July 8, 2024 • 30 mins
In this Halloween special of Tales of Bedlam, we dive into the disturbingly delightful world of Struwwelpeter (Shockheaded Peter)—the infamous 1845 German children’s book written and illustrated by Heinrich Hoffmann. Host Knob Twister (Micah) and Sofa Sitter (Dustin) bring their signature blend of humor, commentary, and horror as they read and riff through several cautionary tales from the book.
From thumb-sucking boys who get visited by a scissor-wielding madman, to soup-refusing children who waste away in days, each story is as bizarre as it is hilariously inappropriate for kids. It’s folklore, it’s comedy, and it’s completely horrifying—making it a perfect addition to your spooky season playlist.
Whether you're a folklore aficionado or just here for the laughs, you’ll never look at children’s books the same again. And yes, there's a rabbit with a gun.
This episode is a replay from 2019-2021; please ignore any announcements during the episode.
For more Fairy Tale fun, follow, like, and share at...
If you have a question for us, email us at talesofbedlam@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Micah (Knob Twister) (00:06):
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host, knob Twister.
I'm Stroll Peter, don't givethis story away.
We're a fairy tale audio comedyand this is our final special
episode for Halloween.
This is our final specialepisode for Halloween, you're
(00:29):
welcome.
Today's tales yes, tales,that's plural, numerous Was
first published in 1845.
Holy crap, struwelpil,struwelpeter, struwelpeter,
stru-well-peter, stru-well-peter, loosely translated as
Shockhead Peter, has becomewidely recognized as one of the
(00:52):
most popular and influentialchildren's books ever written.
I never heard of it, which Ifind hard to believe because I
have not found it until lastnight, and of two years of
folklore and fairy tale research, I had never heard of it.
Not that I'm an expert on it butI don't know anything about it
(01:14):
anyway, I try not to readgruesome stories from my kids
this is a little different storythan what we would normally do,
but we find the endings ofthese children's stories to be
horrifying, so it fits well withour Halloween spectacular.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:36):
Am I getting royalties for the sound
effects?
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:39):
The author , a German man named Henrik
Huffman, was a Frankfurtphysician.
Dissatisfied with the lack ofluster books available for
children at the time, he wroteand illustrated talented man
Stroflpeter.
Stroflpeter, stroflpeter.
(02:00):
As a Christmas present for histhree-year-old son Horrible.
The book opens with this poem.
When the children have beengood, that is, be it understood,
good at mealtimes, good at play, good all night and good all
day, they shall have the prettythings Merry Christmas always
(02:24):
brings.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:28):
But, there's more.
It starts out kind of nice.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:30):
Naughty romping girls and boys tear
their clothes and make a noise,spoil their pinafores and frocks
and deserve no Christmas box.
Jerks Such as these shall neverlook at this pretty picture
book.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:48):
Oh, the naughty ones don't get the book.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:50):
Yes, the book relates in verse and
pictures the often gruesomeconsequences that befall
children who torment animals,play with matches, suck their
thumbs or refuse to eat.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:05):
This is terrible parenting.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:07):
So I think , without further ado, we should
indulge.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:12):
Jump right in, let's do it.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:16):
The first of the six stories that we will
recite to you from thischildren's book is.
Cruel Frederick Cruel.
Here is Cruel Frederick.
See, a horrid, wicked boy washe.
He caught the flies, poorlittle things, and then tore off
(03:39):
their tiny wings.
Oh what.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:43):
That's sociopathic behavior.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:45):
It gets better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:46):
He killed birds and broke the chairs and
threw the kitten down the stairs.
What, no?
And oh, far worse than allbeside, he whipped his Mary till
she cried who's his Mary?
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:59):
Mother, what, what.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:04):
He beat his mother till.
She cried apparently Jerk.
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:09):
The trough was full and faithful.
Trey.
I should say Trey is a dog, somaybe we should change that to
Fido.
What?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:17):
do you think that's not going to rhyme?
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:19):
Well, okay , the trough was full and
faithful.
Trey Fido came out to drink onesultry day.
Fido, who wagged his tail andwet his lip, wind cruel Fred
snatched up a whip.
This is terrible.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:38):
And whipped poor Trey till he was
sore and kicked and whipped himmore and more.
No, Stop hitting the dog Atthis.
Goodtree grew very red andgrowled and bit him till he bled
.
Yay.
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:52):
Good job, fido, fido.
Then you should only have beenby to see how Fred did scream
and cry.
Good job, puppy.
I would like to mention theawesome pictures that I have
here.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:09):
This is an audio podcast.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:11):
Well, how would you describe this
illustration?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:18):
Childish.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:20):
Yes, that is exactly how I would describe
it.
I think I could draw betterwith my eyes partially closed.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:30):
Oh my gosh , this is awful.
Oh, so Frederick had to go tobed.
His leg was very sore and red.
The doctor came and shook hishead.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:41):
And made a very great to-do and gave him
Gnastic Psychic and gave himnasty physic too.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:51):
That must be medicine, or maybe a physical
he gave him the full bodycavity surgery.
Whoa For a dog bite.
That seems odd.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:04):
Well, do you see the picture of this guy?
He looks like he drives atinted van.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:13):
He needs to stay about 500 yards from
schools for sure, but good dogTrey is happy now.
He has no time to say bow-wow.
He seats himself in Frederick'schair and laughs to see the
nice things there, the soupyswallows, sup by sup, and eats
the pies and puddings up.
Yay, pido, that was the end.
(06:34):
It had a good ending.
So he, oh man.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:38):
Do you think this kid may have learned
his lesson?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:42):
Um, I don't know.
After the body cavity search bythe doctor, perhaps, but I
doubt it because he's asociopath well, let's, let's do
another one.
This would be number two thestory of little suck it just
gets a little worse as we goalong.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:00):
Sweet, and by worse I mean horrifying.
