did good.
I did what I was supposed to.
And six weeks into my senioryear, I, uh, got to go to public
school.
I got to walk down the schoolhallways.
Um, I got to ride a school bus,you know, I got to be a normal
(19:52):
kid.
Pretty fun.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
We'll talk about your transition out of foster care.
What was life like for you?
Speaker 3 (19:59):
My birthday is a national holiday and all
government agencies are closedon my birthday.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Now I'm curious.
What is this birthday?
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Uh, my birthday is July 4th.
Awesome.
Birthday.
Wonderful.
Yes.
So, uh, my case worker came tome on July 3rd and she's like,
so I'm talking to be at worktomorrow and I'm like, yep.
The government shuts down frombirthdays.
(20:32):
So yeah.
And she goes, but you can'tleave until tomorrow.
And I'll say, okay, you know,and she goes, but I wanted to
come and bring you just some,some gifts for your birthday.
And she gave me a nice outfit,job interview type outfit that I
could wear, you know, going out,looking for jobs and a$2,000
(20:57):
check.
It was a trust fund.
The local law firm had beensaving money, you know, for a
handful of kids in foster care.
So when they turned 18, theywould get the trust fund check
and have some money.
And this law firm had saved$2,000 and it was written to me.
And so July 4th, everybody'sgetting drunk.
(21:23):
And I had$2,000 and not really aknew where to go.
I had some friends from schoolthat I had met up with and I had
a boyfriend that let me come,stay with them.
And, um, so
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Is this your transition?
Cause I know at some point inyour life you began to abuse
drugs.
So is this your transition intothat point in time in your life?
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Yeah.
That$2,000, um, bottle, a lot ofalcohol and a lot of, uh,
illegal substances.
I hit the gate running.
I love having a 4th of Julybirthday.
I love it.
It's the best, but I'm not sothankful for having a 4th of
July birthday.
(22:08):
But then again, I honestly don'tthink that it would've made a
difference.
Whether I was born on a, anormal day or a national
holiday, I don't think itwould've made a difference.
The group of people that I washanging out with at the time,
wasn't the best I had nomentors.
(22:29):
I had no one to call afterhours.
I had no one to call on theweekends.
And when I turned 18, I had noCPS case worker.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
So what led you down this path of substance use?
Speaker 3 (22:47):
You know, not having a solid home.
I turned 18 and I thought, Ithought that I could go to my
dad's and it wouldn't be what itwas and he never skipped a beat.
You know?
Um, the only differences is Igrew up, I thought I could call
(23:07):
my mom up and Hey, I'm 18.
I ain't got to worry aboutfeeding me and stuff like that.
I'm an adult now.
She was still active in her, youknow, drug of choice.
And, um, still at that time,when I called her, like, I
didn't know that my mom was analcoholic.
(23:28):
I just thought she didn't care.
I did not know it wasn't untilyears later that I found out
that my mom was an alcoholic.
I honestly thought she drankKool-Aid.
I mean, I didn't, I didn't knowher Kool-Aid was.
And when I left, you know, whenI left her house, when I was 12
(23:49):
years old, like I, I didn'tknow, I wasn't around her, you
know?
And she didn't, she visited meone time while I was in, in the
system, got into an abusiverelationship with the father of
my, I have three children and,uh, two of them have the same
father.
Their dad was abusive.
(24:09):
We both did drugs together.
You know?
So what led me to lots of drugabuse.
Wasn't one particular thing.
I can't say well it's because mymom didn't mom or my dad did
this.
It was just a list of things.
And some hurts.
I didn't let go of, I was stillholding on to them because those
(24:33):
were my hurts.
And you can take those away.
No caseworker could take thosegroups away.
No therapist, no judge, no staffat a RTC.
They couldn't take those hurtsaway.
And I had some kind of controlthat they could take my home.
They could take my friends bytelling me that I had to pack my
(24:55):
bags because I was beingtransferred to another facility,
but they couldn't take the hurt.
So yeah, it was just everything.
February of 2003, after workinga couple jobs and I cashed my
income tax check and it was$1,500, super proud of myself,
you know, went and bought abunch of electronics, got into
(25:17):
another physical altercationwith my baby's daddy, a police
officer at the time told me he'slike, Shannon, I know what
you're doing.
I know you've been doing.
And I know you're better thanthat.
And I was like, man, you don'tknow nothing.
He's like, no, I do.
We all do.
We all know what you've beendoing.
And we know that you're betterthan that change your ways
(25:38):
before it's too late.
And I was like, whatever, youknow, and went on and got out of
his sight and everything emptiedmy pockets out is by all means,
I definitely could have donesome jail time and uh, went
home.
And I, I remember, um, watchingTV and just kind of thinking
about everything.
(25:59):
And I was like, maybe he'sright.
But then I was like, maybe he'swrong.
And I remember, uh, driving tothe dope house and buying an
insane amount ofmethamphetamines and headed
home.
And so I don't really rememberabout two weeks of February,
2003.
I remember the, the policeofficer and I remember driving
(26:23):
to the dope house, but that'sabout it.
Next thing I remember was beingwoke up, VM woke up because I
could see my body.
I could see the medics.
I could see everybody, you know,and just hearing stuff and out
of body experience, I just, Iremember phyllo warm and I
(26:45):
remember feeling cold.
And I remember seeing justdarkness and stars and
everything and me saying, no,no, I'm not done.
Like I'm not done.
I'm not done.
I don't want to die.
Send me back and not knowing howto get back, but no one did.
I didn't want the coal, the limp.
I didn't want the warm feeling,waking up.
(27:06):
And the medic saying you're withus, stay March 1st, the 2003, I
swore I would never touch a drugagain because some mouth there
has plans for me and somethingout there didn't fight me.
When I, when I fought it,telling it I'm not done, there
is something greater than me.
(27:28):
And did not mind when I threw anall out wall, I believe, yes.
I did go into a drug rehab to gothrough a detox program.
I went to local university.
They has dorms, which is goingto say it that much.
(27:51):
And, uh, went to the university.
And I had a friend that was acollege student and they, um,
let me sneak into their dorm.
And I detoxed inside the men'sdorm.
I deed, I chose to detox therebecause it was a safe place.
That friend did not do drugs.
(28:12):
They drank, but very little, uh,they were a social drink.
You know, they didn't have aproblem.
And alcohol has never been myproblem.
Um, it was a hardcore drugs.
There's really, truly not onehardcore drug out there that I
hadn't to.
Um,
Speaker 2 (28:31):
This is your point of transition.
You transitioning into recovery.
What was that transition like
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Early?
Every was rough because I didn'thave a cell phone.
I had a pager.
I remember my first sponsortelling me, like, you can't talk
in a pager.
It's not how pagers werenegative cell phone.
I'm like, well, you got to havea job to get a cell phone to pay
the bill.
I can't do everything at once.
You know, because when I was,and the end of my active
addiction, I quit the job.
(28:57):
My sponsor went out and got me.
One of those pay as you gophones, you know, were you put
so many minutes on it, you cancall out.
But if you don't put money onit, you can't call out.
And I was like, why, why are youdoing it this way?
She goes, so you can call me.
Okay.
Being with her really helped alot.
You know, um, being in the 12step fellowship really, really
(29:19):
helped a lot surrounding myselfaround people who cared, you
know, and, and just reallychanging the people.
Do people.
I hung out with the places thatreally helped a lot, surrounded
myself around positive people.
And that's what led me inrecovery.
And it's literally just been oneday at a time from there
(29:39):
steadily coming up.
And that I do not want to lookat my body again and have
medics.
I do not want to have a fightbegging to come back.
And I sure do not want to go theother way, the cold way.
I don't want,
Speaker 2 (29:59):
How did you come to the point of wanting to be a
socialist worker?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Every so many years, I get a therapist.
I had a individual counselorindividual therapist.
And when I say every so manyyears, I get a therapist, I do
it because I ready to let go ofthat.
When I know that I cannot let goof all my own, because there's
some things that I need, someonethat just helped me process
(30:23):
through.
And, and there was some hurtthat I was dealing with and it
was re triggering some pasttrauma that I had let go of.
And so I knew that I needed tocall out the professionals.
So I was seeing this counselor,we were talking, we'd been, I'd
been seeing her for about ayear.
(30:44):
And she told me, she said, I'mgoing to be going on vacation
soon.
And so I just want to let youknow, I want to be out of the
office for awhile.
I'll be back.
And I was like, what am Isupposed to do while you're
gone?
And she's like, you'll be good.
I'm not going to be gone long.
You know, if you need anybody,you can call this person.
And it was like, uh, everybodyhas backups.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
I don't even know that personnot happening while you're going
(31:08):
on vacation.
You know, she come back andshe's like, so I see that you
didn't have call that.
You know, the other person, Iwas like, you know, I, I was
good and I did this and I, youknow, went to meetings and I use
myself here that, you know, I'lllearn and whatever.
And, uh, anyways on toss, I wasdoing some thinking, what are
(31:30):
you trained in?
Like, what are you?
And she's like, what do youmean?
I was like, well, you're reallygood.
What are you?
She's like, uh, I'm a socialworker.
I was like, are you bleepingserious?
I hated social workers.
Why didn't you tell me that inthe beginning?
Like, I can't even, I'm done.
She's like, no, no, no, staywith me.
(31:52):
I was so mad.
I was like, why didn't you tellme?
She's like, well, you've knownall along now.
I did it.
