May 22, 2025 • 24 mins
Episode 3: “The Camera Doesn’t See Us”
Why do media stories about autism so often focus on the feel-good, high-functioning side—and ignore the harder, messier truth? In this episode, we follow two families on opposite ends of the spectrum as they confront what it means to be celebrated, erased, and left out of the narrative altogether. Because when only certain stories are told, entire lives are silenced.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to the Tells andExhales of caregivers.
I'm your host, Beverly Nance,and I'm so grateful that you're
here.
Whether you're listening fromthe beginning or you're just
joining us for this series thankyou for showing up for these
stories.
Telling the truth aboutcaregiving, especially when it
comes to autism, isn't alwayseasy.
(00:20):
But it matters because too manyfamilies are carrying this
silently, and too many storiesare never told at all.
So take a deep breath, settle inand know this.
You're not alone, not in thestruggle, not in the love, and
(00:40):
not in the quiet moments when noone's watching.
I've got a lot to say today, andI know you'll feel it too.
You may have heard the recentcomments from Robert F.
Kennedy Jr.
About autism.
Some people applauded what hesaid while others were outraged.
(01:00):
And while I don't typically wadeinto politics on this podcast, I
do pay attention because whenthe conversation is about our
kids, our families, and ourcaregiving realities.
I'm already in it.
So let me say this.
What many families are goingthrough is exhausting.
It's isolating.
(01:21):
It's often unsupported byschools systems, and even the
media but reducing our lovedones to non taxpayers, diaper
wearers, and other root names.
Well, that's not advocacy,that's reduction.
The truth is.
Families raising children withprofound autism are living
(01:43):
through something.
The cameras rarely show, notbecause it's not real, but
because it's not comfortable,and that's what today's episode
is about.
Autism is a spectrum, but whenit comes to headlines, you
wouldn't know it.
You've seen the stories.
We've all seen the stories.
(02:04):
The teen with autism, who singsthe national anthem, the boy who
memorizes every train stop inNew York.
The young woman who starts athriving soap business with her
mom.
The stories that make us smile,that make us feel good.
But where are the stories aboutthe kids who are still in
(02:25):
diapers at age 18?
The ones who hit themselves whenthe lights are too bright.
The parents who can't sleep,can't work, can't plan for the
future because the system hasforgotten them.
Those stories, they don't trend.
This is the spectrum.
Episode three, the cameradoesn't see us It's April Autism
(03:24):
Awareness Month.
And in a midsize newsroom at alocal news station, a producer
named Elena flips through astack of pitches.
She reads the one about a teenwith autism who built a replica
of the Eiffel Tower usingPopsicle sticks.
While that's charming, visualand heartwarming, she reads
another about a motherstruggling to get in-home care
(03:47):
for her 22-year-old son who hassevere autism and aggression.
The story involves Medicaidwaivers, behavioral crisis
teams, and adult diapers.
Elena circles the Eiffel Towerstory.
She puts a big red circle aroundit.
People wanna feel good.
She says tapping her desk.
(04:08):
We can't hit them with traumaevery week.
Her colleague Jake Hesitates,but aren't we leaving out half
the story?
Not half.
She replies just the hard half.
You remember the Martins,michelle Martin doesn't see
(04:33):
herself as media savvy.
She's a mom, a researcher, abeliever in the power of
storytelling.
So when Sean, who is nowattending community college is
asked to speak at the College'sAutism Month event, a local
journalist reaches out.
Michelle is nervous butthrilled.
People should see what'spossible.
She tells her husband James.
(04:53):
People should see him.
And they do.
The article is clean andhopeful.
Sean's photo is bathed in softlight.
The headline reads, autismDoesn't Define Me.
Teen Shares Insight inspiresothers.
Michelle saves the article, andshares it with pride.
We needed this she whispers.
(05:16):
Karen Sadler.
Who lives down and across thestreet from Michelle scrolls
through the article on herphone.
The title alone stings.
Hmm, doesn't define me.
It defines everything.
Greg, her son is home pacing,chewing a sock.
He hasn't spoken in 22 years.
(05:38):
She's used to not being seen,but now it feels like erasure.
Okay.
She types a comment under thearticle.
I love this story, but pleasealso highlight families whose
children are nonverbal,incontinent, and require 24 7
care.
