EP #106: Jazzi Salute

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_04 (00:00):
Ruin your family.
Your wife will never look at youthe same.
She'll be never quite somethingwon't feel right when you're
inside of her.

SPEAKER_05 (00:07):
It's so devastating when you reveal a part of
yourself on podcasts.
Me?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (00:12):
What are you talking about?
This is how you feel about youraspirations that if you can't
achieve it, then everyone aroundyou will fold like a complete
chair.
No, no.
No, no.

SPEAKER_02 (00:21):
This is this is not This is a projection I can't I
could not have anticipated.

SPEAKER_04 (00:25):
No, no, this is how this is not how I feel about my
aspirations.
This is how I feel about youraspirations.
I know, I know, I know.
Yeah, yeah.
Not mine.
I'm fine.
I don't my stakes are very lowstakes.

SPEAKER_02 (00:34):
I know, I know.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (00:35):
Low stakes.
I can't.

SPEAKER_04 (00:36):
No kids, no.

SPEAKER_03 (00:37):
But you're what I'm saying is you're you're saying
when you don't you're worriedbecause when you have high
stakes, that's what will happento you.
Uh no, I will achieve what I setout to achieve.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's a totally differentsituation.

SPEAKER_02 (00:50):
I won't even you won't even put yourself in that
situation.

SPEAKER_03 (00:52):
Yeah, no, I will.
You'll have already made itbefore you would have these high
stakes.
I'm already, yeah, I'm alreadyat uh I'm in the stratosphere
right now.
Yeah, there's a spiritually, youknow.
There's a bit, uh I don't knowif you hear the show Peacemaker.

SPEAKER_04 (01:04):
Yeah, is it any good?

SPEAKER_03 (01:05):
I like it.
I like it.
Who's the guy?
Kid Rock?
What's his name?
James Gunn.
James Gunn.
John Cena is the lead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (01:12):
I get Kid Rock and John Cena mixed up.

SPEAKER_05 (01:15):
Yeah.
John Cena really nails the crapout of it.
Uh I think he's a greatcharacter, very dynamic.
And one of the things that thathappens in the show is there's
this chick, she's kind of thisrough and tumble, like kind of
take no shit, you know, FBIbaddie.

SPEAKER_04 (01:31):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 (01:31):
And uh she gets like diagnosed with toxic masculinity
from her therapist, and she'slike, shut the fuck off, you
have no idea what you're talkingabout.
That's so funny.
And like then she like goes on abender and like kick beats the
shit out of like eight dudes ata bar.
That's not bad.

SPEAKER_05 (01:45):
And she's like all like bloodied and bandaged up,
and she's like at CVS the nextday, like looking through like
some bandages, and some poor oldwoman's like, um, excuse me,
like I just wanted you to know,like, you don't have to stay in
these systems of violence if youdon't want to.

SPEAKER_02 (02:03):
Like, there are people who can help and support
you, like, you don't have to bewith someone who hurts you.
And this chick's like, Look,lady, I'm not a fucking mirror,
okay?
Like, I don't have the samestory as you.
Get out of here.
That's not what you think.
I got in a fight.

SPEAKER_03 (02:19):
Shut the fuck up.
Yeah.
So that's that's how I feelsometimes talking to you.
Oh, gosh.
That was a long walk.
I thought you were justnarrating the episode for me.

SPEAKER_02 (02:29):
I just want to let you know what happened last
week, though.

SPEAKER_03 (02:31):
And then what happened, and then what
happened.
And then Peacethinker got aneagle.
No, I just wanted to let youknow how I feel sometimes
talking to you.

SPEAKER_04 (02:37):
It's all good.
Yeah.
Um, well, good.

SPEAKER_05 (02:40):
Yeah, because you you think you you love to let me
know how I should feel about mylife.

SPEAKER_04 (02:44):
No, not should.
Uh I think of how you're afraidto feel.

SPEAKER_03 (02:51):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (02:53):
That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 (02:54):
All the above.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (02:55):
It's uh it's the fear you hide.

SPEAKER_03 (02:56):
You're letting me know how my feelings should
work.

SPEAKER_04 (03:00):
No.
I would never let you know howyour feelings should work.
I'm just telling you to not beafraid.
Don't be afraid of fear.
Hey, don't be afraid of uh yourfear of failure.
Yeah, don't be don't be afraidof fear.
You know, be afraid of fear.
That's what they say.
I think that was I think thatwas uh Yeah, I think that was
Santa Claus that said that.
Never be afraid of fear.

SPEAKER_05 (03:22):
You've never ripped a blue fora before, brother?

SPEAKER_04 (03:25):
It's yeah, I I I have.

SPEAKER_05 (03:27):
This is so good.

SPEAKER_04 (03:29):
Yeah, there's so much sugar in it, though.

SPEAKER_05 (03:30):
No, wait.
What do you Okay Yes?
Uh fuck 28 grams of sugar.

SPEAKER_03 (03:37):
The other ones are like three.

SPEAKER_04 (03:39):
Uh none none of your gas station ones.
The mint one also has 28 grams,too.

SPEAKER_03 (03:43):
Really?
I thought Peach Revival was likethree.

SPEAKER_04 (03:45):
Uh yeah, but you don't have there's there's no
peach revival at the No, I justwent to this other one that I I
had all the flavors.

SPEAKER_03 (03:51):
They had all six flavors.
What gas station has all sixflavors?
Down Beach Beach.
Beach Beach?
Beach Beach.
What does that even mean?
Beach Beach?
Down that way?
North.
North North?
Yeah, I was coming from 22.
Oh, wow.
So coming down south.
Yeah, nice.
Stop by this other place, muchnicer.

SPEAKER_05 (04:12):
Very, very well lit and lotta options.
So got one of these.

SPEAKER_04 (04:18):
Nice.

SPEAKER_05 (04:18):
Well, and I I honestly I never had blue for
you before.

SPEAKER_04 (04:21):
They're very good.

SPEAKER_03 (04:22):
And you know what I say about uh 21st century
artificial flavoring?
Blue is best.
Yeah.
Blue is yeah across the board.
Best in the West.
Lollipops, blue.
Pop Tarts, blue.
Because the blue doesn't giveyou autism.
Gatorade, blue.
Because red gives you autism.

SPEAKER_05 (04:42):
Everything gives you bl blotism.

SPEAKER_04 (04:45):
And that sugar will give us blobtism eventually.

SPEAKER_03 (04:47):
They said circumcision gives you autism.
Oh, I remember that.

SPEAKER_04 (04:51):
Oh, so you tell me every every Jew's tell me every
Jew's retarded?

SPEAKER_02 (04:59):
I bet before I can't I hit I hit the side of the
button.

SPEAKER_03 (05:05):
I'm off by just a millisecond.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (05:07):
I'm so excited to hit the stylinol, it's
circumcision.
Yeah, and I guess he's yeah, Iguess he's like, yeah, the the
you know, you know these kids,they can't, you know, they can't
uh wipe their own dicks and theycan't come in their own asses
and they can't eat and maketheir own mac and cheese, and
we're ruining, we're ruiningthese kids with this stuff, you
know.
Which I'm like, maybe, maybehe's right.

(05:29):
Hi, here's the thing, here'shere's my take.
He's right, and we don't care.
Good.
That's the problem.
The problem about RFK is he'smanaged to build this perfect
image about being he's probablyright about a lot of things, but
he's managed to present it in away to where it forces us not to
give a fuck about anything thathe's saying.

SPEAKER_03 (05:47):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (05:47):
It's hard.

SPEAKER_03 (05:48):
Yeah, and I'm trying truly to think of some any
vehicle, any vessel, any personthat could deliver this message
in a way that we would care.
I think just because of thestate of disarray that our
country is in, our world andwhere we are right now as a as a
people, this information isinvalid.
I think I think Zoron, if hetalked about it, I think we

(06:10):
would listen.
He was like, listen, they'rechock chopping off those baby
cocks and it's making themretarded.
Well, hear me out.
Like, do you know when you'relike you're you're like, I want
to restart my computer?
Yes.
Like everything's shutting down.
And it's like, hey, there's theword file that says like taxes
from mom.
Do you want to sure you want toclose it up?

SPEAKER_02 (06:28):
It's like fucking close it.

SPEAKER_03 (06:29):
Yeah, yeah.
We don't care anymore aboutthese these last little close it
up.
Yeah.
Just shut it down.
We're done.

SPEAKER_02 (06:36):
We're d I don't need these these last minute messages
about oh, maybe because you werecircumcised in 1992, you have a
touch of the tiz.
Yeah.
Hey, newsflash, brother.

SPEAKER_05 (06:46):
I've been mainlining Legos and I can't stop thinking
about Star Wars for the last 30years.

SPEAKER_03 (06:50):
I got the tiz, brother.

SPEAKER_04 (06:52):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Probably, you know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's uh Yeah, I don't I justdon't care.
I I I just there's too muchstuff going on, so I just I
can't I can't care about any ofit.

SPEAKER_05 (07:05):
I I think that's how the media conglomerate works.
If you're listening to thispodcast, you know first and
foremost, we are a heavy uhmedia complex uh phil philosoph
philosophy forward podcast.
The media wants to throw as muchinformation at you at once.

SPEAKER_03 (07:21):
Why?
To one, desensitize, two,distract, and to three, duck
off.
Duck the fuck off.
Yeah, exactly.
No, I was gonna say uh uh uhdoink doink you.
Yeah.
What'd I say?
A distract uh uh disarraydisillusion uh I don't know I

(07:45):
lost it you lost me with yourfucking stupid I don't know but
it's yeah I mean Don't cut meoff XM.
I was gonna do a big bit.
I was gonna do a big three D'sand I lost it.
And it was a really funny D.
Was the D gonna be really funny?
No.
Oh, it's gonna be serious?
Yeah.
I was doing a serious pointabout how you've been
desensitized.
Oh, desensitized, disillusioned.