She's like, what do you thinkthose certificates are up on the
wall?
I don't know what LCSW is.
She's like, okay, let me tellyou what it, LCSW is licensed
clinical social worker.
(32:14):
I was like, nah, I don't needyou.
I don't need a social worker.
They don't care.
I'm where I'm at.
Because of social workers, theydon't care.
You know?
And she's like, no, that's a CPScase.
I was like, oh, so not allsocial workers that are that
way.
She's like, no social workerscan work everywhere.
They don't have to just work forCPS.
And I was like, social workerschange CPS.
She's like, what do you mean?
(32:35):
And so we started having aconversation about how I hated
CPS.
I couldn't stand the departmentof family protective services.
Very, very few people withinCPS.
Can I sit there and say, okay,they're good.
They're good.
They're good, bad, bad, bad,bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
They don't care.
They don't, you know, cleanoffice and, uh, doing the way
(32:57):
she, you know, this went on fora couple of weeks and she's
like, okay, I'm fixing to go onvacation.
I'm like, really, dude, you justgot back from vacation.
She said, I'm going to give yousome homework.
And I won't be gone for 30 days.
You'll have well, enough time todo the homework.
When I get back, we're going togo from there.
I said, what do you mean?
She's like, well, I'm going tobe retiring.
(33:17):
I was like, okay, you're the oneon vacation.
You're retiring.
We're actually really breakingground.
Like really doing good.
I'm starting to like, get thisnew perspective on what social
workers are.
And now what now you're tellingme you're retiring.
Like, no, she gave me ahomework.
(33:38):
And the homework was, I had togo to the local community
college and dust off my schooltranscripts because I hated bold
in college.
Shortly after I got out offoster care, my drug addiction,
I wasn't completely gone.
(33:59):
So I enrolled in college.
She's like, no, I want you to goand talk to them.
Find out what you're good at.
She goes, I think that you couldbe good at helping people.
I think you should work in thehealth profession.
Okay.
You know, so I went to MCC.
That's where my collegetranscript was.
I was like, Hey, how you doing?
(34:22):
Uh, I'm gonna need you to gothere.
Microfish and dust off mytranscript.
Cause what do you need to seeabout me coming back to school
while we're at it?
Can we get ahold of financialaid?
And I need some money.
I don't know what I want to be,but let's do this.
(34:44):
And she was like, y'all, don'tknow what you mean by microfish
just go find my transcriptsplease is so she brings it back
and she's like, here you go.
And so I sat down with thisadvisor, we looked over
everything and she's like, heknows a lot of the classes you
took were geared around mentalhealth.
Did you realize that?
I was like, no, I don't evenreally remember the late
(35:08):
nineties or early two thousands.
It's all fog is anythingsalvageable.
She's like, yeah, we can piecetogether something.
I was like, okay, what's yourthinking about this?
She's like, well, first I wantto send you over here and go
talk to this mental healthadvisor, go talk to them and
then just kind of go from there.
So I was like, okay.
(35:28):
So I go over and this is allstill MCC.
Right.
And I talked to them and uh,while I was there, there was a
knock on the, and income's hasgot, and I look at them, I'm
like, dude, I know you.
And he's like, I was like, youused to work at Waco center for
(35:51):
youth man.
Awesome staff member.
Yeah.
I was like, you weren't therebetween this time and this time,
didn't you.
And he's like, yeah, what's goodfor you.
And I'm like, look, not astalker.
I'm just saying that I used tolive there.
Why you were there, you wereamazing.
(36:11):
And I was like, what are youdoing here?
He's like, I'm a professor.
Like it was social work, mentalhealth.
I was like, are you an LCSW?
He said, yes, I am.
I was like, yeah.
You mean to tell me that I couldbe a professor?
Hey, got to work for CPS.
I can change the system.
That way I can change thestudents before they even get
out there in the field and makethem think different.
(36:34):
Okay.
I got to go back.
So I grab my transcript and Itake off rushing out of there.
Right.
And then call my counselor who'sin and her, like, I know what I
gotta do.
I know what I want to do.
You got to get back.
We got to talk, you know, andI'm leaving this voicemail.
She doesn't answer.
And I'm like, whatever.
And so I call again, she got theanswer and I'm like, Ugh.
So I call again.
(36:54):
She doesn't answer.
And I, I'm not like stalking,not back to back call.
Right.
You know, there's like sometimeframe.
Yeah.
And finally I'm like, fine.
I'll call that backup counseling.
Right.
This is a crisis.
Like someone needs to know this.
Right.
As I called and I'm like, hello,blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, yeah, I'mso-and-so's client.
(37:15):
And I know she's in Italy and Iknow she's not answering the
phone, but I know what I need todo.
And I know what I want to do.
And she just needs to answer thephone.
She's like, I she's out of thecountry.
What is it that you want to do?
Is everything okay?
And so I let her know, because Idon't want to become a social
worker.
And she's like, I'll let herknow.
And I'm like, that's not theanswer I need.
She's like, well, what do youmean?
I was like, nevermind.
(37:36):
Cause I knew she didn't, shedidn't know.
She didn't know my problem withsocial work because I didn't
tell her.
But that's when I knew that Iwanted to be an LCSW.
You know, I had a differentperspective.
It wasn't just CPS caseworkers.
It was counselors.
I could be a professor.
So I went ahead back to theregister and I'm like, Hey, we
got to make this happen.
(37:57):
I need help.
And she's like goes hard to thefinancial aid.
So I ran the financial aid andshe's like, well, do you know
that you locked in somethingwhen you came in the early
nineties?
And I was like, what are youtalking about?
She's like, you're an adultfoster child.
You locked in.
And the exemption grant, I waslike, okay.
And she said, I have this fostercare exemption grant.
(38:18):
And she's like, what it does isit covers the cost of college,
tuition and books.
She said, yeah, all you have todo is enroll.
When do you want to start?
I was like yesterday, you know,she's like, well, there's some
paperwork I need to do to get,you know, get everything set up,
whatever.
She's like, we're going to setyou up with a counselor and then
just kind of makes sure thatyou're okay.
(38:39):
You know, is there anything thatyou need and stuff like that.
It's like, okay, you know, thiswas in 2013.
So the fall of 2013, I returnedback to MCC with classes from
the nineties.
It was still good.
And I passed them and added itto my degree plan.
(39:00):
So it was pretty awesome.
It was cool learning aboutthings in 2013 that I had
experienced in the latenineties.
And it was also coolunderstanding why mental health
professionals do what they didand acted the way they acted and
why they didn't answer the phoneat 10 o'clock at night when I
(39:22):
was in a crisis, why they didn'tanswer the phone on the weekends
because they had a life.
They practice self care, atleast I hope they did.
And so I was intrigued.
I was like, I need to know I hadsome personal things going on in
my life.
And so I missed the graduationrequirement for one of my
(39:44):
classes by one paper.
I didn't write that one paper.
And so the professor was like,I'm sorry, you're set to
graduate December.
It was December of 2015.
I can't pass it.
There's no way you didn't writethat one paper.
And it was a big grade.
And so that just, it devastatedme, but I was like, no, not
(40:06):
going to stop.
So I came back to school and uh,the spring hand I took that
class.
And so it was in 2016.
The, uh, I crossed the stage,got my mental health certificate
and then came back and crossedthe stage and got my associates
(40:26):
degree.
So that was in 2016 enrolledinto Tarleton state university
because I knew at that point Iknew I wanted to be a, so I knew
my plan on changing is from theinside out.
I just, I knew it.
I remember when it was thefirst, the first week of the
(40:46):
bachelor's program, one of myprofessors came to me and was
just like, you know, Shannonwanting to talk to you about
some, some of your personalstuff.
And it's okay if you're notcomfortable talking or anything
like that, you know, but reallyneed to touch base with you.
And I was like, yes, ma'am, youknow, I'm good to go.
Cause I had that stinkingthinking this whole time, I'm
not worthy.
(41:06):
I'm not good enough.
Something's going to happen.
You know, the shoe's gonna fall.
Right.
That's one thing I've alwayshad.
And I don't know if I'll everlose that.
You she's like, I just want tolet you know that we are aware
that you're a foster child, theway that Tarleton does it is we
like to keep connection with theadult foster children.
(41:31):
And we had a conversation aboutwhat that looked like.
She goes.
So if your professors just kindof checked to see how you're
doing, it's not because you'rebeing, they're not nitpick.
We're just checking to see ifthere's anything that you need
that maybe you don't have date,your other classmates have
access to and you don't haveaccess to.
(41:51):
And I was like a mom and a dad,because if I see that answer one
more time on one of thesequestionnaires.
But other than that, she alsolet me know that I was breaking
statistics by being enrolled ina bachelor's program.
I was like, you, okay, cool.
I can, then it hit me until westarted working on our papers
(42:14):
and I had to research differentarticles for this.
Or for that one day, I was justlike, what is the statistics for
adult foster children andbachelors programs?
And, oh, it was shocking,shocking, just a quick Google
search for today.
But it was written in 2015 andthis is districts are still the
(42:39):
same today.
70% of foster youth express aninterest in college, but only
10% enrolled of that.
10%, only 3% graduate fromcollege.
So I'd already graduated with anassociates degree and now I'm
enrolled in the bachelor'sprogram.
And I remember reading ways.
(42:59):
I remember going back to thatprofessor and I was like, you
feel like breaking statistics?
What do you mean?
