August 10, 2025 • 29 mins
🎙️ Trust Your Gut: The Power of Intuition | The Rewilded Human PodcastHave you ever ignored your gut feeling, only to realize later that it was right all along?In this episode of The Rewilded Human, we explore the deep, often misunderstood intelligence of your intuition. In a world that prioritizes logic, productivity, and outside validation, many of us have learned to silence the quiet voice within. But your gut instinct isn’t random, it’s your body’s way of guiding you, protecting you, and aligning you with what’s true.✨In this episode, we unpack the importance of trusting your gut and how tuning into your intuition can lead to better decisions, deeper self-awareness, and a more connected life. Whether you're standing at a crossroads, healing from a decision you regret, or simply wanting to feel more grounded in your body’s wisdom, this conversation is your reminder that you already know the way. You always have.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to the Rewilded Human podcast, where Doctor Lucille,
holistic psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and Doctor
Lynn, Naturopath and Nutritionalconsultant help you reconnect
with your true self through practical tips on mental health,
nutrition, exercise, relationships, and spirituality.
With a dash of humor, they tackle today's toughest issues
to guide you back to a harmonious, vibrant life.
(00:21):
Rediscover your natural self, just as nature intended.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Rewilded Human podcast.
This episode was in no way inspired by the current
political system or any politician you may or may not
know. But today's topic, it will be
about how to spot a liar. Doctor Lucille, where do we
(00:43):
start on this juicy topic? Yes, yes.
And it's coming a lot later in people's lives than it should.
I think it's something that we should start teaching children
about when they're very young, right?
Instead, we're teaching childrento lie.
All right, OK, so who among us has not lied?
I mean, I certainly have. There's no question about that.
(01:07):
And so we need to realize, firstof all, and so lying is about
being out of alignment or out ofintegrity.
And I think the essence of humanbeings is that we are in
integrity. We feel better.
(01:27):
We feel much better when we're in integrity and we're being
honest, right? I think that's our true essence.
I do not buy the line that Oh well, humans are just horrible
creatures who will lie to get their way.
No, I don't believe that at all because for some people who are
non sociopathic lying, lying just eats away at you.
(01:51):
So it's really, really importantthat you be in alignment with
your integrity because as we know from the law of attraction,
you will attract more people whoare also honest and you will
have that inner sense of coherence, feeling good about
(02:11):
yourself. I think that's really, really
important. And then of course, we need to
know about how we are being liedto, right?
We need to know that's a valuable, valuable skill in our
world. So whether it's your husband
who's coming home late too many times and giving you odd
(02:32):
excuses, or it's, as you said, it's a political figure and the
fate of your country depends on the integrity.
Of this this. Individual, right?
Yeah. So I just wanted to put it out
to you first, Lynn. Like when, what?
What is something that you've noticed helps you?
(02:52):
Some observation that helps you know when somebody is lying.
Well, you know, there are the obvious signs that people look
for, right, like the shifty eyes, they're not making eye
contact and things like that. But for me, it's, it's my
intuition. You know, I'm, I'm very in tune
with my intuition. And when I'm, when I'm in the
(03:13):
room with another person, I pickup on their vibe and it's almost
like this, this just this feeling that I get get.
So they don't have to be shifty or, or, you know, like the
classic signs of a liar. I don't really need to see that
in order to feel like just something's off.
Like what they're saying just doesn't match up with
everything. Else their behavior, right?
(03:34):
With their behavior or the situation or just something
feels off and I just, I just kind of know.
But I mean, obviously there are obvious signs that you we can
look for right when, when you'redealing with someone.
So what would be some of the some of the signs that you would
look for Lucia, like for example, in your practice, do
you this is actually an interesting question.
(03:55):
Would you have? Do you have patients who will
come and lie to you? Everybody lies.
Everybody lies. You go to a psychiatrist, then
you have to tell the truth, isn't that?
Like no, no, no, no, no, no. And a lot of psychiatric work
has to do with getting past the bullshit to the real truth.
(04:18):
Because you have to remember we will lie to ourselves a lot,
probably more than we lie to other people.
It's true. So if we are ashamed of
something about ourselves, and that shame is a really powerful
incentive to lie, OK, then we'rejust gonna, we're just gonna
hide things. You know, how many times have I
(04:40):
discovered that somebody who initially told me they weren't
doing drugs and they weren't drinking, you know, 3-4 months
later you find out that they've been caught on a DUI driving
under the influence, right. How many have I caught in the
lie of Oh, I've always been faithful to my spouse.
(05:03):
Something happens and you find out Not So everybody lies to
protect their ego. Yeah.
However, the people who do much better in terms of their healing
and growth are the ones who catch themselves in the lie.
And they, they are very self aware and very responsible and
(05:27):
they will own up to when they lie, right.
And you can tell, you know, justlike when you said intuition,
you can tell there'll be something inside of you that's
listening to their words. And if they're lying, you know,
they may have a straight face that may sound very coherent and
logical and the whole thing, butthere's something inside of you
(05:48):
that's going. I'm not so sure, right
intuition, a big, big role in this, right And the other the
other experience. See, a lot of this also depends
on knowing the person for a longperiod of time because, and some
of the studies indicate this, that you want a baseline of
(06:11):
behavior. You want to see a certain
baseline of behavior. It shows you what the person is
like under quote UN quote normalcircumstances.
If they're not acutely stressed or there's some crisis going on
or whatever, you want to see howthey behave normally.