(08:07):
Third one, uh, Drew Bach.

SPEAKER_05 (08:09):
Hey.
Are you happy with that?
Does that make you happy?

SPEAKER_03 (08:15):
Is that better?
No.
No?
Start it again.
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (08:21):
Come on, dumbass.
Welcome to the Swallow Daddiespodcast.
Oh my goodness, we are here.
Like, comment, subscribe.
Sorry this podcast came outlate.
RJ just keeps It's not late.
Oh, this one's gonna be on time.

SPEAKER_03 (08:35):
Sorry, Drew has nothing to do with production,
has no idea what this is.
You were telling me that it'sgonna be late today, but uh no,
the one that's already been theone that's already been going.

SPEAKER_04 (08:44):
So we're sorry for last week.

SPEAKER_00 (08:46):
Um It was out barely later.

SPEAKER_04 (08:48):
RJ was out RJ was out with On a Bender.

SPEAKER_03 (08:51):
Yeah, just just we just donk and Pollocks.
And triple shots of a naho.
Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 (08:58):
And triple shots of a naho.
Yeah, you were you were outthere, but anyway, so yeah,
we're we're here and we'realive, and thanks for keep
listening.
And and uh thanks for keeplistening.

SPEAKER_03 (09:09):
Now, could you take it again a little more genuine
and excited for our listeners athome?
Thank you guys.
You'd be the worst like CVScashier of all time.
I'm a pretty good CVS cashier.
Guaranteed.
Did I tell you I'd been workingat CVS?
I'd hope.
All right, you're ready forwhat?
Uh ready for uh CVS cashiervoice.

(09:29):
All right.
Hey guys, thanks so much forsubscribing.
Uh like, comment, share.
We love you.
God bless you, honestly.
We're having so much fun doingthis every week for you.
Does it feel disingenuous toyou?
Yes, deeply.
And everyone at home wouldagree.
And first of all, CVS cashiersdon't talk like podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 (09:47):
That's you get that thing.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (09:50):
Sorry, I tried to I tried to blend the two.
I should have just gone straightCVS.
Yeah, they're like, Welcome towell, welcome to CVS fam.
Oh, we out here.
Get your goldfish, get your bodywash, get your hemorrhoid cream.
Yeah, get your get your G1.
Yeah, exactly.
You fucking fat ass.
Yeah, it's uh What was that?
What was that one?
The hot the hot girls alwayshustle an energy drink.
What was it?

(10:10):
Bang energy.
You remember that?
Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (10:13):
That's one of my jazz licks.
Every doink thought it was likebang.

SPEAKER_03 (10:15):
Was that one of your jazz lecks?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Still is.
Bang energy.
What's the I like how it's it'sso it's such a throwaway.
I started uh I would I always uhI love using amp energy as throw
crazy.
It's the Mountain Dew, right?
That's the Mountain Dew energydrink?
No.
Is it a subsidiary subsidiary ofCoca-Cola?
Subsidiary of Coca-Cola?

(10:36):
And brother, everything's asubsidiary.
It's not a type of Mountain Dewor whatever.
AMP is the Mountain Dew energydrink.
No, is it really?
I don't think energy is acompletely different thing.
The font threw me, brother.
Oh, really?
I'm glad you remember.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, fonts are important.
I font to suck your blood.
Come on now.

(10:57):
Is this thing on?
I want a fonta.
I want no font.
Oh yeah, like Fanta.
Okay.
Stupid.

SPEAKER_04 (11:08):
Uh Fantum Bride.
Come on now.
How's your blue fora?

SPEAKER_03 (11:13):
Again, like I was saying, blue for it.

SPEAKER_04 (11:16):
It's an all it's an alt-universe euphoria uh TV
show, but they never come.

SPEAKER_03 (11:21):
Yeah, this just tastes like uh Zendaya's
happiness.

SPEAKER_04 (11:25):
It's it's if Zendaya never got to come.
No.
Well, blue balls.
Okay, sure.
I sh I told you I I I'd saidthat in seven episodes already
that I gave uh uh a latte toZendaya, Zendaya, and I didn't
know who she was.

SPEAKER_03 (11:42):
She was dressed in a dune scarf, and then I I
couldn't I was like And you werelike, oh sorry, sensei Dumigato,
I mean Origato, I mean origami.

SPEAKER_05 (11:54):
I mean, what you gotta want to fucking mean?

SPEAKER_03 (11:55):
Tamagotchi, listen.
Um here's your caramelmacchiato, sensei.

unknown (11:59):
Yeah.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (12:00):
And she's like, this is deeply offensive.
She had resting dune face.
You uh resting dune face.
That's a good that might bepodcast tech to contender.
Yeah, the resting dune face.
Which is what?
Just like just those fuckingeyes looking out the same.

SPEAKER_05 (12:20):
I'm gonna have to bleep all this out, but I will
bleep it out just to be funny.

SPEAKER_03 (12:27):
It's just deeply offensive.
What?
It's not offensive at all.
Doing the call to prayer whilecovering your mouth.
It's a fake universe with fakepeople.
Those are fake races.
I'm joking, but it is I'm gonnableep it out.
You should bleep it out.

SPEAKER_01 (12:42):
It's gonna sound like I'm just saying slurs.

SPEAKER_03 (12:44):
It's gonna sound like anything.
It's gonna sound like a bleach.
It's gonna look, it's gonnaappear as if it will appear as
if you do heinous things, whichI do not agree.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll talk about it after.

SPEAKER_05 (12:53):
No, resting Dune face, you you do be getting that
from your gal when you drink outof the milk carton.

SPEAKER_03 (13:02):
Yeah.
Do you drink out of the milkcarton?
I have.
No, that's not good.
But I'm like a firm, like, Iwill like no lip touchy, like
birdie, milk carton, nothinggoes back in.
I feel like women like whenwe're a little barbaric, you
know.
You gotta be a little bit of anoaf.
You gotta be a little bit of anasty, clug, you gotta be like

(13:23):
shitting on her floor and stuff,like to let her know.
Oh, yeah.
Because if if you're if you'relike too much of like a clean If
you're a serial killer, thenshe's like if you're cleaner
than her, and then she feelsgross.
So you gotta like you gotta likepick your nuts and pick your-
Even more than that, she doesn'ttrust you.
Yeah, you gotta eat your own.
You have to be you have to be alittle gross.
Ooga booga, yeah.
You know.
What's my go-to?

(13:44):
Fart in her mouth.
Lee, I mean, bare minimum.
You always leave your clothes onthe ground.
Yeah.
Cause I'm a fucking Cause I'm afucking guy.

SPEAKER_05 (13:53):
Dude, bro.

SPEAKER_03 (13:54):
Yeah.
Dudes don't pick up their ownfucking clothes, eh?
No, I mean, even if I do, it'sat the end of the month.
You have a month's worth ofclothes in the bathroom.
Your bathroom is just clothes?

SPEAKER_05 (14:05):
No, it's just like loose underwear and shirts that
I think I'm gonna wear again forthe second time.

SPEAKER_04 (14:10):
You should never wear underwear for the second
time again.

SPEAKER_05 (14:12):
I no, no, no, again, sorry.
It's loose underwear, comma, andshirts, but it's not the two
things that are.

SPEAKER_03 (14:19):
But are the loose underwear touching the shirts?
Oh yeah.
You got shit pissed dickunderwear rubbing up against
your cardigan?
Shit pissed, sperm, underwear,all sperm blood donor, plasma.
Sperm blood, uh micromium, yeah,exactly.
Blue fora all over my shirts.

SPEAKER_04 (14:35):
Blue fora all over them.

SPEAKER_03 (14:36):
Yeah, and I don't care.

unknown (14:37):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (14:38):
I'll wear them again because if the shirts inside
out, no one can see.

SPEAKER_04 (14:42):
Do you put your shirts inside out?

SPEAKER_05 (14:44):
Uh, when I take them off in a hurry.

SPEAKER_03 (14:49):
You ever been there, fellas?
You take off a shirt too fast,guess what?
That's an inside out shirt.
Uh-oh.
What are you gonna do aboutthat?
Leave it this leave it to be.
Leave it to be, don't touch.
Don't touch it.
Don't think about it.
Leave it alone.
And then when you're ready, whenyou're ready, flip it.
Do the fucking neck and you justYou ever grab her by the neck?

(15:11):
No, yeah.
You ever be grabbing your gal bythe neck and just flip her
inside out?
You just rip her fucking spineout, Mortal Kombat style.
Exactly.
Yeah, and yeah, no, I uh screamfatality when you come in your
woman.
Yes.
Yes.
I in my mind.
When when you when she's eatingwhen you when she in like

(15:33):
fucking like, you know.
We haven't done that guy in awhile.
Yeah, I know.
Where's he at?
I don't know.
He's a CVS guy.
He's he is um when you like umget one or two more blue
floreas.
Which you type in your likefucking phone number, you get
discounts on your Arminhammer.
And like fucking um, you know,um check out check, please.

SPEAKER_01 (15:58):
Right.
Manager to register nine,manager like fucking manager
register to fund a nine.

SPEAKER_04 (16:04):
Yeah, the Martian Martian bit.
So deep in the bit.
If we all knew how to commitlike that, kid, we probably
would have made it in this townby now.

unknown (16:10):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (16:12):
Just really get lost in it.
Have you given up on making it?
Uh no.
Have you?
I'm thinking about giving up onmaking it.
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (16:22):
And then we just we just we do this podcast full
force, ten clips a day.
And then we just we just build abuild an empire from this
garage.

