May 26, 2025 • 45 mins
We've all done it—swiped Halloween candy from our kids' stash, pretended to watch their 750th video game playthrough, or claimed we don't know where that toy went (that we definitely threw away). In this candid conversation about the necessary deceptions of family life, we explore the white lies that keep our households running.
Other Talking Points
• Amanda builds a bar cart
• Sneaky HamburgerMission
• Bubbe Meise of the Future
• Mailbag
Super Familiar with The Wilsons
Find us on instagram at instagram.com/superfamiliarwitthewilsons
and on Youtube
Contact us! familiarwilsons@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the
story.
The following podcast useswords like and and also if
you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance Three,
two, one run.
(00:21):
I'm super familiar with theWilsons Get it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons.
I'm Amanda.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
And I am Josh.
We are the podcast aboutmarriage 2.0 with kids and all
the side quests, and it'sinteresting, amanda, the thing
that we don't really ever talkabout is the marriage 2.0 part.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, we talk about kids a lot and many, many side
quests.
Why don't we ever talk about isthe marriage 2.0 part?
Yeah, we talk about kids a lotand many, many side quests.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Why don't we ever talk about this being our second
marriage, for both of us?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I mean because it's been a long.
It's still been a long time.
It's 11 years this year.
That feels like a long time.
I was longer than I was in myfirst marriage, friend, so you
win.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
That's good, I've outlasted him Very good.
I've outlasted him Very good.
I mean, there's so many thingsthough that even now Like we
just had a thing where you hadasked me to put together this
little rolling bar caddy thingright, mm-hmm.
And it was sat in the garagefor a long time.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
A year.
And then I noticed LastMother's Day I asked you to put
it together.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I noticed last week.
You moved it into the house,which I thought was funny.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Why was this funny to you, did you?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
think you were being subtle.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
No, I brought it inside so I could put it
together.
I had resigned that it was notgetting put together by you, so
I brought it inside so I couldput it together, because we had
copious amounts of alcohol stillon the counter from my birthday
party and it was like we gotlike a bourbon and a brandy over
there and a gin here and someother stuff on this other
counter Two gins.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
No, we have two gins, I know.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
One gin on one counter and one gin, two bottles
of gin, and it's the giantbottles.
It's the giant bottles ofBombay.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
His and her gins.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Anyway.
So I was going to put ittogether, so I would have a
central location for all of it.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But were you pissed at me?
This is what I want to know islike did you move it in?
And you're like, oh shit, okay,I'm going to have to do this
because this guy just hasn'tdone it.
Or were you like, oh, it's fine, I'll just do this because he
hasn't found time to do this yet?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Well, had it not have been like 380 days since the
first time that I asked you toput it together, I would have
felt, oh, he hasn't found time.
But I was just.
I wasn't pissed, I was justresigned.
This is not getting puttogether.
So I'm going to do it.
But then this morning I pulledit out to put it together
because I enjoy building things.
I had a whole life between myother marriage and this marriage
in which I lived in twodifferent places by myself and
(02:38):
the only thing I could affordwas Ikea furniture.
So I have built many things.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
And then you got like annoyed that I was trying to
put it together well, first ofall, I think we're in trouble,
and and these are the signs,what, as you, cheers me with?
What is that wine?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
it's white wine, because there was only a little
bit left in the bottle 9, 40well, listen, there was only.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
This is why I think we're in trouble because, number
one, you've never referencedyour single like in between
marriages life before.
This is the first time you'vereferenced it, and now you're
drinking at 9 40 in the morning.
The church bells are ringingoutside.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
No it's it's monday it's memorial day.
People start drinking in themornings when they go out on the
boats and make really baddecisions.
In florida I'm at least in myhouse, and it was only a tiny
little bit of white wine left inthe bottle and it wasn't going
to fit on my bar cart, so Ineeded to put it in the
recycling bin.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
All right, well, give me some of that.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That's mine.
You don't want me drinkingalone at 940.
Please don't stage anintervention.
This is not a thing thattypically happens.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Anyway, I'm just checking to make sure we're okay
Because, like I said, you'venever referenced that part.
You're like I can do things.
I have reference that part oflike like I can do things, I
have my own tools, I have my ownscrewdriver up and up in the
closet.
First of all, I never.
This is like the secrets thatwe keep.
Do you have like other thingsin there I need to know about?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
oh wait, never mind, never mind moving on, nothing
that needs batteries no, that'sgood, all right, but we're fine,
right, you're okay.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
You built your little bar cart and you, you feel
better now.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Happy about my bar cart.
I enjoyed it very.
There's only one screw thatwouldn't go in and I thought I
was going to have to call you tocome do it.
And I was so determined that Iwasn't going to ask you to do it
, pinched the mess out of mythumb trying to get it.
I finally got it in, but I waslike, damn it, I'm going to have
to ask for help and I do notwant to ask for help.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Okay, well that we were okay, that you recovered
from my egregious failure in ourmarriage and that we still have
years of this podcast to go.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah, I still like you.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Okay, very good.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I mean I always love you, but sometimes I may not
like you, but I like you rightnow.
Why are you making it worse?
I'm teasing my gosh.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Okay, so let's talk about something totally
different.
What we intended to starttalking about here is lies that
parents tell.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So many we're told to us and that we still perpetrate
.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Well, that's what I wanted to get into.
It's like, as parents, you kindof have to be liars sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I mean it's a necessity and it's like this
weird thing, because I grew upright We've talked about this
Like I grew up super religiousand lying was bad.
It was like one of the TenCommandments right To not do it.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I was going to say that I must lie.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
And like I remember my mom.
My mom would be so likeanti-lying right and I loved.
You know, I love Bryan Adamsand I loved the when the hell is
this going?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Bryan Adams lied to me.
No, the song Everything I do, Ido it for you.
From the robin hood prince ofthe soundtrack yeah, loved it
and I played it for him like Ilove the song so much.
She was like I like it, but itsays I would lie for you and you
should never lie for anybody,and so my mom would be like
lying is really really bad.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Pretty sure she lied to me frequently do you think
that she lied to you on purposeor she lied to you because she
was fed a line of bullshit fromher parents?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Probably both Like that.
She knew what I was doingbecause the Holy Spirit told her
what I was doing when I wentout.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Oh, we're not even gonna talk about religious lies
here.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
But that's a lie, because that wasn't happening.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah, let's just keep it on this side of the
parochial fence, please Like myfavorite lie, my favorite lie
that we do, because I don't knowwhy I get such perverse
pleasure out of it.
It's the whole Halloween candylie.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah.
I don't know what happened tothe Halloween candy, son?
Okay, I need you to know thatour child is sitting right
outside our door and playingMinecraft with his friends on
this little private server.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
He could care less.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But you know he'll be like damn it.
Daddy took my candy.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
No, it's.
Either we lost it or I don'tknow where it is, or you ate it
all.
Listen, at some point they'vegot to know these children can't
just have their heads so far uptheir ass that they think we're
gonna let them eat all of thiscandy that they get every
Halloween.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
You know how much candy they get.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
My God, it could send Uruguay into diabetic shock.
This candy just from his littlebucket.
And, to be honest, we justsimply, with the healthcare
system the way it is, we can'tafford that to happen.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
No, it's true.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I don't know how they fool themselves that they're
going to get all of this candyespecially.
You know, at some point they'vegot to be like well, you lost
the candy last year too.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Dad.
Keep last year too.
Dad, keep losing my candy.
We do a lot of the.
I don't know where that is.
If you like I've thrownsomething away that he's not
played with, and like or not, Idon't throw things away that are
usable, I will donate them, butlike, if something's broken or
whatever and I throw it away.
And then he's like where's thisthing that he hasn't looked for
for like months and I'm like Idon't know where that is yeah,
(07:21):
along those lines.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I've used the oh son.
The internet doesn't work rightnow now the reason why?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
the reason why it doesn't work is because I've
unplugged it you used to do thatto muffie when she like
wouldn't want to stop watching ashow or whatever, and was
fussing at us and we had toleave.
You just unplug the router andbe like, well, it doesn't work
right now.
We got to go and then she'd bemad, but going, oh God Also.
But I mean, come on, santa, thetooth fairy, the.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Easter bunny.
We don't do that though.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
We don't do it, but I'm saying those are lies
parents tell right Now.
Muffy did believe for a while,but then she believed in Santa.
I never believed in Santabecause don't let your children
listen to this podcast.
I never believed in santabecause my mom would write to
mandy from santa on presents,but in her own handwriting.
So I was like, yeah, that's not, this is you.
(08:14):
I never really believed in thatnonsense were you ever like mom
?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
are you santa's secretary?
Do you take dictation for santa?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
um, but muffie believed.
And then she believed in theEaster Bunny, she believed in
the Tooth Fairy, and then I waslike really stressed about how
am I going to, you know, how amI going to like disillusion her
of this?
And then she went for asleepover with her really good
friend who just told hereverything was not true, and she
came home saying, mom, Ilearned this, this and this are
(08:46):
all not true on this sleepover,and so it was a rough like day
when she came home, but then wewere done with it.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So I was appreciative .
What is your opinion onsleepovers?
Because I saw a thing on socialmedia the other day talking
about how just nothing goodhappens at sleepovers,
especially with younger kids.
What do you think about that?
And this?
I'm not meaning to go into thesuper serious vein that this
social media post went into.
I'm just saying in general, Idon't think that there's much
(09:13):
use to sleepovers.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I don't have experience with Muffy doing
sleepovers other than like withher best friend when she was
little, and that's a mom thatI'm very close to and that they
were fine and and you and Ibenefited because she'd go over
there and spend the night whenwe were dating, so we would have
nights to ourselves.
Um, that was fine.
(09:35):
I've had to get her fromsleepovers.
Like I've gone at two o'clockin the morning to get her from a
sleepover that was like amiddle school sleepover where
they were not being kind to eachother morning to get her from a
sleepover that was like amiddle school sleepover where
they were not being kind to eachother.
Um, I don't remember that fromsleepovers.
When I was younger I I didn'tsleep over anywhere until like
fifth grade because I did notwant to be away from my parents,
um, but I remember we wouldlike somebody would fall asleep.
(09:58):
First you'd take their bra andlike wet it and then put it in
the freezer.
Um, or like put mustard on itand then put it in the freezer.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Like we were not kind to each other's things but we
weren't mean to each other'shearts god, I remember that
there was this one reallynaughty movie about the mustard
bra really no oh I guess I hadreally bad friends or just
really bad influences friendsbecause we would always go
outside way too late and shootbottle rockets across a busy
street and mess with people'shouses and stuff.