Because people say, Oh yeah, shifting your eyes are a really
good sign of of a liar. But there's some people who
(06:34):
whose eyes dart around a lot anyway and it's not that they're
lying happens to be maybe a neurological issue with them or
you know or something else. It does.
It's not an indicator for them. Yes, they're.
Lying. So like people with Asperger's,
they often won't look you in theeyes when they're talking to
you. They look out in the space and
sure, and it doesn't mean they're lying, it's just their
(06:56):
default setting. That's right.
That's exactly right. So the more you know a person in
different contexts, the more youcan then develop a sort of a
profile of them. And then you know, when they
depart from that profile, that'san indicator that that they're
lying. And the other things that are
(07:16):
very common are this is so interesting how it happens out
in the open in the media all thetime when somebody, you know, a
politician or somebody will say something that is in direct
contradiction to something that has actually happened, right?
(07:36):
You know, like, no, we did not bomb so and so first.
That's a that's a lie. They bombed us first.
But then there's the film footage, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, right. Sometimes the more certain a
person comes across about an ambivalent situation, the more
certain and confident they are. Sometimes that's an indicator
(08:00):
that they're lying. Like I did not have sexual
relations with that woman. Yes, right.
Exactly that, like. That one, like that one,
Meanwhile, where? Where did the lipstick come?
That's on your collar. Right.
Was it just lipstick? Yeah, right.
Wasn't it there? Was other stuff.
Right, right. So sometimes, you know,
(08:22):
especially if it's an ambivalentand complicated situation and
you're trying to get the truth out of somebody.
If somebody says, you know, I really don't know.
I like, I don't know exactly what happened.
I know that I wasn't responsiblefor this part of it, but I don't
know the rest of it. And they come across, as, you
(08:42):
know, not totally, 100% confident.
That gives you more of a sense that they may be telling the
truth. Yeah.
Right. Yes, absolutely.
So that would be another indicator, yeah.
Lucille, for example, the most, I think the most common
situation is it would be in a relationship when you want to
know if your spouse is lying. So for example, for a wife, what
(09:05):
would be the signs to look for that your spouse is lying or
cheating? You know, just coming home and
not telling the truth, but wherehe's been, what he's doing after
work, stuff like that. Are there any?
Like other than the obvious lipstick stains on the collar,
is there something else that we can look for?
Disappearing acts. OK, so where, you know, they
(09:28):
avoid talking about anything in depth like they, they, they just
have really backed off of talking about anything other
than logistics. Oh, are you taking the kids to,
to the soccer game tonight? They, they want it.
They're distancing themselves from you and they are avoiding,
(09:51):
you know, anything that gets that could get into a more
intense conversation. Do they know in order to avoid
lying to you because you know? Well, yeah, but to avoid being
asked the awkward questions where they have to lie, right?
Yeah, right. So, you know, if you're sensing
(10:12):
that happening with your spouse,you know that there's a lie in
there somewhere, right? Yes.
So I'm trying to think of the many examples that I've heard
over the years. Tell us some stories.
Well, you know, the obvious inconsistencies, OK, so for
(10:34):
example, yes, sure, I'm texting a lot with this woman, but it's
because we're work buddies, you know, and and we're we we have
developed a kind of a work friendship, but you know, that
it's inconsistent that he's never done this or she's never
(10:55):
done this before. OK.
They don't have the same relationship with any other Co
worker, right? Yeah.
So that would be one thing. And again, it's it comes down
to, you know, your partner well enough to know what the baseline
is of their behavior so that when they just start departing
(11:17):
from it, you know, you you have got some idea that there's a
deception going on. So any here's another really
good one, change in spending habits, OK.
And especially if the woman is getting the credit card
statements or she has access to them and all of a sudden the
(11:38):
whole the spending has changed quite a bit and he's going out
an awful lot on, you know, business dinners, business
dinners, right, that sort of thing.
Now, the other thing that is really important here is people
must be aware that that a part of lying is manipulating the
(12:00):
other person, right? Honey, I noticed that on your
credit card statement here, likeyou're spending hundreds and
hundreds of dollars on these business dinners.
Like what's going on? Don't you trust me?
Why are you questioning my spending habits?
You know? And so you know, there's a lie
there because they're you're notanswering the question directly.
(12:23):
They're gaslighting you. Yes, right.
So the moment they don't answer,they don't answer the question
directly. You know, there's there's a
deception in it, right. And you really do not allow
yourself to be gas lit. It's kind of like at that point
I tell my clients that you become more like a lawyer.
(12:45):
Just the facts, ma'am. OK, yes, yeah, just the facts.
Well, you know, but you're not answering the question.
You know it. If there's nothing to this, why
can't you give me a reason why the expenses for for business
(13:06):
dinners are going way up? So you, you have to really learn
how to not be hooked on the manipulators.
Manipulations. The moment you get manipulations
when you ask questions, there's a lie there.
That makes sense. Do you, do you find there are a
lot of women who actually know they're with a liar, but they
(13:29):
don't want to know that they're lying.
Like they they they know they'rebeing lied to, but they lie to
themselves about being lied to. Absolutely, constantly,
constantly, all the time. And then, you know, the
interesting thing is that then they will forget that they knew
that it was a lie and they rewrite the story.
So and then and then maybe they run across a diary from years
(13:50):
ago where they actually wrote down.
I think he's lying. I don't know what's the truth
anymore. Oh, he said this, but he did
that. I'm confused.
You know, that sort of thing where they will, they will go in
and out of denial. You know, they, they're they
know something's wrong. And then then they build a story
(14:10):
that says, no, it's all OK. And so they forget what they
learned before. And and I have, I have women
who've gone through this kind ofcycle for decades.
