September 7, 2025 • 62 mins
Have you ever pretended not to care when you actually did? Welcome to the puzzling world of "too cool culture" in modern dating, where emotional detachment is somehow considered a strength and vulnerability a weakness.
From personally playing the "cool girl" with an army sergeant who invalidated my feelings to dating a man in an open marriage who expected exclusivity from me (the irony!), I've learned firsthand that hiding your authentic self only leads to pain. This episode dives into why we're all so afraid to show we care, and how the fear of rejection drives us to create connections built on performance rather than truth.
Social media and trends like "hot girl summer" have conditioned us to believe that catching feelings is something to avoid, but what if vulnerability is actually the uncut gem we're all searching for? I'm challenging the notion that being emotionally unavailable is attractive, and making the case that authentic connection requires courage - the courage to send that text when you want to (not when it's "strategic"), to express genuine interest, and to have honest conversations about expectations.
Whether you're trying to figure out why your date hasn't texted back for three days or you're wondering if you should tell someone how you really feel, this episode is a reminder that in a world where everyone's afraid to care too much, those brave enough to be emotionally available are the ones building relationships with meaning. Ready to stop pretending and start connecting? Listen in, and let's get real about dating.
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xoxo Jan
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Sure Jan Podcast.
I'm your host, janice M.
We'll be talking about dating,sex relationships and a little
bit of self-help, all whilebreaking down pop culture
moments that hit a little tooclose to home.
Because, let's be real, datingin your 30s it's a whole thing.
(00:25):
So grab a drink, get comfy andlet's get into it.
You're listening to share janpodcast.
Hello everyone and welcome toshare jan podcast.
I'm your host, janice M, and Ihope everyone out there is
having an amazing day, amazingweek, and if you aren't, I am
(00:49):
sending you positive, positivevibes.
This episode we're gonna kind ofget into some emotional
availability and like that toocool culture.
That's been kind of been athing in dating.
I've been slowly kind ofgetting to know what the hell
that is.
We're going to kind of get intothat and kind of see if anybody
(01:12):
else out there is having kindof similar situations, seeing if
you are actually going throughthe same thing or if you are
doing it and how problematic itis to be that too cool girl or
whatever the hell that sayinggoes, because I feel like I've
(01:32):
tried to be that too cool girlwith guys that I've been seeing
and it has not panned out wellfor me, but me.
But we're going to get intothat.
I did just pour myself a niceglass Malbec.
I'm drinking that right now.
(01:53):
I hope everyone either has adrink, whether you're listening
to me in the morning, theafternoon, or if you are
listening to me at night and canactually have a beverage, or
you're listening to me on aweekend, whenever if you can
have any type of beverage,preferably alcohol.
But if you have to be an adultand you're listening to me
during the week and during theday and you're at work, drink
(02:15):
your coffee, yes, drink thatcoffee, yeah.
So now I'm all back, ready.
I have a joint somewhat lit up,so if you do hear me, take a
couple pauses, just say you knowwe're cool and we're chilling.
We're going to have a goodepisode today.
(02:35):
We're going to get into a lotof shit.
I have some updates for you guysgoing on with me and yeah, so
let's get into the episode, okay.
So like I kind of wanted totalk about my update first, I
feel like if I get into whatwe're going to talk about in the
(02:57):
episode, my story may get lost.
I may go on a tangent aboutwhat we're talking about and
then I just won't remember tokind of give you guys a little
bit of an update.
I don't know if I gave this mana nickname, but this is a
recycled man, has resurfaced.
(03:17):
I literally I'm recording onSunday, the 7th of September, me
and this man met yesterday, the6th.
I'm in head sex and yeah, soI'm gonna kind of get into
what's been going on with me andpertaining that.
So it's been a minute likeprior.
(03:41):
So tippy toes was the lastperson that, like I had sex with
right, which it's sounfortunate that that was like
my last fucking sexualexperience.
So this guy, I feel like everytime I talk to him I always
forget, or maybe it slips mymind up until, like, we're about
to hang out and this is likethe third time time him and I
(04:03):
have hung out, and so I feellike the first two times I don't
remember.
I feel like the first time wasfine.
Second time, I feel like I didnot enjoy myself when we had sex
and I forgot how bad I did notenjoy myself the last time we
had sex.
But this third time I likeremembered how bad the last time
(04:23):
was.
But this third time I likeremembered how bad the last time
was, like right, when I waslike I don't know like two
minutes driving from it to hisplace, and I was just like fuck,
I'm, I've already committed,I'm here, whatever.
So anyways, he like he doesn'tlive too far away, like it
literally was like a, a 15minute drive, which was clutch,
(04:52):
and where he lives the parkingis like awful, like it's really
hard, and it was a Saturday too.
So you know, it was just theparking was freaking awful.
So he like had offered to.
He was like listen, likethere's a lot down the street,
if you want to, you can.
He was like listen, likethere's a lot down the street,
if you want to, you can, you canpark there, I'll pay for your
parking.
And so I was like okay, butlike in the back of my mind, I
really didn't want.
(05:12):
Like I should have been likeyes, sis, let him pay for that
shit.
Like fuck.
But I was kind of like you know, maybe I'll like do half or
something like that.
Like maybe I'll like offer orwhatever.
So, anyways, I park, grab theticket for for my parking.
I go to his place.
Now, mind you, he tells mewhere he lives and he lives in a
(05:37):
newer.
He lives in the same, likecomplex, but like a different
area.
So I end up going there and Isee him and like, all right, so
I'm gonna kind of pause, rewind.
So we were like messaging prior, so kind of.
What came about.
This was he was at a weddingthe day before and we were like
(06:03):
texting or something.
And I think I was like on snapbecause sometimes I'd be just be
snapping, because I love thefilters on Snapchat and I like
to send sometimes my thirstdrops on there, but don't mind
me anyways.
So I was on snap and I have himon snap as well.
So he ends up like messaging mesomething on snap and like
(06:23):
we're kind of like doing a likeexchange on snap and he's like
talking about you know himwanting to see me and like he
wish he like didn't get thishotel, he wish he was at his
place, so that, like I couldhave like came over, yada, yada,
yada.
Now fast forward to Saturday,which we had this conversation
(06:46):
on Friday.
We're here on Saturday.
Now I had day plans with myfriend.
It kind of like they didn'twork out.
They didn't pan out.
So I, you know, was kind ofbummed because I had like a
really cute outfit for this dayevent.
It was like kind of like afitness, whatever day event.
And I was pretty bummed outthat I was not.
(07:09):
I was not going to be able togo to the shit.
And so like I was talking to himand I was like talking to him
and like he was just kind oflike, oh, so like what are you
doing for the rest of the day?
And I was kind of like, oh well, I don't really have plans.
I kind of was just going tochill and, like you know, not do
anything, probably like smoke,watch TV, like just veg out or
(07:32):
something like that.
And he was just like, oh, likedo you want to come over?
And I was like, sure, like Ihave nothing else better to do,
sure, like I have nothing elsebetter to do.
And so, mind you, completelyforgot this man.
Like last time me and him hadsex it was not great, and I like
(07:56):
swore that time that I wouldnot come back, but I forgot.
I feel like I smoke too muchweed that I just forget these
things.
But anyways, I forgot.
And anyways he was talking a biggame, y'all like how he's gonna
go down on me, like how he'sgonna dick me down, gonna break
my back.
Like I'm not even bullshitting.
The breaking my back part waslike I like started replaying it
(08:19):
in my mind.
I'm like all right, like calmdown, because I was like even
even at time when I agreed tolike go over his place I didn't
fully remember if it was thatbad, but like I knew it wasn't
like like amazing, but it was asensible dick.
I wanted it.
I hadn't had sex in a long time.
I was like whatever.
You know desperate times callfor like desperate measures.
(08:40):
You know desperate times, justthings happen like that.
You know desperate times callfor like desperate measures.
You know desperate times, justthings happen like that.
You know, sometimes you justneed to.
You know, sometimes you justneed to like get digged down
some from time to time.
You know, and just like yougotta just put the whole other
(09:01):
bullshit of like you know inyour head and you're just like,
yeah, I'm just going to get dickand then move on with my life.
But like anyways, he was talkingthis big game.
So I was kind of excitedbecause like this man was
talking about how, like how muchhe would just really wants to
go down on me, right, and I'mjust like, oh, I'm never going
(09:22):
to say no to this, like hello,anyways.
So he ends up, I end up goingover there.
We get to his place.
Mind y'all, this motherfuckerlives on like the fifth floor no
elevator, pure stairs.
And I am trying to keep ittogether, fucking huffing and
(09:43):
puffing.
I'm really trying to like takedeep breaths as I'm like walking
up these stairs, like I'm notlike like misfitness guru, so
like these stairs were fuckingkilling me, dude, I don't like I
don't be climbing up thatmountain, like a lot of stairs,
like that.
So I was like wow, there's alot of stairs.
And he's like, yeah, sorryabout that.
And I was just like JesusChrist.
(10:04):
And of course, he lives on thetop fucking floor.
So I'm like this is so much.
Anyways, get to his place.
Now I'm going to pause, rewindto our conversation Cause I need
to like give you guys contextof our conversation so you guys
like understand.
So I'm going to go back to ourlike text conversations where he
(10:24):
was saying the last time thathim and I hung out, I was quote
unquote shy Y'all.
I wasn't.
I don't know what he likethinks is, like behavior is shy,
I don't know.
But I was not shy.
I was kind of like letting himtake control because I kind of
like I was trying to besubmissive in that time frame.
(10:46):
So, anyways, he was saying thatthrough when we were texting
the night before or like the dayof, or whatever I don't.
I'm kind of like blurry on ifit was that night or was the day
of, and so, anyways, I text himand we're talking about like us
hanging out and obviously, like, hang out, we're going to hook
(11:09):
up, like I already know that,like we're adults, we talked
that that's what we're going todo, and he's like saying how, oh
, I was so shy last time, allthis shit, blah, blah, blah.
I'm like all right, so thentake control, do what you have
to do.
Like, if you feel like I'm I'mnot picking up on what you're
(11:30):
trying to, like, I'm not pickingup what you're trying to throw
down, like, then take control ofthe situation.
So this is what we talked about, right, all right, fast forward
.
Now we're, we're in this moment.
I'm sitting on his couch and Ithink this is the most
aggressive thing that he said tome throughout the entire night,
and I think it was sit overhere.
(11:51):
Okay.
Now y'all heard me sit overhere, sit like next to me.
That was like the most likeassertive thing that he said to
me throughout this night and I'mlike, okay, then I'm laying
there and I'm like, all right,is this?
Who's going to like?
He's like trying to watch.
He's like trying to watch likea movie or whatever, trying to
(12:14):
put something on in thebackground as we're watching it.
First he puts like.
First he puts like weddingcrashers, and then I was like
this is not really likesomething that's going to really
get me in the mood.
No offense, like no.
Then like he decides to put onRemember the Titans.
(12:34):
Okay, now I was like this is aweird choice to set the mood,
mind you y'all.
Oh my god.
Okay, y'all know I'm a blackwoman.
If you don't know, you did notsee the art cover of my podcast,
which is my face and I'm andyou didn't know I'm black, but I
(12:55):
guess I'm black.
This man is a white Italian man,okay, and he decided to play
Remember the Titans while we'retrying to set the mood.
Now, mind you, I can hear thisshit in the fucking background.
I've seen this movie a milliontimes.
Not the like.
Best appropriate movie to like.
Get set the mood for us to likehave sex or like make out or
(13:17):
whatever.
And then they were just it waslike a part where, like, like
the white people were just likesaying some crazy-ass shit, like
calling people monkeys and shit, and I was like what is
happening?
And I just like I almost wasgonna like I almost paused and
it was just kind of like yo, canwe like change the channel or
something.
Like this is a lot in my ear,like this is not turning me on
(13:41):
at all, like this is doing thepolar fucking opposite, like
this, ain't it?
This is not it for me.
So, like, thankfully, likemaybe a minute or two later, he
was just like do you want to goupstairs?
And I was like yeah, and thenhe has like these, like this,
like spiral staircase, like thatkind of goes with the carpet, I
(14:04):
don't know, like the steelhandles and like the carpet kind
of steps leading up and it'slike it's like a really small
space but it's like a circlespiral going up.
Anyways, he had one of those andI was like all right, so we
went up, we went upstairs, Ileft like all my shit downstairs
and I went up and like we, youknow, now we're hooking, we get
(14:29):
on the bed, we're hooking up andso, like I don't know, I just
kind of felt like he wasn't asaggressive as I would have liked
him to be and it just wasn'tlike and like, all right,
aggressive as I would have likedhim to be and it just wasn't
like and like all right.
Okay, I don't know how to saythis without being like mean or
coming off mean, and I'm reallynot trying to say this as me
(14:51):
this is just me, like my ownpersonal preference.