(10:27):
And I'm talking about in middleschool here like slightly
naughty fun in the 80s type ofthing.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Did you do the thing where you could flip between the
channel really quickly and seethe naked ladies?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No, that was at home.
This is a differentconversation.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
We had the big satellite dish and, yes, I did
learn on a sleepover in likefifth or sixth grade about sex
because my parents had nottalked to me about it yet, and
my fifth or sixth grade?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
No, my like it's that we don't talk about it.
It doesn't exist was myfamily's rule, and my friend
knew where her dad's playboyswere.
Oh now, mind you, reallyimportant person in our church.
But she knew where his playboyswere and then she showed them
to me and then had to explain tome what happened.
I was very upset going home thenext day.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Did you talk to anyone about it?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
No, no, I'm talking to you about it right now.
I never, no, I never told.
I mean, I've told that storybefore, but not, not ever to my
parents.
Gross.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
The lie of like trying to protect them, like
these shots won't hurt.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
No, I've never said that the shots won't hurt,
because that's not true, becauseI remember.
Do you not remember gettingshots when you were little?
You got allergy shots all thetime.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Right, I got shots every week, and so I was used to
them from when I was a littlebitty child.
Like I don't remember the firsttime I got shots because, like
you said, it was probably moreoften than once a week, but then
by the time as a teenager, itwas one every saturday morning.
Go to dr may's office and theold battle axe behind the
counter, beverly, would give memy shot, and then that would be
that it's for allergies, right?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
yeah, yeah, okay, so I don't.
I remember my pediatrician'soffice was on a lake and when
you could lay there on thelittle thing there was a window
and you could look out at thelake.
So my mom would always.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
God.
This sounds so tragic andtraumatic.
I would just sit there andstare out.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yes, no, so I would be freaking out about the shots
and my mom would say just isthis why you?
Don't like to go on the waterthough now no, that's because I
got stung by jellyfish.
Um, I like to go.
You always get this wrong.
I like to go on the water, notin the water.
Anyway, my mom would tell me tolook at the swans and the ducks
and like focus on them.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
And so then oh God, that is so horrific.
It's like a movie starringScarlett Johansson, where she
has a Russian accent.
It's terrible.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, so then now I like associated that for the
rest of my like childhood,associated those ducks and swans
with pain.
It was very, very bad, muffy.
When she was little it used totake like the doctor, the nurse
and me to hold her down.
Like she got really likestressed about these shots.
Now, uh, winthrop, I have tothink about what his actual name
(12:54):
was, winthrop.
They now have a thing calledshot blockers that they use.
Have you seen these things?
no they're like a square andthey have prongs like plastic
prongs and they push it on yourskin and then give this there's
a hole in the middle.
And they have prongs likeplastic prongs and they push it
on your skin and then give thisthere's a hole in the middle and
they give the shot in themiddle of it.
And because of the otherpressure, our children swear
they don't feel it anymore, likeit's not this big of a deal
(13:14):
anymore because of these shotblockers.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Why have I never heard of this?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Because you don't go to the pediatrician when they
get shots, but anyway, it's athing.
So I've never told the childrenthat the shots aren't going to
hurt, because that's not true.
But you know what I have saidand I caught myself saying this
morning, which was just a flatout lie Mom, are you watching?
Yes, because no, I'm not.
I'm not watching you play thatgame on.
I'm not watching you do the750th run of Geometry Dash.
(13:39):
I'm not, because I've seen itmany, many times.
I'm whispering because he'sright outside the door.
No, I'm not watching you.
Yes, I'm watching you, but no,I'm not, because it is not fun
for me to sit in.
It is not a spectator sport.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
It is really, really difficult for me and it's a
problem that I know I have tofix it's really difficult for me
to get into these video gamesthat he's into.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
And.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I know that it's important for me to show
interest in the things that hedoes, but my God, I freaking
hate them so much.
He made me play one the otherday and I was like I have to do
this for my kid because I lovehim, but I literally wanted to
jump off of a tall thing.
It was terrible, I wasmiserable and also, and also he
beat me.
(14:21):
No, I know Also.
And also he beat me.
No, I know.
And.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
I think he was cheating.
You can't cheat.
I played this game with him too.
Is it where you were playing onyour phone and he was playing
on the computer?
Yes, I hated, it oh my God,it's a school game.
I'm so angry at school.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
I'm angry at school for doing this game I played
with him.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
It doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Oh now, if, If I start to win, then it's okay.
But I can't win.
I can't win, Because then hislittle mind will just crash.
He hates losing and he hateslosing to me.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yes, but you also hate losing to him.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
So it's a symbiotic relationship.
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I beat him sometimes, I lose, sometimes he and I are
fine.
Muffy tried to play with himthe other day because I couldn't
.
I was making dinner and shelost her mind and was like I
cannot do this.
Apparently, I'm the only personin this house that can.
I can play for like 30 minutesand be fine.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Well, heavy is the mantle that you bear.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
but Also another lie that we tell as parents we'll do
that someday, we'll go someday.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
No listen, this family has really screwed that
up because of you, because youinstituted the.
We'll do that when you're 13,right?
Because I think that you feelbad about saying someday you
want to give it a definite enddate, so that they feel like I
have something to look forwardto.
But then 13 comes along andwe're like 15.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
We've changed it, we've moved the goalposts this
is a thing that you do, that wedo, when they were 13 oh, I
don't remember, because you'vesaid it so many.
You said it's a muffy aboutsomething, or no, it was when
she was 10 and it's because shewas asking questions of like
where do babies come from andstuff, and I'm like we'll tell
you when, when you're 10, right.
And then she got to 10 and saidI don't really want to know yet
(15:58):
, like because she had a littlebrother, like we had just had
winthrop, and she was like Idon't, I don't want to know, and
so I think winthrop was maybeless than a year old when I we
finally told her we fumbled thatthat was so bad it was so bad.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Why did we feel like it was necessary?
I'm trying to climb back intoour minds.
Why did we feel like it wasnecessary to tell our daughter
about sex in the middle of apizza restaurant, as she was
just finished with dancing?
On Valentine's Day as well.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Because she asked I don't know.
And you're generous in sayingwe, because it was 100% me.
It was not you, I did notconsult you, I just did it.
She asked something aboutanimals.
Like she asked something aboutanimals and then I said do you
really want to know?
And she said yes, and so I toldanimals.
And then I said do you reallywant to know?
And she said yes, and so I toldher and then she started crying
at the table.
It was really bad.
She's still mad at me about itand that's like eight years
(16:49):
later yeah, that was a bigfumble but my parents never told
me.
Did your dad have thatconversation with you?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
no, we've, we've done this.
He bought me, uh, encyclopedias, the life cycle encyclopedia,
and it was a series of like 14books and like I think book
number 12 like dealt with thewhole, you know, the sex and
babies and all this and that.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
So yeah, that did you go to him with questions did?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I go with.
First of all, he was a singleguy and had always been a single
guy, not certain what he couldhave answered, to be honest,
anyway.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So, yeah, all right, we're gonna do that someday.
I don't know where that is.
Uh, I don't know where all yourcandy went.
Yes, I'm watching you.
Are you listening?
Yes, I'm listening.
I have no idea what you justsaid, because you've said the
same thing like 700 times.
What else do you?
Because you wanted.
You wanted to do this based onsomething that happened
yesterday.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
No, it's not something that happened
yesterday.
It's something I realizedyesterday when I just started
thinking about this idea oflying.
We lie to Muffy, it's a lie ofomission, but Don't tell this
story.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Please don't tell this story.
It's so embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
What story do you think I'm going to tell?
I wasn't going to tell thatstory, but but now you are Now.
I am no.
What I was going to tell is thefact that I really enjoy me
some cashews and some pecans andother things, and she is
(18:23):
extremely allergic to thosethings, and so sometimes I will
have them at the top of thepantry in the house.
I want to make it very clearthat I wash my hands very
carefully I don't get it onanything, but I like myself some
pecans.
Now the thing I'm not evenembarrassed about what happened
yesterday.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I am.
Why are you?
That is a step in the wrongdirection.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
So I've been craving a hamburger for the last two or
three days, and two days ago wewent to the aforementioned pizza
place, where we sprung the newsto Muffy about how babies
happen.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
You had convinced me, or assured me, that they had
this great hamburger there.
They had a great black and bluehamburger.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It's the only reason I wanted to go there and they
didn't have the damn hamburger.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Apparently, it's no longer a thing on their menu.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And it's a weird thing.
I'm finding a lot ofrestaurants that used to have
hamburgers don't have hamburgersanymore.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Why do we think that is?
Is it because beef is moreexpensive?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I don't know, but it was this pizza place.
And then we went to a chickenplace that used to have a great
hamburger.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
They had a great hamburger.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Maybe they're just like really intensely focusing
on the thing that they're about.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Instead of, and also we have hamburgers.
So yesterday we spent the dayat a party, got all hot and
sweaty because it was outside.
We went and we jumped in thepool here in the neighborhood.
We got home, we put on ourjammas, settled down to be in
for the rest of the night and atthat point the cravings for the
(19:43):
burgers returned and we werelooking for options of places
that we wouldn't have to get outof the car.
We decided to jump in the carand go have Sonic drive-thru,
and the thing that you'reembarrassed about is that we
went out in our jammies to adrive-thru and we did not tell
our children.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
We told them we were running an errand.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
We did not tell our children that To which Winthrop
said what's an errand?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
And you said we're going to a store, the hamburger
store.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
The hamburger store, but you're embarrassed by the
fact that we, as adults, wewanted to have hamburgers and we
didn't want to tell our kids,and so we snuck it up into our
bedroom and ate the hamburgers.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yes, because that's hiding food and I feel like
that's the beginning of somesort of eating disorder.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
We didn't hide it from each other.
We're holding each otheraccountable or, in this case,
whatever.
The opposite of holding eachother accountable is holding
each other accountable or, inthis case, like whatever the
opposite of holding each otheraccountable is, but it's not an
eating disorder.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Sat in our bed and ate our burgers.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Eating burgers in bed is an eating disorder, then yes
, guilty, we have that yeah, no,that's what I thought you were
gonna say I was.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So the lie of omission is that we just didn't
tell our children we went to getburgers.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Ah, that's fine they don't listen to this anyway, nor
do any of their friends.
But let's talk about a coupleof lies that we tell to
ourselves as parents, because Iwrote down two of these.
Number one I won't parent likemy parents did.
Well, that's pretty unavoidable.
Now I will say that I wasraised by an extremely
unemotionally available person.
Actually, that's not quite true, but the only emotions that
(21:07):
were available to me were angerand frustration.
