February 24, 2025 • 32 mins
The journey of caring for aging parents can be both a challenge and a blessing. As roles shift, our responsibilities transform, often leading us to confront complex emotions like guilt and sadness. In this episode, we explore these themes, sharing our personal experiences and insights into the delicate balancing act of caregiving.
We break down the various sides of this role, touching on emotional hurdles and practical needs, while offering pointers on how to navigate the complexities of family dynamics. From recognizing the necessity for advanced planning to making room for those all-important conversations with your loved ones, we share how to make this journey not just bearable but also enriching.
In true heartfelt fashion, we emphasize the importance of opening up dialogues with our aging parents—asking about their stories, concerns, and desires, as well as sharing our own. These exchanges can create bonds and memories that stand the test of time. Remember that caregiving is a collective journey; seek support and stay engaged with resources designed to ease your path.
Join us in celebrating the small moments of joy amidst the challenges, and let’s find ways to elevate the meaningful stories within our families. Ready to take on the challenge?
Look up, and let's elevate.
Research & Resources for Discussion:
1. AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) - Resources on aging and caregiving.
2. The National Institute of Aging - Health and caregiving guides.
3. The Caregiver Action Network - Tips for caregivers managing stress.
4. Books:
- Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
- The 36-Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace & Peter V. Rabins
5. Be proactive and search podcasts and videos
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
hey, it's jen the builder and cory and we're on.
Take the elevator, where wetake everyday topics, and
elevate it into wonderfulconversation.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Absolutely, jane you know what I like about that.
I like the fact that we canhave a, like you said, ordinary,
everyday conversation and takeit to the next level and then
begin to help and heal andmentor and add to life
accordingly.
Yeah, yeah, and we've beendoing it for four years.
(00:50):
Yeah, it's kind of funny, huhyeah.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So start us off, corey.
What's new, what's up?
What do you want to share?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
There's so much that's new, there's so much
that's up, and I won't boreeveryone with the gory details,
I'm just going to do a lightbrushing over.
Uh, the band is doing extremelywell we're playing a lot.
We're um gonna be putting outsome play dates on all of our
social media, so if you'reinterested in that now, please
(01:20):
take a look at uh shameless band095 on instagram or the
shameless band on Facebook.
Also, the Genco Sound Companyis releasing their fourth book.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You have anything you want to say I sure do.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So.
Let me just say I'm still verymuch in celebrating Sheriff
Slinky Stink, absolutely, andwe've gotten such good feedback
on that book and people are likedid you intentionally release
this in the year of the snake?
And what's funny is that?
no, we did not that wasn't theintent, but man did that work
(01:59):
out well, didn't it?
So one of the things that Iwant to make sure we include
this this is planned and I hopethat it goes accordingly.
So Mother's Day, mother's Dayweekend we're going to release
the fourth book and it's aboutKelly Kangaroo, and it's very
much a mother parent childrelationship.
(02:21):
Yes, and this one hits homehard and it's so good, and so be
on the lookout for that, andwe'll talk more about it as time
approaches, yeah, and one morething this is our first
female-centered character.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So that is very exciting, and both Jen and I sat
down and planned out the nextbook and the steps to come, so
this has been a fun, enjoyableride.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
It really has.
So I'm going to put a plug inhere real quick before we go
into the topic of taking care ofaging, our aging parents.
So there's going to be a lothere today, so please stay with
us.
But we just opened up ourwebsite and it's the gencocom
and I feel like it's about 80done.
(03:10):
I think it's good enough fory'all to visit see what we're
about, what's coming.
So if you can plug into thegencocom and also check out
fuzzy furry forestcom, that'swhere you're going to get all
the updates for the books, yep,and all that good stuff.
And we had someone come over,um, this weekend or the past
(03:31):
weekend and they just went nutsover the plushies and seeing the
three books together and justgoing through it and just
catching the vision.
Um, it actually quite excitedme on how she reacted.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yeah, and it was just a glimpse.
We didn't even share the wholevision with her.
So, absolutely, I'm so, I'mexcited, I'm overjoyed, you know
yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Yeah, for sure.
So, guys, this conversation isone that so many of us will face
, if we're not already facing itand that's taking care of our
aging parents.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Now I can speak to this a little bit.
I had a situation, and I'vetold you about my mom, but I had
a great aunt that I had to lookafter for some years before she
passed away.
Now, when I was 17, when Imoved in to her residence and
then we took over after shepassed away.
(04:29):
That wasn't the plan.
We were just supposed to bethere for a short amount of time
to get her back on her feetafter her surgery, and then we
were going to, you know, headback to our house.
So it was technically supposedto be no longer than a month,
but she couldn't move to ourhouse at the time.
So this was just a veryinteresting time because I
(04:53):
really love this great aunt andI wanted nothing but the best
for her out of the family to tryto care for someone that was
bedridden for a couple of weeksand then needing just about
everything breakfast, lunch,dinner, bathing, all her
(05:15):
pharmaceutical needs, of course,shopping, and if there was any
need for clothing or seniorcitizens type things.
I won't go into that, but youknow, just things that people
would need that are bedriddenand they're a little bit older.
So it gets me choked up alittle bit, because I remember
(05:40):
that moment in life, because Ijust cared about her so much and
I watched her get better.
But she was aging and so, asshe's, her body is healing from
the surgery, her mind and herbody is still deteriorating, and
we had to figure out how totake care of her and how to give
her the most comfort and themost happiness at the tail end
(06:01):
of her life.
How to give her the mostcomfort and the most happiness
at the tail end of her life.
And before she passed away, ofcourse, we began to see she
might not make it much longer.
So she lasted probably abouttwo to three years, and a lot of
people think, oh, you had sometime, but it went by so fast.
It was incredible how fast itwent.
(06:22):
But yeah, so I'm prepared forthis.
And then we had to take care ofmy mom after she got out of the
hospital from COVID, and thatwas interesting.
We'll get to that, though.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah.
So what I hear and what you'veshared, is that as our parents
or our families get older, rolesstart to shift.
Oh yeah, and suddenly we findourselves making the decisions
that we never thought we'd haveto shift.
Oh yeah, right.
And suddenly we find ourselvesmaking the decisions that we
never thought we'd have to make.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
So it definitely is like this journey that's filled
with love, responsibility and,if we're being honest, it's
super challenging.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Absolutely.