Wow. Yeah.
Until something really bad happens and the whole marriage
implodes. And then there is no denial at
that point anymore. Is this like a dense mechanism
(14:34):
or why do we do this to? Our Yeah, they're they're
totally. Let's listen.
They're totally afraid of their whole life collapsing.
Number one. Yeah.
You know, if I, if I confront this guy, that could be the end
of the marriage. And I don't know what I'd do
with my life. My whole life would turn upside
down. Especially women who are
financially dependent. OK, so that's one thing.
(14:57):
But the other thing that's really prominent is shame.
Again, shame, which is I am too ashamed to admit that I made
this mistake and I stayed with this.
You know what? I stayed and I and, and what you
know, people will judge me. You know, they'll judge me.
Like, how could you stay with this philanderer?
(15:17):
How could you, you know, how could you continue believing
that he was straightforward and honest?
Yeah, and they don't. And and shame is really such a
toxic emotion because it imprisons people.
It imprisons them in the story that I've got to make everything
look like it's OK I cannot change my life.
(15:41):
I can't do anything. I just have to make sure that I
maintain, I maintain the lie that everything is OK.
So they become liars too. They they enable the line to
keep going. Yeah, it's a very, very sad
situation. What happens to children when
they're constantly being lied to?
Well, now that's an interesting question because children will
(16:04):
have many different reactions oror coping strategies depending
on a whole bunch of factors to do with the child and how how
they are manipulated. OK, so some children have a
clear awareness right from the get go.
(16:24):
Some they're amazing where they know right off the bat almost
since they came out of the womb that they're being lied to.
Something is wrong here, and they may learn to shut up or
they may learn to push a little bit to see if you know what
they're thinking is correct. But they're the ones who do much
better because they never, ever violate their own judgment.
(16:49):
They hold their own judgment. They may look on the outside
like they're not rocking the boat.
They're not not going to rock the boat and point out all the
lies. Like, you know, I know my dad's
sneaking into my sister's bedroom in the middle of the
night, doing whatever, right? But and you know, some of them
come out and use it to really good advantage as they grow up.
(17:10):
Like these are the investigativejournalists in our world who
accept nothing on face value andthey're always questioning and
always digging for the truth, right?
And they are fearless and relentless.
So that's one way that that it can happen.
At the other extreme are the kids who their judgement never
(17:34):
develops. It's kind of like they are stuck
in a state of believing everything.
They believe everything on face value.
Like you tell me that, you know,that you're Jesus Christ, OK,
You're Jesus Christ, you know, and they, they run into huge
(17:55):
problems because they're taking advantage of right, left and
center, you know, so they have never, as I say, they've never
learned to develop their judgement.
And there's nobody in their environment that will help them
that will say, but you know, your dad that did this, but he
said something different. And nobody does that.
(18:18):
Everybody, you know, because everybody's parading around
playing their parts in this drama.
And the child just and naively goes along with the whole thing.
And they then attract liars intotheir lives, people who take
advantage of them, people who will manipulate them.
(18:39):
And that's a very, very sad state of affairs.
Yeah, it becomes like a vicious circle.
Yes. And then there's everything in
between, right? So everybody's somewhat
different in how they react to it.
But it's a, it's such a, it's a,it's a real form of emotional
abuse to lie to children. Absolutely.
(19:00):
Lucy, let's talk about the five common physical signs. 5
physical signs, the ways to spota liar.
OK, I'm going to give you 5 and let me know what you think of
these. So #1 Inconsistent eye contact,
either avoiding eye contact entirely or holding it too
intensely. Liars may overcompensate to see
(19:20):
more believable. You know, when they.
Yeah, it's true. You know it's true.
Yeah, sure, absolutely. That can be, that can be true.
But you also have to remember that insecure people, they're
not necessarily lying, but sometimes insecure people,
they're, you know, their eye contact may not be very, very
(19:40):
consistent. They their, their eyes may dart
around whatever you know. So I would say every everything
you mentioned, what you mentioned is true, but it's not
true in all cases. Which is important to know.
It's important to know that the.Apps if you.
Want to accuse someone of lying when in fact it's just their
(20:00):
normal? Behavior, right?
Right. And #2 touching the face or
mouth, covering the mouth, rubbing the nose or touching the
face or subconscious attempts tohold back the lie or self
soothe. Well, yes, self soothing also is
that's one that is one reason that people do that.
(20:22):
It's an unconscious maneuver. Yes, if you find that the person
is doing it more in a certain situation where there's maybe an
awkward, awkward conversation going on, that can be an an
indication of lying, but it alsocan be other things.
So again, it's not 100%. Some people are just habitually
(20:45):
touching their face. Sometimes that is a way of
regrounding themselves or stimulating their brain.
OK, I never. Thought of it that way, that's
so interesting. Yes, because if they are like
for example people with ADD, sometimes they need to touch
(21:10):
themselves or stimulate themselves or tap or do
something to keep their brain focused and alert.
OK. As you said, it can also be self
soothing. If they're feeling like they're
having an intense emotional reaction, they will touch
themselves to self soothe for sure.
Or they're on the spot, they're feeling on the spot by your
(21:31):
questions. They may be reacting.
And it may not be that they're lying.
It just may be that they were always shamed because they were
asked in class, you know, of theanswer to a question and they
didn't know, and then they were shamed.
So they triggers an anxious response, right?
Yeah, that's quite possible #3 fidgeting or restlessness,
(21:53):
shifting way, tapping fingers orbouncing a leg can signal
nervousness, especially if it's out of character.
