March 24, 2025 • 30 mins
Feeling overlooked, undervalued, or sidelined in your career or personal life? This powerful episode transforms the concept of being "benched" from a negative experience into a strategic advantage that can propel you toward future success.
Drawing from basketball metaphors and real-world examples, we unpack how being on the bench gives you unique perspective—allowing you to observe the game, learn from others' mistakes, and develop strategies before you're thrust into the spotlight. Rather than viewing these moments as rejection, we reframe them as essential preparation time for your eventual call-up.
We share vulnerable personal stories about times we were pushed into situations we weren't ready for—including a devastating singing performance that crushed confidence for over a year—highlighting why sometimes the bench is exactly where you need to be while developing your skills. But we also address when being perpetually sidelined might signal it's time to find a new "team" where your talents will be better utilized.
The episode offers practical strategies for those currently feeling benched: how to stay engaged, continue developing your skills in the shadows, and ensure you're ready when opportunity knocks. We emphasize the importance of communicating your readiness to leadership with the simple but powerful message: "Put me in coach, I'm ready to play."
Whether you're currently starting in your field or waiting for your big break, this conversation provides valuable perspective on maximizing every position you find yourself in. Remember, championship teams need reliable bench players just as much as they need stars—and your time to shine may be closer than you think.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey, and welcome
to Take the Elevator.
It's so good to have you hereBefore we get started, coreyory,
what the topic is.
There is one thing I want toaddress our last episode, march
madness, menopause.
I got so excited over the topicand what happened.
(00:35):
I accidentally hit the wrongbutton first, so when we exited
out there was like no music forthe first time in over 350
episodes and I loved everyonewho told me about it.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Oh, really, no one told me anything about it.
As a matter of fact, everyonewas so excited about the whole
interview.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That's what I was hearing about, so, yeah, yeah,
yeah, we got the same kind offeedback, so definitely want to
give some love and a shout outto lovella once again for being
on the elevator.
And then I've got one shout outand this just made my my week
not even my day, but my week.
So I'm working with someleaders and we're doing our
(01:20):
thing and I asked a questionwe're kind of doing a round
robin, right and before sheshared, she goes.
So this is totally off topic,but I just had to put it out
there she goes.
I just started listening toTake the Elevator and it's so
good and this is the part thatgot me.
She said and Jen, you areexactly the way you are here at
(01:42):
work, outside of work, and shegoes you really are about people
and placing them in positivelevels and she loves it, she
loves the podcast.
So that was really cool.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, I am excited to hear that as well.
And she's right, you wereexactly the same Home in them
streets at work In them streets.
I'm just playing, jen don'tknow nothing about no streets.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I don't um.
You want to see what I looklike scared and quiet.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yes, because it's it's unfamiliar territory.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So people ask me jen, are you ever still or quiet?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
that's one of those moments where yeah yeah, I just
hold on to cory and look at mysurroundings, because cory
always tell me be aware of yoursurroundings absolutely no need
and just being engulfed in yourphone and you're sitting in a
strange new neighborhood andyou're just like not paying
attention, but hey you knowthat's what I'm here for, so
(02:41):
I'll take care of all that.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I appreciate that.
So let's talk about today'sepisode.
We are still going with Marchmadness, Hello, and this episode
is going to be titled titledfrom the bench to the big time.
So this episode is designed toelevate our listeners who feel
overlooked, underutilized orsidelined.
(03:04):
Who feel overlooked,underutilized or sidelined.
So what we mean by this issometimes life feels like you're
benched right, You're notgetting the opportunities,
recognition or momentum that youdesire.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No play in the game of life.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
And, just like in March Madness, the bench can
become the biggest game changerwhen the moment's right.
So, corey, you are going tohave the honor of leading us
through this episode andexploring how to stay ready,
refine your game and elevateeven when no one's watching.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Absolutely, and the thing about it is well, again,
let's first establish thatyou're going to guide and direct
us through this process.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, I am.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Great.
So the thing to know about, youknow, being on the bench is not
it's not the worst place to bein.
When you're talking aboutgetting started in something, be
it a sport, be it in life, beit in a career Sometimes it's
nice to start on the bench soyou can get a lay of the land,
you can understand what'shappening in this career, you
(04:05):
can understand what's happeningin that particular job or
department.
That way, you can learn how toflourish without making a whole
bunch of mistakes.
As a matter of fact, you canwatch other people figure things
out, so you don't have to, andthen you're a much more valuable
player coming off the bench, soto speak.
And so that's why I personallylike coming off the bench, and I
(04:27):
experienced that in multipleaspects, and we'll get into some
of that a little bit later.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah.
So for someone like me who'snever played ball and has
enjoyed watching it, I'm goingto correlate being benched to
being sidelined in life for work, yeah, Right.
So I love what you're bringingforward as to why the bench is
impactful and why it's important.
(04:52):
So some common bench moments Ithink our friends and listeners
could relate to.
Maybe you've been passed up forpromotion or you're like, yeah,
I wasn't in that meeting andit's kind of weird because my
work's all over it, you know,and I just wasn't included.
Or maybe in relationship,sometimes you feel unseen, right
(05:17):
, undervalued, not important.
Here's another one especiallyat work, is ideas not taken
seriously or not even heard,right?
So I think that equates for meto what it, what it's like to be
on the bench and the feelingsthat come um from being
(05:37):
sidelined.
But we are here to elevate andgive you another perspective of
being sidelined.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And also I just really want to throw this in
there because we're covering allthese aspects there's going to
be another very important aspectof this, too, because you got
to know when you need to betraded.
Because sometimes you've beenon the bench entirely too long
and it just doesn't lookpromising.
So you got to make some betterdecisions for your life, for
(06:09):
your career, for your job,whatever it may be.
So you're looking to go toanother team so you can be
utilized better.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, it's interesting how relevant that is
right now for some people inour lives.