I was like, stick around becauseI'm graduating and I'm breaking
statistics.
And I was like, don't worryabout me.
You don't need to check in on mebecause you know, I'm, I'm going
to do this.
I need to do this because I needto show other people like me,
(43:20):
that we can do this.
And we can change the systemfrom the inside.
I'm fixing change to socialwork, but stick around.
She still checked in on me and acouple other professors checked
in on me and I'm okay with that,but don't get me wrong.
Nobody gave me a free pass, hadto work hard to get them grades.
(43:41):
Okay.
A lot of sleepless nightspushing through the bachelor's
program and doing more researchon the side, outside of what was
required for my schoolwork goingmaster's level.
There's no statistics.
Like I couldn't find it.
And I'm in a bachelor's program.
It's horrible.
And I've got access to team,Jillian, scholarly articles, and
(44:04):
everywhere you go look and allthese different libraries and
there's nothing.
And so I remember going back tothat professor and I was like,
man, you need to help me findout what the statistics are for
people in grad school.
She's like, uh, yeah, no, wait,what do you mean?
She's like, we already know thatlike how many adult foster kids
are at Tarleton and the gradschool program.
(44:27):
She's like not many, how manyare in the bachelor's program
throughout all targets.
And right now there's a handfulof y'all sprinkle out between
all the campuses.
All right.
That was it.
That was in the conversation.
I just kind of did a lot ofpraying and meditate and go to
my 12 step meetings and justsharing.
Like, what does that look like?
There's no statistics.
(44:48):
There's nothing out there.
Like I just, I couldn't wrap mybrain around, you know?
And then the professors arelike, okay, so it's time to
start enrolling for grad school.
And some, some of my friendswere like, I want to go to this
college or university.
I don't want to go to Tulsa.
I want to stick around.
I'm still trying to process wholike me is in grad school, who
(45:11):
like me, can I call upon when Ineed help?
I remember, uh, March 1st, 2018,I submitted my 600 word essay to
the grad school program.
I waited until March 1st,specifically, cause that's my
clean date.
And in that application I toldhim, I said, today I'm
(45:34):
celebrating, being clean fromdrugs.
And those who were my professorsknow I've mentioned it in
passing, given little glimpse.
And those who were my professorsknow that I'm a foster child.
Yeah.
I've mentioned it in passing.
How freaking amazing it wouldbe.
If you guys let me enter yourgrad school program and together
(45:58):
we shattered this statistic.
That's not even freaking outthrough because I haven't found
how awesome would it be if I getto be the 1%, because probably
what it is 400,000 kids are inthe foster care system.
20,000 of those 4,000 kids thinkabout wanting to go to school.
(46:19):
You break that statistic all theway down.
It that's crap.
Social workers gotta do betterthan that, man.
You know, we, we have to dobetter than that because I held
on to, to the fact that I couldbe a counselor, that I could be
a professor that I could dothis.
I can do that.
All I gotta do is get acrossthat stage, seeing some of the
(46:41):
struggles that I had and justthe, I can't do this.
I'm not strong enough.
And so I've held on to thattrailblazer.
I've held onto that breakingstatistics.
And I graduated in 2019 fromgrad school.
Still haven't found thestatistics for those in grad
(47:02):
school.
I don't even know if
Speaker 2 (47:11):
With your master's degree and social work.
Yeah.
What was it like on that day, onthat graduation day?
Speaker 3 (47:19):
Not only did I get a master's degree in social work,
but also got inducted by alpha.
Yeah.
That indebted, but that's notwhat stuck out I am.
And was the a student no, theyear for the masters program,
empowering other people to notgive up.
(47:41):
I was doing that through school,helping people being there.
So the day that I graduated, Iliterally was just like in
shock, disbelief, super happy,whole bunch of mixed villains.
However, one little piece that Ihave not shared yet because I
(48:01):
wanted to share it at this pointwhen I crossed the stage.
And you know, when you graduateall your friends and family
holler and scream and this andthat, right.
When I graduated, my biologicalmom was sitting in the
bleachers.
Very, very few people knew mybiological mom.
(48:23):
She quit using, she got into asituation that placed her in the
Colorado penitentiary system.
When she got out of prison, shecalled me up and she's like, I
suck.
I'm the world's worst mom.
And I've been addicted toalcohol for many, many years.
If you want to talk to me, thisis my numb.
(48:44):
And we started working on thatrelationship.
I was still in active addictionwhen my mom called, my mom has
one year on me because it tookme a year to get my head out of
my butt.
Um, I didn't end up in thepenitentiary system like she
did, but I very well could havevery, very well could have we
(49:06):
worked on our bond andeverything.
And I told her, I said, youknow, Texas, Waco's like this
freaking black hole.
Once you get here, just kind ofsucks you in, you can't get out.
And I've known many people whohave left, but they've always
come back.
So I told my mom, I was like, Ineed you here.
You know, I can't do this withyou being in Colorado and I
(49:27):
can't leave.
So she was there.
You know, my, my three childrenwere there.
My husband were there.
You know, it was there.
So many people was there to seeme cross the stage.
And so it felt really good toshow my adult child that it's
possible.
Don't give up.
I wanted to earn that paper.
Don't give up.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
When you landed your first job, um, how far from when
you graduated to the time youlanded, it's your first job?
So
Speaker 3 (49:58):
I am definitely not the typical, you know, you
graduate, you can go out, lookfor a job, whatever.
No, I did it.
I ended up backwards.
So what I did was the placewhere I did my internship at, I
knew that one of the caseworkersthere was going to be quitting.
I really, really wanted thatspecific job.
(50:18):
And so I remember going to myfield placement supervisor, um,
I remember going and talking toher and telling her, Hey, I know
is going to be quitting.
How do I apply for her job?
She's got to quit.
I was like, oh, good point.
I was like, well, I want toapply for a job.
And she's like, okay, we'll tellyou when you can apply.
(50:38):
I don't know.
Okay.
What do I need to do to apply it?
She's like, well, you would goonline here.
[inaudible] whatever.
Get your resume together.
Cool.
No problem.
So the last day of myinternship, I handed her my
resume and I was like, can youonce over my resume, she's like,
are you serious?
I was like, I'm dead serious.
I want to apply for a homegirl's job.
(51:00):
Like, I, I want that job.
I know that I'd be amazing atit.
She's like, okay.
So she reviewed my resume.
Just love it.
It's amazing.
I was like, I know Tarletonlikes it too, because it's the
exact same one I use in my fieldclass and I got an a on it.
So she's like, you arehilarious, Shannon.
I'm like, she's like, when areyou supposed to graduate?
(51:21):
Not until August.
Is that going to be a break?
She's like, no, you're abachelor's.
I'm like, yeah, I know.
She's like, okay, just whateverthe job posts you and apply.
Okay.
The very next day, the jobposted the very next day they
posted online and I hadeverything.
I had the resume.
I had the cover letter andliterally had everything I
(51:42):
submitted my application.
It did take a minute for themto, to lock down everything and
make sure that I could power ongain, access into the system,
but not gain access into, youknow, my chart is, you know, I
can't do that.
There's rules.
My Hauer date was July 8th, 2019as a bachelor level.
(52:04):
Social work, August 9th, 2019.
I graduated with my master'sdegree.
I was happy where I was at, butit's soon as I got that proof
that I had a master's degree orrunning into HR.
And I was like, check this outjob promotion.
Right.
(52:24):
I originally was hired on to bethe hill county Bosky county
case manager May 7th, 2021.
I was offered a position as thelead regional case manager, when
the director was like, we wouldlike to offer you this position.
I was like, shut up.
I was like, seriously, because Istill haven't had that little
(52:49):
bit of imposter syndrome.
I know that I'm worthy.
I know that I'm smart.
Not trying to sound cocky, but Iknow that I know I'm smart.
I know I'm worthy.
I know that I, I am here for areason.
And I know when I fought back in2003, with whatever it listen
and it gave me a chance and ittook a minute for me to get my
(53:10):
head out of my, it took me aminute.
It took me a minute to let go ofthe hurts, make room for what
help and helping other peoplehelps me.
So lead regional case managerwith the MSA, my life was crazy.
(53:31):
Chaotic, unpredictable as achild, as a young adult.
You're scary today.
I know as long as I show up tomy job and I do my job to the
best of my ability, I'm going toget a paycheck.
I know that today.
My job is amazing.
I have 18 years of being drugfree.
(53:53):
I have three children who areamazing.
I have a husband.
Who's amazing.
I love myself.
There's still days that aretough at certain times as a
year.
Um, I love my mom.
I love my foster mom.
Yeah.
I shared in the beginning ofthis, the emergency placement,
and I had asked to go back tothat foster home.
I'm still connected to thatwoman today.
(54:15):
I don't have to act out to beloved because I love myself and
I didn't love myself back then.
I love today.
Let go.
What hurts to make room for whathelps.
That's good.
It's gotten me through so much.
It hurts from when I was a kid.
All kinds of hurt stuff that Ican't control.
(54:35):
Honestly, I don't know if that'ssome famous quote that's out
there.
Heard it one day when I was init in a meeting.
And I remember typing in, in myphone, let go of what hurts to
make room for what else?
I'm honored to be on thispodcast.
(54:55):
Thank you so much for thinkingof me.
You definitely one of thoseprofessors that I spoke about
that wasn't soft on me, but yousaw in me, what I didn't see in
myself at the time means thatyou did your job good.
