November 12, 2025 • 15 mins
"My mom's a parenting coach and yes, it's annoying." Hear this, and more, in today's episode.
Today my special parenting expert guest is... my daughter, Eva! This is a chance for you to hear how we talk through challenges, problem-solve, and think about ways to manage tough situations.
In this episode, we explore how kind and firm parenting works, from the perspective of a 9-year-old.
Eva shares a child’s-eye view of what works, why “Annoying but effective” limits help, and how simple cues beat constant nagging.
• teaching through everyday observations without judgment
• revising consequences that don’t change behavior
• using charts as a neutral "third party bad guy."
• weekly screen-time tracking with visible limits
• chore clarity through shared calendars
• validating all feelings while limiting harmful actions
• reset choices: 1)silent hug or 2) space to calm down, so your child is able to calm down.
• disengaging from yelling while keeping connection open.
I hope you enjoy this very REAL life view at our family communication.
Mentioned Episode:
Episode 37 - How to Help Kids Calm Down Without Time Out
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to
my mom.
Sustainable parenting with FloraMcCormick.
SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
Today I'm sharing a special guest with you, my own
daughter, Eva.
And she has gotten interested inthis thing I'm doing of parent
coaching, and we've been havingsome interesting conversations
about parenting.
And so I thought I'd let youtake a listen.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.
(00:31):
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
that's really missing to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time.
And give you the exact steps tobe able to parent in ways that
are more realistic andeffective.
And for that reason, finally,feel sustainable.
(00:53):
Welcome.
Friend, if you'd like to leave areview to share how sustainable
parenting has been impactingyour life, I would be so
grateful.
It helps others to know what'spossible in their families too.
And you can do so easily byscrolling to the bottom of all
(01:16):
episodes, clicking on that fifthstar, and leaving a comment.
Also be sure you subscribe tothe podcast so that you
regularly get the downloads eachweek and don't miss a single
tool and strategy to beparenting with more kindness and
firmness at the same time.
So parenting finally feelssustainable.
(01:38):
Just as a side note, I neverthink parenting needs to be like
a secret to our kids.
I think it's really fun to talkthrough with them why we're
doing what we're doing, kind ofin the like a zooming out lens
outside of upset moments.
I love to pause and look atbehaviors we're seeing in public
of other kids and ask my kidsquestions, sometimes as like
(02:02):
general as looking over at atable at a restaurant and seeing
all four family members on theirphones and saying, like, guys,
what do you notice about that?
Because we're in the years wherethey don't have the temptation
of being on their phone yet.
And I want them to take a lookat that and reflect.
Also, there'll be times wherewe're watching a kid throw a
(02:22):
tantrum and how the parent'shandling it.
And we're not trying to judge,but I love to have moments like
that where after it's allhappened, I can say to the kids,
like, what did you notice aboutthat?
What do you think helped thatmoment go better that the parent
did?
And is there anything you sawthat you think didn't help it go
any better?
Um, so I encourage you toconsider after hearing this
(02:45):
conversation today, whether youmight want to have some
conversations like this withyour kids.
And so without further ado,let's hear a perspective on
parenting from a nine-year-old.
First of all, I have a veryspecial guest today, and I'm
gonna let her introduce herself.
SPEAKER_00 (03:02):
My name is Eva.
Um, I'm her daughter.
I'm nine, and yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
So we were having a conversation about like
parenting.
Yeah.
And you decided this year thatit was kind of cool that your
mom's a parenting coach or aprofessional counselor.
Not cool.
Cool is the wrong word.
SPEAKER_00 (03:21):
Yeah, I think it's the opposite.
SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
You decided it was not cool.
SPEAKER_00 (03:24):
No, I decided it was annoying.
No, actually, I just I didn'tdecide anything to say.
SPEAKER_01 (03:29):
Maybe you just kind of think it's interesting.
You're a little bit interested.
Yeah, I'm interested in it.
Okay, yeah, and you've kind oflike been curious, and we then
have started some conversationsabout what parenting really
means, like what it means tohave a certain approach.
SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
Yeah.
We have this thing in our familywhere if you have your light on,
like when you go to school, onelight is 50 cents.
So if you had like, let's say,four lights on your room, that'd
be two dollars.
SPEAKER_01 (03:57):
Mm-hmm.