This is the story of LittleSuck-a-Thumb.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:08):
One day Mama said Conrad, dear, I must
go out and leave you here.
But mind now, Conrad, what Isay.
Don't suck your thumb while I'maway.
What?
This picture is so out ofproportion.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:25):
It's ridiculous, Like the trunk of
his body is two times too large.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:31):
His legs are super short.
Okay, it won't get inside.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:35):
He has no knees.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:37):
That's weird.
Man the great, tall tailoralways comes to little boys who
suck their thumbs and ere theydream what he's about.
He takes his great sharpscissors out and cuts their
thumbs clean off and then youknow they never grow again.
Mama had scarcely turned herback.
(07:57):
The thumb was in Alack, alack.
This is like evil.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:01):
Dr Seuss.
The door flew open In.
He ran.
The door flew open In.
He ran Whoa, the great long,red-legged scissor man.
Oh my god, oh children, see thetailors come and caught out
little suck a thumb.
He cut both thumbs off.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:22):
Shh, we haven't got there yet Snip, snap
, snip, the scissors go.
And Conrad cries out oh, oh, oh, oh, Snip, snap, snip, they go
so fast that both his thumbs areoff at last.
Oh my gosh.
This guy's reading this to histhree-year-old yes.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:43):
Well, unless his three-year-old could
read it.
Mama comes home.
There Conrad stands and looksquite sad and shows his hands.
Aw said Mama.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:55):
I knew he'd come to naughty little
Succotham Sick.
There's a puddle of blood.
That was awful.
That was delightful.
Why would you?
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:09):
read that to your child.
Why would you write that forchildren and how is that the
most popular book in Germany forchildren?
They're a little harsh.
That poll was not taken fromkids.
It was taken from the parents,wasn't it?
It's a bunch of terrified kidsrunning around this one is not
(09:30):
so horrifying but funny thestory of the man that went out
shooting.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:37):
Well, he has a huge gun man.
All right, this is the man thatshoots the hares.
This is the coat he alwayswears With game bag powder, horn
and gun.
He's going out to have some fun.
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:51):
He finds it hard, without a pair of
spectacles, to shoot the hare,he's got a gun and he can't see.
That's not smart.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:59):
That's bad .
The hare sits snug in leavesand grass and laughs to see the
green man pass Now.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:06):
as the gun grew very hot and he a heavy
gun had got, he lay downunderneath a tree and went to
sleep.
As you may see, he's a terriblehunter.
He's having fun.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:22):
And while he slept, like any top, he's
just throwing words in there tomake them rhyme now.
Yes, it rhymes with hop, though.
The little hare came, hop, hop,hop, took gun and spectacles
and then on her hind legs wentoff again.
The rabbit took his gun.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:43):
Yes, and spectacles.
The green man wakes and seesher place, the spectacles upon
her face, and now she's tryingall she can to shoot the sleepy
green coat man.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:59):
Yeah, what's this story supposed to
teach kids?
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:03):
don't shoot bunnies I think he's got.
I think he's against huntingfor fun, because I mean, that's
what I'd get from this story,especially after you finish it,
because all these have a moral,so like don't suck your thumb or
your fingers will get cut off.
Don't beat your mother this onesays he's going out to have
(11:24):
some fun.
So the antithesis.
Did I say that correctly,dustin?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:31):
Yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:32):
Would be that obviously he's against
hunting.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:38):
Seems odd for 1845.
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:41):
I think he's a little progressive, as
we'll see from the final story.
Nice no.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:47):
No, we haven't finished this one, so
he's going to shoot the secretgreen comet.
He cries and screams and runsaway.
The hare runs after him all dayand hears him call out
everywhere Help, fire, help thehare, the hare.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:03):
So I love this next picture because
there's this little rabbit withspectacles on and this ginormous
gun pointed at thisgreen-coated man running as fast
as he can.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:19):
I'd never know that was a rabbit, unless I
was reading it, that ishorrible.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:24):
At last he stumbled at the well head over
ears and in he fell.
The hair stopped short, tookaim and hark.
Bang went the gun, she missedher mark.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:38):
Well, well , you're gonna have to clean the
stain on the seat.
That's it.
Oh no, the poor man's wife wasdrinking up her coffee in her
coffee cup.
Just that's just really lazy.
The gun shot cup and saucucerthrough.
Oh dear, what shall I do?
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:58):
There lived, close by the cottage
there, the hare's own child, thelittle hare.
And while she stood upon hertoes, the coffee fell and burned
her nose.
Oh dear, she cried with spoonin hand.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:14):
Such fun I do not understand with spoon in
hand.
Such fun?
I do not understand.
So the guy fell down the welland the rabbit shot the coffee
cup which spilled hot coffee onthe rabbit's kid's nose.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:25):
Maybe this is all gun safety.
Don't fall asleep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:30):
With your gun, with your gun, I know that
didn't make any sense I thoughtit was great, though, drink
coffee.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:39):
Oh yes, oh yes.
So it gets better as we goalong.
You'll have so much fun.
You'll want to sing a song.
The fourth one, the story ofAugustus, who would not have any
soup.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:55):
Now, I'm just thinking of Willy Wonka.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:57):
Exactly, that's what I thought
immediately.
So this is.
Augustus was a chubby lad, andAugustus in Willy Wonka was the
fat little German kid.
So shall we start the story ofAugustus who would not have any
soup?
No soup for you, oh, oh.
Soup for you, oh, oh.
(14:19):
Thank you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:21):
Augustus was a chubby lad, Fat ruddy
cheeks.
Augustus had and are they fatshaming this kid right off the
bat and everybody saw with joythe plump and hearty healthy boy
.
He even drank as he was told,and never let his soup get cold.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:38):
Mmm.
But one day, one cold winter'sday, he screamed out.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:43):
Take the soup away.
Oh, take the nasty soup away.
