July 21, 2025 • 30 mins
In this eye-opening episode, we dive into the subtle yet powerful world of dry begging—those manipulative hints, guilt trips, and emotional nudges that often go unnoticed but leave a big impact.We unpack:🧠 What Dry Begging Really Is – And why it's one of the most common manipulation tactics out there. 😈 How Narcissists Use It – The ways expert manipulators twist words and actions to get what they want without ever directly asking. 🔍 How to Spot Manipulation – In your relationships, friendships, and even your own behavior. 🛡️ How to Protect Yourself – Clear strategies for setting boundaries, trusting your instincts, and not falling for emotional bait. 🪞 Looking Inward – We also reflect on how we may unconsciously use manipulative tactics—and how to grow past them with honesty and self-awareness.If you’ve ever felt guilted into doing something, left a conversation confused, or second-guessed your own boundaries, this episode is for you. It’s about reclaiming your power, your clarity, and your peace.Follow us on Instagram!Dr. Lucille @LucilleNecas Dr. Lynn @TheAgingGamesLynn's book, The Fasting Bible: How to Lose Weight, Grow Younger and Heal your Body (in 30 days or less): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BQ43495K
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Rewilded Human podcast, where Doctor Lucille,
holistic psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and Doctor
Lynn, Naturopath and Nutritionalconsultant help you reconnect
with your true self through practical tips on mental health,
nutrition, exercise, relationships, and spirituality.
With a dash of humor, they tackle today's toughest issues
to guide you back to a harmonious, vibrant life.
(00:21):
Rediscover your natural self, just as nature intended.
Welcome everybody again to the Rewilded Human podcast, and
today Lynn and I are going to have a very stimulating
discussion about an area of interaction between humans that
really needs to be given a hard look.
So for all of us to thrive, we need to understand what is
(00:45):
manipulation and how do we avoidgetting caught up in it.
We had an interesting discussion, didn't we, Lynn over
a reel that I put out for our podcast and it was about dry
begging and. Dry baggy, I know.
(01:05):
Because Lynn has a very dirty mind and she she thought it
meant dry humping. Well, no, I hope we don't get
censored for that. No, we won't.
I'm sure. I'm sure the AI understands.
So what is dry begging? OK.
(01:26):
This is, I mean, this is just manipulation.
It's just manipulation. OK, but it.
But it's a special kind of manipulation.
It's a special kind and it is something that we, I don't think
anybody on this planet has not come across this.
So tell me if you have experienced this please in the
comments just mention SO manipulation.
(01:48):
I'm just going to give a generalbackground, a definition of
manipulation. Manipulation is just an attempt
to control another person indirectly in a sneaky
underhanded way. So to get something from that
other person, to get control over that other person.
(02:08):
OK, so one of the ways to do it,and we can go through many of
them, one of the ways is called dry begging.
So it's when a person is trying to get something from you and
all they do is they indicate that they're in distress, they
have a big problem and they don't actually ask you for any
(02:32):
help. But you start feeling guilty and
you start feeling a compulsion to Russian and give them what
they need. OK, so an example of, of dry
begging would be, Oh my God, my boyfriend left me for another
(02:53):
woman and now I have nobody in my life except you.
I just feel so, so sad and, and alone and, and I just don't know
what to do. And of course, listening to
this, you're going, oh, that's horrible.
You start feeling empathy, right?
(03:15):
And you start feeling oh, but, but don't worry, you can contact
me anytime you can. I will listen to you.
I will help you. I will be there for you whenever
you need. You know, a, a sympathetic ear,
well, you've just let yourself in for a big problem if you fall
(03:36):
for that, right? I think everybody can recognize
something like that. But the problem is that people
don't. Sometimes people get really
confused and they think, is it me?
Am I just a horrible, bad, sinful person because I smell
something here and I don't feel the most kind empathic feelings
(03:57):
for this, but I don't really want to help them, but I guess
maybe I should. Oh, or, or is it that they are
really trying to manipulate me? So a lot of people get hooked on
that, you know, So I think it's really important that we have
these discussions so people really know for sure, you know,
is it me or is it that person that sounds like they may be
(04:18):
manipulating me, right? Exactly.
But the person that is doing themanipulating, are they aware
that they're do is? Are they doing this on purpose
or is? A lot of them are not OK.
So they're that's the spectrum. That's the spectrum.
Some some people who are very calculating and they know
exactly what to do. These will be politicians,
salespeople, scorpions. I'm sorry.
(04:41):
Scorpions. Yeah, yeah.
Influencers, social media influencers, you know, it, it,
it, it runs the gamut where they're really calculating.
They really want to get that sale.
They want to get that vote. They want to get you in their
congregation. They blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, right. All the way to the people who
(05:02):
just like, they started doing this when they came out of the
womb and it was kind of like a natural thing because that's
what they learned growing up. They just, that was the
influence on them as they were growing up.
And, and the influences. This does not happen in happy,
healthy, harmonious families. This happens in families that
(05:25):
are very dysfunctional, where nobody is allowed to actually be
honest and forthright and ask directly for what they need.
Usually there's a lot of addiction, there's abuse,
there's neglect, there's abandonment.
So yes, you can have either the really calculating people, the
(05:50):
ones who know what they're doingand then they are, there are the
ones who just, well, that's justthe way their life is.
They, they, they don't know another way of interacting with
people. They don't, they can't be direct
and honest. And so you have and then you
have everything in between, right?
Can drive begging be used to manipulate people into giving
you money, for example? Oh.
(06:10):
I I'll excuse all the time for that, All the time, right.
So you have to understand that the manipulations in general,
they work on things like empathy.
They want to manipulate that direct your empathy so that it,
you know, gratifies the person who's manipulating empathy, the
(06:31):
ability to provoke guilt. So guilt where, Oh, you would be
a horrible person if you didn't give this manipulator what they
want. OK.