So I parent the opposite ofthat.
I'm very emotionally availableto the kids, but I find myself
getting impatient.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
the exact same way that he did.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I don't know if that's just ingrained and I
gotta fight against it.
But I do not have patience forwhat I in the moment deemed to
be nonsense.
And then, when I look back onit, I'm like well, no, this is,
your child needs something anddoesn't know how to express it.
But that initial impatience,boy, that ain't me or it is me,
but that didn't come from me.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
That came from him, that's his legacy.
I'm sorry, I don't know.
I mean I, the thing that Idon't do is I don't religiously
guilt my children and we I don'tspank them and those were the
things that happened to me, butI also, in this weird way, like
my mom, was such a caring,loving, giving, generous person
(22:00):
and I try to emulate thatbecause you know, it's like the
thing about be the thing thatyou loved best, about the people
who are no longer here.
And I'm trying very hard to todo that and I know, yeah, I'm
trying very hard to to do thatand I know like I will buy gifts
and like just whatever you know, for whatever reason, and I
know it kind of you're like stopbuying things, but I, I mean,
and it's not like thoseexpensive things, but to me it
(22:21):
was the thing like I would comehome from school and there would
be like a new dress on my bed,mom's like I was out, I saw this
, I thought of you and that tome is so special.
Just the there's no occasion.
I just thought of you andthat's.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I like to do that for the people that I love I mean
that's why I text you so often,because I'm I'm thinking of you
and so there I text you and thathas the virtue of like not
costing as much as a dress cost,so win-win yeah, but we still
have the cell phone bill to payfor well, there you go, see.
I am spending a lot of money onyou, then, thank you.
Another lie that I told myselfas a parent that I'm trying to
(22:56):
get away from is we won't everuse screen time as a babysitter.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Oh Lord it's so hard though.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
We say as our child literally is outside of our door
right now playing Minecraft.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, but it's kind of nice though, because with him
being the youngest,significantly by 10 years, it
doesn't have kids his age to toplay with.
He keeps asking me for ababysitter.
A babysitter, a baby sister,I'm like.
But no, but also, by the timethat one was old enough for you
to play with, you would not bewanting to play with this, this
baby child, so, and we don't lethim play with people online
(23:31):
because of safety reasons.
That that's not a thing.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
So somebody from my work who also has two kids
around his age has set up asecure server for Minecraft and
they just play the three of themtogether.
It's very cute.
They get on FaceTime with oneof our old phones and talk to
each other and play, and so he'sbuilding a little bit of
friendship too.
And I think it's hard for usbecause that is not how we built
(23:54):
friendship, like screens anddigital things weren't away in
the 80s and 90s, and so now welook at it and say that's not
real connection.
But I don't know that we cansay that.
I think that's coming from ourpersonal experience and bias.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, I don't think it's real connection, but I
understand your point.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Oh my God, Could you just think it's real connection.
But I understand your point.
Oh my God, could you just thinkit through for a second.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
I will later.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
What is it about being in person with someone
versus just being able to heartheir voice?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Oh, so much happens non-verbally in communication,
so much so you're telling methat people who are seeing
impaired don't build connectionWait wait, wait, okay, devil's
advocate, let me make my pointbefore you knock it down, okay,
so you've got facial expression,you've got even little micro
expressions, right.
They've got posture, tone ofvoice, you've got just being in
(24:42):
the same space as someone andthat energy that you get, and
really not having all of thosethings, I think it makes it a
lot easier to objectify, to notsee the person or perceive the
person as a complete human beingwhen they're just, when it's
just the voice or when it's justtext, or when it's just
whatever.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
All right, I will give you the energy in the room,
but I am not willing to saythat.
You know, if you can't seefacial expressions or I do think
those are helpful they are onFaceTime.
They can see each other.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Okay, but see, you're just saying that seeing is the
only sentence, right?
Not what I said no, you are,though.
You are because listen, becausethe people who can't see, then
you can still have physicaltouch right, which is very
important.
You don't have that Smell veryimportant and, by the way, I'm
not saying that he mustn't havethese interactions and also he
(25:33):
has all of his senses.
I don't know why you'rebringing this straw man to this
argument.
I think it's healthier for himto have more in-person
interactions than he has onlineinteractions and I think, in
general, that is so.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I agree with that as well, but I'm just saying that
this is better than him justsitting there watching people on
YouTube play these games.
Like he is creating with otherpeople and building connections
that way.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, yeah, but I mean, we don't have just those
two choices?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
No, he played with people in person at the
playground yesterday and heplayed with people at the pool.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yes there you go.
So what are the lies that youtell yourself as parents or even
just as people, as human beings?
Email us at familiarwilsons atgmailcom.
And for some reason, Amanda hasnow put her head inside of her
shirt like a turtle trying toescape.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
No, it's because I'm having a hot flash and I'm
blowing down inside my shirt toget some air circulating.
So damn hot.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Pocket watch ticking constricting coat and vest,
marking moments, sparkingmovement, making minutes, never
giving rest.
Marble floor receiving it'sfest hole time.
Fest hole is an account that Ifollow on threads and it's
basically people makinganonymous confessions and this
is the parent edition, so I wantto get your.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Oh good yeah, so I want to get your.
Oh good, yeah, so I want to getyour input on these.
Is this going to make me feelbetter about myself or worse
about myself?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Well, let's see.
The first one goes.
A little bit of alcohol makesme a better parent, sober can't
deal with our bullshit.
Two drinks in hell yeah, mydude, that unreasonableness is
funny.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Let's riff on that okay thoughts well, I mean, we
are of the age that when we havemore than one drink, we just
get tired, so I don't think thatthat that might have been the
case at one point in time.
I no longer feel like it's thecase.
What do you?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
think.
Is alcohol starting to lose itseffect on you?
It is.
I just think that that meansthat you need to go without for
a week and then you got to resetyour tolerance no it because I
feel it the next day, so it'snot like it hasn't affected me,
it just no longer.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I don't think I metabolize it correctly anymore.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Oh well, what's happened?
We need to start walking againso that we can handle our booze
correctly.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah, that's right.
We need to get healthy so thatwe can drink.
That sounds good.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I do often think that that children present
themselves as if they're drunk.
They say stuff that doesn'tmake sense and actually the
younger they are, the drunkerthey seem to me, because they,
my god.
Toddlers are just drunk peoplethey can't walk and they can't
talk.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Right, that is just a drunk and it's not fair that
it's funny in toddlers and notfunny in a 45 year old man, but
still yeah, but if I gotta tella guy to put his shoes on like
50 times before we can get outof the door and he's just laying
there being like I don't likemy shoes, I don't want my shoes
when are my shoes?
I don't have patience for his45 year old ass.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Okay, let's do the next one.
No one warns you, but raisingchildren is terrible for your
health.
That is true.
We did an episode on that.
I had nearly 20 years of booze,drugs and partying under my
belt when my son was born, butphysically and mentally I was
still in pretty good shape.
But after five years of cleanand sober parenting I'm a wreck.
It all has to do with sleep, myfriends.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
It all goes back to sleep.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
What is the lesson here?
Get your damn sleep before youhave kids, because then you will
never sleep right again.
You know, I can't sleep inanymore.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Even though our child is now sleeping, he slept till
almost 8 o'clock this morning.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Me 5.30.
5.30, which does my head in onwork days, because the alarm is
supposed to go off at 6.
Actually, on work days Iusually wake up at 3.30.
And sometimes I go back tosleep and sometimes I don't.
On days off it's kind ofdelightful, because I wake up, I
go downstairs, I will make teaor coffee.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
You made eggs.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
this morning I made eggs this morning and I'll just
chill and just enjoy my.
That's fine.
I love that, but not when I'mworking.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You're turning into my dad.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
My dad would fall asleep in the chair watching TV
and then wake up at like four,five o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Didn't he have an outside sleeping chair?
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, because my mom wouldn't let him smoke and my
dad grew up on a tobacco farm sohe was a lifetime smoker and my
mom would not let him smoke inthe house so he carpeted.
The back porch was still justscreened in.
It had a lazy boy and cable tvout there.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
He slept out there did he like often every night
until they got divorced, everynight he must have stank, though
, because of sweating and allthis I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
I wasn't up in that business so I don't know.
But then he moved, when hemoved to his own place and she
moved to her own place.
I don't, I don't know.
I wasn't up in that business,so I don't know.
But then he moved, when hemoved to his own place and she
moved to her own place.
I don't, I don't know what hedid.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
He still had an outdoor chair, cause I visited
and he, yeah, he would smokeoutside, but I don't think he
smoked inside.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But yeah, no, he would always just fall asleep
watching TV and you, you'll takeyour glasses off and turn over
and like face me, but on yourside, and I'll say good night,
no, I'm not going to sleep, I'mjust listening.
And within 30 seconds you weresnoring.
And then I'm just in this room,you're in the bed snoring and
(30:21):
the dog is in the chair next tome snoring, and everybody is
just around me snoring and I'mstill wide awake.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
So so you need to get earplugs, that's all.
That is all right.
Last one daughter's room washorrific clothes, food, mugs etc
.
Thrown about.
Told her she'd get mice.
She didn't believe me so I wenton amazon no and bought 100
grams of black rice.
Chucked a teaspoon in therewhen she was out.
It's much tidier now mousedroppings yeah I thought the
(30:50):
joker actually went and boughtmice no, he bought black rice
and he made her think kind ofsmart, though that's very smart,
yep, I love it do you rememberwhen muffie was little?
Speaker 2 (30:59):
this is before, I think before we had winthrop and
a frog got in her closet yeah,and she was terrified and
wouldn't sleep in her roombecause, she was terrified this
frog was going to jump on herand you were in there for like
two hours trying to find thisfrog and you came out with a cup
and like it on your hand andswore up and down that the frog
was in there, but you wouldn'tlet her see it because you said
(31:19):
you didn't want it to escape.
Did you really find the frog?
Speaker 1 (31:22):
no, that was a lie that parents tell I just wanted
to go to sleep, all right, sothere you go.
What lies do you tell yourchildren?
No, we're past that?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
what lies do you tell your children?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
No, we're past that.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
What lies, do you tell yourself?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
We're in the next segment, friend.
We're on the festival.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
What are your confessions about parenting?
You need to tell us.
Speaker (31:39):
FamiliarWilsongmailcom .
It's time we revisit the ideaof Bubba Micey.
You remember this.
Isn't it like Yiddish sayingsit's old grandma's tales or
(32:01):
superstitions, and growing up inMiami, I was surrounded by
Don't go outside with your hairwet.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
You're going to catch a cold.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Don't swim at least until an hour after you've eaten
.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
All these things that .
