Bonus: A Father's Day Reflection

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A heartfelt Father's Day reflection on breaking cycles of emotional unavailability and becoming the parent you never had. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the
story.
You are made of meat, my friend, all the way down.
The following podcast useswords like and and also.
If you're not into any of thatshit, then now's your chance.
Three, two, one run.

(00:21):
I'm super familiar with theWilsons.
Get it Welcome to.
Super Familiar with the Wilsons.
I'm Josh.
Amanda's not here.
We are actually packing to goaway for a couple of days, kind
of in celebration of Father'sDay, but also on a work thing
for her.
So did not want this Father'sDay to go by without saying

(00:45):
something, because I'm a dad andI've seen all my children.
Today we had a lovely breakfast.
The one who works today I droveby and visited him at work and
yeah, so it's been a goodFather's Day.
But Father's Day always causesme to reflect.
I didn't have the easiestchildhood, I did not have the

(01:05):
picture-perfect father situationand I thought that I would
write a little somethingexpressing that.
And you know, as witheverything that I write, I could
write it and then just let itsit there, or I can write it and
then express it out into theworld.
So I figured, why the hell not?
So here you go.
This is a little fatherhoodpoem about the tragedy and the

(01:26):
drama and the lovely, beautifulexperience that I've had as a
father and as a son.
Not the typical comedic farethat you're used to, but perhaps
you'll forgive me.
Happy Father's Day.
Here's the setup Single dadadopts a kid.

(01:47):
Sounds noble, right Plot twistTurns out being willing to sign
adoption papers doesn'tautomatically qualify you for
father of the year.
My real dad Complete mysteryCould be anyone from the milkman
to that dude who soldencyclopedias door to door.
But here I am, equipped withthree sons who think I'm alright

(02:12):
, give it some time.
Boys and one stepdaughter whocame prepackaged with my wife's
excellent taste in men Secondtime around.
Obviously Blended family, theycall it.
Sounds like a smoothie buttastes like controlled chaos
with a side of whose turn.
Is it to explain why toddlerssometimes behave like drunk

(02:33):
middle-aged daredevils?
My stepdaughter, bless her,inherited her mother's
skepticism and my completeinability to understand why
anyone needs to be cruel andunkind.
But I stand as dad now, and thatword hits different when it's
chosen, not assigned the boys.

(02:53):
Those boys, they're homegrownphilosophers asking questions
that would stump Stephen Hawking.
Dad, why do hot dogs come inpacks of 10 but buns come in
packs of 8?
Dad, if you could fight onehorse-sized duck or 100
duck-sized horses.
Dad, why are you crying?

(03:13):
Because love, son.
Because love is a burglar thatbreaks into your chest and
steals everything you thoughtyou knew about yourself.
The man who adopted me, let'scall him air quote.
Dad, air quote was an expert inthe fine art of emotional
unavailability, a black belt inselective hearing, a PhD in.

(03:36):
Oh yeah, I'll be there, but notanymore, by the way.
So here I am, rootless as atumbleweed, trying to parent
myself backwards while parentingforwards.
It's like doing calculus whileriding a unicycle.
In a hurricane of feelings, I'mgathering myself backwards, you
see, collecting the scatteredpieces of who I might have been

(04:00):
if someone had shown me how totie my shoes with patience, or
how to fail without shame, orhow to tie my shoes with
patience, or how to fail withoutshame, or how to love without
keeping score.
Here's what I've learned aboutfatherhood it's 8% genetics, 99%
showing up and 100% bad atmathematics.
It's learning that, because Isaid so is actually a perfectly

(04:21):
valid argument when you'rerunning on three hours of sleep
and someone's demanding to knowwhy they can't have ice cream
for breakfast.
When my stepdaughter graduated,walked across that stage like
she owned the world, which,let's face it, she probably will
.
I cried inside like a brokenfire hydrant, not because I made
her broken fire hydrant, notbecause I made her, but because

(04:42):
she let me love her.
My sons maybe now, maybe whenthey're older, will realize
their dad is just a slightlytaller child who learned to pay
bills and make dad jokes thatcould level cities.
Please remember this.
I will always be here.
I've seen tantrums andsleepless nights.

(05:03):
I've heard Dad watch this,followed by something that
definitely requires healthinsurance.
I've felt heartbreak and worryand I can't do this.
And I know you can and havepride in my heart that could
burst the Hoover Dam and you, myfierce stepdaughter, thank you
for teaching me that familyisn't about biology.
It's about who shows up todance recitals, who remembers

(05:27):
what you're allergic to, whowalks you down aisles, both real
and metaphorical mathematics,how chosen family chooses back,
how being someone's dad isoption A biology and chromosomes

(05:48):
and option B.
I got you kiddo.
I got you Three sons, onedaughter, one wife who believed
I could be better.
They've taught me thatfatherhood is less about the
blood in your veins and moreabout the love in your voice
when you say their names.
I'm learning to father myself inthe margins of fathering them,
becoming the dad I needed, whilebeing the dad they deserve.

(06:10):
Some days I'm parenting fourchildren.
Some days I'm parenting five,the fifth one being the kid.
I was still waiting for someoneto say son, you're doing all
right.
And my friends, here are thegenetics that matter, the
inherited ability to lovesomeone else's dreams more than
your own fears.
Happy Father's Day to all of uswho are making it up as we go

(06:33):
along, who are parenting withouta manual, who are breaking
cycles, who are buildingsomething better from the
beautiful wreckage of what camebefore.