Active Listening Skills for Peer Support

Sometimes the best help isn’t a solution, it’s a safe space. Learn how active listening can help peers feel seen, heard, and ready to open up after a critical incident.

Ever been in a conversation where you could tell someone was struggling… but they weren’t saying much?

You don’t want to push, and you don’t want to say the wrong thing. So what do you do?

The answer is often simpler than we think, listen better.

In peer support, listening is everything. It’s the difference between someone shutting down or finally opening up. But most of us haven’t been taught how to listen well in high-stress, emotional conversations.

This episode gives you the practical skills to do just that. Whether you’re supporting someone after a traumatic call, or sitting with a coworker who’s barely holding it together, these tools will help you show up in a calm, helpful, and human way.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:

• What active listening is, and what it’s not
• How to use body language, tone, and simple cues to make people feel safe
• Four core skills to help peers open up (without advice-giving or oversharing)

Active listening isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present. And it’s one of the most powerful things you can offer as a peer.

OTHER LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

StressCareDoc.com

Schedule a Discovery Call

Connect with Bart

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bartleger

Facebook Page: facebook.com/survivingyourshift

Website: www.survivingyourshift.com

Want to find out how I can help you build a peer support program in your organization or provide training? Schedule a no-obligation call or Zoom meeting with me here.

Mentioned in this episode:

Houston Area CISM GRIN Training

This 3-day course, hosted by the Atascocita Fire Department, will teach you how to support your peers through effective communication, emotional resilience, and understanding the psychological impact of crises. Register for this training. https://stresscaredoc.com/atascocita-grin Dates: January 6-8, 2026 Times: 8:30 AM - 5:00 PM each day Location: Atascocita Fire Admin Building

Episode Transcript

Speak (00:01):
Sometimes, the best help is your ears. Especially when
someone's just been through acritical incident and doesn't
know where to start. In thisepisode, I'm going to teach you
not just how to listen better,but how to listen so that you
can understand what a person'sgoing through. Then you can help
them get back to functioning awhole lot

Interview (00:22):
Welcome to Surviving Your Shift, your go-to resource
for building strong, peersupport teams in high-stress
professions. I'm your host, BartLeger, board-certified in
traumatic stress with over 25years of experience supporting
and training professionals infrontline and emergency roles.
Whether you're looking to starta peer support team, learn new

(00:44):
skills, or bring training toyour organization, this show
will equip you with practicaltools to save lives and careers.

Speak (00:55):
Have you ever sat across from someone who clearly needs
to talk, but they don't? They'rejust kind of staring past you,
arms crossed, saying somethinglike, I'm good, or I'm fine. And
everything in you is saying,dude, I know you're not fine.
You want to help, and you wantto be supportive. But the truth

(01:16):
is, it's not about having theright words all the time. It's
about being the right kind ofperson they feel safe talking to.
But

(01:37):
How to keep them talking. That'swhere active listening comes in.
It's not just shutting up andlistening. My dog does that just
fine. No, I'm talking aboutactively listening. And if
you're doing peer support, it'sprobably your most important

(01:58):
tool. Today, we're going to getsuper practical. I'm going to
show you exactly what activelistening looks like and doesn't
look like, so that even ifsomeone's shut down or
overwhelmed and may be guarded,they'll feel safe enough to open
up. Alright, let's get into it.Let's clear something up. Let's
clear something up from thestart.

(02:19):
Like I just said, listening isn't just being quiet
while the other person talks.Active listening means you're
fully engaged in theconversation. You're not
distracted. You're notdistracted and you're not
waiting to speak. And not whatmost of us usually do while
someone else is talking. That'srehearsing your reply in your
head. It's not finishing theirsentences. And that's just rude.

(02:43):
And it's not jumping in with asolution. We call that advice.
And please don't make it aboutyour own story. I've heard way
too many war stories in the nameof helping. In the Bob Newhart
style of counseling, just stopit.
If you want to actively listen, what it is, is paying

(03:07):
attention to their tone of voice.Are they sad? Anxious? Angry? Or
maybe afraid? You also need topay attention to their body
language. That alone can tellyou so much. And then, listen to
what's not being said. Say what?Yeah, that's right. Read between

(03:28):
the lines. What are they shyingaway from? What should be
obvious that they're notmentioning? All that stuff is
important as well. Activelistening is staying present
instead of planning yourresponse. And it's making the
person feel heard. And that initself will ease the way toward

(03:48):
their recovery. Now, thequestion some might be asking,
why does active listening matterso much in peer support? In
everyday conversations, smalltalk works fine. But when
someone's hurting or coming offof a difficult call, their brain
might be in survival mode.Active listening helps lower

(04:10):
their defenses so they'll bemore inclined to talk to you.
safety and encourages them tokeep talking. We need to
understand that people don'topen up because you have the
right answers. They open upbecause they feel understood.
And that's the differencebetween talking at someone and

(04:31):
simply being with them. Now,let's break it down into four
skills that anyone can learn anduse.
The first one is, be fully present. This is the
foundation. Put the phone down.Stop thinking about what's next
on your to-do list. And by allmeans, don't look at your watch.