Okay, this man didn't haveenough dick for me, like it just
wasn't, like it had.
Like like missionary reallywasn't doing it for me, me, even
me being on top, I, I, I tried,I really fucking tried.
(15:13):
Doggy was the only thing thatgave me like something.
It gave me a, an inkling ofsomething and you remember I
told you guys that he wastalking about like he was gonna
go down on me and shit, this mom, this motherfucker, made me
like, remember, like like kittymilk guy, like he's like giving
him a run for his fucking money.
Like they're right fucking upthere with how they eat, how
(15:36):
they eat girls out, like they'refucking right up there.
Legit, yeah, not great.
Three out of ten would notrecommend.
So, uh, yeah, definitely not.
I need to think of a nicknamefor him.
I just don't know what it is.
Yeah, I don't know what Ishould name him.
(15:56):
I gotta think about it.
He kind of reminds me of Snoopya little bit, but like his eyes
are just a little bit moretogether, but like he kind of
reminds me of Snoopy in a weirdway, like he's kind of adorable
but like yeah, that's it.
Like he doesn't, like I don'tthink he's like a really
attractive dude, I just thinkhe's like adorable and yeah, so
(16:22):
we he was just kind of likey'all when I tell you, this man
talked a big fucking game to me,huge, huge game, saying how
he's gonna like dig me down,break my back, like we're gonna
go around, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah after the first time
that we had sex.
He's like laying there and I'mjust like looking at him and I'm
like okay, like kind of waitingfor the second, like I was like
(16:49):
okay, like kind of waiting forthe second, like I was like all
right, do we need to rest for alittle bit?
And then we're gonna get backto it like what do we need to do
?
And he was like kind of just,he was like shit, I shouldn't
have talked this big game.
And I was like, wow, this isn't.
I'm embarrassed for you.
This is embarrassing, I'membarrassed for myself.
But, like y'all, I was like Iam not leaving here without
(17:11):
something.
I ain't leaving here withoutsomething.
Okay, so we were like hooking upand he like I shouldn't say we
hooked up, pause, rewind.
I like got lost in my dream ofthought.
He was texting and was liketelling like he was like saying
(17:34):
like, oh, his friends reallywant him to go to this like
restaurant, slash bar, whateverin a town like nearby.
And he was like, oh, I reallydon't want to go and stuff like
that, because the kids.
He was asking me like what Ihad to do for the rest of the
day and I was like, oh, I don'treally have any plans like I
kind of was like expecting tokind of hang out with him for
(17:56):
like a good amount of the dayand then kind of leave, like
later on in the day, liketowards nighttime.
That's what I thought.
That's kind of how I thoughtthis was gonna happen, like the
way he made it seem like in ourconversation.
Maybe I misinterpreted thatconversation, I don't fucking
know.
But anyways, I was like I'mleaving, I'm not leaving here
(18:17):
without like not getting asecond one.
So I did my little magic.
He was, was ready to go againand we like were trying to have
sex and like I don't know, Ifelt like I was like being super
dominant in the whole car.
Like I initiated this.
I initiated it Like I like dida lot of the work and I was like
(18:41):
damn dude, I can never comeback here.
Like for someone that was liketrying to make me seem like I
was like damn dude, I can nevercome back here.
Like for someone that was liketrying to make me seem like I
was like some, like I don't knowcrude little bitch, or like I
was like oh no, like so timidand stuff like that.
I'm like I had to initiateeverything and it just was like
and I thought honestly, Ithought when you have sex, like
(19:06):
if you nut the first time, likeit's gonna take you a longer
time to nut the second time.
I didn't know like.
I thought that was like a thingand it was like Mythbusters.
Like, no, like that is not true.
Like this motherfucker likecame quicker than he came the
first time and I was like whatthe fuck?
I'm like that's not a thing,like I thought that was, I
(19:30):
thought that was a thing.
Yeah, so we will not be seeingthis man again.
I can't do it.
I literally like I can't, Ican't and I was just and I was
just like I can't.
I know I just I can't do itwith this man.
(19:51):
He's just like.
He's a lot.
I just keep forgetting, like,but this, the dick is just not
worth it for me it's not.
And yeah, a lot of regrets weremade and I'm glad I got.
I got to dip my toe back intolike having sex again, which was
great, but it was just like Iwish it was with somebody that
(20:11):
had a little bit more dick.
He just doesn't have enoughLike maybe just for me, for like
what, like my vag, like is likelooking for it's just not it.
It wasn't a perfect fit.
You know what I mean.
It's like the three littlebears, like I just didn't find
that.
I didn't find the right one forme.
I did not find the right onefor me and he is not it.
(20:31):
So, like it was like baby bear,but yeah, you know what I mean.
Like oh, but yeah, but that's,that's what happened.
Like I said, I'm filming some.
I mean I'm recording Sunday.
This happened yesterday,saturday.
So yeah, and y'all remember,when I said, like he said he was
(20:52):
going to pay for parking yeah,I definitely made him pay for
parking For sure.
I didn't even offer, didn'teven offer to pay for half I was
like, nah, fuck that shit, youwasted my motherfucking time.
You're paying fully for thisparking.
I should have been asked you togive me some fucking money for
gas, because it's a waste of myfucking gas too.
But I digress, I digress, y'all.
I die, motherfucking grass.
(21:13):
But yeah, that's what, that'swhat happened to me this weekend
.
We're gonna, we're gonna justlike, keep having ourselves out
there, keep like fuckingstuttering, we're going to keep
pushing forward.
And yeah, I don't think you guyswill ever hear me talk about
this man again no-transcriptwhile, like it was like a
(21:41):
picture of him like holding hisdick, like while he was in bed,
but the comforter was like theLion King, you remember, like
the 90s, like Lion Kingcomforters, it was that.
And then then, right, you wouldthink, janice, why, why would
(22:01):
you even let him touch you withthat thing after you took a
picture like that, like whywould you?
Why you know, sometimes whenyou're ovulating and just your
mind just has and your vaginajust takes over your mind, it
just just takes over when you'reovulating.
That's all I can say.
That's the only thing I canlike try and defend myself is I
(22:23):
was ovulating.
That's all I can say.
That's the only thing I canlike try and defend myself is I
was ovulating.
But yeah, that was my littlesexcapade story of the weekend.
Okay, so enough with my sadsexual escapade that just
happened yesterday I wanted totalk about.
(22:45):
Sorry, just look at this toocool.
I feel like a lot of the younger, like the younger generation,
like Gen Z, like later bloomedmillennials, kind of on a cusp
of Gen Z-ish, are taking thismethod, method of like being too
(23:07):
cool after a date, like kind ofdelaying communication like you
know normally.
Expectation of like after yougo on a date with somebody, like
you want to hear with them,hear from them within like the I
don't know, I guess the first,like 24 hours, Like even less
(23:27):
than that, just to know thatlike they had a good time.
Maybe you want to rescheduleanother day just to kind of get
a feel of it.
But like to cool cultures, like, even if you feel this way, you
don't want to seem toodesperate or too available, so
like what they do is they'lllike take days to like text you
back and all that stuff.
(23:49):
I guess it kind of flows intolike millennials too, because I
feel like that three-day ruletype of shit.
It kind of gives me like, oh, Idon't want to seem like I
really really like, I reallyreally like like you so much,
like I don't want to come offlike super desperate or like
pathetic or you know he justthinks that like damn, I just
like I can't get anybody orsomething like that.
(24:11):
But I don't know, I think Ifeel like that method is such
especially the person that'sreceiving it is so confusing,
like I don't know if you're intome, like me thinking that you
were into me and then I don'thear from you for like days kind
of like makes me think likedamn, maybe he's not into me
(24:31):
because they're being too cool,or like you don't hear, you
don't like hit them up or youknow, like anything along those
lines.
I just feel like now nowadays,like especially in this like
world of dating, being up frontand being honest about shit and
just being mostly available willget you a long, motherfucking
(24:53):
way.
I feel like if you're intosomebody and you want to text
them, like if I went on a datewith you and you want to text me
like maybe an hour, two hourslater, to be like, hey, like I
had such a great time, I woulddefinitely like to like link up
again, like can we like makeplans within the next couple
days, like open communication,like why do we have to like wait
(25:14):
for?
Like what reason is it like sowe don't seem too available?
I just feel like why not?
Why can't we seem like we're?
I am available, I want tofucking talk to you.
That's the point of me going onthis date with you is I am
available, like I'm availablefor you.
So that's why I made myselfopen to this fucking date.
So, like trying to be cool, likea cool guy or a cool girl, to
(25:36):
be like yeah, like, or likethinking that things don't
matter.
You know, I would like to know.
I would say, within, we don'thave to define what our
relationship is like I don't, Idon't need you to call me your
girlfriend or I don't need you,I don't need to call you my
boyfriend, but like I would say,probably within the first like
month or so.
(25:56):
I need to know if me and youare exclusively like, just
dating each other, like, beupfront about that shit.
Sometimes people are just like,oh, like I don't want to see
come off, like I don't want tolose them.
If I say, like what I trulywant out of this, I just feel
like you're setting yourself upfor a fucking disaster.
Not being honest about yourintentions on what you want in
(26:18):
the future or what you want withthat person, is going to set
your ass up, trying to be a coolguy or a cool girl, to be like,
oh, I'm just going to go withthe flow, I'm just going to like
, even though I feel thesethings for this person, I'm just
not going to express it,because what if they don't feel
this way?
What if you know they feel theopposite of what I feel?
(26:38):
Like I just don't want to losethis person.
So I just don't want to losethis person.
So I just don't want to comeoff.
That you know I'm.
This is exactly what I want.
Like, I want a relationship withthem, I want to be exclusive
with them, I want these things,but it's like that whole like
too cool mentality thateverybody like thinks is like
this shit.
Now I don't even know like whythat's a thing, why you know
(27:06):
it's just it's hurtful for thelike recipient.
I feel like it's so hurtful andit's so confusing for the
recipient, like the personthat's receiving it.
On that end, you know like itcreates mixed signals like and
it like.
And then that like I feel likeonce I haven't heard from you in
a couple days.
I feel like you're, I feel likeI'm being ghosted.
And then you're thinking like,oh, I don't want to text her
(27:28):
right away.
But then I'm thinking, wow,he's like ghosting me.
I haven't heard from him inlike a day or two.
Like that's kind of crazy.
You know, I don't know.
I just I feel like if you'reinto somebody, you had a great
time with them, you're in likeyou want to see them again, like
make that effort Instead oflike waiting around thinking
that I'm gonna be too desperate,I'm gonna be too, but I'm gonna
(27:50):
come off pathetic or desperateor whatever.
Like if that person thinks thatof you by you texting them that
then that person's not for you.
Clearly you guys are not on thesame page.
Clearly you guys are notwanting the same thing.
So like it's kind of like trashtaking on itself you know what
I mean like it's kind of likethe problem is taking itself out
(28:11):
.
So it's just I don't know.
I feel like people dating Iwouldn't say yeah, dating like.
And people like everybody'smindset has like totally shifted
from, I feel, like post I meanI would say pre-COVID how dating
was for me, especially thenpost-COVID.
(28:34):
I feel like everybody likepost-COVID, everybody doesn't
know how to like communicateproperly.
Like the communication is likefreaking awful with people.
The communication is likefreaking awful with people.
Just even the styling,everybody's just not.
It's really hard to findsomebody that's emotionally
available, that wants to be in arelationship.
Or like I feel like I run intothose situations where, like I
(28:56):
just got out of a relationshipand it's like, okay, you're on a
dating app, though Like so whatare you trying to do?
Are you just trying to tryingto hook up?
Like maybe you should just saythat in your profile like you're
just looking to hook up.
Maybe don't put that like,because I feel like that's such
a cop-out.
Like I just got out of arelationship, I just feel like
(29:17):
maybe you shouldn't be on afucking dating app, then, I
don't know, maybe you shouldn'tlike like submit yourself into
that fucking world and getsomebody's hopes up of thinking
that they could like potentiallydate you and you're not even
emotionally available for them.
Like, and it's such a letdown.
I feel like there's been so manyguys that like have asked me,
(29:37):
like what am I looking for on onthe websites, the dating apps
like Bumble, hinge, tinder, allthat shit like, will ask me like
what I'm looking for and I'llsay it to them and I'll like be
like you know, I potentiallywant to date somebody in this
kind of see where that goes.
And their response is like yeah, like I don't know, I'm just
like trying to hang out.
I just got out of like of ablah, blah, blah year long
(29:59):
relationship and I don't know ifI want to get back into
something.
And it's like, and I'm sittingthere and I'm like, so why are
you on a dating site?
Granted, whatever, if you wantto be on that, to each their own
, but make your intentions ofwhy you're on that fucking
website like very clear.
Number one, number two did younot read my profile?
Like did you not see what thefuck I'm looking for?
(30:21):
And you, you still swipe righton me.
Like, huh, make that makefucking sense for me.