Left on because I got tired ofnagging you and reminding you
and saying the lights are on,the lights are on, turn your
lights off, turn your lightsoff.
And so one thought we came upwith was let's just make a clear
agreement in advance that we'regoing to like, I'm not gonna nag
you.
You're gonna be responsible.
And if you aren't responsible,that's a part of your allowance.
(04:18):
You're shaking your head.
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
I don't think it helped that much because I still
leave my light on all the time.
This is such a good point.
I have just been thinking thisthing.
So then I'm just losing moneyand I can't can't make a change.
Yeah, I'm trying.
SPEAKER_01 (04:32):
This is a good example, so let's like talk this
through because this is whatfamily meetings can be about,
right?
Is like, how could we solve thisbetter then?
Because our current plan isn'tchanging your behavior, and it's
not my goal just to keep takingmoney from you.
My goal is to just not be upsetabout lights.
So maybe we could try somethingelse.
Do you have a different idea?
SPEAKER_00 (04:52):
Um could have some sort of like reminder on my door
or in my room.
Ooh.
SPEAKER_01 (05:00):
Cause like you think you kind of go out fast and you
you need like a little stop signor uh what what kind of a sign
would it be?
SPEAKER_00 (05:07):
Um, like maybe like on the garage door, you could
write light.
Like a light.
SPEAKER_01 (05:14):
You could do a light bulb picture and write the word
light and like just a reminderbefore you walk out there.
SPEAKER_00 (05:22):
But I feel like one reason I leave it on more and
Caleb doesn't is because if helooks over at the stairs, he can
look up.
And if it's on, he knows.
But if I looked right there, Icouldn't know.
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
Okay, here's another thing.
SPEAKER_00 (05:36):
Then he can just sit there and look and say, no, it's
not.
But I go up there all the wayupstairs, and then I look and
it's off, and then I godownstairs and it takes like two
minutes when I really have to goand I'm turning and I'm going
late.
SPEAKER_01 (05:49):
What I love here is you're like really trying to
stand in the shoes of the momentand think through is this gonna
work for me or not?
Um, so that makes me wonder whatif we put your sign of the light
at the bottom of the stairs?
So before you leave upstairs andyou're just looking down, about
to come down, it's like, ohthat's right.
(06:09):
I'm gonna turn my head, see ifit's on, just take care of it
right there.
Yeah.
Okay, I love this idea.
Let's give it a try.
SPEAKER_00 (06:16):
Let's see if that makes it feel better.
And we don't want to havesticker charts, but we have all
different like types of charts.
SPEAKER_01 (06:21):
Yeah, types of characters.
SPEAKER_00 (06:22):
Because like we have like the one that we have for
TV.
SPEAKER_01 (06:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:27):
Yeah, like the TV one.
SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
Yeah, we have this chart that's like we try to
basically have about three hoursof TV a week, a week that you
get to choose when when you haveit.
And we've made some squares thatrepresent 30 minutes, half odd
hour, and you kind of check itoff.
We used to physically check itoff.
Now that you're nine and eleven,we're kind of mentally checking
(06:50):
it.
SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
And also we use what are those like thingies, folder,
thingies, yeah, page protectors.
Yeah, so that you're not, let'ssay, like it was a chart, you're
not getting a new chart everyweek.
You're using the same one andjust erasing it every week.
SPEAKER_01 (07:06):
Yeah, those that are seeing this on YouTube would be
seeing a picture of it.
And we'll also post it inFacebook and Instagram.
So yeah, that's a great, that'sa great use of chart.
Where else do we use charts?
Uh that help.
You know what I call those, bythe way, when I'm parent
coaching?
I call that a third party badguy.
(07:27):
I've never told you this secretname.
Secret secrets are beingrevealed.
Dun dun dun.
Okay.
Do you you have a guess of why Iwould call a chart like that a
third party bad guy?
It really just doesn't makesense.
So I call it that because it'slike I get tired of being the
bad guy to say, like, youhaven't, you've watched too much
(07:48):
TV, you can't do another bit.
So I like to have a third party.
So it's not me telling you, it'sa third thing that's able to be
the bad guy.
That's kind of I'll say, Eva,look at your chart.
Do you have more time left?
And then the chart's able totell you, no, you do not.