We exist too.
Her comment gets no likes.
It's buried beneath the emojisand applause back at the
(06:09):
newsroom.
Jake is pitching again.
He brings up a local family.
It's Karen's family whose sonwas denied crisis support when
he injured himself during ameltdown.
They've been waiting on a waiverfor seven years.
Elena listens, then leans backin her chair.
Hmm.
Is he verbal?
No.
(06:29):
Does he do anything that we canshow visually?
He rocks.
He hits himself.
Well, that's not gonna flybefore dinner.
They don't reject the pitch.
They hold it for another time, Atime that never comes.
Riley Martin Reposts.
Sean's article on her Instagram.
(06:50):
So proud of my brother.
Hashtag autism awareness, blueheart emoji.
Maya Sandler sees it.
She doesn't comment.
She doesn't share.
She remembers what it felt likewhen her brother broke her iPad
during a meltdown in 10th grade.
No one wrote about that.
She opens a note in her phoneand writes Awareness means
(07:11):
nothing.
There are parts of this lifethat aren't cute or postable
Then she deletes it.
What's the point?
Michelle meets Karen at a localautism parent meetup.
They used to be close back whentheir sons were little before
their lives diverged.
(07:32):
Michelle unaware says, youshould write something about
Greg.
People would listen.
Karen forces a smile.
People don't want to read aboutkids like Greg.
Michelle starts to speak, thenstops because deep down, she
knows it's true.
(08:00):
Back at the news outlet, jakepulls the numbers after the
Popsicle stick Eiffel Towerstory Airs it's the most click
story of the week.
He checks a different story, anolder one, about a mom who had
to call 9 1 1 because herautistic son had become
aggressive.
It had 23 views.
(08:20):
It's not personal.
Elena says it's packaging, butit is personal to families like
the Saddlers.
It's everything to understandwhy Jake's pitch never made it
past Elena's desk.
You have to understand what themedia looks for and what it
avoids.
When you think about the mediaand who they usually interview
(08:42):
about autism there are threethings.
Number one is the highly verbaladults on the spectrum.
The reason they do that, theycan articulate their experiences
in ways that are accessible toneurotypical audiences.
For example, let's take TempleGrandin She's frequently
featured because she's aprofessor and author and can
(09:03):
vividly describe how her mindworks.
She fits the different butbrilliant media family mold.
Also, they interview individualswho are tech savvy, artistic,
musical, and or entrepreneurialare also common.
Two, they also interview theparents of high functioning
(09:24):
children.
And the reason they do that isbecause these parents can often
present a narrative ofchallenges overcome with a
hopeful or heartwarming arc.
They're seen as relatable.
They often are interviewed onmorning shows, parenting
magazines, awareness monthpieces, and three, they
(09:47):
interview advocates for majornon-profits.
And the reason they do that,they're trained to speak
publicly and tend to focus onmainstream messaging, which is
acceptance, inclusion, andawareness, often without diving
into the harsher realities ofprofound autism.
So you wanna know who gets leftout.
I got three of those as well.
(10:09):
Number one, non-verbalindividuals with high support
needs rarely intervieweddirectly because of
communication barriers.
They're often ignored and theirsupport staff or families are
rarely invited to speak forthem.
With nuance number two, parentsof children with severe
(10:29):
behaviors often dismissed as toointense, too negative, or too
controversial.
The media avoids storiesinvolving adult diapers, 9 1 1
calls, aggression or lifelongcare, and number three.
The siblings, the emotional tollon siblings like Riley and Maya
is almost never featured.
(10:51):
When it is, it's usually asingle quote, not a whole story.
If you're wondering, why doesthis happen, well, it's because
the media likes simplicity.
Nuanced stories require time,context, and emotional
complexity.
Things that don't fit in a threeminute segment or 800 word
article.
(11:12):
I'm not gonna make it.
They like the feel goods'causefeel good sales stories that
make audiences feel hopeful areeasier to digest and share.
Also, discomfort equals silence.
Severe autism, aggressivebehaviors, adult caregiving.
(11:32):
These challenge our ideas aboutprogress and success.
The emotional toll of erasure isquiet devastation for Karen
Sadler.
It's not just that her son Gregisn't seen, it's that he's
treated as if he's not worthseeing.
So you wonder what erasure feelslike for Karen?
