August 5, 2023 • 29 mins
Happy August :)
Episode 06 will look at why a System Of Transformation prides itself in the deep evaluation of its dysfunctions instead of superficial symptom management.
- Quality 03 - The Great Anatomy
- The provision of self evaluation
- Collaborative non-defensive engagement
Let's heal generational and transform global !!!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Anu (00:01):
Welcome to the Systems Of Transformation podcast, a
podcast that is dedicated to thedynamics of generational healing
and global transformationthrough a trauma informed lens
and a spiritual perspective.
I am your host a Anu Hernandezand welcome to Episode 06: The
Great Anatomy.
We are going through a seriescalled the qualities of a system
(00:24):
of transformation, and tonightwe are going to look at the
third quality.
A system of transformationprides itself in the deep
evaluation of its dysfunctionsinstead of superficial symptom
management.
I will say that once again.
A system of transformationprides itself in the deep
(00:46):
evaluation of its dysfunctionsinstead of superficial symptom
management.
For a system to really engage intransformative work it has to be
able to deeply evaluate itselfand look at its strengths and
its areas of challenge.
I want to emphasize somethingthat it prides itself on the
(01:09):
ability to be able to do thistype of a deep evaluation of its
dysfunctions.
The element of pride and joy ofbeing able to do this
proactively, to healthily lookat oneself and say'you know I do
all these things wonderfully andI don't do some of these things
that great'.
Symptoms are just the tangible,superficial things that may
(01:30):
manifest, but they don'tnecessarily treat or cure what's
going on underneath the surface.
Anytime we're talking aboutdynamics when we're talking
about transformation, it's veryimportant to understand that a
lot of our work is going to bebeneath the soil.
The first thing that came to mymind was an image of a potted
(01:55):
plant.
I do not have much of a greenthumb.
I have successfully managed tokeep two plants alive for
almost, I would say an averageof three years.
Maybe you could call that assomewhat green thumb?
When I think of superficialsymptom management, I think of
just looking at the leaves andsaying, well, the leaves are
turning yellow.
So I'm just going to pluck theseleaves and throw them away.
(02:17):
Instead of saying, there mightbe something going on underneath
the soil.
Why don't we look at the roots?
A system of transformation isone that is able to say.
Hey, our plant is not thriving.
I am not seeing healthy fruit.
I'm not seeing thriving flowersand my leaves are turning
yellow.
Instead of just picking the deadleaves or picking out the fruit,
(02:41):
let's investigate this pottedplant because maybe there's
something going on beneath thesoil that needs to be looked at
in order to correct what we areobserving superficially, which
is the dead leaves and the dyingfruit.
Let me take a look at thatwillingly, humbly and not
demonize the fact that there'ssomething that could be wrong
(03:03):
beneath the surface.
Any time I talk about differentsystems on this podcast, I am
talking about individual systemsand collective systems because
they're two different types ofsystems.
When I talk about an individualsystem, I am talking about an
individual because I am such afirm believer that all it takes
is one person to make adifference.
(03:24):
I believe all transformation ina system begins with the
individuals in it and everyindividual taking ownership of
their part.
And really embodying what thattransformative process is on an
individual level before tryingto implement a larger, more
systemic and collective change.
(03:45):
When I talk about collectivesystems.
I will refer to families,religious institutions or faith
systems, organizational systemslike businesses and then also
society and cultural aspects ofbeing a collective group.
We love throwing around thequote"oh I am imperfect and I'm
(04:05):
just human" and all kinds ofvariants of that.
A lot of times we use thosestatements as excuses to live in
that state of compromise but westruggle to apply that in a
healthy transformative way.
To recognize that we canactually take those same
perspectives and use themtransformatively is crucial to
(04:28):
any system leaving a lastingimpact in this world.
For a system to be able to takea good look at its own
dysfunctions instead of beingdefensive and projecting on
other people or other elementsof that system, there has to be
a few things that the system isable to do.
The first thing that a systemneeds to be able to do is have a
(04:51):
provision of self evaluation.
There is a statement that I loveand it goes something like this,
between the mission andtransformation lies the
provision of self evaluation'.
Systems whether individual orcollective are birthed from
wonderful visions.
On the other end lies themission and this is the tangible
(05:13):
actionable steps of how do itake this vision that i have in
my heart or my soul and then howdoes this unfold into the
greater world that i would liketo transform.
Sandwiched between these two isthe provision.
Whether it is a personal or aprofessional system we are
(05:34):
captivated by visions andmissions and we forget the
in-between portion or we neglectthat portion.
This goes back to the wholeperspective that I have of love
God, love yourself, so that youcan love others more effectively
and more like God, cause a lotof times all we're trying to do
(05:55):
is love God and love otherswithout loving ourselves, and
that never works good foranybody.
It is so important for me to beable to say, yes I am engaged in
transformative work, but I alsounderstand that this is flowing
through me.
