July 17, 2024 • 22 mins
The Tales of Bedlam crew picks up where Part One left off in this laugh-out-loud finale of Bremen Town Musicians. Our unlikely heroes—an aging donkey, a down-on-his-luck dog, a cynical cat, and a paranoid rooster—embark on a bizarre quest through the woods and stumble upon a suspiciously well-lit robber’s den.
Expect unexpected breaking news updates, mockery of fairy tale logic, and absurdly serious debates over picture windows and ghost robbers. Knob Twister and Sofa Sitter bring their signature chaotic energy and satirical commentary to the tale's explosive (and musical?) conclusion.
Perfect for fans of irreverent folklore, comedy podcasts, and bedtime stories gone sideways.
This episode is a replay from 2019-2021; please ignore any announcements during the episode.
For more Fairy Tale fun, follow, like, and share at...
If you have a question for us, email us at talesofbedlam@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:00):
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host, Knob TwisterYeehaw.
And now for the excitingconclusion of the Musicians of
Bremen.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:21):
Ooh.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:27):
If you don't know what's going on right
now, go back one week andlisten to the first one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:32):
Yes.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:34):
Part 2.
Yes, that's correct, part 2.
Of the Grimm's Fairy Tale,what's 2 in German?
Who knows Neins?
No, nein is no in German.
Who knows Nines?
No, nine is no in German.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:50):
I know that one.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:53):
Remember.
We want to bring out the fearof displacement and loss due to
old age and disability that youcan find in this story.
Nobody knows what you'retalking about anymore.
All the displacement and lossis over with.
That was in the first part.
Oh See, this is where this isthe good part.
(01:15):
This is where things get betterfor the musicians.
This is where it gets weird andsilly, or Spoiler.
Better.
If you'd like to say it, doesso.
Sofasitter, please start us offKilling me.
You're killing me.
Smalls, they could not reachthe city of Bremen in one day,
(01:36):
however Really I mean, you knowthis is a fairy tale.
They're old, yeah, but Old.
You ever seen an old donkey move?
They could have come upon aflying carpet.
They move pretty slow, okay,and in the evening they came to
a forest where they missed pastthe night.
(01:59):
They're camping.
It's a little old friend's campout.
That's pretty cool.
Camping it's his littlefriend's camp out, that's pretty
cool.
The donkey and the hound laidthemselves under a large tree.
That's good.
The cat and the cock settledthemselves in the branches.
Yeah, as they would, that'swhere I'd be, but.
But the cock flew right up tothe top, where he was the most
(02:22):
safe From the cat, because hewasn't going to sleep by the cat
.
That's right, because the catmight get some munchies.
And the cat's just lazy.
But now the cat's hungry.
So Well, the cat's so lazy he'snot going to climb to the top
of the tree, but if the roosterhad perched next to him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:40):
He'd have eaten him.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:45):
Before he went to sleep he looked around
on all four sides and thought hesaw in the distance a little
spark burning Weird.
So he called out to hiscompanions that there must be a
house not far off, for he saw alight.
Maybe it's a troll or a forestfire.
(03:07):
I don't think a forest firewould be a spark.
It's a start of a forest fire.
True that I think it's a trollfire.
Maybe it's just a campfire.
Why has it got to be a house?
It's a troll, troll, troll itis, the donkey said.
If so, we had better get up andgo on for shelter.
(03:31):
Here is bad man, everything'sjust so down with the donkey.
Thanks for noticing me.
Just like a.
Just like eeyore.
No, it's just like a face.
Uh, it's no, it's just like aface, it's just like a Are you
all right, it's a face likethree rainy days.
(03:56):
It's a three rainy day, donkey.
He's very sad.
The hound thought too that afew bones with some meat on
would do some good.
So they made their way to theplace where the light was and
(04:17):
soon saw it shine brighter andgrow larger.
It's troll.
Until they came to the troll,den Dun-dun-dun, bones scattered
the ground and then Gandalfshowed up.
What, gandalf?
What are you doing here?
That's what happened.
(04:37):
I thought you were dead.
Well, he's Gandalf the White.
Now, that's right, turns themall to stone.
No, none of this happened.
So until they came to awell-lighted robber's house,
didn't have a sign.
I don't know.
How do they know it's arobber's house?
Is it on the mailbox?
(04:58):
Home of the robbers?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:01):
Did they have the?
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:02):
little tile thing flapping in the wind
with a mask on it, a littlebandit mask 1432, thieves Way
the crap.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:12):
They don't know.