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Mythbusters has busted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I did a little thinking andI came up with Bubba Micey of
the future.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And so these are things that we will hear in 20,
30, 40 years, when 50 yearsmaybe, when this generation
that's coming up now aregrandparents right.
For example, if you say I don'treally care about politics,
your Roomba will only clean theright side of your house.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Your brain is an interesting place.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
If you skip too many YouTube ads, a tech bro loses
his Patagonia vest.
If you say the word self-carethree times in a row, Gwyneth
Paltrow appears to try to sellyou a vagina candle.
No, no, no.
If you use your phone whileit's charging, you will suddenly
hate brunch.
If you order food deliverythree times in one day, your
(33:08):
great-grandmother appears in thedoorway with her magic ladle to
curse your legs so that youforget how to stand.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
These are really specific friend.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Every time you skip a Billie Eilish song, your
emotional depth shrinks by halfa mood ring.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Half a mood ring.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
And then if you scroll past a sea turtle post
without liking it, you must sendGreta Thunberg a handwritten
apology on a vegan taco.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Listen, there is some real stuff going on right now
with the people like you need torepost this because you know
all the bad things are.
All the puppies are going todie and all this Like it's a
loop that Muffy gets caught inand it's not good.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Well, there you go.
So there's some Bubba Mice fromthe future.
The future.
It's time for our mailbag, andin this mailbag we will include
a Refined Gay.
Thoughts from Refined Gay Jeff.
Jeff says to us happy belatedbirthday, amanda.
(34:08):
I'm sorry I couldn't send avideo of birthday wishes and
advice last week, but I had amishap with my phone and was not
able to.
In a freak accident, I droppedmy phone outside by the pool and
then, in Murphy's Law fashion,a very large rock immediately
fell on it and shattered thescreen, rendering it useless.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Where did this rock how did this rock just fall?
Did it fall from the sky.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Well, you are in Texas.
Which weird things happen inTexas.
He says it's been completelyrepaired now, but hell hath no
fury like a gay man, mildlyinconvenienced.
And then, of course, he sent usa video anyway the next night
from the ripcord.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Which I loved with my whole heart.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
No, it was really really good, amanda.
I need to tell you the story ofthe reserve sign that I made In
a previous episode.
Amanda talked aboutperimenopause being when your
ovaries left your body and wentto a tavern right.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
It was basically a Shakespearean way of explaining
perimenopause, and so it was in.
Menopause is when nine ovarieshave left your body and have
retired to a tavern two townsaway.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
So Jeff, in the video that he sent to Amanda from his
gay bar of choice for my 50thbirthday um sent a picture of a
sign that he had printed and puton a chair saying reserved for
Amanda's ovaries right, so goodso good he said everyone wanted
to know who Amanda was and whyher ovaries were not still
(35:28):
attached within her body, andthen it was incumbent upon me to
relay your story.
So now everyone at the Ripcordis supporting you on your
perimenopause journey and isreserving space for your ovaries
.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
I love that.
I can't wait to go to Houstonand meet all of my ovary
supporters.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
We may even have a party.
Jeff, you better absolutelybetter have told them to listen
to the podcast.
I better see a bunch ofdownloads from Houston all of a
sudden.
Gay men love to have a reasonto celebrate and can do it with
style and a plum.
You know, some men are meant tofertilize eggs, but gay men can
only paint them for Easter.
So he said he got sidetracked.
(36:03):
I printed your reserve sign outat work but I ran out of toner
from my printer in my library soI had to send it to one of the
other printers in the building.
We have this thing that allowsus to send print jobs to other
locations and you can print fromany printer after you scan in
that building.
Well, imagine my surprise whenI went to go pick up your
reserve sign and it never camethrough.
It was attached to somethingelse I was printing and was like
(36:25):
the third or fourth page, allmy other stuff printed out, but
not your reserve sign, whichmeans it was maybe sent to
another location instead orstill floating around in
cyberspace somewhere.
It's possible that a reservefor Amanda's ovary sign ended up
in some teacher's printouts forclassroom.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I really hope so, jeff.
I hope so so much.
If it shows up somewhere in thebuilding, I'll be sure to let
you know, yes, please so he'sdedicating all of his thoughts
this week to your ovaries jeff,as a former teacher who could
never make things print, I wouldbe so happy to learn that that
showed up in.
Like the band directors.
(37:02):
Like music for the next thing.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Oh my god, so happy so we also have a letter from
our friend monique in germany.
Okay, so first of all there'sthis title, that she says amanda
, something, something,something, something, something,
deutschland right so it's allin german?
Yes, I believe it says happybirthday from germany probably,
but it says herlichen glücksfanszoom Geburtstag aus Deutschland
(37:31):
.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
How is that Monique?
How is Josh's German?
Speaker 1 (37:35):
She says happy birthday, amanda, I wish you
health, happiness and a steadysupply of drinks.
And Josh, good luck pronouncingthe subject line.
Okay, First of all, if I saidsomething naughty, I apologize
right in my attempt to say that.
So Monique goes on.
You asked about birthdayparties.
Sorry, wrong person to ask.
My husband and I both do notlike being among lots of people
(37:57):
at the same time and feel thatwhen there's a large group
you're only there for thecatering and in the end have
hardly spoken to any of them.
We have not hosted a largeparty for our own birthday since
we were students and prefer tocelebrate by going out for a
nice dinner, which is lovely.
And, of course, eat cake.
You cannot have a birthdaywithout cake.
Friends and family, of course,are always welcome to visit, but
(38:19):
preferably one couple or familyat a time, one at a time.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
You need a turnstile, monique.
Do you know what that is Likewhen you're walking into a
concert venue or something andthe thing, or even like to the
metro or the subway, and thething will open and shut and not
let you in.
This is what you need, so likeone couple at a time can come
into your home.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
She says, because we live several hours away from
most of them, they usually staythe weekend or longer, always
lots of fun, because no one isin a hurry, we can drink as much
as we like.
Plus we get to celebrateseveral times and even eat more
cake.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
That's nice, that's a lovely thing, and thank you,
monique, for the birthday wishes.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
From what I observed, my German neighbors tend to
celebrate birthdays with smallgroups of close family and
friends, some just coming forcoffee in the morning, others
for a beer in the afternoon orevening.
The round numbers such as 50,60, et cetera, are usually
celebrated in a larger way,often with a garden party or
barbecue or meeting at arestaurant.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
I want a garden party .
Speaker 1 (39:11):
So we talked also about changing names right, when
you're married.
That was one of the things wetalked about.
Monique says this.
As for changing names, I agreewith Amanda that it really
should be easier.
I also chose to take myhusband's name, changed it
everywhere and was astonishedthat about a decade later, the
bank decided that women shoulduse their maiden name and
changed it back.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
What that's just very arbitrary of the Bank of
Germany.
But yes, Monique, it is quite apain to try to change your name
.
I'm so sorry that happened toyou twice.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Well, wait, it goes on, she says.
The company I used to work foreven decided that all women got
email accounts on their maidenname because they could not be
bothered by changing them whenone married or divorced.
Of course, that did not go downvery well.
In the end they had to abandonthat plan.
And don't get me started onusing your passport as
identification.
My Dutch passport used to statemy maiden name and underneath
(40:05):
that an additional line withmarried to colon name.
Okay, understandable, Allofficial items are covered.
Now, when renewing yourpassport, your married name is
left out, unless youspecifically request for it to
be included, and then it'sprinted on a different page so
nobody can find it until youpoint it out.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Seems unnecessarily complicated.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
Yes, Germany is more traditional than the Netherlands
, so only using your marriedname is quite common Example.
Let's say that my full name isSandra Monique Smith and I'm
married to Mr Jones, soofficially that makes me Sandra
Monique Jones Smith, and indaily life I use Monique Jones,
which, by the way, not her realname but my passport shows Smith
(40:49):
, unless you know where to lookto look.
Picking up parcels at the postoffice just got a lot more
difficult I can't imagine tryingto go in and out of customs yes
.
And then she, of course,congratulates muffie on her
graduation, graduating collegebefore high school, which is fun
.
And there you go.
Thank you, monique for thatvery kind insight.
And then we have one more,because I asked folks what's the
(41:10):
party scene where you are?
So we got an email from England.
Hi Wilsons, I thought I'd reachout to provide some feedback on
the party scene in jolly oldEngland.
Whilst I can't speak foreveryone, I tell you that I've
been going to a lot more partiesrecently.
They're kind of kept on thedown low, so much so that we
often wear masks to hide ouridentity no, he, you're so full
(41:33):
of it every everyone is verywelcoming, though, and we pop
our keys in a bowl and just havea really nice time.
If I've learned one thing fromthese parties, it's always
rubber up kindness.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Regards dan belson I mean dan bel.
Doesn't rubber mean like eraserin your land?
So I don't think that you meancondoms, I don't.
I really wish that I couldbelieve anything he ever says,
and I can't.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
No, I believe this bit.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Do you yes?
I do Did he meet all of thesekey party people on Tinder.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I, just I need the hundreds of dating apps that
this gentleman is on this wholepoint was that people are not
hosting gatherings nearly theamount of that.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
we were pre pandemic, so we were just wanting to know
.
None of that was helpful.
Thank you, though, dan.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Oh, good luck, Dan, and make sure to rub her up.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
We'll make sure to invite you to our next masked
key party.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
We should invite Gavin to the masked key party
and just have him hold the pole.
Alright, amanda, that's allthere is.
There is no more.
We are on our way to anothergraduation party, so that should
be fun.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
I'm looking forward to it.
We're celebrating all ofMuffy's friends and their
various graduations as well.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Well, we're going to someone's house who, I assume
and hope, has plenty of alcoholon offer.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I don't know, I don't know.
You might want to pregame.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Okay, well good, I'm not driving, not it?
Of course, this podcast wouldnot be possible without the
contributions of the followingpeople.
We'd like to thank Antonio forplausible deniability, josh Scar
for the alibis, danny Bucketsfor the fishtails, chicken Tom
for faking the moon landing,monique for the believable
backstories, Joey Leo for thewhispered rumors, refined Gay
(43:29):
Jeff for the elegantexaggerations, mark and Rachel
for the selective memory and Danand Gavin for the lies we tell
ourselves.
Alright, folks, until next week, y'all, go and be the best that
you can be.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
You don't sound very convinced about that.
Yeah, are you tired now?
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Well, because you've been up since 5.
Alright, friends, look,whatever you go, do be careful.
Take an Uber, don't put yourkeys in a bowl.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Rubber up.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
And go be kind.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Bye, bye, thank you.
Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the
story.