I won't have any soup today.
He's just done with soup, Iguess, so Get the kid a sandwich
.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:53):
He didn't like the soup.
It was liver and lentils.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:00):
Next day.
Now look, the picture shows howlank and lean Augustus grows.
He lost like 80 pounds in oneday.
Though he feels so weak and ill, the naughty fellow cries out
still.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:16):
Now, I know you can't see these
pictures, but if you go to ourwebsite you could.
But there is a rather largebone child in the first frame
with a bowl of soup on the table, and then each frame below he
gets, he shrinks by half, oh,more than half, and it looks
(15:37):
like the soup is rotting on thetable.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:40):
He turns into a stick figure.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:42):
Yes, at the very end, he is literally a
stick figure.
The picture is terrifying.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:50):
It's like an Ethiopian on a diet Ugh
Anyway.
Not any soup for me.
I say, oh, take that nasty soupaway.
I won't have any soup today.
How did he get fat on soup.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:04):
Have you seen German soup?
It's full of sausage andpotatoes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:08):
Touche, the third day comes.
Oh, what a sin To make himselfso pale and thin.
Yet when the soup is put on thetable, he screams as loud as he
is able not any soup for me.
I say oh, take that nasty soupaway, I won't.
I won't have any soup today tookhim four days to starve to
death.
That's just silly.
Look at him now the fourthday's come.
(16:31):
He scarcely weighs a sugar plumit rhymed he's like a little
bit of Fred.
And on the fifth day he wasdead.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:40):
Dead.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:41):
He starved to death in five days.
I don't find that very like youcan go like five days without
water.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:49):
He wouldn't be that good Maybe.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:51):
In good conditions.
Three to four.
He was pretty poorly.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:55):
Yes, he went from like a good 180 to 40
pounds Dead, dead, dead, dead Infive days.
So children, take this to heart, eat your soup.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:09):
Eat your soup.
Eat your soup or you might diein five days, that's right.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:14):
And moms and dads, you hang in there, you
make them eat that soup, youleave it on the table and you
make them eat it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:22):
Or if they're little snots, just wait
five days, you won't have toworry about them.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:29):
Good parenting tips from Tales of
Bedlam.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:33):
Jeez, that's terrifying.
It gets better and he's readingthis stuff to a little rimmer.
He's reading it gets better andhe's reading this stuff to
remember.
He's reading this to histhree-year-old kid.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:41):
That's correct.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:42):
If you don't eat your soup, you'll be
dead in five days.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:44):
And then he gives it to the world as a
gift.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:48):
If you suck your thumb, the scissor man
is going to come cut them bothoff.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:52):
Well, this fifth story, the dreadful story
of Harriet and the matches getseven better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:01):
It's not a very inventive title.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:04):
Okay, the horrific story of how Harriet
met fire, that's better, and herflesh burnt away.
Now you just give it away.
We should do a commercial forkid-proof matches skin proof
matches.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:26):
Dustin, please start it it almost makes
me cry to tell what foolishHarriet befell.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:34):
Mama and Nurse went out one day and left
her all alone to play now on thetable, close at hand a box of
matches, chanced to stand andkind Mama and Nurse told her
that if she touched them theywould scold her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:51):
Now they're rhyming, her and her.
He was mm-hmm.
Maybe you should have taken twodays to write all these and put
a little thought into it.
Ah, yeah, but Harriet said oh,what a pity, for when they burn
it is so pretty.
They crackle so and spit inflame.
Mama too often does the same.
Micah (Knob Twister) (19:11):
Yes, in anger.
The pussycats heard this andthey began to hiss and stretch
their claws and raise their paws.
Meow, they said, meow, meow,you'll burn to death.
If you do so.
(19:32):
That didn't sound very cat-like.
You'll burn to.
I don't know how does a catsound Meow?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:39):
You'll burn to death if you do so, meow
.
That was the little cat on MrRogers' Neighborhood.
That cat drove me crazy.
Oh, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (19:53):
Meow, meow .
How are you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:55):
doing today?
Meow, meow, I'm fine.
Meow, meow, meow Meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:01):
That's enough.
Oh, there's more.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:03):
But Harriet would not take advice.
She lit a match and it was sonice.
Nice, it crackled so it burned,so clear.
Yes.
Exactly like the picture here,that is not that you cannot see.
I can't even.
I can't even see it.
I'm looking at the picture.
It's right there On her wrist.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:21):
It looks like her wrist is on fire
actually.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:24):
She's holding the match sideways.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:26):
Oh, okay, this is weird stuff.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:30):
She jumped for joy and ran about and was
too pleased to put it out.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:33):
Well, the pussycat saw this and said Meow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:38):
Oh, naughty, naughty, miss Meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:42):
And stretched their claws and raised
their paws.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:50):
Tis very, very wrong.
You know, Meow, meow, meow,meow.
You will be burnt if you do so,Meow meow, meow, meow, meow and
see Meow, meow, meow and C.
Oh, what dreadful thing.
The fire has caught on herapron string.
Oh my God, her apron burns herarms, her hair.
(21:14):
She burns all over everywhere.
This is like gruesome Dr Seuss.
Micah (Knob Twister) (21:18):
Yes, then how the pussycats did meow, meow
, meow.
What else do pussies could,sorry?
What else poor pussies couldthey do?
They screamed for help.
Twas all in vain.
(21:39):
So they said We'll scream again.
Make haste, make haste, she'llburn to death.
We told her so.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:53):
Are you burning meow?
So she was burnt with all herclothes and arms and hands and
eyes and nose, till she hadnothing more to lose except for
her little scarlet shoes andnothing else.
But these were found, wow, tillshe had nothing more to lose
except for her little scarletshoes.
And nothing else but these werefound among her ashes on the
(22:13):
ground.
Good night, son.