And I don't have to be the badguy.
Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:10):
And that just be the second, not you're right.
SPEAKER_01 (08:14):
Can we call the second parent bad guy?
You could give it a differentname.
Anyhow.
Um, so that's why I like to dothat.
But what's another chart we useas a quote third party bad guy?
Um that tells you what needs tobe done so I don't have to.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
The morning calendar.
Oh, yeah.
We have Skylight.
Skylight, yeah.
And it's where you can likecheck stuff off.
So then we have our morningchores on that.
SPEAKER_01 (08:41):
And like, for instance, we used to argue over
is it my turn to do thedishwasher or is it your turn?
Yeah.
It just made it like boom.
We check it, we know who's turnto do it.
SPEAKER_00 (08:49):
And we have Sunday chores, and we always fight over
who does garbages.
So then we also added that tothe calendar.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Mm-hmm.
So that was just a clear takingturn.
Uh-huh.
Third party bad guy.
Love it.
Um, yay.
Okay, so we talked a little bitabout getting things done, like
responsibilities and things thatmotivate that.
How about emotions?
What have you learned aboutemotions?
(09:17):
Are they okay?
Are they not okay?
Do you just be as mad as youwant to yell as much as you
want?
What's okay?
How do we manage them?
Is it supposed to just make themgo away fast, or it's okay if
they take a while?
Like, what have you learnedabout your emotions?
SPEAKER_00 (09:34):
I don't know.
Like, emotions are okay, likehitting's not okay.
Anything like damaging things.
SPEAKER_01 (09:43):
Do you want me to give you my secret of also how I
explain that to parents?
SPEAKER_00 (09:46):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (09:47):
I usually say I think that all feelings are
okay.
Certain actions must be limited.
SPEAKER_00 (09:53):
Oh, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01 (09:55):
How does that make sense to you?
SPEAKER_00 (09:57):
Well, just because seriously, all feelings are
okay, and the actions have to beeliminated.
I don't know, it's prettyself-explanatory.
Yeah.
So you're like allowed to bemad, you're allowed to be sad,
you're allowed to do whateveryou want to do.
So you're not allowed to likehit things.
SPEAKER_01 (10:12):
So if those things are not allowed, what can you do
when you're mad?
SPEAKER_00 (10:17):
You could go in a small, big area.
Smaller, big area.
And I don't know, like just likehave alone time or ask if you
could like talk to your mom,have a hug, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_01 (10:36):
Yeah, that reminds me.
You you were using for a whilelike texting me on your watch,
like, can we talk?
SPEAKER_00 (10:41):
Oh, the only reason I texted you on my watch is
because I didn't want to godownstairs crying while we
guessed over.
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Oh, okay.
So sometimes you would do that.
Other times we used to use likea little notebook that you would
write something in.
SPEAKER_00 (10:54):
But that was only if I didn't get to talk to you.
Like if you didn't answer on mywatch, let's say, then I could
write something in there.
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (11:02):
And I liked that a lot because there were times
where I would try to talk to youand you would be like, Don't ask
me now, it's just making itworse.
And then I'd be like, I don'tknow what to do because I want
to talk about it, but it seemslike when I try to talk about
it, it makes you more upset.
So remember when we tried that,where you I would just write
down like how how are you doing,or you would write down when you
(11:24):
were mad and I could write back.
That worked a little better.
Yeah.
How about ignoring?
SPEAKER_00 (11:30):
So if kids get really mad about something, I
would say most likely don'tignore like just because
ignoring's basically like justlike letting them scream at you,
and you just have to ignore it.
So just walk away instead ofjust letting them scream at you.
Disengage.
Yeah, disengage instead ofignoring.
SPEAKER_01 (11:53):
And I I thought it was pretty funny that you said
the other day.
It's like super annoying, but itworks.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Say more about that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:02):
Well, because most things that are annoying and
like if something's annoying,you're not gonna do it again, so
they're more annoying.
Most likely if it's annoying, itworks.
SPEAKER_01 (12:12):
Like it's it's a little bit frustrating to you,
but it's teaching you that likethat isn't gonna work with mom.
SPEAKER_00 (12:20):
Yeah.
So if it was something like I'mgonna have you go to your room,
but yet they didn't haveanything else to do, then they
wouldn't care because they justget to go to their room and sit
and do what they would do.