I won't lie to you.
That was one of the mostchallenging times of our lives
for our family to remain focusedand playing the important parts
and roles that we all had toplay.
And then it was even more of achallenge because I was in the
tail end of high school, sothere were times that I couldn't
(07:20):
go do things I wanted to do.
I had to make sure I went homeand checked on her and made sure
she was okay.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
She had her food, she had her necessity, so yeah,
Right, and it's not just aboutlogistical pieces, but it's
emotional, right.
Right, it's about learning howto navigate the grief before
loss even happens.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, and that's a whole other ball of wax because
I'm'm dealing with.
Oh man, it's three o'clock.
I got to get home so I can playcards with my aunt.
She loves to play cards, sheloves to play dominoes.
So let me get home so I can bethere for her, Because when I'm
not, I see the effect of itlater on.
(08:02):
She's like you don't care aboutme and I'm like oh no, can't do
this, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, yeah.
And when I think about timeswhere my mom was going through
it with her health and you'retalking about me, my brother and
sister, another piece thatshows up.
So, on top of it already beinghard, there's like this
beautiful thing called familydynamics.
(08:26):
Oh yeah, and that can makethings even harder, that part,
yeah.
So, corey, I think today we'veagreed that we're going to talk
about the emotional, practicaland even the beautiful sides of
this journey.
And because, while it can betough, it can also be one of the
most meaningful roles we'd everplay in life, mm-hmm, yeah.
(08:46):
So if you're currently takingcare of an aging parent, or even
if you're just starting tonotice changes that one was a
big theme for me recently isyou're starting to notice these
changes or even if you'rereflecting on your own future,
this episode is for you.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So let's get into it, let's do it.
So let's get into it, let's doit.
So let's start with theemotional side of this, because
I think for many people thehardest part isn't the paperwork
or the doctor's visits.
But we do acknowledge thatthat's difficult.
It's the emotions that comewith it, right?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah.
So the emotional issue isusually catching you off guard.
It's not happening when youthink you know oh, we're in the
hospital and we just heard somebad news.
Most of the time, you're prettystrong because you're trying to
be strong for that person thatyou're there with.
It hits you a little bit laterbecause you start reflecting,
(09:41):
and that's when you have to havea lot of emotional intelligence
how to deal with that, where todeal with that.
I know that you can't controlevery aspect of that, but being
in the store shopping probablyis not the best place to have a
breakdown.
You want to try to hold ittogether to where you're, you
(10:03):
know, in a space that's going tobe easier for you to deal with
that.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, yeah, I think.
Locations, everything, yeah, um, and I think it gives you this
space and it gives you the graceand the self-love to process it
in a place where you feel safe,right For sure.
So, speaking of safe, I don'tknow, corey, if you've dealt
with this like when you weretaking, or when we were taking
(10:29):
care of your mom, or even youwith your aunt.
Was there any guilt?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
involved Lots of guilt there.
Any guilt involved lots ofguilt, lots and lots of guilt,
because you're constantlyblaming yourself for things that
were was pretty much out ofyour hands.
You had no control over it.
But there is a lot of rewards.
There's a lot of.
I did that, I made it happen, Iwas there for that.
(10:54):
Oh my god, what would I havedone if I had to did this, but I
did this instead.
So, man, so you get a lot ofkudo moments, but you do have a
lot of guilt as well.
Like I said, you know, if it'sthree o'clock and you're
supposed to be home and it'sMonday through Friday and you've
committed to that, then youfeel bad.
You know, walking in at four,thirty or five o'clock knowing
(11:15):
that, man, I really needed to behere for this test or this
basketball game.
I'm on the basketball team.
And then the reality sets inbecause, as you get older, you
realize I'm not going to be abasketball star, I'm not going
to be in the NBA.
So what is this really for?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, so it's those type of things so it sounds like
there's guilt for not doingenough, or like feeling
overwhelmed and and thishappened with me, if I'm going
to be honest with your mom likeI felt guilty for even thinking
I need a break yeah right.
It's like oh why?
Why would you say that?
(11:57):
Why are you thinking?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
that right?
How many times have we saidthat, even outside of?
Yeah, you know, and so I couldsee where you might fall into
that, that space of oh?
Why did I say that?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
and then another emotion I experienced was grief,
so I think the grieving of thatperson not being the same
person that you knew, or there'ssome kind of loss whether their
ability to do their dailyliving activities is decreased
(12:33):
or they're forgetting things.
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
So let's talk about that a little bit, jen.
That's a really touchysituation for a lot of people,
because you start to noticeconversations begin to be very
repetitive.
Stories are being told multipletimes instead of just once.
Questions are being asked thatyou know, the answer is known.
(12:59):
Well, I tell stories multipletimes, oh yeah, but I mean
you're not telling a random, nota random story.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
As if it's the first time.
As if it's the first time, okay, got you.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
And then the questions are like did you turn
the porch light on?
Yes, I turned the porch lighton when I came home, and then
maybe 10, 15 minutes later, oh,did you turn the porch light on?
Yes, I turned the porch lighton when I came home, and then,
maybe 10, 15 minutes later, oh,did you turn the porch light on?
And then you start to noticelike wait a minute, something's
happening here and it's joltingin the beginning, because you're
like wait, I just told you that.
But as it sets in, you're like,oh boy, we're about to go
(13:35):
through something, because I'mstarting to see patterns here.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yes, and you take note of those.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And for sure you and I have not been dismissive of
any of the patterns we'renoticing.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
But it really puts things into perspective, right?
Absolutely so then, with you,corey, it's just you and I.
For your mom Right now, well,you're the only child and I, of
course, am 100% all in when itcomes to that.
For me, like I said earlier inthe episode, I've got my brother
and sister, so family dynamicscan be super tricky and my mom
(14:13):
has quite a few sisters who arevery close, right.
So I think there's the who'sdoing what conversation, and I'm
going to say this is veryimportant, this is what I've
learned You've got to have theconversation before the whole
thing takes place.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
And I don't think very many families do this right
.
Where you talk about okay,let's talk about power of
attorney, advanced directives, awill, who's going to do what?
Who's able to do these things?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
right.
But the question is who wantsto do that?
Yes, and as much as we don'twant to, it's a necessity to do
that, because there's two things, but one thing we can count on
for sure that's going to happento everyone, and that's everyone
will pass away yeah, that's onething we can depend on.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You're right, it's very certain yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
So it's important to have those conversations.