Whether it is me as a woman, asa human, as a leader, as a
family member, it's flowingthrough me.
(06:17):
I need to be able to take a lookat some of my own issues at
times, spend some timeaddressing that and also
recognize that it can be doneproactively and positively
because ultimately it benefitsthose that end up receiving
whatever flows out of me.
If a system wants impact andtransformation, then their
(06:40):
mission cannot be one of selfpreservation.
We get so captivated by thevisions that helped us create
something, all we're doing afterthat is to try to preserve that
original vision, And there'snothing wrong with that but
sometimes things get socrystallized that over time it
(07:00):
loses its impact and its abilityto actually transform because
the world is changing every day.
Good intentions do not make upfor being ill-equipped and so if
there are things that we canlearn along the way to equip us
better, those are definitely tobe considered and the negative
energy of self preservation ordenial doesn't really help any
(07:24):
type of system thrive.
Owning your dysfunctions doesn'tmake you weak and avoidance of
those issues only leads to moredefensiveness when any type of
issue is brought up, or aconcern is raised or somebody in
that system has a difference ofopinion.
Then you get the defensiveresponses, then you get the
reactions that are moresuppressive and oppressive in
(07:47):
nature The stubborn loyalty toorigins is something that can
really impact how a systemevolves and maintains its
transformative potency.
I would like to look at somecollective systems and I would
like to start with the familysystem because I believe that
the family system is the DNAstrand of this world.
(08:11):
And that if every family were tobegin engaging in their own
transformative work, we wouldsee a greater transformation in
the world at a much faster pace,than if we were just to think of
transformative practices beingoutside the home and never
reaching within the four wallsthat we live and move and
(08:32):
breathe within.
Children are the thermometers ofthe family system.
Children will tell you whatexactly the level of health or
dysfunction or toxicity iswithin a certain family unit.
Their behaviors, their ways ofbeing able to, or not being able
(08:53):
to cope with things well speakloudest about the overall health
of a family system.
Now, this is taking into accountthat a lot of times children's
misbehaviors and maybe theirso-called acting out is them not
being really able to handle thedysregulation that they're
(09:16):
experiencing internally.
Because I am a social worker, Isee this every day.
Most of my work and most of thework that my staff do are in
family systems and we know thatthe bulk of our work is actually
with the adults in the home.
The way families come to us iswith what I have termed the fix
(09:39):
my child syndrome, where justbecause the child is exhibiting
the symptoms of what's going onin the family, they are being
blamed and shamed to take on theburden of fixing themselves.
I've seen family systems come tous.
(10:01):
With this.
I mean, some of them see it,some of them imply it, but with
this message of fix my child andeverything will be okay.
Fix my child and our family willbe okay.
They are the problem we weredoing just fine and we have no
idea what's going on with thiskid.
It's so easy for this familysystem to point fingers at this
(10:25):
expressive child.
And that's the defensivemechanisms that I'm talking
about or the denial or sometimesit is a lot of shame and the
families are just not wanting toaccept that this is a greater
issue and they genuinely hopethat if the child's behavioral
issues are dealt with then maybejust, maybe they don't have to
(10:49):
look at the greater forces atwork.
I see this on a daily basis.
And people are desperate forhelp, but they are entrenched in
the ways of doing things becausethey've only utilized survival
mechanisms to get to where theyare because they themselves have
had to cope with a lot of traumaand they carry a lot of, and
(11:12):
dealt with pain and grief andtheir own baggage.
It's easy to see that what we'redealing with is a 35 year old
mom whose emotional skill levelis that around an age 15 ish And
she is battling it out with her15 year old and so there are two
peers But because she has thetitle of mom and caretaker.
(11:37):
It's very confusing for thechild Because the dynamic is two
teenagers going at one anotherBut Tangibly it's the child
being disrespectful and defianttowards parents.
This is why I love social workis because now we have this
perspective of, okay, this iswhat they're saying, but a lot
(12:01):
of times it is not a fix mychild issue.
It is let's work with the familysystem.
Because once adults learn how toregulate themselves in moments
of dysregulation.
They are then able to model.
Those skills to their children.
(12:22):
And overall.
The family system improves.
I will tell you this withcertainty.
One of the first things you willhear from adults in a family
system is"I didn't get any ofthis growing up and I turned out
just fine.
Well, what's their problem?
Nobody did this for me.
(12:43):
I went through much worse".
Very very often it's quick as asocial worker to recognize that,
wow, these adults themselves areneglected, abused, and
traumatized children who neverreceived the care they were
supposed to receive growing up.
And somehow they have made it sofar.
But now when their child isexhibiting this collective
(13:06):
generational trauma throughtheir inability to cope with not
just their own challenges inthis world, but everything that
has trickled down from thesegenerations.
Now this child has to carry allof that and is not able to.