The following podcast useswords like and and also if
you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance Three,
two, one run.
(00:21):
I'm super familiar with theWilsons Get it.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons.
I'm Amanda.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
And I am Josh.
We are the podcast aboutmarriage 2.0 with kids and all
the side quests, and it'sinteresting, amanda, the thing
that we don't really ever talkabout is the marriage 2.0 part.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Yeah, we talk about kids a lot and many, many side
quests.
Why don't we ever talk about isthe marriage 2.0 part?
Yeah, we talk about kids a lotand many, many side quests.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Why don't we ever talk about this being our second
marriage, for both of us?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
I mean because it's been a long.
It's still been a long time.
It's 11 years this year.
That feels like a long time.
I was longer than I was in myfirst marriage, friend, so you
win.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
That's good, I've outlasted him Very good.
I've outlasted him Very good.
I mean, there's so many thingsthough that even now Like we
just had a thing where you hadasked me to put together this
little rolling bar caddy thingright, mm-hmm.
And it was sat in the garagefor a long time.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
A year.
And then I noticed LastMother's Day I asked you to put
it together.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I noticed last week.
You moved it into the house,which I thought was funny.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Why was this funny to you, did you?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
think you were being subtle.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
No, I brought it inside so I could put it
together.
I had resigned that it was notgetting put together by you, so
I brought it inside so I couldput it together, because we had
copious amounts of alcohol stillon the counter from my birthday
party and it was like we gotlike a bourbon and a brandy over
there and a gin here and someother stuff on this other
counter Two gins.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
No, we have two gins, I know.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
One gin on one counter and one gin, two bottles
of gin, and it's the giantbottles.
It's the giant bottles ofBombay.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
His and her gins.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Anyway.
So I was going to put ittogether, so I would have a
central location for all of it.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
But were you pissed at me?
This is what I want to know islike did you move it in?
And you're like, oh shit, okay,I'm going to have to do this
because this guy just hasn'tdone it.
Or were you like, oh, it's fine, I'll just do this because he
hasn't found time to do this yet?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Well, had it not have been like 380 days since the
first time that I asked you toput it together, I would have
felt, oh, he hasn't found time.
But I was just.
I wasn't pissed, I was justresigned.
This is not getting puttogether.
So I'm going to do it.
But then this morning I pulledit out to put it together
because I enjoy building things.
I had a whole life between myother marriage and this marriage
in which I lived in twodifferent places by myself and
(02:38):
the only thing I could affordwas Ikea furniture.
So I have built many things.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
And then you got like annoyed that I was trying to
put it together well, first ofall, I think we're in trouble,
and and these are the signs,what, as you, cheers me with?
What is that wine?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
it's white wine, because there was only a little
bit left in the bottle 9, 40well, listen, there was only.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
This is why I think we're in trouble because, number
one, you've never referencedyour single like in between
marriages life before.
This is the first time you'vereferenced it, and now you're
drinking at 9 40 in the morning.
The church bells are ringingoutside.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
No it's it's monday it's memorial day.
People start drinking in themornings when they go out on the
boats and make really baddecisions.
In florida I'm at least in myhouse, and it was only a tiny
little bit of white wine left inthe bottle and it wasn't going
to fit on my bar cart, so Ineeded to put it in the
recycling bin.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
All right, well, give me some of that.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
That's mine.
You don't want me drinkingalone at 940.
Please don't stage anintervention.
This is not a thing thattypically happens.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Anyway, I'm just checking to make sure we're okay
Because, like I said, you'venever referenced that part.
You're like I can do things.
I have reference that part oflike like I can do things, I
have my own tools, I have my ownscrewdriver up and up in the
closet.
First of all, I never.
This is like the secrets thatwe keep.
Do you have like other thingsin there I need to know about?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
oh wait, never mind, never mind moving on, nothing
that needs batteries no, that'sgood, all right, but we're fine,
right, you're okay.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
You built your little bar cart and you, you feel
better now.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Happy about my bar cart.
I enjoyed it very.
There's only one screw thatwouldn't go in and I thought I
was going to have to call you tocome do it.
And I was so determined that Iwasn't going to ask you to do it
, pinched the mess out of mythumb trying to get it.
I finally got it in, but I waslike, damn it, I'm going to have
to ask for help and I do notwant to ask for help.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Okay, well that we were okay, that you recovered
from my egregious failure in ourmarriage and that we still have
years of this podcast to go.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah, I still like you.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Okay, very good.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
I mean I always love you, but sometimes I may not
like you, but I like you rightnow.
Why are you making it worse?
I'm teasing my gosh.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Okay, so let's talk about something totally
different.
What we intended to starttalking about here is lies that
parents tell.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
So many we're told to us and that we still perpetrate
.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Well, that's what I wanted to get into.
It's like, as parents, you kindof have to be liars sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I mean it's a necessity and it's like this
weird thing, because I grew upright We've talked about this
Like I grew up super religiousand lying was bad.
It was like one of the TenCommandments right To not do it.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
I was going to say that I must lie.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
And like I remember my mom.
My mom would be so likeanti-lying right and I loved.
You know, I love Bryan Adamsand I loved the when the hell is
this going?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
I'm telling you.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Bryan Adams lied to me.
No, the song Everything I do, Ido it for you.
From the robin hood prince ofthe soundtrack yeah, loved it
and I played it for him like Ilove the song so much.
She was like I like it, but itsays I would lie for you and you
should never lie for anybody,and so my mom would be like
lying is really really bad.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Pretty sure she lied to me frequently do you think
that she lied to you on purposeor she lied to you because she
was fed a line of bullshit fromher parents?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Probably both Like that.
She knew what I was doingbecause the Holy Spirit told her
what I was doing when I wentout.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Oh, we're not even gonna talk about religious lies
here.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
But that's a lie, because that wasn't happening.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Yeah, let's just keep it on this side of the
parochial fence, please Like myfavorite lie, my favorite lie
that we do, because I don't knowwhy I get such perverse
pleasure out of it.
It's the whole Halloween candylie.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah.
I don't know what happened tothe Halloween candy, son?
Okay, I need you to know thatour child is sitting right
outside our door and playingMinecraft with his friends on
this little private server.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
He could care less.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But you know he'll be like damn it.
Daddy took my candy.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
No, it's.
Either we lost it or I don'tknow where it is, or you ate it
all.
Listen, at some point they'vegot to know these children can't
just have their heads so far uptheir ass that they think we're
gonna let them eat all of thiscandy that they get every
Halloween.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
You know how much candy they get.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
My God, it could send Uruguay into diabetic shock.
This candy just from his littlebucket.
And, to be honest, we justsimply, with the healthcare
system the way it is, we can'tafford that to happen.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
No, it's true.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I don't know how they fool themselves that they're
going to get all of this candyespecially.
You know, at some point they'vegot to be like well, you lost
the candy last year too.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Dad.
Keep last year too.
Dad, keep losing my candy.
We do a lot of the.
I don't know where that is.
If you like I've thrownsomething away that he's not
played with, and like or not, Idon't throw things away that are
usable, I will donate them, butlike, if something's broken or
whatever and I throw it away.
And then he's like where's thisthing that he hasn't looked for
for like months and I'm like Idon't know where that is yeah,
(07:21):
along those lines.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I've used the oh son.
The internet doesn't work rightnow now the reason why?
Speaker 2 (07:30):
the reason why it doesn't work is because I've
unplugged it you used to do thatto muffie when she like
wouldn't want to stop watching ashow or whatever, and was
fussing at us and we had toleave.
You just unplug the router andbe like, well, it doesn't work
right now.
We got to go and then she'd bemad, but going, oh God Also.
But I mean, come on, santa, thetooth fairy, the.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Easter bunny.
We don't do that though.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
We don't do it, but I'm saying those are lies
parents tell right Now.
Muffy did believe for a while,but then she believed in Santa.
I never believed in Santabecause don't let your children
listen to this podcast.
I never believed in santabecause my mom would write to
mandy from santa on presents,but in her own handwriting.
So I was like, yeah, that's not, this is you.
(08:14):
I never really believed in thatnonsense were you ever like mom
?
Speaker 1 (08:18):
are you santa's secretary?
Do you take dictation for santa?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
um, but muffie believed.
And then she believed in theEaster Bunny, she believed in
the Tooth Fairy, and then I waslike really stressed about how
am I going to, you know, how amI going to like disillusion her
of this?
And then she went for asleepover with her really good
friend who just told hereverything was not true, and she
came home saying, mom, Ilearned this, this and this are
(08:46):
all not true on this sleepover,and so it was a rough like day
when she came home, but then wewere done with it.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
So I was appreciative .
What is your opinion onsleepovers?
Because I saw a thing on socialmedia the other day talking
about how just nothing goodhappens at sleepovers,
especially with younger kids.
What do you think about that?
And this?
I'm not meaning to go into thesuper serious vein that this
social media post went into.
I'm just saying in general, Idon't think that there's much
(09:13):
use to sleepovers.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I don't have experience with Muffy doing
sleepovers other than like withher best friend when she was
little, and that's a mom thatI'm very close to and that they
were fine and and you and Ibenefited because she'd go over
there and spend the night whenwe were dating, so we would have
nights to ourselves.
Um, that was fine.
(09:35):
I've had to get her fromsleepovers.
Like I've gone at two o'clockin the morning to get her from a
sleepover that was like amiddle school sleepover where
they were not being kind to eachother morning to get her from a
sleepover that was like amiddle school sleepover where
they were not being kind to eachother.
Um, I don't remember that fromsleepovers.
When I was younger I I didn'tsleep over anywhere until like
fifth grade because I did notwant to be away from my parents,
um, but I remember we wouldlike somebody would fall asleep.
(09:58):
First you'd take their bra andlike wet it and then put it in
the freezer.
Um, or like put mustard on itand then put it in the freezer.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Like we were not kind to each other's things but we
weren't mean to each other'shearts god, I remember that
there was this one reallynaughty movie about the mustard
bra really no oh I guess I hadreally bad friends or just
really bad influences friendsbecause we would always go
outside way too late and shootbottle rockets across a busy
street and mess with people'shouses and stuff.
(10:27):
And I'm talking about in middleschool here like slightly
naughty fun in the 80s type ofthing.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Did you do the thing where you could flip between the
channel really quickly and seethe naked ladies?
Speaker 1 (10:39):
No, that was at home.
This is a differentconversation.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
We had the big satellite dish and, yes, I did
learn on a sleepover in likefifth or sixth grade about sex
because my parents had nottalked to me about it yet, and
my fifth or sixth grade?
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
No, my like it's that we don't talk about it.
