August 22, 2024 • 40 mins
Imagine navigating life with a profound sense of gratitude despite facing intense trials. Audrey Nicole, our remarkable guest from Charlotte, North Carolina, shares her courageous journey towards authenticity and self-acceptance. She opens up about her upcoming book, "Transition," and reflects on the impact of her first book, "Broken Through a Shattered Glass." Audrey's story is filled with early struggles, severe bullying, and the pivotal moments that shaped her path towards living her truth. Her experiences underscore the importance of visibility and the transformative power of sharing one's story.
We also venture into the emotional landscape of grieving a loved one who has transitioned, a topic often shrouded in misunderstanding. Audrey offers us a window into the unique grief experienced by families, akin to losing one person and gaining another without death. By emphasizing patience and understanding, she guides us through the nuanced process of accepting and loving the present identity of a transitioning family member. This segment touches on the significance of names and the evolving relationship with past identities, providing listeners with a compassionate framework for navigating these complex emotions.
Audrey's reflections on identity, pronouns, and the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic are both insightful and inspiring. She shares how the lockdown period became a turning point for her transition, allowing her to complete therapy and begin hormone replacement therapy. Audrey's insights extend to the workplace, where she advocates for kindness and inclusion, drawing from her certification in diversity and inclusion. Her passion for artistry, modeling, and acting not only fuels her self-care but also drives her mission to leave a lasting legacy of authenticity and acceptance. Join us for a heartfelt episode that promises to inspire and enlighten.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
In every dark tunnel there's a glimmer of hope.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
In every painful moment there's a strength to
heal anyway.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Today's guest has become one of my favorite people
and there have been times thatI have text her and said can we
talk?
Because I have questions,because I want to be educated on
certain topics, and I trust herand she's never led me down the
wrong direction and she'salways been just a phone call
(00:54):
away.
We've actually never met inperson, but she's been on the
show before.
So you may remember, ms Audrey,she was one of my first
interviews.
I just couldn't wait to get herback on.
Audrey, look at you.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Hi David, I am so happy to be here.
Like you said, it's been aminute, it has.
It's been about two years.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Since the interview.
We always stay in touch.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
But yeah, like since our first interview it's been
over two years.
So, like you said, a lot haschanged.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, both physically and mentally.
Oh my gosh, like I lovewatching you and watching this
transformation that you're doing, and just seeing what it's
doing to your confidence and howit's filling your cup.
You're becoming who you dreamedto be and it's just so cool to
actually see that in real timeand to see this transition and I
(01:47):
just I'm so happy for you.
Give us a little bit ofbackstory and then we'll get
into current events.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Of course.
So hi world.
Thank you, david, for theintroduction.
My name is Audra Nicole, so Iam a woman of trans experience
here in Charlotte, northCarolina.
In our first interview, I hadjust finished writing my first
book, Broken Through a ShatteredGlass, which basically is like
a mini biography of my life,giving an overview of how I
(02:14):
became the woman that I am today, what struggles that I have
faced, both mentally andphysically and emotionally, and
also letters to individuals thathave either positively or
negatively impacted my life insome way, shape or form.
I model, I act, I am anactivist, I am an all-around
woman.
I don't know how to explainmyself.
(02:37):
You know what I'm talking aboutmyself with, but that's pretty
much me.
Besides doing all of the stuffin front of the screen, I am
writing a second book, whichwill be titled Transition, and
so I'm figuring out, like, how Iwant it to flow.
Do I want it to be more like ajournal, so it can be more
personal, and so people canliterally see the timeline on
(02:59):
how I transitioned from thefirst book until now.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I touched on this in the beginning, but now that
you've refreshed people orintroduced yourself to new
people, this transition has justbeen incredible to watch.
Like I said, it's been a realtime and I love and admire how
open you are about it.
When you came out of the closet, you didn't leave parts of you
(03:24):
in it, and that is incredible,because sometimes I feel that I
personally, at least for a whilemaybe not so much now, because
it's been 20 something years butthere were places and parts of
me that were still hiddensomewhere, there was a shadow
(03:45):
over it, and it took me a whileto have that courage.
I was talking to a friend theother day that when I was a
server and bartender in my 18,19, 20 year old timeframe, I
would try to deepen my voice tocertain tables.
I would try to walk differentlywhen in certain groups, and
(04:05):
then now I'm like fuck it, youget what you get.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I appreciate that and that was honestly what I
attended my journey to be.
I wanted people to see in realtime, in the moment, everything
the good, the bad and the ugly,and to piggyback off of your
statement the bad and the ugly.
And to piggyback off of yourstatement.
I actually was hiding.
(04:28):
I hid who I truly was my entirelife To go from being an
African-American gay male tobeing African-American trans
woman.
It was a full circle moment.
I would have never thought thatI would be in the space that I
am now, but I'm grateful that Iam, because I wouldn't have
known where I would be beforethis.
There was a lot of suicidethoughts in my head, my
(04:51):
depression was high, I hadsupport, but I really just feel
like I was just battling myselfconstantly.
And just to let people know,this isn't my first time I tried
to transition.
This is actually my second.
No, this isn't my first time Itried to transition.
This is actually my second.
My first time was at 16.
(05:12):
And I spoke to my pediatricianshout out to N Morgan, he was my
pediatrician at the time and Itold her I was like hey, I feel
like I'm in the wrong body.
I've always felt like this.
I just don't feel like a boy.
I've never did, and back thenit was like 2006.
So there wasn't a lot of thingsout there for trans people at
the time like it is now.
So as she did her research andwas able to find the word for it
(05:33):
, I was like, okay, that makessense, this is what aligns with
me.
I am a biological male.
I don't identify with it.
I identify with being a femaleand this is the turn for it.
So how do I get from point A topoint B?
But at that time I was beingseverely bullied to the point
(05:54):
that my safety, if Itransitioned, would have came to
play and I didn't feel like Iwould have been safe.
And then, having my parents notagree with it, that just became
the icing on the cake.
So I stopped and I was like, ok, I might as well just live life
as a gay male and at least havesomething and then try to live
my young adult years as that.
And then I would see myselfbeing a cross-dresser, trying on
(06:16):
girl clothes and, you know,being extra flamboyant, and then
like I want to transition, butthen I don't, but then I do, but
then I don't, but then I do,but then I don't.
So I conflicted myself my wholeadult years until I just finally
snapped and I just can't takeit no more.
I couldn't take it.
I got tired of just having tosatisfy everybody, get their
(06:37):
approval, and not live my lifefor me.
So at that moment in July 2020,I was like enough is enough,
I'm going to do it, I'm going togo full force with it and I'm
not looking back.
And when I did, I just tookeverybody else along with the
journey.
And it's been very rewarding,gotten so many thoughtful
(06:58):
messages of people expressingtheir gratitude and support and
how honored they are to just be,even in social media, one of
the numbers, just to watch metransform, and it's been a full
circle moment for me, yeah and,of course, I do want to say if
people have not listened to thefirst episode you did a couple
(07:20):
years ago, I would really lovefor them to go back and check
out that episode.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
But if someone is listening to this brand new
today, refresh us on where youstand now with your family.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Me and my siblings don't talk.
It was a lot with the book, so Ijust say that Me and my mom we
are really close, like she hasreally stepped her game up and
shocked me.
I would have never suspectedher to be as close as we were
now than we were back then, butshe loves it more than I do now.
(08:01):
I'm just like, ok, girl, my dadit took a minute, you know he
was still stuck in his ownbeliefs and how he felt about it
and I at first was really upsetabout it because I'm like as a
child, you need to support mebecause you haven't been here as
an absentee father, so you needto get on the bandwagon.
But then I had to understandthat our parents do have
(08:21):
feelings.
They grieve differently than Ido.
I just had to understand wherehe was coming from and just meet
him halfway and at least extendhim some type of grace until he
feels comfortable withaccepting who I am and then go
forward.
So we have an okay relationshipas of now and he's learning.
This is something very new tohim and very foreign.
(08:42):
So I just again send him grace,understanding and give him time
to just feel back into it.