They also act on things like people pleasing, you know, they,
they hone in on the people pleasers, the people who are
(06:52):
always trying to make other people feel better, who are
always trying to be accepted, who are always saying yes when
they should be saying no, who cannot set a boundary if their
life depended on it. The manipulators will go for
people like that right off the bat.
So you know, you, if you're in that category, if you know that
(07:15):
these are your issues, then you have to be extra careful to keep
an eye out for manipulators. You want to maybe look
objectively at all the people inyour life and go, OK, has this
person been taken advantage? Are they taking advantage of me
too much? Am I seeing a pattern and how
they always, you know, come in and zoom in on me like I'm some
(07:39):
kind of their predator, I'm preyand and they're going to get
what they want from me, that sort of thing.
You want to be very, very careful to make sure you're not
vulnerable to these people. How do how do we recognize these
people in our lives? Is it by how they make us feel?
Is it that when you. Yeah, sure.
Absolutely. But it's sometimes it's hard to
(07:59):
know. Hard to know, especially if you
have a good manipulator in your life then you don't even see it
coming. You don't, but there is a
pattern that once you see the pattern play out, especially if
you've had experiences or relationships with these people,
once you see the pattern play out, you, you can't fall asleep
to it anymore. You just you, you've got
picture. So for example, yes, they they
(08:23):
will do things. Another form of manipulation is
the love bombing. You know where when they first
meet you, you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Oh my God, I could listen to youfor hours.
You're so wise. You're so smart and you're so
kind and and you're just the most lovely person I've ever
(08:43):
met. And they shower you with
attention. Maybe gifts, invitations to do
things, all sorts of wonderful rewards, right?
But then you may start noticing that it becomes a little
uncomfortable, like maybe they're idealizing you a little
too much and you're going, this may be a little too good to be
(09:06):
true. And then and then and then you
begin to notice subtle shifts, you know, like, you know, you're
maybe they've taken you to a party with all their friends and
suddenly they're starting to maybe make, you know, poke fun
at you in front of everybody or,you know, you know, mention your
little quirks and things like that.
(09:28):
And it all seems like it's, you know, good-natured just joking
around. Yeah.
Yeah. But then you notice it starts
becoming more repetitive, and the there may be criticism
that's directly aimed at you fornot doing exactly as the
(09:48):
manipulator wants. They want you to be a certain
way. They want you to do certain
things for them. And if you show that you are an
independent human being, they don't like that, you're going to
get more criticism, right? It sounds also a bit like a
narcissist. Is there most of them?
Are they? Most of them are.
(10:10):
I was going to say, based on what you're saying, I'm like,
oh, I, I definitely recognize a few people that were in my lives
who were like this and they were100.
Me too, me too. And, and you have to cut your
teeth on these people because they're everywhere.
They, they, you know, when they've done studies on the
percentage of the population that are, that have that
clinical diagnosis, narcissisticpersonality disorder, the, the
(10:33):
surveys indicate that it may be no more than, you know, maybe
10% of the population. I don't know that that's exactly
accurate. Because Can you imagine trying
to do a study like that? Like how do you identify these
people because they don't see themselves as a narcissist right
now? You know, I would, I would
question those studies, but everybody, everybody I can
(10:56):
guarantee you is going to come up against a narcissist at some
point in their lives. And more most likely, more than
one. Yeah, and I.
Had my share. Yeah, me too.
And that's how I learned. And I learned also, of course,
through my clinical practice. But the the thing that we
absolutely should be aware of isvirtually every politician,
(11:20):
every leader has this trait. No matter how good they look, no
matter how much they seem to really want to help humanity,
you have to have your radar up. You have to have your radar up,
OK? Because it is hard to get into
(11:43):
power and you can't get into power without playing with the
guys who have the power already,right?
Like George Farlin said, it's a big club and you ain't in it.
That's exactly right. That's it.
The best whatever. And people don't realize this.
They actually think that this politician cares about you and
they want to make the world better.
(12:04):
But they are master manipulators, like you said,
this course, they play on your emotions and the guilt and yeah,
absolutely crazy. Yeah, and the saddest part too
is you know when women get and it's usually women.
And there are women who are great manipulators too, don't
(12:26):
get me wrong. But the typical pattern is a
woman gets attracted to a narcissistic male who is a
master manipulator, and then it becomes really abusive.
Whether it becomes emotionally abusive and it stays that way or
physically abusive as well or financially abusive or whatever.
You know, it can take women a tremendous amount of time to
(12:50):
unhook themselves. You can start healing from that.
Those relationships are so destructive.
You can learn how to deal with aused car salesman who's trying
to manipulate you up, down and sideways.
But you don't have to go home and live with the guy you know.
So it's not going to cause you ahuge amount of emotional trauma.
(13:12):
But if you get, you have to be very, very aware of the
charismatic guys who favor you, make you feel really special,
you know, that sort of thing. And, and again, whenever you get
that feeling, oh geez, this is alittle too good to be true,
listen to that feeling, because it's most likely to be correct.
(13:36):
And what do you do? How do you handle a manipulator?
You know, I think one of the things that's really important
is that you don't handle the manipulator, you handle yourself
right, because you can't do anything about their behavior.
So if you feel like, Oh my God, the guy that I'm dating is like,
oh, he like he could walk on water.
(13:56):
He's amazing and he absolutely loved me.
It looks like he he fell in lovewith me the first moment he saw
me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And there's a little thing inside of you going, I don't
know, I mean, this doesn't seem realistic.
You need to take a step back. You need to maybe cool it, you
know, don't see him every day ofthe week, don't text 20 times a
(14:19):
day. Just take a step back and you
allow yourself to get free of the energetic influence because
there is an energetic high thereit there there is.
It's like, you know, the octopustentacles of energy coming out
at you trying to snare you in right.
(14:41):
And and this is the time when you go back into your regular
life where you feel like who youare and you feel more grounded.