Have a lovely dream.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:16):
And when the good cat sat beside the
smoking ashes, how they cried.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:22):
Meow, meow , meow Meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:24):
Meow, meow , meow.
What will mama and nursery do?
Their tears ran down theircheeks so fast they made a
little pond.
At last, tell me that's not theend.
Yes.
And there's a little picture ofcats crying their eyes out with
a little pond and just a pileof soot with smoke the ruby
(22:47):
slippers yes, the ruby slippersshould have tapped her heels
because they're magic slippers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:52):
That's where they came from the ending
didn't make any sense.
It should have stopped afterand nothing else but these was
found among her ashes on theground.
What sense did the kitty tearpool make to the story?
None.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:08):
Empathy, empathy, empathy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:11):
This story was to frighten kids from
playing with matches.
So now kids are going to wantto play with matches so they can
see a kitty pool of tears.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:18):
So we have one more story for you, and I'd
like to preface this.
I'm not reading this I'd liketo preface this that I love all
people of all colors.
This story, I think, was alittle progressive for its time,
but you have to get past thefirst couple lines just hang in
(23:40):
there, it gets better the storyof the Inky Boys.
The Inky Boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:47):
Mm-hmm, I just can't imagine what that
means.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:50):
Go ahead, Dustin.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:53):
I can't read that.
As he had often done before,the woolly-headed Blackamore one
nice, fine summer's day wentout to see the shops and walk
about, and as he found it hot,poor fellow, he took with him
his green umbrella.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:12):
Mm-hmm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:13):
Fellow and umbrella yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:14):
Right Then Edward, little noisy wag, ran
out and laughed and waved hisflag.
And William came in jacket trimand brought his wooden hoop
with him.
And Arthur too snatched up histoys and joined the other
naughty naughty boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:36):
Oh, this is bad.
So one and all set up a roarand laughed and hooted more and
more and kept on singing.
Only think I'm not saying that,I have to sing that.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:49):
No, well, yes, technically you should sing
it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:52):
Oh uh, these are boys.
Oh, oh, Blackie, you're asblack as ink.
Oh my gosh.
Micah (Knob Twister) (25:03):
Now, tall Agrippa lived close by.
So tall he almost touched thesky.
That's pretty tall.
He had a mighty inkstand too,in which a great goose feather
grew what he called out in anangry tone Boys, leave that
black amor alone.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (25:24):
For if he tries with all his might, he
cannot change from black towhite.
But ah, they did not mind a bitwhat great Agrippa said of it,
but went on laughing as beforeand hooting at the black amor.
Micah (Knob Twister) (25:37):
Then great Agrippa foams with rage.
Look at him on this very page.
He looks angry.
He sees Arthur, seizes Ned.
He looks angry, oh dear.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (25:51):
Ooh, hmm, and they may scream and kick and
call Into the ink.
He dips them all Into theinkstand one, two, three Till
there.
Black as black can be Turn overnow and you shall see oh yeah,
see, there they are as black canbe Turn over now, and you shall
see.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:06):
Oh yeah, see, there they are, and there
they run.
The black amour enjoys the fun.
They have been made as black ascrows, quite black all over
eyes and nose.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (26:17):
Well, they're just silhouettes and
legs and arms and heads and toesand trousers, pinafores and
toys, the silly little inky boys, because they set up such a
roar and teased the harmlessblack amour.
That's what you get.
Those are the ones that shouldhave had their thumbs cut off.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:37):
I agree Shouldn't act that way, or
better, just their tongues cutout.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (26:43):
Wow, burnt to ashes so they could have a
kitty tear pool.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:49):
Kitty tear pools.
We should have a pool of kittytears.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (26:53):
I bet that would be.
You stay away from my cats.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:58):
I bet that would be healthy in some way.
Stay away from my cats.
And I'll keep away from thematches too, sorry.
So that concludes our storiesnow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:12):
I'm not rhyming anymore.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:14):
We will be back after a while.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:20):
It didn't make me smile.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:23):
So I hope you enjoyed our Halloween treats
for you.
If you did like them, hey,please let a friend or a family
member know about Tales ofBedlam.
Direct them to TalesofBedlamcomor go to any podcast playing
app and subscribe to our podcastat.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:44):
DoItNow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:45):
And thank you, no, zoom, for you.
Have a happy Halloween.
Good night, bye.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:56):
No Zoom for you.
These were disturbing andunnecessary.
And this man needs to be putunder some kind of charges for
child abuse, but it was verypopular according to the
Internet.
There's no accounting for somepeople's parenting.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:20):
Well, I guess, if you can't get them to
do what you want, you just scarethe Jesus out of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:27):
That doesn't work well though.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:29):
It can backfire on you, didn't?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:30):
they grow up to be little terrorists and
crazy people.
They grow from little crazypeople to big crazy people.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:38):
Yeah, all serial killers were very.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:42):
German Hello, I bet Hitler.
We love you, germany, I bethitler's mom read him that book.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:50):
Oh yeah, I bet 10 bucks oh I didn't think
when he was little yeah, I wouldwager on that too, dustin see
what happens you know if, if ourfans liked it, there was a
sequel oh my god, by a anotherauthor who was so pleased with
(29:10):
this book that he wrote yetanother one with even worse.
Oh drawings, worse drawings yes, couldn't possibly be.
Oh yes, there was it worserhyming no the rhyming no,
actually it's not as sing say,as this was yeah so I don't know
you say it was worse or better,but there's like one where a
(29:34):
girl cries too much that shecries her eyes out.
There's another one where sheuh, a little girl isn't supposed
to play with boys, so herbreaks her leg and it falls off
and she spends the rest of herlife with one leg.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:52):
Because she was playing with boys.
Micah (Knob Twister) (29:54):
Because she was playing with boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:58):
Horrible.
Oh for the easy days.
Horrible, the easier days ofparenting days gone by.