So let's talk about real quickemotions.
Corey, you played ball, so wereyou ever on the bench?
What does that look like?
Because I have some feelingsthat I would share if I was on
the bench, and that's why I'm soexcited about this episode,
(06:38):
because I'm here to learn abouthow to see things differently.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Absolutely.
So I'm going to use thebasketball analogy, but I'm
definitely tying it into work,relationships and everything
else.
So I played the six man, whichtypically in basketball there's
five players on each team on thefloor, and so the first guy
that comes in usually is the sixman to give somebody a rest or
(07:06):
play a particular position.
And so I was able to do that,which gave me a lot of joy
because again I got to see thebeginnings of the game, I seen
who was deficient in the game,oh, and you got to see the other
team.
I got to see the other team, theother team, and so in the same
(07:28):
way in the work world, if you'renot, you know, leading the, the
, the team or the um office forone particular thing or another,
and you get a chance to watchand see how it's being led.
What it does for you, when youare given that opportunity, is
you can make sure that you don'tmake the same mistakes that the
other person made, as I saidearlier, that you don't make the
same mistakes that the otherperson made.
As I said earlier, you can alsobuild upon that and then
(07:51):
implement a little bit more ofyour strategy and strategic
operation.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Right, right.
So before we get into thestrategy, let's talk about how I
think sometimes maybe someonelike me would feel, because I'm
highly competitive and I likeplaying.
Let's just be real.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah, you want to be in there, I want to be in the
game.
All the time.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah.
So I might feel frustrated or Imight feel like I'm doubting
myself, like maybe I'm not asgood as I thought I was.
Why am I even on this team,right?
Do they need me?
I'd probably start comparing,like me, to the team that's
actually playing Um, and I'dprobably feel invisible and that
(08:33):
sounds so extreme.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, extreme, and sad.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, and, and I don't know if anyone can relate
to that, but that's how I wouldperceive that.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah, no, that's quite possible.
I'm sure a lot of people gothrough the I've disappeared and
I'm not seen and nobody's evenlooking to put me in this.
And what's sad is I rememberhearing conversations about this
and so I know for a fact peopleare feeling this way and the
most important thing about thatis just don't start feeling
(09:06):
invisible.
You have to make yourself feelvery visible, but not with busy
work.
Just keep doing what you werehired to do, what you were
supposed to do, what you weremeant to do, and eventually this
will pay off, this will be seen, or you get to a point where
you realize this is not theright team for me, but there's
(09:26):
other signs and other red flagsto pop up before you have to go
through that.
That's a pretty long process towait for that.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
So what I'm hearing you say is where people could
see the the bench as rejection.
Uh, is actually time forpreparation.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
It's time for deep study and definitely preparation
.
What you're preparing for isthe big time, the big show, the
big opportunities that presentthemselves, and nobody wants to
step up because they realizelike, oh, if I mess this up,
it's going to all be on me.
See, that's that's what I lookforward to.
(10:07):
I look for that moment thateverything's going to all be on
me.
See, that's what I look forwardto.
I look for that moment thateverything's going to fall on me
.
It's either going to be awfulor it's going to be an amazing
situation.
And then I know exactly what Ineed to prepare for if I'm
putting that big show.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, and that's good , but I'm going to take a step
back because I'm learning theprocess and trying to correlate
it to the sport.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So I feel like being on the bench.
It still requires practice inthe shadows, and this one really
hits home for me is that I knowthat real growth happens when
not a lot of people are watching.
A lot of people are watching,right?
(10:50):
It's those moments where you'rein the room reading a book, or
you're signing up for freewebinars and not everyone knows,
or you're writing a book forsix months and nobody knows, and
then it's out and you realizehow much you've grown and you
haven't really played the game.
It's all in the preparation.
You know what I mean, right,right, really played the game.
It's all in the preparation.
You know what I mean, right,right, yeah, so let's talk about
(11:11):
.
Um.
Well, I'm gonna ask everyonehere what are you doing to
improve your game, even ifyou're not in the spotlight,
because I think that's when itwhen it matters.
So there are team members that Iwork with who take the time to
learn in downtime.
So, when my team isn't activelyworking or facilitating my gosh
, corey.
This team is incredible becausethey're plugging into all sorts
(11:33):
of books, articles, things thatthey're finding to grow their
skill and to sharpen theirknowledge.
We see this a lot in artists orentrepreneurs such as yourself,
corey, that you build quietlybefore launching.
I'm not good at being quietbefore launching with most
(11:55):
people in my life, like I'mletting them know, play by play,
I don't know.
It just works for my mind, foraccountability, but it's hard
for me to keep a surprise and asecret.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I try to keep it a surprise.
But you know, what I find veryinteresting is that telling
people sometimes kind of softensthe launch, so you can kind of
do that easy soft launch beforeyou do the big launch Because
you want to get some kind offeedback on what you're doing
and how it's going to land.
(12:32):
You don't want to just jump outthere and it just is awful.
But can we just dial back thisone, say I'm gonna have a real
conversation?
I know this is real, but whatI'm about to say is probably
gonna upset some people.
But I have to say this, okay,because some people should be on
the bench.
Some people aren't ready forthe game, some people weren't
made to play the game.
You know they have extra peopleon the bench for a reason, and
(12:55):
you have to be realistic withyourself and with others,
because somebody may say well,why don't you ever play?
Why are you never in the game?
Do you want to play?
And we have to say to ourselvesI wasn't supposed to be in this
one, so I'm supposed to be onthe bench for this amount of
time, for this game with thisteam.
(13:15):
If you're injured, if you'renot properly prepared, if you've
been put on a team that's farmore advanced than you are,
sometimes you have to sit backand watch before you can even be
ready to be on the bench.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I think that's valid.
