June 19, 2024 • 24 mins
In this hilariously twisted retelling of the Polish fairy tale Carried Away by the Wind, Tales of Bedlam dives into the darkly magical world of Slavic folklore. When a vengeful magician curses a peasant to be swept through the skies for seven years, things take a turn for the bizarre—complete with knife rituals, mid-air proposals, and a surprise appearance by the legendary witch Baba Yaga.
Micah (Knob Twister) and Dustin (Sofa Sitter) do what they do best: dissect the absurdity, speculate wildly, and somehow bring levity to a story about starvation, betrayal, and knife-nados. You'll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you might just learn something about consecrated blades and 19th-century Russian tsars.
This episode is a windy ride through magical vengeance, reluctant romance, and comedic commentary you won’t find in your average fairy tale podcast.
This episode is actually a replay from 2019-2021; please ignore any announcements during the episode.
For more Fairy Tale fun, follow, like, and share at...
If you have a question for us, email us at talesofbedlam@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:06):
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host, Knob Twister.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:11):
And for posterity, I'm Sofasitter.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:17):
We're a podcast that takes fairy tales,
dissects them, tries to insert asmall amount of humor and then
spit them out at our adoringlisteners like word vomit.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:35):
You're also pretty and cute.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:38):
Today we're continuing on our Slavic
folklore, which we'll probablydo for quite some time, because
we really like Russia, Ukraine,Poland, Bulgaria, Serbia and
other countries.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:52):
We like all the Erbias.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:54):
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:55):
I really like Suburbia.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:57):
And today we have another Polish tale.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:01):
You're even laughing at my joke.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:03):
Sorry Ha ha, ha, ha ha.
Carried away by the wind.
Polish tale.
You didn't even laugh at myjoke, sorry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:09):
Carried away by the wind.
Oh, it was more Polish.
Yes, as in the sausage.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:14):
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:15):
Alright, a certain magician I like the way
this is starting.
I like that a lot.
Being angry with a youngpeasant, came to the hut where
he lived and stuck a new sharpknife under the threshold Isn't
that weird?
Repeating an incantation as hedid so.
(01:35):
So this isn't like a pick acard out of the deck magician.
This is like a wizard.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:42):
Yes, this is a super powerful pissed off
wizard.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:46):
Well, this is a super powerful pissed off
wizard.
Well, now you're just spoilingit just said so he said he's
angry.
A certain magician.
I think of David Copperfield orHarry Houdini.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:59):
No, this isn't fake.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:01):
Okay, accompanied by this wish this
isn't fake.
Okay, accompanied by this wish,may this peasant be seized and
carried away by the wind intothe air.
Amen, there to remain for sevenwhole years.
Micah (Knod Twister) (02:15):
Preach it, pastor, I mean wizard Wizard.
I just wanted to point outbecause I thought this was cool
Witches and maybe wizards Usedblack handled knives, called a
tames, in all their rituals,even today.
Okie dokie, that's not on mypaper, that's just something I
(02:38):
looked up, hidden knowledge.
Why would you look that up?
Well, because our previousstory, the demons dance, also
had a knife used in a ritual.
So I was like I need to lookthese knives up.
Maybe I can get me one of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:55):
Well, the other story was just a knife
blessed with holy water, but ithad to be new.
Micah (Knod Twister) (02:59):
You know we live in the Ozarks.
The next large tornado.
I need to have that consecratedknife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:07):
There's plenty of Catholic churches
around.
They keep the Holy Rotter rightby the door.
Micah (Knod Twister) (03:10):
Well, maybe I just need an attain,
maybe I should have one of bothand just throw both of them and
see what happens.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:17):
I'm ordained, I'll bless water for
you.
Micah (Knod Twister) (03:25):
I don't even know what to say.
It true, I'll show you mycertificate the peasant went
into the fields to make hay when, all of a sudden, a great wind
rose.
It scattered the hay over thefield and seized the peasant
himself.
In vain, he struggled.
In vain, he caught hold withhis strong, oh dear.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:56):
Is this a Sharknado story?
Micah (Knod Twister) (03:59):
Wait, cut that last part out.
That is not true.
It was not a Sharknado, it wasa Knife-nado.
I am not finishing the.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:05):
it was not a sharknado, it was a knife.
Nato.
I am not finishing the story ofthe sharknado uh born jason with
an e, born for some reason, uh,as if on the wings of the wind.
Among the clouds, he flew likea wild pigeon.
That was very poetic.
(04:25):
The sun began already todisappear in the west and the
hungry peasant could see thesmoke ascending from the
cottages in his village wheresupper was cooking.
I wonder if they're havingbrandy and bacon.
At one time he could almosttouch the chimney pots with his
(04:45):
feet and he screamed aloud forhelp.
But he screamed and wept invain.
No one heard his cries or sawhis bitter tears.
The end.
Micah (Knod Twister) (04:57):
That's a very sad story.
Dustin is literally teared up.
I'm going to need a tissue.
Wait, there's another page tothis.
Oh, there's more.
Oh, there is.
It's not over yet, dustin, thiscould still turn out good.
(05:17):
He was thus carried about inthe air for nearly three months.
You know, scratch, that this isnot good.