It's important to have that inthe back of your mind and
sometime at top of the mind,because that's when you're going
to act on it, that's whenyou're going to make those phone
calls to the family membersthat you know.
Hey, I need to have a crucialconversation with you, and it's
not going to be about fun times.
(15:32):
It's going to take a little bitof effort and patience to have
this conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, it's going to take a little bit of effort and
patience to have thisconversation.
Yeah, so in closing, for familydynamics, there's always that
perception of one person, or afew people are carrying more of
the weight than the other.
So I really like what you said.
What are you willing and ableto do?
And trying to have that spacewith no judgment right and maybe
(15:59):
we start reframing with okay,you're just, you're less
involved at this point right itdoesn't mean that they care any
less.
There may be things going on intheir life, right that doesn't
make them an adequate caregiverat the moment yeah and so just
honoring that, okay.
So then let's talk about theadded layer of what your parents
(16:22):
expect from you.
Yeah, so some parents are veryindependent and refuse help.
Yep, then there's the otherkind of parent that expect you
to do what ever.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yes, they want, and whatever you're supposed to do,
that's right.
Ever anyone else is suggestingyou to do right?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
so drop everything and do this for me, right?
So how do we deal with this?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
uh, very carefully if I say myself, If I say to
myself no, you have to set upboundaries.
You have to be very much soaware of what is needed and what
is wanted.
If you don't know what's needed, then you might end up refusing
(17:11):
to do something that shouldhave been done because you
thought it was a want.
That should have been donebecause you thought it was a
want.
And I learned that very quicklywith my mom especially her
coming out of the hospital andnot being able to get out of the
bed at first, and then needinghelp to the restroom, and it was
just a ton of things that youhad to figure out in real time.
(17:34):
And so my question to her waswhat do you need?
What do I need to be here for?
So I can prepare for that?
And I even found myself takingoff days from work because I
just needed to figure it out,Like, what does she do from the
time she wakes up until the timeshe goes to bed at night?
And what I found and I'm goingto just tell this quick story
(17:57):
was that my mom was literallywaking up at five o'clock in the
morning, but she wouldn't getout of the bed until about 6.30.
And so my question to her iswhy are you laying there for
almost an hour and a half beforeyou call me and tell me Because
I'm up, I'm getting dressed,I'm preparing for my day?
(18:17):
If I knew, oh she's up, let mego down here and help her.
She was like, oh well, I didn'tknow.
And can I blame her for that?
Can I fault her for that?
No, so now we're having theconversation.
Mom, what time do you wake up?
Oh, I'm up at 5.
So's do this, let's do that,let's get this taken care of.
And so you got to figure outwhat the want and what the needs
(18:39):
are.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
It's a really good point and with you bringing that
up, it just made me think.
What we're presenting right nowin today's episode is from the
caregiver's perspective.
But your mom is veryindependent.
Can you imagine her guilt, hergrief in being the one who has
to receive the care?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, she still talks about it.
She still feels so bad that youknow I needed the heater on and
that ran you guys's bill up andI just had to keep asking for
stuff and I didn't want to dothat and I just wish I could
have paid you back or given yousome more money, or or did this
or did that.
And I'm like mom, it's not thatserious, we're good you know.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
So, yeah, yeah, definitely yes.
And, by the way, if you are newto us, please know, cory's mom
is alive and well and she's backhome living independently, and
she's just such a strong woman,strong willed, and I really
believe she willed herselfthrough that oh yeah along with
(19:42):
her faith and just the love thatshe was receiving.
Yeah, she definitely thrives tosurvive yeah, so I want to put
here a plug in that, um, thereare caregiver, caregivers and
support groups, resources andeven professional mediators that
help with this kind of thing.
So I'm going to make sure tolink some of those services in
(20:06):
the notes on this episode.
So you have that, and we wantyou to know that you're not in
this by yourself.
Can we tackle that?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
just real quick.
Sure Because a lot of peopledon't think that, oh, I don't
really want people in my house,I really don't think she needs
that.
Oh, you know what?
I think we're fine, we're ableto get her to and from here and
there and make sure this is done.
These resources are so valuable, so needed.
It's necessary because theweight of trying to do your life
(20:42):
, live your life, take care ofyour life If you got little ones
, or even animals, pets, furbabies you kind of take care of
them too, and then you add onthe added pressure of taking
care of an individual who's sunsetting in their life and and
you need help, yeah, and it'snothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Absolutely so, if you all are.
I'm just going to do this nowIf y'all are curious what some
of these groups may be.
There's AARP I just actuallyfollowed them on Instagram today
, so their resources on agingand caregiving.
I actually followed them onInstagram today, so they're
resources on aging andcaregiving.
The second one is the NationalInstitute on Aging, so these are
(21:25):
health and caregiving guides.
And the last one I'll give hereis the Caregiver Action Network
, so it's tips for caregiversmanaging stress Really cool
stuff.
All right, so, corey, let'sstart with, or let's go into,
the practical side, because atsome point it's not just
(21:45):
emotional, it's about makingreal life decisions.
Yeah Right, so one of thebiggest decisions is is what
kind of care does my parent need?
In my culture, I have not seennot a one person on my family,
and I come from a really bigfamily where, as they were aging
(22:05):
, they were put into a home.
Actually, I had one that was inan assisted living facility, so
that was just the one, but evena family member was working
there.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
That's true, and we were always there.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
So the question is what kind of care does my parent
need?
But even a family member wasworking there, that's true, and
we were always there, right?
So the question is what kind ofcare does my parent need?
And then, do they need helpwith daily tasks or are we
talking full-time medical care,right, right?
So there's options there, andthis episode isn't meant to be a
teaching one, but again, we'llput this on the notes.
So you've got in-home care, oh,we hope you learned something
(22:41):
yeah.
So in-home care, like Imentioned, assisted living, then
there's skilled nursingfacilities and then respite care
.
A lot of people don't knowabout this one.
This is temporary care, sofamilies can take a break, right
, and then you?
So you leave your family therefor a bit, the member, and then
(23:03):
pick them back up.
But these are really greatbecause people need respite.
Yeah, they need to take a break.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Not to mention make it easier on yourself.