Yeah, I don't think that'shurtful, it's truthful.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, but it hurts to swallow that pill.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Sure, especially if pride is part of the equation or
if ego gets in the way.
For sure, right, I don't know,gore, if you've ever played a
game prematurely or you're notconditioned for it I have yeah,
you want it.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I'm wondering what the story is behind that oh boy,
so um I I used to do a fairdeal of lead singing vocal and
there was a particular nightthat I thought I was ready for
this song, that I was going tosing in front of about 500
people, and my musician pianistdecided that he wanted to change
(14:25):
the key two hours before wewent up.
So my mind is registering thissong.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Oh, my goodness, two hours before, yeah, and now.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I will go into what I've learned to do if that ever
happens again a little bitfurther down the road.
But what happened was I sangthis song in the wrong key.
The whole song, the whole songand I could not, and and what
happened?
I tried to adjust and it gotworse.
(15:00):
So I was terrified to try toadjust again and I'm looking at
people's faces and I can tellthey know I'm sweating profusely
.
Yeah, I'm, I'm going mad in mybrain, just I'm, I can't figure
this out and I'm sure, time justwent, it just on and on and on
(15:22):
and literally.
So you you know if you have somedegree of skill in singing or
being a musician Most of thetime because people that you're
with and I was singing withprofessionals, so I had an idea
that I could carry a note, Icould sing pretty decent.
After that show, I literallyhad people telling me you cannot
(15:46):
sing a lick.
I don't even know why you're upthere doing it, and it just wow
, it was harsh.
And so I literally had to takea break for, oh my gosh, about a
year, year and a half, before Ireally got my confidence back,
because it just really wreckedme and I didn't feel comfortable
(16:06):
blaming it on the musicianbecause I'm like that's my bad.
I should have either said no orknew to how to adjust for that
song, so yeah thanks for sharingthat.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
That, I can imagine, was horrifying.
Just be on the stage, 500people looking at you like what
is he doing up there?
And, oh my god, someone pleaseput, if, put us out of our
misery.
And then people give feedback.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Yeah, in such a way and I just got as nervous that
night.
Wow right now because it justall brought all that yeah oh,
that's tough.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
well, I'm glad you came back from it, me too, and
and that reminds me too ofpeople who put their players in
prematurely.
True, and our responsibility toone another on that.
You don't have someone sittingor preparing for a play and then
turn the play up on them,especially someone who takes the
(17:05):
bench a lot of the time youknow what I mean right.
So, man, that story you coulduse for a bunch of different
things to learn and expand on.
Um, mine wasn't as bad as yours, but you were actually there
when this happened.
So, for those who don't know, Iused to sing a and then I had
(17:27):
my thyroidectomy and it weakenedmy vocal cords, didn't damage
it, but weakened it so much that, on top of that, not practicing
and shutting down just likecompletely changed my voice, and
shutting down, just likecompletely changed my voice.
So, anyways, we were at churchand I used to be well with you,
(17:48):
corey, the music director, oryou know worship ministry, and I
don't know what this dude wasthinking and, yeah, I'm talking
about the pastor, and I calledhim dude Because he was taken by
the moment and looked at me andsaid come up here and play and
go ahead and sing.
(18:09):
And I'm terrified looking at him, like I can't sing.
I've told this to everyone andI'm not making this up I cannot
sing.
I remember this day, oh, corey,and he had me get up on the
keyboard and he kept promptingand pushing me to sing and when
(18:31):
I did, clearly it wasn't goodenough for him and he kept like,
looking at me, like use yourvoice.
Open up.
Get with the program right that.
That was awful.
Yeah, it was awful.
I felt so blindsided.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I felt like that was a moment of bad coaching.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, exactly Okay.
So you had mentioned somethinglike the call it moment and
being ready for opportunity, andI love what you said, Corey,
about make sure you're in theright game, Because I'm not
going to sit on the bench toline up to back someone up on
singing Not right now, anyways.
(19:18):
Right, right, Right.
It's more like okay, let me.
Maybe I'm more the water girlwhere I'm behind the scenes and
putting the event together,whatever that looks like.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I don't know what it is about some people and
everyone's not like this, butevery role is just as important
as the next.
Sure is, saying that you're thewater girl or water boy does
not diminish your role, becausethose players need water, yeah,
they need Gatorade, they needtheir tiles, need water, they
need Gatorade, they need theirtowels.
So they're just as important asthe people that are actually on
(19:52):
the big stage or in the mainpart of the.
And I take my job.
You know most people wouldn'tthink oh man, you feel like you
play a very crucial role in yourjob, but I really do.
I know what happens when my jobrole is not being fulfilled.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
So I don't ever look down upon my role.
I look like I have to show upand play hard and do what I have
to do in order to make thisrole have a purpose and a
meaning.
Make this role have a purposeand a meaning.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
And that's a really good mindset for people who are
in a support service team.
I am too, and I totally getthat.
So let's say you are in theright game and you're just
preparing, you're planning.
You're not quite playing allthe time, but there is going to
(20:45):
be an opportunity for sure.
It's when that person calls offsick, or when that person is no
longer there or they realizeman, we should have had him in
the meeting the whole time.
Now let's bring him in andlet's catch him up.
Let's hear what he has to say.
Ready, set, go Right.
(21:05):
So it's being preparedemotionally, mentally and
professionally, knowing that youare going to have the
opportunity.
I've seen real-life cases,corey, where even during crisis
like COVID, or even in themoment that we're in now, that
substituting is a real thing.
Okay, we're going to sub you in, we're going to have you cover
(21:28):
this.
You've never done it before,but you can do it.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
I'm seeing that on such a regular basis right now
because people are just pivoting, because they have no other.
I don't want to say they don'thave any other choice, but what
I will say is that leadership isvery demanding of a higher
standard right now, and so theywant to see what people can
actually put on the table andwhat they can bring.