Micah (Knob Twister) (30:05):
So once again, good night Horrible.
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam.
I'm your host, knob Twister.
I'm Stroll Peter, don't givethis story away.
We're a fairy tale audio comedyand this is our final special
episode for Halloween.
This is our final specialepisode for Halloween, you're
(00:29):
welcome.
Today's tales yes, tales,that's plural, numerous Was
first published in 1845.
Holy crap, struwelpil,struwelpeter, struwelpeter,
stru-well-peter, stru-well-peter, loosely translated as
Shockhead Peter, has becomewidely recognized as one of the
(00:52):
most popular and influentialchildren's books ever written.
I never heard of it, which Ifind hard to believe because I
have not found it until lastnight, and of two years of
folklore and fairy tale research, I had never heard of it.
Not that I'm an expert on it butI don't know anything about it
(01:14):
anyway, I try not to readgruesome stories from my kids
this is a little different storythan what we would normally do,
but we find the endings ofthese children's stories to be
horrifying, so it fits well withour Halloween spectacular.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (01:36):
Am I getting royalties for the sound
effects?
Micah (Knob Twister) (01:39):
The author , a German man named Henrik
Huffman, was a Frankfurtphysician.
Dissatisfied with the lack ofluster books available for
children at the time, he wroteand illustrated talented man
Stroflpeter.
Stroflpeter, stroflpeter.
(02:00):
As a Christmas present for histhree-year-old son Horrible.
The book opens with this poem.
When the children have beengood, that is, be it understood,
good at mealtimes, good at play, good all night and good all
day, they shall have the prettythings Merry Christmas always
(02:24):
brings.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:28):
But, there's more.
It starts out kind of nice.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:30):
Naughty romping girls and boys tear
their clothes and make a noise,spoil their pinafores and frocks
and deserve no Christmas box.
Jerks Such as these shall neverlook at this pretty picture
book.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (02:48):
Oh, the naughty ones don't get the book.
Micah (Knob Twister) (02:50):
Yes, the book relates in verse and
pictures the often gruesomeconsequences that befall
children who torment animals,play with matches, suck their
thumbs or refuse to eat.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:05):
This is terrible parenting.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:07):
So I think , without further ado, we should
indulge.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:12):
Jump right in, let's do it.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:16):
The first of the six stories that we will
recite to you from thischildren's book is.
Cruel Frederick Cruel.
Here is Cruel Frederick.
See, a horrid, wicked boy washe.
He caught the flies, poorlittle things, and then tore off
(03:39):
their tiny wings.
Oh what.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:43):
That's sociopathic behavior.
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:45):
It gets better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (03:46):
He killed birds and broke the chairs and
threw the kitten down the stairs.
What, no?
And oh, far worse than allbeside, he whipped his Mary till
she cried who's his Mary?
Micah (Knob Twister) (03:59):
Mother, what, what.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:04):
He beat his mother till.
She cried apparently Jerk.
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:09):
The trough was full and faithful.
Trey.
I should say Trey is a dog, somaybe we should change that to
Fido.
What?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:17):
do you think that's not going to rhyme?
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:19):
Well, okay , the trough was full and
faithful.
Trey Fido came out to drink onesultry day.
Fido, who wagged his tail andwet his lip, wind cruel Fred
snatched up a whip.
This is terrible.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (04:38):
And whipped poor Trey till he was
sore and kicked and whipped himmore and more.
No, Stop hitting the dog Atthis.
Goodtree grew very red andgrowled and bit him till he bled
.
Yay.
Micah (Knob Twister) (04:52):
Good job, fido, fido.
Then you should only have beenby to see how Fred did scream
and cry.
Good job, puppy.
I would like to mention theawesome pictures that I have
here.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:09):
This is an audio podcast.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:11):
Well, how would you describe this
illustration?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:18):
Childish.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:20):
Yes, that is exactly how I would describe
it.
I think I could draw betterwith my eyes partially closed.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:30):
Oh my gosh , this is awful.
Oh, so Frederick had to go tobed.
His leg was very sore and red.
The doctor came and shook hishead.
Micah (Knob Twister) (05:41):
And made a very great to-do and gave him
Gnastic Psychic and gave himnasty physic too.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (05:51):
That must be medicine, or maybe a physical
he gave him the full bodycavity surgery.
Whoa For a dog bite.
That seems odd.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:04):
Well, do you see the picture of this guy?
He looks like he drives atinted van.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:13):
He needs to stay about 500 yards from
schools for sure, but good dogTrey is happy now.
He has no time to say bow-wow.
He seats himself in Frederick'schair and laughs to see the
nice things there, the soupyswallows, sup by sup, and eats
the pies and puddings up.
Yay, pido, that was the end.
(06:34):
It had a good ending.
So he, oh man.
Micah (Knob Twister) (06:38):
Do you think this kid may have learned
his lesson?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (06:42):
Um, I don't know.
After the body cavity search bythe doctor, perhaps, but I
doubt it because he's asociopath well, let's, let's do
another one.
This would be number two thestory of little suck it just
gets a little worse as we goalong.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:00):
Sweet, and by worse I mean horrifying.
This is the story of LittleSuck-a-Thumb.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:08):
One day Mama said Conrad, dear, I must
go out and leave you here.
But mind now, Conrad, what Isay.
Don't suck your thumb while I'maway.
What?
This picture is so out ofproportion.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:25):
It's ridiculous, Like the trunk of
his body is two times too large.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:31):
His legs are super short.
Okay, it won't get inside.
Micah (Knob Twister) (07:35):
He has no knees.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (07:37):
That's weird.
Man the great, tall tailoralways comes to little boys who
suck their thumbs and ere theydream what he's about.
He takes his great sharpscissors out and cuts their
thumbs clean off and then youknow they never grow again.
Mama had scarcely turned herback.
(07:57):
The thumb was in Alack, alack.