Let's just quit.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:27):
Well, I hope it was like Wizard of Oz
and there was cows flying aroundwith something to eat.
Micah (Knod Twister) (05:31):
And by that time, from hunger and
thirst had become dried up likea piece of wood.
Apparently there was not.
He traveled over a large partof the world, but the wind
carried him chiefly over thevillage where he had lived.
With tears in his eyes he wouldlook on the hut where dwelt his
betrothed it was very sad.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:55):
I'm trying to figure out how he's crying
if there's no water and he's allwithered up.
Micah (Knod Twister) (06:00):
He's dried up like a piece of wood.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:02):
So there's no tears.
Well, those are metaphoricaltears.
You know, you throw a piece ofwood, so there's no tears.
Well, those are metaphoricaltears.
Micah (Knod Twister) (06:07):
You know, you throw a piece of wood in the
fire, he crackles, sometimesbecause of the perspiration or
the water coming out from, likedeep in the wood.
Deep in the wood, water and sap.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:24):
I'm not sure that's relevant.
We'll move on.
Micah (Knod Twister) (06:28):
Will those deep feelings came out and with
them tears.
You feel me, I got you now Iguess I wouldn't know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:39):
I don't know anything about crying.
He would see her coming outwith dinner for some of the
family.
He would spread his thin coldarms towards her and call her by
name.
His voice would die in histhroat while the girl would not
even look up.
This is awful.
Oh man, away and away.
(07:00):
The peasant was born by thewind, born with an E, again, for
some reason, jason.
Presently he saw the cruelmagician standing before his own
house.
Micah (Knod Twister) (07:15):
Is the magician going to make a move on
his girl, the heck hey.
Spoiler.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:20):
I haven't read it.
I can't spoil it if I hadn'tread it.
Micah (Knod Twister) (07:23):
Well, you might just have.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:25):
Well, apparently I could write these
things.
The magician looked up andshouted to him Ah, I am not done
with you yet.
You shall be thus carried bythe wind over your own village
for seven long years.
You shall suffer constantly andwish you were dead, but you
(07:48):
shall not be able to die.
Okay, sorcerer Tim, what the um?
I want to know what this dudedid to the magician.
Jeez seems severe, what?
What did he do to tick him off?
Micah (Knod Twister) (08:02):
Oh, I, you know, I guess I can't say
anything oh all right, but it isweird because I don't think
that's ever answered.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:12):
I just want to make sure I don't do it.
Micah (Knod Twister) (08:14):
Oh, oh, my little father, my master,
forgive me if I I have offendedyou, Cried the poor fellow from
above.
Look at me.
See, my mouth is as dry as achip.
Look at my face and my hands.
The flesh is gone from them andthe bones only are left.
(08:37):
Have mercy on me.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:39):
Yeah, I don't think he's going to make
it to seven years.
Micah (Knod Twister) (08:42):
Do you want me to tell you about this
little bit on this?
I don't know if this is atangent, but I thought it was
kind of interesting because Iwas like, what's my little
father?
Yeah, what's my little father,don't you think that kind of
stood out.
It was kind of odd, I don'tknow.
Okay, so this might get cut out, but it's really interesting
(09:03):
because Nicholas II, the Tsar ofRussia, the Tsar Uh-huh, in
1894,.
He ruled over unmodernizedempire but he was perceived by
the masses as the divine power,like oh god okay all the money
and his name get.
(09:24):
This was a little father czarand it was really cool as he was
good buddies with rasputin ohthe magician, but other people
in other countries around, likePoland, had another nickname for
him other than the littlefather, nicholas the Bloody
(09:45):
Sweet.
Anyway, I thought that was kindof cool.
I thought that stood out.
So carry on, my good sir.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:51):
I think I'd rather be Nicholas the
Bloody.
Well that's a bit morbid.
The magician whispered a fewwords and the peasant stopped in
his circular motion andremained still in the air.
It is all very well to ask mypardon, but what will you
promise to give me if I let youdown?
Micah (Knod Twister) (10:14):
I'll let your ass fall, cried the poor
peasant, and he put his handstogether, as in supplication,
and knelt down in the air.
He knelt down in the air In theair, knelt, knelt in the air.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:28):
Will you give me your sweetheart,
demanded the magician.
I want her for my wife.
We're not going to ask herabout this.
Here we go, here we go.
If you will promise to give herto me, I will let you come down
once more to the earth.
Micah (Knod Twister) (10:48):
The peasant was silent for a moment
and thought to himself Well geez, when I am once more on the
ground, I'll see what can bedone.
He therefore called out to themagician you ask a great
sacrifice from me, but if itcan't not be otherwise, let it
be as you will hereupon, themagician blew upon him what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:14):
and he came down to the ground.
Oh, how happy he was when hefelt that he could walk and the
wind had no more power over him.
He hastened home before thedoor he met has betrothed and
she punched him in the face.
Um no, no, skip the facepunching part.
At the sight of her long lostlover, over whose fate she had
(11:38):
often wept, the astonished girlcried out with surprise Ah, that
was painful.
Micah (Knod Twister) (11:48):
The peasant pushed her gently aside
and went into the house Becausehe was freaking hungry.
He's dry as wood.
He probably was thirsty too.