(21:55):
And if you're just bringing thesame old thing or you've been
bringing very minimal to theplaying field, they want to see
what other people have.
And so if you've been preparing, here's your chance, here's
your opportunity.
I think it's just going to getmore like that than the other
way around.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Exactly, and I think a skill that's very much needed
is creativity and innovation,and we also need to flex as
leaders, to actually take thetime to listen.
Quit trying to run the plays.
The plays aren't working.
It's time for something new,because we're in new territory.
Right, we're facing challengesand crises that were unexpected.
(22:39):
The game has changed, playersare different, so we're still in
the game, but we got to figureit out and it's the team that
actually does the work.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, and I'm going to call another elephant in the
room right now.
You know, ageism is a realthing and in the workplace, if
you're looked at as one of theolder people older employees,
employees a lot of times youdon't get a chance to say what
you, what's on your mind.
They want to hear the new andcool and hip and innovative
(23:13):
creative, as you said and so yougot to make space for yourself,
you know, or?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
dude, yell out the play from the bench.
Just because you're on thebench doesn't mean you have to
be quiet again.
I've never played ball, but ifyou sent me on the bench I'd be
like cheering the team on,saying what the heck is
happening, you know, like I'dprobably be like mini coaching
from the bench you would be backin the locker room for sure so
I've learned.
(23:39):
I'm just taking in all theconcepts that you brought
forward, Corey.
And so when?
Because you mentioned strategy,right, and so do you think that
every championship team needsreliable bench players?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Oh, absolutely that's a must.
That's a must have because, asyou said, someone could be
injured, someone could be sick.
Someone could just sick, someonecould just not be on their game
.
And it happens, you know, wesee it every day at work.
Someone comes in and you'relike what is wrong with
so-and-so?
Why are they not responding,why are they not talking?
(24:17):
And we just don't know.
We don't know what's going onin people's lives and how many
roadblocks they've had or howmany speed bumps they've run
over and just said you know what?
I can't today, I just can't.
So you need someone to be ableto step up.
But if everybody is used tobeing on the bench twiddling
their thumbs, it's a problem.
(24:38):
So that's why we have to beready as co-workers and team
members and all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, yeah, I can think of people who may not be
front and center and we're inthat top five playing the game.
But, man, the people that areon the bench and doing the
behind-the-scenes stuff, theygive such great perspective.
The behind the scenes stuff,they give such great perspective
(25:09):
and I think it's the perfectspace to be in to build your
self-awareness, be able to getready to manage yourself and
also observe relationships andpeople, so that way, when you do
get in and play, like you said,corey, you're already aware of
tactics, you already have yourstrategies in place, you've seen
the players on your team andthe other teams and you're just
able to flow beautifully, Ithink.
(25:30):
I think just because you're notthe MVP does it mean you're not
as valuable as the MVP you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I agree A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
All right, so things that I'm taking for me, and if
anyone wants to join me, pleasefeel free to do so, but I'm
gonna look this week to preparefor my call-up.
So whenever I'm off the benchbecause I think in life everyone
has a bench they sit on.
You're not playing ineverything, and if you are, well
(26:02):
, get some rest okay right.
So I know, example, in the bookwriting for the Fuzzy Furry
Forest, I've been on the benchand you called me up and you
said, okay, it's call-up time,we're co-writing, and I was
ready because we had alreadybeen talking and working
together, because we had alreadybeen talking and working
(26:23):
together and so there areprojects right now that I'm
working on that.
I feel I'm just observing andlearning and I'm waiting for the
call up and so I'm going tolook this week.
I had a big call up on Friday.
I had to cover someone and Ieven asked like, what does that
look like?
I don't even know what yourdaily you know what you're in
(26:45):
the life of your role for theday looks like.
But I answered the call.
I was like praying the wholetime Please don't give me
anything urgent.
Please don't give me anything Idon't know, please don't let me
get myself in trouble, rightyeah.
And what I loved is I was justgoing to hold on.
If I don't know, then I'm goingto find out about you know on
(27:09):
Monday and provide an answerthen.
But thankfully it was a smoothFriday, so that's what I'm going
to do is look for the call up.
What's something that you'dlike to challenge yourself and
our listeners to?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
I'd like to challenge maybe just observing a little
bit closer what's going on,paying attention to not only
what you're doing, but what yourcoworkers are doing, what your
bosses, managers, supervisors,whatever it may be.
Pay just a little bit moreclose attention, certain muscles
(27:49):
within the, in the in the brain, to remember oh, this is where
this happens and this is wherethis person says this or says
that.
And the reason why I'm being sovague is because I don't know
what it is that you do in youreveryday task.
I know what it is that I do, soI'm very much so aware that, um
(28:11):
, when those moments arise thatyou can step up to the plate and
play that position and helpsomeone out, it's better when
you're able to do it than whenyou're not able to do it.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I love that.
I love that.
You know, corey, last week thepower of affirmations came my
way again.
You know how you practicesomething for a while you're
like I'm looking for somethingnew, maybe something a little
different, but affirmations cameup.
I was like I'm all about it, solet me close with some and then
we'll see where we go.
(28:45):
But, um, I may be out of on thebench, but I'm not out the game
, right?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
There's that.
I'm learning, growing andgetting stronger, even behind
the scenes.
Right.
And the last one is when mytime comes, I'll be ready to
shine.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
That's really good, jen, I like that.
I'm going to just say thisabout it's not an affirmation.
I'm going to just say thisabout it's not an affirmation
but I just always tell my leaderand I'm being serious I tell my
leader put me in coach, I'mready to play.
That way.
He knows if I need someone Ican call on.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Corey, that's good.
Oh, that reminds me of one ofthe leaders I worked with.
You know we always hear oh,make sure that as a leader,
you're available and willing.
She took, she elevated it andsaid willing and wanting.