This is like evil.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:01):
Dr Seuss.
The door flew open In.
He ran.
The door flew open In.
He ran Whoa, the great long,red-legged scissor man.
Oh my god, oh children, see thetailors come and caught out
little suck a thumb.
He cut both thumbs off.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:22):
Shh, we haven't got there yet Snip, snap
, snip, the scissors go.
And Conrad cries out oh, oh, oh, oh, Snip, snap, snip, they go
so fast that both his thumbs areoff at last.
Oh my gosh.
This guy's reading this to histhree-year-old yes.
Micah (Knob Twister) (08:43):
Well, unless his three-year-old could
read it.
Mama comes home.
There Conrad stands and looksquite sad and shows his hands.
Aw said Mama.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (08:55):
I knew he'd come to naughty little
Succotham Sick.
There's a puddle of blood.
That was awful.
That was delightful.
Why would you?
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:09):
read that to your child.
Why would you write that forchildren and how is that the
most popular book in Germany forchildren?
They're a little harsh.
That poll was not taken fromkids.
It was taken from the parents,wasn't it?
It's a bunch of terrified kidsrunning around this one is not
(09:30):
so horrifying but funny thestory of the man that went out
shooting.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:37):
Well, he has a huge gun man.
All right, this is the man thatshoots the hares.
This is the coat he alwayswears With game bag powder, horn
and gun.
He's going out to have some fun.
Micah (Knob Twister) (09:51):
He finds it hard, without a pair of
spectacles, to shoot the hare,he's got a gun and he can't see.
That's not smart.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (09:59):
That's bad .
The hare sits snug in leavesand grass and laughs to see the
green man pass Now.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:06):
as the gun grew very hot and he a heavy
gun had got, he lay downunderneath a tree and went to
sleep.
As you may see, he's a terriblehunter.
He's having fun.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:22):
And while he slept, like any top, he's
just throwing words in there tomake them rhyme now.
Yes, it rhymes with hop, though.
The little hare came, hop, hop,hop, took gun and spectacles
and then on her hind legs wentoff again.
The rabbit took his gun.
Micah (Knob Twister) (10:43):
Yes, and spectacles.
The green man wakes and seesher place, the spectacles upon
her face, and now she's tryingall she can to shoot the sleepy
green coat man.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (10:59):
Yeah, what's this story supposed to
teach kids?
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:03):
don't shoot bunnies I think he's got.
I think he's against huntingfor fun, because I mean, that's
what I'd get from this story,especially after you finish it,
because all these have a moral,so like don't suck your thumb or
your fingers will get cut off.
Don't beat your mother this onesays he's going out to have
(11:24):
some fun.
So the antithesis.
Did I say that correctly,dustin?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:31):
Yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:32):
Would be that obviously he's against
hunting.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:38):
Seems odd for 1845.
Micah (Knob Twister) (11:41):
I think he's a little progressive, as
we'll see from the final story.
Nice no.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (11:47):
No, we haven't finished this one, so
he's going to shoot the secretgreen comet.
He cries and screams and runsaway.
The hare runs after him all dayand hears him call out
everywhere Help, fire, help thehare, the hare.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:03):
So I love this next picture because
there's this little rabbit withspectacles on and this ginormous
gun pointed at thisgreen-coated man running as fast
as he can.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:19):
I'd never know that was a rabbit, unless I
was reading it, that ishorrible.
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:24):
At last he stumbled at the well head over
ears and in he fell.
The hair stopped short, tookaim and hark.
Bang went the gun, she missedher mark.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (12:38):
Well, well , you're gonna have to clean the
stain on the seat.
That's it.
Oh no, the poor man's wife wasdrinking up her coffee in her
coffee cup.
Just that's just really lazy.
The gun shot cup and saucucerthrough.
Oh dear, what shall I do?
Micah (Knob Twister) (12:58):
There lived, close by the cottage
there, the hare's own child, thelittle hare.
And while she stood upon hertoes, the coffee fell and burned
her nose.
Oh dear, she cried with spoonin hand.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:14):
Such fun I do not understand with spoon in
hand.
Such fun?
I do not understand.
So the guy fell down the welland the rabbit shot the coffee
cup which spilled hot coffee onthe rabbit's kid's nose.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:25):
Maybe this is all gun safety.
Don't fall asleep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:30):
With your gun, with your gun, I know that
didn't make any sense I thoughtit was great, though, drink
coffee.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:39):
Oh yes, oh yes.
So it gets better as we goalong.
You'll have so much fun.
You'll want to sing a song.
The fourth one, the story ofAugustus, who would not have any
soup.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (13:55):
Now, I'm just thinking of Willy Wonka.
Micah (Knob Twister) (13:57):
Exactly, that's what I thought
immediately.
So this is.
Augustus was a chubby lad, andAugustus in Willy Wonka was the
fat little German kid.
So shall we start the story ofAugustus who would not have any
soup?
No soup for you, oh, oh.
Soup for you, oh, oh.
(14:19):
Thank you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:21):
Augustus was a chubby lad, Fat ruddy
cheeks.
Augustus had and are they fatshaming this kid right off the
bat and everybody saw with joythe plump and hearty healthy boy
.
He even drank as he was told,and never let his soup get cold.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:38):
Mmm.
But one day, one cold winter'sday, he screamed out.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (14:43):
Take the soup away.
Oh, take the nasty soup away.
I won't have any soup today.
He's just done with soup, Iguess, so Get the kid a sandwich
.
Micah (Knob Twister) (14:53):
He didn't like the soup.
It was liver and lentils.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:00):
Next day.
Now look, the picture shows howlank and lean Augustus grows.
He lost like 80 pounds in oneday.
Though he feels so weak and ill, the naughty fellow cries out
still.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:16):
Now, I know you can't see these
pictures, but if you go to ourwebsite you could.