Maybe you journal, you do more meditation.
You could talk to friends, you know, who you know you feel
would be objective, but you do not by any means just pretend
like everything's fine and you just continue head on into the
(15:04):
relationship. I will guarantee you that the
most, most of the time when you get that feeling too good to be
true, and I would say almost close to 100% of the time, your
instincts are correct. It is too good to be true.
You know, people can have a really strong attraction right
(15:24):
up front. Something wrong with that That
happens, but but then it become it, it doesn't become over the
top. You can have, you can start
having loving feelings, but you'll notice that it becomes
real. Like the the guy may start
opening up about, you know, his life and, and maybe the problems
(15:47):
he's had. Maybe he's reflected on, you
know, things he's done that you know he's not so proud of and
you do the same and you get to know each other over the course
of time. He's not rushing anything.
This is another thing that manipulators will do.
They'll try to rush you into a close relationship very quickly.
(16:07):
And so it you know, if it just feels like it's unfolding
naturally and you're like, he's like a three-dimensional human
being who's got his flaws, but he's basically got a good heart
and and integrity. OK, great.
That's fine, but with these narcissists, you really have to
have your radar up and you have to not shove the red flags under
(16:32):
the carpet. Every time there's a red flag,
you don't jump on it necessarily, but you keep filed
away in the back of your mind like, oh, wasn't that
interesting? That was a kind of a
contradiction, you know? So yes.
So let's let's think about that for everybody.
And, and again, you need to be the one who regulates yourself
(16:55):
in this situation. You're not trying to change the
narcissist because this is what I see.
This is crazy. I see a lot of this in my female
clients who have problems with these kinds of guys.
They start trying to make them better people or they start, you
know, once the criticism starts of them, they start arguing,
(17:19):
they get into battle, they go towar with us.
No, I'm not like that. Really.
I'm not like that. And I, you know, and I blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah. And and then it goes.
It becomes a struggle for control when it should be a
complete surrender where you walk away.
You don't, you don't get yourself hooked.
You don't get yourself hooked onguilt.
You don't get yourself hooked onempathy.
(17:39):
You do not get yourself hooked on arguing.
You leave. What can you do with a master
manipulator who's in your family, not a part you, you.
Avoid them like the plague if you can.
What if it's your mother, your father, your brother?
What can you do? You know, there, there, there
are things like the same thing would apply to a narcissist
(18:01):
dealing with a narcissist that you cannot avoid.
So there if you listen to some of the really smart people
who've studied narcissism, they will usually talk about a number
of techniques, which is Gray rocking or yellow rocking.
OK, the Gray rocking is where you become like a rock, very
(18:24):
bland, totally Gray. You don't give them anything.
You don't give them any of your emotional, you know, juice
nothing because they you can easily get provoked by them.
Again, you can get manipulated by them.
But if you know the story, if you know how the playbook goes,
you just be so neutral. You're kind of like a lawyer
(18:48):
just taking notes for a case. You, you, if you have to talk to
them about logistics, oh, you know, today we need to take
somebody. One of us needs to take the kids
to soccer, period. You know, just like really so
basic with no emotional juice whatsoever.
(19:10):
You're like a rock that's Gray rocking, yellow rocking is a
little bit different. So you've got say you've got a
master manipulator who manipulates around dragging
people into negativity. You know, like they're
constantly trying to pick a fight or they're constantly
complaining about everything andeveryone and, and those, those
(19:33):
people, sometimes if you're justcheerful and upbeat and pop, no
matter what they say, you're still cheerful and positive and
upbeat. You don't engage with them too
much. You don't try to make them
positive, but you know, they they will go on and on about how
the neighbor cut their tree. Oh, too close to the property
and I can't stand it. And you'll just be, you know,
(19:55):
sweet and charming and say, Oh well, but then you get more
light in your backyard, you know, that sort of stuff.
You know. You just don't get caught up in
it. I have.
I have a friend who does that with me all the time.
I just realized that my friend Kay, every time I try to
complain, he's like, oh, well, it's, you know, every day is
your best day. And she's she always says she's
like takes a positive twist on it and it's like she won't let
(20:18):
me nag or whine or anything. And and that's good, right?
Well, for you, because you're not a narcissist, so it's good
sometimes corrected, but you're not a narcissist so you're going
to take that well. Thank you, that's so nice to
hear that from a psychiatrist. Everyone, this is not official.
I am not a narcissist. You heard it here first.
(20:38):
Yes, in case any of our listeners had any doubts.
Any doubt? No, I think that's actually one
thing that I haven't been accused of.
So that's pretty good. A lot of mental illnesses, but
not that one. So yeah, yeah, you have to be
very, very careful. You know, they so there are so
many, so many different ways of,of being manipulated and, and
(21:03):
always what happens is it sets up some kind of conflict in the
person who has been being manipulated.
It always sets up some kind. That's, that's, that's the thing
you have to think about. It's not just like you and I
having a normal conversation, even if we don't always 100%
agree on something. OK, so we discuss it and then,
you know, we move on. But there's no, it doesn't fill
(21:25):
me with conflict like, Oh my God, did I do something really
wrong? Did I?
No. And and you're not chewing on it
all night long and not being able to sleep.
That's another sign that you know you're with somebody who
may be manipulative unless you're a like that you're anyway
and everything makes you go intoconflict and that's.
(21:48):
That's that's a whole different story, but.
And another, another thing that people need to be on the lookout
for is we, we're talking largelyabout narcissistic
personalities, but there are other types of people who can do
this. So very insecure people very who
are very dependent and and can be somewhat a little bit
(22:12):
passive. They also they don't know how to
express their needs or ask for what they want.
So they will do manipulation like this where they will play
the victim. Rather than just coming out and
asking directly. Asking.
Yeah. Can you lend me 100 bucks?