Let your coach know that you'rewilling and you're wanting this
(29:46):
.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You have to, because if you don't, he's looking for,
he or she is looking for the onethat is.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
That's right.
So if anyone in my life is mycoach in some aspect, I'm
willing and wanting.
I don't know if I like the waythat that did sound weird.
Anyhow, cory, thanks for takingus through this.
I feel so tapped into marchmadness and and the game of
(30:14):
basketball and life Indeed, well, you know us.
To take the elevator, we saylook up and let's elevate,
elevate.
That was 30 minutes to the T.
Wow, play the game well.
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey, and welcome
to Take the Elevator.
It's so good to have you hereBefore we get started, coreyory,
what the topic is.
There is one thing I want toaddress our last episode, march
madness, menopause.
I got so excited over the topicand what happened.
(00:35):
I accidentally hit the wrongbutton first, so when we exited
out there was like no music forthe first time in over 350
episodes and I loved everyonewho told me about it.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Oh, really, no one told me anything about it.
As a matter of fact, everyonewas so excited about the whole
interview.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
That's what I was hearing about, so, yeah, yeah,
yeah, we got the same kind offeedback, so definitely want to
give some love and a shout outto lovella once again for being
on the elevator.
And then I've got one shout outand this just made my my week
not even my day, but my week.
So I'm working with someleaders and we're doing our
(01:20):
thing and I asked a questionwe're kind of doing a round
robin, right and before sheshared, she goes.
So this is totally off topic,but I just had to put it out
there she goes.
I just started listening toTake the Elevator and it's so
good and this is the part thatgot me.
She said and Jen, you areexactly the way you are here at
(01:42):
work, outside of work, and shegoes you really are about people
and placing them in positivelevels and she loves it, she
loves the podcast.
So that was really cool.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Well, I am excited to hear that as well.
And she's right, you wereexactly the same Home in them
streets at work In them streets.
I'm just playing, jen don'tknow nothing about no streets.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
I don't um.
You want to see what I looklike scared and quiet.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Yes, because it's it's unfamiliar territory.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
So people ask me jen, are you ever still or quiet?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
that's one of those moments where yeah yeah, I just
hold on to cory and look at mysurroundings, because cory
always tell me be aware of yoursurroundings absolutely no need
and just being engulfed in yourphone and you're sitting in a
strange new neighborhood andyou're just like not paying
attention, but hey you knowthat's what I'm here for, so
(02:41):
I'll take care of all that.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I appreciate that.
So let's talk about today'sepisode.
We are still going with Marchmadness, Hello, and this episode
is going to be titled titledfrom the bench to the big time.
So this episode is designed toelevate our listeners who feel
overlooked, underutilized orsidelined.
(03:04):
Who feel overlooked,underutilized or sidelined.
So what we mean by this issometimes life feels like you're
benched right, You're notgetting the opportunities,
recognition or momentum that youdesire.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No play in the game of life.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
And, just like in March Madness, the bench can
become the biggest game changerwhen the moment's right.
So, corey, you are going tohave the honor of leading us
through this episode andexploring how to stay ready,
refine your game and elevateeven when no one's watching.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Absolutely, and the thing about it is well, again,
let's first establish thatyou're going to guide and direct
us through this process.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Yeah, I am.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Great.
So the thing to know about, youknow, being on the bench is not
it's not the worst place to bein.
When you're talking aboutgetting started in something, be
it a sport, be it in life, beit in a career Sometimes it's
nice to start on the bench soyou can get a lay of the land,
you can understand what'shappening in this career, you
(04:05):
can understand what's happeningin that particular job or
department.
That way, you can learn how toflourish without making a whole
bunch of mistakes.
As a matter of fact, you canwatch other people figure things
out, so you don't have to, andthen you're a much more valuable
player coming off the bench, soto speak.
And so that's why I personallylike coming off the bench, and I
(04:27):
experienced that in multipleaspects, and we'll get into some
of that a little bit later.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah.
So for someone like me who'snever played ball and has
enjoyed watching it, I'm goingto correlate being benched to
being sidelined in life for work, yeah, Right.
So I love what you're bringingforward as to why the bench is
impactful and why it's important.
(04:52):
So some common bench moments Ithink our friends and listeners
could relate to.
Maybe you've been passed up forpromotion or you're like, yeah,
I wasn't in that meeting andit's kind of weird because my
work's all over it, you know,and I just wasn't included.
Or maybe in relationship,sometimes you feel unseen, right
(05:17):
, undervalued, not important.
Here's another one especiallyat work, is ideas not taken
seriously or not even heard,right?
So I think that equates for meto what it, what it's like to be
on the bench and the feelingsthat come um from being
(05:37):
sidelined.
But we are here to elevate andgive you another perspective of
being sidelined.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
And also I just really want to throw this in
there because we're covering allthese aspects there's going to
be another very important aspectof this, too, because you got
to know when you need to betraded.
Because sometimes you've beenon the bench entirely too long
and it just doesn't lookpromising.
So you got to make some betterdecisions for your life, for
(06:09):
your career, for your job,whatever it may be.
So you're looking to go toanother team so you can be
utilized better.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, it's interesting how relevant that is
right now for some people inour lives.
So let's talk about real quickemotions.
Corey, you played ball, so wereyou ever on the bench?
What does that look like?
Because I have some feelingsthat I would share if I was on
the bench, and that's why I'm soexcited about this episode,
(06:38):
because I'm here to learn abouthow to see things differently.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Absolutely.
So I'm going to use thebasketball analogy, but I'm
definitely tying it into work,relationships and everything
else.
So I played the six man, whichtypically in basketball there's
five players on each team on thefloor, and so the first guy
that comes in usually is the sixman to give somebody a rest or
(07:06):
play a particular position.