Something very new to him andvery foreign.
So I just again send him grace,understanding and give him time
to just feel back into it,because losing your child
physically and they're not likedead and then watching them go
from the child that youconceived and created to a whole
different person that you justdon't know, it's a shock to them
.
I had to allow them to adjust alittle bit and be like, hey,
(09:06):
I'm still your child, but I'mthis better new form of your
child.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You touched on this a little bit, but I don't want to
assume or put words, so I wouldlike to ask for some
clarification.
I would like to ask for someclarification In your opinion,
safe to say that, when someoneis transitioning, that there
will be a grieving process fortheir loved ones?
(09:32):
Because who they thought theygave birth to, who they thought
they were raising, who they, theplans and dreams they had, are
the total opposite of what ishappening?
So is that grieving processfair?
Yeah, in your opinion?
(09:52):
Am I using the right words?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
even yeah, I feel transition and grieving is
totally justifiable.
Everybody goes through sometype of grief in their life,
whether it's losing a loved oneand they pass away, or
transitioning.
They are losing their one thatthey really truly care.
They're gaining someone totallydifferent in the same breath
(10:16):
and they didn't pass away.
So that is a mental fuck forthem.
Like how do I process this,being the the person that I
helped raise or gave birth to oris my child, but now it's
literally somebody totallydifferent all in the same breath
and they're still breathing,like, like how do you process
(10:36):
that?
Like I didn't even give themtime to grieve, I didn't give
them their time to mentally havea funeral for RJ at the time
and even though my dad said hedid.
That is a mental flow Because,like, your child isn't gone.
They're still here, but it'snot the child that you conceived
.
You didn't create this child.
It really is one of thosedelicate situations that you
(10:59):
really have to extend grace toyour parents or support system
at that time to really let themprocess it all, because it takes
time.
It's not going to happenovernight.
It's not one of those you snapa finger or flick a light or
something that theyautomatically get it.
That is automatically okay.
This is who they are.
Some people.
It is Some people.
It works differently, forothers, not so much yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I've tried to be fair .
Okay, because I again, like Isaid, I have an opinion on it
and my opinion is absolutelypeople should be allowed to
grieve, but I also feel thatduring that grieving process,
you should also love theblessing that you do have.
I want people to realize that,and this doesn't even go for
(11:47):
transgender, but this goes toanyone hiding behind something.
When I was in the closet, I wasnot giving my family 100% of me
.
I was robbing them of that.
I feel like it is appropriatefor people to grieve, but
(12:09):
grieving while accepting isn't ahard ask in my opinion.
But on the other side of that,and where I try to be mindful
and respectful, is I've not beenin their shoes.
Even the friends that I havethat have transitioned.
I didn't know RJ, and just sothe listeners know RJ is, do you
prefer?
(12:29):
Is that a dead name to you?
Do you use that?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, I use it with my family, so JR is my nickname.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I'm sorry, JR.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
No, I used to call myself RJ in the public because
it stood for Ronald Jr.
So RJ was just something thatwas quick and easy.
And, just to put a fun fact,not a lot of people knew that
Audrey came from RJ, Really yeah, Because all of my patients
kept saying Audrey, and I'm likemy name is not Audrey, it's RJ,
(12:58):
Like R-N-J, so yeah, but theykept saying it.
So I'm just like you know what?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
That should be my name.
So it flows with Arjo.
So Audrey RJ.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
But that's one again.
That's the question I had.
Is this a household name?
So I let them have that to atleast have that little piece of
who I was.
But RJ to the public, yes,definitely dead.
I talk about him because that'sa part of me.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I've met people that struggle with the term dead name
and I've met people that juststand real firm and hard behind
it, and I always want to berespectful and it's like we were
talking about before we evenhit record.
It's all about the intent andthat's one of the reasons I love
having conversation with you,because my heart, I love the
hell out of you and and that ifI did say something incorrectly,
(13:51):
it's completely out ofignorance that I would want
educated on, and so you providethat safe place for me to learn,
and I appreciate that, and noteven just with me, but even
seeing how you interact withyour friends, fans and followers
.
A question that I have for youthat I don't know that we've
ever really discussed, but doyou love RJ or JR?
(14:18):
Which do you prefer me to call?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
It can be both.
Okay, it's just, it's fine.
Do you love him?
It's so crazy you say thatBecause there'd be some pictures
, like in my stories or mymemories on Snapchat or Facebook
, like I see him and I just feellike, oh my God.
I wouldn't say I miss him tothe point that I want him back.
I can say I'm grateful for himbecause he was able to run, he
(14:46):
was able to go through all theseobstacles so Audrey can fly.
If it wasn't for the strugglesthat RJ, if it wasn't for the
struggles that RJ Lajar wentthrough, I don't think Audrey
would be here if it wasn't forthat.
So I am very grateful for him.
If I was a twin, dad would bemy twin.
(15:06):
I feel if I had a brother, thatwould be RJ and I was me.
That's why I was like I wish Ihad a twin, because I don't have
to live the boy side.
If I had a boy twin, you willbe me.
So I can be like, okay, I'llhave to miss you because you're
there.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
That's such a beautiful answer.
Will you tell us which pronounsyou prefer?
And even though I think that weall already know that by now, I
would like for you to maybeexplain to us how this pronoun
thing in society that has comeabout negatively and positively
(15:48):
has affected you.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Good question.
I should have actually said mypronouns at the beginning.
I don't know why I didn't.
It was actually in my head, mypronouns are she, her, we think
that we're just on the phonewith our best friend, I really
didn't think about the viewersand everything.
But my pronouns are she and herand I'm like the old school girl
and I'm not going to lie.
So you guys out there do nottake this to heart, okay.
(16:13):
I said do not take this toheart, okay, because I'm trying
to get with the new wave ofthese acronyms and pronouns and
stuff like that.
Back in the day, old gays inthe old community honey, it was
he or she.
There was no, we be the she.
It was none of that, it wasnone of the in between, it was
just black and white.
So now that we have this greatarea, we are still trying to
(16:36):
conform to it and try to get abetter understanding of it
ourselves.
I respect them, I respectpeople and their pronouns and
how they want to be introduced.
I actually had that in aninterview one time.
Someone asked me what type ofice cream I would be, and I know
this is random y'all, I'm sorry, but it fits with the question.
(16:57):
So they were like what type ofice cream would you be?
And I know this is random,y'all, I'm sorry, but it fits
with the question.
So they were like what type ofice cream would you be?
And why?
And I said my ice cream wouldbe cookies and cream.
And he was like that'sinteresting, why would you say
that?
I said because if you take thecookie that is black and you
take the ice cream that is whiteand then if you would mix it
together it will make the grayarea will be a different color.
So when you look at people,there are some people that are
(17:18):
black and white and there's onethat's just strictly black or
they're strictly white.
But then you have the rest ofthe people that are all in the
middle.
So you have to learn everybodywhether they're just strictly
black or thinking black, orthey're strictly thinking white
or they're in the middle.
So I have to grow and go withthe flow of things and just be
(17:38):
like it's whatever.
But I go with the times and Itell everybody that she and her
is very simple and that's prettymuch it.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
What motivated you to transition, and do you remember
that moment?
What was it?
Was it just that one thing thatyou couldn't pinpoint was like
this is it?
This is what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
COVID.
Covid was literally my savinggrace.
Before I got institutionalized,I had went to my physician
because we used to talk about ita lot, and I again was going
back and forth on the fence.
I don't know if I want totransition.
I think I do, I think I don't.
I'm not sure, but, piggybackingfrom our earlier conversations,
(18:25):
I was just so tired of pleasingand trying to seek acceptance
from people when I should bepleasing and seeking acceptance
for myself.
It was literally a week beforeI got institutionalized that I
asked her like hey, I think it'stime for me to transition.
I feel like right now is thetime, but I need to go ahead and
(18:51):
get started.
And what do I need to do?
When COVID was at the height ofeverything, everything has shut
down so I couldn't get apsychiatrist, I couldn't get
into anything right then andthere.