So, if you can meal prep andget meals for the whole week
done, yes, that saves time.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
There's quite a few programs out there.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
And then there's some communities uh, we actually
live in one where, uh, they havemeals on wheels that deliver,
uh, at least two meals a day, uh, breakfast and lunch to uh the
the aging person's home, yeah,and all you got to do is go out
to the curb and pick it up orthey'll drop it off, you know,
(23:42):
to the house or whatever youknow.
But do the things that aregoing to make life a little bit
easier for you.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Right, and they, they're prepared per the diet
that your family member has tobe on.
Yes, it's a beautiful service.
Okay, let's.
Let's be real here.
There's the money side ofthings, and we are very close to
someone who's going throughthis now.
Um, because, let's be real,care is not cheap no, that's not
right.
(24:10):
So this is why it's essentialthat you have legal and
financial documents in placeearly.
So, if you're listening, youhaven't had a conversation with
your parents yet, like now is agood time to start.
So, again, power of attorney.
Who's making these decisionsfor you should something happen,
(24:31):
or you can't verbalize oryou're not able to cognitively
give your opinion on what youwant done, and so that leads
into medical directives, right?
And then there's financialplanning for long-term care and,
corey, I was just at a seminarthis weekend or this past
weekend, and I thought we reallyneed to be about our business
(24:54):
and planning for long-term care,because it is expensive.
It's offensive how expensivethis is.
So we're studying all about it.
I'm sure we'll have an episodesoon on it.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, and just to give you another side note and
tip, start having thatconversation with your parents
or your aging family member.
Where are your importantdocuments?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yes, Good one.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Where do you put your important information?
Obviously, the will would bethere if there is one.
If there's nothing, hey, let'ssit down and talk about writing
a will out or getting a willtogether.
But you definitely want to knowwhere all the medical records
are.
You want to know where theinsurance cards, all of that
(25:46):
stuff, all of the stuff andpolicies uncomfortable stuff too
, guys because you know peopledon't like to tell you oh my, I
keep a stash of money here, or Ikeep a they're mad money, yeah,
they're mad money over here inthis cubby hole, or I put the
credit card that I don't like touse because it's you know this
or that.
Those are the kinds ofconversations that that I had to
(26:09):
have with my mom and I saidlook, mom, I need to know where
you put your stuff because ifsomething should happen and I
got to come to your house, Idon't want to be looking for a
needle in a haystack.
Just tell me where to go, whatto pull, what to get.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
So I can already.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
I know where the keys are, I know where everything is
, so there's not going to be anysurprises for me going to her
house if something should everhappen.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, and that's a good point because, you know, in
Southern California we justhave them fires, and so a lot of
the things that I've beenreading people giving tips on
what they learned through thisand one of it is keeping a
digital copy of all theseimportant papers Right, or
having everything in one place,so it's a quick grab and go.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Right Type thing.
Right, it's interesting.
You said that, jim, because mymom and I had this conversation.
We've been through two, twofires together.
My mom and I, um, and what hadhappened was she had to leave
her house suddenly, and so I hadto go to her house at the time
(27:17):
and get some things that sheasked me to get, because I
didn't want her to drive throughthere.
And so I was like mom where?
And so this is what startedthis conversation.
She said in the closet, in theblue suitcase above the shoes,
and then you pull this lever.
I'm like wait what?
And so I go in there and itnothing was what she explained.
(27:41):
It was the wrong color suitcase, it was just a mess.
So I I said, hey, I'm heretoday, let's talk about this,
show me where this stuff was,where it is.
And so that's how that cameabout, where I found out.
You you know where the secretspots were.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, or even get a safe right.
Yeah even a?
Safe, yeah, Okay.
So we don't want this wholeconversation to feel heavy,
because even in the hardestmoments there's beauty, yeah
Right.
So, Corey, I loved spendingtime with your mom when we were
her caregivers, and every momentwe have with our parents is one
(28:21):
where we really connect withthem.
I think the intention hasmagnified by a whole lot.
So to be able to hear theirstories and both our moms are
excellent storytellers and theyremember the details and they're
just so funny and being ableable to ask questions that you
know you've never asked before.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
You know that's an opportunity there and then
sharing stories with them.
I just recently told my mom astory that she had no idea
existed.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Oh really, oh yeah, oh nice, I love those moments.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Uh-huh, yeah.
So, even though it's hard, it'salso a way of giving back,
because they took care of us andnow we get to return the gift
that they gave us.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
And it's a little bit fun if you want to know the
truth, like sometimes not beingmad at them or yelling at them
or being stern with them.
Sometimes it's just saying youknow what.
I kind of know where you werecoming from when you said this,
so now it makes sense yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
So small moments matter.
Um, I'll share some smallmoments with me, my mom, that we
love cooking together, watchingold movies.
You know that we've seen timeand time again and I love how we
watch it like it's the firsttime we've seen it.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Seven bride for seven brothers.
There it is.
I came into the room and heardthat movie play.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
I'm like okay we're doing yes, we're doing that kind
of movie and then then lookingthrough old photos.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, oh, who doesn't like that, unless it's
traumatizing?
Yeah, I get that too.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
So what moments do you have with your mom, Corey?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Small moments that you're going to hold on to Small
moments are early morningconversations and then family
trips that we used to take comeup family members that have
passed away, moments that we hadwith them.
My dad's passed away, my, myolder sister, has passed away,
so we have those conversations.
(30:28):
Those are good moments becauseyou know, you're just sharing
back and forth your experienceand your point of view, and
what's what's uh exciting isthat my point of view is not her
point of view, and vice versa,so I'm telling a whole nother
story, whereas you know, myparents loved to fish when they
were younger, so they would takeus and that was the greatest
(30:50):
times of their lives.
It was the most awful,torturous, just ugh.
I hated fishing.
I hate fishing till this daybecause of that, and so I'm
hearing her side of it, and shejust had a blast Thought it was
the best thing since slicedbread, and I'm like, oh no,
you'll never get me in anotherfishing trip.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Right, okay, so all right.
Before we wrap up, we want toleave you with an Elevate
Challenge.
Uh-oh, something I don't thinkthat I've ever done, just
straight up, but this week wechallenge you to take time to
have a meaningful conversationwith an aging loved one.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Good challenge.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, ask him about their childhood.
Yeah, right, their biggestlessons, funniest memories,
whatever it is.