He probably wanted some brandy,you and bacon.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:02):
Lady, you're not my concern anymore.
Out of my way, I'm hungry.
Micah (Knod Twister) (12:05):
That's right.
I need a Gatorade Stat, maybean IV there.
He saw the farmer who employedhim and said to him, with tears
in his eyes I can't serve youany longer, nor can I, oh dear
(12:31):
Nice.
And seeing how sorrowful washis thin, pale face, formerly so
fat and rosy, he asked thereason why he refused to marry
his daughter.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:46):
The peasant told him all his journey
in the air and the promise hehad made to the magician.
The farmer, having heard himout, bade the poor fellow to be
of good cheer.
Then he took a purse full ofmoney and went to a witch, baba
Yaga.
He went to a witch for advice.
Baba Yaga, of course he did,why wouldn't you?
When he returned in the eveninghe was smiling and happy and
(13:08):
said to the peasant Go tomorrowbefore daylight to the witch and
all will be right.
The peasant, weary as he was,went to bed.
(13:30):
Baba Yaga, what else would awitch be doing?
Micah (Knod Twister) (13:34):
The witch told him to stand quietly by,
wait over there while I burn myherbs, sir, I bet she cut her
herbs up with a tang, ablack-handled knife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:45):
I bet she ground them with a mortar and
pestle.
Micah (Knod Twister) (13:52):
Yes, the morning was calm and beautiful,
but suddenly a strong wind aroseand made the hut tremble.
Then the witch took the peasantinto the yard and told him look
up.
He raised his eyes and saw thewicked magician with nothing but
his nightshirt on, whirlinground and round in the air.
(14:13):
There is your enemy, said thewitch.
He will hurt you no more.
If you wish him to see yourwedding, do as I will tell you.
For the rest, he will sufferthe same punishment as he had
designed for you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:35):
This is all very magical and weird.
Micah (Knod Twister) (14:38):
Are they going to let?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:38):
him down in three months, or is he going
to have to do the full sevenyears?
Or is he not coming down at all?
I assume it's the seven years.
Micah (Knod Twister) (14:45):
That's what the magician, or the
warlock, was going to do to thepeasant, which I think is odd
that this poor guy doesn't get aname.
This entire story, he's justthe peasant, a peasant, which I
think is odd.
That this poor guy doesn't geta name, this entire story, he's
just the peasant, a peasant.
That peasant, let's call himthat piece of crap.
Peasant, let's call him JeffJeffrey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:06):
I like Jeff.
So what happens after sevenyears when the magician comes
around?
Then he comes and throws thepeasant or throws Jeff back in
the air.
He's christened Jeffrey.
We're not knighting people here.
Micah (Knod Twister) (15:19):
No, christened at birth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:23):
We have thus christened the peasant
Jeffrey, short for Jeff, alsoknown as Jeff.
The delighted peasant, jeff ranback home In a month's time.
He was married.
When the guests were dancing athis wedding, jeff went to the
yard, looked up and saw abovethe hut the magician spinning
(15:46):
round and round in the air.
He oh, wow, here we go.
He took a new knife and, aimingat the magician, threw it with
all his might.
Micah (Knod Twister) (15:57):
Nicely done, Jeff.
Those Polish people like theirknives and sausages.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:01):
The knives are worse.
Micah (Knod Twister) (16:04):
I would like to ask why it took him so
long to marry her A whole month,I mean.
She thought he was dead and hehad been floating around the
earth like a dry piece of woodfor three or four months, and
then he drags his feet for amonth before he marries her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:20):
And he had been floating around the earth
like a dry piece of wood forthree or four months and then he
takes, he drags his feet for amonth before he marries her.
Micah (Knod Twister) (16:25):
Well, he had to rehydrate and get some
fat rosy cheeks back.
You're right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:28):
I guess that would have taken some time.
He had rented a tuxedo already,and now he didn't fit in it.
Micah (Knod Twister) (16:34):
Oh yeah, he had to fill that out.
Good point, good point, goodpoint.
The magic, the big bit, the big, big, big, big big, if my mouth
will show up today.
The magician fell down and thenit was seen that he was nailed
by the foot to the ground, goodLord.
Thus he was obliged to stand bythe window, a miserable witness
(16:58):
of the happiness of the peasantJeffrey and his friends Jeff
and friends Jeff and friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:05):
Sounds like a good sitcom, yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister) (17:08):
Jeff and friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:09):
Oh, we don't need to sing about it, we
really don't.
Micah (Knod Twister) (17:12):
Come and join us for another round.
Here we go, Jeff and friends.
They love to drink brandy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:20):
Throw knives at wizards.
On the following morning, themagician had disappeared from
before the hut.
See, this is concerning to me.
Some people said they saw himflying through the air over a
large lake some miles off.
Seems oddly specific.
Before and behind him werelarge flocks of crows which, by
(17:43):
their crowing, told of hiscontinued flight through space.
Micah (Knod Twister) (17:50):
He's the first astronaut.
That's one small step for man.
Russia really did get therefirst.
This is Poland.
Poland really did get therefirst.
Who would have thought thePolish people would have ever
accomplished anything?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:07):
Mean Hurtful.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:11):
What do you mean?
Well, they are Polish.