And you empowered me and thankyou for helping mold me and is
who I am today.
(55:15):
You're one of the good socialworkers out there.
Speaker 2 (55:18):
Well, thank you really appreciate you.
And I appreciate you for sharingyour life with me.
Um, it is definitely a privilegepleasure for me, for sure.
Thanks.
You're welcome care.
Monday listeners, what us Ori,what his story.
(55:42):
It is so important to know thatsocial workers are human.
We are not immune to difficultystruggle challenges in life.
We're not immune.
There are over 870,000professionals, social workers in
America.
(56:03):
That means there are over870,000 unique life stories that
influenced the practice of thesesocial workers, wherever they
are within this nation.
I just hope that the more than870,000 professionals workers
(56:24):
out there have grabbed hold ofthe value of their own life
story and are using it to elicitresilience and strength for
those whom they serve.
I hope they are given voice tothe voiceless, but more
importantly, helping the voiceless to get a voice so that they
(56:46):
can tell their own stories.
What you heard from my gueststhrough this interview was her
process of self and socialawareness, as well as her
process of getting to a place ofhealing.
You heard bouts ofdecision-making influenced by
misfortune and a series of lifelessons that led her to live
(57:08):
life on purpose.
You heard her pursuit for abetter life, and now her pursuit
to realize a better specializedarea within the social work
profession.
She had a story was a story oftriumph, a story of triumph that
I hope inspired you to recognizethe value of your own story of
(57:30):
your own history.
You don't have to be a socialworker to use your real life
experience, to uplift the lifeof another.
You don't need training forthat.
There is absolutely no need fortraining for that.
So I challenge you to go publicwith your own history, go public
with your own history and do itcourageously without reservation
(57:54):
or shame because you never knowwhose life you will change for
the better I enjoyed hearing.
Shannon's empowering life storytoday.
If you enjoy listening to thisepisode, write a review to share
your thoughts, share thispodcast episode with others and
subscribe wherever you listen topodcasts.
(58:15):
To keep up with this show,connect with me through email,
send messages to S S inspiredcast@gmail.com S S inspired cast
at Gmail that com until nexttime, Sunday listeners live on
purpose.
Speaker 1 (58:35):
Thank you for listening to Sundays with
Chevelle subscribe, wherever youlisten to podcasts and be sure
to tune in next time for anothersocial work inspired episode.
Bye-bye.
Welcome to Sundays with Chevelle a social work
inspired podcast with creatorand host Dr.
Shariece Chevelle.
This is my monthly show whereeach episode aims to inspire
topics relevant to social work,brightest growing forward,
living on purpose and so muchmore.
(00:33):
Thank you for tuning in.
Enjoy the show.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Reading Sunday listeners.
I am your host, Dr.
Shariece Chevelle.
Thank you for tuning in.
I welcome you to episode two,letting go.
What hurts with Shanna Robbinsdot?
Now today's episode emphasizesthe value of adversity,
(01:04):
resilience, forgiveness, andunwavering determination.
When I think about theconversation that makes up this
episode, I can't help, but torecall the repeated refrain
heard growing up, no pain, nogain.
Now this phrase was repeated aslike a broken record.
(01:26):
Once the sofa, RNB songwriterand songstress Betty Wright
released her album titled nopain, no gain in 1988.
This song was played everywhere.
When I say everywhere, I mean,everywhere and listening to this
song was like sitting down andlistening to your grandmother or
(01:48):
your great-grandmother talk toyou about the issues of life.
So as the song near to the end,you hear Betty Wright sing in
order to get something, you gotto give something in order to be
something you got to go throughsomething.
Now, now that's, that's a dropthe mic for you right there.
(02:10):
I mean, I'm for real, that's thetrap, the mic for you right
there.
Those words are so powerful, someaningful, and they are, they
are so true.
So what this song represents isin an evitable reality of life,
and that is struggle.
(02:31):
We all have a battle in life tofight well, truth, be told it's
bad holes to fight.
In other words, you know, it'simpossible to go through life
without experiencing struggle.
It's just not possible.
Any kind of adversity though,it's uncomfortable, it's
frustrating and it can beoverwhelming.
(02:54):
And that's also true.
But what matters is how you inthe saving grace is knowing that
the experience is onlytemporary.
And then when you get to theother side of adversity, you are
the more wiser and all the moreinclined to live life on
purpose.
(03:14):
And that is what matters.
The challenges we face in lifeare intended to cause us to
become mentally, emotionally,physically, as well as
spiritually strong, they areintended to help us reach the
fullness of maturity.
And that is to grow from being achild, to being an adult.
And everybody needs to gothrough that growth process.
(03:37):
So to spend the energy and timeto avoid ignore high or run away
from life's challenges is, isessentially to say, well, I
don't want to grow.
I don't want to become mentally,emotionally, physically, and
spiritually mature.
Well, if that's you, then thisepisode may not be for you.
(04:01):
The person you will hear fromtoday is a master social worker
with a history that involvesparental abandonment and abuse,
foster care drug addiction, aswell as courage to stand against
and beat the odds with thisdescription.
It should be clear that deephardship and danger was a
(04:22):
pervasive reality for anextended time in this person's
life.
But as you will hear in thisinterview today, she proved to
have the will to survive myguests.
Master's social worker, ShannaRobins Donnelle is the lead
regional case manager at heartof Texas region MHMR Claris
(04:42):
center for families.
Full disclosure.
Shanna is a former student ofmine, and I encouraged her to
share her story.
I encouraged her from the verymoment.
I heard the details of herstory.
I should say some details of herstory because this interview
brought out more, but Iencouraged her to share her
(05:05):
story.
And even after the interviewconcluded, I encouraged her to
continue sharing her storybecause her life story is
valuable.
Her interview was previouslyrecorded and it was previously
recorded with minimalinterruption.
So without delay Linda ear tothis real life story of a social
(05:28):
worker by a social worker, Iwill meet you at the conclusion
of this interview.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
How are you doing good.
Glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you.
Thanks so much for taking
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Out the time to talk with me today.
I'm so excited to have you, you,my friend, you have a story, you
have a story that really needsto be told, and I'm so thankful
that you are going to take theopportunity today to share a
little bit about your story.
(06:08):
I have heard some pieces of yourstory, but of course I haven't
heard everything.
So I'm excited to hear not onlythe things that I already know,
but I'm also excited to hearwhat I don't know.
So with that being said, I knowthat your childhood experience
(06:28):
is quite unique.
You were a child in foster care.
That's correct.
Yes.
Ma'am.
What were the circumstances thatled to you entering into foster
care?
Speaker 3 (06:39):
At the time that I went into foster care, I didn't
know what I know today in thenineties, when I went in, she
was active in her drugaddiction.
I had some behavior problemsgoing on.
It was hard from my mom, youknow, to, to take care of me, a
(06:59):
deal with the demons that shehad going on, that she hadn't
dealt with.
She thought she did go bysending me to my biological
fathers, which was in a wholedifferent state.
So I'm from up north.
I came to Texas in the earlynineties and met my biological
father.
You know, first time I, I, Inever knew who was, I didn't
(07:22):
know what he looked like.
I didn't know anything abouthim, you know, was living with
them our now maybe about 30days, 45.
I try not to think too muchabout that timeframe.
I've let go of it.
Multiple hours.
Therapy's helped me let go ofthe stuff that hurts and, um,
(07:43):
local public school that I wasattending.
They had the program counselorsin schools.
And, uh, it was one of thoseindividuals, counselors.
I didn't know what they were atthe time, but they knew that
something, something wasn'tright.
And so they spent some time justtalking to me and I let them
know what my dad had been doing.
(08:06):
I knew what he had been doing.
Wasn't right.
But I also knew I couldn't goback to my mom that wasn't
right.
And I couldn't go to my Hantzdone, been there.
And so I really didn't haveanywhere to go.
When they found out what all wasgoing on.
CPS case worker came to theschool, uh, investigator, I told
(08:29):
her what all was going on.
And she immediately put me intoemergency foster home.
They called it it's a coupledays later had a court hearing
those who are familiar withMcLennan county, they know judge
bill Loeb.
So he was my judge for thelongest time.
I speak specifically about that.
The circumstances that led tome, Henry, because the CPS
(08:51):
investigator, she did her jobcontacted my biological mom.
Let my mom know that there hadbeen some traumatic stuff that
had happened and that I was anemergency foster home placement
that I could stay there untilshe could make it to Texas, you
know, to pick me up so that Icould go home.
The response, my mom really hurtat the time.
(09:13):
And for many, many years, Ijust, I did not understand why
she responded the way she did.
And it was bill Lowe.
Judge, bill Lowe, judge billLowe pulled me into his chambers
and he showed me this fax thathe came through.
My mom had a sign, the bottompart of my birth certificate,
(09:34):
where my feet were stamped.
Uh, she signed it.
Then she couldn't be my mom andthat she just wanted to be my
friend and sign the paper andhad it notarized.
And that was how she told thejudge that she couldn't come to
Texas.
So the judge pulled me in hischambers and talked to me and
(09:55):
there was other people there.
It wasn't just me and him.
And, uh, so that's when I foundout that my mom chose her
addiction over a BMI mom.
And I knew my dad, like therewas no way I was going to go
back to him.
And so my parents became thestate of Texas.
I, God, I had so manycaseworkers.
(10:17):
So many social workers is what,you know, where your social
worker, but so many of them thatjust came in and they they'd be
there for so many months.