Because once those stories aregone, like you know, you just
think about man.
I get to have another chance tohear a great story.
Yeah, and if you're in themiddle of caregiving, remind
(31:53):
yourself that you are doing anincredible job.
It's not easy, but it'simportant.
Okay.
So again, we're going to leavesome resources in the show notes
.
An incredible job.
It's not easy, but it'simportant, okay.
So again, we're going to leavesome resources in the show notes
and, as always, we appreciateyou listening and tuning in.
To take the elevator, right,yeah, well, you know, as a dick
(32:14):
elevator, we say look up andlet's elevate.
hey, it's jen the builder and cory and we're on.
Take the elevator, where wetake everyday topics, and
elevate it into wonderfulconversation.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Absolutely, jane you know what I like about that.
I like the fact that we canhave a, like you said, ordinary,
everyday conversation and takeit to the next level and then
begin to help and heal andmentor and add to life
accordingly.
Yeah, yeah, and we've beendoing it for four years.
(00:50):
Yeah, it's kind of funny, huhyeah.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So start us off, corey.
What's new, what's up?
What do you want to share?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
There's so much that's new, there's so much
that's up, and I won't boreeveryone with the gory details,
I'm just going to do a lightbrushing over.
Uh, the band is doing extremelywell we're playing a lot.
We're um gonna be putting outsome play dates on all of our
social media, so if you'reinterested in that now, please
(01:20):
take a look at uh shameless band095 on instagram or the
shameless band on Facebook.
Also, the Genco Sound Companyis releasing their fourth book.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You have anything you want to say I sure do.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So.
Let me just say I'm still verymuch in celebrating Sheriff
Slinky Stink, absolutely, andwe've gotten such good feedback
on that book and people are likedid you intentionally release
this in the year of the snake?
And what's funny is that?
no, we did not that wasn't theintent, but man did that work
(01:59):
out well, didn't it?
So one of the things that Iwant to make sure we include
this this is planned and I hopethat it goes accordingly.
So Mother's Day, mother's Dayweekend we're going to release
the fourth book and it's aboutKelly Kangaroo, and it's very
much a mother parent childrelationship.
(02:21):
Yes, and this one hits homehard and it's so good, and so be
on the lookout for that, andwe'll talk more about it as time
approaches, yeah, and one morething this is our first
female-centered character.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
So that is very exciting, and both Jen and I sat
down and planned out the nextbook and the steps to come, so
this has been a fun, enjoyableride.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
It really has.
So I'm going to put a plug inhere real quick before we go
into the topic of taking care ofaging, our aging parents.
So there's going to be a lothere today, so please stay with
us.
But we just opened up ourwebsite and it's the gencocom
and I feel like it's about 80done.
(03:10):
I think it's good enough fory'all to visit see what we're
about, what's coming.
So if you can plug into thegencocom and also check out
fuzzy furry forestcom, that'swhere you're going to get all
the updates for the books, yep,and all that good stuff.
And we had someone come over,um, this weekend or the past
(03:31):
weekend and they just went nutsover the plushies and seeing the
three books together and justgoing through it and just
catching the vision.
Um, it actually quite excitedme on how she reacted.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yeah, and it was just a glimpse.
We didn't even share the wholevision with her.
So, absolutely, I'm so, I'mexcited, I'm overjoyed, you know
yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Yeah, for sure.
So, guys, this conversation isone that so many of us will face
, if we're not already facing itand that's taking care of our
aging parents.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Now I can speak to this a little bit.
I had a situation, and I'vetold you about my mom, but I had
a great aunt that I had to lookafter for some years before she
passed away.
Now, when I was 17, when Imoved in to her residence and
then we took over after shepassed away.
(04:29):
That wasn't the plan.
We were just supposed to bethere for a short amount of time
to get her back on her feetafter her surgery, and then we
were going to, you know, headback to our house.
So it was technically supposedto be no longer than a month,
but she couldn't move to ourhouse at the time.
So this was just a veryinteresting time because I
(04:53):
really love this great aunt andI wanted nothing but the best
for her out of the family to tryto care for someone that was
bedridden for a couple of weeksand then needing just about
everything breakfast, lunch,dinner, bathing, all her
(05:15):
pharmaceutical needs, of course,shopping, and if there was any
need for clothing or seniorcitizens type things.
I won't go into that, but youknow, just things that people
would need that are bedriddenand they're a little bit older.
So it gets me choked up alittle bit, because I remember
(05:40):
that moment in life, because Ijust cared about her so much and
I watched her get better.
But she was aging and so, asshe's, her body is healing from
the surgery, her mind and herbody is still deteriorating, and
we had to figure out how totake care of her and how to give
her the most comfort and themost happiness at the tail end
(06:01):
of her life.
How to give her the mostcomfort and the most happiness
at the tail end of her life.
And before she passed away, ofcourse, we began to see she
might not make it much longer.
So she lasted probably abouttwo to three years, and a lot of
people think, oh, you had sometime, but it went by so fast.
It was incredible how fast itwent.
(06:22):
But yeah, so I'm prepared forthis.
And then we had to take care ofmy mom after she got out of the
hospital from COVID, and thatwas interesting.
We'll get to that, though.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah.
So what I hear and what you'veshared, is that as our parents
or our families get older, rolesstart to shift.
Oh yeah, and suddenly we findourselves making the decisions
that we never thought we'd haveto shift.
Oh yeah, right.
And suddenly we find ourselvesmaking the decisions that we
never thought we'd have to make.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
So it definitely is like this journey that's filled
with love, responsibility and,if we're being honest, it's
super challenging.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Absolutely.
I won't lie to you.
That was one of the mostchallenging times of our lives
for our family to remain focusedand playing the important parts
and roles that we all had toplay.
And then it was even more of achallenge because I was in the
tail end of high school, sothere were times that I couldn't
(07:20):
go do things I wanted to do.
I had to make sure I went homeand checked on her and made sure
she was okay.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
She had her food, she had her necessity, so yeah,
Right, and it's not just aboutlogistical pieces, but it's
emotional, right.
Right, it's about learning howto navigate the grief before
loss even happens.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, and that's a whole other ball of wax because
I'm'm dealing with.
Oh man, it's three o'clock.
I got to get home so I can playcards with my aunt.
She loves to play cards, sheloves to play dominoes.