SPEAKER_03 (16:31):
I'm open to that.
Mark Marin style.
Yeah, get President Barack Obamaon here.
Get get Barack Hussein Obamahere.
Problem.
I can't do it.
Did you listen to the lastpodcast that Marin did?
Uh no, I saw a clip.

SPEAKER_04 (16:45):
I yeah.
Where Obama was like, I actuallylike Joe Rogan.
And Marin's like, yeah.
Yeah, it's good to have anhonest conversation sometimes.

SPEAKER_06 (16:52):
Like he just folded immediately.

SPEAKER_03 (16:55):
Yeah, no, I'd love to be on.

SPEAKER_06 (16:56):
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (16:58):
Just folded.
No, I don't know.
I just I I got that from a clip,and that was Well, I see that
all the time too.

SPEAKER_05 (17:03):
Like, and and this is something that this is why I
genuinely like be doing apodcast with someone who will
push back on any of my bullshitis so oftentimes the dynamic is
on a podcast, you have a host,you have a guest.
Typically, one of the two peoplejust wants to impress the other
one, right?

(17:24):
So what ends up happening iseven if in the episode prior,
person A goes, Yeah, no, thewhole Israeli-Palestinian thing,
like I think fucking, you know,we should just just cut off all
aid to Israel, like a hundredpercent.
Next podcast, someone comes onand goes, Well, you know, like I

(17:46):
think it's good that we standwith our allies, and that's why
I support Israel.

SPEAKER_03 (17:49):
Like, yeah, I know me too.
Yeah, like instant fold.
Well, it's because it's like, Iguess you're just finding like,
is it worth getting into this?

SPEAKER_04 (17:55):
Like, I'm sure Marin, it was truly just, I
don't want to get into this withObama.
There are important things totalk about.

SPEAKER_03 (18:00):
Right, but that's my point.
Like, I like I understand that.
Like, if that was the only thingthat had ever happened about
that conversation for Marin.
That's how Obama knew him.
He only knew him from the RoganMarin beef.
No, no, no, no.
Opposite.
If that's never even been in thezeitgeist.

SPEAKER_04 (18:17):
Marin, no.

SPEAKER_03 (18:18):
Marin never had any beef with Rogan.
Marin had any beef with the theAlti comic bros.
But Baron was having beef.
Did I send you that, dude?
No.
Dude, my my freaking my freakingTwitter he's like an
interdimensional time traveler.
Yes.
Motherfucker, I sent you that.
Yes, yes.
I've been talking about it.

(18:38):
Unbelievable.
You tried to steal meme valor?
I thought that you sent it tome.
No, no, no.
See, that's what I did send itto you.
Yeah, no, no.
I thought that was.
No, I thought you didn't send itto me.
You're kind of lying right now.
Why would I lie about this?
Stealing stealing meme valor isgood.
Dude, I get so many fuckingthings sent to me, especially
from you.
In a given day, I could get 20things sent to me, and I'm like,

(19:00):
I don't got it.
I gotta I gotta wait.
Because I don't get me wrong, Iwant to give you the time to say
that I watch them all.
So I don't look at them untilI'm ready to to goon all 20.
Nice.
Good for you.
I'm respon I know how to beresponsible with my screen time.
It's goon compartmentcompartmentalization.
I can stop at four o'clock.
I go, this'll be good at 10 whenI have time to myself, and I'm

(19:22):
outside, I got a little bit ofweed.
Just boom, just go through themall.

SPEAKER_04 (19:26):
You're goon batching.
You just find times to batchyour goon.

SPEAKER_03 (19:28):
Yeah, GBs.
Yeah.
I got my GBatch.
That's GBCs.
That's it.
That's people, yeah, it's asmart thing to do.
Yeah.
So anyways, yeah, so the video,it's perfect podcasting.
I cannot tell if they're right.
I think it's written in thestuff.

SPEAKER_04 (19:41):
It seems real.
I think they actually believeit, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (19:43):
That he's an interdimensional time traveler
and well dude, Baron's like so,so so crazy, dude.
Like, I mean, because he comesfrom the future and he like
played I don't remember thetheory because he's like the
present, future, and past.

SPEAKER_04 (19:54):
And actually, if you look at historical books, there
are depictions of Baron goingback in time to save certain
parts of humanity, and he'sgoing to save humanity now and
only to like create like anintergalactic ladder to the to
the beyond dimension or whateverthe fuck, you know.

SPEAKER_03 (20:10):
Oh my god.
It's just crazy old, yeah.
Which is And the guy's like,Whoa, that's crazy.
This is like no comedy.
Like, wow.
Wow.
I didn't know.
Well, that's yeah, exactly.
That's I just want to be thatguy too.
Because like, was he the host orwas he the guest?
Because like either way.

SPEAKER_04 (20:26):
Yeah.
Some of those podcasts you can'ttell who the host and who the
guest is.
They're just all it's just, it'sjust it's just uh right.

SPEAKER_03 (20:34):
But that's kind of my point too.

SPEAKER_05 (20:36):
Like, if if Mark Marin never had any beef with
Rogan in the last six months,and then you know, uh Barack
brings it up, we we hear thatMark going, Oh yeah, no, I'd
love to be, you know, on Rogan'spodcast or whatever.
Like just an agreeable answer,no big deal.
I don't think twice about it.

SPEAKER_03 (20:55):
But because of all the stuff previously, and then
now that podcast happens, I go,You're fucking lying.
Like you're not being true toyourself.

SPEAKER_04 (21:04):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (21:05):
And even if obviously you're right, like
it's not worth getting into itwith Obama over this kind of an
issue.
Well, we had kind of a beef.

SPEAKER_03 (21:13):
I got mad at Tony Henchcliffe and called out
everybody on the internet.
Yeah, but I think that that'sbut I think that's also the the
problem is like where would heeven start?
You know?
That's where he would start.
He's like, where do I evenstart?
He's like, he's like, yeah, he'she's yeah, he's gonna have to
like try to explain to Obamawhat kill Tony is.
It's just there's just nofucking universe where that

(21:34):
should ever exist.
You know, you're telling me I uhbrought healthcare to this great
nation, and people still sign upfor one minute of stage time a
week.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, Jordan Peterson uhcritiques them on their comedy.

SPEAKER_04 (21:46):
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty crazy.
It's uh it's uh yeah, but Idon't know.
I'll maybe I'll I'll listen tothe episode.
I again I'm a big fan of Marin.
He's the he's the best, youknow.

SPEAKER_05 (21:55):
Yeah, not anymore.
What happened?
He turned into the towel.
What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 (21:59):
When America needs the most, you saying I'm done
with the podcast?
What is he?
He's not Jon Stewart.
He's just doing he's just doinghis thing.
Okay, so why stop?
He's obviously not having funanymore.
Well, that's a good reason tostop.

SPEAKER_05 (22:12):
I agree.

SPEAKER_03 (22:13):
Okay.
I just didn't know, like, again,like if you're so great, why
stop?
We made him great.
That's the problem about thiswhole thing.

SPEAKER_04 (22:20):
Is people greatness comes from other people being
like, oh, that's great.
He doesn't think he's great.

SPEAKER_03 (22:26):
Okay.
That's him thing.
He's he shouldn't think he'sgreat.
Why not?
Michael Jordan did.
Yeah, and he's a piece of shitwho killed his father,
allegedly.
What the hell?
That's OJ.
No, no, no, no.
That's you haven't heard thatconsp that conspiracy?
This is crazy.
I've never heard of it.

SPEAKER_04 (22:42):
This is not a real this is not this is not
far-fetched.
Yeah, he he got into somegambling debt and his dad like
mysteriously died.
Like he owed some like likemillions and millions of
dollars, and like, alright,we're gonna fucking kill your
dad.

unknown (22:55):
What?

SPEAKER_04 (22:55):
Yeah, he's also like an ego man.

SPEAKER_03 (22:57):
You saw that that's a easily competitive
competitive, prideful company.
Compredatory.
Yeah, he's he's a he's a sickfuck, that guy.
That is he's compredatory.
Compredatory for sure.
Uh but yeah, it's everythingabout him is is is off putting.
But great.
But he is great.
And he knows he's great.
Yeah, but there's a lot of- I'mnot saying that there isn't a

(23:18):
bad thing.
John Steinbeck is great.
I don't think he knows he'sgreat.
Uh no.
I think there is a level of Ithink Like again, you so again
to my point, you can be greatand not acknowledge it.
You cannot be great and notacknowledge it.
That's what I'm saying, butwe're getting off that the
topic.
We're like, you go, well, ifyou're so great, then why don't
you keep doing the podcast?

(23:38):
What kind of argument is that?
He's got good he's got goodstuff.
Obviously, if he doesn't likeit, then don't do it, but I
think you should keep going.

SPEAKER_04 (23:47):
It's just such a lazy opinion to have, you know?
How is it lazy?

SPEAKER_03 (23:50):
Because you're like, well, you're like, well, if he
thinks he's so fucking great,then why is he not gonna do it?
I didn't say if he thinks that Igo, he is good, why does he
stop?

SPEAKER_04 (23:58):
Because he doesn't want to do it anymore.
Okay, that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 (24:01):
Great.
Then that's a greatconversation, huh?
It is.
Yeah, it is.
I think he should quit.
Oh, good take.
I think he should because he'sworked hard enough, he's given
us the world.
Yeah, I just feel like hasn't hegiven you enough, RJ?
That's what I'm saying.
No.
Why?
Because right now we're at apoint in history we want so much

(24:22):
shitty content.
There's so much bad content,including maybe probably what
you're listening to right now.
Oh, of course.
Not that last two minutes, thatwas really good content.
What?
To cut us to where we are now.
What?
What, do you not like it?
I now you're making me insecure.
No, everything we did was bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(24:42):
We did bad together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not alone in this.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should not feel insecure.
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm not insecure.
I'm insecure in my telling youthat you shouldn't feel
insecure.
Like, I'm not sure if I shouldbe telling you you shouldn't
feel insecure.
There's so much shit content outthere.
That's a good point.
Is like it's why quit but also,yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 (25:04):
If there's again, going back to the Michael Jordan
thing, if there's only tenMichael Jordan podcasters out
there and one goes away, there'snow a million shitty podcasters
and nine good podcasters.