SPEAKER_01 (12:35):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (12:36):
So then they don't mind.
Has to be something that they atleast are frustrated a little
about.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
Yeah.
So it's important somehow thatyou kind of if you're screaming
at someone or whatever, then thewalking away is a little
annoying to you because it'slike, uh, I wanted her to just
stay and be yelled at.
SPEAKER_00 (12:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:59):
But you also know it works because it stops you from
yelling.
Am I getting that right?
SPEAKER_00 (13:05):
And also don't just walk away, like give them some
sort of chance because ifthey're like trying to talk to
you and you just start walkingaway, it's not gonna help.
They're frustrated.
Like if they're frustrated, it'snot gonna help.
Just gonna make it worse.
So, like, say I can I'll giveyou the choice of a hug, or I'll
(13:27):
give you the choice to talk, butif you're getting, I'll give you
a hug or talk, but if you'regonna be yelling at me, then I'm
gonna walk away.
So, like, give them the choiceof some way to calm down and
don't just walk away and belike, you have to be happy now
or I'm leaving.
(13:47):
Be more like, uh, I'll give youa hug.
Yeah, talk about it.
But yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
This sounds like you are naming exactly what I teach
parents, which is the twooptions for how I say we reset.
Reset is either silent hug orspace to calm down.
And I'm glad that we've donethat so clearly that you can
name it.
You know those are the twooptions when you're needing to
yell.
Like, I'm happy to hug you andthen talk it through if we're
calm again.
(14:16):
But if we're not able to be calmyet, I'll just give you space to
calm down.
And if you want more on thatspecific idea, I encourage you
to check out episode 37, How toHelp Kids Calm Down Without
Timeout.
That's where we break down thisthought process around a silent
hug or space to calm down thatEva's talking about here.
(14:39):
There's a friend looking throughthe window now.
Come play with Eva so I knowwhere she wants to go.
All right.
In closing, I really love havingyou as a daughter, and I
appreciate you sharing youradvice for parents today.
SPEAKER_00 (14:52):
Yeah.
Listeners, if you need parentingadvice, talk to my mom.
Sustainable parenting with FloraMcCormick.
SPEAKER_01 (15:03):
Thanks so much, Judy.
SPEAKER_00 (15:06):
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to
my mom.
Sustainable parenting with FloraMcCormick.
SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
Today I'm sharing a special guest with you, my own
daughter, Eva.
And she has gotten interested inthis thing I'm doing of parent
coaching, and we've been havingsome interesting conversations
about parenting.
And so I thought I'd let youtake a listen.
Hello and welcome to theSustainable Parenting Podcast.
(00:31):
Let me tell you, friend, thisplace is different.
We fill that gap between gentleparenting and harsh discipline
that's really missing to parentwith kindness and firmness at
the same time.
And give you the exact steps tobe able to parent in ways that
are more realistic andeffective.
And for that reason, finally,feel sustainable.
(00:53):
Welcome.
Friend, if you'd like to leave areview to share how sustainable
parenting has been impactingyour life, I would be so
grateful.
It helps others to know what'spossible in their families too.
And you can do so easily byscrolling to the bottom of all
(01:16):
episodes, clicking on that fifthstar, and leaving a comment.
Also be sure you subscribe tothe podcast so that you
regularly get the downloads eachweek and don't miss a single
tool and strategy to beparenting with more kindness and
firmness at the same time.
So parenting finally feelssustainable.
(01:38):
Just as a side note, I neverthink parenting needs to be like
a secret to our kids.
I think it's really fun to talkthrough with them why we're
doing what we're doing, kind ofin the like a zooming out lens
outside of upset moments.
I love to pause and look atbehaviors we're seeing in public
of other kids and ask my kidsquestions, sometimes as like
(02:02):
general as looking over at atable at a restaurant and seeing
all four family members on theirphones and saying, like, guys,
what do you notice about that?
Because we're in the years wherethey don't have the temptation
of being on their phone yet.
And I want them to take a lookat that and reflect.
Also, there'll be times wherewe're watching a kid throw a
(02:22):
tantrum and how the parent'shandling it.
And we're not trying to judge,but I love to have moments like
that where after it's allhappened, I can say to the kids,
like, what did you notice aboutthat?