Oh my gosh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:17):
I guess they did invent the sausage.
Polish people.
I don't really know anythingabout a Polish heritage, but I'm
sure there's plenty of famousPolish people.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:25):
Name one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:28):
Rasputin, apparently no, he's Russian.
I'll have to think about it,but I'm sure there is Sorry
Poland, my gosh who would havethought that.
Polish people would everaccomplish anything.
It's hurtful.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:47):
Apparently they're really good knife
throwers yes, they do love theirknives, all those people in the
circus that you know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:53):
They put the lady up against the board
and they throw the knives at her.
I bet those, those are allPolish.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:57):
Those are Polish people I bet yeah.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:01):
Hmm, yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:02):
That's a good point.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:03):
Now, you know.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:04):
Yeah, so what did you think about the
story?
It was good, it was different,it was different.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:12):
I think that's our first magician,
magician.
Have we had wizards?
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:14):
We've had, you know I don't think we've
had a wizard or a magician or awarlock.
Lots of witches, so I thoughtthat was pretty cool.
Devils yeah.
Imps.
Mannequins A good magicianDragons, giants, trolls.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:28):
I think they should have just called him
a wizard, because every time Iread magician, I'm just thinking
of pick a card.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:37):
David Copperfield.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:38):
Is this your card?
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:39):
Eaten by a tiger?
No, it wasn't, it was mauled.
What?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:45):
Oh wait You're thinking of Siegfried and
Roy.
Yes, they weren't evenmagicians Ding dong, they
weren't.
No, yes they, they were justtiger tamers.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:54):
No, they had a whole magic show.
Branson Missouri.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:57):
Siegfried and Roy.
Yeah, no, you're thinking ofPenn and Teller.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:02):
No.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:04):
No, I'm really confused.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:06):
I'm looking it up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:07):
I don't think Siegfried and Roy were
magicians.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:10):
Let's look it up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:11):
They were just tiger tamers.
And then one of the tigers justgot sick of it and was like you
look tasty.
Nom, nom, nom nom.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:20):
Then they were in Vegas.
Yeah, it was Siegfried and Roy.
Magician dies Killed him.
Yeah, mauled by a tiger.
They were a magician.
The world lost one of the mostmajestic creatures and I have
lost a brother, said Ron Horn,despite being hospitalized in
critical condition in 2003 afterthe white tiger attacked him
(20:41):
during a show.
Las vegas performers c3 and roysaid goodbye to the beloved
white tiger.
They killed it.
Well, after it mauls someone,it has the taste of human flesh.
Oh, that's baloney.
And it will eat that's a mythinsatiably until it dies of a
gorge.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:59):
That's just an excuse for stupid people
to kill animals.
Micah (Knod Twister) (21:04):
Well, we were both partially wrong and we
were both partially right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:08):
I didn't know.
They were magicians.
What did they make Tigersdisappear?
Maybe the tiger was tired ofthat crap.
They were Germans.
Micah (Knod Twister) (21:19):
Yeah, Siegfried do you think, and Roy,
that's like Roy Rogers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:25):
Yeah, roy, so they were.
Micah (Knod Twi (21:27):
German-American .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:28):
Well, I'm sure he was delicious and we
have gone far astray.
Micah (Knod Twister) (21:34):
We have I would really, really beg upon my
knees while floating in airWeird Kneel in air that you, the
listener, would please tellyour friends and family.
If you even sort of kind oflike our podcast, let them know
(21:55):
about us, Because we're awesome.
Well, that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:58):
And it's educational.
You can learn about Siegfriedand Louis.
That's funny.
Sometimes, Black Witch Knives Ican't remember the name of A
Tame, a Tains and Mortar andPestles Nice.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:13):
And if you don't think that's enough, you
can always go to our website atTalesOfBedlamcom.
Click on the swag, get at-shirt or two, share them with
your friends and family andbecome a walking billboard for
us.
Woohoo.
Good night.
Bye.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:35):
Siegfried, I don't think they are
magicians.
I think you just made that up.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:39):
It says right here Looking at Google.
That I can't see because it'sin.
I think you just made that up.
It says right here Looking at.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:41):
Google that I can't see because it's in
front of you.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:43):
You're correct.
Let me look, let's see here.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:49):
I thought they were just lion tamers.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:52):
No, it says mauled magician.
Mauled magician, yeah, and hedied.
Magicians and entertainers whobecame known for their
appearance with white lions andwhite tigers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:04):
Yeah, that was never a good idea.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:07):
His career ended October 3rd of 2003, when
the tiger just tore his faceoff.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:16):
I didn't know he died from that.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:18):
He was hospitalized in critical
condition.
Oh yeah, a tiger ate him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:24):
Wow, what a way to go.
Well, he went out doing what heloved.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:29):
Could you imagine being at that show and
seeing it happen?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:34):
Man, that would be awesome.
Well, that tiger didn't want tobe cut in half anymore.
He's like I'm sick of this.
Tired of your crap, roy.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:42):
There's a theory here on Google that says
that it was all staged so thatRoy could.
Really so he could retire and anenemy, and an enemy and an
anomaly and an anomaly, and thatword stupid.
He could just go and live hislife Like Elvis he's hanging out
(24:04):
with Elvis, with his tiger.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:06):
What weird .