Like, make that make sense,make zero fucking sense.
I just don't understand the.
You know, like people don'treally read a lot of people's
profiles.
I take my time and I will likeread what you have to say.
I'm not really swiping right ona lot of profiles that
(30:46):
literally have no substance tothem.
Like, why are you, I don't know?
I feel like put some fuckingeffort in your dating profile
instead of just posting picturesof yourself and that's it and
your height or something Likegive me some substance to you.
Like, let me know that.
Like, maybe you're a funnyperson, like what you're fucking
(31:06):
into.
Maybe we can, I can see likewhat we're actually like if we
have the same interests.
Like that's kind of nice for meto know.
Make me want to like swiperight on you.
Like, come on, give mesomething, give me something to
work with.
Dude, you know, I don't know.
I also like social media is likereally to blame.
(31:29):
I feel like it's soconditioning.
Like, especially like datingapps TikTok, instagram.
I feel like they promote likedon't catch feeling.
Like, don't catch thesefeelings.
Like the meme culture, like thehot girl summer.
You know what I mean.
Like the hot girl summer.
You know what I mean.
Like the hot boy summer I don'teven know if that's a freaking
thing, but like whatever thatequivalent of what a hot girl
summer is and like kind of that.
(31:52):
Like that culture right there.
I, I am all about having a hotgirl culture.
I'm hot girl summer.
I'm not like discouragingpeople to not have that, but I'm
just saying like that's like's,like promoting, like yeah, like
fuck around, do whatever youwant to do.
Like who gives a fuck, like justdon't catch feelings, kind of
have fun, just don't catchfeelings, type of thing.
(32:13):
Like that's the vibe of a hotgirl summer have fun, don't
catch feelings, and you know it.
Just we're so conditioned to,you know, look at, look at these
trends and see like and they'relike you know these trends that
go viral, these dating trendsthat go viral, and you're just
(32:34):
like, oh shit, that looks soappealing to me, that looks so
like you know it's, it's soappetizing, like wow, that's
something like maybe I shouldadapt and like like maybe I
should adapt and like pushforward.
You know, a lot of times peoplecan like do this kind of shit
because it's like the fear ofrejection.
Like trying to be a cool guy,cool girl, with like acting like
(32:56):
you know how you feel, like howyou personally feel about
something, even if if you it'shurting you bad like act like it
doesn't bother you because youdon't.
You're in the fear of losingthat person.
Like the fear of them notthinking you're the person.
(33:16):
You know what I mean.
Like you put a facade of whoyou are and you know you keep it
up because you're so likefearful that this person is not
going to accept you if they likeunderstand like who you truly
are.
That's why, like it will neverget you anywhere.
If, like, if you like somebodyand you're trying to mold
(33:39):
yourself into like the personthat you think that they want
you to be, it's's just like ifyou can't be authentically
yourself, it just it's nevergoing to work out.
Like if you can not be yourselfauthentically and just like
love out loud how you want tolove out loud, or you know,
express how you want to expressyour feelings without being
(34:02):
fearful that they're not goingto like you anymore, or they're
going going to like you anymore,or they're going to look at you
differently because you have adifference of an opinion of
theirs or behaviors or anythinglike like pertaining to them.
You know what I mean.
Like I don't know.
I just I think it's so scarythat this like dating trend is
(34:23):
just so popular, like this toocool culture like, why is it so
freaking popular?
Like, why is this?
Why are people so like?
You know I get the fear ofrejection thing, like I really
do and I can, I can understandhow like you kind of wonder,
like why, but then you can alsolike, in the same breath, be
(34:43):
like I can also see a little bithow you can get trapped up into
that mix of liking somebody somuch.
You know, like I've been in,I've been dating guys that I
dated this guy that was like inthe army and he was so like I
feel like I, he scarred me, Ifeel like I have PTSD from him
(35:04):
of like trying to date anybodythat's in the fucking army or
like whatever sorry to anybodythat tries to talk to me that's
in the army.
This man has ruined it foreverybody and he was so
conditioned to be this personlike he was like.
I used to call him like likearmy I would say army daddy,
(35:25):
because he wanted me to call himdaddy at one point anyways.
So army daddy would just like,literally he would be in his
like, like he was a sergeant orwhatever.
He would just be in this likemode, like he would just be
super emotionless and so likewhen I would express how I would
feel, he would just make mefeel like I would.
(35:46):
I was like my feelings weren'tvalid and or I was.
You know I was overthinkingthings and you know I don't know
.
He just was so he was.
So it was like kind of talkingto a robot.
Sometimes it was just so like Iwas like damn, this is so tough
a robot.
Sometimes it was just so like Iwas like damn, this is so tough
(36:07):
, and so like I had to be likethe cool girl and kind of a lot
of stuff that he did.
I kind of had to let I let itroll off my back because I liked
him so much and I cared abouthim so much and I didn't want
like I didn't want like what wehad to go away.
So I just stuck it out witharmy daddy and just kind of
thought that.
I thought that was the best wayto keep him.
(36:30):
I guess, in that sense, justbecause of the feelings that I
had from him were so strong atthat time that I was looking,
overlooking how hurtful the shitthat he did and how hurtful he
was, especially with you know myfeelings and how I felt with
(36:50):
how he would do certain things,and I'm just like you're not a
count, like you can't say in onebreath how much like how
important I am in your life andhow important you know like what
you see for us in the future,and then make decisions that you
know like are not including.
You know what I mean.
Just like things like that,just a lot of stuff.
(37:12):
He also fed me a lot of shit.
He like breadcrumbed me.
You know he did a lot of stuff,a lot, a lot of things.
If you have no idea whatbreadcrumbing is, I do have an
episode pertaining it.
You can get a little quicklisten of it and hear it.
Yeah, check that out if youwant to know what that is.
(37:32):
But this man definitely armydaddy, definitely fucking
breadcrumbed the shit out of meand love bombed me and all of
those things.
Hence why I have so muchfucking PTSD from this man.
And yeah, I don't know, I feellike I saw him randomly on like
LinkedIn and I accidentallyclicked on him.
You know, like when you clickon somebody on LinkedIn sorry, I
(37:54):
have like paper a paper and itpicked up on the sound, I'm not
sure if it did but when youclick on a person on like
LinkedIn and you go on theirprofile, it shows you that you
viewed their profile.
Like it shows you that, and Iwas like fuck and I looked at
(38:15):
his profile.
And then his wife looked at myprofile and I was like, oh my
God, so yeah, anyways, that's alittle tidbit that happened.
This was not a recent thing.
This was like a long, long,long time ago.
Like I said, that man gave mePTSD.
I had a lot of feelings for thatman thought I was in love with
him.
I don't know, it was a lot, butyeah, I had that.
(38:38):
That too cool girl.
Oh my God, wow, I'm.
The more and more I think aboutit, I'm like, wow, I've had a
couple like like two cool girlmoments in my like more than
ones, like army daddy was one.
And then there was this guy thatI was like seeing that he was
(39:02):
in an open marriage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what Isaid he was in an open marriage
.
And I know you're saying,janice, what the fuck?
I know I was in my early 20s.
At that time I didn't reallygive a fuck.
And he told me that like hiswife was like open to it and
(39:24):
then like the more and more he'dlike dove into his relationship
with her, it kind of seemedlike it was more of like benefit
.
It was more of a beneficialmarriage because like he got
benefits from like his job andlike she benefited I don't.
Anyways, I think it wasbullshit.
Looking back on it, maybe I'vebeen bullshit, I don't know.
But like they had an openrelationship and so like I was
(39:48):
like kind of be his little likegirlfriend-ish thing and like
she was doing her own thing andlike it was supposed to be, like
I was supposed to be theirthird.
I never met this woman.
I think I saw one picture ofher once but like I was like
hooking up with him, like me andhim had like a relationship
(40:09):
whatever, and we're gonna callhim Fling Bay because I used to
be on this website called Fling.
I don't know if it still exists, but it used to be like this
hooking up site and like in my20s I was very explorative, like
I, you know I told you guysI've hooked up with women, like
I was.
You know, I was trying toexplore and see what I was into
(40:31):
sexually.
So I was on this website and Ihooked up with a lot of people
off of this website.
By the way, I don't think Icould ever go back.
I don't think I could ever dothis again.
But, like at the time I was likewhatever dude up, yolo when if
that was like a thing at thetime, it wasn't a thing at the
time, but I was like YOLO, Ifeel like it was.
(40:52):
I don't even know when YOLOcame out, but anyways, that's
besides the point.
I'm sidetracking.
But I, I was like involved withthis man and it did not end
well like we I was we, he wantedto go to like swinger
partiesinger parties and Ialmost like I wish I like did it
(41:14):
once, just to experience it,because I like I would not do it
right now, but like at the time, I like wanted to experience it
and like see what it was like.
And I was like his girlfriend,that was like going to do that
with him and stuff.
I was like gonna do that withhim and stuff.
Anyways, we did not last a longtime because I didn't like that
(41:35):
.
I was his, like I was hisgirlfriend and like I had to be
committed to him.
But he was like in a whole assrelationship and I was like bruh
, I like you're not my boyfriend, you're not like, you're just
this guy that like I'm havingsex with and I'm just like
you're not my boyfriend, you'renot like, you're just this guy
that like I'm having sex withand I'm just like going
potentially to these fuckingswinger parties.
(41:55):
That's it, Nothing other thanthat.
And you're pushing my.
You're pushing it right now.
Like I need you to like take itback a couple notches.
And we fought over that shit.
Like he was, I had this guyfriend and he was extremely
jealous of this guy friend and,like you know, we would get in
(42:16):
fights over this guy friend.
And I was just like bro, likeyou're married and you have no
right to say shit to me rightnow.
But, yeah, it was like too much.
It was like too much Becausethen you start like I don't know
that whole situation.
I feel like if you're open, likesuper open, to being with
(42:40):
somebody that's in an openrelationship and understanding,
like the whole baggage thatcomes with that be my guest and
be a part of somebody that's inan open relationship.
It's not for me.
Me, it's way too complicated.
Like feelings start to go.
It just was like too much.
It was way too much and I wastrying to be a cool girl and be
like, yeah, I can handle this.
I it was too much.
I don't know who the fuck Ithought I was, but I was not
(43:03):
that girl.
I was not that girl.
Like you know, when Beyonce,she ain't no diva, I was not.
I was not that girl.
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't know.
I'm just like those type ofbehaviors, like me being that,
especially with, like the guysthat I was getting myself
(43:24):
involved with, that I was actinglike I was okay with how our
relationship was going.
I was making it seem like I wasokay with just hooking up, when
(43:44):
I had these deep feelings forthese guys and I was trying to
be cool girl, like yeah, likewe're just hooking up, like it's
fine, like no, it was deeplyhurting me.
I was not understanding why,like I'm, like I see so many
great qualities, I think, likeme and you would be a perfect
match, and it's like, why don'tyou see that?
(44:05):
Why don't you see that like youand I could be something, or
why is it only like you want toclaim me when we're fucking and
you don't want to claim me?
You know what I mean?
It's just like a whole bunch ofshit that just like registers
in your mind that you thinkabout.
And for me it's just like, andI'm like, wow, damn, when I was
like looking this shit upbecause, like I look at like
(44:27):
trends and dating trends andstuff like that, and I only talk
about stuff that like,obviously I can relate to, I can
talk about, or even, like youknow, I want to talk about shit
that's relatable, shit that isrelatable to me, that hopefully
can relate to other people,that's like stuff that I think
that I would like to talk aboutin episodes on the pod.
So, with saying that I waslooking this up, and then when I
(44:51):
saw this, I was like holy shit,like this is it's saying, like
it was saying, like this is likesuch a gen z thing.
But I'm like holy shit, no,like this was stuff that I had
to do.
I was that cool girl.
Like I did that shit.
Like like the more and more I'mlike thinking about it, I was
like wait, no, like I did thatshit too, like, and it was rough
(45:11):
and I heard, you know, I heardin the end it just like sucks.
That's why it's like cravingauthenticity.
Like is so big.
That's why, like, like anybodythat I'm talking to, like, even
if it's in a hooking upperspective, I need, you need,
to be emotionally available forme to like to see where we're at
(45:32):
.
Like I want to.
You know, I'm trying to be inmy soft girl era.
I told y'all last time, I toldy'all last episode I'm trying to
be in my soft girl era.
I'm trying to live my ownLandria lifestyle.
Okay, I'm trying to look for myNick, somebody that, like, lets
me put my walls down, lets meopen up, lets me just kind of
like, you know, be that girl.
(45:55):
You know, be that girl that Iwant to be and just feel like I
have somebody that's like thereto protect me and just there to
just do it for me, just there tolike I don't have to be strong
all the time.
They can be strong for me.
I don't have to be this.
You know what I mean.