Well, it's the out of character part that is the key.
OK, Yeah, absolutely it is. But then again, that can also
happen if you are extremely bored and your brain is going
offline, like in a business meeting and a committee meeting,
(22:16):
whatever. So it is the, the context is
very, very important. So many people in our world do
have ADD or other neurological issues.
They're going to fidget. They're going to be restless,
you know, at that also happens with people who are anxious, who
have other issues going on, you know.
(22:38):
So again, you have it has to be very nuanced and very
conditional on the context. Yeah.
And what what you already know about that person?
Yeah, and This is why it's important to listen to your
intuition as well. Yes, I just look for these
signs. But listen to your, to your
intuition #4 speech changes, speaking too quickly, too
(23:00):
slowly, or changing pitch suddenly.
Liars might also repeat words orphrases to buy time.
And also I find sometimes they, they make up a big story, you
know, like, rather than just saying, oh, no, I couldn't come
last night, you know, oh, I couldn't come last night because
my dogs think this is what happened.
Then we had to go to the hospital.
And then after the hospital, thecar, you know, sometimes they
(23:22):
make this huge story, right? Yeah, I've had that where they,
yeah, they're, they're building a real strong case by putting in
everything, including the kitchen sink, right.
But speech changes could speech changes indicate that someone's
lying to? You again, you have to be
cautious because sometimes it may be due to other reasons,
(23:43):
right? You know, they, they may speech
changes may occur because they, they're, they don't want to tell
a lie, but they just might be very uncomfortable with the
subject matter. OK.
Or they are something you've said or something that's come
(24:04):
into their mind has triggered them.
There's a memory that's popped in that really upsets them.
And it could also be due to confusion.
You'll notice that people's intonations and and voice change
and everything will change when they're kind of confused.
Like they start thinking, oh, yeah, OK, I got it.
And then they start getting confused and they start, you
(24:25):
know, memory starts getting fuzzy and, and you will notice
that they might slow down or whatever.
And also, you know, people in high stress, you know, they come
into my office in very high stress and they're going a mile
a minute and telling me these stories and they're practically
jumping off the chair. And then, and then as they calm
(24:47):
down, then the voice relaxes andit's, you know, and then it's,
it flows much more easily, right?
Yes. So again, context is very, very
important. Important.
Absolutely. And I have one more for you #5
mismatch between words and body language.
Saying I'm confident while physically shrinking or shaking
(25:08):
the head when verbal and non verbal cues don't align.
It raises red flags. Of course, as as it should.
Yes, I think that's really good marker.
Let's also note how that is, again, something that you have
to be cautious about. There are people who will, for
(25:29):
example, smile when they're telling you an awful story about
something bad that happened. You know, they're telling you
about a motor vehicle accident that they were in, and they're
smiling through the whole thing.And you're going, oh, God, yeah.
What's? Up with that, I have seen that.
Yes. And it's it their own attempt to
not activate themselves, to distance themselves from the
(25:52):
really painful feelings and lighten it up, you know, kind of
lighten it up, you know, Ah, ha,ha, ha, ha.
That happened a long time ago. And wasn't I stupid?
I, you know, I signaled left when I wanted to go right.
And it, that is something you have to watch.
But again, a lot of people do that as defense against feeling
(26:16):
their own emotions. Yeah, OK.
But you're right, it's a. It's one of the more, if
effective ways of triggering your red flag.
Yeah. But there may be something else
here, but you just have to watchthat person very carefully.
A lot of these people don't evenknow that they're doing it,
which is very interesting. If you point out, listen, you're
(26:37):
telling me this horrible story of your motor vehicle accident
you were in a long time ago. But you're smiling.
Really, am I? Crisis actors do this a lot.
Yes, yes. Yes, it's like their child just
died or something and they're they're ha ha, laughing and
smiling. But.
Yeah. That's another story.
(26:57):
So Lucille, before we wrap this up, anything else that we missed
in this list? Anything else to look for as far
as possible times? One of the things I really want
to stress, especially for women,Always, always, always pay
attention to your intuition. Yes, we all have that issue,
(27:17):
right? We've been taught to be nice.
We've been taught that we shouldtake everything people tell us
at face value. We never, you know, if if a
negative thought or a red flag comes into our mind, oh, well,
we're just being judgmental, right?
And I would say there's a reasonwhy you're having the reaction.
And it may not be that the person you're talking to is an
(27:40):
axe murderer, but it may be thatyou are picking up something.
They're triggering something in you that needs to be looked at.
Yeah. OK.
So I would say to women, never throw the baby out with the
bathwater. If you're having an AF feeling
about somebody, just hold on to it.
You know, file it at least in the back of your mind.
(28:02):
And then maybe you'll get more evidence as time goes on as to
whether there are clues, evidence or clues about why you
might be feeling that way. Absolutely.
Makes so much sense. You see, we started this episode
with politicians, so let's finish with politicians.
So why do we know a politician is lying?
(28:24):
His lips are moving. That's right.
That's right. Yes.
Yeah, so thank you everyone for watching this episode.
I hope we helped you a little bit with spotting a liar near
you. Hopefully you don't have any
liars near you, but if you do, it's really important to get to
the root of the problem and findout why you're being lied to.
(28:45):
And guys, don't forget to like, subscribe, share this video or
podcast with someone that you know and make sure you give us a
five star review. We do like those and we will see
you in the next one. Bye everyone.
Hi, everybody. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into the Rewilded Human podcast.