It's a robber's house.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:16):
They're just assuming.
The donkey as the biggest wentto the window and looked in.
That's a good plan.
I think you said before maybethey'll have like robber masks
on.
Well, they don't know that.
Now it's to conceal theiridentity, right.
But they came upon a house andimmediately said it was a
(05:37):
robber's house it had to havesome sign outside.
I wouldn't advertise that if Iwas a thief.
Well, I wouldn't advertise thatif I was a thief.
Well, I wouldn't either, it'skind of might lead the local
police department to your place.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:52):
There's no afford your hideout.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:55):
Maybe it's the robber's guild.
So the donkey was the biggest,so he went to look into the
window.
Good plan.
Donkey was the biggest, so hewent to look into the window
Good plan.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:09):
This just in Unrelated to previous
reporting of barnyard boy bands.
We are getting reports of aspree of robberies in Bremen.
Micah (Knob Twister (06:23):
Authorities are advising at this time to
latch your doors and keep yourhearth fires burning brightly.
It's back.
Oh my gosh, I thought we weredone with this.
I, you know, I like.
I went through my software andeverything.
I checked all my bugs.
I can't figure out where thisis coming from.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:40):
I don't know.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:40):
I'm still on.
Do not disturb, it's not comingfrom me, but it seems to know
an awful lot about what we'retalking about.
You know, I think I might justgo and lock the door.
I'll be right back.
You didn't leave.
(07:01):
Well, I'll put the soundeffects in later.
Okay, so I'm back.
I'm just a little worried.
You know that, that the crimespree.
I would really hate for someoneto come in and steal.
You know, our tv, my drink,kids, um, your good whiskey,
yeah, while we're just up hererecording in the record bedroom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:24):
Well, didn't they say, it was in
Bremen?
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:26):
The studio bedroom.
It's quite a ways away, but younever know.
They did.
Oh yeah, you're right, this isin Germany.
Why are we getting broadcastnews from Germany and why is it
in English and not German?
So many questions, so fewanswers.
(07:46):
Well, I guess we should getback to the story Moving along.
What do you see?
My gray horse Asked the cock.
What do I see?
My gray horse Asked the cock.
What do I see?
Answered the donkey.
I just got it.
He called him a gray horse.
I don't get it.
Ha, Is that an insult to thedonkey?
(08:09):
He's an old horse-like creature.
He's a gray horse.
This is a Gandalf joke.
Old horse-like creature.
He's a gray horse.
This is a Gandalf joke.
What do I see?
Answered the donkey A tablecovered with good things to eat
and drink and robbers sitting atit enjoying themselves.
(08:29):
Me and Debbie Downer what thatwould be the sort of thing for
us, said the cock.
I agree wholeheartedly.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:41):
Good things to eat drink.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:45):
Yes, yes, oh, if only we were there, said
the donkey.
Then the animals took counseltogether how they should manage
to drive away the robbers and atlast they thought of a plan.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:00):
It's always good to have a plan they
conspired Mission impossible.
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:06):
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, dun dun dun, dun, dun.
The donkey was to place himselfwith his four feet upon the
window ledge, the hound was tojump up on the donkey's back,
the cat was to climb upon thedog and, lastly, the cock was to
(09:27):
fly up and perch upon the headof the cat.
This is a weird plan.
When this was done, at a givensignal, they began to perform
their music together.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Do they have the lute and thedrums with them?
I assume so.
Otherwise they are goingacapella.
There was a report of acapellabands.
(09:49):
That is true.
I remember we had a breakingnews update on that.
So they're going to make atotem pole and then play music.
Pretty much Okay.
It would probably soundsomething like this no, it don't
, it would be awful.
Just give it a chance.
(10:09):
Sofusetter theater.
Dear god that that was I wish Ithink I wish I had some
chopsticks so I jam them into myeardrums.
(10:30):
I I thought that their upbeattempo and smooth jazz with a
hint of uh, r&b was it was just.
It was good.
That sounded like someoneskinning a coyote alive.
It sounded like three rainydays.
It was certainly awful andthere was no reason for it, and
(10:55):
my ears are ashamed of you.
The donkey brayed, the houndbarked, the cat mewed and the
cock crowed.
So they don't have instruments,they're just singing.
No, I guess not.
They left their instruments upat their campsite maybe.
Then they burst through thewindow into the room, shattering
(11:16):
the glass.