That's what I'm looking for andit's like that emotional, like
the emotionally available peopleare that way so secure in who
(46:15):
they are that they're justwilling to just be like yes, I'm
, I'm happy to talk to you aboutstuff.
I'm happy to get raw and grittyabout the real shit I'm.
I want to get through stuff.
I want to handle shit like anadult.
I don't want to be a child.
I don't want to ghost you, Idon't want to like slight you, I
don't want to like cuss you out.
I want us to have an adultfucking conversation.
(46:38):
You know that's what you'refucking looking for.
I feel like everybody's lookingfor that shit, you know.
You know, like I don't know,maybe that's like that's
something that is so appealing Iwould say like I'm going to
bring them up again like a Nick,like that's something that's
(47:01):
appealing, like for Nick.
He's somebody to me.
He seems like he's veryemotionally available right,
especially in his relationshipwith Alandria, and I wouldn't
say he started off as that.
I feel like when he started offin the season of Love Island in
the beginning, like he was likenot my real cup of tea.
That I feel like when hestarted off in the season of
Love Island in the beginning,like he was like not my real cup
of tea and I feel like he grewon me throughout the season and
then like, especially like withAlandria, like Alandria gives me
(47:22):
like black cat energy and hegives me golden retriever energy
, and so I feel like that's alsoanother like form of like
emotional availability, likethat golden retriever.
Like emotional availability,like that golden retriever
energy, right, that like loud,crushing, like I'm crushing on
you loudly, like I am being open, I'm yearning for you, loudly,
like that's the shit that likepeople are like looking for
(47:46):
People are craving authenticity,Like I know that's what I'm
craving.
I'm craving an authenticconnection, an authentic
relationship.
I'm craving that shit.
So I feel like the whole liketoo cool shit like does nothing.
Like if you're wanting to havea relationship and you want like
something like, you want thattype of relationship where you
(48:08):
can be your soft girl, you knowyou can be in your soft girl era
you can have that.
You know you can let your guarddown, you can kind of embrace
in a relationship and have anadult, actual relationship like
then being a too cool girl orliving in that too cool culture
is just not gonna get you there.
Like, like being emotionallyavailable is the only thing
(48:31):
that's gonna like get you farlike.
I just don't like I'm lookingfor my golden retriever.
I'm looking for someone toyearn for me.
That's what I'm looking for andthat's what everybody should be
looking for.
You want somebody to fuckingyearn for you.
Why wouldn't you, why wouldn'tI want somebody that wants me
that like shows that they want,like show me that you want me
(48:54):
out loud.
Like tell me that you want meout loud.
You know what I mean.
That's like something that Iwant to know.
You know like I feel like onceyou get that vibe, like if I'm
talking to you and like we're,you know I'm like okay, like I,
like you, like we're talking, Ineed you to just show me that
like yearn for my ass.
Like I need to.
(49:15):
People need to be like I'm sorry, like people need to be courted
nowadays.
Like court me, motherfucker.
Like court me, like let's dothis shit, make it seem, let me
know that you fucking like me,like let me know that shit.
Let me know that like I, youknow like you're pushing to,
like you're pushing to.
You know, gain my gain, mytrust.
(49:36):
You're, you're pushing to likegain, like put my walls down to
like get in.
You know to like get into likethat soft side of me and
possibly like date me and be ina relationship with me and all
that shit you know, and likebeing emotionally available.
It's like sending a text whenyou want to be, not when it's
(49:57):
strategic, not when you need tolike plan to send this text
Expressing general interest,instead of like like trying to
like limit the attention thatyou're trying to give this
person.
You know what I mean Talkingopenly about what you actually
want in this relationship, likeyour boundaries Boundaries are
are important.
(50:18):
Talk about your fucking feelingsearly on.
I feel like people are soscared to talk about their
feelings like talk about thatshit early on.
It's like you get a picture ofwhere you guys are at.
Are we on the same page?
Like, are we moving the sameway?
Like not.
Like you know what I mean.
Like sometimes it's scary andlike I'm saying all this shit
(50:39):
right, it's really scarysometimes to put yourself out
there honestly.
It's very fucking scary because, like that fear of rejection,
rejection is like real.
You don't know this person'sgoing to be receptive to what
you're doing and stuff.
But I only say, like this needsto be like emotionally
available.
It needs to be like consensualof what you're doing.
(51:00):
Like the person needs.
You need to be on the same pageof like I'm not saying like be
on some stalker shit.
Be like yearn after somebodythat you're actually interested
in.
You know that they'reinterested in you too.
Like yearn that way, crush outloud, make it so that the person
like knows, generally, knowslike that you're interested.
Like if both of you kind of geta feel of you're interested
(51:22):
like try and pursue that,actively pursue it instead of
just being like, oh, I don'tknow, I don't know, I don't know
.
Like actively pursue, do whatyou gotta do.
Like if the person says no,then it's just like then you can
move on to the next thing.
That's it.
Like reframe your vulnerabilityas a strength.
Being honest about yourfeelings like shows that you're
(51:44):
confident.
Like that's very attractive.
Like being confident and beingvulnerable, that's very freaking
attractive.
So like that should besomething that that's very
freaking attractive.
So like that should besomething that you should put in
the back of your mind.
You know, be consistent.
If you like somebody like, letyour action words match.
If I, if you fucking likesomebody, like, let that be
(52:12):
known like let your actionsmatch.
Just like.
If I like you, I'm not gonna bea dick to you.
Like, if I like you, I'm gonnabe nice to you.
Like we're not in like middleschool where you know the boys
would act like an asshole to thegirls that they genuinely like.
Like we're not in that spotanymore.
Like, get out of thatmotherfucking mind frame.
Like that's not something thatwe need to keep doing.
Test the waters.
Even if you don't want to golike a big gesture, right, do
something small, like you know,like on a date, be like I had
(52:34):
such a great time with you whencan I see you again?
Feel it out.
Test the waters, see if they'refeeling you.
First, even if you don't wantto make that big lunge or make
that big whatever, make that bigplunge in there.
Make small gestures, Feel itout, test the waters, feel, feel
their temperature, see wherethey're at, and then you can
kind of know where you're goingto go from there.
You know, like and if, like, ifthis person and you are like
(52:56):
it's, I feel like you attractyou fully, fully attract people
that are like-minded as you.
I feel like the like-mindedpeople attract each other.
So, like, if I'm, if we're onthe same wavelength, like we're
going to.
I'm going to attract the sameperson that's on the same
wavelength as me.
Like I'm not gonna attractsomebody that's I'm not gonna
attract somebody that'sunemotionally available.
(53:18):
You know what I mean.
Like I'm not, that's not whoI'm trying to attract.
Like I'm gonna attract theperson that's emotionally
available.
Like we're gonna, you're gonnaattract somebody that's on the
same like wavelength as you.
You know that's who like youwant to attract and who, like is
going to like gravitate towardsyou.
Like you build that aura,they're going to gravitate
towards that.
Like the tension between likeplaying it too cool versus
(53:41):
leaning into your emotionalavailability is like I feel like
it's shaping how like dating islike moving in such a big way.
Right, it's not just about theapps moving in such a big way,
right, it's not just about theapps.
It's about like retrainingpeople to see like being open as
attractive instead of beingneedy, pathetic and like being
desperate.
Like being open is attractive.
(54:03):
Like being vulnerable isfucking attractive.
Like we just need to stop.
Like we need to stop reshapingit in that sense.
Like it's just so.
I don't know, it's crazy.
I feel like vulnerability winsin situations Like I feel like
(54:25):
being vulnerable is so rare.
It's like such a like, a rare,like an uncut gem right, uncut
gem and it just feels so you,you know, I don't know I feel
like people crave like emotionalaccess and it matters like
being authentic, matters likewe're craving that I'm craving
(54:46):
access to emotionally, you know,and vulnerability like evolves
from being weak to strong, likeyou're building on your
emotional expression and you'resignaling trust, being mature,
being confident you know what Imean Just kind of like you're
thriving in that, like itmatters being emotionally
available matters.
You know like my vote matterslike being emotionally available
(55:11):
matters, like it goes a longway.
I feel like using that now,like it's so hard to you know
move forward and try and Usethese tools, but like doing the
smaller things, you know Babysteps I'm not telling you to
fully go out there.
(55:31):
If you can, great.
If you can't, and you're likeyou know it takes you time like
build yourself up into thatmoment, like do what you got to
do.
You know like build the intimacyover time with conscious, with
cautious, like intent andpresence, like and being very
(55:52):
present in that.
You know like being emotionallyopen, expressing it over being
distance, being vulnerable.
You know like being emotionallyvulnerable.
That's all I can really saylike this too cool culture like
needs to like kick rockshonestly with an open toe shoe
(56:14):
because being too cool and justlike not being as open and
trying to like being perceivedas like yeah, I don't care.
Like go with the flow becauseyou're trying to keep that
person or lock that situationdown, like you're never gonna
have like a genuine, authenticlike relationship with this
person because you never were upfront with how your feelings
(56:36):
were in the first place.
You know, and it's it's so hardbecause you, when you really
like somebody you want to likeyou kind of like really like
shape yourself into like theperson that you think that they
want them to be.
And then it's like, if I'mlosing myself so much in that
like, is it worth it?
(56:57):
Is something like that worth itto me honestly?
So that's something like I wantyou guys to like sit with and
like think about.
You know this emotional versustoo cool.
You know emotionalvulnerability versus like too
cool culture.
Like like look at those twosituations and kind of like.
You know emotionalvulnerability versus like too
cool culture.
Like like look at those twosituations and kind of like you
(57:19):
know think of like where youwhere you are fitting in that
Like, are you on the emotionalavailable side, which is amazing
, or are you on the too coolculture where that's kind of,
where every like I feel likethat's kind of like the newest
trends and like the latestdating trend, like everybody's
like pushing towards?
Where are you, where are you atin that spectrum of of those
two things?
Let me know, I would love tohear from you guys and what you
guys think and yeah, I'm gonnaend that discussion right there.
(57:43):
That was kind of abrupt.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why.
I just did it like that, but Idid want to talk about some
things before I go.
I I do want.
I'm thinking about doing kind oflike some bonus content where
I'm watching the dating shows.
I, you know, I was like tryingto incorporate like some pop
culture stuff.
(58:03):
Maybe do some exclusive contentfor you guys.
I'll start watching like aseries.
Like I re-watch Love Island,season seven or season six,
whatever.
Maybe season six it might belike it's something like not
like kind of far off intodistance and like a lot of shit
has happened now so and I feellike it might be better,
something like that, or 90 DayFiancé, something along those
(58:25):
lines.
I was thinking about watchingand like kind of throwing that
in as some bonus content.
It would definitely be video,would be kind of like me
watching it and giving myfeedback on what I think I would
be editing it, like condensingediting, doing all that stuff.
But that's something that youguys think I should be doing.
I want to do extra bonuscontent.
(58:46):
I want to utilize my patreon.
I want to just utilize all thebonus shit that I do have and I
want to like get those out.
I am going to start releasing Ineed to start editing them, but
releasing some of the interviewsthat I've had with some guests.
I do have video footage.
Most of them were recorded viavideo, so I do want to bring
(59:09):
those back into life.
I did say before I was going todo it, but life be lifin' and I
did not get a chance to editthem and put them together.
But I definitely want to dothat sooner rather than later.
Kind of push that as bonuscontent for you guys If you want
to subscribe to my Patreon, allthat good stuff.
I do want to get that shitready in the first place before
I kind of start pushing that out.
(59:31):
So I'm going to throw somepolls If you do follow me on
social media.
If you don't, I'm going to bethrowing some polls out there
within the next week.
This following week I'm goingto be throwing a lot of polls
out there.
So please answer.
I do really rely on yourfeedback on what you guys want
to listen to and what you guyslike enjoy.
So all my social media stuff isin the show notes.
(59:52):
I have been transcribing.
If you did not see in last Iwould say two weeks ago's
episode when I did transcribe,when I did transcribe sorry
about that, I just got likedistracted there is a
transcription of the entireepisode there also.
(01:00:15):
Also, if you do look in theshow notes, I think it should be
showing my chapters.
I'm going to start putting inthe chapter so you guys can like
if there's something that youkind of want to listen to more
than the other, if you just wantto hear my sex story, you don't
want to kind of get into thedelve of the conversation, like
of the episode, you can justlisten to the sex story.
Or if you just you don't wantto hear my sex story, you don't
want to kind of get into thedelve of the conversation, like
of the episode, you can justlisten to the sex story.
Or if you just you don't wantto listen to my sex story, you
(01:00:36):
want to kind of get into thenitty gritty of the episode, you
can do that too.
I want to make this asenjoyable as I can.
Give you those options andthere is a transcription if you
do want to read along as I'mtalking.
I do have that in the shownotes.
So take a gander, take a lookand, like I said, go to my
(01:00:59):
website, cheerjannpodcastcom.
I have some merch there, allthat good stuff.