(11:55):
Karen shared it feels likeshouting into a void every time
she shares a post about Greg.
His needs, his progress, hischallenges.
It gets no engagement, nocomments, no shares.
She sees other autism posts goviral, but hers are met with
silence.
It begins to feel like peoplewould rather scroll than
(12:18):
confront the reality of herchild's life.
It makes her question her son'svalue, not in her heart, but in
the eyes of the world, if onlythe inspirational stories make
it to the news.
What does that say about therest, about Greg, about her
family?
It makes her feel like a badmother for even wanting the
(12:40):
recognition.
She tells herself, this isn'tabout attention, but some days
it's about being acknowledgedabout someone saying, I see you.
I see how hard this is.
I see how hard you're working.
I see him.
It isolates her from otherparents, even ones that she used
to lean on her friendship withMichelle feels strained.
(13:05):
Now.
She wants to be happy for Sean'ssuccess, but there's a painful
mirror.
It's not jealousy, it's grief,and it also chips away at her
hope.
Advocacy feels performative.
Systems feel.
Impenetrable.
And if Greg's story isn't evenseen, how can anything ever
(13:26):
change what she told meprivately, she quote, I love my
son more than anything, but whenI see people cheer for someone.
Who can explain their autismwith words.
I wonder if anyone even knowsGreg exists.
If I died tomorrow, would hejust disappear?
(13:48):
End quote.
Michelle Martin didn't mean tocause distance, but she felt it.
After Sean's story was posted,she found herself hesitating
before bringing it up aroundKaren.
Their text thread had gonesilent.
She missed the ease.
They once had the longconversations about therapies
(14:11):
and shared exhaustion, but nowshe felt like she had crossed
into a different life, one withvisibility, and Karen was still
waiting at the edge.
Meanwhile, Sean had begun tonotice too, not just that his
story was celebrated, but thatothers like Greg's weren't,
(14:31):
others like Greg's were missing.
Why didn't they do one on Greg?
Sean asked One afternoon,Michelle hesitated because your
story is easier to tell.
Sean frowned.
He didn't understand why.
That felt like a compliment andan insult.
At the same time, Daniel Sadlernever wanted attention.
(14:55):
He pride himself on workingquietly, filling out the
Medicaid paperwork at 2:00 AMresearch and sensory diets
fixing the cabinet.
Greg ripped off the hingesduring a meltdown.
The years passed slowly, butsomething in him cracked one
week when Greg turned 23.
No coverage, no services.
(15:15):
Just another year of trying tobuild a life with tools no one
gave them.
That Sunday, he stood in thekitchen and opened the fridge,
staring at a half finishedschedule, taped to the door.
It looks like we're ghost.
He said softly.
Karen looked up from her laptop.
We always have been.
He pulled the schedule off thedoor and slowly tore it in half.
(15:38):
Not in anger, but in grief.
He hadn't cried in years thatnight he did.
Karen Satler writes what shecan't say..
It was a breakdown.
It was a breakthrough.
Karen sat on the edge of the bedlit only by the screen of her
(15:59):
laptop.
She opened Facebook and typed,my son is 23.
He is autistic, nonverbal, andrequires help with everything
eating, bathing.
Dressing.
We've had to call 9 1 1.
We've been denied services.
We've been told your child istoo much for this program.
(16:20):
We've been called heroes, butonly in private.
The media doesn't show kids likeGreg unless they're missing,
harmed, or dead.
If you care about autism, youhave to care about all of it,
even the parts that don't trend.
She tagged the local news andshe hit post It got seven likes,
(16:43):
one heart and two sad faces.
Then it disappeared from thetimeline, buried beneath
graduation photos and casserolerecipes.
Later that night as Karen wasfolding towels with Greg,
rocking in his usual rhythm,deep in his chair.
Eyes fluttering but not focused.
She spoke to him softly, notexpecting response.
(17:06):
You are not a tragedy.
You are not a burden.
But this world, this worldrefuses to see you unless
something goes wrong.
She sat on the floor beside him.
He leans slightly toward her.
That's the moment.
No camera.
No audience.
Just love in the quiet.
(17:28):
Riley sees Karen's post.
She shares it.
Maya shares it too, but adds herown words.
My brother doesn't speak, but hematters always.
Sean reposts it in one sentence.