Yes, but the whole. Yeah.
(22:32):
So, you know, I remember once a former friend of mine, we were
with a couple of other people. We were at lunch, and it was
time to pay the bill. We were all going to, you know,
pay our separate bills. And this friend is, you know,
looking through her wallet and her purse and she can't, can't
find her wallet. Oh, my God.
I don't know where I put it. And she's going on and on and
(22:54):
on. And the wait staff was standing
over her kind of patiently waiting.
And she keeps saying to you, well, I don't know.
I, I have no idea where did I ah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. And of course, every single one
of us had this urge to just, oh,what?
Don't worry about it. We'll go pay for it.
You can pay me that like, and nobody said a word, right.
(23:14):
So finally she figured out some way of paying her bill.
But that's where you finally getthe sense that, no, I don't want
to rush in and rescue this person for the 100th millionth
time. So you guys have had bad
experiences with her in the past, that's why nobody was
rushing in to help her? Well, or you got a whole, not a
whole lot. It was more like the whole vibe.
(23:37):
You know, we'd had a few, but there was a vibe of like, excuse
me, rescue me. But you know, don't, don't make
it seem like I'm asking you for anything.
No, no, no, just rescue me. Rescue me.
It was such a pathetic. It was just such a pathetic
performance. Yeah, that I think all of us
just thought, oh, man, yeah, exactly, exactly right.
(24:01):
Right. Yeah.
So it can come in the form of anybody.
Anybody can manipulate like children can.
Children can dogs. Oh my goodness, my dog is my.
Dog is a master manipulation. Yes, absolutely.
So manipulation is like kind of it's everywhere.
But the, the, the ones that manipulate that are the real
(24:25):
snakes in this world. Those are the narcissistic
personalities and those you really have to watch out for.
You know, when my dog manipulates me, it's kind of
cute. I can't stay angry with him for
long, right? Right.
It's, you know, it's fun. Absolutely.
And what happens to us if we have these manipulators in our
lives and we have them in the long term?
(24:47):
How does it affect our mental health and our health?
Oh, it can be so damaging, especially if you're in a
so-called intimate relationship.Either you're married to
somebody like that or you know, you have a close bond that you
can't get out of, you know, you've got children perhaps or
whatever. It wreaks havoc.
If you've ever seen women who are in those relationships,
(25:09):
they, they age prematurely because all the life is sucked
out of them and they, they really develop, if they can
develop chronic anxiety, depression, they can start
really behaving oddly themselves.
(25:30):
You know, because everybody thinks that the, the partner is
so wonderful, so amazing, blah, blah, blah.
But the wife is a real BITCH. Oh my God, she's horrible.
Well, she's horrible and she's complaining and nagging and and
always irritable and blah blah blah because she's getting
(25:54):
emotionally used and abused. And then the guy doesn't see it.
Like it's not done in front of others, it's done in private so
he looks like a bad guy. Meanwhile, she's being expertly
manipulated behind the scenes. Right.
And she's protesting and she's protesting loudly, but she's not
coming out right out and saying what's what.
(26:16):
She begins to think that she's the real problem, you know,
because every, there's nobody inher world that sees any of
what's really going on, so it must be her.
The guy's perfect, right? And meanwhile he has, he has
cultivated this persona his entire life.
(26:37):
So he's master of projecting. I'm perfect to everybody else,
right? So it can cause huge damage to a
person involved with someone like this until I wake up.
Is is there any hope? Can therapy, anything help these
people on the other side manipulators themselves?
Is there any way to change? I wouldn't.
(26:58):
I wouldn't even go there. I wouldn't even go there because
someone. 'S watching this and they
recognize themselves as a manipulator.
Is there anything? I you know what, anybody out
there who's listening to this and you think you're a
manipulator, please send leave us a comment.
I would like to talk to you because.
Most likely they're not. You're really, I doubt that
(27:20):
you're really a narcissist. I doubt it, because most
narcissists would not would not recognize themselves.
They would not and they wouldn'teven bother.
They wouldn't even bother finding a podcast on
manipulation or narcissism or any of that.
They wouldn't bother. It's just that like, you know
what, it's not their thing. However, however, every single
(27:43):
one of us has manipulated at onetime or another, right?
We've all done it right. So at that level where we're not
narcissistic personality, just sort of at that level, it's kind
of good to know this informationand to look at yourself and go,
wow, that's true. I did that to somebody whatever
(28:03):
3-4 months ago or what? I did that and I don't feel good
about it and I'm going to flag myself.
If I ever feel like I have the urge to manipulate somebody, I'm
going to flag that and I'm goingto stop myself.
That's a great reminder. Yeah, remember, I mean, do you
want to be manipulated? So if you don't like being a
(28:24):
manipulator, why would you do itto somebody else?
Of course, absolutely makes perfect sense.
So in closing, Lucille, what canwe, what can we tell people?
How can we best advise them to move forward from this?
Well, again, it's all about awareness of how you feel with
that person. Do not just assume that there's
(28:46):
something wrong with your perceptions.
Trust your gut trust. Your gut, trust your gut.
And as I said, take some time away from that person if you can
and really reflect on what's going on between the two of you.
Maybe, you know, if you have a trusted friend or somebody who's
observing what's going on, maybeyou can, you know, get their
(29:09):
feedback as well. Journal, go to a counselor or
therapist. There are also so many podcasts.
There's so much information online about manipulation, about
being with narcissists. Check it out and see.
Check it out and see if maybe itfits you and what you're going
through. Yes, that's great advice and we
(29:31):
have also done a few episodes, previous episodes about
narcissists and how to handle them and how to deal with
different situations. So please do check out our
previous episodes for help if you are in this situation.
Thank you guys so much for watching this episode, for
sticking with us. And please don't forget to like,
subscribe and share this episode.
Share this episode with the master manipulator and let's see
(29:55):
what they say about it. We can't wait for your comments,
guys. We'll see you in the next one.