SPEAKER_03 (25:21):
Like we just need more good than than shit.
Yeah.
So that people know what to do.
Because when all the good goesaway, no one has any But the
shit discourages the people thatare great at the thing and they
go, What the fuck is the point?
No one's even listening to thisshit.
Yeah, sometimes, but then youjust you know keep your nose to
the grindstone and fucking Thenagain, maybe they don't even
pay.
I don't even think Marin evenknows what's going on in the

(25:41):
world.
You think Marin knows who theKlein boys are?
Wait, is that who I'm thinkingof?
Ethan Klein?
No, no, the Klein boy?
Who are those guys that the PaulBrothers?
Oh, the the Klein.
You got you you fucking uhmentally dyslexic their their
name.
Yeah.
The Nelk Boys?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they're they're actuallywait, full stop.

SPEAKER_02 (26:01):
The Klein Boys are actually a real comedy duo.

SPEAKER_03 (26:05):
Really?
They'll never like Crackerjack,like talk about Secret Old.
And now the menstrual show.

SPEAKER_05 (26:15):
Everyone, I don't I'm not gonna bleep out their
name.
You can look them up.
These guys are crazy.
Are they cool?
Uh no.
I think they're kind of weird.
They kind of scare me.

SPEAKER_04 (26:26):
They gotta be pretty cool though.

SPEAKER_05 (26:28):
Uh I'm having trouble finding them on the
internet, and that's the otherweird thing.
They don't really have like agood internet.
Yeah, presence.
No, it's they're not even Ithink it's under those Klein
boys.
I don't know.
This is taking too long tofigure out.

(26:48):
All that being said, I found it.
Okay.

SPEAKER_03 (26:53):
This is this is them.
Yeah.
Are they doing like uh musicrap?
Wow.
They are cool.

SPEAKER_05 (27:07):
Yeah, it's like uh what if Lynn Manuel Miranda came
from a upper middle class uhOrange County home and was white
and deeply homeschooled.

SPEAKER_04 (27:20):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (27:23):
Deeply homoschooled.

SPEAKER_05 (27:25):
Uh hey, look, they could they could be asexual.
I don't I'm not here to readtheir sexuality.
I'm here to tell you that thesethese two dudes never went to a
public high school.
That would have gotten beatenout of them.

SPEAKER_04 (27:39):
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 (27:40):
That's one of the beauties of like people tell I
can't look at this again.
You're just getting sucked inover there.
I'm getting I'm just gettingsucked in.
Dude, and I'll tell you.
The climb boys are clarking overthere.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm getting Caitlyn Clarked overhere.
I I say what you will abouthomeschool, you know?

SPEAKER_05 (28:04):
Like people are like, oh, it's bad for you.
Social development.
I've seen it firsthand.
I went to a Christian college,and there were plenty of kids
that had only ever donehomeschool in California or
outside of California theirentire lives.
Entire lives.
Through high school,homeschooled.
There was a girl in my freshmanwriting seminar class who and

(28:28):
again, freshman writing seminar,there's ten kids and a professor
in like a small room, like goingover like MLA in Chicago format,
just you know, syntax, grammar,bullshit, you know, articles,
write a page on this, do this.

SPEAKER_03 (28:45):
And at the end of class, the professor would be
like, okay, so just uh just do aquick uh you know, one page,
answer these three questionsfrom the textbook, and then uh,
you know, just do a creativewriting, like whatever something
that's like you feel passionateabout just today, just write
about that for for two pages.

SPEAKER_05 (29:06):
And this girl without fail every day.
Oh, really?

SPEAKER_02 (29:12):
Oh I was like, Ew.

SPEAKER_04 (29:17):
That's so awesome.

SPEAKER_02 (29:18):
What's fucking wrong with you?

SPEAKER_04 (29:20):
Oh, that's so awesome.

SPEAKER_02 (29:21):
And you knew that she was like so close to being
like, mom, like she was rightthere.

SPEAKER_04 (29:27):
It's amazing.
I'd love to date a girl likethat.

SPEAKER_01 (29:30):
Oh no, dude.
No.

SPEAKER_04 (29:32):
She's like, I gotta go get some gas.

SPEAKER_01 (29:35):
Oh, really?
Come on.
Gas?
You don't need gas.
No.

SPEAKER_02 (29:44):
Wait, I don't know understand why that's cool to
you.
What do you mean?
A woman that whines andcomplains every time you do
anything.

SPEAKER_03 (29:54):
Because I'm joking, RJ.
It's a bit.
Oh, okay.
It's a good bit.
Okay.
I didn't really get why it'sfunny that you're joking about
it though.

SPEAKER_01 (30:00):
Oh, you have to come.
Oh man, come on, me.
You wanna fuck my tits, mom?
What?
Oh you wanna eat my assholeagain, mom?

(30:22):
Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 (30:24):
No, don't freeze your poop and then shove it in
me.

SPEAKER_01 (30:28):
No, not a break I burrity, right?

SPEAKER_03 (30:33):
Uh shove wait, that's what's that called?
That's like a Alaskan pint.
Like a Nigerian icicle?
Yeah.
Either or.
Yeah.
One's in the freezer.
Alaska.
One's left outside to freeze.
Yeah, exactly.
Speaking of getting gas.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (30:51):
So on Sunday, I was driving the family van, and I
must again, I'm pretty good atgas gauge.

SPEAKER_03 (31:02):
Pretty good at gas gauge.
Uh-oh.
I'll preface it with that.
Oh no.
Pretty good art is tall.
Pretty good is foreshadowing forat one point in the story we'd
run out.
Tall tale science.
If you're saying pretty good,no.
TTS?
Talltale signs?
Yeah, tall tail signs.
TTS.
Talltale science.
You're terrible with a gasgauge.
Okay, wrong, Jay.
Yeah, pretty good means youshould never be pretty good.

(31:24):
Ask me how many times I've runout of gas.
You can't be a pretty goodastronaut.
You have to be an amazingastronaut, right?
This is a car, dumbass.
Yeah, a car that requires gas,and then if you run out, you're
fucked.
And how many times have I runout of gas?
Seven.
And eight.
And never.
Never until today.

(31:45):
I thought I saw it.

SPEAKER_05 (31:46):
I didn't see it.
Then I look at it, I go, okay,we got the light on.
I got X amount of miles.
I'm good.
We'll go to my parents.
We'll come home.
I'll drop the kids off.
I'll get gas later at night.
I've done it a bajillion times.
I'm fucking fine.
I'm coming home.
Coming down the freeway.

(32:07):
Instantly off the freeway.
Instantly down the side of thestreet.
Down to our house.
I'm making a turn.
Power steering goes out.
And I go, uh oh.
And my wife's like, what'swrong?
I'm like, the power steeringjust went out.
She's like, what does that mean?
Like, I think I'm running out ofgas.

SPEAKER_03 (32:25):
And she's like, seriously?
And I'm like, yeah.
And I barely just turn it intoour street.
And I'm just parked.
And I just flip on the emergencyflashers and I'm on the side of
the road.
And she's like, like that roadback over there.
Like literally just like rightthere.
Like as soon as you get in.

SPEAKER_02 (32:43):
Which, which mind you, any foot before that, any
like literal yard before thatwould be way worse if the car
dies.
Easy with the hand.

SPEAKER_03 (32:55):
Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 (32:57):
Jaws hands.
Which, by the way, that's agreat save.
If you're in this range, turnit.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (33:08):
You can really scare the shit out of a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00 (33:16):
It's the Jazza Jaz hands.
The the uh Jaz S Sans.

SPEAKER_03 (33:21):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
I can't believe it took me,whatever, six months since the
Elon hello to come up with.

SPEAKER_01 (33:30):
Could have saved it.
Poor Moss.

SPEAKER_05 (33:31):
I'm freaking uh some some better Jewish comic than I
must have thought of that bynow.
Anyways, run I guess.
Side of the road.
Turn an RFK.
My wife goes, so what's theplan?

SPEAKER_03 (33:47):
Because the all the kids were asleep in the car,
which is great.
Great start.

SPEAKER_05 (33:51):
I go, well, I'm gonna fill up the gas can and
I'm gonna come back and put itin the car.

SPEAKER_03 (33:59):
She's like, Where are you gonna get a gas can?
I'm like, I got one at thehouse.
So I run down the street.
You go, you run.

SPEAKER_02 (34:06):
You know I ran.

SPEAKER_03 (34:07):
Like a a light jog.
It was a light jog.
I was wearing my I was wearingmy harachi sandals.
Oh no.
I look like a fool.
You've got shin splints.
I know, my my foot's still justin pain.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (34:22):
Get the gas can, get in the other car I have, drive
to the gas station, fill her up,get to the car, the van.
And I didn't have the nozzle forsome reason.
So it's just it doesn't quitetilt into the van.

SPEAKER_02 (34:40):
So I'm like pouring, it's just pouring down the side
of the cart onto my pants.
I'm just like, and I alwayslike, what do you do?
I'm like, I just and I try tolike huck it.
Hug the No.
I swear to God, no.
She and my wife's like, what areyou doing?
I'm like, I thought I could, andshe and she's like, no,
seriously.
Like later in retrospect, I'mlike, I genuinely thought like I
gotta try at least hucking itonce.

SPEAKER_03 (35:01):
Like maybe if I can like heave hoe it out, it'll go
into it.
Just one Honda cord throwing acigarette out the window to that
side of your van, and you'rejust your whole family's in
flames.