And so a lot of times theirmental, emotional, and physical
systems as individuals arecollapsing.
(13:29):
It would really help forfamilies to begin recognizing
and this is not to shamefamilies this is not to blame
but this is just to understandcause and effect.
The first thing that we providefor these families is a safe
space for them to recognize that"hey this might be a bigger
issue than just your childacting out and so instead of
(13:53):
putting all the work on them tofix themselves.
Maybe everybody needs to sitdown together and take a look at
the deeper root systems that areinfluencing what we're seeing
through this child".
I have actually been able tostart saying that to families,
even when I first meet them.
(14:13):
And even when I talked to thatchild who is on probation or who
is under investigation, You knowwhat I'm able to tell that
child,"look, I'm not here.
This is not a fix you project.
Right.
This is let's evaluate everyonetogether and let's work together
to make things better".
When we're talking about othercollective systems This can
(14:35):
translate into and i've actuallywritten a list down fix the next
generation The next generationis the problem fixed my employee
My workers are ungrateful theycomplain They're just not able
to see all the sacrifices wemake for them as leaders And so
we'll just get fixed them and myorganization will be okay.
(14:57):
Fix my congregation fix mystudent body Fix my product my
policy my program just fix itBecause that is the thing that
is exhibiting all these problemsright now and so if we take care
of that we will be okay.
The second thing that a systemof transformation should be able
(15:20):
to do is to provide regularspaces of collaborative
non-defensive engagement.
It's important to create thosespaces with the energy of non
defensiveness.
It's important that we're notcreating these spaces and these
opportunities out of a sense ofhaving to do them but really
(15:45):
recognizing the value of havingthat time with the different
stakeholders involved in oursystem.
Let me speak about this from theperspective of a professional
setting or an organizationalsetup.
In an organization, whateverform it takes, we have different
components working together.
(16:06):
We have members who are inleadership positions who take
care of the management aspect ofthat set up.
We have administration.
Employees.
It is important that everybodyin that system knows that they
have a place and a space toshare without fear of
(16:28):
retaliation, without fear ofbeing labeled as a complainer or
an ungrateful human being, thatthey can bring up issues that
they may see from theirperspective, because they're the
ones that are actually engagedin the work.
And it is their dailyinvolvement and engagement that
exposes them to the wisdom ofnuances.
(16:51):
It is important that we providethese opportunities, not just
because we need to fulfillcompliance requirements,
maintain protocols or make surethat we are not going to get
into trouble.
It's important that we can modelto those that we lead or to
those that we work with that wehave understood one, the
(17:14):
importance of collaborativeengagement.
And two, we recognize that it isa healthy, positive practice
that we implement not from aplace of dread but from a place
of understanding it's role inthe transformative capacities of
(17:35):
our organizations.
I recognize that it is difficultto take into consideration and
implement everybody'sperspectives.
But I also know that workers areaware and understanding of the
fact that not everything thatthey want, they may get.
(17:56):
And listening does not meanimplementation.
Listening means you aregenuinely concerned and
considerate of how they areexperiencing the current layout
and functioning of a system.
There is no harm in presenting arealistic perspective that not
(18:17):
everybody's input can beimplemented immediately.
And I think people are okay withthat.
But choosing to never give themthat opportunity just because
you know that not everything canbe implemented is robbing them
of the rich experience of beingan active participating member
(18:39):
of your organization People aresatisfied with that because they
would rather be heard andvalidated and continue to work
in conditions that may not fullybe transformed overnight, than
walk away feeling like they werejust part of fulfilling a
procedure, or maintaining apolicy or just offered this
(19:02):
empty void of an experience sothat we can quote unquote, say
that oh, look, we provided themthis opportunity and so we're
good.
It is very quick to pick up whatis genuine, what is positive and
proactive, versus a defensivestance.
I recently completed acertification course for trauma
(19:26):
informed leadership.
And the premise of the wholecourse was to educate leaders to
carry that trauma informedperspective of their workers and
their staff bodies, but alsothemselves.
To recognize how our owntraumas, our own personal
(19:46):
historical traumas play into howwe function as authority figures
in our professional setups.
During the course of thatcertification program.
I listened to a podcast episodeI believe where a transformative
leader was talking about howwhen you have ongoing
(20:07):
discussions and you were engagedproactively and in a healthy way
with your organization, thevalue of having that type of
consistent connection, is that alot of creative solutions to the
challenges the organization isfacing can be found in the room.
(20:31):
And she put it so beautifully.
She said the answer is always inthe room.
I am a firm supporter of thatperspective.
If we're not asking the peoplewho are actually doing the work
to tell us the things that theyare learning, the creative ideas
that they may have to addresssome of the concerns we are
(20:53):
seeing.
And if we cannot at leastimplement a percentage of what
those people have offered us,then I think we are doing a
great disservice by askingpeople to just do the work, but
never have any type of say inthe outcome of the work that we
are asking them to do.
