139. Rethinking Devices: Why Less Screen Time Today Builds Calmer Kids Tomorrow

Screens often show up as gifts—but they come with big questions. In this episode, we talk honestly about kids’ tech, family values, and how to decrease those overwhelming tantrums over tech. 

If you’re focused on raising confident kids while keeping tech in its place, this episode will support you. If you have struggled to know where to set boundaries on tech, this will give you those clear guardrails.  

By the time you finish listening, you’ll learn:

• Why boredom supports creativity and listening (how to get kids to listen without more rules)
• What’s happening in the brain when games and apps rely on constant rewards
• How kind and firm parenting reduces screen-related power struggles
• Why not all screens are equal—and what to watch out for
• How positive discipline and clear limits protect sleep, mood, and attention

Need SCREEN-FREE ideas? We got you! 👇🏼

https://courses.sustainableparenting.com/products/digital_downloads/screenfreeFun

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✨ Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen, for strategies that take you out of the "gentle mom - monster mom" cycle, with effective positive parenting strategies.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_01 (00:02):
Hey friend, the holiday season is here, and wish
lists, of course, probablyinclude a lot of technology:
iPhones, Apple Watches, videogames, and tablets.
And let me tell you, these aresome of the top things that I am
paid to help parents overcome.
Meaning, they spend money onthese amazing devices and then
they end up spending money on acoach to help work through all

(00:25):
of the battles that arise fromthose devices.
So let me save you the troubleand give you some of my top tips
today in our episode abouttechnology and the holidays in
gifting.
Hey friend, welcome back to theSustainable Parenting Podcast,
where we bridge the gap betweenoverly gentle parenting and
overly harsh discipline so thatyou finally have the joy and

(00:48):
ease you've been missing.
When you are parenting withkindness and firmness at the
same time, ugh, parentingfinally feels sustainable.
You have dependable calm andresilience built in your child.
I'm your host, Flora McCormick,licensed therapist, parenting
coach, and I'm so glad you'rehere.

(01:10):
First of all, let's talk aboutwhy this is challenging.
Technology is everywhere, it'sall around us, and it's very
easy to get swept up in everyoneelse has it, my kid really wants
it, I don't want them to feelleft out.
And 100% I hear that, especiallyas kids get older, it is
important that they not feelexcluded or ostracized in some

(01:33):
way for not being able to keepup.
Although I want to be honestthat I hear a lot more of
keeping up with the Joneses thanreally, frankly, plain keeping
up.
Meaning it's usually a littlemore about won't he not feel as
cool or something like that.
And so I want us to keep to ourvalues.

(01:54):
What really matters here,friend?
If my child is going to beteased a little bit, is that
something that I'm going to say,I'd rather they have this device
and not get teased?
Or do I want to equip them tomanage the teasing situation and
know how to confidently bethemselves?
Similarly, if the drive to getinto more technology is about

(02:16):
your kids being bored or notbeing happy or able to entertain
without devices, ooh, that'sanother deep one, friend.
I want to reflect with you andpause to say, oh, this is one of
the most common areas where Isee people creating their own
worst enemy that they are thenbattling against.

(02:39):
Meaning, many parents who cometo me saying, Oh, it's just a
battle every time I turn off theiPad, and yet he won't be happy
unless he's on it.
There's no other way.
He will just like whine andcomplain and drag and pick on
his sister unless he's on thatthing.
But I find these thingsaffecting each other.

(02:59):
The more you're givingtechnology, the more that's
their main way to entertain, themore they are unable to
entertain without it.
The more their brains are friedand overly saturated with
stimulation, so that they aremore likely to be emotionally
dysregulated when it's turnedoff or they don't have it.
Friends, let's be really, reallyreal about this.

(03:21):
Technology, as simple as gamesthat are on an iPad and seem
quote, educational all the wayup, certainly through social
media and even texting, isdesigned to keep your child's
attention, to keep them addictedto it.
Like legit, they are notdesigned to just be helpful.