What do you think helped thatmoment go better that the parent
did?
And is there anything you sawthat you think didn't help it go
any better?
Um, so I encourage you toconsider after hearing this
(02:45):
conversation today, whether youmight want to have some
conversations like this withyour kids.
And so without further ado,let's hear a perspective on
parenting from a nine-year-old.
First of all, I have a veryspecial guest today, and I'm
gonna let her introduce herself.
SPEAKER_00 (03:02):
My name is Eva.
Um, I'm her daughter.
I'm nine, and yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (03:09):
So we were having a conversation about like
parenting.
Yeah.
And you decided this year thatit was kind of cool that your
mom's a parenting coach or aprofessional counselor.
Not cool.
Cool is the wrong word.
SPEAKER_00 (03:21):
Yeah, I think it's the opposite.
SPEAKER_01 (03:23):
You decided it was not cool.
SPEAKER_00 (03:24):
No, I decided it was annoying.
No, actually, I just I didn'tdecide anything to say.
SPEAKER_01 (03:29):
Maybe you just kind of think it's interesting.
You're a little bit interested.
Yeah, I'm interested in it.
Okay, yeah, and you've kind oflike been curious, and we then
have started some conversationsabout what parenting really
means, like what it means tohave a certain approach.
SPEAKER_00 (03:42):
Yeah.
We have this thing in our familywhere if you have your light on,
like when you go to school, onelight is 50 cents.
So if you had like, let's say,four lights on your room, that'd
be two dollars.
SPEAKER_01 (03:57):
Mm-hmm.
Left on because I got tired ofnagging you and reminding you
and saying the lights are on,the lights are on, turn your
lights off, turn your lightsoff.
And so one thought we came upwith was let's just make a clear
agreement in advance that we'regoing to like, I'm not gonna nag
you.
You're gonna be responsible.
And if you aren't responsible,that's a part of your allowance.
(04:18):
You're shaking your head.
SPEAKER_00 (04:20):
I don't think it helped that much because I still
leave my light on all the time.
This is such a good point.
I have just been thinking thisthing.
So then I'm just losing moneyand I can't can't make a change.
Yeah, I'm trying.
SPEAKER_01 (04:32):
This is a good example, so let's like talk this
through because this is whatfamily meetings can be about,
right?
Is like, how could we solve thisbetter then?
Because our current plan isn'tchanging your behavior, and it's
not my goal just to keep takingmoney from you.
My goal is to just not be upsetabout lights.
So maybe we could try somethingelse.
Do you have a different idea?
SPEAKER_00 (04:52):
Um could have some sort of like reminder on my door
or in my room.
Ooh.
SPEAKER_01 (05:00):
Cause like you think you kind of go out fast and you
you need like a little stop signor uh what what kind of a sign
would it be?
SPEAKER_00 (05:07):
Um, like maybe like on the garage door, you could
write light.
Like a light.
SPEAKER_01 (05:14):
You could do a light bulb picture and write the word
light and like just a reminderbefore you walk out there.
SPEAKER_00 (05:22):
But I feel like one reason I leave it on more and
Caleb doesn't is because if helooks over at the stairs, he can
look up.
And if it's on, he knows.
But if I looked right there, Icouldn't know.
SPEAKER_01 (05:34):
Okay, here's another thing.
SPEAKER_00 (05:36):
Then he can just sit there and look and say, no, it's
not.
But I go up there all the wayupstairs, and then I look and
it's off, and then I godownstairs and it takes like two
minutes when I really have to goand I'm turning and I'm going
late.
SPEAKER_01 (05:49):
What I love here is you're like really trying to
stand in the shoes of the momentand think through is this gonna
work for me or not?
Um, so that makes me wonder whatif we put your sign of the light
at the bottom of the stairs?
So before you leave upstairs andyou're just looking down, about
to come down, it's like, ohthat's right.
(06:09):
I'm gonna turn my head, see ifit's on, just take care of it
right there.
Yeah.
Okay, I love this idea.
Let's give it a try.
SPEAKER_00 (06:16):
Let's see if that makes it feel better.
And we don't want to havesticker charts, but we have all
different like types of charts.
SPEAKER_01 (06:21):
Yeah, types of characters.