If you guys want to get somemerch, I'm gonna be releasing
some new merch, I would saywithin the next like week or so.
I'm working on some designs,trying to see like kind of like
redoing my whole merch.
So if you like what the merchlooks like right now, I would
(01:01:20):
say within the next like fewweeks it is going to be
available.
Other than that, I am going tobe redoing everything.
So, yeah, I'm excited for that,I'm excited to share that with
you guys and I hope you guyshave an amazing, amazing week.
Um, I'm sending positive vibesto everybody.
I love you guys and enjoy it.
(01:01:42):
Um, and it's almost time forspooky season.
Happy fall guys.
Love you guys.
Bye.
Welcome to Sure Jan Podcast.
I'm your host, janice M.
We'll be talking about dating,sex relationships and a little
bit of self-help, all whilebreaking down pop culture
moments that hit a little tooclose to home.
Because, let's be real, datingin your 30s it's a whole thing.
(00:25):
So grab a drink, get comfy andlet's get into it.
You're listening to share janpodcast.
Hello everyone and welcome toshare jan podcast.
I'm your host, janice M, and Ihope everyone out there is
having an amazing day, amazingweek, and if you aren't, I am
(00:49):
sending you positive, positivevibes.
This episode we're gonna kind ofget into some emotional
availability and like that toocool culture.
That's been kind of been athing in dating.
I've been slowly kind ofgetting to know what the hell
that is.
We're going to kind of get intothat and kind of see if anybody
(01:12):
else out there is having kindof similar situations, seeing if
you are actually going throughthe same thing or if you are
doing it and how problematic itis to be that too cool girl or
whatever the hell that sayinggoes, because I feel like I've
(01:32):
tried to be that too cool girlwith guys that I've been seeing
and it has not panned out wellfor me, but me.
But we're going to get intothat.
I did just pour myself a niceglass Malbec.
I'm drinking that right now.
(01:53):
I hope everyone either has adrink, whether you're listening
to me in the morning, theafternoon, or if you are
listening to me at night and canactually have a beverage, or
you're listening to me on aweekend, whenever if you can
have any type of beverage,preferably alcohol.
But if you have to be an adultand you're listening to me
during the week and during theday and you're at work, drink
(02:15):
your coffee, yes, drink thatcoffee, yeah.
So now I'm all back, ready.
I have a joint somewhat lit up,so if you do hear me, take a
couple pauses, just say you knowwe're cool and we're chilling.
We're going to have a goodepisode today.
(02:35):
We're going to get into a lotof shit.
I have some updates for you guysgoing on with me and yeah, so
let's get into the episode, okay.
So like I kind of wanted totalk about my update first, I
feel like if I get into whatwe're going to talk about in the
(02:57):
episode, my story may get lost.
I may go on a tangent aboutwhat we're talking about and
then I just won't remember tokind of give you guys a little
bit of an update.
I don't know if I gave this mana nickname, but this is a
recycled man, has resurfaced.
(03:17):
I literally I'm recording onSunday, the 7th of September, me
and this man met yesterday, the6th.
I'm in head sex and yeah, soI'm gonna kind of get into
what's been going on with me andpertaining that.
So it's been a minute likeprior.
(03:41):
So tippy toes was the lastperson that, like I had sex with
right, which it's sounfortunate that that was like
my last fucking sexualexperience.
So this guy, I feel like everytime I talk to him I always
forget, or maybe it slips mymind up until, like, we're about
to hang out and this is likethe third time time him and I
(04:03):
have hung out, and so I feellike the first two times I don't
remember.
I feel like the first time wasfine.
Second time, I feel like I didnot enjoy myself when we had sex
and I forgot how bad I did notenjoy myself the last time we
had sex.
But this third time I likeremembered how bad the last time
(04:23):
was.
But this third time I likeremembered how bad the last time
was, like right, when I waslike I don't know like two
minutes driving from it to hisplace, and I was just like fuck,
I'm, I've already committed,I'm here, whatever.
So anyways, he like he doesn'tlive too far away, like it
literally was like a, a 15minute drive, which was clutch,
(04:52):
and where he lives the parkingis like awful, like it's really
hard, and it was a Saturday too.
So you know, it was just theparking was freaking awful.
So he like had offered to.
He was like listen, likethere's a lot down the street,
if you want to, you can.
He was like listen, likethere's a lot down the street,
if you want to, you can, you canpark there, I'll pay for your
parking.
And so I was like okay, butlike in the back of my mind, I
really didn't want.
(05:12):
Like I should have been likeyes, sis, let him pay for that
shit.
Like fuck.
But I was kind of like you know, maybe I'll like do half or
something like that.
Like maybe I'll like offer orwhatever.
So, anyways, I park, grab theticket for for my parking.
I go to his place.
Now, mind you, he tells mewhere he lives and he lives in a
(05:37):
newer.
He lives in the same, likecomplex, but like a different
area.
So I end up going there and Isee him and like, all right, so
I'm gonna kind of pause, rewind.
So we were like messaging prior, so kind of.
What came about.
This was he was at a weddingthe day before and we were like
(06:03):
texting or something.
And I think I was like on snapbecause sometimes I'd be just be
snapping, because I love thefilters on Snapchat and I like
to send sometimes my thirstdrops on there, but don't mind
me anyways.
So I was on snap and I have himon snap as well.
So he ends up like messaging mesomething on snap and like
(06:23):
we're kind of like doing a likeexchange on snap and he's like
talking about you know himwanting to see me and like he
wish he like didn't get thishotel, he wish he was at his
place, so that, like I couldhave like came over, yada, yada,
yada.
Now fast forward to Saturday,which we had this conversation
(06:46):
on Friday.
We're here on Saturday.
Now I had day plans with myfriend.
It kind of like they didn'twork out.
They didn't pan out.
So I, you know, was kind ofbummed because I had like a
really cute outfit for this dayevent.
It was like kind of like afitness, whatever day event.
And I was pretty bummed outthat I was not.
(07:09):
I was not going to be able togo to the shit.
And so like I was talking to himand I was like talking to him
and like he was just kind oflike, oh, so like what are you
doing for the rest of the day?
And I was kind of like, oh well, I don't really have plans.
I kind of was just going tochill and, like you know, not do
anything, probably like smoke,watch TV, like just veg out or
(07:32):
something like that.
And he was just like, oh, likedo you want to come over?
And I was like, sure, like Ihave nothing else better to do,
sure, like I have nothing elsebetter to do.
And so, mind you, completelyforgot this man.
Like last time me and him hadsex it was not great, and I like
(07:56):
swore that time that I wouldnot come back, but I forgot.
I feel like I smoke too muchweed that I just forget these
things.
But anyways, I forgot.
And anyways he was talking a biggame, y'all like how he's gonna
go down on me, like how he'sgonna dick me down, gonna break
my back.
Like I'm not even bullshitting.
The breaking my back part waslike I like started replaying it
(08:19):
in my mind.
I'm like all right, like calmdown, because I was like even
even at time when I agreed tolike go over his place I didn't
fully remember if it was thatbad, but like I knew it wasn't
like like amazing, but it was asensible dick.
I wanted it.
I hadn't had sex in a long time.
I was like whatever.
You know desperate times callfor like desperate measures.
(08:40):
You know desperate times, justthings happen like that.
You know desperate times callfor like desperate measures.
You know desperate times, justthings happen like that.
You know, sometimes you justneed to.
You know, sometimes you justneed to like get digged down
some from time to time.
You know, and just like yougotta just put the whole other
(09:01):
bullshit of like you know inyour head and you're just like,
yeah, I'm just going to get dickand then move on with my life.
But like anyways, he was talkingthis big game.
So I was kind of excitedbecause like this man was
talking about how, like how muchhe would just really wants to
go down on me, right, and I'mjust like, oh, I'm never going
(09:22):
to say no to this, like hello,anyways.
So he ends up, I end up goingover there.
We get to his place.
Mind y'all, this motherfuckerlives on like the fifth floor no
elevator, pure stairs.
And I am trying to keep ittogether, fucking huffing and
(09:43):
puffing.
I'm really trying to like takedeep breaths as I'm like walking
up these stairs, like I'm notlike like misfitness guru, so
like these stairs were fuckingkilling me, dude, I don't like I
don't be climbing up thatmountain, like a lot of stairs,
like that.
So I was like wow, there's alot of stairs.
And he's like, yeah, sorryabout that.
And I was just like JesusChrist.
(10:04):
And of course, he lives on thetop fucking floor.
So I'm like this is so much.
Anyways, get to his place.
Now I'm going to pause, rewindto our conversation Cause I need
to like give you guys contextof our conversation so you guys
like understand.
So I'm going to go back to ourlike text conversations where he
(10:24):
was saying the last time thathim and I hung out, I was quote
unquote shy Y'all.
I wasn't.
I don't know what he likethinks is, like behavior is shy,
I don't know.
But I was not shy.
I was kind of like letting himtake control because I kind of
like I was trying to besubmissive in that time frame.
(10:46):
So, anyways, he was saying thatthrough when we were texting
the night before or like the dayof, or whatever I don't.
I'm kind of like blurry on ifit was that night or was the day
of, and so, anyways, I text himand we're talking about like us
hanging out and obviously, like, hang out, we're going to hook
(11:09):
up, like I already know that,like we're adults, we talked
that that's what we're going todo, and he's like saying how, oh
, I was so shy last time, allthis shit, blah, blah, blah.
I'm like all right, so thentake control, do what you have
to do.
Like, if you feel like I'm I'mnot picking up on what you're
(11:30):
trying to, like, I'm not pickingup what you're trying to throw
down, like, then take control ofthe situation.
So this is what we talked about, right, all right, fast forward
.
Now we're, we're in this moment.
I'm sitting on his couch and Ithink this is the most
aggressive thing that he said tome throughout the entire night,
and I think it was sit overhere.
(11:51):
Okay.
Now y'all heard me sit overhere, sit like next to me.
That was like the most likeassertive thing that he said to
me throughout this night and I'mlike, okay, then I'm laying
there and I'm like, all right,is this?
Who's going to like?
He's like trying to watch.
He's like trying to watch likea movie or whatever, trying to
(12:14):
put something on in thebackground as we're watching it.
First he puts like.
First he puts like weddingcrashers, and then I was like
this is not really likesomething that's going to really
get me in the mood.
No offense, like no.
Then like he decides to put onRemember the Titans.
(12:34):
Okay, now I was like this is aweird choice to set the mood,
mind you y'all.
Oh my god.
Okay, y'all know I'm a blackwoman.
If you don't know, you did notsee the art cover of my podcast,
which is my face and I'm andyou didn't know I'm black, but I
(12:55):
guess I'm black.
This man is a white Italian man,okay, and he decided to play
Remember the Titans while we'retrying to set the mood.
Now, mind you, I can hear thisshit in the fucking background.
I've seen this movie a milliontimes.
Not the like.
Best appropriate movie to like.
Get set the mood for us to likehave sex or like make out or
(13:17):
whatever.
And then they were just it waslike a part where, like, like
the white people were just likesaying some crazy-ass shit, like
calling people monkeys and shit, and I was like what is
happening?
And I just like I almost wasgonna like I almost paused and
it was just kind of like yo, canwe like change the channel or
something.
Like this is a lot in my ear,like this is not turning me on
(13:41):
at all, like this is doing thepolar fucking opposite, like
this, ain't it?
This is not it for me.
So, like, thankfully, likemaybe a minute or two later, he
was just like do you want to goupstairs?
And I was like yeah, and thenhe has like these, like this,
like spiral staircase, like thatkind of goes with the carpet, I
(14:04):
don't know, like the steelhandles and like the carpet kind
of steps leading up and it'slike it's like a really small
space but it's like a circlespiral going up.
Anyways, he had one of those andI was like all right, so we
went up, we went upstairs, Ileft like all my shit downstairs
and I went up and like we, youknow, now we're hooking, we get
(14:29):
on the bed, we're hooking up andso, like I don't know, I just
kind of felt like he wasn't asaggressive as I would have liked
him to be and it just wasn'tlike and like, all right,
aggressive as I would have likedhim to be and it just wasn't
like and like all right.
Okay, I don't know how to saythis without being like mean or
coming off mean, and I'm reallynot trying to say this as me
(14:51):
this is just me, like my ownpersonal preference.
Okay, this man didn't haveenough dick for me, like it just
wasn't, like it had.
Like like missionary reallywasn't doing it for me, me, even
me being on top, I, I, I tried,I really fucking tried.
(15:13):
Doggy was the only thing thatgave me like something.
It gave me a, an inkling ofsomething and you remember I
told you guys that he wastalking about like he was gonna
go down on me and shit, this mom, this motherfucker, made me
like, remember, like like kittymilk guy, like he's like giving
him a run for his fucking money.
Like they're right fucking upthere with how they eat, how
(15:36):
they eat girls out, like they'refucking right up there.
Legit, yeah, not great.
Three out of ten would notrecommend.