Take care. Bye everybody.
Thanks a lot. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into the Rewilded Human podcast.
We hope you're leaving with insights to reconnect with your
(30:15):
natural, vibrant self. Remember, the information shared
here is for educational and inspirational purposes only and
is not a substitute for medical advice.
Always consult A qualified healthcare provider for any
personal health concerns. If you enjoyed today's episode,
please like, subscribe and shareit with others who might
benefit. We'll see you next time.
(30:36):
Ready to dive even deeper? Stay wild, stay true, and stay
tuned.
Welcome to the Rewilded Human podcast, where Doctor Lucille,
holistic psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and Doctor
Lynn, Naturopath and Nutritionalconsultant help you reconnect
with your true self through practical tips on mental health,
nutrition, exercise, relationships, and spirituality.
With a dash of humor, they tackle today's toughest issues
to guide you back to a harmonious, vibrant life.
(00:21):
Rediscover your natural self, just as nature intended.
Welcome everybody again to the Rewilded Human podcast, and
today Lynn and I are going to have a very stimulating
discussion about an area of interaction between humans that
really needs to be given a hard look.
So for all of us to thrive, we need to understand what is
(00:45):
manipulation and how do we avoidgetting caught up in it.
We had an interesting discussion, didn't we, Lynn over
a reel that I put out for our podcast and it was about dry
begging and. Dry baggy, I know.
(01:05):
Because Lynn has a very dirty mind and she she thought it
meant dry humping. Well, no, I hope we don't get
censored for that. No, we won't.
I'm sure. I'm sure the AI understands.
So what is dry begging? OK.
(01:26):
This is, I mean, this is just manipulation.
It's just manipulation. OK, but it.
But it's a special kind of manipulation.
It's a special kind and it is something that we, I don't think
anybody on this planet has not come across this.
So tell me if you have experienced this please in the
comments just mention SO manipulation.
(01:48):
I'm just going to give a generalbackground, a definition of
manipulation. Manipulation is just an attempt
to control another person indirectly in a sneaky
underhanded way. So to get something from that
other person, to get control over that other person.
(02:08):
OK, so one of the ways to do it,and we can go through many of
them, one of the ways is called dry begging.
So it's when a person is trying to get something from you and
all they do is they indicate that they're in distress, they
have a big problem and they don't actually ask you for any
(02:32):
help. But you start feeling guilty and
you start feeling a compulsion to Russian and give them what
they need. OK, so an example of, of dry
begging would be, Oh my God, my boyfriend left me for another
(02:53):
woman and now I have nobody in my life except you.
I just feel so, so sad and, and alone and, and I just don't know
what to do. And of course, listening to
this, you're going, oh, that's horrible.
You start feeling empathy, right?
(03:15):
And you start feeling oh, but, but don't worry, you can contact
me anytime you can. I will listen to you.
I will help you. I will be there for you whenever
you need. You know, a, a sympathetic ear,
well, you've just let yourself in for a big problem if you fall
(03:36):
for that, right? I think everybody can recognize
something like that. But the problem is that people
don't. Sometimes people get really
confused and they think, is it me?
Am I just a horrible, bad, sinful person because I smell
something here and I don't feel the most kind empathic feelings
(03:57):
for this, but I don't really want to help them, but I guess
maybe I should. Oh, or, or is it that they are
really trying to manipulate me? So a lot of people get hooked on
that, you know, So I think it's really important that we have
these discussions so people really know for sure, you know,
is it me or is it that person that sounds like they may be
(04:18):
manipulating me, right? Exactly.
But the person that is doing themanipulating, are they aware
that they're do is? Are they doing this on purpose
or is? A lot of them are not OK.
So they're that's the spectrum. That's the spectrum.
Some some people who are very calculating and they know
exactly what to do. These will be politicians,
salespeople, scorpions. I'm sorry.
(04:41):
Scorpions. Yeah, yeah.
Influencers, social media influencers, you know, it, it,
it, it runs the gamut where they're really calculating.
They really want to get that sale.
They want to get that vote. They want to get you in their
congregation. They blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, right. All the way to the people who
(05:02):
just like, they started doing this when they came out of the
womb and it was kind of like a natural thing because that's
what they learned growing up. They just, that was the
influence on them as they were growing up.
And, and the influences. This does not happen in happy,
healthy, harmonious families. This happens in families that
(05:25):
are very dysfunctional, where nobody is allowed to actually be
honest and forthright and ask directly for what they need.
Usually there's a lot of addiction, there's abuse,
there's neglect, there's abandonment.
So yes, you can have either the really calculating people, the
(05:50):
ones who know what they're doingand then they are, there are the
ones who just, well, that's justthe way their life is.
They, they, they don't know another way of interacting with
people. They don't, they can't be direct
and honest. And so you have and then you
have everything in between, right?
Can drive begging be used to manipulate people into giving
you money, for example? Oh.
(06:10):
I I'll excuse all the time for that, All the time, right.
So you have to understand that the manipulations in general,
they work on things like empathy.
They want to manipulate that direct your empathy so that it,
you know, gratifies the person who's manipulating empathy, the
(06:31):
ability to provoke guilt. So guilt where, Oh, you would be
a horrible person if you didn't give this manipulator what they
want. OK.
They also act on things like people pleasing, you know, they,
they hone in on the people pleasers, the people who are
(06:52):
always trying to make other people feel better, who are
always trying to be accepted, who are always saying yes when
they should be saying no, who cannot set a boundary if their
life depended on it. The manipulators will go for
people like that right off the bat.
So you know, you, if you're in that category, if you know that
(07:15):
these are your issues, then you have to be extra careful to keep
an eye out for manipulators. You want to maybe look
objectively at all the people inyour life and go, OK, has this
person been taken advantage? Are they taking advantage of me
too much? Am I seeing a pattern and how
they always, you know, come in and zoom in on me like I'm some
(07:39):
kind of their predator, I'm preyand and they're going to get
what they want from me, that sort of thing.