And so I was able to do that,which gave me a lot of joy
because again I got to see thebeginnings of the game, I seen
who was deficient in the game,oh, and you got to see the other
team.
I got to see the other team, theother team, and so in the same
(07:28):
way in the work world, if you'renot, you know, leading the, the
, the team or the um office forone particular thing or another,
and you get a chance to watchand see how it's being led.
What it does for you, when youare given that opportunity, is
you can make sure that you don'tmake the same mistakes that the
other person made, as I saidearlier, that you don't make the
same mistakes that the otherperson made.
As I said earlier, you can alsobuild upon that and then
(07:51):
implement a little bit more ofyour strategy and strategic
operation.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Right, right.
So before we get into thestrategy, let's talk about how I
think sometimes maybe someonelike me would feel, because I'm
highly competitive and I likeplaying.
Let's just be real.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah, you want to be in there, I want to be in the
game.
All the time.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah.
So I might feel frustrated or Imight feel like I'm doubting
myself, like maybe I'm not asgood as I thought I was.
Why am I even on this team,right?
Do they need me?
I'd probably start comparing,like me, to the team that's
actually playing Um, and I'dprobably feel invisible and that
(08:33):
sounds so extreme.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, extreme, and sad.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Yeah, and, and I don't know if anyone can relate
to that, but that's how I wouldperceive that.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah, no, that's quite possible.
I'm sure a lot of people gothrough the I've disappeared and
I'm not seen and nobody's evenlooking to put me in this.
And what's sad is I rememberhearing conversations about this
and so I know for a fact peopleare feeling this way and the
most important thing about thatis just don't start feeling
(09:06):
invisible.
You have to make yourself feelvery visible, but not with busy
work.
Just keep doing what you werehired to do, what you were
supposed to do, what you weremeant to do, and eventually this
will pay off, this will be seen, or you get to a point where
you realize this is not theright team for me, but there's
(09:26):
other signs and other red flagsto pop up before you have to go
through that.
That's a pretty long process towait for that.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
So what I'm hearing you say is where people could
see the the bench as rejection.
Uh, is actually time forpreparation.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
It's time for deep study and definitely preparation
.
What you're preparing for isthe big time, the big show, the
big opportunities that presentthemselves, and nobody wants to
step up because they realizelike, oh, if I mess this up,
it's going to all be on me.
See, that's that's what I lookforward to.
(10:07):
I look for that moment thateverything's going to all be on
me.
See, that's what I look forwardto.
I look for that moment thateverything's going to fall on me
.
It's either going to be awfulor it's going to be an amazing
situation.
And then I know exactly what Ineed to prepare for if I'm
putting that big show.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
Yeah, and that's good , but I'm going to take a step
back because I'm learning theprocess and trying to correlate
it to the sport.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
So I feel like being on the bench.
It still requires practice inthe shadows, and this one really
hits home for me is that I knowthat real growth happens when
not a lot of people are watching.
A lot of people are watching,right?
(10:50):
It's those moments where you'rein the room reading a book, or
you're signing up for freewebinars and not everyone knows,
or you're writing a book forsix months and nobody knows, and
then it's out and you realizehow much you've grown and you
haven't really played the game.
It's all in the preparation.
You know what I mean, right,right, really played the game.
It's all in the preparation.
You know what I mean, right,right, yeah, so let's talk about
(11:11):
.
Um.
Well, I'm gonna ask everyonehere what are you doing to
improve your game, even ifyou're not in the spotlight,
because I think that's when itwhen it matters.
So there are team members that Iwork with who take the time to
learn in downtime.
So, when my team isn't activelyworking or facilitating my gosh
, corey.
This team is incredible becausethey're plugging into all sorts
(11:33):
of books, articles, things thatthey're finding to grow their
skill and to sharpen theirknowledge.
We see this a lot in artists orentrepreneurs such as yourself,
corey, that you build quietlybefore launching.
I'm not good at being quietbefore launching with most
(11:55):
people in my life, like I'mletting them know, play by play,
I don't know.
It just works for my mind, foraccountability, but it's hard
for me to keep a surprise and asecret.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I try to keep it a surprise.
But you know, what I find veryinteresting is that telling
people sometimes kind of softensthe launch, so you can kind of
do that easy soft launch beforeyou do the big launch Because
you want to get some kind offeedback on what you're doing
and how it's going to land.
(12:32):
You don't want to just jump outthere and it just is awful.
But can we just dial back thisone, say I'm gonna have a real
conversation?
I know this is real, but whatI'm about to say is probably
gonna upset some people.
But I have to say this, okay,because some people should be on
the bench.
Some people aren't ready forthe game, some people weren't
made to play the game.
You know they have extra peopleon the bench for a reason, and
(12:55):
you have to be realistic withyourself and with others,
because somebody may say well,why don't you ever play?
Why are you never in the game?
Do you want to play?
And we have to say to ourselvesI wasn't supposed to be in this
one, so I'm supposed to be onthe bench for this amount of
time, for this game with thisteam.
(13:15):
If you're injured, if you'renot properly prepared, if you've
been put on a team that's farmore advanced than you are,
sometimes you have to sit backand watch before you can even be
ready to be on the bench.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
I think that's valid.
Yeah, I don't think that'shurtful, it's truthful.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Yeah, but it hurts to swallow that pill.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Sure, especially if pride is part of the equation or
if ego gets in the way.
For sure, right, I don't know,gore, if you've ever played a
game prematurely or you're notconditioned for it I have yeah,
you want it.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
I'm wondering what the story is behind that oh boy,
so um I I used to do a fairdeal of lead singing vocal and
there was a particular nightthat I thought I was ready for
this song, that I was going tosing in front of about 500
people, and my musician pianistdecided that he wanted to change
(14:25):
the key two hours before wewent up.