When there is an absence ofcollaborative non-defensive
(21:17):
engagement between the differentcomponents of a system, you are
missing out on tremendousmaterial to engage in
transformative work.
And over time the disconnectionwill continue to grow larger and
you will see the symptoms ofyour organization and your
(21:38):
people not doing well, notthriving and you have a choice
in that moment to choose whetheryou are going to take these
symptoms as signposts that youshould probably do some
investigation and bring peopletogether and have that
conversation.
(21:59):
Or choose not to address whatyou are observing out of the
fear that a lot of negativitywill come to the surface.
Personally, I don't see thevalue in denying the opportunity
for something to be shared,whether it is positive or
negative.
If we're not providing thosespaces where frustrations can be
(22:24):
discharged then we cannot besurprised when we begin to see
dysfunctional byproducts set into the culture of our
organizations.
I know that a lot of people areafraid that negativity will
breed more contempt.
And that's where I think we canteach people healthy ways of
(22:47):
expressing frustration sadness,anger.
But it has to be done if we arewanting to keep our systems
healthy and if we want tocontinue working towards
transforming into healthierorganizations.
Just like it is Very quick tounderstand that sometimes the
(23:08):
most work that is needed is withthe adults of a family system i
could also tell you that thehardest people to influence And
soften to help them begin thattransformative work are the
leaders of that system Theauthority figures The people
that have all the power, havethe position, have the titles.
(23:33):
These adults, these authorityfigures, they themselves are
functioning from places ofdeficits, from their own baggage
and none of that means that theycannot hold those positions, it
just means that when they havenot been provided the
nourishment and the nurturingthey come at the next generation
(23:54):
or the next, the level of peoplethat they're called to influence
and lead or maybe mentor orparent.
They come at them with a levelof harshness because again
survival Can make you harsh andmake you hard and make you have
to Be tough And so a lot oftimes then the next generation
or the next layer of that systemdoesn't really have a
(24:19):
transformative chance becausethen they're just dealing with
your reactions and yourdefenses.
This is why i'm pleading withpeople and i'm hoping to educate
people that For those of us thatare in those Authoritative
positions It would really reallybenefit the transformation of
(24:40):
our systems if we were able totake In non-defensive and
positive approach to reallylooking at our own dysfunctions
before setting out to pointfingers elsewhere.
That's the reason why i calledtoday's episode the great
anatomy it's because Taking thattime to surgically see what we
(25:03):
can Heal.
What we can Possibly clean upand and take care of And even
remove if needed Is very verycrucial to the thriving success
of a system In a way this isbeautiful because this is where
(25:25):
intergenerational work Is themagic to the problems that we're
seeing because of both sides ofthat system can say we both have
worked to do I'm sorry if i havebeen making this all about you
and acting like if you getyourself together i will be okay
(25:45):
And at the same time if theother side can say i recognize
that yes you'd may not do thingsperfectly but because we're
looking at this together I feelcomfortable to openly examine
myself because i'm watching youdo it.
How beautiful is that.
How transformative is that Howmuch of an impact can we leave
(26:07):
in not just our families but inplaces of our work in society
and culture In places that weworship.
I think people that are willingto collectively engage in this
could really begin to see ashift not just in their mission
and the results they're able toproduce from their beautiful
(26:30):
visions but also just the healthand the Connectedness between
themselves as a system and thepeople that are working so hard
to make some of these visionscome to life and translate into
missions.
There in lies the significantpower of utilizing generational
mechanisms to transform ourworld and that is why i always
(26:54):
end my episodes by saying healgenerational and transform
global because the work that wedo intergenerationally Has such
a great potency to transformthis world in ways that we are
beginning to see this actuallytake place in the world And my
heart is to disperse thisinformation to the masses
(27:17):
because i do believe thattransformation is for the masses
It's not for a select exclusivegroup of people This is a time
when we are called to transformglobal.
We know that our world needsglobal transformation and global
transformation for the better.
So on that note i would like toend today's episode.
(27:39):
Once again i thank you so muchand i invite you to connect with
me.
If you would like to do so youcan find me on Instagram at
@therealanuhernandez or onFacebook at Anu hernandez.
Or you could even email me attherealanuhernandez@gmail.com
Continue to send me yourfeedback your thoughts your
(28:00):
comments.
Rate and review the podcast.It'sso encouraging to see the number
of downloads grow as i put outthis content and every one of
those downloads matter to me.
My definition of success isbeing able to transform the one,
so i live a pretty successfultransformative life on a daily
(28:21):
basis because my yard stick ofsuccess is being able to
transform one person.
It's encouraging for me too, toknow that there are other people
that are actually interested andinvested in this form of thought
and want to go out and make thatdifference because I know you're
not downloading this justbecause you want to listen to
something.
(28:42):
You obviously have a heart thatis stirred and a spirit that
wants to go out and make adifference.