(04:52):
Look them in the eye. But notlike you are interrogating them.
I want you to give them yourfull attention. Sometimes, that
looks like leaning in slightlyand nodding slowly and letting
your face match the tone of theconversation. If they're
grieving, you shouldn't besmiling and upbeat. And if

(05:12):
they're angry, you shouldn't beflinching or pulling back. Just
be there and stay there.
Number two, listen to understand not to fix. This
one's tough for most of us,especially if you're wired to
help. But your role in peersupport isn't to fix them.

(05:33):
You're not their therapist andyou don't need to be. So resist
the urge to say things like,here's what I would do, or you
probably should just, or atleast it's not as bad as,
instead, reflect back whatyou're hearing. Sounds like this
really blindsided you. Or itmakes sense that you'd feel
angry. Or whatever it is thatyou're seeing. Or maybe

(05:56):
something like, oh, that soundsreally hard. Validation doesn't
mean you agree with everythingthey say. It just means you
recognize that their experienceis real.
And then use what we call minimal encouragers. Sometimes,
all someone needs is a littleprompt to keep talking. These

(06:17):
are short, simple responses like,mm-hmm, I hear you, go on. Or it
could be something as simple asa gentle nod. They might seem
small, but these are really,really powerful. They show your
tracking with them withouthijacking the conversation. And
avoid making big facialreactions or gasping unless it

(06:40):
fits the moment. I had someonein my office a while back while
I was still working. And theysaid they had gone to EAP. And
they had stopped going becausesomething that they said about
what they had experienced, andthis was a first responder, what
they had experienced, and theysaid, I think I hurt that little

(07:01):
therapist. And when they weretalking about what they had gone
through and their traumaexperience, the therapist showed
shock and horror. And theydidn't want to hurt that
therapist. And so they came tomy office and they wanted me to
begin helping them. You don'twant to make them feel like

(07:22):
they've shocked or overwhelmedyou. for most of us, that
shouldn't be a problem. Justkeep it calm and listen to what
they're saying.
And then number four, reflect and clarify. This is
where you help them know they'rebeing heard accurately. You
might say something like, let memake sure I get this right. What

(07:44):
I hear you saying is, or sowhat's weighing on you most is,
and then you fill in the blank,or can I ask, when you said
blank, what did you mean? You'renot twisting their words. You're
literally just holding up amirror and saying, this is what
I hear. Is that what you meant?And if you get it wrong, just

(08:08):
let them correct you. That backand forth will build trust.
Those are the skills.
But what gets in the way of listening? And let's be
honest, we all have stuff thatgets in the way. Maybe you're
tired or distracted, or maybeeager to fix or move the
conversation along so you canget back 10-8, or you can get

(08:29):
back to whatever it is thatyou're doing. Or maybe what
you're hearing them say hasactivated a similar experience,
and it's difficult for you. Soif you catch yourself zoning out
or reacting emotionally, that'sokay. Just take a breath,
re-center, and then come back tobeing present. And if it's too

(08:51):
much for you in the moment, sayso. Something like, hey, I want
to give you my full attention,but I'm a little tapped right
now. Can we check in a littlelater? Or connect them with
another peer supporter? Thathonesty is better than
half-listening and faking yourway through it.
The next question is, what do people really want when

(09:12):
they're hurting? They want tofeel like they're not alone,
they're not being judged, andAnd they want to feel like they
can be real, they can be messy,and they can be honest, and
you're still there. That's thepower of active listening. It's
not about the perfect response.It's about presence and patience
and offering a safe place wherehealing can begin.

(09:35):
If you're a peer supporter or just someone who
wants to be a safe place forothers, start practicing these
skills today. Next time someonesays, I'm fine, look past the
words and show up, slow down,and just listen to them. And if
your team hasn't had a realtraining in this kind of
listening, we can help. Headover to StressCareDoc.com and

(10:00):
schedule a discovery call. We'llhelp you build a team that
actually knows how to supporteach other, even through the
hard stuff. Thanks for joiningme today on Surviving Your Shift.
Remember, sometimes the besthelp really is your ears. In the
next episode, we're going totalk about how to spot subtle
signs that someone's struggling,even when they say they're fine.

(10:23):
You won't want to miss that one.Until then, God bless, and have
a great day.