I'm lucky to be heard.
I wish Greg were too.
Michelle reads it all insilence.
She's proud of her son and she'slearning that advocacy.
(17:50):
Real advocacy means making spaceeven when it's not comfortable.
At the newsroom, Jake, sits inthe editing bay, watching
another round of autismspotlight footage.
(18:11):
It's beautiful.
The subject is a 13-year-oldcoder who built an app to help
with neurodivergent kids.
It's warm, it's tidy, and it'sfeeling, it's starting to feel,
mm, hollow He thinks of Greg, ofthe waiver rejections of the
email from a parent asking whytheir child's story never got a
(18:31):
reply.
He clicked on his notes folderin it is Karen's Facebook post
and a pitch from months ago.
It was flagged too heavy.
He stares at it for a while,then forwards it with a new
subject line.
This is the story we're nottelling.
No one replies.
(18:52):
The hidden consequences whenonly certain stories are told,
entire communities becomeinvisible.
It doesn't just affect how theworld sees autism.
It affects how services arefunded, how educators are
trained, how neighbors respond,how siblings feel when they
scroll, and never see themselvesreflected.
(19:12):
For families like the Saddlers,the silence is louder than any
headline greg's needs havechanged, but now Karen feels
even more alone because theworld keeps applauding a version
of autism she doesn't recognize.
And for the families like theMartins, there's a quiet
discomfort that lingers.
After the spotlight fades,Michelle begins asking herself,
(19:36):
have we made space for otherstories?
Or just accepted the versionthat fits Later, there is a
newsroom reckoning.
Weeks later, Elena, the seniorproducer, receives a package.
It's a handwritten letter fromKaren Sadler.
You don't know me, but I knowyour stories.
(19:59):
I've watched them for years.
They're sweet, inspiring,polished.
My son is none of these things.
He's beautiful.
But not convenient.
I dare you to tell his story.
I dare you to tell mine.
Elena reads it twice, thenforwards it to Jake.
Subject line.
Let's talk.
(20:20):
It's not a promise, but it's abeginning.
Not every story will go viral.
Not every reality fits into aheadline.
But if we want awareness to meansomething really, really mean
something, we have to stopturning away from the stories
that challenge us.
Autism isn't just quirky.
(20:41):
It isn't just brilliant.
It isn't just a Ted talk with atwist.
It's also messy and beautifuland exhausting and quiet and
long and it's all of it, and itall deserves to be seen.
I.
If this episode brought upsomething in you, grief,
(21:03):
recognition, frustration, you'renot alone and you don't have to
do this alone, you may join.
Our private Facebook group istitled Caregiving Life By Take
Care of Time.
It's a space for caregivers toconnect, vent, cry, laugh, and
speak honestly, especially whenthe world doesn't understand
what you may carry.
(21:23):
You may also visit autismadvocacy.org and autism speaks
to find tools, support, andfamily stories that reflect the
full spectrum of autism.
Not just the parts the cameracaptures.
(21:44):
every caregiver deserves apause, a breath, a reminder that
they matter, the take care oftime, respite box.
Was created for that moment.
It's a bimonthly delivery ofsoothing items, snacks, comfort
foods, and surprises that say,you are not invisible, but we
see you because the work you'redoing is hard.
(22:05):
And because care should go bothways.
subscribe@takecaretime.com orsend a box to a caregiver who
needs it most before we close.
I wanna say this, some storiesaren't just ignored, they're
silenced.
Next time on episode four ofthis series, the Spectrum, we
(22:26):
confront the stories that arehardest to hear because they're
also the ones that need to beheard the most.
In homes, in hospitals, inclassrooms and group homes.
Too many people with autism areexperiencing harm.
Sometimes it's neglect,sometimes it's misunderstanding,
and sometimes it's violence.
(22:48):
We don't talk about it.
The media rarely reports it, andoften the ones it happens to
can't tell us at all.
So meet me next week for episodefour.
As we confront the stories thatare the hardest to hear because
they're also the ones we need tohear most.
Do you have a story that youwould like to have told?
(23:09):
Contact us atpodcast@takecaretime.com.
We would love to hear from you.
Please note that this episodefeatures reenactments and
dramatized details.