SPEAKER_02 (35:12):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (35:13):
Oh, oh, and by the way, at any point in this entire
before I was trying to huck itlike into the air, like through
the gas was so much on theground that if anyone even like
like threw a match out there,went the whole my family would
be just extra crispy.
In shambles.
I yeah, well, I'd be extracrispy, they'd be original

(35:33):
recipe.

SPEAKER_05 (35:34):
Uh so I run back to the house, get a funnel, and
last ditch, I get a glass masonjar, like maybe.
Oh.

SPEAKER_02 (35:44):
So really back.
I do the funnel, funnel ain'tworking, funnel not deep enough,
it's spilling all over my legeven more.
And I go, last plan C end ofditch effort before I completely
just siphon it with my mouth.

SPEAKER_03 (35:59):
Did you have extra gas at home or you went to the
gas station?
I went to the gas station.
I did you not hear the story Ijust told?
I got the can, went to the gasstation, came back to the car.

unknown (36:09):
Okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_03 (36:10):
And then fucked up.
I couldn't get it in, so then Iwent back to the house.
Get a mason jar.

SPEAKER_05 (36:14):
Get a mason jar and a funnel.
If the funnel doesn't work, Iuse the mason jar.
Back to the car.
Alright.
Funnel not working, spilling allover myself again, double soaked
in gasoline.
Please, no one spark anyinterest nearby.
Then I go, alright, I got onelast ditch effort.
Fill up the mason jar, take themason jar.

SPEAKER_03 (36:37):
Straight in.
Perfect.
Okay.
Fucking Michael Winslow overhere.
That's crazy.
Chill out.
Do good space work here.
Chill out, dude.
Get this guy on Byron Allen.
Yeah, you know it's back.
We were talking about withAllen.
Yeah, he's out.
I was with two comics the othernight who were both on it.

SPEAKER_04 (36:56):
Really?

SPEAKER_02 (36:56):
I'm like, it's just the cosmic simulation of comedy
is just rubbing it in my face.

SPEAKER_05 (37:04):
We've done nothing but Byron Allen jokes on this
podcast.

SPEAKER_03 (37:07):
More than more than any other running gag.

SPEAKER_04 (37:09):
Well, that's probably why he's not gonna have
us on.
Because we've just been makingfun of it.

SPEAKER_03 (37:12):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, that's why he's not gonnahave us on.
Dumbass.
We're not repped.
We don't know anybody.
You don't know that.
You're repped.
You secret reped.
I wanted to reveal something onthe podcast.
I am repped.
I'm actually super repped.
By none other than.
In in uh freshman year incollege in my dorm, I was

(37:33):
wrapped.
Repped and blessed.
No, like.

SPEAKER_01 (37:38):
Oh.

SPEAKER_03 (37:41):
Holy shit.
That's good.
That went way over my head.
Way over your dump.
I took an autism assessment testtoday.
So did things go wrong.
You took another one?
Oh, the bit.
Sorry, go on.
No, I legitimately did take one.
That's crazy.
Again, why do you keep takingthese things?

(38:02):
To excuse yourself for yourshitty behavior.
Rude.
It's not my shitty behavior.
How about my shitty reactions tothings in the reality?
Yep.

SPEAKER_04 (38:09):
No, that's not.
It's you behind control of yourreactions.

SPEAKER_03 (38:14):
No.
That's literally the only thingyou're controlling.
I'm talking about how thingsmake me feel.
I don't like that.
You're in control of how youchoose to feel.
You could feel a thing, and thenbefore you act out, you go,
let's think about these feelingsbefore I become fucking.
I don't have to explain this toyou.
Be a lady about it.
I'm not being a l Okay, first ofall.

(38:34):
Do you have to defend being notbeing a lady?
It's not even it's not again.
I don't have to explain this.
I'm just gonna leave it at this.
I don't like how things make mefeel, so I don't want to find
out what that is.
That's it.
You yeah, yeah, that's calledjust being in the world.
Yeah, not true.

SPEAKER_01 (38:53):
Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_03 (38:53):
Do you ever feel so comfortable you have to leave
the room?

SPEAKER_01 (38:56):
Yeah, sure.
You don't.
Absolutely, yeah, because I likehanging out.

SPEAKER_03 (38:59):
Oh my god, you're such a fucking Yeah.
It's yeah, that that's justthat's just you going arguing
with you about it.
It's just you going no thing.

SPEAKER_00 (39:09):
I'm not dying to have a thing.
I have multiple things.

SPEAKER_04 (39:11):
Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 (39:12):
No, you just you were like circumcised.
I'm down in Tylenol, like it'smy job.
Yeah.
I've got red dye up the yeah.
You're not autistic at all.
You're not even a little bit.
That's fine.
You're nowhere near thespectrum.
If I get an assessment and itcomes back, will you respect it?
No, because this is just someYou won't respect the diagnosis
of the document.
No, because you're gonna show methe assessment.
I'm gonna be like, oh no, youtook the uh what House of Harry

(39:35):
Potter are you?
A doctor.
You got a real doctor to give anassessment.
Your doctor?
Or is this just some like randomguy you found on?
Did you talk to him on thephone?
I haven't even gotten admittedto the process yet.
I just sent in an applicationtoday.
Oh, dude, if they deny yourapplication, which they're not
because they make so much moneyoff of this shit.

(39:55):
Okay.
Yeah, so they're gonna let yougo.
You're gonna go in there andthey're gonna be like, they're
gonna find something wrong withyou, and then you're gonna make
your whole personality for sixmonths and then you're gonna
ditch it.
That's what it's gonna be.
And it's gonna be a waste ofmoney, it's gonna be a waste of
time.
Again, do I benefit from it atall?
No.
No.
No.
Not even a little bit.
No, and like Why are you socynical towards this and jaded?
Because I I I'm not j jaded'sthe wrong word.

(40:16):
Whoa, why are you defensiveabout that?

SPEAKER_04 (40:18):
Because you use the wrong words.
Okay.
And I don't like that.
Why are you cynical?

SPEAKER_03 (40:22):
That doesn't make me autistic because I feel bad
about you using the wrong words.
It's not true about how wordsmake you feel dumb shit.
Now you're getting mad.
Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 (40:30):
What's going on?

SPEAKER_03 (40:31):
Don't say that.
You're getting you really wantto be autistic.
I don't really want to.
I really want to know what thefuck's going on with my mind and
body.
You're sad.
What am I sad about?
You don't, you, you get threehours of sleep.
Okay, no, no, no.
You're not my fucking therapist.
Listen, listen, listen.

SPEAKER_04 (40:46):
This is the one time you need to listen to RFK.
Is you're not healthy.

SPEAKER_05 (40:50):
Pop tarts, can't eat them every fucking day.

SPEAKER_04 (40:52):
You're eating Pop Tarts.

SPEAKER_05 (40:54):
The brown sugar Pop Tarts are good for you.

SPEAKER_04 (40:56):
You rip gnarly months of caffeine at night.
You drink.
Listen, listen, listen, listen.
And you go, why do I feel bad?

unknown (41:03):
Okay.

SPEAKER_04 (41:03):
You're doing bad things to your body every single
day.
And you're wondering why youfeel bad.

SPEAKER_03 (41:07):
No.
Yes.
Yes, but also no.
No why.
First of all, listen.
The best argument you made thiswhole podcast about being
autistic is you trying to huckgas into your gas tank.
As if it's gonna fly out in justa perfect rainbow.
I had to try it once.

(41:28):
First of all, you should havegone to the gas station and got
one with a nozzle in it.
I already had one though.
You didn't have one with anozzle.
Right, but why would I buy Youunderstand though.
Yeah, but that's the whole pointof a gas state is to have the
thing that the receptacle keepsit from being incredibly
dangerous.
If you don't have the mostimportant part of the tank, you
might be autistic.
I think the most important partof the tank is the tank.

(41:49):
First of all.
If I have the nozzle.
They spl clearly you'vedemonstrated.
I think you're a dumbass.
You're like, actually, if you ifyou have the nozzle, you're
good.
You don't need the tank.
But it's useless without it'suseless without the fucking
nozzle.
You showed the fuzz.
You poured it all over.
I did it without the nozzle.
You could have had a did itwithout the nozzle after caking

(42:11):
half your van and gasoline andputting your kids deeply in
danger.
Huffing gasoline for a halfhour.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what?
I did, but I did it.
Wait, are you sure?
Because it's supposed to bereversed in the thing.
What's supposed to be reversed?
The the nozzle.
Did you have the one of thefancy ones where you you untwist
it and you pull the nozzle out?
There was no cap on it.
It was no cap?

(42:32):
Cap list.
No cap on the card.

SPEAKER_05 (42:34):
No cap on gfamforreal.com.

SPEAKER_03 (42:36):
Uh so it was just a hole.
Just a hole.
Like a mobster just lightheaving lighting up the mole.
Yeah.
You know, in the middle of thedesert.
In the middle of the street.
That's fucking crazy.
It worked.
It looked from the street view,it probably looked like you were
lighting your van on fire.

SPEAKER_01 (42:55):
You're trying to kill a meltdown.
Uh just trying to refill thetank, officer.
He's like, your daughter's notthe tank.

SPEAKER_03 (43:05):
Yes, sir.
Why are the kids screaming?
Uh well, okay.
You might be you might have athing, and it's not autism.
That's fine.
Are they gonna be able to tellyou what it is?
Is it an institute of problems?
Yes.
And so it might just be OCD.
Or bipolar.
I don't know.
You're not bipolar.
I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 (43:22):
I'm saying I'm just saying things.

SPEAKER_03 (43:23):
I know exactly what it is.
You're psychotic.
I know no.