But there is a rather largebone child in the first frame
with a bowl of soup on the table, and then each frame below he
gets, he shrinks by half, oh,more than half, and it looks
(15:37):
like the soup is rotting on thetable.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:40):
He turns into a stick figure.
Micah (Knob Twister) (15:42):
Yes, at the very end, he is literally a
stick figure.
The picture is terrifying.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (15:50):
It's like an Ethiopian on a diet Ugh
Anyway.
Not any soup for me.
I say, oh, take that nasty soupaway.
I won't have any soup today.
How did he get fat on soup.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:04):
Have you seen German soup?
It's full of sausage andpotatoes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:08):
Touche, the third day comes.
Oh, what a sin To make himselfso pale and thin.
Yet when the soup is put on thetable, he screams as loud as he
is able not any soup for me.
I say oh, take that nasty soupaway, I won't.
I won't have any soup today tookhim four days to starve to
death.
That's just silly.
Look at him now the fourthday's come.
(16:31):
He scarcely weighs a sugar plumit rhymed he's like a little
bit of Fred.
And on the fifth day he wasdead.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:40):
Dead.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:41):
He starved to death in five days.
I don't find that very like youcan go like five days without
water.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:49):
He wouldn't be that good Maybe.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (16:51):
In good conditions.
Three to four.
He was pretty poorly.
Micah (Knob Twister) (16:55):
Yes, he went from like a good 180 to 40
pounds Dead, dead, dead, dead Infive days.
So children, take this to heart, eat your soup.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:09):
Eat your soup.
Eat your soup or you might diein five days, that's right.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:14):
And moms and dads, you hang in there, you
make them eat that soup, youleave it on the table and you
make them eat it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:22):
Or if they're little snots, just wait
five days, you won't have toworry about them.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:29):
Good parenting tips from Tales of
Bedlam.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:33):
Jeez, that's terrifying.
It gets better and he's readingthis stuff to a little rimmer.
He's reading it gets better andhe's reading this stuff to
remember.
He's reading this to histhree-year-old kid.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:41):
That's correct.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:42):
If you don't eat your soup, you'll be
dead in five days.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:44):
And then he gives it to the world as a
gift.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (17:48):
If you suck your thumb, the scissor man
is going to come cut them bothoff.
Micah (Knob Twister) (17:52):
Well, this fifth story, the dreadful story
of Harriet and the matches getseven better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:01):
It's not a very inventive title.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:04):
Okay, the horrific story of how Harriet
met fire, that's better, and herflesh burnt away.
Now you just give it away.
We should do a commercial forkid-proof matches skin proof
matches.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:26):
Dustin, please start it it almost makes
me cry to tell what foolishHarriet befell.
Micah (Knob Twister) (18:34):
Mama and Nurse went out one day and left
her all alone to play now on thetable, close at hand a box of
matches, chanced to stand andkind Mama and Nurse told her
that if she touched them theywould scold her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (18:51):
Now they're rhyming, her and her.
He was mm-hmm.
Maybe you should have taken twodays to write all these and put
a little thought into it.
Ah, yeah, but Harriet said oh,what a pity, for when they burn
it is so pretty.
They crackle so and spit inflame.
Mama too often does the same.
Micah (Knob Twister) (19:11):
Yes, in anger.
The pussycats heard this andthey began to hiss and stretch
their claws and raise their paws.
Meow, they said, meow, meow,you'll burn to death.
If you do so.
(19:32):
That didn't sound very cat-like.
You'll burn to.
I don't know how does a catsound Meow?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:39):
You'll burn to death if you do so, meow
.
That was the little cat on MrRogers' Neighborhood.
That cat drove me crazy.
Oh, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (19:53):
Meow, meow .
How are you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (19:55):
doing today?
Meow, meow, I'm fine.
Meow, meow, meow Meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:01):
That's enough.
Oh, there's more.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:03):
But Harriet would not take advice.
She lit a match and it was sonice.
Nice, it crackled so it burned,so clear.
Yes.
Exactly like the picture here,that is not that you cannot see.
I can't even.
I can't even see it.
I'm looking at the picture.
It's right there On her wrist.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:21):
It looks like her wrist is on fire
actually.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:24):
She's holding the match sideways.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:26):
Oh, okay, this is weird stuff.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:30):
She jumped for joy and ran about and was
too pleased to put it out.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:33):
Well, the pussycat saw this and said Meow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:38):
Oh, naughty, naughty, miss Meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (20:42):
And stretched their claws and raised
their paws.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (20:50):
Tis very, very wrong.
You know, Meow, meow, meow,meow.
You will be burnt if you do so,Meow meow, meow, meow, meow and
see Meow, meow, meow and C.
Oh, what dreadful thing.
The fire has caught on herapron string.
Oh my God, her apron burns herarms, her hair.
(21:14):
She burns all over everywhere.
This is like gruesome Dr Seuss.
Micah (Knob Twister) (21:18):
Yes, then how the pussycats did meow, meow
, meow.
What else do pussies could,sorry?
What else poor pussies couldthey do?
They screamed for help.
Twas all in vain.
(21:39):
So they said We'll scream again.
Make haste, make haste, she'llburn to death.
We told her so.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (21:53):
Are you burning meow?
So she was burnt with all herclothes and arms and hands and
eyes and nose, till she hadnothing more to lose except for
her little scarlet shoes andnothing else.
But these were found, wow, tillshe had nothing more to lose
except for her little scarletshoes.
And nothing else but these werefound among her ashes on the
(22:13):
ground.
Good night, son.
Have a lovely dream.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:16):
And when the good cat sat beside the
smoking ashes, how they cried.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:22):
Meow, meow , meow Meow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (22:24):
Meow, meow , meow.
What will mama and nursery do?
Their tears ran down theircheeks so fast they made a
little pond.
At last, tell me that's not theend.
Yes.