So i am very thankful to you.
i really appreciate each andevery one of you And until next
time heal generational andtransform global.
Bye everyone!!!!
Welcome to the Systems Of Transformation podcast, a
podcast that is dedicated to thedynamics of generational healing
and global transformationthrough a trauma informed lens
and a spiritual perspective.
I am your host a Anu Hernandezand welcome to Episode 06: The
Great Anatomy.
We are going through a seriescalled the qualities of a system
(00:24):
of transformation, and tonightwe are going to look at the
third quality.
A system of transformationprides itself in the deep
evaluation of its dysfunctionsinstead of superficial symptom
management.
I will say that once again.
A system of transformationprides itself in the deep
(00:46):
evaluation of its dysfunctionsinstead of superficial symptom
management.
For a system to really engage intransformative work it has to be
able to deeply evaluate itselfand look at its strengths and
its areas of challenge.
I want to emphasize somethingthat it prides itself on the
(01:09):
ability to be able to do thistype of a deep evaluation of its
dysfunctions.
The element of pride and joy ofbeing able to do this
proactively, to healthily lookat oneself and say'you know I do
all these things wonderfully andI don't do some of these things
that great'.
Symptoms are just the tangible,superficial things that may
(01:30):
manifest, but they don'tnecessarily treat or cure what's
going on underneath the surface.
Anytime we're talking aboutdynamics when we're talking
about transformation, it's veryimportant to understand that a
lot of our work is going to bebeneath the soil.
The first thing that came to mymind was an image of a potted
(01:55):
plant.
I do not have much of a greenthumb.
I have successfully managed tokeep two plants alive for
almost, I would say an averageof three years.
Maybe you could call that assomewhat green thumb?
When I think of superficialsymptom management, I think of
just looking at the leaves andsaying, well, the leaves are
turning yellow.
So I'm just going to pluck theseleaves and throw them away.
(02:17):
Instead of saying, there mightbe something going on underneath
the soil.
Why don't we look at the roots?
A system of transformation isone that is able to say.
Hey, our plant is not thriving.
I am not seeing healthy fruit.
I'm not seeing thriving flowersand my leaves are turning
yellow.
Instead of just picking the deadleaves or picking out the fruit,
(02:41):
let's investigate this pottedplant because maybe there's
something going on beneath thesoil that needs to be looked at
in order to correct what we areobserving superficially, which
is the dead leaves and the dyingfruit.
Let me take a look at thatwillingly, humbly and not
demonize the fact that there'ssomething that could be wrong
(03:03):
beneath the surface.
Any time I talk about differentsystems on this podcast, I am
talking about individual systemsand collective systems because
they're two different types ofsystems.
When I talk about an individualsystem, I am talking about an
individual because I am such afirm believer that all it takes
is one person to make adifference.
(03:24):
I believe all transformation ina system begins with the
individuals in it and everyindividual taking ownership of
their part.
And really embodying what thattransformative process is on an
individual level before tryingto implement a larger, more
systemic and collective change.
(03:45):
When I talk about collectivesystems.
I will refer to families,religious institutions or faith
systems, organizational systemslike businesses and then also
society and cultural aspects ofbeing a collective group.
We love throwing around thequote"oh I am imperfect and I'm
(04:05):
just human" and all kinds ofvariants of that.
A lot of times we use thosestatements as excuses to live in
that state of compromise but westruggle to apply that in a
healthy transformative way.
To recognize that we canactually take those same
perspectives and use themtransformatively is crucial to
(04:28):
any system leaving a lastingimpact in this world.
For a system to be able to takea good look at its own
dysfunctions instead of beingdefensive and projecting on
other people or other elementsof that system, there has to be
a few things that the system isable to do.
The first thing that a systemneeds to be able to do is have a
(04:51):
provision of self evaluation.
There is a statement that I loveand it goes something like this,
between the mission andtransformation lies the
provision of self evaluation'.
Systems whether individual orcollective are birthed from
wonderful visions.
On the other end lies themission and this is the tangible
(05:13):
actionable steps of how do itake this vision that i have in
my heart or my soul and then howdoes this unfold into the
greater world that i would liketo transform.
Sandwiched between these two isthe provision.
Whether it is a personal or aprofessional system we are
(05:34):
captivated by visions andmissions and we forget the
in-between portion or we neglectthat portion.
This goes back to the wholeperspective that I have of love
God, love yourself, so that youcan love others more effectively
and more like God, cause a lotof times all we're trying to do
(05:55):
is love God and love otherswithout loving ourselves, and
that never works good foranybody.
It is so important for me to beable to say, yes I am engaged in
transformative work, but I alsounderstand that this is flowing
through me.
Whether it is me as a woman, asa human, as a leader, as a
family member, it's flowingthrough me.