It doesn't exist was myfamily's rule, and my friend
knew where her dad's playboyswere.
Oh now, mind you, reallyimportant person in our church.
But she knew where his playboyswere and then she showed them
to me and then had to explain tome what happened.
I was very upset going home thenext day.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Did you talk to anyone about it?
Speaker 2 (11:15):
No, no, I'm talking to you about it right now.
I never, no, I never told.
I mean, I've told that storybefore, but not, not ever to my
parents.
Gross.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
The lie of like trying to protect them, like
these shots won't hurt.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
No, I've never said that the shots won't hurt,
because that's not true, becauseI remember.
Do you not remember gettingshots when you were little?
You got allergy shots all thetime.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Right, I got shots every week, and so I was used to
them from when I was a littlebitty child.
Like I don't remember the firsttime I got shots because, like
you said, it was probably moreoften than once a week, but then
by the time as a teenager, itwas one every saturday morning.
Go to dr may's office and theold battle axe behind the
counter, beverly, would give memy shot, and then that would be
that it's for allergies, right?
Speaker 2 (11:54):
yeah, yeah, okay, so I don't.
I remember my pediatrician'soffice was on a lake and when
you could lay there on thelittle thing there was a window
and you could look out at thelake.
So my mom would always.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
God.
This sounds so tragic andtraumatic.
I would just sit there andstare out.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yes, no, so I would be freaking out about the shots
and my mom would say just isthis why you?
Don't like to go on the waterthough now no, that's because I
got stung by jellyfish.
Um, I like to go.
You always get this wrong.
I like to go on the water, notin the water.
Anyway, my mom would tell me tolook at the swans and the ducks
and like focus on them.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
And so then oh God, that is so horrific.
It's like a movie starringScarlett Johansson, where she
has a Russian accent.
It's terrible.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
Yeah, so then now I like associated that for the
rest of my like childhood,associated those ducks and swans
with pain.
It was very, very bad, muffy.
When she was little it used totake like the doctor, the nurse
and me to hold her down.
Like she got really likestressed about these shots.
Now, uh, winthrop, I have tothink about what his actual name
(12:54):
was, winthrop.
They now have a thing calledshot blockers that they use.
Have you seen these things?
no they're like a square andthey have prongs like plastic
prongs and they push it on yourskin and then give this there's
a hole in the middle.
And they have prongs likeplastic prongs and they push it
on your skin and then give thisthere's a hole in the middle and
they give the shot in themiddle of it.
And because of the otherpressure, our children swear
they don't feel it anymore, likeit's not this big of a deal
(13:14):
anymore because of these shotblockers.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
Why have I never heard of this?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Because you don't go to the pediatrician when they
get shots, but anyway, it's athing.
So I've never told the childrenthat the shots aren't going to
hurt, because that's not true.
But you know what I have saidand I caught myself saying this
morning, which was just a flatout lie Mom, are you watching?
Yes, because no, I'm not.
I'm not watching you play thatgame on.
I'm not watching you do the750th run of Geometry Dash.
(13:39):
I'm not, because I've seen itmany, many times.
I'm whispering because he'sright outside the door.
No, I'm not watching you.
Yes, I'm watching you, but no,I'm not, because it is not fun
for me to sit in.
It is not a spectator sport.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
It is really, really difficult for me and it's a
problem that I know I have tofix it's really difficult for me
to get into these video gamesthat he's into.
Speaker 2 (14:01):
And.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I know that it's important for me to show
interest in the things that hedoes, but my God, I freaking
hate them so much.
He made me play one the otherday and I was like I have to do
this for my kid because I lovehim, but I literally wanted to
jump off of a tall thing.
It was terrible, I wasmiserable and also, and also he
beat me.
(14:21):
No, I know Also.
And also he beat me.
No, I know.
And.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
I think he was cheating.
You can't cheat.
I played this game with him too.
Is it where you were playing onyour phone and he was playing
on the computer?
Yes, I hated, it oh my God,it's a school game.
I'm so angry at school.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
I'm angry at school for doing this game I played
with him.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
It doesn't bother me.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Oh now, if, If I start to win, then it's okay.
But I can't win.
I can't win, Because then hislittle mind will just crash.
He hates losing and he hateslosing to me.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yes, but you also hate losing to him.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
So it's a symbiotic relationship.
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
I beat him sometimes, I lose, sometimes he and I are
fine.
Muffy tried to play with himthe other day because I couldn't
.
I was making dinner and shelost her mind and was like I
cannot do this.
Apparently, I'm the only personin this house that can.
I can play for like 30 minutesand be fine.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Well, heavy is the mantle that you bear.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
but Also another lie that we tell as parents we'll do
that someday, we'll go someday.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
No listen, this family has really screwed that
up because of you, because youinstituted the.
We'll do that when you're 13,right?
Because I think that you feelbad about saying someday you
want to give it a definite enddate, so that they feel like I
have something to look forwardto.
But then 13 comes along andwe're like 15.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
We've changed it, we've moved the goalposts this
is a thing that you do, that wedo, when they were 13 oh, I
don't remember, because you'vesaid it so many.
You said it's a muffy aboutsomething, or no, it was when
she was 10 and it's because shewas asking questions of like
where do babies come from andstuff, and I'm like we'll tell
you when, when you're 10, right.
And then she got to 10 and saidI don't really want to know yet
(15:58):
, like because she had a littlebrother, like we had just had
winthrop, and she was like Idon't, I don't want to know, and
so I think winthrop was maybeless than a year old when I we
finally told her we fumbled thatthat was so bad it was so bad.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Why did we feel like it was necessary?
I'm trying to climb back intoour minds.
Why did we feel like it wasnecessary to tell our daughter
about sex in the middle of apizza restaurant, as she was
just finished with dancing?
On Valentine's Day as well.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Because she asked I don't know.
And you're generous in sayingwe, because it was 100% me.
It was not you, I did notconsult you, I just did it.
She asked something aboutanimals.
Like she asked something aboutanimals and then I said do you
really want to know?
And she said yes, and so I toldanimals.
And then I said do you reallywant to know?
And she said yes, and so I toldher and then she started crying
at the table.
It was really bad.
She's still mad at me about itand that's like eight years
(16:49):
later yeah, that was a bigfumble but my parents never told
me.
Did your dad have thatconversation with you?
Speaker 1 (16:56):
no, we've, we've done this.
He bought me, uh, encyclopedias, the life cycle encyclopedia,
and it was a series of like 14books and like I think book
number 12 like dealt with thewhole, you know, the sex and
babies and all this and that.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
So yeah, that did you go to him with questions did?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I go with.
First of all, he was a singleguy and had always been a single
guy, not certain what he couldhave answered, to be honest,
anyway.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
So, yeah, all right, we're gonna do that someday.
I don't know where that is.
Uh, I don't know where all yourcandy went.
Yes, I'm watching you.
Are you listening?
Yes, I'm listening.
I have no idea what you justsaid, because you've said the
same thing like 700 times.
What else do you?
Because you wanted.
You wanted to do this based onsomething that happened
yesterday.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
No, it's not something that happened
yesterday.
It's something I realizedyesterday when I just started
thinking about this idea oflying.
We lie to Muffy, it's a lie ofomission, but Don't tell this
story.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Please don't tell this story.
It's so embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
What story do you think I'm going to tell?
I wasn't going to tell thatstory, but but now you are Now.
I am no.
What I was going to tell is thefact that I really enjoy me
some cashews and some pecans andother things, and she is
(18:23):
extremely allergic to thosethings, and so sometimes I will
have them at the top of thepantry in the house.
I want to make it very clearthat I wash my hands very
carefully I don't get it onanything, but I like myself some
pecans.
Now the thing I'm not evenembarrassed about what happened
yesterday.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I am.
Why are you?
That is a step in the wrongdirection.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
So I've been craving a hamburger for the last two or
three days, and two days ago wewent to the aforementioned pizza
place, where we sprung the newsto Muffy about how babies
happen.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
You had convinced me, or assured me, that they had
this great hamburger there.
They had a great black and bluehamburger.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
It's the only reason I wanted to go there and they
didn't have the damn hamburger.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Apparently, it's no longer a thing on their menu.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
And it's a weird thing.
I'm finding a lot ofrestaurants that used to have
hamburgers don't have hamburgersanymore.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Why do we think that is?
Is it because beef is moreexpensive?
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I don't know, but it was this pizza place.
And then we went to a chickenplace that used to have a great
hamburger.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
They had a great hamburger.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Maybe they're just like really intensely focusing
on the thing that they're about.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Instead of, and also we have hamburgers.
So yesterday we spent the dayat a party, got all hot and
sweaty because it was outside.
We went and we jumped in thepool here in the neighborhood.
We got home, we put on ourjammas, settled down to be in
for the rest of the night and atthat point the cravings for the
(19:43):
burgers returned and we werelooking for options of places
that we wouldn't have to get outof the car.
We decided to jump in the carand go have Sonic drive-thru,
and the thing that you'reembarrassed about is that we
went out in our jammies to adrive-thru and we did not tell
our children.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
We told them we were running an errand.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
We did not tell our children that To which Winthrop
said what's an errand?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
And you said we're going to a store, the hamburger
store.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
The hamburger store, but you're embarrassed by the
fact that we, as adults, wewanted to have hamburgers and we
didn't want to tell our kids,and so we snuck it up into our
bedroom and ate the hamburgers.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Yes, because that's hiding food and I feel like
that's the beginning of somesort of eating disorder.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
We didn't hide it from each other.
We're holding each otheraccountable or, in this case,
whatever.
The opposite of holding eachother accountable is holding
each other accountable or, inthis case, like whatever the
opposite of holding each otheraccountable is, but it's not an
eating disorder.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Sat in our bed and ate our burgers.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Eating burgers in bed is an eating disorder, then yes
, guilty, we have that yeah, no,that's what I thought you were
gonna say I was.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
So the lie of omission is that we just didn't
tell our children we went to getburgers.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Ah, that's fine they don't listen to this anyway, nor
do any of their friends.
But let's talk about a coupleof lies that we tell to
ourselves as parents, because Iwrote down two of these.
Number one I won't parent likemy parents did.
Well, that's pretty unavoidable.
Now I will say that I wasraised by an extremely
unemotionally available person.
Actually, that's not quite true, but the only emotions that
(21:07):
were available to me were angerand frustration.
So I parent the opposite ofthat.
I'm very emotionally availableto the kids, but I find myself
getting impatient.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
the exact same way that he did.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
I don't know if that's just ingrained and I
gotta fight against it.
But I do not have patience forwhat I in the moment deemed to
be nonsense.