While in most cases the exactverbatim dialogue may not be
known, all dramatizations aregrounded in thorough research
and crafted to honor the storiesshared to respect the privacy
(23:31):
and confidentiality of theindividuals involved names, and
some identifying details havebeen changed.
Until next week, take care.
Welcome back to the Tells andExhales of caregivers.
I'm your host, Beverly Nance,and I'm so grateful that you're
here.
Whether you're listening fromthe beginning or you're just
joining us for this series thankyou for showing up for these
stories.
Telling the truth aboutcaregiving, especially when it
comes to autism, isn't alwayseasy.
(00:20):
But it matters because too manyfamilies are carrying this
silently, and too many storiesare never told at all.
So take a deep breath, settle inand know this.
You're not alone, not in thestruggle, not in the love, and
(00:40):
not in the quiet moments when noone's watching.
I've got a lot to say today, andI know you'll feel it too.
You may have heard the recentcomments from Robert F.
Kennedy Jr.
About autism.
Some people applauded what hesaid while others were outraged.
(01:00):
And while I don't typically wadeinto politics on this podcast, I
do pay attention because whenthe conversation is about our
kids, our families, and ourcaregiving realities.
I'm already in it.
So let me say this.
What many families are goingthrough is exhausting.
It's isolating.
(01:21):
It's often unsupported byschools systems, and even the
media but reducing our lovedones to non taxpayers, diaper
wearers, and other root names.
Well, that's not advocacy,that's reduction.
The truth is.
Families raising children withprofound autism are living
(01:43):
through something.
The cameras rarely show, notbecause it's not real, but
because it's not comfortable,and that's what today's episode
is about.
Autism is a spectrum, but whenit comes to headlines, you
wouldn't know it.
You've seen the stories.
We've all seen the stories.
(02:04):
The teen with autism, who singsthe national anthem, the boy who
memorizes every train stop inNew York.
The young woman who starts athriving soap business with her
mom.
The stories that make us smile,that make us feel good.
But where are the stories aboutthe kids who are still in
(02:25):
diapers at age 18?
The ones who hit themselves whenthe lights are too bright.
The parents who can't sleep,can't work, can't plan for the
future because the system hasforgotten them.
Those stories, they don't trend.
This is the spectrum.
Episode three, the cameradoesn't see us It's April Autism
(03:24):
Awareness Month.
And in a midsize newsroom at alocal news station, a producer
named Elena flips through astack of pitches.
She reads the one about a teenwith autism who built a replica
of the Eiffel Tower usingPopsicle sticks.
While that's charming, visualand heartwarming, she reads
another about a motherstruggling to get in-home care
(03:47):
for her 22-year-old son who hassevere autism and aggression.
The story involves Medicaidwaivers, behavioral crisis
teams, and adult diapers.
Elena circles the Eiffel Towerstory.
She puts a big red circle aroundit.
People wanna feel good.
She says tapping her desk.
(04:08):
We can't hit them with traumaevery week.
Her colleague Jake Hesitates,but aren't we leaving out half
the story?
Not half.
She replies just the hard half.
You remember the Martins,michelle Martin doesn't see
(04:33):
herself as media savvy.
She's a mom, a researcher, abeliever in the power of
storytelling.
So when Sean, who is nowattending community college is
asked to speak at the College'sAutism Month event, a local
journalist reaches out.
Michelle is nervous butthrilled.
People should see what'spossible.
She tells her husband James.
(04:53):
People should see him.
And they do.
The article is clean andhopeful.
Sean's photo is bathed in softlight.
The headline reads, autismDoesn't Define Me.
Teen Shares Insight inspiresothers.
Michelle saves the article, andshares it with pride.
We needed this she whispers.
(05:16):
Karen Sadler.
Who lives down and across thestreet from Michelle scrolls
through the article on herphone.
The title alone stings.
Hmm, doesn't define me.
It defines everything.
Greg, her son is home pacing,chewing a sock.
He hasn't spoken in 22 years.
(05:38):
She's used to not being seen,but now it feels like erasure.
Okay.
She types a comment under thearticle.
I love this story, but pleasealso highlight families whose
children are nonverbal,incontinent, and require 24 7
care.
We exist too.
Her comment gets no likes.
It's buried beneath the emojisand applause back at the
(06:09):
newsroom.
Jake is pitching again.
He brings up a local family.