(06:17):
I need to be able to take a lookat some of my own issues at
times, spend some timeaddressing that and also
recognize that it can be doneproactively and positively
because ultimately it benefitsthose that end up receiving
whatever flows out of me.
If a system wants impact andtransformation, then their
(06:40):
mission cannot be one of selfpreservation.
We get so captivated by thevisions that helped us create
something, all we're doing afterthat is to try to preserve that
original vision, And there'snothing wrong with that but
sometimes things get socrystallized that over time it
(07:00):
loses its impact and its abilityto actually transform because
the world is changing every day.
Good intentions do not make upfor being ill-equipped and so if
there are things that we canlearn along the way to equip us
better, those are definitely tobe considered and the negative
energy of self preservation ordenial doesn't really help any
(07:24):
type of system thrive.
Owning your dysfunctions doesn'tmake you weak and avoidance of
those issues only leads to moredefensiveness when any type of
issue is brought up, or aconcern is raised or somebody in
that system has a difference ofopinion.
Then you get the defensiveresponses, then you get the
reactions that are moresuppressive and oppressive in
(07:47):
nature The stubborn loyalty toorigins is something that can
really impact how a systemevolves and maintains its
transformative potency.
I would like to look at somecollective systems and I would
like to start with the familysystem because I believe that
the family system is the DNAstrand of this world.
(08:11):
And that if every family were tobegin engaging in their own
transformative work, we wouldsee a greater transformation in
the world at a much faster pace,than if we were just to think of
transformative practices beingoutside the home and never
reaching within the four wallsthat we live and move and
(08:32):
breathe within.
Children are the thermometers ofthe family system.
Children will tell you whatexactly the level of health or
dysfunction or toxicity iswithin a certain family unit.
Their behaviors, their ways ofbeing able to, or not being able
(08:53):
to cope with things well speakloudest about the overall health
of a family system.
Now, this is taking into accountthat a lot of times children's
misbehaviors and maybe theirso-called acting out is them not
being really able to handle thedysregulation that they're
(09:16):
experiencing internally.
Because I am a social worker, Isee this every day.
Most of my work and most of thework that my staff do are in
family systems and we know thatthe bulk of our work is actually
with the adults in the home.
The way families come to us iswith what I have termed the fix
(09:39):
my child syndrome, where justbecause the child is exhibiting
the symptoms of what's going onin the family, they are being
blamed and shamed to take on theburden of fixing themselves.
I've seen family systems come tous.
(10:01):
With this.
I mean, some of them see it,some of them imply it, but with
this message of fix my child andeverything will be okay.
Fix my child and our family willbe okay.
They are the problem we weredoing just fine and we have no
idea what's going on with thiskid.
It's so easy for this familysystem to point fingers at this
(10:25):
expressive child.
And that's the defensivemechanisms that I'm talking
about or the denial or sometimesit is a lot of shame and the
families are just not wanting toaccept that this is a greater
issue and they genuinely hopethat if the child's behavioral
issues are dealt with then maybejust, maybe they don't have to
(10:49):
look at the greater forces atwork.
I see this on a daily basis.
And people are desperate forhelp, but they are entrenched in
the ways of doing things becausethey've only utilized survival
mechanisms to get to where theyare because they themselves have
had to cope with a lot of traumaand they carry a lot of, and
(11:12):
dealt with pain and grief andtheir own baggage.
It's easy to see that what we'redealing with is a 35 year old
mom whose emotional skill levelis that around an age 15 ish And
she is battling it out with her15 year old and so there are two
peers But because she has thetitle of mom and caretaker.
(11:37):
It's very confusing for thechild Because the dynamic is two
teenagers going at one anotherBut Tangibly it's the child
being disrespectful and defianttowards parents.
This is why I love social workis because now we have this
perspective of, okay, this iswhat they're saying, but a lot
(12:01):
of times it is not a fix mychild issue.
It is let's work with the familysystem.
Because once adults learn how toregulate themselves in moments
of dysregulation.
They are then able to model.
Those skills to their children.
(12:22):
And overall.
The family system improves.
I will tell you this withcertainty.
One of the first things you willhear from adults in a family
system is"I didn't get any ofthis growing up and I turned out
just fine.
Well, what's their problem?
Nobody did this for me.
(12:43):
I went through much worse".
Very very often it's quick as asocial worker to recognize that,
wow, these adults themselves areneglected, abused, and
traumatized children who neverreceived the care they were
supposed to receive growing up.
And somehow they have made it sofar.
But now when their child isexhibiting this collective
(13:06):
generational trauma throughtheir inability to cope with not
just their own challenges inthis world, but everything that
has trickled down from thesegenerations.
Now this child has to carry allof that and is not able to.
And so a lot of times theirmental, emotional, and physical
systems as individuals arecollapsing.
(13:29):
It would really help forfamilies to begin recognizing
and this is not to shamefamilies this is not to blame
but this is just to understandcause and effect.