So when I had like my mentalbreak, I used it as my advantage
because there were doctorsthere.
(19:11):
So I'm like, if I have to wait,maybe I can utilize this doctor
to get where I need to be.
And that's what I did.
I literally used mypsychiatrist and my therapist to
get my six months of therapy in, because you have to have six
months before you can start anyhormone therapy replacement, and
so that's what I did.
I literally talked to them forsix months.
(19:33):
I told them that's what Iwanted to do, we got it through
my psyche and making sure thatI'm mentally capable of making
right decisions for myself.
So it was all thanks to dear oldCOVID.
It sucked, but I was able totransition under the radar.
I didn't really have totransition in the public eye.
When I was ready to step out, Iwas already Audrey.
(19:53):
I did everything on the backend, and so I just literally
took that time and made it myadvantage.
If this is what I really wantedto do, I had to utilize the
time and utilize it wisely.
So thank you, covid, thank youfor bringing out Audrey, because
I wasn't waiting until January.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
It's so important to find the good out of ugly
situations right.
Covid was horrible for so manypeople globally, but we have to
find those good things and youdid.
That's why and how and when Istarted my podcast, which has
(20:30):
been incredible for me.
To celebrate those things doesnot mean we're forgetting about
the people that maybe struggledin a different way.
I'm glad that through COVID,you were able to make it into
something for yourself.
I think that's great.
How do you handle situationswhere people I guess you
(20:57):
probably have a hard time beingmisgendered because you present
yourself as a woman?
How do you address that and usethose to educate and hopefully
change?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I can definitely say ignorance is bliss.
I'm very grateful that I'm verypassable.
Like you said, I rarely getmisgendered hardly ever actually
.
Yeah, but it can happen and itdon't be like on purpose for me,
but for those that do misgenderpeople that you can clearly see
that looks like a man, unlessthey are trans.
(21:35):
I've never been in thatsituation where I had to, but if
I did, I would defend them.
They said their name is suchand such, him like.
I would correct you she likeshe, and then if you're not
getting the picture, then I justcompletely shut off and then I
would just sit there and youwould just be like talking to
(21:59):
yourself because I'm not aboutto respond to the physician.
I'm just not.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I've never been in that situation with a loved one
or even a stranger getting thatkind of treatment, and I always
ask myself how would I handlethis?
Because you say you're going todo one thing, but when you're
faced with it, I feel like I'mgoing to be there and just stand
beside that person and supportthat person.
(22:27):
I know for 100% that I would dothat.
I just try to ask myself okay,if I'm presented with a
situation today, how could Ihandle it where it would be
educational and for the personthat I'm standing up for and
standing up with can still holdtheir head high and finish their
(22:48):
meal without saying can I getmy tab in a to-go box and then
see themselves out?
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Do you have any advice for me?
Box and then see themselves out.
Do you have any advice for me?
I honestly don't think there islike a manual on how to handle
it, because at that moment yourinstincts is just going to kick
in, like if you want to protectthe people, even if it's a
stranger, you just going to feelthe need to protect, like
you're going to talk now, askquestions later type of person.
That's like how I am, like I'mgoing to go with the flow, I'm
(23:15):
going to do the do and I'm goingto ask questions later.
But you really wouldn't know.
And so I honestly would say,unless you're in the moment,
just go with what your heart isand just lead with good
intention, and then, if you needto apologize to that person,
hey, I didn't mean to overstep.
If I did, I do apologize.
But I just don't like peoplebeing disrespected and just
(23:38):
knowing that there may be peopleout there that want to help
protect you and pick up for you,whether it's a stranger family
member or not.
Just try to be respectfulwithin those boundaries, because
some people may not be like, no, I don't want to be protected
or I got my own, when they saythat, okay, I'm going to dip out
this way.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Gracefully.
I'm going to bow out gracefully, because this is not my fight.
I do what's in my limit andthen I'm going, absolutely.
I'm about my day.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Absolutely.
I will still love you andsupport you.
I'll just go over here in mycorner, in my lane but I got you
if you need to be got, and Iknow this is a little different,
but there was a time that Iremember and this story always
stands out to me.
I was a servant and bartenderfor a long time, so I know my
manners right.
I tip well.
I especially like using UberEats and stuff now, like if it's
(24:28):
raining or snowing you'regetting a bigger tip and I
already tip nicely butespecially if I'm at a sit-down
restaurant where you're actuallybringing me refills and napkins
and things like that, and Ialways make sure that I stop
what I'm doing and I address theserver when I make eye contact
with them and I say please andthank you, and I just I know how
(24:48):
it feels to walk up to a tableand say hi, how are you all
today?
And they say Diet Coke.
That's not what I asked you,sweetie, but whatever, and so I
refuse to be that person.
Anyways, there was a time thatI was at uh, everything's a
dollar store.
Like what is that?
Like a dollar tree or something?
I can't think okay, okay I can'tthink of the name, but I love
(25:09):
to go there because I dopinterest stuff and they have
really cool things and if I messup on it I'm like it was just a
dollar, Although I spend ahundred dollars in there and buy
a bunch of stuff.
But, anyways, it was duringCOVID and there was a woman of
color working the register and Iwas pleased and thank you, how
are you?
And I said thank you so muchfor being here today because a
(25:31):
lot of people were not workingand a lot of the ones that had
no freaking choice, so everypaycheck mattered.
And I went to slide my handunder the little glass thing to
give her the money and shegrabbed my hand and she said
thank you.
And I was like, but she stillheld onto my hand and it wasn't
(25:54):
just like oh, thank you forgiving me your money.
And I just looked at her andshe was like people are not nice
to me.
They, if they acknowledge me,they talk down to me.
And the fact that you came inhere and you thanked me and you
acknowledged me and you realizethat I am just trying to feed my
babies, that I'm just trying tofeed my babies, but if I had
(26:17):
been in scene where someone wasjust ignoring her or being rude,
I would have stood up for her.
Then there's that part of methat thinks that maybe I did,
because the other people behindme in line seen the interaction
that she and I just had and thatI made her day and two years
(26:37):
later I'm still talking about it.
So she obviously made mine too,when maybe someone heard that
and they learned from that,because I bet you at least three
or four people in line behindme that heard that were all very
nice to her.
Just damn, it be nice to people.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, kindness goes a long way.
Give people some grace.
You just never know whatsomeone is going through.
Whether it's good or bad, itdoesn't hurt or kill you to be
nice to people.
No, but I feel like society hasfailed that.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
The fact that someone during COVID looked me in the
eye and thanked me for beingnice.
Are you kidding me?
I love that she did that, butbeing nice should be the norm.
You know what I mean.
I will remember that woman andthat moment forever because I
learned so much from that andmaybe people who are listening
(27:28):
will say please and thank you alittle louder, if they don't
already but I'm sure mylisteners do already because
they're amazing With you beingso diverse and with the
different kinds of communitiesthat you're involved in.
What steps do you see or advisepeople to take to help with the
diversity and inclusion?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
That's a good question.
I actually just got mycertification in diversity and
inclusion at my job.
Yes, so my career?
I work two different jobs.
I do work bedside as nursingassistant with Atrium Health and
I'm also in the corporatestaffing side of things within
my department as well.
So I do non-clinical andclinical work when I can.
(28:13):
But HRM Health is now beingmore diversified, especially
when it comes to trans inclusion.
We literally just talked aboutthis two months ago.
But we have seminars andworkshops and we have symposiums
and we have courageousconversations on how the
enterprise can be better atbeing inclusive with people of
(28:35):
trans experience.
And so I say this because Iactually had to do a
presentation about it.
I'll tell anybody that's in theworkplace extending grace again
goes a long way.
I will always say that gracegoes a long way.
If they're scared, if theydon't feel safe, give them that
safe space, give them thatprotection, give them guidance
on what to do, how to moveforward.
(28:56):
And, like you said, some peopleare just not blessed with the
genes to be able to be passablewithin the rough stages of
transitioning, because peopledon't really think that
transitioning is just a phase.
It's really not.
You really got to go through thegrowth to get to that finish
line, to get into that beautifulbutterfly.