(29:08):
We hope you're leaving with insights to reconnect with your
natural, vibrant self. Remember, the information shared
here is for educational and inspirational purposes only and
is not a substitute for medical advice.
Always consult A qualified healthcare provider for any
personal health concerns. If you enjoyed today's episode,
please like, subscribe, and share it with others who might
(29:29):
benefit. We'll see you next time.
Ready to dive even deeper? Stay wild, stay true, and stay
tuned.
Welcome to the Rewilded Human podcast, where Doctor Lucille,
holistic psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and Doctor
Lynn, Naturopath and Nutritionalconsultant help you reconnect
with your true self through practical tips on mental health,
nutrition, exercise, relationships, and spirituality.
With a dash of humor, they tackle today's toughest issues
to guide you back to a harmonious, vibrant life.
(00:21):
Rediscover your natural self, just as nature intended.
Hello everyone and welcome back to the Rewilded Human podcast.
This episode was in no way inspired by the current
political system or any politician you may or may not
know. But today's topic, it will be
about how to spot a liar. Doctor Lucille, where do we
(00:43):
start on this juicy topic? Yes, yes.
And it's coming a lot later in people's lives than it should.
I think it's something that we should start teaching children
about when they're very young, right?
Instead, we're teaching childrento lie.
All right, OK, so who among us has not lied?
I mean, I certainly have. There's no question about that.
(01:07):
And so we need to realize, firstof all, and so lying is about
being out of alignment or out ofintegrity.
And I think the essence of humanbeings is that we are in
integrity. We feel better.
(01:27):
We feel much better when we're in integrity and we're being
honest, right? I think that's our true essence.
I do not buy the line that Oh well, humans are just horrible
creatures who will lie to get their way.
No, I don't believe that at all because for some people who are
non sociopathic lying, lying just eats away at you.
(01:51):
So it's really, really importantthat you be in alignment with
your integrity because as we know from the law of attraction,
you will attract more people whoare also honest and you will
have that inner sense of coherence, feeling good about
(02:11):
yourself. I think that's really, really
important. And then of course, we need to
know about how we are being liedto, right?
We need to know that's a valuable, valuable skill in our
world. So whether it's your husband
who's coming home late too many times and giving you odd
(02:32):
excuses, or it's, as you said, it's a political figure and the
fate of your country depends on the integrity.
Of this this. Individual, right?
Yeah. So I just wanted to put it out
to you first, Lynn. Like when, what?
What is something that you've noticed helps you?
(02:52):
Some observation that helps you know when somebody is lying.
Well, you know, there are the obvious signs that people look
for, right, like the shifty eyes, they're not making eye
contact and things like that. But for me, it's, it's my
intuition. You know, I'm, I'm very in tune
with my intuition. And when I'm, when I'm in the
(03:13):
room with another person, I pickup on their vibe and it's almost
like this, this just this feeling that I get get.
So they don't have to be shifty or, or, you know, like the
classic signs of a liar. I don't really need to see that
in order to feel like just something's off.
Like what they're saying just doesn't match up with
everything. Else their behavior, right?
(03:34):
With their behavior or the situation or just something
feels off and I just, I just kind of know.
But I mean, obviously there are obvious signs that you we can
look for right when, when you'redealing with someone.
So what would be some of the some of the signs that you would
look for Lucia, like for example, in your practice, do
you this is actually an interesting question.
(03:55):
Would you have? Do you have patients who will
come and lie to you? Everybody lies.
Everybody lies. You go to a psychiatrist, then
you have to tell the truth, isn't that?
Like no, no, no, no, no, no. And a lot of psychiatric work
has to do with getting past the bullshit to the real truth.
(04:18):
Because you have to remember we will lie to ourselves a lot,
probably more than we lie to other people.
It's true. So if we are ashamed of
something about ourselves, and that shame is a really powerful
incentive to lie, OK, then we'rejust gonna, we're just gonna
hide things. You know, how many times have I
(04:40):
discovered that somebody who initially told me they weren't
doing drugs and they weren't drinking, you know, 3-4 months
later you find out that they've been caught on a DUI driving
under the influence, right. How many have I caught in the
lie of Oh, I've always been faithful to my spouse.
(05:03):
Something happens and you find out Not So everybody lies to
protect their ego. Yeah.
However, the people who do much better in terms of their healing
and growth are the ones who catch themselves in the lie.
And they, they are very self aware and very responsible and
(05:27):
they will own up to when they lie, right.
And you can tell, you know, justlike when you said intuition,
you can tell there'll be something inside of you that's
listening to their words. And if they're lying, you know,
they may have a straight face that may sound very coherent and
logical and the whole thing, butthere's something inside of you
(05:48):
that's going. I'm not so sure, right
intuition, a big, big role in this, right And the other the
other experience. See, a lot of this also depends
on knowing the person for a longperiod of time because, and some
of the studies indicate this, that you want a baseline of
(06:11):
behavior. You want to see a certain
baseline of behavior. It shows you what the person is
like under quote UN quote normalcircumstances.
If they're not acutely stressed or there's some crisis going on
or whatever, you want to see howthey behave normally.
Because people say, Oh yeah, shifting your eyes are a really
good sign of of a liar. But there's some people who
(06:34):
whose eyes dart around a lot anyway and it's not that they're
lying happens to be maybe a neurological issue with them or
you know or something else. It does.
It's not an indicator for them. Yes, they're.
Lying. So like people with Asperger's,
they often won't look you in theeyes when they're talking to
you. They look out in the space and
sure, and it doesn't mean they're lying, it's just their
(06:56):
default setting. That's right.