So they made all this racketoutside the window.
And who burst through thewindow?
All of them, they, they.
How'd they do that?
How did the donkey get throughthe window?
This is one of those largepicture, large picture windows
so that passers-by cops can seewhat the robbers are doing in
(11:37):
their den.
See the masked men sittingaround with their huge picture
window.
And so that that unmarked vanhas a good view and can collect
evidence In early 1800s Germany.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:51):
Yes.
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:52):
Yes, of course I'm sorry, unmarked
carriage.
Of course I'm sorry, unmarkedcarriage, holy crap.
All right.
So the donkeys threw thepicture glass.
At this horrible din, therobbers sprang up what Thinking
that there was no other optionthan a ghost had come in and
(12:14):
fled in a great fright out intothe forest.
Ah, oh, dear lord, so thisghost is breaking windows, can't
they just like flit throughwalls?
That's true.
I don't think these robbers arevery smart.
No, they're not.
They're advertising.
Yep, for one are very smart.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:35):
No, they're not, they're advertising
.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:36):
Yep, for one, they're advertising.
Two, they have a picture offloor-to-ceiling giant picture
window that looks into the roomwhere they count their loot.
Yeah, something's off here.
Yeah, the four companions nowsat at the table.
Mm-hmm, what?
(12:58):
Okay, well, content with whatwas left Because the robbers are
gone now.
Right, but how did theseanimals sit at the table?
Sure, the rooster sat on thetable.
The cat sat on the table.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:09):
Mm-hmm, the dog could have sat in a
chair with his head at the table.
Okay, the donkey's not sat in achair.
With his head at the table.
Sat in a chair Okay, thedonkey's not sitting on a chair.
The donkey would have to juststand at the table, I think.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:21):
Thanks for noticing.
All right, the four companionsnow sat down at the table, well
content with what was left, andate as if they were going to
fast for a month.
So they were gluttonous, yes,as soon.
I wonder what the christ childthought of that.
As soon as the four menstrualshad done, they put out the light
and each sought for himself asleeping place according to his
(13:45):
nature and to what suited him,because they haven't really done
anything according to thenature so far.
True that I'm.
I'm not arguing, man.
This just gets weirder andweirder, just like they do every
time the donkey laid himselfdown upon some straw in the yard
.
So they broke into this house sohe could go sleep in the yard.
(14:08):
That's right.
Nobody knows what's going on.
The hound behind the door, thecat upon the hearth near the
warm ashes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:18):
That sounds good.
It's a kitty spot.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:21):
And the cock perched himself upon a beam
of the roof.
He roosted and, being tiredfrom their long walk, they soon
went to sleep.
I hear you, buddy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:36):
Update.
Cia and cooperating agencieshave announced the roaming band
of aging animals known as theBarnyard Boys do not pose a
threat.
They have been booked for abenefit concert in Bremen for
the victims of the recent spreeof robberies.
You can purchase tickets atStubHub.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:58):
I'm baffled.
I'm in.
Where's my wallet?
Do you have StubHub on your?
Phone oh my gosh, let me look,we have got.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:08):
I mean it's a good cause.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:10):
It's a good cause, Dustin.
Yeah, but it's horrible music.
Just go to iTunes and downloadthe app.
I'll give you my credit cardand we're going to go.
I'll give you my credit cardand we're going to go.
Thank you, strange Germannewscasting service that keeps
breaking into my bedroom wherewe record our podcast.
(15:31):
I guess you can't say no to abenefit concert, but I'm
bringing earplugs.
Oh, and it's a good cause.
Oh, good Lord.
The tickets are $75.
Gee many.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:44):
Christmas.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:44):
Yeah, but it comes with a free bale of hay
, ah, and I hope that it comeswith free chopsticks.
Moving along past that completewaste of money.
When it was past midnight, therobbers saw from afar that the
light was no longer burning intheir house and all appeared
quiet, but they thought that wasa ghost.
(16:05):
Whatever the captain said, weought not to have let ourselves
be frightened out of our wits no, you should not have and
ordered one of them to go andexamine the house.
Who drew that straw?
Maybe they did draw straws,they had had to have.
The messenger, finding all,still, went into the kitchen to
(16:25):
light a candle and, taking theglistening fiery eyes of the cat
For live coals, he held alucifer match to them to light
it.
Whoa, whoa, what's a lucifermatch?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:39):
What is a lucifer match?
How come I didn't see that thefirst time through?