So let me get home so I can bethere for her, Because when I'm
not, I see the effect of itlater on.
(08:02):
She's like you don't care aboutme and I'm like oh no, can't do
this, you know.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Yeah, yeah.
And when I think about timeswhere my mom was going through
it with her health and you'retalking about me, my brother and
sister, another piece thatshows up.
So, on top of it already beinghard, there's like this
beautiful thing called familydynamics.
(08:26):
Oh yeah, and that can makethings even harder, that part,
yeah.
So, corey, I think today we'veagreed that we're going to talk
about the emotional, practicaland even the beautiful sides of
this journey.
And because, while it can betough, it can also be one of the
most meaningful roles we'd everplay in life, mm-hmm, yeah.
(08:46):
So if you're currently takingcare of an aging parent, or even
if you're just starting tonotice changes that one was a
big theme for me recently isyou're starting to notice these
changes or even if you'rereflecting on your own future,
this episode is for you.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So let's get into it, let's do it.
So let's get into it, let's doit.
So let's start with theemotional side of this, because
I think for many people thehardest part isn't the paperwork
or the doctor's visits.
But we do acknowledge thatthat's difficult.
It's the emotions that comewith it, right?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah.
So the emotional issue isusually catching you off guard.
It's not happening when youthink you know oh, we're in the
hospital and we just heard somebad news.
Most of the time, you're prettystrong because you're trying to
be strong for that person thatyou're there with.
It hits you a little bit laterbecause you start reflecting,
(09:41):
and that's when you have to havea lot of emotional intelligence
how to deal with that, where todeal with that.
I know that you can't controlevery aspect of that, but being
in the store shopping probablyis not the best place to have a
breakdown.
You want to try to hold ittogether to where you're, you
(10:03):
know, in a space that's going tobe easier for you to deal with
that.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, yeah, I think.
Locations, everything, yeah, um, and I think it gives you this
space and it gives you the graceand the self-love to process it
in a place where you feel safe,right For sure.
So, speaking of safe, I don'tknow, corey, if you've dealt
with this like when you weretaking, or when we were taking
(10:29):
care of your mom, or even youwith your aunt.
Was there any guilt?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
involved Lots of guilt there.
Any guilt involved lots ofguilt, lots and lots of guilt,
because you're constantlyblaming yourself for things that
were was pretty much out ofyour hands.
You had no control over it.
But there is a lot of rewards.
There's a lot of.
I did that, I made it happen, Iwas there for that.
(10:54):
Oh my god, what would I havedone if I had to did this, but I
did this instead.
So, man, so you get a lot ofkudo moments, but you do have a
lot of guilt as well.
Like I said, you know, if it'sthree o'clock and you're
supposed to be home and it'sMonday through Friday and you've
committed to that, then youfeel bad.
You know, walking in at four,thirty or five o'clock knowing
(11:15):
that, man, I really needed to behere for this test or this
basketball game.
I'm on the basketball team.
And then the reality sets inbecause, as you get older, you
realize I'm not going to be abasketball star, I'm not going
to be in the NBA.
So what is this really for?
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Yeah, so it's those type of things so it sounds like
there's guilt for not doingenough, or like feeling
overwhelmed and and thishappened with me, if I'm going
to be honest with your mom likeI felt guilty for even thinking
I need a break yeah right.
It's like oh why?
Why would you say that?
(11:57):
Why are you thinking?
Speaker 2 (11:58):
that right?
How many times have we saidthat, even outside of?
Yeah, you know, and so I couldsee where you might fall into
that, that space of oh?
Why did I say that?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
and then another emotion I experienced was grief,
so I think the grieving of thatperson not being the same
person that you knew, or there'ssome kind of loss whether their
ability to do their dailyliving activities is decreased
(12:33):
or they're forgetting things.
You know.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
So let's talk about that a little bit, jen.
That's a really touchysituation for a lot of people,
because you start to noticeconversations begin to be very
repetitive.
Stories are being told multipletimes instead of just once.
Questions are being asked thatyou know, the answer is known.
(12:59):
Well, I tell stories multipletimes, oh yeah, but I mean
you're not telling a random, nota random story.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
As if it's the first time.
As if it's the first time, okay, got you.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
And then the questions are like did you turn
the porch light on?
Yes, I turned the porch lighton when I came home, and then
maybe 10, 15 minutes later, oh,did you turn the porch light on?
Yes, I turned the porch lighton when I came home, and then,
maybe 10, 15 minutes later, oh,did you turn the porch light on?
And then you start to noticelike wait a minute, something's
happening here and it's joltingin the beginning, because you're
like wait, I just told you that.
But as it sets in, you're like,oh boy, we're about to go
(13:35):
through something, because I'mstarting to see patterns here.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Yes, and you take note of those.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And for sure you and I have not been dismissive of
any of the patterns we'renoticing.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
No.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
But it really puts things into perspective, right?
Absolutely so then, with you,corey, it's just you and I.
For your mom Right now, well,you're the only child and I, of
course, am 100% all in when itcomes to that.
For me, like I said earlier inthe episode, I've got my brother
and sister, so family dynamicscan be super tricky and my mom
(14:13):
has quite a few sisters who arevery close, right.
So I think there's the who'sdoing what conversation, and I'm
going to say this is veryimportant, this is what I've
learned You've got to have theconversation before the whole
thing takes place.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
And I don't think very many families do this right
.
Where you talk about okay,let's talk about power of
attorney, advanced directives, awill, who's going to do what?
Who's able to do these things?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
right.
But the question is who wantsto do that?
Yes, and as much as we don'twant to, it's a necessity to do
that, because there's two things, but one thing we can count on
for sure that's going to happento everyone, and that's everyone
will pass away yeah, that's onething we can depend on.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
You're right, it's very certain yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
So it's important to have those conversations.
It's important to have that inthe back of your mind and
sometime at top of the mind,because that's when you're going
to act on it, that's whenyou're going to make those phone
calls to the family membersthat you know.
Hey, I need to have a crucialconversation with you, and it's
not going to be about fun times.
(15:32):
It's going to take a little bitof effort and patience to have
this conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, it's going to take a little bit of effort and
patience to have thisconversation.
Yeah, so in closing, for familydynamics, there's always that
perception of one person, or afew people are carrying more of
the weight than the other.
So I really like what you said.
What are you willing and ableto do?