That's exactly right. So the more you know a person in
different contexts, the more youcan then develop a sort of a
profile of them. And then you know, when they
depart from that profile, that'san indicator that that they're
lying. And the other things that are
(07:16):
very common are this is so interesting how it happens out
in the open in the media all thetime when somebody, you know, a
politician or somebody will say something that is in direct
contradiction to something that has actually happened, right?
(07:36):
You know, like, no, we did not bomb so and so first.
That's a that's a lie. They bombed us first.
But then there's the film footage, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, right. Sometimes the more certain a
person comes across about an ambivalent situation, the more
certain and confident they are. Sometimes that's an indicator
(08:00):
that they're lying. Like I did not have sexual
relations with that woman. Yes, right.
Exactly that, like. That one, like that one,
Meanwhile, where? Where did the lipstick come?
That's on your collar. Right.
Was it just lipstick? Yeah, right.
Wasn't it there? Was other stuff.
Right, right. So sometimes, you know,
(08:22):
especially if it's an ambivalentand complicated situation and
you're trying to get the truth out of somebody.
If somebody says, you know, I really don't know.
I like, I don't know exactly what happened.
I know that I wasn't responsiblefor this part of it, but I don't
know the rest of it. And they come across, as, you
(08:42):
know, not totally, 100% confident.
That gives you more of a sense that they may be telling the
truth. Yeah.
Right. Yes, absolutely.
So that would be another indicator, yeah.
Lucille, for example, the most, I think the most common
situation is it would be in a relationship when you want to
know if your spouse is lying. So for example, for a wife, what
(09:05):
would be the signs to look for that your spouse is lying or
cheating? You know, just coming home and
not telling the truth, but wherehe's been, what he's doing after
work, stuff like that. Are there any?
Like other than the obvious lipstick stains on the collar,
is there something else that we can look for?
Disappearing acts. OK, so where, you know, they
(09:28):
avoid talking about anything in depth like they, they, they just
have really backed off of talking about anything other
than logistics. Oh, are you taking the kids to,
to the soccer game tonight? They, they want it.
They're distancing themselves from you and they are avoiding,
(09:51):
you know, anything that gets that could get into a more
intense conversation. Do they know in order to avoid
lying to you because you know? Well, yeah, but to avoid being
asked the awkward questions where they have to lie, right?
Yeah, right. So, you know, if you're sensing
(10:12):
that happening with your spouse,you know that there's a lie in
there somewhere, right? Yes.
So I'm trying to think of the many examples that I've heard
over the years. Tell us some stories.
Well, you know, the obvious inconsistencies, OK, so for
(10:34):
example, yes, sure, I'm texting a lot with this woman, but it's
because we're work buddies, you know, and and we're we we have
developed a kind of a work friendship, but you know, that
it's inconsistent that he's never done this or she's never
(10:55):
done this before. OK.
They don't have the same relationship with any other Co
worker, right? Yeah.
So that would be one thing. And again, it's it comes down
to, you know, your partner well enough to know what the baseline
is of their behavior so that when they just start departing
(11:17):
from it, you know, you you have got some idea that there's a
deception going on. So any here's another really
good one, change in spending habits, OK.
And especially if the woman is getting the credit card
statements or she has access to them and all of a sudden the
(11:38):
whole the spending has changed quite a bit and he's going out
an awful lot on, you know, business dinners, business
dinners, right, that sort of thing.
Now, the other thing that is really important here is people
must be aware that that a part of lying is manipulating the
(12:00):
other person, right? Honey, I noticed that on your
credit card statement here, likeyou're spending hundreds and
hundreds of dollars on these business dinners.
Like what's going on? Don't you trust me?
Why are you questioning my spending habits?
You know? And so you know, there's a lie
there because they're you're notanswering the question directly.
(12:23):
They're gaslighting you. Yes, right.
So the moment they don't answer,they don't answer the question
directly. You know, there's there's a
deception in it, right. And you really do not allow
yourself to be gas lit. It's kind of like at that point
I tell my clients that you become more like a lawyer.
(12:45):
Just the facts, ma'am. OK, yes, yeah, just the facts.
Well, you know, but you're not answering the question.
You know it. If there's nothing to this, why
can't you give me a reason why the expenses for for business
(13:06):
dinners are going way up? So you, you have to really learn
how to not be hooked on the manipulators.
Manipulations. The moment you get manipulations
when you ask questions, there's a lie there.
That makes sense. Do you, do you find there are a
lot of women who actually know they're with a liar, but they
(13:29):
don't want to know that they're lying.
Like they they they know they'rebeing lied to, but they lie to
themselves about being lied to. Absolutely, constantly,
constantly, all the time. And then, you know, the
interesting thing is that then they will forget that they knew
that it was a lie and they rewrite the story.
So and then and then maybe they run across a diary from years
(13:50):
ago where they actually wrote down.
I think he's lying. I don't know what's the truth
anymore. Oh, he said this, but he did
that. I'm confused.
You know, that sort of thing where they will, they will go in
and out of denial. You know, they, they're they
know something's wrong. And then then they build a story
(14:10):
that says, no, it's all OK. And so they forget what they
learned before. And and I have, I have women
who've gone through this kind ofcycle for decades.
Wow. Yeah.
Until something really bad happens and the whole marriage
implodes. And then there is no denial at
that point anymore. Is this like a dense mechanism
(14:34):
or why do we do this to? Our Yeah, they're they're
totally. Let's listen.
They're totally afraid of their whole life collapsing.
Number one. Yeah.