And then gone, you know, judge,bill Loeb, he stuck around.
He was always there.
I knew that whenever, uh, we hada court hearing, I always knew
that it didn't matter what thecase worker, they would show up
(10:40):
and say, Hey, we're yourcaseworker right now.
We're going to transport you toWaco.
And I get to see, you know, Iwas happy because he was a
constant, how many
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Foster care placements did you have to
experience?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
I can tell you, they, my high school transcript showed
17 different schools.
And I remember a collegeregistered registrar, always
struggled, pronounced that.
I remember them laughing, youknow, cause I was laughing.
I was like, yeah, here's my, youknow, five page college
(11:17):
transcripts, you know?
And you're like just looking ata, I was like, why would you
need that?
You know, so I can get intocollege.
I've been all over, uh, Houstonspraying, little, anybody plays
called Lomita, Texas amazing, uh, emergency foster home shelter.
(11:42):
I stayed there.
A lot of those places, they justmoved me from different places.
Um, and I, I don't know,probably when I was 16, I
finally started calming down andstarted letting go that
resentment, that anger that Ihad towards my parents, you
know, and, and realizing allthat, that I was holding on to
all that, that hurt that, thatpain, um, that was only hurting
(12:06):
me.
And that was hindering mygrowth.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
When you about pain and you know, you not being well
at that time, what was the painthat you were holding onto?
Was it the pain of being infoster care?
Was it the pain of having amother who signed on your birth
certificate?
I just want to be your friend.
What was the pain?
Um,
Speaker 3 (12:29):
It wasn't pain, a little bit of everything that
was the pain of not having, nothaving my mom, not having my
dad.
You know, my mom, my dad, uh, togo to the, uh, emergency foster
home that I went to, you know, Ispoke about, I actually got to
go back there another timebecause they were moving me and
(12:52):
I asked them, I was like, can Igo back to my old foster
parents?
And they were like, we don'tknow if they have a bed
available and it's a short term.
They only take emergencies.
And I'm like, well, why am I anemergency?
You know?
And, uh, so I got to go backthere, but the pain, you know,
my, my sweet 16, I didn't, Ididn't have a sweet 16.
(13:15):
I had to tell the people, Hey,you know, today's my birthday.
And just different things, youknow, like prepare them for high
school prompts.
I didn't get to do that.
You know?
Uh, it wasn't until my 11thgrade year, I was in Lomita and
this woman had came in.
(13:36):
And the way that the place isset up is you get to see when
visitors come in and out, itreally small up, you know, who
this woman had came in and wastalking to the staff, the
administrators and whatnot.
And one of my dorm mate wasgetting adopted by her.
We were really good friendsbecause I told her, I said, you
(13:57):
know, I was like, tell her thatyou can't go.
Unless I go, you know, and I waslike, throw a fit, do something.
And she's like, I can't do that.
And I was like, just tell her,just tell her you can't go.
Unless I go.
And we were really good friendsand she went ahead, she told her
and the foster mom decided totake me in her.
(14:21):
And so that was my first timethat I actually got to
experience living in a home.
And I remember going to billLowe telling him, he's like, so
how things go?
And I said, I'm not in Lomita nomore.
He's like, where are you at?
Well, I didn't know, a towncould get smaller than low
meetup, but I found it and hestarted laughing.
(14:41):
He's like, whoa, tell me aboutthe town.
And I'm like, it's Carlton,Carrollton, Harry pronounce it.
There's two in Texas.
Uh, there's an RNL L added toone of them.
I was in the smallest one and itwas south of, uh Heico and also
(15:04):
close to, um, Dublin, Texas.
And, uh, so anyways, judge billLowe was just listening to me
talk and everything and had noidea.
Uh, I had no idea that he knewwhere I was because the case
worker did their job and waslike, well, she's been moved
(15:27):
she's in her foster home.
And, but he acted like he didn'tknow you listen, you know, he's
like, well, that's good.
While being in that foster home,I ended up getting my first ever
job, working at a dairy queen inDublin.
So that was really cool.
Didn't like the school that Iwent to the 11th grade, but I
(15:49):
did get to go to prom that wascold.
And, uh, the girl that camealong, she wasn't doing too
good, you know, having somebehavioral issues and whatnot.
And she ended up having to goback into acute care and the
foster mom, um, she was a singlemom and decided she didn't want
(16:11):
to be a foster mom anymore.
So she let me know that mybehavior had been good, but she
didn't want to be a foster momanymore.
And that I was going to have togo be somewhere else.
And I had gotten so used to, andI didn't like the school that I
had to go to school in.
Heico because the town I livedin was so small.
(16:33):
I went back to judge lo am Idude, I'm fixing to be 17.
I'm tired of moving.
I'm tired of changing schools ina couple months, I'm going to
finish being a junior and I'mgoing to be a senior semi close
awake.
And I remember him telling meme, and I don't know, I don't
want you to run away.
(16:53):
I was like, dude, it's going togo down one or two ways, send me
post the Waco.
And I won't run away oremancipate me today.
And we're done where youemancipated.
Uh, he actually, he actuallytold me, he said, man, do you
understand what that means?
And I was like, yeah, I ain'tgot to deal with y'all no more,
you know?
(17:14):
And uh, he said, no, there's somuch more is I, can you just
stay to your 18?
And uh, I told him, I was like,you know what?
I'll stay until I'm 18.
If you can get me close, awake,that's all I ask.
That's all I asked, get me closeto Waco, find somewhere, you
(17:34):
know?
Um, because that's where Ioriginated from.
That's, that's where I enteredthe system at, was through the
Waco CPS, you know, just give meback where I began, but not
where I began type thing, youknow?
And he's like, I don't know, butI'll see what I can do.
And I was like, it's twooptions.
What happened?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Did, did you receive emancipation?
No,
Speaker 3 (17:57):
I did not receive emancipation.
The caseworker I had at the timedid a really good job, found a,
uh, residential treatment centerin RTC in Bruceville, Eddy,
which, uh, is right outside ofWaco.
So it was pretty close, um, thathad a bed available and was
(18:19):
willing to let me come.
And, um, it's no longer open.
I know that I know that much.
They shut their doors down,which sucks.
But, but no, I got, I got movedand they moved me during the
summertime.
And so when my senior yearstarted up, I, uh, enrolled into
(18:41):
brutaful Eddy high school.
I remember, uh, the director ofthe facility that I was at.
He said, you know, we've gotthis thing, you know, you're 17
and whatnot.
We're going to let you stayuntil you're 18.
And if you can do good behaviorwise, you did get over the
summer.
We'll let you go to publicschool.
(19:02):
And I'm like, so I don't have togo to school at the RTC.
Is that what I'm hearing?
And he said, yeah.
And I was like, okay.
I was like, how long do I haveto do y'all's school on campus?
And he said, six weeks, if youcan do good for six weeks, then
we'll let you go for so long.
I had done, um, you know, RTCsand Hy-Ko, I hated that school.
(19:28):
Um, Bruce bladdy was a smallschool and, and I wanted to try
it.
I wanted to be a Saint, youknow?
And so I did good.
I did what I was supposed to.
And six weeks into my senioryear, I, uh, got to go to public
school.
I got to walk down the schoolhallways.
Um, I got to ride a school bus,you know, I got to be a normal
(19:52):
kid.
Pretty fun.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
We'll talk about your transition out of foster care.
What was life like for you?
Speaker 3 (19:59):
My birthday is a national holiday and all
government agencies are closedon my birthday.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Now I'm curious.
What is this birthday?
Speaker 3 (20:12):
Uh, my birthday is July 4th.
Awesome.
Birthday.
Wonderful.
Yes.
So, uh, my case worker came tome on July 3rd and she's like,
so I'm talking to be at worktomorrow and I'm like, yep.
The government shuts down frombirthdays.
(20:32):
So yeah.
And she goes, but you can'tleave until tomorrow.
And I'll say, okay, you know,and she goes, but I wanted to
come and bring you just some,some gifts for your birthday.
And she gave me a nice outfit,job interview type outfit that I
could wear, you know, going out,looking for jobs and a$2,000
(20:57):
check.
It was a trust fund.
The local law firm had beensaving money, you know, for a
handful of kids in foster care.
So when they turned 18, theywould get the trust fund check
and have some money.
And this law firm had saved$2,000 and it was written to me.
And so July 4th, everybody'sgetting drunk.
(21:23):
And I had$2,000 and not really aknew where to go.
I had some friends from schoolthat I had met up with and I had
a boyfriend that let me come,stay with them.
And, um, so
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Is this your transition?
Cause I know at some point inyour life you began to abuse
drugs.
So is this your transition intothat point in time in your life?
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Yeah.
That$2,000, um, bottle, a lot ofalcohol and a lot of, uh,
illegal substances.
I hit the gate running.
I love having a 4th of Julybirthday.
I love it.
It's the best, but I'm not sothankful for having a 4th of
July birthday.
(22:08):
But then again, I honestly don'tthink that it would've made a
difference.
Whether I was born on a, anormal day or a national
holiday, I don't think itwould've made a difference.
The group of people that I washanging out with at the time,
wasn't the best I had nomentors.
(22:29):
I had no one to call afterhours.
I had no one to call on theweekends.
And when I turned 18, I had noCPS case worker.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
So what led you down this path of substance use?
Speaker 3 (22:47):
You know, not having a solid home.
I turned 18 and I thought, Ithought that I could go to my
dad's and it wouldn't be what itwas and he never skipped a beat.