So, uh, yeah, definitely not.
I need to think of a nicknamefor him.
I just don't know what it is.
Yeah, I don't know what Ishould name him.
(15:56):
I gotta think about it.
He kind of reminds me of Snoopya little bit, but like his eyes
are just a little bit moretogether, but like he kind of
reminds me of Snoopy in a weirdway, like he's kind of adorable
but like yeah, that's it.
Like he doesn't, like I don'tthink he's like a really
attractive dude, I just thinkhe's like adorable and yeah, so
(16:22):
we he was just kind of likey'all when I tell you, this man
talked a big fucking game to me,huge, huge game, saying how
he's gonna like dig me down,break my back, like we're gonna
go around, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah after the first time
that we had sex.
He's like laying there and I'mjust like looking at him and I'm
like okay, like kind of waitingfor the second, like I was like
(16:49):
okay, like kind of waiting forthe second, like I was like all
right, do we need to rest for alittle bit?
And then we're gonna get backto it like what do we need to do
?
And he was like kind of just,he was like shit, I shouldn't
have talked this big game.
And I was like, wow, this isn't.
I'm embarrassed for you.
This is embarrassing, I'membarrassed for myself.
But, like y'all, I was like Iam not leaving here without
(17:11):
something.
I ain't leaving here withoutsomething.
Okay, so we were like hooking upand he like I shouldn't say we
hooked up, pause, rewind.
I like got lost in my dream ofthought.
He was texting and was liketelling like he was like saying
(17:34):
like, oh, his friends reallywant him to go to this like
restaurant, slash bar, whateverin a town like nearby.
And he was like, oh, I reallydon't want to go and stuff like
that, because the kids.
He was asking me like what Ihad to do for the rest of the
day and I was like, oh, I don'treally have any plans like I
kind of was like expecting tokind of hang out with him for
(17:56):
like a good amount of the dayand then kind of leave, like
later on in the day, liketowards nighttime.
That's what I thought.
That's kind of how I thoughtthis was gonna happen, like the
way he made it seem like in ourconversation.
Maybe I misinterpreted thatconversation, I don't fucking
know.
But anyways, I was like I'mleaving, I'm not leaving here
(18:17):
without like not getting asecond one.
So I did my little magic.
He was, was ready to go againand we like were trying to have
sex and like I don't know, Ifelt like I was like being super
dominant in the whole car.
Like I initiated this.
I initiated it Like I like dida lot of the work and I was like
(18:41):
damn dude, I can never comeback here.
Like for someone that was liketrying to make me seem like I
was like damn dude, I can nevercome back here.
Like for someone that was liketrying to make me seem like I
was like some, like I don't knowcrude little bitch, or like I
was like oh no, like so timidand stuff like that.
I'm like I had to initiateeverything and it just was like
and I thought honestly, Ithought when you have sex, like
(19:06):
if you nut the first time, likeit's gonna take you a longer
time to nut the second time.
I didn't know like.
I thought that was like a thingand it was like Mythbusters.
Like, no, like that is not true.
Like this motherfucker likecame quicker than he came the
first time and I was like whatthe fuck?
I'm like that's not a thing,like I thought that was, I
(19:30):
thought that was a thing.
Yeah, so we will not be seeingthis man again.
I can't do it.
I literally like I can't, Ican't and I was just and I was
just like I can't.
I know I just I can't do itwith this man.
(19:51):
He's just like.
He's a lot.
I just keep forgetting, like,but this, the dick is just not
worth it for me it's not.
And yeah, a lot of regrets weremade and I'm glad I got.
I got to dip my toe back intolike having sex again, which was
great, but it was just like Iwish it was with somebody that
(20:11):
had a little bit more dick.
He just doesn't have enoughLike maybe just for me, for like
what, like my vag, like is likelooking for it's just not it.
It wasn't a perfect fit.
You know what I mean.
It's like the three littlebears, like I just didn't find
that.
I didn't find the right one forme.
I did not find the right onefor me and he is not it.
(20:31):
So, like it was like baby bear,but yeah, you know what I mean.
Like oh, but yeah, but that's,that's what happened.
Like I said, I'm filming some.
I mean I'm recording Sunday.
This happened yesterday,saturday.
So yeah, and y'all remember,when I said, like he said he was
(20:52):
going to pay for parking yeah,I definitely made him pay for
parking For sure.
I didn't even offer, didn'teven offer to pay for half I was
like, nah, fuck that shit, youwasted my motherfucking time.
You're paying fully for thisparking.
I should have been asked you togive me some fucking money for
gas, because it's a waste of myfucking gas too.
But I digress, I digress, y'all.
I die, motherfucking grass.
(21:13):
But yeah, that's what, that'swhat happened to me this weekend
.
We're gonna, we're gonna justlike, keep having ourselves out
there, keep like fuckingstuttering, we're going to keep
pushing forward.
And yeah, I don't think you guyswill ever hear me talk about
this man again no-transcriptwhile, like it was like a
(21:41):
picture of him like holding hisdick, like while he was in bed,
but the comforter was like theLion King, you remember, like
the 90s, like Lion Kingcomforters, it was that.
And then then, right, you wouldthink, janice, why, why would
(22:01):
you even let him touch you withthat thing after you took a
picture like that, like whywould you?
Why you know, sometimes whenyou're ovulating and just your
mind just has and your vaginajust takes over your mind, it
just just takes over when you'reovulating.
That's all I can say.
That's the only thing I canlike try and defend myself is I
(22:23):
was ovulating.
That's all I can say.
That's the only thing I canlike try and defend myself is I
was ovulating.
But yeah, that was my littlesexcapade story of the weekend.
Okay, so enough with my sadsexual escapade that just
happened yesterday I wanted totalk about.
(22:45):
Sorry, just look at this toocool.
I feel like a lot of the younger, like the younger generation,
like Gen Z, like later bloomedmillennials, kind of on a cusp
of Gen Z-ish, are taking thismethod, method of like being too
(23:07):
cool after a date, like kind ofdelaying communication like you
know normally.
Expectation of like after yougo on a date with somebody, like
you want to hear with them,hear from them within like the I
don't know, I guess the first,like 24 hours, Like even less
(23:27):
than that, just to know thatlike they had a good time.
Maybe you want to rescheduleanother day just to kind of get
a feel of it.
But like to cool cultures, like, even if you feel this way, you
don't want to seem toodesperate or too available, so
like what they do is they'lllike take days to like text you
back and all that stuff.
(23:49):
I guess it kind of flows intolike millennials too, because I
feel like that three-day ruletype of shit.
It kind of gives me like, oh, Idon't want to seem like I
really really like, I reallyreally like like you so much,
like I don't want to come offlike super desperate or like
pathetic or you know he justthinks that like damn, I just
like I can't get anybody orsomething like that.
(24:11):
But I don't know, I think Ifeel like that method is such
especially the person that'sreceiving it is so confusing,
like I don't know if you're intome, like me thinking that you
were into me and then I don'thear from you for like days kind
of like makes me think likedamn, maybe he's not into me
(24:31):
because they're being too cool,or like you don't hear, you
don't like hit them up or youknow, like anything along those
lines.
I just feel like now nowadays,like especially in this like
world of dating, being up frontand being honest about shit and
just being mostly available willget you a long, motherfucking
(24:53):
way.
I feel like if you're intosomebody and you want to text
them, like if I went on a datewith you and you want to text me
like maybe an hour, two hourslater, to be like, hey, like I
had such a great time, I woulddefinitely like to like link up
again, like can we like makeplans within the next couple
days, like open communication,like why do we have to like wait
(25:14):
for?
Like what reason is it like sowe don't seem too available?
I just feel like why not?
Why can't we seem like we're?
I am available, I want tofucking talk to you.
That's the point of me going onthis date with you is I am
available, like I'm availablefor you.
So that's why I made myselfopen to this fucking date.
So, like trying to be cool, likea cool guy or a cool girl, to
(25:36):
be like yeah, like, or likethinking that things don't
matter.
You know, I would like to know.
I would say, within, we don'thave to define what our
relationship is like I don't, Idon't need you to call me your
girlfriend or I don't need you,I don't need to call you my
boyfriend, but like I would say,probably within the first like
month or so.
(25:56):
I need to know if me and youare exclusively like, just
dating each other, like, beupfront about that shit.
Sometimes people are just like,oh, like I don't want to see
come off, like I don't want tolose them.
If I say, like what I trulywant out of this, I just feel
like you're setting yourself upfor a fucking disaster.
Not being honest about yourintentions on what you want in
(26:18):
the future or what you want withthat person, is going to set
your ass up, trying to be a coolguy or a cool girl, to be like,
oh, I'm just going to go withthe flow, I'm just going to like
, even though I feel thesethings for this person, I'm just
not going to express it,because what if they don't feel
this way?
What if you know they feel theopposite of what I feel?
(26:38):
Like I just don't want to losethis person.
So I just don't want to losethis person.
So I just don't want to comeoff.
That you know I'm.
This is exactly what I want.
Like, I want a relationship withthem, I want to be exclusive
with them, I want these things,but it's like that whole like
too cool mentality thateverybody like thinks is like
this shit.
Now I don't even know like whythat's a thing, why you know
(27:06):
it's just it's hurtful for thelike recipient.
I feel like it's so hurtful andit's so confusing for the
recipient, like the personthat's receiving it.
On that end, you know like itcreates mixed signals like and
it like.
And then that like I feel likeonce I haven't heard from you in
a couple days.
I feel like you're, I feel likeI'm being ghosted.
And then you're thinking like,oh, I don't want to text her
(27:28):
right away.
But then I'm thinking, wow,he's like ghosting me.
I haven't heard from him inlike a day or two.
Like that's kind of crazy.
You know, I don't know.
I just I feel like if you'reinto somebody, you had a great
time with them, you're in likeyou want to see them again, like
make that effort Instead oflike waiting around thinking
that I'm gonna be too desperate,I'm gonna be too, but I'm gonna
(27:50):
come off pathetic or desperateor whatever.
Like if that person thinks thatof you by you texting them that
then that person's not for you.
Clearly you guys are not on thesame page.
Clearly you guys are notwanting the same thing.
So like it's kind of like trashtaking on itself you know what
I mean like it's kind of likethe problem is taking itself out
(28:11):
.
So it's just I don't know.
I feel like people dating Iwouldn't say yeah, dating like.
And people like everybody'smindset has like totally shifted
from, I feel, like post I meanI would say pre-COVID how dating
was for me, especially thenpost-COVID.
(28:34):
I feel like everybody likepost-COVID, everybody doesn't
know how to like communicateproperly.
Like the communication is likefreaking awful with people.
The communication is likefreaking awful with people.
Just even the styling,everybody's just not.
It's really hard to findsomebody that's emotionally
available, that wants to be in arelationship.
Or like I feel like I run intothose situations where, like I
(28:56):
just got out of a relationshipand it's like, okay, you're on a
dating app, though Like so whatare you trying to do?
Are you just trying to tryingto hook up?
Like maybe you should just saythat in your profile like you're
just looking to hook up.
Maybe don't put that like,because I feel like that's such
a cop-out.
Like I just got out of arelationship, I just feel like
(29:17):
maybe you shouldn't be on afucking dating app, then, I
don't know, maybe you shouldn'tlike like submit yourself into
that fucking world and getsomebody's hopes up of thinking
that they could like potentiallydate you and you're not even
emotionally available for them.
Like, and it's such a letdown.
I feel like there's been so manyguys that like have asked me,
(29:37):
like what am I looking for on onthe websites, the dating apps
like Bumble, hinge, tinder, allthat shit like, will ask me like
what I'm looking for and I'llsay it to them and I'll like be
like you know, I potentiallywant to date somebody in this
kind of see where that goes.
And their response is like yeah, like I don't know, I'm just
like trying to hang out.
I just got out of like of ablah, blah, blah year long
(29:59):
relationship and I don't know ifI want to get back into
something.
And it's like, and I'm sittingthere and I'm like, so why are
you on a dating site?
Granted, whatever, if you wantto be on that, to each their own
, but make your intentions ofwhy you're on that fucking
website like very clear.
Number one, number two did younot read my profile?
Like did you not see what thefuck I'm looking for?
(30:21):
And you, you still swipe righton me.
Like, huh, make that makefucking sense for me.
Like, make that make sense,make zero fucking sense.
I just don't understand the.
You know, like people don'treally read a lot of people's
profiles.
I take my time and I will likeread what you have to say.
I'm not really swiping right ona lot of profiles that
(30:46):
literally have no substance tothem.
Like, why are you, I don't know?
I feel like put some fuckingeffort in your dating profile
instead of just posting picturesof yourself and that's it and
your height or something Likegive me some substance to you.
Like, let me know that.
Like, maybe you're a funnyperson, like what you're fucking
(31:06):
into.
Maybe we can, I can see likewhat we're actually like if we
have the same interests.