You want to be very, very careful to make sure you're not
vulnerable to these people. How do how do we recognize these
people in our lives? Is it by how they make us feel?
Is it that when you. Yeah, sure.
Absolutely. But it's sometimes it's hard to
(07:59):
know. Hard to know, especially if you
have a good manipulator in your life then you don't even see it
coming. You don't, but there is a
pattern that once you see the pattern play out, especially if
you've had experiences or relationships with these people,
once you see the pattern play out, you, you can't fall asleep
to it anymore. You just you, you've got
picture. So for example, yes, they they
(08:23):
will do things. Another form of manipulation is
the love bombing. You know where when they first
meet you, you are the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Oh my God, I could listen to youfor hours.
You're so wise. You're so smart and you're so
kind and and you're just the most lovely person I've ever
(08:43):
met. And they shower you with
attention. Maybe gifts, invitations to do
things, all sorts of wonderful rewards, right?
But then you may start noticing that it becomes a little
uncomfortable, like maybe they're idealizing you a little
too much and you're going, this may be a little too good to be
(09:06):
true. And then and then and then you
begin to notice subtle shifts, you know, like, you know, you're
maybe they've taken you to a party with all their friends and
suddenly they're starting to maybe make, you know, poke fun
at you in front of everybody or,you know, you know, mention your
little quirks and things like that.
(09:28):
And it all seems like it's, you know, good-natured just joking
around. Yeah.
Yeah. But then you notice it starts
becoming more repetitive, and the there may be criticism
that's directly aimed at you fornot doing exactly as the
(09:48):
manipulator wants. They want you to be a certain
way. They want you to do certain
things for them. And if you show that you are an
independent human being, they don't like that, you're going to
get more criticism, right? It sounds also a bit like a
narcissist. Is there most of them?
Are they? Most of them are.
(10:10):
I was going to say, based on what you're saying, I'm like,
oh, I, I definitely recognize a few people that were in my lives
who were like this and they were100.
Me too, me too. And, and you have to cut your
teeth on these people because they're everywhere.
They, they, you know, when they've done studies on the
percentage of the population that are, that have that
clinical diagnosis, narcissisticpersonality disorder, the, the
(10:33):
surveys indicate that it may be no more than, you know, maybe
10% of the population. I don't know that that's exactly
accurate. Because Can you imagine trying
to do a study like that? Like how do you identify these
people because they don't see themselves as a narcissist right
now? You know, I would, I would
question those studies, but everybody, everybody I can
(10:56):
guarantee you is going to come up against a narcissist at some
point in their lives. And more most likely, more than
one. Yeah, and I.
Had my share. Yeah, me too.
And that's how I learned. And I learned also, of course,
through my clinical practice. But the the thing that we
absolutely should be aware of isvirtually every politician,
(11:20):
every leader has this trait. No matter how good they look, no
matter how much they seem to really want to help humanity,
you have to have your radar up. You have to have your radar up,
OK? Because it is hard to get into
(11:43):
power and you can't get into power without playing with the
guys who have the power already,right?
Like George Farlin said, it's a big club and you ain't in it.
That's exactly right. That's it.
The best whatever. And people don't realize this.
They actually think that this politician cares about you and
they want to make the world better.
(12:04):
But they are master manipulators, like you said,
this course, they play on your emotions and the guilt and yeah,
absolutely crazy. Yeah, and the saddest part too
is you know when women get and it's usually women.
And there are women who are great manipulators too, don't
(12:26):
get me wrong. But the typical pattern is a
woman gets attracted to a narcissistic male who is a
master manipulator, and then it becomes really abusive.
Whether it becomes emotionally abusive and it stays that way or
physically abusive as well or financially abusive or whatever.
You know, it can take women a tremendous amount of time to
(12:50):
unhook themselves. You can start healing from that.
Those relationships are so destructive.
You can learn how to deal with aused car salesman who's trying
to manipulate you up, down and sideways.
But you don't have to go home and live with the guy you know.
So it's not going to cause you ahuge amount of emotional trauma.
(13:12):
But if you get, you have to be very, very aware of the
charismatic guys who favor you, make you feel really special,
you know, that sort of thing. And, and again, whenever you get
that feeling, oh geez, this is alittle too good to be true,
listen to that feeling, because it's most likely to be correct.
(13:36):
And what do you do? How do you handle a manipulator?
You know, I think one of the things that's really important
is that you don't handle the manipulator, you handle yourself
right, because you can't do anything about their behavior.
So if you feel like, Oh my God, the guy that I'm dating is like,
oh, he like he could walk on water.
(13:56):
He's amazing and he absolutely loved me.
It looks like he he fell in lovewith me the first moment he saw
me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And there's a little thing inside of you going, I don't
know, I mean, this doesn't seem realistic.
You need to take a step back. You need to maybe cool it, you
know, don't see him every day ofthe week, don't text 20 times a
(14:19):
day. Just take a step back and you
allow yourself to get free of the energetic influence because
there is an energetic high thereit there there is.
It's like, you know, the octopustentacles of energy coming out
at you trying to snare you in right.
(14:41):
And and this is the time when you go back into your regular
life where you feel like who youare and you feel more grounded.
Maybe you journal, you do more meditation.
You could talk to friends, you know, who you know you feel
would be objective, but you do not by any means just pretend
like everything's fine and you just continue head on into the
(15:04):
relationship. I will guarantee you that the
most, most of the time when you get that feeling too good to be
true, and I would say almost close to 100% of the time, your
instincts are correct. It is too good to be true.