And trying to have that spacewith no judgment right and maybe
(15:59):
we start reframing with okay,you're just, you're less
involved at this point right itdoesn't mean that they care any
less.
There may be things going on intheir life, right that doesn't
make them an adequate caregiverat the moment yeah and so just
honoring that, okay.
So then let's talk about theadded layer of what your parents
(16:22):
expect from you.
Yeah, so some parents are veryindependent and refuse help.
Yep, then there's the otherkind of parent that expect you
to do what ever.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Yes, they want, and whatever you're supposed to do,
that's right.
Ever anyone else is suggestingyou to do right?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
so drop everything and do this for me, right?
So how do we deal with this?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
uh, very carefully if I say myself, If I say to
myself no, you have to set upboundaries.
You have to be very much soaware of what is needed and what
is wanted.
If you don't know what's needed, then you might end up refusing
(17:11):
to do something that shouldhave been done because you
thought it was a want.
That should have been donebecause you thought it was a
want.
And I learned that very quicklywith my mom especially her
coming out of the hospital andnot being able to get out of the
bed at first, and then needinghelp to the restroom, and it was
just a ton of things that youhad to figure out in real time.
(17:34):
And so my question to her waswhat do you need?
What do I need to be here for?
So I can prepare for that?
And I even found myself takingoff days from work because I
just needed to figure it out,Like, what does she do from the
time she wakes up until the timeshe goes to bed at night?
And what I found and I'm goingto just tell this quick story
(17:57):
was that my mom was literallywaking up at five o'clock in the
morning, but she wouldn't getout of the bed until about 6.30.
And so my question to her iswhy are you laying there for
almost an hour and a half beforeyou call me and tell me Because
I'm up, I'm getting dressed,I'm preparing for my day?
(18:17):
If I knew, oh she's up, let mego down here and help her.
She was like, oh well, I didn'tknow.
And can I blame her for that?
Can I fault her for that?
No, so now we're having theconversation.
Mom, what time do you wake up?
Oh, I'm up at 5.
So's do this, let's do that,let's get this taken care of.
And so you got to figure outwhat the want and what the needs
(18:39):
are.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
It's a really good point and with you bringing that
up, it just made me think.
What we're presenting right nowin today's episode is from the
caregiver's perspective.
But your mom is veryindependent.
Can you imagine her guilt, hergrief in being the one who has
to receive the care?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Yeah, she still talks about it.
She still feels so bad that youknow I needed the heater on and
that ran you guys's bill up andI just had to keep asking for
stuff and I didn't want to dothat and I just wish I could
have paid you back or given yousome more money, or or did this
or did that.
And I'm like mom, it's not thatserious, we're good you know.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
So, yeah, yeah, definitely yes.
And, by the way, if you are newto us, please know, cory's mom
is alive and well and she's backhome living independently, and
she's just such a strong woman,strong willed, and I really
believe she willed herselfthrough that oh yeah along with
(19:42):
her faith and just the love thatshe was receiving.
Yeah, she definitely thrives tosurvive yeah, so I want to put
here a plug in that, um, thereare caregiver, caregivers and
support groups, resources andeven professional mediators that
help with this kind of thing.
So I'm going to make sure tolink some of those services in
(20:06):
the notes on this episode.
So you have that, and we wantyou to know that you're not in
this by yourself.
Can we tackle that?
Speaker 2 (20:15):
just real quick.
Sure Because a lot of peopledon't think that, oh, I don't
really want people in my house,I really don't think she needs
that.
Oh, you know what?
I think we're fine, we're ableto get her to and from here and
there and make sure this is done.
These resources are so valuable, so needed.
It's necessary because theweight of trying to do your life
(20:42):
, live your life, take care ofyour life If you got little ones
, or even animals, pets, furbabies you kind of take care of
them too, and then you add onthe added pressure of taking
care of an individual who's sunsetting in their life and and
you need help, yeah, and it'snothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Absolutely so, if you all are.
I'm just going to do this nowIf y'all are curious what some
of these groups may be.
There's AARP I just actuallyfollowed them on Instagram today
, so their resources on agingand caregiving.
I actually followed them onInstagram today, so they're
resources on aging andcaregiving.
The second one is the NationalInstitute on Aging, so these are
(21:25):
health and caregiving guides.
And the last one I'll give hereis the Caregiver Action Network
, so it's tips for caregiversmanaging stress Really cool
stuff.
All right, so, corey, let'sstart with, or let's go into,
the practical side, because atsome point it's not just
(21:45):
emotional, it's about makingreal life decisions.
Yeah Right, so one of thebiggest decisions is is what
kind of care does my parent need?
In my culture, I have not seennot a one person on my family,
and I come from a really bigfamily where, as they were aging
(22:05):
, they were put into a home.
Actually, I had one that was inan assisted living facility, so
that was just the one, but evena family member was working
there.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
That's true, and we were always there.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
So the question is what kind of care does my parent
need?
But even a family member wasworking there, that's true, and
we were always there, right?
So the question is what kind ofcare does my parent need?
And then, do they need helpwith daily tasks or are we
talking full-time medical care,right, right?
So there's options there, andthis episode isn't meant to be a
teaching one, but again, we'llput this on the notes.
So you've got in-home care, oh,we hope you learned something
(22:41):
yeah.
So in-home care, like Imentioned, assisted living, then
there's skilled nursingfacilities and then respite care
.
A lot of people don't knowabout this one.
This is temporary care, sofamilies can take a break, right
, and then you?
So you leave your family therefor a bit, the member, and then
(23:03):
pick them back up.
But these are really greatbecause people need respite.
Yeah, they need to take a break.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
Not to mention make it easier on yourself.
So, if you can meal prep andget meals for the whole week
done, yes, that saves time.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
There's quite a few programs out there.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
And then there's some communities uh, we actually
live in one where, uh, they havemeals on wheels that deliver,
uh, at least two meals a day, uh, breakfast and lunch to uh the
the aging person's home, yeah,and all you got to do is go out
to the curb and pick it up orthey'll drop it off, you know,
(23:42):
to the house or whatever youknow.
But do the things that aregoing to make life a little bit
easier for you.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Right, and they, they're prepared per the diet
that your family member has tobe on.
Yes, it's a beautiful service.
Okay, let's.
Let's be real here.
There's the money side ofthings, and we are very close to
someone who's going throughthis now.