It's Karen's family whose sonwas denied crisis support when
he injured himself during ameltdown.
They've been waiting on a waiverfor seven years.
Elena listens, then leans backin her chair.
Hmm.
Is he verbal?
No.
(06:29):
Does he do anything that we canshow visually?
He rocks.
He hits himself.
Well, that's not gonna flybefore dinner.
They don't reject the pitch.
They hold it for another time, Atime that never comes.
Riley Martin Reposts.
Sean's article on her Instagram.
(06:50):
So proud of my brother.
Hashtag autism awareness, blueheart emoji.
Maya Sandler sees it.
She doesn't comment.
She doesn't share.
She remembers what it felt likewhen her brother broke her iPad
during a meltdown in 10th grade.
No one wrote about that.
She opens a note in her phoneand writes Awareness means
(07:11):
nothing.
There are parts of this lifethat aren't cute or postable
Then she deletes it.
What's the point?
Michelle meets Karen at a localautism parent meetup.
They used to be close back whentheir sons were little before
their lives diverged.
(07:32):
Michelle unaware says, youshould write something about
Greg.
People would listen.
Karen forces a smile.
People don't want to read aboutkids like Greg.
Michelle starts to speak, thenstops because deep down, she
knows it's true.
(08:00):
Back at the news outlet, jakepulls the numbers after the
Popsicle stick Eiffel Towerstory Airs it's the most click
story of the week.
He checks a different story, anolder one, about a mom who had
to call 9 1 1 because herautistic son had become
aggressive.
It had 23 views.
(08:20):
It's not personal.
Elena says it's packaging, butit is personal to families like
the Saddlers.
It's everything to understandwhy Jake's pitch never made it
past Elena's desk.
You have to understand what themedia looks for and what it
avoids.
When you think about the mediaand who they usually interview
(08:42):
about autism there are threethings.
Number one is the highly verbaladults on the spectrum.
The reason they do that, theycan articulate their experiences
in ways that are accessible toneurotypical audiences.
For example, let's take TempleGrandin She's frequently
featured because she's aprofessor and author and can
(09:03):
vividly describe how her mindworks.
She fits the different butbrilliant media family mold.
Also, they interview individualswho are tech savvy, artistic,
musical, and or entrepreneurialare also common.
Two, they also interview theparents of high functioning
(09:24):
children.
And the reason they do that isbecause these parents can often
present a narrative ofchallenges overcome with a
hopeful or heartwarming arc.
They're seen as relatable.
They often are interviewed onmorning shows, parenting
magazines, awareness monthpieces, and three, they
(09:47):
interview advocates for majornon-profits.
And the reason they do that,they're trained to speak
publicly and tend to focus onmainstream messaging, which is
acceptance, inclusion, andawareness, often without diving
into the harsher realities ofprofound autism.
So you wanna know who gets leftout.
I got three of those as well.
(10:09):
Number one, non-verbalindividuals with high support
needs rarely intervieweddirectly because of
communication barriers.
They're often ignored and theirsupport staff or families are
rarely invited to speak forthem.
With nuance number two, parentsof children with severe
(10:29):
behaviors often dismissed as toointense, too negative, or too
controversial.
The media avoids storiesinvolving adult diapers, 9 1 1
calls, aggression or lifelongcare, and number three.
The siblings, the emotional tollon siblings like Riley and Maya
is almost never featured.
(10:51):
When it is, it's usually asingle quote, not a whole story.
If you're wondering, why doesthis happen, well, it's because
the media likes simplicity.
Nuanced stories require time,context, and emotional
complexity.
Things that don't fit in a threeminute segment or 800 word
article.
(11:12):
I'm not gonna make it.
They like the feel goods'causefeel good sales stories that
make audiences feel hopeful areeasier to digest and share.
Also, discomfort equals silence.
Severe autism, aggressivebehaviors, adult caregiving.
(11:32):
These challenge our ideas aboutprogress and success.
The emotional toll of erasure isquiet devastation for Karen
Sadler.
It's not just that her son Gregisn't seen, it's that he's
treated as if he's not worthseeing.
So you wonder what erasure feelslike for Karen?
(11:55):
Karen shared it feels likeshouting into a void every time
she shares a post about Greg.
His needs, his progress, hischallenges.
It gets no engagement, nocomments, no shares.