You know, people can have a really strong attraction right
(15:24):
up front. Something wrong with that That
happens, but but then it become it, it doesn't become over the
top. You can have, you can start
having loving feelings, but you'll notice that it becomes
real. Like the the guy may start
opening up about, you know, his life and, and maybe the problems
(15:47):
he's had. Maybe he's reflected on, you
know, things he's done that you know he's not so proud of and
you do the same and you get to know each other over the course
of time. He's not rushing anything.
This is another thing that manipulators will do.
They'll try to rush you into a close relationship very quickly.
(16:07):
And so it you know, if it just feels like it's unfolding
naturally and you're like, he's like a three-dimensional human
being who's got his flaws, but he's basically got a good heart
and and integrity. OK, great.
That's fine, but with these narcissists, you really have to
have your radar up and you have to not shove the red flags under
(16:32):
the carpet. Every time there's a red flag,
you don't jump on it necessarily, but you keep filed
away in the back of your mind like, oh, wasn't that
interesting? That was a kind of a
contradiction, you know? So yes.
So let's let's think about that for everybody.
And, and again, you need to be the one who regulates yourself
(16:55):
in this situation. You're not trying to change the
narcissist because this is what I see.
This is crazy. I see a lot of this in my female
clients who have problems with these kinds of guys.
They start trying to make them better people or they start, you
know, once the criticism starts of them, they start arguing,
(17:19):
they get into battle, they go towar with us.
No, I'm not like that. Really.
I'm not like that. And I, you know, and I blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah. And and then it goes.
It becomes a struggle for control when it should be a
complete surrender where you walk away.
You don't, you don't get yourself hooked.
You don't get yourself hooked onguilt.
You don't get yourself hooked onempathy.
(17:39):
You do not get yourself hooked on arguing.
You leave. What can you do with a master
manipulator who's in your family, not a part you, you.
Avoid them like the plague if you can.
What if it's your mother, your father, your brother?
What can you do? You know, there, there, there
are things like the same thing would apply to a narcissist
(18:01):
dealing with a narcissist that you cannot avoid.
So there if you listen to some of the really smart people
who've studied narcissism, they will usually talk about a number
of techniques, which is Gray rocking or yellow rocking.
OK, the Gray rocking is where you become like a rock, very
(18:24):
bland, totally Gray. You don't give them anything.
You don't give them any of your emotional, you know, juice
nothing because they you can easily get provoked by them.
Again, you can get manipulated by them.
But if you know the story, if you know how the playbook goes,
you just be so neutral. You're kind of like a lawyer
(18:48):
just taking notes for a case. You, you, if you have to talk to
them about logistics, oh, you know, today we need to take
somebody. One of us needs to take the kids
to soccer, period. You know, just like really so
basic with no emotional juice whatsoever.
(19:10):
You're like a rock that's Gray rocking, yellow rocking is a
little bit different. So you've got say you've got a
master manipulator who manipulates around dragging
people into negativity. You know, like they're
constantly trying to pick a fight or they're constantly
complaining about everything andeveryone and, and those, those
(19:33):
people, sometimes if you're justcheerful and upbeat and pop, no
matter what they say, you're still cheerful and positive and
upbeat. You don't engage with them too
much. You don't try to make them
positive, but you know, they they will go on and on about how
the neighbor cut their tree. Oh, too close to the property
and I can't stand it. And you'll just be, you know,
(19:55):
sweet and charming and say, Oh well, but then you get more
light in your backyard, you know, that sort of stuff.
You know. You just don't get caught up in
it. I have.
I have a friend who does that with me all the time.
I just realized that my friend Kay, every time I try to
complain, he's like, oh, well, it's, you know, every day is
your best day. And she's she always says she's
like takes a positive twist on it and it's like she won't let
(20:18):
me nag or whine or anything. And and that's good, right?
Well, for you, because you're not a narcissist, so it's good
sometimes corrected, but you're not a narcissist so you're going
to take that well. Thank you, that's so nice to
hear that from a psychiatrist. Everyone, this is not official.
I am not a narcissist. You heard it here first.
(20:38):
Yes, in case any of our listeners had any doubts.
Any doubt? No, I think that's actually one
thing that I haven't been accused of.
So that's pretty good. A lot of mental illnesses, but
not that one. So yeah, yeah, you have to be
very, very careful. You know, they so there are so
many, so many different ways of,of being manipulated and, and
(21:03):
always what happens is it sets up some kind of conflict in the
person who has been being manipulated.
It always sets up some kind. That's, that's, that's the thing
you have to think about. It's not just like you and I
having a normal conversation, even if we don't always 100%
agree on something. OK, so we discuss it and then,
you know, we move on. But there's no, it doesn't fill
(21:25):
me with conflict like, Oh my God, did I do something really
wrong? Did I?
No. And and you're not chewing on it
all night long and not being able to sleep.
That's another sign that you know you're with somebody who
may be manipulative unless you're a like that you're anyway
and everything makes you go intoconflict and that's.
(21:48):
That's that's a whole different story, but.
And another, another thing that people need to be on the lookout
for is we, we're talking largelyabout narcissistic
personalities, but there are other types of people who can do
this. So very insecure people very who
are very dependent and and can be somewhat a little bit
(22:12):
passive. They also they don't know how to
express their needs or ask for what they want.
So they will do manipulation like this where they will play
the victim. Rather than just coming out and
asking directly. Asking.
Yeah. Can you lend me 100 bucks?
Yes, but the whole. Yeah.
(22:32):
So, you know, I remember once a former friend of mine, we were
with a couple of other people. We were at lunch, and it was
time to pay the bill. We were all going to, you know,
pay our separate bills. And this friend is, you know,
looking through her wallet and her purse and she can't, can't
find her wallet. Oh, my God.
I don't know where I put it. And she's going on and on and
(22:54):
on. And the wait staff was standing
over her kind of patiently waiting.
And she keeps saying to you, well, I don't know.
I, I have no idea where did I ah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. And of course, every single one
of us had this urge to just, oh,what?