SPEAKER_00 (06:22):
Because like we have like the one that we have for
TV.
SPEAKER_01 (06:26):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:27):
Yeah, like the TV one.
SPEAKER_01 (06:28):
Yeah, we have this chart that's like we try to
basically have about three hoursof TV a week, a week that you
get to choose when when you haveit.
And we've made some squares thatrepresent 30 minutes, half odd
hour, and you kind of check itoff.
We used to physically check itoff.
Now that you're nine and eleven,we're kind of mentally checking
(06:50):
it.
SPEAKER_00 (06:50):
And also we use what are those like thingies, folder,
thingies, yeah, page protectors.
Yeah, so that you're not, let'ssay, like it was a chart, you're
not getting a new chart everyweek.
You're using the same one andjust erasing it every week.
SPEAKER_01 (07:06):
Yeah, those that are seeing this on YouTube would be
seeing a picture of it.
And we'll also post it inFacebook and Instagram.
So yeah, that's a great, that'sa great use of chart.
Where else do we use charts?
Uh that help.
You know what I call those, bythe way, when I'm parent
coaching?
I call that a third party badguy.
(07:27):
I've never told you this secretname.
Secret secrets are beingrevealed.
Dun dun dun.
Okay.
Do you you have a guess of why Iwould call a chart like that a
third party bad guy?
It really just doesn't makesense.
So I call it that because it'slike I get tired of being the
bad guy to say, like, youhaven't, you've watched too much
(07:48):
TV, you can't do another bit.
So I like to have a third party.
So it's not me telling you, it'sa third thing that's able to be
the bad guy.
That's kind of I'll say, Eva,look at your chart.
Do you have more time left?
And then the chart's able totell you, no, you do not.
And I don't have to be the badguy.
Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (08:10):
And that just be the second, not you're right.
SPEAKER_01 (08:14):
Can we call the second parent bad guy?
You could give it a differentname.
Anyhow.
Um, so that's why I like to dothat.
But what's another chart we useas a quote third party bad guy?
Um that tells you what needs tobe done so I don't have to.
SPEAKER_00 (08:28):
The morning calendar.
Oh, yeah.
We have Skylight.
Skylight, yeah.
And it's where you can likecheck stuff off.
So then we have our morningchores on that.
SPEAKER_01 (08:41):
And like, for instance, we used to argue over
is it my turn to do thedishwasher or is it your turn?
Yeah.
It just made it like boom.
We check it, we know who's turnto do it.
SPEAKER_00 (08:49):
And we have Sunday chores, and we always fight over
who does garbages.
So then we also added that tothe calendar.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Mm-hmm.
So that was just a clear takingturn.
Uh-huh.
Third party bad guy.
Love it.
Um, yay.
Okay, so we talked a little bitabout getting things done, like
responsibilities and things thatmotivate that.
How about emotions?
What have you learned aboutemotions?
(09:17):
Are they okay?
Are they not okay?
Do you just be as mad as youwant to yell as much as you
want?
What's okay?
How do we manage them?
Is it supposed to just make themgo away fast, or it's okay if
they take a while?
Like, what have you learnedabout your emotions?
SPEAKER_00 (09:34):
I don't know.
Like, emotions are okay, likehitting's not okay.
Anything like damaging things.
SPEAKER_01 (09:43):
Do you want me to give you my secret of also how I
explain that to parents?
SPEAKER_00 (09:46):
What?
SPEAKER_01 (09:47):
I usually say I think that all feelings are
okay.
Certain actions must be limited.
SPEAKER_00 (09:53):
Oh, that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01 (09:55):
How does that make sense to you?
SPEAKER_00 (09:57):
Well, just because seriously, all feelings are
okay, and the actions have to beeliminated.
I don't know, it's prettyself-explanatory.
Yeah.
So you're like allowed to bemad, you're allowed to be sad,
you're allowed to do whateveryou want to do.
So you're not allowed to likehit things.
SPEAKER_01 (10:12):
So if those things are not allowed, what can you do
when you're mad?
SPEAKER_00 (10:17):
You could go in a small, big area.
Smaller, big area.
And I don't know, like just likehave alone time or ask if you
could like talk to your mom,have a hug, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_01 (10:36):
Yeah, that reminds me.