Like that's kind of nice for meto know.
Make me want to like swiperight on you.
Like, come on, give mesomething, give me something to
work with.
Dude, you know, I don't know.
I also like social media is likereally to blame.
(31:29):
I feel like it's soconditioning.
Like, especially like datingapps TikTok, instagram.
I feel like they promote likedon't catch feeling.
Like, don't catch thesefeelings.
Like the meme culture, like thehot girl summer.
You know what I mean.
Like the hot girl summer.
You know what I mean.
Like the hot boy summer I don'teven know if that's a freaking
thing, but like whatever thatequivalent of what a hot girl
summer is and like kind of that.
(31:52):
Like that culture right there.
I, I am all about having a hotgirl culture.
I'm hot girl summer.
I'm not like discouragingpeople to not have that, but I'm
just saying like that's like's,like promoting, like yeah, like
fuck around, do whatever youwant to do.
Like who gives a fuck, like justdon't catch feelings, kind of
have fun, just don't catchfeelings, type of thing.
(32:13):
Like that's the vibe of a hotgirl summer have fun, don't
catch feelings, and you know it.
Just we're so conditioned to,you know, look at, look at these
trends and see like and they'relike you know these trends that
go viral, these dating trendsthat go viral, and you're just
(32:34):
like, oh shit, that looks soappealing to me, that looks so
like you know it's, it's soappetizing, like wow, that's
something like maybe I shouldadapt and like like maybe I
should adapt and like pushforward.
You know, a lot of times peoplecan like do this kind of shit
because it's like the fear ofrejection.
Like trying to be a cool guy,cool girl, with like acting like
(32:56):
you know how you feel, like howyou personally feel about
something, even if if you it'shurting you bad like act like it
doesn't bother you because youdon't.
You're in the fear of losingthat person.
Like the fear of them notthinking you're the person.
(33:16):
You know what I mean.
Like you put a facade of whoyou are and you know you keep it
up because you're so likefearful that this person is not
going to accept you if they likeunderstand like who you truly
are.
That's why, like it will neverget you anywhere.
If, like, if you like somebodyand you're trying to mold
(33:39):
yourself into like the personthat you think that they want
you to be, it's's just like ifyou can't be authentically
yourself, it just it's nevergoing to work out.
Like if you can not be yourselfauthentically and just like
love out loud how you want tolove out loud, or you know,
express how you want to expressyour feelings without being
(34:02):
fearful that they're not goingto like you anymore, or they're
going going to like you anymore,or they're going to look at you
differently because you have adifference of an opinion of
theirs or behaviors or anythinglike like pertaining to them.
You know what I mean.
Like I don't know.
I just I think it's so scarythat this like dating trend is
(34:23):
just so popular, like this toocool culture like, why is it so
freaking popular?
Like, why is this?
Why are people so like?
You know I get the fear ofrejection thing, like I really
do and I can, I can understandhow like you kind of wonder,
like why, but then you can alsolike, in the same breath, be
(34:43):
like I can also see a little bithow you can get trapped up into
that mix of liking somebody somuch.
You know, like I've been in,I've been dating guys that I
dated this guy that was like inthe army and he was so like I
feel like I, he scarred me, Ifeel like I have PTSD from him
(35:04):
of like trying to date anybodythat's in the fucking army or
like whatever sorry to anybodythat tries to talk to me that's
in the army.
This man has ruined it foreverybody and he was so
conditioned to be this personlike he was like.
I used to call him like likearmy I would say army daddy,
(35:25):
because he wanted me to call himdaddy at one point anyways.
So army daddy would just like,literally he would be in his
like, like he was a sergeant orwhatever.
He would just be in this likemode, like he would just be
super emotionless and so likewhen I would express how I would
feel, he would just make mefeel like I would.
(35:46):
I was like my feelings weren'tvalid and or I was.
You know I was overthinkingthings and you know I don't know
.
He just was so he was.
So it was like kind of talkingto a robot.
Sometimes it was just so like Iwas like damn, this is so tough
a robot.
Sometimes it was just so like Iwas like damn, this is so tough
(36:07):
, and so like I had to be likethe cool girl and kind of a lot
of stuff that he did.
I kind of had to let I let itroll off my back because I liked
him so much and I cared abouthim so much and I didn't want
like I didn't want like what wehad to go away.
So I just stuck it out witharmy daddy and just kind of
thought that.
I thought that was the best wayto keep him.
(36:30):
I guess, in that sense, justbecause of the feelings that I
had from him were so strong atthat time that I was looking,
overlooking how hurtful the shitthat he did and how hurtful he
was, especially with you know myfeelings and how I felt with
(36:50):
how he would do certain things,and I'm just like you're not a
count, like you can't say in onebreath how much like how
important I am in your life andhow important you know like what
you see for us in the future,and then make decisions that you
know like are not including.
You know what I mean.
Just like things like that,just a lot of stuff.
(37:12):
He also fed me a lot of shit.
He like breadcrumbed me.
You know he did a lot of stuff,a lot, a lot of things.
If you have no idea whatbreadcrumbing is, I do have an
episode pertaining it.
You can get a little quicklisten of it and hear it.
Yeah, check that out if youwant to know what that is.
(37:32):
But this man definitely armydaddy, definitely fucking
breadcrumbed the shit out of meand love bombed me and all of
those things.
Hence why I have so muchfucking PTSD from this man.
And yeah, I don't know, I feellike I saw him randomly on like
LinkedIn and I accidentallyclicked on him.
You know, like when you clickon somebody on LinkedIn sorry, I
(37:54):
have like paper a paper and itpicked up on the sound, I'm not
sure if it did but when youclick on a person on like
LinkedIn and you go on theirprofile, it shows you that you
viewed their profile.
Like it shows you that, and Iwas like fuck and I looked at
(38:15):
his profile.
And then his wife looked at myprofile and I was like, oh my
God, so yeah, anyways, that's alittle tidbit that happened.
This was not a recent thing.
This was like a long, long,long time ago.
Like I said, that man gave mePTSD.
I had a lot of feelings for thatman thought I was in love with
him.
I don't know, it was a lot, butyeah, I had that.
(38:38):
That too cool girl.
Oh my God, wow, I'm.
The more and more I think aboutit, I'm like, wow, I've had a
couple like like two cool girlmoments in my like more than
ones, like army daddy was one.
And then there was this guy thatI was like seeing that he was
(39:02):
in an open marriage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what Isaid he was in an open marriage
.
And I know you're saying,janice, what the fuck?
I know I was in my early 20s.
At that time I didn't reallygive a fuck.
And he told me that like hiswife was like open to it and
(39:24):
then like the more and more he'dlike dove into his relationship
with her, it kind of seemedlike it was more of like benefit
.
It was more of a beneficialmarriage because like he got
benefits from like his job andlike she benefited I don't.
Anyways, I think it wasbullshit.
Looking back on it, maybe I'vebeen bullshit, I don't know.
But like they had an openrelationship and so like I was
(39:48):
like kind of be his little likegirlfriend-ish thing and like
she was doing her own thing andlike it was supposed to be, like
I was supposed to be theirthird.
I never met this woman.
I think I saw one picture ofher once but like I was like
hooking up with him, like me andhim had like a relationship
(40:09):
whatever, and we're gonna callhim Fling Bay because I used to
be on this website called Fling.
I don't know if it still exists, but it used to be like this
hooking up site and like in my20s I was very explorative, like
I, you know I told you guysI've hooked up with women, like
I was.
You know, I was trying toexplore and see what I was into
(40:31):
sexually.
So I was on this website and Ihooked up with a lot of people
off of this website.
By the way, I don't think Icould ever go back.
I don't think I could ever dothis again.
But, like at the time I was likewhatever dude up, yolo when if
that was like a thing at thetime, it wasn't a thing at the
time, but I was like YOLO, Ifeel like it was.
(40:52):
I don't even know when YOLOcame out, but anyways, that's
besides the point.
I'm sidetracking.
But I, I was like involved withthis man and it did not end
well like we I was we, he wantedto go to like swinger
partiesinger parties and Ialmost like I wish I like did it
(41:14):
once, just to experience it,because I like I would not do it
right now, but like at the time, I like wanted to experience it
and like see what it was like.
And I was like his girlfriend,that was like going to do that
with him and stuff.
I was like gonna do that withhim and stuff.
Anyways, we did not last a longtime because I didn't like that
(41:35):
.
I was his, like I was hisgirlfriend and like I had to be
committed to him.
But he was like in a whole assrelationship and I was like bruh
, I like you're not my boyfriend, you're not like, you're just
this guy that like I'm havingsex with and I'm just like
you're not my boyfriend, you'renot like, you're just this guy
that like I'm having sex withand I'm just like going
potentially to these fuckingswinger parties.
(41:55):
That's it, Nothing other thanthat.
And you're pushing my.
You're pushing it right now.
Like I need you to like take itback a couple notches.
And we fought over that shit.
Like he was, I had this guyfriend and he was extremely
jealous of this guy friend and,like you know, we would get in
(42:16):
fights over this guy friend.
And I was just like bro, likeyou're married and you have no
right to say shit to me rightnow.
But, yeah, it was like too much.
It was like too much Becausethen you start like I don't know
that whole situation.
I feel like if you're open, likesuper open, to being with
(42:40):
somebody that's in an openrelationship and understanding,
like the whole baggage thatcomes with that be my guest and
be a part of somebody that's inan open relationship.
It's not for me.
Me, it's way too complicated.
Like feelings start to go.
It just was like too much.
It was way too much and I wastrying to be a cool girl and be
like, yeah, I can handle this.
I it was too much.
I don't know who the fuck Ithought I was, but I was not
(43:03):
that girl.
I was not that girl.
Like you know, when Beyonce,she ain't no diva, I was not.
I was not that girl.
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't know.
I'm just like those type ofbehaviors, like me being that,
especially with, like the guysthat I was getting myself
(43:24):
involved with, that I was actinglike I was okay with how our
relationship was going.
I was making it seem like I wasokay with just hooking up, when
(43:44):
I had these deep feelings forthese guys and I was trying to
be cool girl, like yeah, likewe're just hooking up, like it's
fine, like no, it was deeplyhurting me.
I was not understanding why,like I'm, like I see so many
great qualities, I think, likeme and you would be a perfect
match, and it's like, why don'tyou see that?
(44:05):
Why don't you see that like youand I could be something, or
why is it only like you want toclaim me when we're fucking and
you don't want to claim me?
You know what I mean?
It's just like a whole bunch ofshit that just like registers
in your mind that you thinkabout.
And for me it's just like, andI'm like, wow, damn, when I was
like looking this shit upbecause, like I look at like
(44:27):
trends and dating trends andstuff like that, and I only talk
about stuff that like,obviously I can relate to, I can
talk about, or even, like youknow, I want to talk about shit
that's relatable, shit that isrelatable to me, that hopefully
can relate to other people,that's like stuff that I think
that I would like to talk aboutin episodes on the pod.
So, with saying that I waslooking this up, and then when I
(44:51):
saw this, I was like holy shit,like this is it's saying, like
it was saying, like this is likesuch a gen z thing.
But I'm like holy shit, no,like this was stuff that I had
to do.
I was that cool girl.
Like I did that shit.
Like like the more and more I'mlike thinking about it, I was
like wait, no, like I did thatshit too, like, and it was rough
(45:11):
and I heard, you know, I heardin the end it just like sucks.
That's why it's like cravingauthenticity.
Like is so big.
That's why, like, like anybodythat I'm talking to, like, even
if it's in a hooking upperspective, I need, you need,
to be emotionally available forme to like to see where we're at
(45:32):
.
Like I want to.
You know, I'm trying to be inmy soft girl era.
I told y'all last time, I toldy'all last episode I'm trying to
be in my soft girl era.
I'm trying to live my ownLandria lifestyle.
Okay, I'm trying to look for myNick, somebody that, like, lets
me put my walls down, lets meopen up, lets me just kind of
like, you know, be that girl.
(45:55):
You know, be that girl that Iwant to be and just feel like I
have somebody that's like thereto protect me and just there to
just do it for me, just there tolike I don't have to be strong
all the time.
They can be strong for me.
I don't have to be this.
You know what I mean.
That's what I'm looking for andit's like that emotional, like
the emotionally available peopleare that way so secure in who
(46:15):
they are that they're justwilling to just be like yes, I'm
, I'm happy to talk to you aboutstuff.
I'm happy to get raw and grittyabout the real shit I'm.
I want to get through stuff.
I want to handle shit like anadult.
I don't want to be a child.
I don't want to ghost you, Idon't want to like slight you, I
don't want to like cuss you out.
I want us to have an adultfucking conversation.
(46:38):
You know that's what you'refucking looking for.
I feel like everybody's lookingfor that shit, you know.
You know, like I don't know,maybe that's like that's
something that is so appealing Iwould say like I'm going to
bring them up again like a Nick,like that's something that's
(47:01):
appealing, like for Nick.