She sees other autism posts goviral, but hers are met with
silence.
It begins to feel like peoplewould rather scroll than
(12:18):
confront the reality of herchild's life.
It makes her question her son'svalue, not in her heart, but in
the eyes of the world, if onlythe inspirational stories make
it to the news.
What does that say about therest, about Greg, about her
family?
It makes her feel like a badmother for even wanting the
(12:40):
recognition.
She tells herself, this isn'tabout attention, but some days
it's about being acknowledgedabout someone saying, I see you.
I see how hard this is.
I see how hard you're working.
I see him.
It isolates her from otherparents, even ones that she used
to lean on her friendship withMichelle feels strained.
(13:05):
Now.
She wants to be happy for Sean'ssuccess, but there's a painful
mirror.
It's not jealousy, it's grief,and it also chips away at her
hope.
Advocacy feels performative.
Systems feel.
Impenetrable.
And if Greg's story isn't evenseen, how can anything ever
(13:26):
change what she told meprivately, she quote, I love my
son more than anything, but whenI see people cheer for someone.
Who can explain their autismwith words.
I wonder if anyone even knowsGreg exists.
If I died tomorrow, would hejust disappear?
(13:48):
End quote.
Michelle Martin didn't mean tocause distance, but she felt it.
After Sean's story was posted,she found herself hesitating
before bringing it up aroundKaren.
Their text thread had gonesilent.
She missed the ease.
They once had the longconversations about therapies
(14:11):
and shared exhaustion, but nowshe felt like she had crossed
into a different life, one withvisibility, and Karen was still
waiting at the edge.
Meanwhile, Sean had begun tonotice too, not just that his
story was celebrated, but thatothers like Greg's weren't,
(14:31):
others like Greg's were missing.
Why didn't they do one on Greg?
Sean asked One afternoon,Michelle hesitated because your
story is easier to tell.
Sean frowned.
He didn't understand why.
That felt like a compliment andan insult.
At the same time, Daniel Sadlernever wanted attention.
(14:55):
He pride himself on workingquietly, filling out the
Medicaid paperwork at 2:00 AMresearch and sensory diets
fixing the cabinet.
Greg ripped off the hingesduring a meltdown.
The years passed slowly, butsomething in him cracked one
week when Greg turned 23.
No coverage, no services.
(15:15):
Just another year of trying tobuild a life with tools no one
gave them.
That Sunday, he stood in thekitchen and opened the fridge,
staring at a half finishedschedule, taped to the door.
It looks like we're ghost.
He said softly.
Karen looked up from her laptop.
We always have been.
He pulled the schedule off thedoor and slowly tore it in half.
(15:38):
Not in anger, but in grief.
He hadn't cried in years thatnight he did.
Karen Satler writes what shecan't say..
It was a breakdown.
It was a breakthrough.
Karen sat on the edge of the bedlit only by the screen of her
(15:59):
laptop.
She opened Facebook and typed,my son is 23.
He is autistic, nonverbal, andrequires help with everything
eating, bathing.
Dressing.
We've had to call 9 1 1.
We've been denied services.
We've been told your child istoo much for this program.
(16:20):
We've been called heroes, butonly in private.
The media doesn't show kids likeGreg unless they're missing,
harmed, or dead.
If you care about autism, youhave to care about all of it,
even the parts that don't trend.
She tagged the local news andshe hit post It got seven likes,
(16:43):
one heart and two sad faces.
Then it disappeared from thetimeline, buried beneath
graduation photos and casserolerecipes.
Later that night as Karen wasfolding towels with Greg,
rocking in his usual rhythm,deep in his chair.
Eyes fluttering but not focused.
She spoke to him softly, notexpecting response.
(17:06):
You are not a tragedy.
You are not a burden.
But this world, this worldrefuses to see you unless
something goes wrong.
She sat on the floor beside him.
He leans slightly toward her.
That's the moment.
No camera.
No audience.
Just love in the quiet.
(17:28):
Riley sees Karen's post.
She shares it.
Maya shares it too, but adds herown words.
My brother doesn't speak, but hematters always.
Sean reposts it in one sentence.
I'm lucky to be heard.
I wish Greg were too.
Michelle reads it all insilence.
She's proud of her son and she'slearning that advocacy.