Is that the devil's?
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:42):
match.
Is that like the hellfire thatthey used in Greek fire?
I don't know, but this isgetting creepy.
But the cat did not understandthe joke, neither did I, and
flew in his face spitting andscratching.
Well, yeah, he tried to lightthe cat on fire.
Cats don't usually go for that,not that I'd know.
(17:08):
He was dreadfully frightenedand ran to the back door, but
the dog who lay there sprang upand bit his leg and as he ran
across the yard by the dunghill,what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:22):
The dunghill.
He says dunghill what?
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:24):
The dunghill.
It really says dunghill.
That's gross.
Why is a donkey sleeping by thedunghill?
He's not coming up in the world, is he?
He's sleeping in crap In thestraw by the dunghill.
Why is there a dunghill?
Well, they gotta put that stuffsomewhere.
They don't have plumbing.
(17:45):
They couldn't dig a hole, theywouldn't make a hill then, you
know what they need.
We've already established theserobbers weren't smart to begin
with.
How long have they been there?
That there's a hill, thatthat's a lot of crap.
You know what they need.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:01):
They need indoor plumbing oh, yeah, those
are cool, you know when myplumbing doesn't work.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:09):
Instead of calling a plumber, I just order
for some dung beetles fromafrica.
You can get them too.
Uh, they just roll it up in aball and take it out, yeah what
a whole line of them.
Just go out my back door, andthey don't't.
I never got to the end of thedocumentary.
I didn't figure out what thedung beetles did with it.
Well, they lay eggs in them.
(18:29):
Gross I'm done.
That's why I didn't.
I didn't want to know.
That's why I didn't finish it.
I just thought it was funny.
I'm rolling it around.
The donkey gave him a smartkick with his hind foot.
Yowch, that's not a smart kick,oh, that's an ouch.
The cock too, who had beenawakened by the noise and had
(18:53):
become lively, cried down fromthe beam.
Cock-a-doodle-doo, he's gettinginto it cheering him on.
Then the robber ran back fast ashe could to his captain and
said oh, there's a horriblewitch sitting in the house who
spat on me and scratched my facewith her long claws oh my, and
by the door stands a man with aknife who stabbed me in the leg.
(19:14):
Hmm, I think he'smisinterpreting this.
Well, he didn't know.
And in the yard lies a blackmonster who beat me with a
wooden club, and above upon theroof sits the judge who called
out Bring the rogue here to me.
So I got his way as well as Icould.
Wow, kick their butts.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:41):
Newsflash.
The CIA is now investigatingreports of a new gang roaming
the area of Bremen, consistingof a witch, a slasher and a
black monster.
Please stay tuned for detailsas we receive them.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:00):
These newscasts?
They can't get anything right.
A slasher, A slasher.
A witchher, a witch and a blackmonster.
Oh my, oh my fake news.
You think they do a littleresearch before they release
this and get the public allexcited?
Still, I'm gonna go load myshotgun, just to be safe.
(20:21):
Oh, this is in germany, myshotgun just to be safe.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:28):
Oh, this is in germany, but you never
know the robbers didn't hang out, but the newscast is here.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:31):
It's like bouncing off mars or something
weird satellite thing, I don'tknow.
I still don't know what's goingon.
I'm confused.
Well, I guess we gotta finishthe story, though.
After this, the robbers neveragain dared enter the house.
They were done with that.
But it suited the fourmusicians of Bremen so well that
(20:53):
they did not care to leave itanymore, and the mouth of him
who last told the story is stillwarm.
It's true, he may have justrecently died, but his lips are
still warm.
I'm the last one who told thestory, and my mouth is warm.
Oh, that would go for me too.
Nicely done.
You didn't touch your tongue,though, like I did, so you don't
(21:14):
even know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:16):
You could have a cold tongue.
Micah (Knob Twister) (21:17):
My lips feel nice.
This is getting weird.
So they lived happily everafter in the house.
That's it.
They didn't go on to becomemusicians, apparently, but
they're booked In Bremen.
What the heck Right?
Maybe they're still going to go.
(21:37):
I wouldn't worry too much aboutit.
Dustin Bing oh God, I thought Iturned that off.
Oh yeah, look at this.
Tickets canceled sub hub.
What?
yeah, I was still lookingforward to that.
No, I can't say that's theworst thing in the world, but uh
(21:59):
, oh, and we don't get theprocessing feedback.
That what?
That's perfect.