And then, when I look back onit, I'm like well, no, this is,
your child needs something anddoesn't know how to express it.
But that initial impatience,boy, that ain't me or it is me,
but that didn't come from me.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
That came from him, that's his legacy.
I'm sorry, I don't know.
I mean I, the thing that Idon't do is I don't religiously
guilt my children and we I don'tspank them and those were the
things that happened to me, butI also, in this weird way, like
my mom, was such a caring,loving, giving, generous person
(22:00):
and I try to emulate thatbecause you know, it's like the
thing about be the thing thatyou loved best, about the people
who are no longer here.
And I'm trying very hard to todo that and I know, yeah, I'm
trying very hard to to do thatand I know like I will buy gifts
and like just whatever you know, for whatever reason, and I
know it kind of you're like stopbuying things, but I, I mean,
and it's not like thoseexpensive things, but to me it
(22:21):
was the thing like I would comehome from school and there would
be like a new dress on my bed,mom's like I was out, I saw this
, I thought of you and that tome is so special.
Just the there's no occasion.
I just thought of you andthat's.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I like to do that for the people that I love I mean
that's why I text you so often,because I'm I'm thinking of you
and so there I text you and thathas the virtue of like not
costing as much as a dress cost,so win-win yeah, but we still
have the cell phone bill to payfor well, there you go, see.
I am spending a lot of money onyou, then, thank you.
Another lie that I told myselfas a parent that I'm trying to
(22:56):
get away from is we won't everuse screen time as a babysitter.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Oh Lord it's so hard though.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
We say as our child literally is outside of our door
right now playing Minecraft.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Well, but it's kind of nice though, because with him
being the youngest,significantly by 10 years, it
doesn't have kids his age to toplay with.
He keeps asking me for ababysitter.
A babysitter, a baby sister,I'm like.
But no, but also, by the timethat one was old enough for you
to play with, you would not bewanting to play with this, this
baby child, so, and we don't lethim play with people online
(23:31):
because of safety reasons.
That that's not a thing.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
So somebody from my work who also has two kids
around his age has set up asecure server for Minecraft and
they just play the three of themtogether.
It's very cute.
They get on FaceTime with oneof our old phones and talk to
each other and play, and so he'sbuilding a little bit of
friendship too.
And I think it's hard for usbecause that is not how we built
(23:54):
friendship, like screens anddigital things weren't away in
the 80s and 90s, and so now welook at it and say that's not
real connection.
But I don't know that we cansay that.
I think that's coming from ourpersonal experience and bias.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Yeah, I don't think it's real connection, but I
understand your point.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Oh my God, Could you just think it's real connection.
But I understand your point.
Oh my God, could you just thinkit through for a second.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
I will later.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
What is it about being in person with someone
versus just being able to heartheir voice?
Speaker 1 (24:19):
Oh, so much happens non-verbally in communication,
so much so you're telling methat people who are seeing
impaired don't build connectionWait wait, wait, okay, devil's
advocate, let me make my pointbefore you knock it down, okay,
so you've got facial expression,you've got even little micro
expressions, right.
They've got posture, tone ofvoice, you've got just being in
(24:42):
the same space as someone andthat energy that you get, and
really not having all of thosethings, I think it makes it a
lot easier to objectify, to notsee the person or perceive the
person as a complete human beingwhen they're just, when it's
just the voice or when it's justtext, or when it's just
whatever.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
All right, I will give you the energy in the room,
but I am not willing to saythat.
You know, if you can't seefacial expressions or I do think
those are helpful they are onFaceTime.
They can see each other.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Okay, but see, you're just saying that seeing is the
only sentence, right?
Not what I said no, you are,though.
You are because listen, becausethe people who can't see, then
you can still have physicaltouch right, which is very
important.
You don't have that Smell veryimportant and, by the way, I'm
not saying that he mustn't havethese interactions and also he
(25:33):
has all of his senses.
I don't know why you'rebringing this straw man to this
argument.
I think it's healthier for himto have more in-person
interactions than he has onlineinteractions and I think, in
general, that is so.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
I agree with that as well, but I'm just saying that
this is better than him justsitting there watching people on
YouTube play these games.
Like he is creating with otherpeople and building connections
that way.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, yeah, but I mean, we don't have just those
two choices?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
No, he played with people in person at the
playground yesterday and heplayed with people at the pool.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Yes there you go.
So what are the lies that youtell yourself as parents or even
just as people, as human beings?
Email us at familiarwilsons atgmailcom.
And for some reason, Amanda hasnow put her head inside of her
shirt like a turtle trying toescape.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
No, it's because I'm having a hot flash and I'm
blowing down inside my shirt toget some air circulating.
So damn hot.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
Pocket watch ticking constricting coat and vest,
marking moments, sparkingmovement, making minutes, never
giving rest.
Marble floor receiving it'sfest hole time.
Fest hole is an account that Ifollow on threads and it's
basically people makinganonymous confessions and this
is the parent edition, so I wantto get your.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Oh good yeah, so I want to get your.
Oh good, yeah, so I want to getyour input on these.
Is this going to make me feelbetter about myself or worse
about myself?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Well, let's see.
The first one goes.
A little bit of alcohol makesme a better parent, sober can't
deal with our bullshit.
Two drinks in hell yeah, mydude, that unreasonableness is
funny.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Let's riff on that okay thoughts well, I mean, we
are of the age that when we havemore than one drink, we just
get tired, so I don't think thatthat that might have been the
case at one point in time.
I no longer feel like it's thecase.
What do you?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
think.
Is alcohol starting to lose itseffect on you?
It is.
I just think that that meansthat you need to go without for
a week and then you got to resetyour tolerance no it because I
feel it the next day, so it'snot like it hasn't affected me,
it just no longer.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I don't think I metabolize it correctly anymore.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Oh well, what's happened?
We need to start walking againso that we can handle our booze
correctly.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah, that's right.
We need to get healthy so thatwe can drink.
That sounds good.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
I do often think that that children present
themselves as if they're drunk.
They say stuff that doesn'tmake sense and actually the
younger they are, the drunkerthey seem to me, because they,
my god.
Toddlers are just drunk peoplethey can't walk and they can't
talk.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Right, that is just a drunk and it's not fair that
it's funny in toddlers and notfunny in a 45 year old man, but
still yeah, but if I gotta tella guy to put his shoes on like
50 times before we can get outof the door and he's just laying
there being like I don't likemy shoes, I don't want my shoes
when are my shoes?
I don't have patience for his45 year old ass.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Okay, let's do the next one.
No one warns you, but raisingchildren is terrible for your
health.
That is true.
We did an episode on that.
I had nearly 20 years of booze,drugs and partying under my
belt when my son was born, butphysically and mentally I was
still in pretty good shape.
But after five years of cleanand sober parenting I'm a wreck.
It all has to do with sleep, myfriends.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
It all goes back to sleep.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
What is the lesson here?
Get your damn sleep before youhave kids, because then you will
never sleep right again.
You know, I can't sleep inanymore.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Even though our child is now sleeping, he slept till
almost 8 o'clock this morning.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Me 5.30.
5.30, which does my head in onwork days, because the alarm is
supposed to go off at 6.
Actually, on work days Iusually wake up at 3.30.
And sometimes I go back tosleep and sometimes I don't.
On days off it's kind ofdelightful, because I wake up, I
go downstairs, I will make teaor coffee.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
You made eggs.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
this morning I made eggs this morning and I'll just
chill and just enjoy my.
That's fine.
I love that, but not when I'mworking.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You're turning into my dad.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
My dad would fall asleep in the chair watching TV
and then wake up at like four,five o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Didn't he have an outside sleeping chair?
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Yeah, because my mom wouldn't let him smoke and my
dad grew up on a tobacco farm sohe was a lifetime smoker and my
mom would not let him smoke inthe house so he carpeted.
The back porch was still justscreened in.
It had a lazy boy and cable tvout there.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
He slept out there did he like often every night
until they got divorced, everynight he must have stank, though
, because of sweating and allthis I don't know.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
I wasn't up in that business so I don't know.
But then he moved, when hemoved to his own place and she
moved to her own place.
I don't, I don't know.
I wasn't up in that business,so I don't know.
But then he moved, when hemoved to his own place and she
moved to her own place.
I don't, I don't know what hedid.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
He still had an outdoor chair, cause I visited
and he, yeah, he would smokeoutside, but I don't think he
smoked inside.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But yeah, no, he would always just fall asleep
watching TV and you, you'll takeyour glasses off and turn over
and like face me, but on yourside, and I'll say good night,
no, I'm not going to sleep, I'mjust listening.
And within 30 seconds you weresnoring.
And then I'm just in this room,you're in the bed snoring and
(30:21):
the dog is in the chair next tome snoring, and everybody is
just around me snoring and I'mstill wide awake.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
So so you need to get earplugs, that's all.
That is all right.
Last one daughter's room washorrific clothes, food, mugs etc
.
Thrown about.
Told her she'd get mice.
She didn't believe me so I wenton amazon no and bought 100
grams of black rice.
Chucked a teaspoon in therewhen she was out.
It's much tidier now mousedroppings yeah I thought the
(30:50):
joker actually went and boughtmice no, he bought black rice
and he made her think kind ofsmart, though that's very smart,
yep, I love it do you rememberwhen muffie was little?
Speaker 2 (30:59):
this is before, I think before we had winthrop and
a frog got in her closet yeah,and she was terrified and
wouldn't sleep in her roombecause, she was terrified this
frog was going to jump on herand you were in there for like
two hours trying to find thisfrog and you came out with a cup
and like it on your hand andswore up and down that the frog
was in there, but you wouldn'tlet her see it because you said
(31:19):
you didn't want it to escape.
Did you really find the frog?
Speaker 1 (31:22):
no, that was a lie that parents tell I just wanted
to go to sleep, all right, sothere you go.
What lies do you tell yourchildren?
No, we're past that?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
what lies do you tell your children?
Speaker 1 (31:32):
No, we're past that.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
What lies, do you tell yourself?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
We're in the next segment, friend.
We're on the festival.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
What are your confessions about parenting?
You need to tell us.
Speaker (31:39):
FamiliarWilsongmailcom .
It's time we revisit the ideaof Bubba Micey.
You remember this.
Isn't it like Yiddish sayingsit's old grandma's tales or
(32:01):
superstitions, and growing up inMiami, I was surrounded by
Don't go outside with your hairwet.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
You're going to catch a cold.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Don't swim at least until an hour after you've eaten
.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
All these things that .
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Mythbusters has busted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I did a little thinking andI came up with Bubba Micey of
the future.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
And so these are things that we will hear in 20,
30, 40 years, when 50 yearsmaybe, when this generation
that's coming up now aregrandparents right.