I don't think it was staged.
They were magicians, though,apparently, so you don't know.
Micah (Knod Twister) (24:14):
Anonymity there you go.
Good job, good job you.
That's not a knife.
This time is a knife.
Is he still alive, paul Hogan?
No, he's dead Really.
Oh my gosh, we have to stoprecording.
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host, Knob Twister.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:11):
And for posterity, I'm Sofasitter.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:17):
We're a podcast that takes fairy tales,
dissects them, tries to insert asmall amount of humor and then
spit them out at our adoringlisteners like word vomit.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:35):
You're also pretty and cute.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:38):
Today we're continuing on our Slavic
folklore, which we'll probablydo for quite some time, because
we really like Russia, Ukraine,Poland, Bulgaria, Serbia and
other countries.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:52):
We like all the Erbias.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:54):
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (00:55):
I really like Suburbia.
Micah (Knod Twister) (00:57):
And today we have another Polish tale.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:01):
You're even laughing at my joke.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:03):
Sorry Ha ha, ha, ha ha.
Carried away by the wind.
Polish tale.
You didn't even laugh at myjoke, sorry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:09):
Carried away by the wind.
Oh, it was more Polish.
Yes, as in the sausage.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:14):
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:15):
Alright, a certain magician I like the way
this is starting.
I like that a lot.
Being angry with a youngpeasant, came to the hut where
he lived and stuck a new sharpknife under the threshold Isn't
that weird?
Repeating an incantation as hedid so.
(01:35):
So this isn't like a pick acard out of the deck magician.
This is like a wizard.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:42):
Yes, this is a super powerful pissed off
wizard.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:46):
Well, this is a super powerful pissed off
wizard.
Well, now you're just spoilingit just said so he said he's
angry.
A certain magician.
I think of David Copperfield orHarry Houdini.
Micah (Knod Twister) (01:59):
No, this isn't fake.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:01):
Okay, accompanied by this wish this
isn't fake.
Okay, accompanied by this wish,may this peasant be seized and
carried away by the wind intothe air.
Amen, there to remain for sevenwhole years.
Micah (Knod Twister) (02:15):
Preach it, pastor, I mean wizard Wizard.
I just wanted to point outbecause I thought this was cool
Witches and maybe wizards Usedblack handled knives, called a
tames, in all their rituals,even today.
Okie dokie, that's not on mypaper, that's just something I
(02:38):
looked up, hidden knowledge.
Why would you look that up?
Well, because our previousstory, the demons dance, also
had a knife used in a ritual.
So I was like I need to lookthese knives up.
Maybe I can get me one of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:55):
Well, the other story was just a knife
blessed with holy water, but ithad to be new.
Micah (Knod Twister) (02:59):
You know we live in the Ozarks.
The next large tornado.
I need to have that consecratedknife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:07):
There's plenty of Catholic churches
around.
They keep the Holy Rotter rightby the door.
Micah (Knod Twister) (03:10):
Well, maybe I just need an attain,
maybe I should have one of bothand just throw both of them and
see what happens.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:17):
I'm ordained, I'll bless water for
you.
Micah (Knod Twister) (03:25):
I don't even know what to say.
It true, I'll show you mycertificate the peasant went
into the fields to make hay when, all of a sudden, a great wind
rose.
It scattered the hay over thefield and seized the peasant
himself.
In vain, he struggled.
In vain, he caught hold withhis strong, oh dear.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:56):
Is this a Sharknado story?
Micah (Knod Twister) (03:59):
Wait, cut that last part out.
That is not true.
It was not a Sharknado, it wasa Knife-nado.
I am not finishing the.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:05):
it was not a sharknado, it was a knife.
Nato.
I am not finishing the story ofthe sharknado uh born jason with
an e, born for some reason, uh,as if on the wings of the wind.
Among the clouds, he flew likea wild pigeon.
That was very poetic.
(04:25):
The sun began already todisappear in the west and the
hungry peasant could see thesmoke ascending from the
cottages in his village wheresupper was cooking.
I wonder if they're havingbrandy and bacon.
At one time he could almosttouch the chimney pots with his
(04:45):
feet and he screamed aloud forhelp.
But he screamed and wept invain.
No one heard his cries or sawhis bitter tears.
The end.
Micah (Knod Twister) (04:57):
That's a very sad story.
Dustin is literally teared up.
I'm going to need a tissue.
Wait, there's another page tothis.
Oh, there's more.
Oh, there is.
It's not over yet, dustin, thiscould still turn out good.
(05:17):
He was thus carried about inthe air for nearly three months.
You know, scratch, that this isnot good.
Let's just quit.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:27):
Well, I hope it was like Wizard of Oz
and there was cows flying aroundwith something to eat.
Micah (Knod Twister) (05:31):
And by that time, from hunger and
thirst had become dried up likea piece of wood.
Apparently there was not.
He traveled over a large partof the world, but the wind
carried him chiefly over thevillage where he had lived.
With tears in his eyes he wouldlook on the hut where dwelt his
betrothed it was very sad.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:55):
I'm trying to figure out how he's crying
if there's no water and he's allwithered up.