You know?
Um, the only differences is Igrew up, I thought I could call
(23:07):
my mom up and Hey, I'm 18.
I ain't got to worry aboutfeeding me and stuff like that.
I'm an adult now.
She was still active in her, youknow, drug of choice.
And, um, still at that time,when I called her, like, I
didn't know that my mom was analcoholic.
(23:28):
I just thought she didn't care.
I did not know it wasn't untilyears later that I found out
that my mom was an alcoholic.
I honestly thought she drankKool-Aid.
I mean, I didn't, I didn't knowher Kool-Aid was.
And when I left, you know, whenI left her house, when I was 12
(23:49):
years old, like I, I didn'tknow, I wasn't around her, you
know?
And she didn't, she visited meone time while I was in, in the
system, got into an abusiverelationship with the father of
my, I have three children and,uh, two of them have the same
father.
Their dad was abusive.
(24:09):
We both did drugs together.
You know?
So what led me to lots of drugabuse.
Wasn't one particular thing.
I can't say well it's because mymom didn't mom or my dad did
this.
It was just a list of things.
And some hurts.
I didn't let go of, I was stillholding on to them because those
(24:33):
were my hurts.
And you can take those away.
No caseworker could take thosegroups away.
No therapist, no judge, no staffat a RTC.
They couldn't take those hurtsaway.
And I had some kind of controlthat they could take my home.
They could take my friends bytelling me that I had to pack my
(24:55):
bags because I was beingtransferred to another facility,
but they couldn't take the hurt.
So yeah, it was just everything.
February of 2003, after workinga couple jobs and I cashed my
income tax check and it was$1,500, super proud of myself,
you know, went and bought abunch of electronics, got into
(25:17):
another physical altercationwith my baby's daddy, a police
officer at the time told me he'slike, Shannon, I know what
you're doing.
I know you've been doing.
And I know you're better thanthat.
And I was like, man, you don'tknow nothing.
He's like, no, I do.
We all do.
We all know what you've beendoing.
And we know that you're betterthan that change your ways
(25:38):
before it's too late.
And I was like, whatever, youknow, and went on and got out of
his sight and everything emptiedmy pockets out is by all means,
I definitely could have donesome jail time and uh, went
home.
And I, I remember, um, watchingTV and just kind of thinking
about everything.
(25:59):
And I was like, maybe he'sright.
But then I was like, maybe he'swrong.
And I remember, uh, driving tothe dope house and buying an
insane amount ofmethamphetamines and headed
home.
And so I don't really rememberabout two weeks of February,
2003.
I remember the, the policeofficer and I remember driving
(26:23):
to the dope house, but that'sabout it.
Next thing I remember was beingwoke up, VM woke up because I
could see my body.
I could see the medics.
I could see everybody, you know,and just hearing stuff and out
of body experience, I just, Iremember phyllo warm and I
(26:45):
remember feeling cold.
And I remember seeing justdarkness and stars and
everything and me saying, no,no, I'm not done.
Like I'm not done.
I'm not done.
I don't want to die.
Send me back and not knowing howto get back, but no one did.
I didn't want the coal, the limp.
I didn't want the warm feeling,waking up.
(27:06):
And the medic saying you're withus, stay March 1st, the 2003, I
swore I would never touch a drugagain because some mouth there
has plans for me and somethingout there didn't fight me.
When I, when I fought it,telling it I'm not done, there
is something greater than me.
(27:28):
And did not mind when I threw anall out wall, I believe, yes.
I did go into a drug rehab to gothrough a detox program.
I went to local university.
They has dorms, which is goingto say it that much.
(27:51):
And, uh, went to the university.
And I had a friend that was acollege student and they, um,
let me sneak into their dorm.
And I detoxed inside the men'sdorm.
I deed, I chose to detox therebecause it was a safe place.
That friend did not do drugs.
(28:12):
They drank, but very little, uh,they were a social drink.
You know, they didn't have aproblem.
And alcohol has never been myproblem.
Um, it was a hardcore drugs.
There's really, truly not onehardcore drug out there that I
hadn't to.
Um,
Speaker 2 (28:31):
This is your point of transition.
You transitioning into recovery.
What was that transition like
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Early?
Every was rough because I didn'thave a cell phone.
I had a pager.
I remember my first sponsortelling me, like, you can't talk
in a pager.
It's not how pagers werenegative cell phone.
I'm like, well, you got to havea job to get a cell phone to pay
the bill.
I can't do everything at once.
You know, because when I was,and the end of my active
addiction, I quit the job.
(28:57):
My sponsor went out and got me.
One of those pay as you gophones, you know, were you put
so many minutes on it, you cancall out.
But if you don't put money onit, you can't call out.
And I was like, why, why are youdoing it this way?
She goes, so you can call me.
Okay.
Being with her really helped alot.
You know, um, being in the 12step fellowship really, really
(29:19):
helped a lot surrounding myselfaround people who cared, you
know, and, and just reallychanging the people.
Do people.
I hung out with the places thatreally helped a lot, surrounded
myself around positive people.
And that's what led me inrecovery.
And it's literally just been oneday at a time from there
(29:39):
steadily coming up.
And that I do not want to lookat my body again and have
medics.
I do not want to have a fightbegging to come back.
And I sure do not want to go theother way, the cold way.
I don't want,
Speaker 2 (29:59):
How did you come to the point of wanting to be a
socialist worker?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Every so many years, I get a therapist.
I had a individual counselorindividual therapist.
And when I say every so manyyears, I get a therapist, I do
it because I ready to let go ofthat.
When I know that I cannot let goof all my own, because there's
some things that I need, someonethat just helped me process
(30:23):
through.
And, and there was some hurtthat I was dealing with and it
was re triggering some pasttrauma that I had let go of.
And so I knew that I needed tocall out the professionals.
So I was seeing this counselor,we were talking, we'd been, I'd
been seeing her for about ayear.
(30:44):
And she told me, she said, I'mgoing to be going on vacation
soon.
And so I just want to let youknow, I want to be out of the
office for awhile.
I'll be back.
And I was like, what am Isupposed to do while you're
gone?
And she's like, you'll be good.
I'm not going to be gone long.
You know, if you need anybody,you can call this person.
And it was like, uh, everybodyhas backups.
Right.
You know?
Yeah.
I don't even know that personnot happening while you're going
(31:08):
on vacation.
You know, she come back andshe's like, so I see that you
didn't have call that.
You know, the other person, Iwas like, you know, I, I was
good and I did this and I, youknow, went to meetings and I use
myself here that, you know, I'lllearn and whatever.
And, uh, anyways on toss, I wasdoing some thinking, what are
(31:30):
you trained in?
Like, what are you?
And she's like, what do youmean?
I was like, well, you're reallygood.
What are you?
She's like, uh, I'm a socialworker.
I was like, are you bleepingserious?
I hated social workers.
Why didn't you tell me that inthe beginning?
Like, I can't even, I'm done.
She's like, no, no, no, staywith me.
(31:52):
I was so mad.
I was like, why didn't you tellme?
She's like, well, you've knownall along now.
I did it.
She's like, what do you thinkthose certificates are up on the
wall?
I don't know what LCSW is.
She's like, okay, let me tellyou what it, LCSW is licensed
clinical social worker.
(32:14):
I was like, nah, I don't needyou.
I don't need a social worker.
They don't care.
I'm where I'm at.
Because of social workers, theydon't care.
You know?
And she's like, no, that's a CPScase.
I was like, oh, so not allsocial workers that are that
way.
She's like, no social workerscan work everywhere.
They don't have to just work forCPS.
And I was like, social workerschange CPS.
She's like, what do you mean?
(32:35):
And so we started having aconversation about how I hated
CPS.
I couldn't stand the departmentof family protective services.
Very, very few people withinCPS.
Can I sit there and say, okay,they're good.
They're good.
They're good, bad, bad, bad,bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
They don't care.
They don't, you know, cleanoffice and, uh, doing the way
(32:57):
she, you know, this went on fora couple of weeks and she's
like, okay, I'm fixing to go onvacation.
I'm like, really, dude, you justgot back from vacation.
She said, I'm going to give yousome homework.
And I won't be gone for 30 days.
You'll have well, enough time todo the homework.
When I get back, we're going togo from there.
I said, what do you mean?
She's like, well, I'm going tobe retiring.
(33:17):
I was like, okay, you're the oneon vacation.
You're retiring.
We're actually really breakingground.
Like really doing good.
I'm starting to like, get thisnew perspective on what social
workers are.
And now what now you're tellingme you're retiring.
Like, no, she gave me ahomework.
(33:38):
And the homework was, I had togo to the local community
college and dust off my schooltranscripts because I hated bold
in college.
Shortly after I got out offoster care, my drug addiction,
I wasn't completely gone.
(33:59):
So I enrolled in college.
She's like, no, I want you to goand talk to them.
Find out what you're good at.
She goes, I think that you couldbe good at helping people.
I think you should work in thehealth profession.
Okay.
You know, so I went to MCC.
That's where my collegetranscript was.
I was like, Hey, how you doing?
(34:22):
Uh, I'm gonna need you to gothere.
Microfish and dust off mytranscript.
Cause what do you need to seeabout me coming back to school
while we're at it?
Can we get ahold of financialaid?
And I need some money.
I don't know what I want to be,but let's do this.