What a bunch of crap.
Oh, I hate StubHub.
I'm not doing StubHub anymore,that's for sure.
Just delete that app.
That's all for today.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:15):
It is all for today.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:18):
If you like what you heard, go to our
website at TalesOfBedlamcom.
Comment on this episode.
Dot com, and the mouth of himwho last told this story is
still warm.
Good night Bye.
What a weird ass story.
(22:45):
I see I was about a donkey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:49):
Oh boy.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host, Knob TwisterYeehaw.
And now for the excitingconclusion of the Musicians of
Bremen.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:21):
Ooh.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:27):
If you don't know what's going on right
now, go back one week andlisten to the first one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:32):
Yes.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:34):
Part 2.
Yes, that's correct, part 2.
Of the Grimm's Fairy Tale,what's 2 in German?
Who knows Neins?
No, nein is no in German.
Who knows Nines?
No, nine is no in German.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:50):
I know that one.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:53):
Remember.
We want to bring out the fearof displacement and loss due to
old age and disability that youcan find in this story.
Nobody knows what you'retalking about anymore.
All the displacement and lossis over with.
That was in the first part.
Oh See, this is where this isthe good part.
(01:15):
This is where things get betterfor the musicians.
This is where it gets weird andsilly, or Spoiler.
Better.
If you'd like to say it, doesso.
Sofasitter, please start us offKilling me.
You're killing me.
Smalls, they could not reachthe city of Bremen in one day,
(01:36):
however Really I mean, you knowthis is a fairy tale.
They're old, yeah, but Old.
You ever seen an old donkey move?
They could have come upon aflying carpet.
They move pretty slow, okay,and in the evening they came to
a forest where they missed pastthe night.
(01:59):
They're camping.
It's a little old friend's campout.
That's pretty cool.
Camping it's his littlefriend's camp out, that's pretty
cool.
The donkey and the hound laidthemselves under a large tree.
That's good.
The cat and the cock settledthemselves in the branches.
Yeah, as they would, that'swhere I'd be, but.
But the cock flew right up tothe top, where he was the most
(02:22):
safe From the cat, because hewasn't going to sleep by the cat
.
That's right, because the catmight get some munchies.
And the cat's just lazy.
But now the cat's hungry.
So Well, the cat's so lazy he'snot going to climb to the top
of the tree, but if the roosterhad perched next to him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:40):
He'd have eaten him.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:45):
Before he went to sleep he looked around
on all four sides and thought hesaw in the distance a little
spark burning Weird.
So he called out to hiscompanions that there must be a
house not far off, for he saw alight.
Maybe it's a troll or a forestfire.
(03:07):
I don't think a forest firewould be a spark.
It's a start of a forest fire.
True that I think it's a trollfire.
Maybe it's just a campfire.
Why has it got to be a house?
It's a troll, troll, troll itis, the donkey said.
If so, we had better get up andgo on for shelter.
(03:31):
Here is bad man, everything'sjust so down with the donkey.
Thanks for noticing me.
Just like a.
Just like eeyore.
No, it's just like a face.
Uh, it's no, it's just like aface, it's just like a Are you
all right, it's a face likethree rainy days.
(03:56):
It's a three rainy day, donkey.
He's very sad.
The hound thought too that afew bones with some meat on
would do some good.
So they made their way to theplace where the light was and
(04:17):
soon saw it shine brighter andgrow larger.
It's troll.
Until they came to the troll,den Dun-dun-dun, bones scattered
the ground and then Gandalfshowed up.
What, gandalf?
What are you doing here?
That's what happened.
(04:37):
I thought you were dead.
Well, he's Gandalf the White.
Now, that's right, turns themall to stone.
No, none of this happened.
So until they came to awell-lighted robber's house,
didn't have a sign.
I don't know.
How do they know it's arobber's house?
Is it on the mailbox?
(04:58):
Home of the robbers?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:01):
Did they have the?
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:02):
little tile thing flapping in the wind
with a mask on it, a littlebandit mask 1432, thieves Way
the crap.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:12):
They don't know.
It's a robber's house.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:16):
They're just assuming.
The donkey as the biggest wentto the window and looked in.
That's a good plan.
I think you said before maybethey'll have like robber masks
on.
Well, they don't know that.
Now it's to conceal theiridentity, right.
But they came upon a house andimmediately said it was a
(05:37):
robber's house it had to havesome sign outside.
I wouldn't advertise that if Iwas a thief.