And there's a little picture ofcats crying their eyes out with
a little pond and just a pileof soot with smoke the ruby
(22:47):
slippers yes, the ruby slippersshould have tapped her heels
because they're magic slippers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (22:52):
That's where they came from the ending
didn't make any sense.
It should have stopped afterand nothing else but these was
found among her ashes on theground.
What sense did the kitty tearpool make to the story?
None.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:08):
Empathy, empathy, empathy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:11):
This story was to frighten kids from
playing with matches.
So now kids are going to wantto play with matches so they can
see a kitty pool of tears.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:18):
So we have one more story for you, and I'd
like to preface this.
I'm not reading this I'd liketo preface this that I love all
people of all colors.
This story, I think, was alittle progressive for its time,
but you have to get past thefirst couple lines just hang in
(23:40):
there, it gets better the storyof the Inky Boys.
The Inky Boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:47):
Mm-hmm, I just can't imagine what that
means.
Micah (Knob Twister) (23:50):
Go ahead, Dustin.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (23:53):
I can't read that.
As he had often done before,the woolly-headed Blackamore one
nice, fine summer's day wentout to see the shops and walk
about, and as he found it hot,poor fellow, he took with him
his green umbrella.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:12):
Mm-hmm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:13):
Fellow and umbrella yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:14):
Right Then Edward, little noisy wag, ran
out and laughed and waved hisflag.
And William came in jacket trimand brought his wooden hoop
with him.
And Arthur too snatched up histoys and joined the other
naughty naughty boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:36):
Oh, this is bad.
So one and all set up a roarand laughed and hooted more and
more and kept on singing.
Only think I'm not saying that,I have to sing that.
Micah (Knob Twister) (24:49):
No, well, yes, technically you should sing
it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (24:52):
Oh uh, these are boys.
Oh, oh, Blackie, you're asblack as ink.
Oh my gosh.
Micah (Knob Twister) (25:03):
Now, tall Agrippa lived close by.
So tall he almost touched thesky.
That's pretty tall.
He had a mighty inkstand too,in which a great goose feather
grew what he called out in anangry tone Boys, leave that
black amor alone.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (25:24):
For if he tries with all his might, he
cannot change from black towhite.
But ah, they did not mind a bitwhat great Agrippa said of it,
but went on laughing as beforeand hooting at the black amor.
Micah (Knob Twister) (25:37):
Then great Agrippa foams with rage.
Look at him on this very page.
He looks angry.
He sees Arthur, seizes Ned.
He looks angry, oh dear.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (25:51):
Ooh, hmm, and they may scream and kick and
call Into the ink.
He dips them all Into theinkstand one, two, three Till
there.
Black as black can be Turn overnow and you shall see oh yeah,
see, there they are as black canbe Turn over now, and you shall
see.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:06):
Oh yeah, see, there they are, and there
they run.
The black amour enjoys the fun.
They have been made as black ascrows, quite black all over
eyes and nose.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (26:17):
Well, they're just silhouettes and
legs and arms and heads and toesand trousers, pinafores and
toys, the silly little inky boys, because they set up such a
roar and teased the harmlessblack amour.
That's what you get.
Those are the ones that shouldhave had their thumbs cut off.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:37):
I agree Shouldn't act that way, or
better, just their tongues cutout.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (26:43):
Wow, burnt to ashes so they could have a
kitty tear pool.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:49):
Kitty tear pools.
We should have a pool of kittytears.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (26:53):
I bet that would be.
You stay away from my cats.
Micah (Knob Twister) (26:58):
I bet that would be healthy in some way.
Stay away from my cats.
And I'll keep away from thematches too, sorry.
So that concludes our storiesnow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:12):
I'm not rhyming anymore.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:14):
We will be back after a while.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:20):
It didn't make me smile.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:23):
So I hope you enjoyed our Halloween treats
for you.
If you did like them, hey,please let a friend or a family
member know about Tales ofBedlam.
Direct them to TalesofBedlamcomor go to any podcast playing
app and subscribe to our podcastat.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:44):
DoItNow.
Micah (Knob Twister) (27:45):
And thank you, no, zoom, for you.
Have a happy Halloween.
Good night, bye.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (27:56):
No Zoom for you.
These were disturbing andunnecessary.
And this man needs to be putunder some kind of charges for
child abuse, but it was verypopular according to the
Internet.
There's no accounting for somepeople's parenting.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:20):
Well, I guess, if you can't get them to
do what you want, you just scarethe Jesus out of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:27):
That doesn't work well though.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:29):
It can backfire on you, didn't?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:30):
they grow up to be little terrorists and
crazy people.
They grow from little crazypeople to big crazy people.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:38):
Yeah, all serial killers were very.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (28:42):
German Hello, I bet Hitler.
We love you, germany, I bethitler's mom read him that book.
Micah (Knob Twister) (28:50):
Oh yeah, I bet 10 bucks oh I didn't think
when he was little yeah, I wouldwager on that too, dustin see
what happens you know if, if ourfans liked it, there was a
sequel oh my god, by a anotherauthor who was so pleased with
(29:10):
this book that he wrote yetanother one with even worse.
Oh drawings, worse drawings yes, couldn't possibly be.
Oh yes, there was it worserhyming no the rhyming no,
actually it's not as sing say,as this was yeah so I don't know
you say it was worse or better,but there's like one where a
(29:34):
girl cries too much that shecries her eyes out.
There's another one where sheuh, a little girl isn't supposed
to play with boys, so herbreaks her leg and it falls off
and she spends the rest of herlife with one leg.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:52):
Because she was playing with boys.
Micah (Knob Twister) (29:54):
Because she was playing with boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter) (29:58):
Horrible.
Oh for the easy days.
Horrible, the easier days ofparenting days gone by.
Micah (Knob Twister) (30:05):
So once again, good night Horrible.
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