Micah (Knod Twister) (06:00):
He's dried up like a piece of wood.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:02):
So there's no tears.
Well, those are metaphoricaltears.
You know, you throw a piece ofwood, so there's no tears.
Well, those are metaphoricaltears.
Micah (Knod Twister) (06:07):
You know, you throw a piece of wood in the
fire, he crackles, sometimesbecause of the perspiration or
the water coming out from, likedeep in the wood.
Deep in the wood, water and sap.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:24):
I'm not sure that's relevant.
We'll move on.
Micah (Knod Twister) (06:28):
Will those deep feelings came out and with
them tears.
You feel me, I got you now Iguess I wouldn't know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:39):
I don't know anything about crying.
He would see her coming outwith dinner for some of the
family.
He would spread his thin coldarms towards her and call her by
name.
His voice would die in histhroat while the girl would not
even look up.
This is awful.
Oh man, away and away.
(07:00):
The peasant was born by thewind, born with an E, again, for
some reason, jason.
Presently he saw the cruelmagician standing before his own
house.
Micah (Knod Twister) (07:15):
Is the magician going to make a move on
his girl, the heck hey.
Spoiler.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:20):
I haven't read it.
I can't spoil it if I hadn'tread it.
Micah (Knod Twister) (07:23):
Well, you might just have.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:25):
Well, apparently I could write these
things.
The magician looked up andshouted to him Ah, I am not done
with you yet.
You shall be thus carried bythe wind over your own village
for seven long years.
You shall suffer constantly andwish you were dead, but you
(07:48):
shall not be able to die.
Okay, sorcerer Tim, what the um?
I want to know what this dudedid to the magician.
Jeez seems severe, what?
What did he do to tick him off?
Micah (Knod Twister) (08:02):
Oh, I, you know, I guess I can't say
anything oh all right, but it isweird because I don't think
that's ever answered.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:12):
I just want to make sure I don't do it.
Micah (Knod Twister) (08:14):
Oh, oh, my little father, my master,
forgive me if I I have offendedyou, Cried the poor fellow from
above.
Look at me.
See, my mouth is as dry as achip.
Look at my face and my hands.
The flesh is gone from them andthe bones only are left.
(08:37):
Have mercy on me.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:39):
Yeah, I don't think he's going to make
it to seven years.
Micah (Knod Twister) (08:42):
Do you want me to tell you about this
little bit on this?
I don't know if this is atangent, but I thought it was
kind of interesting because Iwas like, what's my little
father?
Yeah, what's my little father,don't you think that kind of
stood out.
It was kind of odd, I don'tknow.
Okay, so this might get cut out, but it's really interesting
(09:03):
because Nicholas II, the Tsar ofRussia, the Tsar Uh-huh, in
1894,.
He ruled over unmodernizedempire but he was perceived by
the masses as the divine power,like oh god okay all the money
and his name get.
(09:24):
This was a little father czarand it was really cool as he was
good buddies with rasputin ohthe magician, but other people
in other countries around, likePoland, had another nickname for
him other than the littlefather, nicholas the Bloody
(09:45):
Sweet.
Anyway, I thought that was kindof cool.
I thought that stood out.
So carry on, my good sir.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:51):
I think I'd rather be Nicholas the
Bloody.
Well that's a bit morbid.
The magician whispered a fewwords and the peasant stopped in
his circular motion andremained still in the air.
It is all very well to ask mypardon, but what will you
promise to give me if I let youdown?
Micah (Knod Twister) (10:14):
I'll let your ass fall, cried the poor
peasant, and he put his handstogether, as in supplication,
and knelt down in the air.
He knelt down in the air In theair, knelt, knelt in the air.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:28):
Will you give me your sweetheart,
demanded the magician.
I want her for my wife.
We're not going to ask herabout this.
Here we go, here we go.
If you will promise to give herto me, I will let you come down
once more to the earth.
Micah (Knod Twister) (10:48):
The peasant was silent for a moment
and thought to himself Well geez, when I am once more on the
ground, I'll see what can bedone.
He therefore called out to themagician you ask a great
sacrifice from me, but if itcan't not be otherwise, let it
be as you will hereupon, themagician blew upon him what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:14):
and he came down to the ground.
Oh, how happy he was when hefelt that he could walk and the
wind had no more power over him.
He hastened home before thedoor he met has betrothed and
she punched him in the face.
Um no, no, skip the facepunching part.
At the sight of her long lostlover, over whose fate she had
(11:38):
often wept, the astonished girlcried out with surprise Ah, that
was painful.
Micah (Knod Twister) (11:48):
The peasant pushed her gently aside
and went into the house Becausehe was freaking hungry.
He's dry as wood.
He probably was thirsty too.
He probably wanted some brandy,you and bacon.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:02):
Lady, you're not my concern anymore.
Out of my way, I'm hungry.
Micah (Knod Twister) (12:05):
That's right.
I need a Gatorade Stat, maybean IV there.
He saw the farmer who employedhim and said to him, with tears
in his eyes I can't serve youany longer, nor can I, oh dear
(12:31):
Nice.
And seeing how sorrowful washis thin, pale face, formerly so
fat and rosy, he asked thereason why he refused to marry
his daughter.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:46):
The peasant told him all his journey
in the air and the promise hehad made to the magician.