(17:50):
Real advocacy means making spaceeven when it's not comfortable.
At the newsroom, Jake, sits inthe editing bay, watching
another round of autismspotlight footage.
(18:11):
It's beautiful.
The subject is a 13-year-oldcoder who built an app to help
with neurodivergent kids.
It's warm, it's tidy, and it'sfeeling, it's starting to feel,
mm, hollow He thinks of Greg, ofthe waiver rejections of the
email from a parent asking whytheir child's story never got a
(18:31):
reply.
He clicked on his notes folderin it is Karen's Facebook post
and a pitch from months ago.
It was flagged too heavy.
He stares at it for a while,then forwards it with a new
subject line.
This is the story we're nottelling.
No one replies.
(18:52):
The hidden consequences whenonly certain stories are told,
entire communities becomeinvisible.
It doesn't just affect how theworld sees autism.
It affects how services arefunded, how educators are
trained, how neighbors respond,how siblings feel when they
scroll, and never see themselvesreflected.
(19:12):
For families like the Saddlers,the silence is louder than any
headline greg's needs havechanged, but now Karen feels
even more alone because theworld keeps applauding a version
of autism she doesn't recognize.
And for the families like theMartins, there's a quiet
discomfort that lingers.
After the spotlight fades,Michelle begins asking herself,
(19:36):
have we made space for otherstories?
Or just accepted the versionthat fits Later, there is a
newsroom reckoning.
Weeks later, Elena, the seniorproducer, receives a package.
It's a handwritten letter fromKaren Sadler.
You don't know me, but I knowyour stories.
(19:59):
I've watched them for years.
They're sweet, inspiring,polished.
My son is none of these things.
He's beautiful.
But not convenient.
I dare you to tell his story.
I dare you to tell mine.
Elena reads it twice, thenforwards it to Jake.
Subject line.
Let's talk.
(20:20):
It's not a promise, but it's abeginning.
Not every story will go viral.
Not every reality fits into aheadline.
But if we want awareness to meansomething really, really mean
something, we have to stopturning away from the stories
that challenge us.
Autism isn't just quirky.
(20:41):
It isn't just brilliant.
It isn't just a Ted talk with atwist.
It's also messy and beautifuland exhausting and quiet and
long and it's all of it, and itall deserves to be seen.
I.
If this episode brought upsomething in you, grief,
(21:03):
recognition, frustration, you'renot alone and you don't have to
do this alone, you may join.
Our private Facebook group istitled Caregiving Life By Take
Care of Time.
It's a space for caregivers toconnect, vent, cry, laugh, and
speak honestly, especially whenthe world doesn't understand
what you may carry.
(21:23):
You may also visit autismadvocacy.org and autism speaks
to find tools, support, andfamily stories that reflect the
full spectrum of autism.
Not just the parts the cameracaptures.
(21:44):
every caregiver deserves apause, a breath, a reminder that
they matter, the take care oftime, respite box.
Was created for that moment.
It's a bimonthly delivery ofsoothing items, snacks, comfort
foods, and surprises that say,you are not invisible, but we
see you because the work you'redoing is hard.
(22:05):
And because care should go bothways.
subscribe@takecaretime.com orsend a box to a caregiver who
needs it most before we close.
I wanna say this, some storiesaren't just ignored, they're
silenced.
Next time on episode four ofthis series, the Spectrum, we
(22:26):
confront the stories that arehardest to hear because they're
also the ones that need to beheard the most.
In homes, in hospitals, inclassrooms and group homes.
Too many people with autism areexperiencing harm.
Sometimes it's neglect,sometimes it's misunderstanding,
and sometimes it's violence.
(22:48):
We don't talk about it.
The media rarely reports it, andoften the ones it happens to
can't tell us at all.
So meet me next week for episodefour.
As we confront the stories thatare the hardest to hear because
they're also the ones we need tohear most.
Do you have a story that youwould like to have told?
(23:09):
Contact us atpodcast@takecaretime.com.
We would love to hear from you.
Please note that this episodefeatures reenactments and
dramatized details.
While in most cases the exactverbatim dialogue may not be
known, all dramatizations aregrounded in thorough research
and crafted to honor the storiesshared to respect the privacy
(23:31):
and confidentiality of theindividuals involved names, and
some identifying details havebeen changed.
Until next week, take care.
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