SPEAKER_02 (43:26):
Because I know exactly what it is.

SPEAKER_03 (43:28):
What's crazy is that you will be you'll be two people
at the same time, and this isthe worst part of you.
This is the worst part of you.
Ready?
It's not the worst part of it.
The wizard is the worst part ofyou.

SPEAKER_05 (43:36):
You'll be this person who is.
Yeah, dude, like we just don'tknow.
Like, we just don't have theinformation.
Like, we just couldn't care andcouldn't know.
So, like, why would you evenbother knowing or caring?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (43:47):
And then, in just a flick of the wrist, flash the
pan, you're like, no,definitely, you're not this,
you're not that, you're anidiot, you're a moron, and
you're a fucking dumbass if youthink that you are.
Well, because na because this Iknow about.
This is psychotic.
Again, again, again.
Again.
Okay.
The face you made was crazy,too.

(44:11):
That's another thing.
They go, Do you know what facesyou make?
I go, I have no idea what faceI'm making.
That's not an autism thing.
Apparently it is.
No, it's not.
Do you know what face you'remaking right now?
Yes, I do.
I'm making this one.
Not autistic.
What are you talking about?
I don't know what face I'mmaking.
I yes, you do.
I don't know what face I'mmaking.
That doesn't okay.

SPEAKER_02 (44:30):
Again, what is that?
I didn't know it was a thing.
It was like, do you know whatface you're making?
Are people oftentimes beinglike, why are you making that
face?

SPEAKER_03 (44:37):
No.

SPEAKER_02 (44:38):
People are like, RJ, why are you making that face?

SPEAKER_03 (44:40):
I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're
talking about.
I have that.
No, you don't.
No, seriously, I had I had areal issue.
Like when I was in drum core,like our like our drum captain
would be like telling us things,and then they he would like,
he's like, Drew, what do youhave any questions?

SPEAKER_04 (44:54):
I was like, No.
Because I'd be st I'd be staringat him like this.

SPEAKER_01 (44:56):
I'd be like, Yeah, don't do that.
To me, I was like, that's mylistening face, but I didn't
know.
I was like, I I hadn't no idea.

SPEAKER_03 (45:04):
And he was like, Drew, what the fuck is your
problem?
I was like, what?
I didn't do it.
He's like, drop and give me 20push-ups.
You're being dish.
Oh, Jesus.
He's like, because clearlyyou're not bending to my
authority.
He's like, you're not listeningto it.
I was like, I didn't doanything.
I was like, what did I do?
And then my friend who I went tohigh school with, who I was also
in the drum court with, he waslike, dude, you your face.

SPEAKER_04 (45:21):
He's like, you want me to show you the face you
make?
And he just goes.
I was like, I don't look likethat.

SPEAKER_03 (45:27):
He's like, I promise you that's the face you make.
You might have a touch of thetiz.
I yeah.
Maybe I am autistic.

SPEAKER_02 (45:34):
Can you send me this link?
Can you send me the link?
Can you send me this link?
Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (45:38):
Yeah.
I don't, yeah.
I think uh I we all got things.

SPEAKER_03 (45:42):
Yeah, no, again, I don't even care what it ends up
being.
I just want to be able to- No,if you find out if you get
diagnosed as autistic.
You will not respect me as ahuman.
No.
Okay, that's fine.
And I won't believe you.
Like, that's my gay to you.
It that's like my 1950s.
You will never let me out of thecloset.
That's my 1950s father gay toyou, is if I find out, if you

(46:03):
come out, I'm I'm gonna be like,yeah, this is my completely
You'll never let me out of thecloset.
Neurotypical You will never letme out of the Lego box.

SPEAKER_05 (46:13):
I'll let You'll never let me out of the uh I'll
never let your fingers touch aRuby.

SPEAKER_04 (46:20):
Yeah, you always getting in the RubyCube.
Good, good.
You're getting there.

SPEAKER_03 (46:23):
I'll you'll never let me out of the train set.

SPEAKER_04 (46:25):
I will never ever drop a box of toothpicks in
front of you.
Ever.

SPEAKER_03 (46:29):
Ever.
What a mess.

SPEAKER_04 (46:31):
I know.
Can you count toothpicks?

SPEAKER_03 (46:34):
I'm not a counter.
That's OCD thing.
Well, what's the who's the guy?
Uh uh Dustin Hoffman.

SPEAKER_05 (46:42):
Yeah, that's a that's not an autism thing.
What is that?
I think it's OCD.

SPEAKER_04 (46:46):
No, he had a thing.
He was a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 (46:48):
Yeah, I don't know what it was.
I don't remember.
Chill.
He had it.
Now that guy had a fuckingdoctor.
Now that guy had a thing.
So did radio.
I don't know what it was.
You don't if like you're not aguy who counts cards.
So I don't believe you have athing.
Again, just because you countcards doesn't mean you're
autistic, fella.

SPEAKER_04 (47:04):
I know a couple of guys who really know how to
count cards.
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (47:06):
I know you're getting real fired up still.
Um no, the fire is there.
I'm fired up.
It doesn't get more.
And then you do the because it'slike no matter what my behavior,
you start imitating my behavior.
You start mocking my behaviors.

SPEAKER_05 (47:17):
Well, I'm always mocking your behavior.
That's the other thing.
Echologia.
That's another thing that Idon't know.

SPEAKER_04 (47:20):
Echologia.
Oh my goodness you were justpathologizing, just you being
neurotic.
That's all it is.

SPEAKER_03 (47:28):
There's things, there's things, there's words
that explain the things that Ido, and I go, yeah, I do that.
Is that what I mean?
I do that I have that?
I would like to know if that'swhat that means.
But it's not gonna fix you beinga piece of shit.
No, it would help me have toolsfor things that I can't control.
No, you the tools are alreadyout there.
You don't need the label.
Where's the tools?
Uh go online and be like, how tobe less autistic.

(47:50):
Just Google it.
You want to ask Google rightnow?
Like how to be less autistic?
If I would have thought of thisquestion earlier in my life, it
probably would be.
How to be less autistic.
It's crazy.
You can.

SPEAKER_04 (48:04):
It can't be cured or lessened.
However, there are strategies.
Strategies.
Um, understanding and acceptyour diagnosis.
Ignore that part.
Ignore that part.

SPEAKER_00 (48:13):
No, ignore that part.

SPEAKER_03 (48:15):
Ignore that part.
I love the segments where Drewgets instantly shut down by his
Google searches.
Shut up, Google.
It happens every time you do it.
Connect with others.
You don't like connecting withothers.
Oh, I love it.
No, you don't.
Not the good ones.
Focus on self-advocacy.
Learn to communicate your needsand assert your rights.

(48:36):
Like right now, you're assertingyour right to be assessed.
To be assessed about a thing youdon't have.
Yeah.
So that's great.
Yeah.
I support you in finding outthat you're wasting your time.
Medication.
Would you take autismmedication?
I don't know if there is any.
Uh well, it's I think they'rejust probably talking about uh
I'd take a Zoloft if I could.

(48:58):
I think they're just talkingabout blue chew.
Some Lunesta?
Yeah, exactly.
A Lunesta and a Blue Chew callit a day.
I think it's just blue chew,nest quick, and lunesta.
That's all it is.
It's just that sturdy cocktail.
The holy trinity of autistic.
Yeah, you're you're chalkyed andcocked.
Chalky, cocky, and uh what'slunesta?

SPEAKER_01 (49:17):
I don't know what that one is.
Is that a sleepy one?

SPEAKER_03 (49:19):
Is that a Spanish sleepy one?
Yeah, I just like it because itwas the at it was like this
advertisement.
It was like Lunesta, call yourdoctor today.

SPEAKER_05 (49:26):
And it was like this like neon purple translucent
butterfly that would like fly bypeople's windows, and they're
like, oh my god.
Oh, but this butterfly wouldcome by and just like land on
them.

SPEAKER_01 (49:39):
They're like, oh, oh Lunesta.

SPEAKER_03 (49:42):
Oh and I remember watching that as a kid, like
watching like you know,Nickelodeon.
Like, why is this butterflymaking them come?
And just being like, oh man,that's gonna be the best nap
ever.
Like they just look so nice.

SPEAKER_05 (49:53):
Yeah.
These people who are terribleactors, by the way, they're like
uh it's like come on.
Real people fall asleep likethis.

SPEAKER_03 (50:02):
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Um so Lunesta, always funny tome.
Never not funny.
Do you ever are you a ZQL guy?
Are you doing the uh I'm alwayslunasty?
Uh oh, I'm a uh no, I don't eventake sleep medication.
I have no problem sleeping.
I love sleeping.

SPEAKER_04 (50:19):
Yeah, because you always need so much sleep.

SPEAKER_03 (50:21):
Everyone does.
No, but you you what a weirdthing to say, you dumbass.
Everyone needs sleep.
No, you need more than the restof people because you never get
enough.
I need more sleep.
You're like, I don't haveproblems with sleep because
you're always sleep deprived.
Okay, hey, hey, brother.
Hey, brother.
Again, I'm not your fuckingmirror, pal.
No, this is not a projection.
Stop barking at me.
Do you not get enough sleep?
I could say I could use somemore, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (50:42):
Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 (50:43):
I'm not saying that just saying you go, oh Drew,
you're right.
That's all I need to hear.
No, no, no, no.
Here's the thing here's thething.

SPEAKER_05 (50:48):
I go, I go, yeah, I like sleep.
And you go, because you don'tget enough.
I go, I just want to do it.

SPEAKER_04 (50:54):
No, that's not no, that's not what you said.
You said you said, no, I fallasleep just fine.
I'm like, yeah, because you onlyget 12 minutes of sleep.

