125. How Taking Time for Yourself Makes You a Better Parent

Ever felt that twinge of guilt when you consider taking time away from your family to pursue a hobby? You're not alone. As a mother of two and lifelong dancer, I recently found myself questioning whether my dance performances were worth the disrupted bedtimes and occasional complaints from my nine-year-old daughter. But what if those personal pursuits aren't selfish at all? What if they're actually essential to your BEST parenting, even?

In this episode, I flip the script and share three surprising reasons your passions aren’t selfish at all—they’re a gift to your kids. From modeling healthy fun, to showing them you’re a whole person, to teaching empathy, you’ll walk away ready to embrace your hobbies without guilt.

In a world that often equates good parenting with self-sacrifice, that might be the most valuable lesson of all. 

Ready to reclaim a hobby you've been putting off? 

Your children—and your future self—will thank you for it.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Have you ever felt that little tug of guilt when
you think about spending time onyour own hobbies?
Maybe even told yourself it'sselfish, my kids should come
first.
This is silly.
This is just dance.
This is just pottery, this isjust tennis.
Whatever it is, you think it'ssilly to spend time just playing

(00:22):
?
There's laundry to be done.
I could be spending time withmy kids.
But here's the twist.
What if carving out time foryour hobbies is actually one of
the best parenting moves you canmake?
In fact, I'm going to sharethree surprising ways that
pursuing your own interests candirectly benefit your kids.

(00:42):
And the third one friends mightbe the very thing that your kid
is needing most to thrive inthis world.
So stick with me to the end ofthe episode, because that last
one really flips the whole mombeing selfish thing completely
upside down.
I'm Flora McCormick, licensedtherapist and parenting coach of
almost 20 years, here to helpyou really be that calm,

(01:04):
confident parent you've alwayswanted to be.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
that's really missing to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time and give you theexact steps to be able to parent

(01:35):
in ways that are more realisticand effective.
And for that, mom guilt canfeel.
You're stretched thin, jugglingschool drop-offs, sports meals,
bedtime routine.
Somewhere along the way yourinterests and passions just get

(01:55):
shoved to the back burner and soin all of that chaos it can
feel impossible to carve outspace for ourselves.
Might even feel like that'slike the extra yeah, yeah, yeah,
someday when I have time, Iguess I'll get to that.
And maybe even you've forgottenwho you are outside of being a
mom.
Like I don't even know what Iwould do if I did have extra

(02:16):
free time.
Like I'm just mom, right.
But, friend, let's be honestwhen you reclaim your hobbies.
But, friend, let's be honest,when you reclaim your hobbies,
actually everybody wins, and I'mgoing to tell you three key
reasons why, and this is top ofmind for me today, because I
just performed in a danceprogram here in my community.

(02:38):
I'm nearly 45, turning 45 in twoweeks, and the ability to do
this dance show has become likea lifeline to me.
It is something I love, becauseA I love to dance.
I have since I was in preschool.
I used to ask my preschoolteacher to put on Jump by the
Pointer Sisters to dance duringfree playtime, while all the

(03:00):
other kids were building blocksor making, you know, squishing
Play-Doh.
I wanted to dance and I waslucky enough in my community to
find this great nonprofit thatputs on a program every fall of
routines that are choreographedby and performed by adults that
are all people who have a dancebackground of some sort, but not

(03:22):
professional dancers in theirlives at this moment, but being
able to find a space for thatoutlet.
As I've gone through the summerof practicing, I've had lots of
moments to doubt that this isworth my time or that this is
something I should be doing.
I had moments where my daughterliterally said I wish you
didn't have dance practice, Iwant you to stay home.

(03:44):
And God, that pulled on myheartstrings Like gosh Flora.
Your daughter wants you to stayhome.
She's nine.
She's not going to want you tostay home all the time.
Maybe you should just forgetdoing this and stay home with
her.
And I've had times where I hadto have my daughter come with me
or my son to sit in the waitingroom while I had dance practice

(04:05):
because my husband was doingsomething else and their bedtime
was late and then I felt superguilty Like is this really worth
it?
I'm messing up bedtime, makingmy kid just sit in the corner
watching me.
Is this selfish to ask them todo that?
So I'm like I was reflecting onboth the self-doubt and
questioning and the enjoymentthis gave me, and I thought you

(04:28):
know what.
I bet other people experiencethis too.
So if this is you, I want toshare a message heart to heart,
mom to mom, dancer to dancer ordancer to whatever you are
writer, tennis player, whateverit is that you love and makes
your heart sing.
Friend, you don't have tochoose one or the other.
You don't have to choose to bea good mom or someone who is

(04:52):
pursuing some of their passions.
Because it turns out, as I doveinto some research, I was
reminded there are three keyways that pursuing our own
passions is actually reallybeneficial to our kids is
actually really beneficial toour kids.