Um, because, let's be real,care is not cheap no, that's not
right.
(24:10):
So this is why it's essentialthat you have legal and
financial documents in placeearly.
So, if you're listening, youhaven't had a conversation with
your parents yet, like now is agood time to start.
So, again, power of attorney.
Who's making these decisionsfor you should something happen,
(24:31):
or you can't verbalize oryou're not able to cognitively
give your opinion on what youwant done, and so that leads
into medical directives, right?
And then there's financialplanning for long-term care and,
corey, I was just at a seminarthis weekend or this past
weekend, and I thought we reallyneed to be about our business
(24:54):
and planning for long-term care,because it is expensive.
It's offensive how expensivethis is.
So we're studying all about it.
I'm sure we'll have an episodesoon on it.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Yeah, and just to give you another side note and
tip, start having thatconversation with your parents
or your aging family member.
Where are your importantdocuments?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Yes, Good one.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Where do you put your important information?
Obviously, the will would bethere if there is one.
If there's nothing, hey, let'ssit down and talk about writing
a will out or getting a willtogether.
But you definitely want to knowwhere all the medical records
are.
You want to know where theinsurance cards, all of that
(25:46):
stuff, all of the stuff andpolicies uncomfortable stuff too
, guys because you know peopledon't like to tell you oh my, I
keep a stash of money here, or Ikeep a they're mad money, yeah,
they're mad money over here inthis cubby hole, or I put the
credit card that I don't like touse because it's you know this
or that.
Those are the kinds ofconversations that that I had to
(26:09):
have with my mom and I saidlook, mom, I need to know where
you put your stuff because ifsomething should happen and I
got to come to your house, Idon't want to be looking for a
needle in a haystack.
Just tell me where to go, whatto pull, what to get.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
So I can already.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
I know where the keys are, I know where everything is
, so there's not going to be anysurprises for me going to her
house if something should everhappen.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, and that's a good point because, you know, in
Southern California we justhave them fires, and so a lot of
the things that I've beenreading people giving tips on
what they learned through thisand one of it is keeping a
digital copy of all theseimportant papers Right, or
having everything in one place,so it's a quick grab and go.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
Right Type thing.
Right, it's interesting.
You said that, jim, because mymom and I had this conversation.
We've been through two, twofires together.
My mom and I, um, and what hadhappened was she had to leave
her house suddenly, and so I hadto go to her house at the time
(27:17):
and get some things that sheasked me to get, because I
didn't want her to drive throughthere.
And so I was like mom where?
And so this is what startedthis conversation.
She said in the closet, in theblue suitcase above the shoes,
and then you pull this lever.
I'm like wait what?
And so I go in there and itnothing was what she explained.
(27:41):
It was the wrong color suitcase, it was just a mess.
So I I said, hey, I'm heretoday, let's talk about this,
show me where this stuff was,where it is.
And so that's how that cameabout, where I found out.
You you know where the secretspots were.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
Yeah, or even get a safe right.
Yeah even a?
Safe, yeah, Okay.
So we don't want this wholeconversation to feel heavy,
because even in the hardestmoments there's beauty, yeah
Right.
So, Corey, I loved spendingtime with your mom when we were
her caregivers, and every momentwe have with our parents is one
(28:21):
where we really connect withthem.
I think the intention hasmagnified by a whole lot.
So to be able to hear theirstories and both our moms are
excellent storytellers and theyremember the details and they're
just so funny and being ableable to ask questions that you
know you've never asked before.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
You know that's an opportunity there and then
sharing stories with them.
I just recently told my mom astory that she had no idea
existed.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
Oh really, oh yeah, oh nice, I love those moments.
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Uh-huh, yeah.
So, even though it's hard, it'salso a way of giving back,
because they took care of us andnow we get to return the gift
that they gave us.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
And it's a little bit fun if you want to know the
truth, like sometimes not beingmad at them or yelling at them
or being stern with them.
Sometimes it's just saying youknow what.
I kind of know where you werecoming from when you said this,
so now it makes sense yeah, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
So small moments matter.
Um, I'll share some smallmoments with me, my mom, that we
love cooking together, watchingold movies.
You know that we've seen timeand time again and I love how we
watch it like it's the firsttime we've seen it.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Seven bride for seven brothers.
There it is.
I came into the room and heardthat movie play.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
I'm like okay we're doing yes, we're doing that kind
of movie and then then lookingthrough old photos.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah, oh, who doesn't like that, unless it's
traumatizing?
Yeah, I get that too.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
So what moments do you have with your mom, Corey?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Small moments that you're going to hold on to Small
moments are early morningconversations and then family
trips that we used to take comeup family members that have
passed away, moments that we hadwith them.
My dad's passed away, my, myolder sister, has passed away,
so we have those conversations.
(30:28):
Those are good moments becauseyou know, you're just sharing
back and forth your experienceand your point of view, and
what's what's uh exciting isthat my point of view is not her
point of view, and vice versa,so I'm telling a whole nother
story, whereas you know, myparents loved to fish when they
were younger, so they would takeus and that was the greatest
(30:50):
times of their lives.
It was the most awful,torturous, just ugh.
I hated fishing.
I hate fishing till this daybecause of that, and so I'm
hearing her side of it, and shejust had a blast Thought it was
the best thing since slicedbread, and I'm like, oh no,
you'll never get me in anotherfishing trip.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Right, okay, so all right.
Before we wrap up, we want toleave you with an Elevate
Challenge.
Uh-oh, something I don't thinkthat I've ever done, just
straight up, but this week wechallenge you to take time to
have a meaningful conversationwith an aging loved one.
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Good challenge.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, ask him about their childhood.
Yeah, right, their biggestlessons, funniest memories,
whatever it is.
Because once those stories aregone, like you know, you just
think about man.
I get to have another chance tohear a great story.
Yeah, and if you're in themiddle of caregiving, remind
(31:53):
yourself that you are doing anincredible job.
It's not easy, but it'simportant.
Okay.
So again, we're going to leavesome resources in the show notes
.
An incredible job.
It's not easy, but it'simportant, okay.
So again, we're going to leavesome resources in the show notes
and, as always, we appreciateyou listening and tuning in.
To take the elevator, right,yeah, well, you know, as a dick
(32:14):
elevator, we say look up andlet's elevate.
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