It's like being a caterpillarand going through your cocoon
and then blossoming out.
(29:17):
You have to go through thesestages and knowing your
surroundings, knowing yourdemographics, knowing especially
what state you live in.
What is the protection fortrans people?
Do they have any?
How is your insurance if you dodecide to go through it?
Do I need to know?
As a person I'm trying toexperience, to make myself more
knowledgeable on wanting to doand make myself feel whole, what
(29:38):
I feel on the inside to make myoutside like it's a lot.
And so workplace peoplehonestly just need to get it
with the time.
Do it research, hold seminars,hold education, whatever you
need to do to be able to, let'ssay, exist, because we're not
like animals, but to be able tobe inclusive with everybody,
(29:59):
regardless of who they are, nomatter what.
I say with that like educationis key first thing in the trans
community.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
You can't get enough of that I love that you have so
much going on.
You are starting your secondbook.
I see little reels andpromotional stuff where you're
always in front of a camera andworking it like crazy mind you,
and then you have two jobswithin your one job right at
(30:29):
your corporate.
So how do you prioritize yourself-care?
Speaker 2 (30:34):
It's literally through my work I'm learning and
exploring artistry, througheverything that I do, whether
it's modeling, whether it'sbuilding my portfolio, whether
it's getting acting gigs, likeI'm learning myself through my
passions now, which makes mypassion even more important to
me, because I wasn't back thenable to live in my truth.
(30:57):
So now that I'm being able tolive in my truth, I'm not only
helping and benefiting myself,but I'm now benefiting and
helping other people to be ableto now live in their truth and
be authentic within themselves.
So, when it comes to mycorporate and work life, I'm
able to be a forerunner and tobe the face of what trans looks
like in the workplace.
(31:18):
When it comes to being onscreen, I am now able to
physically be able to speak andshow people like hey, you can be
trans and be in front of cameraand utilize that essence where
it sees fit.
And then, when it comes to mymodeling being able to be under
a pioneer that are trans andmodeling like MJ Rodriguez or
(31:42):
Angelica Ross or Laverne Cotspobeing able to show like
representations matter, beingable to have those in those
spaces where you were notnormally in, and to show people
that you can flourish beingyourself, whether it's gay,
whether it's straight, whetherit's trans, bi, whatever, big,
skinny blue, purple, you're ableto thrive and use all of that
(32:05):
to your advantage, and alsotaking self-care when needed.
When I feel like I'm being burntout, it's time for me to reset
myself and just zone in on me.
I still may do videos here andthere, but it's more of a
relaxation than time for me,like, okay, I need to let my
brain rest and then, once it'srested, we're back in game mode
and work mode and just trying toget my name out there as much
(32:28):
as I can, because I want toleave a legacy that, when I'm
dead and gone, you're going toremember Audrey.
You're going to remember myface, you're going to remember
me, you're just going toremember her.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
She's a force to be reckoned with In the times that
we live in.
Things are progressing, but atthe blink of an eye when someone
with a bit of a platform sayssomething to the left of a
setback that is or couldpossibly be I feel for trans
individuals, I think umeducation is key and that's all
(33:06):
soundball parties.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
It's tricky because, like you said, you don't want to
be canceled for what you say,but even if you're honest,
people still take offense to it.
I was offensive at firstbecause listen to the Jess
Hilarious situation and hersaying that women people want to
stick up for women.
I look at it like but everybodystuck up for you guys until
(33:31):
here.
Recently, you guys asked forbeing equal to men, which,
biologically, you guys are notequal to men.
There's the strength and thelabors, but you guys want to be
equal in certain things whenit's just physically impossible.
But when it comes to somethingthat they're naturally born with
(33:52):
, those are one of the sensitivetopics where, as the trans
community, we have to understandthat, even though we are trans
women and we transition to women, we're not biological women and
so when she asked the questionor tried to make a statement
(34:12):
like we own womanhood, I lookedat it from all biology, whether
it's plants, whether it'sinsects and stuff like that.
So I'm just like pets, dolls orwhatever.
I was like these dogs that arefemale dogs, don't?
They have their own cycles.
So all women, whether it'sanimals and humans own womanhood
(34:35):
, because if that's the case,then technically humans don't
own it, because animals have ittoo, but in their own right they
do, because they have to gothrough these periods of time
where their body is changing andstuff like that.
I just feel like it was just abad misjudgment call.
Could have worded itdifferently in a sense, because
(34:58):
he was like I don't want peers,I don't want a uterus, I don't
want to bear children, and thoseare the three things that
naturally born females wouldconsider.
Womanhood is those three things.
And then I always was from thequestion that they don't have
one of the three.
Does that make them less of awoman?
Does that still make them lessof their womanhood?
If they don't have it, becausenot all women have normal
(35:21):
menstrual cycles, they couldhave a biological condition,
genetics, whatever.
Some may not be able toconceive or bear children Again,
a condition or something likethat, or it's just everything
within that circle.
Y'all say doesn't make y'allless of a woman, but it's still
womanhood.
I support my next born women.
(35:42):
I will never tell them that Iam one, because I'm not.
But trans women are womenwithin its own bubble.
So I can't say all of this tosay that, again, both parties
should have done more researchbefore they were able to speak
on the topic.
But Jess spoke on the topicbecause she's experienced that
she can speak on that.
But the other TikTokers shouldhave just stayed in that lane
(36:06):
and just let that be, becausesome trans women attack
naturally born women orcisgender women and it's a lot
of riffraff because noteverybody in the trans community
even think about y'all.
To be honest, we love you butwe don't think about y'all.
We're not on with the world, sowe don't have time to spew hate
on you guys, but there'ssomething to do.
And vice versa.
Like why spew hate on us andworry about us when we're not on
(36:31):
with the world within itself?
Yeah, lean on the world withinitself.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, it's.
I love social media I do, andpeople talk about how unhealthy
it is and I agree, but I love it.
And but you and I were talkingearlier, even while recording
how sometimes we act out ofemotion, and then we had to be
like, okay, you got this, I'llget back over here in my lane.
That's the hard part of havinga platform and being in the
(37:02):
social eye and the public andeverything is documented.
How much of that was reacted on?
There's been times that I'm surewe would want to just hit
record and dog somebody out ofresponse to something.
(37:23):
But would we have that sameresponse the next day?
And where maybe, if we slap alittle bit, would we find that
better way to make that point to, where it isn't a cancellation?
And so I wonder, when it comesto things like this and with
people being canceled, is it notthat I'm trying to justify
(37:45):
ugliness and hate?
But those emotions come out ofpeople being triggered with
something.
We don't know their triggers,we don't know their past.
When you get a response andthat response might not be in
the best of all the lights andthen you're canceled.
Now the world and cancel.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Culture is so hypersensitive to a lot of
things.
And, again, I'm one of thosewho, like I don't really.
I look at social media, but Ireally don't pay attention to it
.
So I'm like, here we go.
Why are we having thisconversation about this again?
Let's just agree to this threeand just go on about our day,
(38:23):
because that's all.
It's going to be a never endingbattle and we're just going to
be talking in circles.
That's the point.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Audrey, thank you so much.
Thank you for being my friend,thank you for having a platform
and using it in such a beautifulway and letting us in to those
deep places to spread awareness.
You're doing the work and yousaid that you want to make sure
that people know you when you'regone.
(38:51):
Tell all of us where we canfind you, where we can get your
first book, and keep up withyour journey toward your second
book.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
Yes, so Finding Broken Through a Shattered Glass
is on Amazon, so you canpurchase it there.
You can find me on Instagram,which is at three underscores,
audrey Nicole.
So the at is at threeunderscores, audrey Nicole.
So the at symbol and threeunderscores, audrey Nicole.
You can find me on Facebook,audrey Nicole, very simple.
(39:24):
And you can find me on TikTokas well.
Yes, definitely follow me.
I do respond back.
I don't have anybody behind thescreen messaging for me.
It's all me, all organic, andyeah, that's where my book, my
second book, is going to be aswell.
It's going to be Amazon, sojust be on the lookout for that
(39:44):
whenever the time comes.