Well, I wouldn't advertise thatif I was a thief.
Well, I wouldn't either, it'skind of might lead the local
police department to your place.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:52):
There's no afford your hideout.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:55):
Maybe it's the robber's guild.
So the donkey was the biggest,so he went to look into the
window.
Good plan.
Donkey was the biggest, so hewent to look into the window
Good plan.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:09):
This just in Unrelated to previous
reporting of barnyard boy bands.
We are getting reports of aspree of robberies in Bremen.
Micah (Knob Twister (06:23):
Authorities are advising at this time to
latch your doors and keep yourhearth fires burning brightly.
It's back.
Oh my gosh, I thought we weredone with this.
I, you know, I like.
I went through my software andeverything.
I checked all my bugs.
I can't figure out where thisis coming from.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:40):
I don't know.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:40):
I'm still on.
Do not disturb, it's not comingfrom me, but it seems to know
an awful lot about what we'retalking about.
You know, I think I might justgo and lock the door.
I'll be right back.
You didn't leave.
(07:01):
Well, I'll put the soundeffects in later.
Okay, so I'm back.
I'm just a little worried.
You know that, that the crimespree.
I would really hate for someoneto come in and steal.
You know, our tv, my drink,kids, um, your good whiskey,
yeah, while we're just up hererecording in the record bedroom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:24):
Well, didn't they say, it was in
Bremen?
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:26):
The studio bedroom.
It's quite a ways away, but younever know.
They did.
Oh yeah, you're right, this isin Germany.
Why are we getting broadcastnews from Germany and why is it
in English and not German?
So many questions, so fewanswers.
(07:46):
Well, I guess we should getback to the story Moving along.
What do you see?
My gray horse Asked the cock.
What do I see?
My gray horse Asked the cock.
What do I see?
Answered the donkey.
I just got it.
He called him a gray horse.
I don't get it.
Ha, Is that an insult to thedonkey?
(08:09):
He's an old horse-like creature.
He's a gray horse.
This is a Gandalf joke.
Old horse-like creature.
He's a gray horse.
This is a Gandalf joke.
What do I see?
Answered the donkey A tablecovered with good things to eat
and drink and robbers sitting atit enjoying themselves.
(08:29):
Me and Debbie Downer what thatwould be the sort of thing for
us, said the cock.
I agree wholeheartedly.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:41):
Good things to eat drink.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:45):
Yes, yes, oh, if only we were there, said
the donkey.
Then the animals took counseltogether how they should manage
to drive away the robbers and atlast they thought of a plan.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:00):
It's always good to have a plan they
conspired Mission impossible.
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:06):
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,
bum, dun dun dun, dun, dun.
The donkey was to place himselfwith his four feet upon the
window ledge, the hound was tojump up on the donkey's back,
the cat was to climb upon thedog and, lastly, the cock was to
(09:27):
fly up and perch upon the headof the cat.
This is a weird plan.
When this was done, at a givensignal, they began to perform
their music together.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Do they have the lute and thedrums with them?
I assume so.
Otherwise they are goingacapella.
There was a report of acapellabands.
(09:49):
That is true.
I remember we had a breakingnews update on that.
So they're going to make atotem pole and then play music.
Pretty much Okay.
It would probably soundsomething like this no, it don't
, it would be awful.
Just give it a chance.
(10:09):
Sofusetter theater.
Dear god that that was I wish Ithink I wish I had some
chopsticks so I jam them into myeardrums.
(10:30):
I I thought that their upbeattempo and smooth jazz with a
hint of uh, r&b was it was just.
It was good.
That sounded like someoneskinning a coyote alive.
It sounded like three rainydays.
It was certainly awful andthere was no reason for it, and
(10:55):
my ears are ashamed of you.
The donkey brayed, the houndbarked, the cat mewed and the
cock crowed.
So they don't have instruments,they're just singing.
No, I guess not.
They left their instruments upat their campsite maybe.
Then they burst through thewindow into the room, shattering
(11:16):
the glass.
So they made all this racketoutside the window.
And who burst through thewindow?
All of them, they, they.
How'd they do that?
How did the donkey get throughthe window?
This is one of those largepicture, large picture windows
so that passers-by cops can seewhat the robbers are doing in
(11:37):
their den.
See the masked men sittingaround with their huge picture
window.
And so that that unmarked vanhas a good view and can collect
evidence In early 1800s Germany.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:51):
Yes.