Don't worry about it. We'll go pay for it.
You can pay me that like, and nobody said a word, right.
(23:14):
So finally she figured out some way of paying her bill.
But that's where you finally getthe sense that, no, I don't want
to rush in and rescue this person for the 100th millionth
time. So you guys have had bad
experiences with her in the past, that's why nobody was
rushing in to help her? Well, or you got a whole, not a
whole lot. It was more like the whole vibe.
(23:37):
You know, we'd had a few, but there was a vibe of like, excuse
me, rescue me. But you know, don't, don't make
it seem like I'm asking you for anything.
No, no, no, just rescue me. Rescue me.
It was such a pathetic. It was just such a pathetic
performance. Yeah, that I think all of us
just thought, oh, man, yeah, exactly, exactly right.
(24:01):
Right. Yeah.
So it can come in the form of anybody.
Anybody can manipulate like children can.
Children can dogs. Oh my goodness, my dog is my.
Dog is a master manipulation. Yes, absolutely.
So manipulation is like kind of it's everywhere.
But the, the, the ones that manipulate that are the real
(24:25):
snakes in this world. Those are the narcissistic
personalities and those you really have to watch out for.
You know, when my dog manipulates me, it's kind of
cute. I can't stay angry with him for
long, right? Right.
It's, you know, it's fun. Absolutely.
And what happens to us if we have these manipulators in our
lives and we have them in the long term?
(24:47):
How does it affect our mental health and our health?
Oh, it can be so damaging, especially if you're in a
so-called intimate relationship.Either you're married to
somebody like that or you know, you have a close bond that you
can't get out of, you know, you've got children perhaps or
whatever. It wreaks havoc.
If you've ever seen women who are in those relationships,
(25:09):
they, they age prematurely because all the life is sucked
out of them and they, they really develop, if they can
develop chronic anxiety, depression, they can start
really behaving oddly themselves.
(25:30):
You know, because everybody thinks that the, the partner is
so wonderful, so amazing, blah, blah, blah.
But the wife is a real BITCH. Oh my God, she's horrible.
Well, she's horrible and she's complaining and nagging and and
always irritable and blah blah blah because she's getting
(25:54):
emotionally used and abused. And then the guy doesn't see it.
Like it's not done in front of others, it's done in private so
he looks like a bad guy. Meanwhile, she's being expertly
manipulated behind the scenes. Right.
And she's protesting and she's protesting loudly, but she's not
coming out right out and saying what's what.
(26:16):
She begins to think that she's the real problem, you know,
because every, there's nobody inher world that sees any of
what's really going on, so it must be her.
The guy's perfect, right? And meanwhile he has, he has
cultivated this persona his entire life.
(26:37):
So he's master of projecting. I'm perfect to everybody else,
right? So it can cause huge damage to a
person involved with someone like this until I wake up.
Is is there any hope? Can therapy, anything help these
people on the other side manipulators themselves?
Is there any way to change? I wouldn't.
(26:58):
I wouldn't even go there. I wouldn't even go there because
someone. 'S watching this and they
recognize themselves as a manipulator.
Is there anything? I you know what, anybody out
there who's listening to this and you think you're a
manipulator, please send leave us a comment.
I would like to talk to you because.
Most likely they're not. You're really, I doubt that
(27:20):
you're really a narcissist. I doubt it, because most
narcissists would not would not recognize themselves.
They would not and they wouldn'teven bother.
They wouldn't even bother finding a podcast on
manipulation or narcissism or any of that.
They wouldn't bother. It's just that like, you know
what, it's not their thing. However, however, every single
(27:43):
one of us has manipulated at onetime or another, right?
We've all done it right. So at that level where we're not
narcissistic personality, just sort of at that level, it's kind
of good to know this informationand to look at yourself and go,
wow, that's true. I did that to somebody whatever
(28:03):
3-4 months ago or what? I did that and I don't feel good
about it and I'm going to flag myself.
If I ever feel like I have the urge to manipulate somebody, I'm
going to flag that and I'm goingto stop myself.
That's a great reminder. Yeah, remember, I mean, do you
want to be manipulated? So if you don't like being a
(28:24):
manipulator, why would you do itto somebody else?
Of course, absolutely makes perfect sense.
So in closing, Lucille, what canwe, what can we tell people?
How can we best advise them to move forward from this?
Well, again, it's all about awareness of how you feel with
that person. Do not just assume that there's
(28:46):
something wrong with your perceptions.
Trust your gut trust. Your gut, trust your gut.
And as I said, take some time away from that person if you can
and really reflect on what's going on between the two of you.
Maybe, you know, if you have a trusted friend or somebody who's
observing what's going on, maybeyou can, you know, get their
(29:09):
feedback as well. Journal, go to a counselor or
therapist. There are also so many podcasts.
There's so much information online about manipulation, about
being with narcissists. Check it out and see.
Check it out and see if maybe itfits you and what you're going
through. Yes, that's great advice and we
(29:31):
have also done a few episodes, previous episodes about
narcissists and how to handle them and how to deal with
different situations. So please do check out our
previous episodes for help if you are in this situation.
Thank you guys so much for watching this episode, for
sticking with us. And please don't forget to like,
subscribe and share this episode.
Share this episode with the master manipulator and let's see
(29:55):
what they say about it. We can't wait for your comments,
guys. We'll see you in the next one.
Take care. Bye everybody.
Thanks a lot. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into the Rewilded Human podcast.
We hope you're leaving with insights to reconnect with your
(30:15):
natural, vibrant self. Remember, the information shared
here is for educational and inspirational purposes only and
is not a substitute for medical advice.
Always consult A qualified healthcare provider for any
personal health concerns. If you enjoyed today's episode,
please like, subscribe and shareit with others who might
benefit. We'll see you next time.
(30:36):
Ready to dive even deeper? Stay wild, stay true, and stay
tuned.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.