So my mind is registering thissong.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Oh, my goodness, two hours before, yeah, and now.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
I will go into what I've learned to do if that ever
happens again a little bitfurther down the road.
But what happened was I sangthis song in the wrong key.
The whole song, the whole songand I could not, and and what
happened?
I tried to adjust and it gotworse.
(15:00):
So I was terrified to try toadjust again and I'm looking at
people's faces and I can tellthey know I'm sweating profusely
.
Yeah, I'm, I'm going mad in mybrain, just I'm, I can't figure
this out and I'm sure, time justwent, it just on and on and on
(15:22):
and literally.
So you you know if you have somedegree of skill in singing or
being a musician Most of thetime because people that you're
with and I was singing withprofessionals, so I had an idea
that I could carry a note, Icould sing pretty decent.
After that show, I literallyhad people telling me you cannot
(15:46):
sing a lick.
I don't even know why you're upthere doing it, and it just wow
, it was harsh.
And so I literally had to takea break for, oh my gosh, about a
year, year and a half, before Ireally got my confidence back,
because it just really wreckedme and I didn't feel comfortable
(16:06):
blaming it on the musicianbecause I'm like that's my bad.
I should have either said no orknew to how to adjust for that
song, so yeah thanks for sharingthat.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
That, I can imagine, was horrifying.
Just be on the stage, 500people looking at you like what
is he doing up there?
And, oh my god, someone pleaseput, if, put us out of our
misery.
And then people give feedback.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Yeah, in such a way and I just got as nervous that
night.
Wow right now because it justall brought all that yeah oh,
that's tough.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
well, I'm glad you came back from it, me too, and
and that reminds me too ofpeople who put their players in
prematurely.
True, and our responsibility toone another on that.
You don't have someone sittingor preparing for a play and then
turn the play up on them,especially someone who takes the
(17:05):
bench a lot of the time youknow what I mean right.
So, man, that story you coulduse for a bunch of different
things to learn and expand on.
Um, mine wasn't as bad as yours, but you were actually there
when this happened.
So, for those who don't know, Iused to sing a and then I had
(17:27):
my thyroidectomy and it weakenedmy vocal cords, didn't damage
it, but weakened it so much that, on top of that, not practicing
and shutting down just likecompletely changed my voice, and
shutting down, just likecompletely changed my voice.
So, anyways, we were at churchand I used to be well with you,
(17:48):
corey, the music director, oryou know worship ministry, and I
don't know what this dude wasthinking and, yeah, I'm talking
about the pastor, and I calledhim dude Because he was taken by
the moment and looked at me andsaid come up here and play and
go ahead and sing.
(18:09):
And I'm terrified looking at him, like I can't sing.
I've told this to everyone andI'm not making this up I cannot
sing.
I remember this day, oh, corey,and he had me get up on the
keyboard and he kept promptingand pushing me to sing and when
(18:31):
I did, clearly it wasn't goodenough for him and he kept like,
looking at me, like use yourvoice.
Open up.
Get with the program right that.
That was awful.
Yeah, it was awful.
I felt so blindsided.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I felt like that was a moment of bad coaching.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, exactly Okay.
So you had mentioned somethinglike the call it moment and
being ready for opportunity, andI love what you said, Corey,
about make sure you're in theright game, Because I'm not
going to sit on the bench toline up to back someone up on
singing Not right now, anyways.
(19:18):
Right, right, Right.
It's more like okay, let me.
Maybe I'm more the water girlwhere I'm behind the scenes and
putting the event together,whatever that looks like.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I don't know what it is about some people and
everyone's not like this, butevery role is just as important
as the next.
Sure is, saying that you're thewater girl or water boy does
not diminish your role, becausethose players need water, yeah,
they need Gatorade, they needtheir tiles, need water, they
need Gatorade, they need theirtowels.
So they're just as important asthe people that are actually on
(19:52):
the big stage or in the mainpart of the.
And I take my job.
You know most people wouldn'tthink oh man, you feel like you
play a very crucial role in yourjob, but I really do.
I know what happens when my jobrole is not being fulfilled.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
So I don't ever look down upon my role.
I look like I have to show upand play hard and do what I have
to do in order to make thisrole have a purpose and a
meaning.
Make this role have a purposeand a meaning.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
And that's a really good mindset for people who are
in a support service team.
I am too, and I totally getthat.
So let's say you are in theright game and you're just
preparing, you're planning.
You're not quite playing allthe time, but there is going to
(20:45):
be an opportunity for sure.
It's when that person calls offsick, or when that person is no
longer there or they realizeman, we should have had him in
the meeting the whole time.
Now let's bring him in andlet's catch him up.
Let's hear what he has to say.
Ready, set, go Right.
(21:05):
So it's being preparedemotionally, mentally and
professionally, knowing that youare going to have the
opportunity.
I've seen real-life cases,corey, where even during crisis
like COVID, or even in themoment that we're in now, that
substituting is a real thing.
Okay, we're going to sub you in, we're going to have you cover
(21:28):
this.
You've never done it before,but you can do it.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
I'm seeing that on such a regular basis right now
because people are just pivoting, because they have no other.
I don't want to say they don'thave any other choice, but what
I will say is that leadership isvery demanding of a higher
standard right now, and so theywant to see what people can
actually put on the table andwhat they can bring.
(21:55):
And if you're just bringing thesame old thing or you've been
bringing very minimal to theplaying field, they want to see
what other people have.
And so if you've been preparing, here's your chance, here's
your opportunity.
I think it's just going to getmore like that than the other
way around.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
Exactly, and I think a skill that's very much needed
is creativity and innovation,and we also need to flex as
leaders, to actually take thetime to listen.
Quit trying to run the plays.
The plays aren't working.
It's time for something new,because we're in new territory.
Right, we're facing challengesand crises that were unexpected.
(22:39):
The game has changed, playersare different, so we're still in
the game, but we got to figureit out and it's the team that
actually does the work.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, and I'm going to call another elephant in the
room right now.