I am on Tubi, so one of the webseries that I'm on is actually
on Tubi, called HopelessRomantic, so you guys, check her
out.
It's definitely a good show, agood season.
We're about to shoot season twohere soon, so I'm getting
prepared for that.
So, yes, just be on the lookoutfor me.
Your girl's going to be doingbig things in the next couple
(40:06):
years, so just check her out.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I want to extend my deepest gratitude to our
incredible guests for sharingtheir transformative journey
with us today.
Join us next week as we diveinto the healing process and
share more incredible stories oftriumph and resilience.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
I'm back In the good case, in the bad.
Goodbye, now I'm back and I'llpray for you.
I'm done hurting.
In every dark tunnel there's a glimmer of hope.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
In every painful moment there's a strength to
heal anyway.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Today's guest has become one of my favorite people
and there have been times thatI have text her and said can we
talk?
Because I have questions,because I want to be educated on
certain topics, and I trust herand she's never led me down the
wrong direction and she'salways been just a phone call
(00:54):
away.
We've actually never met inperson, but she's been on the
show before.
So you may remember, ms Audrey,she was one of my first
interviews.
I just couldn't wait to get herback on.
Audrey, look at you.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Hi David, I am so happy to be here.
Like you said, it's been aminute, it has.
It's been about two years.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Since the interview.
We always stay in touch.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
But yeah, like since our first interview it's been
over two years.
So, like you said, a lot haschanged.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, both physically and mentally.
Oh my gosh, like I lovewatching you and watching this
transformation that you're doing, and just seeing what it's
doing to your confidence and howit's filling your cup.
You're becoming who you dreamedto be and it's just so cool to
actually see that in real timeand to see this transition and I
(01:47):
just I'm so happy for you.
Give us a little bit ofbackstory and then we'll get
into current events.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Of course.
So hi world.
Thank you, david, for theintroduction.
My name is Audra Nicole, so Iam a woman of trans experience
here in Charlotte, northCarolina.
In our first interview, I hadjust finished writing my first
book, Broken Through a ShatteredGlass, which basically is like
a mini biography of my life,giving an overview of how I
(02:14):
became the woman that I am today, what struggles that I have
faced, both mentally andphysically and emotionally, and
also letters to individuals thathave either positively or
negatively impacted my life insome way, shape or form.
I model, I act, I am anactivist, I am an all-around
woman.
I don't know how to explainmyself.
(02:37):
You know what I'm talking aboutmyself with, but that's pretty
much me.
Besides doing all of the stuffin front of the screen, I am
writing a second book, whichwill be titled Transition, and
so I'm figuring out, like, how Iwant it to flow.
Do I want it to be more like ajournal, so it can be more
personal, and so people canliterally see the timeline on
(02:59):
how I transitioned from thefirst book until now.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
I touched on this in the beginning, but now that
you've refreshed people orintroduced yourself to new
people, this transition has justbeen incredible to watch.
Like I said, it's been a realtime and I love and admire how
open you are about it.
When you came out of the closet, you didn't leave parts of you
(03:24):
in it, and that is incredible,because sometimes I feel that I
personally, at least for a whilemaybe not so much now, because
it's been 20 something years butthere were places and parts of
me that were still hiddensomewhere, there was a shadow
(03:45):
over it, and it took me a whileto have that courage.
I was talking to a friend theother day that when I was a
server and bartender in my 18,19, 20 year old timeframe, I
would try to deepen my voice tocertain tables.
I would try to walk differentlywhen in certain groups, and
(04:05):
then now I'm like fuck it, youget what you get.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
I appreciate that and that was honestly what I
attended my journey to be.
I wanted people to see in realtime, in the moment, everything
the good, the bad and the ugly,and to piggyback off of your
statement the bad and the ugly.
And to piggyback off of yourstatement.
I actually was hiding.
(04:28):
I hid who I truly was my entirelife To go from being an
African-American gay male tobeing African-American trans
woman.
It was a full circle moment.
I would have never thought thatI would be in the space that I
am now, but I'm grateful that Iam, because I wouldn't have
known where I would be beforethis.
There was a lot of suicidethoughts in my head, my
(04:51):
depression was high, I hadsupport, but I really just feel
like I was just battling myselfconstantly.
And just to let people know,this isn't my first time I tried
to transition.
This is actually my second.
No, this isn't my first time Itried to transition.
This is actually my second.
My first time was at 16.
(05:12):
And I spoke to my pediatricianshout out to N Morgan, he was my
pediatrician at the time and Itold her I was like hey, I feel
like I'm in the wrong body.
I've always felt like this.
I just don't feel like a boy.
I've never did, and back thenit was like 2006.
So there wasn't a lot of thingsout there for trans people at
the time like it is now.
So as she did her research andwas able to find the word for it
(05:33):
, I was like, okay, that makessense, this is what aligns with
me.
I am a biological male.
I don't identify with it.
I identify with being a femaleand this is the turn for it.
So how do I get from point A topoint B?
But at that time I was beingseverely bullied to the point
(05:54):
that my safety, if Itransitioned, would have came to
play and I didn't feel like Iwould have been safe.
And then, having my parents notagree with it, that just became
the icing on the cake.
So I stopped and I was like, ok, I might as well just live life
as a gay male and at least havesomething and then try to live
my young adult years as that.
And then I would see myselfbeing a cross-dresser, trying on
(06:16):
girl clothes and, you know,being extra flamboyant, and then
like I want to transition, butthen I don't, but then I do, but
then I don't, but then I do,but then I don't.
So I conflicted myself my wholeadult years until I just finally
snapped and I just can't takeit no more.
I couldn't take it.
I got tired of just having tosatisfy everybody, get their
(06:37):
approval, and not live my lifefor me.
So at that moment in July 2020,I was like enough is enough,
I'm going to do it, I'm going togo full force with it and I'm
not looking back.
And when I did, I just tookeverybody else along with the
journey.
And it's been very rewarding,gotten so many thoughtful
(06:58):
messages of people expressingtheir gratitude and support and
how honored they are to just be,even in social media, one of
the numbers, just to watch metransform, and it's been a full
circle moment for me, yeah and,of course, I do want to say if
people have not listened to thefirst episode you did a couple
(07:20):
years ago, I would really lovefor them to go back and check
out that episode.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
But if someone is listening to this brand new
today, refresh us on where youstand now with your family.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Me and my siblings don't talk.
It was a lot with the book, so Ijust say that Me and my mom we
are really close, like she hasreally stepped her game up and
shocked me.
I would have never suspectedher to be as close as we were
now than we were back then, butshe loves it more than I do now.
(08:01):
I'm just like, ok, girl, my dadit took a minute, you know he
was still stuck in his ownbeliefs and how he felt about it
and I at first was really upsetabout it because I'm like as a
child, you need to support mebecause you haven't been here as
an absentee father, so you needto get on the bandwagon.
But then I had to understandthat our parents do have
(08:21):
feelings.
They grieve differently than Ido.
I just had to understand wherehe was coming from and just meet
him halfway and at least extendhim some type of grace until he
feels comfortable withaccepting who I am and then go
forward.
So we have an okay relationshipas of now and he's learning.
This is something very new tohim and very foreign.
(08:42):
So I just again send him grace,understanding and give him time
to just feel back into it.
Something very new to him andvery foreign.
So I just again send him grace,understanding and give him time
to just feel back into it,because losing your child
physically and they're not likedead and then watching them go
from the child that youconceived and created to a whole
different person that you justdon't know, it's a shock to them
.
I had to allow them to adjust alittle bit and be like, hey,
(09:06):
I'm still your child, but I'mthis better new form of your
child.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You touched on this a little bit, but I don't want to
assume or put words, so I wouldlike to ask for some
clarification.
I would like to ask for someclarification In your opinion,
safe to say that, when someoneis transitioning, that there
will be a grieving process fortheir loved ones?
(09:32):
Because who they thought theygave birth to, who they thought
they were raising, who they, theplans and dreams they had, are
the total opposite of what ishappening?