The farmer, having heard himout, bade the poor fellow to be
of good cheer.
Then he took a purse full ofmoney and went to a witch, baba
Yaga.
He went to a witch for advice.
Baba Yaga, of course he did,why wouldn't you?
When he returned in the eveninghe was smiling and happy and
(13:08):
said to the peasant Go tomorrowbefore daylight to the witch and
all will be right.
The peasant, weary as he was,went to bed.
(13:30):
Baba Yaga, what else would awitch be doing?
Micah (Knod Twister) (13:34):
The witch told him to stand quietly by,
wait over there while I burn myherbs, sir, I bet she cut her
herbs up with a tang, ablack-handled knife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:45):
I bet she ground them with a mortar and
pestle.
Micah (Knod Twister) (13:52):
Yes, the morning was calm and beautiful,
but suddenly a strong wind aroseand made the hut tremble.
Then the witch took the peasantinto the yard and told him look
up.
He raised his eyes and saw thewicked magician with nothing but
his nightshirt on, whirlinground and round in the air.
(14:13):
There is your enemy, said thewitch.
He will hurt you no more.
If you wish him to see yourwedding, do as I will tell you.
For the rest, he will sufferthe same punishment as he had
designed for you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:35):
This is all very magical and weird.
Micah (Knod Twister) (14:38):
Are they going to let?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:38):
him down in three months, or is he going
to have to do the full sevenyears?
Or is he not coming down at all?
I assume it's the seven years.
Micah (Knod Twister) (14:45):
That's what the magician, or the
warlock, was going to do to thepeasant, which I think is odd
that this poor guy doesn't get aname.
This entire story, he's justthe peasant, a peasant, which I
think is odd.
That this poor guy doesn't geta name, this entire story, he's
just the peasant, a peasant.
That peasant, let's call himthat piece of crap.
Peasant, let's call him JeffJeffrey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:06):
I like Jeff.
So what happens after sevenyears when the magician comes
around?
Then he comes and throws thepeasant or throws Jeff back in
the air.
He's christened Jeffrey.
We're not knighting people here.
Micah (Knod Twister) (15:19):
No, christened at birth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:23):
We have thus christened the peasant
Jeffrey, short for Jeff, alsoknown as Jeff.
The delighted peasant, jeff ranback home In a month's time.
He was married.
When the guests were dancing athis wedding, jeff went to the
yard, looked up and saw abovethe hut the magician spinning
(15:46):
round and round in the air.
He oh, wow, here we go.
He took a new knife and, aimingat the magician, threw it with
all his might.
Micah (Knod Twister) (15:57):
Nicely done, Jeff.
Those Polish people like theirknives and sausages.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:01):
The knives are worse.
Micah (Knod Twister) (16:04):
I would like to ask why it took him so
long to marry her A whole month,I mean.
She thought he was dead and hehad been floating around the
earth like a dry piece of woodfor three or four months, and
then he drags his feet for amonth before he marries her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:20):
And he had been floating around the earth
like a dry piece of wood forthree or four months and then he
takes, he drags his feet for amonth before he marries her.
Micah (Knod Twister) (16:25):
Well, he had to rehydrate and get some
fat rosy cheeks back.
You're right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:28):
I guess that would have taken some time.
He had rented a tuxedo already,and now he didn't fit in it.
Micah (Knod Twister) (16:34):
Oh yeah, he had to fill that out.
Good point, good point, goodpoint.
The magic, the big bit, the big, big, big, big big, if my mouth
will show up today.
The magician fell down and thenit was seen that he was nailed
by the foot to the ground, goodLord.
Thus he was obliged to stand bythe window, a miserable witness
(16:58):
of the happiness of the peasantJeffrey and his friends Jeff
and friends Jeff and friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:05):
Sounds like a good sitcom, yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister) (17:08):
Jeff and friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:09):
Oh, we don't need to sing about it, we
really don't.
Micah (Knod Twister) (17:12):
Come and join us for another round.
Here we go, Jeff and friends.
They love to drink brandy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:20):
Throw knives at wizards.
On the following morning, themagician had disappeared from
before the hut.
See, this is concerning to me.
Some people said they saw himflying through the air over a
large lake some miles off.
Seems oddly specific.
Before and behind him werelarge flocks of crows which, by
(17:43):
their crowing, told of hiscontinued flight through space.
Micah (Knod Twister) (17:50):
He's the first astronaut.
That's one small step for man.
Russia really did get therefirst.
This is Poland.
Poland really did get therefirst.
Who would have thought thePolish people would have ever
accomplished anything?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:07):
Mean Hurtful.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:11):
What do you mean?
Well, they are Polish.
Oh my gosh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:17):
I guess they did invent the sausage.
Polish people.
I don't really know anythingabout a Polish heritage, but I'm
sure there's plenty of famousPolish people.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:25):
Name one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:28):
Rasputin, apparently no, he's Russian.
I'll have to think about it,but I'm sure there is Sorry
Poland, my gosh who would havethought that.
Polish people would everaccomplish anything.
It's hurtful.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:47):
Apparently they're really good knife
throwers yes, they do love theirknives, all those people in the
circus that you know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:53):
They put the lady up against the board
and they throw the knives at her.