For example, if you say I don'treally care about politics,
your Roomba will only clean theright side of your house.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Your brain is an interesting place.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
If you skip too many YouTube ads, a tech bro loses
his Patagonia vest.
If you say the word self-carethree times in a row, Gwyneth
Paltrow appears to try to sellyou a vagina candle.
No, no, no.
If you use your phone whileit's charging, you will suddenly
hate brunch.
If you order food deliverythree times in one day, your
(33:08):
great-grandmother appears in thedoorway with her magic ladle to
curse your legs so that youforget how to stand.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
These are really specific friend.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
Every time you skip a Billie Eilish song, your
emotional depth shrinks by halfa mood ring.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
Half a mood ring.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
And then if you scroll past a sea turtle post
without liking it, you must sendGreta Thunberg a handwritten
apology on a vegan taco.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Listen, there is some real stuff going on right now
with the people like you need torepost this because you know
all the bad things are.
All the puppies are going todie and all this Like it's a
loop that Muffy gets caught inand it's not good.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Well, there you go.
So there's some Bubba Mice fromthe future.
The future.
It's time for our mailbag, andin this mailbag we will include
a Refined Gay.
Thoughts from Refined Gay Jeff.
Jeff says to us happy belatedbirthday, amanda.
(34:08):
I'm sorry I couldn't send avideo of birthday wishes and
advice last week, but I had amishap with my phone and was not
able to.
In a freak accident, I droppedmy phone outside by the pool and
then, in Murphy's Law fashion,a very large rock immediately
fell on it and shattered thescreen, rendering it useless.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
Where did this rock how did this rock just fall?
Did it fall from the sky.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Well, you are in Texas.
Which weird things happen inTexas.
He says it's been completelyrepaired now, but hell hath no
fury like a gay man, mildlyinconvenienced.
And then, of course, he sent usa video anyway the next night
from the ripcord.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Which I loved with my whole heart.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
No, it was really really good, amanda.
I need to tell you the story ofthe reserve sign that I made In
a previous episode.
Amanda talked aboutperimenopause being when your
ovaries left your body and wentto a tavern right.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
It was basically a Shakespearean way of explaining
perimenopause, and so it was in.
Menopause is when nine ovarieshave left your body and have
retired to a tavern two townsaway.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
So Jeff, in the video that he sent to Amanda from his
gay bar of choice for my 50thbirthday um sent a picture of a
sign that he had printed and puton a chair saying reserved for
Amanda's ovaries right, so goodso good he said everyone wanted
to know who Amanda was and whyher ovaries were not still
(35:28):
attached within her body, andthen it was incumbent upon me to
relay your story.
So now everyone at the Ripcordis supporting you on your
perimenopause journey and isreserving space for your ovaries
.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
I love that.
I can't wait to go to Houstonand meet all of my ovary
supporters.
Speaker 1 (35:43):
We may even have a party.
Jeff, you better absolutelybetter have told them to listen
to the podcast.
I better see a bunch ofdownloads from Houston all of a
sudden.
Gay men love to have a reasonto celebrate and can do it with
style and a plum.
You know, some men are meant tofertilize eggs, but gay men can
only paint them for Easter.
So he said he got sidetracked.
(36:03):
I printed your reserve sign outat work but I ran out of toner
from my printer in my library soI had to send it to one of the
other printers in the building.
We have this thing that allowsus to send print jobs to other
locations and you can print fromany printer after you scan in
that building.
Well, imagine my surprise whenI went to go pick up your
reserve sign and it never camethrough.
It was attached to somethingelse I was printing and was like
(36:25):
the third or fourth page, allmy other stuff printed out, but
not your reserve sign, whichmeans it was maybe sent to
another location instead orstill floating around in
cyberspace somewhere.
It's possible that a reservefor Amanda's ovary sign ended up
in some teacher's printouts forclassroom.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I really hope so, jeff.
I hope so so much.
If it shows up somewhere in thebuilding, I'll be sure to let
you know, yes, please so he'sdedicating all of his thoughts
this week to your ovaries jeff,as a former teacher who could
never make things print, I wouldbe so happy to learn that that
showed up in.
Like the band directors.
(37:02):
Like music for the next thing.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Oh my god, so happy so we also have a letter from
our friend monique in germany.
Okay, so first of all there'sthis title, that she says amanda
, something, something,something, something, something,
deutschland right so it's allin german?
Yes, I believe it says happybirthday from germany probably,
but it says herlichen glücksfanszoom Geburtstag aus Deutschland
(37:31):
.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
How is that Monique?
How is Josh's German?
Speaker 1 (37:35):
She says happy birthday, amanda, I wish you
health, happiness and a steadysupply of drinks.
And Josh, good luck pronouncingthe subject line.
Okay, First of all, if I saidsomething naughty, I apologize
right in my attempt to say that.
So Monique goes on.
You asked about birthdayparties.
Sorry, wrong person to ask.
My husband and I both do notlike being among lots of people
(37:57):
at the same time and feel thatwhen there's a large group
you're only there for thecatering and in the end have
hardly spoken to any of them.
We have not hosted a largeparty for our own birthday since
we were students and prefer tocelebrate by going out for a
nice dinner, which is lovely.
And, of course, eat cake.
You cannot have a birthdaywithout cake.
Friends and family, of course,are always welcome to visit, but
(38:19):
preferably one couple or familyat a time, one at a time.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
You need a turnstile, monique.
Do you know what that is Likewhen you're walking into a
concert venue or something andthe thing, or even like to the
metro or the subway, and thething will open and shut and not
let you in.
This is what you need, so likeone couple at a time can come
into your home.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
She says, because we live several hours away from
most of them, they usually staythe weekend or longer, always
lots of fun, because no one isin a hurry, we can drink as much
as we like.
Plus we get to celebrateseveral times and even eat more
cake.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
That's nice, that's a lovely thing, and thank you,
monique, for the birthday wishes.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
From what I observed, my German neighbors tend to
celebrate birthdays with smallgroups of close family and
friends, some just coming forcoffee in the morning, others
for a beer in the afternoon orevening.
The round numbers such as 50,60, et cetera, are usually
celebrated in a larger way,often with a garden party or
barbecue or meeting at arestaurant.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
I want a garden party .
Speaker 1 (39:11):
So we talked also about changing names right, when
you're married.
That was one of the things wetalked about.
Monique says this.
As for changing names, I agreewith Amanda that it really
should be easier.
I also chose to take myhusband's name, changed it
everywhere and was astonishedthat about a decade later, the
bank decided that women shoulduse their maiden name and
changed it back.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
What that's just very arbitrary of the Bank of
Germany.
But yes, Monique, it is quite apain to try to change your name
.
I'm so sorry that happened toyou twice.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Well, wait, it goes on, she says.
The company I used to work foreven decided that all women got
email accounts on their maidenname because they could not be
bothered by changing them whenone married or divorced.
Of course, that did not go downvery well.
In the end they had to abandonthat plan.
And don't get me started onusing your passport as
identification.
My Dutch passport used to statemy maiden name and underneath
(40:05):
that an additional line withmarried to colon name.
Okay, understandable, Allofficial items are covered.
Now, when renewing yourpassport, your married name is
left out, unless youspecifically request for it to
be included, and then it'sprinted on a different page so
nobody can find it until youpoint it out.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
Seems unnecessarily complicated.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
Yes, Germany is more traditional than the Netherlands
, so only using your marriedname is quite common Example.
Let's say that my full name isSandra Monique Smith and I'm
married to Mr Jones, soofficially that makes me Sandra
Monique Jones Smith, and indaily life I use Monique Jones,
which, by the way, not her realname but my passport shows Smith
(40:49):
, unless you know where to lookto look.
Picking up parcels at the postoffice just got a lot more
difficult I can't imagine tryingto go in and out of customs yes
.
And then she, of course,congratulates muffie on her
graduation, graduating collegebefore high school, which is fun
.
And there you go.
Thank you, monique for thatvery kind insight.
And then we have one more,because I asked folks what's the
(41:10):
party scene where you are?
So we got an email from England.
Hi Wilsons, I thought I'd reachout to provide some feedback on
the party scene in jolly oldEngland.
Whilst I can't speak foreveryone, I tell you that I've
been going to a lot more partiesrecently.
They're kind of kept on thedown low, so much so that we
often wear masks to hide ouridentity no, he, you're so full
(41:33):
of it every everyone is verywelcoming, though, and we pop
our keys in a bowl and just havea really nice time.
If I've learned one thing fromthese parties, it's always
rubber up kindness.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Regards dan belson I mean dan bel.
Doesn't rubber mean like eraserin your land?
So I don't think that you meancondoms, I don't.
I really wish that I couldbelieve anything he ever says,
and I can't.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
No, I believe this bit.
Speaker 2 (41:58):
Do you yes?
I do Did he meet all of thesekey party people on Tinder.
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I, just I need the hundreds of dating apps that
this gentleman is on this wholepoint was that people are not
hosting gatherings nearly theamount of that.
Speaker 2 (42:15):
we were pre pandemic, so we were just wanting to know
.
None of that was helpful.
Thank you, though, dan.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Oh, good luck, Dan, and make sure to rub her up.
Speaker 2 (42:25):
We'll make sure to invite you to our next masked
key party.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
We should invite Gavin to the masked key party
and just have him hold the pole.
Alright, amanda, that's allthere is.
There is no more.
We are on our way to anothergraduation party, so that should
be fun.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
I'm looking forward to it.
We're celebrating all ofMuffy's friends and their
various graduations as well.
Speaker 1 (42:55):
Well, we're going to someone's house who, I assume
and hope, has plenty of alcoholon offer.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I don't know, I don't know.
You might want to pregame.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Okay, well good, I'm not driving, not it?
Of course, this podcast wouldnot be possible without the
contributions of the followingpeople.
We'd like to thank Antonio forplausible deniability, josh Scar
for the alibis, danny Bucketsfor the fishtails, chicken Tom
for faking the moon landing,monique for the believable
backstories, Joey Leo for thewhispered rumors, refined Gay
(43:29):
Jeff for the elegantexaggerations, mark and Rachel
for the selective memory and Danand Gavin for the lies we tell
ourselves.
Alright, folks, until next week, y'all, go and be the best that
you can be.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
You don't sound very convinced about that.
Yeah, are you tired now?
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Well, because you've been up since 5.
Alright, friends, look,whatever you go, do be careful.
Take an Uber, don't put yourkeys in a bowl.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Rubber up.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
And go be kind.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Bye, bye, thank you.
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com