SPEAKER_03 (50:59):
Okay, again, but I wasn't asking, like, why do I
fall asleep just fine?
I don't have a problem sleeping.
Like, okay, you go, ooh, cool.
Not fuck you.
You need more sleep.
Well, because I'm trying to,because you need to raise this
family.
And I'm doing a terrible job.
You're you're throwing gas onyour van while you're chilling.

(51:21):
I just say you need sleep.
If you go, if you're runningover to get mason jars, what did
you build the funnel out of?
What did I build it out of?
Did you like do it out of amagazine or something?
You gotta- I have a real funnel.
I have a real car thing forfunnel.
And that didn't work?
Nah.
Hmm.
You see, did you go mace to fun?
I went mace to to straight tothe to think.

(51:43):
Really?
Yeah, it worked perfectly.
Yeah, I guess those funnels aremainly for like oil changes and
stuff.
Yeah.
Because you gotta get deep inthere for these gases.
Deep, deep funnel.
Yeah.
I was like looking for theturkey baster.
I couldn't find it.
Turkey baster.

SPEAKER_01 (51:58):
You would have tried.

SPEAKER_03 (51:59):
Yeah, I really would have.

SPEAKER_01 (52:00):
Yeah.
Anything for your family.

SPEAKER_03 (52:02):
Yeah.
And I worked.
Everything was fine.
How much gas did you actuallyget in the car?
Enough to get hot.
I put one gallon into the floor.

SPEAKER_05 (52:13):
And then a quarter gallon into the car, and
probably half a gallon onto theside of my car into the street.
It's still there.
Yeah.
I drove by today.
After it rained, still there,rainbow puddle.

SPEAKER_03 (52:24):
Still really?
Oh no.

SPEAKER_05 (52:25):
Yeah.
Lit a match, ran away.

SPEAKER_03 (52:27):
Holy shit.
The environment.
Burned my neighbor's house down.

SPEAKER_04 (52:30):
The environment thanks you.

SPEAKER_05 (52:31):
Yeah, well.

SPEAKER_04 (52:32):
I told you I saw that that neighbor who uh Yeah,
I think we talked about thatlast time.
I saw that neighbor who uh ofyours were who we we found that
stray dog and he's like, Yeah,I'll keep him.
And then we walk we like leftthe situation being like, that
guy's gonna kill that dog.

SPEAKER_05 (52:48):
Oh yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_04 (52:49):
He was like in the gas station getting a pack of uh
like a 39 pack of Coors Lights.
Damn.
Or how what how however manycome in there?
I almost was like Hey, youremember me?

SPEAKER_05 (53:02):
Where's that fucking dog?

SPEAKER_04 (53:03):
Where's that fucking dog, huh?
But I yeah, I I didn't have theI didn't have the gumption to do
it.
So I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 (53:09):
You're a coward, you know.

SPEAKER_04 (53:10):
Uh okay.
Now you're just getting snappyat me.
Now you're getting mad at me forno reason, you know?

SPEAKER_05 (53:14):
No, I just want you to stand up for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 (53:16):
Did you not want to do this podcast?

SPEAKER_03 (53:18):
Now an hour in, you're like, did you not want to
do this?
That's because I all you had tosay is, hey, I didn't want to do
one tonight, you know?

SPEAKER_00 (53:25):
That's all I had to say.

SPEAKER_03 (53:26):
That's all you had to say.

SPEAKER_05 (53:27):
I've been great.
I've been feeling great allepisode.
And now an hour in, you're like,hey man, if you didn't want to
do this, you didn't have to.

SPEAKER_01 (53:33):
Listen, there's a lot of points that you didn't
feel great, and I'm worriedabout you.

SPEAKER_05 (53:36):
There's a lot of points I felt incredibly
attacked for trying to figureout what's wrong with my mental
health.

SPEAKER_03 (53:42):
Yes.

SPEAKER_01 (53:42):
Okay, so you're you're having a mental health
crisis.

SPEAKER_03 (53:44):
I wouldn't say crisis.
You seem in crisis.
I had a dog die, and it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 (53:54):
I literally googled.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Put the fuck in.
No, my god, it scares me everytime.
Every time you do it, I'm like,he's gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 (54:04):
He's gonna forget the jazz hands.

SPEAKER_01 (54:06):
Are we gonna He's gonna forget the No, please,
please, please jazz at the end.

SPEAKER_03 (54:11):
Yeah.
He's gonna forget the jazzhands.
Yeah, it's scary.
It's terrifying.
What's that?
The jazz hand salute?
What do you call that?
I don't there's gotta be somesort of a German.
It's Jazz Hands with a G, butthat's Ger the German.
I don't know what the Jatsy?
Jotsy?
The Jatsy salute.
Yeah, the Jatsy salute.
There's two Z's.
The Jazzy salute.
Jazzy salute.

(54:31):
There you go.
It could be a good pod title.
Yeah, maybe.
Um I'm sorry to attack you.
I just wanted to- No, I don'tcare.
It's good podcasting.
You do care, and I didn't meanto hurt your feelings.
I'm not hurt.
You're hurt?
No.
But you don't want to admit thatI am capable of hurting you.

SPEAKER_05 (54:46):
No, no.
I am.

SPEAKER_01 (54:47):
Your big fucking autistic ego can't admit that
I'm capable of hurting you.
But what I'm trying to say isI'm sorry.
I didn't mean to feel I just Ijust I'm worried.

SPEAKER_03 (54:56):
I'm like, when you when you when you act like that,
then I can throw gasoline on mycar?
Yes, and then you go, and thenyou go, it must be autism.
I'm like, well, sometimes youjust throw gasoline on your car.
I didn't say that that's what Ithought it was because I was
doing it.
Actually, that's what you said.
Oh yeah, that's that's right.

SPEAKER_04 (55:13):
That's what I'm like, oh that's the most
autistic.
I just I just go, RJ, you'rebetter than this.
You're smarter than this.

SPEAKER_03 (55:18):
No, I just again I'm just trying to make it still
hurting you?
Yes.
Oh, I didn't I forget.
I forget.
I forget I literally Googled, Iwas I felt awful like all
weekend, and I was like, whatthe fuck's wrong with me?
And on Monday, I like like gothome and I like was like Googled
pet depression.

(55:39):
Dead dead pet depression.
Pet depression autism.
Dead pet autism depression jazzysalute.
Also jazzy salute circumcisequesti number four.
Yeah, resirk.
Resirk operation question markdoes resurc open blue shield,

(55:59):
help the church sent me thesuicide hotline.

SPEAKER_02 (56:02):
Yeah, it's cracked.
Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 (56:03):
So I Google all that, and it's like, hey, buddy,
like you're probably autistic.

SPEAKER_02 (56:09):
You probably should take this diagnosis.

SPEAKER_03 (56:11):
Oh my goodness.
No, it was like, you know, petgrief is a thing, and also like
don't white knuckle it, whichI've only done.

SPEAKER_05 (56:20):
I'm like, well, yeah, I grieved my dog.
It's like a month later.

SPEAKER_03 (56:22):
And that's the thing about you that that's the
genuine worry I have for you isyou white knuckle everything.
No, yeah.
Everything.
I can't not.
And what well, until now.
Until now.
May I hope I will I will make apromise to our friendship and to
this podcast and to thelisteners at home.
If you get diagnosed with realfake autism, I will go only if

(56:45):
you that leads you to stop whiteknuckling everything.
And you promise to say that too.
I say, I say you are such a goodfriend to promise to say that to
you.
I promise to say I'm not gonnahelp you.
I'm not gonna help you at all.
Shitty.
Like I promise to say thesewords.
It takes so long to make thepoint.
You're like, hey, buddy, by theway, if this ends up happening,

(57:06):
I want you to know from thebottom of my heart, I will say
you good.
You should do that.
Good do the work.
It's so dumb.
That's great.
It's that's good, it's being agood friend.
It's good podcasting.
No, it's be it's good friendshipbecause that's me saying that I
trust you support you supportingyourself.

(57:27):
I go, but if it doesn't, but ifit then I've like, stop being a
fucking asshole.
Exactly.
Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 (57:32):
Cunt asshole bitch.

SPEAKER_03 (57:34):
Almost said the other one, you know.
Yeah.
You know.
Um speaking of uh my wife sendsme a meme.

SPEAKER_05 (57:46):
Okay, and I go, Oh, funny.
Uh do you know do you followthis account that you send it
from sent it from?
She's like, no, it's a comedianwho bombed after me at the belly
room, and she's like, Really?

SPEAKER_03 (58:00):
And it was that that guy that I told you about.
And she was like, Yes, oh we'rethat we're keeping him Yeah.
I mean, I don't want to flavorit.

SPEAKER_04 (58:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (58:12):
We could be able to be able to zero another one.
There's a lot of comics.

SPEAKER_00 (58:16):
More female fillet, like a fish.

SPEAKER_03 (58:18):
There's actually so there's a lot of female autism
comics right now.
Uh yeah.
Yeah.
What's this?
Yeah, I don't know.
Again, you're you're kind of yougot that old school conservative
mindset where you're like peoplejust kind of name it and claim
it.
Because they do.
Which is true.

SPEAKER_04 (58:35):
But the problem is uh here's the thing people are
naming and claiming uh autism ordepression or bipolar or
multiple or it's the fucking uhit's whatever the one Pete Davis
is.
Polyamorous has polyamorous, uhwhatever the thing is.
Um but the problem is we don'tknow how many people are are um
I'm not I'm not I there there'sprobably a lot of people that

(58:56):
are faking it, and there'sprobably a lot of people that uh
think they have a thing, butalso they have not done anything
else to put their life togetherand they're using it as an
excuse for their bad behaviorand would rather be a victim.