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:52):
Yes, of course I'm sorry, unmarked
carriage.
Of course I'm sorry, unmarkedcarriage, holy crap.
All right.
So the donkeys threw thepicture glass.
At this horrible din, therobbers sprang up what Thinking
that there was no other optionthan a ghost had come in and
(12:14):
fled in a great fright out intothe forest.
Ah, oh, dear lord, so thisghost is breaking windows, can't
they just like flit throughwalls?
That's true.
I don't think these robbers arevery smart.
No, they're not.
They're advertising.
Yep, for one are very smart.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:35):
No, they're not, they're advertising
.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:36):
Yep, for one, they're advertising.
Two, they have a picture offloor-to-ceiling giant picture
window that looks into the roomwhere they count their loot.
Yeah, something's off here.
Yeah, the four companions nowsat at the table.
Mm-hmm, what?
(12:58):
Okay, well, content with whatwas left Because the robbers are
gone now.
Right, but how did theseanimals sit at the table?
Sure, the rooster sat on thetable.
The cat sat on the table.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:09):
Mm-hmm, the dog could have sat in a
chair with his head at the table.
Okay, the donkey's not sat in achair.
With his head at the table.
Sat in a chair Okay, thedonkey's not sitting on a chair.
The donkey would have to juststand at the table, I think.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:21):
Thanks for noticing.
All right, the four companionsnow sat down at the table, well
content with what was left, andate as if they were going to
fast for a month.
So they were gluttonous, yes,as soon.
I wonder what the christ childthought of that.
As soon as the four menstrualshad done, they put out the light
and each sought for himself asleeping place according to his
(13:45):
nature and to what suited him,because they haven't really done
anything according to thenature so far.
True that I'm.
I'm not arguing, man.
This just gets weirder andweirder, just like they do every
time the donkey laid himselfdown upon some straw in the yard
.
So they broke into this house sohe could go sleep in the yard.
(14:08):
That's right.
Nobody knows what's going on.
The hound behind the door, thecat upon the hearth near the
warm ashes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:18):
That sounds good.
It's a kitty spot.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:21):
And the cock perched himself upon a beam
of the roof.
He roosted and, being tiredfrom their long walk, they soon
went to sleep.
I hear you, buddy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:36):
Update.
Cia and cooperating agencieshave announced the roaming band
of aging animals known as theBarnyard Boys do not pose a
threat.
They have been booked for abenefit concert in Bremen for
the victims of the recent spreeof robberies.
You can purchase tickets atStubHub.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:58):
I'm baffled.
I'm in.
Where's my wallet?
Do you have StubHub on your?
Phone oh my gosh, let me look,we have got.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:08):
I mean it's a good cause.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:10):
It's a good cause, Dustin.
Yeah, but it's horrible music.
Just go to iTunes and downloadthe app.
I'll give you my credit cardand we're going to go.
I'll give you my credit cardand we're going to go.
Thank you, strange Germannewscasting service that keeps
breaking into my bedroom wherewe record our podcast.
(15:31):
I guess you can't say no to abenefit concert, but I'm
bringing earplugs.
Oh, and it's a good cause.
Oh, good Lord.
The tickets are $75.
Gee many.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:44):
Christmas.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:44):
Yeah, but it comes with a free bale of hay
, ah, and I hope that it comeswith free chopsticks.
Moving along past that completewaste of money.
When it was past midnight, therobbers saw from afar that the
light was no longer burning intheir house and all appeared
quiet, but they thought that wasa ghost.
(16:05):
Whatever the captain said, weought not to have let ourselves
be frightened out of our wits no, you should not have and
ordered one of them to go andexamine the house.
Who drew that straw?
Maybe they did draw straws,they had had to have.
The messenger, finding all,still, went into the kitchen to
(16:25):
light a candle and, taking theglistening fiery eyes of the cat
For live coals, he held alucifer match to them to light
it.
Whoa, whoa, what's a lucifermatch?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:39):
What is a lucifer match?
How come I didn't see that thefirst time through?
Is that the devil's?
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:42):
match.
Is that like the hellfire thatthey used in Greek fire?
I don't know, but this isgetting creepy.
But the cat did not understandthe joke, neither did I, and
flew in his face spitting andscratching.
Well, yeah, he tried to lightthe cat on fire.
Cats don't usually go for that,not that I'd know.
(17:08):
He was dreadfully frightenedand ran to the back door, but
the dog who lay there sprang upand bit his leg and as he ran
across the yard by the dunghill,what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:22):
The dunghill.