(34:44):
And she was like, y'all, don'tknow what you mean by microfish
just go find my transcriptsplease is so she brings it back
and she's like, here you go.
And so I sat down with thisadvisor, we looked over
everything and she's like, heknows a lot of the classes you
took were geared around mentalhealth.
Did you realize that?
I was like, no, I don't evenreally remember the late
(35:08):
nineties or early two thousands.
It's all fog is anythingsalvageable.
She's like, yeah, we can piecetogether something.
I was like, okay, what's yourthinking about this?
She's like, well, first I wantto send you over here and go
talk to this mental healthadvisor, go talk to them and
then just kind of go from there.
So I was like, okay.
(35:28):
So I go over and this is allstill MCC.
Right.
And I talked to them and uh,while I was there, there was a
knock on the, and income's hasgot, and I look at them, I'm
like, dude, I know you.
And he's like, I was like, youused to work at Waco center for
(35:51):
youth man.
Awesome staff member.
Yeah.
I was like, you weren't therebetween this time and this time,
didn't you.
And he's like, yeah, what's goodfor you.
And I'm like, look, not astalker.
I'm just saying that I used tolive there.
Why you were there, you wereamazing.
(36:11):
And I was like, what are youdoing here?
He's like, I'm a professor.
Like it was social work, mentalhealth.
I was like, are you an LCSW?
He said, yes, I am.
I was like, yeah.
You mean to tell me that I couldbe a professor?
Hey, got to work for CPS.
I can change the system.
That way I can change thestudents before they even get
out there in the field and makethem think different.
(36:34):
Okay.
I got to go back.
So I grab my transcript and Itake off rushing out of there.
Right.
And then call my counselor who'sin and her, like, I know what I
gotta do.
I know what I want to do.
You got to get back.
We got to talk, you know, andI'm leaving this voicemail.
She doesn't answer.
And I'm like, whatever.
And so I call again, she got theanswer and I'm like, Ugh.
So I call again.
(36:54):
She doesn't answer.
And I, I'm not like stalking,not back to back call.
Right.
You know, there's like sometimeframe.
Yeah.
And finally I'm like, fine.
I'll call that backup counseling.
Right.
This is a crisis.
Like someone needs to know this.
Right.
As I called and I'm like, hello,blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, yeah, I'mso-and-so's client.
(37:15):
And I know she's in Italy and Iknow she's not answering the
phone, but I know what I need todo.
And I know what I want to do.
And she just needs to answer thephone.
She's like, I she's out of thecountry.
What is it that you want to do?
Is everything okay?
And so I let her know, because Idon't want to become a social
worker.
And she's like, I'll let herknow.
And I'm like, that's not theanswer I need.
She's like, well, what do youmean?
I was like, nevermind.
(37:36):
Cause I knew she didn't, shedidn't know.
She didn't know my problem withsocial work because I didn't
tell her.
But that's when I knew that Iwanted to be an LCSW.
You know, I had a differentperspective.
It wasn't just CPS caseworkers.
It was counselors.
I could be a professor.
So I went ahead back to theregister and I'm like, Hey, we
got to make this happen.
(37:57):
I need help.
And she's like goes hard to thefinancial aid.
So I ran the financial aid andshe's like, well, do you know
that you locked in somethingwhen you came in the early
nineties?
And I was like, what are youtalking about?
She's like, you're an adultfoster child.
You locked in.
And the exemption grant, I waslike, okay.
And she said, I have this fostercare exemption grant.
(38:18):
And she's like, what it does isit covers the cost of college,
tuition and books.
She said, yeah, all you have todo is enroll.
When do you want to start?
I was like yesterday, you know,she's like, well, there's some
paperwork I need to do to get,you know, get everything set up,
whatever.
She's like, we're going to setyou up with a counselor and then
just kind of makes sure thatyou're okay.
(38:39):
You know, is there anything thatyou need and stuff like that.
It's like, okay, you know, thiswas in 2013.
So the fall of 2013, I returnedback to MCC with classes from
the nineties.
It was still good.
And I passed them and added itto my degree plan.
(39:00):
So it was pretty awesome.
It was cool learning aboutthings in 2013 that I had
experienced in the latenineties.
And it was also coolunderstanding why mental health
professionals do what they didand acted the way they acted and
why they didn't answer the phoneat 10 o'clock at night when I
(39:22):
was in a crisis, why they didn'tanswer the phone on the weekends
because they had a life.
They practice self care, atleast I hope they did.
And so I was intrigued.
I was like, I need to know I hadsome personal things going on in
my life.
And so I missed the graduationrequirement for one of my
(39:44):
classes by one paper.
I didn't write that one paper.
And so the professor was like,I'm sorry, you're set to
graduate December.
It was December of 2015.
I can't pass it.
There's no way you didn't writethat one paper.
And it was a big grade.
And so that just, it devastatedme, but I was like, no, not
(40:06):
going to stop.
So I came back to school and uh,the spring hand I took that
class.
And so it was in 2016.
The, uh, I crossed the stage,got my mental health certificate
and then came back and crossedthe stage and got my associates
(40:26):
degree.
So that was in 2016 enrolledinto Tarleton state university
because I knew at that point Iknew I wanted to be a, so I knew
my plan on changing is from theinside out.
I just, I knew it.
I remember when it was thefirst, the first week of the
(40:46):
bachelor's program, one of myprofessors came to me and was
just like, you know, Shannonwanting to talk to you about
some, some of your personalstuff.
And it's okay if you're notcomfortable talking or anything
like that, you know, but reallyneed to touch base with you.
And I was like, yes, ma'am, youknow, I'm good to go.
Cause I had that stinkingthinking this whole time, I'm
not worthy.
(41:06):
I'm not good enough.
Something's going to happen.
You know, the shoe's gonna fall.
Right.
That's one thing I've alwayshad.
And I don't know if I'll everlose that.
You she's like, I just want tolet you know that we are aware
that you're a foster child, theway that Tarleton does it is we
like to keep connection with theadult foster children.
(41:31):
And we had a conversation aboutwhat that looked like.
She goes.
So if your professors just kindof checked to see how you're
doing, it's not because you'rebeing, they're not nitpick.
We're just checking to see ifthere's anything that you need
that maybe you don't have date,your other classmates have
access to and you don't haveaccess to.
(41:51):
And I was like a mom and a dad,because if I see that answer one
more time on one of thesequestionnaires.
But other than that, she alsolet me know that I was breaking
statistics by being enrolled ina bachelor's program.
I was like, you, okay, cool.
I can, then it hit me until westarted working on our papers
(42:14):
and I had to research differentarticles for this.
Or for that one day, I was justlike, what is the statistics for
adult foster children andbachelors programs?
And, oh, it was shocking,shocking, just a quick Google
search for today.
But it was written in 2015 andthis is districts are still the
(42:39):
same today.
70% of foster youth express aninterest in college, but only
10% enrolled of that.
10%, only 3% graduate fromcollege.
So I'd already graduated with anassociates degree and now I'm
enrolled in the bachelor'sprogram.
And I remember reading ways.
(42:59):
I remember going back to thatprofessor and I was like, you
feel like breaking statistics?
What do you mean?
I was like, stick around becauseI'm graduating and I'm breaking
statistics.
And I was like, don't worryabout me.
You don't need to check in on mebecause you know, I'm, I'm going
to do this.
I need to do this because I needto show other people like me,
(43:20):
that we can do this.
And we can change the systemfrom the inside.
I'm fixing change to socialwork, but stick around.
She still checked in on me and acouple other professors checked
in on me and I'm okay with that,but don't get me wrong.
Nobody gave me a free pass, hadto work hard to get them grades.
(43:41):
Okay.
A lot of sleepless nightspushing through the bachelor's
program and doing more researchon the side, outside of what was
required for my schoolwork goingmaster's level.
There's no statistics.
Like I couldn't find it.
And I'm in a bachelor's program.
It's horrible.
And I've got access to team,Jillian, scholarly articles, and
(44:04):
everywhere you go look and allthese different libraries and
there's nothing.
And so I remember going back tothat professor and I was like,
man, you need to help me findout what the statistics are for
people in grad school.
She's like, uh, yeah, no, wait,what do you mean?
She's like, we already know thatlike how many adult foster kids
are at Tarleton and the gradschool program.
(44:27):
She's like not many, how manyare in the bachelor's program
throughout all targets.
And right now there's a handfulof y'all sprinkle out between
all the campuses.
All right.
That was it.
That was in the conversation.
I just kind of did a lot ofpraying and meditate and go to
my 12 step meetings and justsharing.
Like, what does that look like?
There's no statistics.
(44:48):
There's nothing out there.
Like I just, I couldn't wrap mybrain around, you know?
And then the professors arelike, okay, so it's time to
start enrolling for grad school.
And some, some of my friendswere like, I want to go to this
college or university.
I don't want to go to Tulsa.
I want to stick around.
I'm still trying to process wholike me is in grad school, who
(45:11):
like me, can I call upon when Ineed help?
I remember, uh, March 1st, 2018,I submitted my 600 word essay to
the grad school program.
I waited until March 1st,specifically, cause that's my
clean date.
And in that application I toldhim, I said, today I'm
(45:34):
celebrating, being clean fromdrugs.
And those who were my professorsknow I've mentioned it in
passing, given little glimpse.
And those who were my professorsknow that I'm a foster child.
Yeah.
I've mentioned it in passing.
How freaking amazing it wouldbe.