You you were using for a whilelike texting me on your watch,
like, can we talk?
SPEAKER_00 (10:41):
Oh, the only reason I texted you on my watch is
because I didn't want to godownstairs crying while we
guessed over.
SPEAKER_01 (10:47):
Oh, okay.
So sometimes you would do that.
Other times we used to use likea little notebook that you would
write something in.
SPEAKER_00 (10:54):
But that was only if I didn't get to talk to you.
Like if you didn't answer on mywatch, let's say, then I could
write something in there.
Yep.
SPEAKER_01 (11:02):
And I liked that a lot because there were times
where I would try to talk to youand you would be like, Don't ask
me now, it's just making itworse.
And then I'd be like, I don'tknow what to do because I want
to talk about it, but it seemslike when I try to talk about
it, it makes you more upset.
So remember when we tried that,where you I would just write
down like how how are you doing,or you would write down when you
(11:24):
were mad and I could write back.
That worked a little better.
Yeah.
How about ignoring?
SPEAKER_00 (11:30):
So if kids get really mad about something, I
would say most likely don'tignore like just because
ignoring's basically like justlike letting them scream at you,
and you just have to ignore it.
So just walk away instead ofjust letting them scream at you.
Disengage.
Yeah, disengage instead ofignoring.
SPEAKER_01 (11:53):
And I I thought it was pretty funny that you said
the other day.
It's like super annoying, but itworks.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Say more about that.
SPEAKER_00 (12:02):
Well, because most things that are annoying and
like if something's annoying,you're not gonna do it again, so
they're more annoying.
Most likely if it's annoying, itworks.
SPEAKER_01 (12:12):
Like it's it's a little bit frustrating to you,
but it's teaching you that likethat isn't gonna work with mom.
SPEAKER_00 (12:20):
Yeah.
So if it was something like I'mgonna have you go to your room,
but yet they didn't haveanything else to do, then they
wouldn't care because they justget to go to their room and sit
and do what they would do.
SPEAKER_01 (12:35):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (12:36):
So then they don't mind.
Has to be something that they atleast are frustrated a little
about.
SPEAKER_01 (12:43):
Yeah.
So it's important somehow thatyou kind of if you're screaming
at someone or whatever, then thewalking away is a little
annoying to you because it'slike, uh, I wanted her to just
stay and be yelled at.
SPEAKER_00 (12:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (12:59):
But you also know it works because it stops you from
yelling.
Am I getting that right?
SPEAKER_00 (13:05):
And also don't just walk away, like give them some
sort of chance because ifthey're like trying to talk to
you and you just start walkingaway, it's not gonna help.
They're frustrated.
Like if they're frustrated, it'snot gonna help.
Just gonna make it worse.
So, like, say I can I'll giveyou the choice of a hug, or I'll
(13:27):
give you the choice to talk, butif you're getting, I'll give you
a hug or talk, but if you'regonna be yelling at me, then I'm
gonna walk away.
So, like, give them the choiceof some way to calm down and
don't just walk away and belike, you have to be happy now
or I'm leaving.
(13:47):
Be more like, uh, I'll give youa hug.
Yeah, talk about it.
But yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (13:56):
This sounds like you are naming exactly what I teach
parents, which is the twooptions for how I say we reset.
Reset is either silent hug orspace to calm down.
And I'm glad that we've donethat so clearly that you can
name it.
You know those are the twooptions when you're needing to
yell.
Like, I'm happy to hug you andthen talk it through if we're
calm again.
(14:16):
But if we're not able to be calmyet, I'll just give you space to
calm down.
And if you want more on thatspecific idea, I encourage you
to check out episode 37, How toHelp Kids Calm Down Without
Timeout.
That's where we break down thisthought process around a silent
hug or space to calm down thatEva's talking about here.
(14:39):
There's a friend looking throughthe window now.
Come play with Eva so I knowwhere she wants to go.
All right.
In closing, I really love havingyou as a daughter, and I
appreciate you sharing youradvice for parents today.
SPEAKER_00 (14:52):
Yeah.
Listeners, if you need parentingadvice, talk to my mom.
Sustainable parenting with FloraMcCormick.
SPEAKER_01 (15:03):
Thanks so much, Judy.
SPEAKER_00 (15:06):
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
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