So is that grieving processfair?
Yeah, in your opinion?
(09:52):
Am I using the right words?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
even yeah, I feel transition and grieving is
totally justifiable.
Everybody goes through sometype of grief in their life,
whether it's losing a loved oneand they pass away, or
transitioning.
They are losing their one thatthey really truly care.
They're gaining someone totallydifferent in the same breath
(10:16):
and they didn't pass away.
So that is a mental fuck forthem.
Like how do I process this,being the the person that I
helped raise or gave birth to oris my child, but now it's
literally somebody totallydifferent all in the same breath
and they're still breathing,like, like how do you process
(10:36):
that?
Like I didn't even give themtime to grieve, I didn't give
them their time to mentally havea funeral for RJ at the time
and even though my dad said hedid.
That is a mental flow Because,like, your child isn't gone.
They're still here, but it'snot the child that you conceived
.
You didn't create this child.
It really is one of thosedelicate situations that you
(10:59):
really have to extend grace toyour parents or support system
at that time to really let themprocess it all, because it takes
time.
It's not going to happenovernight.
It's not one of those you snapa finger or flick a light or
something that theyautomatically get it.
That is automatically okay.
This is who they are.
Some people.
It is Some people.
It works differently, forothers, not so much yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I've tried to be fair .
Okay, because I again, like Isaid, I have an opinion on it
and my opinion is absolutelypeople should be allowed to
grieve, but I also feel thatduring that grieving process,
you should also love theblessing that you do have.
I want people to realize that,and this doesn't even go for
(11:47):
transgender, but this goes toanyone hiding behind something.
When I was in the closet, I wasnot giving my family 100% of me
.
I was robbing them of that.
I feel like it is appropriatefor people to grieve, but
(12:09):
grieving while accepting isn't ahard ask in my opinion.
But on the other side of that,and where I try to be mindful
and respectful, is I've not beenin their shoes.
Even the friends that I havethat have transitioned.
I didn't know RJ, and just sothe listeners know RJ is, do you
prefer?
(12:29):
Is that a dead name to you?
Do you use that?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, I use it with my family, so JR is my nickname.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I'm sorry, JR.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
No, I used to call myself RJ in the public because
it stood for Ronald Jr.
So RJ was just something thatwas quick and easy.
And, just to put a fun fact,not a lot of people knew that
Audrey came from RJ, Really yeah, Because all of my patients
kept saying Audrey, and I'm likemy name is not Audrey, it's RJ,
(12:58):
Like R-N-J, so yeah, but theykept saying it.
So I'm just like you know what?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
That should be my name.
So it flows with Arjo.
So Audrey RJ.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
But that's one again.
That's the question I had.
Is this a household name?
So I let them have that to atleast have that little piece of
who I was.
But RJ to the public, yes,definitely dead.
I talk about him because that'sa part of me.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I've met people that struggle with the term dead name
and I've met people that juststand real firm and hard behind
it, and I always want to berespectful and it's like we were
talking about before we evenhit record.
It's all about the intent andthat's one of the reasons I love
having conversation with you,because my heart, I love the
hell out of you and and that ifI did say something incorrectly,
(13:51):
it's completely out ofignorance that I would want
educated on, and so you providethat safe place for me to learn,
and I appreciate that, and noteven just with me, but even
seeing how you interact withyour friends, fans and followers
.
A question that I have for youthat I don't know that we've
ever really discussed, but doyou love RJ or JR?
(14:18):
Which do you prefer me to call?
Speaker 2 (14:20):
It can be both.
Okay, it's just, it's fine.
Do you love him?
It's so crazy you say thatBecause there'd be some pictures
, like in my stories or mymemories on Snapchat or Facebook
, like I see him and I just feellike, oh my God.
I wouldn't say I miss him tothe point that I want him back.
I can say I'm grateful for himbecause he was able to run, he
(14:46):
was able to go through all theseobstacles so Audrey can fly.
If it wasn't for the strugglesthat RJ, if it wasn't for the
struggles that RJ Lajar wentthrough, I don't think Audrey
would be here if it wasn't forthat.
So I am very grateful for him.
If I was a twin, dad would bemy twin.
(15:06):
I feel if I had a brother, thatwould be RJ and I was me.
That's why I was like I wish Ihad a twin, because I don't have
to live the boy side.
If I had a boy twin, you willbe me.
So I can be like, okay, I'llhave to miss you because you're
there.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
That's such a beautiful answer.
Will you tell us which pronounsyou prefer?
And even though I think that weall already know that by now, I
would like for you to maybeexplain to us how this pronoun
thing in society that has comeabout negatively and positively
(15:48):
has affected you.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Good question.
I should have actually said mypronouns at the beginning.
I don't know why I didn't.
It was actually in my head, mypronouns are she, her, we think
that we're just on the phonewith our best friend, I really
didn't think about the viewersand everything.
But my pronouns are she and herand I'm like the old school girl
and I'm not going to lie.
So you guys out there do nottake this to heart, okay.
(16:13):
I said do not take this toheart, okay, because I'm trying
to get with the new wave ofthese acronyms and pronouns and
stuff like that.
Back in the day, old gays inthe old community honey, it was
he or she.
There was no, we be the she.
It was none of that, it wasnone of the in between, it was
just black and white.
So now that we have this greatarea, we are still trying to
(16:36):
conform to it and try to get abetter understanding of it
ourselves.
I respect them, I respectpeople and their pronouns and
how they want to be introduced.
I actually had that in aninterview one time.
Someone asked me what type ofice cream I would be, and I know
this is random y'all, I'm sorry, but it fits with the question.
(16:57):
So they were like what type ofice cream would you be?
And I know this is random,y'all, I'm sorry, but it fits
with the question.
So they were like what type ofice cream would you be?
And why?
And I said my ice cream wouldbe cookies and cream.
And he was like that'sinteresting, why would you say
that?
I said because if you take thecookie that is black and you
take the ice cream that is whiteand then if you would mix it
together it will make the grayarea will be a different color.
So when you look at people,there are some people that are
(17:18):
black and white and there's onethat's just strictly black or
they're strictly white.
But then you have the rest ofthe people that are all in the
middle.
So you have to learn everybodywhether they're just strictly
black or thinking black, orthey're strictly thinking white
or they're in the middle.
So I have to grow and go withthe flow of things and just be
(17:38):
like it's whatever.
But I go with the times and Itell everybody that she and her
is very simple and that's prettymuch it.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
What motivated you to transition, and do you remember
that moment?
What was it?
Was it just that one thing thatyou couldn't pinpoint was like
this is it?
This is what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
COVID.
Covid was literally my savinggrace.
Before I got institutionalized,I had went to my physician
because we used to talk about ita lot, and I again was going
back and forth on the fence.
I don't know if I want totransition.
I think I do, I think I don't.
I'm not sure, but, piggybackingfrom our earlier conversations,
(18:25):
I was just so tired of pleasingand trying to seek acceptance
from people when I should bepleasing and seeking acceptance
for myself.
It was literally a week beforeI got institutionalized that I
asked her like hey, I think it'stime for me to transition.
I feel like right now is thetime, but I need to go ahead and
(18:51):
get started.
And what do I need to do?
When COVID was at the height ofeverything, everything has shut
down so I couldn't get apsychiatrist, I couldn't get
into anything right then andthere.
So when I had like my mentalbreak, I used it as my advantage
because there were doctorsthere.
(19:11):
So I'm like, if I have to wait,maybe I can utilize this doctor
to get where I need to be.
And that's what I did.
I literally used mypsychiatrist and my therapist to
get my six months of therapy in, because you have to have six
months before you can start anyhormone therapy replacement, and
so that's what I did.
I literally talked to them forsix months.
(19:33):
I told them that's what Iwanted to do, we got it through
my psyche and making sure thatI'm mentally capable of making
right decisions for myself.
So it was all thanks to dear oldCOVID.
It sucked, but I was able totransition under the radar.
I didn't really have totransition in the public eye.
When I was ready to step out, Iwas already Audrey.
(19:53):
I did everything on the backend, and so I just literally
took that time and made it myadvantage.
