My Brother's Coked-Up Friend Accidentally Changed My Life

Have you ever realized your harshest critic is staring back at you in the mirror? This raw, unfiltered episode explores my unexpected journey to self-love after facing betrayal, false accusations, and twelve years of wandering the world with nothing but a backpack and faith.

The turning point came from the most unlikely source - the very person trying to destroy me. While working on Roster Runner, a project I poured myself into, I apologized profusely to Chris (my brother's friend who later filed false charges against me) for not accomplishing enough. His response changed everything: "Don't worry, no one can beat you up more than you beat yourself." This brutal truth forced me to confront my self-destructive patterns. Why was I continuing to harm myself when others had already caused enough damage?

My transformation didn't come from expensive skincare or filters (though my iPhone settings help!). The real change happened during eighteen months away from social media, dedicated entirely to healing. Now when people comment that I look better than I did twelve years ago despite everything I've endured, I know it's because I've broken the cycle of self-criticism. I wake up loving myself each morning, acknowledging my journey, and refusing to be my own enemy anymore. I recognize past mistakes but focus on fixing what I can in the present.

If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this: love yourself today and every day. You've been with yourself through everything - you deserve your own kindness more than anyone else's. What might change if you decided to become your own strongest ally instead of your worst critic?

PS this was actually a TikTok post that I thought fit here too.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, there you guys.
It's Heidi.
I've got some stuff to do todayso I'm not going to be doing a
bunch of this, but I want totalk to you really quick about
the power of self-love and whyyou need to make sure that you
do it and take care of yourselfevery single day, every minute
of every day.
So there's been a lot of peoplethat know what they and others

(00:21):
put me through and they stillfilter back in, acting like they
don't know, um, and say well,heidi, you look, you look like
you, um, feel better and youlook better than you did when
you left 12 years ago.
And you've been through a lot.
You've literally been aroundthe world with the backpack,

(00:41):
yeah and um, your bible andnothing else.
No, support, nothing, just alot of faith that entire time.
So how do you look better now?
That doesn't.
How does that work?
And so, real quick, I want tothank do you remember the son of
a bitch?
If you've been following thepodcast, you know who Chris is.

(01:04):
Chris is the little piece ofshit that is my brother's friend
, part of all the little gangstalkers that filed the false
auto theft on me.
Sorry, it makes my head justspin.
I can't wait to see you again.
Chris, can't wait to see youagain.
But I do want to thank you forthis one thing.

(01:25):
I'm sure that you're watching,and Leslie, I saw you watching
too.
Tell Tony she's going to prison.
Funny, who comes out of thewoodwork, right?
But so anyway, that son of abitch, one of the days when I
was working on Roster Runner andthat actually mattered to me a
little bit at the time becauseit was a generational

(01:45):
opportunity I, I saw what wasgoing on, and so he was off
doing his coke, hanging at thestripper, um things, and all of
that, and me, in typical heidifashion.
Uh, when he came back, I wasdisappointed myself.
I'm like chris, I'm so fuckingsorry I didn't get this much
done, blah, blah, blah.
And he laughed.
This guy that was activelyworking to hurt me, discredit me

(02:09):
, get me off myself if they gotlucky, right, file those false
charges, all of that stuff.
This guy looked at me and saidHeidi, don't worry, no one can
beat you up more than you beatyourself.
Don't worry, no one can beatyou up more than you beat
yourself.
So I spent a lot of timethinking about that.

(02:30):
Really, this gross ass group,um, finally has been around
enough to know that, no matterwhat they do to me, I'm still
gonna do more to me.
That's ridiculous, and so, um,it changed a lot, and so what
you're seeing might be a lot ofprimer, might be a lot of Bondo,
it might be.

(02:50):
I got a very good iPhone withgreat settings.
Um, and enhancement featurescould be all of the face creams
I've used, could be the year anda half I spent off of social
media taking care of myself, butit's mostly.
I wake up every morning lovingmyself.
I know what I've been through.
Are you kidding me?
Why would I be my own worstenemy?

(03:13):
I don't know why I did itbefore, probably because I was
trained to do it.
But don't be trained to do it.
You know exactly what you'vebeen through.
You've been with yourself thewhole time, the things that
you've not done correctly,fixing the best you can now, and
I sleep very good at night withmyself, and so love yourself,

(03:35):
please.
If you don't do anything elsetoday, love yourself, okay,
fucking chickens.