SPEAKER_03 (59:11):
And there's the people that like genuinely
whatever have those things, ormaybe they or maybe they have a
thing that seems like thatthing, but it's not that thing,
so they've been misdiagnosed,because misdiagnoses happen all
the time.
What about what about Mr.
Diagnose?

SPEAKER_04 (59:26):
Uh we don't support him anymore.
It's only miss diagnose now, andand so I think the problem is is
we have this whole melting pot,and we don't know how much of
each of either there are, andeverything is again every like
culturally we're very uh culteverything's very mimetic.

SPEAKER_03 (59:42):
So like we we do things, we act, and we behave
depending on the shit we werebeing t that's being taken in
when we go on our phones or wewatch TV or people are acting or
a certain way or saying acertain thing, people are gonna
start doing that.
It's lingo, it's this or that.
So it's like you know, that'sjust with every Like there's we
know too we know too much lingonow, and so we start attaching a

(01:00:06):
lot of these this verbiage thatthat is that is uh usually
required to get uh a lot of uhmultiple very lengthy, very
obnoxious tests done, or to havemultiple advanced degrees to be
able to be like this is thelabel and I know and I have a
depth of knowledge behind it.
And then we we see it on athing, we're like, I'm gonna

(01:00:27):
attach myself to that thing.
And yeah.
So it's like, you know, and uhwell in in the thing, in in in
show business, it's good to havea thing.
Oh yes.
And some people wear it, somepeople really milk whatever
their thing is, or their fakething.
In show business for sure,people will double down.
I'm just afraid you're gonnabecome the autism comic.
I would never say that.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:47):
I wouldn't I again I if anything, I don't know why I
haven't milked you know myMexicanity.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:53):
This is the Take Your Shoes Off podcast.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:56):
It literally is, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 (01:00:57):
It literally is.

SPEAKER_05 (01:00:58):
Yeah.
I mean, it's a shame that wedidn't get the name first.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:02):
No, I like swallow daddies better.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:04):
Good.
Yeah, Glassman's got the samegig.
I don't know why you're ADDingaway from what we're in the
middle of our conversation.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:09):
What were we talking about?

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:10):
I was in the middle of a sentence.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:12):
I think about getting tested for ADD.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:14):
You think it about it?

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:15):
Yeah.
Hmm.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:17):
I mean, I don't think you need to think about
it.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:19):
Yeah, it's it's already there.
But here's the thing I don'twant to label myself.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:24):
You don't don't label yourself.

SPEAKER_03 (01:01:25):
You can just tell that you have ADD because my
entire life, the only peoplethat are genuinely part of my
inner circle and drawn to me asa person have full blown ADD.
Well, what's the differencebetween ADD and ADHD?
One's bad.
One's honestly, I don't reallynotice the difference, but I
some people are like a littlemore hyper, I think.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:46):
I think that's what the age is.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:48):
A D.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:50):
Or helium.
Attention deficit heliumdisorder.
No, it's hyper.

SPEAKER_04 (01:01:54):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Uh Hercules disorder.

SPEAKER_05 (01:01:57):
Yeah, he's a he's half he's a demigod.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:00):
Um his real mom.
Yeah, exactly.
Uh he's super fucking strong,just crushing people on
accident.

SPEAKER_04 (01:02:06):
Yeah, well, yeah, and I talked to my therapist.
I'm like, I think I have thisthing, but he he's uh so I'm
like, let me if you couldrecommend me a book on this, so
I could just start working onit.

SPEAKER_05 (01:02:15):
You're not a demigod.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:15):
You're like, I know, but like But like look at me.
But like, could you see theseads?
But like, come on, let me let melet me just get different
lighting in here.
The kids call him cum gutters,boss.
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, doc.
Doc, take a look at thesethings.
Doc boss, you know.
Doc boss.
Yeah, whack whack.
Uh, but um, yeah, so I don'tknow.
I don't know.
I think uh yeah, I hope you findwhat you're looking for.

SPEAKER_05 (01:02:36):
I look, at this point in my life, I just want to
have tools to help me be abetter person.

SPEAKER_01 (01:02:42):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 (01:02:43):
You know?
I don't want I don't want nofancy labels.
I'm not gonna get out here andbe like, hey, guess what?
I'm I'm quasi uh autisipolarbear, you know.

SPEAKER_03 (01:02:55):
Yeah, autisy polar bear.
I was trying to combine a fewthings.
Uh you um Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, are you gonna talk aboutit on the podcast when you
figure out what you have?
Considering it.
Considering it.
Opening up to the world.

SPEAKER_05 (01:03:09):
I think it's I mean, uh my barometer for what I bring
up on the podcast is how funnyis it really?

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:14):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:15):
Cause obviously there's things that that aren't
worth bringing up because it'slike too real.
The next podcast, you're like, Ihave schizophrenia.
Next podcast, I'm like, I haveuh pancreatic cancer.
Exactly.
Stage nine, they didn't evenknow it was that.
Turns out uh the whole it's notautism, it's cancer.
It's actually, it's it'sactually they didn't even know
there is a stage nine ofpancreatic cancer.
Yeah, it's uh I'm the firststage nine patient.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:37):
It's bad.
They say I have seconds.
Yeah, shit.

SPEAKER_02 (01:03:41):
He called it seconds.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:43):
Yeah, come on now.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:44):
That's a good bit.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:45):
Yeah, there we're working on it.
Okay.
We're getting there.
Did you write any jokes for thispodcast?

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:48):
No, I was it was day late and a dollar short.

SPEAKER_04 (01:03:50):
It's okay.
It happens.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:51):
I'll just save those jokes that I never said last
time and the time before.

SPEAKER_05 (01:03:55):
Yeah, we'll get a good we'll get another one on
Friday.

SPEAKER_03 (01:03:57):
You have anything to plug other than uh bragging
about doing the the This will benext week.

SPEAKER_05 (01:04:02):
I'm gonna be at Kill Arney's in Huntington Beach on a
Friday.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:06):
I think Bellflower that Saturday.
Um Killarne's.

SPEAKER_01 (01:04:11):
Oh, you're doing that thing every fucking time
now.
Is it every week?

SPEAKER_05 (01:04:15):
It's every month.
I I I gave him a list of comics.
Yeah, but they don't give ashit, you know.
No, he did, because he said,give me good comics to book, and
he booked one of them off mylist.
Roast battle.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:28):
Oh, yeah, we got that next week.

SPEAKER_05 (01:04:29):
We have roast battle at the this time next week.
This will come out in themorning and he'll be like, wait,
what are we can go to LA tonightand still see RJ and Drew do a
roast battle?
Yes, get on, get in your car,go!

SPEAKER_04 (01:04:40):
Yeah, go even go now.

SPEAKER_05 (01:04:42):
It's it's noon.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:43):
Leave.
If you're in Vegas, you can makeit.

SPEAKER_04 (01:04:45):
Yeah, yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_03 (01:04:46):
If you're in San Francisco, you can make it.
Yeah.
If you leave now.
How are we gonna top that lastone?
Let's not even worry about it.
Let's just have fun, you know?
Let's just get up there and havefun.
Let's be the let's be whateverwe want.
Would you want my answer?
No, sorry.
What were you saying?
I was gonna I was gonna say allthose things, but it's just
funny.
You you tend to you tend to aska question.
Well, I'm just saying, like uhalmost as if you don't really

(01:05:07):
care.
I'm really at no, because I'masking the question to myself to
kind of get me going, but I doit at you.
No, it's okay.
We're both external processorsin that way.
No, again, another label doesn'tmake any sense.
External processor isn't amental disease.
Yeah.
That's a that's a fucking that'sthat's like a the the little
thing you attach to your laptopto have more memory.

(01:05:29):
I kept, you know what's funny?
You said that, and I keptthinking mental disorder.
I'm like, why would you attach amental disorder to your
computer?
Oh my god, you are autistic.
Uh no.
That's the only thing is like itwas like, do you have trouble
processing jokes?

SPEAKER_05 (01:05:43):
And I was like, no, as long as it makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
But like if it doesn't makesense, I'm like, why the fuck
would you attach a mentalillness to your computer?
Yeah, I got 12 gigabytes of uhof uh fucking uh Down syndrome
that I'm putting Oh shit.

(01:06:09):
Terabyte of accession.
I'm gonna Yeah, I got a coupleterabytes of fucking bipolar and
uh fucking uh suicidaltendencies.
Uh I'm hosting proof bar.
Is that anything?
I'm gonna be hosting the proofbar show.

SPEAKER_03 (01:06:23):
On Thursday?

SPEAKER_05 (01:06:23):
Uh on Thursday at the end of the month.

SPEAKER_03 (01:06:25):
Nice, that'll be fun.
Then I'm gonna be in New York.
Very bad voice.
Okay.

SPEAKER_01 (01:06:35):
Don't get worked up.
It's the end of the pod.
We're over, it's done.
In New Oh, God, it got worse.
Try again.
Don't fake it.

SPEAKER_02 (01:06:46):
Oh no.
I'm off my game.
Oh no.
No.
No, no.

SPEAKER_03 (01:06:55):
Jazz.
Jazz.
No, I'm I can't.
I lost my face.
Come on.
No, you haven't.
I lost my Alicia keys.
I need Alicia.

SPEAKER_04 (01:07:01):
Take a breath.
Close your eyes.

SPEAKER_02 (01:07:05):
In new.
Yeah, it's like a thing.

SPEAKER_05 (01:07:10):
Yeah.
We should get dual soundboardsso we can fucking jazz hand each
other.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:16):
Just jazz each other off.
I think it could work if we hadlike a.
I mean, we we'll cut this allout, but I think it could work
if we had that far.

SPEAKER_01 (01:07:23):
Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 (01:07:25):
I would get way too trigger happy.
It's a good thing you have allthe sounds.
Yeah.
Yeah, that would be the worst.
I would turn into red bar quick.
Yeah.