I bet those, those are allPolish.
Micah (Knod Twister) (18:57):
Those are Polish people I bet yeah.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:01):
Hmm, yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:02):
That's a good point.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:03):
Now, you know.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:04):
Yeah, so what did you think about the
story?
It was good, it was different,it was different.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:12):
I think that's our first magician,
magician.
Have we had wizards?
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:14):
We've had, you know I don't think we've
had a wizard or a magician or awarlock.
Lots of witches, so I thoughtthat was pretty cool.
Devils yeah.
Imps.
Mannequins A good magicianDragons, giants, trolls.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:28):
I think they should have just called him
a wizard, because every time Iread magician, I'm just thinking
of pick a card.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:37):
David Copperfield.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:38):
Is this your card?
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:39):
Eaten by a tiger?
No, it wasn't, it was mauled.
What?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:45):
Oh wait You're thinking of Siegfried and
Roy.
Yes, they weren't evenmagicians Ding dong, they
weren't.
No, yes they, they were justtiger tamers.
Micah (Knod Twister) (19:54):
No, they had a whole magic show.
Branson Missouri.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:57):
Siegfried and Roy.
Yeah, no, you're thinking ofPenn and Teller.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:02):
No.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:04):
No, I'm really confused.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:06):
I'm looking it up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:07):
I don't think Siegfried and Roy were
magicians.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:10):
Let's look it up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:11):
They were just tiger tamers.
And then one of the tigers justgot sick of it and was like you
look tasty.
Nom, nom, nom nom.
Micah (Knod Twister) (20:20):
Then they were in Vegas.
Yeah, it was Siegfried and Roy.
Magician dies Killed him.
Yeah, mauled by a tiger.
They were a magician.
The world lost one of the mostmajestic creatures and I have
lost a brother, said Ron Horn,despite being hospitalized in
critical condition in 2003 afterthe white tiger attacked him
(20:41):
during a show.
Las vegas performers c3 and roysaid goodbye to the beloved
white tiger.
They killed it.
Well, after it mauls someone,it has the taste of human flesh.
Oh, that's baloney.
And it will eat that's a mythinsatiably until it dies of a
gorge.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:59):
That's just an excuse for stupid people
to kill animals.
Micah (Knod Twister) (21:04):
Well, we were both partially wrong and we
were both partially right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:08):
I didn't know.
They were magicians.
What did they make Tigersdisappear?
Maybe the tiger was tired ofthat crap.
They were Germans.
Micah (Knod Twister) (21:19):
Yeah, Siegfried do you think, and Roy,
that's like Roy Rogers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:25):
Yeah, roy, so they were.
Micah (Knod Twi (21:27):
German-American .
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:28):
Well, I'm sure he was delicious and we
have gone far astray.
Micah (Knod Twister) (21:34):
We have I would really, really beg upon my
knees while floating in airWeird Kneel in air that you, the
listener, would please tellyour friends and family.
If you even sort of kind oflike our podcast, let them know
(21:55):
about us, Because we're awesome.
Well, that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:58):
And it's educational.
You can learn about Siegfriedand Louis.
That's funny.
Sometimes, Black Witch Knives Ican't remember the name of A
Tame, a Tains and Mortar andPestles Nice.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:13):
And if you don't think that's enough, you
can always go to our website atTalesOfBedlamcom.
Click on the swag, get at-shirt or two, share them with
your friends and family andbecome a walking billboard for
us.
Woohoo.
Good night.
Bye.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:35):
Siegfried, I don't think they are
magicians.
I think you just made that up.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:39):
It says right here Looking at Google.
That I can't see because it'sin.
I think you just made that up.
It says right here Looking at.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:41):
Google that I can't see because it's in
front of you.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:43):
You're correct.
Let me look, let's see here.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:49):
I thought they were just lion tamers.
Micah (Knod Twister) (22:52):
No, it says mauled magician.
Mauled magician, yeah, and hedied.
Magicians and entertainers whobecame known for their
appearance with white lions andwhite tigers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:04):
Yeah, that was never a good idea.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:07):
His career ended October 3rd of 2003, when
the tiger just tore his faceoff.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:16):
I didn't know he died from that.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:18):
He was hospitalized in critical
condition.
Oh yeah, a tiger ate him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:24):
Wow, what a way to go.
Well, he went out doing what heloved.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:29):
Could you imagine being at that show and
seeing it happen?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:34):
Man, that would be awesome.
Well, that tiger didn't want tobe cut in half anymore.
He's like I'm sick of this.
Tired of your crap, roy.
Micah (Knod Twister) (23:42):
There's a theory here on Google that says
that it was all staged so thatRoy could.
Really so he could retire and anenemy, and an enemy and an
anomaly and an anomaly, and thatword stupid.
He could just go and live hislife Like Elvis he's hanging out
(24:04):
with Elvis, with his tiger.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:06):
What weird .
I don't think it was staged.
They were magicians, though,apparently, so you don't know.
Micah (Knod Twister) (24:14):
Anonymity there you go.
Good job, good job you.
That's not a knife.
This time is a knife.
Is he still alive, paul Hogan?
No, he's dead Really.
Oh my gosh, we have to stoprecording.
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