The first thing that we providefor these families is a safe
space for them to recognize that"hey this might be a bigger
issue than just your childacting out and so instead of
(13:53):
putting all the work on them tofix themselves.
Maybe everybody needs to sitdown together and take a look at
the deeper root systems that areinfluencing what we're seeing
through this child".
I have actually been able tostart saying that to families,
even when I first meet them.
(14:13):
And even when I talked to thatchild who is on probation or who
is under investigation, You knowwhat I'm able to tell that
child,"look, I'm not here.
This is not a fix you project.
Right.
This is let's evaluate everyonetogether and let's work together
to make things better".
When we're talking about othercollective systems This can
(14:35):
translate into and i've actuallywritten a list down fix the next
generation The next generationis the problem fixed my employee
My workers are ungrateful theycomplain They're just not able
to see all the sacrifices wemake for them as leaders And so
we'll just get fixed them and myorganization will be okay.
(14:57):
Fix my congregation fix mystudent body Fix my product my
policy my program just fix itBecause that is the thing that
is exhibiting all these problemsright now and so if we take care
of that we will be okay.
The second thing that a systemof transformation should be able
(15:20):
to do is to provide regularspaces of collaborative
non-defensive engagement.
It's important to create thosespaces with the energy of non
defensiveness.
It's important that we're notcreating these spaces and these
opportunities out of a sense ofhaving to do them but really
(15:45):
recognizing the value of havingthat time with the different
stakeholders involved in oursystem.
Let me speak about this from theperspective of a professional
setting or an organizationalsetup.
In an organization, whateverform it takes, we have different
components working together.
(16:06):
We have members who are inleadership positions who take
care of the management aspect ofthat set up.
We have administration.
Employees.
It is important that everybodyin that system knows that they
have a place and a space toshare without fear of
(16:28):
retaliation, without fear ofbeing labeled as a complainer or
an ungrateful human being, thatthey can bring up issues that
they may see from theirperspective, because they're the
ones that are actually engagedin the work.
And it is their dailyinvolvement and engagement that
exposes them to the wisdom ofnuances.
(16:51):
It is important that we providethese opportunities, not just
because we need to fulfillcompliance requirements,
maintain protocols or make surethat we are not going to get
into trouble.
It's important that we can modelto those that we lead or to
those that we work with that wehave understood one, the
(17:14):
importance of collaborativeengagement.
And two, we recognize that it isa healthy, positive practice
that we implement not from aplace of dread but from a place
of understanding it's role inthe transformative capacities of
(17:35):
our organizations.
I recognize that it is difficultto take into consideration and
implement everybody'sperspectives.
But I also know that workers areaware and understanding of the
fact that not everything thatthey want, they may get.
(17:56):
And listening does not meanimplementation.
Listening means you aregenuinely concerned and
considerate of how they areexperiencing the current layout
and functioning of a system.
There is no harm in presenting arealistic perspective that not
(18:17):
everybody's input can beimplemented immediately.
And I think people are okay withthat.
But choosing to never give themthat opportunity just because
you know that not everything canbe implemented is robbing them
of the rich experience of beingan active participating member
(18:39):
of your organization People aresatisfied with that because they
would rather be heard andvalidated and continue to work
in conditions that may not fullybe transformed overnight, than
walk away feeling like they werejust part of fulfilling a
procedure, or maintaining apolicy or just offered this
(19:02):
empty void of an experience sothat we can quote unquote, say
that oh, look, we provided themthis opportunity and so we're
good.
It is very quick to pick up whatis genuine, what is positive and
proactive, versus a defensivestance.
I recently completed acertification course for trauma
(19:26):
informed leadership.
And the premise of the wholecourse was to educate leaders to
carry that trauma informedperspective of their workers and
their staff bodies, but alsothemselves.
To recognize how our owntraumas, our own personal
(19:46):
historical traumas play into howwe function as authority figures
in our professional setups.
During the course of thatcertification program.
I listened to a podcast episodeI believe where a transformative
leader was talking about howwhen you have ongoing
(20:07):
discussions and you were engagedproactively and in a healthy way
with your organization, thevalue of having that type of
consistent connection, is that alot of creative solutions to the
challenges the organization isfacing can be found in the room.
(20:31):
And she put it so beautifully.
She said the answer is always inthe room.
I am a firm supporter of thatperspective.
If we're not asking the peoplewho are actually doing the work
to tell us the things that theyare learning, the creative ideas
that they may have to addresssome of the concerns we are
(20:53):
seeing.
And if we cannot at leastimplement a percentage of what
those people have offered us,then I think we are doing a
great disservice by askingpeople to just do the work, but
never have any type of say inthe outcome of the work that we
are asking them to do.
When there is an absence ofcollaborative non-defensive
(21:17):
engagement between the differentcomponents of a system, you are
missing out on tremendousmaterial to engage in
transformative work.