You know, if I, if I confront this guy, that could be the end
of the marriage. And I don't know what I'd do
with my life. My whole life would turn upside
down. Especially women who are
financially dependent. OK, so that's one thing.
(14:57):
But the other thing that's really prominent is shame.
Again, shame, which is I am too ashamed to admit that I made
this mistake and I stayed with this.
You know what? I stayed and I and, and what you
know, people will judge me. You know, they'll judge me.
Like, how could you stay with this philanderer?
(15:17):
How could you, you know, how could you continue believing
that he was straightforward and honest?
Yeah, and they don't. And and shame is really such a
toxic emotion because it imprisons people.
It imprisons them in the story that I've got to make everything
look like it's OK I cannot change my life.
(15:41):
I can't do anything. I just have to make sure that I
maintain, I maintain the lie that everything is OK.
So they become liars too. They they enable the line to
keep going. Yeah, it's a very, very sad
situation. What happens to children when
they're constantly being lied to?
Well, now that's an interesting question because children will
(16:04):
have many different reactions oror coping strategies depending
on a whole bunch of factors to do with the child and how how
they are manipulated. OK, so some children have a
clear awareness right from the get go.
(16:24):
Some they're amazing where they know right off the bat almost
since they came out of the womb that they're being lied to.
Something is wrong here, and they may learn to shut up or
they may learn to push a little bit to see if you know what
they're thinking is correct. But they're the ones who do much
better because they never, ever violate their own judgment.
(16:49):
They hold their own judgment. They may look on the outside
like they're not rocking the boat.
They're not not going to rock the boat and point out all the
lies. Like, you know, I know my dad's
sneaking into my sister's bedroom in the middle of the
night, doing whatever, right? But and you know, some of them
come out and use it to really good advantage as they grow up.
(17:10):
Like these are the investigativejournalists in our world who
accept nothing on face value andthey're always questioning and
always digging for the truth, right?
And they are fearless and relentless.
So that's one way that that it can happen.
At the other extreme are the kids who their judgement never
(17:34):
develops. It's kind of like they are stuck
in a state of believing everything.
They believe everything on face value.
Like you tell me that, you know,that you're Jesus Christ, OK,
You're Jesus Christ, you know, and they, they run into huge
(17:55):
problems because they're taking advantage of right, left and
center, you know, so they have never, as I say, they've never
learned to develop their judgement.
And there's nobody in their environment that will help them
that will say, but you know, your dad that did this, but he
said something different. And nobody does that.
(18:18):
Everybody, you know, because everybody's parading around
playing their parts in this drama.
And the child just and naively goes along with the whole thing.
And they then attract liars intotheir lives, people who take
advantage of them, people who will manipulate them.
(18:39):
And that's a very, very sad state of affairs.
Yeah, it becomes like a vicious circle.
Yes. And then there's everything in
between, right? So everybody's somewhat
different in how they react to it.
But it's a, it's such a, it's a,it's a real form of emotional
abuse to lie to children. Absolutely.
(19:00):
Lucy, let's talk about the five common physical signs. 5
physical signs, the ways to spota liar.
OK, I'm going to give you 5 and let me know what you think of
these. So #1 Inconsistent eye contact,
either avoiding eye contact entirely or holding it too
intensely. Liars may overcompensate to see
(19:20):
more believable. You know, when they.
Yeah, it's true. You know it's true.
Yeah, sure, absolutely. That can be, that can be true.
But you also have to remember that insecure people, they're
not necessarily lying, but sometimes insecure people,
they're, you know, their eye contact may not be very, very
(19:40):
consistent. They their, their eyes may dart
around whatever you know. So I would say every everything
you mentioned, what you mentioned is true, but it's not
true in all cases. Which is important to know.
It's important to know that the.Apps if you.
Want to accuse someone of lying when in fact it's just their
(20:00):
normal? Behavior, right?
Right. And #2 touching the face or
mouth, covering the mouth, rubbing the nose or touching the
face or subconscious attempts tohold back the lie or self
soothe. Well, yes, self soothing also is
that's one that is one reason that people do that.
(20:22):
It's an unconscious maneuver. Yes, if you find that the person
is doing it more in a certain situation where there's maybe an
awkward, awkward conversation going on, that can be an an
indication of lying, but it alsocan be other things.
So again, it's not 100%. Some people are just habitually
(20:45):
touching their face. Sometimes that is a way of
regrounding themselves or stimulating their brain.
OK, I never. Thought of it that way, that's
so interesting. Yes, because if they are like
for example people with ADD, sometimes they need to touch
(21:10):
themselves or stimulate themselves or tap or do
something to keep their brain focused and alert.
OK. As you said, it can also be self
soothing. If they're feeling like they're
having an intense emotional reaction, they will touch
themselves to self soothe for sure.
Or they're on the spot, they're feeling on the spot by your
(21:31):
questions. They may be reacting.
And it may not be that they're lying.
It just may be that they were always shamed because they were
asked in class, you know, of theanswer to a question and they
didn't know, and then they were shamed.
So they triggers an anxious response, right?
Yeah, that's quite possible #3 fidgeting or restlessness,
(21:53):
shifting way, tapping fingers orbouncing a leg can signal
nervousness, especially if it's out of character.
Well, it's the out of character part that is the key.
OK, Yeah, absolutely it is. But then again, that can also
happen if you are extremely bored and your brain is going
offline, like in a business meeting and a committee meeting,
(22:16):
whatever. So it is the, the context is
very, very important. So many people in our world do
have ADD or other neurological issues.
They're going to fidget. They're going to be restless,
you know, at that also happens with people who are anxious, who
have other issues going on, you know.