If this is what I really wantedto do, I had to utilize the
time and utilize it wisely.
So thank you, covid, thank youfor bringing out Audrey, because
I wasn't waiting until January.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
It's so important to find the good out of ugly
situations right.
Covid was horrible for so manypeople globally, but we have to
find those good things and youdid.
That's why and how and when Istarted my podcast, which has
(20:30):
been incredible for me.
To celebrate those things doesnot mean we're forgetting about
the people that maybe struggledin a different way.
I'm glad that through COVID,you were able to make it into
something for yourself.
I think that's great.
How do you handle situationswhere people I guess you
(20:57):
probably have a hard time beingmisgendered because you present
yourself as a woman?
How do you address that and usethose to educate and hopefully
change?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I can definitely say ignorance is bliss.
I'm very grateful that I'm verypassable.
Like you said, I rarely getmisgendered hardly ever actually
.
Yeah, but it can happen and itdon't be like on purpose for me,
but for those that do misgenderpeople that you can clearly see
that looks like a man, unlessthey are trans.
(21:35):
I've never been in thatsituation where I had to, but if
I did, I would defend them.
They said their name is suchand such, him like.
I would correct you she likeshe, and then if you're not
getting the picture, then I justcompletely shut off and then I
would just sit there and youwould just be like talking to
(21:59):
yourself because I'm not aboutto respond to the physician.
I'm just not.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
I've never been in that situation with a loved one
or even a stranger getting thatkind of treatment, and I always
ask myself how would I handlethis?
Because you say you're going todo one thing, but when you're
faced with it, I feel like I'mgoing to be there and just stand
beside that person and supportthat person.
(22:27):
I know for 100% that I would dothat.
I just try to ask myself okay,if I'm presented with a
situation today, how could Ihandle it where it would be
educational and for the personthat I'm standing up for and
standing up with can still holdtheir head high and finish their
(22:48):
meal without saying can I getmy tab in a to-go box and then
see themselves out?
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Do you have any advice for me?
Box and then see themselves out.
Do you have any advice for me?
I honestly don't think there islike a manual on how to handle
it, because at that moment yourinstincts is just going to kick
in, like if you want to protectthe people, even if it's a
stranger, you just going to feelthe need to protect, like
you're going to talk now, askquestions later type of person.
That's like how I am, like I'mgoing to go with the flow, I'm
(23:15):
going to do the do and I'm goingto ask questions later.
But you really wouldn't know.
And so I honestly would say,unless you're in the moment,
just go with what your heart isand just lead with good
intention, and then, if you needto apologize to that person,
hey, I didn't mean to overstep.
If I did, I do apologize.
But I just don't like peoplebeing disrespected and just
(23:38):
knowing that there may be peopleout there that want to help
protect you and pick up for you,whether it's a stranger family
member or not.
Just try to be respectfulwithin those boundaries, because
some people may not be like, no, I don't want to be protected
or I got my own, when they saythat, okay, I'm going to dip out
this way.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Right.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Gracefully.
I'm going to bow out gracefully, because this is not my fight.
I do what's in my limit andthen I'm going, absolutely.
I'm about my day.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Absolutely.
I will still love you andsupport you.
I'll just go over here in mycorner, in my lane but I got you
if you need to be got, and Iknow this is a little different,
but there was a time that Iremember and this story always
stands out to me.
I was a servant and bartenderfor a long time, so I know my
manners right.
I tip well.
I especially like using UberEats and stuff now, like if it's
(24:28):
raining or snowing you'regetting a bigger tip and I
already tip nicely butespecially if I'm at a sit-down
restaurant where you're actuallybringing me refills and napkins
and things like that, and Ialways make sure that I stop
what I'm doing and I address theserver when I make eye contact
with them and I say please andthank you, and I just I know how
(24:48):
it feels to walk up to a tableand say hi, how are you all
today?
And they say Diet Coke.
That's not what I asked you,sweetie, but whatever, and so I
refuse to be that person.
Anyways, there was a time thatI was at uh, everything's a
dollar store.
Like what is that?
Like a dollar tree or something?
I can't think okay, okay I can'tthink of the name, but I love
(25:09):
to go there because I dopinterest stuff and they have
really cool things and if I messup on it I'm like it was just a
dollar, Although I spend ahundred dollars in there and buy
a bunch of stuff.
But, anyways, it was duringCOVID and there was a woman of
color working the register and Iwas pleased and thank you, how
are you?
And I said thank you so muchfor being here today because a
(25:31):
lot of people were not workingand a lot of the ones that had
no freaking choice, so everypaycheck mattered.
And I went to slide my handunder the little glass thing to
give her the money and shegrabbed my hand and she said
thank you.
And I was like, but she stillheld onto my hand and it wasn't
(25:54):
just like oh, thank you forgiving me your money.
And I just looked at her andshe was like people are not nice
to me.
They, if they acknowledge me,they talk down to me.
And the fact that you came inhere and you thanked me and you
acknowledged me and you realizethat I am just trying to feed my
babies, that I'm just trying tofeed my babies, but if I had
(26:17):
been in scene where someone wasjust ignoring her or being rude,
I would have stood up for her.
Then there's that part of methat thinks that maybe I did,
because the other people behindme in line seen the interaction
that she and I just had and thatI made her day and two years
(26:37):
later I'm still talking about it.
So she obviously made mine too,when maybe someone heard that
and they learned from that,because I bet you at least three
or four people in line behindme that heard that were all very
nice to her.
Just damn, it be nice to people.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, kindness goes a long way.
Give people some grace.
You just never know whatsomeone is going through.
Whether it's good or bad, itdoesn't hurt or kill you to be
nice to people.
No, but I feel like society hasfailed that.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
The fact that someone during COVID looked me in the
eye and thanked me for beingnice.
Are you kidding me?
I love that she did that, butbeing nice should be the norm.
You know what I mean.
I will remember that woman andthat moment forever because I
learned so much from that andmaybe people who are listening
(27:28):
will say please and thank you alittle louder, if they don't
already but I'm sure mylisteners do already because
they're amazing With you beingso diverse and with the
different kinds of communitiesthat you're involved in.
What steps do you see or advisepeople to take to help with the
diversity and inclusion?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
That's a good question.
I actually just got mycertification in diversity and
inclusion at my job.
Yes, so my career?
I work two different jobs.
I do work bedside as nursingassistant with Atrium Health and
I'm also in the corporatestaffing side of things within
my department as well.
So I do non-clinical andclinical work when I can.
(28:13):
But HRM Health is now beingmore diversified, especially
when it comes to trans inclusion.
We literally just talked aboutthis two months ago.
But we have seminars andworkshops and we have symposiums
and we have courageousconversations on how the
enterprise can be better atbeing inclusive with people of
(28:35):
trans experience.
And so I say this because Iactually had to do a
presentation about it.
I'll tell anybody that's in theworkplace extending grace again
goes a long way.
I will always say that gracegoes a long way.
If they're scared, if theydon't feel safe, give them that
safe space, give them thatprotection, give them guidance
on what to do, how to moveforward.
(28:56):
And, like you said, some peopleare just not blessed with the
genes to be able to be passablewithin the rough stages of
transitioning, because peopledon't really think that
transitioning is just a phase.
It's really not.
You really got to go through thegrowth to get to that finish
line, to get into that beautifulbutterfly.
It's like being a caterpillarand going through your cocoon
and then blossoming out.
(29:17):
You have to go through thesestages and knowing your
surroundings, knowing yourdemographics, knowing especially
what state you live in.
What is the protection fortrans people?
Do they have any?
How is your insurance if you dodecide to go through it?
Do I need to know?
As a person I'm trying toexperience, to make myself more
knowledgeable on wanting to doand make myself feel whole, what
(29:38):
I feel on the inside to make myoutside like it's a lot.
And so workplace peoplehonestly just need to get it
with the time.
Do it research, hold seminars,hold education, whatever you
need to do to be able to, let'ssay, exist, because we're not
like animals, but to be able tobe inclusive with everybody,
(29:59):
regardless of who they are, nomatter what.