You know, ageism is a realthing and in the workplace, if
you're looked at as one of theolder people older employees,
employees a lot of times youdon't get a chance to say what
you, what's on your mind.
They want to hear the new andcool and hip and innovative
(23:13):
creative, as you said and so yougot to make space for yourself,
you know, or?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
dude, yell out the play from the bench.
Just because you're on thebench doesn't mean you have to
be quiet again.
I've never played ball, but ifyou sent me on the bench I'd be
like cheering the team on,saying what the heck is
happening, you know, like I'dprobably be like mini coaching
from the bench you would be backin the locker room for sure so
I've learned.
(23:39):
I'm just taking in all theconcepts that you brought
forward, Corey.
And so when?
Because you mentioned strategy,right, and so do you think that
every championship team needsreliable bench players?
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Oh, absolutely that's a must.
That's a must have because, asyou said, someone could be
injured, someone could be sick.
Someone could just sick, someonecould just not be on their game
.
And it happens, you know, wesee it every day at work.
Someone comes in and you'relike what is wrong with
so-and-so?
Why are they not responding,why are they not talking?
(24:17):
And we just don't know.
We don't know what's going onin people's lives and how many
roadblocks they've had or howmany speed bumps they've run
over and just said you know what?
I can't today, I just can't.
So you need someone to be ableto step up.
But if everybody is used tobeing on the bench twiddling
their thumbs, it's a problem.
(24:38):
So that's why we have to beready as co-workers and team
members and all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, yeah, I can think of people who may not be
front and center and we're inthat top five playing the game.
But, man, the people that areon the bench and doing the
behind-the-scenes stuff, theygive such great perspective.
The behind the scenes stuff,they give such great perspective
(25:09):
and I think it's the perfectspace to be in to build your
self-awareness, be able to getready to manage yourself and
also observe relationships andpeople, so that way, when you do
get in and play, like you said,corey, you're already aware of
tactics, you already have yourstrategies in place, you've seen
the players on your team andthe other teams and you're just
able to flow beautifully, Ithink.
(25:30):
I think just because you're notthe MVP does it mean you're not
as valuable as the MVP you knowwhat I mean.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I agree A hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
All right, so things that I'm taking for me, and if
anyone wants to join me, pleasefeel free to do so, but I'm
gonna look this week to preparefor my call-up.
So whenever I'm off the benchbecause I think in life everyone
has a bench they sit on.
You're not playing ineverything, and if you are, well
(26:02):
, get some rest okay right.
So I know, example, in the bookwriting for the Fuzzy Furry
Forest, I've been on the benchand you called me up and you
said, okay, it's call-up time,we're co-writing, and I was
ready because we had alreadybeen talking and working
together, because we had alreadybeen talking and working
(26:23):
together and so there areprojects right now that I'm
working on that.
I feel I'm just observing andlearning and I'm waiting for the
call up and so I'm going tolook this week.
I had a big call up on Friday.
I had to cover someone and Ieven asked like, what does that
look like?
I don't even know what yourdaily you know what you're in
(26:45):
the life of your role for theday looks like.
But I answered the call.
I was like praying the wholetime Please don't give me
anything urgent.
Please don't give me anything Idon't know, please don't let me
get myself in trouble, rightyeah.
And what I loved is I was justgoing to hold on.
If I don't know, then I'm goingto find out about you know on
(27:09):
Monday and provide an answerthen.
But thankfully it was a smoothFriday, so that's what I'm going
to do is look for the call up.
What's something that you'dlike to challenge yourself and
our listeners to?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
I'd like to challenge maybe just observing a little
bit closer what's going on,paying attention to not only
what you're doing, but what yourcoworkers are doing, what your
bosses, managers, supervisors,whatever it may be.
Pay just a little bit moreclose attention, certain muscles
(27:49):
within the, in the in the brain, to remember oh, this is where
this happens and this is wherethis person says this or says
that.
And the reason why I'm being sovague is because I don't know
what it is that you do in youreveryday task.
I know what it is that I do, soI'm very much so aware that, um
(28:11):
, when those moments arise thatyou can step up to the plate and
play that position and helpsomeone out, it's better when
you're able to do it than whenyou're not able to do it.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
I love that.
I love that.
You know, corey, last week thepower of affirmations came my
way again.
You know how you practicesomething for a while you're
like I'm looking for somethingnew, maybe something a little
different, but affirmations cameup.
I was like I'm all about it, solet me close with some and then
we'll see where we go.
(28:45):
But, um, I may be out of on thebench, but I'm not out the game
, right?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Right.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
There's that.
I'm learning, growing andgetting stronger, even behind
the scenes.
Right.
And the last one is when mytime comes, I'll be ready to
shine.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
That's really good, jen, I like that.
I'm going to just say thisabout it's not an affirmation.
I'm going to just say thisabout it's not an affirmation
but I just always tell my leaderand I'm being serious I tell my
leader put me in coach, I'mready to play.
That way.
He knows if I need someone Ican call on.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Corey, that's good.
Oh, that reminds me of one ofthe leaders I worked with.
You know we always hear oh,make sure that as a leader,
you're available and willing.
She took, she elevated it andsaid willing and wanting.
Let your coach know that you'rewilling and you're wanting this
(29:46):
.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
You have to, because if you don't, he's looking for,
he or she is looking for the onethat is.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
That's right.
So if anyone in my life is mycoach in some aspect, I'm
willing and wanting.
I don't know if I like the waythat that did sound weird.
Anyhow, cory, thanks for takingus through this.
I feel so tapped into marchmadness and and the game of
(30:14):
basketball and life Indeed, well, you know us.
To take the elevator, we saylook up and let's elevate,
elevate.
That was 30 minutes to the T.
Wow, play the game well.
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