He says dunghill what?
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:24):
The dunghill.
It really says dunghill.
That's gross.
Why is a donkey sleeping by thedunghill?
He's not coming up in the world, is he?
He's sleeping in crap In thestraw by the dunghill.
Why is there a dunghill?
Well, they gotta put that stuffsomewhere.
They don't have plumbing.
(17:45):
They couldn't dig a hole, theywouldn't make a hill then, you
know what they need.
We've already established theserobbers weren't smart to begin
with.
How long have they been there?
That there's a hill, thatthat's a lot of crap.
You know what they need.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:01):
They need indoor plumbing oh, yeah, those
are cool, you know when myplumbing doesn't work.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:09):
Instead of calling a plumber, I just order
for some dung beetles fromafrica.
You can get them too.
Uh, they just roll it up in aball and take it out, yeah what
a whole line of them.
Just go out my back door, andthey don't't.
I never got to the end of thedocumentary.
I didn't figure out what thedung beetles did with it.
Well, they lay eggs in them.
(18:29):
Gross I'm done.
That's why I didn't.
I didn't want to know.
That's why I didn't finish it.
I just thought it was funny.
I'm rolling it around.
The donkey gave him a smartkick with his hind foot.
Yowch, that's not a smart kick,oh, that's an ouch.
The cock too, who had beenawakened by the noise and had
(18:53):
become lively, cried down fromthe beam.
Cock-a-doodle-doo, he's gettinginto it cheering him on.
Then the robber ran back fast ashe could to his captain and
said oh, there's a horriblewitch sitting in the house who
spat on me and scratched my facewith her long claws oh my, and
by the door stands a man with aknife who stabbed me in the leg.
(19:14):
Hmm, I think he'smisinterpreting this.
Well, he didn't know.
And in the yard lies a blackmonster who beat me with a
wooden club, and above upon theroof sits the judge who called
out Bring the rogue here to me.
So I got his way as well as Icould.
Wow, kick their butts.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:41):
Newsflash.
The CIA is now investigatingreports of a new gang roaming
the area of Bremen, consistingof a witch, a slasher and a
black monster.
Please stay tuned for detailsas we receive them.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:00):
These newscasts?
They can't get anything right.
A slasher, A slasher.
A witchher, a witch and a blackmonster.
Oh my, oh my fake news.
You think they do a littleresearch before they release
this and get the public allexcited?
Still, I'm gonna go load myshotgun, just to be safe.
(20:21):
Oh, this is in germany, myshotgun just to be safe.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:28):
Oh, this is in germany, but you never
know the robbers didn't hang out, but the newscast is here.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:31):
It's like bouncing off mars or something
weird satellite thing, I don'tknow.
I still don't know what's goingon.
I'm confused.
Well, I guess we gotta finishthe story, though.
After this, the robbers neveragain dared enter the house.
They were done with that.
But it suited the fourmusicians of Bremen so well that
(20:53):
they did not care to leave itanymore, and the mouth of him
who last told the story is stillwarm.
It's true, he may have justrecently died, but his lips are
still warm.
I'm the last one who told thestory, and my mouth is warm.
Oh, that would go for me too.
Nicely done.
You didn't touch your tongue,though, like I did, so you don't
(21:14):
even know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:16):
You could have a cold tongue.
Micah (Knob Twister) (21:17):
My lips feel nice.
This is getting weird.
So they lived happily everafter in the house.
That's it.
They didn't go on to becomemusicians, apparently, but
they're booked In Bremen.
What the heck Right?
Maybe they're still going to go.
(21:37):
I wouldn't worry too much aboutit.
Dustin Bing oh God, I thought Iturned that off.
Oh yeah, look at this.
Tickets canceled sub hub.
What?
yeah, I was still lookingforward to that.
No, I can't say that's theworst thing in the world, but uh
(21:59):
, oh, and we don't get theprocessing feedback.
That what?
That's perfect.
What a bunch of crap.
Oh, I hate StubHub.
I'm not doing StubHub anymore,that's for sure.
Just delete that app.
That's all for today.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:15):
It is all for today.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:18):
If you like what you heard, go to our
website at TalesOfBedlamcom.
Comment on this episode.
Dot com, and the mouth of himwho last told this story is
still warm.
Good night Bye.
What a weird ass story.
(22:45):
I see I was about a donkey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:49):
Oh boy.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.