(05:12):
First one hobbies show our kidsan amazing way to unwind right
In the big scheme of things, Ihope that my child doesn't just
see me grabbing a glass of wineand saying like, oh, I'm so glad
to get to relax, or watching TV.
Don't get me wrong, those areboth things that I do
occasionally but they are notwhat I want my kid to most see.
That is the main way I unwindand so them seeing this example

(05:33):
of me dancing and me sharingwith them this is something that
helps me just unwind.
It feels good, it's relaxing.
I like how I sweat and kind ofget out some stress from the day
or week and it's a way for meto model that I'm continuing my
lifelong interests and I hopethat they do the same.

(05:53):
I hope I'm not just taking themto piano lessons as something
that's a drag, but I do thatbecause I'm hoping that's a
lifelong skill for how theyunwind or relax.
That will continue.
Number two as I have continuedmy hobbies, I am reminded.
You know what Hobbies remindour kids that we're a real
person.

(06:14):
Like when I'm out there shakingmy butt and dancing to a kind
of sexy song.
I don't want to.
I don't feel bad about thatbecause I think it's a fun
moment.
My kids get to see me as a morewell-rounded person.
I'm not just the robot thatprovides dinner and buys the
groceries and does the work formoney for our family.

(06:36):
I want them to see me as a realperson.
I think that's going to beimportant to the future of our
relationship, that I aminteresting and I am stepping
into my own uniqueness andowning it and showing that.
I hope they do the same, sothey get to see me uniquely and
hopefully see me modeling that.

(06:58):
I hope they also will just owntheir uniqueness in this world.
And if you do not have a hobbythat you even have thought about
doing, then, girl, get after it.
This is your moment.
I encourage you to reflect.
What did you used to enjoy whenyou were younger?
What's something you did inyour 20s or what's something

(07:20):
that you always wanted to do?
Something on my bucket list isto learn how to pole dance or
aerial dance.
I mean, you know, if J-Lo cando it when she turns 50, why
can't I so dream big or dreambackwards?
I encourage you to giveyourself space for that.
And third of all, do you knowwhat engaging in our hobbies

(07:41):
gives our kids?
That actually empowers them fora life is so important.
Hobbies teach our kids.
They aren't the center of theuniverse.
Now, this is a big one.
I mean, think about it when youmake time for your hobby.
Or, like me with my kids thissummer.
There were sacrifices,absolutely.

(08:01):
But what a benefit to mychildren to remind them that,
just as I sacrifice things totake them to their hobbies and
be with them, it's okay for themto sacrifice some things to
support me.
We're a family and we allsupport one another.
That grows empathy, compassionand helpfulness in ways that

(08:25):
nothing else ever could right.
Compassion and helpfulness inways that nothing else ever
could right.
Asking my child to sit there atthe dance class while I have it
for 45 minutes is reallytangibly giving them an
opportunity to be helpful andsupportive, way more than any
lecture I could ever give themon those two qualities in life.
And in fact, psychologists areeven saying that there are new

(08:48):
studies revealing that childrenwho recognize and appreciate
their parents' efforts tend tobe adults who develop stronger
emotional intelligence anddeeper resilience.
So, friend, remember when Ipromised that the third benefit
would really turn that selfishscript upside down.
This is it, when you make timefor your passions and your kids

(09:12):
learn the world doesn't revolvearound them.
It's a good thing.
They grow empathy, they growflexibility, they practice
flexibility, they see what itmeans to support another
person's joy, and what abeautiful lesson that is.
It's not selfish.
It's shaping compassionate,resilient humans.
So next time you pick up thatpaintbrush, head to your tennis

(09:36):
match or go to a dance class,know that you're not just
filling your cup.
You're giving your kids a giftthat they'll carry for life.
You're giving your kids a giftthat they'll carry for life and
friends, speaking of gifts thatcarry for life.
Next episode we're going to bediving into sleep challenges and
sleep solutions with mywonderful guest.

(09:57):
And if you're looking for moresolutions around kids listening,
remember that in thedescription of this episode
there is a link to get my PDF ofthree key things that get kids
to listen.
Can't wait to see you againnext week, friend Bye for now.