And over time the disconnectionwill continue to grow larger and
you will see the symptoms ofyour organization and your
(21:38):
people not doing well, notthriving and you have a choice
in that moment to choose whetheryou are going to take these
symptoms as signposts that youshould probably do some
investigation and bring peopletogether and have that
conversation.
(21:59):
Or choose not to address whatyou are observing out of the
fear that a lot of negativitywill come to the surface.
Personally, I don't see thevalue in denying the opportunity
for something to be shared,whether it is positive or
negative.
If we're not providing thosespaces where frustrations can be
(22:24):
discharged then we cannot besurprised when we begin to see
dysfunctional byproducts set into the culture of our
organizations.
I know that a lot of people areafraid that negativity will
breed more contempt.
And that's where I think we canteach people healthy ways of
(22:47):
expressing frustration sadness,anger.
But it has to be done if we arewanting to keep our systems
healthy and if we want tocontinue working towards
transforming into healthierorganizations.
Just like it is Very quick tounderstand that sometimes the
(23:08):
most work that is needed is withthe adults of a family system i
could also tell you that thehardest people to influence And
soften to help them begin thattransformative work are the
leaders of that system Theauthority figures The people
that have all the power, havethe position, have the titles.
(23:33):
These adults, these authorityfigures, they themselves are
functioning from places ofdeficits, from their own baggage
and none of that means that theycannot hold those positions, it
just means that when they havenot been provided the
nourishment and the nurturingthey come at the next generation
(23:54):
or the next, the level of peoplethat they're called to influence
and lead or maybe mentor orparent.
They come at them with a levelof harshness because again
survival Can make you harsh andmake you hard and make you have
to Be tough And so a lot oftimes then the next generation
or the next layer of that systemdoesn't really have a
(24:19):
transformative chance becausethen they're just dealing with
your reactions and yourdefenses.
This is why i'm pleading withpeople and i'm hoping to educate
people that For those of us thatare in those Authoritative
positions It would really reallybenefit the transformation of
(24:40):
our systems if we were able totake In non-defensive and
positive approach to reallylooking at our own dysfunctions
before setting out to pointfingers elsewhere.
That's the reason why i calledtoday's episode the great
anatomy it's because Taking thattime to surgically see what we
(25:03):
can Heal.
What we can Possibly clean upand and take care of And even
remove if needed Is very verycrucial to the thriving success
of a system In a way this isbeautiful because this is where
(25:25):
intergenerational work Is themagic to the problems that we're
seeing because of both sides ofthat system can say we both have
worked to do I'm sorry if i havebeen making this all about you
and acting like if you getyourself together i will be okay
(25:45):
And at the same time if theother side can say i recognize
that yes you'd may not do thingsperfectly but because we're
looking at this together I feelcomfortable to openly examine
myself because i'm watching youdo it.
How beautiful is that.
How transformative is that Howmuch of an impact can we leave
(26:07):
in not just our families but inplaces of our work in society
and culture In places that weworship.
I think people that are willingto collectively engage in this
could really begin to see ashift not just in their mission
and the results they're able toproduce from their beautiful
(26:30):
visions but also just the healthand the Connectedness between
themselves as a system and thepeople that are working so hard
to make some of these visionscome to life and translate into
missions.
There in lies the significantpower of utilizing generational
mechanisms to transform ourworld and that is why i always
(26:54):
end my episodes by saying healgenerational and transform
global because the work that wedo intergenerationally Has such
a great potency to transformthis world in ways that we are
beginning to see this actuallytake place in the world And my
heart is to disperse thisinformation to the masses
(27:17):
because i do believe thattransformation is for the masses
It's not for a select exclusivegroup of people This is a time
when we are called to transformglobal.
We know that our world needsglobal transformation and global
transformation for the better.
So on that note i would like toend today's episode.
(27:39):
Once again i thank you so muchand i invite you to connect with
me.
If you would like to do so youcan find me on Instagram at
@therealanuhernandez or onFacebook at Anu hernandez.
Or you could even email me attherealanuhernandez@gmail.com
Continue to send me yourfeedback your thoughts your
(28:00):
comments.
Rate and review the podcast.It'sso encouraging to see the number
of downloads grow as i put outthis content and every one of
those downloads matter to me.
My definition of success isbeing able to transform the one,
so i live a pretty successfultransformative life on a daily
(28:21):
basis because my yard stick ofsuccess is being able to
transform one person.
It's encouraging for me too, toknow that there are other people
that are actually interested andinvested in this form of thought
and want to go out and make thatdifference because I know you're
not downloading this justbecause you want to listen to
something.
(28:42):
You obviously have a heart thatis stirred and a spirit that
wants to go out and make adifference.
So i am very thankful to you.
i really appreciate each andevery one of you And until next
time heal generational andtransform global.
Bye everyone!!!!
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