He's somebody to me.
He seems like he's veryemotionally available right,
especially in his relationshipwith Alandria, and I wouldn't
say he started off as that.
I feel like when he started offin the season of Love Island in
the beginning, like he was likenot my real cup of tea.
That I feel like when hestarted off in the season of
Love Island in the beginning,like he was like not my real cup
of tea and I feel like he grewon me throughout the season and
then like, especially like withAlandria, like Alandria gives me
(47:22):
like black cat energy and hegives me golden retriever energy
, and so I feel like that's alsoanother like form of like
emotional availability, likethat golden retriever.
Like emotional availability,like that golden retriever
energy, right, that like loud,crushing, like I'm crushing on
you loudly, like I am being open, I'm yearning for you, loudly,
like that's the shit that likepeople are like looking for
(47:46):
People are craving authenticity,Like I know that's what I'm
craving.
I'm craving an authenticconnection, an authentic
relationship.
I'm craving that shit.
So I feel like the whole liketoo cool shit like does nothing.
Like if you're wanting to havea relationship and you want like
something like, you want thattype of relationship where you
(48:08):
can be your soft girl, you knowyou can be in your soft girl era
you can have that.
You know you can let your guarddown, you can kind of embrace
in a relationship and have anadult, actual relationship like
then being a too cool girl orliving in that too cool culture
is just not gonna get you there.
Like, like being emotionallyavailable is the only thing
(48:31):
that's gonna like get you farlike.
I just don't like I'm lookingfor my golden retriever.
I'm looking for someone toyearn for me.
That's what I'm looking for andthat's what everybody should be
looking for.
You want somebody to fuckingyearn for you.
Why wouldn't you, why wouldn'tI want somebody that wants me
that like shows that they want,like show me that you want me
(48:54):
out loud.
Like tell me that you want meout loud.
You know what I mean.
That's like something that Iwant to know.
You know like I feel like onceyou get that vibe, like if I'm
talking to you and like we're,you know I'm like okay, like I,
like you, like we're talking, Ineed you to just show me that
like yearn for my ass.
Like I need to.
(49:15):
People need to be like I'm sorry, like people need to be courted
nowadays.
Like court me, motherfucker.
Like court me, like let's dothis shit, make it seem, let me
know that you fucking like me,like let me know that shit.
Let me know that like I, youknow like you're pushing to,
like you're pushing to.
You know, gain my gain, mytrust.
(49:36):
You're, you're pushing to likegain, like put my walls down to
like get in.
You know to like get into likethat soft side of me and
possibly like date me and be ina relationship with me and all
that shit you know, and likebeing emotionally available.
It's like sending a text whenyou want to be, not when it's
(49:57):
strategic, not when you need tolike plan to send this text
Expressing general interest,instead of like like trying to
like limit the attention thatyou're trying to give this
person.
You know what I mean Talkingopenly about what you actually
want in this relationship, likeyour boundaries Boundaries are
are important.
(50:18):
Talk about your fucking feelingsearly on.
I feel like people are soscared to talk about their
feelings like talk about thatshit early on.
It's like you get a picture ofwhere you guys are at.
Are we on the same page?
Like, are we moving the sameway?
Like not.
Like you know what I mean.
Like sometimes it's scary andlike I'm saying all this shit
(50:39):
right, it's really scarysometimes to put yourself out
there honestly.
It's very fucking scary because, like that fear of rejection,
rejection is like real.
You don't know this person'sgoing to be receptive to what
you're doing and stuff.
But I only say, like this needsto be like emotionally
available.
It needs to be like consensualof what you're doing.
(51:00):
Like the person needs.
You need to be on the same pageof like I'm not saying like be
on some stalker shit.
Be like yearn after somebodythat you're actually interested
in.
You know that they'reinterested in you too.
Like yearn that way, crush outloud, make it so that the person
like knows, generally, knowslike that you're interested.
Like if both of you kind of geta feel of you're interested
(51:22):
like try and pursue that,actively pursue it instead of
just being like, oh, I don'tknow, I don't know, I don't know
.
Like actively pursue, do whatyou gotta do.
Like if the person says no,then it's just like then you can
move on to the next thing.
That's it.
Like reframe your vulnerabilityas a strength.
Being honest about yourfeelings like shows that you're
(51:44):
confident.
Like that's very attractive.
Like being confident and beingvulnerable, that's very freaking
attractive.
So like that should besomething that that's very
freaking attractive.
So like that should besomething that you should put in
the back of your mind.
You know, be consistent.
If you like somebody like, letyour action words match.
If I, if you fucking likesomebody, like, let that be
(52:12):
known like let your actionsmatch.
Just like.
If I like you, I'm not gonna bea dick to you.
Like, if I like you, I'm gonnabe nice to you.
Like we're not in like middleschool where you know the boys
would act like an asshole to thegirls that they genuinely like.
Like we're not in that spotanymore.
Like, get out of thatmotherfucking mind frame.
Like that's not something thatwe need to keep doing.
Test the waters.
Even if you don't want to golike a big gesture, right, do
something small, like you know,like on a date, be like I had
(52:34):
such a great time with you whencan I see you again?
Feel it out.
Test the waters, see if they'refeeling you.
First, even if you don't wantto make that big lunge or make
that big whatever, make that bigplunge in there.
Make small gestures, Feel itout, test the waters, feel, feel
their temperature, see wherethey're at, and then you can
kind of know where you're goingto go from there.
You know, like and if, like, ifthis person and you are like
(52:56):
it's, I feel like you attractyou fully, fully attract people
that are like-minded as you.
I feel like the like-mindedpeople attract each other.
So, like, if I'm, if we're onthe same wavelength, like we're
going to.
I'm going to attract the sameperson that's on the same
wavelength as me.
Like I'm not gonna attractsomebody that's I'm not gonna
attract somebody that'sunemotionally available.
(53:18):
You know what I mean.
Like I'm not, that's not whoI'm trying to attract.
Like I'm gonna attract theperson that's emotionally
available.
Like we're gonna, you're gonnaattract somebody that's on the
same like wavelength as you.
You know that's who like youwant to attract and who, like is
going to like gravitate towardsyou.
Like you build that aura,they're going to gravitate
towards that.
Like the tension between likeplaying it too cool versus
(53:41):
leaning into your emotionalavailability is like I feel like
it's shaping how like dating islike moving in such a big way.
Right, it's not just about theapps moving in such a big way,
right, it's not just about theapps.
It's about like retrainingpeople to see like being open as
attractive instead of beingneedy, pathetic and like being
desperate.
Like being open is attractive.
(54:03):
Like being vulnerable isfucking attractive.
Like we just need to stop.
Like we need to stop reshapingit in that sense.
Like it's just so.
I don't know, it's crazy.
I feel like vulnerability winsin situations Like I feel like
(54:25):
being vulnerable is so rare.
It's like such a like, a rare,like an uncut gem right, uncut
gem and it just feels so you,you know, I don't know I feel
like people crave like emotionalaccess and it matters like
being authentic, matters likewe're craving that I'm craving
(54:46):
access to emotionally, you know,and vulnerability like evolves
from being weak to strong, likeyou're building on your
emotional expression and you'resignaling trust, being mature,
being confident you know what Imean Just kind of like you're
thriving in that, like itmatters being emotionally
available matters.
You know like my vote matterslike being emotionally available
(55:11):
matters, like it goes a longway.
I feel like using that now,like it's so hard to you know
move forward and try and Usethese tools, but like doing the
smaller things, you know Babysteps I'm not telling you to
fully go out there.
(55:31):
If you can, great.
If you can't, and you're likeyou know it takes you time like
build yourself up into thatmoment, like do what you got to
do.
You know like build the intimacyover time with conscious, with
cautious, like intent andpresence, like and being very
(55:52):
present in that.
You know like being emotionallyopen, expressing it over being
distance, being vulnerable.
You know like being emotionallyvulnerable.
That's all I can really saylike this too cool culture like
needs to like kick rockshonestly with an open toe shoe
(56:14):
because being too cool and justlike not being as open and
trying to like being perceivedas like yeah, I don't care.
Like go with the flow becauseyou're trying to keep that
person or lock that situationdown, like you're never gonna
have like a genuine, authenticlike relationship with this
person because you never were upfront with how your feelings
(56:36):
were in the first place.
You know, and it's it's so hardbecause you, when you really
like somebody you want to likeyou kind of like really like
shape yourself into like theperson that you think that they
want them to be.
And then it's like, if I'mlosing myself so much in that
like, is it worth it?
(56:57):
Is something like that worth itto me honestly?
So that's something like I wantyou guys to like sit with and
like think about.
You know this emotional versustoo cool.
You know emotionalvulnerability versus like too
cool culture.
Like like look at those twosituations and kind of like.
You know emotionalvulnerability versus like too
cool culture.
Like like look at those twosituations and kind of like you
(57:19):
know think of like where youwhere you are fitting in that
Like, are you on the emotionalavailable side, which is amazing
, or are you on the too coolculture where that's kind of,
where every like I feel likethat's kind of like the newest
trends and like the latestdating trend, like everybody's
like pushing towards?
Where are you, where are you atin that spectrum of of those
two things?
Let me know, I would love tohear from you guys and what you
guys think and yeah, I'm gonnaend that discussion right there.
(57:43):
That was kind of abrupt.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why.
I just did it like that, but Idid want to talk about some
things before I go.
I I do want.
I'm thinking about doing kind oflike some bonus content where
I'm watching the dating shows.
I, you know, I was like tryingto incorporate like some pop
culture stuff.
(58:03):
Maybe do some exclusive contentfor you guys.
I'll start watching like aseries.
Like I re-watch Love Island,season seven or season six,
whatever.
Maybe season six it might belike it's something like not
like kind of far off intodistance and like a lot of shit
has happened now so and I feellike it might be better,
something like that, or 90 DayFiancé, something along those
(58:25):
lines.
I was thinking about watchingand like kind of throwing that
in as some bonus content.
It would definitely be video,would be kind of like me
watching it and giving myfeedback on what I think I would
be editing it, like condensingediting, doing all that stuff.
But that's something that youguys think I should be doing.
I want to do extra bonuscontent.
(58:46):
I want to utilize my patreon.
I want to just utilize all thebonus shit that I do have and I
want to like get those out.
I am going to start releasing Ineed to start editing them, but
releasing some of the interviewsthat I've had with some guests.
I do have video footage.
Most of them were recorded viavideo, so I do want to bring
(59:09):
those back into life.
I did say before I was going todo it, but life be lifin' and I
did not get a chance to editthem and put them together.
But I definitely want to dothat sooner rather than later.
Kind of push that as bonuscontent for you guys If you want
to subscribe to my Patreon, allthat good stuff.
I do want to get that shitready in the first place before
I kind of start pushing that out.
(59:31):
So I'm going to throw somepolls If you do follow me on
social media.
If you don't, I'm going to bethrowing some polls out there
within the next week.
This following week I'm goingto be throwing a lot of polls
out there.
So please answer.
I do really rely on yourfeedback on what you guys want
to listen to and what you guyslike enjoy.
So all my social media stuff isin the show notes.
(59:52):
I have been transcribing.
If you did not see in last Iwould say two weeks ago's
episode when I did transcribe,when I did transcribe sorry
about that, I just got likedistracted there is a
transcription of the entireepisode there also.
(01:00:15):
Also, if you do look in theshow notes, I think it should be
showing my chapters.
I'm going to start putting inthe chapter so you guys can like
if there's something that youkind of want to listen to more
than the other, if you just wantto hear my sex story, you don't
want to kind of get into thedelve of the conversation, like
of the episode, you can justlisten to the sex story.
Or if you just you don't wantto hear my sex story, you don't
want to kind of get into thedelve of the conversation, like
of the episode, you can justlisten to the sex story.
Or if you just you don't wantto listen to my sex story, you
(01:00:36):
want to kind of get into thenitty gritty of the episode, you
can do that too.
I want to make this asenjoyable as I can.
Give you those options andthere is a transcription if you
do want to read along as I'mtalking.
I do have that in the shownotes.
So take a gander, take a lookand, like I said, go to my
(01:00:59):
website, cheerjannpodcastcom.
I have some merch there, allthat good stuff.
If you guys want to get somemerch, I'm gonna be releasing
some new merch, I would saywithin the next like week or so.
I'm working on some designs,trying to see like kind of like
redoing my whole merch.
So if you like what the merchlooks like right now, I would
(01:01:20):
say within the next like fewweeks it is going to be
available.
Other than that, I am going tobe redoing everything.
So, yeah, I'm excited for that,I'm excited to share that with
you guys and I hope you guyshave an amazing, amazing week.
Um, I'm sending positive vibesto everybody.
I love you guys and enjoy it.
(01:01:42):
Um, and it's almost time forspooky season.
Happy fall guys.
Love you guys.
Bye.
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