If you guys let me enter yourgrad school program and together
(45:58):
we shattered this statistic.
That's not even freaking outthrough because I haven't found
how awesome would it be if I getto be the 1%, because probably
what it is 400,000 kids are inthe foster care system.
20,000 of those 4,000 kids thinkabout wanting to go to school.
(46:19):
You break that statistic all theway down.
It that's crap.
Social workers gotta do betterthan that, man.
You know, we, we have to dobetter than that because I held
on to, to the fact that I couldbe a counselor, that I could be
a professor that I could dothis.
I can do that.
All I gotta do is get acrossthat stage, seeing some of the
(46:41):
struggles that I had and justthe, I can't do this.
I'm not strong enough.
And so I've held on to thattrailblazer.
I've held onto that breakingstatistics.
And I graduated in 2019 fromgrad school.
Still haven't found thestatistics for those in grad
(47:02):
school.
I don't even know if
Speaker 2 (47:11):
With your master's degree and social work.
Yeah.
What was it like on that day, onthat graduation day?
Speaker 3 (47:19):
Not only did I get a master's degree in social work,
but also got inducted by alpha.
Yeah.
That indebted, but that's notwhat stuck out I am.
And was the a student no, theyear for the masters program,
empowering other people to notgive up.
(47:41):
I was doing that through school,helping people being there.
So the day that I graduated, Iliterally was just like in
shock, disbelief, super happy,whole bunch of mixed villains.
However, one little piece that Ihave not shared yet because I
(48:01):
wanted to share it at this pointwhen I crossed the stage.
And you know, when you graduateall your friends and family
holler and scream and this andthat, right.
When I graduated, my biologicalmom was sitting in the
bleachers.
Very, very few people knew mybiological mom.
(48:23):
She quit using, she got into asituation that placed her in the
Colorado penitentiary system.
When she got out of prison, shecalled me up and she's like, I
suck.
I'm the world's worst mom.
And I've been addicted toalcohol for many, many years.
If you want to talk to me, thisis my numb.
(48:44):
And we started working on thatrelationship.
I was still in active addictionwhen my mom called, my mom has
one year on me because it tookme a year to get my head out of
my butt.
Um, I didn't end up in thepenitentiary system like she
did, but I very well could havevery, very well could have we
(49:06):
worked on our bond andeverything.
And I told her, I said, youknow, Texas, Waco's like this
freaking black hole.
Once you get here, just kind ofsucks you in, you can't get out.
And I've known many people whohave left, but they've always
come back.
So I told my mom, I was like, Ineed you here.
You know, I can't do this withyou being in Colorado and I
(49:27):
can't leave.
So she was there.
You know, my, my three childrenwere there.
My husband were there.
You know, it was there.
So many people was there to seeme cross the stage.
And so it felt really good toshow my adult child that it's
possible.
Don't give up.
I wanted to earn that paper.
Don't give up.
Speaker 2 (49:49):
When you landed your first job, um, how far from when
you graduated to the time youlanded, it's your first job?
So
Speaker 3 (49:58):
I am definitely not the typical, you know, you
graduate, you can go out, lookfor a job, whatever.
No, I did it.
I ended up backwards.
So what I did was the placewhere I did my internship at, I
knew that one of the caseworkersthere was going to be quitting.
I really, really wanted thatspecific job.
(50:18):
And so I remember going to myfield placement supervisor, um,
I remember going and talking toher and telling her, Hey, I know
is going to be quitting.
How do I apply for her job?
She's got to quit.
I was like, oh, good point.
I was like, well, I want toapply for a job.
And she's like, okay, we'll tellyou when you can apply.
(50:38):
I don't know.
Okay.
What do I need to do to apply it?
She's like, well, you would goonline here.
[inaudible] whatever.
Get your resume together.
Cool.
No problem.
So the last day of myinternship, I handed her my
resume and I was like, can youonce over my resume, she's like,
are you serious?
I was like, I'm dead serious.
I want to apply for a homegirl's job.
(51:00):
Like, I, I want that job.
I know that I'd be amazing atit.
She's like, okay.
So she reviewed my resume.
Just love it.
It's amazing.
I was like, I know Tarletonlikes it too, because it's the
exact same one I use in my fieldclass and I got an a on it.
So she's like, you arehilarious, Shannon.
I'm like, she's like, when areyou supposed to graduate?
(51:21):
Not until August.
Is that going to be a break?
She's like, no, you're abachelor's.
I'm like, yeah, I know.
She's like, okay, just whateverthe job posts you and apply.
Okay.
The very next day, the jobposted the very next day they
posted online and I hadeverything.
I had the resume.
I had the cover letter andliterally had everything I
(51:42):
submitted my application.
It did take a minute for themto, to lock down everything and
make sure that I could power ongain, access into the system,
but not gain access into, youknow, my chart is, you know, I
can't do that.
There's rules.
My Hauer date was July 8th, 2019as a bachelor level.
(52:04):
Social work, August 9th, 2019.
I graduated with my master'sdegree.
I was happy where I was at, butit's soon as I got that proof
that I had a master's degree orrunning into HR.
And I was like, check this outjob promotion.
Right.
(52:24):
I originally was hired on to bethe hill county Bosky county
case manager May 7th, 2021.
I was offered a position as thelead regional case manager, when
the director was like, we wouldlike to offer you this position.
I was like, shut up.
I was like, seriously, because Istill haven't had that little
(52:49):
bit of imposter syndrome.
I know that I'm worthy.
I know that I'm smart.
Not trying to sound cocky, but Iknow that I know I'm smart.
I know I'm worthy.
I know that I, I am here for areason.
And I know when I fought back in2003, with whatever it listen
and it gave me a chance and ittook a minute for me to get my
(53:10):
head out of my, it took me aminute.
It took me a minute to let go ofthe hurts, make room for what
help and helping other peoplehelps me.
So lead regional case managerwith the MSA, my life was crazy.
(53:31):
Chaotic, unpredictable as achild, as a young adult.
You're scary today.
I know as long as I show up tomy job and I do my job to the
best of my ability, I'm going toget a paycheck.
I know that today.
My job is amazing.
I have 18 years of being drugfree.
(53:53):
I have three children who areamazing.
I have a husband.
Who's amazing.
I love myself.
There's still days that aretough at certain times as a
year.
Um, I love my mom.
I love my foster mom.
Yeah.
I shared in the beginning ofthis, the emergency placement,
and I had asked to go back tothat foster home.
I'm still connected to thatwoman today.
(54:15):
I don't have to act out to beloved because I love myself and
I didn't love myself back then.
I love today.
Let go.
What hurts to make room for whathelps.
That's good.
It's gotten me through so much.
It hurts from when I was a kid.
All kinds of hurt stuff that Ican't control.
(54:35):
Honestly, I don't know if that'ssome famous quote that's out
there.
Heard it one day when I was init in a meeting.
And I remember typing in, in myphone, let go of what hurts to
make room for what else?
I'm honored to be on thispodcast.
(54:55):
Thank you so much for thinkingof me.
You definitely one of thoseprofessors that I spoke about
that wasn't soft on me, but yousaw in me, what I didn't see in
myself at the time means thatyou did your job good.
And you empowered me and thankyou for helping mold me and is
who I am today.
(55:15):
You're one of the good socialworkers out there.
Speaker 2 (55:18):
Well, thank you really appreciate you.
And I appreciate you for sharingyour life with me.
Um, it is definitely a privilegepleasure for me, for sure.
Thanks.
You're welcome care.
Monday listeners, what us Ori,what his story.
(55:42):
It is so important to know thatsocial workers are human.
We are not immune to difficultystruggle challenges in life.
We're not immune.
There are over 870,000professionals, social workers in
America.
(56:03):
That means there are over870,000 unique life stories that
influenced the practice of thesesocial workers, wherever they
are within this nation.
I just hope that the more than870,000 professionals workers
(56:24):
out there have grabbed hold ofthe value of their own life
story and are using it to elicitresilience and strength for
those whom they serve.
I hope they are given voice tothe voiceless, but more
importantly, helping the voiceless to get a voice so that they
(56:46):
can tell their own stories.
What you heard from my gueststhrough this interview was her
process of self and socialawareness, as well as her
process of getting to a place ofhealing.
You heard bouts ofdecision-making influenced by
misfortune and a series of lifelessons that led her to live
(57:08):
life on purpose.
You heard her pursuit for abetter life, and now her pursuit
to realize a better specializedarea within the social work
profession.
She had a story was a story oftriumph, a story of triumph that
I hope inspired you to recognizethe value of your own story of
(57:30):
your own history.
You don't have to be a socialworker to use your real life
experience, to uplift the lifeof another.
You don't need training forthat.
There is absolutely no need fortraining for that.
So I challenge you to go publicwith your own history, go public
with your own history and do itcourageously without reservation
(57:54):
or shame because you never knowwhose life you will change for
the better I enjoyed hearing.
Shannon's empowering life storytoday.
If you enjoy listening to thisepisode, write a review to share
your thoughts, share thispodcast episode with others and
subscribe wherever you listen topodcasts.
(58:15):
To keep up with this show,connect with me through email,
send messages to S S inspiredcast@gmail.com S S inspired cast
at Gmail that com until nexttime, Sunday listeners live on
purpose.
Speaker 1 (58:35):
Thank you for listening to Sundays with
Chevelle subscribe, wherever youlisten to podcasts and be sure
to tune in next time for anothersocial work inspired episode.
Bye-bye.
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