I say with that like educationis key first thing in the trans
community.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
You can't get enough of that I love that you have so
much going on.
You are starting your secondbook.
I see little reels andpromotional stuff where you're
always in front of a camera andworking it like crazy mind you,
and then you have two jobswithin your one job right at
(30:29):
your corporate.
So how do you prioritize yourself-care?
Speaker 2 (30:34):
It's literally through my work I'm learning and
exploring artistry, througheverything that I do, whether
it's modeling, whether it'sbuilding my portfolio, whether
it's getting acting gigs, likeI'm learning myself through my
passions now, which makes mypassion even more important to
me, because I wasn't back thenable to live in my truth.
(30:57):
So now that I'm being able tolive in my truth, I'm not only
helping and benefiting myself,but I'm now benefiting and
helping other people to be ableto now live in their truth and
be authentic within themselves.
So, when it comes to mycorporate and work life, I'm
able to be a forerunner and tobe the face of what trans looks
like in the workplace.
(31:18):
When it comes to being onscreen, I am now able to
physically be able to speak andshow people like hey, you can be
trans and be in front of cameraand utilize that essence where
it sees fit.
And then, when it comes to mymodeling being able to be under
a pioneer that are trans andmodeling like MJ Rodriguez or
(31:42):
Angelica Ross or Laverne Cotspobeing able to show like
representations matter, beingable to have those in those
spaces where you were notnormally in, and to show people
that you can flourish beingyourself, whether it's gay,
whether it's straight, whetherit's trans, bi, whatever, big,
skinny blue, purple, you're ableto thrive and use all of that
(32:05):
to your advantage, and alsotaking self-care when needed.
When I feel like I'm being burntout, it's time for me to reset
myself and just zone in on me.
I still may do videos here andthere, but it's more of a
relaxation than time for me,like, okay, I need to let my
brain rest and then, once it'srested, we're back in game mode
and work mode and just trying toget my name out there as much
(32:28):
as I can, because I want toleave a legacy that, when I'm
dead and gone, you're going toremember Audrey.
You're going to remember myface, you're going to remember
me, you're just going toremember her.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
She's a force to be reckoned with In the times that
we live in.
Things are progressing, but atthe blink of an eye when someone
with a bit of a platform sayssomething to the left of a
setback that is or couldpossibly be I feel for trans
individuals, I think umeducation is key and that's all
(33:06):
soundball parties.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
It's tricky because, like you said, you don't want to
be canceled for what you say,but even if you're honest,
people still take offense to it.
I was offensive at firstbecause listen to the Jess
Hilarious situation and hersaying that women people want to
stick up for women.
I look at it like but everybodystuck up for you guys until
(33:31):
here.
Recently, you guys asked forbeing equal to men, which,
biologically, you guys are notequal to men.
There's the strength and thelabors, but you guys want to be
equal in certain things whenit's just physically impossible.
But when it comes to somethingthat they're naturally born with
(33:52):
, those are one of the sensitivetopics where, as the trans
community, we have to understandthat, even though we are trans
women and we transition to women, we're not biological women and
so when she asked the questionor tried to make a statement
(34:12):
like we own womanhood, I lookedat it from all biology, whether
it's plants, whether it'sinsects and stuff like that.
So I'm just like pets, dolls orwhatever.
I was like these dogs that arefemale dogs, don't?
They have their own cycles.
So all women, whether it'sanimals and humans own womanhood
(34:35):
, because if that's the case,then technically humans don't
own it, because animals have ittoo, but in their own right they
do, because they have to gothrough these periods of time
where their body is changing andstuff like that.
I just feel like it was just abad misjudgment call.
Could have worded itdifferently in a sense, because
(34:58):
he was like I don't want peers,I don't want a uterus, I don't
want to bear children, and thoseare the three things that
naturally born females wouldconsider.
Womanhood is those three things.
And then I always was from thequestion that they don't have
one of the three.
Does that make them less of awoman?
Does that still make them lessof their womanhood?
If they don't have it, becausenot all women have normal
(35:21):
menstrual cycles, they couldhave a biological condition,
genetics, whatever.
Some may not be able toconceive or bear children Again,
a condition or something likethat, or it's just everything
within that circle.
Y'all say doesn't make y'allless of a woman, but it's still
womanhood.
I support my next born women.
(35:42):
I will never tell them that Iam one, because I'm not.
But trans women are womenwithin its own bubble.
So I can't say all of this tosay that, again, both parties
should have done more researchbefore they were able to speak
on the topic.
But Jess spoke on the topicbecause she's experienced that
she can speak on that.
But the other TikTokers shouldhave just stayed in that lane
(36:06):
and just let that be, becausesome trans women attack
naturally born women orcisgender women and it's a lot
of riffraff because noteverybody in the trans community
even think about y'all.
To be honest, we love you butwe don't think about y'all.
We're not on with the world, sowe don't have time to spew hate
on you guys, but there'ssomething to do.
And vice versa.
Like why spew hate on us andworry about us when we're not on
(36:31):
with the world within itself?
Yeah, lean on the world withinitself.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, it's.
I love social media I do, andpeople talk about how unhealthy
it is and I agree, but I love it.
And but you and I were talkingearlier, even while recording
how sometimes we act out ofemotion, and then we had to be
like, okay, you got this, I'llget back over here in my lane.
That's the hard part of havinga platform and being in the
(37:02):
social eye and the public andeverything is documented.
How much of that was reacted on?
There's been times that I'm surewe would want to just hit
record and dog somebody out ofresponse to something.
(37:23):
But would we have that sameresponse the next day?
And where maybe, if we slap alittle bit, would we find that
better way to make that point to, where it isn't a cancellation?
And so I wonder, when it comesto things like this and with
people being canceled, is it notthat I'm trying to justify
(37:45):
ugliness and hate?
But those emotions come out ofpeople being triggered with
something.
We don't know their triggers,we don't know their past.
When you get a response andthat response might not be in
the best of all the lights andthen you're canceled.
Now the world and cancel.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Culture is so hypersensitive to a lot of
things.
And, again, I'm one of thosewho, like I don't really.
I look at social media, but Ireally don't pay attention to it
.
So I'm like, here we go.
Why are we having thisconversation about this again?
Let's just agree to this threeand just go on about our day,
(38:23):
because that's all.
It's going to be a never endingbattle and we're just going to
be talking in circles.
That's the point.
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Audrey, thank you so much.
Thank you for being my friend,thank you for having a platform
and using it in such a beautifulway and letting us in to those
deep places to spread awareness.
You're doing the work and yousaid that you want to make sure
that people know you when you'regone.
(38:51):
Tell all of us where we canfind you, where we can get your
first book, and keep up withyour journey toward your second
book.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
Yes, so Finding Broken Through a Shattered Glass
is on Amazon, so you canpurchase it there.
You can find me on Instagram,which is at three underscores,
audrey Nicole.
So the at is at threeunderscores, audrey Nicole.
So the at symbol and threeunderscores, audrey Nicole.
You can find me on Facebook,audrey Nicole, very simple.
(39:24):
And you can find me on TikTokas well.
Yes, definitely follow me.
I do respond back.
I don't have anybody behind thescreen messaging for me.
It's all me, all organic, andyeah, that's where my book, my
second book, is going to be aswell.
It's going to be Amazon, sojust be on the lookout for that
(39:44):
whenever the time comes.
I am on Tubi, so one of the webseries that I'm on is actually
on Tubi, called HopelessRomantic, so you guys, check her
out.
It's definitely a good show, agood season.
We're about to shoot season twohere soon, so I'm getting
prepared for that.
So, yes, just be on the lookoutfor me.
Your girl's going to be doingbig things in the next couple
(40:06):
years, so just check her out.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I want to extend my deepest gratitude to our
incredible guests for sharingtheir transformative journey
with us today.
Join us next week as we diveinto the healing process and
share more incredible stories oftriumph and resilience.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
I'm back In the good case, in the bad.
Goodbye, now I'm back and I'llpray for you.
I'm done hurting.
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