(03:43):
They are designed to addict thechild to that thing.
So let's reframe some questions.
Instead of just, is thisimportant for my child to keep
up with others?
Or is this something I want tokeep them entertained?
Let's talk about is thissomething that's going to create
more problems for us?

(04:04):
So many of technology itemsreally often do, my friend.
They create more problems thanhelp the problems.
So think about your child.
A, are they having troubleentertaining without technology?
Let's not give them more.
This is actually an indicationthey need less.
These are families where I amseeing people take dramatic um

(04:26):
breaks from technology andseeing dramatic positive
results.
So consider that option.
You thought you needed to leanmore into it?
Actually, what could it looklike to lean away?
Just something to consider.
Another question to ask yourselfis am I noticing that my child
is having really elevatedemotions a lot?

(04:48):
Well, that often can be becauseof the addiction cycle of
adrenaline rush that they getwhen they're on games or even
getting the ping of responsesfrom people who are texting
them, or the reward of prizesgained in educational um games.
So if we are seeing that, knowthat we need to dramatically

(05:10):
lessen or even remove certaintypes of technology.
Here's what we find are themore, here's what we find are
the least damaging forms oftechnology TV and movies.
Watching a show as a family orwatching a movie as a family or
kids with siblings or kids ontheir own, see stories, see

(05:34):
resolutions of challenges, andsee examples of overcoming
obstacles or things like that.
No gaming, no YouTube videos, ormost YouTube videos do that for
a child.
And so if you're going toconsider any type of technology,
that is what I would mostrecommend.

(05:55):
And if one last question is, howdo I keep get in touch more with
my child or be able tocoordinate with them plans and
have them have independence ofskiing or walking to school on
their own or being at a sportevent where they get a ride home
with a friend's parent?
There are answers that are notas invasive.
One of my favorites, and I'm notbeing sponsored by them or

(06:18):
anything, is the Fitbit ace,which is a watch where the kids
can text with you, theirparents, and any other adult
that you put on that device.
They're not able to communicatewith other friends or peers, and
they are not able to be, youknow, um on any sort of apps

(06:39):
because it doesn't have thattechnology available.
So, friend, here we are.
This is just my little PSA.
Real quick tip if you areconsidering technology as a way
to keep your kid entertained ora way to be able to have them
keep up with others, or yousimply are thinking that it's
helpful for them.

(06:59):
I gotta tell you, as a parentingcoach of over 20 years, it is
one of the top things that I seeharming relationships, brains,
and certainly boundaries.
Makes it very hard to um holdboundaries around these things
if they get into the slipperyslope of having more than
they're really capable ofmanaging.
And the younger they are and thehigher level of technology they

(07:22):
have, the more that is really aconflict.
How do you tell your child thatyou're wanting to simplify or
say no to devices?
I want to offer you a script.
This device is something that isa tool, not a toy.
And so when your brain is readyfor that tool, we absolutely
will get it for you.

(07:42):
And for now, we want to focus onother types of toys.
Getting outside, you know, thesport activities that we pay
for, or extracurriculars, thingslike that.
And friend, if you're like, howelse do I entertain this kid?
Then it's winter, it's a hardtime.
I have a solution for you.
I have an anti-technologyoptions uh list that I am happy

(08:05):
to share with you, and I'll putthe link in this show
description so you can easilygrab it and have that resource.
There are games that you canplay, there are little
checklists of things to see ifhow many of these could we do
over the holiday break.
And I hope that they reallyequip and empower you to still
have wonderful time over thisholiday break and do so in a way
that is not going to add theconflict that technology often

(08:29):
adds.
All right, friend, and join menext week as we'll talk about
setting holiday New Year'sresolutions and how I recommend
reflecting on the year behind usand making intentions for the
year ahead using sustainabletools that are both kind and
firm at the same time soparenting finally feels
sustainable.

SPEAKER_00 (08:49):
See you again soon, friend.
Listeners, if you need parentingadvice, talk to my mom.
Sustainable parenting with FloraMcCormick.

SPEAKER_01 (09:00):
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(09:23):
tool and strategy to beparenting with more kindness and
firmness at the same time soparenting finally feels
sustainable.