(22:38):
So again, you have it has to be very nuanced and very
conditional on the context. Yeah.
And what what you already know about that person?
Yeah, and This is why it's important to listen to your
intuition as well. Yes, I just look for these
signs. But listen to your, to your
intuition #4 speech changes, speaking too quickly, too
(23:00):
slowly, or changing pitch suddenly.
Liars might also repeat words orphrases to buy time.
And also I find sometimes they, they make up a big story, you
know, like, rather than just saying, oh, no, I couldn't come
last night, you know, oh, I couldn't come last night because
my dogs think this is what happened.
Then we had to go to the hospital.
And then after the hospital, thecar, you know, sometimes they
(23:22):
make this huge story, right? Yeah, I've had that where they,
yeah, they're, they're building a real strong case by putting in
everything, including the kitchen sink, right.
But speech changes could speech changes indicate that someone's
lying to? You again, you have to be
cautious because sometimes it may be due to other reasons,
(23:43):
right? You know, they, they may speech
changes may occur because they, they're, they don't want to tell
a lie, but they just might be very uncomfortable with the
subject matter. OK.
Or they are something you've said or something that's come
(24:04):
into their mind has triggered them.
There's a memory that's popped in that really upsets them.
And it could also be due to confusion.
You'll notice that people's intonations and and voice change
and everything will change when they're kind of confused.
Like they start thinking, oh, yeah, OK, I got it.
And then they start getting confused and they start, you
(24:25):
know, memory starts getting fuzzy and, and you will notice
that they might slow down or whatever.
And also, you know, people in high stress, you know, they come
into my office in very high stress and they're going a mile
a minute and telling me these stories and they're practically
jumping off the chair. And then, and then as they calm
(24:47):
down, then the voice relaxes andit's, you know, and then it's,
it flows much more easily, right?
Yes. So again, context is very, very
important. Important.
Absolutely. And I have one more for you #5
mismatch between words and body language.
Saying I'm confident while physically shrinking or shaking
(25:08):
the head when verbal and non verbal cues don't align.
It raises red flags. Of course, as as it should.
Yes, I think that's really good marker.
Let's also note how that is, again, something that you have
to be cautious about. There are people who will, for
(25:29):
example, smile when they're telling you an awful story about
something bad that happened. You know, they're telling you
about a motor vehicle accident that they were in, and they're
smiling through the whole thing.And you're going, oh, God, yeah.
What's? Up with that, I have seen that.
Yes. And it's it their own attempt to
not activate themselves, to distance themselves from the
(25:52):
really painful feelings and lighten it up, you know, kind of
lighten it up, you know, Ah, ha,ha, ha, ha.
That happened a long time ago. And wasn't I stupid?
I, you know, I signaled left when I wanted to go right.
And it, that is something you have to watch.
But again, a lot of people do that as defense against feeling
(26:16):
their own emotions. Yeah, OK.
But you're right, it's a. It's one of the more, if
effective ways of triggering your red flag.
Yeah. But there may be something else
here, but you just have to watchthat person very carefully.
A lot of these people don't evenknow that they're doing it,
which is very interesting. If you point out, listen, you're
(26:37):
telling me this horrible story of your motor vehicle accident
you were in a long time ago. But you're smiling.
Really, am I? Crisis actors do this a lot.
Yes, yes. Yes, it's like their child just
died or something and they're they're ha ha, laughing and
smiling. But.
Yeah. That's another story.
(26:57):
So Lucille, before we wrap this up, anything else that we missed
in this list? Anything else to look for as far
as possible times? One of the things I really want
to stress, especially for women,Always, always, always pay
attention to your intuition. Yes, we all have that issue,
(27:17):
right? We've been taught to be nice.
We've been taught that we shouldtake everything people tell us
at face value. We never, you know, if if a
negative thought or a red flag comes into our mind, oh, well,
we're just being judgmental, right?
And I would say there's a reasonwhy you're having the reaction.
And it may not be that the person you're talking to is an
(27:40):
axe murderer, but it may be thatyou are picking up something.
They're triggering something in you that needs to be looked at.
Yeah. OK.
So I would say to women, never throw the baby out with the
bathwater. If you're having an AF feeling
about somebody, just hold on to it.
You know, file it at least in the back of your mind.
(28:02):
And then maybe you'll get more evidence as time goes on as to
whether there are clues, evidence or clues about why you
might be feeling that way. Absolutely.
Makes so much sense. You see, we started this episode
with politicians, so let's finish with politicians.
So why do we know a politician is lying?
(28:24):
His lips are moving. That's right.
That's right. Yes.
Yeah, so thank you everyone for watching this episode.
I hope we helped you a little bit with spotting a liar near
you. Hopefully you don't have any
liars near you, but if you do, it's really important to get to
the root of the problem and findout why you're being lied to.
(28:45):
And guys, don't forget to like, subscribe, share this video or
podcast with someone that you know and make sure you give us a
five star review. We do like those and we will see
you in the next one. Bye everyone.
Hi, everybody. Bye.
Thank you for tuning into the Rewilded Human podcast.
(29:08):
We hope you're leaving with insights to reconnect with your
natural, vibrant self. Remember, the information shared
here is for educational and inspirational purposes only and
is not a substitute for medical advice.
Always consult A qualified healthcare provider for any
personal health concerns. If you enjoyed today's episode,
please like, subscribe, and share it with others who might
(29:29):
benefit. We'll see you next time.
Ready to dive even deeper? Stay wild, stay true, and stay
tuned.
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